Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hi.

[laughs]

[David Lee Roth singing "Easy Street"]

♪ Saturday night ♪

♪ At the corner cafe... ♪

Hoops: Once upon a time,

there was a lonely kind of a guy

who'd resigned himself to the fact that love was blind.

Now, if love is blind,

he thought to himself,

"How will it find me?"

It honestly seems such a crime.

[dog barking]

For how many times has love knocked on the door...

when it should have been knocking on mine?

[barking]

And so one day, he went off

in search of the aloof creature.

He soon happened upon the cute

and fuzzy bunny gang.

Perhaps, they could help him.

Uh, pardon me, cute and fuzzy bunnies.

Hoops: He said.

I wonder if you could help me find love.

[chuckles] Love would have nothing to do

with such a stupid looking creature.

Hoops: Said the first cute and fuzzy bunny.

[chuckles] With that nose

and those shoes.

And that stomach.

And those eyes.

Bunny 1: And those ears.

All bunnies: Roses are red, violets are blue,

but love will have nothing to do with you!

Hoops: They chanted and danced around him.

Naturally, our hero was very saddened by this

so... um... he...

Actually, uh, he...

He reached into his suitcase

and pulled out a Israeli submachine gun

and he, he sawed those

cute, fuzzy bastards in half with hot lead!

Oh-ho! It was beautiful!

[gunfire]

Wait, stop! No, no.

It's supposed to be a love story, not a "Rambo" bloodbath.

Forget it. It's not your fault. It's me.

[instrumental music on stereo]

Hey, Morty, how am I gonna get this done?

What do you know? You're not a man. You're a cat.

Go back to your feline world.

Get outta here.

[meows]

You better get a move on, Hoops. You'll miss graduation.

Okay, mom.

Here's your cap and gown. All clean.

What do you mean, "All clean?"

Hoops, these are rented.

Do you know how many people wear them?

I washed them.

Man 1: Rita Segal.

[all cheering]

Man 1: Solomon Shapiro.

Frank Stephens.

Shirley Storm.

I gotta get out of Generic this summer

or I'm gonna lose my mind.

Hoops, come to Nantucket with me.

We'll have a blast. We'll scale mermaids.

No, I can't be goin' to bein' a party monkey, George.

I gotta buckle down.

I've got two weeks to submit my scholarship assignment.

It's the only chance I'm gonna get to get into

Rhode Island School of Design.

Come on, Hoops, it's the summer.

We're high school graduates now.

I mean, it's time to reap the rewards of four years

of hard, grueling, mind-expanding work.

What's this word?

Your last name.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah.

Georgina Williams.

Hoops: The scholarship assignment is supposed to

be an illustrated love story. What do I know about love?

How am I supposed to write a good love story?

I've never been in love.

I would like to congratulate the 1986 graduating class

of Generic New York High School!

[all cheering]

Man 2: Honey, you like it? Woman 1: Oh, daddy, it's great.

It's just what I wanted.

I think what you really need is a break from your mom.

I mean, what, you're gonna end up bein' a...

a street cleaner because you didn't get your

basketball scholarship?

Yeah, I guess she's just takin' it hard, right?

Of course she is. I mean, it's like my mom

saying I'm an irresponsible louse.

I mean, I know that she knows I'm not irresponsible.

I mean, your mother still has faith in you, Hoops.

I mean, just because you can't play basketball

worth of shit, doesn't mean you got no other option in life.

- I guess you're right. - There you go.

And nothin' proves that more than bein' surprised

with your brand new graduation wheels.

That final, parental confirmation

that you're going somewhere in life.

And this is just the vehicle to take you there.

[indistinct chatter]

Nantucket, huh?

When can we leave?

Just gotta pick up my sister.

And, Hoops, uh, remember,

never say anything about her dog.

[Twisted Sister singing "Be Chrool To Your Scuel"]

[indistinct shouting]

♪ Be cruel to your school ♪

♪ 'Cause you may never get another ♪

♪ Be cruel to your school ♪

♪ In the name of rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Be cruel to your school... ♪

Okay, you've gotta go. Let's go. Come on.

Bye-bye, everybody Hey, Squid!

You and old Boscoe gonna visit grandma this summer?

[mocking] Dog from Mars.

Dog from Mars.

It's so ugly. Someone put it to sleep.

Both: Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

Girls, girls, girls!

You know, if you make faces like that

and somebody slaps you on the back,

you'll stay that way forever!

Both: Na-na-na-na-na!

Go on! Go on!

Have a nice summer!

[laughing]

Girl 1: Dog from space!

Dog from space!

Both: Na-na-na-na-na.

Na-na-na-na-na.

♪ I have a brain or will I go insane ♪

♪ I've gone insay-ay-ay-ay-ane ♪

[music continues]

[both screaming]

[screaming]

Geez! There sure are some ugly-looking kids

running around here.

♪ 'Cause hey I gotta know ♪

♪ What I'll have to show ♪

♪ When I hi hi ho it from here ♪

♪ Do A-B-Cs and 1-2-3s ♪

♪ Mean that much to me that much to me... ♪

Hoops: So, where's this place, anyway?

George: First stop's a little place called Woods Hole.

[rock music]

[engine rumbling]

[tires screeching]

[ZZ Top singing "Dirty Dog"]

♪ Hey baby watcha gonna do ♪

♪ Now that I've left you ♪

♪ I said we're through ♪

♪ All along you've been runnin' round ♪

♪ But you ain't the only game in town ♪

♪ I dug your brush ♪

♪ And your ass was fine ♪

♪ I dug your jelly and your mighty mind ♪

♪ But you rubbed it on another guy ♪

♪ You're history and this is why ♪

♪ You're just a dog ♪

[engines rumbling]

[laughing]

[chuckles]

Okay, Cassandra.

All I want is my money.

It's my money and you know it!

No!

It's definitely mine.

Trust me.

[laughing]

Excuse me, guys. Lookin' for this?

Get him!

George, get us out of here!

So long, sucker.

It's my money! It's mine!

[tires screeching]

[clamoring]

[grunts]

- Who are your friends? - Maniacs!

Get us out of here! Go, go, go!

[engine revving]

Hurry up! They're gaining on us!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Who are you? - I'm Cassandra.

- Good. - George. Pleasure's all mine.

Watch where you're going! We're heading for the docks!

We gotta make the boat.

- Boat? What boat? - What?

You think we're driving to Nantucket?

Come on, it's an island!

[engine revving]

Hoops: You never mentioned any boat. I hate boats.

- I'm not gettin' on any boat. - I beg to differ.

[foghorn blowing]

Cassandra: What are you doing? It's already left!

George: We'll make it.

- We'll make it? - We'll make it?

You might wanna brace yourselves though.

[all screaming]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[screaming]

♪ I'm crackin' up I'm gonna take my leave ♪

♪ I dug your brush ♪

[grunting]

[laughing]

Get me out of here!

Now!

♪ You're history and this is why ♪

♪ You're just a dog ♪

[sighs]

[clanging]

This is gonna be a great summer.

[grunting]

I want you to die!

Hoops: Once upon a time, there was a lonely kind of a guy

on a quest for love.

The cute and fuzzy bunnies were quick to cooperate this time.

The path they sent him on landed him

on an ocean-going vessel.

Now, our hero hated boats,

but he was desperate in his quest.

And once again he fell victim to the heinous

cute and fuzzy bunnies.

And he was sucked into the cold, dark sea

and he never found love.

[whining]

[bunnies laughing]

[instrumental music]

Are you alright?

Me?

Yeah, great. Really good.

Why?

I don't know, you look pretty uncomfortable.

What, a-- are you afraid of water?

No.

No, not really. No.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, actually, I am afraid of the water.

But, uh, this is a big boat.

A lot of safety equipment. And I can see the land.

[exhales] Clean, fresh air.

[inhales]

George: Chili dog.

Go away.

[seagulls squawking]

You live on the island?

Just for the summer, I'm going over

to help my grandfather out.

What kinda help?

Well, he's got a houseful of friends

he's taking care of, and...

He's having money problems.

I was working in some dive tryin' to

help him out but I got ripped off.

Is that what that was about, the big scene back there?

- Yeah. - Hm.

I wish I could've helped out more.

Oh, come on, you were great.

George: You sure? Last bite.

Will you get out of here with this?

Hey, you kids!

[screaming]

[foghorn blowing]

[whirring]

[instrumental music]

[screaming]

Come on!

This gonna be, this is gonna be fun.

[chuckles]

Clay: All the eggs, they're broken! Argh!

Clay, I-- if you're not gonna stand on the right side

you're like defeating the entire purpose

of even buying them, you big mess!

Mess! Argh!

There they are. The Stork twins.

Hoops: Those guys? They're twins?

George: Yeah, Clay's a couple minutes older.

Yo!

The Stork twins!

[screaming]

This is Hoops.

Aloha!

Hi, Hoops!

I'm gonna go get the car.

Hey, Squidly!

Hey, this is gonna be a great shot.

I'm out. Maybe we'll see each other.

- Hope so. - Alright.

- Take it easy. - Yeah, you too.

Hey, Stork guys!

- Hi, Hoops. - What's happening?

- How do you do? - Hi.

I-- it's very, it's very... [screaming]

- Nice to meet you. - Yeah.

Me too. What's going on here? What's with the big fish?

Oh, they're shooting the sequel to that movie "Foam" here.

Yeah, about, about the giant dolphin

with rabies that terrorizes a small New England town.

We're gonna work part-time as security guards on the set.

- Stork twins! - Argh!

[both screaming]

- Clay! - Ow, ow.

So, what, you guys got the day off from the garage?

- W-- we're doing a job. - Doing a job.

- We're pickin' up a boat. - Pickin' up a boat.

Whose boat is it?

[engine revving]

- His. - His.

[tires screeching]

[indistinct chatter]

[whispers] You touched my car.

[whispers] What?

You touched my car!

Right! Well, let me just get it clean, then!

You touched it again! Don't ever touch

my car again, ever, ever!

Don't touch my car ever, ever again!

Teddy,honey,

can we go pick up your boat?

Ever!

Remember? Your new boat?

[instrumental music]

Teddy: Ty, bring in the Stork twins!

Come here.

[grunting]

Ow!

Boy, I wouldn't have come, anyways.

- Ow. Ow, ow. - Now, move that tow truck!

Let's go! Hustle!

Uh, my shoe!

[seagulls squawking]

[shutter clicking]

[engine revving]

Man, that is some tuna.

[instrumental music on stereo]

[dog whining]

Grammy, the high school graduates are here.

Oh! Look who it is.

Grammy!

My pride and joy.

There's my little girl.

[chuckling]

Look what grammy bought for you.

[dog whining]

Would you like some nice milk and cookies?

Come on, your grammy will show you where you go...

Nice meeting you too.

- She's nuts about me. - Oh, yeah.

Come on, you gotta meet my Uncle Frank.

Man 1 on radio: One million dollars.

This is it. We guarantee it.

This is your summer to win!

Keep it here and listen for this jingle.

Man 2 on radio: 95.5 FM. Music, money, time.

Man 1 on radio: If you, yes, you are our fiftieth caller...

One million dollars is all yours!

That's right.

Hey, Uncle Frank.

Georgie? Georgie!

What the hell are you doin' in here?

Still at it, huh?

My God, Would you get out of here? What do you think?

I'm playing games? I need to be left alone!

Why don't you just leave me alone?

Every summer he sits there trying to win that radio show.

Every summer he loses a little bit more of his mind.

Why don't they just leave me alone with my dream?

[instrumental music on radio]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

Okay. There.

Now, Billy, take this to the back room.

Field strip it.

[loud clattering]

Careful with that thing!

Boys, tourniquet!

[bell dinging]

- Calamari. - Mr. Raymond.

Thought you'd be in prison by now.

What can I do for you?

We're looking for Acky.

Uh, this is my friend, Hoops McCann.

Quit monkeying with that thing!

Sorry.

Well, another wasted summer, huh,boys?

Why don't you go in with Acky?

Just think of it. Death from above!

Airborne!

Excuse me if I'm wrong, sir, but, uh, Acky throws up

on the Ferris wheel at the children's park.

You've got no college acceptance, George.

You've got no direction with your lives.

No, no plan.

When there's no plan, there's no attack.

And no attack, there's no victory.

This! This is what makes men, men.

I'll have to pick one up.

Anyway, where's Acky?

Oh, he's out on a mission for his old man.

- A mission, sir? - Yeah.

He's on the beach, collecting shells.

Well, that's a little bit more like Acky's speed.

[explosions]

Acky, what are you doing?

George, take cover!

Your dad said you were collecting shells.

Shells. 57 millimeter.

My dad gets 12 bucks a piece for them.

They make great paperweights.

Hi, I'm Ack Ack.

Let's get outta here.

Come on, over the top, boys!

Nobody lives forever!

Oh, my God!

[explosions]

You could've waited till they were done

bombing the beach, I mean, come on.

[panting] When the man says go, you go.

You could have been killed.

Oh, my God!

Do you realize for every lost, mangled doll

there's a little girl with a broken heart?

Sure you wanna be a marine, Acky?

I mean, I just don't

see you having the killer instinct.

[instrumental music]

Pries: "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death..."

What's going on?

"Thou preparest a table before me

in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou anointest my head with oil.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life."

[alarm beeping]

Oh, for God's sake!

Excuse me forjust one...

Uh...

[dramatic music]

[water bubbling]

Leave me.

[squealing]

So, old man Eldridge finally kicked, eh, Ted?

Doin' my laps, dad.

Ted, I would like to have a word with you.

Ted: In a minute, dad.

Ow!

I'll try not to take up too much of your time.

Okay, okay.

Are you ready for the regatta, Ted?

Yeah, sure, I'm ready. The new sloop's a beauty.

I can't lose.

If you screw it up this year you and I are out...

Hi, daddy.

- Hi, grandpa. - How are you?

Good.

If you screw it up this year, Ted

that decaying old man, your grandfather

takes everything away.

Do you understand, Ted?

If you don't come home with that trophy, we lose it all.

No more pools.

No more Ferrari.

And do you know what happens then, Ted?

- Don't say it, dad. - That's right, Ted.

You'll have to go to...

- No! No, dad. Don't say it. - Work, Teddy, work!

Don't say that word, please! I'll win.

Just don't say that word!

That's why I need this Eldridge land.

With this land, I can finally start building

Beckerstead Estates.

And that crazy old man can't...

[machine whirring]

- Hi, daddy. Teddy: Hi, grandpa.

Beckerstead: Have a wonderful day.

That crazy old man can't hold that race

over my head every year.

Now, Ted...

what did you find out about this place?

Oh, Chong says he left it to his granddaughter.

She's got one week to pay the back mortgage.

And, dad, I've seen this girl. She's a...

She's a real hippie type. She wears, like, these braids.

What do they call them, cornhusks?

If she don't get the money, you get the house.

They're already doing the paperwork.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

[dramatic music]

This will be my most beautiful restaurant yet.

I used to come down here with him all the time.

[instrumental music]

Your grandfather sounded like he was a really nice man.

I'm really sorry.

Old Mr. Peckerhead's been trying to--

- Who? - Beckerstead.

He's been trying to drive grandpa

out of that house since I was a baby.

I guess he finally got him.

So what's gonna happen, I mean, to the house

and all his friends, what are they gonna do?

The bank's given me one week to come up

with the back mortgage of three thousand dollars.

It might as well be a million.

You know I just can't let those people

be thrown out on the streets.

I just wish I had more time.

I wish I could help.

I'm not gonna give up.

I figure that I can sell some of the furniture

and I'm, I'm gonna do some clubs.

You Sing?

Yeah, I try.

Cool. I bet you're really great.

Thanks.

I guess basketball is your thing with a name like Hoops.

Yeah, it's kinda in the family blood, you know?

My dad was really great.

But I wanna do something a little more challenging.

A little different. So I figure I'm gonna try to get

a scholarship to art school.

What do you draw?

Nothing, lately. I'm in kind of a rut.

Draw me something?

Okay.

What can I get for you?

I don't know. Um...

How about a gorilla?

Or me, or, um...

No, how about a gorilla and me?

You and a gorilla.

Hoops: Okay, so...

Okay.

[instrumental music]

Hoops: Uh, lose the nose.

Fix that, and...

change the feet.

Best I could do with short notice.

It's great.

If this is what you do second best

I'd love to see you play basketball.

It's quite a sight, let me tell you.

Thanks for cheerin' me up.

My pleasure.

Well, I better go.

Yeah, me too.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Maybe you can come by later.

Okay.

Bye.

[instrumental music]

Cassandra!

Cassandra, can you help me a minute?

Could you help me out? I-- I'm stuck.

Man on radio: One million dollars.

It could happen at any time, any day

any hour, any minute, any second!

We're giving away one million dollars

and it could happen now, right now!

But, it's not going to happen yet.

So keep listening for this jingle.

Man on radio: 95.5...

[buzzes]

Man on radio: To win one million dollars!

[chuckling]

[Beach Boys singing "Do It Again"]

Whoa, whoa!

[explosion]

Clay: Hey, Egg!

[stammering] Really smart.

What if that went in my eye?

Argh!

Hey, where's Hoops?

Uh, he went over, he went over there.

You guys better look after him, man.

He's got a tendency to wallow

in his artistic miseries, if you know what I mean.

Yeah.

Hey, Egg, uh, cut me a little shade, will you?

Okay, thank you.

[instrumental music on stereo]

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hey, little boy, will you hold on to this for me?

Thank you very much.

- Argh! - Mommy?

- Sorry. Jimmy: Mommy!

Woman 2: Jimmy? Jimmy! Jimmy: Mommy!

- Hi, Hoops. - Hi.

[screaming]

Hoops, how about a brew?

Thanks,guys. That's good.

Oh, please, Mr. Dog, don't.

[stammering] What are you doing?

Nothing much, guys.

H-- Hoops, if you run out of things to draw

you can draw us, you know, heh.

Yeah, like, you could draw us nude.

Yeah, yeah, bare naked with no clothes on!

No, no, button up! Button up!

Thank you. I appreciate that.

But I'll come up with something.

Oh, look, I-- I offer you my body a-- and...

And now I'm the jerk of the world or something.

It was a nice gesture.

Hi. I met you at the docks yesterday.

Hello. Hi, I'm Hoops.

Cookie: Cookie.

- How's it going? Cookie: Great.

Alright, uh, these are the Stork twins.

- Hi, Cookie. - She's Cookie.

Hi, Cookie. I'm Egg.

Gemini!

I know them. They work for my boyfriend.

[scoffs] What can I do for you?

My friends and I are gonna go sailing

and we were wondering if you and your friends

could help us get our boat in the water?

Ah, well, what do you say, fellas?

Can we help these lovely ladies

get their boats in the water?

No, no, I'll tell you what, I-- it sounds like work.

Hoops, Hoops, boats are heavy. I'll get a hernia.

Guys, come on, come on, let's do it.

- Would you guys get up? - Arghg

Sure. Love to.

- Great. - What kinda boat you have?

Well, you got anything else we can do for you

like, maybe, shovel your driveway or somethin'?

You guys!

[gasps]

[growling]

[Beach Boys singing "Wouldn't It Be Nice"]

Hey! Hey, you guys!

Do you have anything, like, heavier we could carry?

- Like a car? George: Guys!

[George groans]

Oh, yeah, sure, like, forsake me for eight chicks.

Come on, hey!

Sir? Wait, no! Mister, please!

Please, sir! No, y-- you don't understand.

I've had a bad day.

[Egg screams]

Do you want to come sailing? There's room for one more.

[sighs] No.

Really, I can't.

I, I don't like boats.

You're not afraid, are you?

No, of course not.

I just got a lot to do, you know, on the beach.

How about a movie, then?

- What about your boyfriend? - He's going to a reception.

I'll pick you up at 8:00.

♪ Down on the corner ♪

♪ I'll be in the street ♪

♪ Willy and the poor boys are playin' ♪

♪ Bring a nickel tap your feet ♪

♪ Rooster hits the washboard ♪

♪ And people just gotta smile... ♪

Oh, come on, have a heart, dude.

[mumbling]

Oh, no, not those. Oh, no! Oh!

Please, Your Enormousness, anything but chili!

She really likes you!

Too bad George wasn't here to see that, huh, Hoops?

- George! - George!

Woman 3: Hey, far out. Dead man on the beach!

[indistinct chatter]

Woman 4: Chili?

Phil, do the CPR.

- You do it. - No. I have seniority.

I want you to give him CPR.

Phil, give him CPR!

Hoops: George was alive, just barely.

Nobody wanted to perform CPR on him

so it was a complete nightmare.

[Cassandra laughs]

Hoopa: But enough about old George.

So, how's the dollar count comin'? You get any more money?

So far so good. I sold some of the furniture.

And I have a gig tonight at a club

called the Dew Drop Inn.

Maybe you can come by.

Yeah, sure. I-- I mean I'll try.

I-- I might have something to do tonight maybe.

Oh, well, if you can.

Be nice to have a friend there.

I'll be there. I'll be at the first table.

You can count on it.

I got to go. George's grandma is makin' us supper.

You know how grandmas are about that kind of thing.

This kinda means the world to 'em.

Grandma Calamari: Are you sure you don't want

just a little bit more?

Hoops: No, thank you. I'm stuffed.

- It was delicious, though. - Well, alright, then.

[whistling]

I got it.

- Keep it. - Thank you very much.

- Thank God. - It was really good.

George: So, uh, what do you mean you're not

goin' out with Cookie tonight?

You're here to write a love story, Hoops.

Cookie is a love story.

George, have you seen her boyfriend?

He's like Cro-Magnon teen. No way.

Besides, I said I was gonna help Cassandra.

I promised I'd go to her show.

Yeah, but like-- like Cookie asked you out first.

[stammering] We were there.

Y-- you know, Teddy's not even gonna be around tonight, Hoops.

You know where Teddy's gonna be?

He's gonna be at a little reception

celebrating the rape of the land

that Cassandra's house now stands on.

- The Stork brothers told me. - That's true!

You know, Cookie seems like a real nice person.

Maybe she'd like to help Cassandra out.

I don't think that's what she's interested in.

You know what I mean?

Hah, come on, Hoops.

Quit thinkin' about yourself all the time.

I mean, go out with Cookie and...

get her on your side.

And then go see Cassandra.

Mm, think I'd rather keep all the original

bone structure of my face, okay?

- Do you want to help Cassandra? - Of course.

Well, listen, the Stork twins are going

to the reception after work.

If Teddy, say, does anything...

they'll call me at the drive-in and...

the big guy will be watchin' your back.

Trust me.

Hoops: Once upon a time there was a happening

kind of a guy who'd stumbled onto a girl who embodied

all that love should be.

All seemed well.

[laughing]

Maybe, those cute and fuzzy bunnies

weren't so bad after all.

Until...

Her boyfriend showed up and pounded him into something

that resembled a wet prune.

Ouch.

Never! Never! Never! Never!

Never! Never! Never!

Hoops: I am going to die.

Forget about it.

- Where're you goin'? - I'm going to see Cassandra.

Baby.

[instrumental music]

[screams]

Are you ready for me, Hoops?

Hey, wait a minute. Pull over. I know her.

Hey, you need a ride?

[water splashing]

That was a friend of mine.

I don't pick up hitchhikers.

Ha!

[screaming]

Oh, the humanity!

Thank you very much for the ride.

I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Hey! Clay!

- Clay! Hi. - Hi.

I didn't hear you come in.

I have to come here and then relieve you

'cause dad needs you right now,

pronto at the gas station!

Okay, b-- but, Egg, don't forget at 9:00

you have to be at the Beckerstead's.

Watch Teddy, if anything weird is goin' on

call George at the drive-in right away.

We can't let Hoops down.

Okay. No problem.

Egg, don't forget.

No matter what, don't touch anything

on this prop truck, okay?

Oh, oh, li-- like I'm really gonna!

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ To get ourselves a treat ♪

♪ Delicious things to eat... ♪

Are you nervous about something?

Hoops: Me?

Yeah.

No, I'm havin' a great time. Enjoy.

Are you sure?

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Aren't you goin' out with that guy Teddy?

Yeah.

Why aren't you with him tonight?

'Cause he's got some silly reception to go to

and then he's got his Vang Shoo classes.

What's Vang Shoo?

Martial art...

of disemboweling...

another human being with a popsicle stick.

Are you hungry? I'm hungry.

I'll just go get us some treats.

Stay right here.

[groans]

I'll just get us some treats.

Could you bring me some popcorn?

Popcorn.

Check it out. It's that McCann guy.

And he's with Cookie.

I-- I... Look at...

I like that one. I like that.

I wanna, I wanna...

Ah!

Now, that is a... I could wear that anywhere.

[mumbling]

[screaming]

I'm gonna look nice.

[footsteps]

[instrumental music]

[door closes]

Michael?

Michael?

Michael!

Michael!

Michael?

Michael?

George: Hey, Hoops.

Good party, eh?

George, where are your friends, the twins?

Are they watching that monster?

Don't worry about it, man.

They're very reliable.

Trust me.

[growling]

Egg: Well, thank you very much.

It feels good to be back here

at the Club Tokyo.

Hi, how are you doin'? Where're you from?

What do you do for a livin'?

9:00?

Shit! 9:00!

Goddamn it! Argh!

[screaming]

Shit!

Ah! Shit! Shit!

[Peter Allen singing "I Go To Rio"]

[car horn honking]

Relax.

Would you get over here, you two stupid clowns?

I can't wait all night.

Wilbur, look at this.

Damn, that looks like one of those

medical experiments that went astray.

Little girl, I'm gonna have nightmares

just knowing that that dog exists.

Looks like it's been microwaved or somethin'.

Taylor: Why, Wilbur, I believe that's a case

for a mercy killing.

What do you say, little girl?

Want us to put that dog out of

its misery for ya?

Well, I can't wait any longer.

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

Cassandra: Hi, how you doin'?

I, uh, want to thank everybody for comin'.

[man snoring]

[instrumental music]

♪ I've seen unsung heroes ♪

♪ Of what reminds you men ♪

♪ I've known schemers ♪

♪ I've known dreamers ♪

♪ I've met the very best... ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Egg:! Mary Ann?

[humming]

[horn blowing]

Thank you.

Now...

In honor of our very special guest,

Mr. Chrong Freen

of the Charter Bank of Nantucket...

who assures me that the Beckerstead Estates

are only weeks away from the start of construction.

I will allow Mr. Freen...

the honors.

Thank you.

[applauding]

[instrumental music]

Did you bring me my popcorn?

[instrumental music]

[Egg humming]

[grunting]

Well, thank you very much.

I think I will have a cookie.

[grunting]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Michael?

- Hi, Cookie? -Teddy?

Yeah, this is Ty.

Ty? what's up?

- She's doin' what? Egg: Oh, no!

Stay right there.

No, Ty, stay right there, you idiot!

[Egg screams]

[Egg screaming]

[people screaming]

[explosions]

[screaming continues]

A really nice party.

That's a hearty appetite.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go to the point and watch the moon rise.

I don't know, Cookie, I was

kind of enjoying this fine feature film and...

Man on screen: I never touched her!

I never touched her!

You touched my girlfriend, didn't you?

No! No!

I knew I'd find you at the drive-in.

Man on screen: No! No! Please!

Well, I guess you don't get to see the moon rise very often.

[engine revving]

George: Egg!

Egg??

Egg, I'm about to teach you a very valuable lesson.

[engine revving]

In an emergency situation, the victims cannot

and must not be allowed to think for themselves.

Now the shock and the horror

of-- of what just happened

will surely impair their judgment.

You must do the thinking in order to save them.

In this case, a plane has just crash-landed

on this point.

Now, there are gonna be bodies everywhere...

just gushing blood and...

their faces, they're gonna be just...

pulled right off of their heads and...

armpits will be hanging from trees.

Their eyeballs are gonna be sticking out of their heads

and you're gonna have to, just push them back in

with a stick or something, and...

Now, remember...

you...

are the only thing that will stand

between life and death.

Now...

let's do it!

Boy 1: Come on, let's go! Hurry up!

[indistinct chatter]

Dad, I really wish we could discuss this.

There's nothing to discuss, Ack Ack.

I want you packed and out of the house by 0800 hours.

My home is not a den for cowards

who will not serve in the armed forces.

Yes, sir.

There's a beautiful clearing just up ahead.

Listen, Cookie, I want to know if maybe you can help out...

Children: Save him!

[screaming]

Hoops, what are you doing?

Cookie, for God's sake, help me!

Save her!

[instrumental music]

I don't know, Teddy.

We followed them up this far.

Goodness knows what they came up here to do.

[Steppenwolf singing "Born To Be Wild"]

♪ Get your motor runnin' ♪

♪ Head out on the highway ♪

[screams]

Cookie, what are you doing here?

- They're chasing me! - Who's chasing you?

McCann and his weird friends.

♪ Yeah darlin' go make it happen ♪

♪ Take the world in a love embrace ♪

♪ Fire all of your guns at once ♪

- George! Stop! - Jesus!

Go, George, get out of here! Go!

[children clamoring]

♪ Heavy metal thunder ♪

♪ Racin' with the wind ♪

Egg: It's just a costume!

You little jerks!

Get out of the way!

♪ Take the world in a love embrace ♪

♪ Fire all of your guns at once ♪

Great, we missed her.

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Ack.

[engine revving]

[tires screech]

[Egg screaming]

Get me out of this! Come on!

[screams]

We got to call Hoops!

Teddy left the... Teddy left the party.

Good work, buddy.

[screaming]

- Hi! - I'm gonna kill you...

after I kill this guy.

Hundred bucks says you don't.

[mellow music]

What?

All: A 100 bucks says you don't.

What are you talkin' about?

Well, I'm sure that you can beat him up.

He's smaller than you are.

- That never stood in my way-- - Well, I'll bet you a $100.

Even though he's smaller than you,

that he's a better athlete.

Say, at a sport like basketball?

What are you doin'?

Wait a minute, this wimp? Give me a break.

- Are you in or you out? - Please don't do this.

- I'm begging you. - You must be high.

- Is she high, Ty? - High, Ted.

In or out?

Alright, let's go.

Uh, darn, no net. Uh, can't play.

Maybe we could work this out some other way.

We could play water polo. I could get some horses.

[instrumental music]

Ack Ack: Uh-uh.

Make a hoop.

[laughing]

- Alright. - Alright.

Lu-- lucky shot!

Come on.

[all laughing]

[all applauding]

Okay. Here you go.

- Okay, Hoops, come on. - Come on, Hoops.

[chuckling] Come on.

Man 3: Shit.

[blowing a raspberry]

Okay. Now, if you don't mind,

I'd like to get back to the task of beating

the shit out of these guys.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Why not? What do you know? Karate?

No. I know Dow.

What is Dow?

Dow is the chemical company that makes Mace.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

[Egg screaming]

Hoops: Cassandra, wait up a minute.

Come on!

I'm really sorry about that. I-- I mean...

Thanks for savin' us.

It's no big deal, McCann. I guess we're even.

[instrumental music]

- Now? - No, not yet. Be patient.

- Wait, wait. - Now?

O-- okay.

Eh, hello, ladies.

lam here for your daughters.

[screams]

So, uh, you finally told the Fuhrer no, huh?

How'd it go?

He threw me out.

Don't worry about it, man, you can stay

at my grandmother's house.

She's got plenty of room and

reasonable rates...

if you're not in the family.

Thanks, George.

You can throw your stuff in my Uncle Frank's room.

He'll never know.

- Hey, Hoops. - Yeah.

Did you ever notice people die in alphabetical order?

Come on, cheer up, McCann.

She's not the only girl on the island, man.

There's plenty of them to be found.

Ooh.

I like that one.

Go for it, dude.

Go, go, go! go!

Whoa. Excuse me, fellas.

[instrumental music on stereo]

Hey, how you doin'? Here you go.

- Hi. - Hi, Hoops.

- How you doing? - Fine.

- Look, Cassandra... - Ah, here you go.

I wanted to apologize. I...

I never should've said I was a basketball player.

I shouldn't have lied. I'm sorry.

You know, I really am a pretty decent artist.

And if I could help you in any way

I'd like to make it up to you.

- You really wanna help me? - Yeah.

Buy a ticket.

Hi, how are you doin'?

[Beach Boys singing "Fun Fun Fun"]

Here you go.

♪ 'Til her daddy takes the T-bird away ♪

[groaning]

We are from the Planet of the Toes

and we bring you...

[screams]

And we bring you produce.

[screams]

- Hi, fellas. - Hi, Hoops.

- Hi, Hoops. - Hi, Hoops.

A giant dolphin with rabies.

Turn it around. Turn it around.

Open it up.

About as believable as Superman.

[screaming]

Whoa.

God, they sure can do incredible things

in movies nowadays, can't they?

Yeah.

Hah! Good idea. I've got it.

Fellas, up! Up! Up!

Stork twins, bring that camera.

[instrumental "Wipe Out"]

No! No, no, please!

Please! [sobbing]

Hey, guys, what about George?

All: George!

[siren wailing]

lam your superior!

[The Eurythmics singing "Would I Lie To You"]

♪ Would I lie to you ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Would I lie to you ♪ ♪ Oh no no no ♪

♪ Now would I say something that wasn't true ♪

♪ I'm asking you sugar would I lie to you ♪

♪ My friends know what's in store ♪

♪ I won't be here anymore ♪

♪ I've packed my bags I've cleaned the floor... ♪

Satanic hemorrhoids from hell.

We must stop them before they kill again!

Doctor, no!

You can't go in there.

This could possibly save the whole free world.

[crowd clamoring]

♪ Would I lie to you ♪

♪ Would I lie to you honey ♪ ♪ Honey would I lie ♪

♪ Now honey would I lie to you ♪

♪ Now would I say something that wasn't true ♪

♪ I'm asking you sugar would I lie to you ♪

[screaming]

Thank you very much. I hope to see you at the show.

♪ How long I can take ♪

♪ Now I'm leaving you you you you you... ♪

♪ Hey yeah ♪

[music continues]

♪ I'll make it make it oh yes I will ♪

[siren blaring]

♪ I'll make it make it ♪

♪ Believe me I'll make it make it ♪

♪ Would I lie to you ♪

♪ I'll make it make it ♪ ♪ Would I lie to you honey ♪

♪ Ah-ha ah-ha ♪

♪ Now would I say something that wasn't true... ♪

Man on radio: Weather for the Cape and the islands

looks like we can expect some rain

but nothing to worry about.

Nantucket's big news tonight is Cassandra Eldridge

live at the Dew Drop Inn...

Come on, come on, come one, come on.

Man on radio: Well, good luck to her and good luck to you

in our one million dollar summer.

It could happen at any minute.

You could win one million dollars.

Stand still, Teddy.

Come on, dad, I gotta do my laps.

I have not yet mastered this contraption.

When I have, then you may continue your laps.

Damn it.

Do you know who this is, Ted?

- No. - That... is trouble.

That is the girl that just might ruin

my restaurant on the bluff.

She's singing or something tomorrow night.

If people do actually show up to hear her,

she might make some money.

She might make enough to pay back the bank.

What are we going to do about it, Ted? Hm?

Stop her from singing?

Good, Teddy. Good.

[doorbell ringing] Get it.

[screams] W-- we're here to pick up your father's Jag.

H-- he called us.

We will need the keys.

Ha!

Ow.

- Get rid of this. - Okay.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

Man on radio: In sports, we've got

the Nantucket Regatta coming up.

And Cape Cod's own Mr. Congeniality...

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Ack Ack.

Hiya, Ack.

How you doin'?

Well...

that's the last of it.

I'm history.

I just wish I could make my father understand.

Hey, Ack...

I understand.

- You do? - Uh-huh.

[Beach Boys singing "In My Room"]

Let me tell you a story...

about a little fat boy...

that nobody loved

and then all the other kids,

they used to make fun of him...

and they would pick on him.

And they, and they, and then they used to say

that he talked funny and stuff.

And he had a... And he had a twin brother

and everybody, a-- a-- and everybody said

that he didn't look anything like his twin brother.

B-- but he wanted to.

Egg...

Were you the little fat boy?

No. No.

B-- but I used to like to beat him up, you know?

I'd grab him and go, "Why are you so fat?

Why are you so fat?" and I'd beat the shit out of him.

[grunts]

Isn't that a great story?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Hoops: Are you a little nervous? Cassandra: Unh-unh.

No?

Nobody's gonna show up.

Come on, everybody's gonna show up.

It's been the greatest media blitz in the history

of Nantucket. It's gonna be great

and I don't wanna hear another word.

What about Beckerstead?

Do you think he's gonna pull something?

It's covered, okay?

I promise you. You just relax and have a good time

'cause you're gonna be great.

I know you are. Okay?

Trust me.

Hoops...

I just want to tell you...

I guess I know what you mean.

- Hoops? Hoops: Yeah. Got to run.

See you at the club.

[instrumental music]

Ack Ack: This one's for Cassandra.

[explosion]

[dramatic music]

Go!Go!Go!

[engine starts]

Hey!

[music continues]

[grunts]

[music continues]

Beckerstead: Teddy!

Don't forget about tonight!

Dad, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go after I do my laps!

Beckerstead: Thank you, Teddy.

[snapping fingers]

Ah! Have a nice swim.

[blowing a raspberry]

[dramatic music]

Come on in!

Come on in, Cookie wookie wookie...

[chuckling]

Ow!

Ow!

Ah!

- Cookie, help! - Teddy, what's wrong?

Come here!

[screaming]

[both screaming]

[laughing]

[both screaming]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[upbeat music]

♪ You're sittin' all alone and feelin' blue ♪

♪ The whole damn world's comin' down on you ♪

♪ They want your body and they want your soul ♪

♪ And they won't even give you any rock and roll ♪

♪ Your friends will tell you that you're wastin' time ♪

♪ Just shut the door and leave it all behind ♪

♪ Don't look back we're nation for today ♪

♪ Don't look back let it all just fade away ♪

♪ Don't look back you can leave it all behind ♪

♪ Don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ Baby don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ Baby don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ You're simply waitin' for your time to come ♪

♪ The beat goes on waitin' for no one ♪

♪ You gotta get it up and do it now ♪

♪ If you want me too I can show you how ♪

♪ The situation's really killin' you ♪

♪ You gotta make a move and follow through ♪

♪ Don't look back we're nation for today ♪

♪ Don't look back let it all just fade away ♪

♪ Don't look back you can leave it all behind ♪

♪ Don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ Baby don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ We're nation for today ♪

♪ Don't look back let it all just fade away ♪

[screaming]

♪ Don't look back ♪

♪ You can leave it all behind ♪

♪ Don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ Baby don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ We're nation for today ♪

♪ Don't look back let it all just fade away ♪

♪ Don't look back you can leave it all behind ♪

♪ Don't look back don't look back ♪

♪ Baby don't look back... ♪

[audience applauding]

[all cheering]

Ow!

- What? - I'm sorry, miss.

But I'm afraid all the money in the world

isn't gonna get you that house.

But it's my house and that's the money that I owe you.

John: I understand, miss.

The problem is Mr. Beckerstead

has bought the mortgage from the bank and...

he can foreclose anytime he wants.

You gave me until today.

lam sorry.

But the bank was as lenient as it could be

for as long as it could be.

What about those people? That's their home!

How could you sell it to him?

Mr. Beckerstead is a lot wealthier than you.

[mellow music]

What's goin' on?

What happened?

[hammering]

What does it matter? The house is theirs.

Beckerstead: That's right.

And get this ugly mutt off my property.

[dog whining]

Boscoe!

[bell ringing]

Woman on PA: Dr. Bolson to ER.

Dr. Bolson.

[dog barking]

[sobbing]

Squid, it's okay. Boscoe's gonna be just fine.

I don't know, they've been in there a while.

I think I smell gas too.

Cassandra, are you really gonna leave?

Why should I stay? There's nothing left here for me.

[dogs barking]

How can you say that?

I mean, come on! How can you say that?

What about the house? What about all those people?

We're just gonna give them to the Beckerstead's?

I mean we can't let those people walk away with everything.

I mean, if we give in to those people,

we're giving in to all the cute

fuzzy bunnies in the world.

Yeah, yeah, th-- that's just what I was thinking.

Hoops: Wh-- what I mean is-- is that we-- we can't give up.

Gotta think of a plan.

Ack Ack: Plan...

Plan!

Without a plan, there's no attack.

Without attack, no victory.

Where have I heard that before?

A plan...

Oh, boy, I've got a plan.

Acky's got a plan. What is it?

The Regatta.

The Regatta?

You know, the-- the Regatta.

The, the-- the sailing boat race.

The one boat rowing, sailing, motoring Regatta

around Nantucket.

Your plan, it involves a boat?

But Teddy's gonna win it.

He wins every year. Everybody knows that.

Exactly, but what happens if he doesn't win?

Well, his grandfather takes away

everything he and his father own.

Basically making his life as dreary as ours.

Poor guys.

- And? - So, we win the race.

He can't live without the trophy.

We can't live without the house.

We make a trade.

Great, Ack Ack. There's just one thing missing.

All: The boat.

[water pattering]

The boat!

She's in really good shape.

Mind you, she could use a little help.

[shattering]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Cassandra: George?

[applause]

I'd like to welcome you all to the christening of the boat.

And for this gala occasion, I got a little somethin'

that my parents brought me back from their trip to France.

I've been saving it for a special occasion.

I think this is it.

Hoops: Oh!

Oh!

That's really nice!

Cassandra, would you do the honors?

- Hey! - Yeah.

[cheering]

To the boat?

All: To the boat!

[thwacks]

[screams]

Oh!

We'll just patch that up.

Hoops: We'll fix that later.

Clay: Well, listen, Hoops.

Here's a little something from all of us to-- to all of you.

What? For me?

Hoops: What is it?

Oh, man! Thank you!

What is this for? What do you...

[chuckles]

Well, a captain has to have his captain hat.

Hoops: Ah, I-- I can't accept this.

Acky, why don't you be captain?

This was your idea.

This has been decided, Hoops.

You're the man for the job.

I can't be captain. I'm not even gonna be on the boat.

I'm gonna be on the land. I'm sorry, fellas.

Uh, Hoops?

Oh, what do you guys say we have a look at the engine, huh?

- Yeah. - Sure, that'll be great.

[instrumental music]

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I just don't like boats.

I hate boats!

Since I was a kid I don't like boats.

Maybe you just haven't had the right kind of

experience on a boat.

Maybe you're right.

[thuds]

[both laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

Well, then, I mean, that's it, boys.

I don't know, guys, we gotta have an engine

for part of this race.

[bell ringing]

I'll get it.

I mean, most of those guys are gonna have, you know,

like Evinrudes and Mercuries.

Heavy stuff.

I don't think this puppy's gonna cut the mustard.

[engine revving]

Well, that's like the best my dad had, you know?

[engine revving]

Hey!

What happened?

T-- Teddy brought his car in for a tune up.

Did he hit you?

[dramatic music]

[whirring]

[screaming]

[Martha and Vandella singing "Dancing In The Street"]

One, two, three, four!

♪ Calling out around the world ♪

♪ Are you ready for a brand new beat ♪

♪ Summer's here and the time is right ♪

♪ For dancing in the streets ♪

♪ They're dancing in Chicago ♪

What the hell is that?

♪ In New York City ♪

♪ All we need is music sweet music ♪

♪ There'll be music everywhere ♪

♪ They'll be swinging swaying and records playing ♪

♪ Dancing in the street oh ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what you wear ♪

Hiya, Ted.

How you doin'?

McCann.

[shrieks]

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Nantucket Regatta.

[crowd cheering]

Announcer: Part of the Regatta will test

your strength and stamina.

On this line, you will...

You...

You will not...

Get down! Come here.

Go! Go! Go! Go...

Come on, save it for the race, man.

Save it for the race!

There, you will drop your sails

and start your engines for the final stretch

back into Nantucket Harbor.

Now...

if everyone is ready...

[gunshot]

[crowd cheering]

[screaming]

Go!

Don't stop, come on!

Man 4: Go! Go!

Go, go, go! go!

- Hey, Egg! - What?

Tito Ramirez is wrestling

Mr. Congeniality in a half hour.

[screaming]

Teddy says Mr. Congeniality doesn't have a chance.

[screaming]

Go! Come on!

Go! Go!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Come on, guys! They're gaining on us.

We'll take care of this right now!

Dad? Oh, shit!

You just steer the boat, you stupid, imbecilic retard!

You're not my son!

I knew I couldn't trust you to do this without me.

What are you doin'?

First, we just take out that halyard.

This race is yours!

Aw, come on, dad. I can win.

Shut your mouth, Teddy!

That's an order.

Shit, what happened?

Now...

you may proceed.

The halyard snapped.

Aye! It-- it couldn't have just snapped.

Look!

You bastards!

Fix that Australian boat.

Well, there-- there goes Cassandra's house.

Well, that's that.

Come on, we can't quit! We gotta do somethin'. Think!

But we gotta get the halyard back up there

through the halyard holder.

We can't do that out here!

We're not dead yet!

Man, we're gettin', we're gettin' smoked!

What are you doin', Hoops?

Desperation move!

[music continues]

- Wow! - Two points!

[yowling]

[cheering]

[music continues]

- Ty! Take out the main sheet! - Yeah!

[whirring]

[splashes]

[screaming]

Whoa!

Fly!

Man overboard!

Jesus! Drop the sail, fellas.

Acky!

- God! - Ack!

Hold on, buddy. We'll be there in a minute.

Teddy: Woohoo, alright!

Acky!

Go on!

I-- I got him!

Are you sure?

I got him. Beat it.

Go! Let's do it.

Go get those scum, mates!

- Come on. - Come to me. Help me, boys!

[music continues]

Check this out.

I don't believe it!

Aloha! We're back!

How are ya? Ha-ha!

Teddy, get this thing going faster.

Aw, come on, dad. The Wind's dying down.

We're almost to the engine buoy.

I'm not taking any chances.

Dad, damn it. Why don't you ever listen to me?

I can win!

The only way to win, Theodore, is to cheat.

Remember.

A little hole in their hull will slow them down just enough.

Oh, my God, he's lost his mind. Get down!

[thudding]

Oh!

[splashing]

What the hell is that?

Beckerstead: Teddy! Come back here!

Come back here, right now, boy!

Beckerstead: Teddy! - Oh, my God.

Beckerstead: Teddy, come back... - A giant dolphin with rabies.

Beckerstead: Come back here!

Teddy!

Theodore!

Teddy!

Come back here!

Help me now!

[screaming]

No!

Teddy!

Uh, come on, guys, the Wind's coming up.

Let's set sail, let's get outta here.

Beckerstead: Oh, boy, if I ever get outta this.

I'm gonna make you into a stew.

Help me...

somebody!

[cheering]

Beckerstead: Somebody help me!

[Beckerstead wailing]

Alright! There's the engine buoy!

[yowling]

There's the bouy! There's the bouy! Ahh!

Yeah! Come on, let's go!

Alright!

Come on, let's get outta here.

Hustle it down, man!

Come on. Move it, move it, move it!

Come on, ladies!

- Wooh! - Let's go!

Alright!

[Teddy yowling]

Come on, let's get out of here.

Teddy: Alright, start up the engine!

Good luck trying to beat a Merc with a lawnmower engine.

[laughing]

[engine revving]

Alright, come on!

Gentlemen! Prepare to blow the hatch!

Whoo!

[engine revving]

Gentlemen, lam blowing the hatch!

[explosion]

[screaming]

[engine revving]

[all cheering]

[music continues]

Come on, Teddy! Step on it, man.

I got her at full throttle, she doesn't have anymore.

What the hell have they got in that thing?

My car.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

Ack Ack: Bye-bye. See you later!

[instrumental music]

Woo-hoo!

[all cheering]

[applause]

I'd like to thank everyone that made this possible!

[cheering]

Hey, Cookie.

Why don't we quit playing all these games?

[cheering]

Egg: Ah, look what I caught!

How you doing? Are you hurt? Argh!

Squid, Squid, look at it. Look at it.

[Boscoe barks]

Boscoe!

[whimpering]

[music continues]

- Thanks again, mate. - You're welcome.

I heard what you did, Ack Ack.

It's all over the island.

You're a hero.

And I'm proud of ya, son!

Damn proud!

I want you to...

come home.

Does this mean I have to give back the bazooka?

Well...

let's talk about it over a hot chocolate.

[applause]

Hoops: Hey, Teddy!

What do you say me and you, we make a little deal?

You need the trophy and we need the house.

And everybody's happy. Come on, Ted.

Okay.

You're only half right, McCann.

That house isn't gonna do you or your father any good.

I'm not gonna put a dime in the Beckerstead Estates.

This is the real investment, Teddy.

Friendship! Here's your house back!

Thank you so much!

The little lady has quite a voice.

Come on, Teddy.

Ow!

[instrumental music]

Hoops: Once upon a time, there was a happy guy

that love finally found.

[thuds]

And this time, love didn't pass him by.

Old boy finally caught a break!

This love story lasted all summer long.

And there was nothing even the cute

and fuzzy bunnies could do about it.

Thank you.

[mumbling]

[hissing]

[thwacks]

There's a bomb, there's a bomb, there's a bomb!

Come on, get up, get up, come on.

- Get up. - Get up already.

Fuse is over hey!

[explosion]

[instrumental music]

[wings flapping]

[bang]

[tweeting]

Man 1 on radio: 95.5 FM.

Music-money time.

This is it, we're looking for caller number 50!

Good luck!

Man 2 on radio: You're on the air!

- Hello? - Hello!

Hello. This is the contest at the radio station?

Man 2 on radio: I hope you're sitting down

because you won one million dollars!

Jesus Christ, I won!

- Oh, thank you so much! Man 2 on radio: It's all yours!

This changes everything for me. Look.

You don't know anything! I deserve this.

I've been sitting, waiting, day after day...

Man 2 on radio: What are you gonna do with it?

Waiting for your lousy song!

And now I've gotten through! I feel so lucky!

I feel so, so blessed! So powerful!

- God, I won! Man 2 on radio: Congratulations!

Man 2 on radio: Hello? - Hello!

Hello, hello, hello, hello?

Ah, we seem to be cut off here

so, let's take another caller.

Hello, you're on the air.

Woman on radio: Did I win?

Man 2 on radio: You sure did! Woman on radio: Ahh!

Man 2 on radio: You better believe it, lady.

One million dollars is all yours.

Woman on radio: Ah, I can't believe it!

Alright, it's certainly been a

great summer for ya, isn't it?

Woman on phone: Unbelievable!

Oh, just a second, there's a...

there's a rocket coming in here.

Woman on phone: A what? A-- a rocket?

- Oh my... Woman on phone: Wait!

- What about my money? - God!

Woman on phone: Hello? Hello? Hello?

Is anyone there?

[Honeymoon Suite singing "What Does It Take"]

♪ If I could grow wings ♪

♪ I would do anything ♪

Clay, Clay, look!

A bonfire! Whoo!

♪ Can't you see ♪

Get the marshmallows!

[screaming]

Thank you so much.

♪ I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that mistake ♪

[screaming]

♪ What does it take ♪

♪ It's not like I've been mean to you ♪

♪ It's not like I've got something better to do ♪

♪ The life I live you'll never understand ♪

♪ If you fly with me we'd never have to land ♪

♪ It's easy to live hard and fast ♪

♪ But inside we know it won't last ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If I could grow wings I would do anything ♪

♪ Just to keep you with me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ If I could fly high I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that mistake ♪

♪ It's your love that I need ♪

♪ What does it take ♪

[music continues]

♪ Knowing how both of us live ♪

♪ Leaves us so little to give ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If I could grow wings I would do anything ♪

♪ Just to keep you with me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ If I could fly high I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that mistake ♪

♪ What does it take ♪

♪ If I could grow wings I would do anything ♪

♪ Just to keep you with me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ If I could fly high I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that mistake ♪

♪ What does it take ♪

♪ Knowing how both of us live ♪

♪ Leaves us so little to give ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If I could fly high I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that mistake ♪

♪ What does it take ♪

♪ It's not like I've been mean to you ♪

♪ It's not like I've got something better to do ♪

♪ The life I live you'll never understand ♪

♪ If you fly with me ♪

♪ We'd never have to land ♪

♪ It's easy to live hard and fast ♪

♪ But inside we know it won't last ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If I could grow wings I would do anything ♪

♪ Just to keep you with me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ If I could grow wings I would do anything ♪

♪ Just to keep you with me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ If I could fly high I would give you the sky ♪

♪ Don't you make that... ♪