Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

I wanna tell you about my best friend in the world.

That's a Canon C 300.

It's being operated by Arsene, our first camera operator.

They concurrently are being shot by Alvira Lynne,

our B camera operator.

I'm an actress.

I mean, I'm acting right now.

Normally, I'm a dancer and a choreographer.

I'm acting in this because given all the dancing

that's going to be happening,

we thought it'd be more viable for the dancers to pull off

the acting required,

than vice versa.

I didn't write these words.

They are written

by what we as species commonly refer to as a man.

And the part I'll be playing,

or playing the part of,

is also, for purposes of identification,

a man.

My name is Eden.

That's me on the bed.

And that...

is Aviva,

who wasn't aware all these cameras would be here

when we were introduced by our common friend Nissan.

Nissan is a man about town in about a dozen different towns,

New York, London, Berlin, Barcelona, Paris.

He speaks seven or eight languages fluently,

and each one of them,

with whatever a loosh affected accent is in that language.

He's flamboyant, though straight, and that heart,

kind of a yenta who's always looking to play matchmaker.

He was living in Paris at the time

and was friends with Aviva, who was a native there.

I'm a dancer, too.

Not exactly French, but...

an accent is an accent.

Nissan tried to set Aviva up

with some of his friends there.

For whatever reason,

nothing clicked.

Then he thought of me.

Living in New York,

still reeling from a devastating break up,

to which my suicidal response had led me to understand

that I was dealing with a deep and abiding depression

I had been carrying my entire life.

And there's nothing more depressing or lonely

than being alone in New York City.

Nissan told me about this amazing creature

I had to meet right away.

I was reluctant at first, but after some convincing,

I sent an email off in to the Ether.

It went like this:

"Hey there Aviva across the ocean,

Eden here.

I'm a friend of Nissan's.

He told me I absolutely must email you,

which I'm very happy to do.

I'm not sure what to say,

but Nissan, I don't know what you did to him,

but it must have been something,

was so emphatic

that he almost got me to get on a plane

and come to Paris for some event or I don't know what,

this weekend.

Unfortunately, I have to finish this project I'm working on.

I'm on a deadline so I really can't do it right now.

However, one of these days I'll be out there.

Do you ever leave Paris?

What are you up to anyway?

What do you do?

Who are you actually?

I'm a poor 76-year-old Satmar Yeshiva student

with a dead wife and 14 children.

The oldest of which is already a grandfather.

I live in Ustedalen, Krakow,

if you are interested in pursuing a correspondence,

please email me back, E."

And Aviva responded,

"Dear E,

Sounds good.

I'm a 60-year-old virgin.

Blind as a bat from a horrible accident I had last year

while cleaning my cat's claws.

I have 61 cats.

One for every year of disappointment.

I have a voice of a bird,

one great boob,

lost the other one to cancer, and...

got two cats that year

and an appetite for new experiences.

Nissan kindly offered his help in ending my curiosity

and I guess you are his idea of a perfect man for this job.

Unfortunately, with every moment that passes,

my heart loses a little bit of innocence,

so I cannot offer you the love I had in me on Wednesday.

But

I think I'll still be happy to meet you,

and your children.

And who knows,

maybe we'll fall in love

and learn that life is full of surprises.

Waiting to hear more about you,

A."

♪ And oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ I said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ Said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ I said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

We quickly recognized one another as kindred spirits

and our desire to explore and express our deepest selves.

At least in words.

And so we created an imaginary space together.

A space outside of time and space, shared only by us.

Like two shipwrecked survivors on a desert island,

in old-fashioned letter writing romance,

propelled in to hyper speed by the actuality of the internet.

After a few months of correspondence

we graduated to phone conversations.

These were somewhat more problematic,

as elements of our personalities

that had been hidden under the disguise

provided by the written word,

were exposed by the demands of spoken communication.

Aviva's assertiveness and impatience took me aback.

And my pessimism

and need to denigrate myself in relationships in general

forced their way through my better judgment

and on to my tongue.

But for all that

our digital romance ran hot and strong

and Aviva decided to pack a suitcase

and venture forth to visit me for a week

and see what it would be like to connect in person.

There we go.

Good, sweetie.

Aviva.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, baby. Oh!

Oh, that's it. Yes. Yes, oh.

Come on, Eden. You're a big boy.

You can do it, come on.

Come on, give a small pee-pee.

You can do it.

Aviva!

No.

Well, it's just frustrating...

Oh, my God.

Aviva!

Close the door Eden, come on.

Hello?

Hey.

Uh, it's Eden.

I know.

Well, hello.

You sound so different.

Than what?

Than I expected.

How so?

You sound so American.

I am so American, what did you expect?

I don't know...

do I sound different?

You sound pretty much the way I expected.

Is it a good moment to talk?

Always a good moment to talk to you.

The time difference is killing me.

You have to meet my father.

I never get along with fathers.

You will love him, he's the smartest and funniest.

- I'm a romanticist. - Yeah until now.

I think I'm a realist, at least so far as...

Neither is a philosophy, just an emotion.

I don't think it's always smart

to talk about everything,

especially love,

or past lovers.

Why is that off limits?

It's just better to start new things, new.

Tired of talking, we need to meet.

Yeah, so I'm coming.

I already bought the tickets.

You did?

Yes, I did.

- You're really coming? - I'm coming,

I'm really coming.

Sweet Aviva across the ocean,

I'm so excited to finally see you face to face.

Though I admit to equally being afraid of it.

It's all fun and games until I actually have to be there.

Is this your usual place?

I don't know.

You don't know?

If I say it is, and you're asking

because you don't like it, then I lose points.

If you like it and I say it isn't, I lose points.

If you like it and I say yes,

- I gain points... - You're over thinking this.

You know,

I'm in town only for a few days

and I know that we've known each other for a while

well, from across the ocean anyway, but...

I think it's best if we

let the physical take its own course.

Not to push things right away.

Where are you?

Why don't you look at me?

I'm looking at you.

You're not looking at me.

I'm looking at you.

Look at me, in my eyes.

Your eyes?

Can't you make eye contact?

Yeah, I mean...

sure.

Can I blink?

Forget it.

What?

I can't do it if you're going to make fun of me.

I'm looking at your eyes. That's what you asked me to do.

- Not like that. - Not like what?

There's only one way to look into someone's eyes.

No, there's not.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

What am I doing?

I don't know.

Taking a little look at me here, my shoulder

my neck, my foot maybe.

Taking pictures of things that turn you on.

Fit in to some type of pre-programmed sequence

of triggers you're used to responding to,

making a pornographic movie in your head

and playing it even when I'm right here, with you.

Hey.

Take it easy, okay?

This is that moment when I wonder

what really happened to you when you were a child.

You know everything there is to know about my childhood

and it has nothing to do with this.

We really shouldn't have written to each other so much

before meeting in person.

Do you regret getting to know each other?

I regret that all those words

made us think we know each other,

when we really don't.

So tell me I'm wrong.

That's what I'm saying.

No, look me in the eyes and...

Jesus, with the eyes, already.

Something I never told Aviva,

once when I was a child, maybe four years old,

my mother took me to play in the park.

And in those days, you know, the park was perfect.

A golden realm,

suspended between innocence and knowledge.

A perfect place.

I met another kid there, about my age.

We both had bikes and we bonded instantly.

We made a connection stronger than anything

I normally experienced with someone I just met.

Our parents must have sensed this,

because my mother, who was usually in a rush,

let us play together for a long time.

It was heaven.

But then, at some point,

I noticed something that struck me as strange.

Your shoes are red.

Yeah.

Pretty weird for a boy.

I'm not a boy, I'm a girl.

I was stunned,

betrayed.

I felt like the bedrock of reality

had shifted under my feet.

And that was that.

Paradise lost.

When will you be back?

I don't know, not too late.

I don't understand why I can't come.

It's not that you can't, it's just...

Aviva.

I moved here three months ago.

When I flew back to Paris after my first visit,

I wasn't sure about things

but as soon as the space between us opened up

our love poured back in and filled it up.

So I closed my apartment

and moved to America, for love.

I feel the need to clarify that, because, you know,

my friends at home and people here, they're like,

"If you make it work with Eden for three years

you'll get a green card."

And I'm like,

"I don't give a fuck about the fucking green card!

I don't give a fuck about this disgusting country,

I don't give a fuck about becoming a fucking American."

I came here

for only one reason.

Aviva,

you know all my friends and they all think you're great,

I just need some time out with the guys sometimes.

Know what I mean?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I mean what can you talk about with your friends alone,

that you can't talk about with me there?

You, for starters.

What are you going to say about me?

I'm not...

It's not like I have anything planned.

I just need some perspective sometimes.

Who's going to be there?

I don't know.

Mason, for sure.

Dave Mazolla, Aaron Butts,

Kieren, Tony Takata,

you know, Mason's usual gang.

You just don't want me to come because you're in love

with Mason.

I'm not in love with Mason,

he's my best friend

and sometimes I just need some alone time with him.

Is that okay with you?

Go. Have fun.

Be gay with Mason and your usual gang,

I'll stay home and watch something on TV.

- Where's Mason at? - Ah, fuck Mason.

You think Eden would hang with us if Mason wasn't here?

Girl's got him under lock and keys.

She's fine though.

Super powers.

X-Men, F.F. were hit by cosmic rays.

- Mason! - Mason!

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like chisel and stone ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like needle and bone ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like a God loves his son ♪

♪ And I love you ♪

♪ Like my hand on a gun ♪

♪ I go bang, bang Bang, bang, bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang, I'm back ♪

♪ Back again ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Bang, bang, bang Bang, bang. ♪

♪ Bang shebang I'm back ♪

♪ Back again ♪

♪ I can't think about Anything but you ♪

♪ That's how I love, love, love Love, love, love, love ♪

Aviva?

I'm home.

Hey.

I was just about to go to sleep.

Aviva, I'm sorry you could've come, it's just the guys...

It's all right.

I'm sorry, too. I know you need to breathe once in a while.

I actually got a lot done.

I made a lot of phone calls, set up some things for this week.

I've been sitting on my ass too long.

Waiting for things to happen.

You've been adjusting.

No, that's not it.

You don't know, you never really saw me at home.

I'm always making things happen, almost too much.

Go, go, go all the time.

You know my friends wouldn't even recognize me.

Something happened when I came here.

But enough is enough, no?

I'm back.

Pull me, pull me like this hard.

Coming.

That was fast.

Yeah.

That's how I am normally when I'm happy.

It's amazing.

- Come on. - What?

I want you to finish, too. Come on.

Okay.

What are you doing?

- Can I get on top again? - Why?

I...

- I just don't finish like this. - Like what?

When I'm...

when I'm on the bottom.

You don't?

You can't or you don't want to?

Just, I won't, okay?

How do you know?

'Cos I know myself.

- You know yourself? - Yeah.

Doesn't seem so to me.

You know for someone who just had a nice orgasm

in record time and expressed the desire to return the favor,

you have an odd way of showing it.

- I'm sorry. You're right. - No you're not.

I'm sorry, come here.

- Forget it. - Come on, I'm sorry.

Look, it's not gonna happen, okay?

Forget it.

I had a perfect place once, too.

And not so long ago.

It was a room.

A white room.

Everything was white.

The walls, the bed,

the covering on the furniture.

The shades were white

and the light that came in through the window was white.

The reason it was perfect, though,

was that Phillippe was in it.

I met him in the Marais.

He was serving falafel at this place called Che Habib.

People stand in line for an hour.

He was so beautiful.

Black hair, black eyes.

He had just come from Morocco.

A Jew, like me.

I never thought he would be interested in me,

but he was.

It's true, we didn't have very much to talk about,

but we didn't need to talk.

He lived with his family

and I lived with a few girlfriends in the Tenth.

So I found us an apartment of our own,

just a room, really.

But it was ours,

our white room.

I had been hurting myself.

Cutting myself, for years.

And when he kissed me,

the scars in my flesh remained,

but the wounds in my heart and soul were healed.

And I was filled with a light more pure and white

than the light filling our perfect room.

We lived for each other, or at least

I lived for him.

I stopped almost everything.

I hardly saw my family,

my friends,

I worked just enough to help us get by.

I cooked, I cleaned,

I made sure our room was spotless.

I guess I lied,

when I say my friends wouldn't recognize me here in New York.

They would recognize me very well.

How I am when I'm trying to...

Trying to what?

Experience love.

You feel like you have to give up who you are in order to love?

In order to experience love in return, yeah.

You think no-one will love you, if they know who you are?

I don't know.

Do you love me?

Aviva.

You okay?

I should be asking you that.

Me?

You were angry.

It's okay. Everything's back to normal.

Sorry, I should open a window.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing, everything, you know?

I was thinking about Phillippe.

What about him?

Actually, I was thinking more about me with him.

Why I'm always the same when I'm...

- When you're what? - In a relationship.

- Everything's a relationship. - With men.

I'm glad to know I inspire a generalized

Pavlovian reaction to an entire gender.

And you think you're different with me

than you are with any other woman you attract?

You never said why you and Phillippe broke up.

I told you.

No, you said you were heartbroken,

you moved back with your parents,

that you couldn't get out of bed for more than a year,

but you never said why the relationship ended.

It ended because he became religious.

You're joking.

And he wanted me to be the same.

And I tried, too.

I tried to learn all the laws

and lit the candles on Shabbat,

and cooked only Kosher food...

What?

It's funny.

Did he grow payots?

Actually, he did.

Was he sexy?

Did he look hot? Naked, with his payots?

Better than you do, without them.

I tried.

But I couldn't.

I felt like a

terrible person.

A sinner.

I didn't eat,

I didn't sleep, I...

I was thin like this, maybe 40 kilos.

Finally my friends had to make an intervention

and they told me I was going crazy

and I saw I was.

So I left him.

You left him?

I packed my suitcase when he was at work

and went back to my parents' house.

And I never saw our white room again.

Your white room?

My own perfect place.

Like the park you never told me about.

You see,

I lost paradise, too.

And now you're here.

Now I'm here.

But?

I'm happy I'm here, but...

I hate this apartment.

So?

We'll move.

This is a great space.

and it's in a great neighborhood.

Is it?

The best. Where are you from?

- Paris. - Oh, Paris.

- What a beautiful city. - Have you been there?

No, but I plan on visiting someday.

These windows have a rare view for this part of town.

Which I'm sure your husband can tell you.

Oh, Eden's not my husband.

We're together, but not married.

- Not yet. - Not yet.

You like this neighborhood, baby?

Sure.

This apartment is an absolute steal.

Now, it's a little cozy but the light is fantastic,

southern exposure,

which you rarely get in a place this cheap,

especially in the bedrooms.

Did you see the bedrooms, baby?

All the units in this building are brand new.

Central heat and air,

all the appliances.

It's a great size,

it doesn't have much character, but...

Eden likes things simple, right baby?

Whatever.

Eden?

I'm sick of the way you're acting, you hear me?

How am I acting?

Like you want to be anywhere but here.

I didn't like the place, what am I supposed to do?

Jump up and down and grin like a fool until we walk out the door?

You know what?

You stay home,

I'll do it alone.

I'll talk to the realtors, I'll make the appointments,

I'll go see all the places until I find something amazing

to show you.

Think that might work?

Proud of yourself?

You talking to me?

Well, I'm the only one here, you talking to me?

But you ain't in gay Paris.

Go grab a crepe and your Suzette,

get your ass up 'cos it's about to get gritty.

I'm gonna remind you, in case you forget,

this boy came up in New York City.

Yeah boy, you're in or house now,

so watch where you beef my dog, know what I'm sayin'?

Mark Gold in the house.

Ran with this bad boy from when we were six

'till we turned 13.

Dropped out of each other's lives.

You know how it is,

but he's in my mind and these streets are his.

Hey, yo guys Left yo shit in the lunch room.

Get off me.

Adam Fink, world's nerdiest, yet.

Not saying a lot, bust a move kid, show 'em what you've got.

I thought you moved out of town, to the country.

Man, you can take the boy out of the city,

but you can't take the city out of the boy.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what he's been sayin' yo.

- Shorty comes in my house, - In your house!

Starts throwing her weight around like I'm her bitch.

Man, she don't know who she's fucking with.

Been taking the deed and combing with crew

since I was like 10 years old, dog.

Been mugged on every corner on the Upper West Side

between Central Park West and Riverside drive.

Stole candy and comic books from every news stand in the hood

since the day I started whacking off, son.

And she gonna tell you what to do?

- Man, show her how we do, dog. - Man, show her how we do.

Let's go.

Oh yeah, Mark. Okay. Slow mo'.

Yeah. Get it Mark. Get it.

Get it.

Pass it, my turn.

Go Adam.

Oh!

Coney Island, baby.

You won't regret it.

It's by far the best place in the entire city, for the price.

It's a done deal, Aviva.

Signed, sealed and delivered.

You sure you'll be all right?

I will be.

Things are just moving fast.

I've been here for nearly half a year.

I'll be fine.

I just need things to slow down, for a beat.

Marriage is your only option.

I mean, if you want to stay in the country

legally, of course.

I thought it was only if I have to fly

out and back until I get my green card.

New immigration laws are in place.

If you want to stay here legally, and work here legally,

you need a special dispensation

which takes months to file for

and might take years to go through,

with no guarantee of success.

I can't do that.

I can only present the options available to you.

Six months ago, before I moved here,

Eden sent me an email that said

"My sweet Aviva across the ocean,

I can't believe this thing we're having between us.

Are you really leaving Paris to be with me?

I never, ever expected something like this to happen.

Not the way it has.

Not with someone like you.

I feel like a leaf in the wind,

like my life is a strange dream.

I'm the same actor that I've always been,

playing the same role,

but there's no script anymore.

The play doesn't have a structure I understand.

The way I fit into the totality of it

is a complete mystery to me.

And I'm lost.

I'm totally lost.

I'm so grateful to you for feeling for me.

But I can't believe that you're willing to anchor yourself

to someone so lost

and blindly wandering through the fog.

If there's anything that scares me about our relationship,

is that I'm going to have to adjust

to being a real person again,

if that makes any sense at all.

I'm trying not to allow my fear

to fuck up the most incredible thing in my life,

which is you.

You are amazing.

You're wise and challenging and open to adjusting and changing.

And you never fail to step up when the situation calls for it.

I'm lucky to know you.

I want you in my life.

I'm on my knees, begging you to be in my life.

You are life.

That's what he said then.

- Now he's saying... - I'm sorry.

- It's just papers Eden. - Yeah, it's papers,

it's marriage and commitment. It's marriage, Aviva.

It's marriage so that we can see if we want to be married.

Are you saying that you don't want to be with me?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

Then what are you saying?

Just that I'm not ready to get married so fast.

Are you ready to come to Paris to live with me there?

You know I can't do that.

You know, I didn't know you were so fucking bourgeois

that you make such a big deal out of marriage.

It's a legal exercise, something that

allows us to be together so that we can explore our love!

I can't believe you would allow everything to end over

some bureaucratic bullshit, you know.

Fuck it!

Hey, baby.

You're right.

Baby.

Let's do it.

Stop crying.

It's just papers. You're right.

Thank you. I love you so much.

- I love you, too. - Thank you.

Of course.

It's a beautiful night in your city.

Hmm.

Want to take a walk in it?

Uh-huh.

Uhm...

Give me a moment to recompose myself.

Of course.

Dear God, thank you.

Thank you for bringing Aviva in to my life.

I know I've been so cut off

and how hard it's been for me to connect to the gift of this life

in the present moment...

Stop.

I've been cut off from myself for so long

that I've forgotten what it's like to make

choices based on a positive connection to this life...

Stop.

Aviva is so strong and alive

and brave... Please, stop!

She's brave and she' a fighter and I thank you for this

opportunity, so that I can move in the direction

that I wouldn't have been able to if I was on... Just stop it!

Aviva is an example of courage

and spirit and I thank you for this opportunity

to learn from her.

Thank you for presenting me with constant beauty

when all I've done is cast a pall of my own making

over the shimmering beauty of creation.

Thank you for giving me a chance so that I can have

love and connection and growth and joy,

even when my every thought has been turned against you

in anger and ingratitude.

Thank you for bringing Aviva in to my life.

Thank you for giving me a chance to say yes rather than no.

Thank you for someone who'll actually

fight for me, someone who I

can fight for a yes.

Thank you for someone who will fight for me...

Just stop it!

Thank you for someone who will fight me for g...

Just stop it already!

Fucking shit! Just stop it.

For one God damn second! Can you just sit still?

Put your fucking clothes on.

Please.

You ready?

Just go.

You go.

Dear mom,

we decided to have a real New York City wedding.

We bought rings on 47th Street,

and then took the Metro down to the City Hall.

Eden's friend Mason was our first witness,

and Nissan flew from Berlin to be our second,

because it was him who introduced us after all.

The judge was a strange little woman

- who reminded me of Nana. - I, Eden.

- If Nana was insane. - Take Aviva to be my wife.

I Eden, take Aviva to be my wife...

But she seemed really happy for us.

She must do this 100 times a week.

So maybe it's just my fantasy.

But when she married us,

I thought I saw tears in her eyes.

- And I promise my love to you. - And I promise my love to you.

- With this ring, I thee wed. - With this ring, I thee wed.

I Aviva,

take Eden to be my husband.

I, Aviva,

take Eden to be my husband.

To have and to hold.

To have and to hold...

In sickness and in health.

In sickness and in health,

For richer and for poorer.

For richer and for poorer.

and I promise my love to you.

And I promise my love to you.

With this ring, I thee wed.

With this ring...

Just as two threads woven in opposite directions,

can form a beautify tapestry,

so can your two lives merge together

to form a beautify marriage.

Love is the reason you are here.

But it will take trust to...

By these vows, I now declare you husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

And that was that.

Afterward Mason organized a party

for our friends at the restaurant he owns.

And we talked and laughed all night.

It was beautiful.

♪ Don't you think ♪

♪ It's time you get On over that? ♪

♪ Don't you think You had enough? ♪

♪ I mean I know you had it rough ♪

♪ But the pansy-fancy way Of looking grim ♪

♪ All through The day and night ♪

♪ Is something wrong my dear? ♪

♪ Have I said it Way too clear? ♪

♪ Then let me whisper In your ear ♪

♪ All these words I know are wrong ♪

♪ But for the sake Of writing song ♪

♪ Here is what I guess You wanna hear ♪

♪ Somewhere up there ♪

♪ The sky is blue ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

♪ There's something New to do ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Tell me do you think You have some exclusivity ♪

♪ On every shadow of regret That's lurking in proximity ♪

♪ To what you think Your life should be ♪

♪ But if you close Your eyes you'll see ♪

♪ That there is nothing For you here still ♪

♪ The only words you hear ♪

♪ Are somewhere up there ♪

♪ The sky is blue ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

♪ There is something New to do ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

- Hey, what's wrong? - Nothing.

Why aren't you dancing?

- Are you having a good time? - I'm trying to.

Go and have fun and stop worrying about me, okay?

No, I can't when I see you standing like this.

Sure you can.

You know I can't.

That's your choice.

If you want to make my experience your experience

that's your responsibility.

I don't understand why you're doing this right now.

These are your friends, they're here for you.

They're happy for you.

You're doing fine without me.

In fact you're doing a lot better without me.

I'm just ruining your night. I'm gonna go.

- You're acting like a child. - Hey. Let's not fight, okay?

I'm sorry I'm ruining your time.

You're better off without me here.

I'll come with you.

Are you crazy?

That'll be a disaster.

It'll break Aviva's heart.

Just stay here and have fun, okay?

No-one will notice a God damn thing when I'm gone.

The whole party will just liven up,

and no-one will even know why.

Somehow everything will just have gotten better.

Hey.

You know what?

I'll see you later.

Hey.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Hey?

No, it's...

seeing everyone here for me, for us.

- It's... - I know, I know.

I love you.

I love you.

Whoo whoo!

- I'm coming. - Come.

Come.

My love,

sorry.

- No. - So fast.

You're perfect.

Come here. Come here.

No.

- I want you to. - Come here.

- I want you to be... - Keep doing what you doing.

Are you sure?

I was thinking of trying out a song at this juncture.

I know this isn't really a musical,

I love musicals.

I love it when people start to dance, but...

I kinda hate it

when people break out into song.

I thought it'd be fun to have the kids

bust in to rap back there,

even if it's way outside of the style of everything

that we're doing here, but...

I mean, fuck consistency and tone, we did it.

I'm talking about when some

happy guy or some melancholy guy with his

hands in his pocket suddenly gets that faraway look

in his eye,

he looks somewhere right above camera

or down at his shoes and it's like it's coming to him.

This song that took 20 people months to create,

he's making it up right now.

He'll look up and...

well like I said, I hate it, so I'm not gonna do it.

What I am gonna do is talk about what I've been avoiding

talking about.

Which is Isadora.

Neither Aviva or I have been here in a while.

But it's our space.

And ours alone.

I'm gonna talk about Isadora in it, which is way fucked up, but

life is fucked up that way.

I'll meet Isadora at a party which

I'm never gonna show here.

Because there are some things I don't feel I can show correctly.

It's a birthday party for Dave Mazolla

that I attend solo

during the brief period when Aviva and I are back together.

Trying to work things out after our first break up.

Kind of which has come to pass in linear time.

I'm solo because after everything

we will have gone through, Aviva is comfortable

enough to generously allow me

some alone time with my friends without kicking up a fuss.

That's the impression I'm under, anyways.

I'm a little drunk.

A little more forward than usual.

And Dave introduces me to his friend, this young woman named

Isadora.

It's like...

electricity is an inadequate word.

When her eyes look in to mine, it's like I can see myself

reflected back at me, only...

more open,

more curious,

more... alive,

more... everything.

Recognition,

during this brief chat that spans

an eternity.

She mentioned she's going to Berlin to study for a semester.

So I tell her to call Nissan while she's there,

making up for all the time he's played matchmaker to me

with Aviva, so I feel proud for doing this

and with Aviva so I feel sick,

for doing this.

Just as I expect, Nissan falls hard for her

but she blows him off after a week, I mean,

he's not for her.

I'm for her.

She calls or texts me every few months

lets me know that she's done with Berlin,

she's moved to Los Angeles.

I always respond cordially

without excess warmth because I know if I open this door

there is no turning back.

None of this has happened yet, but...

it will.

Hey this is Zeke, you found me.

Express yourself.

Hey there Zeke,

your manager passed me your number,

my name is Aviva Le Grange

I'm a video artist and director from Paris,

I love your music,

especially your new song "Love it or Leave it".

I think it's got magic.

I have an idea for a video for it

that could be something really special.

♪ Long are the days when You're turning away ♪

♪ From the reasons You strung ♪

♪ Long is the way When you're aching to say ♪

♪ But your teeth Bite your tongue ♪

♪ Loud is the wind in your ears When you spin ♪

♪ As you look for the sun ♪

♪ Loud are the skies as You thunder your cries ♪

♪ When your prayers are sung ♪

♪ Hard is the floor As the waves pound... ♪

- She's brilliant. - Yeah?

Why didn't you show me her work before?

Why hide it?

I wasn't hiding it,

I wanted to focus this thing on our relationship,

on who we are to each other first.

Or maybe you're just intimidated by her.

I'm not.

I would be.

She's a genius.

I'm not intimidated.

I'm inspired.

♪ My oh my It hurts sometimes ♪

♪ Oh my oh my! It hurts sometimes ♪

♪ I think I'm running Out of time ♪

♪ Before I'm gonna Lose my mind ♪

♪ My oh my! It hurts sometimes ♪

I finished my first record.

I'm surprised you found the time.

Listen man, I'd love for her to do something with me, too.

♪ Before I'm gonna Lose my mind... ♪

So ask her.

It's just, you know, I don't want your feelings hurt.

I'm fine.

Just ask her.

If she wants to do it, she'll do it.

So what are you thinking?

I dunno,

it could be strange.

Do you like Mason's music?

I do. I actually think it's very special.

Then you should do it.

What do you think of this edit?

It's beautiful.

Yeah, but I think this angle is better for him, no?

The other one's perfect though.

Captures something grounded and spiritual at the same time.

Jesus Christ, take it easy over there.

What are you talking about?

- Just it's embarrassing okay? - What is?

You know what I'm talking about.

Spell it out for me.

Aviva was right,

it's pathetic how you are about anything to do with Mason.

He proposed the idea, you could have said no.

Right. Like I was gonna be the bad guy.

Great position to put me in.

What position?

Aviva doing something nice for your friend

after moving here entire life here for you? Is that so bad?

Nope.

I did it, see?

I'm nice. Mr. nice guy.

No, you've been an asshole ever since...

Since what?

You're gone even when you're here, which is hardly ever.

You're always off to the side, angry all the time...

When you do say something, it's mean.

Maybe because you've acted like a total jealous

bitch since the moment you saw me with Mason.

That's what you like to think.

But you're the one who is jealous.

Me? Maybe she is. I don't give a fuck.

I'm not jealous of either of you.

You're the one telling people where they can go,

when they should be there.

It's true, you've been jealous

and controlling since the day I got here.

If you had any sense of boundaries,

I wouldn't need to control you.

Maybe you should figure out your own boundaries,

before you worry about how others handle theirs.

You stay the fuck out of this okay?

No-one asked you to be here in the first place.

Shall I quote some of those emails you sent me?

I never wrote you a single fucking email.

No?

Who do you think all those emails

you fell so in love with were from?

I was reading letters from her.

You were reading letters from me,

you idiot.

She barely has the patience

to put a coherent sentence together.

Hey, you can go fuck yourself too. I don't need

your fucking help, if you're going to help me like this!

You know he didn't want anything to do with you,

- I don't blame him. - So now you're on his side?

- I'm not on anyone's side. - You're taking his side.

You always take his side, I'm fucking sick of it.

- Sick of it? - Sick of it.

We've never fought about it.

Don't be stupid. These fights, other fights,

if there's another side available, you'll take it.

Hey calm down.

Don't fucking tell me to calm down.

Chill out. Okay?

I talk how I fucking want to talk, all right?

Don't tell me what to do.

I don't even know who I am anymore

in this stupid fucking country.

Acting like some kind of polite American all the time.

This is you polite?

Jesus, I'd hate to see you in your native habitat.

Fuck you!

This is who I am now, if you don't like it...

I can go home.

Come one, don't say that.

Do you even want me here?

Of course I want you here.

I'm not talking to you,

talking to him.

Do you even want me here?

Don't put your choices on me.

You're gonna fuck this up.

You're gonna fuck everything up,

you always do.

Maybe if you didn't keep getting me

into shit that I don't want to be in,

I wouldn't have to fuck anything up.

I see.

You don't want to be in this?

Come on, man.

Don't say things you won't be able to take back.

Aviva's here, I'm here.

You're the one who needs to decide what he wants to do.

This is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life.

You wanna take it away from me,

go ahead.

I can't stop you,

I never could.

I'm doing something wrong.

You're not doing anything wrong.

Yes, I am.

You brought us all together,

you're not doing anything wrong.

I know I said earlier that there's nothing more lonely

or more depressing than being alone in New York City,

but that's not empirically speaking, correct.

There's nothing more lonely

than being alone in Los Angeles.

- It's left, turn left. - I got it.

- "Dear Aviva." - "Dear?"

Are you seriously letting go of sweet?

Is that really what you want me to be focusing on right now?

I'll just write sweet.

"Dear Aviva,

I heard you were in the desert somewhere.

I remember I promised myself

or you, that I would write to you at least something

once a day for all the time we would know each other.

I guess it took us breaking up for me to honor it again.

You're an amazing person.

You always surprised me,

even though I'm so jaded and often unengaged,

you told me I don't know how to live,

it's true.

I don't know how to make the most out of a simple day.

I don't know how to get the most out of breakfast,

to enjoy a simple walk.

To get the most out of work or creativity

in anything other than sporadic bursts.

I don't know how to move through time and space

with a sense of accepting that I'm the vessel doing the moving.

Even as I understand I'm doing myself

and God and injustice by directing

such negativity toward a life that I should be grateful for.

I imagine it's very confusing being in a relationship

with someone like me.

I get angry sometimes when I see how real

you are, how substantial.

And I'm in this stupid, ugly place

floating around like a ghost.

But then I realize that I'd rather be this way

or I wouldn't be here doing what I'm doing.

Making one reality after another and then

abandoning it, so that others can inhabit it without me.

I'm running,

I don't ever wanna get caught but I am tired of running.

Sorry I've been going on and on here,

but you wanted to know where I'm at.

So here you have it.

I admire you

and I love you.

E."

"Dear E,

it's both painful and moving to read your words."

- Don't do that. - What?

That stupid bopping to the music in the car, sort of thing.

It's cutesy and ingratiating and I fucking hate it.

If you wanna dance, pull over, stop the car,

get out and make a proper fucking dance.

- Who's cut off and mean now? - I am.

Deal with it.

You wanna hear the rest of it?

Sure.

"It was so strange for me to be alone in the city,

hard to go meet people for work and put myself out there.

So confusing meeting men, and the world in general,

with the knowledge that we're separated.

So I got myself out of there and headed in to the desert,

in New Mexico.

Spent a lot of time there by myself,

one day I got kinda lost.

It was scary,

a story for another day.

Then I met these two people who really saved my ass.

They were this couple who travel to the most dangerous places

in the world

and they dance together there.

And they're not the only ones,

it's a thing.

Gave me an idea to make a movie out of it.

Started filming them and I'm putting together a teaser

to raise money for the rest of it.

I'm DJ'ing for Zeke's club shows

and she's gonna do the music for it.

It's a trip.

I'm lonelier than I've ever been,

sadder and happier than I've ever been all at once.

I love you

and I have no regrets,

but I don't wanna go through something like this again.

I wanna be with somebody who wants to be with me.

The way I am,

not the way he wants me to be.

I have so much love and passion in me

and I don't want to feel guilty about it.

Still, I miss us and I miss you.

A."

Nicole just texted you.

- Nicole? - Yeah, from high school.

I know who she is.

Just surprised to hear from here.

Well, she's here.

You mean in LA?

No, I mean in this car, stashed in the trunk.

I always liked her.

I have nothing to talk with her about.

- I do. - We have no shared interests.

Nothing in common,

nothing.

Daredevil, that's my guy.

Smart and blind, just how I like my men.

I don't know, I was strictly Kirby style.

Cosmic stuff, worlds beyond imagination,

shit that actually opens your mind.

Thor, F.F., The Eternals, The New Gods.

It was all street level for me. Someone I could identify with.

Like, if I looked into an alley

on the way to school,

I might just catch a glimpse in the shadows.

Punisher, Daredevil, Spiderman,

Spiderman is street level?

Compared to the New Gods, he is.

Look, I liked those guys growing up,

it was fine if I couldn't get my hands on anything else

but where is the imagination, the aspiration?

Sometimes putting your fist through some jerk's face,

is all the aspiration you need.

Good to know.

Can I refresh anybody's drink?

We've already had thee.

One more and I'll be at maximum suggestibility.

She'll have another one.

What about you?

I still have work to do tonight.

Really?

- You okay? - I'm great.

But how can I make you, you know?

You don't have to do anything, I'm great.

- I want you to be happy. - I'm happy.

I mean, really happy.

- I'm really happy. - Jesus.

Come on, move over.

Where are you going?

Do it hard.

You can do it harder.

She said do it harder.

Yes. Yes.

Oh yes. Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

Unbelievable.

I'm gonna go make some coffee, you guys want anything?

No, thank you.

I'm good.

Milk, two sugars.

♪ What I say when I Say that I miss you ♪

♪ Is that I will Always love me more ♪

♪ What I need when I bleed Just to drown you ♪

♪ Is that some day You'll become a shore ♪

♪ It's my wave that will Crave and will pull you ♪

♪ And another that Will push you back ♪

♪ We will be just a sea They can sail through ♪

♪ They can split us But we never crack ♪

♪ On occasions our Sea will swallow ♪

♪ 613 shades of sad ♪

♪ And occasionally We will be just shallow ♪

♪ Enough for them To see the things we had... ♪

- Can you get it? - Uh-huh.

- Hey? - Hey.

- How are you? - Good, I'm good.

Are you?

Yeah.

Better than I've been in a while.

How are the shows going?

Uh, they're going.

I'm signing with Dream Shot.

That's a great agency.

Yeah, they just got me the rest of the budget

to make my feature.

- Jesus. - Yeah.

That's amazing.

Everyone I know is talking about your work.

You know, I'm here in town.

Here?

Yeah, it was a last minute thing.

I was going to tell you but...

I wasn't sure I should call.

Why wouldn't you call?

I don't know.

I'm editing this thing after screening it here,

in a few days.

I was hoping you could check it out,

maybe do a few things to it.

- but... - I'll be there.

If it's not a good time for you...

No, I'll be there, I'll be there.

This is not a work place.

It's our space.

It was.

I miss you.

I missed you too.

We should get back together.

What?

Your timing is just...

After so many sleepless nights, so many broken hearted days,

finally I get myself to a place when I can...

And now...

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry.

It's exactly what we needed,

to get to a better place that we couldn't

get to when we were still together,

because of all the pressure

of long distance, of constantly being rushed,

we can restart this the right way now.

I don't think this is the right time.

Please. Please come back.

I love you.

I don't wanna let you go.

Please come back.

Please come back.

I love you, too.

I'm here.

Let's do what we came here to do. Okay.

Is it just the three of us?

She'll be back soon.

Hey, come on.

You do what you have to do, I'm...

gonna sit here and wait for her for a minute, okay?

He waited.

He had done what I had asked him to do.

I have to give him that.

And he waited.

He waited for a lot more than a minute.

There was no reason to be in Los Angeles anymore

so it was back to the New York apartment,

our old white room.

Only it wasn't so white anymore,

Aviva had decorated the hell out of it

in the time we were apart.

New furniture everywhere,

posters, and even paintings on the walls.

Bizarre chachkas on every shelf,

I hardly recognized it anymore.

But I was happy.

I mean, really happy.

Maybe for the first time in my life.

And he waited.

But she had found something he had never given her.

Something that in her heart of hearts

she didn't believe he ever would, or could give her.

And once having found it,

she was not about to easily let it go.

No matter how good everything else was.

And it was good,

as good as good can be.

And maybe she would've come back,

eventually,

maybe she did come back.

I don't really know,

because by then...

there was no-one home.

You can do it harder.

You can do it much harder.

How much harder?

As hard as you want to.

We need a safe word.

I don't need a safe word.

Maybe I need a safe word.

We don't have to do it if you don't want to.

Do you want me to do it?

I want you to want to do it.

Ow.

Come on.

Did you...

It was great.

Yeah, but you didn't...

There's always next time.

- Hey. - Hey. Give me two seconds, okay?

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

It can't wait, okay.

One camera please.

I just need a minute, okay?

I can't do this by myself.

No-one said you had to.

I don't wanna have to rely on you anymore.

I have to be able to do this on my own.

Do you have any idea how fucked up and wrong you are? Do you?

You don't know how it feels.

To have never been able to make one woman for one single

moment in your life.

- They like your jokes. - Fuck you.

They're only pretending to laugh to kill time, until you show up.

I've never even given a woman an orgasm.

Not one single orgasm.

Not one, ever.

I'm over this.

Over your fear,

over your anger.

Go find someone who doesn't know any better

and take the credit for it.

I can't and I don't want to.

I wanna be with someone who I want, for once in my life.

Not who you want, who I want and who wants me. Not you, me.

How the fuck is anyone supposed to want you,

when you hate you so God damn much?

I don't hate me.

I hate you. I've always hated you, ever since...

Every single problem, every issue I was having

with Aviva, was a problem I was having with you.

I don't have a problem with Aviva.

It's you.

So are you gonna get back on your little bike and ride away?

Or are you gonna do something about it?

Socks.

Thermal stuff is good.

I have thermal stuff.

I know how to pack.

Did you order a taxi?

I thought you... I'll order, I got it.

Give me that.

Make sure you're with someone

who really knows what they're doing.

I'll be fine.

Right.

You're about to go follow some lunatics

up the side of a mountain in Alaska.

Look, I'm making a movie about couples

who inspire each other to go to the edge.

Doesn't mean you have to go there with them.

People are opening up their lives to me.

If they're going there, I've gotta go there too.

You gonna back me up here or you just gonna sit there

staring at the door?

I'm not staring at the door.

I'm making flight plans.

Flight plans?

I'm going to LA for a week.

This is news.

It's a last minute meeting.

Oh, before I go to Alaska?

Next morning.

Door closes.

Down three flights. Picks up bag.

Goes outside. Looks for a taxi.

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi. Whoo.

Picks up bag. "The airport please."

It's hot.

Ooh.

Gets money out. Pays. Kicks the door open. Gets the bag.

Passport.

Security. Computer.

Beep. Shoes.

Beep, beep, beep.

Shoes.

Computer.

Bag. On the plane.

Looks for the seat.

32B.

Seat belt. Looks out the window.

Time for takeoff.

Cruising altitude is 30 thousand hundred feet.

Drink please.

Click.

Another drink.

Time for landing.

"Welcome to LA where the weather is perfect all the time."

Catches the car keys.

Good day.

Picks up the phone. Ding. Ding.

"Hey."

"Isadora. It's Eden."

"Wow, what a surprise."

"Yeah. Even more of a surprise, I'm in LA."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Uh, any chance you're around?"

"I'm around."

"Well, uh, can I see you?"

"You can see me."

"When?"

"How about... now?"

"Okay, where's your address?"

"I'll text you it. It's a five story walk-up.

Think you can make it up?"

"I can make it up."

What is this feeling?

This feeling that he's never had before

This feeling, this, even before it happens,

he knows that there's no going back.

Either this is gonna be complete bullshit

or this is it.

Ping.

Found the edge, huh?

I guess I went over it.

I guess so.

I hope I didn't fuck up your business trip too much.

Don't be stupid.

What's the damage?

I fractured

three vertebras in my spine.

The doctor said that...

I might be all right, eventually.

But it's going to take a lot of time and patience.

Can we go home now?

"What unbelievable timing,"

he thinks to himself.

A joke.

A test too monstrous even for a cruel

and capricious God to invent.

Leaving Aviva now would be unforgivable.

He's gonna be like a character in a Russian novel.

It was said in his later days,

he could be seen

walking arm in arm with his frail wife

in the park

of a Sunday,

taking in the air.

A faraway look in his hollow eyes.

Like two ghosts.

Without purpose

or destination.

They've wondered through the land of the living...

Please!

I can't do this anymore.

I know.

Did you meet someone?

Yes.

In Los Angeles?

Yes.

Will you stay with me long enough

to help me go through some of the doctor's appointments?

So I can figure out what's what?

He stays for six weeks before he takes off.

As for his thing with Isadora,

pfft.

I end it in five.

Payback's a bitch!

He'll never forgive me for it.

Fuck him!

What's he ever really done for me?

Other than a few brief misfires.

He and I are in a relationship now.

Only with each other.

Not much of a relationship.

More like a détente,

a cold war.

No major blow ups

without any outside forces to instigate discord or strife,

but a lot of lonely nights

and internet porn,

which weirdly enough,

I think I'm more into than he is.

As for Aviva...

She finished her movie

after a slow and painful year of rehab.

Achieved with an iron will and courage,

and an immense tolerance for suffering.

I've seen it a hundred times.

And Aviva's capacity for acceptance and forgiveness

is as vast as the ocean she once crossed

in order to share her life with me.

And not a day will pass without a message or a call between us.

And we will work together and play together

and grow closer than ever before.

And one day...

Where is she?

My girlfriend's out there tonight.

Where?

There she is.

Bon jour, mon amour.

- Bonsoir. - Bonsoir.

What?

Don't nothing rhyme with soir, baby.

I don't know what to call you now.

My girl is French. Crazy, too.

Got me dancing under active volcanos

and all type of bridges and whatnot...

She's charming as hell though, got my heart like

She's complicated.

Not only is she French, she's Jewish, got an attitude

and she feels guilty about it.

And I feel guilty too,

I drive a German car.

The Jewish and German people have a history

I don't fully understand.

All I know is that when she's in the car

I can't turn the heat on without hearing shit

about her grandmother.

She gives me this look like...

And I'm like, "Sorry, I didn't kill your family!

I'm just enjoying the precision and cold-blooded

technical efficiency of those who did."

Is that so wrong?

When she laughs at a guy's jokes, she's not pretending.

Oh, he's amazing, right?

He loves you.

He does.

And he's the best.

It was a great show.

I need to tell you something.

Excuse me.

I'm going to have a baby.

When?

Seven months.

Everything's gonna change.

Everything is always changing.

Hello.

Hello.

You are my best friend

in the world.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Tears are clouding Up a sunny day ♪

♪ And I wish I'd turn up ♪

♪ Any other way ♪

♪ But I don't think That you'd care ♪

♪ If I stepped out Of your hair ♪

♪ And you'd find me Anywhere but here ♪

♪ I wish it wasn't so ♪

♪ I'll say it again I Wish it wasn't so ♪

♪ But I don't think That you'd mind ♪

♪ If I left this room behind ♪

♪ And I'd step outside to find ♪

♪ Some other place ♪

♪ Let's say that it's okay ♪

♪ And just leave it at that ♪

♪ Things are different Than they seem ♪

♪ Everybody's looking From the outside ♪

♪ But we're both Stuck within ♪

♪ And I wish that You would say ♪

♪ That you wanted me to stay ♪

♪ And we'll find Some other way ♪

♪ But this ♪

♪ Let's say that it's okay ♪

♪ And just leave it at that ♪

♪ Maybe I could wait ♪

♪ But I think that It's too late ♪

♪ So let's just call it fate ♪

♪ From here ♪