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1
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:06,037
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,456
NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world
3
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:28,994
of what he believes to be reality.
4
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:33,932
But... there is,
5
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:38,436
unseen by most, an underworld.
6
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:42,140
A place that is just as real
7
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:46,244
but not as brightly lit.
8
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:49,014
A dark side.
9
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:02,060
(ball bouncing)
10
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,129
� �
11
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,000
(ball bouncing)
12
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,049
(dog barking outside)
13
00:01:29,455 --> 00:01:30,621
BOY:
Ten seconds left.
14
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,224
Michigan, the Rat-Brains
lead by one.
15
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:37,095
Jonathan Bender,
ace with the ball,
16
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,096
crosses mid-court.
17
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,431
Time running out,
18
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,333
he fakes, breaks free,
and he's up!
19
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,836
You, take the
garbage out.
20
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,838
Fake, Bender passes
to fellow Hoosier.
21
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,840
(chanting):
Hoosier! Hoosier!
22
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,074
And there's a pass
right back.
23
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,709
Yes, sirree, folks.
24
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:52,743
Ten seconds left.
25
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,745
(chanting):
Bender! Bender!
26
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,747
Bender!
You hear me, shrimp?
27
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,549
Get the garbage.
28
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,584
Goes to shoot.
29
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,586
Bender!
Three seconds.
30
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,854
He's planting
his feet.
31
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:06,090
He's poised. He's aiming.
Bender! Bender!
32
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,126
Bender! He goes to shoot.
He's up! He's up!
33
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,596
Bender! Bender!
Don't play ball in the house,
Jonathan.
34
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,631
And he lets it go...
35
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,336
Stupid kid!
36
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,204
I told you not to play
in the house.
37
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:23,708
Sorry!
I told him not to play
in the house.
38
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,410
(TV turns on)
No TV.
39
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,911
(TV turns off)
Ah, Dad.
40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,413
Well, what am I supposed
to do, then?
41
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,415
Go sit in a corner?
42
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,417
Read a book.
Yeah.
43
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,386
Shock us both,
make it a schoolbook.
44
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:38,890
Can I have the sports section?
45
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,558
No, you can have
the national news.
46
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:41,926
It's so boring.
47
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,127
Then you can go to your room.
48
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,145
Mom! Mom, get up here, you won!
49
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,480
What is all the noise?
50
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:04,148
Come on, Mom, get in gear!
51
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:04,949
Hey, hey, don't talk
52
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,351
to your mother
like that.
53
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,820
You didn't even see it,
Mr. Newspaper Reader.
54
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,488
What's wrong?
55
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,257
I won?
56
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:16,127
I won!
57
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,562
Oh, I won! I won! I won!
58
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,830
We won!
59
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:19,831
Yeah, we won!
60
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,833
We won!
What are you doing?!
61
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,100
We won!
Yeah, you won!
62
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:24,803
Let me see the ticket!
I want to see the ticket!
63
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,471
Margery!
64
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,473
Where is the ticket?
65
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,808
In my purse!
66
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,375
I always keep it
in my purse.
67
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,377
Jonathan, go upstairs,
get your mother's purse!
68
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,046
Oh, Harlan.
69
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,881
Harlan, I want a fur.
70
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,383
I want a fur to wear
to the supermarket.
71
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,720
I want to spend more time
in the frozen food section.
72
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,221
We ain't
gettin' no furs.
73
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,858
Oh, a fur.
74
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,193
Jonathan,
where's the ticket!
75
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:50,528
JONATHAN:
I can't find it.
76
00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:53,531
HARLAN:
Oh, you stupid kid!
77
00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:56,534
(loud clattering
from upstairs)
78
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,437
(glass shattering)
79
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:01,439
Eleanor.
80
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:04,943
Remember that money you told me
not to waste on the lottery?
81
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,611
Well, I did it anyway.
82
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,614
I won the Pick Four Jackpot!
83
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,616
(laughs)
We're gonna be rich!
84
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:14,285
Isn't it wonderful?
85
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,287
(line disconnects
dial tone hums)
86
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,289
Mom, I found it!
87
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,790
HARLAN:
Give me that!
88
00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:21,059
Get out of the way!
89
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,393
JONATHAN:
Mom!
90
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,636
(phone ringing)
91
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,648
(ringing continues)
92
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,650
We don't want any!
93
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,653
Who put this phone
back on the hook?
94
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,458
(doorbell chiming)
95
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,460
Your turn.
96
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,471
What is it now, Kopec?
97
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,507
Man here to see you, Mr.
Bender, says it's important.
98
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,509
If it's that guy
selling dental floss,
99
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,077
no, I don't want
a year's supply.
100
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,947
I'll give him
the brush-off?
101
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:16,681
(laughs)
102
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,349
(clears throat)
103
00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:19,951
Here's some more
telegrams for you.
104
00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:21,452
I wouldn't let the
boy deliver them.
105
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,154
That's what I'm paying you for.
106
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,188
Is this it?
107
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,191
Could I interest
you in two tickets
108
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,992
to the Polish
security guard ball?
109
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,795
(door slamming)
110
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,531
Aren't you even
going to read them?
111
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,899
What's the point?
112
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,967
They're only from people
trying to sell us something.
113
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,838
(over intercom):
Mom, I can't find
my I.U. T-shirt.
114
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,672
Hmm, small mercies.
Something to do.
115
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:44,876
(doorbell chiming)
116
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:47,111
Oh...
117
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,346
What now, Kopec?
118
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,481
There's another guy
here to see you.
119
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,583
Whoever it is, tell him
I'm not interested.
120
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,620
Well, he says to tell Cuddles
that Tinker is here.
121
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,721
Cuddles?
122
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,989
That's what he said.
123
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,990
What's his name?
124
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,659
Winston McNeely McGee.
125
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,695
Or that's what
he told me anyway.
126
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,296
You tell that son of a...
127
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,298
...the exact
average width.
128
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,700
Shoulder blade to
shoulder blade, 25 inches.
129
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,569
A textbook
endomorphic-type man.
130
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,104
Do you want me
to punch him?
131
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,707
Winnie! Well, don't just
stand there-- come on in.
132
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:16,707
Cuddles.
133
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,042
Oh!
134
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,076
(door slams)
135
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,511
(groans)
136
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,282
250 milligrams
of acetaphetamin,
137
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,452
65 milligrams
of caffeine,
138
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,621
uh, microcrystalline
cellulose, uric acid,
139
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,757
250 milligrams of...
(gasps) um...
140
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,560
Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?
141
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:38,729
You want an aspirin,
right, Tinker?
Mm.
142
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,631
Harlan, get Tinker
an aspirin.
143
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:41,866
Margery!
144
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,473
Well, look at you.
145
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:51,976
You are still one
fine figure of--
146
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,143
20% body fat
147
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,680
and 80% mean and lean
tissue, Cuddles.
148
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,982
Aw, you're sweet, Tinker.
149
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:00,685
Oh, have I got
a headache! Mm!
150
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,720
Mom!
151
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,122
Where are you
going, sweetheart?
152
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,458
Oh, I'm going to go
play video games.
153
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,327
Isn't he a
darling, Winnie?
154
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:13,464
He's got his father's
nose, of course, but...
Mm-hmm.
155
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,234
MARGERY:
don't you think
he has my eyes?
156
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:17,268
Oh, that's normal.
157
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,370
After all, with 23 sets
of chromosomes
158
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,239
in the gamete, the chances
of him looking
159
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,843
exactly like either one of you,
are more than one in 900--
160
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,379
oh, actually,
it's 7,976,400.
161
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,614
Oh, my head!
162
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,215
Ow.
163
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,983
Ow, ow, ow!
164
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,718
(squealing)
165
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,054
(squealing and groaning)
166
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,256
Oh... ah.
167
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,328
Here's your aspirin.
Oh.
168
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,197
Now get out of here.
169
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,065
MARGERY:
Harlan.
170
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,134
We haven't seen
Winnie for a while.
171
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,269
And I want him to stay.
172
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,372
Well, what
does he want?
173
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,874
It's pretty nervy
Winnie showing up here
174
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,342
after all these years.
175
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,843
The man who tried
to cuckold me
176
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,211
the night before
our wedding.
177
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,380
Primates.
Primates, Harlan.
178
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:05,884
Did you know primates
first stood, walked and ran
179
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:09,387
on two legs more than
three million years ago?
180
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:12,357
Evolving from
Australopithecus
africanesis
181
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,226
to Homo erectus, Homo
sapiens, Neanderthal,
182
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,595
all the way up
to modern man?
183
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:21,866
A genus that could one day be
known as the Harlan Benderus.
184
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,068
(laughing)
Tinker, what's
gotten into you?
185
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,303
Are you sick?
186
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,837
Sick?
187
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:28,039
(laughing maniacally)
188
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,908
No. Never better.
189
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,309
Never smarter.
190
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,544
In fact, the portion
of my central nervous system
191
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,246
in the vertebrate
cranium responsible
192
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,148
for the interpretation
of sensory impulses,
193
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,083
the coordination
of bodily activities,
194
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,386
the exercise of thoughts
and emotions,
195
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,422
have never ever
been this better.
196
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,925
Ha, ha!
Oh! Oh!
197
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,326
HARLAN:
I don't believe this.
198
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,161
(pills rattling)
Margery, what's
wrong with him?
199
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:54,732
Harlan, I've got the whole
world... in my head.
200
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:58,702
Now, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
201
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,139
HARLAN:
If you've come for money,
Winnie, forget it.
202
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,942
Harlan, it's power,
203
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:08,279
centrifugal force,
the universe.
204
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:14,919
I want you to help me
conquer the world.
205
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,553
Hey, neato. How?
206
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,288
Go to your room.
207
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:19,490
Oh, Dad.
208
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,925
HARLAN:
Go!
209
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:26,397
You, get the hell
out of my chair!
210
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,368
(busy signal)
211
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,436
Did you know
212
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,306
the first automatic
213
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:39,543
telephone switchboard
was installed in 1892
214
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,745
in La Porte, Indiana?
215
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,546
Now think about that.
Don't!
216
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,515
(phone ringing)
Don't!
217
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,385
No, we don't want
any computer stock.
218
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,821
Winnie, I'm a busy man.
219
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,155
What do you want?
220
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:54,391
Harlan, I am offering you
a partnership
221
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,527
in something that will
change the world.
222
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,429
You said we should be
looking for something
223
00:09:58,497 --> 00:09:59,530
worthwhile, Harlan.
224
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,599
Yeah, but not with
this crazy bozo.
225
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,834
JONATHAN:
Dad, can I come down now?
No!
226
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:09,707
Harlan, I want you to
help me conquer the world.
227
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,208
You're wasting your time.
228
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,010
Mom, can I come down now?
229
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,112
No!
230
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,412
JONATHAN:
Mom?
231
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:17,214
I invented something, see?
232
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,583
And when I heard about you
winning all that money...
233
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:21,752
You thought you could take
some of it away from me
234
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,587
like you tried to take
Margery away from me.
235
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,057
I thought we put
that to bed.
236
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,191
No!
237
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,559
Oh! No.
238
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:32,029
I want to make money for you.
239
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,564
(sighs)
240
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:37,334
I can give you
the world, Harlan.
241
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:38,536
Trust me.
242
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,971
(sighs)
243
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,740
We can own the world!
244
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,842
(laughing)
245
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,143
The two of us,
246
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,345
if you'll just give me
a little financial help.
247
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,814
See, I invented
248
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:54,785
a drug,
and it gives me total recall.
249
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,386
I bet you know
the way out, then.
250
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,491
What is intelligence?
251
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,462
A capacity to acquire
and apply knowledge.
252
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,897
I got the secret to acquisition.
253
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:07,898
(chuckles)
254
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,400
Out of here, Tinker.
255
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,702
Oh, Harlan,
remember your manners.
256
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,270
You go ahead, Winnie.
257
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,673
Tell Harlan all about
your little invention.
258
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:18,476
In fact, why don't you two
just discuss a little business
259
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,511
while I go
and freshen up?
260
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,047
(cracking knuckles)
261
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,082
All right, Winnie.
262
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,283
JONATHAN:
Dad, can I come down now?
263
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:27,251
No!
264
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,852
You won't
regret it, Harlan.
265
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:30,788
I'm talking about
the optimization
266
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,723
of the human computer.
267
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:36,427
The ability to search
one's lifetime library
268
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:38,229
of learning and experience.
269
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,230
Winnie, please!
270
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:44,201
You want to know who the
first six kings of England were?
271
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,803
Egbert, Aethelwulf, Aethelbald,
272
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,072
Aethelberht,
Aethelred the First and Alfred.
273
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,407
(laughing)
274
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,808
You want to know, uh,
275
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,643
the time the United States
had two presidents?
276
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,778
Who cares?
277
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,480
I-I-I can
name you...
278
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,815
I can name you the
U.S. Open golf champions
279
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,650
from 1895 to date.
280
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:02,052
Rawlins, Foulis, Herd,
Lloyd, Smith, Anderson.
281
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:03,554
Uh, uh, no,
wait a minute.
282
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,922
Uh, I forgot,
uh, 1900.
283
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,190
That was the Brit--
Vardon.
284
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,792
Then comes Anderson.
285
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,560
Winnie, will you
cut it out, please?
286
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:13,030
Harlan, this is the key
to conquering the world!
287
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:16,333
1877-- Rutherford B. Hayes
and Ulysses S. Grant
288
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,002
were both president
for a day.
289
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,003
You know what?
290
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,105
I learned that
one time hearing
291
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,207
on the television--
a quiz show.
292
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,408
(laughing)
293
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,077
Listen to this.
294
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,046
(squawking like a bird)
295
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,915
(dog barking)
296
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,784
(continues squawking)
297
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:34,952
(dog barking)
298
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,654
Well, that's the
closest I can come
299
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,623
to a ruffneck
grouse mating call.
300
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:39,991
I heard that once
301
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,693
right outside
my bedroom window in 1954.
302
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,261
Can you do a bald eagle?
303
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,130
(sighs)
Medicine.
304
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:47,532
Education.
305
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,134
I... I am talking
about the upwelling
306
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,869
of the unconsciousness.
307
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:55,039
The ability
to remember everything!
308
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,743
(chuckles) You can win
every quiz show on television.
309
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:02,880
Knowledge is power,
Harlan.
310
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:06,383
But it does make
my head ache!
311
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,685
(heavy thud)
312
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,020
Everything you ever read,
313
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:11,255
ever saw, ever heard,
ever overheard
314
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,324
is locked in your brain
right now.
315
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:17,361
Everything that you encounter
from this day on
316
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,630
will be parked
in your memory bank,
317
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,933
and only you
can get fast takeout!
318
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,568
(laughs)
319
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,669
Oh, my.
320
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:31,809
These capsules will unlock
all that information,
321
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,344
and then we can rule
the world, Harlan!
322
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:36,247
(laughing maniacally)
323
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,085
(laughing)
324
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,653
You take one
of these capsules...
325
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,156
and the blocks
326
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:48,025
between your brain cells
are weakened for an hour.
327
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:51,361
20 of them, and you are
a super-genius for life.
328
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,530
You'll remember everything.
You won't forget.
329
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,032
You'll remember
that first slap
330
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,834
that the nurse gave you
on your naked bottom
331
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,002
that started you breathing
332
00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,170
to the name of the nurse
that took you out
333
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,470
to your father's
four-door.
334
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,240
Who wants to remember that?
335
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,777
Harlan,
let's talk money.
336
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,016
I know more
about the Fortune 500
337
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,284
than any insider
on Wall Street.
338
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,386
I can give you
the long-term cycles
339
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:20,391
of every stock
on every stock exchange.
340
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:24,828
I've got them all
in my head right now.
341
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,596
I even know
the private broker signals.
342
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,299
Wave up for buy.
Wave down for sell.
343
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,569
Harlan, give me
a million dollars.
344
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,404
No!
345
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:34,571
What? Just
a million.
346
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,106
You can spare it.
347
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,441
Besides, I'll
double it in a week.
348
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,976
In a year, we'll have
a billion dollars.
349
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,145
A billion dollars!
350
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,781
You hear that,
Margery?
351
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,584
Hey, he's going to make us
even more popular with the IRS.
352
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,686
So, we'll income average.
353
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,755
No, no, no, no.
Forget taxes!
354
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:54,525
I know loopholes you can drive
an armored truck through.
355
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,492
Think, Harlan.
356
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,494
Think what a super genius
357
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,863
could do with
a billion dollars!
358
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,232
I don't think I want you
running the world, Tinker.
359
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,567
Do you want to?
360
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,002
JONATHAN (over intercom):
Dad, can I come down now?
361
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,104
No!
You will.
362
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,239
After you take one
of these capsules,
363
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:13,110
you'll be able to see
everything at once!
364
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,680
I mean, you'll get the
big picture, Harlan.
365
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,750
I'll sell you the whole
bottle for $500,000.
366
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,152
And then we'll both
be super geniuses.
367
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:24,722
One of these,
and I'll remember everything
368
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,189
for an hour, right?
369
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,026
Hmm. With you,
five minutes would be enough.
370
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:34,131
The first one's on me.
Be my guest.
371
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,132
Will my head hurt?
372
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,800
What is a little headache
373
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,935
when you can rule the world?
374
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,138
(laughs)
Harlan, rule the world?
375
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:43,474
Come on, Harlan.
376
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,276
$100,000.
377
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,510
That's all I need.
378
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,811
(stammers)
379
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,580
There is no limit!
380
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,416
Just--
Harlan, come here.
381
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,685
Just take one.
382
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:57,254
It is too good
to be true!
383
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,989
Try it.
384
00:15:59,057 --> 00:16:00,824
You're crazy, bozo.
385
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,259
Get that candy
out of my face.
386
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,427
No. What are you doing?
387
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,296
Harlan!
HARLAN: Kopec,
get in here!
388
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,031
(grunting)
What?
389
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,300
Ow!
390
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,171
Kopec!
Hey, Kopec!
391
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,440
All right,
what's the problem?
392
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,442
He's the problem!
Get him out of here!
393
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,511
All right. Come on.
394
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:21,946
Harlan Bender,
395
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,580
don't you dare throw Winnie
out of this house!
396
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,215
He's almost family.
397
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,785
All right. You're coming
with me, you little weenie.
Ow.
398
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,554
KOPEC: Come here.
Harlan, don't dare let him
take him like that!
399
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:31,788
Listen to me.
400
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:36,059
There's 483,122 security cops
in this country.
401
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,562
Just drive him out of town and
dump him in some garbage site.
402
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,498
...of every hundred cops
get hurt bad, really bad.
403
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,167
(shouting)
(body thuds)
404
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:48,672
You had no reason
to treat Winnie like that.
405
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:53,276
We have more money than we
even know what to do with.
406
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,778
Couldn't you have
given him a couple
407
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,881
of lousy hundred
thousand dollars?
408
00:16:57,949 --> 00:17:01,752
JONATHAN:
I'm tired of being locked in
my room. Can I come down now?
409
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,721
No!
Yes!
410
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:06,122
(door opens, then closes)
411
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,025
Clean up that mess
for your mother, will you, dear?
412
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,394
And look at yourself.
413
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,397
Standing there, looking
like some dance hall floozy.
414
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:19,903
Come on, Margery. I didn't
mean anything by it.
415
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:23,206
I'm sorry about poor Winnie,
but forget him, okay?
416
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,241
We're rich.
417
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,878
Why don't we start living
as though we were rich?
418
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,180
Well, it's about time.
419
00:17:30,248 --> 00:17:31,482
You know what?
Hmm?
420
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,383
I'm going to take you
for a pizza.
421
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,651
A pizza?
422
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,254
Yeah. We'll fly
to New York.
423
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,889
We'll have a pizza.
424
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,225
We'll go to a show with music
and a couple of lights.
425
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:44,060
Well, what
about Jonathan?
426
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,128
We'll get a babysitter.
427
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,263
Mrs. Turner will be happy
for the work.
428
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:48,899
On such short notice?
429
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,534
Oh, come on.
430
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,436
Oh, Harlan, let's do it.
It sounds like fun.
431
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,105
Let's really live.
432
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,207
Aw...
433
00:17:57,275 --> 00:18:00,845
JONATHAN:
The airline number
is 555-0404.
434
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:04,348
Mrs. Turner is 555-1645.
435
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:09,853
And the Broadway ticket office
is 1-800-276-3939.
436
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,688
Flying time from here
to New York
437
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,791
with consideration for wind
direction and velocity
438
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,693
is three hours, 27 minutes.
439
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,228
If you leave within the hour,
440
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:20,564
you'll make the
8:00 curtain call.
441
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:27,705
You know, on top
of everything else,
442
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,640
these taste terrific.
443
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,222
No, don't
trouble yourself.
444
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:51,395
I can only
stay a minute.
445
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,731
I was on my way to
an important business meeting,
446
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,066
and I had Kopec
bring me by.
447
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,235
How are you, Mom?
Dad?
448
00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,903
Everything's fine.
449
00:18:59,971 --> 00:19:01,071
Great.
450
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,773
My accountant tells me
451
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,542
that you've been touching
your living allowance
452
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,443
a little too heavily
for liquor.
453
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:09,679
You want
to watch that, now?
454
00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,147
We will.
455
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:14,517
Good. I appreciate that.
456
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:17,187
Do you know the mistake
Winnie made?
457
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,589
He didn't realize that his drug
would work that much better
458
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,158
on a brain that's still growing.
459
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,094
His brain overloaded.
Couldn't take it.
460
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:27,631
But me?
That's another story.
461
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:30,668
Uh, Jonathan,
it was sweet of you
462
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,836
to bring
this week's groceries.
463
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,938
I almost forgot why I came.
464
00:19:35,006 --> 00:19:35,972
(laughs)
465
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,642
That's a joke.
466
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:39,876
(chuckles nervously)
467
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,245
Kopec?
468
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:49,052
I thought you'd like a final
copy of the court order
469
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:52,489
making me
your legal guardian.
470
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:55,225
Cost me a quarter
of a million dollars
471
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:58,161
and set three precedents,
but it was worth it.
472
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,430
Now we can get on
to the important business.
473
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:04,668
(fastens briefcase)
474
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:06,103
Let's be going, Kopec.
475
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,507
I don't want to be late
for the stockholder's meeting.
476
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:12,809
Heads are going
to roll.
477
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,244
Jonathan...
478
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,780
with your father
not working,
479
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,182
and, uh, our not
going out very much,
480
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:21,118
there's very little to do.
481
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,720
Do you think
we could, uh,
482
00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:26,756
afford cable
for the television?
483
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,192
Nope.
484
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,795
No cable TV.
485
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,631
You could always
read a book.
486
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,873
Right?
487
00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:21,545
NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.
488
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,081
Waiting for us to enter.
489
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:27,317
Waiting to enter us.
490
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:33,557
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.
45297
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