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1
00:00:04,174 --> 00:00:06,408
Boom. Found one.
2
00:00:10,582 --> 00:00:12,816
You're welcome...
3
00:00:12,841 --> 00:00:15,209
"Kurt... Turdhole?"
4
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,652
- What?
- Turdhole.
5
00:00:16,677 --> 00:00:17,963
- Dude's name is Turdhole.
- No.
6
00:00:17,988 --> 00:00:20,398
Yeah, right.
7
00:00:20,423 --> 00:00:21,889
- Wow.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:21,914 --> 00:00:24,098
Maybe it's "Turd-olee?"
9
00:00:24,123 --> 00:00:25,474
- I don't...
- Either way, he's dead.
10
00:00:25,499 --> 00:00:27,301
I would remember meeting a Turd-olee.
11
00:00:27,326 --> 00:00:29,626
Okay, we good then? Can we go back now?
12
00:00:29,651 --> 00:00:31,681
I mean, dude, there's got
to be more luggage out here.
13
00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:33,452
There could be food, medicine.
14
00:00:33,477 --> 00:00:35,277
Condoms.
15
00:00:35,976 --> 00:00:37,613
I didn't even think about that.
16
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:38,527
- Yeah.
- Hah!
17
00:00:38,552 --> 00:00:40,328
Let me tell you, pal, in a month,
18
00:00:40,353 --> 00:00:42,134
those things are gonna be rubber gold.
19
00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:44,542
Nobody wants a bunch of
little island bastards
20
00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:47,048
running around with their
umbilical cords still attached.
21
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,173
- Or whatever...
- Right there. What is that?
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,114
Dude.
23
00:00:56,421 --> 00:01:00,178
There's no way this bad
boy just landed here.
24
00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:02,676
What are you saying
somebody hid this here?
25
00:01:02,803 --> 00:01:04,280
Man, look at this lock.
26
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,162
Some kind of future lock.
27
00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:08,489
I mean, it's obvious
that whoever hid this
28
00:01:08,514 --> 00:01:10,026
did not want us to open it.
29
00:01:10,051 --> 00:01:13,106
What do you think's inside?
30
00:01:13,664 --> 00:01:15,042
I don't know.
31
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:16,612
But it looks like we got ourselves
32
00:01:16,637 --> 00:01:20,340
an island... mystery.
33
00:01:25,245 --> 00:01:26,448
- Whoo!
- I got chills.
34
00:01:26,473 --> 00:01:27,984
Oh, I got goose flesh.
35
00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:29,072
When you said, "island mystery,"
36
00:01:29,097 --> 00:01:29,869
- I was like, Oh.
- Yeah.
37
00:01:29,894 --> 00:01:31,337
And the fact that it's a future lock.
38
00:01:31,362 --> 00:01:33,266
- I mean, I don't even...
- So cool.
39
00:01:33,291 --> 00:01:36,262
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
40
00:01:38,055 --> 00:01:40,065
Well, this is just
stupid. This is stupid.
41
00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:41,697
You're a stupid lock.
42
00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:43,521
Damn it.
43
00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:45,825
Tag's been busted off.
44
00:01:45,849 --> 00:01:47,979
- We got to get this open.
- I think we should just leave it alone.
45
00:01:48,004 --> 00:01:50,455
- You know, it's locked for a reason.
- Are you insane?
46
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,498
Owen, when you go into a
store, what's locked up?
47
00:01:53,523 --> 00:01:55,456
All the good shit.
48
00:01:55,481 --> 00:01:57,982
Guns, booze, the nice deodorant.
49
00:01:58,007 --> 00:01:59,707
For all we know, it could be all three.
50
00:01:59,732 --> 00:02:02,099
Yeah, or it could be, like,
some drug lord's blood money.
51
00:02:02,124 --> 00:02:03,403
Or cocaine.
52
00:02:03,428 --> 00:02:04,423
Exactly.
53
00:02:12,359 --> 00:02:13,653
Here we go.
54
00:02:13,678 --> 00:02:15,070
Rich housewife handbag.
55
00:02:15,095 --> 00:02:16,942
- Ooh.
- Yep. Which means...
56
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:19,679
Boom! Painkillers in a Ziploc.
57
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,410
- Shah!
- Always.
58
00:02:22,197 --> 00:02:23,958
What is Pack doing?
59
00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:27,325
Oh, he said he wanted to feel
the warm glow of a screen.
60
00:02:27,889 --> 00:02:30,521
I don't know, I feel
like this is our chance
61
00:02:30,554 --> 00:02:33,384
- to unplug from that stuff, you know?
- Technology.
62
00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:34,875
Like, when is the last time
63
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,066
you really connected with someone
64
00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,293
- on a deeper level?
- Found something!
65
00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:40,184
Oh, shut up, what is it?!
66
00:02:40,209 --> 00:02:41,935
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
67
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:43,344
Thank you, Toshiba.
68
00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:45,287
It's a DVD player.
69
00:02:45,312 --> 00:02:46,676
It's got two hours of battery left,
70
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:48,082
just enough time to watch a movie.
71
00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:49,794
What's inside?
72
00:02:49,818 --> 00:02:51,753
Well, it looks like we are watching...
73
00:02:54,488 --> 00:02:55,989
It's empty.
74
00:02:56,119 --> 00:02:57,190
Oh.
75
00:02:57,215 --> 00:02:59,448
Man.
76
00:02:59,473 --> 00:03:01,643
What kind of monster travels
with an empty DVD player?
77
00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:04,188
- Well, so much for that.
- No. No.
78
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,974
I need a break from this island.
79
00:03:06,999 --> 00:03:08,455
I need two hours
80
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,951
where I don't think
about food, or water,
81
00:03:10,975 --> 00:03:14,437
or the fact that we saw the most
handsome man in the world possibly,
82
00:03:14,463 --> 00:03:16,759
get smushed to death by an airplane.
83
00:03:16,784 --> 00:03:18,004
Yeah.
84
00:03:18,029 --> 00:03:20,822
Emma, aren't you tired of Creepy Pete
85
00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:23,966
staring at you every time you bathe?
86
00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:27,470
- He's always watching.
- Never stops.
87
00:03:28,237 --> 00:03:29,723
And, Florence, aren't you tired of
88
00:03:29,748 --> 00:03:31,922
wiping your butthole with a palm frond?
89
00:03:32,113 --> 00:03:33,969
It feels like it's on fire.
90
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:35,362
Exactly.
91
00:03:35,387 --> 00:03:37,570
This is why we need a break.
92
00:03:37,595 --> 00:03:42,293
And that break is some
dumb, mindless movie.
93
00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:45,338
All we have to do is find it.
94
00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:48,099
- We'll take the bags.
- You take the wreckage on the beach.
95
00:03:48,124 --> 00:03:49,711
Yes, there's the plan.
96
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,187
It's movie night. Hell, yeah.
97
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:54,301
- Whoo.
- Ahh!
98
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,573
Geez! Man.
99
00:03:57,598 --> 00:03:59,037
Sorry, Turdhole.
100
00:03:59,498 --> 00:04:02,371
- Whoo!
- Opened that one, though.
101
00:04:02,396 --> 00:04:03,370
You're just smashing it.
102
00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:04,902
No one can open this,
no one could open this.
103
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:08,298
Oh.
104
00:04:08,323 --> 00:04:09,474
Yeah.
105
00:04:09,635 --> 00:04:11,562
Sick son of a bitch.
106
00:04:11,587 --> 00:04:12,920
I'm going to get you open.
107
00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:16,141
At least hit the lock.
108
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:22,339
Brother. Don't spit on it.
109
00:04:22,364 --> 00:04:23,280
I don't care, I hate it.
110
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,917
Aah!
111
00:04:24,942 --> 00:04:26,299
Aah!
112
00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:31,517
Aah!
113
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,914
I have an idea.
114
00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:38,755
DVDs, DVDs, DVDs.
115
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,011
God. What's wrong with these people?
116
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:41,369
- Glitter...
- Lotion.
117
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:42,760
- Dumb bangle...
- Lotion.
118
00:04:42,785 --> 00:04:44,651
- Loneliest man on the planet.
- Ooh!
119
00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,481
- Toothbrushes, no case, disgusting.
- Loofah?
120
00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:48,366
This isn't even wet.
121
00:04:48,391 --> 00:04:50,651
No one has any DVDs anymore?
122
00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:53,003
Everyone's just streaming everything?
123
00:04:53,028 --> 00:04:55,532
Good for you, Netflix, you won.
124
00:04:55,749 --> 00:04:57,710
Ahh! Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh,
my God. Look, look, look, look.
125
00:04:57,735 --> 00:04:58,662
What? What? What?
126
00:04:58,687 --> 00:05:00,758
Oh, my God.
127
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:02,544
- Is that a stupid-looking DVD case?
- Yeah.
128
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,870
No mix CDs, no mix CDs, no mix CDs.
129
00:05:04,895 --> 00:05:06,632
What is it?
130
00:05:06,888 --> 00:05:08,487
Huh?
131
00:05:08,537 --> 00:05:10,897
"Dumb and Dumber To."
132
00:05:10,922 --> 00:05:13,524
Yes! Yes!
133
00:05:14,298 --> 00:05:15,701
This is exactly what we
need. Are you kidding me?
134
00:05:15,726 --> 00:05:17,713
Dumb, loud, stupid fun... Dumb.
135
00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:19,526
And it's gonna distract us from the fact
136
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:22,312
that we are all slowly
dying on this hell hole.
137
00:05:22,338 --> 00:05:25,570
Uh, wait, my friend.
There's another option.
138
00:05:25,594 --> 00:05:27,169
- What?
- The day is not done.
139
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,298
- Oh, my God.
- It is...
140
00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:32,669
What is it?
141
00:05:32,694 --> 00:05:33,762
What is it?
142
00:05:33,948 --> 00:05:35,409
"Selma."
143
00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:40,545
"Selma," the Martin Luther King movie?
144
00:05:42,146 --> 00:05:44,738
- I always meant to see that, I just...
- Yeah, I know, me, too.
145
00:05:44,763 --> 00:05:47,573
- It's supposed to be so moving.
- Very powerful.
146
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:48,662
Yeah.
147
00:05:48,687 --> 00:05:50,728
Such an important story.
148
00:05:50,753 --> 00:05:51,972
Mm-hmm.
149
00:05:52,623 --> 00:05:57,881
I mean, if this is the
last movie we ever watch,
150
00:05:57,906 --> 00:05:59,502
we need to make the right choice.
151
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,703
Right. Yeah. So, yeah.
152
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:05,221
Obviously, we should watch...
153
00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,281
- "Selma."
- "Selma."
154
00:06:15,531 --> 00:06:18,540
Yes. Movie night will be "Selma."
155
00:06:18,986 --> 00:06:20,085
Good.
156
00:06:20,197 --> 00:06:21,563
Great.
157
00:06:22,129 --> 00:06:24,048
So you want me to shoot the lock?
158
00:06:24,073 --> 00:06:25,706
- Yes.
- Yes.
159
00:06:25,917 --> 00:06:27,421
Do we know whose case it is?
160
00:06:27,446 --> 00:06:29,784
- No, the tag's busted off.
- I don't know, guys.
161
00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:31,675
Kind of seems like a waste of bullets.
162
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,085
Are you serious? That's
real rich coming from you.
163
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,502
What is that supposed to mean?
164
00:06:40,002 --> 00:06:42,441
Well, we ate pretty
damn well that night,
165
00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:43,475
didn't we, guys?
166
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:46,156
Roger got lead poisoning.
Just give me the gun.
167
00:06:46,181 --> 00:06:49,296
Fine. But good luck
shooting off that lock.
168
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,419
Child's play.
169
00:06:57,444 --> 00:06:58,970
This is very exciting.
170
00:07:04,555 --> 00:07:08,966
Mother of God.
171
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:17,593
I mean, what kind of freak
172
00:07:17,618 --> 00:07:20,101
packs an entire bag full of sex toys?
173
00:07:20,126 --> 00:07:22,276
- This is F'd up.
- Yeah, so F'd.
174
00:07:22,301 --> 00:07:23,288
Yeah, for some reason,
175
00:07:23,313 --> 00:07:25,531
I thought there'd be stuff
in here to help us get home,
176
00:07:25,556 --> 00:07:27,295
not a sex swing.
177
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,990
We need to find out who this pervert is.
178
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:29,880
What? Why?
179
00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:30,960
Because, Danny,
180
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:34,479
you're not packing "The Jackhammer,"
181
00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,518
unless you mean business.
182
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:39,407
This guy could be a
full-on sexual deviant.
183
00:07:39,432 --> 00:07:40,934
I mean, think about it.
184
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,039
We don't know anything about
who we're trapped here with.
185
00:07:43,064 --> 00:07:44,495
You know what? You're right.
186
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:45,848
- We don't.
- Thank you.
187
00:07:45,872 --> 00:07:47,327
Now let's go find this freak
188
00:07:47,352 --> 00:07:50,381
before he finds us sleeping
with our mouths open,
189
00:07:50,406 --> 00:07:51,708
or our butts exposed,
190
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,729
and he can plug 'em with
all sorts of things.
191
00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:54,815
No, no, I'm just saying, like,
192
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,856
we really don't know anything
about who we're here with.
193
00:07:56,881 --> 00:07:57,975
There could be somebody here
194
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,071
that knows how to build a raft, right?
195
00:08:00,096 --> 00:08:01,375
There could be an architect here
196
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,655
that could design us a... blueprint.
197
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,711
I don't know. The point is, we should
be figuring out everybody's skills
198
00:08:07,735 --> 00:08:08,743
so we can get home.
199
00:08:08,769 --> 00:08:10,615
What do we do, like a census?
200
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,319
That's a good idea. Yes.
201
00:08:12,344 --> 00:08:13,942
- Census.
- Yeah.
202
00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:15,612
- That could work.
- Yeah.
203
00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:17,179
We ask a few leading questions,
204
00:08:17,204 --> 00:08:18,179
dig around a little,
205
00:08:18,204 --> 00:08:19,634
and then when we find the pervert,
206
00:08:19,659 --> 00:08:21,330
we grab him,
207
00:08:21,356 --> 00:08:23,370
Which they'll probably love.
208
00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,778
Todd, we're not trying to
find the pervert, okay?
209
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:27,539
And you are definitely
not part of the census.
210
00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:28,939
Oh, yes, I am.
211
00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:31,290
It doesn't matter who owns these, man.
212
00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:32,954
All right, fine.
213
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:34,932
If I'm not part of the census,
214
00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:36,881
I guess I'll just tell
everyone they're yours.
215
00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,146
What?
216
00:08:38,171 --> 00:08:41,067
I mean, it doesn't matter, right?
217
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:42,754
What would you...?
218
00:08:42,779 --> 00:08:44,546
What? That makes zero sense.
219
00:08:44,571 --> 00:08:46,899
See? See? You think it's weird.
220
00:08:46,924 --> 00:08:48,091
It's not not weird, dude.
221
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:49,972
It's very weird. I'm just... it's not...
222
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,861
Fine, be on the census, be on it.
223
00:08:51,886 --> 00:08:52,975
I don't care, okay?
224
00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:54,670
But it's about getting
us off the island.
225
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:56,669
There's got to be another one.
226
00:08:56,694 --> 00:08:57,772
Are you sure you checked it?
227
00:08:57,797 --> 00:08:59,237
No luck on my end.
228
00:08:59,261 --> 00:09:01,756
Please tell me you guys found a movie?
229
00:09:02,444 --> 00:09:04,911
- We did.
- Ahh. You did?
230
00:09:04,936 --> 00:09:06,292
Yeah. Hell, yeah.
231
00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:07,939
You, island.
232
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,012
What are we watching?
233
00:09:09,037 --> 00:09:10,796
Well, we found "Dumb and Dumber To."
234
00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:11,930
Absolutely. Love it.
235
00:09:11,956 --> 00:09:14,139
Carrey and Daniels back
together cashing checks.
236
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:16,294
The tongue getting stuck, you
remember that, on the pole?
237
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,335
- Mm-hmm.
- Ahh!
238
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,481
- In the first one.
- Ahh!
239
00:09:18,506 --> 00:09:20,273
- That was in the first one.
- Aah!
240
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,378
Maybe they'll bring that back, you know?
241
00:09:22,403 --> 00:09:25,338
And... also "Selma."
242
00:09:27,706 --> 00:09:29,323
"Selma"?
243
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,433
The critically-acclaimed
civil rights story?
244
00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:35,546
"Selma."
245
00:09:35,796 --> 00:09:37,773
- Always meant to see that.
- Of course.
246
00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:39,823
- Us, too. We missed it.
- Yeah.
247
00:09:40,099 --> 00:09:42,132
And we're sure there's
only enough charge
248
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:43,168
for one movie?
249
00:09:43,193 --> 00:09:45,094
- Just for one.
- Just one.
250
00:09:49,136 --> 00:09:51,236
- "Selma."
- Uh-huh.
251
00:09:51,271 --> 00:09:53,138
- It's great.
- Yep.
252
00:09:53,741 --> 00:09:55,564
Steve, this is something of a census.
253
00:09:55,589 --> 00:09:57,255
It's just to get an idea
254
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,480
of what everyone's skills
are here on the island.
255
00:09:59,505 --> 00:10:02,066
Ask away. I love a good query.
256
00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:03,702
You're a plumber?
257
00:10:03,735 --> 00:10:05,819
Okay. Wow. That's fantastic.
258
00:10:05,844 --> 00:10:07,711
So then maybe you can help with what,
259
00:10:07,746 --> 00:10:09,923
like a water collection system, or...?
260
00:10:09,948 --> 00:10:10,901
A plumber, huh?
261
00:10:10,926 --> 00:10:13,011
Bet you know a lot about laying pipe?
262
00:10:13,414 --> 00:10:14,883
Am I right?
263
00:10:14,908 --> 00:10:16,941
- Pack, you're a sports agent, right?
- Yeah.
264
00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,309
- Okay.
- Very successful.
265
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:20,186
Do you have any practical skills?
266
00:10:20,211 --> 00:10:22,575
Is leasing a brand-new Audi every year
267
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,599
a practical skill?
268
00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:26,846
No.
269
00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:28,078
Okay.
270
00:10:28,103 --> 00:10:30,614
- Emma, you're obviously a foot doctor.
- Podiatrist.
271
00:10:30,639 --> 00:10:32,640
Yes, you wouldn't call a gynecologist
272
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:35,457
- a pussy doctor, would you?
- Would you?
273
00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:37,941
No.
274
00:10:37,966 --> 00:10:39,580
And why were you going to Thailand?
275
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,876
- Business or pleasure?
- Pleasure. Yep.
276
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,785
Just wanted to get away for a bit.
277
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,921
Looking to get a little
loose, a little wild?
278
00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:50,465
Yeah. Little bit.
279
00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:51,786
Hmm.
280
00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:55,713
Just running it through the ground?
281
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:57,748
Filling it up, hmm?
282
00:10:57,773 --> 00:10:58,941
Not going to answer?
283
00:10:58,966 --> 00:11:00,333
Put him at the top of the list.
284
00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,317
- Of what?
- The census.
285
00:11:02,342 --> 00:11:05,269
So why were you guys going to Thailand?
286
00:11:05,294 --> 00:11:06,828
I thought it was a chance to reconnect
287
00:11:06,853 --> 00:11:08,502
before she started at a hospital.
288
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:10,393
Reconnect, huh?
289
00:11:10,947 --> 00:11:12,681
Oh. Okay. We're good here.
290
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,596
- Okay, buddy.
- Let's go.
291
00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:16,584
Jerk.
292
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,189
- Hit a nerve.
- You're an idiot.
293
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:21,294
- We get it.
- Did you get it?
294
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:22,252
- Scissors.
- Scissors.
295
00:11:22,277 --> 00:11:23,278
- That's just...
- I got it.
296
00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:25,884
Sun's going down.
297
00:11:26,221 --> 00:11:29,660
Almost time for... "Selma."
298
00:11:29,685 --> 00:11:32,133
Yay.
299
00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:37,438
Uh, wait.
300
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,830
What if we asked Diane from Toledo
301
00:11:40,854 --> 00:11:42,165
what she thought?
302
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:43,718
Right?
303
00:11:43,743 --> 00:11:45,758
I mean, if she didn't want to watch,
304
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:46,826
you know, one of the movies...
305
00:11:46,851 --> 00:11:47,922
- Either one.
- Right?
306
00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:49,836
I mean, I guess it would be fine,
307
00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:52,511
'cause, you know, she's a...
308
00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:55,011
- Uh...
- She's a...
309
00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:56,813
Film buff?
310
00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:58,404
- A film buff? Yes!
- Yes!
311
00:11:58,429 --> 00:11:59,923
A strong, powerful film buff.
312
00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:02,049
- Lover of the arts.
- Yes, she is.
313
00:12:02,074 --> 00:12:03,382
"Selma."
314
00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:05,286
Well, obviously,
315
00:12:05,311 --> 00:12:07,990
that is a very important movie.
316
00:12:08,015 --> 00:12:09,078
- Yes.
- Necessary.
317
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,436
Vital to our history.
318
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:19,380
Yes, we'd be remiss if
we didn't watch "Selma."
319
00:12:19,794 --> 00:12:20,902
Good.
320
00:12:20,927 --> 00:12:22,590
- Yep.
- Great.
321
00:12:27,193 --> 00:12:30,543
Just curious... What
was the other movie?
322
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:32,591
- "Dumb and Dumber To."
- Jim Carrey?
323
00:12:32,616 --> 00:12:33,448
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
324
00:12:33,473 --> 00:12:35,366
Oh, I love him.
325
00:12:35,391 --> 00:12:37,197
- He is so funny.
- He's a physical comedian.
326
00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:38,724
You can watch him on mute.
327
00:12:38,749 --> 00:12:40,646
- Oh, my God,
- I love Jim Carrey.
328
00:12:40,671 --> 00:12:42,026
He's so watchable.
329
00:12:42,051 --> 00:12:43,915
Yeah. Um...
330
00:12:45,625 --> 00:12:47,390
I'll see y'all at "Selma."
331
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,265
Yes, you will.
332
00:12:56,348 --> 00:12:59,527
Three baristas, one foot doctor,
333
00:12:59,552 --> 00:13:02,715
two lifestyle bloggers, and
the founder of "Deez Nutz,"
334
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,785
which is an app that lets you see
335
00:13:04,810 --> 00:13:07,539
what you would look like
with other people's pubes.
336
00:13:07,564 --> 00:13:08,620
This island is useless.
337
00:13:08,645 --> 00:13:10,291
We still don't know
who the sex freak is.
338
00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:11,707
How am I supposed to sleep at night?
339
00:13:11,732 --> 00:13:12,698
Huh?
340
00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:14,728
I'm taking these.
341
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,220
So it's not gonna bother you
342
00:13:16,246 --> 00:13:17,779
that we don't know who the sex freak is?
343
00:13:17,804 --> 00:13:18,779
Hmm.
344
00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,907
I think this is just
gonna have to remain
345
00:13:20,932 --> 00:13:24,099
- an island mystery.
- I hate this island!
346
00:13:24,594 --> 00:13:26,660
Oh. Hi, guys.
347
00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:28,940
I... was going through the stuff,
348
00:13:28,965 --> 00:13:30,938
and, uh, I think this is yours.
349
00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:32,400
Oh, my God, my planner.
350
00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:34,453
And no luck finding your bag, Danny,
351
00:13:34,478 --> 00:13:36,139
but we did find this tag.
352
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:44,105
Damn it. Tag's been busted off.
353
00:13:44,832 --> 00:13:47,664
So, uh, I guess I'll
see you guys at "Selma."
354
00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:48,962
Should be, uh...
355
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,000
I don't know.
356
00:13:52,488 --> 00:13:54,336
The suitcase is yours?
357
00:13:54,575 --> 00:13:57,432
I can explain.
358
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:02,198
It's time.
359
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,709
It's time to watch "Selma."
360
00:14:31,593 --> 00:14:34,100
About a year ago, I
got into a relationship
361
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,907
with a woman named Becca from Vietnam.
362
00:14:36,932 --> 00:14:39,075
A Vietnamese woman named Rebecca?
363
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,102
Okay.
364
00:14:40,127 --> 00:14:41,306
We were going to meet in Thailand,
365
00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:42,964
and that's why I was super-nervous,
366
00:14:42,989 --> 00:14:44,575
'cause we had only e-mailed and chatted.
367
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,903
We had never met in person before.
368
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,771
You never FaceTimed or Skyped, or...?
369
00:14:47,796 --> 00:14:49,378
No, she always had a bad connection.
370
00:14:49,403 --> 00:14:52,319
You ever think that maybe
you were getting catfished?
371
00:14:52,344 --> 00:14:54,275
- Yeah. Of course.
- Okay.
372
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,233
But her words were so
sweet and funny and...
373
00:14:57,258 --> 00:15:00,217
I don't know, I took a chance, you know?
374
00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:01,626
Yeah, there was also a chance
375
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,751
that she was another weird
guy with mutton chops.
376
00:15:03,776 --> 00:15:05,137
- Another.
- Yeah.
377
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:07,955
But there's a chance she was real.
378
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:11,775
You know, there's a chance that she was
really waiting for me at the airport.
379
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,441
- I'm sorry if I took a chance on love.
- No, no, oh, my God.
380
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:17,507
I think it's really sweet, honestly.
381
00:15:17,532 --> 00:15:19,563
I just think that the weirdness comes
382
00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:22,682
when she asks you to fill
a briefcase with dildos.
383
00:15:22,707 --> 00:15:24,025
She said when I fly over,
384
00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:26,318
I should make sure to bring enough dong.
385
00:15:27,977 --> 00:15:29,535
Danny, did you ever consider
386
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,780
that maybe she asked you to bring dong,
387
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,215
because that's the currency of Vietnam?
388
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,740
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
389
00:15:36,765 --> 00:15:38,654
- Dong?
- Yeah.
390
00:15:38,679 --> 00:15:41,190
D-o-n-g? That's not true.
391
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:43,020
Oh, I'm 1,000% sure that it is.
392
00:15:43,044 --> 00:15:46,576
So if I go to a store, and
I want a pack of smokes,
393
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,744
I say, "Here's 5 dong"?
394
00:15:47,769 --> 00:15:49,291
I don't know the exchange rate, but...
395
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,815
So if something's expensive,
it's too much dong?
396
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,427
- Yeah.
- She was talking about money.
397
00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:57,954
Oh, shit.
398
00:15:57,979 --> 00:15:59,135
I think it's really sweet
399
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,626
that you followed through, honestly.
400
00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:02,111
Come on. I'm not a sex freak, man.
401
00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:03,899
I swear, this was just a huge mistake.
402
00:16:03,924 --> 00:16:05,144
Dude, I won't say anything.
403
00:16:05,169 --> 00:16:06,796
If you want, I'll just...
I'll keep it buried.
404
00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:08,524
I haven't told anyone you're not a cop.
405
00:16:08,549 --> 00:16:10,203
- Thanks, Owen.
- Yeah.
406
00:16:10,228 --> 00:16:11,902
I know that, you know, if
the tables were turned...
407
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:12,647
Wait.
408
00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:18,914
Someone here is a freak and a liar,
409
00:16:18,939 --> 00:16:20,623
and we're not watching this movie
410
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,359
until I find this perv.
411
00:16:23,635 --> 00:16:25,958
Someone packed an arsenal big enough
412
00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:27,871
to bang this entire island
413
00:16:27,896 --> 00:16:30,063
and we have a right to know who.
414
00:16:30,088 --> 00:16:33,922
We also have a right to
know how this one works.
415
00:16:33,947 --> 00:16:35,668
- What is that?
- Oh, that's the front.
416
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:36,968
Todd, why don't we just let this go?
417
00:16:36,993 --> 00:16:38,912
We don't really have to
get to the bottom of this.
418
00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:41,711
Todd, is this what all your
weird questions were about?
419
00:16:41,736 --> 00:16:44,244
Yeah, and I'm looking right at you two.
420
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:45,061
Excuse me?
421
00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:47,861
All that talk about
reconnecting in Thailand,
422
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:49,390
- is that what this so for?
- Hey, hey, hey.
423
00:16:49,415 --> 00:16:51,345
Sexually, I'm an open book,
424
00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:53,181
and if those were mine, I
would straight-up own it.
425
00:16:53,205 --> 00:16:54,707
Yeah, it's probably Steve's.
426
00:16:54,732 --> 00:16:55,328
Me?
427
00:16:55,353 --> 00:16:56,792
Yeah, man, you're divorced,
428
00:16:56,817 --> 00:16:58,345
you're traveling to
Thailand by yourself.
429
00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,593
That has like 10-day
tour written all over it.
430
00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:01,595
10 days?
431
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,880
Well, I'm flattered,
432
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:04,500
but I've never seen any
of those things before.
433
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,881
How do we know they're not yours?
434
00:17:05,906 --> 00:17:08,538
Hmm? Why were you and
Jess going to Thailand?
435
00:17:08,564 --> 00:17:10,137
Okay, all right, for your information,
436
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:12,946
Todd was gonna surprise me
with something very special.
437
00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:15,007
- Tell him, babe.
- Babe, it was a surprise.
438
00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:18,068
Babe, it could still be
a surprise, right here.
439
00:17:18,093 --> 00:17:19,763
Fine. God.
440
00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:23,052
When we got to Thailand,
I was gonna give you...
441
00:17:25,028 --> 00:17:30,563
"The Hangover 2," premium
experience movie tour.
442
00:17:30,944 --> 00:17:32,404
What?
443
00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:34,364
- What? What is that?
- Trip of a lifetime.
444
00:17:34,389 --> 00:17:36,492
They take you to all the
"Hangover 2" locations,
445
00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:38,764
you have brunch with the monkey.
446
00:17:38,789 --> 00:17:40,852
And Justin Bartha picks
you up at the airport.
447
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:42,604
How much did you even spend on that?
448
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,220
I don't know, like three months' salary.
449
00:17:44,245 --> 00:17:44,779
Wow.
450
00:17:44,804 --> 00:17:46,444
Anyway, surprise.
451
00:17:46,469 --> 00:17:48,748
There. I came clean.
452
00:17:48,773 --> 00:17:51,061
Now somebody come clean about all this.
453
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:52,331
We could just let this go.
454
00:17:52,356 --> 00:17:53,094
They're mine.
455
00:17:54,936 --> 00:17:56,102
That's gross.
456
00:18:01,176 --> 00:18:04,736
- What?
- That's my case and those are my...
457
00:18:04,768 --> 00:18:05,977
things.
458
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:09,236
What? Dude, no way.
459
00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:11,336
Ew.
460
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:13,032
Seriously?
461
00:18:13,057 --> 00:18:15,608
Ew!
462
00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:16,944
Yeah.
463
00:18:16,999 --> 00:18:18,405
Yeah, I'm the sex freak.
464
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,801
Ah, you don't have to say it twice!
465
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:27,723
I was a pageant prince.
466
00:18:27,748 --> 00:18:29,233
- What?
- Hmm?
467
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,849
Yeah, when I was 9 years old,
468
00:18:30,874 --> 00:18:33,227
I was crowned Little Mr. Nevada.
469
00:18:33,315 --> 00:18:35,163
They are beauty pageants for boys?
470
00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:36,477
No, there's not.
471
00:18:36,502 --> 00:18:38,109
And I won.
472
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:39,348
Wow. Geez.
473
00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:40,891
I'm just saying...
474
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:46,307
don't we all have a sex
toy in our suitcase?
475
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,292
I'm not a vegan anymore.
476
00:18:52,317 --> 00:18:55,064
I've been sneaking boar
every single night,
477
00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:57,627
and that shit is delish.
478
00:18:57,652 --> 00:18:58,751
Everybody!
479
00:18:58,924 --> 00:19:00,260
I'm a fraud.
480
00:19:00,285 --> 00:19:03,367
This amazing suit and
shirt, it's off the rack.
481
00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:06,852
I feel like a weight has
been lifted off of me.
482
00:19:06,877 --> 00:19:07,695
It feels good.
483
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,118
I'm a liar.
484
00:19:09,546 --> 00:19:13,662
My last name isn't Smith, it's Turdhole.
485
00:19:14,669 --> 00:19:15,902
Kurt Turdhole.
486
00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:18,974
I tell people it's
"Turd-olee" but it's not.
487
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,806
I killed a man outside Tallahassee.
488
00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:21,543
What?
489
00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:22,654
- Oh, no.
- What?
490
00:19:22,679 --> 00:19:24,562
I told myself it was him or me,
491
00:19:24,587 --> 00:19:25,568
but that's a lie.
492
00:19:25,594 --> 00:19:26,673
It was always him.
493
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,343
Okay, let's... Let's shut this down.
494
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:32,820
I'm not gonna bite my tongue anymore.
495
00:19:32,845 --> 00:19:34,926
I got to speak my mind.
496
00:19:34,951 --> 00:19:37,096
I don't want to watch "Selma."
497
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:39,809
It's too long, and it's not fun,
498
00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:41,121
and we're all just watching it
499
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,079
because we don't want to seem racist.
500
00:19:43,104 --> 00:19:44,228
That is not true.
501
00:19:44,253 --> 00:19:46,320
I'm ethnic so I'm not...
502
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:47,844
No, no, no, no, no.
503
00:19:47,869 --> 00:19:49,603
She's right.
504
00:19:49,848 --> 00:19:52,481
I want to watch "Dumb and Dumber."
505
00:19:52,506 --> 00:19:55,272
I mean, if this is the last
movie I am ever going to see,
506
00:19:55,297 --> 00:19:58,073
I want to watch those two crazy
white boys, and I want to laugh...
507
00:19:58,098 --> 00:19:59,905
Ooh, forgive me, Dr.
King... But I want to laugh.
508
00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:01,713
Yeah, I want to laugh. I mean,
if we have forgiveness...
509
00:20:01,738 --> 00:20:03,480
I'm with Diane!
510
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:09,668
Wait, so no one cares
511
00:20:09,694 --> 00:20:13,792
a freak over here had
this huge bang bag?
512
00:20:13,816 --> 00:20:15,311
No one?
513
00:20:15,336 --> 00:20:17,183
Hey, man, thanks.
514
00:20:17,208 --> 00:20:18,272
That meant a lot.
515
00:20:18,297 --> 00:20:21,711
Yeah. Yeah, hey, I took a chance.
516
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:23,456
What?
517
00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:26,183
Because when we were
walking, you said...
518
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,208
- Oh, just before the... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- "I took a chance"
519
00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:29,803
- It was trying to do, like, a call...
- I lost that. I'm sorry.
520
00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,406
- It was a callback.
- No, it was good, it was good.
521
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,398
- It was stupid.
- No, no, no, it was good. It was great.
522
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:35,045
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it was cool.
523
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:37,371
- Okay, cool, all right.
- All right, let's join.
524
00:20:37,396 --> 00:20:38,506
Okay.
525
00:20:38,531 --> 00:20:39,494
Todd: Get in the back, freak.
526
00:20:39,519 --> 00:20:41,285
Florence: You're tall. Get in the back.
527
00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:46,661
Careful, no anal beads fall out.
528
00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:48,782
- Oh, should I hit "play"?
- Yeah.
529
00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:07,117
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36722
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