Original subtitles

♪

(woman) ♪ WHAT IS THIS THING ♪

♪ CALLED LOVE? ♪

♪ THIS FUNNY THING ♪

♪ CALLED LOVE ♪

♪ JUST WHO CAN SOLVE ♪

♪ ITS MYSTERY? ♪

♪ WHY SHOULD IT MAKE ♪

♪ A FOOL OF ME? ♪

♪ I SAW YOU THERE ♪

♪ THAT WONDERFUL DAY ♪

♪ YOU TOOK MY LOVE ♪

♪ AND THREW IT AWAY ♪

♪ AND SO I ASK THE LORD ♪

♪ IN HEAVEN ABOVE ♪

♪ WHAT IS THIS THING ♪

♪ CALLED LOVE? ♪

♪ CALLED LOVE ♪

Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

(moans)

(both panting)

OH, FUCK. FUCK! WHAT?

FUCK! WHAT?

FUCK! WHAT?

FUCK! UGH!

UGH!

FUCK!

(door opens and closes)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

SURPRISE!

(all) SURPRISE!

(laughs)

(lowered voice) NOT A SURPRISE. YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT, DAD.

FUCK. ACT SURPRISED ANYWAY. GO ENJOY YOUR FRIENDS.

(laughs) HEY!

OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WHY ARE YOU SO LATE? LONG STORY.

(sighs) I HAVE TO LEAVE FOR SAN FRANCISCO IN A FEW MINUTES.

ON MY BIRTHDAY?

I TOLD YOU, I'M DOING THAT BOUTIQUE HOTEL

IN THE EMBARCADERO.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.

AND WE AGREED WE'D CELEBRATE,

AND I'D GIVE YOU A PRESENT TOMORROW.

WHAT IS IT?

I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU. IT WOULD RUIN THE SURPRISE.

I HAVE TO STEAL THE BIRTHDAY BOY.

JUST GIVE US A MINUTE, LUTHER.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

MM.

MM.

(indistinct conversations)

MMM. YOU MAKE ME SHIVER.

(chuckles)

LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU, TOO.

FOLLOW ME.

MAY I SAY I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU DRESSED MORE LUDICROUSLY?

IT'S JAY-Z, OF THE JAY-Z COLLECTION.

OH, OF COURSE.

I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR CLOSE TIES TO THE HIP-HOP WORLD.

WHAT?

YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT. OPEN IT.

IT'S A DVD I MADE FOR YOU

OF WHICH I AM THE STAR--

CO-STAR WITH A MISS, UM... (clears throat)

PEMMIE DELLACORTE.

JOCE'S SISTER? (chuckles)

YOU MADE A DVD OF YOU FUCKING JOCELYN'S MARRIED SISTER?

DAUGHTER OF THE MAN WHO EMPLOYS BOTH YOU AND ME?

WELL, IT WAS HER IDEA. OH, IT WAS NOT.

IT WAS, YES, AND SOME OF MY FINEST WORK,

IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

(scoffs)

(sighs) OH, MICHAEL,

YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF THE ABSURD.

IF I DID, I'D BE DRESSED LIKE YOU.

LAST CHANCE.

ALL RIGHT.

PEMMIE'S A WILD ONE.

IT'S NO PICNIC LOOKING LIKE THIS OR BEING SO GIFTED IN BED.

IT'S INTIMIDATING.

I SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF MY HUSBAND SETH.

I MEAN... WE DO STUFF SOMETIMES,

IF YOU CALL ME LICKING HIS BALLS

WHILE HE TWANGS HIS POT STICKER "STUFF."

(imitates snoring)

SNORE.

OHH.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK PRISON CHANGED ME,

BUT I THINK IT WAS JUST ANOTHER PLACE TO MAKE CLOSE FRIENDS

AND EXPAND MY HORIZONS...

IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

(sighs)

EVEN THOUGH I'M ON PAROLE... (exhales deeply)

SETH IS THRILLED TO HAVE ME BACK...

LUTHER, NO LUTHER.

OOH, I STILL MISS MY CELLMATE GEORGIA.

FOR A WOMAN WHO TOOK A BASEBALL BAT

TO HER HUSBAND'S KNEECAPS,

SHE SURE HAD A TENDER FUCKING TOUCH.

MICHAEL... (clears throat)

MEET SUZE AND YASMIN.

THEY'RE CONTORTIONISTS.

MMM.

THEY DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

THEIR BODIES ARE LIKE A CIRCUS OF NASTY HINGES.

(both giggle)

(chuckles)

I BEND WHERE OTHER WOMEN SNAP.

AND I CAN LICK MY OWN VULVA.

YOU'RE LIKE CALIGULA.

MM.

OOH.

(clears throat) HELLO, BOYS.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE? (chuckles)

DON'T WANT YOU TO BURN.

(chuckles) GOD.

(Vic) WE MAY HAVE TO CHECK HIM INTO A BURN WARD

AND HAVE HIM LEGALLY DECLARED A PIZZA.

(groans)

OOH, IT LOOKS BAD, MIKEY.

WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK YOU TO THROW SOMETHING ON... MOM?

VIC, DID YOU HEAR? HE CALLED ME "MOM."

I HEARD, I HEARD.

LISTEN, SWEETHEART, WHY DON'T YOU GO UP TOP?

I THINK CAPTAIN LU'S GONNA LET YOU STEER.

SHE KNOWS I'M KIDDING, RIGHT?

(sighs)

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

CHANTAL HAS SOME VERY STRONG MATERNAL INSTINCTS.

YEAH, HUGE. (laughs)

(laughs) OW. AAH! SUNBURN.

AHH.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE HAD FUN LIKE THIS?

YOUR THIRD WEDDING.

NO, WAIT. YOUR FOURTH, TO MAUREEN.

MAUREEN. GOD, SHE NEVER SHUT UP.

NO, DAD. THAT WAS GERI.

MAUREEN WAS THE SHY REDHEAD

WHO CHECKED INTO THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL

AND TOOK 50 VICODIN FOR DINNER.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS DOROTHY. (laughs)

I'M BEGINNING TO LOSE TRACK. I THINK I KINDA LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE SOMETHING, POP.

I WOULDN'T SAY IT IF I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

YOU'RE A LAWYER, SON. IS THAT HOW YOU SEE ME?

THE WAY I SEE YOU, SON, IS I DON'T SEE YOU ENOUGH.

GOT YOU SOMETHING. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

AW.

(sighs)

OOH. I LOVE IT, POP.

SAID YOU WANTED TO QUIT THE LAW AND GO SAILING AROUND THE WORLD.

HOP ON. (chuckles)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON.

YOUR SOUL THAT CAME BELOW. (chuckles)

YEAH.

MICHAEL! THEY CALL THIS ONE...

(clears throat)

"OPENING NIGHT."

(imitates trumpet playing)

THIS ONE IS CALLED "THE GRAND COULEE DAM."

WELL DONE, GIRLS. (giggles)

BIG FINISH, MICHAEL.

THIS ONE'S CALLED "HERE, PUSSY, PUSSY."

IT'S A PLAY ON WORDS.

STEP BACK, MICHAEL. THIS ONE GETS A LITTLE MESSY.

OH, OKAY.

LIZ. MICHAEL.

(keys jangle) HOW DID YOU GET IN?

I'M A COP. I BROKE IN.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE HAD SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS FROM THIS MORNING.

SMELLS GOOD. WHAT YOU GOT IN HERE?

I PICKED UP SOME CHINESE ON THE WAY.

THESE ARE ALL EMPTY.

I DIDN'T GET IT FOR YOU.

I GOT IT FOR ME.

SO YOU JUST CAME OVER TO EAT AND FUCK?

PRETTY MUCH.

HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?

YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH.

PRACTICE.

(gasping)

(moans)

AHH. AHH. A LITTLE SUNBURNED.

OHH.

MMM.

(both moaning)

(gasping)

(continues gasping)

(moaning)

(grunting)

AAH!

(both gasping)

SO... WHAT DID YOUR GIRLFRIEND GET YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

I THINK SHE'S GETTING ME A ME-ME.

SHE'S TAKING ME TO HIS GALLERY TOMORROW NIGHT.

THE VIDEO ARTIST?

YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?

ME-ME? YEAH, HE'S HUGE. I STUDIED HIM IN ART HISTORY.

THAT LOOK--IS IT BECAUSE I KNOW WHO ME-ME IS,

OR BECAUSE I WENT TO COLLEGE?

WELL, YOU JUST KEEP SURPRISING ME. THAT--THAT'S--

THAT'S--THAT'S ALL.

I WAS EVEN SURPRISED YOU REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY.

ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?

NO. WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO,

MAKE A BIGGER DEAL OUT OF YOUR BIRTHDAY?

MAYBE GET YOU A PRESENT?

A TEXT MESSAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN PLENTY.

DICTATE TO IT ME, HUH? HOW ABOUT THAT?

THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS EXPECT, AND SO FAR,

THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS GET FROM YOU--

SPECTACULAR SEX FOLLOWED BY A RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT

THAT YOU START AND THEN YOU EXIT.

WELL, WHO AM I TO DISAPPOINT?

SO PICTURE THIS--

JACKSON POLLOCK AND I ARE DROPPING ACID, NAKED

IN MILES DAVIS' PLACE IN SAG HARBOR.

HE WAS PAINTING MY TITS.

HE HAD THE MOST MARVELOUS HARD-ON,

AND THEN SUDDENLY HE'S SPINNING AROUND,

SPLASHING PAINT ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND WALLS.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, WE GOT ABSTRACT ART IN AMERICA.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE GENIUS COMES FROM.

SOMETIMES IT LOOKS LIKE A MESS

TILL SOMEBODY COMES ALONG AND... GETS IT.

(dance music playing)

(indistinct conversations)

HOW IS IT PRONOUNCED?

FURTHERMORE, HOW QUICKLY?

IS IT PRONOUNCED "MEE-MEE" OR "ME-ME"?

STOP IT, LU.

QUERY--IS HIS FIRST NAME "ME" AND HIS LAST NAME "ME"

OR HIS FIRST NAME "ME-ME," IN WHICH CASE

THE ONLY POSSIBILITY FOR HIS LAST NAME WOULD BE

"I'M A PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE."

(laughs)

OH, JOCELYN WANTS TO BUY ME ONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

SAW A PIECE ON HIM ON CNN.

SHE REMEMBERED.

OHH! GOD, EVERYTHING I DO BECOMES A CLUE FOR HER.

YEAH, WELL, SHE'S STARVED FOR DETAILS, MICHAEL.

JUST MAKE SHIT UP. SINCERITY JUST COMPLICATES THINGS.

YEAH, IT DOES.

ACTUALLY, I LIKE HIM.

HE'S ENGAGING IN A,

YOU KNOW, "I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE TO DEATH

IN FRONT OF YOUR LOVED ONES" KIND OF WAY.

(laughs)

HAVING FUN?

HEY. HI.

MM. SO I WAS JUST TALKING TO ONE OF MY CLIENTS--RONNY DECKER.

HE'S THE RACEHORSE SPERM BROKER.

MM, I'D LIKE TO GET HIS NUMBER.

YOU KNOW, MAKE A LITTLE CASH ON THE SIDE.

I'M UP TO MY EARS.

YOU KNOW, IT LOOKS REAL,

LIKE HE ACTUALLY MIGHT LIVE IN THERE.

YES, WELL, MAYBE HE'LL

DECIDE TO STAY.

(chuckles)

MICHAEL, WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BEST--

THE ONE WHERE ME-ME SNEERS IRRITABLY OR THE ONE

WHERE HE GLARES DISMISSIVELY?

AHEM! ME-ME DOESN'T GLARE.

AND ME-ME DOESN'T SNEER. THAT IS ALL IN YOUR MIND, SIR.

YOU SEE WHAT YOU SEE, NOT WHAT IS.

HOW VERY SLAVISH AND PAINFUL FOR YOU.

WELL, MY MISTAKE.

OH, BY THE WAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "DIS" SEGMENT OF THE WORD?

I THOUGHT IT WAS "DISTORTIONS."

ONLY TO THOSE IMPRISONED IN THE LITERAL.

I ASSUME YOU'RE NOT AN ART FANCIER.

ACTUALLY, I LOVE ALL KINDS OF ART. HMM.

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY AROUND HERE TONIGHT?

OKAY, LUTHER, TIME TO GET SOME AIR.

YOU, SIR, ARE AESTHETICALLY EMBALMED.

PERHAPS I SHOULD INVITE YOU TO LEAVE MY... "STORTIONS" SHOW

AS CLEARLY IT IS WELL BEYOND YOUR REALM OF COMPREHENSION.

OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD KISS MY ASS, "ME."

OH, I HOPE THAT THOUGHT DIDN'T "TURB" YOU TOO MUCH.

GET OUT. OKAY. HEY, HEY!

COME ON!

(grunting)

I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

AAH! FUCK YOU!

OH, YEAH?! FUCK ME?!

FUCK YOU!

CALL THE MORTUARY, MICHAEL! THIS PUSSY'S GONNA NEED A BOX!

(man) ...Art Gallery. 12-15 in progress.

PROBABLY RAN OUT OF FOIE GRAS.

LET SOMEBODY ELSE TAKE IT.

OH, NO. THIS ONE I WANT.

(Michael) HEY, LUTHER! CUT IT OUT!

STOP THAT! GUYS, COME ON!

(grunting)

JESUS! BOTH OF YOU, BREAK--HEY, BREAK IT UP!

BREAK IT UP! UHH!

JOCE! GET THE FUCK OFF HER, MAN! (siren wailing)

THAT'S MY FRIEND JOCELYN, YOU REVOLTING TURD! BLOW ME!

JESUS CHRIST, MAN! OKAY, I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME ICE, OKAY?

HEY, HEY, HEY. STAY PUT, ALL RIGHT?

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, LET'S ALL BE FRIENDS HERE, ALL RIGHT?

THAT MICROBE TWAT STARTED EVERYTHING!

I AM AN ATTORNEY, AND I WANNA PRESS CHARGES

AGAINST THIS PRETENDER!

ALL RIGHT, FOR WHAT? FOR IMPERSONATING A HUMAN BEING!

OH, AND FOR KNOCKING MY FRIEND DOWN.

YOU SON--

EASY. YOU NEED TO RELAX. ALL RIGHT.

MA'AM? WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME TO THE SQUAD CAR, OKAY?

SO WE CAN HAVE A LOOK AT THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE A STATEMENT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO EMOTIONAL.

I'M NOT A PERSON WHO DOES THIS. OKAY?

YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHO I AM.

IF I DIDN'T, I COULDN'T SAY THAT, RIGHT?

WELL, YOU GOT SOCKED PRETTY GOOD.

THIS MAKES AN ASSAULT AND BATTERY.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PRESS CHARGES?

I JUST WANNA MAKE HIM HAPPY.

WHO, THE GUY WHO PUNCHED YOU?

YOU SEE PEOPLE IN MESSES EVERY DAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU... YOU WEAR A GUN TO WORK.

I HAVE TO ASK YOU, HOW DO YOU MAKE A MAN HAPPY?

LOOK, YOU GOT PRETTY SHOOK UP, OKAY?

I DON'T--I DON'T EVEN THINK HE WANTED A ME-ME TO BEGIN WITH.

I... IT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HE WANTED, YOU KNOW?

AND I'M PROJECTING. I'M ALWAYS PROJECTING WHAT HE WANTS.

I HAVE NO IDEA.

MEN, WOMEN-- TWO DIFFERENT ANIMALS.

YOU'RE SO RIGHT. SLEEPING WITH AN ENEMY.

EXACTLY.

THAT IS DEAD ON.

IT'S FELLATIO, ISN'T IT?

IT'S--IT'S BLOW JOBS, HUMMERS. THEY LOVE THAT.

THEY LIVE FOR THAT--THAT

THAT TONGUE DRIVING THE HAPPY TOUR BUS UP EGO MOUNTAIN.

JOCE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I COULDN'T FIND YOU.

I'M TALKING TO THE OFFICER.

HI.

HELLO.

DO YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN?

KNOW ME?

THAT'S MY MAN.

SHE WAS JUST GIVING ME SOME ADVICE.

SHE'S VERY KIND.

EXTREMELY WISE.

THAT'S GREAT, JOCE. HERE.

OFFICER, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

I'M BUSY. PLEASE?

JOCE, USE THE ICE. I'LL, UH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OKAY?

THANK YOU.

OKAY, SO WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU GALS DISCUSSING,

EXTREMELY WISE ONE--ME?

(chuckles) YOU'RE INSANE.

GET A BLOOD FLUSH. MOVE TO ANOTHER TOWN.

THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON, BECAUSE THIS VERSION

ISN'T WORKING FOR ANYONE.

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DIDN'T ASK HER ANYTHING.

SHE DID ALL THE ASKING.

WELL, WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE ASK YOU ABOUT?

YOU WANNA KNOW? ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT?

OH, YES, I CAN HANDLE IT.

WELL, AS I RECALL, WE WERE DISCUSSING BLOW JOBS.

YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT.

YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO PISS ME OFF 'CAUSE YOU'RE PISSED OFF.

WELL, SHE REFERRED TO IT

AS "DRIVING THE HAPPY TONGUE TOUR BUS UP EGO MOUNTAIN."

OH, MY GOD. I TOLD HER NEVER TO SAY THAT.

OH, MY.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WELL, I TOLD HER SHE SHOULD TRY SUCKING YOUR DICK

IN YOUR KITCHEN. WHAT?

GET OVER YOURSELF, MICHAEL, BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS.

(gunshots)

(gunshots continue)

DETECTIVE JUDD CUTTER, ELUSIVE CRIME FIGHTER.

I MEANT TO CALL YOU. HMM.

BEEN ON THIS BIG MURDER INVESTIGATION.

IT'S A REAL MESS.

YOU COULD ALWAYS USE BAD THINGS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

SEE, DON'T DO THAT. YOU DON'T, UH,

YOU DON'T DO WOUNDED CONVINCINGLY.

YOU, UH, YOU STILL GOT A DEAD EYE.

GIRL'S GOTTA PROTECT HERSELF.

I ALWAYS SUSPECTED YOU WERE A GIRL UNDER ALL THOSE...

FEROCIOUS LAYERS.

YOU STILL HAVE THOSE, UH, THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM CEILING--

THOSE LITTLE STARS THAT GLOW IN THE DARK? YOUR DIVORCE GO THROUGH?

I SIGNED THE PAPERS LAST WEEK. SHE'S MOVING TO TUCSON,

CONTINUE HER OBSESSION WITH BECOMING PERFECT

AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERYONE ELSE.

YOU KNOW, YOU AND I SHOULD GET A DRINK SOMETIME.

MM.

(barks and laughs)

MMM! GOD, YOU MONSTER!

(growls)

GOD, YOU'RE HUGE!

AH, LET ME GO, YOU SEXUAL MANIAC.

FULL MOON.

YOUR INCENSE ONLY AROUSED ME FURTHER.

(both laugh)

(growls)

OHH!

(grunting)

OH, DEEPLY AND MASSIVELY HUNG BEAST.

(imitates wolf howling)

(laughs and growls)

AHEM! LUTHER.

MICHAEL, HELLO.

WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.

YOU'RE WORKING LATE.

YES. DO YOU MIND? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?

OH, IT'S OUR MONTHLY FULL MOON FRENZY.

I PLAY THE INSATIABLE TEX TWANG, AN ESCAPED SEXUAL MADMAN.

AND THESE TWO ARE RECENTLY GRADUATED PAROCHIAL STUDENTS.

THERE'S AN EXTRA COCK RING OVER THERE. JOIN US.

YOU HAVE A BACKUP COCK RING?

WHAT IF ONE POPS?

GOOD-BYE.

(door closes) EVERY MAN MUST HAVE HIS SPARE.

(both giggle) ACTION.

(moaning)

(growls and laughs)

(both moaning)

(grunting)

OFF WE GO. (barks and laughs)

HEY.

HOW DID YOU GET PAST LOBBY SECURITY?

I SHOT THE SECURITY GUARD,

SO WE ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

WHAT'S THAT?

TAKE IT.

A PEACE OFFERING?

PEACE IS OVERRATED.

I'LL TELL GANDHI WE SPOKE.

I GOTTA GO. I'M ON DUTY.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT?

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

YEAH, I DID. SEE YA.

(panting)

YOU PAINTED THAT?

YEAH. I-I TRIED TO HAVE IT READY FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. I JUST--

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE SUCH A...

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD PAINT.

YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW ME.

BUT I WANT TO.

NO ONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE EVER MADE SOMETHING FOR ME.

CRAZY NOW THAT WE MET, I...

I JUST COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

MMM.

COME OVER AFTER YOU GET OFF.

I CAN'T.

I HAVE PLANS.

PLANS?

I HAVE A LIFE, MICHAEL.

(doors open)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ANYONE, MAN.

I MEAN, ANYONE.

THERE'S THIS GIRL I DATED

A FEW YEARS BEFORE I MARRIED HELEN.

SHE WAS A MORMON.

SHE WAS A SEXY GIRL, THOUGH. OHH. (laughs)

SHE HAD ALL THE RIGHT CURVES

AND VISTA POINTS WORKING FOR HER, YOU KNOW?

SHE HAD THIS TRANSLUCENT SKIN.

SO ONE NIGHT, SHE DECIDES TO TELL ME THAT SHE'S A VAMPIRE.

AND I'M LIKE, "COME ON."

BUT HERE'S THE THING, THOUGH.

I MEAN, SHE HAD THOSE FANG TEETH,

YOU KNOW, LIKE--LIKE CHER HAD

BEFORE SHE FIBERGLASSED HER MOUTH,

AND IN HER CLOSET, SHE GOT ONE OF THOSE CAPES

WITH THE HIGH COLLAR, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I MEAN, THIS CHICK WAS HALF NUTS!

OH, AND IN BED, OH, MY GOODNESS. SHE WAS A FREAKIN' 9-1-1 CALL.

OHH. (chuckles)

WE HAD A LOT OF FUN, MAN.

I NEVER DID SLEEP OVER, THOUGH.

SHE WAS ALWAYS LICKING AT MY NECK

LIKE IT WAS A QUARTER POUNDER.

LIKE I SAID, YOU JUST... YOU NEVER KNOW.

PEOPLE GOT SIDES, YOU KNOW?

OPEN YOUR MIND, OR YOU'LL MISS THE SHOW.

(cell phone rings)

HEY, JOCE. WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING UP?

I COULDN'T SLEEP. Yeah, me neither.

HOW'S THE EYE? SORE.

WANNA COME OVER?

OR I COULD... DRIVE UP.

NO, I'M BEAT.

LONG DAY.

DO YOU LIKE BEING ANOTHER YEAR OLDER?

I WAS ALWAYS ANOTHER YEAR OLDER.

I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING ELSE TO GET YOU.

A JET SKI.

YOU REMEMBER? YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THOSE.

THAT'S NICE, BUT I'LL PASS.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST MAKE ME SOMETHING?

MAKE YOU SOMETHING?

LIKE WHAT? ANYTHING.

WELL, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO MAKE, AND I WILL.

I KNOW.

NIGHTY-NIGHT. Good night, babe.