Original subtitles

Sorcerer: It's a wonder we've come so far.

Now all that's left is to traverse the wasteland.

Alas, this is as far as I go.

Yes, sorcerer.

I bequeath to you Gorlock.

He should be of service on the journey ahead.

Don't worry, man. We got this!

I-I'm not worried about it, Gorlock. Thank you.

Good luck, brave one.

And beware of the bog of Yarin.

I think I can handle a bog.

♪

[ Wind blowing, horse whinnies ]

♪

Gorlock: Whoa.

What do you think that guy's doing out here?

Silence, Gorlock!

♪

Well, I guess this is the bog she was talking about.

Yeah, no shit, Gorlock.

Go test it out. Sir?

Do you want dinner or not, Gorlock?

[ Beeping ]

♪

Sir, I'm sinking.

[ Beeping continues ]

Sir!

[ Sustained beep ]

Woman's voice: I feel like a teenager sneaking around in here.

Mark: Yeah, yeah.

Except teenagers don't drink 50-year-old Chianti.

[ Laughs ]

Cheers, mama.

[ Sustained beep continues ]

What's the deal with that beeping noise?

[ Sighs ] Ah, I forget.

When you've been practicing as long as I have,

you learn to tune certain things out...

Like your wife's voice, for example?

Ha ha. Yeah, I wish.

M-M-Mark, can you come take a look at this?

What is it, pumpkin?

Aah! Oh, dear Lord!

♪

Jeff: Where are we going?

Oh, we're going to your meeting, bud.

My meeting?

Easy now, big guy.

[ Echoing ] You've lost a lot of fluid.

♪

[ Door opens ]

Brandon: There he is!

Looking good!

I don't feel good.

Jeff, we are very excited to be

sharing some news with you today.

[ Coughs ]

What happened?

How would you like to be

the next junior Dreamspiration associate?

Wait...

What? Full disclosure--

We're gonna start you off as an intern,

but if all goes well, and I'm confident it will...

But wh-- what happened to me?

Well...

you were in the tank...

I was in the tank?

You were in there for what?

Must've been a week or so? That right, Dare?

Two. Um...

Months actually.

Until we hit that little, uh...

snag.

Snag?

You actually died, Jeff.

Briefly, briefly, Darren.

More of a technicality, really.

But we're not here to talk about that.

Stop!

What happened?

Well, um, a lot of things happened, Jeff.

A security guard was brutally attacked...

uh, a very expensive space hatch was broken.

That ringin' any bells?

Oh, uh...

Huh. N-No.

How about this?

Is this yours, Jeff?

Mmm. Hmm. Okay.

Well, we found it next to your body out on the surface.

We were super worried about you, bud.

I-I died.

And thank God you came back to us swingin'.

You're a very strong person.

Did you know that about yourself?

I was in a faraway land,

there was a sorcerer, I had a...

faithful companion, Gorlock, who I hated.

Jeff, my lacrosse coach used to say,

"You've got to take every shot you get."

Thing is, he wasn't talkin' about lacrosse.

I-I...I just need to go back to [Distorted voice] sleep.

Jeff? Hey, Jeff?

If he starts vomiting, we'll call someone.

♪

♪

[ Ringtone playing ]

Hannah: It's Hannah.

I can't pick up the phone.

My attention is fully present elsewhere.

Allow me time, and I'll respond with kindness.

Beep.

Jeff: Hey. Wow.

I-- Uh, it's good to hear your voice

even if it just is a recording, but, uh...

boy, a lot sure has happened up here.

I-I just can't wait to talk to you.

To see you! So, uh, yeah, okay.

Call me. God, I love you so much.

♪

Knock-knock.

[ Door opens ]

Whoa! Hey.

Whoa, whoa. [ Chuckles ] I-I come in peace.

Jaxxxxxxtonnnnnnnnnnnn!

Ow. Wait. Hey, man. What are you doing?

I-I work for Reagan.

I work for Reagan. You work for Jax.

I'm Jax.

Jaxton Olivier.

[ Beep ]

Now whisk that.

And make sure it doesn't drop below 75 C.

Thank you.

Her tea ceremony usually lasts a half-hour.

That should be enough time to start showing you the ropes.

Rope number one-- lemon water.

Watch closely.

It's a deep, even extraction,

being careful to never, ever perforate the rind.

Why is the ream quality so important?

This piece of fruit has the potential

to become the most refreshing glass of lemon water

Reagan has ever tasted.

It's an opportunity.

Same as everything else we do here.

But I think you already know that.

I actually admire how you worked the angles

with the whole Carol situation,

coming in here with that poster of yours,

angling for that poor woman's job.

You harness that same fire working with me?

Next thing you know, we're clinking glasses

with the top dogs in Centauri House.

Centauri House?

Premium calfskin leather upholstery,

old-growth rosewood paneling,

a veritable who's who of Italian contemporary design...

It's where Mars.ly's elite rub elbows.

And soon enough, I'll be a member.

I'm not joking when I tell you

that I plan on running this entire colony someday.

Why me? 'Cause why not fucking me?

[ Ringtone plays ] Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold that thought. I actually--

I have to take this, so pardon me for one second.

Reagan: Jaaaaaaaxtoooooon!

[ Ringtone continues ]

Hey. Wow, God, it's so good to see you.

Hey. Sorry I didn't pick up before.

I was just right in the middle of a hike.

Oh. Cool.

Yeah, I haven't been on one of those in a while, right?

Ha ha.

Uh...

So, uh...

So?

Aren't you...

curious what's been going on...

you know, for the last few months?

Mmm, you mean when my partner of three years ghosted me?

Yeah, I'd say that piqued my curiosity, Jeff.

I was worried sick!

Then Darren told me you were in some kind of a spa. Like...

What? No, no, it was a tank.

It was a sleep tank.

But, listen, Hannah, I-I-I'm just curious as to--

I really don't want to fight right now, Jeff.

The other day, Dignity kicked my Mediterranean bowl

and tahini exploded all over my car,

even the seat belts.

Then I went straight to yoga class,

and at the end, when we did Shavasana,

I seriously just cried the entire time.

It was so embarrassing.

I'm on a hamster wheel, Jeff.

I have all this... unprocessed trauma.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

A personal call on the first morning of the first day

while learning the first rope?!

Uh, look, I-I'm sorry.

I just haven't talked to my girlfriend for months,

and there's a lot going on.

I died, and her dogs kicked over her tahini bowl.

Bro, you are out of control.

Neither of us chose it, but you're my number-one soldier.

And we cannot have tactical errors like this.

Got it. Loud and clear.

And here-- You want me to get going on

some more lemon water? 'Cause--

I'm not sure what's going on in that coconut of yours,

but you've got to find some balance.

When's the last time you saw the baby?

The baby? Uh...

you know, I've not had the chance, but I--

I have-- I've heard good things.

Go, Jeff.

Get. Centered.

Go see that baby.

♪

Martin? What are you doing here?

What, you think I don't appreciate the miracle of life?

No. I-I do.

You don't look too good, Jeff.

Oh, yeah. Well, I was, uh...

I was put into a tank.

And there was a snag with it, and when--

You know, it doesn't matter.

The thing is, I'm fine now.

I-I'm better than fine, actually.

I, uh-- I got a job!

Uh, in Dreamspiration.

Graphic design?

Uh, not exactly, but I do still get to flex a lot

of those same creative muscles, so, in a way, yes.

Um, okay, lemme just--

Imagine the colony is a canvas, okay?

And the Dreamspiration department, it's a paintbrush.

If that makes any sense. I know that sounds

a little-- No, it doesn't.

They just changed the name of Human Resources

to Dreamspiration. Oh, Ted. Huh.

So, Martin, this is Ted.

Yeah. Jeff's our new intern.

Wait, I thought you said you had a job.

Yeah, well, uh, an internship is a job.

I-In a way, it's one of the oldest jobs

there is, when you really think about it

because the tradition of apprenticeships--

Jeff, your eye is bleeding. Oh, that, yeah.

Just a little residual side effect.

But as I was saying, yeah,

to think back in the time of castles,

you'd have a blacksmith,

and the only way to train new blacksmiths was--

Shouldn't you be reaming some fruit or something?

Jax actually told me to be here.

Jax told you to see the baby during business hours?

Yeah, actually, and, uh...

I wasn't even personally interested,

but Jax insisted be--

You didn't want to see the baby?

Uh... well, I...

You know... I-I--

Jeff, uh, I think you need to get that eye checked.

I think I know my own body, thank you.

Is that blood? Sir, you're making

some of us here feel very unsafe.

My supervisor told me to be here!

You're making a scene.

I'm just trying to see the baby, okay?!

Is there a problem here?

I'm just trying to see the baby!

Ah, I remember you.

Please, sir. This can't get back to management.

I've had some professional setbacks this year,

and this job, it's very, very important to me.

Well, if it's so important, why were you visiting

the baby during business hours?

My supervisor told me to go!

He forced me!

Hmm. Never heard that one before.

Please, I-I don't know what they're gonna do to me.

Last time they put me to sleep,

like you put an animal to sleep. Like, dead, okay?

And it was very bad.

Very, very bad.

Uh, sorry, Charlie. Please!

My life's just beginning.

I've got this real great job, and my girlfriend,

she's back on Earth, and, well,

you know, we're gonna start a family.

♪

[ Sighs ] One wife. Five kids.

And a wily brown Lab for my sins.

Miss 'em every day.

But now I'm up here. [ Chuckles ]

You know what that's like.

I do.

You know what?

You seem like a good kid.

You got moxie.

Not to mention a killer left hook with the mop handle.

Why don't you take a hike, kid?

Consider this a warning. Th-- Thank you, sir.

I really appreciate that.

Hey, actually, you think you could give me a ride back to--

[ Wind gusting ]

♪

Hm. Looks like somebody's been to see the baby.

Oh, yeah. The baby.

And? And...

well, I mean, the headline is "wow."

What a baby.

You did see the baby, didn't you, Jeff?

Yeah! Yes. A-Absolutely.

You're looking at a guy who's been looking at a baby.

10 fingers, 10 toes.

Perfect 10.

Epic.

I know I gave you a little heat yesterday,

but I'll be honest--

I like you, Jeff. I like you a lot.

I...like you, too, Jax.

So you ready to go warp speed?

Become my real-deal, true-blue, go-to guy?

Yes, I am.

[ Sniffing ] Fuck yeah.

That's ready for milk.

Jax: So obviously, Nordstrom's doesn't ship to Mars.

Delete.

College alumni group.

Parasites. Delete.

Here's one that requires an explanation.

Reagan, and by proxy, myself, were corresponding with a man

claiming to be Steve Case, the founder of America Online.

Now, over time we learned this isn't the Steve Case.

It's a guy pretending to be him.

Yep. Okay.

He was extremely persuasive, Jeff.

Anybody can get catfished.

They have office towers in Calcutta full of people

pretending to be Steve Case.

Yeah, no. I-I-I get it.

The rest of these can be answered

with a few simple emojis--

winky face with the tongue out,

margarita glass, prayer hands.

Uh-oh.

An e-mail from Eilish.

Her daughter. Oof.

And it's a doozy.

Follow me.

If I instill one thing in you, Jeff,

it's that we must soothe Reagan by any means necessary.

If we let an e-mail from her daughter bring her down,

we could lose an entire week of productivity.

7:30 on the dot.

Like clockwork.

That's how our go-getter goes and gets.

Easy, now...

We'll start with a little extra O2.

Then hit her with the good stuff.

♪

[ Gas hissing ]

♪

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ Laughter ]

It's like jazz.

You listen to jazz, right, Jeff?

I-I have, yeah.

Yeah, you have.

Fucking fireheart.

♪

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Uh-oh.

We got a bogie in the elevator bank.

♪

Reagan!

The bioengineering department can only take so much

of your weaselly bureaucratting before we blow our corks!

Hubert!

You. Look. Great.

I do not!

Ugh, it's gonna take a lot more than a blast of nitrous

to mop up this shit storm.

Whoa, Jax. Wait, what are you doing?

That's what happens to people who fuck with my peeps.

[ Electricity crackling ]

You ever read "The Art of War," Jeff?

You gotta understand this place in terms of a battleground.

No matter how quiet and peaceful it might seem,

there's always a war being fought beneath the surface.

And every victorious soldier has one thing in common--

an edge.

Shit, if things really went south?

I got enough plutonium to bring this whole place

down around us like [Imitates explosions]

[ Imitates gun cocking ]

[ Imitates machine-gun fire ]

[ Imitates bomb whistling ]

[ Imitates grenade whistling ]

[ Imitates explosions ]

[ Chuckles ] Yep, I've seen a lot of shit.

And you better believe I keep the receipts.

Ah. You got it all in the necklace, huh?

You got a keen eye, motherfucker.

Jeff: It's weird. I-I thought he was just a jacked-up juice head,

but now I realize there's kinda something special about him.

The two of us, I mean, we're like a couple of jazz musicians.

Riffing together, just perfectly in tandem.

Every move we make, we're in sync together, y'know?

Career-wise, I guess it's a little bit of a lateral move,

maybe even backwards a bit...

but there really is an honor in giving yourself

over completely to the service of someone else.

Fucking get it, bro.

I mean, us two together combined?

We're greater than the sum of our parts alone.

[ Imitates machine-gun fire ]

Jeff: And more importantly,

it's just nice not to be such a solo act.

Especially with some of these long-haul symptoms

I'm experiencing, like the reduced bone density.

Anyways, it's going off up here.

I can't wait for you to get up here and just rock with us.

Well, it's great you have a friend.

I know that's a really tricky area for you.

And I'm glad things are going okay with the internship.

I guess it's better than nothing.

Ha. Oh, shoot. I actually gotta go.

Me and Jax are going to the sauna.

Oh...

Cool.

Yeah, it's supposed to be really good.

Healthy. Okay, well...

miss you.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

Bro. I just had a fuckin' vision.

This time next year, me, you, Centauri House.

Nice.

Don't let anyone tell you it's about the journey.

It's about the destination.

Fuck, man. And tonight's Cigar Night, too.

Cigar Night?

Once a month, Tee and his boyz open up the Mars.ly humidor,

and shit gets fucking ca-ray-zey!

"Tee." I-I don't think I know Tee.

Bro. The CEO's son?

Used to be a DJ.

Ah, okay.

Yeah. Hm.

In Europe.

Whoa. That's right.

The whole package.

Record deal. Exclusive events.

Then he got the call.

Executive Creative Director.

On-planet. Pfft.

I can't believe you don't know this stuff.

For one night, the whole world disappears in smoke,

and it's just you

and the most elite fuckin' power brokers on Mars.

No accountants, no administrators, no interns.

Uh--

Ah, I'm sorry, bro.

You know I didn't mean-- No, no.

I-- I-It's okay.

I-- It's-- It's fine.

Listen, it's just a matter of time.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. The big wheel's turning.

Wh-- What is it?

So Reagan's birthday's tomorrow.

She likes her celebrations either so small

no one notices or so extravagant

it's the only thing anyone can notice.

O-Okay.

I was gonna get her a Black Forest cake,

keep it sweet and discreet. But...

with an extra set of hands...

maybe we could take it to the next level, twin-cobra-style.

And when she's all lit up, smiling,

and people are clapping,

I'll point to you and say, "See that kid over there?

That's Jeff.

Jeff made this.

And Jeff is ready to go full time."

What do you say, fireheart?

You in?

In.

Okay, we've got six hours to pull this rabbit out of a hat.

I'm gonna run interference,

surprise her with the spa day of her dreams.

She's gonna be thoroughly plumped, oiled,

hot-stoned, and rubbed.

Then she's gonna come floating

through those doors and... boom!

Ground zero for the best birthday spread

a girl could ever vision board.

♪

Jax: "Sweets, cakes, pastries."

Hi. Uh, I'm here to pick up a Black Forest cake for Reagan.

I'm sorry.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay, well, can you check?

My colleague Jaxton Olivier,

he placed the order a few days ago.

All I got's what you see here.

Plus maybe some leftover rum balls

from the Midsummer festival.

Okay, we got Bossy Blue...

Dank Queen...

Gardena...

Scrumptious...

Scrumptious. Scrumptious.

Hey, Martin, you got any balloons

back there by any chance?

Silver and gold, if you got 'em.

I got...

gold and... platinum.

Is that gonna work?

Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks, man.

Here's some fucking gloves, you freak.

You blow them up.

You can make some little chickens or something.

Ow! Give me that.

Jax: Last, but not least, fresh flowers.

Just talk to my man Di Wei at the farm.

He knows what Reagan likes.

Hey, uh...

Sorry. I'm looking for some flowers?

Um, just maybe... I-I don't know.

What's a good birthday flower?

A good birthday flower? Hmm.

Let me think of a pretty, pretty flower.

This is a working farm, not a fucking flower patch!

Please. I need something. Just anything.

Whatever you got.

And, hey, I'm a friend of Jaxton.

Jaxton, huh?

♪

Oh, no...

No, no.

[ Ringtone plays ]

No, it's all--

This is all wrong.

This is fucked!

I'm fucked!

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Conversations stop ]

♪

[ Gas hissing ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ Laughs ]

♪

[ Laughing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs, sighs ] I love it.

It's so random.

I totally get it.

♪

Jax: Jeff?

♪

Reagan, say hello to the wily sonofabitch

behind this masterpiece.

Yep. He's been working real hard.

Putting himself to the test.

Ain't that right, fireheart?

I-I don't know. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah! Fucking fireheart! [ Laughs ]

C'mon. Ah, there he is!

Now, I don't want to speak out of turn here,

but I think it might be time for Jeff to go full time.

What do you say, boss?

What do I say? [ Laughs ]

Who gives a shit?

Yeah, sure. It makes absolutely no difference to me.

Welcome to the team, fuckface.

How does it feel?

Pretty good.

Looks good on you.

You know, moments like this don't come around too often.

You gotta enjoy it!

Breathe it in. [ Breathes deeply ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Both laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Sniffs ] What is that?

[ Laughter ]

No. No, no, no, no, no.

♪ Happy birth-- ♪

[ Distorted voice ] Noooooo!

♪

[ Explosion ]

♪