Original subtitles

A SCHOOL UNIFORM?

BLESSED VIRGIN ACADEMY.

THEY'RE SENDING ME TO BOARDING SCHOOL.

SHERRY?

YEAH, SHE'S A LAWYER IN TOWN.

LOU!

(FAKE CHUCKLE)

AMY DIDN'T TELL YOU?

TELL ME WHAT?

IT'S APOLLO.

TY: HEY, I LOVE THIS HAT.

KIT: OH, COME ON! IT'S GOOD FOR THE GARBAGE!

TY: HEY!

ME AND THIS HAT HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER.

TY AND KIT ARE HAPPY.

AND I KNOW YOU NEED SOME TIME TO GET USED TO IT,

BUT THEY ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I THINK HE GAVE UP ON YOU PRETTY EASY.

♪♪♪

♪ I don't want you ♪

♪ I don't want you ♪

♪ I don't want you... ♪

CALEB: MY LADY.

AMY: OH.

(LAUGHING)

OKAY, OKAY, STOP! YOU'RE MAKING ME DIZZY!

TY: (UNDER HIS BREATH) YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME PUKE.

AMY: I WOULD DIE FOR A BELT LIKE THAT!

ME TOO, BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

CHECK THE PRICE.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS?

YEAH, EVEN WITH THE STORE DISCOUNT

I COULD NEVER AFFORD IT.

CALEB: AMY, YOU READY TO GO?

YEAH.

AND THAT FANCY BELT?

MY FIRST BIG RODEO PAYOUT, IT'S YOURS.

WHAT? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BUY ME?

WELL, MY NATURAL CHARM

COUPLED WITH A BIG WAD OF CASH...

I MAY NOT BUY YOU OUTRIGHT,

BUT I COULD SURE MAKE A DOWN PAYMENT.

YOU NEVER QUIT, DO YOU?

NO, I DON'T.

SEE YA.

(CHUCKLES)

THE RESERVATION IS UNDER WHAT NAME?

EXCUSE ME?

YES, OF COURSE.

NO, NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

OKAY. YUP.

BYE-BYE.

(SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY)

WHAT'S WRONG?

OH MY GOD, GRANDPA, YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT.

THAT WAS A FRIEND OF LAUREN'S WHO'S A BIG AGENT IN L.A.

AND WHO REPRESENTS ALL THE A-LIST STARS.

I CAN'T TELL YOU.

RIDING LESSONS? I'M NOT A RIDING INSTRUCTOR.

LISTEN, HER AGENT SAYS SHE'S REALLY GOOD;

ALL SHE NEEDS IS A LITTLE TUNE-UP.

HER AGENT?

YEAH, HER... TRAVEL AGENT.

LOOK, AMY, I'M PREPARED TO PAY.

NAME YOUR PRICE.

I NOT GONNA TAKE YOUR MONEY, LOU.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING YOU WANT.

WELL, ACTUALLY THERE WAS THIS BB SIMON BELT IN MAGGIE'S.

BB SIMON? THOSE THINGS COST A FORTUNE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WANT IT, YOU GOT IT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU BET I AM.

LISTEN, AMY, IF THIS WORKS OUT,

THIS COULD CHANGE OUR LIVES, IN A GOOD WAY.

DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

SO, WHO IS THIS PERSON WHO'S GONNA CHANGE MY LIFE?

WHAT'S THIS?

A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.

WHAT IS IT I'M KEEPING CONFIDENTIAL?

AMY: I DON'T THINK IT'S A "WHAT" QUESTION, GRAMPA.

I THINK IT'S A "WHO" QUESTION.

MINDY: EXCUSE ME?

I NEED A PAIR OF COWBOY BOOTS.

(GASPING)

(LAUGHING) AND WOW!

I ABSOLUTELY NEED THAT BELT TOO.

OH MY GOD.

YOU'RE...

MINDY FANSHAW!

JACK: WHO IS MINDY FANSHAW?

MINDY FANSHAW!

I SAW ONE OF HER MOVIES ONCE.

OH, MAN, SHE'S HOT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SORAYA.

YEAH, THAT'S THE THING.

NOBODY IS TELLING ANYBODY ANYTHING.

TY: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET PURE EGYPTIAN COTTON SHEETS,

TEN CASES OF FIJI WATER...?

JACK: WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR OWN WATER?

TY: WELL, YEAH.

ORGANIC FLAX SEED SNACK BARS? KUMQUATS?

FIFTEEN STRAWBERRY INCENSE STICKS,

ONE BOX OF BENDY STRAWS.

LOU: YEAH, AND WE NEED WHITE CANDLES.

WHERE DO WE KEEP THE WHITE CANDLES

IN THIS HOUSE?

AH, BINGO.

AMY: LOU, THOSE ARE FOR EMERGENCIES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

I NEED A DOZEN SPACED AROUND EACH ROOM

TO WARD OFF BAD VIBES.

OH, AND GRAMPA?

YOU NEED TO REPLACE THE TOILET SEAT

IN THE OUTHOUSE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE OLD ONE? IT'S BARELY BEEN SAT ON.

YEAH, BUT IT HAS BEEN SAT ON AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

I'M THINKING THE FACT THAT THE TOILET SEAT

IS PERCHED OVER A HOLE IN THE GROUND

MIGHT BE MORE THE PROBLEM FOR THAT LITTLE GIRL.

YOU GUYS, I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS,

AND THAT OBVIOUSLY MINDY FANSHAW

IS A SELF-CENTERED, OBNOXIOUS,

NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH

WHO THINKS THE WORLD REVOLVES...

(CLEARING THROAT)

YOU MUST BE LOU.

HI.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪ And at the break of day ♪

♪ You sink into your dreams ♪

♪ You dreamer ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You dreamer ♪

♪ You dreamer ♪

(CLUBBING MUSIC PLAYS)

MINDY: THEN MY AGENT CALLED ME BACK AND HE SAID,

"GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO COWBOY CAMP!"

(LAUGHING) I LOVE THIS!

YEAH, IT WAS SO LAST MINUTE, YOU KNOW,

THEY STUCK ME ON A COMMERCIAL FLIGHT.

LOU: OH, WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

MINDY: I KNOW. AND THEN SOME AWFUL PAPARAZZI

SNUCK INTO THE VIP LOUNGE.

WELL, LISTEN, SPEAKING OF LAST MINUTE,

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GET THE EGYPTIAN COTTON,

BUT I CAN ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE

THESE SHEETS HAVE NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BY ANOTHER HUMAN.

(SHOCKED GASP)

(MALLORY SCREAMS, MINDY SHRIEKS)

MALLORY: OH MY GOD, MALLORY!

OH MY GOD, MINDY FANSHAW!

OH MY GOD!

SOMEBODY GET THIS PERSON OUT OF MY ROOM!

JACK: SO, YOUR LITTLE GIRL IS SAFE AND SOUND.

GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET THIS.

OKAY.

I TALKED TO A SISTER GABRIELLE

AT YOUR SCHOOL

AND I LEFT A MESSAGE WITH YOUR MOM AND DAD.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?

LOU: FIRST THINGS FIRST...

YOU NEED TO SIGN THIS.

HEY, NOT THAT ONE. THE GOOD ONE.

WELL, THAT'S AMY'S SADDLE.

YEAH? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MINDY FANSHAW'S BUTT.

AMY: YEAH, AND IF MINDY WANTS TO RIDE

SHE CAN TACK UP HER OWN DAMN HORSE

JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

MINDY: SO WHICH ONE OF YOU COWBOYS

IS GONNA SADDLE UP MY HORSE FOR ME?

BUTCH OR UH, SUNDANCE?

ACTUALLY, MINDY,

THAT'S NOT THE WAY WE DO THINGS HERE.

WOW, IT'S HARDCORE.

OKAY, CELEBRITY BOOT CAMP.

I CAN TAKE IT. ALL RIGHT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

A MAJOR HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY IS RIDING MY HORSE!

THIS IS HUGE!

JACK: HEY! YO!

HOLD ON.

YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME WHAT THE HECK YOU'RE DOING HERE.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO AN ALL GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL?

DO I REALLY HAVE TO ANSWER THAT?

PIZZA THURSDAYS. FROZEN.

DISCIPLINE. LIGHTS OUT AT 9:00!

AND EVEN YOU'VE HEARD OF HIGH SPEED.

SO HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO PULL OFF

THIS GREAT ESCAPE ALL BY YOURSELF?

I USED THE OLD "PILLOW UNDER THE SHEET TRICK."

CLIMBED OVER THE WALL, TOOK A TAXI TO THE BUS STATION,

TOOK THE 11:30 TO HUDSON.

THERE'S A 20 MILE DISCREPANCY BETWEEN THE END OF YOUR STORY

AND YOUR ARRIVAL HERE.

YOU KNOW THAT CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT

LOU'S BEEN MAKING EVERYONE SIGN?

UH HUH.

YEAH, IT'S KIND OF LIKE THAT.

JACK: HEY!

(HORSE SNORTS)

TY: ALL RIGHT.

DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT YOUR HORSE HERE.

CALEB: HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU A LEG UP.

MINDY: WHOA! WHA? (SHRIEKS)

CALEB: YOU KNOW, MINDY,

I'VE SEEN PRETTY MUCH ALL YOUR MOVIES.

MINDY: YEAH? EVEN THE BAD ONES?

(UNDER HIS BREATH) ESPECIALLY THE BAD ONES.

OKAY, WELL, I'M READY TO RIDE THE RANGE.

MALLORY: WAIT!

I NEED A PICTURE, OKAY? TAKE A PICTURE.

NO, MALLORY...

OH, IT'S...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN THIS HAPPENS TO ME.

SWEETIE, IF YOU WANT A PICTURE,

YOU CAN DOWNLOAD ONE FROM MY FAN SITE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY RIDING MY HORSE...

MINDY: WELL, IF YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF RESPECTING MY RIGHTS

AS A FAMOUS PERSON,

I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF

A FAN AT ALL.

GO ON, NOW.

OKAY, WHERE WERE WE?

ALL RIGHT, WELL, JUST COLLECT YOUR REINS

YUP, THOSE LEATHER THINGS RIGHT THERE.

OKAY. OH!

AMY: NO, NO, NO. NO, NOT THAT MUCH.

MINDY: (SHOUTING FEARFULLY)

TY AND CALEB: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

AMY: THERE YOU GO. KEEP YOUR HANDS LOW,

TOGETHER ON HIS NECK,

AND YOU JUST WANT TO KICK HIM UP.

NO, NOT THAT MUCH, NOT THAT MUCH!

MINDY: HE'S NOT LISTENING TO ME!

WOW, TY,

SHE'S ALMOST AS BAD AS WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED.

TY: HEY.

AMY: NO, I THINK SHE'S WORSE.

OW!

(PATHETIC WHIMPERING)

MINDY FANSHAW.

SHE MIGHT NOT KNOW HOW TO RIDE,

BUT SHE SURE LOOKS GOOD TRYING.

YEAH, SHE SURE DOES.

(SCREAMS DESPERATELY) GUYS!

WHOA!

(CHUCKLING)

OKAY, THAT WAS... AWESOME.

OH, YOU'RE AN AMAZING INSTRUCTOR.

REALLY.

I MEAN I'M GONNA BE A COWGIRL IN LIKE A WEEK.

(LAUGHING)

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

SEE, THE THING IS,

I'M NOT REALLY A REAL RIDING INSTRUCTOR.

YEAH, AND I'M NOT REALLY A TEENAGER,

BUT ALL THE SCRIPTS THEY SEND ME

ARE STUPID TEEN MOVIES.

STUPID?

BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE WHERE YOU PLAYED THE TEEN PRESIDENT?

OR THE ONE WHERE YOU SAVED THAT TALKING WHALE?

THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

LOOK. SEE, THE THING IS, IS THAT LIKE A WEEK AGO,

MY AGENT SENT ME THIS SCRIPT, RIGHT?

IT'S AMAZING.

IT'S BASED ON A BOOK, A BESTSELLER,

AND MY CHARACTER IS A GIRL, JUST LIKE ME.

I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO ACT.

I WOULD JUST BE MYSELF, YOU KNOW,

BUT THERE WAS THIS LITTLE TINY PROBLEM

WHERE I TOLD THEM THAT I COULD RIDE.

WELL, I'M SURE IF YOU JUST HAD MORE TIME...

BUT, SEE, I DON'T, RIGHT?

'CAUSE THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

AND I MEAN...

UH, WELL, UM...

I MEAN, CAN'T THEY GET A STUNT DOUBLE OR WHATEVER?

ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY DO IN HOLLYWOOD?

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT KIND OF WORK?

I MEAN, PEOPLE MUST HAVE TOLD YOU

YOU'RE A BIT OF A MINDY FANSHAW TYPE?

NO, ACTUALLY...

(LAUGHING) THEY HAVEN'T.

I MEAN, NOT THAT YOU'RE A WANNABE.

YOU SHOULD TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT.

I THINK YOU'D BE JUST PERFECT ANYHOW.

(TELEPHONE CHIRPS)

(TELEPHONE CHIRPS)

(TELEPHONE CHIRPS AND BEEPS ON)

OH, YEAH, OKAY, THIS IS A CONFERENCE CALL.

I HAVE TO BE AT THE CABINS LIKE 10 MINUTES AGO.

TY: WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE, IF YOU WANT.

MINDY: YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT. LET'S GO.

CALEB: UH, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO,

YOU KNOW, JUST TO LIKE CHAPERONE.

YEAH.

MALLORY: I GOT MINDY FANSHAW'S HELMUT.

IT'S ALL WET AND SWEATY.

CAN I BUY IT FROM YOU?

UH, NO, YOU'RE NOT BUYING THIS HELMUT.

HER WATER BOTTLE. EVEN BETTER.

THIS HAS MINDY FANSHAW'S LIPSTICK ON IT.

MINDY: (GIGGLING)

OKAY.

(SIGHING)

OH, WAIT. WAIT, WAIT!

STOP. WAIT RIGHT THERE.

I GOTTA GET A PICTURE; YOU JUST LOOK SO WESTERN.

JUST TURNING THIS OLD BOY OUT.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THIS IS PEGASUS.

IT'S AMY'S DAD'S HORSE.

HI, PEGASUS.

HE GOT INTO A BAD WRECK AT THE STAMPEDE

ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO NOW.

WE DON'T WORK HIM ANYMORE.

A HORSE WITH A BACK STORY.

I LOVE IT!

ALL HORSES HAVE A STORY; THEY'RE JUST LIKE PEOPLE.

YEAH, I GOT A MILLION STORIES,

BUT NONE OF THEM ARE TRUE.

I GUESS IT JUST COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.

YOU'RE JUST SO LUCKY TO LIVE OUT HERE

AND BE ABLE TO SEE THINGS JUST FOR HOW THEY ARE

AND NOT HOW SOME PUBLICIST OR FAN SITE

OR CELEBRITY TRACKER SEES THEM.

WELL, WE'VE GOT OUR OWN BRAND OF BS OUT HERE,

BELIEVE ME.

HE DOES SEEM TO LIKE ME THOUGH.

WELL, HE'D LIKE YOU A LOT MORE IF YOU GAVE HIM THIS.

OOH.

WHAT'S THIS?

KEEP YOUR HAND NICE AND FLAT.

AH!

(GIGGLING)

WHAT'S THAT?

AMY: HEY, GUYS.

OH MY GOD, YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

SEE THOSE GUYS OVER THERE?

THEY'VE BEEN THERE SINCE BREAKFAST

ORDERING DOUBLE ESPRESSO SHOTS.

SO?

THEY'RE PAPS. PAPARAZZI!

WHY WOULD PAPARAZZI BE IN HUDSON?

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR MINDY FANSHAW.

WHAT?

SORAYA: YEAH.

MINDY FANSHAW? M-M...

WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE?

I SWEAR TO GOD. SHE WAS IN HERE YESTERDAY.

SHE BOUGHT BOOTS AND THAT GREAT BELT.

NO WAY! (LAUGHING)

PAPARAZZO: LADIES.

HELLO. I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEARING.

UH, SO NOW YOU SAID

THAT YOU'VE SEEN MINDY FANSHAW?

ASHLEY: YEAH.

STANDING RIGHT HERE.

SORAYA: UM, ACTUALLY, MORE OVER THERE.

YEAH, OVER THERE.

PAPARAZZO: UH, YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, UH, HERE'S MY CARD,

JUST GIVE ME A CALL, YEAH?

I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

THANKS.

THANK YOU. (NERVOUS LAUGH)

PAPARAZZI?

AMY: (SIGHING) IN MAGGIE'S.

LOU: THIS COULD BE VERY BAD FOR US.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S BAD!

THAT STUPID CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FELT LIKE

TO LIE TO MY FRIENDS?

LOOK, IT'S JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE, OKAY?

EVERYBODY'S LYING.

EVEN MINDY LIED ABOUT HER RIDING.

I MEAN, SHE'S BASICALLY A TOTAL BEGINNER.

SHE DIDN'T LIE, OKAY? HER AGENT LIED.

OH, WHATEVER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA TO TEACH HER TO RIDE

IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEACH HER TO RIDE.

JUST TEACH HER ENOUGH

SO SHE CAN ACT LIKE SHE CAN RIDE

AND THEN THEY'LL DOUBLE HER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

I KNOW. SHE OFFERED ME THE JOB.

TO BE HER RIDING DOUBLE?

(LAUGHS)

SHE THINKS I KINDA LOOK LIKE HER.

(SNORTING)

YEAH?

I GUESS.

MAYBE IF YOU LIKE SQUINT YOUR EYES

AND GET PRETTY FAR AWAY AND DO LIKE MOVIE MAGIC.

BOTH: (BURST OUT LAUGHING)

SHUT UP.

AMY: HEY.

TY: HEY.

AH, I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH KIT,

UNLESS YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO. HAVE FUN THOUGH.

(PEGASUS SNUFFLES)

(CHUCKLES)

HEY, DID YOU SEE CALEB TODAY?

MINDY HAD HIM GOING PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY HOW SOME GUYS FALL

FOR THAT WHOLE MOVIE STAR THING.

WHAT? YOU THINK I'M ALL IMPRESSED

BECAUSE SHE'S SOME BIG MOVIE STAR?

NO. NOT YOU. DEFINITELY.

I MEAN, IF YOU WERE

THEN YOU HID IT REALLY WELL.

AND I KNOW YOU PRETTY GOOD SO...

WELL, I'D BELIEVE YOU, BUT I KNOW YOU PRETTY WELL TOO.

I'LL SEE YA. (TRUCK STARTS UP)

MINDY: WOW.

THAT WAS QUITE A PERFORMANCE.

YOU TOTALLY SOLD THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T CARE

HE WAS GOING OUT WITH ANOTHER GIRL.

I SHOULD BE TAKING LESSONS FROM YOU.

MAYBE NOT RIDING LESSONS. ACTING LESSONS.

GIVE ME A BREAK.

YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE NOT ALL ABOUT THAT GUY?

NO. I MEAN...

MAYBE I WAS ONCE, BUT THAT WAS A WHILE AGO.

THAT'S OVER. SO...

YEAH, SURE, I KNOW. WHATEVER YOU SAY.

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO PRY INTO YOUR LOVE LIFE.

ANYWAY, I ACTUALLY JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU

I WAS SORRY ABOUT TODAY.

MY PEOPLE SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE UPFRONT WITH YOU.

I'VE REALLY ONLY HAVE BEEN ON A HORSE ONCE IN MY LIFE.

UH, IT WAS A PONY.

BEST FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

I WAS SIX.

I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT.

I WOULD'VE PUT YOU ON A DIFFERENT HORSE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS GUY?

HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

HE HAS SUCH SAD EYES. I BET HE'S SEEN A LOT.

(CHUCKLING) LOOK, IT'S LIKE HE KNOWS ME.

PEGASUS, HE HASN'T BEEN DOING SO WELL LATELY.

SO, NO, YOU CAN'T RIDE HIM.

IT MUST BE HARD.

I CAN TELL WITH YOU HE'S UH...

NOT JUST ANOTHER HORSE;

HE'S PART OF YOUR FAMILY.

YEAH, HE IS.

HMM.

I MEANT WHAT I SAID, YOU KNOW,

ABOUT YOU BEING MY RIDING DOUBLE.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

LOOK.

WE COULD BE SISTERS. (LAUGHING)

BOTH: (CHUCKLING)

MALLORY: HEY, JACK.

HAVE YOU SEEN...

MINDY'S WATER BOTTLE?!

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND IT NOW?!

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A BIG FAN.

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I FINALLY TALKED TO YOUR DAD.

HE'S BEEN OFF THE GRID.

HE DIDN'T EVEN GET MY MESSAGE

TILL HIM AND YOUR MOM HIT WHITEHORSE.

GIVE IT TO ME FULL ON, JACK. I CAN TAKE IT.

WELL...

UNTIL A MORE PERMANENT SOLUTION CAN BE REACHED,

WE'VE DECIDED THAT YOU'LL BE GOING BACK...

TO BLESSED VIRGIN ACADEMY?!

WHY MIGHT AS WELL JUST TEAR OUT MY HEART

AND WRAP IT IN PLAID!

GOING BACK TO YOU STAYING HERE, GOING TO YOUR OLD SCHOOL,

AND DOING YOUR CHORES, STARTING WITH RECYCLING.

THANK YOU, JACK. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

YEAH.

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

MINDY: (LAUGHING)

TALK ABOUT A HOLLYWOOD MOMENT.

I UH...

SEE YOU'RE NOT WORKING FOR A TABLOID THOUGH, RIGHT?

(CHUCKLING) UH, NO, UH...

I SIGNED THAT CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.

CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE HORSES THOUGH.

(CHUCKLING)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER FEEL SO DEEPLY

ABOUT A HORSE.

AND THEN AMY WAS TELLING ME ABOUT PEGASUS

AND HOW HE'S SO OLD AND SICK

AND I JUST...

YOU KNOW, IF I HAD A HORSE AND IT DIED...

A LITTLE PIECE OF ME WOULD DIE TOO.

AND I'VE NEVER OPENED MY HEART UP TO ANYTHING

LIKE I HAVE SINCE I GOT HERE, YOU KNOW,

AND NOT JUST THE HORSES.

THE...THE PEOPLE.

AND I KNOW WE HAVEN'T SPENT THAT MUCH TIME TOGETHER,

BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE...

SOME PEOPLE CAN LIVE A LIFETIME IN A MINUTE.

HEY, ARE YOU OKAY?

(CRYING) YEAH, JUST...

COULD YOU HOLD ME FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?

TY: HEY.

ALL RIGHT, NOW I UNDERSTAND.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT?

IT'S JUST SO TRAGIC, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE STILL

TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH AMY TOO.

UH, AMY SAID THAT SHE...

WELL, SEE AMY AND I, WE'RE LIKE,

YOU KNOW, WE'RE FRIENDS SO...

SHE TELLS ME EVERYTHING.

HUH.

LOOK, I'VE GOTTA WATER THE HORSES

AND GET SOME HAY TOO SO...

WHATEVER. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

(GATE SQUEAKS OPEN)

AMY: I WAS JUST WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

YOU KNOW, HE SEEMS TO BE SLOWING DOWN,

LOSING WEIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT WORKING HIM, ARE YOU?

NO, HE JUST BEEN OUT IN THE FIELD

WITH THE OTHER HORSES.

WELL, MAYBE THE YOUNGER HORSES ARE BEATING HIM TO THE HAY.

WHY DON'T YOU STABLE HIM FOR AWHILE,

CHANGE HIS FEED.

WELL, FEED IS LOU'S DEPARTMENT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE.

(SMALL SIGH)

(KNOCKING QUIETLY)

HEY.

SO HOW YOU DOING, LOU?

UH, GREAT, GREAT. COULDN'T BE BETTER.

OKAY, I WAS SEEING MARK AND IT DIDN'T UH...

IT DIDN'T QUITE WORK OUT,

BUT, LIKE, IN A GOOD WAY.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

NOTHING SERIOUS.

OH. PLAYING THE FIELD?

YEAH, I GUESS YOU COULD SAY.

(CHUCKLING) OH, SO, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

HOW BIG IS THAT FIELD?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

I'VE GOTTA TAKE THIS CALL.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

'KAY.

HEY, CHERIE.

YEAH, I'M JUST WITH A CLIENT.

YEAH, I'M ON MY WAY. OKAY.

TY: WHAT HAPPENED TO MINDY TACKING UP HER OWN HORSE?

AMY: WELL, I GUESS I JUST FIGURED THAT SHE'S A GUEST

AND WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.

OH, BUT YOU HAVE TIME TO SPILL YOUR GUTS?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D TALK ABOUT US

WITH SOMEONE LIKE HER.

SHE JUST... SHE...

SHE ASKED ME ABOUT YOU

AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY AND...

WELL, APPARENTLY SHE TALKED TO YOU TOO,

'CAUSE...

YOU KNOW, I...

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT MATTERS.

I MEAN, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE WITH KIT, SO...

LOOK, ALL I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT...

IT'S WEIRD, OKAY?

I MEAN, YOU THINK...

YOU SEE HER FACE IN MAGAZINES AND MOVIES

AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW HER, BUT YOU DON'T.

AND DON'T THINK THAT SHE'S YOUR FRIEND,

'CAUSE SHE'S NOT.

YOU TAKE AWAY THE FACT THAT SHE'S FAMOUS

AND KIND OF BEAUTIFUL, UM, AND...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, OKAY?

JUST BE CAREFUL, AMY.

AMY: OKAY, SO JUST WEAVE THROUGH THESE STANDARDS.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

MINDY: OKAY. BUT I WANTED...

AMY: OH, OH, OKAY. NO, JUST SHORTEN YOUR REINS UP.

MINDY: HE'S NOT DOING WHAT I WANT HIM TO DO! GO!

AMY: OKAY, TAKE YOUR HAND FARTHER DOWN.

YEAH, YEAH, NOW TAKE HOLD OF YOUR INSIDE REIN.

THERE YOU GO.

MINDY: OH! OH OKAY. WE'RE DOING IT!

WE'RE DOING IT!

ASHLEY: HEY!

SINCE WHEN DO YOU GUYS LOCK THE GATE?

CALEB: UH, IT'S LOU.

SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE DUDE RANCH.

WELL, UNLOCK IT. I WANT TO RIDE MY HORSE.

UH, THAT'S THE DEAL. UH, I CAN'T.

SEE, AMY'S DOWN THERE WITH ONE OF THE DUDES NOW AND...

WELL, THE GATE'S GOTTA STAY LOCKED.

WHAT?

TO MAKE THE SURE THE DUDES DON'T SKIP WITHOUT PAYING?

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

HEY, SO HOW'S THINGS AT HOME?

IT'S BEARABLE.

BARELY.

WHAT DO YOU EVEN CARE?

I CARE.

SO PLEASE UNLOCK IT.

(SIGHING)

I CAN'T.

I'M SORRY, ASH.

(CAR STARTS UP)

MINDY: YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.

(CHUCKLING) IT'S NICE ONCE YOU FORM A CONNECTION WITH A HORSE.

OH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY THERAPY.

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING

I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE IN L.A.

AND THEY GOT LOTS OF MONEY

AND I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN

FOR YOU DOWN THERE.

YEAH.

AMY: DO YOU WANT TO TRY SOMETHING CRAZY?

YES, I DO. BRING IT ON.

AMY: ALL RIGHT. GRAB YOUR REINS WITH ONE HAND.

LIKE THIS?

YUP. AND HOLD YOUR SADDLE HORN WITH THE OTHER.

OKAY. YOU GOT IT?

YEAH. HANG ON.

YEAH. OKAY.

(MINDY SHRIEKS NERVOUSLY)

(SHRIEK BECOMES A LAUGH)

YOU KNOW, JACK,

YOU HAVE A REALLY INCREDIBLE FACE.

WELL, I GUESS I WASN'T ALL THAT BAD LOOKIN' ONCE.

OH, COME ON, GRAMPA, ADMIT IT.

YOU WERE A BABE.

JACK: OH, WELL...

YOU KNOW, THAT IS THE THING ABOUT L.A.

I MEAN, IF YOU WERE THERE, FOR INSTANCE,

YOU COULDN'T LOOK ALL OLD AND TIRED AND WRINKLY.

YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE CAMERA READY.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL CANCEL MY TICKET THEN.

MINDY: (LAUGHING)

NO, SERIOUSLY.

I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE?

LIKE I CAN'T EVEN TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE

WITHOUT PEOPLE SHOVING CAMERAS

ALL IN MY FACE.

YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE?

OH, NO, SWEETIE. EW. (CHUCKLING)

IT'S JUST KIND OF A METAPHOR FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE.

MALLORY: SPEAKING OF YOUR LIFE, IS WHAT THEY'RE SAYING TRUE?

"MINDY QUITS REHAB!" "DRUNK AND DISORDERLY!"

MALLORY! MALLORY!

MINDY: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, GIVE THAT TO ME.

THANK YOU.

OH, YEAH. POLE DANCING IN VEGAS.

SURE. IT WAS A GYM IN LAKE TAHOE.

(SIGHING) OBVIOUSLY.

NOTHING THEY SAY IN HERE IS TRUE.

MALLORY: EXCEPT YOUR SKIN DOES KIND OF LOOK BLOTCHY.

MINDY: WELL, MELANIE, HONEY,

AT LEAST I DIDN'T SHAVE MY HEAD.

MAYBE NOT YOUR HEAD, BUT...

MALLORY, PUT THAT AWAY!

NO, GIVE IT! BEDTIME READING.

SO, COWBOY,

HOW ABOUT GIVING ME A RIDE BACK TO MY CABIN?

SURE, YEAH. I MEAN, WHY NOT?

GOOD NIGHT.

MINDY: BYE.

MELANIE?

OH, GIVE HER A BREAK;

SHE MEETS A LOT OF PEOPLE.

SHE PROBABLY CAN'T REMEMBER EVERYBODY'S NAME.

YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER YOU SAY, ZACK.

AMY: (GIGGLES)

(TIRES CRUNCHING)

(TRUCK SHUTTING OFF)

MINDY: (GIGGLING)

YOU ARE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.

WELL, NOT ALWAYS, THAT'S FOR SURE.

WHAT ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

MAYBE I'M JUST AN IDIOT, BUT...

I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME.

I WORK HERE AND YOU'RE A GUEST.

THIS DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH AMY, DOES IT?

(CHUCKLING) TALK ABOUT WASTE OF YOUR TIME.

SHE IS TOTALLY INTO TY.

YEAH, AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, BESIDES THE FACT

THAT IT'S SO IN-YOUR-FACE OBVIOUS?

SHE TOLD ME.

SHE TOLD YOU?

WOW, WHAT IS IT WITH THAT GIRL

AND YOU GUYS?

JUST... I MEAN, GET OVER IT.

YOU KNOW, UH...

MY BODYGUARD HAS THE NIGHT OFF.

JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU WANT THE JOB?

(TRUCK DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

(KNOCKING)

MINDY: JUST A MINUTE!

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!

OH, I JUST FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE

IN MY ENTIRE LIFE,

IT'S JUST BEEN TO BRING ME HERE

TO THIS PLACE.

OH! I SHOULD GET THE PRODUCER OF THE MOVIE OUT HERE.

THERE'S STILL ONE CABIN AVAILABLE.

I'M NOT TALKING VACATION. I'M TALKING LOCATION.

WE COULD RENT THE ENTIRE RANCH

AND THEN JUST SHOOT THE MOVIE RIGHT HERE!

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO CHECK WITH RESERVATIONS,

BUT I THINK THAT...

BUT YOU DO HAVE TO GET THE PART FIRST, RIGHT?

PSSH! DETAILS.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT WOULD BE

AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.

REALLY, YOU SHOULD JUST GO FOR IT!

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD JUST GRAB IT

AND CLUTCH ONTO IT TILL YOUR KNUCKLES TURN WHITE!

YEAH.

OH! THIS LOOKS GREAT! THANK YOU!

OKAY.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

SHE'S UP FOR THIS REALLY BIG PART,

AND EVEN THOUGH SHE'S BEEN IN REHAB,

SHE'S TOTALLY BLITZED ALL THE TIME.

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T JUDGE SOMEONE

IF YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS.

OH YEAH, RIGHT. I MEAN, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

YOU REALLY BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ IN THE TABLOIDS?

I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT. IT MUST BE ANCIENT.

HER HAIR'S WAY TOO SHORT.

SEE YA.

ASHLEY: HEY, AMY! WAIT!

SORAYA: I DON'T GET YOU!

ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE A MINDY FANSHAW EXPERT?

ASHLEY: OR YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE WORST LIAR IN THE WORLD

AND I CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE LYING RIGHT NOW.

(SIGHING) OKAY, UM...

YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO REPEAT THIS...

ASHLEY: MINDY FANSHAW?! AT HEARTLAND?!

AMY: I'M GIVING HER RIDING LESSONS.

MINDY: (SHRIEKING EXCITEDLY)

WOW.

I DIDN'T REALLY THINK YOU WERE LYING, BUT...

MAN, YOU REALLY FOLDED FAST.

NOTE TO SELF: NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING.

THAT GOES FOR ME TOO.

SORAYA, I HAD TO SIGN

THIS STUPID CONFIDENTIALITY...

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND

AND YOU JUST STOOD THERE AND YOU NEVER SAID A WORD?

I COULDN'T!

DON'T TALK TO ME.

SORAYA! SORAYA!

HI! I'M ASH...

OH, OH, I'M SORRY.

UM, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ABOUT THE "CELEBRITY RIGHTS ACT"?

IT BARS RANDOM FANS FROM SPEAKING TO CELEBRITIES

UNLESS THEY'VE BEEN INTRODUCED OR THEY ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER

OR, UH, IT'S FOR WORK.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THE RIGHTS OF FORMER FANS

WHO REALIZED THAT A SO-CALLED CELEBRITY

MADE A BUNCH OF LAME MOVIES

AND NOW THEY WANT THEIR MONEY BACK?

MINDY, THIS IS MY FRIEND ASHLEY.

(SMIRKING)

OYE.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

DOOR'S OPEN.

(DOOR SHUTS)

OH, JAKE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

IS MALLORY HERE?

NOW, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE'S HERE

AND NOT AT BOARDING SCHOOL?

WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU, MR. BARTLETT?

MALLORY: NOTHING!

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

(MUTTERING) FOR ONCE.

JAKE'S ARE TOO.

I WANTED TO PAY YOU BACK,

BUT JACK RECYCLED MY WATER BOTTLE.

YOUR WATER BOTTLE?

YEAH, BUT I GOT SOMETHING EVEN BETTER.

GUESS WHOSE LIPSTICK THIS IS.

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.

YOU WEAR LIPSTICK?

IT'S NOT ME. SHE'S FAMOUS.

I WOULD TELL YOU, BUT IT'S A SECRET

AND LOU MADE ME SIGN THIS STUPID PAPER.

I UNDERSTAND. IF IT'S A SECRET...

MINDY FANSHAW! SHE'S STAYING HERE!

I CAN GET A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT SHE'S PERSONALLY USED.

WE CAN SELL IT ON EBAY AND MAKE A FORTUNE

AND I CAN PAY YOU BACK.

I DON'T WANT MONEY. I HELPED YOU OUT

'CAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF GUY I AM.

HEY.

THIS YOUR IDEA OF NIGHT LIFE?

WELL, IT IS A SCHOOL NIGHT.

SO, WHAT DID THE VET SAY ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL HORSE?

OH, HE JUST NEEDS TO GAIN SOME WEIGHT.

SO, HE'S NOT SICK?

(EXCITED GASP) CAN I RIDE HIM?

NO. I...

I TOLD YOU BEFORE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME HANGING OUT HERE

FOR A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S JUST SO BORING AT THE CABINS;

I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO.

WHAT ABOUT THAT BODYGUARD OF YOURS?

ALL RIGHT, SEE, RULE NUMBER ONE:

YOU NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR BODYGUARD.

RULE NUMBER TWO: YOU NEVER GET INVOLVED

WITH YOUR RIDING INSTRUCTOR'S BOYFRIEND,

EVEN THOUGH HE SWEARS HE'S NOT HER BOYFRIEND,

AND HE'S A REALLY GOOD KISSER.

TY?

I, I DON'T KNOW. OR CALEB.

SEE, I SAY BOYFRIEND AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW

THAT YOU'RE NOT PLAYING THOSE BOYS OFF

AGAINST EACH OTHER?

(HORSE HOOVES THUD HEAVILY)

CALEB: (WHISTLING) TY.

TY: I WONDER WHAT SHE WANTS?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHATEVER IT IS,

SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA GET IT.

SHE'S NOT THE EASIEST GIRL TO TURN DOWN.

NOT THAT ANYONE WOULD WANT TO.

SO, UM...

THERE'S THIS PLACE SOMEBODY WAS TELLING ME ABOUT

THAT I HAVE TO SEE? MUSTANG MEADOWS?

SO, WHICH ONE OF YOU BOYS WANT TO SADDLE UP MY HORSE

AND TAKE ME THERE?

WELL, AMY'S GONNA BE BACK FROM SCHOOL PRETTY SOON, SO...

MINDY: OH, YEAH.

SEE, THERE'S THIS WEIRD THING ABOUT ME YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW;

UM, I HATE WAITING.

GOOD. I HATE TO KEEP A LADY WAITING.

MINDY: (PLEASED) OH!

CALEB: I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WANT PEGASUS.

HE'S KIND OF OLD AND SLOW.

MINDY: OH, WELL, WE HAVE A SPECIAL CONNECTION.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T GET IT. AMY GOT IT RIGHT AWAY.

WHOA! THE ONLY THING AMY'S GONNA GET IS TICKED OFF.

SHE JUST HAD SCOTT IN TO SEE HIM, CALEB.

WELL, I SWEAR SHE SAID IT WAS OKAY, SO...

CALEB: RELAX, BRO.

WE'RE JUST GOING FOR A LITTLE TRAIL RIDE.

BESIDES, I DON'T HAVE TO REMIND YOU

IT'S GOOD TO MIX THINGS UP NOW AND AGAIN.

MINDY: (EXCITED GASP)

CALEB: (CHUCKLING) THERE YOU GO.

MINDY: OKAY.

MINDY: YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY TO MUSTANG MEADOW?

WELL, THIS IS THE SCENIC ROUTE.

WELL, I'VE ALREADY HAD ALL THE SCENERY I CAN STAND.

(DOOR OPENS)

AMY: HEY, UM, HAVE YOU SEEN PEGASUS? HE WASN'T IN HIS STALL.

MINDY TOOK HIM OUT WITH CALEB.

YOU JUST LET THEM GO?

SHE SAID YOU WERE GOOD WITH IT.

(LEAVES RUSTLING)

(HORSES SNORTING)

AMY: THERE THEY ARE. DOWN THERE.

OH GREAT.

LOOK, IT'S JOEY AND DAWSON!

I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T RIDE THAT HORSE.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

PAPARAZZO 1: HEY MINDY! OVER HERE!

PAPARAZZO 2: GIVE US A BIG COWGIRL SMILE!

(PEGASUS WHINNIES)

MINDY: OH! OH!

AMY: PULL UP ON YOUR REINS!

MINDY: I CAN'T!

HELP! (SHRIEKING)

HELP!

AMY: MINDY!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

MINDY.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

MINDY: YEAH. OH!

(LAUGHING)

WHOO! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!

OH MY GOD, WHAT A RUSH!

PAPARAZZO 1: WHICH ONE'S YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?

HOW'D THEY FIND ME OUT HERE?

I'M OKAY!

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

DO I LOOK OKAY?

(LAUGHING)

HEY.

I'M REALLY SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU

ABOUT MINDY FANSHAW.

SO, I GUESS, YOU KNOW, IF YOU TOLD SOMEONE

THAT SHE WAS STAYING AT HEARTLAND,

I WOULD TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, SOMEONE TOLD THOSE PHOTOGRAPHERS WHERE SHE WAS,

AND, I MEAN,

IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

THEY MUST HAVE FOLLOWED HER OR SOMETHING.

FIRST YOU LIE TO ME AND NOW YOU'RE BLAMING ME?

LOOK, AMY, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE,

BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A COFFEE OR A COKE

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

FORGET IT. WE'RE CLOSED.

SCOTT: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TAKE IT EASY ON THIS OLD GUY.

WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

I WAS FEEDING THE HORSES

AND HE COULDN'T EVEN WALK TO HIS GRAIN BIN.

SO I CALLED SCOTT.

GOOD THING.

HE'S GOT STONE BRUISES ON HIS FEET

AND HE'S GOT A CHIPPED A BONE IN HIS HOCK.

HOW BAD IS IT?

WELL, FOR HIS AGE, IT'S PRETTY SERIOUS.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

BUTAZONE. MAYBE SURGERY.

BUT WE GOTTA THINK ABOUT

WHETHER HE CAN HANDLE THAT.

JACK: I THOUGHT THAT GIRL HAD MORE SENSE

OR AT LEAST THAT SHE HAD SOME FEELINGS FOR THAT HORSE.

WELL, YOU WERE WRONG.

I GUESS WE ALL WERE.

(TIRES CRUNCHING)

AMY!

OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

I FEEL REALLY TERRIBLE

AND I KNOW IT'S ALL MY FAULT

AND I WILL TOTALLY PAY FOR ALL THE VET BILLS.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT BILLS.

I GET IT. CALEB. I WENT RIDING WITH CALEB.

YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT CALEB?

WELL, YOU SEE THAT'S THE THING ABOUT BEING AN ACTRESS

IS THAT I LEARN HOW TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

AND I MEAN, BOTH THOSE GUYS

OBVIOUSLY HAVE A THING FOR YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA STRING THEM ALONG FOREVER?

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE NO CLUE.

OKAY, PEGASUS, HE COULD HAVE BEEN...

(CELL PHONE CHIRPS) OH, SORRY.

SORRY, I GOTTA TAKE THIS.

HELLO?

I'll TALK TO YOU IN A MINUTE.

HI, NOAH, I DIDN'T SEE THEM.

YEAH, BUT EVERYONE SAYS THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.

REALLY?

OH MY GOD, I'M SO EXCITED!

THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN BOTHERING ME.

YOU SAY THAT YOU RAN AWAY FROM BLESSED VIRGIN

BECAUSE THE PIZZA WAS FROZEN,

THE NIGHTS WERE LONG AND THE INTERNET WAS SLOW.

BUT THAT PRETTY WELL DESCRIBES LIFE RIGHT HERE.

MALLORY: THERE WERE MANY OTHER REASONS.

I'D LIKE TO HEAR ONE.

OKAY. OBVIOUSLY I MISS EVERYONE,

BUT THE THING I DIDN'T PLAN ON

WAS JAKE.

HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

HE TOOK CHARGE.

HE BOUGHT ME A BUS TICKET

AND HE EVEN HAD TWO HORSES WAITING IN HUDSON.

(CHUCKLING)

WELL, THAT SOUNDS VERY ROMANTIC.

THAT'S MY PROBLEM.

THAT'S WHY I JUST WANT TO PAY HIM BACK.

I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO GET THE WRONG IDEA.

LOU: YUP, I'M LOOKING AT THEM RIGHT NOW, LAUREN.

SHE SAID WHAT?!

ONE-STAR ROACH MOTEL?

YEAH.

WELL, SO MUCH FOR RENTING THE WHOLE PLACE AS A LOCATION.

YOU'RE KIDDING. YOU GOT ME A MEETING?

DID YOU TELL THEM I DON'T AUDITION?

(DOOR BANGS OPEN)

HANG ON. HI.

SORRY, I'M ON THE PHONE.

LOU: OKAY, THEN GET OFF THE PHONE.

OH, OKAY, BUT WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I JUST... THIS IS MY ROOM.

NO, ACTUALLY, THIS IS MY ROOM.

AND THIS IS MY PROBLEM. (PAGES SLAPPING)

I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO PULL PATHETIC STUNTS

TO PROP UP YOUR FAILING CAREER,

BUT WHEN YOU PUT MY DAD'S HORSE AT RISK...

I'M SORRY, THIS IS ABOUT A HORSE?

(LAUGHING) BECAUSE I TOLD AMY I'D PAY FOR THE...

YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT? PACK YOUR BAGS

OR GET SOMEONE TO PACK THEM FOR YOU

OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO.

I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE NOW.

(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)

HEY, BUDDY.

LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU.

COME ON, IT'S YOUR FAVOURITE.

YOU DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE?

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

'KAY, WELL,

I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE IT RIGHT HERE ON THE FENCE.

BYE.

(TIRES CRUNCHING)

AMY, HI!

I'M GLAD I GOT A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU

BEFORE YOUR INSANE SISTER TRASHES ME.

UM, SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA TELL YOU

THAT I TOLD THE PAPARAZZI WHERE I'D BE.

AND DID YOU?

NO, NEVER. WELL, NOT TECHNICALLY.

I MEAN, MY PR PEOPLE DID.

BUT I JUST NEEDED SOMETHING FRESH,

YOU KNOW, DIFFERENT.

INSTEAD OF ALL THE SHOPPING AND CLUBBING AND...

BUT I REALLY, REALLY DIDN'T THINK

IT WAS GONNA TURN OUT THAT WAY.

I DIDN'T KNOW A HORSE COULD JUST HURT ITSELF LIKE THAT.

BUT I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, AMY.

MMM HMM? AND HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO DO THAT, HUH?

YOU JUST ABOUT KILLED MY HORSE!

MY BEST FRIEND WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME!

I HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT GAMES YOU PLAYED WITH TY AND CALEB.

AND NOT TO MENTION YOU BOUGHT THAT DAMN BELT!

LOOK, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN CALEB AND ME.

OR TY AND ME. IT WAS WEIRD.

YEAH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I FELL FOR THAT BOGUS OFFER

TO BE YOUR RIDING DOUBLE.

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH

ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME.

BUT THAT OFFER, IT STILL STANDS.

HONESTLY, ANYTIME.

YOU CALL ME, I'LL SEND YOU A TICKET.

(CELL PHONE CHIRPS) OKAY, SORRY, JUST HANG ON A MINUTE.

(CELL PHONE CHIMING) IT'S MY LIFE COACH.

(BEEPING PHONE ON) HELLO?

WHAT? YEAH, OKAY.

(LIMO STARTS UP)

OKAY, I'LL TALK LATER, AMY.

BYE!

(LIMO RUMBLES AWAY)

WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE LONE RANGER.

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR MIDNIGHT RIDE.

AND YOU DON'T FOR A SECOND

THINK I APPROVE OF WHAT YOU DID.

I GUESS NOT.

BUT A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO.

SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

(DOOR SQUEAKING OPEN)

HI.

(GASPING) HI.

DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE BELTS?

THEY'RE ONE OF A KIND.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, I'D LIKE TO RETURN IT.

WELL, NO, NOT RETURN IT.

JUST IT GIVE IT BACK SO THAT YOU CAN GIFT WRAP IT

AND SEND IT TO A FRIEND OF MINE?

OKAY.

(PEGASUS SNORTS GENTLY)

CALEB: HEY.

AMY: HEY.

HOW'S HE DOING?

HE'S BETTER.

SCOTT SAID HE MIGHT NOT NEED SURGERY.

THAT'S GOOD.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MINDY TOLD YOU,

BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, IT ISN'T TRUE.

WHAT?

AMY: HEY.

OH MY GOD, AMY, YOU'RE FAMOUS!

LOOK! IT'S YOUR HORSE'S ASS!

AMY: OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!

(CHUCKLING)

I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GET A COUPLE COPIES

OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?

UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE STORE IS STILL CLOSED.

UM, MINDY LEFT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

(GASPS)

OH MY GOD.

HERE. I WANT YOU HAVE IT.

UH, SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.

AND I'M GIVING IT TO YOU.

HEY,

WHILE YOU GIRLS WORK THIS OUT,

I'M TAKING IT FOR A TEST-DRIVE.

HANDS OFF MY BELT.

(GIGGLES) ASHLEY! ASHLEY!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(BEEPS PHONE ON)

HEARTLAND EQUESTRIAN CONNECTION.

OH, MINDY'S AGENT.

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? LISTEN TO ME SOMETHING, MISTER,

I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE SAID, 'CAUSE...

HEAVEN ON EARTH?

REALLY.

ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS?

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

UM, UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE FULLY BOOKED.

(SUCKS TEETH)

(BEEPS PHONE OFF)

HEY. HEY.

TY: HEY, UH, LOOK,

UM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MINDY TOLD YOU...

BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, IT WASN'T TRUE?

YEAH, WELL, MAYBE SOME OF IT WASN'T,

BUT, UH, SOME WAS. I DON'T KNOW.

BUT SHE SAID SOME STUFF TOO.

LIKE WHAT? WHAT DID SHE SAY?

JUST STUFF.

AND LET ME GUESS,

YOU SIGNED THAT CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT?

TY: YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

COME ON, TY! JUST TELL ME.

TELL ME!

TY: I WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T.

AMY: (LAUGHING) I'M GONNA GET IT OUT OF YOU ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

TY: (LAUGHING) OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY!