All language subtitles for brooklyn.rules.2007.limited.720p.bluray.x264-rusted-eng

Now we're reading
from the letter of st. Paul

To the philippians.

Brothers and sisters,

As long as in every way,
whether in pretense or in truth,

Christ is being proclaimed...

In catholic school,

They taught us that jesus died
for our sins.

With his blood,

He made
the ultimate sacrifice:

Giving his life.

In brooklyn...

We learned
of another sacrifice...

Heads.

Taking a life.

I guess you can call this
my confession,

Except i'm not asking
for forgiveness.

That's bobby,
one of my two best friends,

The sweetest guy
in the world

But a legendary
cheapskate.

This is carmine:
great guy

But incredibly vain,
even as a kid.

This, of course, is me.

Okay,
i know what you're thinking.

How could i steal
from a church collection plate?

Well, i knew stealing
was supposed to be a sin,

But i learned to live
by a different set of rules.

Whoa.

Get up!

Get up.
You hear me?

And god fuckin' help you,
donny,

If i find out
you lied to me!

Boo!

What's your name?

Carmine mancuso.

Your mother italian?

Yes, sir.

I gotta go take a leak,
all right?

All right.
Don't get lost.

Man, these uniforms suck.

They should let us wear
bell-Bottoms.

What,
like keith partridge?

Nah,
that guy's a queer-

Him and that redheaded kid.

Oh, man.

Guys! Come here!

Carmine! Michael!
Hurry up!

Oh, fuck.

Whoa.

Whoa.
Let me see.

No way, man.
It's mine.

Hey, puppy.
Aw, look.

You okay?

He's cute.

Ooh, sharp teeth.

What should we do
with him?

Nothin'.
I'm keepin' him.

Well, you're a spunky one,
aren't you?

This is creepy,
guys.

Let's get
out of here.

Bobby did end up
keeping the dog,

And carmine
kept the lighter.

As for me, you can bet your ass
i kept that gun.

By 1985, we were all grown up
and still close as ever.

Carmine had fallen in love

With himself.

I mean, if you told the guy
to go fuck himself,

He'd actually consider it.

Bobby was still
a sweetheart,

Living at home
and cheap as ever,

Throwing quarters around
like they were manhole covers.

Come on, sparky.

As for me, despite the fact

That i was basically
a neighborhood fuck-Up,

I had somehow managed
to scam my way into columbia-

Me, a jerk-Off
from brooklyn,

In the ivy league.

And don't get me wrong.

I'm not saying i was stupid.

I loved to read and was
a pretty good writer too.

For me, school was a way out
of the neighborhood,

A chance to be something.

I figured, with my natural
ability to bullshit

And near-Total lack
of conscience,

I should be a lawyer.

My plan was to buy a big house
in westchester,

Where i'd play tennis
and water polo

And shit like that.

Hey! What are you,
fuckin' blind?

But in my neighborhood,

It was better to keep ambitions
like water polo to yourself.

What the fuck already?
Just valet it.

20 minutes,
20 minutes looking for a spot,

You cheap cocksucker.

I'm not cheap.

Please, if you saw a sign that
said "free slaps in the face, "

You'd be the first
on line.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Whoa.

We gotta park.

Park? They got valet
right here!

I'm not valeting.
It's a rip-Off.

Look at that ass
over there.

That's a guy, bobby.
Come on.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's not a guy.

Pretty good, bobby,
we're like 19 miles away.

So we'll get
some exercise.

I don't need exercise.
I did 200 push-Ups today.

Oh, was he happy?
Was who happy?

The guy underneath you,
was he happy?

What are you laughing at
with those fucking shoes?

What?
They're penny loafers.

Yeah,
i know what they are.

My grandfather
has the same ones.

It's called
a classic look, asshole.

Classic?

Meaning, it never
goes out of style

Like that sweater's gonna do
in about 20 minutes.

Cardigans are back,
my friend.

Please, you look like
the italian fred macmurray.

You know,
before my three sons,

Fred macmurray
used to be in movies.

Who gives a shit?

Nah, double indemnity,
it's a good movie.

You should see it.

Fuck fred macmurray,
okay?

Mike, you got a 20
you could lend me, please?

Till tuesday,
come on.

I'll give you another excuse
till wednesday.

Come on, please?|

Bobby never passed a church
without saying a prayer,

A habit beaten into him
by overzealous nuns.

Fuckin' hump.

Apparently, they hadn't beaten
carmine hard enough.

In the name of the father,
the son, and the holy ghost,

Hail mary,
mother of god.

I know this is asking a lot,
but please,

Do you think
you could help these two losers

Get laid tonight
or what?

That's really fucked,
carmine.

Yeah, you're praying
to a virgin to get us laid.

You know you're both
going to hell?

Both of yous,
hell.

Father canzoneri.

In our neighborhood,

Pastels was the place
to hang.

Jesus christ,
look at all these broads.

It is like the museum
of pussy in here.

Petey.

Hey, carmine.
What's up?

Is your sister here?

Yeah, she's
down there.

Hey, nice sweater.

You know, fred macmurray
used to be in the movies.

Don't listen to him.

I thought you were going
to call me.

I was,
and i lost your phone number.

But i'm going to call you;
i promise. Right.

"Come on, man, " what?
Huh?

What, huh?

Hey, hey, get off him!

Get your fucking hands off me.
You know who i'm with?

I don't give a fuck
who you're with.

Yeah, you don't care?
No.

What the fuck
are you looking at, huh?

What the fuck
are you looking at,

You fuckin' douche bag?

Come here.

The back of the club
was the vip section,

Vip being a euphemism
for wise guy.

By the mid-'80s,

Caesar was a captain
in the gambino family

And the man who controlled
our neighborhood.

It was common knowledge
he was a ruthless motherfucker.

Look at that suit.

Look at that fuckin' suit
he's wearing.

It's a $2,000 suit.
Brioni, it's nice.

Legend had it
that caesar once killed guy

For giving him a bad haircut.

For me, that always explained
why carmine worshipped him.

He's calling me over.
Mike, he's calling me over.

He's calling me over.

How's my hair look?
How's your hair?

It ain't enough
you kiss his ass?

You're going
to go fuck him too?

Fuck you. |

Hey, look who it is.

Sit down over here.

How's your mother?

Oh, she's really good.
Thank you for asking.

You know
philly cabrese?

Hey.
Carmine mancuso.

I heard some good things
about you.

This kid, back
in the fucking little league

Over there at st. Columbus,
caught a piece of the ball,

Look the fuck out.

Good with a bat, huh?

That's a good skill to have.

You two should get
to know each other.

Yo,
we gotta talk to him.

Who?
Who? Carmine.

This wise-Guy shit,

He's getting too involved
with these guys.

He's a big boy.
Mike, i'm serious.

All right,
we'll talk to him.

Hey, what do you think
of the one in pink?

The fat one?

She's not that fat.

All right,
she's a little fat.

But you wouldn't
fuck her?

I don't know, mike
i don't know.

Eh, fuck you.

You're half a fag anyway.

Mm,
oh, yeah.

Unh, yeah.

Ah, don't stop.
Ah.

Ah, don't fuckin' stop.

Mike!

What was that?

Don't worry about it.

They said your name.

There's a lot of mikes around.
Don't stop.

Ah.

Jesus!
Hurry up and come already!

Come on,
i'm starving to death.

That's not funny.
Your friend's an asshole.

Come on; come on.

Take that thing
out of her head; let's go.

Watch the seats.

You couldn't have waited
five more minutes?

Give me a break.
We did you a favor.

Yeah, seriously, mike.

I'm just saying,
i mean, a girl that fat,

You put your cock in her mouth,
it could be dangerous.

Look, she was ugly, mikey.
Come on.

You fucking assholes.

Well, if it isn't the last
of the big spenders.

Yes, please,
um, a big stack of pancakes

And a cup of decaf.

Just coffee, please.

So what comes with this

"Give me liberty,
or give me eggs"?

Three eggs, toast,

And two pieces
of bacon or sausage,

Exactly like it says
right there.

Okay, i'll have that.

Yes, please.

How would you
like them, moron?

Oh, well, um,
scrambled?

Bacon or sausage?

Can i have one piece
of each?

I suppose.

Oh, and a lemonade,
please.

Thank you.

Give me liberty,
or give-

Why do you always have to order
something so fucking stupid?

What's with the lemonade?
I like lemonade.

Can i have water?

Is that all right?

So?

What's new
with murder incorporated?

What do you mean?

You were over there
a long time.

Caesar introduced me
to some people, so what?

So why are you getting involved
with these guys?

Why are you
breaking my balls?

Why don't you
give me a break?

Christmas is coming.
I need a score.

You want a score?

I got a scam for you,
can't miss.

Oh, yeah?

You go down to macy's;
you fill out an application,

Loading dock
or some shit.

First week, you show up,
do your job; everything's great.

End of the week,
they give you a paycheck.

Now, you put that aside.

Next week, same thing:
you show up,

Do your job.

End of that week,
they give you another check.

What's the scam?

Well, that's it.

It's called a fuckin' job.

Very funny.
Very funny.

I'm sure your fat girlfriend
found you very amusing.

Shut up, douche bag.

She's a big girl, mike.
Aw, shut up.

She's a big girl.

After the hamilton house,
we'd usually split up.

Carmine would head back
to pastels

And pick up a girlfriend...

For the night...

Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho,
watch the hair.

Come on.
Sorry.

Don't be sorry; just don't
touch my fuckin' hair.

While bobby'd pick up amy,

His girlfriend for life.

They met at a video store.

They were both trying to rent
the only copy of brigadoon.

Hey, i guess people have gotten
together for dumber reasons.

Between work and school,

I didn't have time
for a relationship,

At least that's
what i told myself.

Okay, people.

This midterm counts
for 50% of your grade,

So answer fully
and completely.

You may begin now.

Remember i told you earlier
how i loved to read?

Well, that's true,
except for one minor detail:

I hated reading schoolbooks.

It was weird.

In some ways,
i liked being unprepared.

It was like
this incredible challenge:

Me against the system.

Of course,

Sometimes i failed to meet
that challenge,

Like right now.

An "f" now
would have killed me.

I was six months away
from graduating,

Applying to law schools,

And dead
in the fucking water.

But i wasn't about to let
that stop me.

Okay, people.
Time's up.

Pencils down, please.

Hand in your blue books,
please, right here.

B & b meats was where
i worked after school:

Good pay and all the cold cuts
i could eat.

Come on.
Go sweep up for me, all right?

Evenin'.
You the boss?

Night manager.
Help you?

Earl webber.

I'm in waste disposal.

Now,

I know what
you're thinking.

You already deal with
a private sanitation company,

But what would you say
if i told you

I could cut your rates
in half?

You're obviously not
from around here.

Son, stop right there.

You know what this is?

It's an ear.

I cut it off a gook
in vietnam.

I'm impressed.
What's your point?

That if i can deal
with the v. C.,

I sure as shit can deal
with the boys around here.

Now, you give your boss
my card; you tell him

Earl webber's
at his disposal.

You all
have a good evening.

This guy was obviously
a mental case.

In new york, private sanitation
was controlled by the wise guys.

Invent a better mousetrap here,

You got a mousetrap
stuck up your ass.

Temple sinai
was a local shul

That occasionally ran
a "las vegas night"

To raise money for israel...

At least that's
what they told the cops.

The truth was that its rabbi
was a degenerate gambler

Into his bookie for 50 grand.

Come on. Again.

Jesus christ!

The result was,
every night was las vegas night,

Our own neighborhood casino,
run by caesar.

The fuck
is wrong with you?

Ah, yes.

Here he is,
carminuch.

Hey, billy,
what's going on?

My buddy michael.
Michael, billy.

How's it going?

Listen,
come by butterfingers.

Let me talk to you
about that thing, all right?

All right, yeah.
Listen, play nice.

Don't hurt yourselves.

21.

What's that,
like, the ninth fucking time?

Shocking.

Right there,
that's what i'm talking about.

Montana and that donkey mcmahon,
they all got that stuff.

21.
Shocking.

Everybody lose.

Everybody lose!

Come on,
put me out of my misery.

Come to poppa.
You bring a face card right now.

No, it's not a cocksucker.
It's good.

Aces, split.

Yeah?
Yeah.

I have no money.
I can't.

Split? Yes?

I have no money.

Go ahead.
His credit is good.

Go ahead.
Split the aces.

N- No, i-
I don't want to do that.

You don't want
to split aces?

I do. I just...

Don't want credit.

You don't want credit?

Oh.

Okay, what do you say
i give your friend here credit,

And you owe him
the money?

I can't do that.

Mikey.
Hmm?

I'm starting to get
a little complex here, kid.

I don't mean
any disrespect, really.

It's just-
I'd rather not.

So are you gonna
stay on 12?

Uh, hit me.

Still 12.

Come on, nine or less.

Ooh, the suicide king,
huh?

That was fuckin' genius,
kid.

Suicide king.

Mr. Martinez.

Nice job. Nice job.

Miss frazen,
hmm,

Showing your leftist
leanings, i see.

Miss deutsch,
very, very nice.

Okay, folks, take a moment
to look over your papers.

Then i'd like
to continue

The discussion
we started last time

On veto powers.

Uh, excuse me,
professor?

Mm-Hmm?
I didn't get my test.

I didn't give it
back to you?

Uh, no.

Huh.

Well, this has never
happened to me before.

Well, you didn't lose it,
did you?

Well, i mean,
i suppose

I might have misplaced it
someplace, but i-

I don't believe this.

Are you sure
that you handed it in?

What's that
supposed to mean?

Well, um,

I'll make arrangements
for you to take a makeup exam.

A makeup-

I'm already studying
for the final.

This is bullshit.

You lose my exam,
and it's my fault?

How do you think
that you did?

Frankly, sir,
it's not how i think i did.

I know i got an "a".

I ain't never studied so hard
in my life.

Well, how about this?

Um...

If it doesn't turn up,

We'll let the final
count for your entire grade.

All right,
but do me a favor.

When you're grading the final,
bear in mind

I got an "a"
on your midterm.

Hm.

Hey!

Hi.
Hey.

How you doin'?
Good.

Michael.
We're in poli-Sci together.

Right, sure.
I'm ellen.

Yeah, i know.

So foster lost my test.
Do you believe that?

Incredible, huh?

So you live
in the city?

East side.
What about you?

Brooklyn for right now,

But i'm thinking
of moving,

The village, maybe.

Cool.
I love it down there.

Hm.

Listen,

Would you like
to have a drink?

What, like right now?

I was thinking
this weekend, you know,

Saturday, maybe.

But now is good too.

Actually, my birthday
is this weekend.

Oh, hey,
happy birthday.

Thanks.

I'm having a party
on saturday.

You're welcome to come.

It's at addiction
in tribeca.

Yeah, yeah, sure.
I go there all the time.

Great margaritas.

Right.

Excuse me.

So i'll see you
on saturday then?

Any time after 9:00
is good.

Yeah, great.
Happy thanksgiving.

Thanks. You too.

This is bobby's house,

But for all intents
and purposes,

It was mine too.

I never really knew my dad,

And my mom died
when i was 17.

The canzoneris
were like family.

That's bobby's mom,

Hands-Down the worst cook
in brooklyn.

Compared to her lasagna,

A bowl of shit
would taste like haagen-Dazs.

Aunt louise:

The most depressing woman
in the world.

She wouldn't be happy
sitting in the lap of jesus.

Bobby's dad:
though he was born and raised

Right here in brooklyn,
this man has done more

To mangle the english language
than ebonics.

It's
march of the wooden soldiers.

Change it back.

Friggin' dog, get up!

Teresa!
What?

He's pissin' the carpet again.
He's incompetent!

It's incontinent,
john.

Oh, who gives a shit?

Bless us, o, lord,
for these five gifts

Which we are about
to receive

From thy boundaries,

Through christ,
our lord.

Amen.

Those kids,

The ones
in the stolen car...

Yeah,
it's terrible.

16 years old.
Now they're dead.

Some thanksgiving
for their families.

See what happens
you don't wear a seat belt?

Ma, they were driving,
like, 100 miles an hour.

Irregardless.

I bet you wear
your seat belt.

Well...

Who says i don't?

Die in a stolen car?

You'd probably go to hell.

This is delicious,
mrs. Canz.

It's great. |

The hell is carmine?

Maybe somebody let the air
out of his pompadour.

All right, here.
Check this out.

Let me know
what you think.

$8. 73 an hour.

Are you gonna be
a mailman?

A mail clerk.

See, that way, if it rains,
you get to stay inside.

It's federal, so if you fuck up,
they can't fire you.

How can you possibly

Fuck this up?

I don't know.

I'm just saying.
What do you think?

It's good.

You know,
you're happy; i'm happy.

When's the test?

I just sent out
for the application.

What's up?

Holy...

What's so funny?

What?

So the mafia's hiring
bullfighters now?

Seriously, carmine,

You gotta be
fucking kidding.

Yeah, all right, why don't you
check out gq this month?

'Cause this is
the next big thing.

Where, guadalajara?

Funny.
Very funny.

Go shine your penny loafers
so we can go.

We ready now, please?

Mm-Mm, he's going
over to amy's.

You can knuckle her
any time.

That's it.
Now none of yous the best man.

You're gonna marry
the girl.

You're gonna see her
every day

For the rest
of your life.

Not if i can't afford
a ring.

It's a movie,
you fuckin' chiseler.

Okay, how about
kiss of the spider woman?

How about
you kiss my fucking asshole?

How about that, huh?

Then i'm not going.

Ugh, fine,
we'll go without you.

Come on, zorro.

Motherfucker.

Be quiet!

My parents are sleeping.

Michael j. Fox comes back
at the end, right?

How come his parents,
they're over here;

They don't recognize him
as the kid from the beginning?

Doesn't make any sense.

Well,
maybe time travel

Screws with your memory
or something.

But they didn't time travel;
he did.

Doesn't make
any fucking sense.

I wouldn't overthink it,
you know?

I'm just saying.

Fuckin' pig.
Give me a napkin, would you?

Yeah.

What's this?
Nothin'.

Some redneck
came in the store,

Tried to get me to hire him
as our new garbage company.

Get the fuck out of here.

He's got a necklace

With a fuckin' ear on it.

He cut it off some gook
in the war.

Send him after
that blackjack dealer

Is what you should do.

Hey, what did philly want
to talk to you about that night?

"Come see me
about the thing. "

Um, nothing,
you know, he's...

Got something going down
at the airport.

Ever heard
of john gotti?

No.

He's with the gambinos
in queens.

Philly's in with some
of his crew, so-

Why are you fucking around
with these guys?

I don't know, mike.
What do you think?

Maybe i should
sign up for college, maybe,

Start hanging out
in the city, huh?

What's that
supposed to mean?

I don't know.

Sometimes you act
like we don't come

From the same place.

What are you
talking about?

What am i "talking" about?

What am i talk-That.

You sound
like thurston howell.

Excuse me for not wanting
to sound like a moron.

Oh.

You know what i mean.

Don't you ever want
to get out of this hellhole?

Where am i gonna go?

The whole world's crazy.

Not like here, it isn't.

Not I-

They shot the fuckin' pope,
for chrissakes,

Right in the vatican.

Most accidents happen
within two blocks of your house.

Look, it's just-
Philly,

Those other guys,

I worry about you;
that's all.

Tired of being a bust-Out, mick.

So get a straight job.
What? What?

A straight job
with some bullshit company?

90% of the world
works in some bullshit company.

I'm not them.

You understand?
I'm not them.

Okay?
I want respect in life.

That's it.

You know what?

You can say
what you want

About philly
and about caesar,

All right,
the rest of those guys,

But they get
their money,

And they get
fuckin' respect.

There's a big difference
between fear and respect,

Carmine.

All roads lead to rome, mikey.

All roads lead to rome.

Just be careful,
okay?

I don't want to find you dead
with two in the pompadour.

See you later, buddy.

Yeah.

Hey, you forgot
your jacket.

No, i didn't.

Keep it,
you fuckin' hump.

We're closed!

Michael, i'm sorry.
Come here. What's wrong?

Come here.

Hit the lights.
You close the gates.

Hey.

It's nice
to see you again.

By the way, i'm caesar.
You're...

Michael.
Michael, right.

This is
the piece of shit

That tried to get you
to hire him, right?

Ungh!

H- He didn't really-

Yes or no.
It's not your fault.

Oh, all right.

Look, you're a good kid.
You don't want to get involved.

I understand.

Hey, scumbag!

Foghorn leghorn,
let's go!

On your feet!|

I'm talking to you,
asshole.

Fuck you!

Oh!

Now, did you try to get him
to hire you?

What are you lookin' at him for?
He can't fuckin' help you!

It's not the end of the world.
I just want to know.

Now tell me.
Did you or did you not?

You tell me the truth,
i'll let you go.

Yeah.

Is that a yes?

That wasn't so hard, was it?
You okay?

You all right?
I'm sorry i was rough with you.

I lost my fucking temper.

I should learn
how to count to ten.

Needles and pins
or some fuckin' thing.

Ah!|

I heard you got that
as a souvenir in vietnam.

I never made it
over there myself,

One of the biggest regrets
of my fuckin' life.

Let me tell you.
A real fuckin' shame.

I would have liked to have had
one of those for myself.

But you know something?

I think maybe
i'll make one right now.

No! No! No!

Cocksucker, come on.
Turn that thing on!

Come on! Turn it on!
Please! No!

You think you're going
to take money out of my pocket?

You think you're going to take
money out of my pocket,

You fucking scumbag?

Come on! Yeah!
No! No! Please!

The fuckin' van gogh
garbage company now.

Cash...

'Cause i know
you don't like credit.

Sorry about the mess.

Are you out
of your fucking mind?

I said i was sorry;
how many times

Do you want to hear it,
mike?

I didn't tell you
about this guy

So you could score points
with fucking caesar!

I mean,
he cut the guy's ear off!

Look- What did you think
you were going to get?

Mafia employee of the month?
You know what?

If you would shut the fuck up
for two seconds,

I could tell you
what happened!

Just let him talk.

All right?
Listen to me.

I was at butterfingers
with philly.

We had a drink.
Now, who's philly?

Caesar's guy.
We had a drink.

We started talking.

It came up
in conversation.

When you were trying
to impress him

About how big a tough guy
you are?

Okay, you know what?
Fuck you.

Fuck you;
i apologize 26 times,

And now you can go fuck
yourself.

What are you gonna do,
cut my ear off?

No, i'm gonna give you
a fuckin' beatin'.

How about that?
Come on! Enough! Enough!

I feel like
mills lane here!

You two
are my best friends,

With all due respect,

I'm not going to stand by
and watch

While he beats
the shit out of you.

And as for you, i don't care
how this thing started.

You're just an asshole.

What happened?

I was talking to philly,
all right, and i admit,

I stupidly brought up
the sanitation moron.

Next thing i know, fuckin'
caesar's standing there.

Philly tells him the story;
caesar turns purple.

And that's it.
That's it, mike.

A half an hour later,

He's pummeling
the shit out of the guy.

And we're here.
That's it.

Jesus christ, carmine.

Michael, please.
I apologize.

I did not know
that this was going to happen.

Did you just get off
of a fucking spaceship?

What the fuck did you think
was going to happen?

That's the point:
i didn't think.

I didn't think.
Look, it's over.

Please, mike, it's over;
don't worry about it.

Caesar likes you.

Well, i don't want him
to like me.

Look, you want to fuck around
with these guys,

That's your business,
but i want to go through life

Without caesar manganaro
knowing i exist.

You gotta get away
from these guys.

Please?
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Come on.

Thank you.
Yeah.

I just don't understand
how you do that.

Do what?

You're supposed to put mustard
on hot dogs.

So?

In england, they put mayonnaise
on french fries.

Oh, does this look like
fuckin' england to you?

How about i squirt this
in your face?

Hey,
that's that guy

Who had the fight
with the busboy that night.

What busboy?
At pastels.

Philly knows that kid.

He's with the bonannos,
supposed to be a real maniac.

What are you, like,

The official gossip columnist
for the mob now?

I like to stay on top
of things, all right?

Speaking of fucking,

Are we going out
tomorrow night, or what?

I don't know.

This girl at school
invited me to a party.

And?

What?

And we're not invited?

Of course.

It's just going to be

A lot of college assholes,
though.

Oh, what, like you?

Yeah, exactly like me.

Look, all i'm saying...

You guys might not
be comfortable; that's all.

Are you embarrassed
of us, mike?

What the hell
are you talking about?

You know, there was

A little bit
of hesitation there, mike.

Get the fuck out of he-

Look, if you want
to come, come.

If you don't,
go fuck yourselves, okay?

The car's
all right here?

Yeah, sure.
Why not?

It's the city.
What do i know?

What's up, man?
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

Hey, todd.
How you doin', man?

Todd?
Fuckin' re-Todd.

He's all right.

He plays
on the lacrosse team.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Hey.
Wow, you made it.

Well, of course.
It's your birthday.

Hey, these are my friends.

Excuse me.

What's the problem?

I don't know.

He won't let us in.

Do i look like
i play fuckin' tennis?

They're called sneakers.

Uh, ellen,
these are my friends.

This is bobby.

Hi.
How are you?

This is carmine.
Hello.

How you doin'?

Okay?

I don't want any trouble,
all right?

Now, if you want to stay,
that's fine,

But your friends,
they don't belong here.

Ooh. What's that
supposed to mean?

Back up. Hey, don't put your
fuckin' hands on me, all right?

You understand?
Yeah, take a walk.

I'll be right back.

What's
this guy's problem?

I don't know.
Look, he's an asshole.

Why don't you
go tell him

We're on
the lacrosse team, huh?

I'm sorry.
That is bullshit.

And since when do you
wear sneakers anyway?

What fuckin' difference

Does it make
what i'm wearing, huh?

It's all right.
Go with your girl.

Go.

Seriously, go.

It's fine.

Tell you what:
go around the side.

I'll meet you there.

It's not a big deal.
Mike, listen.

I got somewhere i gotta be
anyway, all right?

Go have fun.
Go get laid.

Look, fuck this guy.
We'll have a good time.

All right. Go.
We'll meet you around back.

Two minutes.

Right around the side.
All right.

Go ahead.

Hey, asshole!

Give me a call sometime!

We'll go play tennis,
all right?

Carmine.

Bobby!

Hi.

Hi.
Is everything all right?

Yeah, they had something to do,
so they just left.

Can i get you
something to drink?

A blue margarita.

Blue margarita,
shot of jack.

You look nice.

Ah,
don't let the clothes fool you.

You don't look so bad
yourself.

So...

Happy birthday.
Thanks.

So your friends,
are they from brooklyn too?

Switzerland,
olympic yodeling team.

Eh-Heh.

It's funny,
the whole brooklyn thing.

Funny?

Well, like in class,
i always sensed

There was something off
about you.

Off?

Um, edgy, you know.

It's a compliment.

Edgy's good.

Okay, i'll quit
while i'm ahead.

Do you want
to get out of here,

Go someplace
we can talk?

Yeah.

Ah, this is great.
How romantic.

Whoa.

So...

Don't i take you
to the classiest joints?

It's great. |

You know what?
It's not great.

It's actually terrible.

Would you like to go
back inside?

No, i want to stay.

Really?

All right.

So that was pretty slick
last week.

What was?

What you did
with the poli-Sci test.

I saw you
slip it in your jacket.

I-

I can explain that.

Relax.
I'm not a stool pigeon.

It's funny;
your friends

Look like they'd be
scam artists, but you...

That's exactly why
i'm so effective.

Yeah,
it's the innocent face,

Plus the fact
that you seem so smart

When you talk in class.

I am smart.

Then how come
i caught you?

Hmm.

Maybe i let you
catch me.

What?

Hmm, just trying
to get a handle on you.

I mean, on the outside,
you're this cute, preppy guy,

But on the inside,
you're obviously the devil.

Hm.

Do you always
analyze people?

I do minor in psych.

Ah, okay, i get it.

I'm a psych
experiment then.

No, you are not.

Yeah.

Great view.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

I was talking
about you.

What?

Do lines like that
ever actually work?

Uh-|

Apparently not on women
who minor in psych.

Okay,
you have one more shot.

I'll try and make it good.

I'm glad you invited me.

Yeah, me too.

What i didn't know was,

While i was
getting to know ellen,

Carmine was out in queens,

Getting to know
his new friends.

Get down.
Come here. Come here.

Get up, fuck.

What have you got
back there?

Anything good?
I don't know.

Huh? What about-

What about those video games?
You got those ataris?

I'm telling you,
i don't know.

I think
it's cabbage patch dolls.

Cabbage patch dolls, yeah?

Good.

Get the fuck
against that fence.

If you turn around,

I'll chop your
fuckin' head off.

Turn around again.

Turn around again,
you stupid fuck.

That lying cocksucker.

What the fuck are we gonna do
with these?

We're gonna sell 'em.
No, philly, these are great.

These are great, the quiz king.
You don't know this?

We can sell these
for ten bucks a pop.

Yeah,
but the cabbage patches,

Those are like
fucking gold.

Is that the president
and mrs. Reagan

Will spend the day
touring the city...

They're right there.
Here, you go.

Yes, i'm in.

Go.

Hey, mikey,
what happened last night?

Did you fuck that girl
or not?

Whoa, no good.
This one's off limits.

This one's-
Hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute;
you ditch us,

And we don't have the right
to know if you got laid?

I didn't ditch you.
You left.

So you fucked her?

What'd i just say?

I'm not gonna
talk about her like that.

Oh, so he didn't fuck her.

Read the question,
asshole.

All right, this one's for a peg.
The last peg.

Kiss your money good-Bye.
Remember.

You gotta answer exactly.

All right. Come on.

"What's the name

Of the largest railroad station
in the world?"

Grand central.

Uh-Uh.
What do you think?

No, more specific.

Grand central station.

Wrong.
What do you mean, wrong?

Grand central terminal.

Get outta here.

That's what it says.
I don't care what it says.

It's wrong. I'm sorry;
those are the rules.

Give me that money.
Stop.

It wasn't right.
You answered-

Ho-Ho-Ho. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up. Listen.

Aniello dellacroce died today
of cancer.

Dellacroce,
allegedly second in command

Under paul castellano,

Was an underworld figure
with ties dating back...

Holy shit, this is big.

Why?
What's the matter?

Dellacroce, he's, like,

Gotti's godfather
or something.

So?

So philly tells me
that gotti hates castellano,

And with this guy gone,
who knows what could happen?

Well, we'd better call
luca brasi,

'Cause we might have to go
to the mattresses.

You're both very funny,
amusing, all right?

But i would not be surprised

If this causes
some serious problems.

Yeah,
i got my own problems...

Like, that's
my fuckin' money!

No, it's not.
You answered wrong.

Would you stop?

Over the next few days,

It seemed like every wise guy
in new york

Turned out
for neil dellacroce's wake-

Everyone but the boss,
paul castellano,

A fact that did not go unnoticed
by john gotti.

As for us, dellacroce's death
resulted in a windfall...

Here comes your sister,
carmine.

Because every wise guy
in the gambino family

Had to attend
dellacroce's wake...

Ladies.
So?

Philly found himself

With six sinatra tickets
he couldn't use.

So we dressed
to the nines,

Picked up our dates,

And got ready
for a night to remember.

If you were a guy
from any kind of neighborhood,

You had a special place
in your heart for frank.

Come on, come on,
you three old hoors,

Let's take the picture.

All right?
Scrunch up.

And if you were from any kind
of neighborh

Byoodeeful.

This song gave you the chills.

Unfortunately,
the news was

That the tickets
were counterfeit.

All dressed up
and no place to go,

We ended up
at the hamilton house.

How was i supposed to know?

You're telling me
that doesn't look real?

These say "hank" sinatra.

Okay, that's enough,
please.

Are you ready
to order yet?

Yeah, i'm gonna get
the cheese melt.

You mean
the grilled cheese.

No, actually,
it's a little different.

You see, you toast
the bread first;

Then you let the cheese
melt on top of it.

A cheese sandwich
on toast.

Yeah, more or less.

So why don't you
just say that, doofus?

'Cause i call it a cheese melt.
What's the difference?

Amy, how do you
put up with him, huh?

I think
he's adorable.

So do i.

So, angela,
what do you do?

I'm in school,
fingernail technology.

Ah, that's nice.
Oh, yeah.

And how long have you guys
all known each other?

Kindergarten.

Yeah, but bobby
was in the-

Special-Retard class.

Hey, leave my baby alone,
carmine.

What are you doing?
What are you wasting time for?

Will you make her
an honest woman already?

Please?
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha, don't rush me.

Who gets
the cherry lime ricky?

Right here.
The cheese melt.

Thank you.

Nothin',
i'm gonna go wash up.

Comb my hair
for about 20 minutes.

Uh, excuse me.
That seat's taken.

I know, asshole.
I just took it.

Nah, i mean
someone's using it.

He's in the bathroom.

Oh, well,
when he comes out,

Tell him
to go fuck himself.

Hey, what's your problem?

Bobby.

No, this isn't right.
Baby.

What'd you say?

I said,
what's your problem?

Why'd you
take our chair?

Our friend's
using that one.

'Cause i fuckin' felt

Like taking' it,
all right?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We don't want any trouble.

No trouble, i'm just
gonna slap the shit out of you

And your
faggot friend here.

Watch your mouth.
What?

I said, don't talk
to my friend that way.

Why?
What are you gonna do?

Good question.

The guy was
a stone-Cold psycho.

What could i do?

Except that.

You motherfucker,

You're fucking dead!

I'll break
your fuckin' neck.

Get off him,
you motherfucker. Bobby!

Come on, fellas,
break it up!

Oh, jesus!

You motherf-

Woo-

Call the police!

Have a seat.
Fuck!

You don't know
who you're fucking with!

You're fucking dead!
You hear me, you fuck?

What'd he say?
Nothin'.

Would you look
at this shit?

This cocksucker
pulled my hair out.

I'm gonna look like frankenstein
for the rest of my life,

And he's worried
about his fuckin' hair.

Where's, uh... thing?

Angela.

Right, angela.

She left.

Yeah, there's
a big emergency

Over at the, uh,
beauty academy.

Someone tore
a cuticle.

You ready? Let's go.

You know, actually,
i'm a little hungry.

I could go for
a cheese melt.

How about you?

Hey, fuck you,
all right?

Michael.
Okay?

Sorry.

Can i borrow your keys?

I gotta get this thing
stitched up.

Yeah, put gas in it,
all right?

Of course.

Good night.

So, uh...

I'll call you
tomorrow.

Okay.

Everything
all right?

Yeah, i'm fine.

'Cause you hardly
said a word

At the hospital,
the drive home.

I'm just
a little shaken up.

I've never seen
anything like that.

You've never seen
a fight?

I grew up
in connecticut, michael.

People don't have fights
in restaurants there.

Well, what do they-
What do they do,

Correct each other's
grammar?

You could have
been killed.

Okay. |

I understand,

But you're acting like
i did something wrong.

Hey, hey, hey, hang on.
Hang on. Hang on.

W- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Come here.

Now, you don't think
this is my fault?

You should have let him
take the chair.

We were using the chair.

Well,
that was worth a scar.

What about
insultin' bobby?

I've heard you and carmine
say worse things to bobby.

That's-It's different.
We love him.

Oh, that's how you show love,
by insulting each other?

In a twisted way, yeah.

Yeah, that is twisted.
Hey.

Don't let
a couple of psych classes

Go to your head.

We're just
from a different world.

Yeah, and if you plan
to live in it,

Then you'd better
open your eyes.

What makes you think
i want to?

Well, let's see,
uh, the preppy clothes,

Applying to law school.

It's all a big act.
It's bullshit.

How about treatin' you
with respect

And not like
some fuckin' whore?

You think
that's an act too?

I don't know
what to think.

You are so fuckin' impressed
with yourself, aren't you,

With your rich parents

And your brother
in med school?

You really think you're
better than me, don't you?

No, michael,
you think i'm better than you.

Yeah, right.
Of course you do.

That's why you cheat.
Don't you know that?

No, but you obviously know
every fucking thing about me.

No, hardly anything,
but i know that much.

You're afraid to compete
on a level playing field

Because deep inside, you think
you're not good enough.

And if you don't play
by the rules,

You never have to find out
it might be true.

Yeah, where'd you read that,
psychology today?

No, it was written
all over your face

The night of my party.

Yeah, all right.

I think we're done here.

Yeah, i guess we are.

I wouldn't want
to open up your cut.

Fuck you.

What the fuck
are you lookin' at?

As much as i tried,

I couldn't stop thinking
about what ellen said.

Actually,
it should have been easy,

Since the hamilton house
incident

Was turning out
to be a serious problem.

The guy i had the fight with
was a major sore loser,

And i broke his nose.

For a guy like that,

Being on the short end
of a fight with a college kid

Was an embarrassment
with only one remedy.

He was looking to kill me.

Ho.
Jesus.

Easy with that roscoe,
killer.

Put it away, please.
Fuck.

Everything's taken care of.

You got nothin'
to worry about.

Well, that's fucking great.
How'd you pull that off?

Uh, i had to go to philly
and them.

Mike, mike, come on.

I had no choice, all right?
This kid's a killer.

Philly's gonna talk to caesar
about squashing him.

So that's it?

Not exactly.

What do i have to do?

They want you
to take a dive

In your next fight
against hagler.

I'm serious, carmine.

You don't have to
do anything, okay?

We're going to go
for a sit-Down; that's it.

Jesus christ.

Would you relax?
Look at you.

Bay ridge lanes was like
a wise-Guy family annex,

A neutral place where a lot
of sit-Downs were held.

After hearing our side
of the story,

Caesar agreed to intervene
on behalf of me and carmine.

The psycho,
whose name was gino,

Was represented by jimmy baggs,
a captain with the bonannos.

So the way
i understand this,

Your guy was the first
to raise his hands.

That's the way
i understand it too.

Well, we can't have that,
caesar.

You know, granted,
things got a little out of hand

That night,
with the chair and all that,

But this kid's got
a broken nose,

And he wants his revenge.

You done?

Go ahead.

All right, first of all, jimmy,
and with all due respect,

This kid's
a fuckin' struggs.

Come on.
Ho, ho.

Shut your fuckin' mouth.

I'm sorry, caesar.
Go ahead.

He walks into my club,
and he starts dukin' it out

With a fuckin' busboy,
and i can't even tell you

All the other
fuckin' stories i heard.

Yeah, but he didn't throw
the first punch here.

I understand that, jimmy;
my guy threw the first punch

But after your guy
insulted his friend.

So my guy's supposed to take
a beatin' for that?

I would have given him
a beating

If he didn't stand up
for his friend.

You fuckin' look at me

When i'm talking to you.

You make me sick.
You know that?

You're the type of kid
kicks a dog,

Then calls animal control
when it fuckin' bites you.

Your good fortune
is that it was him

And not somebody else
that night.

If that had been me
when i was his age,

You would have left there
in a fuckin' body bag.

Jimmy, this is a good kid.

He works.
He goes to college.

And he's done right by me.
I don't want him touched.

That means no looks,
no phone calls.

You see him coming
down the street, you nod.

You say hello
like a gentleman,

Or you cross
to the other side.

You hear me?

Ho, he's talking to you.

I hear you.

So we all understand
each other?

It's squashed.

Now, that's it.

Now, i don't want to hear
nothin' more about this.

You go tell all your friends
the same thing.

I don't want
to hear this again.

It's over.
Now, get outta here.

Go and make some fuckin' money.
Go ahead.

Real fuckin' cowboy,
this kid.

What are you gonna do?

I was sorry
to hear about neil.

We all were.

Not from what i hear.

Big paul didn't show up?

His choice.
He's the boss.

Yeah, but even still,
a little respect, no?

I mean,
the guy's sick.

He got the insulin shots
twice a day.

Yeah, well...

Give my regards.

You take care of yourself.

Caesar.

I don't know what to say.
Thank you.

Don't mention it.
Don't mention it.

We're gonna have to call you
"mikey dukes" from now on.

That was a pretty good shot
you hit him with, right?

Well, i was lucky.

Hey, mike, do me a favor.

Go check on my car
for me, would you?

Yeah, sure.

Hey.

You ever find
that guy's ear?

Sit down here.

He's a good kid,
your friend, stand-Up guy.

Yeah, mikey-
Mikey's the best.

It's good to remember
who your friends are, huh?

So philly told me
about the toy thing.

So you guys are like
the fuckin' grinch.

I heard
you handle yourself good.

I'm glad to hear that.

Thank you, caesar.

That means a lot
coming from you.

This life,
it's not for everybody.

There's easier ways
to make a buck:

Wall street, college,
whatever.

Things are a little tense
with neil dying and all,

So let's you and i
stay in touch, huh?

A few months from now,
we'll see what's what.

Great, thank you.

It's just
a regular application.

What's the problem?

Nothing.

I just want to make sure
i filled it out right.

You know, you're supposed
to color in the circles

That correspond
to the letters in your name.

No, i did.
Yeah?

When did you
change your name

To rokdad calmanexja?

Ugh!

How is it you know
every oscar winner

Back to the stone age,

Yet you can't handle
an application

For the post office?

I'm not good
with forms, okay?

What?

Nothin'.

I know we fuck around a lot.

It's just-

I want you to know,
i think it's great,

You taking this test.

I'm proud of you.

I'm serious.

What?

I don't know, mike;
it sounds like

You're trying to hit me
in the seat.

Aw, fuck you, all right?
I'm trying to be nice.

All right,
you tight bastard,

This is for
all the marbles, okay?

You feel loose?
You ready?

Yeah, i feel good.
I feel good.

'Cause these aren't amateurs
you're dealing with.

These guys are killers.

It's okay.
Gimme a name.

Uh, wernick's.

Wernick's, wernick's.
All right, let's do it.

All right.

I mean, it's nice,

But there's no way
i'm paying three grand.

It's
a beautiful ring.

I'm not saying
it isn't.

It's the highest quality,
vvs.

We're giving it to you

At 2% above wholesale.

Two?
Hm.

What?
Is something wrong?

Oh, no,
i'm just trying to see

If someone wrote the word
"asshole" on my forehead.

Sir.

Nah, vvs, cvs,
come on, huh?

If you want, we take the ring
down the block.

We get it appraised.

By who, your cousin?

Do you believe
these guys, mike?

All right.

Forget three grand.

Look, i don't want
to be here all night, okay?

For the 50th time,

You know and i know
this ring is barely worth

A thousand bucks.

This is
a debeers diamond.

So i'll give you $1, 200.

Ridiculous.
Forget it.

Okay.
I tried.

Thanks.
We'll go back to wernick's.

Thanks anyway.

Wait.

Wernick is a thief.

And what are you guys?

Come on back.

Let me see
something here.

Save the calculator show

For the hicks
from long island, all right?

$1, 200 or i walk.

Plus tax.

No tax and it includes
the setting.

Oh, all right.

Give me a nice box too?

Over the next few days,
things got back to normal...

Happy holidays.

Actually, they were better
than normal.

It was right before christmas.

The semester
was almost over,

And i got a letter
that changed my life.

I was going to law school.

I always said

If you really want to know
who a person's close to,

Just look at who they share
their good news with...

What's the matter?

It's spunky.

And their bad news.

When you're a kid
and your dog dies,

It's like losing a friend.

But when you're an adult

And you lose a dog
you had as a kid,

It's like losing
a part of yourself.

11 years ago.

You believe it?

That's a long time.

Remember when
we found him here?

Seems like it was
just yesterday, right?

I guess he had a good run.

Good run, come on.

It was like fuckin' rasputin,
that dog.

Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.
That's true.

He survived it all:
mob hits,

Bb gun,

He got bit
by a squirrel once.

Your mother's cooking.

Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho.
Wait a minute.

Wasn't your mother
cooking lasagna when we left?

So?

So that's it;
he probably committed suicide.

Nah.

Spunky would never
take the coward's way out.

Definitely would have left
a note. Aw.

Don't worry about it,
my friend.

He's in a better place.

Yeah, dog heaven,

Where it's all bones, cats,
and fire hydrants.

I thought
you didn't believe in god.

I never said
i didn't believe.

I just think he's got
a fucked-Up sense of humor.

To spunky.

Take care of my dog.

The final exam
for my poli-Sci class

Turned out to be a breeze:

Three essays
on the constitution

That i was actually prepared
to answer.

It's amazing
what a little studying will do.

Ellen.

Hi.
Hi.

Can i talk to you?
Yeah.

How'd you do?

Pretty good, i guess.
You?

Good, good.

You'd have been
proud of me.

I actually studied. |

How did it feel?

Uh, different.

How's the...

Ah, it's good.

I hardly even
feel it anymore.

That's good.

So...

I got into law school.

Congratulations.
That's great.

Yeah, it's fordham,

So it's pretty good.

Ellen, i'm really sorry
about what happened.

No, i'm sorry too.

I said a lot of things
that i shouldn't have.

It's okay.
I'm glad you did it.

Hey.

Maybe we should
start over.

Yeah.

Come here.

What?

Nothing.

I was just wondering
what you were like

As a little boy.

I don't know.

Shorter.

And a real smartass,
i bet.

Nah.

Is that your dad?

Yeah, before i was born.

How old were you
when he died?

Seven.
My god.

What happened?

Car accident.

We bought this place
upstate.

He was driving home
from fixin' it up,

Getting ready
to move us up there.

He was in a coma
for a month.

He died the day before
my first communion.

I'm sorry.

You wanna watch tv?

Yeah, if you want.

What time is?

It's five after 8:00.

Oh, wow.
What? What's wrong?

Nothin',
i just almost forgot.

Bobby's poppin'
the question tonight.

It's their
two-Year anniversary.

That's so sweet.

Yeah, it's great.
I just hope she says yes.

Of course she'll say yes.

I don't know.

So when he got down
on one knee,

I didn't even know
what he was doing.

She thought
i dropped my fork.

And then i saw
the ring.

Come on, let's see.

Ooh.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

I finally have
a daughter.

Moutai château.
The best.

All right, everybody,
a toast. Mike.

To the happy couple.

What we didn't know was,

At the same time
in manhattan,

A different type of party
was going on.

The murder of the most powerful
crime boss in the country

Has touched off
a struggle for power

In the shadowy world
of the mafia,

And there is talk tonight
of an all-Out mob war.

The dead godfather,
paul castellano,

And his bodyguard
were gunned down

As they stepped
from their limousine

Outside a popular
new york steakhouse.

As brian rausch
reports tonight,

Authorities believe
the brutal process

Of succession
is already underway.

As castellano stepped
from a limousine

In front of
a manhattan steakhouse,

He was shot down
by three men...

Aside from the tension
that gripped the neighborhood

Following
the castellano shooting,

That christmas
was shaping up

To be the best one
in a long time.

On christmas day,

Ellen went with her family
to connecticut,

And i stayed in brooklyn
with mine.

Very touching, carmine.

I can see you put a great deal
of thought into this.

You should have bought
three of these,

So then we could all
look like douche bags.

At least i didn't get them
at gunpoint.

You're the one
that got robbed.

Ungrateful cocksuckers.
Unbelievable.

Van halen, 1984.

What?
You said you wanted that.

Nah, i did; you should have
got me the album.

Oh, jesus.
Trust me.

In two years, they won't even
make albums anymore.

Well, that sucks.

What's the difference?

So you gotta re-Buy cds
of albums that you already have.

It's a conspiracy.
A conspiracy?

Oh, god,
don't get him started.

He was on the phone
with angelo's

For 20 minutes
the other night,

Arguing about
the delivery fees.

That's another scam.

You still gotta tip
the guy. Baby.

Relax, okay?

Okay, that's enough.

Can we go now, please,
have a drink or something?

Let's go to the temple,
play some blackjack.

Temple's closed.

Everybody's layin' low
with this castellano shit.

I thought that was over.
Over?

It's only the beginning.

Fuckin' cannoli in my hair
i gotta go fix.

Then we'll go.

As it turned out,
carmine was right.

Over the next few months,
wise guys perceived as disloyal

To gotti's new regime
were taken out all over town.

Castellano's murder
was just the tip

Of a very bloody iceberg.

After what seemed
like an endless winter,

Spring finally came.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks. Bye.

There he is.

Oh, hey, how you doin'?

Let me get
a pack of smokes.

Yeah.

That year, it seemed like
not a month went by

Without a mob hit.

Keeping that blade sharp,
mikey?

But the truth is,
it never really affected me.

What the fuck?

That is,
until this guy got it.

Now, i won't lie

And say that deep down
caesar was a nice guy

Or had good qualities
or some other bullshit.

The fact is,

He was a horrible man,
a killer.

But as long
as i'm being honest,

I have to say this:

His death shook me up.

And though
he wouldn't admit it,

I know it really
shook up carmine.

Hey.

How'd you do?

I think i fucked it up.

It's the post office test.

What'd you do,
forget your crayons?

They ask
some tricky questions.

Like what?

I- I don't know,
like addresses and shit.

When do they let you know?

A couple of weeks.

I need to pass this, man.

This is big for me and amy.

I'm sure you did fine.

Well, if it isn't
the cartwrights.

Nothin' for me.

Just a couple scrambled eggs,
a cup of decaf.

What's
the eggs benedict arnold?

Eggs benedict
with bacon instead of ham.

Oh, so the bacon is,
like, being a traitor?

That's funny.

Yeah,
i think i'll have that,

Please,
and a glass of tomato juice.

Echh, god's sake,
you're giving me cancer already.

Gotta die from something.

All right, look.
I need to talk to you guys.

It's about the wedding.

What did i say?
I knew it. Amy's a guy.

Besides that.

I know we've been
joking around about this

Our whole lives,
but i really need

To pick a best man.

All right,

I know you're having a hard time
with this choice,

So i'm gonna
let you off the hook,

And i mean this
from the bottom of my heart.

I should be the best man.
Fuck him.

I'm serious.

My modeling career
is over because of him.

Would you look at this shit?
The guy made me a mutant.

You can't even
see it anymore.

All right,
this is what we'll do.

This'll be totally fair.

Saturday night,
stroke of midnight,

Flip a coin.

Heads, it's michael.
Tails, it's carmine.

May the best man win.

All right, so what's up
with the bridesmaids?

I don't know.
That's amy's department.

Well, don't let her pick
any fucking skanks.

Please?

You understand?

To two of the best friends
a guy ever had.

Now if i could just make
a couple of friends like that...

Salud.
Salud.

Wrgah!

That shit is nasty.

We should just do a shot
of gasoline.

Yeah, then we could
save money, you cheap prick.

Look at that spanish chick.
Look at that.

Oh, you should of wore
your bullfightin' outfit.

Jealousy.
Jealousy can be so ugly.

Get 'em.

I'm gonna go
take a piss.

That'll be nine dollars.

For tequila?

Nine dollars.

Can i see the bill?

Hey, buddy.
How you doin'?

Good.

Sorry to hear
about your guy, caesar.

Thanks.

End up fucking dead
like that,

That's a shame.

You gotta be careful
who you cross in this town.

Know what i mean?

Yeah.

Take care, now.

We need to talk.

Ho, mikey.

This is rosie.
Yeah, hi.

I need to talk
to you now.

Can you give me
one second, please?

Please, one second?

Are you kidding me?

That maniac is here.
Who, what maniac?

Gino.

Aw, you're
fucking kidding me.

What should we do?

Nothin'.
Fuck him.

The kid's
a fucking piece of shit.

He's not going
to do anything here.

I don't know,
carmine.

All right, maybe you should go.
Maybe you should go.

Grab bobby. Get out of here.
Go ahead.

I'm not going to leave you here alone.
I'll be fine, please.

I'm going to go home
with that girl.

Some of philly's guys
are in the back anyway.

I thought you were done
with those guys. I am done with them.

I'm just saying.
It's fine. Go.

You're sure?
I'm positive.

Come on.

All right.
All right. Go ahead.

Call me later.

I will.
Call me.

I will.

Come on,
let's get out of here.

We just got here.

I know. I know.
Let's go.

Is everything all right?

It's fine.
I'm just tired. Come on.

Excuse me.

What's the matter?

I must be drunk.

I can't believe i let you
talk me into the valet.

I can get in myself,
all right?

What the fuck is wrong
with this car?

You're still in neutral there,
mr. Andretti.

You know what?
Let me drive.

I'm fine.

You're shitfaced.
Let me drive.

Ow. Fuck.

It's almost midnight,

When we were supposed to flip
for best man.

All right,
we'll do it in the morning.

Uh, pull over.
I want to say a prayer.

Do it from the car,
okay? Okay.

All right,
let's get this over with.

Make it fast,
all right?

Oh.

I still look
for my crucifix.

Ah!
Oh, jesus!

Just hang on, man.

Bobby!

Jesus christ.

Call an ambulance!

Bobby, you'll be okay.

Call a fuckin' ambulance!

Bobby?
Stay with me, bobby.

Bobby.

It's gonna be okay.

Bobby, bobby, bobby.

Stay with me, man.

Come on, bobby.
It'll be okay.

Jesus christ.

What happened?
Bobby.

Bobby, look at me, buddy.
Come on. Look at me.

Open your fuckin' eyes.
You're not gonna die on me.

He's not dying.
Don't you die.

Don't you fucking die!

I can't.

Come on,
you're all right.

You can't what?

I can't.

Call a fucking ambulance!
Come on!

Amy.

Bobby,
what are you looking at?

Come on, man.
Stop fuckin' looking at her.

Look at me.
Bobby.

Look at me, bobby.
Come on. Amy.

Amy's fine; she's gonna come
see you in the hospital.

Come on, buddy.
Look at me. Look at me.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Just hang in there.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no.
It's okay.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's okay.

Bobby?
Come on.

You're all right, buddy.

Bobby.
Come on.

Bobby!

What are you doin'?

The fuck are you doing,
buddy? Come on!

...earth to earth,
ashes to ashes, dust to dust,

In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection

Unto eternal life
through our lord jesus christ

And whose coming
in glorious majesty

To judge the world,
and the earth and the sea

Shall give up their dead

And the corruptible bodies
of those who sleep in him

Shall be changed

And made like unto his own
glorious body,

According
to the mighty working,

Whereby he's able
to subdue all things

Unto himself.

In the name of the father,
and of the son

And of the holy spirit,
amen.

Maybe it was denial,
or maybe it was a callousness

You develop
growing up on the street,

But whatever it was,
it allowed me and carmine

To watch our best friend
get buried

And not shed a single tear.

Coffee's fresh,
anybody wants.

Can i get you
anything?

No, thank you.

I cannot believe
that they buried him

In that fuckin' suit.

Ah, it looked okay.

Single-Breasted,
he looked like you.

He looked like-
Looked like an accountant.

It's good his-
At least his hair looked nice.

That's good.
Made me happy.

It's just the mail.

Post office test.

Should we open it?

Yeah, all right, man.

I don't fuckin' believe this.

He failed.

How is that possible?

I don't know.

I mean,
have you seen the imbeciles

That they got working
down at that place?

Mental patients.
Monkeys.

There are monkeys who could
literally pass this test.

He was a genius
with some stuff.

Like what?
Movies?

Wheel of fortune.

Pac-Man,
he was good at pac-

I know.

He was like
an idiot savant.

Yeah, an idiot savant,

A little heavier
on the idiot part, i think.

Don't start, okay?

Let's not do this.

16 years old,
and he's negotiating the price

Of a blow-Job.

I thought they were going
to throw us

Right the fuck out
of that place.

Well, he did
get the price down, though.

Yes, he did.

Hey, how about that time
we were garage hopping?

Oh, and he fell through
the fuckin' roof.

I thought i was going
to piss myself.

Stupid fuck.
Ah.

He was the best.

You got that right.

I didn't even say a prayer
for him at the wake.

I just kneeled there.

I couldn't do it.

He'd understand.

When my father
was in the hospital,

I prayed for him every day.

He fuckin' died anyway.

Have you talked
to that detective again?

Yeah. You?

Yeah, what'd you say?

Same as before,
nothing.

What about you?

Nothin'.

You know, we...

We could just tell him
the truth.

Yeah.

We could.

Yeah.

Those were my bullets,
carmine.

Yeah, i know.

I know that, mike.

Where do you think he is?

I don't know.
He's in heaven.

How the fuck do i know
where he is?

Not him, gino.

Oh.

Philly knows
where we could find him.

You know, he never got to pick
a best man.

It's a coin toss,
you know.

It could have been
either one of us.

You free tomorrow night?

I'll tell ellen
something came up.

So we are talking
about the same thing?

You know, for all the times
we broke his balls,

We never told him
we loved him.

He knew we did.

He knew.

I fuckin' hope so.

Yeah.

Hey!

Clank!

You ready?

How about you, you fucking
cocksucker, you ready?

Come here.

Get up. Get up.

Pick your fuckin' head up.

I said pick it up!

You're sure you want
to do this?

Yeah.

For the best man.

Heads, it's me.
Tails, it's you.

Heads.

What the fuck did you do?

It was me.
Come here.

It was heads.
Calm down, mike.

Listen to me.

Listen to me, mike.
Listen to me.

They got law schools
in california, all right?

Get the fuck out of here.

All right?

Take that little girl
and go, mike.

Get the fuck outta here.

Me here.

In a strange way,
i felt angry at carmine,

Like he cheated me
out of avenging bobby's death.

I eventually came to realize

It was the most selfless thing
he had ever done.

Until that night,

I never really thought
i'd leave brooklyn.

I could never imagine
being apart from my friends.

But that summer,

I moved to california
with ellen.

Carmine and i kept in touch,

But we didn't see each other
for years.

Then one day, i got a call.

O, give thanks to the lord,
for he is good.

His steadfast love
endureth forever.

The lord is my strength
and my song.

Do you have the ring?

You may kiss the bride.

Though years had passed

And we were thousands of miles
away from each other,

In church that day,
i realized something.

When you have friends,
real friends,

It doesn't matter
if they're here or there,

Living or dead.

No matter where you go,

You always take them
with you

In your heart.