All language subtitles for The.Office.S06E04E05.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

I'm sorry, you guys
have probably noticed

my stomach's a little
more sensitive lately.

So, if you wouldn't mind
wearing a little less perfume.

And if your lunch
is especially pungent,

maybe have it in the break room.

We would really appreciate it.

Pam is constantly throwing up
because of the pregnancy.

If she eats something the
fetus doesn't like, she is screwed.

It's amazing, a three-ounce
fetus is calling the shots.

It's so badass.

Phyllis, if you could
switch to a different soap,

just for a month or two.
Yours is kind of perfumey.

Now this is getting ridiculous.

Oh, gee. I'm sorry. I
guess I missed the meeting

where we all voted
for you to get pregnant.

No. I reserve the right to peel
my hard-boiled eggs at my desk.

All morning I look fonnard
to my afternoon cigars.

And I am not stopping
for anybody.

I don't think I'm
asking for too much.

Iguessitsjust the end of
courtesy in the workplace.

(Vomiting)

Watching people get sick
always makes me sick.

And, frankly, so does
talking about it. So, wow.

(Inaudible)

Well, what do you think?

I spent all morning doing it.

It is really special.

Yeah, but aren't you supposed
to do that to our... no. It's great.

Well, it's just a really
important day for me.

Well, congrats. Thanks.

Dunder Mifflin Scranton will
be closed today and Friday

for a company wedding
in Niagara Falls.

So please leave a message and we'll
get back to you as soon as possible.

Have a great day.

Believe it or not, Kevin,
firecrackers are in the "don't" column.

So, you're going to
provide them, then?

No, this is a
firecracker-free wedding.

What the hell? You've
got to be kidding me.

Okay, all of these things
are important to remember,

but the most important thing

is that no one say anything

about my pregnancy
at the wedding.

Absolutely. Because
not everyone knows

and some people
might be offended.

Decent people everywhere
will get offended.

Well, we're thinking of my
grandmother, who we haven't told

and who is very old-fashioned.

Well, you're lucky
to have a grandmother.

Some of us have to be
our own grandmother.

You know, Angela, you don't
have to come to the wedding.

Really, Pam? Yes, she
does. Yes, she does.

We're all going to go and
we're going to have a good time.

Ow! He pinched me. No.

Next time we're all in this
room, Jim and I will be married.

We'll see.

Thank you, Dwight.

Goodbye. See you later.

Oscar: Bye. Bye.

Hey, and don't embarrass me
when we go to niagara.

What happens in niagara
stays in niagara.

(All laughing)

Don't, don't, don't. You stole
myjoke. Don't steal myjoke.

No, I didn't steal yourjoke.

Yes, I said that yesterday.

But you can say that
about anything.

What happens in accounting
stays in accounting.

Oh, yeah!

No, no, no, no. Please,
please. Dwight, that's myjoke.

Yeah, but it's so easy. That's
what I'm saying. You can say...

No, okay. This is what
I am talking about.

When we leave here
and go up to Niagara Falls,

we are representing
dunder Mifflin, everyone.

This is a very important
wedding for this branch.

The most important
wedding until I get married.

So I want you all
on your best behavior,

or so help me god...

So I will see you
up there in Viagra falls.

Pam and Jim's wedding will be
the single best pickup destination

in the history of the universe.

I stole the guest list
from Jim's desk,

and I search-engined every
female on both sides of the family.

Get out of here. Yes.

Oh, my god, Dwight.

For instance, Pam's
cousin, Jocelyn Webster.

There's a name.

(Laughing)

Two years ago, she was
selling a mountain bike.

Oh! Well, tell me about Jocelyn.

Yes.

What's she like? I will, I will.

Well, she's really into mountain
biking. But not so much lately.

Okay.

She had a couple
hundred dollars to spend.

I mean, if she was able
to sell her bike.

Is that all you have on her?

Well, if this is in fact her,
because it's a very common name.

Okay, you're an idiot.

People don't think of me as one
of the sharper dressers in the office,

but I'm going to turn that
around at this wedding.

I thought, "how can I
take it to the next level?"

The hair.

(Car honking)

It's the hair.

Okay, okay! I'm going.

(Honks)

God!

(Pop music sounding
through earphones)

Hey, do one of you guys
want to sit up front with me

so I have someone to talk to?

It's like a five-hour
drive-ish, you know.

Nah, this is so much cooler.

We feel like we're in a
limo and you're our driver.

Hmm.

Erin?

Oh, no. That wouldn't be fair
to leave Kelly alone in the back.

Not only is Erin really sweet
and cute, she smells like my mom.

Hey, my aunt told me
something neat. Yeah?

She said everything with
the wedding goes by so fast,

we should try to take mental
pictures of the high points.

Oh. Wow. That's cool.

Yeah.

Click.

You blinked. Damn it, now
that's in my brain forever.

Oh!

Lousy picture!

We should have hired a professional
to take the mental pictures.

Oh, god, wow.

Oh! I was asleep.

What? No way.

Those glasses are super dark.

Oh. Wow.

Okay. All right, we
need some tunes, I think.

You know what, I made you a cd.

Mmm-hmm. You did?
That was nice of you.

This is to play when you bring a
woman back to your hotel room.

Oh! Very thoughtful. A
little mix to set the mood.

Delightful. Pop that in.

You're going to like this.

Hello. My name
is Dwight schrute.

If you are listening to this,

you are a lucky woman
Michael has seduced.

Ah! To be in your shoes!

"What's next?"
You're probably wondering.

Don't be scared of
your night in heaven.

Are you serious?

You want me to play that for
a woman coming to my room?

Yeah. It's practical. My god.

No, no. It's...

That's not how it works.

Jim: Niagara Falls used to be,
like, a spiritual experience to people.

They stayed in tents
and it blew their minds.

But it's really kitschy now,
which is a lot of fun.

Receptionist: Halpert. Halpert.

And beesly.

Tonight we're in
two separate rooms

and then tomorrow night
is the honeymoon suite.

Great.

I know, we're
pretty excited, too.

Can we take a look
at the suite now?

I'm sorry.
Somebody just checked in.

Is there another wedding
at the hotel this weekend?

Oh, no. Just an
individual. That man there.

Hey, I got the room
the night before you guys.

I'll break in the bed.

(Chuckles)

I don't like that.

I'm going to need the
name and cell phone number

of the housekeeper responsible
for changing the sheets, please.

Hello, reservation
for Michael Scott.

One moment while I check.

Their proximity to the falls makes
everything smell like a basement.

Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm not
seeing you in here.

When did you make
your reservation?

I don't have a reservation,

but I want a room in the
beesly-Halpert block of rooms.

Oh! Okay. Unfortunately, sir,
the block only applies to the rate.

I'm afraid we're all sold out.

Dwight schrute.
I have a reservation.

Confirmation number,
Romeo-tango-g-seven-seven-four-five.

Yes. Schrute.

And I had spoken to Teresa
about a room with two safes.

Sure, no problem. Dwight: Okay.

There's your key,
Mr. Schrute. Vveh, good.

Thank you.

Dwight. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight.

I need to stay in your room.

No way. What if I meet someone?

I'm staying in your...
Come on, Dwight.

No. Michael. I would
do the same for you.

You would? Yes.

Really? Yes.Letsjustgo.

Wait a second. No, no, no. This
must be some kind of mistake.

This reservation
is under an m. Scott.

Oh! This must be yours.

Thank god.

Oh, no. Now that I don't have
a room, can I stay with you?

No. You know what, I
would say yes, but you can't.

And I'll tell you why.

Please.

If I have a woman up there

and things are getting amorous,

she's going to get turned off
if she looks in the bathroom

and she sees you brushing your
teeth with butter and Clay, okay?

Okay, okay. Ah, ha-ha! That
was a test and you have failed

for this is my room, okay?

You would not share with
me. I don't have a room?

No, you do not. Okay.

(Mockingly) Ooh! You must
pass the dungeon wisdom test.

Jerk. It worked.

When Mary was denied a
room at the inn, Jesus was born.

When Michael was denied
a room at the inn,

we don't know what happens
because that story hasn't been told yet.

Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson.

Hey, Stanley, favor. Could
I stay in your room tonight?

Are you out of your mind?
I brought Cynthia with me.

Not in the same bed.
In the other bed.

I got one queen-sized bed.

You are kidding me.

A queen-sized bed
is five feet wide.

I am not five feet
wide, Michael.

I'm not a physics major,
Stanley. I'm just saying, be careful.

Hey, guys. Hey, could I
stay in your room tonight?

Oh, gross. Blow my brains out.

That's rude.

Michael, I have an
extra twin bed if you want.

You are going to be sleeping
by yourself for the rest of your life,

so you should
just get used to it.

So, which one is Pam's grandma?

Oh, meemaw? She's
the one in the teal suit.

She's the only 80-year-old
with no smile wrinkles.

Dad, remember, no
mention of the baby, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she's very conservative.

So, mum's the word.

Mom, dad, this is Michael
Scott. How you doing?

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
Who's doing a toast?

I would like to go third,
sort of bat cleanup if...

Michael, I thought we discussed

that we'd rather you
not speak, like, at all.

Because it's just going to
be blood relatives, I think.

That is seriously going
to impede my ability

to hook up with
your female relatives.

Pretty sure
everybody heard that.

Didn't move my lips.

(Indistinct chattering)

Hey, meemaw.

I wasn't sure about
your branch of the family

after I heard about
your parents' divorce.

But you and Jim
are just perfect.

God bless you.

Thank you, but nobody's perfect.

Well, iwouldn't care
to live if I thought that.

(Chuckles nervously)

Mr. Beesly, how are you?

I'd like you to
meet kristy Kelly.

Oh! Is this your niece?

(Laughing)

No, no. She's my girlfriend. Hey,
can you make room at the head table?

From quarter three
to quarter four, up 17%.

While his sales, down 2%.
It's all there in the report.

Why would they make
the bad man your boss

if you're so much smarter?

Excellent question.
Because while I was busy

trying to improve the company
and make it a success, Jim...

The bad man was busy
kissing the boss man's butt.

Children: Ew!

That's right. It is
ew. It's very ew.

Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister,
penny. She's also my maid of honor.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm sorry, it's Kevin?
I thought it was Gil.

She thought I was
your boyfriend.

You thought I was dating this?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Oscar, it was an honest mistake.

Him? Him?

Oscar, I would be
proud to date you.

I'm sorry.

I'm not gay. I'm Kevin.

Nice to meet you, Kevin.

Yeah. You owe me an apology.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean...

Are you seeing anyone right now?

She has a boyfriend.
He's out of town.

Cool thank you.

I was the youngest vp
in company history.

More recently, he
worked in a bowling alley.

Tell her one of your funny
bowling alley stories.

How did Meredith get put
at the young people's table?

She probably switched
cards with someone.

Like I did with Erin.

(Stuttering) What?
You can't... that's... you're...

Jim and Pam, I can't tell you
how happy I am to be here.

Head table, where I belong.

It's just for family.

Well, who's that one?

Isabel poreba.
I got stuff on her.

(Chattering indistinctly)

In 1996, her 10th grade
volleyball team went ten and two.

What am I supposed
to do with that, Dwight?

That's a very good record.

All right, so I'll be like, "he is
so sweet, guys, and so kind."

That's when
I'll do the face like...

Like, "what?" Right.

And then we'll just give
him a little punch to the back.

A noogie. Although,
you know what?

Never too married for a noogie.

Neven

they have hilarious material and
they're going to totally deliver it wrong.

I would kill with the brother
stuff. It should be me up there.

It should be me and Pete,
not Pete and Tom.

Pam, you've got
the greatest smile

and your body is really fine.

Smoking.

Hoping it'll make our
wives kick it up a notch.

(Laughing) A little more cardio.

That's not appropriate.

(Tinkling glass)

Hello. Hi, everybody.

I promised iwasn't going to
make a toast and I'm not going to.

Just going to do a little
freestanding comedy,

and if at the end

everybody wants to raise
their glasses to Pam and Jim,

then so be it.

Hey, what is the deal
with the smart car?

How smart is that?
Those things are tiny.

Can you even drive
them in traffic?

(Mockingly) "Oh, I'm so smart. E
equals mc squared. I drive a smart car."

That's not smart in my book.

The real smart car is kitt,

from knight rider. Knight rider.

That's a car that can talk.
Can smart car talk?

Nope. That's not smart. No.

And also chitty
chitty bang bang.

Dwight: Very smart.

And everybody canlaugh.

It doesn't have to just be the
idiots. Everybody can laugh.

Nope. Yeah, go ahead.

Jim: All right. Hey,
everyone. Thanks for coming.

Pete: (Coughs) Douche!

Aw! Thanks, Pete.
That was really nice.

I just want to say
how happy we are

that all of you
are here tonight.

And I want to especially
thank those of you

who have traveled from far
away to be here with us tonight.

Especially the Florida cousins,

who obviously can't take a hint.

(All laugh)

Four years ago, I was just a guy

who had a crush on a girl
who had a boyfriend.

And I had to do the hardest
thing that I've ever had to do,

which was just to wait.

Don't get me wrong,
I flirted with her.

Pam, I can now admit in
front of friends and family

that I do know how
to make a photocopy.

(All laughing)

Didn't need your help
that many times.

And do you remember
how long it took you

to teach me how to drive stick?

Like a year.

I've been driving stick
since high school.

(All laughing)

So, yes, yes. For a really
long time that's all I had.

I just had little moments with
a girl who saw me as a friend.

And a lot of people told me
I was crazy to wait this long

for a date with a girl
who I worked with,

but I think
even then I knew that

I was waiting for my wife.

(All sigh)

So, I would like
to propose a toast.

So, if you'd all raise your glasses,
not Pam, for obvious reasons.

But everyone else, if you
would raise your glasses...

What's obvious?
Why can't Pam drink?

Pam can't drink? Who... I
didn't... I shouldn't have said that.

I don't know why I did. She
can do whatever she wants.

Though she shouldn't. She
shouldn't because she's an alcoholic.

Pam is an alcoholic.

Man: Jim.

That's not true. No.

(Stuttering) What we
wanted... the real reason

is that Pam's pregnant.

(Michael clearing throat)

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey, what I think Jim
is trying to say is that

they had an accident.

And you know what? These
two people, they're living together,

they are having
lots of consensual sex.

They were living together?

Yes, yes, they were
living together. Yes.

And you know what? You can't
expect them to be careful every time,

because, frankly, it's
just a different sensafion.

Michael. When you come... well?

Am I wrong? They say
it's not different,

but it's a different sensafion_.

Jim: Oh, my god, no, please.

When you use
something to block...

I think everybody knows
what I am talking about.

It's not necessarily
different for the woman.

Pam: Michael.

Michael: But it is
different... okay, okay, okay.

Michael, stop.

All right.

My point is, I said
what I wanted to say.

And, meemaw, I hope
you heard every word.

All right. Jim.

To waiting.

Man: To waiting.

Gerald: Okay. Woman: To waiting.

I should have known.

The hotel's television set had a
movie on called bru'no last night.

The remote control had
so darn many buttons on it,

I couldn't turn it off.

So, I had to just sit there
while it happened to me.

I wondered, "how could
they pick such a hotel?"

Hmm. Now I know.

Meemaw.

(Whispering) I think it
was a little touch-and-go at first,

but we saved it, ibeheve.

I can't believe it was me.

I know. I can't believe
it was you, either.

I actually think it takes
a lot of pressure off of me.

Is there something
about being a manager

that makes you say
stupid things?

I have not found
that to be the case.

Hey, smooth guys.

I am so sorry.

Can you believe it?
He screwed up, not me.

Meemaw's not coming
to the wedding.

She's leaving tomorrow morning.

Oh, my god. Are you serious?

There's going to be a free room?

(Knocking on door)

Hi, meemaw. It's Michael.

Oh! You're that foul man that
kept talking about intercourse.

Yes. Yep, one and
the same. May I?

Michael: I am actually
great with old women.

In fact, for the longest time my
best friend was my grandmother.

And then she met Harriet,

and now she thinks she's
better than everybody.

I want to go to bed,
but I can't.

I can't turn that
television off.

Oh! Okay, well.
Hook you up there.

Oh!

Thank you. You're welcome.

It was that
horrible Charlie Rose.

Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I?

Here's the thing.

Meemaw, I think you
just need to chill out

about this whole "Pam
getting pregnant" thing.

It's not 1890 anymore.
It's modern day.

And women have sex
before marriage.

And I think we need
to celebrate that.

And I know, in your day, she
would be considered a whore.

But now, women go out
and they have sex,

and they get wild, and
they take their tops off.

And they have
pictures taken of them.

And we need to encourage
that. That's part of life.

People are like cats
and dogs these days.

Exactly.

This used to be
such a great country.

I know.

I don't know
what happened to it.

They're going to name the
baby after you, you know.

They're going to call it meemaw.

You mean Sylvia.

Yes.

And if it's a boy
they will call it silvio.

Party, room 639.

Kevin: Yes.

Chicks are going to be off
the hook. Guys, too, Oscar.

Like Calvin klein models.

That sounds epic.

Can we bring anything?

Nothing.

Except for $40 for beer
and any hot chicks you know.

Because that would help me
deliver on some promises I made.

Whoo!

No one from the office has been
to a real Bernard throw-down.

If I was a girl, I would seriously
reconsider coming to this party.

But don't tell them that I said
that because I want them there.

And where do you
think you're going?

I was just going to go down
to the hotel bar for a little bit.

Well, why don't I just
save you some time

and kick you in the
stomach instead?

I just wanted to get out of
my room for a little while.

Mmm-hmm?

Okay, I'll go with you. Come on.

(Sighs) Never mind.

Are you sure? Yeah.

Could be fun. No.

What are you wearing?

Come on. It's a
casual, social outfit.

Looks like you're going
to a fish fry, Dwight.

No, they're howling at the moon.

It's suggestive to women
because of howling during sex.

Okay.

(Howling)

That's not appropriate.

(Continues howling)

Uncooi uncool, Dwight.

(Both howling)

Okay, okay. Come on, let's go.

(Both howl)

Good, it's good.
No, it's not a good idea.

There's no such thing
as a good hairpiece.

Yeah, but that's easy
enough for you to say, Oscar.

You have that thick,
beautiful chicano hair.

So nice.

I'm just worried about
the farm, you know?

Mose hates to geld
the horses by himself.

Dwight, Dwight,
shut up about the farm.

It's not relatable.
Nobody owns a farm.

Wait, you're worried about
your horses? That's cool.

How many horses do you have?

Nine and three-quarters.

I invented a device called
"burger on the go."

It allows you to obtain six regular-sized
hamburgers or twelve sliders

from a horse without
killing the animal.

George foreman is
still considering it.

Sharper image is
still considering it.

Sky mall is still
considering it.

Hammacher schlemmer
is still considering it.

Sears said no.

(Upbeat pop music playing)

Toy story, finding Nemo, up.

I bawl the entire time.
I cannot watch pixar.

Michael. Yes?

Drop this one, abort. Why?

I found twins.

Oh, my god. Twins.

I'm sorry, you understand.
Nice to meet you.

Aren't they magnificent?

They're men, Dwight.

I love finding
a good set of twins.

Something is wrong with you.

(Music continues playing)

Yeah, Meredith. That's cool.

You call that a robot? Try being
more robotic, okay? Like this.

Lame. What else you got, Andy?

How about a little bit of this?

Oh, yeah? What else you got?

Yeah, what else you got?

Did someone change my
name to baskin Robbins?

Because I feel
like a banana split.

Whoo!

(Screaming)

What else you got?

Oh! All right. Easy. Easy.

Cynthia: Easy, easy.

It's going to be fine, it's
going to be fine. Pam's here.

Pam?

(Knocking on door)

I was dancing and I did a split

andllanded on my
car keys in my pocket.

What?

I tore my scrotum. I need
you to take me to the hospital.

Andy, I'm getting
married in eight hours.

Everyone else is too drunk.
Just don't let me die here.

Hey, hey, where are you? Can
you take Andy to the hospital?

Jim: What?

He tore his scrotum dancing.

What?

He is in my room
icing his balls.

What? Please stop saying "what."

Can you take him?

Look, I would so take him

in any other circumstance,

but I'm pretty certain
I'm completely wasted.

Your brothers took
you out drinking?

Uh... Michael: Is that Pam?

Hey, have her come out. Have her
come out. It'll be like coyote ugly.

That's Michael.
You're out with Michael?

Jim: And Dwight. Dwight: Hey-oh!

Jim: Pam, it just happened.

Okay, fine. I'll take him.

Jim: Llove you.
Okay. I got to go.

Michael: (Laughing) Llove you.

Are you pushing
me off the phone?

Jim: No. Let's talk
for a long time.

Goodbye.

Mmm.

It's after midnight.

You're married. He's married.

That's not how that works.

Oh, my god. Congratulations.

You're not going to
be able to talk back.

You'll have Pam to answer to.

She'll be sitting
at home saying,

"Jim, take the baby to the zoo,

"because I want to sit
at home and eat bonbons

"and clip my toenails."

"Jim, hey, why don't you braid
my hair? I want to watch TV."

Now you sound like Kermit.

Are you sure this
is the right way?

Nope. I, like you, have
never been here before.

Well, at least
slow down a little bit

because every little bump in the
road is major pain on my scrotum.

Look, I'm not the one
who asked you to do a split

when you've
never done one before.

Well, I was trying to liven
things up a little bit, okay?

I was kind of
doing your job, so...

My job?

My job is to get married in
the morning. That's my job.

Well, it's also to make
sure we have a great time

at your stupid wedding, so...

(Tires screech)

(Exclaims in pain)

(Sighs)

(Chuckles)

I spent the night
with the bride,

the night before
the wedding. Oh, yeah.

She stepped on my hand
on her way to the bathroom.

Andy, did I dream that you
were crying through the night?

No. No, that was real.

Why don't you take a picture?
It'll last longer.

God! Can I get a little privacy?

(Bell dings)

Good morning,
how can I help you?

I left a pair of dress shoes in a
bag outside my door last night

to be cleaned and polished, but
they haven't been returned yet.

You must be Mr. Malone.
One moment, please.

Thank you.

(Whispering) Sir, this
is the man with the shoes.

Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone.

They were stolen?

No, destroyed.

What?

When the bag was opened by our
shoe-shine, the smell overcame him.

I, too, smelled them
and made the choice

that they must be thrown away.

Incinerated, actually.

But that was
my only pair of shoes.

It became a safety issue, sir.

Well... damn it!

I can offer you
a complimentary breakfast.

Okay.

You have everything?
Cell phone, charger?

Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

So, you sure you
don't want breakfast?

It's the most important
meal of the day.

It really is. I'm not hungry.

I ate a whole bunch of sunflower
seeds after you went to sleep.

And besides, I wouldn't want
to take you away from Pam

on the morning of her wedding.

She needs you, Isabel

that's really sweet, Dwight.

So, I'll see you at the wedding?

You know it. Okay.

Okay, get out of here.

Okay? Bye.

Hey, good morning. Hi.

It's about damn time.

Ihavent gone to the
bathroom in a day and a half.

Oh, my god, Dwight!
This room is a pit.

Really? Hadn't noticed.
Too busy knocking boots.

How can you eat like that?

I'm ravenous after a
night of lovemaking.

You?

Yeah, I'm hungry.

But I'm not going to
make a pig out of myself.

Hey, what was she like?

She was cute. You know,
she was hot. She was very hot.

She made love like a tiger.

Bride's side or
groom's side or townie?

She was from Europe.

No kidding. Uh-huh.

I bet she had hairy armpits.

Isabel was nice, but I hope she
doesn't think this is going anywhere.

Wait a second. You're not
into her? Are you kidding me?

She's Pam's best friend. No.

You guys could double-date.
Swap, maybe?

Oh, please.
Put a gun in my mouth.

No, you're crazy.

Look, she's a dental
hygienist from carbondale,

and she makes love like one.
She's a bumpkin. Pass.

She's... okay, do you know
how hard it is to be a hygienist?

You have to take x-rays,

you have to scrape the
plaque off of people's teeth,

you have to tell
kids when to spit

and make sure that they're not
scared when the dentist comes in.

It, it...

You should ask her out.

I already have my
European girlfriend.

If your hat hits me in
the face one more time...

That's funny. Your wife loved
this hat the last time she saw it.

Oh, my god.

Oh!

Oscar. Angela.

Are you in a lot of pain?

What, because of
last night? No way.

Reports have been exaggerated.

Weddings make me very emotional.

I just have that side to me.

Yeah, people say
you cry all the time.

Well, that's not...

Crotch injuries are the worst.

You don't need to tell me.

I wasn't telling you.

There's still something there?

Excuse me?

They didn't get torn off?

No, they didn't... nothing
got torn off. Who told you that?

I may have told
some people that.

I'm nervous. I'm
about to get married.

If you want to sit on this.

I was thinking the wood might be
too hard on your damaged penis.

Make it softer.

It's my scrotum, and it was.

Sure. Thank you.

Oh. Here we go.

They asked for cash. But you
know, I give them cash every week.

So, how much cash
does a person need?

I have taken it upon myself to
do something a little more special.

I have painted a portrait of
the two of them from memory.

And I have another one of them
in the nude. But that one is for me.

I got them a set of turtle boiling
pots, shell hammer and bibs.

Is it zipping over your
belly? Don't squish the baby.

Pam: Thank you, weirdo.

Everybody see kristy's
stupid blonde extensions?

It's like they were made
from a plastic broom.

Pam: Okay, here I come.

Helene: Oh! Penny: Pam!

Darling, you look beautiful.

Thanks, mom.

I hope he deserves you.

He does.

Are you sure? Remember, you
don't have to do this. You don't.

Mom, you're totally
projecting and being a drag.

Yes, thank you, mom.

Hey, I'm going to go outside
and talk to Dwight.

Okay, great. Yeah,
I'll see you in a second.

Wait. What?

(Veil ripping)

Oh, no.

(Cell phone ringing)

Hey.

Pam: Can you come here, please?

Is this allowed?

(Crying) No, no. But I'm
allowing it. Just come here.

That was an intelligent comment.

Hello, stranger. How do I look?

Oh! Fine. Isabel?
Nice to see you.

What do you want?

Nothing. Anymore.

So, tell me again

the difference between
filene's and filene's basement.

Hey, hey. He's not
sitting with me, either.

Where are you sitting?
Do you need a seat buddy?

I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid.

Oh. I wish I was a bridesmaid.

Where am I gonna go?

Hey.

Wow.

You look... terrible.

So beautiful.

Hey.

My veil tore.

I knew when we were getting
married and I'm five months pregnant,

that I'm not going to be able to
wear the dress that I always wanted,

or high heels.

Hey, you look just
as I imagined you.

Pam, you're so pretty.

Thank you.

And who cares? It's
a stupid veil, right?

No, this is the one
thing I was supposed

to be able to control,
was this veil.

There. Now we're even.

(Sighs)

Everyone's driving me crazy.

I know way too much
about Andy's scrotum.

And my mom won't
stop freaking out

about my dad's new girlfriend.

(Sighs)

This is supposed to
be our wedding day.

Why did we invite
all these people?

(Sniffling)

I think Pam ran away
because she knew deep down

she wouldn't be a good wife.

Yes.

(Whimpering)

What are you doing?

I'm trying to decide
if I have time to pee.

How long do you take to pee?

The peeing is fast, Oscar.

It's getting my tie back on.

Hey. Hi. Would you have
a snack in your purse?

You're a mom, I just
figured you might have one.

Yeah.

Oh! Ooh! Apricot.

Do you have any of the very
Berry or ocean splash, or...

Okay. Were you saving it?

No, no. That's
okay. I've just...

I've had a very rough weekend.

Oh, I'm sorry.

(Exclaims)

Apricot. Made of real apes.

Do you think they
canceled the wedding?

Relax, you'll get
your shot at Jim.

Those two treat the whole
office like a 1970s key party.

My weekend was bad so far.

Oh!

I came here hoping
to meet somebody,

you know, as you do at weddings.

End up going to sleep
by the vending machine.

It was loud, but it was warm.

That sounds awful.

And the love of my life
is dating somebody else.

Just_

It is a terrible year for love.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Thinking about
having my sperm frozen.

Excuse me, you Michael Scott?

Yeah.

Heard you might have
a whoopee cushion on you.

Our sister's in the can and
we totally want to get her

when she comes back.

Wow. That sounds
hilarious. I do, actually.

There you go,
use it in good health.

Tom: Yes. (Imitates explosion)

Wait a minute. What is the
etiquette on taking the gifts?

Can you only take your own back?

Or is it a
whatever-you-can-carry thing?

Anyone have anything they
want to trade for a toaster?

Does it have slots for hot dogs?

Who would want it?

Guys, maybe we should
wait a little more time

before we start grabbing boxes.

Dwight.

I'd like to lodge a formal
complaint against Jim

for making us wait
for over an hour.

God. Crap!

Come here, you. Get in there.

Well, I guess this wedding
is not going to happen.

I wonder if this is it for them?

(Pam laughing)

Hey, what happened?
Where were you guys?

Do you know how long
I've been waiting here?

Well, we are here now,
so let's go.

Michael: Yes! Yes!

I have so much joy in my
heart right now. How do I look?

You look great.

You look great.

(Bridal march playing)

Wear a tie much?

(Exhales)

(Stops playing)

(Hip-hop music playing)

(Exclaims)

Oh, boy.

(Sighs) I begged them not to.

Mmm-hmm.

I know you specifically put
this song on your do-not-play list.

Yes, I did.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead,
I think it's your turn.

Wait, what happened?
You're okay with this?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Okay, then.

Hey, Pam? Did you see
this? It was on YouTube.

Saw it.

(Inaudible)

(Exclaims)

(Inaudible)

(All cheering)

(Bridal march playing)

Ibought those boat tickets the
day I saw that YouTube video.

I knew we'd need a backup plan.

The boat was actually plan c.
The church was plan b.

And plan a was marrying
her a long, long time ago.

Pretty much the day I met her.

What an awesome party! The
best wedding I've ever been to.

I got six numbers.

One more would have been
a complete telephone number.

This was epic.

My kleenex shoes were
a huge conversation piece.

But, man, my dogs are barking.

Ooh!

My feet were so sweaty,
I can't even feel the cold.

What a lovely hotel.

Okay.

(Chuckung)