All language subtitles for Lucifer.S02E08.HDTV.x264-LOL

- Previously on Lucifer...
- I don't care much for my dad.

But you clearly... care about yours.

I think he would be proud of you.

Uriel, that's Azrael's blade.

You're not planning on
taking Mum back to Hell.

That weapon will wipe her
out of existence entirely.

No Heaven, no Hell, just...

gone.

Why do you feel guilty?

Uriel didn't just die.

I killed him.

I need you to be honest with me

about who you are.

No more lies.

Very well.

This is where Lucifer
buried your brother.

Why did he do this?

- Lucifer was just trying...
- No, Mom.

Not Lucifer. Father.

If he wanted to, he could have

prevented all of this from happening.

I'm done trying to please
someone who isn't even here.

What the hell?!

Aah! Get off me!

Help!

Help...!

Stop! Stop!

- Leave her alone!
- Hey, man, stop!

Wait. It's you?

You're kidding me, right?

We can totally work this out.

And so there we were,
the detective and I,

standing in her kitchen, and...

she made me...

a sandwich.

I believe this is the
part where you tell me

it's much more than just a sandwich.

For example...

maybe it was a gesture of intimacy.

You know, the slices of
bread representing, perhaps,

the detective's trust.

Or... was it a mistrustful sandwich?

I...

Doctor, please,

what delicious message
was she sending me?

What about Hitler?

The sandwich is Hitler?

How did you actually
torture Hitler in Hell?

I mean, is his cell next to Idi Amin's?

Or Mussolini's?

Or is there kind of a-a-a...

a tyrant wing in Hell?

Right.

I suppose it was futile of me
to think that you wouldn't want

to discuss the whole...
"I'm really the Devil" thing.

The actual Devil?

Look, I have to say...

I was worried I'd never see you again.

I thought I'd...

- scared you off for good.
- Yes,

well, Maze, of all people...

well, of all...

demons...

gave me some needed clarity.

Did she, now?

Yes. Right. Well,

speaking of clarity,
do you mind if we return

to my current emotional growth?

Oh. Yes.

Sorry.

Apology accepted.

So, um...

what do you think it means?

What about my Uncle Edwin?

Is he down there?
I mean, 'cause he was...

you know....

one... he was one bad mama jama.

I think I've
broken my therapist.

And now she's somewhere to
the left of totally useless

and to the right of babbling lunatic.

Oh, so she's you in a skirt.

Very funny. This is serious, Detective.

I'm actually a bit worried for her.

Hmm, I'm sure she'll be fine,

but if you need anyone
to talk to, I'm here.

This is actually something
I can't discuss with you.

What? I'm sure I can handle it.

I've seen all your ugly parts by now.

Not even close, I'm afraid.

Saved by the Douche.

Our victim's name is Maddie Howard.

She was attacked when
she left her apartment.

The assailant chased her down the alley

and stabbed her repeatedly.

19 times, to be exact.

Overkill is usually a
crime of passion... they probably

knew each other.

She was killed in broad daylight?

- There must have been witnesses.
- Yeah,

a bunch, but depending on who you ask,

the killer was a male
who's either Hispanic,

Caucasian or black, short or tall,
brown or blond hair,

or completely bald.

So we're dealing with a shapeshifter.

Well, eyewitness testimonies
can be unreliable.

Yeah, people's ojos go a little loco.

Evidence, however, does not lie.

We got substantial bruising to the skin,

blade penetrated not only
soft tissue but also bone.

So the killer was big and strong.

Also, blond head hair,
so odds are really good

- we're looking for a white guy.
- Hey, guys.

Got something over here.
Tourist caught the beginning moments

of the attack in the
background of a photo.

Did you get a look at the killer?

No, but look at this...
we got a good look at the weapon.

Pretty insane. Looks like
a movie prop or something.

Can't be.

What do you mean, "Can't be"?

A movie prop. Those things
are rubber, aren't they?

What?

I have to go.

I don't really have time
for a hike, Lucifer.

Bounty business is booming, okay?

So this better be important.

It is.

Is this...?

Where Lucifer buried Uriel. Yeah.

Okay.

So if you two want to cry it out,
I'll be in the car.

What's happened, Lucifer?

- Well, someone dug up the grave.
- Yeah,

I can see that.

But why?

- Uriel's body is still there.
- Yes,

but Azrael's blade isn't.

I believe the weapon
of the Angel of Death

is in human hands.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

So let me get this straight:
in human hands, Azrael's blade

wants to kill?

It demands to be used to...

- to fulfill its purpose.
- Humans are more...

malleable than we are,
so it whispers in their ears,

beckons to be held... it takes any
reason someone might want

- to hurt another and...
- Amplifies it

- a thousandfold.
- So if someone

leaves the toilet seat up...

Trip to stabby town, yes.

That's one angry-ass knife.

Yes, well,

it was stolen from the Angel of Death.

Sis is no sweet peach, is she?

Listen, we're wasting time here.

We need to find the blade.

Why?

So a few meter maids
bite the dust, who cares?

People off each other all the time.

No, Maze, you don't understand.

This will accelerate.

Passing from human to human,
leaving an unimaginable trail

of destruction in its wake.

Yes, nasty little thing.

We need to retrieve it.

Oh, I'm so glad you're on
board with this, Luci.

I mean, who would've thought
that bringing celestial objects

to Earth might lead to such destruction?

Ooh, I like the smug.

Much sexier than the earnest.

I'm just surprised that
you would actually take

a little bit of responsibility.

I thought an unmarked grave
in the middle of nowhere

would be safe enough.

Clearly I was wrong.

But... I clean up my messes.

Well, good luck, you two.

You'll want to help, Maze.

No, thanks.

Let me remind you, I have a job.

And let me remind you that the
blade doesn't just kill humans.

It also obliterates celestial beings,

including demons.

So, say the detective were to
find it and bring it home...

I get snuffed out for
not doing the dishes.

Which is why the detective can't
be part of this investigation.

Now, I'll need you two
to move Uriel's body.

Somewhere it won't be found this time.

Very well.

And one note,

you're to do so without
disturbing the grave site

in the slightest,
specifically that footprint there.

Why?

Because I'm going to get an
expert to help me examine it.

You need a favor?

Yes, your scientific expertise
on a discreet matter.

Mm.

Paternity test?

What? Do I look like someone
who'd be so irresponsible?

Uh, regardless, if you
do this favor for me,

then I'll do a favor for you in return.

Lucifer,

the whole point of a favor
is to do it for free, okay?

And then you just trust the love
will come back to you somehow.

Favors are about faith.

Ugh. Please don't ruin favors for me.

Look, come on, I insist.

Tit for tat.

Fine, um...

Well, there is something
that I would like.

Mm?

But I'm not sure you can handle it.

Oh, well, now I'm intrigued.

I mean, it might be a little...

inappropriate among colleagues.

Oh, right, even better.

Well, why don't you, uh...

Well... Okay, so...

Oh.

Oh, no, no.

Definitely not.

You're the one who wanted tit for tat.

Yes, if only
it were that simple.

All right, fine.

You have a deal.

Gosh, you're a nasty
little nerd, aren't you?

Right. Here we are.

Does your favor involve killing me?

I'm just kidding, no.

I need you to do your forensic whatnots

and work out what disturbed this area.

Uh, you mean this empty grave?

Look,

you said to me that favors
were about faith, right?

Yeah.

Well, I'm asking you to have faith in me.

And know that I wouldn't ask
anything untoward of you.

You know, when you use my own
words against me like that,

it's actually really hard to say no.

I know.

There's some very interesting
footprints over there.

Well, it looks like we
got a man's sneaker.

Okay, I'll take a mold, but assuming

it's one of the major brands,
I mean, you're looking at a pool

of, like, two million dudes in L.A.

Maybe 10,000 robust ladies.

Well, I was hoping for something
a little more specific.

Thai's not how analytical science works.

Whoa.

Someone tried to burn something.

It looks like there's writing on one s...

side.

Yeah, I should be able to
reconstruct this at the lab.

Ah, excellent.

Right, whilst you do that,
I'll get back to the detective.

Oh, and remember...

Yeah, don't tell anyone

about your super creepy non-grave grave.

Got it.

So you worked
here with the deceased?

We didn't just work together.

I mean, Maddie was a friend.

The person who introduced
me to the Glory Way.

God, I can't believe that she's dead.

I'm sorry. The glory what?

The glory hole.

The Glory Way.

- Ah.
- Developed by

our guru, Jenson Glory.

The Glory Way is a mind
and body sensibility system

designed to reveal what we call

the "home you."

Right. Do people actually believe

the word salad that you're selling?

'Cause, I mean, look,

I enjoy a taut, spandex-wrapped backside

as much as the next chap,

but that was one large helping
of spiritual gobbledy-gook.

Follow Jenson's teachings and you
will uncover your true self.

And what if your true self is a 400-pound
nimrod with flatulence issues?

Just saying. Some things
are better left buried.

Given the specifics of the murder,

we're looking for someone who
had a real hatred for Maddie.

Does anyone come to mind?

No. Maddie was a wholesome
soul, a true light.

What about petty grievances?

Perhaps Maddie drank
someone's probiotic smoothie

or did one too many peacock
poses for someone's taste?

- Lucifer.
- No.

Just... think.

There must be some little disagreements.

So why don't you write us up a list?

Anyone who so much as raised
a patchouli-scented eyebrow

in Maddie's direction
could be the killer.

- See...
- Excuse us.

That's not the profile

of the murderer we're investigating.

I'm just being thorough, Detective.

Like you said, "Shake the bushes
until the truth flies free."

I don't think I've ever said that before.

- No?
- Uh-uh.

Oh. Perhaps it was Ms. Lopez.

Mm. You've been spending
a lot of time with Ella.

You know, working together, I mean.

Not particularly.

Hmm.

Shall we see how this list is getting on?

Mm-hmm.

Glad to see you're hard at work.

You know, studies show that the
brain does some of its best work

when it's not trying.

That's why great ideas come in the shower.

- For me, it's usually women.
- Hmm.

Any progress so far?

- Damn straight.
- Hmm.

I...

rehydrated that burnt piece of paper

we found at your super creepy place

using polyvinyl acetate.

- Oh, it's easy for you to say.
- I ran these pieces

through a pattern recognition program,

and I found two things.

First...

what looks to be a map

leading from downtown L.A. to
that exact spot you took me to.

Right. What was the second thing?

Some business logo of a law firm.

What law firm?

Bloody hell.

I said no interruptions, so unless

you're that broad-shouldered
intern from this morning...

Hello, Mum.

Oh.

Hello, son.

It appears you've been busy.

I was getting bored with
my mate and offspring,

so I thought I'd dive into my employment.

Not that hard once you
read the law books.

What law books?

Well, all of them.

Took less than a weekend

with time to teach the hubby

new tricks.

Have you ever heard of something
called the reverse cowgirl?

Well, I'm thrilled,

Mum, really, I am.

Here you are studying law
and the Kama Sutra.

And drawing maps to Uriel's grave!

Did someone find the blade?

Oh, so you admit that
you led a human to it?

Well, not a human. More like ten.

- Ten?
- Maybe 12. Uh...

- But...
- 15?

Only my craftiest clients.

I mean, I had to make sure
that someone would actually

follow through and dig the damn thing up.

Why in the world would you tell people?

What is wrong with you?!

Me? If you didn't want the blade found,

you shouldn't have left it
in a hole in the ground!

A filled-in hole in the
middle of nowhere,

which no one would've possibly
found if not for you.

Yes. Well... there's that.

Besides, where else am I gonna hide it?

Lux? You know how many people
traipse through there each week?

Well, I don't know. Your bedroom, then.

- Worse.
- Yes.

You are sexually prolific.

Turns out, you get that from me.

Oh, Mum, why?

Why would you release
Azrael's blade into the world?

Because I wanted to get
your father's attention.

Your brother,

Uriel... my son... died.

Do you think it's crazy that
I wanted to talk about it?

Mourn with him, maybe?!

- I...
- So I reached out,

and guess what I got back.

- Nothing.
- Yes.

Like always.

So I figured that if his toys
started stabbing each other

with a celestial blade, that maybe
he might take a moment.

Humans are dying because of you.

Well, humans die.

They all do eventually.

It's what they were designed to do.

Yes, but not like this.

Your vacation here has changed you.

You seem attached to these creatures,

and I can't, for the life of me,
figure out why.

Look, you say you want
to stay here on Earth,

to live with your sons, right?

So, a choice: willingly help
me get the blade back,

or I'll send Maze over here
to give you some inspiration.

Hmm. Fine.

You're killing my reverse cowgirl high.

I...

LAPD

investigation, that's right.

Uh, just your whereabouts
around 7:00 a.m. this morning.

Okay. Can you prove that?

Right.

Thank you.

So the guy that complained

Maddie didn't have enough
cool-down time was

at an ashram in Sedona, so, not our guy.

My pudding's gone.

I'm sorry?

In the break room fridge, my pudding...

Clearly labeled "Dan"... It's gone.

Not the first time, either.

Wow. Do you want me
to put some unis on it?

Want me to schedule a stakeout?

- Are you even okay?
- No, Chloe.

I'm just saying that a man's snacks...
they're sacred, okay?

- Okay.
- What up, detective people?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are Lucifer and Ella working on
a case that I don't know about?

Mm. Why?

No reason, they just seem to be
spending a lot of time together.

Is someone jealous?

What?

No.

No way.

- Gross.
- 'Cause you can tell me if you are.

I mean...

we can be there for
each other, as friends.

Even... even if it's about another guy.

Right, but Lucifer's not another guy.

He's a weirdo.

This is about partnership, nothing more.

Partners don't keep secrets.

Well, maybe with Ella,

it's more than just sex, maybe it's...

a little more serious.

Huh?

No, it's not like Lucifer...
I don't think he...

"Not like Lucifer" wha-what?

Likes poker.

Dan has a monthly game.

Oh, no, I love a good gamble.

Count me in.

Right, where's that list of grievances

against poor Maddie?

- Oh, it's the...
- Yeah.

- There... all right, there you go.
- Lovely, thank you.

Why would you do that?

Okay, now you're making it weird.
You're making it weird.

- You're making it weirder.
- Sorry.

I'll make it weird on your face.

Duncan Watts is our killer.

What makes you say that?

Well, just a hunch.

Duncan Watts.

His offices are upstairs
above the yoga studio.

Oh, and he's Maddie and
Corrina's landlord.

Duncan was apparently upset
that Maddie kept parking in his spot.

He also tried

to have the yoga studio
evicted a few months ago.

Neither of which is really
a reason for 19 stabs.

Yes, but just look at his
stabby mug, hmm?

Blond hair, thick neck, which
suggests Cro-Magnon strength.

Just as our dear Ella guesstimated.

Ah, "dear Ella," hmm.

Where you going?

I'm just off to see this Duncan chap.

No.

We will go together like partners, okay?

Right, yes, I-I just need to
make a quick phone call first.

Oh, okay. No worries.

Private phone call, Detective.

Just give me a moment.

Yeah, sure.

You sure this is the right place?

Duncan Watts, Maze.

That's the name Lucifer gave me.

I got nothing.

Yeah, me neither.

Even if we find the blade,
it's a temporary fix.

Your mom is the problem.

She released the blade to create chaos,

and you two respond by coddling her.

Nobody's coddling her, all right?

Tell yourself whatever you want,

but you know it's true,
and it explains a lot.

Explains what?

Doesn't really matter anymore,

but, just so you know,
this whole mama's boy thing?

Kind of a turnoff.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your whole "skintight leather,

hot body everywhere" thing?

- Mm-hmm?
- It's really not that...

It's not... it's not that-that great.

Yeah, it is.

They're here.

Yeah, we should probably warn Lucifer.

Well? There's no blade.

Right, use the back way out.

Ah, Detective,

you know, after reflection,
I think you're right.

Parking space thievery
is no motive for murder.

What is going on with you?

First, you're so eager to get here,

you practically jump out of
my car before I've parked,

and now you want to leave.

What are you hiding?

Hiding? What would I be hiding?

Blood.

What?

This is Unit 831 requesting backup.

Soul Depot, 15534 Hillgreen Drive.

It's Duncan.

Oh, must've been some parking space.

Uh, Detective.

Yeah.

Seems this class took
corpse pose quite literally.

So, no sign of the murder weapon?

Uh-uh.

Are you sure?

Right. Nothing left for us to
do here then, I suppose.

Except for figuring out
how six people were killed.

I'm thinking the primary
killer was Duncan.

Killing Maddie didn't satiate his anger,

so he went after her clients
and probably got stabbed

when one of them defended themselves.

I doubt it. More likely
the weapon was passed

from one person to the next

in a game of murderous hot potato.

That's insane.

I know, right?

Totally insane and probably
exactly what happened.

I say this with huge respect for the dead,

but this case is totally gonna be a panel

at the next forensic conference.

Okay. So based on my preliminary

assessment of the wounds,

it looks like Duncan
came through the door,

attacked victim number
two with the same weapon

used to kill Maddie Howard.

But Duncan had ligature
marks on his neck,

like someone strangled him

from behind with a yoga strap.

Like... this, here.

- Oh.
- Right?

Which is when he attacked

victim number three.

But victim number three
had defensive wounds

that matched skin flecks

under the fingernails of number four,

so I'm thinking Duncan

dropped the knife...

Okay, number four picked it up, right?

Attacked number three, like this.

Right, and then at some point,

number five got involved.

And so on and so on,
until full yoga massacre.

Oh, that will be what the panel's called,

Full Yoga Massacre

- 2016.
- Very good.

Okay, so, say that all happened
like you just said it did,

which is crazy.

There are seven mats and seven bodies.

Yeah. So?

So Duncan was the pissed off landlord,

not the class attendee.

Subtract him, we're missing one yogi.

Okay, well, all of the
bodies were situated

around these six mats...
The student mats.

So that could be the
teacher's mat, maybe.

The teacher must have been here.

Get this.

Teacher training taught by

Jenson Glory himself.

I mean,

his body's not among the dead.

Could be our missing victim.

Slash attacker.

Guy's a piece of work.

Jenson Glory, his real
name is Jamie Ostrowski.

Soul Depot is the latest
in a long line of

failed fitness enterprises.

Glory has five fraud lawsuits,

two sexual harassment
claims working their way

through the court system.

Sexual harassment?

Yeah, former assistants.

Both beautiful young women,

like Maddie.

Oh, and look at the
contract that they sign

when students join Soul Depot.

"I surrender myself to Soul Depot,

body, mind and soul,

and to the only true guru
of health and serenity,

Jenson Glory." Wow.

Pretty much a cult.

Think he brainwashed his students

into a Jonestown type thing?

Kind of a stretch, right?

That a yoga pun?

No. It's an honest question.

I mean, drinking cyanide
juice is one thing,

but a bunch of people
stabbing each other?

Totally insane!

A magic blade in Los Angeles

which belongs to the Angel of Death?

Now, in the hands of a yogi shyster

who's apparently touchy-feely
in more ways than one.

Okay, can we go back

to the Angel of Death?

Is he... uh,

is he another one of your brothers?

Sister, actually.

The Angel of Death is a chick?

Yes, I sort of wish we were

back to talking in metaphors.

- That makes two of us.
- Because I do actually

have things that I'd like to
talk about, Doctor.

Oh. Oh, yes. I'm so sorry.

Yes. Please.

Right.

So, my mum asked me why I care so much

about these people dying

and I'm not sure I know.

I mean, it's not like
I know them personally,

and Maze is right...

Even without Azrael's blade,
humans are capricious.

Hell,

they're willing to trade their souls

to lose unsightly tummy fat, but...

So...

why should I feel bad?

Why should I feel responsible?

And... why

am I doing my own therapy?

Lucifer, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to digest this whole thing

myself. And, well,

there is no listing in the DSM-5
for Azrael's Blade Anxiety.

Oh.

Excuse me.

_

Ah,

the guru with the doo-doo
juju has been picked up.

So, I'm afraid that's all
we've got time for today.

Just... call me if you need to reschedule.

I wasn't even at the studio, actually.

That's not what the schedule says.

May I have a tea?

Siberian ginseng if you have it.

Well...

Hello, Richard Simmons.

Sorry I'm late.

Where's the knife?

Who is this tense man?

Okay,

back to the teacher training class.

Can you prove that you weren't there?

Of course, there's a computer system...

All of the teachers have
to swipe a key card.

Even me. Check it.

So, where were you?

Home.

I missed the last few classes, actually.

I've been... sick.

Obsessing over a new toy, more like.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about something
that's probably beckoning you

as we speak.

Whispering to you

to do terrible things.

Wretched, sinful deeds.

That... that's true...

I-I want...

Go on, tell me. Tell me what you want,

what you really, really want.

I want...

a raspberry cream cheese muffin.

And... and-and

to take this thing...

off!

- Oh, my...
- Oh.

Expecting twins, are we?

Hey, I backslid a little bit, all right?

Carbs are the Devil's spawn, man.

Don't blame your weaknesses on me.

- Huh?
- Is that why you didn't show up

to the class? Because you gained weight?

Of course. No one's gonna
find their "home self"

from a guru who looks like
he ate all the furniture.

Well, I think I'd rather be chubby

than a handsy dipstick in a corset.

That's it.

I want my lawyer now.

Well, don't eat him.

All right, listen,
we searched Glory's house,

his car, his other car...

there is no blade.

We did find a safe in the basement.

Pop-Tarts.

Which... you stole?

Ah, I figured it's a win-win.

I'm saving the evil guru from future fat,

and, you know,

Pop-Tarts.

Mr. Glory has a second home in Ventura.

If you wouldn't mind.

Okay, we'll check it out,

but...

Luci, if he's the one with the blade,

he's much more likely
to go on a killing spree

than to stash it.

Ah. Come back for
your processed pastries?

Ms. Lopez!

Well, this is a surprise.

Have you found something new?

Oh, I found something all right.

Proof of Bigfoot?

Tread on the shoes Duncan
Watts was wearing

when he was found dead.

Tread that you showed me

at your super weirdo hole in the ground.

They match, which means that this case

and your favor

are connected.

Start talkin', dude.

Do you have something to do
with these murders?

Come clean with me.

Or I can't keep this a secret anymore.

You see, that's just it.

The last person I came clean with

became a tad untethered.

Dude, I grew up in Detroit.

Look,

all I can tell you is

I'm dealing with a matter
of cosmic importance

and I ask you to indulge me
for just a little longer.

You mean have faith?

Tomato, tomahto.

Well, I guess faith isn't faith

unless it's tested.

Bring it in.

What? Oh.

- Ella.
- Detective.

Oh, um...

I was just...

uh, you see,

there's this, uh,
store that has really special...

soap.

And, you know,

but I should really get going now and...

clean stuff with the soap.

- Bye!
- Enjoy your shower.

So, um...

to what do I owe this pleasure?

Jenson's home security system
shows video of him sleeping

during the murders,
so he wasn't lying about that.

We checked the key card
system at Soul Depot,

and guess who was subbing for Jenson.

Corrina,

Maddie's co-manager.

Right, and where's Corrina now?

We checked her house, she wasn't there.

Forensics confirms that she didn't
kill anyone at Soul Depot,

so she's either running,
hiding or scared.

I put out a BOLO.

Yeah, I don't think Corrina's
the one running this time.

What?

Where are you going?

Hello?

Hello?

Anyone here yielding a deadly,
celestial blade?

Huh? Anyone?

Well, that'll be a resounding yes.

I... I don't know what happened.

I was in class and Duncan barged in.

It was horrible.

All that killing...

and the knife was on the ground.

It started calling you.

Did I do that?

Yes.

You got retribution for
a grudge, I believe.

But it wasn't an insignificant
grudge, was it?

Did he harass you like the others?

Or was it worse than that?

Years ago.

We were alone in the studio.

I-I... I said no.

I swear, but he wouldn't stop.

I-I... I tried to forget. I...

You tried to bury it deep,
get on with your life.

You might have succeeded,

if not for...

...the blade.

LAPD, hands in the air.

Move away from the body, Corinna.

- Now!
- I... I-I killed him.

I-I did this. I...

Acted in self-defense.

Mr. Glory attacked Corrina
first. She had no choice

but to wield that knife, Detective.

I think, in this case,
justice has actually been served.

Henderson, take her statement.

Come with me.

Where's the murder weapon?

What?

Unis shouldn't have bagged
it without taking photos.

They couldn't help themselves.

Anyone else feeling a murderous urge?

No? The need to slice and dice?

Anyone?

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Detective Douche... Daniel. Dan.

Why don't you put down the knife, hmm?

Bury the proverbial hatchet and all that?

I mean, I know we've had our
differences in the past, but

we're friends now, right?

You ruined my marriage.

I'll take that as a no.

My life went to hell when I met you!

Hey! Well, technically,
that's not true, but I understand

the basic metaphor.

Easy with the blade, Detective.

One deep cut, and yours truly
could be wiped from existence.

Prayers answered.

What...

Okay, Detective,

I can assure you your current
mood will be rectified

by simply putting down the knife.

My entire life imploded because of you.

- What?
- My marriage!

My job.

My snacks.

- What?
- I know you ate my pudding.

You're really going to smite me

over a tub of sweetened goo?

You're damn right I am.

Dan... Dan.

Recent friend. Growing compatriot.

Your marriage was already on the rocks.

You started cutting procedural
corners way before I arrived,

and as for your pudding...

As for your pudding, I...

Okay, yes.

I sometimes lay waste
to the precinct fridge.

But have mercy, Daniel.

How was I supposed to know it was yours?

Because it was labeled!

You're fighting the blade,
which indicates a strength

I didn't know you had.
Look at me in the eye.

Look at me.

Your marriage.

Did I ruin it?

No.

No.

We were separated before
Chloe even met you.

And your career?

Palmetto... was all me.

Yeah. Yeah.

W-What are we doing back here?

Hmm? Oh, just a nice,

intimate chat between friends.

I'm glad you got it off your chest.

Oh, man, you're bleeding.

What? Oh.

No, it's just a scratch, really.

Nothing to worry about. And you?

How are you doing?

I feel great, actually.

Good.

Good talk.

Ah! Good morning, Detective.

Everything all right?

No. Heads are gonna roll.

First, some tech pulled the murder weapon

without documentation,
and now it's just gone.

Right. Well, it's probably for the best.

Nasty bit of steel, anyway.

So, one second you're obsessed

with the knife, and now
it's just no big deal?

Well, we got the murderer,
didn't we? Job done.

You know, Lucifer...

I thought you and I had a
real moment the other day,

talking about my dad, I...

I thought we were partners,

but more importantly, friends.

Right.

Is this about me and
Ella in the penthouse?

Look, who you sleep with
is none of my business,

but...

I mean, the lab tech? Really?

- It's a little inappropriate.
- Well,

much as I love to cross
professional boundaries,

Detective, I can assure you,
everything you saw

was entirely work-related.

Mm-hmm? Is that... is that the truth?

Always the truth.

Point of pride for me, Detective.

- Gotcha.
- But you know,

if you ever did want to cross boundaries

into "partnered friends who
hang out naked..."

Okay. Stop talking.

So, global crisis averted?

Yes. For now.

So, we can...

you know, talk about Caligula, Stalin,

Trump. I mean,

I know he's not dead,
but he's definitely going.

Lucifer, I owe you an apology.

But in my defense...

...you're the Devil.

Things were much less
complicated when I thought

you were just another
average delusional patient

with a complicated family.

Well, I've never been "average," Linda.

Mentally, physically... And as you know...

Sexually.

Oh, my God.

I had sex with the Devil.

Many, many times. And you're welcome.

Okay, now, see, that I understand.

Narcissistic tendencies rooted

in a complex paternal relationship

and a disrupted adolescence.

See? Just another screwed up patient.

And you can treat me as such.

All right.

Let's do this.

The doctor is in.

Lovely.

I really do
have urgent business

to attend to. Are you certain

that this is the favor that you desire?

Because, uh, believe me,
when I say the last two times

I've darkened the doorstep of a church,

- insert blood-soaked carnage here.
- Again,

with the drama!

We solved your case, now I get my favor.

Just go with me, okay?

Look, since the moment we've met,

okay, I've had this
Spidey-sense that you were...

I don't know, searching for something.

- Right. Spiritual lost and found.
- Yes!

And I have found a lot since
I developed a relationship

with the Big Guy, and... so might you.

Trust me. We're much
closer than you think.

Well, then, no harm, no foul.

I beg to differ.

Oh.

On second thought...

What?

I should at least give someone
a reason to go to confession.

So, where will you put it, brother?

Somewhere far away from our mum,

for starters.

Mm!

And speak of the Devil's mum.

Well, that was fast.

You couldn't have waited
a day or two to find it?

There hasn't been nearly enough carnage.

Now we'll never hear from your father.

All the killing in the world

may not have gotten his attention, Mum.

Surely you've learned that by now.

Uriel was our son.

Your brother.

We should grieve together.

I don't think that's all this is about.

You want something from Him.

What is it?

What I've always wanted.

I want my family back.

I'm afraid that's not possible.

Oh, but it is.

With my two sons by my
side, a united front,

your father will be forced
to listen to reason.

Force Dad?

I think human delusion is
rubbing off on you, Mother.

Tell her.

Luci, I can't, because I agree with her.

I thought you were just Team Mum

because you couldn't
fly her back to Hell.

- Since when did you turn?
- Now,

more than ever, I know
that humanity and divinity

do not mix.

That... that blade, Luci.

That blade was the last straw.
It shouldn't be here.

We shouldn't be here.

Well,

- I am not going back to Hell.
- Oh, this isn't about

returning to Hell.

This is about Heaven.

It's about going home.

Home.

For you, maybe.

Neither of you understand, do you?

You never have.

Hell wasn't home, and Heaven was...

well... hell!

The only place I've ever felt

wanted or respected...

Is here? With humanity?

Yes. This is my home.

Deal with it, Mother.

Fine.

Fine.

No sense arguing.

Time to go.

Careful.

It's sharp.

What's that saying?

"When my dear husband closes a door,

he opens a window"?

The window just opened.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
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