Original subtitles

RANKOL...

WE'VE HAD TWO REPORTS OF ERRANT RIFTS.

THIS MUST BE STOPPED.

I BELIEVE YOUR RIFT TECHNOLOGY

IS FAULTY.

AGREED.

WITHOUT THE IMEX, IT HAS BEEN DIFFICULT

TO CALCULATE THE CORRECT FIELD PARAMETERS,

BUT I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE SOLVED THAT PROBLEM.

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

FOR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE SO.

WE CAN'T HAVE ERRANT RIFTS APPEARING ALL OVER MONGO.

[BUGS CHITTERING]

NOW YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BELONG IN MARYLAND,

NOT IN SOME WAR ZONE ON PLANET MONGO.

THIS GARMENT IS UNFIT FOR CLIMBING,

AND WOULD RESTRICT MY ABILITY

TO DEFEND MYSELF IN BATTLE.

IT'S A WEDDING.

THERE'LL BE NO COMBAT INVOLVED.

THIS COLOR IS THAT OF A DACTYL'S NASAL MUCUS.

AS DISTURBING AS THAT SOUNDS,

NOBODY ON THIS PLANET WILL KNOW.

HEY...

NICK'S OUTSIDE PACING AROUND LIKE A MANIAC.

IF HE'S LATE FOR HIS BROTHER'S WEDDING, HE--

WOW.

AND UPPER TORSO KICKS WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE.

TELL BAYLIN

THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DEFEND HERSELF TONIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW.

DRESSED LIKE THAT, SHE MAY HAVE TO.

I WILL GATHER MY WEAPONS, THEN.

NO, NO, HEY, I MEANT THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

OH.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE READY TO DO THIS?

I WOULD PREFER TO REMAIN HERE--

NUH-UH-UH.

I'M NOT LETTING YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT.

WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER INCIDENT LIKE WE HAD WITH MR. MAILMAN.

NON-MILITARY PERSONNEL SHOULD NOT WEAR UNIFORMS.

RELAX, SHE'S GOING TO FIT IN.

YEAH, SHE'S GOING TO BLEND.

HEY, HEY, WHAT DID I SAY? NO, NO.

NO, COME ON, PUT THAT DOWN.

ENOUGH.

LET'S GO FOR A CAR RIDE.

[MUTTERING]

YOU OKAY?

NO, NOT GOOD. I'M FREAKING.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE GROOM WHO HAS THE JITTERS,

NOT THE BEST MAN.

YOU KNOW MY BROTHER. HE'S SUCH A PERFECTIONIST.

THERE'S NO WAY THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM PROUD.

HEY, NICK, THIS IS BAYLIN.

DALE'S COUSIN.

OH...

SO YOU'RE THE COUSIN FROM EUROPE.

IT IS ANOTHER CONTINENT, A GREAT DISTANCE AWAY.

AND SHE'S FUNNY.

WHERE HAVE THEY BEEN HIDING YOU?

IN MY SLEEPING CHAMBER,

AND IN THE ROOM WITH THE STONE CHAIR.

HEY, WE SHOULD REALLY GET GOING.

HEY, NOT TO WORRY, MAN. YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[RIFT ALERT WAILS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

WHAT'S UP?

WE GOT ANOTHER RIFT.

JUST OFF STATE ROAD 15.

CAN YOU CHECK IT OUT?

WOW, IS THIS BAD TIMING.

OF COURSE, IT'S BAD TIMING.

IS THERE EVER GOOD TIMING FOR ALIEN INVADERS?

I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN.

[GROANS IN FRUSTRATION]

[RADIO PLAYS]

OKAY, SERIOUSLY,

SHE COULDN'T WAIT 20 MINUTES

UNTIL WE GOT TO THE WEDDING?

SHE HAS A VERY SMALL BLADDER.

IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

THIS SEEMS FOOLISH.

WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW THE LOCATION OF THIS RIFT.

WELL, IT'S GOT TO BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

I MEAN, JUST KEEP YOUR EYE OPEN

FOR ANGRY ROBOTS

AND DISGRUNTLED LION MEN EX-BOYFRIENDS.

WHOA... WHAT'S WITH THE RABBIT?

KIND OF ODD IT'S JUST SITTING THERE.

[BUG CHITTERING]

LOOK OUT! WHOA!

WHAT THE HELL?

HEY, I GOT A DEPOSIT ON THIS THING.

JOY BUGS.

THAT CREATURE, IT MUST HAVE BEEN BITTEN.

COVER YOUR NECK.

THERE YOU ARE. WE'RE GONNA...

BE EXTREMELY LATE FOR THE WEDDING.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

GOOD QUESTION.

JOY BUGS.

WHAT BUGS?

COVER YOUR NECKS!

OW! SOMETHING BIT ME.

UM, NICK...

HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY INSANE?

I RENDERED NICK UNCONSCIOUS

TO SPARE HIM THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIS FATE.

WHAT FATE?

THAT HE WILL SOON BE DEAD.

[**]

THE HAPPY DEATH?

WHY DO THEY CALL IT THE HAPPY DEATH?

THE JOY BUG'S BITE IS LIKE A DRUG.

IT CAUSES EXTREME EUPHORIA BEFORE KILLING ITS VICTIMS.

WHO'S THIS? IS HE DEAD? WHY DID YOU BRING HIM IN HERE?

IT'S MY FRIEND, NICK.

HE'S BEEN BITTEN BY SOME KIND OF ALIEN HAPPY BUG.

WE'VE GOT TO GET IT LOOKED AT RIGHT AWAY.

NO, THE BUG IS LODGED UNDERNEATH HIS SKIN.

IF IT IS REMOVED, HE WILL DIE INSTANTLY.

SO, WHAT, IF IT'S NOT REMOVED,

HE'LL DIE SLOWLY?

YES,

BUT IT IS SAID TO BE A MOST PLEASANT DEATH.

HOW LONG DOES HE HAVE?

WITH LUCK AND GREAT DILIGENCE,

HE MIGHT SURVIVE UNTIL NIGHTFALL, BUT...

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.

HIS ONLY HOPE IS THE OMADRIAN CURE.

CURE? CURE?

YOU MIGHT HAVE LED WITH THAT.

YES, BUT IT IS IRRELEVANT.

THE CURE CAN ONLY BE OBTAINED ON MONGO,

FROM THE OMADRIANS,

AND THEY ARE MOST DISAGREEABLE.

DISAGREEABLE?

YES.

IT WOULD BE EASIER JUST TO LET HIM... DIE.

HE'S NOT GOING TO DIE.

DID YOU BRING THE RIFT BLASTER?

YEAH.

I'M GOING TO MONGO.

[DALE]: THIS IS CRAZY.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THESE OMADRIANS ARE.

BUT BAYLIN DOES, AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ME THERE.

THE OMADRIANS WILL NOT HELP YOU.

YEAH, YOU LET ME WORRY ABOUT THAT. YOU JUST GET ME THERE.

I WILL DO THIS, BUT YOUR FRIEND WILL STILL DIE.

PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT. IT'S REALLY RUDE.

LOOK, YOU SAID WITH DILIGENCE,

WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO KEEP HIM ALIVE

UNTIL NIGHTFALL.

SO, WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO

TO KEEP HIM ALIVE UNTIL YOU GET BACK?

YOU MUST STOP HIM FROM FEELING ALL HAPPINESS.

THERE'S A SONG WE USED TO SING AS CHILDREN.

"WHEN BIT BY THE BUG, ALL JOY WILL DESTROY,

"BUT CAUSE PAIN AND SORROW,

"THEY MAY SEE TOMORROW.

"WHEN BIT BY THE BUG,

ONLY STRIFE WILL SAVE LIFE."

I THOUGHT I HAD A ROUGH CHILDHOOD.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

WAS I NOT CLEAR?

KEEP HIM MISERABLE, AND YOU WILL KEEP HIM ALIVE.

THIS SHOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU.

GOOD LUCK.

BE CAREFUL.

I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER GET USED TO THAT.

I FIND IT ROUSING.

WHY DOES THAT NOT SURPRISE ME?

IT SEEMS WE'RE IN THE LOWER SWAMP FOREST.

EXPLAINS THE SMELL.

THIS WAY.

"JOY WILL DESTROY?"

"STRIFE IS LIFE?"

THIS IS CRAZY.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL.

BUT SHE SAID THAT IF THEY REMOVE IT,

HE'LL DIE.

SO AN ALIEN BOUNTY HUNTER

KNOWS MORE THAN A DOCTOR?

ABOUT ALIEN INSECTS, YES.

I MEAN, WHAT SHE SAID MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

LOTS OF ANIMALS USE POISON TO DISORIENT THEIR PREY.

THE VENOM OF THE BUFO ALVARI TOAD,

FOR EXAMPLE,

CAUSES THE MOST INTENSE PSYCHEDELIC VISIONS.

SO I HEAR.

SO WHY WILL KEEPING HIM MISERABLE HELP?

THE FEELING OF JOY,

IT'S CAUSED BY THE BRAIN CHEMICAL DOPAMINE.

THE BUG'S VENOM MUST BE CHEMICALLY SIMILAR.

STRESSOR HORMONES, LIKE NOREPINEPHRINE,

SHOULD SLOW THE BUILD-UP OF THE JOY BUG'S POISON.

OKAY, GOT IT.

SO WE JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY

TO KEEP HIM STRESSED OUT AND MISERABLE.

MM-HMM.

[MOANS]

NICK... ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED?

WHERE AM I?

WHO'S HE?

OH, MY GOD! THE WEDDING!

WE'RE LATE!

OOF!

SO, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HOME SWEET HOME?

I HAVE NO HOME,

BUT FAMILIARITY OFFERS TACTICAL ADVANTAGE.

NOW, DON'T GET ALL SAPPY ON ME, BAYLIN.

ALIKA AND CARIAM. WE ARE NEAR.

TO WHAT?

THE OMADRIAN VILLAGE.

BE WATCHFUL OF TRIGGERS.

THEY... THERE.

OW.

SO THESE OMADRIANS...

ARE A CANTON OF WOMEN WHO MAKE REMEDIES.

THEY WISH TO DISCOURAGE THIEVES.

THAT MUST BE SOME MEDICINE.

EVEN MING KEEPS OMADRIAN CURES

CLOSE AT HAND.

FROM HERE, YOU GO ALONE.

MEET ME BACK OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER.

WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH ME?

I AM NOT WELCOME AMONG THEM.

ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

THEY BELIEVE I STOLE THE URN OF OMADRIA,

THEIR MOST SACRED ARTIFACT.

AND WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT?

BECAUSE I DID.

AT MING'S ORDER.

THE OMADRIANS HAVE NO TRUST OF MEN.

TAKE CAUTION.

WOMEN WHO HAVE ISSUES WITH MEN, I CAN HANDLE.

UH?

OH, NO...

HOW COULD I HAVE JUST PASSED OUT?

WELL, YOU'RE PUTTING

A LOT OF PRESSURE ON YOURSELF,

NOT WANTING TO DISAPPOINT YOUR BROTHER.

WHERE'S FLASH AND YOUR COUSIN?

MY COUSIN... GOT SICK.

FLASH TOOK HER HOME.

WHAT? I NEED HIM.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE SURE I DON'T MESS THIS UP.

DON'T WORRY. I'M HERE.

I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE

NOTHING BAD HAPPENS, OKAY?

HERE.

OH, NO. COUSIN CHLOE'S HERE.

WHO'S THAT?

MY SISTER-IN-LAW'S COUSIN FROM JERSEY.

SHE'S GOT THE HOTS FOR ME.

THAT'S HER AT 9:00...

WOW, SHE, UH...

LOVES BLUE. SPARKLES.

OKAY, SHE MAKES A MOVE ON ME, YOU COVER ME.

OKAY.

WHOA...

PHEW, KIND OF WOOZY THERE.

ARE YOU OKAY?

ACTUALLY...

I FEEL GREAT.

THIS SETTING...

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL.

MICHAEL...

YOU'RE LATE.

AND YOU'RE THE BEST BROTHER EVER,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST WIFE EVER.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY!

ARE YOU DRUNK?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YEAH.

NICK HAS SYMPTOMS. I THINK IT'S STARTED.

OKAY, WELL, YOU HAVE TO INTERVENE.

DO SOMETHING TO UPSET HIM.

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THINK OF SOMETHING THAT STRESSES YOU OUT.

I'M TESTING THE RABBIT. I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE.

ANYTHING.

HALITOSIS.

YOUR BREATH IS TERRIBLE.

IT IS?

WHOO... THE WORST.

YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK ABOUT FLOSSING.

[BREATHING]

DO YOU HAVE ANY GUM OR BREATH MINTS,

OR THOSE LITTLE STRIPPY THINGIES?

NO, NOTHING.

SORRY.

[MOANS GROGGILY]

LAVEN FLOWER AND CARIAM.

CALMING, IS IT NOT?

OH, THAT'S SO NICE, DALE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE'RE ALLOWING YOU TO MAKE RETRIBUTION.

FOR WHAT?

FOR BEING A THIEF

AND A SOLDIER.

BOTH OFFENSES AGAINST OUR DOCTRINE.

SEE, THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.

SEE, I'M NOT A THIEF,

AND THIS IS NOT A UNIFORM.

THIS IS A TUX,

FOR A WEDDING.

A BONDING CEREMONY. YOU HAVE THOSE, RIGHT?

BONDING TO MEN IMPLIES CONSENT

TO VIOLENCE AND INJUSTICE,

AND ALL SUFFERING WROUGHT BY YOUR GENDER.

WOMEN OF SUCH WEAK ESTEEM HAVE NO PLACE HERE.

OH, YOU'RE LIBERATED.

CONGRATULATIONS.

WELCOME TO 1973.

BRING THE TOOLS OF TRANSFORMATION.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T ALLOW MEN HERE.

THESE HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED.

TRANSFORMED?

THEIR AGGRESSIONS HAVE BEEN... REMOVED.

SEE HOW PEACEFUL THEY ARE?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

NO, YOU'RE NOT TURNING ME INTO ONE OF THOSE, ALL RIGHT?

I-I NEED MY AGGRESSIONS.

I'M VERY, VERY FOND OF MY AGGRESSIONS.

LOOK, I JUST CAME FOR SOME MEDICINE.

MY FRIEND, HE WAS BITTEN BY A JOY BUG.

HE'S LYING.

NO.

HE'S A THIEF.

NO!

HE CARRIED NOTHING FOR TRADE.

HOW DID YOU INTEND TO PAY?

OKAY, SEE, I HAVEN'T GOT THAT FAR YET,

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? HEY, I COULD WORK IT OFF.

I'LL WORK IT OFF.

I CAN FIX ALMOST ANYTHING. YEAH.

THEN WE ARE IN LUCK.

YOU WILL MAKE AN EXCELLENT DOCILE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

[GROANS]

UH, UH... THE URN!

WHAT IF I BROUGHT YOU THE URN OF OMADRIA?

[A RIPPLE OF MURMURING]

WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE URN?

ONLY THAT IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU.

SO LET IT BE KNOWN, AS YOU JOIN HANDS,

ANTOINETTE AND MICHAEL,

THAT YOU ARE JOINED IN BODY AND SOUL

FOR THIS LIFETIME.

I THINK IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN,

AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

AND THIS BOND IS SACRED AND ETERNAL,

AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE STOOD BEFORE ME

AND EXCHANGED THESE RINGS,

AND EXCHANGED THESE VOWS...

I'M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

IT IS MY PLEASURE TO PRONOUNCE

THAT YOU ARE HUSBAND...

AND WIFE.

[APPLAUSE]

WHOA!

I'M SO SORRY!

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

ARE YOU OKAY?

EVERYBODY OKAY?

THANKS, PAL. I CAN HANDLE MY OWN PANTS.

YOU'RE CERTAIN YOU CAN GET INSIDE MING'S CITADEL?

I'M VERY RESOURCEFUL.

SO THE URN?

THE URN DATES BACK TO THE BIRTH OF OUR CULTURE.

IT CONTAINS THE REMAINS OF OUR FOUNDING MOTHER.

WHAT WOULD MING WANT WITH THAT?

HE SEIZED RELICS FROM ALL OF THE CANTONS

FOR THE ARCHIVES,

BUT IT WAS TRULY AN EFFORT TO ROB OUR HERITAGE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PUT UP WITH HIM.

WHAT CHOICE DO WE HAVE?

WITHOUT SOURCE WATER, WE COULD NOT SURVIVE.

I'LL GET YOU YOUR URN.

MAY THE FIRST MOTHER SEE YOU SAFELY

ON YOUR JOURNEY.

[**]

MY TURN.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I'M JUST SO HAPPY!

NO! NO, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

BUT I AM!

I'M REALLY, REALLY HAPPY,

AND I JUST LOVE WEDDINGS!

YEAH, I GUESS SINCE

YOU PROBABLY WON'T HAVE ONE OF YOUR OWN,

THIS MUST BE NICE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, MICHAEL.

HE IS A CATCH.

THE LOOKS, THE INTELLIGENCE.

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO MARRY HIM,

BUT YOU?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WELL, YOU'RE KIND OF A...

A WHAT?

UM...

NOTHING.

[NEW SONG STARTS]

OH, I LOVE THIS SONG!

LOSER!

NICK, YOU'RE A LOSER,

AND NOBODY LIKES YOU.

THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.

AND FLASH,

HE'S ONLY FRIENDS WITH YOU,

BECAUSE HE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU.

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THESE THINGS?

AND YOU'RE A REALLY BAD DANCER.

OKAY, STOP!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,

BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RUIN THIS DAY FOR ME.

THIS ARRANGEMENT WITH THE OMADRIANS

WAS UNWISE.

WELL, BEING FRESH OUT OF WISE IDEAS,

I CHOSE THE ONE THAT WOULD SAVE NICK,

AND MY FUTURE CHILDREN.

AND IF YOU AND I ARE BOTH EXECUTED,

THEN WHO BENEFITS?

YOUR DISGUISE SHOULD GET US PAST THE ENTRY GUARDS,

BUT ONCE INSIDE...

IF WE GET CAUGHT, TURN ME IN.

THEY WON'T HARM YOU

IF THEY THINK YOU BROUGHT ME IN FOR MING.

YOU WOULD SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR ME?

JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL GET THE CURE TO NICK IF I CAN'T.

BUT WHY AURA?

BECAUSE YOU AND I CAN'T JUST WALK

INTO THE CHAMBER OF ARCHIVES ON OUR OWN.

I COULD DISPATCH THE SENTRY WITH TWO BLOWS.

YEAH?

WHAT ABOUT THE GUARDS BETWEEN HERE

AND THE HALLWAY?

YOU LEAVE A TRAIL OF BODIES,

SOMEBODY'S BOUND TO NOTICE.

SHE WILL BE UNPLEASANT AND UNCOOPERATIVE--

SHE HAS ACCESS.

ENLISTING HER HELP IS FUTILE.

OKAY, BROKEN RECORD, I GET IT.

I'M NOT GOING TO ASK SO MUCH AS INSIST.

NOW, LET ME BORROW THAT.

BAYLIN?

RANKOL...

TURN ME IN.

OOF!

I FOUND THIS DOCILE WANDERING.

DOCILES ARE NOT YOUR CONCERN.

RETURN TO YOUR OVERSEER.

WAIT.

THEY ARE HARMLESS

AND CONFUSE EASILY.

SO TRUE.

BAYLIN, WE'D ASSUMED THAT YOU WERE DEAD,

OR A DESERTER.

I AM WELL AND RETURNING FOR DUTY.

I HAD TO BE SO MEAN TO HIM,

HE HATES ME.

I HATE ME. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

I'M NOT A MEAN PERSON.

REMEMBER WHAT BAYLIN SAID.

"STRIFE EQUALS LIFE."

HE'S ALIVE BECAUSE OF YOU.

I'VE BEEN DOING STRESS TESTS ON THE RABBIT,

AND THE RESPONSE IS IMMEDIATE, BUT TEMPORARY.

I ALSO SEE INDICATIONS

THAT HE WILL BECOME RESISTANT TO THE STRESSORS.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I JUST TOLD HIM HE WAS A LOSER AND NOBODY LIKES HIM.

HE'S BACK OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

I'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH OTHER VARIABLES,

BUT NOTHING CONCLUSIVE YET.

GREAT.

NOW HE'S SINGING.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP HIM.

HOW? HE WON'T EVEN LET ME NEAR HIM.

[POUNDS ON DOOR]

ROOM SERVICE?

SO...

WHAT SERVICES ARE YOU OFFERING, FLASH GORDON?

HELLO, AURA.

THAT ION PISTOL REALLY BRINGS OUT THE COLOR OF YOUR EYES.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY EYES, I'M INSULTED.

COME ON, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THAT THING AWAY?

AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M CLEARLY UNARMED,

AND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'VE ALWAYS FOUND

THAT BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS, FIREARMS JUST GET IN THE WAY.

COME NOW.

DO I REALLY SEEM THAT NAIVE?

YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING.

IT WOULD SEEM THAT, UH...

I'M AT YOUR MERCY,

AURA...

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I'M HERE.

I FOOLED YOU ONCE,

HAVE YOU COME TO PUNISH ME?

AS TEMPTING AS THAT IS,

I HOLD NOTHING AGAINST YOU.

I BELIEVE YOU DO.

UGH!

I NEED THE URN OF OMADRIA.

WHY? IT'S COMPLICATED,

AND I HATE TO RUSH YOU

AS YOU'RE BEING SO HOSPITABLE AND ALL, BUT...

IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH,

AND BESIDES, THESE BURLAP PANTS

ARE CREATING AN URGENCY ALL THEIR OWN.

HMM...

NOW, TO THE CHAMBER OF ARCHIVES.

I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD HURT ME.

NO?

THAT WAS NOT NECESSARY.

YOU'RE NEXT.

YOU WOULDN'T.

WOULDN'T I?

ALL RIGHT, IF I TAKE YOU TO THE CHAMBER,

YOU'LL OWE ME,

AND DON'T THINK I'LL FORGET.

YOU'RE NOT IN A POSITION TO NEGOTIATE.

WHERE I'M FROM,

THE GUY WITH THE GUN DOES THE TALKING.

NOW, LET'S GO.

STOP.

TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES.

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

A WOMAN LIKE ME WOULD NEVER BE SEEN

WITH AN OMADRIAN DOCILE.

TURN AROUND.

I'M SERIOUS.

WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

ARTIFACTS FROM THE CANTONS AND OUTLANDS.

MY FATHER IS KEEPING THEM SAFE.

KEEPING THEM SAFE OR JUST KEEPING THEM?

HE DOES WHAT IS NECESSARY TO MAINTAIN ORDER.

THESE ARTIFACTS ENCOURAGE PRIMITIVE THINKING.

THE URN?

ALTHOUGH SOME OF THEM ARE...

QUITE LOVELY.

YOU SURE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING THAT?

IT'S REALLY NOT YOUR CONCERN.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T GET YOU, AURA.

ARE YOU REALLY THAT COLD, OR IS IT ALL AN ACT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

LET'S FIND OUT.

UGH!

LOOK, I AM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS,

BUT IF YOU EVER GET TO EARTH,

YOU CAN TIE ME UP.

[GRUNTING ANGRILY]

EASY NOW...

ARE YOU SURE HE SAID THAT?

THE THING YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT NICK

IS THAT HE'S A VERY SHY PERSON.

I WOULDN'T HAVE GUESSED THAT.

HE LOVES YOU, CHLOE.

YOU'RE A VERY POWERFUL WOMAN.

HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO GET HURT.

THAT'S WHY HE NEVER TALKS TO ME.

EXACTLY.

IT'S TOO HARD FOR HIM.

HELP HIM, CHLOE. HE NEEDS YOU.

I'M TELLING YOU THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH.

YOU GO TO HIM RIGHT NOW,

HE'LL HAVE A NEW REASON TO LIVE.

HEY, CHLOE.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

[CROWD CHEERING]

I THOUGHT YOU HAD GROWN WEARY OF MONGO

AND ABANDONED YOUR POST IN MY SERVICE.

NO, BENEVOLENT FATHER.

I WAS STRANDED.

WELL, HOW IS IT YOU WERE ABLE TO RETURN NOW?

A RIFT OPENED.

AND YOU JUST HAPPENED UPON IT?

I SURVEYED A SCIENTIST

WHO MONITORS THE RIFTS.

I AM AN EXCELLENT TRACKER.

WELL, PERHAPS RANKOL COULD USE YOUR HELP

WITH THE RIFTS HE'S MISPLACED.

I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE OF THIS SCIENTIST.

I AM HERE NOW,

READY FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR LAST ASSIGNMENT?

AURA TOLD ME

YOU WERE SUBDUED BY FLASH GORDON.

AND THEN I DISPATCHED HIM.

AH...

SO HE IS DEAD?

YES.

FATHER!

FATHER!

FLASH GORDON BROKE INTO THE OMADRIAN ARCHIVES!

QUITE A FEAT...

FOR A DEAD MAN.

[ALARM BLARES]

SEARCH THE CITY AND THE DOCKING BAYS.

FIND HIM!

DIDN'T THINK I'D LEAVE YOU, HUH?

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LESS FOOLISH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I THINK HE'S MY SIZE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

I THINK I LOVE HER.

I LOVE EVERYBODY,

EVEN YOU, DALE.

THANKS. I THINK.

I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP BEING A BITCH SOMETIMES.

OKAY, YOU CAN STOP LOVING ME NOW.

YOU OKAY?

YOU'VE BEEN ACTING KIND OF WEIRD.

NO, NO, I'M GREAT.

I DON'T KNOW. I THINK YOU SHOULD SIT THE SPEECHES OUT.

NO, NO, NO, TODAY'S THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE,

THEREFORE, THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MINE.

WHERE'S THE MIC?

[CLINKING GLASSES]

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET A DRY MOUTH

WHILE DOING YOUR SPEECH.

OH, THANKS. DRINK UP.

[COUGHING]

OOPS.

[COUGHING]

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?

HI, EVERYONE.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'M NICK.

FOR THOSE OF YOU IN ANTOINETTE'S FAMILY,

I'M MICHAEL'S BROTHER.

FOR THOSE OF YOU IN MY FAMILY,

I'M THAT OTHER ONE.

IT'S EASY TO TELL US APART.

HE'S THE VALEDICTORIAN,

THE ONE WHO NEVER BROKE CURFEW,

GOT INTO LAW SCHOOL,

DOES VOLUNTEER WORK...

I THINK THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO LIVE IN THAT SHADOW?

HOW I FEEL HAVING THE PERFECT BROTHER?

PROUD.

VERY, VERY PROUD.

[APPLAUSE]

[GASPS AND CRIES]

A LITTLE TOO MUCH SUN FOR THE BEST MAN.

HELP HIM UP.

COME ON.

I GOT IT, I GOT IT...

YES. YES, I REALIZE IT'S 3:00 A.M. IN CAIRO,

BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

UH, I READ YOUR ABSTRACT ON MALARIAL MIGRATION PATTERNS,

AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU

ABOUT SUBTROPICAL PARASITES IN...

HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO?

[BEEPING]

AGH!

HEAT NOT GOOD.

HANG IN THERE, LITTLE GUY, COME ON.

SO FAR, SO GOOD. WE'LL GET THE URN, GET THE CURE--

HALT!

OH, HEY.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

BAYLIN.

CLERIC.

OKAY, NOW THAT WE'RE ALL INTRODUCED,

CAN WE GET THE CURE?

YOU WILL COME WITH ME.

I WILL STAY HERE.

BOTH OF YOU.

WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY.

SO HOW WAS I?

YOU CALL THAT A TOAST?

WELL, HOPEFULLY, EVERYBODY WAS TOO DRUNK

TO REMEMBER ANYTHING.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

KIND OF WEIRD.

GOOD, BUT NOT GOOD.

I'M SO SORRY, NICK.

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO.

OH, BELIEVE ME,

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH ALREADY TODAY.

I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH ME.

I GOT TO LIE DOWN.

[GASPS]

COME HERE.

UP.

GOTCHA.

UP.

HE WAS CAPTURED IN THE COMPANY OF BAYLIN.

THIS IS A TRICK OF MING'S DESIGN.

THIS IS NO TRICK.

YOU DARE TO SHOW YOUR FACE

NEAR OUR VILLAGE?

I CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST.

HEY, YOU WANTED THE URN.

YOU GOT THE URN.

THAT IS TRUE.

YOU HAVE RETURNED OUR MOTHER OMADRIAN

TO HER PROPER PLACE.

SO WE'RE GOOD THEN.

IF YOU COULD JUST HAND OVER THE CURE...

NO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NO?"

WE DO NOT REWARD THOSE WHO CONSORT WITH THIEVES.

YOU MAY LEAVE WITH YOUR LIVES,

BUT WE WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE CURE.

NICK...

NICK!

WAKE UP, PLEASE.

NICK, YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT HERE.

WE'RE GOING TO SIT UP, OKAY?

WE CAN DO THIS. YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT.

OKAY, LET'S SIT UP. COME ON, UP.

GOOD, GOOD. YEAH, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

COME ON.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

COME ON, NICK, YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE,

WE'RE GOING TO SIT UP.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

ONE...

TWO...

UP!

UP, COME ON.

NO...

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

DALE!

YOU HAVE TO GET HIS AMBIENT TEMPERATURE DOWN.

IT SEEMS TO SLOW THE PROGRESSION.

IS THERE A WALK-IN FREEZER THERE,

OR AN AIR-CONDITIONED ROOM THAT YOU COULD SEAL OFF?

FREEZER?

IT'S A GARDEN PARTY.

THIS CAN'T BE IT.

NOT AFTER ALL THIS.

OKAY...

YOU JUST GOT TO HANG ON.

FLASH IS GOING TO BE HERE SOON.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

WE HAD A DEAL!

THE DISCUSSION IS CLOSED.

THESE VISITORS ARE NOT WELCOME!

HEY!

HEY!

YOU KNOW HOW YOU CARE FOR THIS TRIBE,

LIKE THEY'RE YOUR FAMILY?

WELL, A MEMBER OF MY TRIBE IS DYING.

HE'S LIKE A BROTHER TO ME,

AND I AM NOT LEAVING HERE WITHOUT A CURE.

NOW, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH ME,

YOU CAN KILL ME,

YOU CAN TURN ME INTO ONE OF THEM,

I DON'T CARE,

BUT I HAVE TO SAVE HIM.

YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH OUR ENEMY--

SHE WHO TOOK OUR BLESSED MOTHER,

TEACHER OF PEACE AND LOVE.

SHE'S NOT YOUR ENEMY.

SHE WAS JUST DOING WHAT SHE HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE.

TELL THEM.

I HAVE NO QUARREL WITH YOUR TRIBE.

IN MING'S EMPLOY, I DID MANY THINGS,

MADE MANY ENEMIES.

THINGS YOU'RE NOT PROUD OF.

I AM NEITHER PROUD NOR ASHAMED.

WHAT I AM IS ALIVE.

SEE, BAYLIN MAY BE THE ONE

TO STEAL YOUR URN,

BUT IF SOMEBODY HITS YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT,

DO YOU BLAME THE BAT?

IT IS CERTAINLY IN MING'S INTERESTS

THAT WE BLAME THE... AS YOU CALL IT, "BAT."

EXACTLY,

AND AS LONG AS MING KEEPS YOU HATING EACH OTHER,

HE PREVENTS YOU FROM FIGHTING YOUR REAL ENEMY.

AND IF I OFFER YOU THE CURE THAT YOU SEEK,

IN RETURN FOR LEAVING THE THIEF

HERE WITH US?

NO, THERE'S NO DEAL.

I'M NOT GOING TO EXCHANGE ONE LIFE

FOR ANOTHER.

NONE OF THIS IS HER FAULT.

GIVE THEM THEIR PAYMENT.

THEY ARE BOTH FREE TO GO.

I BELIEVE WE WILL MEET AGAIN.

THANK YOU.

LET'S GO.

DALE?

DALE! DALE!

DALE! EXCUSE ME.

NICK?

FINALLY.

HE'S NOT, IS HE?

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S STILL A CHANCE.

HERE.

COME ON, BUDDY, DRINK UP.

COME ON.

[GASPING AND CONVULSING]

COME ON.

HE WILL SOON RECOVER.

COME ON, BUDDY.

[GASPS AND COUGHS]

HEY...

ABOUT TIME YOU MADE IT.

HEY, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

[**]

* THERE'S A PLACE I DREAM ABOUT *

* WHERE THE SUN NEVER GOES OUT *

* AND THE SKY IS DEEP AND BLUE *

* WON'T YOU TAKE ME THERE WITH YOU... *

THERE YOU ARE.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU,

AND I'M READY TO GET GOIN' WITH WHAT YOU GOT GOIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL CALL YOU.

[CHEERING]

YOU HAVE STRANGE TRADITIONS HERE.

UNTIL YOU GET USED TO THEM.

IT'S NICE THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

YOU WERE MOST IMPRESSIVE TODAY.

I DID NOT EXPECT YOUR FRIEND TO SURVIVE THIS LONG.

YOU WERE CLEARLY SUCCESSFUL AT CAUSING HIM MISERY.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT FOR YOU.

IT WAS.

I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU BACK HERE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

ON MONGO, I HAVE NO TRIBE.

FAMILY. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

[**]

* OOH, WE CAN BEGIN AGAIN

* SHED OUR SKIN LET THE SUN SHINE IN *

* BY THE EDGE OF THE OCEAN

* WE CAN START OVER AGAIN

* BY THE EDGE OF THE OCEAN

* WE CAN START OVER AGAIN...