All language subtitles for Heartbreak.High.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

I met Harper when I was five.

What's that?

It's a crocodile.

It's shit.

We've been best friends ever since.

-Nobody could come between us.
-Stop it.

We've always been
each other's ride or dies.

One, two, three!

We were super into romance

because we didn't have any
in our own lives.

We liked to watch people.

Not in a creepy way.

"I swear to God, Jessica,
you know I'm good for it."

"If you touch her again
I'll fuckin' smash ya, ya cheatin' dog."

-"No babe, I'm fuckin'--"
-"Kiss me."

Maybe in a creepy way.

I guess that's how
the Incest Map came about.

It was about who hooked up with who
in our year and what they did.

Nobody knew about it.
It was just me and Harper.

Some were hookups we'd seen…

Some were hookups we'd heard about.

Oh.

Amerie. Hello?

And some were hookups
we hoped would come to pass.

Amerie! Stop staring at Dusty.

You're obsessed.

Destined.

I just don't get it.

We were going to own this year. Together.

Then, one minute we were at the festival,
the next minute, the bitch blew it all up!

I don't need your life story, dear.
Just tell me what happened today.

In the face! Cheese single in the face.

Mum!

Can you tell him to stop making dumb
TikToks of me?

Hang on. What's that? What's going on?
What's all this?

It's makeup, Mum. God.

You look like you come from
an unhappy family.

Hey. What, do you want people to think
we don't love you?

Happy first day back,
my sad-looking child!

Hey!

Hello!

-You guys look cute as.
-Thank you.

Where's Harper?

No idea. Bitch wasn't outside her
house. Didn't answer her phone.

Weird. I haven't heard from her since
the festival last week.

Nice car, Centrelink.

-What the fuck!
-Fuck!

-Slut!
-Rapist!

I forgot how much I hated it here.

Honey, we're home.

Yeah, but still no Harps.

You actually
gonna speak to him this year?

Nah, playing it cool.

Missing your fourth witch?

Piss off, Spider.

-Ooh!
-Hey, Amerie. How're your holidays?

Yeah, fine.

Cool.

Dusty spoke to me!

"Dusty spoke to me."
What a pick-me bitch. Also rude.

Maybe she didn't see us.

Oh, please. Check the material.

We are beautiful, exquisite jellyfish.

Of course they saw us.

-He didn't!
-He's been here all summer.

-Do you know where head office is?
-Head office…

Who's that?

Oh, fresh blood.

Handsome.

He's kind of cute.
You know, I see it.

Hmph.

Oi! There's a fully-gacked sex map
in the old stairwell.

It's called the Incest Map!

-What?
-Sex map?

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Move. Hurry up.

No!

What in Kids Helpline?

A wristy!

Everyone who's fucked everyone.

Couldn't walk for three days. That's true.

-Cum queen!
-Jenny got fisted! Jesus.

Mary Good's a screamer.

We knew that already anyway.

Damn, check Sasha's body count.

Oh, my God. What?

You scissored Greta Bathgate?
Before or after we broke up?

I don't remember.

You don't remember?

I'm pretty sure we were on a break,
but… Wait, Missy.

Nah, I need space, man.

Oh, shit.

Darren jerked you off?
Nice bro. You into dudes now?

A little cheeky, huh?

Who said I'm a dude?

Why didn't you tell us?

It's okay.

Quinni, lazy kebab.

That's not true. What's a lazy kebab?
Spider, what's a lazy kebab?

Has anyone seen Harper?

It's mostly kids from our year level.
It must be someone that we know.

It's probably Spider
or one of those idiots.

Most of it's bullshit anyway.

Was Greta bullshit?

It's so crazy, right?

Holy shit, is that Harps?

-God. Her hair.
-Is she okay?

Pack it up, Eleven.

Harper.

Sit down, Amerie.

Yeah, it's weird.

I am a woke woman.

I enjoy sex as much as the next person.

-Really don't need to know that.
-Yes.

But reputation is everything and this map

has jeopardized your reputations

and the reputation of our school.

-On the first day back.
-Harper.

We are currently
in the process of contacting

all the parents of everyone on this map

and have strongly suggested that there are
to be no more parties, shindigs or gathos.

You don't have
the right to do that, Miss.

Hey! Hey!
Unsupervised parties equals alcohol.

Alcohol equals poor choices.

The risk-taking behaviors

outlined on this map are unacceptable.

Hartley High prides itself
on being a safe environment.

But clearly this is a wake-up call
that we are not doing enough.

Oh, and we will find out who did this.

Get to class.

Go.

Spider. Did you do it?

Harper! Oi!

Miss Wadia. Come with me.

Well, I've had quite the education
this morning, Amerie.

"Wristy"? Oh, right.

"Doughy"?

I think I can work out
"Tongue punch in the fart box."

I know it was you, Amerie.

One of our maintenance staff
saw you in the stairwell multiple times.

Who else was in on it?

Your usual accomplice, Harper?

Nobody else was in on it.

Do you know
who I just got off the phone with?

The Guardian, Amerie. The Guardian.

Okay?

Were all of these acts consensual?

I guess.

Are your mates using protection?

I don't know.

Well, how can you know
that Alyssa scissored Nina,

but not know if
they're using contraception?

I don't think you have
to use contraception

when you scissor someone, Miss.

I'd say that's a very dangerous
assumption actually, Amerie.

What do we have to do
to get through to you?

We've done the classes.
We've watched the videos.

We've had the police consultants in.
And yet, here we are with this map.

One foot out of line,
one late slip, one phone infraction,

and I will expel you. Understood?

Can I go to class now?

Yes, you may.

-Okay.
-Wait!

You call this the Incest Map.
I'm assuming that's just a play on words

and not the actual--

Play on words, Miss.

Okay, good. Now, get out of my office
before I do expel you,

by the count of three. One, two, three!

God.

Why haven't you
answered my texts? Oi!

Harp! Where have you been?

Firstly, your hair. Extreme, but I love.
Secondly, Woodsy knows.

-I didn't tell her about you, don't worry.
-I'm not worried.

Thirdly, Dusty spoke to me
so we're pretty much dating…

I don't give a shit.

What's up with you? Hello. Didn't
you hear me? I took the fall for you.

I didn't ask you to do that.

-Shut up. You're my best mate.
-Not anymore.

-What are you talking about?
-Fuck off.

-Okay, Harper, I don't get it.
-Of course you don't.

Well, then tell me.

I said get off me.
I'm fucking done with you!

Fight, fight, fight!

What the fuck, Harper? Stop!

Why are you doing this?

What's wrong with you?!

Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Bloody love you.

We gotta stick together, yeah?

Why'd she do it? Crazy bitch.

My mum's gonna kill me 'cause of her.

Oi, Sash!

So you've picked her side?

Are you kidding me?
Dude, everyone's pissed.

You broke people up. You outed people.

And all of that work
Missy and I did to stay friends

after we broke up, that's fucked.

Doesn't mean anything now, because--

Harper did the map too.

You know, it really shits me

when people can't own up
to their own actions.

Look, I hope you're okay. I really do.

But that map is real dog, man.

And I just think you need to do
some work on yourself.

Like, away from us.

Oh. Excuse me.
Do you know what a "Lazy Kebab" is?

Uh-uh-uh. No. Stop asking people that.

Okay. I still don't understand
what it is though.

It means giant flaps.

Flaps?

Oh! Like those sorts of flaps.

Spider hasn't seen them.
I mean nobody has.

Who knows what that incel was thinking?
Straight men are a mystery to me.

You can look at them for me.

What?

My…

flaps.

Deeply, no.

Okay, but what if they are huge?

Who cares? More room to put things in it.

Will the following students
please meet at Classroom

Amerie Wadia,

Harper McLean,

Sasha So,

Missy Beckett,

Dustin Reid,

Spencer White,

Anthony Vaughn.

Sounds like a bunch of dickheads.

Darren Rivers.

Damn it.

-Quinn Gallagher-Jones.
-What?

Douglas Piggott,

Malakai Mitchell.

Welcome, welcome.

Missy. Come on, Missy.

-Hi, Miss!
-Get down. Thank you.

Map Bitch!

She's not responding.

Map Bitch.

What, cunt?

Nice to meet you too.

Come on, Douglas…

Oi, eshay bah!

How was stereo, brah?

-Brah.

So cemetery tomorrow?

Yeah boy.

It's gonna be a rager.

Oi, uh, what's the cemetery?

None ya biz, bong water.

Okay. Settle down. Thank you.

Hi, everyone. I'm Miss Josephine Obah,
but you can call me Jojo.

Kind of like, "Yo-yo," but J.

I'm an English teacher,
so I know some of you.

But I'm sure you're all wondering
why you're here.

Well, your names were
on the map in the stairwell.

The one that's out of bounds.

Um, what map?

Okay, very funny.
Look, peeps, we're not dumb.

We know a lot of you are sexually active,

but we're concerned this map
demonstrates a real lack of respect

for one another
when it comes to sexual relationships.

So we want to address it head-on.

This is a special class
that aims to give you

clear and accessible information about sex
and intimacy--

A sexual literacy tutorial.

SLT. So we're sluts?

Sluts! Sluts! Sluts!

That's enough. Come on, everyone.

This class will go
back to the basics on sex and--

Because clearly, you all have a lot
to learn in that department.

It'll happen twice a week,
in your own time.

What?

Until--

No, until we judge that you started
to respect each other and yourselves.

You have to attend every class
or it'll go on your permanent record.

Wait, we have permanent records?

This is sex jail!

Thanks a lot, Map Bitch.

-Oi!
-Map Bitch.

Sorry. Um, it's actually my first day.
I don't think I'm supposed to be in here.

Legend! Made it to the map
before you even started!

-I think we should do the handshake game.
-That's not the best one to start with--

All right, everybody up!

-Up.

Okay, now clear these tables
to the side, please.

And lift them,
don't scrape them along the floor.

Thank you. Now, I want you all
to start walking around the room.

-Come on. Walking.

Good, you know how to walk.

Now, I want you to choose three other
people to start shaking hands with.

Shaking, shake…
Good, you know how to shake.

Shaking.

And…

Cool!

…stop.

Spencer,

you have genital crabs.

Checks out.

Not in real life, thank you, Darren,

for the purposes of this game.

Put your hand up, Spencer.

Hand up, Spencer.

Now.

Hands up, who shook hands with Spencer.

And who shook hands with them?

And who shook hands with them?

And them?

-You all have genital warts.

I thought it was crabs?

Right. Crabs. Thank you, um…

Malakai.

Malakai. Thank you.
You all have genital crabs.

Except for you, Amerie. Well done.

Now. What does this
highlight the need for?

Stay away from Spider, he's chat.

-Fuck off, guys!
-No! Condoms.

-Did you? Really?
-Yeah.

What? No.

Hey, um, did we hook up?

No.

Yeah, I didn't think so,
but it says here--

It isn't anything, Dusty.

There's like a… It's like a gold line
between our names?

Gold line means destined.

Yeah, like destined to be.

She wants you, Dusty.

Simp!

Seriously, what is this map about?

What did you do?

What are they gonna teach us
that we don't already know?

Hey.

You okay?

Fuck right off.

Ah, the toilet lunch. I feel you.

I could've been taking a shit!

Well, eating and pooing
messes with your digestive tract.

But I'm glad
we've had this chance to talk.

Yeah, um, maybe not.

I know how you feel.

I seriously doubt it.

No. Listen, I do, because
when I was in Grade 6,

I found a giant gumnut.

I was like, "Giant gumnut!"
Was so excited,

showed everybody because
it was the best gumnut I'd ever seen.

Turns out it wasn't.
It was a piece of solidified dog shit.

I got called Giant Gumnut
for the rest of the year.

So I'm guessing that's how you feel now.

Sorry, but can you leave me alone?

-Is this your 13th reason?
-What?

Like, are you going to unalive yourself?

No.

Okay.

What do you want?

I just need someone to look at my vagina.

Oh. No.

I mean, it is your fault in a
way, so if you could just look at it

and tell me if I have
a normal kebab or not. Amerie!

I love it when toxic bitches
enter their flop era.

You can't say that, that's really mean.

She put your flaps on the map.

Yeah, I know. But Spider told everyone.
So he's the asshole, not her.

I love you, but that girl has literally
never acknowledged our existence.

So? Haven't you ever
felt like a complete reject?

Come on, we've got maths.

This is supposed to be the new
syllabus, but this is… Wow!

It's outdated, it's heteronormative--

Yeah, well, it's what we've got.

Stacy, we have to be clear and honest
about sex, otherwise--

Yeah, well we can't be seen
to encourage it.

But they're already doing it.

Yes, but…

We're the lowest ranking
high school in this district.

If I don't get our enrollments up next
year, then we'll have our funding slashed.

Look, I hear you. I do. But, honestly,
I don't think this is going to fix it.

Please. Can we just give it a go?

Jojo?

Give it a go, Jojo.

Yeah.

Hey, Amerie.

Amerie? Hey!

Hey, tough day, huh?

Just between us girls, I thought your map
was quite beautiful. Poetic, even.

This constellation
of connection between you all.

Thanks.

And just remember, high school…

Yeah, it mostly sucks.

But it's one time in your life.
You're gonna be okay.

Hope you know that.

Are you wagging school?

-No. Yeah.

Bye.

-Oi, Amerie!
-Bugger off!

No, no, no, I was just gonna say…
Psycho Map Bitch!

Oh.

Thanks for coming by.

I gotta go to training,
so I'll see you later.

It's embarrassing, really.
Both my parents are stockbrokers,

but I really want to earn my own cash,

learn a little bit about business acumen

from someone who knows the ropes,
like yourself.

Is that right?

Uh, I heard a rumor that there's been
a ban on hiring students

from Hartley High at the moment?

That school's disgraceful.
Did you see the news today?

Uh, I did. It's disgusting.

I like your vibe, Darren.
I'm going to give you a trial run.

How about tomorrow?

Are you serious? Sick.

I mean, uh, that sounds delightful.

Give me bullet points.
I'll work out the book club.

-Hey, babe. How was school?
-Illuminating.

-You're around tonight?
-Why?

Nothing, just the boys are coming
over to watch the game is all.

Mmm. Okay and you
want me to not be around?

He always assumes the worst.

They. They.

They! They always assume the worst.

This again. I mean, it's exactly my point.

My mates can't be expected to
get their heads around this stuff.

Sorry, what stuff?

The linguistics.

"Them." "They." It doesn't make any sense.
You know you're not two people, right?

Besides,
it breaks all the rules of grammar.

Lucky for you, Bobby, I'm actually
focusing on making less and less sense.

I don't… What?

Change only comes by breaking the rules

and I'm allowed to change myself
at any moment.

Is it really that big a deal?

You know, there are children, as we speak,
dying in Ethiopia, man.

-Are you hearing this?
-Leave me out of it.

Jesus Christ, Mum. I swear to God,
you are dick-natized by his pink dick.

-Whoa!
-Like your father was any better.

There you go.
Why don't you stay with him tonight?

No.

Problem solved, honey.
Problem solved.

So I have to leave?

Do you really want to watch footy
with these dumb-dumbs? Huh?

Enjoy your chicken sandwiches.

-Honey, just come--
-Love you too. Enjoy the game!

All right, let him go. He's fine.

-Hello, Am.
-Hey, Justin.

-How are ya?
-Ah.

Yeah, I'm good.
Um, just wondering if Harper's home.

Uh… No, didn't you see her
at school today?

Yes.

But, um, we sort of…

-beat the shit out of each other.

Again?

Well makes sense.
Mercury is in retrograde, so…

Don't worry.
You'll work it out. Always do.

Yeah, totally. Um…

So, is she here?

I don't know where she is.

Okay, um, well, thanks anyway, J-Dog.

Okay.

-See ya around.
-See ya. Take it ease.

I'll try.

Dinner's on.

Lovely.

-I'll start.
-Go on.

Today, I'm grateful that we'll be getting
to know Harper for the next little while.

I'm grateful for finally getting
my tax return in.

I dunno.

Come on, sweetheart.
Just one thing?

Uh… Well, I'm grateful for antibiotics
because I have a really bad UTI.

Can I have a UTI?

-No.
-No, you can't.

Right hand.

That's the Devil's hand.

Thank you.

-Fuck.

Too many schools have relied

upon pornography being
the default educator for too long.

And this is clearly
the case with Hartley High,

one of our many high schools
in need of a new curriculum.

Where have you been?!
I've been trying to call you!

Your school was on the bloody news!

-So.
-So?

You made an offensive map, got into
a fight, defaced school property twice,

you wagged school--

I couldn't stay there.
You don't understand.

I do. We need to talk about sex.

-We need to talk about sex right now.
-Oh, no! No.

-You're grounded!
-We don't do that!

We're doing that. We are so doing that!

Hey, cutie.

Where's my uniform?

Can I stay the night?

They're not letting guests stay over.

Wasn't an issue last week.

Yeah, that's before you took off
and stole my shit.

Where's that Maneki Fortune cat?

What's that?

Mmm.

You should probably go.

That's fine.
That's fine, Jacob.

Your room smells like cum-socks
and corn chip farts anyway.

What?

What?!

Follow these steps for a new you.

One, change your look.

Be careful when trying
to drastically change your look.

Once you go there,
sometimes you can't go back.

I've got laundry to hang out.

Are you planning to spend
all of Saturday in bed?

Oh. You cut your own fringe?

Hashtag major disaster?

No? Nothing? Okay.

That's a good burger.

You haven't even touched your chip bits.

I'm not hungry.

I thought this would cheer you up.

I'm once again asking you
to homeschool me.

And I'm once again telling you no.
May as well take the chips.

Only deal you're gonna get.
Be right back. Good chat.

That's extra sweet and sour sauce
for an extra sweet and sour babe.

-Have a nice day.
-Thank you.

Oi! No way, Adlay. No freebies.

It's mine.

-You're a delivery driver?
-Yeah.

It's good cover and that. And I
do a deal on Thursdays, you know.

Half-price ketamine
with any family meal combo.

Are you serious?

No.

Okay, the eshay has a sense of humor.

Oi! If anyone asks, I go to Brunos, yeah?

-You, um, going to the cemetery tonight?
-Uh, yeah.

Man. See ya there.

See ya.

Look at the bangs
on you, Map Bitch.

-Excuse me. Can I order?
-Oh, God, this is just too pathetic.

Someone's going to be right with you.

'Sup, Dora?

Do you want me to fix that for you?

Please.

It's bad, isn't it? Like irreversible bad?

Nah, I shaved off both my eyebrows
and they grew back.

Yeah, way less shit.

More like heaps less shit, thanks.

Why did Harper punch you in the face?

I don't really know.

You must have done something.

We went to a music festival last week.
And after that, she just went ghost.

This is classic VIP shit!

Fuck it, I'm getting another drink.

You got into a fight?

Yeah, but I can't remember
what it was about. We always fight.

When's Harper's birthday?

November 21.

Uh-huh. Scorpio. Unsubscribe.

What's yours?

I'm a Virgo.

Mmm. I'm an Aquarius. Quinni's a Libra.

Are we compatible?

Not all queer people
are astrology experts.

Oh. Sorry.

I'm kidding, we are.
I'm going to need your time of birth

because if you are a Leo Moon,
I'm not messing with you.

Do you feel sad?

-Yeah.
-What do feel saddest about?

That you're no longer popular,
Harper doesn't want to be friends,

everyone knows you did the map,

or that we're all in sex prison now?

-Or--
-Mm-mmm. Quinni…

-Try scream therapy.
-Huh?

Scream therapy.

-You scream your frustrations to the moon.
-No.

Yes! You should. It's helped me before.
Come on, let's go.

Okay, we're doing it.

My best friend dumped me!

-Damn, that actually felt good.
-Told you.

Oh. Um…

I'm a reject!

I have a lazy kebab vagina!

Right. I'm really sorry about that.
I should never have put it on the map.

Spider's a lying dick.

Oh. It's okay.
I'm not upset about it anymore.

I just wanted to know
if my flaps were too big.

They can't be too big.

My research led me to believe so too.

I'll still look at them if you want me to.

Nah, I'm good.

I used to think you were a bitch.

But getting knocked
off your high horse really suits you.

Make the most of it.
I'm definitely changing schools.

No, you can't just quit.

Everyone hates me.

We don't hate you.

What's the cemetery thing?

It's where we hang out
when our parents are home.

Let's go.

No way.

Why not? Just strut out there
and own your shit.

Come on, you've got both your eyebrows,
a non-shit fringe.

What else do you need?

-Let's get mad!

Okay, there's actually
a lot of people here.

I told you!

-It's gonna be really fun.
-Just remember what we said.

Just own it. Okay, I've never
made an entrance like this before.

We should definitely go.

-No.
-Hey, cunt.

My actual name's Malakai, by the way.

Amerie.

Yeah.
That's been hard to miss.

I feel like everyone is staring at me. Um…

No! No, they're staring at me.
What are you talking about?

Come on, let's go.

Okay, I'm confronting him.

Hey, Flaps!

Hey, Spider.

Yuck! What is this shit?

Oh. You don't like vaginas?

No, I like vaginas.

Well, you clearly don't know much about
them because if you have a look here…

See most vaginas have very pronounced
flaps, or labia, and some of them

are even lopsided, where I'm assuming
you got "Lazy Kebab" from,

but it's very normal.

You wouldn't know,
it's not taught in school much.

-Which is actually very--
-I've seen heaps of vaginas. Thanks.

Okay.

I just assumed, on account of the fact
that you were lying about seeing mine,

that you were lying
about seeing others too.

Look, of course we didn't have sex.

Why would I root a fucknut like you?

Oh, my God!

Quinni!

Oh, my God, that was amazing.

I have never seen him so triggered before.

Thanks, Sasha.

Adlay.

-I got the job?
-Nice.

Why are you still in school?

Huh?

You repeated.

Yeah.

Because you failed.

-Yeah.
-You're 18.

And?

And… Jesus.

Why don't you just drop out?

I mean, you are clearly
doing okay for yourself.

I got my reasons.

-Hey.
-Hey.

What you up to?

Just processing, you know?

Totally.

I've just been thinking lately,
by the time we're 50,

and the planet's been destroyed,
what's the point?

Of living?

Yeah.

I have hope, you know.
Our generation will fix it.

Eventually.

But I'm a total nihilist too. So, I--

No, you're not.

So, uh, why were we on that map together?

Um…

Dusty, it was nothing, really.

Okay, it wasn't nothing.

I used to like you,
but way back when I was a baby.

Not like a baby, because… But, you know.
And then gold meant "destined to be."

See what I mean about being a baby?
Who does that?

Well, I did it. So stupid.

It really didn't mean anything.

Stupid.

You're so much more interesting
now that you've fucked everything up.

Oh, my God.

Oi, can we talk?

Jesus. Let me finish.

Just talk until I can get going again.

Why don't you want to be friends anymore?

After everything, Harp? It's killing me.

I just want to fix it.
Please tell me how to fix it.

-What happened to your hair?
-I cut it.

-Yourself?
-Yes.

I told you no
YouTube tutorials. You never listen.

And you never talk.

What happened?
We were fine up until the festival.

-I went to your house and you weren't--
-Why?

You weren't talking to me--

So you stalked my house
and harassed my dad?

I didn't harass your dad.

That is such the typical psycho thing
for you to do.

You're the psycho. You ruined my life.

Ruined your life?

All this shit, Amerie,

the map,
your stupid fucking crush on Dusty,

do you not understand
how unimportant it all is?

You're a child.

That's not a reason to dump me.

What's happened to you?

Harper.

I just want to move on.

And I don't want you in my life anymore.

Oh, hang on.

Is it time to go home?

-You don't have to.
-Yes, we do.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Tonight was weird anyway.

I'm not gonna let her win.

I'm gonna go back to school.

And I'm gonna make it my bitch.

-Period.
-Period.

Hey!

What the hell are you doing?

Hey, Dad.

Guys! Cops!

A bit shit that we're littering.

Not the problem right now!

Get back here!

Run!

-Split up!
-Wait up!

You okay?

Yeah, I just scraped the shit out
of my arm. I'll be fine.

Come on.