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1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,868
Previously on
How I Met Your Mother:
2
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,336
TED:
She was completely amazing.
3
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:07,335
She was amazing
and funny and...
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:10,238
You have feelings for Ted.
Maybe.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,151
VICTORIA:
I've just been offered
a fellowhip
6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,383
at a culinary institute
in Germany.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,518
Do you want
to try long distance?
Yes.
8
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,124
"This long-distance thing sucks,
huh?
9
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,687
And I really need
to talk to you tonight."
10
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:21,764
She's going to dump me!
11
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,362
She's not going
to break up with you, Ted.
12
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,334
Hello?
13
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,632
Do you want to come over?
14
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,510
Kids, your grandma always
used to say to me,
15
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,206
"Nothing good happens
after 2:00 A.M.,"
16
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,748
and she was right.
17
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,223
When 2:00 A.M. rolls around,
just go home and go to sleep.
18
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,653
Case in point:
19
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:54,018
( phone rings )
20
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,018
Hello.
21
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,689
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
22
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,757
Um, listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
23
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,433
Let's back up a little bit.
24
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,497
* We are young, we run green *
25
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,071
* Keep our teeth
nice and clean *
26
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,141
* See our friends,
see the sights... *
27
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,080
Sit. Good boys.
28
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,877
Okay, remember,
29
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,118
stay out of the liquor cabinet.
30
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,424
I'll see you tonight.
31
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,017
And so the life
of a television reporter
32
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,488
is very rewarding,
33
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,357
and I strongly urge you
to consider it as a career.
34
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,697
Thank you.
35
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,629
Yeah?
36
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,628
Do you have a fiancé?
37
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,641
Marshall was here yesterday.
38
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,542
They just learned the word
"fiancée."
39
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,974
Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé.
40
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,539
Then who do you live with?
41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,738
Well, actually,
I've got five dogs.
42
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,311
Don't you get lonely?
43
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,320
No, I've got five dogs.
44
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:58,453
My grandma has five cats
and she gets lonely.
45
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,119
Well, yeah, that's cats.
46
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,988
I'm not some pathetic cat lady.
47
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,585
Not that your grandmother is...
48
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,888
Does anyone else have a...?
49
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,529
Yes?
Are you a lesbian?
50
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:09,396
No. Are you?
51
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,033
Just because a woman
lives alone
52
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:11,928
doesn't mean
she's a les...
53
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,469
Okay, let's have
a big hand
54
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,704
for Robin
the reporter.
55
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,039
All right, our next guest
56
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,314
is another friend...
57
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,272
So, Robin, you ever
report on train wrecks?
58
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,341
'Cause I just saw one.
59
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,879
What up? Tiny five.
60
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,215
Ha-ha. Laugh now,
those kids are monsters.
61
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,981
They're going
to eat you alive.
62
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,049
He has a job doing...
63
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,488
What do you do?
64
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,323
( chuckles ):
Please.
65
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,588
Kids, let's rap.
66
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,356
You guys don't give
half a brown Crayola
67
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,785
what I do for a living,
do you?
68
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,230
ALL:
No.
No, no.
69
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,625
I know what you want.
70
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,697
Magic.
71
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,125
( cheering )
72
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,271
Hello.
73
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,696
Why hasn't she called yet?
74
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,310
Okay, you're
making yourself crazy.
75
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,242
It's Saturday night.
Go out and do something.
76
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,937
What's the point of going out?
77
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,738
I got a girlfriend... for now.
78
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,280
Besides, if I go out,
who's going to watch the news?
79
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,477
I'm, like, half your viewership.
80
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,548
I'm flattered you think
we have two viewers.
81
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,516
And we're clear.
82
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,657
So, Scherbotsky,
got a boyfriend?
83
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,992
No, and why
does this keep
coming up today?
84
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,758
Oh, I just thought
that guy you were
on the phone with...
85
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,857
What? Oh, no, that was Ted.
He's just a friend.
86
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,799
I mean, there was this moment
where we almost dated,
87
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,566
but we want completely
different things.
88
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,665
Anyway, now he has
this girlfriend in Germany
89
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,537
and he thinks she's calling
to dump him tonight,
90
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,806
but I don't think she is.
91
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,384
And besides, we want
completely different things.
92
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,653
We should have sex.
93
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,712
What?
94
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:33,980
Why not?
95
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,247
We're both available,
we're both attractive,
96
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,347
we're both good at it.
97
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,748
At least, I'm good at it.
98
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,389
And even if you're not,
don't worry,
99
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,264
I'll have a good time
either way.
100
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,533
Well, moving past
the horrifying image
101
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,432
of your hair helmet
clanging against the headboard,
102
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,855
I don't get involved
with people I work with.
103
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,060
Get involved?
104
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,471
Who said get involved?
105
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,973
I'm just saying we should
have sex, it could be fun.
106
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:55,865
We're on in five.
107
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,766
Having sex is fun.
108
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,068
Home number.
109
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,339
Call me anytime.
110
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,408
A lot of local teens
in action tonight...
111
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,876
( sighs )
112
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,305
Hey, guys.
113
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,746
Miss me?
114
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,761
I missed you, too.
115
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,593
* Baby says *
116
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:23,930
* I can't come *
117
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,997
* With him *
118
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:36,381
* And I had read
all of this in his eyes *
119
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:43,482
* Long before he even said so *
120
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:46,391
* Why come? *
121
00:04:53,461 --> 00:05:00,031
* You know
I don't expect anything *
122
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,170
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
123
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,538
Um, listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
124
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:13,410
* Anything... *
125
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:22,785
Ted?
126
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:23,956
Uh, yeah...
127
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,164
Uh, hi, I'm here.
128
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,255
Do you want to come over?
129
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,097
Why? What's up?
130
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,834
Well, um, I just finally
set up my new juicer
131
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,801
and I was going to make
some juice,
132
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:40,709
and I was, like, "You know
who likes juice? Ted."
133
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,644
I love juice.
134
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,480
Great. So you want to come over
and make juice?
135
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,447
When it's after 2:00 A.M.,
just go to sleep
136
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,647
because the decisions you make
after 2:00 A.M
137
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,749
are the wrong decisions.
138
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,291
Okay, sure. I'll come over.
139
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,126
We'll... juice.
140
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,461
Yes, we'll juice.
141
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,827
Okay.
Okay... bye.
142
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,696
Bye.
143
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,436
This is fine.
This is totally fine.
144
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,806
What's fine?
145
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,944
Oh, I'm, uh, going over
to this girl's house
146
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:16,939
to make some juice.
147
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,350
( chuckles )
148
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,682
Nice.
149
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,677
No, it's not like that.
150
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,578
We're juicing as friends.
151
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,180
See, I have this
girlfriend,
152
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,491
I would never cheat on her.
153
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,094
She lives in Germany.
154
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,315
See, she was supposed
to call me four hours ago
155
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,531
to have a serious talk.
156
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,333
I still haven't heard
from her.
157
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,564
I don't know.
158
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,099
Sorry to bug you
with my problems.
159
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:42,195
Guess cab drivers
are the new bartenders, huh?
160
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,669
You ain't kidding, kid.
161
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,713
Want a nip?
162
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,184
You can just let me out
right up here.
163
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,612
Where you going to, buddy?
164
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:54,108
Park Slope,
Eighth and Eighth.
165
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,721
Okay, here's where
I left off with the last guy.
166
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,294
See, I have a girlfriend,
167
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,521
but I'm going over
to this other girl's house...
168
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,788
And you're wondering
if I'd be upset.
169
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,815
( gasps )
Hi, Ted.
170
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,761
Remember me,
your girlfriend?
171
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,826
Okay, relax, Robin's
just a friend.
172
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,525
Right. You're going
to go make some juice.
173
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,598
Yes, yes!
Juice is perfectly harmless.
174
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,566
In fact, it's healthy.
175
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,065
Oh, yeah?
Then why are you wondering
176
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,506
what she looks like naked?
177
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,971
I am not won...
178
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,639
Okay, even if I am
wondering that,
179
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,608
it's only 'cause
you put it in my head.
180
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,506
Ah, but I'm just a manifestation
of your subconscious,
181
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,608
so actually,
you put it in your own head.
182
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,420
Damn it!
Nothing's going to happen.
183
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,423
Right.
184
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,524
Okay, okay.
185
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,445
You want a second opinion? Fine.
186
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,155
( phone rings )
187
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,493
Ooh.
188
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,558
Hey, did she call?
189
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,697
No. I need a ruling.
190
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,302
Um, I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.
191
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,874
It's not even a big deal,
192
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,303
but I'm on my way over
to Robin's right now.
193
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,568
She got a new juicer.
194
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,537
Whatever.
We're going to test it out.
195
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,565
Let me call you back.
196
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,781
Honey, there's a situation
developing.
197
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,879
Do you remember the huge
secret that you told me
198
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,651
that you weren't supposed
to but you did?
199
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,689
The thing... about Robin?
200
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,116
Oh, you mean how Robin's
in love with Ted?
201
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:10,920
BOTH:
What?
202
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,931
Yeah, she told me already.
Go on.
203
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,263
Wait. So I'm the only one
that she didn't tell?
204
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,228
She told you and not me?
205
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,027
Well, I guess I'm just better
friends with her than you are.
206
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,100
Well, I'm better friends
with Ted than you are.
207
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,670
That is a lie!
208
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,168
It is not a lie.
Okay, that's it!
You and me!
209
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,539
I'm not afraid
of you!
Oh, you think...
210
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,609
I'll show you things
you never seen before!
211
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,708
I used to box
in the Army!
212
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,110
( both yelling )
213
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,852
Come on, pick up.
214
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,547
Damn it, Victoria,
where are you?
215
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,049
Pick up, pick up!
216
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,050
Cupcake?
217
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,621
No, thanks.
218
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,260
Where are you?
Why haven't you called?
219
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,564
Oh, I'm out
hooking up...
220
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,857
Hmm.
with three other guys.
221
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,399
Or maybe
222
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:54,333
I'm a devoted girlfriend
and I'm calling you right now.
223
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,701
Yeah. Why do I doubt that?
224
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,269
( phone rings )
225
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,507
Hello.
226
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,112
Ted, I just saw the news
227
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:03,743
and a truck carrying sulfuric
acid overturned
228
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,951
right in front of Robin's house.
229
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,923
And it's melting through
the sidewalk.
230
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,651
You can see straight down
into hell. It's bad.
231
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,877
You should go home, dude.
232
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,321
Marshall, it's fine.
233
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,915
Nothing's going to happen.
234
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,357
Ted, what does your mom
always say?
235
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,933
Nothing good ever...
236
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,991
Nothing good ever happens
after 2:00 A.M.
237
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,960
Go home!
It's too late for juice.
238
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,799
Dude, Robin and I
are just friends.
239
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,434
She doesn't
even like me that way.
240
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,698
Yes, she does!
241
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,897
She likes you.
242
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:28,938
She told me.
243
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,402
What?
244
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,810
It's a big secret,
so don't tell her I told you,
245
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,383
but she's very vulnerable
right now
246
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,482
and you have a girlfriend.
247
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,383
Go home, Ted.
248
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,045
She-she likes me?
249
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,253
Yes. So you see why
it would be a very bad idea
250
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,476
for you to go up there.
251
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,021
Go home, Ted.
252
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,257
She likes me?
253
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,892
Go home, Ted.
254
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:56,728
Uh, you're right. I'll,
uh, I'll see you at home.
255
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,627
Good. He's going home.
256
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,470
He is so not going home.
257
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,604
I cannot believe
you just told him that.
258
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,671
What do you mean?
259
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,868
Lilly, here's what
you just said:
260
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,039
"Ted, whatever you do,
don't go up there.
261
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,808
There's a beautiful girl who
wants to have sex with you."
262
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,848
"And then she's gonna make you
some delicious juice."
263
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,924
No, he's not going up there.
264
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,123
He has more sense than that.
265
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,885
I did have more sense
than that.
266
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,794
Keep the change.
Thanks.
Thanks.
267
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,856
But after 2:00 A.M,
my good sense was sound asleep.
268
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,705
So you're doing this?
269
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,136
You're going up there?
270
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,681
You want to get out of the way?
I'm not in the way.
271
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,978
You know, if you had
just called me, I...
272
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,294
Hi.
Hi.
273
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,258
Um, I got some vegetables.
274
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,427
I got carrots, I got beets.
275
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,604
Or we could
just drink wine.
276
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,562
Wine... not?
277
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,201
Well, that's the stupidest thing
I've ever said.
278
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,366
Make it a big glass.
279
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,707
Sure.
280
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,842
So, how's it hanging?
281
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,105
Have you
ever had
282
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,407
one of those days
where nothing at all
283
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,079
that monumental happens
284
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,378
but by the end
of it you have
285
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,120
no idea who
you are anymore
286
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,045
or what the hell
you're doing with your life?
287
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,360
Do you ever have
one of those days?
288
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,822
Uh, about once a week.
289
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,391
I don't know,
it was just a, a rough day
290
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,931
and the only person I wanted
to see at the end of it was you.
291
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,400
So...
292
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,238
um... how was the big phone
call with your girlfriend?
293
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,644
When the clock strikes 2:00,
just go to sleep.
294
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,477
We broke up.
295
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,013
What?
296
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,509
Yeah. Yeah, she finally called.
297
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,021
We talked for a while--
298
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,693
how hard long distance is--
and then... she dumped me.
299
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,423
Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry.
300
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,119
That's just terrible.
301
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,631
I feel awful.
302
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,263
You're smiling.
303
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,098
Am I? No I'm not.
304
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,528
I'm a news anchor.
305
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:13,769
Smiling's a part of the job.
306
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,104
Thousands died in a tragic
avalanche today.
307
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,340
See?
308
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,383
You're smiling, too.
309
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,252
Yeah.
310
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,222
I have no idea
what that's all about.
311
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,961
* There's got to be
a morning after... *
312
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,322
How much does
Korean Elvis rock?
313
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,660
I'll answer that.
314
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,285
Infinity.
315
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,360
He rocks...
316
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,528
infinity.
317
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,666
Okay, it's
time for bed.
318
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,872
What? No. It's 2:30.
319
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,665
Nothing good ever
happens after 2:00 a.m.
320
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,207
You know, I have found,
in my travels...
321
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,513
that all the best things
in life happen after 2:00 a.m.
322
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,347
When I look back at the
best stories of my life--
323
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,953
the Liberty Bell incident,
324
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,445
the little scrape I got in
at the Russian Embassy,
325
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,887
the almost four-way.
326
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,893
You never had
a four-way.
327
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:07,924
I said "almost."
328
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,658
All those things
329
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,492
happened after 2:00 a.m.
330
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,058
because after 2:00 a.m.
331
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,556
is when things get--
audience, say it with me--
332
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,358
legendary.
333
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,270
We're going home.
334
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:20,572
What's that?
335
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,073
Interesting theory, Barney,
but I'll need some proof? Okay.
336
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,808
Korean Elvis.
337
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,784
How would you like
338
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,612
to have a drink
with me and my friends?
339
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,507
Rock 'n' roll.
340
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,550
And it begins.
341
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,590
So, um... Hey.
342
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,292
I got a new phone.
343
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,724
Same as yours. Look.
344
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,259
Oh, yeah. Do you like it?
345
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,064
Yeah. Yeah.
346
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,795
This is some solid small talk.
347
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:49,732
( both laughing )
348
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,356
I had that
other phone,
349
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,101
and it was good,
but I think the whole time
350
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,967
a little part of me
wanted this phone instead.
351
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,437
This phone...
352
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,505
um...
353
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,913
feels right.
354
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:02,905
( phone ringing )
355
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,906
Wow. Weird.
356
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:08,318
Yeah. Uh, I should
probably take this.
357
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,921
I'll be here.
358
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,063
Hello.
359
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,764
Ted, this is your main man, K.E.
360
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,485
I want you to shake
your tail feathers
361
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,330
down here ASAP, you dig?
362
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,125
Sorry about that.
363
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,897
Was that Korean Elvis?
364
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,036
I'll explain later.
Hey, we're headed
down to MacLaren's.
365
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,541
Um... Actually...
366
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,813
I'm at Robin's.
367
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,742
Yeah, and, um...
368
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,637
I might have done something bad.
369
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,379
I just lied and told her
I broke up with Victoria.
370
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:44,047
Ted, I don't want to swear
in front of Korean Elvis,
371
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,447
but what the bleep are
you doing, dude?
372
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,519
What do you expect from me?
It's Robin.
373
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,819
Victoria's great,
but, it's Robin.
374
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,131
I've made up my mind.
375
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,663
I'm going to end it
with Victoria.
376
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:55,927
Gonna?
377
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,556
Yes. First thing tomorrow.
378
00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:02,700
Okay, but, but, as of right now
at-at... 2:45 a.m.
379
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,039
you still have a girlfriend.
380
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,644
Ted, I love you.
381
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,206
I love Robin.
382
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,675
But if you do this right now,
383
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,952
your entire future with her
will be built on a crime.
384
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,053
Just go home, Ted.
385
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,184
Don't do this the wrong way.
386
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,389
I hate how you're always right.
387
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,551
It's my best
and most annoying trait.
388
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,424
Okay.
389
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,130
I'm coming home.
I'll see you soon.
390
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,127
Hey.
391
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,668
Hey.
392
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,909
I should probably get going.
393
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,114
It's pretty late.
394
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,010
I'm sorry. I...
395
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,708
Oh. Oh, no. I understand.
396
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,279
It's fine. Yeah.
397
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,453
Can I call you tomorrow?
398
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,589
Totally. Totally.
399
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,723
Call me tomorrow.
400
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,117
Okay. Good night, Robin.
401
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,959
Good night, Ted.
402
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,761
Oh, my God.
403
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,585
We're making out.
404
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,331
Right.
Right? Right?
This is crazy.
405
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,526
Should we go to my room?
406
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,601
I mean, there's five
dogs in there, but...
407
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,840
Yeah.
Yeah?
408
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,114
Yeah.
409
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,238
I just, um... I have
410
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,511
to run to the bathroom
real quick.
411
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,084
Okay.
412
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,961
( startled yelp )
413
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,229
Stop doing that.
414
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,828
Whatcha doin'?
415
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,929
I'm calling you.
416
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,101
We're breaking up.
417
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,339
I'm doing this right now,
418
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,214
I'm coming out of this
bathroom a single man.
419
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,772
Okay. Say, Ted...
420
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,211
how long do you think that
conversation's going to be?
421
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,547
Length of an average pee?
422
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,682
No. We're gonna
423
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,716
be on the phone
for at least 20 minutes.
424
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,221
Robin's out there.
She's gonna think
425
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,983
you're in here
taking a massive...
426
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,251
What do you want from me?
427
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,720
People break up. It happens.
428
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,558
Not like this.
429
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,464
Not from the bathroom
of the girl
430
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,826
that you're about to sleep with.
431
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,033
It's not ideal.
432
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,928
Meanwhile, back at the bar,
433
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,269
Barney was still
trying to prove
434
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,995
that good things can happen
after 2:00 a.m.
435
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,510
Come on, Lily.
436
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,072
How many women can say they've
been personally serenaded
437
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,442
by Korean Elvis?
438
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,009
* Love me tender,
love me true... *
439
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,548
I think he just
spat on me.
440
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,124
Barney, you tried,
I think that's great,
441
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,123
but we're going.
442
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,294
No! No, come on.
Yes!
443
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,923
Dude, we haven't
hit legendary yet.
444
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,187
We're only at the "le.
445
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,286
We still got the "gen."
446
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,327
The "da." The "ry."
447
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,402
Okay, if we're at the "le,"
then I say we follow it up
448
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,362
with a "t's go home."
449
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,700
Oh, wow, you
just got burned,
450
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,766
phonics style.
451
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,944
No, no, no, no, no.
452
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,842
Baby, baby, baby, don't go.
453
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,114
Just one dance, huh?
454
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,284
Okay, seriously.
455
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,641
Hey, I know what you like.
456
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,886
And so, Barney was right--
the night was legendary.
457
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,323
It would come to be known
458
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,559
as The Time Lily Kicked Korean
Elvis in the Nards.
459
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,055
Hey, you guys
remember the time
460
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:51,126
that Lily kicked Korean
Elvis in the Nards?
461
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,172
You're right.
462
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,843
I owe you a real breakup call.
463
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:56,772
I'll call you tomorrow.
464
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:57,996
Good.
465
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,540
So you're gonna go home?
466
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,476
Why should I have to go home?
467
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,782
You know, there's every chance
468
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,314
Robin's the woman
I'm going to marry.
469
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,009
Ted.
It could happen.
470
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,020
And so really, what's
it gonna matter in 50 years
471
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,853
if I jump the gun by one night?
472
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:16,719
Look, I-I know this
is a moral gray area, but...
473
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,159
It's Robin.
474
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,055
And I'm exhausted.
475
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,286
I am. I'm exhausted
476
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,961
from pretending
I'm not in love with her.
477
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,529
I think that makes this okay.
478
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,697
Oh, please.
You just want to get laid.
479
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,236
Yes, I do.
480
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,401
You got me.
481
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,199
That is exactly
what I want right now.
482
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,241
And so what?
483
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,735
I want this. She wants this.
484
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,906
It's happening, and if you have
a problem with it,
485
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,575
don't be in Germany.
486
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,714
It's been nice pretending
to talk to you
487
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,819
Thanks for not calling
me and good night.
488
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,954
That's not your phone.
489
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,818
This isn't my phone.
490
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,831
Okay. Bye.
491
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,098
I thought it was mine,
so I answered it.
492
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,838
Was it...?
493
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,673
It was your girlfriend.
494
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,568
You might want
to call her back.
495
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:23,517
* Sorry, baby, but it's getting
too much to take *
496
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,730
* I close my eyes *
497
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:30,532
* I know my heart's
about to break... *
498
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,867
I called Victoria from the cab
and we broke up.
499
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,609
And there you have it, kids.
500
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,571
The stupidest thing
I've ever done.
501
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,911
In one night I managed to hurt
two people I cared about.
502
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,677
And none of it
would have happened
503
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,416
if I had just listened
to my mom.
504
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:56,793
* Saying I'm sorry
till I'm blue in the face *
505
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,656
* Leaves me empty
with no love left... *
506
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:03,526
So I guess if there's a lesson
to be learned here, it's this.
507
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:07,466
When it's after 2:00 a.m.,
just go to sleep.
508
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:17,240
* Whoa, I promise to hold you *
509
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:22,620
* How does a promise *
510
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,624
* Ever grow old? *
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