Original subtitles

I… I'm gonna say it's not me.

Someone wrote it to make it look like it was me.

But it is you.

She just wants to know you're OK.

She loves you.

Why did I write that shit?

If I'd left the essay alone, none of this would've fucking happened.

But maybe you would have had less of a shot at Harvard.

And you'd still be gay.

You think some part of you, like…

wanted this to happen?

What the fuck?

- No, like, subconsciously. - No.

This is my worst nightmare.

There are, like, 100 out kids at school.

So? None of them is on the swim team.

They're all drama club kids, and they're part of your pleasure play.

-That doesn't even make sense. -Not me.

No one's gonna give a fuck.

And if they do, I'll beat the shit out of them.

I can't go back there.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't make this a thing, and it won't be.

This will kill 'em.

They'll think they failed as parents.

They won't find out.

You weren't tagged in the post, they have zero social media,

and he uses a fucking flip phone.

How come you felt like you couldn't tell me?

I feel like I wasn't there for you,

and I don't know what to do with that right now.

I couldn't tell anybody.

My baby.

What time is it?

Go back to sleep, Mummy.

It's already after five.

You stayed up all night?

Huh?

You can't keep going on like this. It's too much for you.

I'm good, Mummy.

It's not forever.

What about the interview?

It's at eight.

I'll have enough time to get to school to take my math test.

I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes.

Aye, aye, aye.

Let yourself sleep for a couple hours, at least.

I'll get the kids to school.

Mm-hmm.

Before I take your sister to the doctor. You need to rest.

No. Just a few minutes.

'Cause I'm really fine.

Welcome to our first random bag check day, folks!

Have your bags open for inspection.

I went to see Owen.

OK.

It's like a fucking prison in there. And now they want me to go to All-State.

You got in?

I'm taking Owen's seat.

Fuck.

What'd he say when you told him?

It's not your fault, Jay.

It's not.

And you wallowing in shit doesn't help anything.

You know, you didn't even say anything about these stickers,

which are dumb valid, 'cause guess who designed them.

-Yeah, with my slogan. -Thank you.

You come to one meeting.

Exactly, my first meeting, and it's my slogan on the sticker.

-Oh word? OK. Here. -Yeah.

Yo, yo, yo. BSU happening tonight. I got tickets for everybody.

You get one. You get one. I got…

I'll let you know.

-I have to do that right now. -Here, take this.

- Tonight. - Yo, hook me up, bro.

Yeah, bro.

You gonna be there?

'Cause if you go,

I guess I gotta go.

Yeah, nah.

Fucking Orlov fuckboy.

What? I'm not allowed to make a mistake?

Yo, you should come to this BSU thing with me.

No.

We got two lines going here, guys.

Bags open. Have 'em ready.

If I was a terrorist, I swear to God, I'd set a bomb right here.

Like just wipe us all out. Yo, we're done.

You know, wouldn't even give them the time to check our bags, you know?

Smart. Keep saying that shit right in front of security.

I'm sure they're down with bomb talk from the brown kids.

Fucking idiots, I swear to God.

Where you going?

Hey.

Hey, man.

-How you doing? -Come here for a sec.

You doing OK

with all this shit?

I meant what I said in my text. If you wanna talk about anything--

Was it you?

Did you post that shit?

What?

-Dude, no. Why would I post-- -You were at my place.

You had my bag the day of the arrests.

You really think I would do that?

-This your way of forcing me to own my-- -Whoa! OK, no.

I would never out someone.

Hey.

All right, good to go.

Hey.

Can I talk to you?

Sure.

I just wanted to, um…

You know, you were so right

that things have been weird,

and I just feel like…

I don't know. Um…

I've been talking to Rabbi Schultz, and--

Wait. You've been talking to my Rabbi?

Yeah, and she's been giving me all this advice,

and it totally made me realize that, like…

I'm on a journey.

And, like, everyone's on a journey,

and sometimes we don't know where to go,

or we go down the wrong path, but, like, we have to be there for each other. And…

I wanna be there for you, and I want you to be there for me.

Just like we always were.

Yeah, I mean…

I want that too.

Yeah, it's just, like, you haven't really been there for me lately.

Like, at all.

And that's really hard for me with everything going on right now.

And I think that's why I've been acting like such a bitch.

And I know that's not fair, but…

I've just really needed you.

Wait. I haven't been there for you?

Can we just, like, hang out, like before?

Like, do you wanna go to the BSU thing?

I'm gonna go with them.

OK. Yeah.

The fuck?

P.m.?

You set it to fucking p.m., you stupid…

Hi. Excuse, I'm really sorry.

I was supposed to be in an interview earlier today.

-Is there any way I can still… -Hold on, baby.

-Slow down. What's your name? -Dominique Pierre.

Oh wow. You're legit late.

You have a good excuse?

I'm just late.

OK then.

Let me see what I can do here.

Looks like I can squeeze you in at 11:30. Can you come back?

In an hour?

Of course. Yes. Thank you.

So fucking stupid.

So then I just lied, said I could wait around all day.

But I gotta be back for our test.

Girl, stop stressin'.

Can't believe I fucked this up.

Want me to pull the fire alarm or something?

Listen, this place is crazy jumpy. All you gotta do is be like…

"…Bomb!"

-And they'll shut down the whole school. -Girl, don't even joke.

I'm about to call in a threat myself.

All right. I gotta go, Mommy, but you're gonna kill it, OK?

Just remember, vulnerability is power.

OK.

Bye, Mika.

Dominique, thank you for being here.

Thank you very much for having me.

And accommodating me.

Again, I apologize.

Why don't you start by telling us a little bit about yourself?

OK.

Yeah.

I'm currently a junior at Grand Army High School.

And, um…

I first got interested in mental health

when I took AP Psychology last year,

which was…

the first class I ever took

where I actually wanted to go home and do the homework.

Can you tell us why you're interested in interning with us?

How do you think you fit into our mission?

Well, um…

you're trying to make mental health care services accessible

to people who don't have that support.

And… I know we need that in this city.

We need that in my community.

I see that need every day.

To be honest,

I'm the person you're trying to help.

What do you mean by that?

Can I, um…

Can I be vulnerable with you all for a second?

Please. I think we'd appreciate that.

I think…

most people…

even people who want to help,

they don't always understand what some people are up against.

I think, for example, when…

we talk about self-care in this culture,

for a lot of people, self-care is a luxury.

How do you think we can change that?

By doing what you're trying to do.

I mean…

I don't have all the answers.

What I know is my own experience, but…

OK, like, I was late today.

I accidentally set my alarm for p.m. instead of a.m.,

which was careless. I own that. But…

see…

I went to bed at 5 a.m. this morning.

Same thing yesterday and the day before that.

Because there's just not enough time to do all the things I have to do

to go after the life I want.

And…

I'm tired.

And if I'm telling the truth, it makes me angry.

But see, that's the one thing I can't allow myself to be because…

then…

I'm just what they…

what they expect me to be, right?

And…

they don't wanna see my anger.

Because…

who's actually allowed to be angry?

That's a privilege like everything else, and my anger doesn't count.

But…

all those feelings,

they're still there,

and they have nowhere to go.

There are all these girls and women out there

like me,

with no one to say these things to.

So…

we just push them down.

Keep them inside or whatever.

But…

it's there.

It's painful.

And…

we need someone to hear us.

And I know you all know this already

because that's why you're here doing this work, but…

95% of mental health care workers in this city are Caucasian.

And…

nothing against them, but…

it matters who you talk to.

It matters…

who you're comfortable with.

It matters who hears you, who says,

"I understand."

It just matters.

I don't know the technical steps for how this changes, but…

you all are training Black women to be counselors, right?

That sounds amazing to me.

And…

I wanna be part of that.

And…

to be honest,

I wanna rock a suit like that one day.

I want to sit at this table with y'all, and…

I want to make sure I do what I can

to make sure my people get the things that they need.

Also,

I must add,

I'm very proficient in Excel,

and I've built my own brand…

…on social media,

and I'm really reliable, and also punctual.

Except for…

today, obviously.

So…

yeah.

What's up, man?

Hey. I um… I saw your essay.

That's good shit.

Big step. Congrats.

How's it feel to be out?

What's cool is that…

once you come out, there's instantly this community here for you.

You should, uh… You should come to a meeting.

Gay-Straight Alliance, Tuesdays.

You should definitely come out.

Us queers gotta stick together.

Yep. Thanks.

Sid!

Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

I just can't imagine how…

you're feeling right now.

Just…

being exposed like that.

And…

I just wanted to say that…

when the bomb went off in our lives,

you were there for me.

And I feel like a bomb went off in your life,

and I wanna be there for you.

Mr. Blumberg.

I'm really sorry.

I had an internship interview this morning, and I got in 30 minutes ago,

but Dolores had me wait in the main office till the end of the period.

John, Becca, I need your tests.

Is there any way I can take it after school or during my free?

You know I can't let you do that, Dominique.

I know, but I didn't think I would be gone that long.

I appreciate that, but I got 38 students in this class.

And I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm trying to be consistent,

and if I let you make this up,

I gotta let everyone else make it up at some point.

And you got a strong average, so it brings down your grade a bit.

That's life.

This fucking day.

He wouldn't let you retake it?

Fuck.

Yo, what's your interview? Tell us.

I wanna work there so bad.

- Aww! - Yeah?

I mean…

...these women were amazing queens, you know?

I feel like they liked me, but who the fuck knows?

I talked about AP Psych. I was like,

"Self-care is a luxury." Does that sound dumb?

- Mm-mm. - Look…

I'm a fucking self-care expert.

- I self-care every fucking night. - Me too.

And it is luxurious.

Oh my God! Shut up!

I'm so stressed. It's like I got whiplash.

OK, you know what you need?

Twenty-eight hours in a day?

No, you need to take a night off.

Wild out a little bit. Chill.

That is deadass.

I got my APUSH test tomorrow, and I haven't even started studying.

Dude,

it's a "fun-raiser,"

which your man and Sonia are putting together.

- And it's early, so you can study after. - Right.

Come on. I know you want to.

Come on.

Take the sticker, babe.

Come to the dance.

-Fine. -Get funky.

Duh-duh-duh-duh.

Hey, yo! Let's go!

Hey, Sid.

Have a seat.

-That's OK. I just wanted to… -No, sit down.

What's on your mind?

You heard about…

Yeah.

Are you OK?

How'd your parents take it?

They're basically the last people I'd ever expect to be on Instagram,

-so… -Well, have you thought about

how you might wanna…

approach that conversation

if they do end up somehow--

Do you know how it got out?

No.

Do you?

It would have to be someone who obviously had access to it.

Yeah, you know, I think it might be worth officially reporting this to Mr. Burley.

You basically had the only copy.

Look, Sid, you have every right to be hurt…

and angry.

And I wanna support you.

But when you say that,

it sounds like you're implying that I had something to do with this.

Look, this was a clear violation of your privacy,

and I don't know how it got out.

But I think that, for now,

you should concentrate on what you need moving forward.

I need to go back in time.

Just please, don't…

push away the people who care about you, Sid.

Destroy, crush, pound.

Hey, girl,

I'll do you so hard. Enough!

Stop talking.

-All the things you say you're going to-- -Hey.

Can you read this text and tell me if it's OK to send to Joey?

Uh…

I can't right now.

I just want her to know that I'm, like, supportive, you know?

Who told you I want your aggression?

- Caress, lick, attend to-- -Hold, please, Maya.

Leila,

you know the ASL for this, right?

Most of it.

And the blocking?

Why does she walk downstage on "rinse and repeat"?

Empowerment.

Empowerment.

Empowerment.

Upstage is shame, downstage is empowerment.

Can you focus, please?

Yeah, totally. I am.

Can we take it back? Top of that section. Sorry, Maya.

And if there are people talking backstage right now, seriously, shut the fuck up.

Dominate, destroy, crush, pound.

Hey, girl, I'll do you so hard.

Enough!

Stop talking.

All the things you say you're going to do to my body

are actually just for your…

body.

Who told you I want to be ravaged?

Who told you I want your aggression?

Caress, lick,

attend to.

Please.

Rinse.

Repeat.

What happens if I'm just direct about what I like and what I want?

What if I dared to say the words?

The answer is easy.

You'd call me a freak.

You'd call me…

aggressive.

You wanna take Grammy's quilt?

Why?

I don't know.

-You love it. -Yeah, I do. But…

the fact that you want me to take it

makes me think that you think that I'm not coming back.

Of course you're coming back.

Mom, how are you and Dad affording this?

It's $48,000 a year.

Well, it's not the whole year.

So it's prorated.

And Grammy and Grandpa are helping out.

This is a mess.

So pathetic. It's like running away.

That's not what this is.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

You don't have to leave. You can stay here.

So you protect yourself by removing yourself.

That's not running away.

Yeah, but they get to do whatever the fuck.

What about these?

Do you wanna take these?

I don't need any of those.

Hey, Mom!

Hey!

We're in here.

- Hi, guys. - Hey, baby doll.

Come here.

Give me some lovin'.

Get over here. Hmm.

What are you guys doing?

- I'm gonna stay at Dad's for a bit. - Are we going too?

Nope. Just Joey, and not for long.

I'm still gonna see you guys, like, all the time.

Yeah, and we're gonna go to Dad's tonight for dinner, OK? As a family.

But why are you going?

So she won't have to run into George, babe.

Then I wanna go too. I don't wanna see him either.

Are you taking your Bikini Kill poster?

'Cause if you're not, I'll just hang onto it.

Well, it better be pristine when I get back.

If she gets something, I want something.

Oh my God, you guys, I'm coming back.

OK, fine, Frankie.

You can have one thing.

OK. Let's go.

-Get your coat. Let's get out of here. -Come on, Mom.

- Come on. - I…

Hey, Martin, I thought all your Coltrane was over here.

Can't contain Coltrane.

His other Coltrane section is hidden over here

when he was signed to Impulse.

You got a weird system.

Nah.

He just likes when people got to ask for what they're looking for.

Start a conversation.

That's the whole point of jazz.

Oh, here we go.

Live at Birdland.

1964.

You know where to go if you wanna listen to it.

Yes, sir. Thanks, my friend.

Now, of course,

Alabama wasn't actually live.

Now, this is take five at Van Gelder Studio

just over in Edgewater.

Story goes,

Coltrane didn't tell anybody what it was about, not even his quartet.

Sheet music didn't even have a title.

But…

...even if you didn't know why he wrote it,

you listen to this,

you know what it is.

You feel it.

It's a eulogy.

You know about the 16th Street Baptist Church?

In Birmingham.

It got bombed, right?

Yeah.

That was two months before he played this.

See, the sax is lamenting.

It's singing the sorrow,

but underneath,

you hear the percussion, right?

It's building, rising up, threatening.

It's the tension

what makes this piece so…

powerful.

It's about…

the moment that sadness turns to anger.

It's a memorial.

Yeah.

But it's a protest.

There's a history in the country

of folks packing on the buses

and riding off into the sunset to make change happen.

And that's what we're gonna do with the dollars we raise here tonight.

Yes, baby! Y'all better give my man some money!

Because while we celebrate our history

and reflect on our history,

you know we gotta fight for our future.

Grand Army coming to enlist ya!

We gonna go to Pennsylvania,

and we're gonna spend a weekend registering voters.

What's goin' on? Having a party at this party?

You are late.

So what? I'm late.

Yo, so look. Look.

People are saying if this election goes our way,

it's gonna be on the backs of Black Americans.

And young Americans.

'Cause until everyone else gets their shit together, we gotta lead!

Where those votes at?

We're gonna swing that state!

Let me hear you!

Sonia Cruz. Where is she?

Yo, she's got the sign-up sheet.

Join us on the bus!

Oh damn, y'all. This girl just got woke.

- Do something. - I have an idea.

-What is it? -I'll tell you in a second.

Show some love for the Grand Army Step Corps!

Amanda!

You go, Amanda!

You so good!

-You so smart. -Uh-huh.

What you been drinking?

Oh!

Tell us your idea!

-You blowin' me up! -What are we talkin' about?

It's all Black kids at Owen's suspension center.

That's that new Jim Crow shit.

Well, we gotta do something to show how fucked up that is.

Yo, I'm thinking we go old school and do like a sit-in for Owen.

I like that.

- Eh! - This kid…

Coming here with ideas. I see you been training your boy.

Girl, you know it ain't even like that, OK?

Girl, you know it could be like that.

Oh wow!

That's how you show up. Even when people tryin' to take you out.

Hey, you made it.

Is Flora here?

No, I don't think so. Did you text her?

No. I just thought maybe in person it would be…

I don't know.

Well, it's good that you came anyways.

-I feel like everyone's staring at me. -They're not.

So I don't know about you,

but I'm ready for some Philly cheesesteak!

I think I'm gonna go.

Dude, you just got here.

Hey, man.

Well, what's goin' on?

The fuck's your problem?

I'm so fucking stupid!

- That piece of shit! - Sid!

Bo!

It was you, wasn't it?

-I know it was you, motherfucker! -Yo, don't come at me.

Oh! Whoo!

What the fuck? Are you OK?

Are you OK?

Let me see. Let me see.

Dr. Kimoto to inpatient fittings.

Dr. Kimoto to inpatient fittings.

Hey, what'd they say?

Ice is my friend.

What about your nose?

I'm fine. I just wanna go.

- Meera? - Dad, over here!

Siddhartha.

- What happened? - I'm good. It's nothing.

Who did this?

Just some dumb thing with this kid from school.

- He attacked you? - No.

- Why didn't the police come? - It wasn't like that.

Your school authorities, they need to be notified.

- This boy will be held accountable. - Dad.

Your sister said he was a white boy. You were targeted.

- Nobody was targeted. - Then why did he attack you?

Because I came after him, OK? I pushed him.

Why?

Because of me.

He was defending me.

- What's going on? - Stop. You don't need to lie for me.

Who's lying? Tell me the truth.

What happened?

This kid posted my college essay online to embarrass me,

and everyone read it.

To embarrass you about being Indian?

This is a hate crime.

Excuse me, ma'am.

- I saw a police officer downstairs. - Dad!

- I need him here. - Stop. Listen.

- What do you need? - To file a report.

- Stop. We're fine. Sorry. - Dad. Sid doesn't want…

My son was beaten.

I'll have to call NYPD. Would you like me to do that?

No. No, no. Can I just please have a second with my family? Please?

You're not listening to me.

No. You need to listen to me. I will not let you be treated this way.

My essay was about me being gay.

Why would you write about that?

Because I'm gay.

That's ridiculous.

You're not gay.

Dad.

Dad.

The last time I checked, that wasn't...

- Yeah. Here. - Thank you.

Have some vegetables.

You have no vegetables on your plate.

Mm.

Put some vegetables on your plate right now.

- Are these salted? - Put on some hot sauce.

She can't handle any type of hot sauce.

- I have a question. - Mm-hmm?

-What do you do at Catholic school? -Same thing you do at regular school.

Yeah. Except there are religion classes, and you go to chapel.

And there are nuns.

- It's different now. - Everywhere.

I'm sure there are nowhere near as many nuns

as when we were in high school.

Holy Ghost.

Bec, you remember?

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

- What in the world... - What's the Holy-fucking-Ghost?

...are you doing with your body right now?

- Why is that so funny? - Oh.

You know, at school dances,

especially the slow dances,

the nuns would patrol the crowd…

…and make sure there was enough room for the Holy Ghost.

Oh!

I don't get it.

Yeah, well, you had to…

You had to leave enough space in between your bodies for…

- For Jesus. - Basically, yeah.

Oh, it was total insanity.

- All these pathetic... - Awkward.

...high school kids just, like…

Here, Franks, come. I'm gonna show you.

Uh! No. Not closer. Just right there.

- All right. - Oh my God.

Was it actually that bad?

- It was that bad. - Worse. Worse. Awful.

Oh my God.

Frankie needs the spotlight, everyone.

That is so fucking mean. She's just having fun with Mom.

Come on. Come dance with me. Please.

-Please! -No. I'm just gonna watch you dance.

I'll watch you.

- No. Come on. Please? - Just go--

- Hello? - No!

Fine.

Mom, who is it?

Mom, who's on the phone?

- Please get-- -Frankie, fucking stop.

Nina's gonna dance with you.

- Who is it, Bec? - Uh-huh.

- Mom! - Uh-huh.

One… one second.

Uh-huh.

And what is this based on?

-OK, but who's decided that? -Who's decided what?

I have Joey and Matt here. Just one second.

It's the DA's office. They're not moving forward with charges.

- What does that mean? - Wait. How are they coming to this?

Lack of evidence.

What? So that means they're gonna do nothing?

They didn't feel like they had enough to make a case.

-What? -And we have no say in this?

Well, we're all obviously very upset.

-Ask them! How is this possible? -I'm trying to!

Tell them I wanna talk to them, Mom!

Tell them I wanna talk to them!

We'll talk to them.

Oh my Lord. I needed this night. For real.

You know the last time I did something like this?

When?

No, I'm asking. 'Cause I don't fucking remember.

Yo.

-Yeah, I never seen you this fucked up. -I'm not fucked up!

Look at me.

- Yo! - I got this!

You're messy.

You try doin' what I'm doin'.

Feed a family on eight dollars per person.

Eight dollars…

for a whole fucking day. You try it.

Get a chicken nugget meal.

That's six bucks…

for one meal.

So what, you're gonna live off butter rolls?

You know it takes three days in New York after rent's due for them to evict you?

Deadass.

Three days.

And I'm like,

"Bitch, if I don't have rent for you when it's due,

three days is not gonna change shit."

-What? I'mma go rob a bank? -Right.

But see, I've been looking into it.

And if the landlord's been neglectful,

like our toilet clogs all the fucking time and they never fix that shit,

so I'm documenting everything now, just in case.

-Mm-hmm. -But…

my landlord's the city, so…

But if you can show neglect,

the court might let you stay,

even if you're behind.

Oh shit.

I'm running my mouth, and now you're probably like,

"Uh… gotta go."

I didn't say anything.

Well, you're thinking that though.

Come on. Give me some credit.

A'ight. What are you thinkin' about?

Just that I didn't know

that you had to hold on to all that.

That's a lot to carry. You make it look like nothin'.

That's 'cause I'm my own magical superhero-superstar.

Except, lately, I'm not.

You don't have to be magical.

But you are incredible.

You just made that up?

Just now?

Just now.

Just for me?

Just for you, baby.

You're, like, mad corny.

You wanna come upstairs for a minute?

Hell yeah.

- I'm not gonna lie. I'm so lit right now. - Word. You look good though.

Table is set up.

Dominique!

I was getting worried.

Ah!

Good evening.

Good evening.

Hello, darling.

We have company.

- I'm sorry. I can… - No. It's OK.

- Just making sure she got home OK. - Mm-hmm.

Sorry. I didn't know anybody was here.

It's cool. I'm good.

You have a great night.

Good night.

Good night.

That's her friend from school.

She's very studious.

Sorry.

That's all right.

Oh!

I was just telling them how smart you are.

Um…

Excuse me a minute.

Mm-hmm.

Pardon me.

Dominique, open the door.

Where have you been?

At a school thing.

Are you drunk?

No.

Mm-hmm.

Who is that out there?

Francine wants to introduce you to her nephew.

He's a nice boy.

I told you I wasn't.

No, Mom! Why would you?

We can't go on this way.

You can't keep going like this. It's too much.

Honey…

I'm worried about you.

Just meet him.

You don't have to make any decisions now.

Don't take too long.

OK.

Ah, darling!

Finally! Hello!

-Are you doing well? -Yes.

Uh… Hey. It's nice to meet you.

Hey.

Ronald, this is my daughter, Dominique.

Dominique, this is Ronald Toussaint and his mother Perla.

Ronald is my favorite nephew.

That may be true. Because I'm actually her only nephew.

All right. All right. Who's hungry?