All language subtitles for scrubs.s09e12.retail.dvdrip.xvid-reward

Four months into med school,

and we were getting
on each other's nerves.

Cole was especially good at it.

Cole, you're wearing my scrubs.

I had to wear the ones
my mom made me.

Babe, you know girl scrubs
make my ass pop.

That is so stupid.

Damn, Mama wants a bite!

You know, Cole,

you could be a little more respectful
of other people.

Fine. Maya, that is a lovely sweater.

It really shows everybody
what you're working with.

There, Luce. You happy?

- Ow! What was that for?
- I don't know.

I assume you did something stupid.

- Did he?
- Yeah.

One more for luck.

All right, fall in, losers.

Today, one of you is gonna get
an amazing learning opportunity.

Trang, I need you to put a new gown
on Mrs. Gainer.

Be careful.
She's off her meds, has four-inch nails,

and is convinced
someone's trying to steal her skin.

Hey, Talking Man Baby, come here.

I am parked
in the 10-minute parking zone.

- You want me to move your car?
- No, I love the space.

What I want you to do is to pull out of

and then back into the space
every 10 minutes.

If you get bored, here's a ball
and a half a deck of cards.

I want that ball.

Trang, get over here right now.

I didn't envy Trang.

At some point, we'd all been caught
between Dr. Mahoney and Dr. Cox,

and it felt like being
in a pinball machine.

And it always ended the same way,
with Dr. Cox winning.

Tiny One, run fast now.

Dr. Kelso?

I told you, you can't be coming up
in here stealing all the gauze.

Are you building a giant gauze ball?

'Cause if you are, I want in.
It's on my bucket list.

Actually, I'm here for a medical reason.

I had a bit of a scare

while I was playing a game
of Scattergories with my niece.

You're still on the clock.

She means the Scattergories clock.

She's very competitive.

Anyway, I got a little bit light-headed,
and so we're gonna run some tests.

I wouldn't worry about it.

A few years back,
I got a little light-headed myself.

Turns out it was...

Well, it was diabetes.
That's a bad example.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

What up, Dr. T?

Okay, today, as part
of your practical doctoring class,

we'll be conducting physical exams
on one another for the first time.

Cole.

Put your pants back on.

My bad. I thought this was going
somewhere totally different.

People, I said it day one,
I can't teach you without your pants on.

While doing these exams,
some of you may experience

something we like to call
Med Student Syndrome.

It's a common condition

where med students think they have
the disease they're studying.

All right, what I want you all
to do now, though,

is partner up with the person
next to you and get it cracking.

Getting paired up in med school
was like playing a game of win,

lose, or Frank.

Spoiler alert. My skin's super flaky.

Man, I just got totally Frank'd.

I really appreciate you taking time
to check me out.

I'm gonna take care of you,
but first, as you know,

we got to knock out
one of these patient histories.

And we both know how weird
these can get.

Yes, deeply, deeply weird.

What do you say we just dive right in?

Are you currently taking
any medications?

Have you had sex
with multiple partners?

You exercising regularly?

And have you traveled
outside the United States

in the last couple months?

Yes. Hell, yes.

Yes, I go to the bathroom 10 times
a day, which for me is cardio.

- Natch.
- I recently flew

to Bangkok,
but I didn't actually get off the plane.

Right.

That little stunt you pulled with Trang?
Not cool.

I needed him for real hospital work.

Having him move my car,
I'll have you know,

was hospital work of the highest order.

That's exactly what Trang needed.

Driving back and forth
in the parking lot,

reinforcing every stereotype
of Asian drivers.

Look, you're the one
who put me with the med students,

so don't undermine me.
Who's in charge of them, you or me?

I'm in charge of you,
and by the transitive property,

anybody you're in charge of,
I'm also in charge of.

You see, I'm the boss around here.
I can pretty much do whatever I want.

For instance,
I can use the intercom to whistle.

Any loose change, automatically mine.

And I never have to buy chocolate bars

from any of my colleagues'
awful children

to support their horrible school bands.

I can do whatever I want,
and you just have to stand and nod

like the sweet-mouthed little man-boy,
monkey toy that you truly are.

Mine.

Ugh!

Leave.

Even though Dr. Turk warned us
about Med Student Syndrome,

we couldn't help ourselves.

Dr. Turk, I've got scurvy and rickets.

How did I get all the pirate diseases?

That's a walk in the park
compared to my early-onset dementia.

Where's my phone?

Actually, Cole does have
a weird mole on his chest.

Man, forget that mole. I'm more
worried about the pain in my throat.

The T-Pain.

Listen, guys, calm down. You're all fine.
Everything's good.

That's a bruise, you're just ticklish,
and you, my friend,

you got ink on your tongue.

Stop eating your pens.
Cole, the mole on your chest...

Well, actually, the mole on your chest
is something we need to check out.

So, Cole,

unfortunately, the biopsy shows
that your mole is malignant.

You have melanoma.

Skin cancer? Oh, my God, Cole.

How'd you know
it was gonna be malignant?

I didn't. I was prepared for both ways.

Cole's cancer thing
was really freaking me out.

Hey, check it,
I put orange soda in my IV bag.

I'm like a hamster, yo.

Cole, not so much.

This is serious. You have cancer.

Lucy, it's not cancer cancer.

Hey, that kind of cancer is for uglies

and dudes who keep laptops
on their balls.

Well, then, Bob-O, I figured out
what's causing the fainting.

Men don't faint.
We take unintended, decisive naps.

It's just vagal syncope.
Nothing to worry about.

That's a relief.

So, just fill my prescription
for blue steel and I'll be on my way.

There is one other thing.

Unfortunately, given your age
and your current insurance regulations,

they're not gonna let you
drive anymore.

That's crazy. I'm a great driver.

Hey, what's up? Nothing.
I was just about to grab some yogurt.

I guess I can bum rides.
It's good, actually.

You don't know how many times

I've been out late
and had to pass on that seventh drink.

No more Mr. Responsible.

- What about him? How's he gonna die?
- Red nose, beer gut.

- Definitely liver failure.
- No way.

Check out his shirt
and his callused hands.

He probably works around
a lot of machinery.

I'm thinking nail gun to the head.

You said that about the nurse
who just walked by.

I think you're overestimating how many
people actually own nail guns.

Whatever. That's how I want to go.

- Hello.
- Number One,

I need you to prep some forms
for Dr. Kelso,

get the notes for today's lecture
out of my office

and set my DVR to record
Big Bang Theory.

The whole world is watching this thing
and I've got to know why.

I got to go. Dr. Cox needs me
to do a bunch of stuff.

Cox? You're leaving me for Cox,
right now?

- Yeah, is that all right?
- No, yeah, that's fine. Go.

It's just all this talk
about, you know, dying

is making me think
about my childhood dog, Rascal

Flats Paws.

You had a dog
named Rascal Flats Paws?

It's an Indian name, okay?

We got him from
a Navajo rescue center.

I taught him how to skateboard.
He was really good,

until my dad ran him over.

- Bastard did it on purpose.
- Wait, are you screwing with me?

Yeah, Drew. That's what I do.

I make up stories about my dead,
skateboarding Indian dog

and my abusive father
just to mess with you. That...

Yeah.

What, just forget it.

Uh...

No, it's fine. I'll stay.

After our examinations yesterday,

we discovered a malignant melanoma
on Cole's chest.

He's been generous enough to let us
use his case as a teaching tool.

- Mmm! Hear that? I'm a tool, yo.
- Pal...

Drew, he's sick. Let's just let it slide.

This slide is a magnified image
of Cole's mole.

How is it different from a benign one?

Well, it's dark with undefined edges.

You're dark with undefined edges.

- That doesn't even make any sense.
- You don't make sense.

Okay, you know what?
We'll just move on to the questions.

Dr. Turk, doesn't melanoma sometimes
spread into the lymph nodes?

Well, they caught it early,
so that's an extreme scenario.

You're an extreme scenario.

I'm sorry, Dr. T.
He just keeps setting me up.

Thanks again, Turkleton,
for giving me the lift.

Hitching rides with students
was not working out.

The constant stops at keg parties
and strip clubs, they just weren't into it.

But, hey, nobody hustles Bob Kelso
out of the champagne room.

That is my house.

If I even step into the parking lot
of a strip club, Carla,

she can pick up the scent of glitter

and vanilla body wash
like nobody's business.

I'm telling you,
it's like she's a stripper bloodhound.

Well, I got to get home early anyway.

I want to read the Internet
before they take it down.

I'm not exactly sure
that's how that works, sir.

- Damn.
- What?

I talked through my taco.
I totally forgot to savor it.

I'm gonna go get another one.
I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

You know what? 10 minutes.
Line looks kind of long.

I know you think this surgery
is no big deal,

but are you sure
you don't want your parents there?

Yeah, I'm good.

And besides, they're on some bike trip
around Iceland

taking pictures of puffins,
whatever the hell those are.

What about your boys?
I could give them a call for you.

Nah. Topher and Boots
are on house arrest

for getting into a fight with Criss Angel
at a porn convention.

Sounded awesome.

I could at least make sure
our study group is there.

- Those fools?
- They're your friends.

They want to be there for you.

All right, I guess it's cool if they come.

Oh, sweet. Cancer party!

Like, tons of my uncles died of cancer,
so I know exactly how to do this.

But theirs were sad.
This one's gonna be fun.

Number One, just exactly
what in the hell happened?

You didn't do any of the stuff
that I asked you to.

I'm sorry.
Denise was going through something.

I was in a really emotional place.

Let me see if I've got this straight,
Dr. Mahoney.

You, who think that women in labor

need to cool it
on the emotional theatrics,

suddenly became a needy girlfriend
at the exact same moment

that I required Number One's help?

- What's going on here?
- I'll tell you what's going on here.

This one thinks that just because
you're having emotionless intercourse,

that you are the one med student
who will listen to her over me.

Sweetie, ignore him.

I need you to take a patient
to get an MRI.

And I need you to prepare slides
for the immunology exam.

The one thing I know for sure
is that Drew is not gonna sacrifice

his entire medical career

for the steely caress
of your cold robot pincers.

Well, let's let him choose.

Fine. Drew?

Hey, Bob,
I am so sorry to keep you waiting.

I've been dancing
as fast as I can up there,

but I just need 15 more minutes
to see another patient

- and we will get out of here.
- Take your time.

It's already been 10 minutes,
what's 15 more?

Why don't you just go inside
and have yourself a seat?

A nice, warm seat
for the old-timer, huh? Gee, thanks.

Will there be an afghan?

I don't want to get a draft
while I'm doing the jumble

and clipping articles
to send to my grandchildren.

I appreciate that you're frustrated.

Not being able to drive,
losing your independence.

It's got to be pretty hard on you.

What the hell you talking about?

Look, Perry, just because we had
a couple of nice conversations

and a few backyard beers last summer,

it doesn't mean
we're Butch and Sundance, all right?

So, just forget all this soulmate stuff
and just go bring the car around.

You know what, Bob?
Find your own way home.

Hey. Guys, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

You want us to go to Cole's surgery?

How did you know?

It's written on your hand.

- I've been forgetting things recently.
- You should eat more grains.

You know, I was just thinking
that exact...

Oh.

So, can I count on you all to be there?

Why? He never supports us.

Yeah, last month I ran a charity 5K.

But when I asked Cole for a donation,

he burped in my face
and told me it was for the kids.

But it would mean a lot to him
if you guys were there.

Really? Because every time
I ask him how he is,

he shows me his abs and says,
"Ask them."

Look, if you don't want to do it for him,
then do it for me.

And if you don't want to do it for me,
then do it for the cupcakes I'll bring.

Maybe.

I tried to make sure
Cole wouldn't be alone,

although, for some,
solitude can be a relief.

Have you seen Drew Suffin?

Med student, but, like, 900 years old?

Hey, you seen a med student,
thinks he's way cooler than he is,

kind of has a serial killer vibe?

But sometimes it can remind you
of a growing frustration.

And even if you think
you're just fine on your own,

you can feel surprisingly abandoned.

I thought you said people were coming.

Cupcake?

Hey, where did you go?

I went to the campus store
and got some things to cheer you up.

Like a Winston University mini-fan

because the surgery
is gonna be a breeze,

a license plate frame

because you are gonna drive away
that cancer,

and a stuffed Ollie the Owlcat

because you are gonna
hoot, hoot, hoot...

Actually, I just really think he's cute.
Can I have him?

- Whatever. Keep it.
- Look, it's not all bad.

I'm here. We have cupcakes.

We can lie in bed
and watch TV all day.

No, the remote's broken
and it's stuck on the History Channel.

Okay, I don't care about stuff
that's already happened.

I'm really sorry no one came.

Yeah, I was fine without anyone,
but you had to promise.

You had to do the whole Lucy thing
of "They'll come.

"They'll listen to me.
I think horses should go into space."

I never said that.

Why would I want fewer horses
on Earth? That's crazy.

What's crazy is thinking
that you could cheer me up.

You know,
that is just the kind of jerky thing

that makes people
not want to be there for you.

Well, I don't need them
and I don't need you, either.

Okay, so take your cupcakes
and your license plate frame,

leave the mini-fan and go.

Whatever you want.

Come on, Lucy! Judge Mathis?

Med student who was supposed
to pick me up never showed up.

- I've been out there forever.
- What do you want from me?

Help me out with this paperwork thing
so I can drive again.

It's just some stupid insurance rule.

That's a pretty big favor there, Bob.

And since, according to you,
we're not real friends,

which makes perfect sense,

as your only real friends
are a bottle of discount gin

and the metal handrail in your shower,

I'm gonna go ahead and say no.

We got to pass.
What are you doing here?

- I got a text from Drew.
- Yeah, me, too.

What's going on? You texted
me that a patient's coding in here.

You texted me,
"Come and show me your boobs"?

I may have switched those texts.

Which does raise the question,
why did you show up then, Dr. Cox?

Dr. Kelso?

Sorry, son.
I came in to use the bathroom

while you were sleeping.

But I've been watching TV
for the last 45 minutes.

Yeah, I got caught up in this article
about how they make tortillas.

There's a lot of steps.

What're you in for?

I got the cancer.

Woof.

I'll tell you what'll make you feel better.

Giving an old man your pudding cup.

Listen, for reasons I don't understand,
probably related

to childhood memories of my father
dressed up like my mother

screaming,
"Am I pretty? Am I pretty? Am I pretty?"

You two are my closest relationships
in this place.

Congratulations. But I cannot handle
being stuck in the middle of you guys.

You have got to work it out.

You brought us here to make us talk?
That's ridiculous.

About as ridiculous
as your five-o'clock shadow.

Honest to God, there are some times
during rounds when I look over at you,

and it's like I'm teaching Yasir Arafat.

Really? I see a slightly gayer
George Michael.

- Oh! So see that.
- Mmm.

Could you please be more alike?

You know, we are kind of alike.

Actually, a lot of my best moves
I learned from watching you.

Remember when you gave Maya
that two-page list of careers

she'd be more suited for
than medicine?

She cried for the entire weekend.

Really? Gosh, you hope you reach
these kids, but you never know.

You just never know.

Sorry your mom couldn't make it.
She's a hell of a woman.

Next time you see her,
tell her that Bob Kelso said,

"I still see sugarplums."
She'll know what it means.

Does it mean that you want her
to make you one of her holiday cakes?

- Yeah, that's what it means.
- Yeah.

So, where are your friends?

They never showed up.

Man, if one of them needed me,
I'd be there.

Okay, like, when Trang asked me
to help him move,

I said no because I didn't want
to slow everyone down

with my hilarious jokes.

- Are you scared about this?
- No.

Okay.

Look, I'm totally freaked out.

And I pushed away the one person
who was here for me.

Old man, here's your stinking forms.
Enjoy driving again.

Try not to kill anybody.

What was that?

He just did me a big favor,

even though
I was a real douche to him.

And I was just scared

about getting old
and losing my independence.

It sucks.

Man, I don't want people
to know when I'm scared.

- It's weak.
- Yeah, I used to be like you.

You know, putting up a front,
shutting people out,

acting like
you don't need anybody. Yeah.

Fortunately, though, I got past all that.

Because, you see, the best thing
about letting people know

how you really feel about them is then,

no matter how big a jackass
you've been,

they'll still show up for you
when times are bad.

Hey, I got your message.

- Did you listen to the whole thing?
- Yeah.

Then why are you wearing a bra?

I'm not.

Thanks for coming.

I was a jerk and you didn't deserve it.

I know you were scared.

I'll be here when you get out, okay?

Sometimes ego gets in the way
of what's best for you.

Whether it's combining forces...

Now, this guy's never prepared
for class a day in his life.

Let's say we start with him?

The weird shoes,
the skinny chicken legs...

- What are you guys doing?
- You were right about us.

We are so alike.

So, we decided to team up
and make life hell for the med students.

What have I done?

...the opportunity to thank a friend...

That's the good stuff. I swiped it
from the bar at the country club.

You're welcome, Bob.

...or the chance to do something nice

for the people in your life
because you actually do care.

Hey, I know
we're gonna be studying late,

so I bought you nerds dinner.

Did you rub, graze, touch, dip,

drag or spread your stuff
on any part of this?

Wanted to, decided not to.

Cole?

I just wanted to do something nice
for you guys.

Hey, Dr. Kelso's driving again.

Yeah, that's about right.

Hey, I wanted to talk to you
about skin cancer.

It's very serious but easily preventable.

Always wear sunscreen,
get a full body check-up annually

and when you go to the beach,
stay covered up, unless you're a hottie,

in which case,
you should take it all off and get weird.

We're trying to make a video
about cancer awareness.

Okay, what about hottie awareness?

Have you been to the beach lately?

It's all families eating hard-boiled eggs.
Okay, that ain't right.

You know what, just go... Hey, go, go.

Press record. I got this. I'll figure it out.

Hotties, remember this,

you cannot get skin cancer
on your taters.