All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S01E05.WEBRip.x264-FGT

PREVIOUSLY ON THE WEST WING:

THERE ARE TWO THINGS
IN THE WORLD

YOU NEVER WANT TO LET PEOPLE SEE

HOW YOU MAKE THEM:
LAWS AND SAUSAGES.

I'M VOTING NO, LEO.

IT'S ALL WE COULD GET RIGHT NOW
AND YOU KNOW IT.

YOU DIDN'T WORK
HARD ENOUGH.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME
PROTECT YOU

AND YOU HAVE TO LET ME
PROTECT THE PRESIDENT.

PRESIDENT BARTLET'S
A GOOD MAN. HE DOESN'T

HOLD A GRUDGE. THAT'S
WHAT HE PAYS ME FOR.

THERE'S LITERALLY NO ONE
IN THE WORLD THAT I DON'T HATE.

President:
YOUR MOTHER WAS MURDERED
WITH A WESTERN .38 REVOLVER.

NOW, WE HAVE NOT HAD
A WHOLE LOT OF SUCCESS YET

HAVING THAT WEAPON AND
THOSE BULLETS BANNED.

YOU WANT TO COME HELP US OUT?

YES, SIR, I DO.

Man:
OH, MAN, I'M SORRY.

Man:
OH, YEAH!

THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT NOW.

Toby:
GAME POINT.

YOU LOOK
A LITTLE WINDED.

I'M FINE.

MAYBE SIT OUT
FOR A MINUTE, SIR.

WHY?

PEOPLE WILL BE UPSET
WHEN THEY FIND OUT

WE KILLED THE PRESIDENT.

Josh:
SIT DOWN, SIR.

ALRIGHT, GAME POINT.

Sam:
SIR...
LET'S GO.

I'M PLAYING.

Toby:
THERE'S NO SHAME

IN CALLING IT QUITS.

JUST SAY, "TOBY, YOU'RE
THE SUPERIOR ATHLETE"

AND SLINK ON OFF THE COURT.

TAKE THE BALL OUT, TOBY.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING
TO KEEP PLAYING?

TAKE THE BALL OUT.
LET'S GO.

THIS IS PERFECT,
YOU KNOW THAT?

THIS IS
A PERFECT METAPHOR.

AFTER YOU'RE GONE
AND THE POETS WRITE

"THE LEGEND
OF JOSIAH BARTLET"

LET THEM WRITE YOU
AS A TRAGIC FIGURE, SIR.

LET THE POETS WRITE
THAT HE HAD

THE TOOLS
FOR GREATNESS

BUT THE VOICES OF HIS BETTER
ANGELS WERE SHOUTED DOWN

BY HIS OBSESSIVE
NEED TO WIN.

YOU WANT TO PLAY
OR WRITE MY EULOGY?

CAN I BE HONEST
WITH YOU, SIR?

MR. GRANT!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHO'S THIS?

I'M MAKING
A SUBSTITUTION.

Josh:
WHO IS THIS GUY?

MR. GRANT'S A NEW
MEMBER OF MY TEAM.

A RINGER PERHAPS?

MR. GRANT IS A
FEDERAL EMPLOYEE.

YOU KNOW THE THING
ABOUT YOU

ISN'T SO MUCH THAT YOU CHEAT

IT'S HOW BRAZENLY BAD
YOU ARE AT IT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

HE'S GOT A POINT
THERE, SIR.

WHEN HAVE I EVER CHEATED?

IN FLORIDA, PLAYING
MIXED DOUBLES

WITH ME AND C.J.
YOU TRIED TO TELL US

THAT YOUR PARTNER WORKED
AT THE AMERICAN CONSULATE...

AND SHE DID.

IT WAS STEFFI GRAF, SIR.

I WILL ADMIT THAT THE WOMAN

BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE...

IT WAS STEFFI GRAF,
YOU CRAZY LUNATIC!

YOU THINK I'M NOT GOING
TO RECOGNIZE STEFFI GRAF

WHEN SHE'S SERVING
A TENNIS BALL AT ME?

STEFFI GRAF'S WON
A FEW CHAMPIONSHIP'S, SIR.

WE'VE HAD MANY OPPORTUNITIES

TO SEE PHOTOGRAPHS.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, TOBY ZIEGLER,
JOSH LYMAN, CHARLIE YOUNG

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE
MR. RODNEY GRANT.

MR. GRANT IS ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR

OF THE PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL
ON PHYSICAL FITNESS.

GAME POINT,
YOUR BALL, LET'S GO!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
NOT SO FAST.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

MR. GRANT, YOUR NAME

SOUNDS AWFULLY FAMILIAR.

BEFORE YOU JOINED UP

WITH THE PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL
ON PHYSICAL FITNESS

A COUNCIL, I MIGHT ADD

THE PRESIDENT WOULD DO WELL
TO AVAIL HIMSELF OF

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU PLAYED
SOME ORGANIZED BALL?

YEAH, I USED TO PLAY
A LITTLE WITH MY FRIENDS.

AND WHERE WAS THAT?

I'M SORRY?

WHERE WOULD THAT BE?

DUKE.

( laughing )

THIS GUY WAS IN THE FINAL FOUR!

TAKE THE BALL OUT.

GAME POINT. LET'S GO.

THE NEW MAN.
I'M TAKING YOU

TO THE HOLE.

YOU GOT IT!

LET THE POETS WRITE
ABOUT THAT THERE, BYRON.

CHARLIE, GUARD THE NEW GUY.

YOU HAVE A STAFF MEETING.

THAT'S WHERE
I'M GOING.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU.

YES, BUT YOU SEE

THAT'S OBVIOUSLY
WHERE I'M GOING

AND YET YOU
TELL ME ANYWAY.

AND YOU DON'T FIND
THAT ADORABLE?

THAT YOU SEEK
TO CONTROL ME?

YEAH.
LOVE IT.

DONALD HASN'T
CALLED ME YET.

WHO'S DONALD?

DONALD.
YES.

FROM THE THING?

RIGHT. CAN WE CLEAR
UP A FEW THINGS

ABOUT MY LEVEL
OF INTEREST

IN THE REVOLVING DOOR
OF LOCAL GOMERS
THAT YOU SEE

IN THE FREE TIME
YOU CREATE BY NOT
WORKING VERY HARD

AT YOUR JOB?
EXCUSE ME?

YOU WORK HARD
AT YOUR JOB.

HOW HARD?
VERY HARD.

AND I AM?

NOT AT ALL CONTROLLING.

THANK YOU. YOU HAVE
A STAFF MEETING.

ON MY WAY.

WAIT. THERE'S
ANOTHER THING.

WHAT?

HANG ON.
DONNA!

HANG ON. HERE IT IS.

LEO WANTS YOU TO MEET
SOMEONE NAMED LACEY

FROM THE NATIONAL
SECURITY COUNCIL

IN HIS OFFICE
AFTER STAFF.

THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
IT'S ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS
IS THE WHITE HOUSE

SO IT'S PROBABLY
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

JOSH.
MA'AM?

THERE'S AN ARTICLE
I WANT YOU TO READ

IN THE NEW YORKER.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

SMALLPOX.
THE DISEASE?

NO, THE DESSERT
TOPPING, JOSH.

YES, THE DISEASE.

Margaret:
WE DO IT ON THE

FIRST OF EVERY MONTH.

Cathy:
WE'VE MISSED A FEW MONTHS.

BUT, GENERALLY SPEAKING,
WE TRY TO DO IT

ON THE FIRST OF EVERY MONTH.

WE'VE DONE IT TWICE
IN TWELVE MONTHS.

WE'RE A LITTLE BEHIND.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S "THROW OPEN
OUR OFFICE DOORS

"TO PEOPLE WHO WANT
TO DISCUSS THINGS

THAT WE COULD
CARE LESS ABOUT" DAY.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOFY,
DOESN'T IT?

IT'S NOT SO BAD.
YOU TALK TO THEM FOR A MINUTE

GIVE THEM A PEN WITH THE
PRESIDENTIAL SEAL ON IT.

THIS ISN'T A WASTE OF TIME?

OH, IT'S DEFINITELY
A WASTE OF TIME

BUT IT'S ONE
OF LEO'S PET OFFICE POLICIES.

WHY?
Leo:
GOOD MORNING.

SADLY, YOU'RE
ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

ANDREW JACKSON IN THE MAIN FOYER
OF HIS WHITE HOUSE

HAD A BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE.

HUH.

( snickers )

I AM MAKING A MENTAL LIST

OF THOSE
WHO ARE SNICKERING

AND EVEN AS I SPEAK

I AM PREPARING
APPROPRIATE RETRIBUTION.

THE BLOCK OF CHEESE
WAS HUGE-- OVER TWO TONS

AND IT WAS THERE FOR ANY AND ALL
WHO MIGHT BE HUNGRY.

LEO, WOULDN'T THIS TIME
BE BETTER SPENT

PLOTTING A WAR
AGAINST A COUNTRY

THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY DEFEND
ITSELF AGAINST US?

WE CAN DO THAT LATER, TOBY.

RIGHT NOW, I'M TALKING
ABOUT PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON.

ACTUALLY, YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT A BLOCK OF CHEESE.

AND SAM GOES ON MY LIST.

WHAT ABOUT TOBY?

I'M UNPREDICTABLE.

JACKSON WANTED
THE WHITE HOUSE TO
BELONG TO THE PEOPLE

SO FROM TIME TO TIME,
HE OPENED HIS DOORS

TO THOSE WHO WISHED AN AUDIENCE.

AND THEN HE LOCKED THE DOORS
BEHIND THEM

AND MADE THEM EAT
TWO TONS OF CHEESE.

IT IS IN THAT SPIRIT...

HANG ON.
MANDY DOESN'T GO ON THE LIST?

MANDY'S NEW.

SO IT'S JUST ME ON THE LIST?

YES. IT IS IN THE SPIRIT
OF ANDREW JACKSON

THAT I FROM TIME TO
TIME ASK SENIOR STAFF

TO HAVE FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

WITH THOSE PEOPLE
REPRESENTING ORGANIZATIONS

WHO HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME
GETTING OUR ATTENTION.

I KNOW THE MORE JADED
AMONG YOU

SEE THIS AS SOMETHING

RATHER BENEATH YOU,
BUT I ASSURE YOU

THAT LISTENING TO THE VOICES
OF PASSIONATE AMERICANS

IS BENEATH NO ONE

AND SURELY NOT
THE PEOPLES' SERVANTS.

IS IT "TOTAL CRACKPOT DAY"
AGAIN?

YES, IT IS.

AND LET US PLEASE NOTE

THAT JOSH DOES NOT GO
ON THE LIST.

YOU'VE GOT
A THING RIGHT NOW.

DONNA TOLD ME.

MARGARET, HAND OUT THOSE
APPOINTMENTS, WOULD YOU?

Josh:
WHAT'S UP?

FIRST OF ALL...
OW!

THAT'S FOR
"TOTAL CRACKPOT DAY."

YEAH, YEAH.

SECOND OF ALL,
THIS IS JONATHAN LACEY.

JOSH LYMAN.

GOOD TO MEET YOU.

MR. McGARRY, WOULD
YOU MIND? THANKS.

I ONLY HAVE
A FEW MOMENTS.

I KNOW YOU'RE
BUSY, TOO.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I'D LIKE YOU
TO KEEP THIS CARD

ON YOUR PERSON
AT ALL TIMES.

IF YOU KEEP IT
IN YOUR WALLET

AND YOU LOSE
YOUR WALLET

YOUR FIRST CALL ISN'T
TO AMERICAN EXPRESS

IT'S TO US.
WHO'S US?

I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.

I'M WITH THE N.S.C.

THEY TOLD ME THAT.

I MEANT, WHAT'S
THE CARD DO?

TELLS YOU WHERE TO GO

IN THE EVENT OF
A NUCLEAR ATTACK.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

OBVIOUSLY, WE WANT
TO GET EVERYONE UP
ON AIR FORCE ONE

OR INTO ONE OF
THE UNDERGROUND
COMMAND CENTERS

AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

SURE, WELL, UM...

OKAY. I REALLY...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I GUESS THAT'S
IT THEN?

SHOULD YOU HAVE
ANY QUESTIONS

YOU SHOULD FEEL
FREE TO CALL.

SURE. SURE.

AND MY STAFF GOES WITH ME
OR DO THEY HAVE SEPARATE...?

OH, GOD!

SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST GOT IT.
SORRY. OKAY. SURE.

I'M JUST GOING TO STICK
THIS RIGHT HERE

RIGHT NEXT TO MY VIDEO CLUB
MEMBERSHIP

AND THERE'S NO REASON, I GUESS

WHY MY STAFF EVER HAS
TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

SO THERE IT IS.

AND I THINK THE BEST THING
TO DO IS FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

I'LL GO NOW.

"COUPLED WITH THE INCREASINGLY
TIGHT LABOR MARKET

"HAVE SPARKED A GROWING CONCERN
OVER FUTURE INFLATION.

DO YOU SHARE
THAT CONCERN, SIR?"

NO, HELEN, I DON'T.

THE U.S. ECONOMY IS
FUNDAMENTALLY...

AH!

I WASN'T HELEN THERE, SIR.

ACTUALLY, I WAS SANDY KING.

FROM THE MIAMI HERALD?

SHE MOVED
TO THE SUN-TIMES.

YOUR VOICE SOUNDED THE SAME
AS WHEN YOU DID HELEN.

"DO YOU SHARE
THAT CONCERN, SIR?"

NO, NOT AT ALL.

THE U.S. ECONOMY REMAINS
FUNDAMENTALLY STRONG

AS THE STEADY DECLINE
IN UNEMPLOYMENT REFLECTS

WHICH I THINK IS CAUSE
FOR SATISFACTION, NOT GLOOM.

THE SOLITARY
ABERRANT SPIKE
IN THE P.P.I. IS

NOT CAUSE FOR OVERREACTION.

YOU MIGHT ALSO WANT
TO POINT OUT

THAT THERE'S BEEN

NO CORRESPONDING INCREASE
IN WHOLESALE PRICES.

IF YOU COULD
FURTHER SEE CLEAR

TO NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION
LIKE AN ECONOMICS PROFESSOR

WITH A BIG OL' STICK
UP HIS BUTT

THAT WOULD BE GOOD, TOO.

I AM AN ECONOMICS
PROFESSOR

WITH A BIG OL' STICK
UP MY BUTT

BUT I'LL DO MY BEST
FOR YOU THERE, MANDY.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THAT'S IT
FOR THE ECONOMY.

LET'S MOVE TO GUNS.

WE DON'T NEED TO DO GUNS.

SIR, THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY
GOING TO ASK ABOUT GUNS.

I'M NOT SAYING
THEY'RE NOT, TOBY.

I'M SAYING I'M ALL SET.

HOW ABOUT ONE
OR TWO QUESTIONS?

IS IT TIME
FOR MY 10:00 A.M. SCOLDING?

ARE WE GOING TO HAVE
THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN?

MR. PRESIDENT?

LET'S DO GUNS.

LET'S DO GUNS, SAM.
SIR...

"MR. PRESIDENT, IS THERE
ANY REASON TO BELIEVE

"THIS VICTORY, THIS
WEAPONS BAN BILL WILL
HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT

REDUCTION IN CRIME?"

YES. NEXT QUESTION.

MR. PRESIDENT.

AH, MR. ZIEGLER

FROM THE CONEY ISLAND KILLJOY.

YOU HAVE A FOLLOW-UP?

WE'RE LUCKY ENOUGH

TO GET THAT QUESTION

YOU'RE GOING
TO BLOW IT OFF?

YES.

DUE RESPECT, SIR,
MAY I ASK WHY?

'CAUSE I'M WEAK-WILLED
AND STUPID.

LET'S DO THIS ANOTHER TIME.

FOUR DAYS AGO,
WE TALKED THIS OVER.

AND THEN I TALKED IT OVER
WITH SOME OTHER PEOPLE.

WHICH PEOPLE?

I HAVE LOTS OF
OTHER PEOPLE.

SIR, I BELIEVE WE ARE MISSING
A HUGE OPPORTUNITY HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HMM?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE'RE DOING THE THING.

WHY AREN'T YOU
IN THERE?

I WAS JUST GOING IN.

GOOD MORNING,
MRS. LANDINGHAM.

WHERE ARE WE IN
THE SAGA OF TOBY
AND THE PRESIDENT?

THEY SEEM TO BE HAVING
A DISAGREEMENT.

A DISAGREEMENT
OR A FIGHT?

IT CERTAINLY HAS
THE POTENTIAL...

Bartlet:
OH, FOR GOD SAKES, TOBY!

THERE WE GO.

LET'S GO IN.

JOSH?

HMM?

LET'S GO IN.

Bartlet:
I WON'T COME
OUT AND SAY

THE BILL WE JUST PASSED
IS WORTHLESS.

IF WE CAN JUST ADMIT
ITS WEAKNESSES, WHY NOT?

TOBY, IT'LL
INFURIATE THE LEFT

IT'LL ENERGIZE THE RIGHT

AND EVERYONE IN THE MIDDLE

WILL FEEL LIKE THEY
JUST GOT YANKED AROUND.

I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT,
DID YOU WANT TO ANSWER THAT?

I WAS GOING TO SAY
"BECAUSE I SAID SO"

BUT THAT WAS GOOD.

TO SAY NOTHING OF TAKING
A VICTORY AND DECLARING DEFEAT.

YES.

BY CHANGING SOME WORDS...

BY CHANGING SOME WORDS

THE WORLD CAN MOVE OR NOT
BY CHANGING SOME WORDS.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

I HAVE MANY POINTS.

I CHOOSE NOT TO MAKE THEM NOW.

WELL, ON BEHALF OF EVERYBODY

IN THE WEST WING, TOBY

LET ME JUST SAY
THAT THAT'S A RELIEF.

EXCUSE ME, LEO.

YES?

CATHY TELLS ME MY FIRST
CHEESE APPOINTMENT IS HERE

BUT PREPARING
FOR THIS PRESS CONFERENCE

SHOULD BE A PRIORITY.

I AGREE.

NO.

LEO, IT...
NO!

YOU'RE NOT GETTING
OUT OF THIS.
BUT I REALLY NEED...

THIS IS IMPORTANT.

THIS IS A THOROUGHLY
UNIMPORTANT PRESS CONFERENCE.

THIS PRESS CONFERENCE
IS ABOUT OUR FUTURE.

I THINK THIS PRESS CONFERENCE

IS ABOUT WE HAVEN'T HAD ONE
IN A WHILE.

SAM, GO.

MR. PRESIDENT?

WE'RE GOING, TOO.

WE'LL PICK THIS UP
THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU ARE FROM UNITED
STATES SPACE COMMAND.

YEAH. NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE
KNOW ABOUT US.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

WE'RE A LITTLE
NERDY, I'LL ADMIT.

YOU CAMOUFLAGE IT WELL
WITH YOUR CLOTHING.

I'M USED TO THAT, SAM.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

IN A NUTSHELL?

SO TO SPEAK.

WE'D LIKE THE WHITE HOUSE

TO PAY A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION
TO UFOs.

ARE WE PAYING ANY ATTENTION
AT ALRIGHT NOW?

NO.

THANK GOD.

LIKE WE DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH TROUBLE

WITH THE FIRST LADY
AND HER OUIJA BOARD.

I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO SHOW THE PRESIDENT

SOME DATA WE'VE COLLECTED

ON SOME POSSIBLE
EXTRATERRESTRIAL CONTACT.

I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.

MAY I ASK WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT
WILL EITHER YELL AT ME

OR LAUGH AT ME.

EITHER WAY,
IT WON'T WORK OUT WELL FOR ME.

THIS MORNING,
AT 6:35 A.M. LOCAL TIME

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL
IN HONOLULU

PICKED UP AN
UNIDENTIFIED
FLYING OBJECT

FLYING EAST ACROSS
THE PACIFIC

TOWARDS CALIFORNIA.

AIR FORCE
AND NAVY JETS

HAVE BEEN IN THE
AREA FOR HOURS

AND HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO
ESTABLISH VISUAL CONTACT.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN
AND GO UNEXPLAINED.

YOU DON'T THINK
THIS IS SOMETHING

YOU SHOULD TAKE
TO THE PRESIDENT?

NO.

AGAIN, I ASK WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THERE ARE LEVELS

AND AN ORDER
TO OUR AIR DEFENSE COMMAND

AND TO JUMP FROM A RADAR OFFICER
TO THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF

WOULD SKIP SEVERAL
OF THOSE LEVELS.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE THE PENTAGON AND...

YOU KNOW, PERHAPS, THERAPY.

OKAY, I CAN SEE THAT...

BOB, NO HARD FEELINGS

BUT I CAN'T WALK INTO
THE CABINET ROOM

AND ASK THE PRESIDENT

TO PUT DOWN THE
BUDGET SURPLUS

BECAUSE THERE ARE
FLYING SAUCERS
OVER MAUI.

SOMETHING'S
HEADING EAST

IN THE SKY
OVER THE PACIFIC.

IT'S IN AND OUT
OF OUR RADAR.

WE CAN'T SEE IT

AND IT'S UP THERE
RIGHT NOW.

I LEAVE YOU
WITH THAT THOUGHT.

IT'S BEEN GOOD
MEETING WITH YOU

AND I HOPE THAT
YOU DON'T FEEL

THAT YOU'VE
WASTED YOUR TIME.

I LEAVE YOU
WITH THIS PEN.

I KNOW THE PRESIDENT
IS NOT WILD

ABOUT LARRY POSNER'S FUND-RAISER
ON THE CALIFORNIA TRIP

BUT I THINK WE CAN'T PASS

AND I WANT TO YOU KNOW
WHERE YOU WERE ON THIS.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT ME

ON HOLLYWOOD
FUND-RAISERS.

YOU HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT TOBY.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHY
I'M SHORING UP SUPPORT.

I'M IN.

THEY SENT PICTURES
OF THE MALIBU PLACE.

IT'S GREAT.

THIS WASN'T THE ONE
WE USED DURING THE PRIMARY?

NO, HE BOUGHT
ANOTHER PLACE.

WHERE WAS THE ONE
WHERE ROBERTO BENIGNI

PUSHED ME
INTO THE SWIMMING POOL?

THAT'S LARRY
POSNER'S HOUSE

BUT THAT WAS
THE OLD PLACE.

C.J.--

IF IT GETS A VOTE,
THEN ISN'T IT WORTH IT?

WHICH WOULD BE FINE

IF ROBERTO BENIGNI COULD
VOTE IN OUR ELECTIONS

BUT SINCE HE'S ITALIAN

THAT MAKES ME A SIX-FOOT WET
GIRL IN A DONNA KARAN DRESS.

I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM
WHO ISN'T AN ECONOMIST

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME

THAT THE ANNUAL BUDGET
FOR THE NEW FISCAL YEAR

IS FOUND EITHER IN BALANCE,
IN DEFICIT OR IN SURPLUS.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW I CAN SELL CONGRESS

TO SAY NOTHING OF PEOPLE
WHO GRADUATED EIGHTH GRADE

ON THE IDEA THAT THERE'S
ANYTHING IN BETWEEN.

LEO'S NOT TALKING ABOUT

THE PORTION BEING ACCOUNTED FOR
AS OFF-BUDGET

AND PARTICULARLY NOT
THE LONG-TERM CAPITAL OUTLAYS.

HERE'S WHERE YOU LOSE ME.

TEN YEARS AGO,
THE FEDERAL BUDGET

HAD A DEFICIT OF $22 BILLION

BUT THE NATIONAL DEBT
ROSE FROM $5.2 TRILLION

TO $5.4 TRILLION
IN THE SAME FISCAL YEAR.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S A DEBT INCREASE
OF $188 BILLION

AGAINST A $22 BILLION DEFICIT.

OH, THIS IS GOOD NEWS.

YOU KNEW THOSE NUMBERS
IN YOUR HEAD?

THE PRESIDENT'S STARTLINGLY
FREAKISH THAT WAY.

ZOEY'S COMING FOR DINNER.

SHE'S IN TOWN.

MY DAUGHTER'S STARTING
GEORGETOWN AFTER THE FIRST

AND SHE'S SCOUTING
OFF-CAMPUS HOUSING.

GUYS, WE'RE DONE.

I'M SORRY, BUT SOME OF MY STAFF
HAS BEEN WAITING

AND THEY HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE
TO BOTHER ME FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

THANKS SO MUCH.

President:
I'M MAKING CHILI.

Leo:
YES?

I'LL MAKE IT FOR EVERYBODY.
CHARLIE!

SIR?

MY FRIENDS, MY DAUGHTER

MY BEER AND SOME CHILI! YES!

YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE
TO COOK THIS FOOD?

YES, SIR.

MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER ZOEY
IS DOWN FROM HANOVER.

I'M MAKING CHILI TONIGHT.
IT'S HER FAVORITE.

SIR, THE FIRST LADY
DOES NOT WANT YOU...

SHE'S IN PAKISTAN.
I'LL EAT WHAT I WANT.

YES, SIR.

I'LL NEED
INGREDIENTS.

LIKE WHAT?

WELL, HE'LL NEED SOME CHILI.

DON'T EVER LISTEN
TO HIM.

MRS. LANDINGHAM'S GOT IT ALL
WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE.

JUST TELL HER TO GIVE IT
TO THE STEWARD'S OFFICE.

OKAY.

SEND EVERYONE IN.
YES, SIR.

THANK YOU, CHARLIE!

HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY REMEMBER

THAT TEN YEARS AGO

THERE WAS A $188 BILLION
DEBT INCREASE

OFF A $22 BILLION
DEFICIT?

GOD, I WAS RIGHT?

AH, SEE, THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.

( laughing )

EVERYONE, COME IN.

COME ON IN.

HEY, LISTEN UP.
EVERYBODY.

ZOEY'S DOWN FROM HANOVER.

I'M MAKING CHILI
FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT.

OKAY.

AH.

GREAT.
CHILI. GREAT.

ALRIGHT.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT,
LET'S DO THIS--

EVERYBODY LOOK DOWN
AT THE BIG SEAL

IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CARPET.

EVERYBODY LOOK
BACK UP AT ME.

ZOEY'S COMING DOWN
FROM HANOVER

AND I'M MAKING CHILI
FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT!

I LOVE CHILI!
TERRIFIC!

THERE, YOU SEE
HOW BENEVOLENT I CAN BE

WHEN EVERYBODY JUST DOES
WHAT I TELL THEM TO DO?

NOW, SIT DOWN.

I WOULD LIKE
THIS MEETING TO LAST

NO MORE THAN
THREE MINUTES.

I WILL ALLOW IT
TO LAST

NO MORE THAN FIVE.

SPEAK, MANDY.

WE'RE GOING TO
CALIFORNIA IN
A FEW WEEKS.

YES.

LARRY POSNER WOULD LIKE
TO HOST A FUND-RAISER.

NOPE.

WHY?

'CAUSE 24 HOURS EARLIER

THE PRESIDENT'S
GOING TO GIVE A SPEECH

TO THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

ON VIOLENCE
IN FILM AND TELEVISION.

WHICH I DON'T THINK
HE SHOULD GIVE.

THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES
ARE INCREDIBLY VIOLENT.

SO IS THE GODFATHER.

WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY
IS LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES

ARE INCREDIBLY BAD.

NO, ACTUALLY,
WHAT I MEAN TO SAY

IS LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES

ARE INDICATIVE OF A HOLLYWOOD
THAT IS EXCESSIVELY VIOLENT

ARROGANTLY VIOLENT

AND IS PROMOTING
VIOLENCE

AND THE DISRESPECT
TO HUMAN LIFE.

EITHER WAY,
I DON'T SEE

HOW WE CAN ADMONISH HOLLYWOOD
ON A TUESDAY

AND CASH THEIR CHECK
ON A WEDNESDAY.

HOW CAN WE DO THAT?

'CAUSE IT'S HOLLYWOOD.
WHO GIVES A DAMN?

NOW HANG ON A SECOND.

MR. PRESIDENT?

YOU HAVE ME
DRAFTING A SPEECH

FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT
INDUSTRY

WHERE WE MORE
THAN SUGGEST

WE COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY

THAT MUCH OF THEIR PRODUCT
IS CORRUPTIVE.

NOW ARE WE DOING THIS
BECAUSE WE BELIEVE

THAT IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO TAKE
MORAL LEADERSHIP SERIOUSLY

OR ARE WE DOING IT
BECAUSE NOBODY

EVER LOST AN ELECTION
ATTACKING HOLLYWOOD?

WHY CAN'T WE DO BOTH?

( sighing ):
THAT'S NOT HYPOCRITICAL, SIR?

NO.

WHY NOT?

SAM IS RIGHT--

IT'S NOT THAT LARRY
POSNER'S MOVIES

HAVE GRATUITOUS SEX
AND GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE.

IT'S THAT THEY SUCK.

THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

BUT PEOPLE GO TO SEE THEM

BECAUSE THEY HAVE GRATUITOUS SEX
AND GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE.

NOW, IF WE COULD JUST GET PEOPLE

TO STOP GOING TO SEE
CRAPPY MOVIES

POSNER WOULD STOP MAKING THEM

I PROMISE YOU.

Toby:
HOW'S THAT STRATEGY

WORKING IN THE WAR ON DRUGS,
SIR?

TOBY...

WE ARE GOING
TO GO OUT THERE

AND IMPLORE
THESE PEOPLE

TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE

AND NOT BE QUITE SO CASUAL

WITH THE AWESOME INFLUENCE
THAT THEY HAVE.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

BUT, SIR, EVERY TIME
SOMEONE MAKES HEADLINES

BY BLOWING THUNDER AT
THIS RIDICULOUS TARGET

IT ONLY SERVES AS A
CRIMINAL DISTRACTION

IN THE PURSUIT
OF ACTUAL SOLUTIONS.

NOW LET ME JUST SAY
ONE OTHER THING--

IF I WERE AN ACTOR OR A WRITER
OR A DIRECTOR

OR UH, UH, UH...
A PRODUCER IN HOLLYWOOD

AND SOMEONE
WERE TO START COMING AT ME

WITH LISTS OF THINGS THAT WERE
AMERICAN AND UN-AMERICAN

I'D START TO THINK THAT THIS
WAS SOUNDING EERILY FAMILIAR.

DO I LOOK LIKE JOE McCARTHY
TO YOU, TOBY?

NO, SIR.

NOBODY EVER LOOKS
LIKE JOE McCARTHY.

THAT'S HOW THEY GET IN THE DOOR
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WE SEEM TO HAVE WANDERED
OFF THE POINT A BIT.

YEAH. AND TIME'S UP.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

CHILI TONIGHT.

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

'CAUSE YOU LOOK A
LITTLE... YOU KNOW.

NAH. NAH.

HI, CATHY.

YOU KNOW THAT DOUGHNUT
SITTING ON YOUR DESK?

YOU ATE IT.

BUT THAT WAS
PREDICTABLE,
WASN'T IT?

HEY, IS THERE ANY WORD
YET ON THE...

THE THING'S
STILL OUT THERE.

HAD A GUY IN
MY OFFICE TODAY.

HE'D LIKE US TO SPEND
A LITTLE MORE TIME
WORKING ON UFOs.

WE SPENDING ANY
TIME ON UFOs?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

COMING ON THE HEELS
OF MRS. BARTLET'S
OUIJA BOARD...

I HEAR YOU.

I'M CLOSING THE DOOR.

THE CENTRAL PACIFIC COMMAND'S
BEEN PICKING

THIS THING UP
ON RADAR ALL DAY...

SAM...
RIGHT.

LISTEN...

YOU'RE CLOSE
WITH CATHY, RIGHT?

I HAVEN'T SEEN HER NAKED,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING.

NO, SAM, WELL...
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M ASKING.

I MEAN, SHE'S LIKE MY YOUNGER
SISTER, BUT SHE GETS PAID AND...

RIGHT.

YES.
AND SHE FRIGHTENS ME.

YEAH.
BUT I LOVE HER.

IT'S LIKE YOU AND DONNA.

RIGHT.

WHEN THEY GAVE YOU THE CARD
AND THEY TOLD YOU

THAT IT WAS JUST YOU
AND NOT CATHY, HOW DID YOU...

HOW DID YOU
FEEL ABOUT THAT?

WHEN THEY GAVE ME WHAT CARD?

THE N.S.C. GUY--

THE CARD WITH
THE DIRECTIONS?

THE DIRECTIONS TO...

YOU, C.J., TOBY...

I-I-I'M SAYING
WHEN THE N.S.C. GUY

GAVE YOU YOUR CARDS.

JOSH, WHAT... WHAT CARD?

NOTHING. UH...

I-I-I WAS THINKING
OF A DIFFERENT...

NOTHING. NOTHING.

WHO'S PLUIE?

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

THAT'S PLUIE.

YES.

PLUIE'S A WOLF?

YEAH, SHE IS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME
HER STORY?

JERRY.

FOR FOUR YEARS

SCIENTISTS HAVE
TRACKED PLUIE

AS SHE MADE HER WAY

FROM BANFF NATIONAL
PARK IN ALBERTA

UP AND DOWN THE ROCKIES.

IN THAT TIME,
SHE'S MADE THREE ROUND TRIPS

BETWEEN CANADA AND WYOMING,
COVERING 40,000 SQUARE MILES.

WE THINK YOU'LL ADMIT

IT WAS A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE
PERFORMANCE FOR PLUIE

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THE IMPEDIMENTS OF MODERN LIFE
SHE HAD TO CONQUER.

HIGHWAYS, HOUSING,
FORESTS DENUDED OF TREES.

NOT TO MENTION
THE U.S.-CANADIAN BORDER.

SURE, 'CAUSE NO PHOTO I.D.

I'M SORRY?

THAT WAS A JOKE.

WHY DOES PLUIE
MAKE THE TREK?

BECAUSE WOLVES HAVE TO BREED
WITH MANY PACKS

IN ORDER TO KEEP
FROM BECOMING EXTINCT.

REALLY?

IF THEY BREED AMONG THEMSELVES

THEY'LL EVENTUALLY
PRODUCE OFFSPRING

THAT'S GENETICALLY WEAKER

THUS ENDANGERING THEIR
LONG-TERM SURVIVAL.

THAT HELPS EXPLAIN
BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

MAY WE TELL YOU
WHAT WE PROPOSE?

SURE.

THE WOLVES-ONLY
ROADWAY.

THE WOLVES-ONLY ROADWAY?

1,800 MILES

FROM YELLOWSTONE
TO THE YUKON TERRITORY

COMPLETE WITH
HIGHWAY OVERPASSES

AND NO CATTLE GRAZING.

AN 1,800-MILE
WOLVES-ONLY ROADWAY?

PLUIE, YOU'LL
RECALL...
HANG ON.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH
WOLVES TO FOLLOW ROAD SIGNS?

OUR SCIENTISTS
ARE WORKING ON A PLAN.

IN THE MEANTIME,
PLUIE'S GOING TO GET DRUNK

WANDER OFF THE WOLVES-ONLY ROAD
AND END UP EATING MY CAT.

( scoffs ):
WE DON'T THINK THAT'LL HAPPEN.

I DON'T THINK THIS
IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

PERHAPS WE...

FIRST OF ALL

RANCHERS DON'T WANT WOLVES

RETURNED TO THE WEST.

RANCHERS
ARE KILLERS.

NO, THEY'RE NOT

AND ANYONE WHO SAYS IT
SHOULD TAKE IT BACK.

RANCHERS FACE
THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS--

FALLING STOCK PRICES, RISING
TAXES, PROLONGED DROUGHT

AND A, AND A COUNTRY
THAT'S EATING LESS BEEF.

RANCHERS WANT TO BLAME SOMETHING

AND BECAUSE THEY'RE RANCHERS,
THEY WANT TO FIGHT SOMETHING.

I'D RATHER
IT BE A WOLF THAN US

SO UNLESS PLUIE
REGISTERS TO VOTE...

PLUIE WAS SHOT AND KILLED

BY A RANCHER
IN BRITISH COLUMBIA LAST MONTH.

I'M...

SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

I'M NOT SURE YOU ARE.

( throat clearing )

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,
HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST?

THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART.

WITH CONTRIBUTIONS
AND CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP

THE COST TO THE TAXPAYER
IS ONLY $900 MILLION.

NO, SERIOUSLY...
HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST?

C.J., IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS,
WHY NOT DO IT RIGHT?

WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT.

WELL, SURE,
THERE ARE OTHER THINGS

WE COULD SPEND THE MONEY ON.

YOU THINK?

I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK.

WHAT'S A BETTER WAY TO SPEND

THIS MONEY?

$900 MILLION?

ANOTHER WAR PLANE?

ANOTHER S&L BAILOUT?

HOW ABOUT WE BUILD THE NINE
BEST SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD?

LET'S... LET'S MOVE ON
TO THE GRIZZLY BEAR.

( knocking )

HI.

HI.

CAN I TALK
TO YOU?

YOU GET HIM A SPOT
ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES?

POSNER'S A HUGE SUPPORTER, TOBY.

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT.

NO, YOU DON'T.

I CAME IN HERE

TO BE NICE TO YOU, TOBY.

GO AHEAD.

I DON'T LIKE
GOING UP AGAINST YOU.

I DON'T LIKE GOING UP
AGAINST YOU.

OKAY.

THAT'S YOU BEING NICE?

I'M GLAD DAVID ROSEN PASSED
ON THE COMMUNICATIONS JOB.

THEY COULDN'T HAVE DONE
BETTER THAN YOU.

EXCUSE ME?

I'M SAYING I THINK

YOU MAKE A BETTER
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR

THAN DAVID ROSEN
EVER WOULD HAVE BEEN.

THAT'S ME BEING NICE.

Toby:
REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO

WHEN I ASKED YOU IF I WAS

THE PRESIDENT'S
FIRST CHOICE?

WE'RE BACK TO THIS?

AND YOU CALLED
ME PARANOID.

YES.

AND A NUDNIK.

YOU CALLED ME A PARANOID NUDNIK.

TOBY, FOR THE 48th TIME

YOU WERE NOT
THE PRESIDENT'S
SECOND CHOICE.

WHAT ABOUT
DAVID ROSEN?

WHAT ABOUT
DAVID ROSEN?

MANDY WAS JUST
IN MY OFFICE

AND SHE SAID
SHE WAS HAPPY

DAVID ROSEN
PASSED ON MY JOB.

CAROL, WE'RE GOING
TO START IN A FEW MINUTES.

BRING 'EM IN?

GIVE 'EM
FAIR WARNING.

DAVID ROSEN.

I KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT DAVID ROSEN.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM.

HE'S ABOUT TO HAVE
A PRESS CONFERENCE.

HELP ME TALK TO HIM
ABOUT THE GUN THING.

WE'LL LEAVE HOLLYWOOD
FOR SOME OTHER TIME.

SINCE WHEN DO
YOU NEED HELP

TALKING
TO THE PRESIDENT?

SINCE I BECAME
THE KID IN CLASS

THAT NOBODY WANTS THE
TEACHER TO CALL ON.

THAT'S SILLY.

NO, IT IS NOT.

TOBY...

JUST HELP ME, PLEASE.

Josh:
SO, LIKE I SAID

I-I APPRECIATE
YOU SQUEEZING ME IN LIKE THIS.

I WAS ABLE
TO CANCEL SOMEONE.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE,
STANLEY.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

WHAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL?

I'M OUT OF PRACTICE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT COMES FROM NOT
COMING TO SEE ME FOR TEN MONTHS.

WELL, I THINK THE IDEA
WOULD MAKE

SOME OF THE PEOPLE I WORK FOR
NERVOUS.

WHY ARE YOU HERE NOW?

HMM...

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SILLY.

THERE'S A MAGAZINE ARTICLE...

UH, A MAGAZINE ARTICLE CAME OUT

AND IT SAID
THAT SEVERAL COUNTRIES

SOME OF THEM OUR ENEMIES

HAVE STORED IN FREEZERS
THE SMALLPOX VIRUS.

ARE YOU AFRAID
YOU MIGHT HAVE SMALLPOX?

NO.

DON'T LAUGH.

I CAN'T GET "AVE MARIA"
OUT OF MY HEAD.

THE SCHUBERT?

YEAH, I SWEAR, I-I-I'VE
BEEN HUMMING IT TO MYSELF

ALL MORNING.

IT'S THE STRANGEST THING.

WHY DO YOU THINK
THE "AVE MARIA"?

WHY DO YOU THINK
THE "AVE MARIA"?

I DON'T KNOW.

MY SISTER USED TO PLAY IT

OVER AND OVER IN HER
ROOM, BUT THAT WAS, UM...

I DON'T KNOW HOW
MANY YEARS AGO.

YOUR SISTER WHO DIED?

JOANIE.

WHY DID JOANIE PLAY
THE "AVE MARIA" IN HER ROOM?

SHE LIKED
MUSIC. SHE...

A LOT.

SHE LIKED IT A LOT.

SHE WANTED TO BE
AN ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR.

SHE USED TO PRETEND SHE WAS...
CONDUCTING TO THE MUSIC.

ANYWAY, THERE'S THAT.

PLUS, I HAVE TO TELL YOU

I WAS A LITTLE THROWN OFF
THIS MORNING

WHEN THEY GAVE ME THIS CARD

AND IT TURNS OUT, I WAS
THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT ONE.

I MEAN, OF MY FRIENDS.

IT SURPRISED ME.

JOANIE AND TOBY
AND C.J. AND SAM...

JOANIE?

WHAT?

YOU NAMED JOANIE IN THERE.

YOU SAID YOU GOT
SOME KIND OF CARD

AND JOANIE DIDN'T GET ONE.

I MEANT... NO

'CAUSE WE WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT JOANIE.

WHAT KIND OF CARD?

IT WAS, UH...

THERE REALLY ARE
SOME THINGS

I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO TALK ABOUT.

I-I ASSURE YOU I'M NOT

WITHHOLDING ANYTHING
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE...

EMOTIONALLY
AVAILABLE FOR.

OKAY.

THANKS.

CAN YOU TALK
ABOUT THE CARD

WITHOUT TALKING
ABOUT THE CARD?

I GOT TO GO.

JOSH.

IT'S REALLY NOT A
BIG DEAL, STANLEY.

I'M SORRY I HAD YOU
CANCEL AN APPOINTMENT.

BUT I DID
CANCEL IT.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
YOUR COAT OFF AND SIT DOWN.

IT WAS AN IMPULSE.

I-I WASTED
YOUR TIME.

JOSH,
DO YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE

THAT YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ME
HOW JOANIE DIED?

I'VE TOLD YOU.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

SURE, I HAVE.

NO.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

UH... SHE WAS
BABY-SITTING FOR ME

AND THERE WAS A FIRE.

HOW'D THE FIRE START?

I-I HONESTLY,
I DON'T REMEMBER.

UH...

SOMETHING ABOUT
A POPCORN MAKER.

THE HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE?

YEAH.

WHILE YOUR
SISTER JOANIE

WAS BABY-SITTING
FOR YOU?

YEAH.

WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD?

I RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE.

YOU WERE JUST
A LITTLE BOY, JOSH.

THAT'S WHAT YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO DO.

YEAH.

( knocking )

( door opening )

JOSH.

I WAS KNOCKING,
BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER.

I... DIDN'T HEAR THE DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I THINK I'M READY
TO BRIEF THE PRESIDENT

ON THE SMALLPOX
ARTICLE.

WHY DON'T YOU FORGET
ABOUT THAT FOR TONIGHT

AND COME HAVE SOME CHILI?

EVERYONE'S THERE.

C.J., AN N.S.C. STAFFER GAVE ME

A CARD WITH INSTRUCTIONS ON IT

FOR WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO IN
THE EVENT OF A NUCLEAR ATTACK.

THEY WANT ME UP IN THE PLANE
OR DOWN IN A BUNKER.

THEY DON'T WANT YOU.

OR SAM OR TOBY, FOR THAT MATTER.

I-I DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS
WITH YOU AND HAVE YOU NOT KNOW.

JOSH, HAVE YOU BEEN
UPSET ABOUT THIS?

YES.

YOU'RE VERY SWEET SOMETIMES.

YOU REALLY ARE.

C.J.

OF COURSE THEY
DON'T WANT ME, JOSH.

I'M A PRESS SECRETARY.

I DON'T THINK THEY'LL
BE ISSUING A LOT OF RELEASES.

SAM AND TOBY ARE
COMMUNICATIONS,
AND MY GUESS IS

THAT SPEECHWRITING
WON'T BE A PRIORITY EITHER.

COME. HAVE SOME FUN.

( Schubert's
"Ave Maria" playing )

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL
PIECE OF MUSIC.

DO YOU KNOW THIS?

I'M CATHOLIC.

HANG ON. LISTEN.

THAT... RIGHT THERE.

IT'S... MIRACULOUS.

SCHUBERT WAS CRAZY, YOU KNOW.

YES.

THINK YOU HAVE TO BE CRAZY
TO CREATE SOMETHING POWERFUL?

JOSH, THE COLD WAR IS OVER.

THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE
A NUCLEAR...

GOD, C.J.
IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
THE RED PHONE AND...

NUCLEAR BOMBS.

WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?

IT'S GOING TO BE THIS.

IT'S GOING TO BE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

SMALLPOX HAS BEEN GONE
FOR 50 YEARS.

NO ONE HAS AN
ACQUIRED IMMUNITY.

IT FLIES
THROUGH THE AIR.

YOU GET IT...

YOU CARRY A TEN-FOOT CLOUD

AROUND WITH YOU.

ONE IN THREE PEOPLE DIE.

IF A HUNDRED PEOPLE

IN NEW YORK CITY
GOT IT, YOU'D HAVE
TO ENCIRCLE THEM

WITH ONE HUNDRED MILLION
VACCINATED PEOPLE TO CONTAIN
IT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DOSES
OF SMALLPOX VACCINE

EXIST IN THE COUNTRY? SEVEN.

IF A HUNDRED PEOPLE IN
NEW YORK CITY GET IT

THERE'S GOING TO BE
A GLOBAL MEDICAL EMERGENCY

THAT'S GOING TO MAKE HIV LOOK
LIKE COLD AND FLU SEASON.

THAT'S HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.

A-A-A LITTLE TEST TUBE WITH A...

A RUBBER CAP
THAT'S DETERIORATING.

GUY STEPS OUT
OF TIMES SQUARE STATION...

PSHHHT.
SMASHES IT ON THE SIDEWALK.

THERE IS A WORLD WAR
RIGHT THERE.

WE'LL MAKE MORE VACCINE.

YOU BETTER HURRY

'CAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE
WITH ONE OF THESE CARDS.

COME HAVE CHILI.

THE PRESIDENT'S ASKING FOR YOU.

YEAH, I'LL BE
THERE IN A MINUTE.

YOU REALLY ARE
VERY SWEET SOMETIMES.

SAM, IT'S ALL ABOUT MASTERING
THE FUNDAMENTALS, SEE?

GOT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS UP,
YOUR FEET MOVING ON DEFENSE.

PASS AND GET OPEN
OR FIND THE OPEN MAN

AND FOLLOW HIS SHOT
ON OFFENSE.

SEE, I AM A MASTER
OF THE FUNDAMENTALS

AND I REALLY BELIEVE
THAT THAT IS WHY MY TEAM

SO THOROUGHLY
DOMINATED YOUR TEAM.

AND IT PROBABLY
DIDN'T HURT SO MUCH

HAVING A TWO-TIME
A.C.C. PLAYER OF THE
WEEK ON YOUR TEAM.

YOU KNOW, KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE FUNDAMENTALS.

NO APPRECIATION FOR THE GAME,
MR. PRESIDENT.

MRS. LANDINGHAM,
ARE YOU DRUNK?

NO, SIR. NOW
WHY WOULD I...

I JUST LIKE ASKING.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD
TELL YOU...

OH, GIVE IT UP.
WHERE'S ZOEY?

SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

WOLVES DON'T KILL PEOPLE,
THAT'S A MYTH.

WHERE ALONG THE WAY

DID SHE TURN INTO
A WOLF PERSON?

MORE PEOPLE
GET KILLED EACH YEAR

GETTING CHANGE OUT
OF VENDING MACHINES

THAN GET KILLED
BY A WOLF ATTACK.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

NUMBER OF PEOPLE
KILLED LAST YEAR

RETRIEVING CHANGE FROM
A VENDING MACHINE: FOUR.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE KILLED
BY A WOLF ATTACK: ZERO.

EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

HOW DO PEOPLE DIE
FROM A VENDING MACHINE?

HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SIR, GOOD
TO SEE YOU.

MR. PRESIDENT.

SO, I GUESS WE HAVEN'T BEEN
GETTING ALONG TOO WELL LATELY.

HAVE WE, SIR?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

I'VE BEEN IRRITATING YOU?

YES.

WAS DAVID ROSEN
YOUR FIRST CHOICE FOR MY JOB?

YES.

WELL, I'M GLAD WE HAD
THIS LITTLE TALK, SIR.

I FEEL A LOT BETTER.

THANK YOU, SIR.

WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT
ON THAT ONE, TOBY.

ME AND LEO AND JOSH.

THEY WERE SCREAMING AT ME

"GOVERNOR, FOR GOD SAKES,
IT'S GOT TO BE TOBY.

IT'S GOT TO BE TOBY."

BUT I HELD MY GROUND
AND WE WENT TO DAVID ROSEN

AND ROSEN SAID HE WANTED
TO TAKE A PARTNERSHIP

AT SALOMON BROTHERS.

THANK GOD.

I COULDN'T LIVE
WITHOUT YOU, TOBY.

I MEAN IT.
I'D BE IN THE TALL GRASS.

I'D BE IN THE WEEDS.

I KNOW I DISAPPOINT
YOU SOMETIMES.

I MEAN, I CAN SENSE
YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT.

AND I ONLY GET MAD

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT
A LOT OF THE TIMES.

BUT YOU ARE NOT THE KID
IN THE CLASS WITH HIS HAND UP

AND WHATEVER IT WAS
YOU SAID TO C.J.

YOU ARE A WISE
AND BRILLIANT MAN, TOBY.

THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN WE WERE
PLAYING BASKETBALL

DID YOU MEAN WHAT YOU SAID--

MY DEMONS WERE SHOUTING DOWN
THE BETTER ANGELS IN MY BRAIN?

YES, SIR, I DID.

YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT STOPPING
ME FROM GREATNESS?

YES.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

TELL YOU WHAT
THOUGH, SIR

IN A BATTLE BETWEEN
A PRESIDENT'S DEMONS

AND HIS BETTER ANGELS

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG WHILE

I THINK WE MIGHT JUST HAVE
OURSELVES A FAIR FIGHT.

THANK YOU, TOBY.

NOW, GO AWAY.

DROP THE SPOON.

I KNEW IT WAS YOU.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH
ON A TRISCUIT.

THANKS, VERY MUCH.
I'M SEEING A NEW BARBER.

I HEARD YOU'VE BEEN HAVING
A LITTLE NUTTY TODAY.

OH, MIND YOUR
OWN BUSINESS.

WHAT CLASSES YOU TAKING?

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

CHARLIE, YOU MET
ZOEY BARTLET?

NO. IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

I'M CHARLIE YOUNG.

HI.

OKAY, HANG
ON A SECOND.

LET'S TAKE IT BACK A MOMENT
AND GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE.

THIS IS A GIRL, CHARLIE.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO CALL HER MA'AM.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

DID I CALL YOU...?
ZOEY.

I SHOULD CALL YOU ZOEY?

IF I CAN CALL YOU CHARLIE.

YES. UM, I HAVE
A MESSAGE FOR YOU
FROM THE PRESIDENT.

THAT WOULD BE HER FATHER.

YOU'RE FORBIDDEN FROM ADDING
ADDITIONAL CUMIN TO THE CHILI.

CHARLIE, CHECK THE DOOR
TO SEE IF MY FATHER'S NEARBY.

MA'AM, I...
AH-AH-AH.

ZOEY, I HAD CERTAIN
INSTRUCTIONS

AND I DO NOT WANT
TO GET IN TROUBLE...
YOU'RE FINE.

TASTE THIS.

DOESN'T IT
NEED CUMIN?

IT NEEDS OREGANO.

LET'S GET TO WORK.

SEE YOU GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, MAYBE THE
VENDING MACHINES
FALL ON THEM

WHILE THEY'RE GETTING
THEIR CHANGE.

MY POINT IS CAN'T WE
BUILD SCHOOLS

AND PROTECT WILDLIFE
AT THE SAME TIME?

WE MUST BE ABLE

TO DO THAT.

PLUIE REALLY
GOT TO YOU, HUH?

SHE REALLY WAS
VERY SWEET, LEO.

JOSH

WE WERE LOOKING
FOR YOU.

LOOK AT THIS, WILL YOU?

AT WHAT, SIR?

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT NOTHING
MAKES ME FEEL QUITE SO GOOD

AS THE SIGHT
OF COLLEAGUES

ENJOYING EACH OTHER
OUTSIDE WORK.

SO, WHAT WERE YOU
GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

WE WERE TALKING
ABOUT THESE WOMEN.

YEAH?

WE CAN'T GET OVER
THESE WOMEN.

LOOK AT C.J.--

SHE'S LIKE A
'50s MOVIE STAR.

SO CAPABLE, SO LOVING
AND ENERGETIC.

LOOK AT MANDY
OVER THERE.

GOING PUNCH
FOR PUNCH WITH TOBY

IN A WORLD
THAT TELLS WOMEN

TO SIT DOWN
AND SHUT UP.

MANDY'S ALREADY
WON HER BATTLE
WITH THE PRESIDENT.

THE GAME'S OVER,
BUT SHE'S NOT DONE.

SHE WANTS TOBY.

MRS. LANDINGHAM.

DID YOU GUYS
KNOW SHE LOST

TWO SONS
IN VIETNAM?

WHAT WOULD MAKE HER
WANT TO SERVE HER
COUNTRY IS BEYOND ME

BUT IN 14 YEARS,
SHE'S NOT MISSED
A DAY'S WORK.

NOT ONE.

THERE'S CATHY,
DONNA AND
MARGARET...

MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S SOMETHING

THAT'S BEEN BOTHERING ME
FOR MOST OF THE DAY

AND WHILE I KNOW

THIS IS AN INAPPROPRIATE TIME...

WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND, JOSH?

I SERVE AT THE PLEASURE
OF THE PRESIDENT

AND IT'S A GREAT PRIVILEGE
THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.

I CAN'T KEEP THIS.

I THINK IT'S A WHITE FLAG
OF SURRENDER.

I WANT TO BE A COMFORT
TO MY FRIENDS IN TRAGEDY

AND I WANT TO BE ABLE
TO CELEBRATE WITH
THEM IN TRIUMPH

AND FOR ALL THE TIMES
IN BETWEEN

I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE
TO LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.

LEO, IT'S NOT FOR ME.

I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS,
MY FAMILY AND THESE WOMEN.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

THANK YOU.

UH, FRIENDS

PLEASE.

THE CHILI'S READY

AND I HOPE YOU
ALL ENJOY IT.

IN FACT, SINCE I TOLD YOU
YOU WOULD ENJOY IT

I AM REASONABLY CERTAIN
THAT YOU WILL.

YOU KNOW, OF COURSE,
THE FIRST LADY'S IN PAKISTAN.

I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHY

BUT I HAVE LEARNED
IT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

NOT TO ASK MY WIFE
TOO MANY QUESTIONS

AS IT SELDOM LEADS TO ANYTHING
BUT FURTHER CONFUSION.

I MISS HER VERY MUCH,
BUT I'M DELIGHTED

OUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER
ZOEY IS HERE.

All:
ZOEY!

YOU KNOW, SHE'S
STARTING GEORGETOWN
IN THE SPRING.

( all cheering and applauding)

THIS, PRIOR TO MEDICAL SCHOOL
AND A LIFE OF CELIBACY.

YEAH, RIGHT!

IT'S AN
INCREDIBLE
ADVENTURE

YOU'RE STARTING
ON, SWEETHEART.

AN AMAZING
FOUR YEARS
FULL OF PEOPLE

AND EXPERIENCES
YOU HAVEN'T YET
DREAMED OF.

AND IF YOU
WILL ALLOW ME

JUST ONE MINUTE
OF BUSINESS, PLEASE.

I HOPE THAT BY THE
TIME WE'RE DONE WITH
OUR FOUR YEARS HERE

WE'LL HAVE SEEN TO
IT THAT EVERY YOUNG
PERSON WHO CHOOSES

CAN GO TO COLLEGE
AND BEYOND

REGARDLESS OF THEIR
ECONOMIC STATUS.

HEAR HEAR.
HEAR HEAR.

I UNDERSTAND THAT TODAY
WAS ANOTHER ONE OF LEO'S

BIG-BLOCK-OF-CHEESE DAYS.

YOU ALL START
OUT SO CYNICAL

BUT IT NEVER FAILS.

BY THE END OF THE DAY,
THERE'S ALWAYS ONE OR
TWO CONVERTS, RIGHT?

AND TODAY WAS
NO EXCEPTION.

C.J. CREGG IS GOING
TO BE UP ALL NIGHT

WRITING A POSITION PAPER
FOR THE INTERIOR DEPARTMENT

ON THE NECESSITY
OF WILDLIFE PROTECTION.

C.J., I DON'T MIND

THE COST OF THIS
WOLVES-ONLY HIGHWAY.

IT'S THE SEGREGATION.

THE A.C.L.U. IS GOING
TO PETITION ON BEHALF
OF SOME REINDEER

AND THEN WE'RE
ALL SCREWED.

( all laughing )

SAM SEABORN HAD A
GUY WHO SPOTTED
A UFO TODAY.

AM I RIGHT?

SAM LAUGHED HIM
OUT OF HIS OFFICE

BUT YOU'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT
IT EVER SINCE.

BUT YOU CAN REST
ASSURED, SAM--

IT WAS NOT A SPACESHIP
FROM ANOTHER PLANET

JUST ANOTHER TIME.

A LONG-SINCE-ABANDONED
SOVIET SATELLITE.

ONE OF ITS BOOSTER ROCKETS
DIDN'T FIRE

AND IT COULDN'T
ESCAPE EARTH'S ORBIT.

A SAD REMINDER OF A TIME

WHEN TWO POWERFUL NATIONS
CHALLENGED EACH OTHER

AND THEN BOLDLY
RACED INTO OUTER SPACE.

WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT THING
THAT CHALLENGES US, TOBY?

THAT MAKES US
GO FARTHER

AND WORK HARDER?

YOU KNOW THAT WHEN SMALLPOX
WAS ERADICATED

IT WAS CONSIDERED

THE SINGLE GREATEST HUMANITARIAN
ACHIEVEMENT OF THIS CENTURY.

SURELY WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

AS WE DID IN A TIME WHEN OUR
EYES LOOKED TOWARDS THE HEAVENS

AND WITH OUTSTRETCHED FINGERS,
WE TOUCHED THE FACE OF GOD.

HERE'S TO ABSENT FRIENDS...

AND THE ONES THAT ARE HERE NOW.

All:
CHEERS.