Original subtitles

IT'S ALIVE FILMS PRESENTS

WITH WACKY TIE FILMS

THE BLIND MAN WHO DID NOT WANT TO SEE TITANIC

Starring: Petri Poikolainen

Also Starring: Marjaana Maijala, Samuli Jaskio, Rami Rusinen —

Hannamaija Nikander, Matti Onnismaa

Cinematography: Sari Aaltonen, F.S.C.

Editing: Jussi Sandhu

Sound Design: Sami Kiiski, Heikki Kossi —

and Peter Albrechtsen

Producers: Jani Pos6 and Teemu Nikki

Written and Directed by Teemu Nikki

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Answer — Button — Speaker on.

Good morning. - Good morning, Groundhog.

Did you sleep well? - Oh well, cortisone kept me awake.

Did you get on your feet yet? - No, I haven't managed yet.

How are the boys? - Rambo is cramping more than Rocky.

They were dreaming all night. - Did you have a good run?

I could be driving an Aston Martin with my elbow out -

or making love to Chewbacca in the Millenium Falcon, but no.

I'm just running around, sweating my ass off.

The time is 9:00. Take your relaxants.

I need to go and feed the boys. - Yes, I should get up, too.

I have a phone appointment with the doctor at ten.

Let's talk after that. - Yeah. Bye.

End call.

Select: Betting. No wins, No new messages. Play Keno — Back.

Messages — Facebook — Radio — Listen.

Now a look into some trending phenomena.

There is a disgusting challenge going viral online.

The idea is to eat a whole can of the legendary surstrébmming -

meaning fermented herring.

Yes, a Swedish traditional delicacy. The smell alone can make you faint.

We can't show you what it looks like, but these sounds should give an idea -

of a typical reaction to eating this treat.

Turn off radio.

Message from: Dad.

"We are driving your way on Wednesday."

"Should we come and visit? Love, Dad."

How is your Groundhog Day going? - The cheese tastes different.

I think it's Turunmaa.

Did you get up yet?

Yeah, rattling around with my walker.

I realized that we could see each other, with a video call.

Wouldn't that be unfair, since I can't see you?

Are you scared that I look like a swamp monster?

I wouldn't really mind, -

but it might be embarrassing in public.

"Poor blind guy doesn't realize he's married to the Swamp Thing."

Married? Was that a proposal?

If you're interested in a wife/caregiver position, why not.

Why not, waiting for the inheritance.

Oh, you just want my movie collection.

I'm starting to doubt if you even have one.

How do I know you're even in a wheelchair?

I also have five cardboard boxes full of less interesting movies -

and seven garbage bags full of VHS tapes.

I only have a couple of blurays.

My sight was already waning. I didn't need high definition anymore.

I don't even have a TV anymore.

What's the last film you saw?

Towards the end, I was watching John Carpenter's films.

When I couldn't tell the difference between Kurt Russell and the husky, -

I stopped.

And you haven't watched anything since? - Nothing.

But you didn't get rid of them.

If someone visits me, this shelf will tell them what sort of a guy I am.

Meaning a nerd.

A hot nerd.

Hey! Go back with your phone a bit! A little more...

You do have Titanic!

Yeah, I do. But...

It's still in the wrapper. - What for?

If someone pretending to be my friend were to come over -

and say: "Hey, you have Titanic , I watched it so many times..."

I could show them that it's still in its wrapper -

and that heathen would be busted.

Ingenious. - No one has asked about it yet.

Oh... fuck! - What happened?

I dropped my phone on the floor. - Can you pick it up?

Say something. I'll try to locate your voice.

Well, I talked to the doctor today.

Satan is not responding to cortisone, so I need to move on to harder stuff.

I need to choose between chemotherapy and biopharmaceuticals.

What happened? Is everything alright?

Jaakko? - I fell down.

Can you get back up? - No.

Do you have your alarm? - No, I don't.

Should I call for help? - Don't!

My assistant should be here within an hour. - An hour?

Help wouldn't come much sooner even if I raised the alarm.

Are you sure you're alright? - I am perfectly okay.

No, you're not. You just don't want to worry me.

How could you not have seen Titanic? - James Cameron.

He made The Terminator, Aliens, the best action film ever -

The Abyss and Terminator 2 .

Then he decided to make the most expensive and calculated turd ever.

And it became a hit that everyone wanted to see.

I decided to never watch it.

Isn't that a bit childish? - No.

I love that movie. - Nobody's perfect.

Would you watch movies with me again? - Only if I can pick them.

What would we watch?

Any pre-90s films by John Carpenter.

Can I take that back?

You know whose face I have given you? - Who?

Alien's Ripley.

Elvis Presley?

No, Ripley from the film Alien.

Why her?

Come on in!

Sirpa, I'll call you later. - Okay.

Hello!

Jaakko! What happened? - Rocky knocked me out.

Where's your alarm? - 1 didn't feel like wearing it.

Do you have a deathwish? - Of course not.

I made you sausage soup.

There's enough for two days. - Okay, Annie Wilkes.

Your physio is on Thursday at one o'clock. Remember?

Yes, Annie Wilkes.

Right. I googled Annie Wilkes.

She's from a book by Stephen King. A sadistic nurse.

I had to give you a face. - And you couldn't think of anyone else?

Ratched was my other option. - And who might that be?

Google her.

Can't find her. - Try "Nurse Ratched".

Right, another nutjob. I'll put your afternoon coffee on.

Put the alarm on your wrist. It's for your own good.

I don't need it. Stop patronizing me.

I am not patronizing, it's my job.

Is there anything else you need?

We cut your hair yesterday. Do you want to go outside?

I don't need anything. I'll be fine.

Okay, I'll be on my way then.

Have a nice day! - Bye, bye!

Nurse Ratched...

Is that... Do you smell weed?

It's the junkie next door smoking again.

Must have drunk himself into that wheelchair.

Those kinds of people scare me.

Facebook — Emojis — ROFL face — Red heart.

Photo: Two people — Smiling face — Interact with this post — Back.

Tabloid headlines — Radio.

Betting — Back — Transfer funds on game account.

Reminder: The time is 15:00. Relaxants.

1,2,3,4...5.

Incoming call from: Dad.

Answer. - Hi, Dad.

Hi. How has your day been?

I'm still alive. - That's not what I meant.

Your Mum and I were thinking about taking you out to the park.

Maybe get some ice-cream?

I have plans tomorrow. - Where are you going?

To the carnival. - Carnival? Who is taking you?

Don't go out alone. We'll come and help you...

Yeah, yeah. Bye, bye! - Jaakko... Bye then.

End call.

Lassie, Roi the German Shepherd or Cujo?

Who is Cujo? - A rabid Saint Bernard.

I would be Roi. I bet you'd be Cujo.

Of course.

I don't get Lassie. She's an Americana Jesus dog with a mullet.

Sometimes you are a bit weird.

I hoped to be weird all the time.

I need to go to sleep now. Shall we dance tomorrow?

Yes. Sweet dreams, Swamp Monster.

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Answer — Button — Answer. Speaker on.

Good morning.

Good morning, Groundhog.

Were you running? - Yeah.

I have an idea to improve your dreams. - Well?

My suggestion might turn your dreams... a bit wet.

What are you suggesting?

Are you sure you're ready for this?

Watch Titanic. - Sirpa, you...

Headlines: Thieves rampant in Tampere.

Impostor cleaner posed as bestselling writer — See photos!

Select — Betting: No wins. No new messag... Back.

The time is 15:00. Relaxants.

Incoming call from: Dad.

Answer with message — Dictate.

I can't answer the phone, period. lam...

In a carousel, period.

I can't answer the phone. I am in a carousel.

Spotify — Send.

The other neighbour told me he's blind. - Oh. Poor thing.

Probably drank antifreeze. - Do people still drink that?

I wouldn't know.

Who would you be on Friends? - Easy: Chandler.

I knew it. I would be Chandler, too. - The rest of them are crap anyway.

Hey, who would you be in your favourite film? Jack or Rose?

How do you know their names? - Movie quiz nights.

Neither. I'd like to be the iceberg, but I suppose I'm the Titanic.

Can you see the iceberg on the horizon?

It's been there for a long time now.

I feel really sick. - 1 know.

{ don't know how much more I can take.

Two years of tests and when I got my diagnosis -

they told me there's no sure-fire treatment for this type of vasculitis.

Did you pick your treatment yet?

I'll take the biopharmaceuticals.

They have less potential side effects.

Even if they didn't work for me, they might work on Satan.

Will we manage to see each other, before one of us dies?

We're not dying yet.

Not today, but tomorrow is another day.

We're only two taxi rides and one train ride apart.

Three hours.

A thousand kilometres. - A million light years.

I need to go. My brain is getting all foggy.

How about one last slow song?

Of course. - Good.

Will you come to my arms? - 1 will.

And hold on tight? - 1 will.

I am sitting in your lap.

I am clinging to you.

I'm embracing you.

I'm getting on a Zeppelin And through the sky I'm flying

To you, to you, to you to you, to you

I'm stroking your cheek.

I'm caressing your neck.

I'm gently blowing on your ear.

I'm getting on a Zeppelin

And through the sky I'm flying

I'm getting on a Zeppelin And through the clouds I'm blazing

To you, to you, to you, to you, to you

Now I am kissing you.

Good night. - Good night.

The time is 9:00. Take your relaxants.

Messages — Phone.

Phone — Recent — Previous call: Sirpa.

Calling contact: Sirpa.

You have won 5802 euros playing Keno.

The money will be deposited to your account in 1-3 days.

You have won 5802 euros playing Keno.

The money will be deposited to your account in 1-3 days.

Recent — Previous call: Sirpa.

Hi. I won almost six grand in Keno!

Oh? Okay...

Has something happened?

I got the blood test results.

I have this virus, and so biopharmaceuticals might be fatal.

I need to start a round of chemotherapy.

What if it fails? - I'm sure it will work.

The walls are starting to cave in on me.

Hey, I'll think of something.

I will think of something.

A prisoner in his own home... Damn! - I would shoot myself.

Did he hear us?

Come on in!

I need to get to Hameenlinna.

What's in Hameenlinna? - Personal business.

Tuesday or Wednesday next week might work for me.

I need to go today. - Today? That is impossible.

It's two taxi rides and one train ride. Even a kid could do it.

A kid can see.

Oh right, I'm blind. Thanks for reminding me.

You do realize, that I can't just leave? I have other clients.

Is Tuesday or Wednesday better for you? - Forget it.

I'm ready to move on. Or do you need anything else?

I need to get a couple of films from that shelf.

Which ones? - By John Carpenter...

Halloween, Escape from New York...

Railway Service. How may I help you? - This is Jaakko Jarvinen.

How often do the trains run from Tampere to Hameenlinna?

Once an hour until 9 p.m. — Okay.

I am blind and in a wheelchair and I'd like to take the 2 p.m. train.

One moment... There is a handicapped seat available -

but we can't provide an escort on such short notice.

I have an assistant. - Good. I'll add a ticket for them.

Will you be paying right now? - Yes, with a credit card.

The number is 2671...

I need a handicapped taxi to my home address at 13.20.

I'd like the best home theatre system that six thousand can buy.

With the biggest TV possible.

I'l come and check it in two hours, and I need it delivered.

Hi. -1 have a plan.

Well? - I'm coming to you.

When? - Today.

Or do you have something better to do?

Who's going to bring you? - No one.

Then how will you get here? - By myself.

You're nuts. - I have this carefully figured out.

I only need help in five places.

From here to the taxi, from the taxi to the station, -

from the station to the train, from the train to the taxi -

and from the taxi to you. I'll only need to rely on five strangers.

Are you serious? - I've never been more serious.

Just take the alarm with you. - It only works at home.

But I have my phone. I can call for help anytime.

I will be just fine.

Let's go, boys.

Travis Bickle, I presume. - No, the taxi driver. Marko Korhonen.

Same thing. Let's go to Tampere. - No problem.

Can you open the windows?

Turn the music up.

Freedom!

Where should I leave you?

My train leaves for Himeenlinna at 2 p.m. - Right...

Wait a second. I'll go and ask. - Thank you.

Are you the one taking the two o'clock train? - Yeah. Who are you?

Oh, you're blind, too. I'm the conductor.

The taxi driver came to get me. I can help you on your train.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, the lift is out of order, so we have to take the stairs.

The stairs?!

Oh, right...

Phew.

I didn't know that train travel could be so strenuous.

Your train hasn't arrived yet. I'll leave you here to wait.

Me or someone else will come and help you. - Alright.

Incoming call from: Dad.

Answer. - Hi, Dad. I'm still alive.

Where are you? - At home.

It doesn't sound like it. -The TV is on.

Do you have an escort? - I'd like to focus on this movie.

Seriously, where are you? Jaakko? - Bye, bye.

Are you at the carnival? - End call.

Hey, what...

Someone is trying to steal my backpack! - What the hell? Hey, stop!

Where did he go? - I don't know, I'm blind.

Did he take anything? - I don't think so.

Where is your escort? - I don't have one.

How are you going to get on the train? - I was going to ask you for help.

Why is that man sitting in a cart?

It is called a wheelchair. You use it if your feet don't work.

Select — Calls. Call contact: Sirpa.

Hi. - Hi! Greetings from the train.

I don't believe you. You are calling from home.

Wait a minute...

It should look like a train. - Okay, I believe you.

I need to make a stop on the way and then I'll come to you.

What is your home address? - Pussikuja 6C, flat 3.

Can you text it to me? I'll see you soon.

Okay. Bye, see you.

Messages — Sirpa: Kiss Kiss, Groundhog. Pussikuja 6C flat 3.

Cool shirt. — Oh?

What does it say? - What do you mean?

I'm not sure which shirt I'm wearing. - "Escape from New York."

Terrific. It could have been a Scorpions shirt I got as a present.

What could be more lame? - Oh, you mean like the one I have on?

No way. — Way.

But no one likes the Scorpions.

Tell me one good song that they have.

You're wearing a B-movie shirt.

Escape from New York is not a B-movie.

The great visionary, John Carpenter, created a whole new kind of dystopia —

and a new type of antihero in Snake Plissken, played by Kurt Russell.

And I know you're going to say something about Mad Max , right?

Toijala. - Scorpions? Hello?

Is there anybody here?

Snake Plissken...

"Swamp Thing, I think I love you."

Can somebody help me? Is anybody here?

Where are we?

We're almost in Hameenlinna. - Mr Scorpions?

Can you see if my phone is somewhere on the floor?

I see nothing there.

Next: Hameenlinna.

It seems that someone has stolen it.

I didn't see anything. I just came from the toilet.

Can you lend me your phone? - My battery is dead.

Once we get to Hameenlinna, can you help me off the train -

and take me to someone, like a guard? - Sure, I can do that.

Hey! Can someone give him a hand? - Yeah.

I'll grab it here. - What have you been eating?

Thank you. - Thanks a lot!

I don't see conductors or guards here -

but we should find someone there.

I'm glad you came along, despite your taste in music.

Who knows where I might have ended up. — Right.

Incoming call from: Dad.

If you cry for help, I will cut your throat.

Incoming call from: Dad. - How the fuck do I switch this off?

It's me.

I didn't get any.

But I have something good. Come to the warehouse.

This is a good one.

See you there. Okay, bye.

I mean... What do you want?

Shut up, or I'll push you under the train.

Scorpions is okay, really.

Wind of Change, classic, Still Loving You... - Shut up.

Hello?

I'll come and meet you. Wait a minute.

Don't you try anything.

Is anybody here?

Hello?

I have his phone and bank card.

Did you check his backpack? - I took a quick look.

I can check again.

Nothing but a bunch of old movies.

Anything good? - No.

So you can just let me go. - Be quiet.

Alright, cripple.

Give us your bank card PIN and we'll let you go.

I only have about 50 euros in my account.

Don't bullshit me.

You get all the disabled benefits. Aren't your taxi rides free as well?

Why don't I give you the number somewhere public?

So you won't ditch me here once you get what you want.

What kind of people do you think we are?

At the moment, in my mind you are the two bad guys from Fargo.

You are the one who might stuff me in the woodchipper.

Right, him...

Steve Buscemi and the... the Dane.

Excuse me, the Swede. Peter Stormare.

Right, shut up. Give me the PIN or I'll stuff you in the woodchipper.

1-1-1-1.

No, it's not. - lt is.

Stop lying. - I'm not lying.

If you are lying, I'm gonna break this forefinger -

then the middle finger, the ring finger and the pinkie.

What was the PIN again?

1-1-1-1.

It's not my fault.

Right, I'm going to the ATM. You, stay here. - Okay.

Do you think your friend can remember the number? - Shut up.

I dare you. — Sure I can, watch this.

Can you feel anything? - I feel like sneezing.

What are you watching? - I'm not telling you anything.

Fucking morons!

Look up "surstromming challenge”. - Okay...

It's better than the Scorpions.

Are you really wearing a Scorpions shirt? - I'm not telling.

That was you grabbing at my backpack at the station. — No.

Yes, that was you. I smelled a familiar odour.

You must like smoking pot. - Everybody likes smoking.

The thing is, I am one of the select few in Finland -

who are allowed to smoke cannabis legally.

For real? - For real.

Give it to me. Fuck, this is cool.

Yeah...

I don't have any problems with pot —

but with speed and pills, it's hard to stop.

Is that why you owe The Chipper money?

How did you guess?

I'm not that blind.

I don't really like the Scorpions.

My dad likes them. He is a fan.

I thought the shirt might help when I...

You wouldn't have any pain meds? - No, muscle relaxants only.

Hand them over.

Fuck, I forgot to check your pockets.

Nice...

What's wrong with you exactly? - MS.

That's a pretty shitty deal, right? - You could say that.

Does it make you lose your sight, too? - It did with me.

Can you still get it up? - Are you getting horny?

You are a funny dude. - Like for a cripple?

Yeah, for a cripple.

I met a woman online.

Oh? On Cripple Tinder?

Is that who you were messaging with on the train?

Oh, you were spying on me already?

Is she good-looking? - Yeah.

She looks exactly like a young Sigourney Weaver.

Are you the alien, then?

No, I am the android, with my metallic lower torso.

I was on my way to see her for the first time. - Hey...

How can you know what she looks like, if you haven't met her before?

What would the meeting change? I am blind.

Right, that's right.

Thanks. - You're welcome.

You could let me go, now that I gave you the PIN.

I can't. I don't know if you gave the correct one.

I did. I'm not lying.

Have some mercy for a man in love.

You will tell someone. - I'll tell no one.

Okay, but if you tell anyone, I will take your head off.

Is that clear? — Yes.

What are you doing? - Nothing.

Did you get the money? - He fucked us over.

What?

He has a 200-euro withdrawal limit, but his balance was 6 000 euros.

He said he only had 50 euros. - He lied!

As if I would tell you that I won 6 000 in Keno yesterday.

You would take it all. - Yes, we will.

How? - You give us your online banking codes.

I don't remember them. - You must have learned them by heart.

I do my banking with an assistant.

I haven't always been blind, and I don't know Braille.

Oh yeah? What is this note in your wallet?

It has Braille on it. Would these be the bank codes?

I wouldn't keep my bank codes in my wallet.

No one can read them. - The blind can.

Okay, smartass. Let's go and transfer the money to us.

Are you going to kill me? - I don't know yet.

That would give you more time before you get caught.

How come?

A bank transfer will leave me with your account number and name.

But if you kill me, it will take the police a couple of weeks —

to spot the connection between the transfer and my death.

You have time to escape to the Canary Islands.

We're not going to kill him, are we? - Be quiet!

I don't want to kill him. Hey, he has a prescription to cannabis.

It's only good in my local pharmacy.

We could ask for ransom. - Right.

I am from a millionaire family -

and just take the commuter train as it's so convenient.

Since you have it all figured out -

you must know a way of getting us the money.

There is no way. - We will beat you until you find a way.

If beating a cripple makes you feel better, go ahead!

Hey, is that cool anymore?

How are you getting us the money, huh?

We'll kill you if we don't get the money!

Get us the money!

The only way of getting the money -

would be to withdraw it from the bank -

but your faces would be caught on surveillance videos.

We have your home address and keys.

You will go to the bank and we'll wait outside.

If you don't bring the money or try to fuck us over —

we will torch your place. - Do you even buy that?

You would go to Hervanta to burn down my one bedroom flat?

Your attitude is pissing me off. - Maybe you should just take off then.

What the fuck are you laughing for?

This is really your problem.

You're getting me the 6 000 from him. Then you'll only owe me a thousand.

Or should I break your fingers?

Pussikuja 6C, flat 3. That's where his girlfriend lives.

Okay then. Maybe we'll pay her a visit.

Google Maps tells us...

10 minutes by car, 45 minutes on foot...

And... There's no wheelchair travel time.

So... Should we go to the bank?

Can't you see this disease is eating me alive?

It has taken away my sight.

Paralyzed me from my chest down. Or not even properly.

Nothing works, but the pain and cramps are still there.

The legs cramp up so much -

I have to eat double portions so I don't wither away.

Everyone treats me like an infant.

"Is everything alright?" "Is everything okay?"

Pity, pity, pity!

And the one time I get up the nerve to leave my flat -

I bump into you two assholes who decide:

"Hey, he won 6 000. Let's Kill his girlfriend for the money."

Sirpa and I have dealt with death much more than you!

I'm not giving you anything. You haven't earned a penny.

So, go ahead and kill me.

Slash my throat. Like a fucking pig.

Hey, I'll get you the 6 000 somehow. Don't kill him.

Keep your money, cripple.

Leave me my phone!

Huh? Do you want the phone? - Yeah.

There you go.

We're not gonna leave him here? - Who the fuck cares?

Is there anyone here?

Take it eas...

Easy... Keep calm.

Hey, is anyone there? Help!

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Incoming call from: Sirpa.

Help! Is anyone here?

Fuck...

Jaakko...

Goddamn!

I'll just rest for a moment...

And keep going in a minute.

Freedom!

Hey...

Hey, help me!

I'm over here.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Hey, hey...

Hey, Cujo! Lassie! Goddamn Roi The German Shepherd!

Come to the nice man.

Yes, yes...

Papu! - Here! He's here.

I need a little help. - What happened to you?

This should be it. Should ring the doorbell? - Go ahead.

Coming! It just takes me a while with my walker.

I can handle it from here. Thank you.

Jaakko!

I have something for you. - What?

Titanic!

Let me look at you.

While the story is fiction —

lead actor Petri Poikolainen is blind with multiple sclerosis.