Original subtitles

Ready? Here we go.

Thank you.

Geez, how late is Photomat open?

I do want to thank you all for your Patience...

we are now obviously ready to go.

I'm Howard Stringer...

and as President of CBS Entertainment...

it is my singular pleasure, and a great moment for us...

to be able to bring this great star to CBS, David Letterman.

I never dated Amy Fisher.

I fixed her car, I helped her with her homework...

and that's all. Alright, thank you.

Alright, I'll take some questions...

and then, Colin Powell'll be in here and update you on the bombing.

I do want to thank CBS for their support...

and of course, for their generosity, I mean...

this is a deal that would put a smile on Jack Benny's face...

and that's in the condition he's in right now.

Does GE make the best managers for a television network?

What was the question?

Yeah. No, you know, I don't know about that...

but they make a darn fine toaster oven.

Come on, Paul, we got to do a show.

Dave, I have a terrible case of the hiccups.

- You tried holding your breath? - Everything.

I got an idea, hold on.

What are you doing?

Just put that on your head there, breathe normally, there, Paul.

Okay.

I'm breathing.

How was that, you feel any better?

Oh, gosh.

Sorry...

Must've been something I ate.

It's bloody marvelous.

"The Tonight Show, Johnny's guest host tonight is Jay Leno.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno."

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

"Wonderful, that's nice to hear.

Now, did you all see in the paper.

Now, there's a survey that says that you're safer...

and now this is true, you're safer...

on an airplane than you are in your own bathroom.

Do you believe that? Do you think that's true?

I don't know, I've never slipped on the toilet seat...

and fallen 35,000 feet.

I mean, I never adjusted the shower rod...

and had a fire ball come out and incinerate me.

So, you can imagine that. That's very weird. So we..."

So, why can't we just throw money at one of them?

What sort of offer do you have in mind?

What does it matter?

Late Night's making 70 million dollars a year for NBC.

Where's our bloody piece?

That would have been Mr. Sajak.

Christ, what a disaster.

He's got a lock on every blue-haired old biddy...

who ever watched Wheel of Fortune.

Do you know how many of our stations, are canceling him for Arsenio?

It's like they're canceling him before we can.

Look at these fucking numbers when Leno fills in for Carson.

- And Letterman. - NBC has him signed through '93.

Well, what about Leno?

NBC only has a one-year holding deal with Jay. That's nothing.

- He could be ripe. - So let's steal him.

We can give him a show now, for Christ's sakes.

I'll push Sajak over a cliff if we can get Leno.

They might fight for him.

Let them.

They can't fight equally for Leno and Letterman.

They're not going to offer both, Carson's spot when he retires.

This is the best opportunity we've ever had...

to break NBC's strangle hold on late night.

Okay, Howard.

Let's go stir something up.

"And you know, we can knock it out in one fell swoop."

Bouncy up here.

We got to do a commercial here, boys and girls.

We'll be right back with more Sandra Bernhard.

I'm having a blast, thanks for having me back on, Dave.

How you doing?

What do you want the number of my therapist?

You should be thrilled with your life.

It wasn't that bad, Dave.

Okay, we had a little trouble with the first bit...

but Sandra was good, and you were good with her.

I sucked, Morty...

and the whole show sucked because I sucked.

I don't belong on network television, I belong in Muncie, driving gravel.

- You got great laughs. - Bullshit.

If that audience was any deader there'd be guys in lab coats...

going through harvesting organs.

Those dorks at NBC probably steered in the crowd...

waiting in line for Donahue, by mistake.

It's their way of sending a message.

- What message? - Come on.

The message. Like giving Jay the job...

- as permanent guest host for Johnny. - That means nothing.

They didn't make him guest host to mess with you.

They do everything to mess with me.

Renting out our studio in the morning, to Maury Povich?

For Christ's sake. Laurie, I need some coffee.

- Sure, Dave. - Great show.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, when are we supposed to rehearse?

Am I supposed to move my camera around a bunch of bald women...

with eating disorders?

We won't let that happen, Dave. We'll do something about it.

Gosh, Morty, I know, we could boycott the show.

They'll probably use that as an excuse to fire me.

Come on, Dave.

I fucked up number 6...

- on the Top Ten. No, I fucked up. - No, you didn't.

It was the only decent joke in the whole fucking show...

- It was funny. It played... - It was funny, I wasn't.

- Let me see the tape. - No. Why don't you take a breather.

Give me the fucking tape.

Fuck.

Man,

For Christ's sake.

Jesus, I suck.

That's good,

I should've jumped in right there.

Listen, you cheap, fucking bastard, it's one lousy table, 10,000 dollars.

That's chump change.

- "That's extortion, Helen." - What?

That's not extortion. It's charity, for God's sake.

- It's for Pediatric AIDS. - "Come on."

- You selfish prick. - "You flatter me."

- Sweetie, hi. - "Put me down for two."

- What? - "Two tables."

- You are such a mensch. - "Helen, do you still love me?"

Yes, I still love you.

See, that didn't hurt very bad.

"When are we going to have dinner, honey?"

- Look, I got to go. Jay's here. Bye. - "Please."

- How you doing? - Here's your tickets.

Where am I going this time?

- Come on, I'll walk you to the car. - Okay.

That's mine.

- I need to know my future. - I know your future, follow me.

You're playing Joe Laffs in Green Bay Friday.

The NBC affiliate is WLUK.

Good luck?

I'm getting you in just in time to do the noon news.

That's good, I'm sure there's a lot of people...

watching the noon news in Green Bay.

Don't give me shit. Those local stations...

are going to get you the Tonight Show.

Here, I want to show you something. Look at this.

Please. Not another goddamn motorcycle...

- I don't have the time. - Helen, hold on.

Take a second, look at this motorcycle.

"To J. L.. Crank it on up and ride over to CBS Forever."

It's a rare bike. Do you have any idea what this cost them?

No, I don't know what it cost, but I know what it means.

- Hi. - Hello.

- Table for two? - Please.

Are you sure this is the place for a good corned beef sandwich?

Yeah.

She wanted discrete.

I don't think anybody from NBC will be dropp...

- Oh, Jesus. - What?

Arnie Kleiner from Paramount, just walked in with some other guy.

Will they know Helen?

Here she comes.

You said we'd have privacy here.

I just saw Arnie Kleiner in the corner downing a Thai beer.

Oh, my God, Howard Stringer.

Right. A pleasure to meet you, Helen.

Rod said we'd just talk a little business over lunch.

This looks like a little more than lunch.

Of course it is.

We wouldn't want to waste your valued time.

Alright.

Now, we think the world of Jay...

we've noticed what he's been doing filling in for Carson...

and we think he's ready to be a star, right now.

and we have something no one else can offer him.

11.30, wide open.

Holy shit.

A deal memo, already?

You guys are serious.

Here, you take this, I don't want to hold on to this.

You can give Jay the details without the paper if you prefer.

The show opens in September, he'll get six million to start.

How does that sound?

Six million?

Yeah, alright, I'm impressed.

But we may be rushing this a little bit.

Jay's a loyal puppy, he's got a thing for the Tonight Show...

like every other comic in America.

Of course. But isn't he still third in that line...

behind Carson and Letterman?

No, I wouldn't say that.

But, I would say that we have some reason...

to feel a little impatient with where we are.

And I'll admit it to you, Howard.

I love this offer.

I'm sure you do, Helen.

Compliments of Mr. Kleiner.

This feels like the late-night DMZ.

Does that make me Nixon?

I guess I'm Kissinger.

With you negotiating, that war would've gone nuclear.

At least in this war we control all the weapons.

- We hope. - Hi, Brandon.

Hey, Mort, how you doing? It's good to see you.

Enjoy the evening.

Hey, Warren, we got Howard Stringer humping Leno's leg.

What are we going to tell the GE guys if we lose him?

My dog ate my late night host?

I may.

- I may. - Helen needs a stroking.

Jay.

I hear Howard Stringer wants to take you to Bermuda...

for a romantic weekend.

- Helen. - Hi, how are you?

- Fine. - Jay, honey.

It's time to go get your makeup on, your spot starts in 30 minutes.

I get it. Manager and network need to be alone. I can take a hint.

Brandon, watch your wallet.

Hey, David.

- Hey, Jay, how you doing? - How you doing?

- Good. - What's going on?

Listen, how's NBC treating you?

Good, you know. I mean, who knows.

Okay, I guess, you know.

Hey, I saw that show the other day with Sandra Bernhard...

- Jesus Christ. - It was great, come on.

It was great. You don't know what you're talking about.

It was so funny.

I know Morty's down there, I want to talk to Morty.

Hey, are you guys going to stay around?

- No. - You're going to go back?

- We got to take the red-eye back. - I hate the red-eye.

Listen, Jay. We'll have Morty call you. We'll book you on the show.

When you're not filling in for Johnny.

Yeah, whatever. You know, I'm good.

Well, you know me, I'm always ready for whatever...

as long as it's okay with Helen.

Right, of course.

You know, we'll have Morty call Helen and do it that way.

Alright. I'll talk to you later.

- I'll se you later. - Alright. Listen, Jay...

- call Morty. Alright? - Yeah, tell him to call Helen.

Good to see you.

I got to tell you, I got a hell of an offer from CBS.

I don't know. I mean, Jay wants to stay...

and take over when Carson steps down...

but, Brandon, I need a commitment.

Helen, you're as subtle as a knee to the groin.

I didn't hear the words Tonight Show in there anywhere.

What are you saying?

You want us to bounce Johnny, now?

You want to deprive him of reaching his 30th anniversary?

Just looking to protect my guy.

Look at her working Brandon, is she shameless or what?

David.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't say hello to Brandon.

For God's sake.

Now's your chance to let somebody know...

that you want the Tonight Show.

- Let's wave him over. - Wave him?

Jesus, you don't wave heads of networks.

You wave waiters and hookers, and...

- I don't know. - Brandon.

Good Lord.

How can a television show be worth this much embarrassment?

- Hey, David. - Hey, Brandon. How are you doing?

David, I think I heard them call your category...

but don't worry, Littlefield ran in to accept for you.

Johnny sends his regards, Brandon.

Thank you, Peter, too bad he couldn't come...

then I could have been photographed with all our late night stars...

before they all start filing for free agency.

David, I...

I know you want the job as much as Jay.

Listen, Brandon. I'm not campaigning for anything.

I'm not saying you are.

I just want you to know that we haven't forgotten you.

Well, that's...

that's good to hear, Brandon, thanks.

Sure.

I was in New York in July and I stopped by to see you...

but Laurie said you were in rehearsal or something.

No. Actually, I was locked in my office, sobbing.

I'm sorry about that.

I'll try not to be an antisocial jerk next time.

And Brandon, listen, I really do appreciate it.

Sure, Dave, good luck?

- See you. - Brandon.

I feel like a daddy who's just gotten all his children to bed.

Brandon, you shit.

We have to talk.

Helen, I'm running through a contract negotiation...

with the guys from Cheers.

Listen, I've had it with this run around.

You don't get by with verbal assurances anymore.

See, I had a verbal commitment from Brandon a year ago...

now, he's gone to Paramount.

You I'm not so fond of, John. No offense.

You think you can pull the same manipulative shit with me.

You try on everybody else in this town.

But you fuck with me and I'll fuck you back good.

I don't have a contract with you.

I can move Jay to CBS within a month.

That would leave you with Carson and his retirement home audience.

- So let's cut the shit, shall we? - This is just been a busy period.

Come on. These things take time.

- Come on. - You're not listening, asshole.

I don't want to hear about time, I want a piece of paper.

I don't know when Carson's going to get the fucking message, and quit.

I want Jay signed.

Helen, I hear you.

Believe me.

Let me see what I can do, hon. Give me one week?

A week's seven days, John. Trust me, I can count.

Right.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

- Hey, Morty. - Have you seen this?

Jesus Christ. What the hell is this?

From what I can tell, there's absolutely no source for it.

My God. What's this mean now, Morty?

What does it mean? It means nothing.

It means Helen got on the phone.

I mean, this has to be Helen.

Yeah, but would NBC treat Johnny this way?

This is ridiculous.

I can't believe this would've happened...

if Brandon hadn't gone to Paramount.

I mean, he had some control.

Helen wouldn't dare pull this shit when Brandon was there.

Maybe this is all NBC, their way of dealing Jay in.

No, don't assume these assholes have a plan.

It's the New York Post, for God's sake.

- What's that mean? - It's not NBC's style.

Alright.

Let's see how these guys weasel out of this one.

We have to control the rumors.

"We have to control the rumors"?

You have to control the rumors.

So, how do we word the release?

Maybe we should just talk about the network's huge debt to Johnny.

No words like...

"And we hope the king will reign, for many years to come?"

No.

Okay.

- Helen's work, right? - What do you think?

It probably came from the Carson people.

They know they're in trouble.

They're trying to screw you by leaking a story...

they want to make you look so fucking eager...

you'll do anything to get the job.

I guess that makes sense, I'm just worried about Johnny.

What are you worried about him for, he doesn't worry about you.

I don't know, that's the problem.

I don't think he really likes me.

There you go with that "like" shit again.

What the hell difference does it make whether Carson likes you or not?

I mean, he's not picking his successor, NBC is.

You don't think they'll give him a vote?

No, I don't.

Would you leave the campaigning to me...

go, do your fucking jokes.

I just... I want to be able to swear to Johnny this didn't come from us.

So, go ahead and swear.

- "Hello." - Johnny. Hey, it's Jay.

- "Jay?" - Yeah, how you doing?

Look, I just wanted to talk to you...

about this rotten article in the post.

I just wanted to tell you, to make it clear to you...

that it didn't come from us.

Actually, you've been the GE Employee of the Week, haven't you there, Paul?

Gee, Dave. I guess I missed out on that one.

Well, it's quite an honor, Paul.

You know, kids, why don't we find out...

who the GE Employee of the Week is, this week.

Right here, on our show...

we can reveal the name of the GE Employee of the Week.

Anton, can we have a...

There we go.

Let's see who it is this week, Paul?

Warren Littlefield and John Agoglia.

For cost-consciousness far beyond their job description.

This is the reason I went into television.

So my family can see me being insulted...

in front of 4 million people.

He's got the microphone and we're helpless.

Forget about it.

I've been looking through these rating charts you sent me.

You know how well Jay is doing.

Yeah.

Prime time revenues are next to nothing.

I'm thinking about all the money we've got...

riding on late night.

The last thing we need is a problem there.

Well, we've already got one.

Helen Kushnick, the woman's forcing the issue.

So far, we've been able to keep her in line with verbal assurances...

"Leno's in line for the Tonight Show."

Plus we've committed serious money if Leno doesn't get the show...

two, three million dollars.

But she'll forfeit the money and go to CBS.

And that could be a disaster for us.

We've still got Carson and Letterman.

A lot of people believe that Leno is the hottest talent in television.

It would be a major mistake to lose Jay now...

especially, since Johnny doesn't have that long to go.

John has never said one word to me about quitting.

Well, it may get to the point, where we can't wait any longer.

You want to get rid of Johnny Carson?

His ratings are softening.

Arsenio's got the younger viewers.

That's where the money is.

We've got to make sure the future is secure.

If we give Jay a firm deal now...

give him a contract, that guarantees him the show...

whenever Johnny leaves...

I think he and Helen would go for it.

Yeah, but where does that leave us with Letterman?

He can't go anywhere. We've got him for two more years.

And Letterman's never once asked us...

to guarantee him the show if Johnny quits.

Dave is still our 12:30 guy. We'll make sure he stays there.

All we need to do now is get Jay signed, keep him off CBS.

And this should stay between us...

Helen and Jay.

Carson doesn't have to know, Letterman doesn't have to know...

it never makes the papers.

That is essential.

I don't want anybody writing...

that NBC is pushing Johnny Carson out the door.

I want this handled very carefully.

John and I are friends.

But we've got to have late night locked up.

If that means a deal for Leno...

Let's do it.

Jay is the host, the first week night after Carson's last show.

Helen is the executive producer.

NBC productions owns the show.

Now, of course, no word of this leaves this room.

No.

Helen gets this fat check.

I think you could say...

this is the impossible dream coming true for two people?

I think, Helen, they've got us where they want us.

Well, you see, I would've said it the other way around.

Let's give a big hand for the stars of our 1992 fall line-up.

Well, you've seen...

The new programs for our fall season and I hope our affiliates...

and our friends in the advertising community agree...

we've put new life into prime time...

and now the last surprise of the day...

ladies and gentlemen, the king of late night television...

soon to begin his 30th year at NBC.

Here's Johnny.

Thank you.

That's very nice of you.

Gee, what a fast-paced afternoon.

You folks must be just short of coma.

You know, I always get a little awestruck...

to think of the great men who've graced this stage...

Jascha Heifitz...

Vladimir Horowitz...

and today Warren Littlefield.

Kind of knocks the hell out of Darwin's theory, doesn't it?

Jay Leno, who's now the guest host on our show...

is driving me nuts backstage.

"How're you feeling?" "Your thyroid okay?"

You know, I like Jay, and he is very concerned about my health.

In fact, he suggested I take a run through Central Park...

about midnight tonight.

Anyway, I know it's been a long afternoon...

I just want to say, this is the last year...

that I'm doing the Tonight Show.

What did he just say about this being the last year?

I don't know.

But my last show is going to be one year from now.

May the 22nd, 1992.

I just want to thank you.

I am very grateful...

and I bid you, good bye.

This is real.

I just said it, the world heard me.

It's real.

Great tie, Bob, terrific.

Did you know about this, John?

Mr. Littlefield, can I just ask a question?

I would like to thank you, Johnny.

And thank you for coming.

And the bathrooms are down the hall and to the right.

What are you going to do with 11.30?

- Warren, what the hell is going on? - I had no goddamn idea...

We have no release prepared, nothing.

Betty, why don't you...

The press is going to fry us like bacon strips.

- Is what I'm going to say right now. - We're here in front of the press...

the advertises and the world with our asses hanging out.

I don't know anything. He didn't say a word to me.

So who's it going to be? Who gets the Tonight Show?

I'm not going to answer any questions right now.

- Is it Leno or Letterman? - Come on, Betty. Who gets the job?

Stay tuned, everybody, stay tuned.

Thanks, bye.

Mr. Leno?

There's a phone call for you, sir.

I'd like to show you to the the courtesy phone.

Alright.

Excuse me, aren't you the Dorito's guy?

Johnny announced he was quitting today.

What? What are you talk... I was just with him.

He went on last, long after you'd gone.

"He just dumped it on them."

"He said he was doing the show one more year, and then out."

Did they make any kind of announcement about us?

Nothing, they were too busy trying to pull up their pants.

But, it'll come, the deal is set.

We got it, Jay, one more year.

His last show is May 22, our first is may 25, Memorial Day.

God, I'm having a hard time getting my breath.

I hearing what my mother always said...

"Be careful what you wish for, you might get it."

I know what you mean, so what? So...

It's still secret, right?

We can't, you know, say anything about it?

"We've waited this long..."

"what difference does another day or two make?"

Yeah, I guess, they want to, probably want to tell Dave first.

You're such a nice guy, Jay Leno.

Worrying about your old friend, Dave?

You want to know the real difference between you and Letterman?

You had me, enough.

Now, go do your show in Tahoe, have a good time.

Yes, Sparkley.

Yes.

Alright.

Yes, good boy.

Alright, we're going to be right back with a commercial.

Paul, get us out.

- Peter, how're you? Good to see you. - Fine, David, how are you?

- Is John here? - Yes, he's here and he's ready.

- You're not going to believe this. - What?

Johnny announced his retirement...

at the affiliates meeting in Carnegie Hall.

What do you mean, when's he going to retire?

- A year from now. - One more year on the air...

- that's what he said. - Holy shit.

- And did NBC... - No.

No announcement from NBC.

Okay, 20 seconds.

Can you fucking believe this?

Isn't this amazing?

Five, four, three, two...

"Ed couldn't make it. I happened to be in the neighborhood..."

"so, I brought you a little something."

"Did you? What's this?"

"You're the winner of the million dollar sweepstakes."

Morty, Johnny asked me to stay on until the show's done...

and I told him I would.

After that, I'm all yours.

That's great, because we both want you.

"No, I just happened to be in town..."

"doing a something for the affiliates."

"That's right."

You quit, Johnny. You quit your job.

That's the business you came to...

Jesus Christ, this guy is so good.

I cannot fucking believe...

we haven't heard from Agoglia, Wright, or Littlefield.

None of them.

Maybe they lost the number.

So, we can handle unpleasant Dave?

Well, it's real simple, first we slap him...

and then we kiss up.

Yeah. Well, there's only so much kissing up I'm capable of.

I got a signed contract with this guy's name on it.

Fuck him and his bruised ego.

My ass is bruised from sitting on a goddamn plane.

So, you want Morty to sit behind the desk?

Alright, fine. I can do that. Okay.

No, is this going to work, Peter?

- Hello. - Hello, gentlemen.

Dave will be with you in just a few more minutes.

- Great, thanks. - Can I get you some coffee...

- while you wait? - Please. Black.

- Yeah, I'd love some, thanks. - Have a seat.

God, they're here.

They look like such worms, I tell you.

It's Littlefield.

Yeah, Agoglia's with him.

- Great, thank you. - You're welcome.

The coffee is freezing.

Yeah, I can do this. Don't worry.

Alright, thanks, Peter.

Morty, sit behind my desk.

You sit at the desk.

I'm going to sit right here.

And I'm going to put them over there.

Alright.

Hi, Warren, how you doing? Good to see you.

- Thanks for coming. - Hi, Morty.

And you are?

Come on, Dave, John Agoglia.

Yeah. John, good to see you. How you doing? Thanks for coming.

Why don't you have a seat over here?

Alright, Dave, you know why we're here.

Now, the network has been analyzing, the late night situation...

and for the last several years...

we've watched Jay grow into the role of host.

Now, obviously, we have every reason...

to be proud of what you've accomplished...

but a choice had to be made.

And tomorrow NBC will announce, that Jay Leno has been named...

the next host of the Tonight Show.

And I'm sure that Jay will do a fine job.

But, I must tell you...

that we have done this show for 10 years.

And we know how to do this show.

Now, the best thing would've been for all of us here...

to have gone on and done the Tonight Show.

That's what we always wanted to do.

And it's a real disappointment...

that we're not.

But...

if it is your final decision...

then you can contact my lawyer.

Gentlemen, this is completely unacceptable.

I want you to release me from my contract.

What is this?

I mean, where does this leave us, Morty?

I mean, how can we make him happy?

You want to keep him happy?

Do as he asks.

He wants the Tonight Show.

Well, short of that.

We have a plan...

for enhancing Dave's role on late night.

We want to make it a seamless two hour block...

- No. - right after Jay...

- takes over the show. - No. Johnny, you don't understand.

Dave wants the Tonight Show.

Period.

Well, I'm afraid that just isn't possible.

Why isn't that possible?

Morty.

You already have a deal with Leno?

You do, don't you?

Let's just say a decision has been made.

- "A decision has been made?" - It's over, Alright.

So, if you want to help us out, Morty...

you tell me how NBC can make Dave enthused about the 12:30 show.

Morty.

He'll be back.

- Hold my calls, Pam? - Okay, Mr. Morton.

Morty.

Not bad?

- No. - No, I sucked.

- No, you didn't suck, Dave. - Fine, but suck.

No. There's something there, I've known those guys...

- Dave. - I've know them for...

Warren Littlefield has never seen my like that.

- David... - See little red beard in there?

they thought I was George Peppard or something.

- It didn't work... - We don't know...

Yes, we do know, they just told me...

in their own charming fucking and immatable way.

They're going with Jay.

As far as NBC's concerned, you're twelve-thirty.

- And that's it? - Yeah.

That's it.

Fuck.

David, I know you're depressed, but you have to keep fighting.

Fighting for what?

I'm fucked. I'm finished, my time is up.

It's the end of the road for TV boy.

David, don't get into that.

Do you want the Tonight Show?

Why don't you ask me if I want to play center field for the Yankees?

Of course I want the Tonight Show, it's my...

since I was 10 years old...

it's my only dream in my whole life.

Alright, what are you going to do about it?

You can't just want it, you have to do something.

I have done a television program on their network...

for the last 10 years.

What do you want me to do about it?

I put a penalty clause in my contract...

if they don't give me the Tonight Show.

How much?

A million dollars.

David, that's tip money to those guys.

Alright. I'm a pin-head, Pete. I didn't know what I was doing...

come on. Now, what'll I do? I just want that show.

I mean, I'm only really happy that one hour a day...

when I'm doing my show.

Dave, you will have a show. You're a television star.

People will want to hire you.

Yeah, who, CBS? CBS just fired Pat Sajak.

Their gums are still bleeding...

they don't want to hear the words late night ever again.

ABC?

ABC's got Ted Koppel on at 11:30.

He's the gold standard.

I'm nickel plating.

So, what does that leave? Syndication?

What a feeling. Can you imagine being sold by a syndicator.

"We got Letterman or STUDS."

"You can either have STUDS or Letterman."

I'm fucked, Pete.

Listen, David.

Don't accept what NBC is doing to you.

You simply can't.

You must not follow Jay Leno...

because you'll hate yourself for the rest of your life.

It'll make you crazy.

But I've already lost the job to him.

What else am I going to do?

How about getting an agent?

Now, don't reject the idea out of hand...

I know how you feel about agents.

But we need somebody with some power in the business.

Yeah, I know. But Jesus, an agent?

I mean, an agent's what you pull off the bottom of your shoe...

after a baseball game.

They're just going to book me in Tahoe...

with Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Listen, David, I have an idea.

David. Peter.

Mike Ovitz.

Please come in, it's wonderful to have you here.

- Thank you. - Please.

David, I don't know if you remember this...

but years ago, when you were with William Morris...

and I was still an agent there...

we actually met very briefly.

Geez, I can't believe you remembered that.

What I remember is...

you were the funniest guy in the room.

In fact, I don't think we got much accomplished that day.

Michael, maybe we should tell you a little about David's circumstances.

Peter, I know Dave's circumstances.

And so I know why you're here.

Dave is a star of such compelling stature that frankly...

it makes me personally angry, he finds himself this abused.

We pride ourselves here at CAA...

in developing a career plan for our clients...

that protects them as much as it enriches them.

David has set such an incredibly high professional standard...

and yet he is going disturbingly unrewarded.

That just doesn't make sense.

It's simply bad business practice.

Obviously, we have an intense interest...

in establishing a business relationship with you, Dave.

And with you, Peter.

Frankly, we have worked out a career plan for David...

and it includes securing everything for Dave that he wants.

Everything.

Of course, that means an 11.30 television show.

Dave will be offered an 11.30 show...

and he will be offered it by every network.

The geometry of the deal will be far larger.

The studios will be in, the syndicators...

the full range of the entertainment industry.

We shall frame a deal that will make you one of the giants.

And if you give us the privilege...

of working with you...

CAA will take care of everything your talents deserve...

and your spirit desires.

Water?

- Oh, my God. - Jesus.

Jesus, that was like having a meeting with the...

- With the Godfather. - The Godfather. Oh, my God.

- Hello? - "Hi, Warren."

Good morning.

Theresa told me I'd find you in the car.

Good morning, Helen, how are things?

Well, I've had it with the Carson people...

trying to get anything out of them.

They wouldn't put Jay on the show, they wouldn't pass the Baton.

Pass the what, Helen?

Pass the Baton, I had this great idea.

I thought Johnny should say good-bye Friday...

leave his desk, take his hand-held mic...

"walk over to our studio, and hand it over to Jay..."

right on the air, Pass the Baton.

And you suggested this? To whom?

Peter Lassally, it was like I peed on his shoe.

Well, you know, I think they might want to finish up...

on their own terms, Helen.

You'll have plenty of time for your own ideas.

"We sure will, starting Monday."

Now, I want to talk about the ad again.

Now, you know, we've been over this, Helen.

And we can't buy an ad for Jay in Friday's paper...

because we've already bought a full page ad there...

to say goodbye to Johnny.

Why can't NBC buy a full page ad to welcome Jay to face Johnny's ad?

Because, as I told you before...

the paper's doing it's own full page of stories...

saluting Johnny on the page opposite the ad.

And we're not going to crowd that with a "Welcome Jay" ad.

That's it, end of story, Helen.

No, it's not end of story, Warren.

I'm telling you now that ad's going in Friday.

If NBC won't buy the fucking thing...

I'll pay for it myself, but that ad is going in.

No, it isn't going in. And it's not going to be your money.

And you're not doing it because I will not allow it.

We've thought about it, we've listened...

and we've made a decision, and that decision is final.

Boy, I knew I could expect shit like this...

from a dickless wonder like you.

Well, fuck you, Helen.

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

- "When you were Brandon's ass..." - We're not going to do this.

- "licking water boy..." - I will not allow it.

- you opposed Jay's contract. - You're out of your fucking mind.

- I've done everything in my power... - But, I got the fucking show anyway.

to see that this man is embraced

- By this network. - it's your natural talent, Warren.

Fucking up.

Enough, it's over, done.

"So, this is it?"

"I am one of the lucky people in the world..."

"because I got to do something I've always wanted to do..."

"and I've enjoyed every minute of it."

"And I can only tell you, it's been an honor..."

"to come into your homes and let me entertain you."

"And I hope when I do find something that I want to do..."

"you will still invite me into your home..."

"as you always have."

"I bid you a very heartfelt goodbye."

Is this where you want me to stand? I mean, I always stand right here.

Where the fuck is Billy Crystal?

And why hasn't he arrived yet?

Stand up straight, for Christ's sake. You're the host of the Tonight Show.

So Jay, how's it going?

Hey, you know me.

Yeah, Mr. Stress.

You look like you're ready to take a nap.

Maybe I will. I just want to get it over with.

You know what I want to talk to you about?

I think we should lose the second Perot Joke.

Listen, Jay. Don't you think it might be appropriate...

to say something nice about Johnny early in the show, you know?

That wasn't my decision.

- But still. I mean... - Bob Wright?

Him, I guess I have to talk to.

- "Go ahead." - Hi, Bob.

So nice of you to check in today.

Thanks, Helen.

I just called to wish Jay well tonight.

I'm sure he's going to have a great show.

Thanks, I'm doing everything I can to make sure that happens.

"I'm sure you are."

Listen.

Helen.

I did have one other thought.

What's Jay going to do to thank Johnny?

We're not going to do anything.

- I'd like to hear why. - "You want to know why?"

Okay. The new show's going to be entirely different from the old show.

We don't want to look like we're beholden...

to Johnny's old audience.

Get that out of here.

Every comic knows you only salute the last guy...

to get more applause for yourself.

I mean, that's kiss-up stuff. Jay doesn't do kiss-up.

"I think it's a terrible mistake, Helen."

It boils down to simple politeness.

I would really like for you to go down there...

and tell Jay to say something like, "I wouldn't be here, but for John."

No, I'm not going to go to Jay one hour before a live broadcast...

and tell him to insert some tribute to Johnny Carson.

"Absolutely not."

But I appreciate your good wishes and I'll tell Jay you called.

"From the NBC studios in Burbank, The Tonight Show, with Jay Leno."

"Featuring Branford Marsalis and the Tonight Show band."

Tonight, Jay welcomes comedian Billy Crystal.

And musical guest, Garth Brooks.

"And now Jay Leno."

You're going to love this.

I got official notice from CAA.

"All future business activity for David Letterman...

will be handled through...

- Michael Ovitz's office." - What, he hired Ovitz?

What's he trying to get sprung?

He'd have to hire God for that.

Well, let's think about this.

Dave didn't hire Mike Ovitz to get a five-year-deal out of us...

to stay at 12:30, that's not a big enough move for him.

This only works, if he gets 11:30 for Dave.

You're not listening, Warren.

Dave can bring Machiavelli back from the dead...

it still does not do him any good.

I made this deal.

We've got full protection, what is he going to do?

Ovitz?

Put him on television in Venezuela?

Come on.

This Letterman contract has clauses in it a prisoner wouldn't have.

How the hell do we get him out of it?

Well, give me all the bad news.

Whatever deal we make they have the right to match...

and they can take a full year to match...

which means they could keep him off the air if they want.

That sounds like something you'd have in a deal...

for a sports announcer from some local radio station.

Gets worse, NBC has first negotiating position.

We can't even talk a deal with anybody but them...

for 18 months. No offers, nothing.

Okay, so we don't negotiate.

We can still talk to people, right?

Sure, we can talk, what then?

Then we set up pitches.

We can't pitch Letterman around, Mike, NBC would challenge it.

No, we don't pitch David Letterman to anybody.

They pitch themselves to us, we reverse the process.

And it's legal too?

Yes.

We can't stop somebody from talking to us.

Pardon me.

Rod.

Howard, I beg your pardon. Yes.

- I made the plane in 14 seconds. - I'm glad you made it.

We need you here. All the heavyweights are coming in.

I heard Eisner's going to pitch Disney himself.

Really?

I wish they'd made it clearer earlier that this was a true pitch.

Morton called me yesterday and told me they'd see me here.

That's the first time I knew I had to come.

All I had in the Hamptons was this old suit.

And then I get on the plane, I realize...

I have no bloody cuff links.

Paper clips.

I'm just afraid Letterman will see them...

and conclude Larry Tisch is an even bigger tightwad than GE...

which isn't far wrong.

- Hey, Rod. - Hi.

- Hi, good to see you. - How are you?

- Nice to have you. - No. We appreciate it.

Hi, Howard. Thank you so much...

- for coming on short notice. - Hi, Rod.

Gentlemen, I'm sorry, we're under a bit of a time constraint...

so I just wanted to say we're here...

because we want to get acquainted with how you do business...

and to see how Dave might fit in with your plans.

I would like to reiterate this is not a negotiation.

It is, for want of a better word, a process.

Howard, would you like to speak first...

- for CBS? - Of course, Mike. Terrific.

David, I know that you have an appreciation for the history...

and tradition of broadcasting.

Much of that tradition has been written by CBS.

Even in england we knew Jack Benny...

and Lucy, and Gleason.

Now, does David Letterman fit that tradition?

Like a glove.

The point is the CBS of the present can give you what you want, David.

Affiliate strength.

Strong management, excellent promotion...

and yes, we have space available at 11.30 every weeknight.

And we're a network.

We're what you want, Dave.

We're a home.

- Michael. - Thank you so much for coming.

- It's good to see you. - Murdoch.

You have a young audience.

We're the young network.

We're also the only ones...

capable of offering you a start time of 11.00 pm.

That would give you the jump on Mr. Leno.

Nice.

Hi, Robert, good to see you.

Thank you so much for coming. We appriciate.

ABC has always been the network with young viewers.

We know how to reach that audience and deliver it to you.

I'm not going to say here today...

what we're going to do about nightline, but...

Hi, Alan, thank you for coming, I appreciate it.

We'll build the entire syndication operation at Columbia...

around David Letterman and late night.

We expect we could launch nationally with a lineup of stations...

as strong as any networks.

That sounds great, Bob... Alan.

Whatever.

- Hi, Brandon, thank you for coming. - Michael, how are you?

- We appreciate it. - Thank you, Morty.

At Paramount, we've proved with Arsenio...

we already know how to make late night work in syndication.

I think it's a perfect match.

Arsenio followed by Letterman.

"I'd follow the example of their nominee..."

"don't inhale."

Listen to this old fool. On and on and on.

It's getting close to 11.00.

The local news will start late.

Get Warren on the phone.

Great. We reschedule our fucking lives...

to do a live show. So, Jay can follow up...

their ghastly convention coverage with some new jokes.

Then they won't let us on the goddamn air.

Motherfuckers in news fucking us again.

Warren, they're letting this go on.

He's not going to finish by 11.00.

I swear to you, I'm sending my audience home...

if you don't get this over on time.

No, I'm not losing it.

You said you had this under control.

Look. A pause, right there. They could've cut him off.

Get me Gartner in Houston, God damn it.

It's 11 pm. in the east right now.

Mr. Gartner, phone for you.

Helen Kushnick on the line.

Yeah, Gartner here.

You promised me you'd be off by 11 pm, you shit-head.

I'm going live tonight, so, we can get some pay-off...

from your horse shit convention coverage.

I'm accommodating you by giving Brokaw air time with Jay.

You get this gas bag Reagan off the air now...

or I'm not using Brokaw tonight.

I don't give a shit if you use Brokaw tonight or any other night, lady.

And let's get something straight.

I'm the president of NBC news.

You don't have anything to do with what I do.

I'm taking you off the air this time, you pompous ass.

There's only one person who can take me off the air.

Bob Wright. I'll give you his number, call him.

I don't need to call Bob-fucking-Wright.

I'll send my audience home and then you can call him...

and explain why the Tonight Show wasn't on the fucking air...

because the news asshole...

couldn't get a horse shit speech off on time.

Send them home. Get them the fuck out of here.

Helen, is this a good idea? I mean, can we do this?

Who the fuck made you the executive producer?

You do the fucking jokes.

I run the fucking show. I've made the decision.

They fucked us. So, now they don't get a show.

Get these fucking people out of here now.

There is no show for them to see.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have...

what you might call technical difficulties right now.

It's a heck of a thing.

Have you been watching the convention coverage?

- I could've been a doctor. - Yeah, that's not too late, Rick.

Rick.

We're running a little late, but I think we're going to be alright.

The show should start...

- I think around 11.45... - That's great, Warren, but I...

Do me a favor, will you hold that thought...

- for a few second. - Well, I was about to call...

What...

What the hell?

That ship has sailed, there's nobody here.

Jesus Christ.

What, she sent the audience home?

We don't have a Tonight Show?

You know, I've already sold this thing to advertisers.

Christ.

She killed a scheduled show.

My level of tolerance with Helen Kushnick is completely used up.

So is ours.

That woman canceled the Tonight Show with no authorization whatsoever.

We had less than half an hour to get that repeat on...

or we would have gone dark.

She is completely out of control.

That's become apparent to everybody now, Bob.

The problem is what do we do about it.

If we make a move on Helen now, Jay could be injured...

I don't know, maybe irreparably...

the guy seems to be totally dependent on her.

That's his problem, not ours.

It's ours if Jay walks off the show.

And the ratings have been solid.

I hate to tamper with the show. Maybe...

Maybe we should just limp along for the a while.

And wait for her to self-destruct.

She will, soon... The way she's going.

Then it won't be an issue with Jay and we won't have to pay her off.

I think it's more apparent than ever before...

that we should keep our options open with Letterman.

If you two want to limp along with this situation for now...

that's your call.

But at some point and it's getting to be soon.

It's going to be my call.

I'd just like to say thank you, to all of you...

for this wonderful tribute.

It has been one of the most memorable nights of my life.

Thank you.

Thank you Rupert and thank you everyone for your generosity.

- It has been greatly appreciated. - Excuse me. Goodnight.

Michael, how are you? Good to see you.

- Michael. - How are you, sir?

Good to see you.

Maybe it's time for us to talk, Bob.

You heard about Kushnick?

I'm not going to get in the middle of whatever it is you need to do...

about Kushnick. But...

if you think it's time to get serious about doing something with Dave...

I have a few suggestions.

I'd like to hear them.

Well, I think it's important...

Hey, how are you? Good to see you. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

I think it's important for NBC if you're really serious...

about keeping Dave to start creating some goodwill.

There's enough animosity in this relationship...

to start a small war.

In my mind it's all been stupid and unwarranted.

Thank you.

I'm all for goodwill.

What do you have in mind?

We're prevented from pursuing offers for David...

because we are required by NBC to negotiate with them first.

But that clause only serves to insure...

that David is not going to listen...

to any initial offers that you might make...

generous as they may be...

because naturally he is going to want to test the waters elsewhere.

So we can all play this game...

or we could just loosen up the chains a little bit.

How?

You can allow us to solicit other offers openly.

After all, you still retain the matching rights.

Seems like we're conceding an awful lot...

for the sake of good will.

Maybe you could offer something in return?

Our sales department has told me...

that we've sold the Letterman Show to the end of June.

But, as you know, David's contract is up April 2nd.

So, if we don't resign him, we'll have to return that money.

Unless...

Unless we give you a three month extension.

Okay. Alright. So, that's the deal.

We give you three months and you free us up to negotiate.

Do you think David would see that as a gesture of good will?

I believe I can assure you that he would.

- Good. - Hello, Howard.

Mike.

Listen, we're ready to talk seriously now.

"Robert Morton on three."

Morty, how are things in New York?

"New York is great. It's great to talk to you, too."

I'm sure you're quite busy with the show.

Yeah, I'm damn busy. So, what's up?

You've probably been too busy to realize...

that you've double booked one of our guests.

Apparently you've got Roger Daltry the same week we've got him.

"Now, I'm sure this is just an oversight by your staff."

"But, I thought I should call..."

and just let you know the way we work things.

We've sort of always had this gentleman's agreement with Johnny...

Hey, Morty, haven't you noticed, I'm no gentlemen.

Well, Helen, it's just that the record company is telling us...

you're trying to force Daltry into cancelling his appearance with us.

I mean, he's our guest, Helen.

He is? Well, let me help you out here, Morty.

You have no power with NBC to back you up with guests.

You really think NBC is going to back your show over mine?

"Your guy was the loser, remember?"

That's a cheap shot, Helen.

Well, you can expect more where that came from.

You have no fucking clue what's going on at the network...

you're helpless.

You really ought have me do your next contract for you...

you're making bupkis next to me.

You know, I thought we were friends. I really did.

But, you know, let me tell you something...

I will fight you on Daltrey

and I'll fight you on every guest you try to steal.

Good luck, Mighty Mouse.

"It's Kushnick on one."

- Helen. - Kenny, I'll get right to the point.

We see Travis's billboards all over town...

we want to to book him.

Gee, that's great, Helen, that's really nice.

- When do... - We want him this week.

When he's here for the concert.

Gee, I'm sorry, he's on Arsenio. Wednesday.

Yeah, I know. My bookers told me. So, cancel it.

I mean, Arsenio's over with, he's in the toilet.

He advertisers are deserting him.

By the end of the year there won't even be an Arsenio.

Well, he's on the air now and we're committed there.

I guess you're not hearing me. Let me spell it out for you...

If you want Travis on this show ever again...

you better break that date with Arsenio.

Helen, I think you need to know something about me.

I don't respond well to threats.

"Look. Maybe I could offer you something else."

"We've got a movie of the week coming up we need to promote..."

with Kenny Rogers, Travis, and Naomi Judd.

What if I could get them all for the same show...

Excuse me, this ain't Merv Griffin.

We don't do fucking theme shows, you dumb shit-kicking hick.

Let me break the news to you.

Not only is Travis Tritt not going to do the Tonight Show ever again...

but you and I are going to be in this town for a long time.

We're going to see each other...

and we're never going to to talk again.

It's your fucking loss, and the record companies.

Ken, the booking office from Leno just called.

Trisha Yearwood's appearance has been canceled.

Trisha Yearwood has been booked with Leno for months.

I mean, how can Helen get away with this crap?

Well, I'm not going to take it.

Get me Robert Hilburn at the L.A. Times. Damn.

Brace yourself, Warren.

Ken Kragen has gone public about Helen.

Holy hell is breaking loose.

This is it.

Even Jay can see she's totally out of control.

Independent verification.

Helen has one option.

She accepts this redefinition of duties...

or she's off the show.

Can't book guests.

I don't do that already, we have bookers for that.

Can't cancel guests.

I've never canceled a guest...

no matter what the fucking L.A. Times says.

"Cannot talk to the media", well, that's a relief.

Who needs that? This is no redefinition of my duties.

It's what I've been doing all along.

Then if you sign this...

we'll hold your feet to the flame on every issue.

You know, when they put John Sununu out of the White House...

everything fell apart.

You guys want me to prove I can be a good little girl.

Would any of this be pulled with a male executive producer?

Bullshit.

Well, okay, I can be a good little girl.

Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?

Try to control yourself, Helen.

Stop fucking with me, Warren.

I know what you're up to.

You've made a mess of prime time.

You know you can't measure up to the job Brandon did.

So this is all you can do to try to save your own ass...

is to come after me.

Hey, Warren, did you know they're talking to Don Ohlmeyer...

for your job? And Kerry McCluggage?

So go fuck yourself, Warren.

I mean, you've had a lot of practice at that, right?

Helen.

She'll never make it as a diplomat.

If you love her, get her out of here. She needs help, Jay.

We all need help, Warren. We all.

I mean, the numbers are still good, isn't that what's important?

It doesn't matter.

You're approaching disaster.

Helen has pushed too far.

The whole town is rising up against her.

It's not as easy as you think.

Helen made all this happen for me.

Everything. You know, what I was doing before I met Helen?

I was working in strip clubs.

I wasn't going to be on any television show.

An agent once told me that I had a face...

that would scare small children.

Look at me. I'm the host of the Tonight Show.

Helen Kushnick got it for me.

And she could lose it for you, too.

Great.

She has been with me seven...

seventeen years, you know, is an awful long...

Her son died of AIDS, you know.

The hospital gave him a bad transfusion. A 3 year old baby.

That was a terrible tragedy, Jay...

- Nobody said that you... - Her husband got colon cancer...

he died a year after that.

- She had a mastectomy... - I'm not minimalizing...

- what Helen's been through. - Jerry Kushnick on his deathbed...

- he asked me to take care of her. - I recognize...

you have intense feelings about this.

You have every reason to feel loyalty to Helen.

But we're past that.

Now, I was a psychology major in college...

and what John and I are doing with you now...

we would have to call an Intervention.

What you see as loyalty to a woman who has suffered deeply...

we see as a form of addition.

Now she cannot continue to produce a television show in this condition.

Helen is either going to take you down...

or you are going to separate from her.

But she is not going to take me down.

She is fired.

If we have to, we'll bar her from the lot.

What if I were to walk out with her?

If you can't separate from Helen, that's a big mistake.

I regret it, but we have choices to make.

And the choice I have to make is to tell David Letterman...

that it's time to take over the Tonight Show.

I suspect Peter Lassally and David...

could be in Burbank on 24 hours notice.

You guys would do that to me?

I will absolutely do that, that's how strongly we feel.

I need a commitment from you, Jay.

Will you be at work tomorrow?

Is what you're saying is that if I don't come to work...

I'm going to be fired.

I'm not saying that exactly.

But is that what you mean. You mean that...

I'm going to be fired if I don't show up for work?

Jay, are you looking for some legal justification...

for breaking with Helen?

It's a simple question, just tell me.

If I don't come to work tomorrow are you going to fire me?

Yes, I guess we're saying that.

You guys can let yourselves out.

Agoglia handed this to me when I came in.

They're firing me.

I told him you'd never stand for this.

What do you want me to do about it, Helen?

Issue a statement backing me.

Then we just go on with the show.

Just like that? Aren't you still fired?

Not, if you don't accept it.

They'll never let you go.

All you have to do is threaten to quit.

They'll cave, they've got no balls.

You know what they told me?

They told me they were going to fire me and bring in David.

- That's what they told me. - Bullshit.

- No, it's not bullshit. - No. These guys hate Letterman.

All we got to do is stay strong, honey.

Everything is all out of control now.

- It's all... - Hold it.

- What? - Don't you give me this shit, too.

Not you.

Who the hell do you think pulled you out of those shit hole clubs?

Who got you on television, on Letterman?

- I remember. - You, who wasn't blonde...

who wasn't from the midwest.

15 years ago, this town, the Carson people.

They wouldn't let you play on their field.

So I had to move the game.

"Sorry, assholes, the game's over here now."

I moved the game.

Who the hell do you think forced Carson out...

so, you could get the best fucking job in comedy?

Forced Carson out. Johnny quit.

Sure he quit because he couldn't take the heat anymore.

I got the affiliates on your side.

I got the network to kiss your Italian ass.

I got page one of the fucking New York Post...

to bury that fossil Carson, all for you.

Wait a second. What do you mean you got page one of the post?

You told me we didn't have anything to do with that story.

For Christ's sake, grow up.

You lied to me?

What? We've always played the same game.

You never want to know what I'm doing for you...

so, you can be Mr. Nice Guy.

"Booking war, what do I know? Helen handles that, I do the jokes."

You just want me to keep serving you the steaks...

you never want to know how I'm slaughtering the cow.

I can't believe you lied to me.

We needed the story, it helped us.

I did it for you.

I called Johnny.

And I told him it didn't come from us.

Because you told me that it didn't come from us.

I can't believe you had me lie to Johnny Carson.

Big fucking deal. So, go to fucking confession.

I got a show to do, Helen.

God damn it.

- What are you doing? - Jay, honey...

let's get this ironed out.

We can work something out with NBC.

No, Helen, they want you out. So do I.

What about taking care of me and my kid?

You sat there on Jerry's deathbed...

you said, "I'll take care of your wife and daughter."

- I heard you say that. - I did say that...

and I meant it then.

But now, Helen, you almost cost me this job.

You don't need this job, I've been on the phone.

I guarantee us a job, 25 million.

We can walk out of here.

Goodbye, Helen.

Don't you leave me, you two faced bastard.

What do you want to do?

You want to break this? You want to break this!

It's broken.

- "Warren Littlefield's office." - Yeah, it's Jay, is he in?

"Sure."

- Jay. - Yeah, Warren.

- Help me through this. - Absolutely.

You got to help me, I'm moving forward with you.

- I'm doing the show. - Great.

She's no longer the Executive Producer.

I'm no longer in business with Helen Kushnick.

I had a wonderful time. We'll have great show tomorrow night.

So, goodbye.

That was great. Can you guys come in here please?

Hey everybody, come on in here.

I just have a few things I want to say to everybody.

It'll just take a few minutes, okay? Come on.

Come on, great show tonight. Very special, thought I'd say that.

So, I wanted to take a few minutes to apologize for all the craziness...

that's been going on around here, the past few months.

You know, I listened to Helen and it was a mistake...

and I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry for it.

So please stay with me.

I'm going to try and make it up to each and every one of you...

and let's just keep doing the best shows that we can do.

Alright? So, to you, I thank you very much.

Thank you so much.

- Way to go, Jay. - Great, Jay.

- You're doing the best job, man. - We're behind you.

Alright. Rest of you, could...

What a place.

Oh, my God, there's more fruit in here.

Is it scurvy, Mike? Can you see it on my skin?

Pete, have a seat and take that silly rug off, will you?

Now, Morty, for God's sakes...

straighten your tie, this isn't a tractor pull.

Alright, here we go. Let's get this thing started.

Now, these are summaries of all the offers David has on the table.

They're all in the same range...

12 to 14 million a year, depending on how well you do.

We also have a couple of those oversized syndication offers...

like the 50 million from Viacom...

Listen. Syndication gives me the willies, I'm not to...

He wants a network.

Now, ABC passed...

because we wouldn't accept midnight after Nightline.

Fox is...

Well, Fox is Fox.

They're about three quarters of a network at best.

So, that leaves us with CBS.

Suddenly our options are narrowed.

Listen. The good news, David, is that CBS really has stepped up.

They're offering you 12,5...

but that will escalate as your demographics improve.

Yeah, Mike. But what did they say about the clearance issue?

I mean, look, NBC has been putting the Tonight Show, on what...

- 99 percent of their affiliates. - We're only get about 65 percent...

- of the affiliates in year one. - I...

Howard Stringer promises they'll get it up to 90 percent...

by the end of year three, at the very, very latest.

Now, in spite of these limitations, Dave...

I think that Stringer is an extremely competent executive.

And if you go to CBS...

there is no doubt you will become their number one signature star.

I can't put a price tag on that.

There is one problem that we now have to deal with.

And that is that NBC...

still has the right to match this offer within 30 days.

So, NBC matches the offer...

I'm stuck at NBC at 12.30 for the rest of my life.

Not necessarily.

We've come up with something extra.

The CBS deal has a penalty clause.

CBS agrees to give you a show...

that airs before midnight eastern time...

or they owe you 50 million.

50 million.

That's no penalty, that's capital punishment.

Well, it's not even going to faze CBS...

because they're giving you 11.30 anyway.

But it's going to make NBC choke.

Cool.

It's CAA's formal recommendation...

that you accept the CBS offer, and so inform NBC.

Congratulations, Dave.

- Taxi. - Where are you going?

I got a date downtown.

- Really, another one, who's left? - Plenty.

David.

You know, there's still one promise that Ovitz hasn't kept.

Yeah, well, maybe NBC is happy with what they got.

If NBC were to offer you the Tonight Show...

would you still accept it?

Peter, we've had this conversation, of course I would.

You know, I want that show.

I just wanted to hear you say it again.

Alright. Let's go.

Where are you going?

Pete?

David.

- Bob Wright is here to see you. - Here?

- Hello, David. - Hey Bob, how are you?

It's good to see you, thanks for coming.

Pete, why don't you come on.

I'm sorry, I have things to do down the hall.

- Thanks, Peter. - You bet, Bob.

Hey, Bob, thanks for coming on down.

- Thank you for having me. - Make yourself at home.

You like that?

- You want one, there you go. - Thank you.

You own it.

David...

I really don't want you to leave your family here, at NBC.

I'm here because I want desperately to prevent that.

I want to offer anything I can.

Is there anything I can offer to get you to stay?

Those are warm sentiments, Bob.

Thank you.

Well, of course you know I would stay...

but you've already filled your 11.30 slot.

I can offer almost anything else.

- Prime time, specials... - I know, Bob...

Listen, I know. It's just, prime time and that...

I'm a creature of late night.

I always have been and that's who my audience is.

The guys on the west coast say...

that you may have trouble adjusting to 11.30.

Alright, listen, I...

Those guys are entitled to their opinion...

but I'm telling you, I think that they're wrong.

And I think that I am ready. I've given a lot of thought...

to what it will take to shift to an 11.30 position.

I know it's a different audience.

And if that means booking different types of guests...

or country music mixed in with the rock or whatever it takes.

And I can also temper my own act.

Bob, I'm a professional, I know how to do that.

I have no doubt that you can.

And I see that you have given this a lot of thought.

- Well, I have. - Good.

But all the same...

I just have to tell you that it's time.

I mean, I got to move up.

And if I don't do it now...

I'm not ever going to do it.

It's time to move.

- See you in the car. - Okay, Bob.

- John... - Betty.

Have you heard anything new from Ovitz?

Nothing new, nothing old.

Lots of nothing.

- Great. - Hi, Bob.

Warren.

So, what's Wright saying?

He says he's waiting to hear from Ovitz.

He's leaning towards Letterman.

Well, I know. I told Jay the west coast is behind him...

but I can't speak for New York.

You're worried about Boca?

Once again, Jay and Dave are in competition with one another.

You know now...

New York likes Dave so much they don't want to let him go.

Jimmy, I like Dave. He's my friend.

I love this show. I'm not asking them to not like Dave.

Why does it have to be either or?

These network guys, they can't make up their mind.

They think they can just flip a coin...

Dave or Jay, Jay or Dave, it doesn't matter to them.

Do you think that's what the meeting's about?

Choosing between you and Dave?

I don't care what the meeting's about.

I've given them everything they've asked for.

I've given them the demo's, I've given them the numbers...

If I'm the one going down, I'm going down swinging.

Hey, where's Rick Ludwin?

He left to be in on that conference call from Boca.

Guess what that's going to be about?

Hey, everyone...

I'm going to cut the post-mortem a little short tonight.

I got some things to do, but it was a great show, really.

Thanks for coming.

- Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow. - Alright.

- Thanks, Allan, Scott, Rick, Debbie. - Bye. See you later.

- Thank you, alright... - Good show.

- I'll see you at the house later. - Yeah.

Alright? Okay, thanks.

Are you reading us okay? can you hear us?

Yeah, I hear you all fine.

- Hey, Rick... - "Well, we're all here."

"You settled in?"

"Have you order the pizza yet?"

"Thanks for joining us, Rick."

"I know it's late."

"We're all tired, but..."

"we're here to discuss and hear out everybody's opinion..."

"on what we should do about late night."

I think this should have been settled long before now.

Jay has the job, he's doing great he has a great attitude.

"Wait a minute."

I mean, I thought we were here to talk this thing out.

Not to do self-serving commercials.

If you want the executive producer job that bad, Rick...

kiss Jay's ass in private, okay?

- I didn't mean to... - We all see the job Jay is doing.

- I don't think I represented myself. - "His selection of musical acts..."

unoriginal comedy past the monologue.

And his piss-poor interviewing.

Which, by the way, looks like it will never get any better.

Let's talk about what we think it would really cost us...

to match CBS's offer for Letterman.

And on the other hand and if Leno quits to go to CBS...

"are we out from under the 10 million that we owe him if we fired him?"

"Warren, I've got some serious concerns here..."

and I don't think you can just throw off Jay...

- with a couple of... - Jack...

it's very good of you to come so late.

- Hi, Jack. - No, please sit.

And keep talking, everybody.

I'm just here to listen.

Sorry it's so warm, the air conditioning went out.

Warren, why don't you continue.

Alright. My fear is that Letterman won't cooperate.

It's not in his personality, he'll stiff us.

I mean, remember. This is the guy...

who kicks NBC executives out of his anniversary parties.

- That's old story. That's so petty. - Excuse me for a minute.

There's still a serious question that his act can play an hour earlier.

- A lot of us think it won't... - And don't forget...

With Leno, we own the show again.

Letterman wants to own his show.

Then he has all the ancillary profits.

May I say something here?

Jack, please, of course.

I'm not a regular late night viewer.

So, I would never presume to make a call about who's the best comedian.

All I want to say is this...

as always I'm for whatever is the best business deal.

That's for you, Bob, and your people to determine.

However, if the decision comes down to a tie on all angles...

I'd cast my vote for loyalty.

Okay, Jack.

- Well, goodnight. - Goodnight Jack.

Thanks very much for dropping by.

I think that about wraps it up folks, we'll meet again tomorrow.

"What I'm worried about is what we will look like..."

"if we throw out the loyal dog..."

"or be cast as opportunistic wienerschnitz."

"It will be Polly Norville all over again."

Betty, how the hell does this Polly Norville...

Hey, Warren, it's Jay. How you doing?

Hey, I know, you're probably all tired...

from sitting through those boring GE Meetings all morning.

I bet I caught you just as you were about to sit down on the toilet.

"That was quite a meeting you had last night. You know that."

I hope GE Protects it's nuclear secrets better...

than they protect their late night secrets.

I thought it was too bad...

to hear that Dick Ebersol was no Jay Leno fan.

Although it was good to know that...

Jack Welch was is in favor of loyalty.

As long as it came down to a tie on all angles.

Holy shit, Jay. How the hell do you get your information?

Well, I may look stupid, but, you know, I'm Italian.

I know how to find information.

Listen, Jay, don't tell anybody about this.

Warren, you don't have to worry, your secrets are safe with me.

I won't break the GE Code.

Listen, just...

Have a wonderful time in beautiful sunny Florida.

Come on. Betty?

We have a security leak of enormous proportions.

"Paul Schaffer, ladies and gentlemen."

Well, that sucked.

Let's see how bad we can write tomorrows.

John, you have some top ten... What?

The top ten reasons why Sinead O'Connor hates the Pope.

- That's good. Let's do it. - No, no can do.

- Why not? - We got a memo from NBC.

Standards of Practices is rip shit over her tearing the Pope...

in half on Saturday Night Live.

- I don't care. Write the jokes. - No Sinead O'Conner hokes, Dave.

And now NBC's telling us what jokes we can and can't do, what's next?

- Are they going to serve... - They're taking hard line.

tasty hot meal on my desk?

Apparently.

Fuck.

Alright, the top ten jokes that NBC won't let us do.

Peter liked it, Peter liked that joke.

Laurie, you like that joke?

Yeah.

Mike Ovitz is on line one.

Alright, fellas, let's go. I got to take this call.

Go on, it's adult swim, get out of here.

Don't come back until it's funny.

You guys want to hear this?

Yeah.

- Alright, you ready? - Yeah.

Hi, you, Mike, how are you?

Dave, one hour ago, Bob Wright conveyed to us an offer for you...

- "to host the Tonight Show." - Holy shit.

"Now, don't jump to any conclusions."

Let me lay all this out.

"The deal is three years with an option."

The salary range is 7 to 12 million.

Now, here's the wrinkle...

"the deal does not commence until may of 1994."

"18 months from now."

What's all that about?

It's rather transparently NBC's attempt...

to keep both you and Leno, at least for awhile.

The May date, as I understand, it coincides...

with the end of Leno's contract as the host of the Tonight Show.

But I get the show?

- Yes. - I just don't get it now?

- No. - I get it a year from May?

Yes.

And they don't force Jay out, right?

No, unless he quits, which I assume he might.

"Maybe that's what they want him to do."

They going to fire...

- Jay's going to quit? - Not a chance. He won't.

Jesus, can you believe this? They're going to...

Let me point out a few more thing...

CBS is offering more salary.

"CBS is offering ownership."

CBS is also offering for the show to start in the fall.

NBC the following spring, maybe.

What's that, what's maybe?

I mean that the deal is obviously very smoky in many details.

- But I get the show, right? - No, not necessarily, David.

The waiting period gives Jay 18 months to make the show a hit.

And if he does, you can bet...

NBC will find a way to weasel out of the deal.

Honestly, CAA sees no reason to change it's recommendation.

"Mike, listen."

You don't understand...

it's every driver's dream to drive a Ferrari.

And now you're asking me to give that up.

Well, I can probably buy some time.

The NBC deadline is Monday.

I could get Agoglia in here on Saturday and Sunday...

and have him start drawing up papers.

Yes, get Agoglia in there.

I'm not going to be the only guy who's weekend is ruined by this.

And have Agoglia drag his tired ass over to CAA...

while I'm up in Connecticut in hell...

trying to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my life.

Dave?

- Dave. - What?

Hello, David.

Hi, you, Pete. Welcome to my weekend in hell.

- No movement since Friday? - No.

And Agoglia is not putting anything in writing.

Yeah, Ovitz says NBC can't take the risk that it would leak.

And Jay would figure out they've offered his job to me.

Can you imagine if the press heard about this?

- Do you think Jay knows? - No, how can he?

But, David, it's worth thinking about what it will mean to Jay...

if you take this.

It means you'll be denounced in the press...

for shoving an old friend under a train.

Geez...

I mean, that's horrible.

I can't worry about that.

Have you talked to anybody else?

Yeah, I've talked to everybody. I've talked to Hal, Morty, Rob, Jude.

And what did they say?

They all said the same thing, it's a shitty deal.

CBS offered a better one.

I tell you, Pete...

I'm still thinking of taking it. I want that show.

- What show? - I deserve that show.

Johnny's show?

Don't you get it, David?

They're not offering you the Johnny Carson Tonight Show.

That is gone forever.

They're offering you damaged goods.

They're offering you the Jay Leno show.

And they're not even offering it now. They're making you wait.

I lost that show once, Pete, I'm not going to do it again.

I can't, I just can't say no.

Then don't say yes yet. Make one more phone call.

Geez. Why are you doing this to me?

Don't you understand, I don't care.

I cannot lose the Tonight Show twice.

Once to Jay Leno.

And once because I was too dumb to take a second chance.

They're offering me a second chance, Pete.

David, you don't understand.

I am the guy that moved heaven and earth...

to get you that second chance.

And I'm telling you, it's not right.

It's left-overs. It's shoddy.

Call the one guy in all the world who can help you figure this out.

Hello.

"Johnny, it's Dave."

I hate to bother you on a Sunday like this, but...

I know why you're calling, Dave.

Peter filled me in on the NBC offer.

Listen, I just hate to put you on the spot like this. But...

you may be the only guy...

who really understands this sort of thing. And I...

What do you think?

I think you got to do what's best for your career.

I mean, do what's in your heart.

Johnny, it's just those two things seem to be in direct conflict, right?

It's just so tough.

"And I..."

I just have to ask you straight out, Johnny.

What would you do?

"Well, Dave, I would probably walk."

Now, I'm not telling you to do that.

"But if you're asking me what I would do..."

if I was treated like this.

Yeah, I would probably walk.

Yeah, I imagine you would, Johnny.

Listen, I just really appreciate this.

It's just awfully nice of you. And I...

I...

- Thanks. - Good luck, Dave.

"Everyone here wants to know what's going on in late night."

"And the answer is..."

"the host of the Tonight Show will continue to be Jay Leno."

"How you'll doing?"

"Don't let these NBC guys out of your sight."

"Not out of your sight at all."

- "Hi, you, Warren, how are you?" - "It's good to see you."

"Welcome to NBC, which stands for, 'Never Believe your Contract'."

"It just... You know they say..."

"They say we're living in a time of lowered expectations."

"You know, they must be right because, I mean, look at this."

"You're all here and I have the job."

"What we're celebrating is that I haven't been fired."

Okay, let's go.

It's our turn, now.

Hold it.

Gentlemen...

we're just going from one bizarre circumstance to the next.

"I never dated Amy Fisher."

"I helped her with her homework, I fixed her car, and that's it."

"Thank you and good night."

"What about Paul Shaffer, is he coming along?"

- "Paul who?" - "Paul Shaffer."

"Paul Shaffer."

"No, God, we forgot about Paul."

"Howard, is there just a little bit left over for Paul Shaffer?"

"Dave, are you going to kick Jay Leno's ass?"

"I'm going to kick your ass, buddy."

"Is your comedy too hip for 11.30?"

"Well, you people seem to be keeping up."

Do you realize what we've got riding on Jay Leno?

A whole lot of money and my ass.

Dave's really good.

I hope we haven't made a mistake.