All language subtitles for The.To.Do.List.2013.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY.english
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1
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,440
Thank you, Grace, for that lovely
a cappella version of the National Anthem.
2
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,404
Please welcome to the stage a student
who needs no introduction.
3
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,246
However, she did write one
for me to read to you.
4
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,411
"Today's keynote speaker
holds the highest GPA...
5
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,767
...in the history of Merriwether High...
6
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:46,050
...as president of Mathletes, Key Club
treasurer, editor of the school paper...
7
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:51,201
...as well as her own self-published
magazine
Womyn With a Y.
8
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,880
Please put your hands together...
9
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,686
...but remain seated
so those behind you can see...
10
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:02,090
...this year's Valedictorian,
Brandy Klark."
11
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,451
Go, Pancake.
12
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,289
Please be quiet.
13
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,090
Our First Lady,
Hillary Rodham Clinton, once said:
14
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:19,131
"You cannot be both young and wise."
15
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,250
I say, let's prove her wrong.
16
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,722
Get off the stage, virgin.
17
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:36,887
What a loser.
18
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,769
Thank you. That's great.
19
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,481
Nice speech, spaz. What, you have
like a death wish or something?
20
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,722
- Good chime-in.
- No, I don't have a death wish.
21
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,242
- Amber, be nice to your sister.
- Hey, Brandy. Brandy.
22
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,528
- Hey, Brandy.
- Hey, Cameron.
23
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,169
Killer speech. Really inspirational.
24
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,402
Your hair smells good.
What is it, lavender?
25
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,645
- Who is this? Who are you?
- Oh, hi. Cameron Mitchell, sir.
26
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,606
George, it's Cameron.
Brandy's science lab partner.
27
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,807
AP Chemistry partner.
28
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,007
- He is?
- Yes.
29
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,766
- Dad.
- What?
30
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,968
- It's Cameron.
- Okay.
31
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,600
- Can I talk to you for a second, please?
- Yeah.
32
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,084
So it was really rad
studying with you this year.
33
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,925
I'm so psyched that we'll be
working together at the pool.
34
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,526
- Oh, me too.
- And we're going to Georgetown together.
35
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,321
I mean, you got a full ride.
I got a partial, but whatever.
36
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,767
I think that fate
is trying to tell us something.
37
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,400
Barf. Two nerds in love.
38
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,040
Shut up.
Our relationship is strictly professional.
39
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,680
We're just friends. God, I hate you.
40
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,806
- So sorry, Cameron.
- No, that's okay.
41
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,371
You were saying.
42
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,171
I was just saying that I think that...
43
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,843
- I wanted just to give you this.
- Oh, thanks. Socks.
44
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,607
Actually, those are slippers,
and they're for your dorm room...
45
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,764
We did it.
46
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:01,887
Oh, my God.
47
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,361
- The slutty Oompa Loompas.
- Honey.
48
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,205
Can we get out of this family fuck-fest
and go to a party?
49
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,522
Hey, Judge. Hi, Mrs. Klark.
50
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,244
Hey, go fuck yourself.
51
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:20,411
Dude, you don't give the chick
you're crushing on socks.
52
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,881
- They're slippers, actually.
- Oh, whatever, man.
53
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,930
You give her girly shit,
like perfume or a scrunchie.
54
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,686
Brandy is not a girlie girl.
She's hard to read.
55
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,764
Sometimes I think she likes me.
Sometimes I think she's a robot.
56
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,481
- Oh, I knew it. She's a lesbo.
- She's not a lesbo.
57
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:40,089
Oh, shit. Just got a page. Let's jet.
58
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,084
- You don't really think she's a lesbo?
- I kind of do.
59
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,210
I have to register,
contact my dorm mate, label my clothes...
60
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,681
And see Beaches. I got it on VHS.
61
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:55,287
We have to have a special sleepover
to watch it before we leave, okay?
62
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,249
- Special sleepover?
- Yes.
63
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,880
- God, you're so weird.
- Okay, Wendy, "Watch Beaches."
64
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,690
- I'll put it on the list.
- Thank you.
65
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,804
Save money for computer.
That'll take forever. Buy shower shoes.
66
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,928
You know how much bacteria
is in communal showers?
67
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,970
- If you don't bring your own shoes...
- God, stop. Put it away.
68
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,771
Put it away. All right?
You're being a buzz kill.
69
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:17,085
Okay. Guess it can wait.
70
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,087
I am excited for the all-night
graduation party.
71
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,527
Those Mormons have some
great activities planned.
72
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,606
And I think it's the perfect alternative
to Derrick Bergwill's stupid kegger.
73
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,081
I mean, who needs alcohol
when there's a hypnotist?
74
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,801
Fiona, you missed the turn.
75
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,248
Hey, seriously,
you missed the turn. Hey.
76
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,804
What the H-E-double hockey sticks.
77
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,163
Told you she'd freak. She almost swore.
Better turn around, Fiona.
78
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,482
There is no way
I am turning this car around.
79
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,849
Pancake, I'm taking you to a real party.
80
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,288
Booyah. Class of '93, fucktards.
81
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,565
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
82
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,768
- Party foul!
- You guys suck.
83
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,161
- Dicks.
- Dicks. Hey!
84
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,288
- I'm out of here.
- Let's get our drink on.
85
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,561
Excuse me.
86
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,321
Fiona, my dad is a judge.
He'd be so disappointed.
87
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,000
You know, Brandy,
in Europe there's no drinking age.
88
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,771
Parents give their babies wine and shit.
89
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,969
Twenty-one is, like, such an
arbitrary age, because it's, like...
90
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:22,564
...you can go to war and die,
but you can't have a little drink now?
91
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,891
Look, you know I hate hypocritical laws,
but, Fiona, you are driving.
92
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,326
Okay, okay, okay.
93
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,562
- I'm throwing this out.
- No.
94
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:41,690
- Who is that?
- That is Rusty Waters.
95
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,926
We can stay.
96
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:41,080
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
97
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,642
- Yes.
- Here's to pussy.
98
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,129
Oh, God. What is that?
That's disgusting.
99
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,045
Peach schnapps. The only thing my dad
wouldn't miss from the liquor cabinet.
100
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,441
- I'm sticking to beer.
- I'll stick to schnapps.
101
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,049
- I can't feel my legs.
- You're like after-school-special drunk.
102
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,922
Beer should be a food group.
Am I right?
103
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,450
I like being on the top bunk.
104
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,961
- If you fart, I'll kill you.
- Ladies don't fart.
105
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,090
- Don't...
- Except this one.
106
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,843
- Sleep well, drunkie.
- I love you.
107
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,490
- I love you too.
- We love you.
108
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,722
- We're gonna go party now. Bye.
- I've made it to the top.
109
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,168
Guys are gone? It's all good.
110
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,449
Let's play a game. I hide, you seek.
111
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,922
Here's a hint: I'll be in bed.
112
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,367
Hey, who are you?
113
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,530
I know you are, but what am I?
114
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:11,360
Oh, I should do this more often.
Getting drunk is fun.
115
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,842
Oh, yeah? It's about to get
a whole lot funner.
116
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,528
You mean, more fun.
"Funner" is not a word.
117
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,249
You feel like Marky Mark looks.
118
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,681
Oh, yeah?
How about some good vibrations?
119
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,366
You ready for some more?
120
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,682
Yeah.
As long as you don't have oral herpes.
121
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,171
Wait.
122
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,729
- Who the fuck are you?
- Brandy Klark, Valedictorian.
123
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:58,565
Yeah, you're not who I was looking for.
124
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,924
Nice to meet you.
125
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,809
Why am I so stupid?
What was I thinking?
126
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,249
That it tastes better on the way down
than it does coming up? Jesus.
127
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,047
- Your vomit's the color of Kermit the Frog.
- Why did I say that?
128
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,010
Why didn't I just keep
kissing him back?
129
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,931
Excuse me?
Who the fuck did you kiss?
130
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,923
- Whom.
- Whom the fuck did you kiss, Brandy?
131
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,203
- Whom the fuck did you kiss, Brandy?
- Brandy.
132
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,443
- Whom the fuck did you kiss?
- Rusty Waters.
133
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,570
- What? No.
- Shut up.
134
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,441
- Are you serious?
- I've never felt that way before.
135
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,967
What, horny?
Yeah, welcome to puberty, man.
136
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,531
No.
137
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,325
Like nervous.
Like I didn't know what to do.
138
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,488
I always know what to do. Always.
139
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,803
So you're saying
that you kissed Rusty Waters...
140
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,567
...but you didn't put out?
Are you crazy?
141
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,609
- Or a lesbian.
- No.
142
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,481
I wanted to put it out.
I didn't know how.
143
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,406
What do you mean you didn't know how?
He kisses you, you just kiss him back.
144
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,130
I mean, it's not that hard.
145
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:14,080
Unless you're good at it,
and then it is hard. Do you get it?
146
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,163
- Wendy.
- I mean his dick.
147
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,882
Guys, this is serious.
148
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,203
The last time I Frenched
was with Jason Swan in ninth grade.
149
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,126
We had to end our relationship because
it interfered with student-council duties.
150
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,011
You could've gone all the way
if you didn't lose your shit.
151
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,766
Can you imagine losing your V card
to a college guy?
152
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,526
- No premature ejaculation.
- He'd hit your G spot.
153
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,889
Yeah, you'd probably come
like three times.
154
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,044
Come where?
155
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,527
- That's an orgasm.
- Really?
156
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,524
You think if I'd been ready
and wanted to and not so drunk...
157
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,206
...had protection and maybe a cute bra,
we could've...?
158
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,805
Fucked?
159
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,205
Yeah. Totally.
160
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,203
You blew, like, a major opportunity.
161
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,523
I mean, there's nothing wrong with being
a late bloomer, Pancake...
162
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,651
...but let's face it,
you're not getting any younger.
163
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,322
- I kissed his nipple.
- What?
164
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,689
I think I sucked on it.
165
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,850
- That's okay.
- But I don't know why.
166
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,081
Hey, could you get me a coffee?
167
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,560
You smell like patchouli.
168
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:46,011
Good morning. Why is Chip
shaving his legs in the bathroom?
169
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,401
Because he mountain bikes, duh.
170
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,605
- Chip spent the night, sweetheart.
- Chip did what?
171
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,243
He spent the night.
He's going off on some big fishing trip.
172
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,041
- They won't see each other all summer.
- He's following Phish, as in the band.
173
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,601
You gave Amber permission
to have a boy sleep over?
174
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,966
- He's a man.
- In her bed?
175
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,841
Not a boy, it's her fiance. Where else am
I gonna have him sleep, on the couch?
176
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,402
- Why the heck not?
- How was your little church party?
177
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,481
I wouldn't know.
Fiona and Wendy took me to a kegger.
178
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,610
I got drunk and puked my brains out.
179
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,203
You should probably ground me.
Mom, do we have ginger ale?
180
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,283
- Let me see, honey.
- Dumb-ass.
181
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,602
Are you still drunk?
Don't tell them that.
182
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,009
- Brandy tells us everything.
- Too much, if you ask me.
183
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,606
And we trust her to make
the right decisions.
184
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,411
Or, at least, learn from her mistakes.
Right, honey?
185
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,409
You need to learn how to lie.
186
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,764
She does not need to lie.
In this house, honesty is the only policy.
187
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,803
- That's right.
- There you go, honey.
188
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,440
And we think this hangover
is punishment enough.
189
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,080
You're not even grounding her?
Un-fucking-believable.
190
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,169
- Hey!
- Language.
191
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,645
Sorry I'm late. I experimented with alcohol
last night and puked on my way here.
192
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,683
I had to stop for mouth wash.
193
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,844
- My name is...
- Brandy Klark. Yeah, I remember.
194
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,211
Do you ever wear a shirt?
195
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,843
Very funny.
196
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,843
Man, last night was embarrassing.
197
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,965
You must think I'm some type
of sex maniac or something...
198
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,682
...but I promise you, next time, I will ask
before I strip down and start kissing you.
199
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,690
- Okay.
- Anyway... -...
200
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,207
...I take it you're here
for lifeguard orientation.
201
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,768
How did you know?
202
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,681
All right, then. Let's go meet the boss.
203
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,369
- This is the pool manager?
- He is sleeping.
204
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,088
Yeah, I can see that.
205
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,527
Excuse me. Sir?
206
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,364
Excuse me.
207
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,205
Hello.
208
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,531
Excuse me. Hi. Rise and shine.
209
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,244
This is... It's all happ...
It's all happening.
210
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,326
- It's a happy...
- Excuse me. I think you're dreaming.
211
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:21,485
Please stop. Stop it. Please.
212
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,251
Hi.
213
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,401
- Hi.
- I'm Brandy. Brandy Klark?
214
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,687
- It's orientation.
- She's a newbie. Cut her some slack.
215
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,724
Cut me some slack?
Correct me if I'm wrong...
216
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:45,726
...but I think we're here to work,
not hang out and get a suntan.
217
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,924
- You guys.
- Hair of the dog...
218
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,368
I can't believe you're drinking that.
Do you know what time it is?
219
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,642
No. I partied on Friday.
What day is it?
220
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,371
- It's Monday.
- Fucking A, man.
221
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,488
All right, I better get to work.
222
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,371
Have at it, newbie.
223
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,648
You expect me to clean up
all that by myself?
224
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,365
- Yes.
- I can help you.
225
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,807
No, you won't.
226
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,649
I was thinking the colors for the wedding,
burnt sienna and turquoise.
227
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,962
- Do they have burnt sienna flowers?
- I don't know.
228
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,805
- Hi, sweetie. Dinner is waiting.
- Hi.
229
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,644
- Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, sweetie.
230
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,167
- Good evening.
- How was lifeguard orientation?
231
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,406
Humiliating.
232
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,328
My burn-out boss
decided to make fun of me...
233
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,165
...in front of this
incredibly hot college guy.
234
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,405
Shocker.
235
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,322
Mom, when exactly
did you lose your virginity?
236
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,960
On our wedding night.
Pass the potatoes, please.
237
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,851
- George.
- The potatoes, Jean. Please?
238
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,002
- Oh, honestly.
- Thank you.
239
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,330
- Way to go, dumb-ass.
- Shut the front door, Amber.
240
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,171
- Shut the back door, Brandy.
- Not the back door.
241
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,765
- Not the back door.
- What?
242
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,730
There's doors we don't do.
The back door's one of them.
243
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,247
It's the'90s.
You'll have to get with the times.
244
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,529
- Fine, we can get call waiting.
- I'm not talking about call waiting.
245
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,081
I'm talking about Brandy.
246
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:34,131
She's clearly curious about sex.
I think I should talk to her.
247
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,170
No. No talk.
Your talks do more harm than good.
248
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,291
What's that supposed to mean?
249
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,489
It means, you had a talk with Amber
and look how that turned out.
250
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,842
You put her on the pill
when she was 15...
251
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,288
...and she's been dating,
pardon my French, jerks ever since.
252
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,724
- And now she's gonna marry one.
- You can't blame Chip on me.
253
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,202
Anyway, what do you expect, Brandy's
gonna wait till her wedding night?
254
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,722
It worked for you.
255
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,965
Let's see.
I lost my virginity when I was 15.
256
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,731
- Fifteen?
- No, actually 14, with Francois.
257
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,567
Our exchange student?
But he was so rude.
258
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:17,851
He always played his stereo too loud.
He never let me in his roo... Touche.
259
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,766
He had a big dick. Yeah, Francois,
you know, sex wasn't that bad...
260
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,922
...but it didn't get good
until sophomore year.
261
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,163
College, okay, that makes sense.
You're more mature...
262
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:31,769
High school. By then, the guys had cars.
We would park at Beaver Creek.
263
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,890
Do people still do that,
go to Beaver Creek to fuck?
264
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,084
- How would I know?
- Oh, shit, right. Virgin.
265
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,288
Man, it feels good to finally be smarter
at something than my kid sister.
266
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,606
Loser. Seriously, you wanna pop
that cherry before you get to college.
267
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,125
Before? Why?
268
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,841
Okay, how can I put this in terms
a Mathlete understands?
269
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,045
- Yes, in terms a Mathlete understands.
- I'm fucking trying, okay?
270
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:01,570
Freshman year is like
one big sexual pop quiz.
271
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,888
- You need to do your homework.
- Homework?
272
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:08,921
Yeah. God, it's crazy, freshman year.
I fucked my R.A. the first week.
273
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,647
- Wonder what she's up to.
- It was a girl?
274
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,165
Yeah.
275
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,122
Oh, my God,
I have a lot of work to do.
276
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,442
Let's do this.
277
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,969
Okay, Amber...
278
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,884
...let's see what you got.
279
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,242
Titty... F-word.
280
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,160
"Motorboating."
281
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,325
Uncle Andy has a boat.
That should be easy.
282
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:03,527
"Teabagging." Must be British.
283
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,044
"Shocker: One who shocks."
284
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:17,807
Maybe it's some kind of surprise.
"Hand job, blowjob, rim job."
285
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,607
Why so many jobs?
What's a rim job anyway?
286
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,529
Come on, rim job. Not listed.
287
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,041
Guess I will have to ask
the librarian on that one.
288
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:38,410
And finally, sexual intercourse...
289
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,450
...with Rusty Waters.
290
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,565
Well, let's get to work, vagina.
291
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,891
Here you go.
Have a good day. Bye-bye.
292
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,209
Hello. Welcome to Big Bun.
May I help you?
293
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,364
I decided to lose my virginity
to Rusty Waters.
294
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,404
- You want fries with that?
- No.
295
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,887
- "Finger-banged, sixty-nine"?
- "Titty fuck, blowjob."
296
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,886
- I had no idea that you could be so...
- Sophisticated?
297
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:22,728
Slutty. There are things on this list
that I haven't even done, Brandy.
298
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,524
This is awesome.
299
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,684
So you're gonna scam on other guys
and then hook up with Rusty?
300
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,128
No offense, but how? You said yourself
he's out of your league.
301
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,203
- I never said that.
- I did.
302
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,761
Okay, yes, he's out of my league now...
303
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,447
...but not once I learn
how to pearl-necklace him.
304
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,691
- Actually sounds really elegant.
- It's not.
305
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:52,280
Anywho, I'm witty, engaging,
smart, well-read.
306
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,603
Once I add "sexually experienced"
to the package, he'll want me.
307
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,967
Plus, you're an untouched virgin.
308
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,566
Yeah. What guy's gonna say no
to a virgin, right?
309
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,200
Thank you.
That's just the encouragement I need.
310
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:10,600
Let us swim! Let us swim!
Let us swim! Let us swim!
311
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,166
Cameron. Cameron.
312
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,406
- What was that about?
- Pool rats.
313
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,927
Get here at dawn,
don't leave till September.
314
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,130
We're cheap daycare
for the neighborhood rats.
315
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:39,611
- I'm sure it's not that bad.
- Just you wait, newbie.
316
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:47,760
Let us swim! Let us swim! Let us swim!
317
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,008
Hey. guys, get Off the...
318
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,961
- See you later, sucker.
- Loser
319
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,811
Tried to warn you, newbie.
320
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:41,083
- What the truck, Willy?
- Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch.
321
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:46,086
Know what? That's enough. Settle down,
give her a chance to catch her breath.
322
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,687
Hey, come here. You all right?
323
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,243
Come on.
324
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,405
- Now you okay?
- I am now.
325
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,761
Good.
326
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,087
Just a little hazing, newbie.
You're good.
327
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,481
Can't believe
you didn't see that coming.
328
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,440
Hey, guys,
put those noodles down. Hey.
329
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,930
Who did that, the bubbles in the whistle?
I haven't seen that in years. That's funny.
330
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,251
Mayonnaise? In my sunscreen bottle?
Come on, guys, I'm not that pale.
331
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,930
You are a true doofus.
332
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,929
She's so stupid.
333
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:38,443
Poop! Poop! Poop! poop!
Poop! Poop!
334
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,642
Newbie, poo patrol.
335
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:47,681
Very funny.
How very Caddyshack of you.
336
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,645
- What did she mean by Caddyshack?
- Don't know.
337
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,121
It's not poop. It's not poop.
I'm getting hazed.
338
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,288
You know what that means?
339
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,488
What is it, you guys, Baby Ruth?
340
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,960
Snickers? It's very convincing, Willy.
I'm impressed.
341
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:08,245
- Oh, no. She's not gonna...
- Dude, she's gonna.
342
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:23,447
Get out of my way!
343
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,171
Oh, my God.
I've never seen that before.
344
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,290
That's not even on
Faces of Death
or any of that shit.
345
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:33,841
Shut up!
346
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,324
I fucking like this girl.
That was awesome, newbie.
347
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,490
Both the boys and girls
locker rooms are clean, okay?
348
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,529
It's not really fair
you made me do both.
349
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,809
- Yeah, well, life's not fair, newbie.
- You got that right.
350
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,605
No!
351
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,206
- Brandy, help...
- Not falling for it.
352
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,851
- You really don't know how to swim?
- I hate the water.
353
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,890
- What's wrong with you?
- Don't tell anybody. I'll lose my job.
354
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,731
You should lose your job.
That is so irresponsible.
355
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,168
- I'm gonna call the Parks Department.
- Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey.
356
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,403
Brandy? Let's not tell anybody.
Let's pretend it didn't happen.
357
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,850
You want me to lie?
My dad is a judge.
358
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,846
Shit, shit, shit. Look, I'll learn, okay?
I'll learn how to swim.
359
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,002
You know what?
Hey, you can teach me.
360
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,050
Seems like something you'd be into.
You're bossy and stuff.
361
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,363
You like to order people around.
Come on, okay? Please?
362
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,443
I can't lose my job, please.
363
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,287
Fine, but I charge $6.25 an hour, cash.
364
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,647
- Shit.
- And no more hazing.
365
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:07,089
Okay, no more hazing, $6.25 an hour.
Hey, Brandy. Hey, deal.
366
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,443
Deal.
367
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,842
- Okay, that's it, that's it. That's it.
- Hey, come on.
368
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,089
Hey. You're still gonna teach me
how to swim, right?
369
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:21,040
Brand? Where's your towel?
I need to dry off.
370
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,725
Okay, Pancake,
you made that list like a week ago.
371
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,690
When are you gonna grow a pair
and do something on it?
372
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,207
Lay off, Fiona.
Some people are just slow learners.
373
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:39,564
I'm not a slow learner. I got a five
on my advanced-placement tests.
374
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,324
Oh, right.
375
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:45,326
And it just so happens,
I plan on getting...
376
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,882
...finger-banged tonight.
377
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,766
- I think it's finger-blasted.
- No, it's finger-bombed, bitches.
378
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:56,642
Okay, well, whatever it is,
I'm going to do it tonight.
379
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,084
All right.
380
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,960
Just how exactly
do you know when to do it?
381
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,726
- You'll be like wet and stuff.
- You'll be wet and stuff.
382
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,326
Make sure to tell the guy
how wet you are. They love that.
383
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,448
The guy's gonna be doing
most of the work.
384
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,642
Yeah, but most guys suck at it.
385
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,689
When Ross Peterson
tried to finger me...
386
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,683
...it was like he was digging
for loose change.
387
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,002
Like dimes between couch cushions.
388
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,688
Sounds terrible.
389
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,443
What's up, my bitches?
390
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,324
What happened to your fingers?
391
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,451
Burnt the shit out of them lighting off
some cherry bombs. It's gnarly, right?
392
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,286
Hey. Get in here.
393
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,365
Get it together, Klark.
394
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:45,241
Women get fingered every day.
It's not that big of a deal.
395
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,528
Come on.
396
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,120
What? You want some?
397
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:07,731
Yeah, I want some.
398
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:14,889
I'm such a goof.
399
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,960
All over my shirt.
400
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,081
Sorry.
401
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,402
- Did you just double wash?
- Yeah.
402
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,928
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What? What?
403
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,285
- Oh, my God, do I have beer breath?
- No.
404
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,010
Just let me kiss you back.
405
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:53,925
Right.
406
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,767
Yeah, I knew that.
407
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,840
Sorry.
408
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,489
I'm winning.
409
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,405
Do you think
I should try and scam with Duffy?
410
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,608
No. Stop.
411
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,609
It's just the wine coolers talking,
man. You can't hold your liquor.
412
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,487
But we have so much history.
413
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:39,281
You guys dated for like a week
in the eighth grade.
414
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:44,446
I know, but I think
I just never stopped loving him.
415
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,080
- Sega's my shit.
- I like your shirt.
416
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,086
I love hypercolor on you. So cool.
417
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,849
I'm so wet. Touch me.
418
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,363
I said I'm wet. Finger me already.
419
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,844
I will. Is it shorts or a skirt?
420
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,204
Neither, they're skorts.
421
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,206
Over or under?
422
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,329
- Under.
- You sure?
423
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,811
Yes.
424
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,687
But I'm definitely not
calling it a "blast."
425
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,851
Let's call it a "finger bomb,"
emphasis on the "bomb."
426
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,047
Well, how did it feel?
427
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:54,883
Kind of like an itch you can't scratch.
428
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:05,361
- Look, "How to find your G spot."
- Hey, can I see that? Give it.
429
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,569
Can you watch the pool for a minute?
430
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,367
- Do you guys masturbate?
- No.
431
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,648
- What?
- That's gross.
432
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,081
Really? You've never
touched yourself down there?
433
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:20,962
- Well, maybe I straddled the couch.
- Only when I can't sleep.
434
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:26,841
It says here that women should "flick
the bean" as much as the guys do.
435
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,047
"Forty percent of women
never climax during sex...
436
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,124
...because the guy can't find their
G spot." This is a travesty.
437
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,969
Ladies, we must take charge
of our own sexual gratification.
438
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,881
- What the...?
- Get away from me. Get away, perv.
439
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,846
- He put his finger up my ass.
- I have to put "masturbate" on the list now.
440
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,802
I'm not a quitter. I am not a quitter.
441
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,770
Come on, Klark. Come on.
442
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,441
- UVA protection.
- That's right.
443
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,602
- UVP protection.
- Yes.
444
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,888
- Hypoallergenic.
- It better be.
445
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,042
- Waterproof.
- Oh, God.
446
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,089
- Non-greasy formula.
- Yes.
447
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:36,844
Soothing aloe vera.
448
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:41,403
Yes! Aloe vera!
Yeah! Aloe vera! Yes!
449
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,766
- Privacy, please.
- Phone call, ass wipe.
450
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,048
Make it quick.
Chip's calling from Vegas.
451
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:56,683
- What, between lap dances?
- Phish is playing a show there.
452
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,810
- Were you humping a pillow?
- None of your business.
453
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,209
Loser
454
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,807
Please be Rusty. Please be Rusty.
Please be Rusty.
455
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,364
- This is Brandy.
- Hey, Brandy, it's Cameron.
456
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,000
Oh, hi, Cameron.
I can't really talk right now.
457
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,846
My stupid sister is expecting
a phone call from her idiot boyfriend.
458
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,725
- Fiance'.
- Correction, fiancé.
459
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,167
- Get off the line, Amber.
- Eat me.
460
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,530
- Hurry up, Cameron.
- I was wondering if Brandy wanted to...
461
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,480
I mean, if you, Brandy,
wanted to go out on a date.
462
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,569
- Sure. Why not?
- Why not?
463
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:44,200
- What kind of shit answer is that?
- Be quiet, Amber.
464
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,328
Don't you have a dick to suck
or something?
465
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,166
- Several. Unlike you, fucktard.
- Cluck you, Amber.
466
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,244
Cluck? Say "fuck," you loser.
Get... No!
467
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,209
- Don't touch me.
- Let go!
468
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,089
Mom!
469
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,244
Shut up...!
470
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,048
Dude, what did she say?
471
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,129
Wait. Why we doing the dance?
Why we doing the dance?
472
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,362
What happened?
The Cam-Cam dancing?
473
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,126
She said yes.
Well, technically, she said "why not."
474
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:23,291
But you know what, I asked her out on a
date, she said yes and it's a "date" date.
475
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,728
It's a motherfucking "date" date.
You're doing the "date-date" date!
476
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,686
Gonna get his dick all wet.
477
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,366
- What am I gonna wear?
- Not that.
478
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,206
- Why? It's just Cameron.
- It doesn't matter, Pancake, who it is.
479
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,601
You can't keep dressing
like Tracey Gold.
480
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,168
- Do you wanna borrow my new vest?
- Maybe.
481
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,561
No. No. Look.
482
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,084
I rummaged...
483
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,928
...through my aunt's closet...
484
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,169
...and she's a divorcée,
so she's really lonely.
485
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,608
But she dresses like she's 20,
even though she's 30.
486
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:58,886
Look, right?
487
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,807
- I like that.
- Feel it. It's like half-silk.
488
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:07,806
- So, what are you guys gonna do?
- I was thinking dry hump.
489
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:12,401
Oh, God, no.
She meant, where you guys gonna go?
490
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,961
Oh, we're going to the movies.
491
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,605
Forget dry hump.
492
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,923
- Hand job.
- All the way.
493
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,323
Hold on till I absorb some heat.
494
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,529
Some added tang
might please you too.
495
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:29,769
I'll slide into an oven-fresh bun...
496
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,003
...and I'm ready for your eating fun.
497
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,562
Why don't you try
a juicy-good hot dog?
498
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,728
Delicious.
499
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,366
- What are you doing?
- What do you think I'm doing?
500
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,851
Smoking is not permitted
in this auditorium.
501
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:58,807
My bad.
502
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,888
- How am I doing?
- You're doing really good.
503
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,203
I thought so. I felt some pre-cum.
504
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,330
I was worried I was gonna
have to spit on my hand...
505
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,086
...but you seem to be progressing
quite nicely.
506
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:17,806
No gum-chewing.
No necking and no talking.
507
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,566
Why'd you stop? What?
508
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:26,167
Excuse me.
509
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,931
Chip, you're in deep shit.
It's been two weeks.
510
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,970
- Is Mom home? It's a medical emergency.
- No. Bye.
511
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:50,361
- Wait.
- What?
512
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,683
I need your expertise.
513
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,090
I'm listening.
514
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,000
Okay.
515
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,250
- So I'm giving a guy a hand job...
- Now? Gross. Get off the phone.
516
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,761
No, not "now" now.
He's in the theater.
517
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,082
You left him?
You're gonna give him blue balls.
518
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,203
You'll make him sterile. Finish him off.
519
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,364
Ship. But I don't know how.
520
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,842
There's a weird extra skin.
Doesn't look like it did in health class.
521
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,601
What? He's not circumcised?
What are his parents, like hippies?
522
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,003
- I don't know. Will you just help me?
- All right. Calm down.
523
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,811
This is what you do
with the pig in the blanket.
524
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,602
Everything okay?
Did I do something wrong?
525
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,047
- No.
- Are you sure?
526
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,649
Is that butter?
527
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,809
Do something.
528
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,003
- Do you want me to touch you?
- No.
529
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:12,001
I paid $5 for this. Okay?
They're ruining it.
530
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,682
I love you.
531
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,283
Sorry.
532
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,523
Oh, my God.
533
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,291
MY, oh, my.
534
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,086
- Make sure you get more SnackWells.
- I got it, honey. Number one on the list.
535
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,129
- Good morning.
- Hi, honey.
536
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:46,285
Amber. Mother.
Why are some men not circumcised?
537
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,363
Oh, come on. It's 9 a.m.
538
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,683
I think the better question is,
why are men circumcised at all?
539
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:57,525
Now see, most boys become circumcised
at birth, right when they're newborn.
540
00:40:57,720 --> 00:40:59,848
Some parents do it
for religious reasons...
541
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,970
...others do it because they feel
it's more hygienic.
542
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:08,411
But the uncircumcised penis, see that?
See that turtle neck there?
543
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,688
- Mom. I'm eating.
- You should see this too.
544
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,411
You're getting married. That cow neck...
545
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:18,566
- There?
- That is very, very sensitive.
546
00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:20,449
And now if you remove that...
547
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,649
...then you're actually reducing
a man's sexual pleasure.
548
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,250
- That's terrible.
- Isn't that awful?
549
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,402
- Does it hurt?
- That's a good question.
550
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,484
- What's a good question?
- Did it hurt when you got circumcised?
551
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,007
- I'm late for work.
- No coffee?
552
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:35,367
Bye, Daddy.
553
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,407
Hey, let me get that for you.
554
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:43,765
Thanks.
555
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,044
It's the least I can do. Watch your step.
You look fantastic.
556
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,841
Miss Chardine. You little minx.
Come here, you. Let me take that.
557
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,923
- Thanks.
- Someone's using her Ab Roller.
558
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,209
Let me tell you something, ladies.
Men have a one-track mind.
559
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,011
Flash a little skin
and they're like putty in your...
560
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,601
Like you're a car.
I'm gonna fill you up with oil...
561
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,524
...or put it all over your body.
562
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:05,761
No, Willy, I got this.
563
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,443
This Will do.
564
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,088
- New suit?
- What, this old thing?
565
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,445
No cuts.
566
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:07,123
- Ready to rotate?
- Sure.
567
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,521
Might wanna put your top
back on first, though.
568
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:12,764
Oh, my God.
569
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:19,530
Well, if it isn't the president
of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
570
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:21,921
Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
571
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,202
You guys, give it back.
572
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,727
I'm the president
of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
573
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,043
- You guys, give it back now.
- You look like a little boy.
574
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,045
Oh, my God.
I have bigger boobs than you.
575
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,167
Bet you didn't see that one coming.
576
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:48,449
Women in Europe go topless
all the time. So deal with it.
577
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,371
- But they have boobs.
- Big deal.
578
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,287
What, Jenna, your kids
never seen tits before? What?
579
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:02,923
- That chick is crazy.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
580
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,128
I like it.
581
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,204
What do you mean, you like it?
582
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,522
Dad, guess what.
583
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,243
Good, that's it. There you go.
584
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,050
Just blow little bubbles.
585
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,605
Little itty bitty bubbles?
586
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,927
- Fine.
- I can't swim. You're killing me.
587
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,527
- I can't swim.
- You're in four feet of water.
588
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,728
God, you're such a jerk.
589
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,603
You're right, I'm a jerk.
590
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,003
You still have no tits.
591
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:49,765
- Relax.
- Okay.
592
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,207
If you keep tensing up,
you're gonna sink.
593
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:53,961
Hey, look at that.
594
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,280
Hey. Hey, I'm floating.
595
00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:09,004
- It's weird, huh?
- Yeah.
596
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,162
It's like the minute
you give up control...
597
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,130
...you just know what to do
without doing anything.
598
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,804
Thought about
taking your own advice?
599
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,371
What's that supposed to mean?
600
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,000
Well, don't take this the wrong way,
but, you know...
601
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:25,243
...sometimes you can be super bossy...
602
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,882
...and totally annoying
and, you know, kind of a bitch.
603
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,011
You should take it down a notch. Or 12.
604
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:37,929
I'm sorry.
605
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,844
- I don't mean to come off that way.
- See, that was really good.
606
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:46,847
It's, like, you were sad and I started
to feel bad for you. Are you crying?
607
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:50,322
No. God, you just called me a bitch.
608
00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:52,848
See, now you're starting
to bum me out again.
609
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,527
Yo, butt munch.
You want that ride or not? Let's go.
610
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,001
Coming, Amber.
611
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,527
Willy, this is Amber, my sister.
Amber, Willy, my boss.
612
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:07,526
Hey. Amber Klark. No way.
613
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:11,164
I was a senior
when you were a freshman.
614
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:13,842
I thought you were the custodian.
615
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,487
Everybody thought I was the custodian.
So you guys are sisters?
616
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,165
You two are nothing alike.
617
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:21,209
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
618
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,681
- I'm gonna get my stuff.
- Hurry up, fucktard.
619
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,360
- I don't wanna miss Home Improvement.
- Shut up, Amber.
620
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,081
- You shut up.
- Home Improvement. Hey.
621
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,360
- Howdy, neighbor.
- I'm not your neighbor.
622
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,211
I was doing Wilson,
the neighbor in Home Improvement.
623
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,604
- Whatever.
- Could you give me a towel?
624
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:40,841
No.
625
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,322
I've been wanting to have this
conversation with you for a long time...
626
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,484
...but I wasn't sure if you were
mature enough to handle it.
627
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:52,130
I lost my virginity when I was 17...
628
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,328
...with Tucker Brooks.
629
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,929
- You mean, I wasn't your first?
- No.
630
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,402
- Was I your second?
- No. We met junior year in college.
631
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,642
- Don't be silly.
- So where did...?
632
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,922
Where did you
and Tucker Brooks do it?
633
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:09,923
In the vagina,
but that's not important.
634
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,651
No, I meant as in a location.
635
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,562
I assume the vagina.
636
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,767
- Beaver Creek.
- Like in the back seat of a car?
637
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,607
- Mostly.
- I never went to Beaver Creek.
638
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:26,127
- You didn't?
- No, I told you.
639
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,608
- My first time was with you.
- But you were so good.
640
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,843
Thanks. I read Penthouse.
641
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,327
Why didn't I think of that?
642
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:52,881
Look at the afro on this snatch.
It's the biggest thing I've ever seen.
643
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,449
Did they not have Nair in the '70s?
Why are their boobs so small?
644
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,802
- Because they're real?
- Weird.
645
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,130
It's the worst feeling.
It's like a tiny boxer is, like...
646
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:08,402
...boom, one nut, two nut, three...
Just pounding away at your nuts.
647
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,927
What do you think
they're talking about?
648
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:15,044
I don't know. Stupid stuff.
Probably about their periods.
649
00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:17,971
How much they like chocolate.
Anyway, blue balls is real.
650
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,162
Somebody should do something.
651
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,331
You guys, Rusty just looked at me...
652
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,327
...and then whispered
something to Derrick.
653
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,847
What do you think
they're talking about?
654
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:31,486
Hey-
655
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,007
- You wanna keep it?
- You want your snorkel back?
656
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,482
- Find out what Rusty's talking about.
- Find out what they're talking about.
657
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,331
- Be secretive, and come back and tell us.
- Done.
658
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:42,841
- Pronto.
- Fine.
659
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,405
So, Pancake, are you ready
to knock "blowjob" off that list?
660
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:50,889
I think so.
661
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,681
- There's some really good articles in here.
- I'm not reading.
662
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,011
You should check out page 47.
663
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,522
It says that if a guy
drinks pineapple juice...
664
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,610
...his semen will taste sweet.
Isn't that weird?
665
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,888
I'm playing a set at the Koffee Klatch
this Saturday. You should come.
666
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,601
I know it's not a big venue
like the Moose or anything...
667
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:16,006
...but a gig's a gig.
668
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:19,050
- Did you highlight this?
- Brandy, you can't swallow.
669
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,806
- Why?
- Do you know how many calories jizz has?
670
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,368
You must get so much pussy
with that guitar.
671
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,323
Totally.
Why else would I play this thing?
672
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,242
Rusty's playing Cats
at the Moose on Saturday.
673
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:35,890
Cats?
674
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,808
I love that musical.
675
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,651
If you drink pineapple juice,
she'll give you a blowjob.
676
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,401
You guys want me to get you
some pineapple juice?
677
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,207
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes. Yes, that'd be nice.
678
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,364
- We have to go to that show.
- Hey, Brandy.
679
00:49:58,520 --> 00:49:59,760
Hey, Cameron.
680
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,924
So I would love
to take you out this weekend.
681
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:04,605
Sleepless in Seattle 'vs playing.
682
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,764
I don't know about you,
but I love anything with Meg Ryan.
683
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,685
Yeah, it sure would suck to miss that.
684
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,320
- See you later, Pancake.
- Bye, guys.
685
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,608
So I'll pick you up at 8?
686
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:19,920
Laundry delivery.
687
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:21,201
Whatever.
688
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,964
Don't worry,
I washed your Wonderbras on delicate.
689
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:29,761
I wasn't sure how to fold your G-strings.
There's not much to them, huh?
690
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,928
That's the point.
691
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:38,566
Right. Your lotion smells really nice.
What is that, vanilla?
692
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:42,446
Strawberries and cream.
Why are you being nice?
693
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,723
I know how stressed out you are,
planning a wedding and everything.
694
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,680
I just thought I should help out
my big sis.
695
00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:53,564
God, you know what? It is stressful.
696
00:50:53,720 --> 00:50:56,963
You've no idea how hard it is
trying to find a hot wedding dress.
697
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:01,284
- Everything is ankle length.
- I know, right?
698
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,968
So, what are your plans
for after this summer?
699
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,403
- I'm marrying Chippy.
- I mean for work, Amber.
700
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,086
You didn't go to college
for your MRS degree.
701
00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:12,890
Planning a wedding is a job.
702
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,771
Besides, after we're married,
Chippy will take care of me.
703
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:19,561
Amber, a woman needs a man
like a fish needs a bicycle.
704
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,411
You can support yourself.
You don't need a man to do that.
705
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:30,769
- Those things really work.
- And that's why I don't have to.
706
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,006
Yeah. Like that.
707
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,291
I don't understand
why this band is still playing.
708
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,125
Rusty should be up.
709
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,009
I'm gonna find out what's going on.
710
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:52,400
- Okay.
- Cool.
711
00:51:58,360 --> 00:51:59,407
Excuse me.
712
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,729
Excuse me. Hi.
713
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,645
I know you're singing,
but I don't know who else to ask.
714
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:11,043
Do you know if Rusty Waters'
Acoustic Experience is on next?
715
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:15,485
Just nod your head yes.
Are they on after you?
716
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,403
- Was that a yes?
- Get up here.
717
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:34,723
Oh, my God, Fiona.
Oh, my God. Look over there.
718
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,641
No fucking way!
719
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,328
Oh, my God. Who are you?
720
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:48,246
Hi.
721
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:13,249
Thanks, Boise. Clinton sucks.
Perot in '96.
722
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,290
Free Tibet, if you're not too busy.
723
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:21,401
And also thank you for the opportunity
for having me dance.
724
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,761
- Good evening, Miss Klark. Judge.
- Hi.
725
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,002
- Who are you?
- George, this is Cameron...
726
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,003
...Brandy's study buddy.
727
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,083
- Hi.
- So is Brandy ready?
728
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,726
I'm sorry,
I think there might be some mistake.
729
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:43,930
Classic. Nerd got stood up.
I guess nice guys do come in last.
730
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,645
- You can say that again.
- George, will you give it a rest?
731
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:50,484
That was 20 years ago.
732
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:56,530
- So she's not here?
- Oh, jeez, Kirk, come on in.
733
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,091
- Cameron.
- It's Cameron.
734
00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:00,004
Who's Cameron?
735
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:05,724
I'm sure Brandy will be back soon.
Just make yourself at home.
736
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,571
"French kiss, make out...
737
00:54:43,720 --> 00:54:46,929
...finger bomb, no skorts...
738
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:49,364
...hand job Cameron."
739
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:56,728
What the hell?
740
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:03,370
Drink up, boys, and follow me.
741
00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:21,041
Why'd they buy us
pineapple juice?
742
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,089
I think they're Mormons, bro.
743
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:25,523
Look at me, guys.
744
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:31,251
You might be right.
745
00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:35,970
Bass has four strings, guitar has six.
746
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,727
- The bass covers the lower end of the...
- Okay, shut up.
747
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,769
I'm sorry. I just feel so bad for him.
748
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,642
So wet in here.
749
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,248
Are you gonna come in?
750
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:27,004
Can't. Dyed my hair this morning.
Can't get it wet for 48 hours.
751
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:32,642
Well, that's a shame...
752
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:38,048
...because a hot shower
sounds really nice right about now.
753
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,804
If you ask me.
754
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,011
Oh, senorita, you are so amorous.
755
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:51,644
Your energy is just electric, you know?
756
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:55,561
Life on the road
is so treacherous, you know?
757
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,286
Never would've thought
touring the Pacific Northwest...
758
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,090
...would be so harrowing...
759
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:02,402
Are you gonna talk
the whole time I blow you?
760
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:06,491
I'm trying to figure this out.
I think I have to breathe through my nose.
761
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,328
- Apologies.
- Thank you.
762
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:13,849
I'm a musical wordsmith, honey.
Lamenting is what I do.
763
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,850
And telling the troubadour's tale
is what I do best...
764
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,206
Showers.
765
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:46,846
What the fuck?
766
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,046
Brandy. Who's this guy?
767
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,242
Brandy, answer me.
What are you doing here?
768
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:00,724
Open your mouth and answer me.
769
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,562
Did it taste like pineapple juice?
770
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:10,645
Shut up. Just shut up. I...
You two just stay apart.
771
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,922
You guys over there,
you guys over here.
772
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,569
Dude, these are like little girls, all right?
What were you thinking?
773
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:21,766
Brandy, you're being totally,
totally irresponsible, okay?
774
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:33,603
That's some good shit, man.
Her dad is a judge...
775
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,444
- ...dude.
- What?
776
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,602
This one, her dad's a judge.
777
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:41,845
A judge?
Who do you think you are, Lolita?
778
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:47,201
I mean, you lured me in,
you sought me out...
779
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:50,364
...and then you lie to me?
What's that about?
780
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,367
Oh, that's good.
781
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,410
- I think I just wrote a song.
- To the van.
782
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:58,766
All right.
783
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:04,121
- That was cool.
- Bye. Love your music.
784
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,121
There's a gate right there.
I don't know why you...
785
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:08,964
All right.
786
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,122
Hey, hey, hey. Girls, I'm not done.
These guys are 10 years older than you.
787
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:15,641
- What are you doing?
- Oh, my God.
788
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,810
Willy, do you live here?
Are you homeless?
789
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:23,602
Yes, I'm a homeless American. Stop it.
I shouldn't be seeing you guys like this.
790
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,809
Brandy, what are you thinking?
791
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:29,241
What would've happened tonight
if I wasn't here?
792
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,004
I think I would've swallowed.
793
00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:37,007
- I'm serious.
- I just got that, and that's not funny.
794
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:40,010
- It's not funny at all, okay?
- Come on, Willy.
795
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,646
Let's see how funny it is
when I call your folks.
796
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,484
- No.
- Okay? Hey. hey.
797
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:48,401
You guys should be at home in bed,
in flannel pajamas...
798
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:51,331
...not floundering around
in your underwear...
799
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:53,682
I don't know your number.
I don't know who I called.
800
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:07,208
- What a night.
- You can say that again.
801
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:11,770
- What are you doing here?
- We had a date.
802
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:16,082
Or were you so busy with your stupid
scam list that you forgot all about it?
803
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,201
Cameron, that's private.
Give that back to me.
804
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,282
Cameron. That's private. Give it back.
805
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:28,048
- You cheat on me?
- No. Cheat? We're not even together.
806
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:30,806
We're not together because
I'm breaking up with you.
807
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,406
You can't break up with me,
we were never going out.
808
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:38,168
Brandy, you gave me a hand job.
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
809
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:39,681
No, it's a hand job.
810
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:47,409
- I told you that I love you.
- You meant that?
811
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:54,610
Brandy, how could you do this to me?
812
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:58,560
I work with you, I study with you,
I fingered you.
813
01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:02,327
At any point you could've told me
that you were just using me.
814
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,768
I wonder if I'll ever be able to enjoy
a hand job again.
815
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:09,367
Cameron, don't say that.
816
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,605
I'm probably gonna have
erectile dysfunction.
817
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:14,808
Camster.
818
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:18,726
- It was just a misunderstanding.
- Don't touch me.
819
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:22,923
I hope you get AIDS.
820
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,089
Cameron!
821
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,771
Welcome to Big Bun.
Can I take your order?
822
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,084
Cameron wants me to die of AIDS.
823
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:43,448
And can I get a milkshake?
824
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:47,529
- Come on, we're waiting here.
- Shit. All right, man.
825
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:51,247
I cannot believe he is letting a hand job
come between our friendship.
826
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,482
He should be happy
that you jerked him off.
827
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:56,041
- Especially with his condition.
- Yeah.
828
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:59,249
I didn't know he "like" liked me.
How am I supposed to know?
829
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,488
I'm not a mind reader. I'm not a gypsy.
830
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:05,122
- Do you, like, "like" like him back?
- I don't know.
831
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:09,331
It's Cameron.
I don't think about him like that.
832
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:12,322
But, you guys, he was...
833
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:15,169
"prying-
834
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:19,002
- I think I really hurt him.
- Dude, he's just being a little baby.
835
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:21,731
Guys mess around
and girls just have to put up with it?
836
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:23,490
- Yeah.
- It's bullshit.
837
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:25,483
When I sprained my ankle
in gym class...
838
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:28,086
...Duffy square danced
with, like, three other girls.
839
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,083
- He did not.
- I had to sit and watch.
840
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:34,006
Oh, my God. You broke up
three years ago. Get over it.
841
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,162
It still hurts, Fiona.
842
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:40,649
It's like Gloria Steinem says,
"You're either the virgin or the whore."
843
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:41,847
Well, you know what?
844
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,322
One of those sounds
a lot funner than the other one.
845
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,369
Yeah. The whore.
846
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,205
Maybe this whole scam-list thing
was a stupid idea.
847
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:53,762
No, you can't give up now.
You worked too hard to get to this point.
848
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,810
- You can't back out now.
- Think about all you've accomplished.
849
01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:59,002
You've gotten more action
this last month...
850
01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:01,970
- ...than your entire high school career.
- That's true.
851
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,044
You're right.
852
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:09,880
I deserve to get fucked by Rusty.
853
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:11,883
She made a scam list?
854
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:17,041
A list of sexual experiments
to do with guys.
855
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:19,205
She used me, man.
856
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:23,490
Like she could just jerk me off
without ever even committing.
857
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:28,206
That is terrible. Any old guy?
858
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:30,522
Oh, he's such a dick, he's such a dick.
859
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:32,728
- No, he's not a dick, Duffy.
- He is.
860
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:36,851
- No, he's like one of my best friends.
- I know. Me too.
861
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,008
You have to believe me,
I didn't mean to hurt him.
862
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:41,640
- I know you didn't.
- Why would I do that on purpose?
863
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,929
- You would never. You're an angel.
- He told me he wanted me to die.
864
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,162
- He's a meanie. He's a dick.
- He's not a dick.
865
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:50,164
But don't worry,
Duffy's here to make it all better.
866
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:55,082
Why are you referring to yourself
in the third person?
867
01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,606
Duffy. Duffy, stop.
868
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:02,764
What? I just invited you over
to make you feel better.
869
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:05,170
What's on your neck?
870
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:09,927
Nothing. Just a little hickey that...
871
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:13,402
...Kitty Randall gave to me
when we dry humped the other night.
872
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:14,607
What's dry hump?
873
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:20,447
It's actually kind of complicated.
I'd have to show you.
874
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:26,610
- Okay. You can show me.
- You're just gonna let me hump you?
875
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:27,801
Yes.
876
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,287
It's all right. It's all right.
877
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:37,562
My mother's cats. Mother's cats.
878
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:40,963
- I'm sorry.
- I'm still hard. Let's keep going. Oh, yeah.
879
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:43,288
- You've never done this before?
- No.
880
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:45,130
- Feels so good.
- Yes.
881
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:50,330
- Shut the fuck up.
- No way, dude.
882
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:53,569
We dry humped last night
all over my room.
883
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:57,327
- She's writing a sex manual or something.
- Sex manual?
884
01:04:57,760 --> 01:04:59,524
All right.
885
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:01,491
Thank you.
886
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:09,086
Hey, YOU got plans tonight?
887
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:16,688
I don't know, Derrick.
Do we have plans tonight?
888
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:21,530
Sure.
889
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,767
You're so funny.
890
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:29,601
Walk me to my bike.
891
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,842
I did not say anything.
892
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:37,801
- Hey, where you going?
- I need some air.
893
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:39,962
But it's an outdoor pool.
894
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,449
I need air.
895
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:48,689
Welcome to Big Bun.
May I help you?
896
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:51,087
Double order of fish sticks,
a large RC Cola...
897
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:53,971
...and would either of you
like to go out on a date?
898
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:02,368
- I will.
- Sisters before misters.
899
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:06,047
What? Come on, give me a break.
Brandy doesn't own Cameron, okay?
900
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:09,409
And she said herself
that she doesn't, like, "like" like him.
901
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:11,170
So it's an open playing field.
902
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:14,440
I've never been with someone
who wasn't circumcised...
903
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:17,046
...and I wanna see if it's as gross
as she says.
904
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:18,730
I can hear you.
905
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:26,647
Hello? Hello?
906
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:30,851
Fiona, I can see you right now.
Ls every woman in this world...?
907
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:35,411
You know what? Forget it. Forget it.
908
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:37,563
Stupid car won't work.
909
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:47,001
Let me get this straight...
910
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:49,481
...you wanna go down on me?
911
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:54,886
Yeah, because I just got dumped
because I suck dick at eating pussy.
912
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,281
I just thought that if I practice...
913
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:00,125
...then I could keep it
from happening again.
914
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:02,760
It's a lot harder than you think.
I don't know.
915
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:04,729
You know what? Forget this. Forget it.
916
01:07:06,960 --> 01:07:08,405
You had me at "eating pussy."
917
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:12,888
You had me at "eating pussy."
918
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:20,084
Right. Okay.
919
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:22,089
Up a smidge.
920
01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:25,722
Okay, down a tad.
921
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:28,121
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, right there.
922
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:30,487
- It's not working.
- Yeah, it's working.
923
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:33,411
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it's really working.
924
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,882
No, it's not.
My video won't play, Derrick.
925
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:38,811
Was that good?
926
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,800
- Is the TV on channel three?
- Yes.
927
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:47,442
- Well, make sure it's set to VCR, man.
- Okay.
928
01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:52,324
- What you doing?
- Looking for my keys.
929
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:54,847
You need some help?
I mean, I can always help.
930
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:57,480
- No.
- I know, buddy, I know. Just get out.
931
01:07:57,640 --> 01:07:59,244
All right, GUYS-
932
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:05,450
- I thought we were alone.
- Who, Benji?
933
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:09,970
He doesn't count.
He believes in monsters and shit.
934
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:12,771
- He's not a person.
- Okay, fine.
935
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:39,530
- Mitchell residence.
- Hello, Mr. Mitchell, it's Brandy.
936
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:41,011
Is Cameron there?
937
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:44,130
Yeah, I'm sorry, he's in his room
with the door locked...
938
01:08:44,280 --> 01:08:47,807
...and he's listening
to Sarah McLachlan.
939
01:08:47,960 --> 01:08:51,328
- That bad, huh?
- Yeah. I would tell him you called...
940
01:08:51,520 --> 01:08:54,569
...but we're not saying
your name around here.
941
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:57,644
Got it. Thanks anyways.
942
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:01,566
It's a three-day rental, so we can watch
it again tomorrow if you want.
943
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:03,808
I'm glad you talked me into this.
944
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:06,566
- So excited for Beaches.
- Me too.
945
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:10,048
Guys, I brought Kleenex and stuff,
just in case we get emotional.
946
01:09:10,200 --> 01:09:14,171
- Yes, Wendy, we know.
- What's after "titty fucked," cunni-what?
947
01:09:14,320 --> 01:09:15,810
- Cunnilingus.
- What is that?
948
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:19,243
It's when a man stimulates
the female genitals with his mouth.
949
01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:21,641
No shit. So Derrick ate you out?
950
01:09:21,840 --> 01:09:25,765
Yeah. I prefer "cunnilingus," though.
"Eat out" reminds me of fast food.
951
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:29,403
- Look at you. That's a step away from sex.
- Yeah, I know.
952
01:09:29,600 --> 01:09:31,443
We should celebrate
by watching Beaches.
953
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:33,608
So...
954
01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:36,843
...now that you're like hooking up
with all these different guys...
955
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:39,685
...is it cool if I go outwith Cameron?
956
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:44,442
- What? Cameron asked you out?
- He asked me out too...
957
01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:47,126
...but I said no
because you're my best friend...
958
01:09:47,280 --> 01:09:49,886
...and best friends don't let boys
get between them.
959
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:53,291
Speaking of that, it's time for Beaches.
960
01:09:53,440 --> 01:09:54,965
Yeah, Beaches.
961
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:59,603
- Are you pressing the right button?
- I think so.
962
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:01,808
Did you dry hump Duffy?
963
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:04,489
- What?
- Yeah.
964
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:08,281
- What?
- He gave me two hickeys. One and one.
965
01:10:08,440 --> 01:10:12,650
Brandy.
You know I, like, "like" like Duffy.
966
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:16,481
- So? It's not like you're going out with him.
- So? What is wrong with you?
967
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:20,804
- Why are you spazzing out?
- Because it's ho's before bros, man.
968
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:22,200
You don't just go around...
969
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:24,482
- ...hooking up with whoever.
- Whomever.
970
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:27,166
You're going out with Cameron,
so don't be a hypocrite.
971
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:30,164
Yeah, but I asked you first.
That's the difference.
972
01:10:30,320 --> 01:10:34,882
I cannot believe that you would choose
a boy over our friendship.
973
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:38,004
- You don't deserve to watch Beaches.
- No, she doesn't.
974
01:10:39,480 --> 01:10:42,404
- Don't say that.
- Let's go. Let's watch it at your place.
975
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,961
You guys. It's stuck, Wendy.
976
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:48,010
- Yeah, thanks, I can see that.
- Take it. Let's go.
977
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:50,242
- Don't take my VCR.
- Come on.
978
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:53,963
- Wait. Come back.
- You better hope that tape isn't ruined.
979
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:56,168
- Fiona, come on, don't be...
- No, I'm sorry...
980
01:10:56,320 --> 01:11:00,006
...I don't understand you
because I don't speak slut.
981
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:07,002
- Willy, what happened?
- Same shit every summer.
982
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,966
Oak Crest Country Club
pulls some stupid prank on us.
983
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:16,046
- It's an initiation for their new lifeguards.
- I can't believe they did that.
984
01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:18,521
You were here all night
and you didn't hear them?
985
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:20,364
No.
986
01:11:20,520 --> 01:11:22,887
God, man, Oak Crest,
those guys are good.
987
01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:28,686
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a big kick in the nuts.
988
01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:31,730
I'll have Rusty and Derrick
put it back up when they get here.
989
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:35,202
What?
No, Willy, we need to get them back.
990
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:42,009
Yeah, we need to get revenge.
I mean, real revenge.
991
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:45,684
- You mean, like...? Like kill them?
- What?
992
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:48,081
I think that's illegal.
I know a guy with a gun...
993
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:50,681
No, I mean like we need to get them
where it hurts.
994
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,289
Come on, you're our boss, our leader.
995
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:58,007
This is your pool. If not you, then who?
996
01:11:58,160 --> 01:11:59,525
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
997
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:02,411
Let's take a big fucking dump
on Oak Crest.
998
01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:04,244
Let's get those fuckers.
999
01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:07,244
Hey, Bernadette. What's the plan?
1000
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:12,760
We're gonna blow this shit up.
We're gonna burn it to the ground.
1001
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:15,764
- Rock.
- I see it, boss.
1002
01:12:15,920 --> 01:12:18,048
It's a fucking ladder,
it's gonna make noise.
1003
01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:20,726
GO, go!
1004
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:30,727
Holy shit. That is a fucking slide.
1005
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:34,291
All right, Cameron. All right.
1006
01:12:35,400 --> 01:12:37,448
Nice.
1007
01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:41,446
Approaching perimeter.
Cameron, what's your status? Over.
1008
01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:45,446
He's not talking to you right now.
Over. Shit, this thing's hot.
1009
01:12:45,600 --> 01:12:49,446
You can't let personal issues get in
the way of work. Act professional. Over.
1010
01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:53,810
You can't see him,
but he's flipping you off right now. Over.
1011
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,446
Whatever. Just get into position. Over.
1012
01:12:56,640 --> 01:13:01,043
It's fucking scary in here, man.
What are you looking for?
1013
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:02,964
Just some sort of knob.
1014
01:13:03,120 --> 01:13:06,283
Why do they have all these things
in their pool? What does it do?
1015
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:08,960
- We don't have any of these.
- How do you not know this?
1016
01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:10,924
Come on.
1017
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:14,763
Shit, there it is.
1018
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:17,528
All right, we found it. Over.
1019
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:29,444
On my count, guys. In one...
1020
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,169
...two, three.
1021
01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:34,846
Oh, yeah. Spin that bitch.
1022
01:13:41,040 --> 01:13:44,681
- That good?
- How's that?
1023
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:48,686
Guys, you have to see this. Come on
out here. Even you, Cameron. Over.
1024
01:13:48,840 --> 01:13:50,171
Screw you, Brandy.
1025
01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:56,201
Shit, newbie, you are as smart
as you think you are.
1026
01:13:56,360 --> 01:13:58,328
This is gonna be some serious payback.
1027
01:14:01,720 --> 01:14:04,246
- What?
- Nothing.
1028
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,642
- We doing this?
- What?
1029
01:14:14,040 --> 01:14:16,725
- Come on.
- Yeah.
1030
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:18,041
Yeah, let's do this.
1031
01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:21,803
I'll just take my clothes off too.
1032
01:14:26,480 --> 01:14:27,686
Take your time.
1033
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:30,286
Why don't you talk to her,
instead of being a Grumpy Gus?
1034
01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:32,721
- I am not a Grumpy Gus.
- Yes, you are.
1035
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:34,723
- No, I'm not.
- You wanna hear a riddle?
1036
01:14:34,880 --> 01:14:37,406
- Why did Eddie Vedder cross the road?
- Why?
1037
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:38,800
To get to the other side.
1038
01:14:38,960 --> 01:14:41,884
Hey, hey, hey!
Jeremy spoke!
1039
01:14:42,080 --> 01:14:44,890
- Who's that supposed to be?
- Who's that? That's Eddie Vedder.
1040
01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:47,242
- That's not the face Vedder makes.
- Have you seen the "Jeremy" video?
1041
01:14:47,480 --> 01:14:49,528
I've seen the "Jeremy" video,
that's not the face he makes.
1042
01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:52,570
That is the face he makes. I get why
Brandy wants nothing to do with you.
1043
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:55,405
Fuck you, man. Bitch.
1044
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:59,164
One, two, three.
1045
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:13,162
- Oh, not again.
- What is this?
1046
01:15:13,760 --> 01:15:17,765
- This thing is like a life preserver.
- Jerk. Give it back.
1047
01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:21,561
You want it? Too bad.
I like you better without it.
1048
01:15:21,720 --> 01:15:24,610
I cannot believe you just did that.
1049
01:15:30,960 --> 01:15:35,045
Excuse me.
Better ask permission next time.
1050
01:15:35,680 --> 01:15:36,761
Next time?
1051
01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:47,168
Fuck you, Oak Crest.
1052
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:58,086
Busted.
1053
01:15:58,280 --> 01:16:01,489
I'm gonna take a shit
in their fucking pool, man.
1054
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:13,403
What happened here?
1055
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:25,846
You're gonna look me in the eye
and deny all of this, huh?
1056
01:16:29,080 --> 01:16:30,491
That doesn't prove anything.
1057
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:39,530
You wrote your name in this?
Who does that?
1058
01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:41,682
I'm sorry. I'm going to college.
1059
01:16:41,840 --> 01:16:44,320
You're supposed to write your name
on everything in case it gets lost.
1060
01:16:44,480 --> 01:16:48,530
Look, your little prank
ruined our filtration system.
1061
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:51,445
- Not our problem.
- Well, it's gonna be your problem...
1062
01:16:51,600 --> 01:16:54,683
...when I report you
to the Parks Department.
1063
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:57,486
Hey, friend? Hey, buddy,
don't do that, okay? Please.
1064
01:16:57,640 --> 01:17:01,361
Look, the only way I won't call them...
1065
01:17:01,520 --> 01:17:05,127
...is if you send
a handwritten apology note...
1066
01:17:05,280 --> 01:17:07,567
...you promise
these pranks stop today...
1067
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:09,882
...and you fire old double-D here.
1068
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:12,682
- No one's getting fired.
- Brandy, you're fired.
1069
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:15,571
I'm gonna have to go to Office Max
for the other stuff.
1070
01:17:15,720 --> 01:17:21,329
Are you kidding me, Willy? I'm your best
employee. I taught you how to swim.
1071
01:17:21,480 --> 01:17:23,801
- What?
- I'm sorry, I can't lose my job.
1072
01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:25,803
This is unbelievable.
1073
01:17:26,720 --> 01:17:31,044
All summer everyone's been telling me
to loosen up and relax...
1074
01:17:31,200 --> 01:17:33,771
...and not think so much and...
1075
01:17:33,960 --> 01:17:35,724
Well, fuck that.
1076
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:38,244
And fuck you too.
1077
01:17:42,440 --> 01:17:44,249
- Want a beer?
- No.
1078
01:18:12,040 --> 01:18:14,611
Oh, come on,
don't look at me like that.
1079
01:18:16,840 --> 01:18:19,127
Honey, can I speak with you?
1080
01:18:20,600 --> 01:18:24,321
This whole thing has been so painful.
1081
01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:28,763
Cameron was crying afterwards.
1082
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,321
They always do.
1083
01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:35,121
You know, boys are just really
more sensitive than they let on.
1084
01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:37,442
Your father included.
1085
01:18:38,080 --> 01:18:40,367
Which reminds me,
don't say anything...
1086
01:18:40,520 --> 01:18:44,525
...but I have planned a pretty sexy
surprise for us for our anniversary.
1087
01:18:44,680 --> 01:18:46,728
Mom, I don't wanna hear
about you and Dad...
1088
01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:49,281
Having intercourse? Noted.
1089
01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:53,642
Honey, listen, as you move forward...
1090
01:18:54,520 --> 01:18:58,411
...on your sexual journey,
just promise me one thing.
1091
01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:02,607
- To have fun?
- To use lube.
1092
01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:06,447
Doesn't always have to be painful.
1093
01:19:08,160 --> 01:19:11,243
I wish my mother had given me lube
when I was your age.
1094
01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:18,685
- Where exactly do I...?
- In the vagina, sweetie.
1095
01:19:18,960 --> 01:19:20,689
Thanks, Mom.
1096
01:19:23,560 --> 01:19:25,050
I got it.
1097
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:27,847
Boise Pool.
1098
01:19:28,200 --> 01:19:30,521
- Rusty Waters, please.
- Brandy?
1099
01:19:30,760 --> 01:19:32,285
Yes. Rusty, please.
1100
01:19:33,760 --> 01:19:37,367
Rusty, it's Brandy.
She wants to talk to you.
1101
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:42,048
Hey, newbie. Heard you got fired.
That sucks.
1102
01:19:42,520 --> 01:19:46,525
Yeah, I know. It'll be tough explaining
the employment gap in my resume...
1103
01:19:46,800 --> 01:19:51,362
...but anyway,
would you like to go out with me?
1104
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:58,046
Why not? I'll pick you up after work.
1105
01:19:58,200 --> 01:20:00,089
- Cool.
- Cool.
1106
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:01,890
Very cool.
1107
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,845
What'd he say?
1108
01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:09,241
- Yes.
- He did?
1109
01:20:09,400 --> 01:20:13,121
Yes! He said yes.
Technically, he said "why not."
1110
01:20:13,280 --> 01:20:14,850
But who cares about semantics.
1111
01:20:15,000 --> 01:20:19,562
Because Rusty Waters said yes to me,
Brandy Klark, and we're gonna...
1112
01:20:19,720 --> 01:20:21,802
Brandy, are you trying to do
the Roger Rabbit?
1113
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,571
- Yeah.
- That's not the Roger Rabbit.
1114
01:20:24,840 --> 01:20:26,649
This is the Roger Rabbit.
1115
01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:33,404
Maybe the Running Man
would be easier for you.
1116
01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:34,641
Shit.
1117
01:20:36,640 --> 01:20:40,247
- So you're taking Brandy out, huh?
- I guess so.
1118
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:43,051
Awesome. Good for her.
Still working on that sex manual.
1119
01:20:43,560 --> 01:20:46,769
- Yeah... What? Sex manual?
- Oh, you didn't know?
1120
01:20:47,840 --> 01:20:49,251
Dude, check this out.
1121
01:20:49,400 --> 01:20:52,449
She's writing some sort of sex
encyclopedia or something like that.
1122
01:20:52,600 --> 01:20:55,843
It's like she can do whatever
and it's research. It's awesome.
1123
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:59,846
She wants to have, like, a good orgasm,
and, like, it's such a mature quest.
1124
01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:03,280
- Did you know about this?
- No.
1125
01:21:03,440 --> 01:21:05,761
You learn something new
at the pool every day.
1126
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:10,242
- I look...
- Good enough to fuck.
1127
01:21:12,760 --> 01:21:14,728
I wasn't gonna put it that way, but...
1128
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,606
- Does it hurt the first time?
- Not if you chug a beer...
1129
01:21:20,760 --> 01:21:22,285
...and use the lube Mom gave you.
1130
01:21:22,480 --> 01:21:26,371
- She gave you the lube, right?
- Yes. That was weird.
1131
01:21:27,480 --> 01:21:29,482
But helpful.
1132
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:34,566
Hey, are you okay? I noticed
you stopped eating your SnackWells.
1133
01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:37,769
Chippy cheated on me. With strippers.
1134
01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:42,888
- You gonna call off the wedding?
- I want to, but he won't call me back.
1135
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:45,401
Word of advice, don't fall in love.
1136
01:21:45,560 --> 01:21:49,929
- Getting your heart broken fucking sucks.
- Yes, so I've heard.
1137
01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:53,331
- Okay.
- Hey, have fun popping your cherry.
1138
01:21:54,320 --> 01:21:55,890
I Will.
1139
01:21:56,200 --> 01:21:58,328
And I want you to know that...
1140
01:21:59,040 --> 01:22:01,964
...I wouldn't be having sex tonight
if it weren't for you.
1141
01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:04,327
- Really?
- Really.
1142
01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:07,129
Thanks, Brandy, I really needed that.
1143
01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:12,569
What's it gonna feel like?
I'll figure it out.
1144
01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:14,165
Enjoy your penis.
1145
01:22:30,920 --> 01:22:32,570
Here you go.
1146
01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:51,727
You want another one?
1147
01:22:51,960 --> 01:22:54,770
No, thank you. One is my limit.
1148
01:22:57,960 --> 01:23:00,008
Hey, look, there's...
1149
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:03,240
There's something
I really wanna ask you.
1150
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:05,084
Shoot.
1151
01:23:05,560 --> 01:23:07,642
Can I kiss you?
1152
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:14,006
I know you can kiss me,
but may you kiss me?
1153
01:23:18,320 --> 01:23:20,561
- What?
- Forget it. You can definitely kiss me.
1154
01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:22,091
Cool.
1155
01:23:35,800 --> 01:23:37,689
Shit, I'm coming, all right?
1156
01:23:39,680 --> 01:23:42,923
- Hey...? Hey, is Brandy here?
- No.
1157
01:23:44,440 --> 01:23:47,444
I think she might be in some trouble
and I need to talk to her.
1158
01:23:47,600 --> 01:23:49,284
Can I wait here? Is that cool?
1159
01:23:51,440 --> 01:23:53,283
You got a dick under that poncho?
1160
01:23:55,040 --> 01:23:56,280
Why?
1161
01:24:07,040 --> 01:24:09,281
Maybe we should get a condom.
1162
01:24:09,480 --> 01:24:12,689
Good idea.
Last thing we need's a baby, right?
1163
01:24:12,840 --> 01:24:14,649
Or AIDS.
1164
01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:27,331
- I need to tell you something.
- It's okay.
1165
01:24:27,480 --> 01:24:30,165
I know you're a virgin.
I'll be gentle, okay?
1166
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:34,006
No, not that.
I mean, I am a virgin, but...
1167
01:24:35,480 --> 01:24:37,289
I wanna be on top.
1168
01:24:37,880 --> 01:24:40,486
It'll increase my chance of orgasm
by 40 percent.
1169
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:44,131
Those are some good odds.
1170
01:24:57,160 --> 01:24:59,481
- You good?
- Yeah.
1171
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:23,442
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1172
01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:28,725
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
1173
01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:36,767
- Did you just...?
- Yeah. Didn't you?
1174
01:25:36,920 --> 01:25:38,604
- Have an orgasm?
- Yeah.
1175
01:25:38,760 --> 01:25:40,649
No. That was like less than a minute.
1176
01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:42,881
Shit.
1177
01:25:55,360 --> 01:25:58,569
- You've gotta be kidding me.
- Look, I usually last like way longer.
1178
01:25:58,720 --> 01:26:01,041
You just really got me,
like, riled up, okay?
1179
01:26:01,200 --> 01:26:03,567
Just please take me home now.
1180
01:26:03,760 --> 01:26:07,481
Look, if you just wait like two minutes,
like, he'll be ready to go again.
1181
01:26:07,800 --> 01:26:09,245
I think I just saw Brandy.
1182
01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:13,407
Oh, no. I'm certain that's not Brandy.
1183
01:26:13,600 --> 01:26:17,082
Brandy's with Cameron
and he drives a Ford Festiva.
1184
01:26:17,240 --> 01:26:20,449
- Why are you certain she's with Cameron?
- I gave her the lube and...
1185
01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:24,241
You gave her the lube?
You had your talk with her, didn't you?
1186
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,607
Of course I did.
If I waited for you to do it...
1187
01:26:26,760 --> 01:26:29,764
...she would be 40
before she has her first orgasm.
1188
01:26:29,920 --> 01:26:32,605
This is really decent of you.
It's cool of you to do this.
1189
01:26:32,760 --> 01:26:36,207
- Stop talking to me.
- Okay. Sorry.
1190
01:26:37,400 --> 01:26:39,721
You're just doing me a real solid,
that's all.
1191
01:26:39,920 --> 01:26:43,845
I might look like a rock star, but I'm
really a pretty traditional type of guy.
1192
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,480
You know,
like a missionary type of guy.
1193
01:26:46,680 --> 01:26:49,206
Like a good old-fashioned me on top,
you on bottom.
1194
01:26:49,360 --> 01:26:52,443
Not like this crazy... You're super
aggressive. I mean, come on.
1195
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:57,487
Look, I'm a pretty sensitive dude, all right?
I'm a meat-and-potatoes type of guy.
1196
01:26:57,640 --> 01:26:59,210
You jerk!
1197
01:27:00,120 --> 01:27:02,009
- Cameron?
- Jerk face.
1198
01:27:03,000 --> 01:27:06,800
Cameron, calm down.
Please calm down.
1199
01:27:06,960 --> 01:27:10,248
No, I will not calm down.
Did you make love with him?
1200
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:14,286
Yeah, dude. We did it.
Put the meat right in the taco.
1201
01:27:14,440 --> 01:27:16,283
- Get off me.
- Oh, yeah.
1202
01:27:16,440 --> 01:27:18,010
I can't believe I was so stupid.
1203
01:27:20,680 --> 01:27:25,891
I get it. It's not having sex
that's a big deal, it's this.
1204
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:29,089
All these feelings and emotional crap.
1205
01:27:29,240 --> 01:27:32,164
That's why it's better
if you leave feelings and shit out of it.
1206
01:27:32,320 --> 01:27:33,845
Feelings are everything, Brandy.
1207
01:27:36,040 --> 01:27:39,328
Why don't you wait
until you've done it once, virgin?
1208
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:41,682
Then you'll see that sex
isn't such a big deal.
1209
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:44,650
- How do you know I haven't had sex?
- Look at you.
1210
01:27:44,800 --> 01:27:47,326
- Look at you!
- Hey, stop it. Stop it.
1211
01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:49,369
You're animals. And you are wrong.
1212
01:27:49,520 --> 01:27:51,522
- Yeah, you're wrong.
- Feelings matter.
1213
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:55,082
And having sex
with the right person is a big deal.
1214
01:27:56,040 --> 01:28:00,682
Cameron, come here.
Look, I owe you an apology.
1215
01:28:01,200 --> 01:28:04,727
People talk about sex all the time
like it's no big deal...
1216
01:28:05,520 --> 01:28:10,560
...but when you haven't done it,
when you're a virgin, it is a big deal.
1217
01:28:11,080 --> 01:28:15,961
And I think the list was me
trying not to mess up.
1218
01:28:17,520 --> 01:28:19,807
But I did mess up.
1219
01:28:19,960 --> 01:28:24,443
I messed up when I hurt you.
And I'm really sorry.
1220
01:28:25,560 --> 01:28:29,360
Well, I still can't believe
you chose Rusty over me.
1221
01:28:29,520 --> 01:28:31,887
- Dude, I'm standing right here.
- Shut up, Rusty.
1222
01:28:32,040 --> 01:28:34,646
You wanna go, Growing Pains?
You retarded Zack Morris.
1223
01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:37,804
- Rusty, shut up.
- Both of you shut up. Both of you shut up.
1224
01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:39,570
Cameron...
1225
01:28:40,240 --> 01:28:44,962
...you are super nice and cute...
1226
01:28:45,120 --> 01:28:48,249
...and kind and reliable.
1227
01:28:48,400 --> 01:28:51,768
You're the kind of guy a girl
would love to be in a relationship with.
1228
01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:54,400
- Will I regret messing that up?
- Probably yes.
1229
01:28:54,560 --> 01:28:58,770
No. No. I'm a teenager.
1230
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:01,366
Teenagers don't have regrets.
1231
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:03,005
That's for your 30s.
1232
01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:07,927
And, Rusty, Rusty, Rusty.
1233
01:29:10,000 --> 01:29:13,209
You are superhot and ripped...
1234
01:29:13,560 --> 01:29:18,361
...and you play the guitar
and I can't believe I had sex with you.
1235
01:29:19,520 --> 01:29:21,602
Am I gonna regret
losing my virginity to you?
1236
01:29:21,760 --> 01:29:23,489
Probably. Most girls do.
1237
01:29:23,640 --> 01:29:25,961
No. Definitely not.
1238
01:29:26,120 --> 01:29:30,284
You are gonna be an awesome story
to tell my friends.
1239
01:29:30,840 --> 01:29:32,126
All right.
1240
01:29:34,960 --> 01:29:37,008
Speaking of which...
1241
01:29:37,160 --> 01:29:39,731
...that is where I should be right now.
1242
01:29:39,880 --> 01:29:42,804
With my friends. Not here.
1243
01:29:48,400 --> 01:29:50,880
Carry on, men.
1244
01:29:51,040 --> 01:29:52,724
You're animals.
1245
01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:02,926
Oh, ship.
1246
01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:12,287
Put a vibrator in her stocking,
for God's sakes?
1247
01:30:12,440 --> 01:30:14,647
No, I was saving it for her birthday.
1248
01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:16,490
- I'm coming, honey.
- Wait.
1249
01:30:16,680 --> 01:30:21,163
Just because you have lube,
doesn't mean you have to use it.
1250
01:30:21,400 --> 01:30:26,008
Wait. George. Wait.
1251
01:30:27,720 --> 01:30:29,131
I'm really... I'm there.
1252
01:30:31,000 --> 01:30:33,128
- Amber.
- Dad!
1253
01:30:33,320 --> 01:30:38,121
Dad? Hey. Hey, Mr. Klark.
Hey, I'm Willy.
1254
01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:40,011
- Judge.
- Judge, that's right.
1255
01:30:40,200 --> 01:30:42,282
- Judge Klark.
- You're a fucking judge.
1256
01:30:42,440 --> 01:30:47,207
Hey, look, I'm Brandy's boss
at the pool and...
1257
01:30:47,440 --> 01:30:49,966
She's a great girl, by the way.
And so is this one.
1258
01:30:50,120 --> 01:30:53,442
You've raised two amazing,
amazing daughters.
1259
01:30:53,600 --> 01:30:55,887
I want you off my house
and out of my daughter!
1260
01:30:56,040 --> 01:30:59,044
- Dad, gross.
- You know what I mean.
1261
01:31:05,360 --> 01:31:07,727
- Anything else I can do for you, sir?
- Right now!
1262
01:31:07,880 --> 01:31:10,531
- I just did it.
- Amber.
1263
01:31:10,840 --> 01:31:12,729
- Mom.
- That's not Chip.
1264
01:31:12,880 --> 01:31:16,009
No shit, Mom.
Get the fuck out of my room!
1265
01:31:16,160 --> 01:31:20,051
No, leave it. Just leave it.
Finish up, please.
1266
01:31:20,240 --> 01:31:22,846
I'm the one who won't live to see
my daughter grow into a woman...
1267
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:25,002
...who won't be able to protect her
from the world.
1268
01:31:25,160 --> 01:31:29,927
And I hate it. I hate that she'd rather
be with you, who has energy, who is fun.
1269
01:31:30,200 --> 01:31:31,850
You told me to play with her.
1270
01:31:32,000 --> 01:31:35,846
I know I did, but I didn't know
it was gonna make me feel like this.
1271
01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:41,004
Okay, you know what?
You can't handle this. I'm turning it off.
1272
01:31:41,240 --> 01:31:45,245
- No, I can handle it.
- No, you can't. Look at you, you're a mess.
1273
01:31:52,520 --> 01:31:54,443
What the hell are you doing?
1274
01:31:55,000 --> 01:31:56,604
I don't want her here.
1275
01:31:56,760 --> 01:31:58,569
She said she doesn't want you.
Get out.
1276
01:32:06,560 --> 01:32:09,291
Okay, Jesus, stop.
What's wrong with you?
1277
01:32:09,440 --> 01:32:12,569
You think you can start singing
and we're gonna forgive you?
1278
01:32:12,720 --> 01:32:14,882
It doesn't work like that, okay?
1279
01:32:20,840 --> 01:32:21,921
Wendy.
1280
01:32:49,080 --> 01:32:52,448
- Fiona.
- I don't know the words.
1281
01:32:52,600 --> 01:32:55,331
- Yes, you do.
- Yes, you do.
1282
01:33:32,520 --> 01:33:35,251
That was super gay. Oh, my God.
1283
01:33:35,400 --> 01:33:38,802
Don't tell anyone we did this.
I'm serious.
1284
01:33:38,960 --> 01:33:42,806
- I'm really sorry, you guys.
- We know. We know.
1285
01:33:42,960 --> 01:33:46,681
Also, I fucked Rusty Waters.
1286
01:33:46,840 --> 01:33:48,683
- Look at you.
- How was it?
1287
01:33:48,840 --> 01:33:50,205
Yeah.
1288
01:33:50,360 --> 01:33:51,805
It was quick.
1289
01:33:53,560 --> 01:33:56,723
Brandy, please tell me
you were not getting pregnant tonight.
1290
01:33:56,880 --> 01:34:00,327
- Don't worry, she was here.
- Don't worry, she used a condom.
1291
01:34:00,720 --> 01:34:03,007
Can we please
talk in the hallway, Dad?
1292
01:34:04,400 --> 01:34:06,209
It's okay.
1293
01:34:06,360 --> 01:34:07,885
- Just lie.
- I'm sorry.
1294
01:34:08,040 --> 01:34:09,610
You're gonna be okay.
1295
01:34:11,720 --> 01:34:13,210
Let me just start by saying...
1296
01:34:13,360 --> 01:34:18,366
...if you ever need to talk about
birth control or rubbers or...
1297
01:34:18,520 --> 01:34:20,887
Did you at least use the lube
that your mother...?
1298
01:34:21,040 --> 01:34:24,761
Dad, I don't wanna talk
about that stuff with you.
1299
01:34:24,920 --> 01:34:27,764
Thank goodness.
Because neither do I. Ever.
1300
01:34:28,800 --> 01:34:32,327
I just...
I need to know that you're okay.
1301
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:34,363
Dad, I'm fine.
1302
01:34:35,240 --> 01:34:37,004
Seriously.
1303
01:34:37,600 --> 01:34:41,810
- You don't have to worry about me.
- I'm afraid that's not gonna be possible.
1304
01:34:42,360 --> 01:34:45,250
Because you're my daughter
and I love you.
1305
01:34:51,800 --> 01:34:55,407
Now, please go back to playing
with your loose friends.
1306
01:34:56,560 --> 01:34:57,607
Okay, Dad.
1307
01:35:24,480 --> 01:35:27,450
Never thought I'd see you
on the guard stand.
1308
01:35:34,640 --> 01:35:37,849
- Well, hello.
- Hi.
1309
01:35:38,040 --> 01:35:40,486
You can't stay away from here.
1310
01:35:40,640 --> 01:35:45,931
I heard that you stopped by my house
to save me, so to speak.
1311
01:35:46,080 --> 01:35:48,003
I just wanted to come by
and thank you.
1312
01:35:48,160 --> 01:35:52,449
Yeah, I tried to do the right thing, but
I ended up fucking your sister instead.
1313
01:35:53,480 --> 01:35:56,689
She's hot. Your dad walked in.
1314
01:35:56,840 --> 01:36:01,129
- And my boner did not go away.
- I didn't need to hear that, Willy.
1315
01:36:02,000 --> 01:36:05,527
I guess I'll be seeing you a lot now
that you're hanging out with my sister.
1316
01:36:07,960 --> 01:36:10,531
No, we're not going out or anything.
1317
01:36:10,680 --> 01:36:14,526
It's not like I didn't try,
but she said something like:
1318
01:36:14,680 --> 01:36:19,368
"Fish needs a man
like a woman needs a tricycle"?
1319
01:36:19,520 --> 01:36:22,046
I don't know.
Something you taught her.
1320
01:36:22,200 --> 01:36:26,922
Hey, speaking of teaching,
I never paid you for the swim lessons.
1321
01:36:27,880 --> 01:36:31,168
- You didn't think I'd give it to you, huh?
- No, actually.
1322
01:36:31,320 --> 01:36:34,722
I'm a changed man, Brandy.
1323
01:36:35,320 --> 01:36:40,963
And, if you want, if you have nothing
going on next summer...
1324
01:36:41,120 --> 01:36:43,282
...you wanna come back here to work...
1325
01:36:43,560 --> 01:36:45,642
...there's a manager position
waiting for you.
1326
01:36:45,960 --> 01:36:49,851
- Wait, what? You're quitting?
- Yes.
1327
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:52,321
You just learned how to swim.
You worked so hard.
1328
01:36:52,480 --> 01:36:55,006
Yeah, I know, but I think...
1329
01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,486
I think getting with Amber made me
realize that I could do better, you know?
1330
01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:02,962
Your sister's like caviar.
You're like cheese.
1331
01:37:03,120 --> 01:37:05,248
- Okay. Okay, Willy.
- Like sharp cheddar.
1332
01:37:05,400 --> 01:37:09,564
I tasted a little caviar and I realized,
like, what the fuck am I doing in Boise?
1333
01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:14,081
So I'm gonna get out.
I'm gonna see the world...
1334
01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:16,405
...and I'm gonna better myself.
1335
01:37:16,600 --> 01:37:20,844
Well, I respect that. I actually think
that's very mature of you.
1336
01:37:21,000 --> 01:37:23,765
Yeah. I'm gonna follow The Dead.
1337
01:37:24,600 --> 01:37:27,080
You know, Jerry's health
isn't doing too well...
1338
01:37:27,240 --> 01:37:29,288
...and I'm not getting any younger, so...
1339
01:37:32,200 --> 01:37:34,601
Totally making the right decision.
1340
01:37:47,400 --> 01:37:50,643
Ladies.
Oh, Marce, you're still homesick?
1341
01:37:52,440 --> 01:37:55,011
Give it another month, Marcy.
1342
01:38:02,200 --> 01:38:05,204
Hi there. Cameron.
1343
01:38:07,640 --> 01:38:10,564
- It's been a while.
- I know.
1344
01:38:10,720 --> 01:38:14,964
- You never returned my electronic mail.
- Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
1345
01:38:15,120 --> 01:38:17,487
I just...
I think I needed some time.
1346
01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:23,044
I understand. And I'm sorry too.
That night was really crazy.
1347
01:38:23,880 --> 01:38:28,169
But I'm glad
that we, like, never had sex.
1348
01:38:28,320 --> 01:38:30,322
I think it would've confused
our friendship.
1349
01:38:30,480 --> 01:38:31,811
I know what you mean.
1350
01:38:32,440 --> 01:38:34,329
- You do?
- Yes.
1351
01:38:34,480 --> 01:38:39,691
- Really?
- I did it. I had sex.
1352
01:38:41,200 --> 01:38:44,329
My roommate and I went out,
a drunk senior came up to me and said:
1353
01:38:44,520 --> 01:38:46,170
"You a freshman?"
I was like, "Yeah."
1354
01:38:46,320 --> 01:38:49,210
Next thing you know,
I'm losing it on the bathroom floor.
1355
01:38:49,600 --> 01:38:52,331
- She just up and took it.
- She just up and took it.
1356
01:38:52,960 --> 01:38:55,531
Yeah, but all that to say,
I just want you to know...
1357
01:38:55,680 --> 01:38:57,921
...that I know what you meant that night.
1358
01:38:58,080 --> 01:39:00,845
That sex is a big deal,
but it's also not a big deal.
1359
01:39:01,000 --> 01:39:04,686
Don't get me wrong, it's a big deal,
but it doesn't have to be such a big deal.
1360
01:39:04,840 --> 01:39:06,365
No, it doesn't.
1361
01:39:06,520 --> 01:39:09,490
I guess what I mean is,
sometimes sex is just sex.
1362
01:39:09,760 --> 01:39:12,650
Yeah, sometimes sex is just sex.
1363
01:39:21,680 --> 01:39:23,728
Little circles. Little circles.
1364
01:39:24,240 --> 01:39:26,641
Wait, I have an idea.
1365
01:39:30,560 --> 01:39:34,167
Oh, my God. Yes.
Cameron, it's happening.
1366
01:39:34,360 --> 01:39:36,567
Cameron, it's gonna happen.
1367
01:39:48,240 --> 01:39:51,403
- Hey, they're doing a clambake with...
- Dad?
1368
01:39:52,720 --> 01:39:54,484
I said, not the back door.
1369
01:39:54,640 --> 01:39:58,167
There's doors we don't do.
The back door's one of them.
1370
01:39:58,560 --> 01:40:00,369
We went over this.
1371
01:40:05,880 --> 01:40:06,927
Good job, Cameron.
111207