Original subtitles

Previously on Young Sheldon...

I’ve been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis

at East Texas Tech.

He said I could audit his course.

I’m John Sturgis.

Sheldon invited me to dinner.

Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.

You’re only here temporarily?

That’s the plan for now,

but I could be enticed to stay.

I do believe there was subtext there.

Did you pick up on it?

Okay. I’ll see you later.

Are you sure you don’t want to stay with me?

I don’t think so. I don’t really understand this stuff.

That’s how I felt when we watched Dirty Dancing,

and I stayed.

When Patrick Swayze takes his shirt off in here,

I’ll be back. You have a good one.

Hello.

Hi.

Who are you?

I’m Paige.

I like your bow tie.

Thank you.

You seem awfully young, Paige.

Are you with an adult who’s taking this class?

No. Dr. Sturgis heard about my research

on quantum chromodynamics at high temperatures

and invited me to audit his course.

Is that so?

Yes. He’s been super nice.

Interesting. Well, just so we’re clear,

he’s my mentor, he’s my meemaw’s boyfriend,

and he had spaghetti and hot dogs at my house.

(chuckling): The spaghetti goes on the hot dogs?

No.

You realize this is a very advanced class.

We’ll be discussing

deriving nuclear physics from the quark model.

Do you know if he’ll be doing a full color octet calculation

with matrix manipulations?

I do not.

Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?

No.

(chuckles): Well, do you know anything?

I know you’re in my spot.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

How old are you?

I’m ten.

I’m ten, too.

When’s your birthday?

February 26.

March 17.

I’m the youngest person in this class.

(chuckles): That’s funny.

Oh, good.

I see you two have met.

I’m younger than him.

How come you never mentioned she was coming to this class?

I thought it would be a fun surprise.

I don’t like surprises.

Neither do I.

Then why did you do it?

Some people like surprises.

I love surprises.

Did you enjoy this one?

Yes. A 50% success rate.

Not bad. Let’s get started.

ADULT SHELDON: Not since sharing a uterus with my twin sister

have I been so unhappy sitting next to someone.

("Cracklin’ Rosie" by Neil Diamond playing)

♪ Taking it slow ♪

♪ And Lord, don’t you know ♪

Awful quiet back there.

I’m having an emotion I’m unfamiliar with.

Hmm. Think it might have something to do

with your new classmate?

It’s possible.

She’s the only variable in the social equation.

So what are you feeling?

My face is hot,

I’ve a knot in my stomach,

and I’m resisting the urge to kick your seat right now.

I’m thinking it might be jealousy.

No, that’s not in my nature.

All right, let’s go through all the emotions.

I’m looking at your face,

so I’m gonna rule out happy.

Are you sad?

No, there’s too much anger in there.

Oh, well, maybe you’re angry.

No, there’s too much sad in there.

Maybe you got a little crush on her.

Do you want me to kick your seat?

I don’t know, Moonpie.

I’m still thinking it might be jealousy.

Give me one reason why I would be jealous.

Well, Dr. Sturgis means a lot to you,

and now he’s paying attention to somebody else.

You’re used to being the only smart kid around,

and now there’s another.

Oh, and there’s the possibility...

I said one reason, thank you.

♪ Yeah... ♪

(phone rings)

Hello?

STURGIS (on phone): Hello, Mary.

This is John Sturgis,

Sheldon’s professor and your mother’s lover.

Hi. And "John" was more than enough.

I was calling because there’s a new student in my class

who’s Sheldon’s age.

No kidding.

Her mother wondered if I could put you two in contact

since you have so much in common.

Oh, of course.

Excellent.

I’ll give you the number when you’re ready.

Um...

I am ready.

409-356-6049.

John?

Yes?

That’s my number.

(laughs)

So it is!

This is so exciting.

Don’t you understand what this means?

Rather than me feel dumb, how about you just tell me?

These are parents we can actually relate to.

Yeah, sure. All the times we wonder

if we’re doing right by Sheldon or how to handle him,

we finally have someone to compare notes with.

There’s notes?

(chuckles): I just been winging it.

I’m gonna call her right now. Sounds good.

(squeals)

Oh, thank you, Lord, for connecting us

with the parents of another special child.

You kids are special, too.

Do you feel special?

At least I’m the only daughter.

You got nothing.

SHELDON: And she’s such a know-it-all.

Yeah, you mentioned that.

I’m surprised her arm wasn’t sore

from raising her hand so much.

Yep, sure.

And who goes to college with stickers

on their notepad?

I don’t know.

Unicorn stickers.

And we’re home.

Hey, Shelly.

Guess who’s coming over tomorrow?

Your new friend Paige.

Okay, I’m gonna go.

Come on, Shelly. Maybe you’ll end up being friends.

I don’t like her,

I’m not going to like her, and Tam is my friend.

I don’t need another one.

You can have more than one friend.

I’m sure Tam has other friends.

No, I’m all he’s got.

And even I avoid him half the time.

Also, you don’t have any friends.

Why are you so worried about me?

I have friends.

Then how come the only person who ever comes over is Meemaw?

Because...

Okay, this isn’t about me.

So Paige didn’t make a good first impression,

but that can change.

What’s that new Star Trek show?

Next Generation?

When that first came on, you said a new Star Trek

without Dr. Spock could never be good,

but I’ve seen you watching it.

Well, first of all, it’s Mr. Spock.

Dr. Spock writes books about babies.

My apologies.

And second of all, Paige isn’t a TV show.

She’s a person, and we all know how I feel about people.

(blows raspberry)

(sighs)

Okay, look.

You’re right.

I don’t have many friends,

so I was hoping to get to know Paige’s mom.

But if it makes you uncomfortable,

then I will call her and cancel.

I’ll think about it.

Thank you, baby.

ADULT SHELDON: Guilt and jealousy in the same day.

I slept hard that night.

Mmm.

Did you know that there’s a type of vanilla flavoring

derived from the anal glands

of the North American beaver?

That seems like a fact you could have shared

before we started eating.

It isn’t used very often.

I understand it’s difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.

Cool. Okay, new topic.

Let’s talk about Sheldon.

Wonderful. What about him?

He’s having kind of a hard time with the new girl in your class.

Really? Why?

He’s jealous of the attention you’re paying her.

Well, she’s remarkable.

You see that? Less of that.

But I think he’s remarkable, too.

Perfect. More of that, less of the other one.

Understood.

See, this is why we’re great together.

You teach me about social etiquette,

and I teach you about beaver anuses.

(chuckles): It is magical.

Did you know "ani" is also acceptable

as the plural of "anus"?

And the magic continues.

(chuckles)

SPOCK: Must have been most difficult for you to share.

ADULT SHELDON: The thought of spending an afternoon

with Paige seemed excruciating,

but I wanted to make my mother happy.

I was torn.

The release of emotions, Mr. Spock,

is what keeps us healthy--

emotionally healthy, that is.

ADULT SHELDON: Luckily, the wise words of Gene Roddenberry

flatly delivered by Leonard Nimoy

resolved my dilemma.

That may be, Doctor.

However, I have noted

that the healthy release of emotion

is frequently very unhealthy.

I realized if Mr. Spock could rise above his emotions

while the fate of the Enterprise hung in the balance,

certainly I could tolerate Paige for a few hours.

GEORGE JR.: I’m not watching this crap.

Why do I listen to you?

WOMAN: Tony, this is going to help you choose a major.

This test is designed to help you focus. (exhales)

TONY: I know, but what if it says all I’m good at is...

What are you doing?

Suppressing my emotions.

Oh, yeah? Suppress this.

(belches)

(blows)

(whispers): Hot dogs.

♪ ♪

ADULT SHELDON: Vulcans use a technique called Kolinahr

to suppress their emotions.

MARY: Sheldon, they’re here!

Obviously, I wasn’t a Vulcan.

So I did the next best thing:

took my feelings and shoved them down so far

they may have been lost forever.

Hi, Sheldon!

The release of emotions, Mr. Spock,

is what keeps us healthy.

Dr. McCoy was an idiot.

Well, you just have a beautiful home.

Thank you. Can I interest anyone

in something stronger than iced tea?

Oh, well, I’ll take a beer if you have one.

Don’t worry. He’s personally keeping

the Lone Star Brewing Company in business.

(laughing)

They did send me a belt buckle.

(chuckling) Be right back.

So, Barry, uh, Linda tells me

you’re a dentist? Uh, yes.

I have a practice up in Jasper.

Uh, Paige actually does some of the bookkeeping for us.

That’s so funny.

Sheldon does our taxes.

Oh! (chuckles) Yeah, we used to pay her

in stickers, but, this year,

she actually started asking for money.

Well, don’t let Sheldon hear that.

We pay him in binder clips.

(chuckles) He loves being organized.

Boy, does he.

We can’t go to the grocery store without him making sure

that all the labels are facing the right way.

Oh, the stock boys there are always so happy to see him.

(laughing)

That’s adorable. Well,

it wasn’t adorable when we redid our shower

and he wouldn’t use it ’cause two of the tiles were crooked.

He took baths in the sink

until we got it fixed.

(laughing)

So does Paige do any quirky stuff like that?

No. Not really.

Oh.

Now, since we’ll be spending a few hours together,

I’ve created a list of activities to keep us occupied.

We’ll start with a tour of my room,

then board games, and, if time permits,

you can look at and not touch my trains.

Oh, My Little Pony.

I love My Little Pony.

That’s my sister’s, and it’s not part of the tour.

I share a room with my sister, too.

It’s super fun.

You’re wrong.

Now, over here, we have my desk.

This is my computer. That’s my mouse.

This is my printer. This is the paper that goes in the printer.

This is a box of extra paper

that also goes in the printer.

And this is my signed picture of Professor Proton.

Do you watch his show?

No. I don’t really like it.

You don’t?

I think he’s boring.

And he dumbs everything down.

ADULT SHELDON: Come on, Kolinahr, don’t fail me now.

And next on the tour, we have...

a lamp.

(sighs)

(quietly): This is not making me feel better.

Their kid is perfect.

And so is ours.

So we’re lying to each other. Fine.

It’s just nice to get to know another family

who’s in a similar situation as us.

And we’re still lying. (sighs)

What grade are you in?

Eighth.

You?

Tenth.

Cool.

Nobody asked, but fourth.

Why do grownups do this?

They love to stick random kids together

and expect them to just be friends.

I know. I hate that.

Fresh Prince is right.

Parents just don’t understand.

(chuckles) I love that song.

MISSY: I have a cassette of it,

but I recorded it off the radio.

You can hear Sheldon in the background

saying stuff about Sir Isaac Neutron.

Ugh, my sister’s always talking about him.

I don’t know why.

I think he’s dead.

You have no idea how much it sucks

to have a brother like him.

Believe it or not, he’s in my class.

My parents sent Paige to a private school.

Cool. We’re too poor for that.

(sighs)

Does Sheldon make you feel stupid?

Nah, I’m smart in other ways.

Me, too.

Hey, I saw an old TV in the alley.

Want to go throw rocks at it?

Cool! Hell yeah! Let’s do it.

We could play traditional chess.

Or if you’re interested, we could play a variant

with a new piece I invented.

That sounds fun.

What’s the new piece?

A wizard.

The wizard cannot be taken, and, at any point,

he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.

Yes, but there’s an obvious flaw.

What flaw? Well, any time anyone is checkmated,

they can simply have the wizard and their king switch places.

So the game will never end.

I knew that. You passed my test.

We told Paige that if she won

the regional spelling bee, she could get a puppy.

We ended up with two,

’cause she won twice. (chuckles)

(chuckles): Fun! That-That’s fun.

BARRY: All right,

that’s enough about Paige.

So, George, I know you’re

a football coach.

What about you, Mary?

I work part-time at the church.

Oh. Oh, that’s so nice.

I used to work at the practice with Barry,

but I had to quit once Paige’s schedule

started to get busy. Mm.

Well, that’s understandable.

A unique child can require a lot of attention.

(Barry chuckles)

Mm. Try all the attention. Hmm?

(chuckles): Okay. You know that’s not true, Barry. Well...

(chuckles) She’s...

she’s right. It’s not.

Although I did spend Father’s Day alone

’cause she took Paige to a robotics show.

Okay. That’s enough, Barry.

They don’t need to hear all this.

(chuckles) GEORGE SR.: That’s okay.

(stammers) That’s why we’re getting together,

you know, talk about this kind of stuff.

Barry, it sounds like you might be feeling left out.

Oh. (chuckles) No.

(laughs)

Sometimes I do.

And it’s not just me. It’s Erica, too.

Oh, now he’s just being dramatic.

Erica gets a lot of attention,

and she’s just a joy. (chuckles)

Dang it, the screen won’t break.

Bet it’ll break if we blow it up.

(whispers): I love her.

Fine, you’re right.

Erica’s doing just great.

Nothing to worry about there.

(chuckles)

ERICA: Oh, come on.

You got any matches?

Be right back.

While she’s gone, you want to make out?

Sure.

You actually believe in the multiverse theory?

Very much so.

It’s the most elegant interpretation

of quantum mechanics.

So you really think there are an infinite number of universes?

Stephen Hawking believes it, so, yes, I do.

Well, if there are an infinite number of universes,

I think that theory’s dumb in all of them.

(chuckles)

This is fun.

I don’t get to have discussions like this

with kids at my school.

Do you?

No.

Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?

Not at all.

(chuckles) Me neither.

I love being smarter than everyone. (chuckles)

Me, too.

ADULT SHELDON: I started to think that Paige and I

might have more in common than I thought.

Maybe my mother was right.

I really did just need to get to know her better.

Checkmate!

You lose. (chuckles)

KIRK: Red alert. (alarm sounding)

Phasers stand by to fire on my order.

Guess that makes me the smartest.

ADULT SHELDON: I don’t know if ten-year-old Spock

ever flipped a chess board,

but ten-year-old Sheldon sure did.

(alarm sounding) (Star Trek fight music playing)

(Barry and Linda bickering indistinctly)

Got to say, I’m glad we invited ’em over.

(clinking) Don’t you get him another beer.

Come on. You love this and you know it.

They’re as messed up as we are.

Fine. But one more and that’s it.

(loud boom) (gasps)

GEORGE JR.: Whoa! ERICA: Yes!

MISSY: Holy crap!

Don’t you-- Go out there and check!

Now, does anyone know what happens to quarks

when we combine them

to make mesons and baryons?

Yes, Paige.

We can ignore the particle masses

at the individual quark level.

Correct. (chuckles): You

are really...

He’s jealous of you paying attention to her.

That was correct, Paige.

And, Sheldon,

is that a new bow tie?

It is.

Lookin’ sharp!

Thanks.

That was a close one.

As I was saying, we only...