Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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- Mm, mm, mm.

Now aren't you ashamed of yourself?

A man with your supposed intelligence acting

like an empty headed idiot.

What did you do?

I'll tell you what you did.

You took advantage of your wife's absence

and pulled a wild party.

And that's not all.

You lost all of your ready money in a poker game.

Could anything be more crass, more disgusting?

There are times when I had high hopes for you,

but that time is passed.

I'll tell you what's wrong with you

in two words, impossible.

- Mr. Hardy?

- Yes.

- Here's a telegram for ya.

- Now I wonder what this can be.

- Oh, it's a telegram from your wife,

she says she'll be home at noon today.

- Ooh, the house, oh!

Aptos eight-o, eight-o, please.

- Hello?

- Where have you been?

- I was here with me.

- Why weren't you over to the party last night?

- I couldn't make it, I was bitten by a dog.

- You were what?

- A dog bit me.

- I can't understand ya, spell it.

- A dog bit me.

B, I, it me, bit me.

- Where?

- There.

And they took me to the hospital.

- Get closer to the phone, I can't understand you.

- I said they...

I said they,

they took me to the hospital.

- Was it serious?

- Yeah, the doctor said I might get hydro-phosphates.

- Hydro-phosphates, you mean hydrophobia.

Say, what are you doing?

- Eh?

- What are you doing?

- I'm talking to you, what do you think I'm doing?

- I know you're talking to me.

Say, come on over, I wanna see you,

and make it snappy.

Q.T.

Hydro-phosphates.

- What do ya want?

- Listen, I'm in a slight predicament,

my wife's coming home today at noon unexpectedly

and look at this house.

- What's the matter with it?

- What's the matter with it!

You never met my wife, did you?

- Yes, I never did.

- What do ya mean, yes I never did?

That's my wife.

- Isn't she sweet?

- Charming.

- Where is your wife?

- She's in Chicago with her mother.

- Is she havin' a nice time?

- Sure she's having a nice time,

she's been gone for more than a week.

I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not!

What I mean is, if she comes home and sees this house

like this, she'll know that I've been having a wild party.

- I've never known it to fail.

- What?

- When the mice are away, the cats are always playin' around

and things, and doing something.

If the mice ru-- - I want you to help me

clean this house!

I'd do the same for you.

- No, you wouldn't.

- Yes, I would.

- Oh no, you wouldn't.

- How do you know I wouldn't?

- 'Cause I'm not going to get married.

- Will you help me or will you not?

- Sure, I'll help ya.

What do you want me to do first?

- Now, that's the spirit.

Now, you wash the dirty dishes while I go in and get dressed.

Then after that we'll have a nice breakfast,

put everything in order so that the wife

will suspect nothing.

- Will we have marmalade for breakfast?

- Yes, we'll have marmalade for breakfast.

And we'll put our shoulder to the wheels,

grab the bull by the horns and put

our best foot forward.

Clean that mess up while I get something to put it in.

- Look out! - Oh!

- Get me a towel.

- Where do you keep 'em?

- I don't know, look in the cupboard!

Wait, I'll get it.

Oh!

Oh!

- Ollie?

- What?

- Where do you keep your handkerchiefs?

- In the top drawer.

What are you trying to do?

- I'm trying to get rid of this water.

What'll I do with it?

- Use your own judgment.

Are you trying to ruin the only suit I've got left?

- I couldn't help it.

- Oh, shut up.

That's the way to do it.

- How about some breakfast?

Breakfast!

- See what ya did?

You can't blame me for that.

- Do you realize that this is the only

suit that I've got left?

It's enough to make a man burst out crying.

- But I couldn't help it,

I was trying to-- - Shut up and get

this mess cleaned up!

Do you know that my wife will be home at noon?

- Say, what do you think I am, Cinderella?

If I had any sense, I'd walk out on ya.

- Well, it's a good thing you haven't any sense.

- It certainly is!

If I had any sense, I'd walk out on you.

Good thing you haven't any.

I certainly.

If I had any sense I'd...

- Take these pants and wring 'em out, while I dry the coat.

I'll dry them myself.

- Hello!

- Don't you yell at me!

I'm not deaf!

- Oh, hello honey, baby.

Where are you?

- Where am I?

Why I'm down here at the railroad station,

and if I stay here much longer,

they'll put me in the roundhouse!

- Ooh! - What's a matter?

- Get my suit, quick it's the wife,

she's waiting at the depot!

Oh!

That's the only suit I've got!

- What'll you do now?

- I have it!

Get this place cleaned up

and don't ask questions!

Hurry, as quick as you can!

What's the matter?

- You're not going like that, are ya?

- Certainly, why?

- Well you haven't got a horse.

- I don't need a horse,

I've been out there--

Oh don't answer it, it's the wife!

Get yourself cleaned up and get outta here quick!

I'll see ya tonight!

What happened?

Well, I was all ready to leave

and I thought I'd build a nice fire

to make it comfortable for ya.

The house burnt down, and I couldn't help it!

Well, I guess there's nothing else I can do.

- No, I guess not.

- Well, I'll be seein' ya.

- Goodbye.

Hey.

Would you mind closing the door?

I'd like to be alone.