Original subtitles

(graphic technotones)

(music flourishes)

(utensil clanks) (toilet seat slaps)

(mandolin plays) (fluid gurgles)

(music ends)

(distant siren wails) (phone beeps)

(phone alerts)

(Clara exhales)

(Clara sighs)

* Right now at the top of the count *

* Hot clown and the creek is turning *

* Give back the sheets of Easter *

* Get more for your money man

* Right now kick out

* Kick out for the light and lighter *

* Give that which you mean to get back *

* See these are the streets of favor *

* Hang down like the feet of Easter *

* You're bad for me now baby

* Right now hang down

* He won't meet if you don't meet baby *

(plate clunks) (music stops)

(toast crunches) - Um! Yum!

Thank you.

- Thanks for staying here last night.

- When's your dad coming back?

- Why? - I was thinking:

Maybe we could have a little party for my birthday.

- Oh, here?

- I'm turning 27. It's a pretty big one, you know.

"Sudden returns" and all that.

- Isn't that 29?

- Um, I'm pretty sure it's 27 to 29.

- Hmm? Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

- Um, I don't know. I just,

You know, with, with Mom and everything, um.

- Yeah. Yeah.

It's fine.

I just thought, you know, cuz your dad's away, having fun.

- He's not having fun.

- Maybe it would be really nice for you, you know?

It might cheer you up a little bit.

(lips smack) I love you.

- I love you, too.

Just a few people.

- Yeah? Really? - Um-hmm.

- Seriously? - Um-hmm.

(upbeat music plays)

(lips smack) (both giggle)

(foreign-language lobby music plays)

(group chatters)

- Just upstairs.

(music dims)

- [Woman from phone] What have you got to lose?

When are you meeting him?

- Well, he's already here. Could be a sociopath.

- You're the sociopath. Go in!

- Just let me do my,

He's seen me. Okay, I'm gonna go now.

- Okay, good luck. Don't be weird.

- Okay, bye. No I won't.

Hi. - Hey.

- Still drunk? - Yes, totally.

I promise not to vomit. - Yeah.

- I'm sorry, am I late? - No, you are not.

I'm early, pathologically.

Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - Are we ready?

- Oh! Ah, yep, sure.

I, ah, oh yum!

I'll get the chicken burger, but instead of the slaw,

can I get fries, please?

- Great, burger and fries.

- Ahm, can I get the five-grain salad?

And can I get the dressing on the side, if I can?

- [Waitress] Yeah, sure.

Can I look at the wine list, please?

Not on-call today.

- Drink for you? - Mineral water, thanks.

- Yeah, me too, actually. - Great.

So that's two mineral waters. - Thank you. You okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm great. I'm great!

- Okay. A date! How do we do this?

- Oh, I don't know. Probably why I'm single.

(both chuckle) - Small talk!

- Sure. - How many kids do you want?

- Hup- - I'm, sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm shit at small talk.

- Um, yeah, no. That's, um, "big talk", very big.

- Yeah. - But why not? Sure?

One, two? You?

- I love kids. Not all kids, some are a bit-

- Ugly! Like, proper ugly.

Like, my friends, they just had a kid.

Um, he's giant. Looks like Harvey Weinstein.

I'm not kidding.

But, um, yes. "Yes" to kids.

I'm not sure I'd be very good at it, but,

(sighs) - Anyway.

(phone rings) - Sorry. Oh, one sec.

Hey. What's happened?

(voice drifts away) Yeah.

- Excuse me, can I, can I get a glass of San Blanc, please?

- Yeah, no worries. - Thanks. (exhales)

(piano lilts) (birds squawk)

If I see one more man holding a giant fish.

I don't care about fish!

And then you meet them and they've been to Lake Eildon once:

They're not even fishermen!

One guy, ah-ha, his photo was him standing next to

a "sold" sign at an auction. Like, what's that?

"Oh, I have a massive mortgage."

- I don't know,

it sounds like there's a lot of size metaphors going on.

(Clara giggles)

I mean, maybe, maybe that guy was a real estate agent.

- That's worse. That is worse.

Because what am I supposed to put up:

A photo of me putting a man to sleep?

Maybe I should do that. (gags lightly)

- Right. right. Okay, yes, yes.

I was trying to figure out what kind of doctor you were.

So you're an aneesti, anithte, aneetstesi?

Sorry, I can't can't even say it.

That's pretty embarrassing. Aneeth-

- No one can say it. It's fine.

- Okay. Thank you. - Anesthetist.

- Aneeth, oh, forget it. Okay.

This is probably a dumb question, but, so they,

when they say that they "put you to sleep," you,

you're not, like, it's not sleep.

- No, no. - What happens?

- Totally different to sleep.

When you sleep, you process memory, you feel pain.

If I pinch you, you wake up, right?

But the way anesthesia works is,

it interrupts the pathways of communication

between your neural networks.

So I can poke you, prod you, cut you open,

but because the neurons aren't talking to each other,

you don't feel pain, you don't move,

you don't form memories, et cetera. Does this make sense?

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh.

- Keep going. - Okay.

And then when you're awake,

everything's talking to everything, so you can feel

and taste and touch and experience consciousness.

Have I explained it? - Yeah. Yeah, wow.

A bit long for a "buyer," though.

- Ha ha ha. Well, I've got great pics.

- Oh yeah. What are your great pics?

- Um, no, they're all, they're all just like,

self-consciously candid,

just to distinguish myself from the pouters.

Which is something I don't understand:

How are we not laughing at that anymore?

When did that become a legitimate photo face?

That's a joke. It's a dumb-model joke face.

Like, "Um, oh, how am I with these tense lips?" Um-um-um.

And now everyone is aspiring to look like these models

with their empty eyes. Embarrassing!

- The photos aren't real, you know.

You have to meet people. And voices, they're important, too.

They can be really off-putting. Yours, yours isn't.

- Oh, cute. Heh-he-ha. (both laugh)

Okay, enough about me:

Um, what do you do? Bet I can pronounce it.

- I am a model. (she laughs)

- No, you're not.

What?

A model. - Um-hmm.

- I, I mean, no, it's, it's not that you're not handsome.

You're very handsome.

It's just that, wow.

A model.

- [Masseuse 1] You're holding again. Let it go.

(flute plays lightly) (breathes deeply)

[Masseuse 2] Nothing to be afraid of.

(exhales deeply)

Okay then, take your time getting up. And,

[Both] thank you for visiting Our Couple's Massage.

- Thank you, both. That was,

that was, that was, that was terrific.

- [Both] Namaste. - Nam, namaste.

(flute continues) - Oh, um, I, I had a bag?

- Oh, we took it back to your room.

- Oh, it had my clothes in it.

- Oh, apologies. One second. - Okay.

(feet slap)

- Whoa! Nice view! - Oh, sorry.

Big bend, I was just- Oh, hi, we met.

- Yeah. - I'm staying here now.

Well, not here. In, in the room.

- So we're we're next-door to each other.

- Oh, ah, yes. - I'm Anita.

Oh, hi, I'm Glen. Sorry.

"One size fits all," apparently.

- Can you take it back?

- No, I didn't buy it. I, I got it at the Couple's Massage.

- How does that work?

What, you got one masseuse working on both of you?

- No, no, you, you get one each,

but I got two because my wife died.

Not during the massage. A couple of weeks ago.

- I'm very sorry. - No, no.

It's not your fault.

- Well, I'm, I'm going to try the facial this afternoon.

- Oh, I think, we have one of those booked for tomorrow.

- Well then, I'll have to come and knock on your door

and tell you if it's worth going.

- Yes, please.

- Well, nice bumping into you, Glen.

- That's his actual job? Full-time model?

Well like, catalog, ha-ha.

- "Catwalk". "International".

- Oo-oo-oo. - That explains the salad.

- Anyway, I asked a few questions,

he's not friends with Kate Moss.

So I was like, "Okay, bye. I gotta go to hospital, see ya."

- Was he well dressed? - Yeah, other than leggings.

- Was he funny? - Sort of. Laughs a lot.

- Bit dumb. - No, got all my jokes.

- Your high-brow jokes. - Yes.

- Ah, okay, so then why-

- I'm not gonna date a model. Who dates models?

I want to be with someone who won't eat hot chips.

- All right, well, so how "model" is he? Come on, show us.

Surely there's a picture of him somewhere out there.

- Does he got a website? Do you subscribe?

(Clara laughs)

- C'mon. Oh, oh! - Only once.

- Yep, that looks like a little-

- Okay, alright. Doesn't love doing his shirt up, does he?

What's the "K" stand for?

- Oh, I forgot to ask. Another red flag.

- He drove you to the hospital, okay.

He waited with you. And he kissed you after you vomited.

- Oof, I would not do that. - Yeah. Weird.

- He's not a full model, he's like "ugly beautiful"

. Oh, he's not ugly. - So how'd you leave it?

- He texted me after: "Are you okay?"

- That's good! - I need a poo.

- (whispers) Oh, please, thank you.

- And you need to call him.

Hey Siri, call Peter K. - Yes, call Peter K.

- [Electronic Siri] Calling Peter K.

- No, no-no, no-no! Oh God, I did not-

Like he's not going to be completely self-obsessed

and superficial and constantly exercising. He's a model.

- Okay, Doctor.

(cityscape hums)

- We've literally been everywhere

and I still can't find a present for her.

- Might have made it easier if you

knew anything about your girlfriend?

- Look, I know you don't like her-.

- I like her! (club music plays)

I do, I, seriously, I do. I just,

you have nothing in common.

I mean, what do you talk about?

- Well, I mean, we don't do a lot of that.

- Uh-no. - I'm kidding. I don't know.

I mean, "opposites attract", and I'm in love with her, so-

Thank you, thank you.

I just don't want to get her, you know, something expensive.

I just want to get her something that says,

says that!

- You're not getting a tattoo.

- Cool tats.

(atmospheric vocalist sings)

- Hey! - Oh, hi there, hi, hi.

- Oh, I just had the facial. Do I look any younger?

They said it would take off at least seven years.

- Now that you mention it, yes.

- Well you should definitely have one tomorrow.

- Oh, okay, well, I have the Couple's Package,

so I can take off 14 years.

- Heh-he-heh. You look very nice:

- Oh? - The jacket.

- Oh, thank you. - Are you off to dinner?

- Yeah. Well, soon.

- Would you like to have it with me?

Sorry, you'd probably rather eat alone.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. That, that, I'd like that.

- Okay. I will just go and get changed.

- Okay. - Okay.

- I'll see you in there. - Yeah, great.

(tropical music plays) (diners chatter)

[Both] Hello.

- Ah. You haven't ordered a drink!

- No, no, I was waiting for you.

- Oh, well that's very polite, thank you.

- What would you like to drink?

- Well, what do you prefer?

- Huh? Ah, no preference.

- Well, you must like something.

- Well, yeah, perhaps a red.

- Oh, excellent.

We'll have a nice bottle of red, please, Vikash.

- Certainly. We have an exquisite Merlot.

- Ah-mmm, maybe not now. Maybe, ah, Shiraz.

Yes, we'll have a Shiraz, please.

- Thank you.

You've been here before?

- No. - How did you know his name?

- Ah. His name tag. - Okay.

- Funny one. So who are you?

- I'm Glen. - I know you're Glen.

Tell me about yourself.

- I don't know. I'm, I'm just like anybody.

- Ah, so you're not a salesman.

Well, that makes a nice change.

(toothbrush buzzes) (phone dings)

(phone dings) (phone dings)

(melancholy music plays)

(birds tweet)

- "Where the forests missed the winter

"and the devils kiss the river,

"I'll find you under winter-kissed pile

with a glass of island wine."

- Well, you, you're lovely writer.

- No, that's dreadful writing.

- Is it? (both chuckle)

- But they love stupid poems,

and it's the easiest way to get noticed in 25 words or less.

And it worked cuz, I'm here.

I mean, I couldn't afford this on a novelist's wage.

- Oh, no, darling.

I mean, I'd never even think to enter a competition.

- Well, no one does. That's why I win. Heh-he-he-heh.

- You've you've won things before, what?

- Oh yeah, yeah.

I've won a trip to New Zealand and I went to Broome.

I had a glamping holiday and um, oh,

I've gotten lots of things for the house.

I got an air fryer and a KitchenAid, and,

oh gosh, I've got way too many appliances.

(both laugh) - No-no, thank you. Thank you.

- And for your lovely wife?

Oh, no, this isn't my wife.

- I'm his mistress. I'll have his, too, thanks, Vikash.

(beverage gurgles) Don't you love that sound?

Thank you. Can you believe he keeps asking you what I want?

What are we, back in the 1950s?

- Well. I think some of us are.

(Anita laughs heartily)

- What do you think their story is?

- I don't know what you mean.

- (hushed voice) Don't you ever try and fill-in the blanks?

You know, occupational habit.

Okay: John and Jeannette,

This trip is a Christmas present from their kids.

And the only problem is, they can't stand each other.

But they're so codependent they can't be apart

And they couldn't bring themselves to sell the kids because,

they all chipped-in!

(Glen chuckles) They look so miserable.

Have a go! - Oh, no.

- C'mon. - No!

- Come on, come on, have a go.

Just take a go. - No, I'm not,

I'm, I'm not like you, I'm not,

I'm not very good at these sort of things, really.

No. - Go on.

Go on. - Okay.

(clears throat) All right.

Ah, he's called Tom. - Okay.

- No, ah, "Tony". He's 65.

He's married. So, "Why is he eating alone?"

His wife was in a car accident a couple of years ago

and she lost her, oh she lost, lost her left arm.

- Uh-oh. - Um, um, but,

that's not all she lost.

She lost, she lost her, She lost her, her will,

she lost her sense of humor, it's like she, she,

um, you know, his wife that is, it's like, she,

she, she couldn't find a reason to keep going.

So if he could change places with her he would,

you know, he just wants to say the right thing,

but he just wants to make her laugh, but he can't, you know?

You know, he just wants to make her happy again.

Oh. (Anita giggles)

That is a prosthetic! (Anita laughs)

Actually. that is amazingly lifelike, that is, that is,

that is top of the range.

That, that, that, you, you would never tell

that that is not real. That, that, that, that,

Apparently she worked in Peru.

(Anita guffaws)

- Why did you let me eat the whole pizza?

Can you die from bloat? I think I'm gonna die from blo-

Hello? - Hi.

Can I leave something for someone who works here?

It's just a little present.

- Um, absolutely. Sorry, who is it for?

And is they're not working, can I have it?

- Hi. - Hi!

- Do you know each other?

- Actually, I have appendicitis and I'm pretty sure

I need a general anesthetic from an anesthetist.

- [Man on P.A.] Anesthetic nurse being summoned to bed 7.

- Hi, um,

We've been understaffed and I haven't had time for anything,

to do anything, at all. - Yeah, it's all good.

- Oh, I've just been working a lot.

(elevator dings) - So I, I got you this:

- Thank you.

- Oh, um, shits, did I misread this?

I, I'm sorry if I did. It's just,

for the first time in a long time,

I felt like I actually connected with someone.

(piano music plays)

And I thought that we had a good time, but maybe? Maybe I'm-

- Oh no, no, it's not, it's not that. Um, um-

- If you're not interested, that's totally fine,

I'll leave you alone. But, um, I like you.

And I don't meet people that I like very often.

- Is that?

- They need us in Vienna 3. - Okay.

I'm so sorry. - Yeah, sure.

- What'd he say? - That was intense.

He said he likes me, - Well, that's clear.

That he hasn't connected with anyone in a long time.

- He got you the good stuff. Take them away from me.

I mean, give me one more. And then take them away.

(hip-hop music plays)

(knuckles rap)

- Ella! (knuckles rap)

Ella, it's me! (louder rapping)

- Oh, hey! (Chula giggles)

Chula got me a little, a little birthday present.

Do you want some?

- No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm good.

You want to, I've got a present, too, so-

- Um, you're so sweet. (Chula giggles)

Don't laugh, he's so sweet, look at him.

- You sure you want- - Oh, bro.

- I'm not your bro, okay.

She's had a shitload to drink.

(all chuckle) What's funny?

(Ella snorts) - Just relax.

- She can end up in a fucking K-hole!

- Oh, babe.

- Can you get outta my room?

- Okay, can you not talk to them like that? Please?

Just chill, right? It's a birthday present.

(man retches) - What the fuck's-

Okay, no, don't throw up.

(music heightens)

(lovers pant) Get out.

Get out of here! - You, stupid.

Get the fuck out of here!

Everybody get, get out. Get the fuck out, okay!

(glasses clink) (crowd rustles)

(Anita chuckles) - That's true.

- Here's to,

ill-fitting robes.

Ah!

Hah.

I'm gonna take a dip. - What?

(Anita chuckles) (pool splashes)

(both giggle) - Come in! Oh, it's fantastic.

Ah-ha-ha. Come in!

Come on. - Okay.

- Oh, it's beautiful. (both laugh)

- Excuse me, sir. (Anita wails)

(lively rock music plays)

* I love you most of the time

* Can't get you across my mind

* Lightnin' when we kiss

* It's the one thing that I miss *

* You know I do you know I do

- You should have seen your face!

- You should, you should see, his face.

(both laugh) (Anita pants)

Good night, ah-ha.

Nighty-night. (Glen chuckles)

(Glen pants)

- Why did you stop at a kiss?

You like her. Why did you stop there?

(somber piano plays) - Don't say that.

- Maybe she's more your type: She's light and impulsive.

- Stop it!

You're not even real.

(piano continues)

- Did Ella like the tat?

- No, I didn't, I didn't get to,

I'll just show her in the morning.

I'm fucking my mom's bed.

(Aaron sobs) - I know. I'm sorry.

- You should, you should come.

- Are you sure?

I'll put those in the bin.

(door creaks and closes) (piano music ends)

- [Clara on phone] Oh, so how's it going? How's the resort?

- Um, well, actually it's quite stylish in, in its own way.

- Oh, so you're having fun, then?

I mean, you know what I mean: Not "fun", but, hmm.

- Well, you know, yeah.

- Hey Dad, why didn't I get Aaron on the other line?

- [Glen] Oh, okay. Do you need me to hang up?

- No, no, no, no, I'll hook us up, three-way call. Hang on.

(phone rings)

Hey, I've got Dad on the other line. I'm gonna put him on.

- No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Okay, now we can all hear each other.

- Hi. - [Clara] Hi.

- Hey Dad, ah, how's the fancy holiday?

- Well-

- [Clara] It's more of a rest than a holiday.

- No, actually, actually, yeah, it's quite relaxing,

but how, how are you? What, what have you been up to?

- Can't really hear you.

- [Clara] Oh, I can hear you, Dad. Can you hear us?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can hear, I can hear you both.

- He can hear us, Aaron.

- No, ah, you're breaking up. I, I'll just go.

- No- - Okay, bye, Aaron.

- No, he hung up. - Hah.

Now it's just two people on the three-way call.

- Ha. Technically, that's just a "call".

- [Glen] Ye-hess.

- So what have you been doing?

- Well, aah, oh, I got the Couple's Massage.

- [Clara] I hope they gave you double the time.

- No, double the hands. - Oo-oo, okay. Good.

- Yeah, two masseurs.

But actually, it was, you know, it was really good.

I, I thought, "Why have I had so few massages in my life?"

I was really quite tight,

they had to keep telling me to relax.

- [Clara on phone] Oh, that would make me more tense.

(somber music begins) - Yeah.

But you know what I think, I think I was,

I was, I was pretty scared, actually, about, you know,

Thanks for making me take this trip, Sweetheart.

- Okay. Well I'm glad you're enjoying it.

- Yeah. You know, being scared's a silly reason

not to do something.

Anyway. Look you, you're probably busy, I'll let you go.

I, I'll call you again soon, okay?

- Okay, yeah. I'll talk to you soon, Dad.

- All right, then. - Thanks.

- Bye now.

- Thanks, thank you, Dad.

(music flourishes) - Bye. Bye now.

- [Man on intercom] Hello?

- Hi. Is that Peter? - What did you say?

- Peter? - No!

(intercom dings)

- Hello. - Peter!

- Oh my! - Hi. Oh, can I come up?

Hi. - Hey.

- Um, I've just come to say that, um,

this "thing" is,

probably not a good idea.

- No? - No.

(upbeat music starts) * Na na na na na na

* La da da da da da

* Na na na na na na

* La da da da da da

We're just too different. - Yeah, that's true.

You're not my type. I don't like "funny".

Oh, well, I prefer attractive men, so,

I don't care if it's old-fashioned:

I just want a relationship and have a kid and, I don't

wanna waste time with someone who's not right for me.

- I totally agree.

Don't wanna be with someone unless they're all-in.

- Is that a sex pun? (both laugh)

- It's just a happy coincidence!

* Now and farewell far away

* I think you should know

* That the time that the time that the time is now *

* Na na na na na na

* La la da da da da

* So long yesterday

* Goodbye weeks ago

* Now and farewell far away

* I think you should know

* That the time that the time that the time is now *

(upbeat song ends) (piano solo begins)

(graphics zoom)