Original subtitles

Am I to assume that you do not want an office

- in the managerial suite? - When I get my own office,

- it will be through merit. - Come on, guys.

I been gone three days. Why aren't we working

- on Upskirt Jungle? - It's done.

Patoff had us working 16-hour days to get it finished.

He doesn't exist.

There's sweet fuck-all out there about Regis Patoff.

- He fucked his what? - Mouth.

- Who all say this? - Just me and Elaine.

You guys hanging out again?

Craig, I know that this is upsetting,

but he's not trying to kill you.

- How's Patti? - She's pissed at me.

She found out that I went to Pomona.

- Craig must be feeling better. - Three-day flu.

- Why do you lie for him? - Wait, babe, babe!

- Did I do something? - I don't know, Craig. Did you?

What are you doing? What are you drinking?

I'm gonna get you a drink. Here we go now. Woo!

- Ooh! - Whoa!

I'm sorry. Did I bump you?

Are you the new assistant?

Right, I know your name. Wait, no, don't tell me.

- Ah, Hussain? - Elaine.

- Elaine! - I just started at Sang's desk.

How are you tolerating the egotistical fuck-bucket

- thus far? - Sang?

- Yeah! - He's okay.

I thought he was gonna be here tonight.

No, no, he does not come to these things.

If he did, then... you know, we wouldn't.

One more shot.

Car arrives in 8 minutes.

Do you think that'll be long enough?

For what?

To talk me into your ride.

♪ Christmas is in the air ♪

Go.

1,000 free coins redeemable in any CompWare game?

All expenses paid safari for the first person to clock it.

We pay a celebrity to tweet they're being treated

for addiction to Mr. Sang's Jungle Odyssey.

Um, free merch. T-shirts...

Name and shame big game hunters on the website.

We get a group of animal rights activists to protest

outside of our office, demanding that Mr. Sang's Jungle Odyssey

is banned.

Why don't we break an elephant out of the zoo?

I like Elaine's the most.

Dana said you wanted to see me, Mr. Patoff.

I have been thinking about your idea, Elaine.

Oh.

Which idea was that?

The elephant escaping from the zoo,

running wild through the city.

It would draw a lot of attention to Mr. Sang's Jungle Odyssey.

It sure would. It's just a shame that we can't actually do it.

It was a brainstorm, Mr. Patoff.

Blue-sky thinking.

It is imperative that this game is commercially successful,

- is it not? - Oh, of course.

And that's why we're working our asses off to make it happen.

You had a good idea, Elaine.

Now I'm asking you to execute it.

You want me to release a wild elephant into downtown LA?

I'm pretty sure that there's laws against this sort of stuff,

- I think... - Undoubtedly.

Ethical considerations as well.

But a risk worth taking, do you not agree?

I suppose I could look into a viability study...

CompWare needs a leader.

Someone to help shoulder the burden for Mr. Sang.

I won't be here forever, Elaine.

I'm only the consultant.

You don't know anyone who works with animals, do you?

Uh, I dated a girl who walked dogs for a summer.

She smelled funny when it rained.

I have to create a publicity stunt to market the game.

If you say the word "flashmob," I swear to God, I'm gonna

- swallow my tongue in protest. - He wants me

to drop a wild elephant in the middle of downtown.

What? Whose stupid idea was that?

- I... I don't remember. - Yeah, well,

it's gonna shit everywhere, and it's gonna damage cars.

Well, somehow it landed on my desk.

You're not actually thinking of doing it, are you?

Why? You think I can't?

I gotta take this.

Patti, where are you?

Say something.

Can we please talk? I can explain.

Yes, I went to Pomona, but it's not what it seems like.

And I shouldn't have lied to you. I fucked up.

I'm really sorry.

Patti?

Patti!

Patti?

- You okay? - I confessed.

That's all I got left.

- Hey. - Hey.

I thought we were always going to keep in touch?

Oh.

Okay. Uh, one pad Thai with lemonade,

and one vegan yellow curry with...

something hi-bicus.

Am I saying that right? His-biscuits?

Put it on the desk.

Are we expecting company?

No.

I think I may have a lead on an elephant.

- Did you eat lunch yet? - No.

- I wasn't offering. - Oh. Okay.

- Your elephant? - I found a traveling circus

with a 35-year-old female named Jumbo.

It's not legal in California,

but they're still playing small towns here and there.

And I was thinking, when she's loaded onto a trailer,

we could divert her this way.

- Is that stealing? - Liberating.

And should we need a defense, we can argue

that it was for Jumbo's own good.

The tricky part is convincing someone to collect

and deliver her.

For that, I'm going to need a budget.

- How much? - I don't know yet,

but I'm meeting with someone this afternoon,

and I'm gonna sound him out on the idea.

- Can he be trusted? - In some ways.

Full disclosure, he is an ex-boyfriend.

Why did you break up?

He was getting mixed up into things

that did not exactly align with my career path.

Patrice is the type of man who will do anything for money.

If anyone's willing to do the job, it would be him.

I can't wait to meet him.

I thought I was running point on this one.

Mm-hm. You are.

Well then, give me a number and leave it to me.

Twenty thousand.

- Hello? - Oh, hi. Is that Craig?

- Yeah, who is this? - This is Dr. Grant.

- I work with Patti. - Oh, yeah. Uh...

- How are you? - I've been trying her phone

all morning, but I'm not getting a response.

She was off sick on Friday

but she said she'd be back at work today.

Oh, yeah. She's got this flu that's been going around.

I'm sure she just crashed out and forgot to call.

As long as everything's alright.

Yeah, yeah. She'll be fine.

I'll have her call you when she starts feeling better.

- Thanks, Craig. - Sure.

Oh.

Hi!

Thanks for coming.

- How are you doing? - Oh, good.

Good.

Um, why don't you come up to my office?

- You have an office now? - Yeah.

A lot has changed around here.

A little puppy or something.

Yeah, I remember when you started here.

Weren't you an assistant?

- I'm creative liaison now. - Mmm.

Hey, didn't I hear something about your boss getting capped?

Sang. It was a whole thing.

But we're under new management now.

So...

Why did you call me?

I may have a job offer for you.

Office work? No, thanks.

I was thinking something more in line

with your particular set of skills.

So, it's not that you lied.

But that you lied on top of the lie?

Ugh. I don't even fucking know anymore.

What's... what's your, uh, situation?

You know, most guys just come out and straight ask

if I'm a lesbian.

- Whoa. - Mmm.

How long have you been here again?

Oh, um, let's see. I was here for two weeks.

And then the boss got all shot up by that kid.

- Yeah. - And then I was on

a low-dose of ketamine so I lost track of time and...

now I'm back.

Maybe a month in total.

Is that too long?

Too long for what?

Well, I heard you had a thing for tapping the new girl.

Ugh...

You want me to steal an elephant?

She's living in squalor! We'd be giving her a better life.

Oh, since when do you give a shit about wildlife?

Okay, I'll level with you.

This could be really good for me.

I could get a promotion, make more money.

You want me to do well, don't you?

Elephants are pretty big.

They don't do what you tell them to.

She'll already be loaded on the flatbed. All you need to do

is take the vehicle, drive it 280 miles, and open the cage.

How much?

- He wants 30,000. - The budget is 20.

He says he needs two guys for backup, and they'll need paying.

Mm-hmm.

Sit.

How did the two of you meet?

I don't know how this has anything to do with the budget.

Never negotiate with someone if you don't know

everything about them.

We were in line together at a concession stand.

- A Dodgers game. - Mmm-hmm.

He was charming.

Alcohol was a factor?

Not especially, but... it helped.

We dated for four and a half months.

It was... exciting.

Yeah.

I didn't knew when he would call or show up.

So I would get stupidly happy when he did.

He made me cry about a hundred times.

Patrice was my big mistake.

Apparently we're all allowed to have one.

Thank you, Elaine,

for being so open with me.

So we're good to go on the 30,000?

No, we're holding at 20.

But at least now you should know how to negotiate with him.

You never were where I thought you would be.

If I worked here, I'd be smoking flower

- and playing games all day. - Yeah.

You wouldn't be the only one.

Look, 20 is as high as I can go.

I guess you don't got yourself an elephant.

You're not walking away from this, Patrice.

You think?

The biggest mistake I ever made

was thinking that I could change you.

Tame you. I was young and naive.

All you wanna do is hit the gym and hang with your bros,

and I understand that now.

Twenty thousand dollars is going to keep your dream alive.

When does this have to be done?

Thursday. I can put together an itinerary.

All you need to do is be where I tell you, when I tell you.

Can you handle that, Patrice?

I'm going to the bank, Dana.

Okay, Mr. P.

What are you working on, Craig?

It's nothing.

Mr. Sang's Next Adventure.

Whoops.

My blood sugar levels are either crashing or spiking.

I don't fucking know anymore.

That... would be the munchies.

Oh, are you going to fire me for being high at work?

I'm not your boss, Craig.

Hey, man, give it a week, anything can happen.

Um, was that your ex that I saw earlier?

What was his name again? Patrick?

Patrice.

Patrice. You guys are getting lunch now?

We're just... catching up.

You're not gonna skulk around the office

for the next two months crying like a teenager again, are you?

- I didn't do that. - Hey, I always wondered...

Did he ever find out? You know...

I'm really sorry that you and Patti are have a hard time,

but don't bring it to the office.

Mr. Patoff?

...Forty, 60, 80, 1,000.

That's all of it?

Ten thousand dollars.

- We said 20! - Half now,

half after the elephant is in position.

That wasn't the deal. Patrice is on his way this evening.

- He's expecting 20. - Yes,

but after everything you told me about Patrice's character,

I realized he can't be trusted.

I know Patrice. He can only be pushed so far.

He's not going to accept half of the money up front.

Then you'll just have to offer him other incentives.

Excuse me?

You... you have history with this man.

You once shared physical attraction with each other.

Do any of those feelings remain?

Mr. Patoff, you might want to think very carefully

about what you choose to say next.

Of course.

If it were me, I'd fuck him.

But as you keep reminding me, you are the boss now.

I don't work that way.

Well, then should we brainstorm an alternative?

Shall I fetch the alarm clock?

I can get what I want without demeaning myself.

With the help of Mr. Sang's money.

Ahh!

That's not even his real name. Did you know that?

Are we still talking about work?

Aren't you curious as to who your boss is?

I mean, he could be guilty of war crimes.

He could be on the FBI Top 10 Most Wanted list.

He looks like my Uncle Monty.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Mmm.

- Do you know where he lives? - Your Uncle Monty?

Patoff.

I don't know. He never goes home.

Okay, well, he's gotta live somewhere.

He's always in a clean shirt.

He smells fresh.

That's true.

- Got a date? - Mmm.

Client meeting.

A word of advice?

Don't try too hard.

- Goodnight, Elaine. - 'Night.

- Are we ordering food or not? - Look!

It looks like he's got a place in the hills. You see this?

He drives one route back and forth, every single day.

You're tracking the boss's phone?

Shh! put stalkerware on it. He doesn't even have a clue.

You haven't had too many to drive, have you?

Uh-uh.

You're an hour late.

It just you here?

- We're alone. - Did you get the money?

Come sit for a minute. Let's catch up.

So how's your sister?

I always liked her.

She's having another baby this fall.

Wow.

What about you?

Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Not exclusively. You?

I'm grabbing fun when I can.

This what I think it is?

There's 10,000.

You'll get the other ten when Jumbo gets to town.

Are you fucking me over, babe?

- Where are we? - I don't know.

I'm following the same map as you.

There's nothing up here.

Wait, just pull over.

- Here? - Yeah, yeah.

Alright.

This is it.

This is where he comes every day.

What the fuck? Where are we?

Dude.

It's about the same size as my apartment.

What the fuck?

This weird motherfucker comes all this way

to take a shit!

What?

Are you fucking...

Oh-ho-ho!

Pick up your phone and call your boss, tell him you need the full

- 20k or this is not happening. - I don't need to call him.

I'm authorized to handle this however I choose.

No, I think you're still pissed that I ended it.

I remember it differently.

Look... Patrice.

Listen, you're gonna take that money,

and you're gonna go do the job, just as I told you.

And you know why I know this?

Because you trust me.

I never lied to you.

I never cheated on you.

Do we have a deal?

Let's grab a drink and talk it over.

See where that goes.

You never could resist me.

Let's see how much you want that elephant.

One drink.

And I'm buying.

What?

Ugh, I feel sick.

How much did you have to drink?

I don't know. Three or five.

It doesn't take much.

I don't think she's coming back.

How do you feel about that?

Right now? Fuck everything.

Fuck marriage. Fuck Jesus.

Fuck changing who you are to please someone else.

Just fuck everything, you know?

Get a bowl for throw-up and try to sleep.

Hey, wait. Elaine, wait. I forgot to ask.

Did you get that elephant?

First thing Friday morning,

Jumbo will be parading down 4th Street,

underneath our billboard.

How did you manage that?

I can be persuasive when I want to.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Break time.