Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,320
-I've got a new headship.
-Where is it?
2
00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:05,120
-Huddersfield.
-Went well, then. The move.
3
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,720
We, possibly,
have got a problem in there.
4
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,120
-Robbie? Shit!
-Jesus!
5
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:12,240
Shit, Robbie! Oh, my God.
6
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,120
-ROBBIE:Dial 999 now.
-He's still in there. Eddie.
7
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,200
Your house is haunted by
none other than Matthew Normanton,
8
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,640
right-hand man
to King David himself.
9
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,160
-Nonetheless, it's--
-(THUNDER RUMBLES)
10
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,360
I know there's no such thing.
But what if there is?
11
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,720
Celia's playing Madame Arcati
in Blithe Spirit.
12
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,120
-We've no-one to play Dr Bradman.
-Oh!
13
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,240
So I said you'd do it.
14
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,560
What have you got to lose?
15
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,520
CAROLINE:John and Judith?
Are you serious?
16
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,680
GILLIAN:This is why I suggest
doing it at my house,
17
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,280
rather than yours.
18
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,160
Greg wants to come
and spend time with Flora,
19
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,040
so that's another reason
to be at our house.
20
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,040
-What about...
-Bridget?
21
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,560
-Well, Bridget...
-Bridget.
22
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,160
...will be with her parents
in Chipping Norton.
23
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,400
Of course she will. Of course!
That's where she comes from.
24
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,080
Yeah, so...
25
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,560
What do you think?
26
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,160
Yeah, let's do it at your house.
27
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,400
Brandy snaps!
28
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,680
Oh, my actual God.
Do you remember brandy snaps?
29
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,040
I haven't had brandy snaps
30
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,120
since I was, like, six
at my Auntie Mary's house.
31
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,400
You all right?
32
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,800
Caroline?
33
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,160
What's the matter?
34
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,120
This thing happened,
and I haven't told anyone.
35
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,360
It's delicate.
36
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,560
OK.
37
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:22,640
Obviously, since Kate died,
it can't have been easy for you.
38
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,760
How do you feel you've been coping
with your responsibilities here?
39
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,280
I'm sorry?
40
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,520
You have been
an outstanding head teacher.
41
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,400
No-one here has anything
but the highest regard for you.
42
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:41,120
However, the worry is that
your performance has become...
43
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,200
"Lacklustre" is too strong a word.
44
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,280
Anyway, we,
the governors and the parents,
45
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:55,000
wonder whether
you would benefit from...
46
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,520
some sort of... sabbatical.
47
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,200
-You're kidding!
-And it became clear
48
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,240
as the conversation went on...
49
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,680
that this was a sabbatical
I wasn't ever supposed
50
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,680
-to come back from.
-Why?
51
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,520
We think we live
in such a tolerant society, but...
52
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,680
-you scratch the surface...
-No way.
53
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,520
Of course, nothing was said in
so many words and I could have made
54
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,360
a fuss, but I was bereaved.
There's the irony.
55
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,600
I was bereaved
and I didn't feel up to it.
56
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,480
Talk about adding insult to injury.
57
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,120
And I didn't tell anyone
58
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,520
because it was a conversation
I didn't want to have
59
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,720
with anyone, certainly not
with my mother or the boys,
60
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,120
and so I pretended it was a choice,
a bold new adventure,
61
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,200
and now I'm terrified.
62
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,280
I'm terrified that I'm not going to
last five minutes at this new place,
63
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,320
I'm terrified that
they're going to eat me alive.
64
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,640
-No-one could eat you alive.
-No, I know.
65
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,520
When you've got
101 tiny little irritations,
66
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,360
chipping away at your self-esteem...
67
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,560
however strong you think you are.
68
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,160
And then you just make...
69
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,720
just one or two rogue decisions.
70
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,360
And suddenly, you find yourself
71
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,120
living in a strange house that
everyone hates, and you're facing
72
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,720
a job you're worried
you haven't got the stamina for...
73
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,720
-OK.
-...any more.
74
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:20,760
(CLEARS THROAT)
75
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,520
Why did you go for
such a difficult school?
76
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,760
Well, just after I had
that conversation with Gavin,
77
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,400
that was when I met Olga.
78
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,480
Are you all right?
79
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,400
Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
I'm really...
80
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,400
-Oh, my God.
-Oh!
81
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,640
-That is a 45,000-pound car.
-(HORN BLARES)
82
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:48,600
-Shit! Oh, God! Oh, no.
-Are you all right?
83
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,080
I think so. I think so.
Am I? Are you?
84
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,240
Weren't you looking?
85
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,200
I thought you were moving off.
Were you not moving off?
86
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,760
There were things coming!
87
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,680
-Oh, this isn't happening. Oh, God.
-(HORNS BLARE)
88
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,080
-You alright?
-MAN: Pull over!
89
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,800
Yeah, whatever. Go round. You
can see what's happening, can't you?
90
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,680
You've got eyes in your head.
Wanker!
91
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,320
-(MAN SHOUTS)
-You're a stupid arsehole as well.
92
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,040
Bring it on, moron!
93
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:15,160
-I am really sorry.
-We need to exchange details.
94
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,480
-OK.
-I'm just gonna take some photos.
95
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,760
Good, good. Good idea.
96
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,320
I've got to see
if my daughter's all right.
97
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,120
-She's not hurt, is she?
-No, no.
98
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,480
-Oh, she's tiny!
-She's fine.
99
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,520
(GASPS)
100
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,320
Mummy's just gonna be
a few moments, Flora.
101
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,160
We've just had a silly little bump.
102
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,800
You know, I don't know
who I'm insured with.
103
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,200
-You are insured?
-I think I'm panicking.
104
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,680
If you just give me your name
and a phone number.
105
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,120
(HORNS BLARE)
106
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,400
OK, I'm just going
to ring the police.
107
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,640
Why? Why?
108
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,120
Well, just because
we're blocking the roundabout.
109
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,120
Have I gone pale?
110
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:54,280
Yeah, sit down, put your head
between your knees. I'll...
111
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,560
I'll sort everything out.
112
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,200
You're taking this very well.
113
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,320
Yeah, I'm sorry
I said that thing about the...
114
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:06,480
About the car costing so much.
115
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,320
I apologise, I'm sorry.
It was unhelpful and unnecessary.
116
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,120
No, please, don't. I...
117
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,240
-(SHOUTING)
-(HORNS BLARE)
118
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,200
Tosser! What is wrong
with these people?
119
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,120
-You really need to calm down.
-I am calm!
120
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,240
I am not calm.
121
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,280
-I think I'm gonna be sick.
-Have you been drinking?
122
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,520
No, no! God, no.
123
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,600
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I do drink, but...
124
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,000
-I can drink for England.
-Look, look, OK.
125
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,600
I want to phone the police because
I don't know what the procedure is
126
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,000
if you can't move your vehicle,
and your van is dripping something.
127
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,760
Oh, no, that's just coolant.
I don't think it's petrol. I
think...
128
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,480
it's something coming out
of the radiator. It's probably
water.
129
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,760
It's not petrol, it's just...
130
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,320
Oh, my God, it's petrol!
Get the toddler out the car.
131
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,520
Get her out the car!
132
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,800
Right.
133
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,240
Have I spelt it properly?
134
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:01,360
Yeah.
135
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,120
-What's yours?
-It's Mackenzie-Dawson.
136
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,240
Caroline.
137
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:13,240
And it's 07700 900 643.
138
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,400
Right.
139
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:22,160
So... Flora, she's your daughter?
140
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,720
Yes.
141
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,680
So, is she adopted?
142
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,000
-No.
-Oh!
143
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,640
-No.
-OK.
144
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,720
Wow.
145
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,440
So...
146
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,120
-Oh, my partner gave birth to her.
-Oh.
147
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,400
OK. Good.
148
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,200
Sorry.
149
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,680
For what?
150
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,360
Being inept, asking dumb questions.
151
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,040
No, you're direct. It's good.
152
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,760
Makes life easier.
153
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,080
So, what does your partner do?
154
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,520
Nothing.
155
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,160
She's dead.
156
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,160
So... you ended up...
157
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,520
I ended up in bed with her, yeah.
Which so isn't me.
158
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,120
I know. I know that.
159
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,480
I don't pick people up off street
corners and end up in bed with them.
160
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,600
-Like I do?
-No, I never... I didn't say that.
161
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,360
And that's not...
162
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,200
That's exactly what happened.
163
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,760
It was a few days later.
164
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,400
She just knocked on the door.
165
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,600
Hi.
166
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,240
Which was a nice gesture,
which she didn't have to make,
167
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,640
so I invited her in.
168
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:41,040
And, uh... We had...
169
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,320
Well, it was a Friday night,
so we had some of the wine.
170
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,320
Maybe two bottles.
171
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,680
-I mean, it was good wine.
-That's all that matters.
172
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,440
And, um...
173
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,520
Yeah. She... We...
174
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,360
One thing led to another.
175
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,200
I've got this thing
that I need to tell you.
176
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:58,720
What?
177
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,240
You know when I went into the back
of you? I mean, on the road.
178
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,160
Yeah.
179
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,120
-I was texting.
-Oh.
180
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,480
I need to get that off my chest
181
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,200
because it really
shouldn't have happened,
182
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,560
especially with Flora
in the back and everything.
183
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,000
So...
184
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,360
-I'm sorry.
-It's OK.
185
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,560
-Really?
-Yeah.
186
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,480
Yeah.
187
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,400
God, she's a stupid bitch.
188
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,680
-Sorry, who is?
-Oh, my girlfriend.
189
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:37,560
That's who I was texting.
She drives me up the wall.
190
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,120
Trust it to be her that I'm texting
191
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,240
when I smash into the back
of a 90-million-pound car.
192
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:43,720
Sorry...
193
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,320
You've just apologised to me
because you were texting
194
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,080
and then you blithely go and mention
to me that you've got a girlfriend?
195
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,240
Ex. Ex!
196
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,680
Did I not say ex? No, we split up.
197
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,320
When?
198
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,520
(SIGHS)
199
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,520
Day before yesterday.
She dumped me.
200
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,560
Why?
201
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,320
Because...
202
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,440
she thought
I'd been seeing someone.
203
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,160
And had you?
204
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,000
So obviously I'm someone
she's just picked up on the rebound
205
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,200
from a shit-storm of entanglement.
206
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,560
So, then I felt like
I'd been unfaithful to Kate,
207
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,320
and if I was going to do
something like that,
208
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,520
it should've meant more.
I should've been more discerning.
209
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,000
I should...
Why am I telling you this?
210
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,560
Oh, yes,
Olga is intelligent, cultured,
211
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:39,160
but entirely uneducated,
her and her brother.
212
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,720
-Sod them!
-Yeah, I know.
213
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,240
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
214
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,240
-You know what you should do?
-What?
215
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,320
You should work in the state sector.
216
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,120
You're needed.
217
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,000
I had a really shit education.
218
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,760
You know, our dumb parents lurched
from one bad enterprise to another,
219
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,600
which meant we never had
any money, despite being posh.
220
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,200
So, we ended up down the local comp.
221
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,680
That's where I learned
to talk like this. I hated it!
222
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,760
Half the staff, they didn't know
what they were talking about.
223
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,360
And the other half,
224
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:14,440
they were so overworked
and all so thoroughly demoralised.
225
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,400
God, they reeked of it.
They stank of it.
226
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,120
Oh, and then this really crap,
useless head teacher,
227
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,640
who never spoke to any of us
228
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,560
because he was too busy
having a breakdown.
229
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,240
Go and work in a state school.
230
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,000
In a school in a poor area.
231
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,160
In a school that
really needs someone like you.
232
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,640
You could make a real difference!
233
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,240
Can you imagine?
234
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,240
If kids in state schools
had the kind of teachers
235
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,840
-that someone like you could
attract. -Yes, it's... It's...
236
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,440
It's not that simple.
237
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:55,040
Of course, it isn't. It takes a lot
of people to make a real difference.
238
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,800
But where do you start,
if it's not with someone like you?
239
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,560
Maybe this was meant to happen.
240
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,000
God, yeah!
241
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,200
No, Caroline!
242
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,320
Maybe...
243
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,600
she's right.
244
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,160
Maybe this was meant to happen.
245
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,720
Don't tell anyone.
246
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,320
Men are worse than women,
you know,
247
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:29,840
especially highly strung men,
like your husband...
248
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,240
is.
249
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,800
Is he so highly strung,
do you think?
250
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,120
Yes. Erm...
251
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,600
I need to talk to you about that.
252
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,760
He's been working
a bit too hard lately.
253
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,080
You do know you're paraphrasing?
254
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,520
Remorselessly, as Gerald would say.
255
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,080
Yeah, but I'm getting gist across.
256
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,400
You need to have
more of a manner, Alan, you know?
257
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,120
These are sophisticated people.
258
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,320
They live in Kent,
for goodness' sake. It's the 1940s.
259
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,720
I don't know. I...
260
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,600
I've driven through Kent, you know,
once in the 1970s.
261
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:12,680
That's different.
262
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,440
And who are these people?
I don't know who these people are.
263
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,720
They've got a maid, a cook
that they treat like dirt.
264
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,520
Neither of them
seem to go out to work.
265
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,320
Don't they know there's a war on?
266
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,240
-I mean, that's not even mentioned.
-It's a comedy!
267
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,720
Get on board.
Come on, let's keep going.
268
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,440
(IN POSH ACCENT)
Is he so highly strung, do you
think?
269
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,400
(IN POSH ACCENT)
I'm afraid he's been working
270
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,800
a bit too hard, lately.
271
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,520
(NORMAL VOICE)
Been "overworking", lately.
272
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,120
(IN POSH ACCENT)
Been overworking lately.
273
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,400
"Overwarking"?
274
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,560
(GRUMBLES)
275
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,600
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Ey. Summat about
in a nervous condition,
276
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,160
but nowt serious.
277
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,640
I think that's as far as I've got.
278
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,560
Right, well, that's the scene you're
going to be rehearsing tonight.
279
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,560
Janice will want you
on top of your lines.
280
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,000
I'll be on top of my lines.
281
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,440
-I've said I'll do it.
-LAWRENCE:Bye!
282
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,000
-And I'll do it properly.
-LAWRENCE: The news is good.
283
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,000
Angus has passed his test and he's
driving over on Christmas Day
284
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,400
-to get away from his mental
parents. -Oh, yippee.
285
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,280
You'd better tell Gillian
or your mother,
286
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,040
whoever's doing the cooking.
287
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,440
-We've already got a full house.
-Good. They won't notice one more.
288
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,680
We'll be off out in his jalopy
as soon as he gets here.
289
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,520
(LAUGHING) Oh, that'll make
your mother happy!
290
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:31,080
You and Angus the nitwit taking
hairpin bends at breakneck speed
291
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,760
across the moors
in a car with no brakes.
292
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,080
Oh, and he's bringing a Ouija board.
293
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,080
We're going to speak
to Matthew Normanton.
294
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,800
-Where did he get a Ouija board
from? -Amazon.
295
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,240
You can join in, if you want.
296
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,600
Like, method acting
with this old bag woman
297
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,120
you're playing in this play.
298
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,080
ELLIE: Go on, then.
299
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,680
Grandad.
300
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,320
-No, you can't.
-What's she wanting?
301
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,520
Grandad.
302
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,160
-She wants Robbie to carry her.
-He can't, chicken.
303
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,200
He's hurt his neck.
304
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,560
Strictly speaking, Grandma did,
but we won't dwell on it.
305
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,720
And we're gonna let it drop.
306
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,640
In the barn.
307
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,720
-ELLIE: Yes, that's right.
-In the barn.
308
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,480
-That's right. In the barn.
-She's not on about him again!
309
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,680
-She loves him.
-Who?
310
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,640
-ELLIE: The fella in the barn.
-What fella in the barn?
311
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,680
-It's just this idea she's got.
-Of a fellow in the barn?
312
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,120
-Just one of her imaginary friends.
-What does he look like?
313
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,040
-What's he said to her?
-Mum, it's a joke, it's pretend.
314
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:31,480
Yeah, but it's not a joke
if she thinks he exists.
315
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,600
-Does he have a name?
-Grandad.
316
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,520
Yeah, in her little pixie head
he exists. Nowhere else.
317
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,120
-What's she said about him?
-Nothing!
318
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,800
-Ellie!
-She just makes up stories with him.
319
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,120
-With him?
-ELLIE: About him.
320
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,800
-What happens in these stories?
-Nothing! It's nowt.
321
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,560
Are we going to Caroline's, or what?
322
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,360
-Yeah. Stop being weird, Mum.
-Get in.
323
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,720
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
324
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,840
CELIA: OK, are you ready?
325
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,040
-Theresa May?
-I don't know what you're doing.
326
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,520
What are you doing?
327
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,120
I know who it is.
328
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,120
-They're hopeless!
-It's obvious.
329
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,440
It's obvious to me who it is.
330
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:26,680
Ethelred the Unready.
331
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,040
Enid Blyton.
332
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,120
Erm... Oh, Michael McIntyre.
333
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,520
What's-her-name,
offMagic Roundabout!
334
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,200
-You're just reeling off names now.
-Well, it's one way.
335
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,120
JUDITH: Is it...
336
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,800
Oh, are you cooking something?
You've baked a cake. Nigella Lawson.
337
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,520
-Jamie Oliver. Fanny Cradock.
-Who?
338
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,600
It's got to be a name
that's already been!
339
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,560
You're talking.
You're not allowed to, Celia.
340
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,840
-Oh, Jesus.
-Oh, yeah, him!
341
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,360
-So sad.
-Minute's up. Stop.
342
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,120
ALL: Oh!
343
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,520
They all get it. How come you can't?
344
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,400
Well, it'd help if one third
of the women's team wasn't babies,
345
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,400
and the other third
weren't outside having a fag,
346
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,040
or whatever they think they're
doing.
347
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,280
ALL: Ooh!
348
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:12,680
I've got this thing
I'd like to get off my chest.
349
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,720
OK.
350
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,240
The afterlife.
351
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,080
Oh, yeah.
352
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,360
Dad told me about...
353
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,120
...him and your mum wanting to be
buried together whenever...
354
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,160
Yes.
355
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,440
You knew?
356
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,400
Yeah.
357
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,120
-Yeah.
-Well, I suppose
358
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,440
it's different for you.
359
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,360
Your mum and dad
never got on, did they?
360
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:43,440
So they might not want to be
together for ever in eternity.
361
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,440
But it's...
362
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,440
It's bothered me, about mine.
363
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,400
But then we now know
he was unfaithful to her, so...
364
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,480
Maybe she wouldn't have wanted
that anyway now, so...
365
00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,760
Oh, I don't know.
366
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,440
Sorry, I should've told you.
367
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,720
So, when did you know?
368
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,520
When they altered their wills
last summer.
369
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,360
I'm my mother's executor,
so I had to sign something.
370
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,600
-May, June, around then.
-You're an executor?
371
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:18,520
Yeah.
372
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,800
(CAR GEARS GRIND LOUDLY)
373
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,760
(TYRES SCREECH)
374
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,200
Here he is!
375
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,600
-Better start the washing up.
-Yeah.
376
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,360
Did you, erm, bring the stuff?
377
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,560
9.99.
378
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,280
We're having a seance when it gets
dark. Do you want to play? Join in?
379
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,560
Yeah. Why not?
380
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,400
-Ah.
-Hello.
381
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,560
Is there any more...
382
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,800
I thought you'd come
to help me with the washing up.
383
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,160
Oh, yeah. Can do.
384
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,320
Um...
385
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,000
-Why are you here?
-To be with the boys.
386
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,040
No, really.
387
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,760
Oh.
388
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,240
You think this is me desperately
needing to be with other people
389
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:29,040
on Christmas Day because I can't
stand being on my own with her? No!
390
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,520
Not in the least.
391
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,320
Since she stopped drinking,
well, some days it's touch and go,
392
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,360
but on the whole...
393
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,800
I think we're pretty well-matched.
394
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,200
She's great fun.
395
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,360
Very clever.
396
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,800
No, I often think,
as I'm sure you do,
397
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:50,760
that things always tend to work out
for the best... in the end.
398
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,720
One way and another.
399
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,240
Good.
400
00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,600
Well, good.
401
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,360
Good.
402
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,560
I'm pleased for you.
403
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,560
(WALLACE AND GROMIT
PLAYS ON TELEVISION)
404
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,680
You don't fancy doing this play
instead of me, do you?
405
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,080
-Playing this Dr Bradman fellow?
-Me?
406
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,280
-Yeah.
-I can't act any more than you can.
407
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,600
Well, I don't think
that matters, as such.
408
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,680
-It's only am-dram.
-Well, no, I don't fancy doing it.
409
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,320
I think I've bitten off
more than I can chew.
410
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,000
Aye. Well, you shouldn't have been
411
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,600
so keen to say yes just to make
some damn silly point, should you?
412
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,560
I didn't want Celia to be
disappointed if it all fell through.
413
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,080
-You'll be all right.
-I keep having nightmares.
414
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,800
We're standing in the wings
and I'm in costume
415
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:22,120
and I'm just about to step
on stage and, God knows why,
416
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,520
it's only then I realise
417
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:27,720
I've never actually sat down
and learned the lines.
418
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,760
-None of them.
-Oh, shit.
419
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,800
I know.
I've had it three times now.
420
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,720
You only got the part two days ago.
421
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,480
Yeah, but I have naps.
422
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,280
Well, it's only a dream.
It's probably normal.
423
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,760
I bet Laurence Olivier
were the same.
424
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,040
-Go on.
-What?
425
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,520
You do it.
You'll be better than me.
426
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,680
-No.
-Think about it.
427
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:56,800
No.
428
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,040
-Is there a gardener?
-Eh?
429
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,600
In the play, is there a gardener?
430
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:14,720
No. Not that I know of.
431
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,800
-Why?
-I could be a gardener.
432
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,320
There isn't a gardener.
433
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,000
-I'd be a good gardener.
-There isn't one.
434
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,760
-Well, happen there should be.
-Well, there isn't.
435
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,760
Well, happen somebody
should write one in, then.
436
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,560
-He's dead.
-Who is?
437
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,480
-The fella that wrote it.
-Noel?
438
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,640
Yeah, him.
439
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,280
I'd make a good gardener.
440
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,360
This doctor, happen he does
a bit of gardening in his spare
time.
441
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:49,120
Happen you could think of him
more as a gardener than a doctor.
442
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:52,840
Bugger off. I'm not falling
for that. A doctor's a doctor.
443
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,360
-I know what you should do.
-What?
444
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,320
Play it for laughs.
445
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,720
Get a big set of false teeth, like
that vicar Dick Emery used to do,
446
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:10,520
and talk like a silly arse. It
would bring the house down. It will.
447
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,520
That's what you need.
A gimmick. A thing.
448
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:17,560
You could do a limp, something like
that. You could be a bit pissed.
449
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:22,360
Play him pissed. A pissed doctor.
That'll get them going.
450
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,720
A pissed doctor that squints. Hey?
451
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,000
A limp, pissed, squint and...
452
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,040
stick your teeth out
and talk like a silly arse.
453
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,360
They'll give you a Bafta for that!
454
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:38,360
You see, you've got more ideas than
me! I think you're missing a trick.
455
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:39,600
(GRUMBLES)
456
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,280
-I don't...
-What?
457
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,240
I don't think
I can learn these lines.
458
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,600
Not in three days.
459
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,600
(SIGHS)
460
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,360
At one time, happen, but not now.
And I have tried.
461
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,680
(SIGHS)
462
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,080
Well... I'll have a look.
463
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,400
(GRUMBLES)
464
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,680
CELIA: Everybody can't put
their hand on the planchette
465
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,480
-because there isn't room.
-I'm happy to just watch.
466
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,040
-Can you just watch?
-Er, yeah.
467
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,600
I'm not sure this is something
that you really want to be doing.
468
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,400
If you're going to have doubts,
it won't work.
469
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,440
The instructions say so.
470
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,440
Yeah, shut up. Let's just
get on with it, yeah?
471
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,280
-Right. I'll just watch.
-Come on, we're losing momentum.
472
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,320
Who's going to be in charge, then?
Have we decided?
473
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,320
Granny. It's good research
for a play she's in.
474
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,640
Good. Come on, Celia.
You'll be good at this.
475
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,680
Right, come on, kids. Concentrate.
476
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,160
Is there anybody there?
477
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,280
(SNIGGERING) Sorry.
478
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,680
-You will have to leave the room.
-Sorry.
479
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,040
Nerves. Sorry, Celia.
480
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,720
Is there anybody there?
481
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,640
-RAFF: Oh, shit.
-ROBBIE: Did you feel that?
482
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,600
-Keep your hands on.
-Did you do that?
483
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,200
(HUSHES)
484
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,240
-Was that real?
-(CELIA HUSHES)
485
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,320
-Was it?
-People better not be messing about.
486
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,160
Oh, come on. Concentrate.
487
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:21,520
Are you there?
488
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,280
Please indicate to us
if you are there.
489
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,360
Is there anybody there?
490
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,320
-You're doing that.
-I am not.
491
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,320
That's weird. That is weird.
That's weird.
492
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,400
-Someone is with us.
-LAWRENCE: Have you done this
493
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,720
-before, Granny?
-CELIA: No.
494
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,280
-Granny, are you moving it?
-No, she isn't.
495
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,200
No.
496
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:51,640
Are you a spirit of the departed,
passed over, from the other side?
497
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,240
-Celia, no, really. Is that you?
-That's weird.
498
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,080
-Put your hand back on.
-ROBBIE: I think it's weird.
499
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,720
Spirit... spell out your name for
us.
500
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,240
LAWRENCE: Oh, my God.
501
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,160
CELIA: S.
502
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,040
P.
503
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,240
(GASPS) I.
504
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,160
K.
505
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,120
E.
506
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,600
-Spike?
-Oh, no. That's freaky, that.
507
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,680
We used to have a cat called Spike.
508
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:34,480
A black cat. He got chopped up
in a combine in the lower field.
509
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,440
-Do you remember, Mum?
-Yeah.
510
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,440
Yeah, I remember it was me that k...
511
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,320
I'm not sure I want
to do this anymore.
512
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,640
(SNORING)
513
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:01,720
Shut up.
514
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,560
(HUSHES)
515
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,520
(SNORING CONTINUES)
516
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,480
Shut up!
517
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,520
Robbie, shut up!
518
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,600
(SNORING CONTINUES)
519
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,240
Robbie.
520
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,600
Robbie. Robbie.
521
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:24,560
Robbie!
522
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,800
Robbie.
(SHOUTING) Robbie!
523
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,120
-(GASPS)
-Stop snoring.
524
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,400
Sorry.
525
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,120
-(SNORING RESUMES)
-...cking hell!
526
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:53,680
(DOOR SLAMS)
527
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,520
-You all right?
-Yeah. I can't sleep.
528
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:16,480
Why?
529
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,520
-Because you snore, Robbie.
-Sorry.
530
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,640
-I can't...
-What?
531
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,720
I can't do this anymore.
532
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,040
What are you talking about?
533
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,360
This, us.
534
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:37,280
This, us, what?
535
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,800
(SIGHS)
536
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,280
-Don't shout.
-What do you mean, don't shout?
537
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,720
I don't want you to go
busting your stitches by shouting.
538
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,320
It's not at the top
of my list of things to do, either.
539
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,400
I think...
540
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:53,840
Something weird is happening.
541
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,280
You what?
542
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:58,680
You won't like what I'm going to say
543
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,640
and you'll think I'm mental,
which is fine.
544
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,680
Right. Well, you'd better
spit it out, then.
545
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,760
I do care about you.
546
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,200
Good.
547
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:24,680
Which is why...
548
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,120
Why what?
549
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,600
Why I'm worried.
550
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:33,720
About what?
551
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,520
Eddie.
552
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,520
Eddie?
553
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,440
I...
554
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:49,160
I think he's in the barn.
555
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,200
That's the third accident
you've had in there.
556
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,520
I think he never left.
557
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,760
And he knows we've got married
and he doesn't like it.
558
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:00,640
That's...
559
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,520
Daft, I know. I do know that.
560
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,080
I think it's easy
to read too much into stuff.
561
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,160
Don't you ever feel odd
in that barn?
562
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,440
Well, yeah... It's where he died.
563
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,360
Obviously it's going
to feel odd, but...
564
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,640
No, no...
(INHALES SHARPLY)
565
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:27,160
That's just knowing someone...
566
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,600
took their own life in there,
that's all that is.
567
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,720
-Yeah, but is it?
-Yes!
568
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,440
There's no such thing as ghosts.
569
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,680
OK, I've had three accidents,
570
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,680
but accidents happen.
571
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,560
It isn't like there isn't
a logical explanation for them all.
572
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,760
That log falling
on your head wasn't logical.
573
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,600
Except I was stacking
logs at the time.
574
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,600
You said it felt like someone
lobbed it at you.
575
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,520
That's what you first said
when you came home!
576
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,720
Right. Supposing...
577
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,080
even supposing that there was
something like that,
578
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,400
which there isn't,
what could you do about it?
579
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,040
We should never have got married.
580
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:04,600
He doesn't like it.
581
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,760
Have you got any
idea how mad that sounds?
582
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:11,560
I am actually... past caring
if it sounds mad. He's in there.
583
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,080
I've known he was
in there for years,
584
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,200
only I've convinced myself
I was being stupid.
585
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,480
Gillian, he's not in there!
He's dead!
586
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,560
He killed himself because he didn't
want to be around anymore.
587
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,120
-We should never have got married.
-That's just...
588
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,800
It's you I'm thinking about.
It's you that keeps getting hurt.
589
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,080
Except, next time, if he does kill
you, guess who'll be in the frame?
590
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,320
Guess who your buddies at the cop
shop will be down on
591
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,360
-like a ton of bricks?
-Well, OK.
592
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,320
Well...
593
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:44,080
Why don't we sell up and start again
somewhere else if you're that upset?
594
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,080
-Because he'd follow us.
-Gillian...
595
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,680
Anyway, I'm not being
chased out by him.
596
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,680
This was my farm, not his.
I... I worked for it.
597
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:56,800
I won't be bullied by him.
598
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,000
I'd put up with enough of that
when he was alive.
599
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,240
No, you won't be chased out,
600
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,360
but you'll give up on our
marriage because of him!
601
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,800
I shouldn't have married you.
That's the point. You're his
brother.
602
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,280
It was a wrong thing to do.
603
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:12,480
That's...
It's superstitious! It's crap!
604
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,440
He's been in there for years,
watching me,
605
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,480
but he's never done anything
like this before.
606
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,320
I don't think it's helpful thinking
about him like this.
607
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,280
I think we should let him rest in
peace, for all his faults.
608
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:24,760
-I'd love to.
-He's gone!
609
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,560
He can't hurt you anymore.
610
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,760
So, why is this happening?
611
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,560
You've chosen to connect two things.
612
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:37,520
It's all in here.
613
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,480
I want you to leave.
614
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,560
-For your own good.
-No. Gillian... think about it.
615
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,360
There's no evidence.
616
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,080
You're letting your imagination
get the better of you.
617
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,240
-You're being silly.
-Silly?
618
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,720
You think this is just silly?
I'm going mad, Robbie!
619
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,560
Did you know Caroline is an executor
for her mother's will?
620
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,240
I don't get asked.
Dad doesn't ask me.
621
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,480
-What's that got to do with
anything? -Nothing. It's just...
622
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,720
She's doing my head in!
623
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,280
And of course I'd look
small-minded if I say anything.
624
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,000
Look, I can see you're upset.
625
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,240
I can see that you believe
it's real, this... business,
626
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,720
but from my point of view...
627
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,200
-I can't.
-Right.
628
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,440
Well... Who's this fella that
Calamity's been seeing, then?
629
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,200
She's a kiddie.
630
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,720
-It's imaginary.
-Yeah, but is it?
631
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,520
Some people think children
can see things we can't.
632
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,160
Gill!
633
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,560
You know...
you're starting to sound...
634
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,720
I never thought of you
as flaky, Gillian.
635
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:53,520
(GASPS)
636
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,160
There's something
I've never told you.
637
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,240
-What?
-(EXHALES)
638
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,400
What?
639
00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:11,800
You were right.
640
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,280
All those years ago,
trying to get me arrested.
641
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,120
Not my dad. He knew nothing.
642
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:23,320
It was me.
643
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,760
It wasn't an accident,
it wasn't suicide.
644
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,720
It was me. I saw an opportunity
and I... I took it.
645
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:36,080
I was off my head at the time.
I was off my head with the...
646
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,760
the turmoil of having to live
with a mad, torturing bastard.
647
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,560
-You're just saying that.
-I'm not.
648
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,320
-You didn't really do it.
-No, I did. And... I think...
649
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,520
I can't live... like this, anymore.
650
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,760
I did it because I couldn't stand
it, but I did it. I...
651
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:55,560
Why are you saying this?
652
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,360
I can't be married to you,
because I killed your brother.
653
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,240
You... Don't say that.
654
00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:05,360
-Why would you even say that?
-I need to tell the truth.
655
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,560
I could cope, just about,
till we got married.
656
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,240
I shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't have done it to you.
657
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,120
-How did you kill him?
-Oh... You know how I killed him.
658
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,520
-Describe it to me.
-Oh, fuck off!
659
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,080
Describe it to me!
660
00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:25,080
He was playing
with the log-splitter.
661
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,240
No helmet.
662
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,640
He didn't know I was there.
663
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,200
I came in behind him and I shoved
his head in the way of the blade,
664
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,560
and it shattered his skull.
665
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,200
He was drunk, I was drunk.
666
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,360
No, you were just...
667
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,360
-You're trying to get rid of me.
-Um... No.
668
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,120
(EXHALES)
669
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:50,160
I need... to face the consequences
and get it done with.
670
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,680
-You want me to arrest you?
-Yeah. I think you should.
671
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,760
Erm... make a phone call.
672
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,240
(MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
673
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,240
Do whatever you have to do.
674
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:01,560
-You're serious?
-I killed him and got away with it.
675
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:02,640
Except I didn't.
676
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,520
I want some peace.
677
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,440
And I'll never have any peace
until I deal with it.
678
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,400
I'd rather kill myself
than carry on like this.
679
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,720
I'm going to get dressed.
680
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,360
I'm going to pack a few things...
681
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:35,440
and I think...
682
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:39,640
I'm leaving.
683
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:04,400
-Morning.
-Hi.
684
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,760
You all right?
685
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:09,840
Robbie's gone.
686
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,080
It's, erm, been brewing for a while,
and now he's gone.
687
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:16,160
Where?
688
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:18,560
Why?
689
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:21,480
Like I say, it's...
690
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,160
-Are you all right?
-Yeah. I don't know. No!
691
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,560
-Has something happened?
-No. No.
692
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,280
I asked him to go and he went.
693
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,120
You asked him to go?
694
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,080
I'm fond of him.
I've always been fond of him.
695
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,400
But we should never
have got married.
696
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,240
I think we both know that now.
697
00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:55,400
(SIGHS)
698
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:57,560
I'm sorry. (SOBS)
699
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,360
Have I shocked you?
Are you upset?
700
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:07,040
Is he all right?
701
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,160
I don't know.
702
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,400
-Harry?
-Yeah... He'll be better than me.
703
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,640
-He'll muck it up!
-No, he won't.
704
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,800
-He'll do it daft.
-He's got some
705
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,560
-very interesting ideas.
-I bet!
706
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,240
I think he'll put his heart
and soul into it.
707
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:27,160
-He doesn't look like a doctor.
-Well, neither do I.
708
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,320
Yes, you do.
You look distinguished.
709
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:31,800
-So does he!
-Does he, buggery!
710
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,680
Anyway, what do doctors look like?
They're just people.
711
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,240
They come in all... physiognomies.
712
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,320
-He's got a beard.
-(HE SIGHS)
713
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,440
Freud had a beard.
714
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,040
Yeah, and he was a pillock.
Sex, sex, sex.
715
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,280
-He won't be a patch on you!
-It's just...
716
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:51,520
(SIGHS)
717
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,680
It's not my thing, I've realised,
718
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:59,320
standing on a stage,
everyone looking, expecting summat.
719
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,680
I... I'm sorry. I were only doing
it to help you out.
720
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,800
And he'll be perfectly...
721
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,280
He'll be better than me.
722
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,080
Well, I don't think he will.
723
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,080
And I'm disappointed.
724
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:16,240
I'll be involved. I... could...
725
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:19,520
sell programmes at the door.
I could do the bar.
726
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,800
Do they have a bar?
727
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,520
I think you should reserve
judgment with Harry.
728
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,120
I think you might be
pleasantly surprised.
729
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,080
I'm going to brush my teeth.
730
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,240
Right.
731
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,400
-I'm sick of Harry!
-No, you're not.
732
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,040
Yes, I fucking am!
733
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,520
-Oh, Mum!
-Well, if you can't say the F-word
734
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,400
when you're pissed off at my age,
when can you say it?
735
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,360
Oh, she's not listening.
She's not bothered.
736
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,720
Anyway, you like hearing your
granny swear, don't you?
737
00:39:53,720 --> 00:39:58,240
She finds it liberating
and uplifting, don't you, chicken?
738
00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:00,200
-Granny!
-(CHUCKLES)
739
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,360
-See?
-Yeah, well, so do I,
740
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,600
most of the time, however...
741
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:04,600
can you just button it?
742
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:08,360
Oh, you're so
conventional-minded, you.
743
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:11,640
What's up?
744
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,280
I think I put my foot in it
yesterday with Gillian.
745
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,760
I mentioned the fact that I was
an executor of your will,
746
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,600
and I didn't realise
that she wasn't...
747
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:21,640
with her dad.
748
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,040
-So...
-Oh, well, wouldn't worry.
749
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,080
You know, he's worried...
750
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,120
that he can't remember his lines.
751
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,120
I heard them talking last night,
him and Harry.
752
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:38,720
He's been struggling to remember
his lines, then having bad dreams.
753
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:43,480
He doesn't want to let you down, but
perhaps he genuinely isn't up to it.
754
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,640
And he has a heart condition.
755
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,480
What do you mean?
You think his memory's not...
756
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,800
-He's 78!
-So am I!
757
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:52,520
Well, are you gonna be ready on
time?
758
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,640
You've got a lot more lines than he
has, and you've only got three days.
759
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,640
Oh, I'll be all right.
760
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,480
(SHE CHUCKLES)
Oh, God knows.
761
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,360
But I mean,
you can't let the side down
762
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,000
when you've said you'll do
something, can you?
763
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,280
Well... I can't.
764
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,320
Have you been online?
Got your tickets?
765
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:17,320
-You know we're nearly sold out?
-Yes! Everybody's coming.
766
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:18,640
And I mean everybody.
767
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,440
John, Judith, Greg, Angus,
you name it. They can't wait.
768
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,280
-What night are you coming?
-First night!
769
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,000
It's the only night
that had tickets left.
770
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:26,800
And Olga?
771
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:28,680
Olga?
772
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:33,320
She said she wanted to come
the other day. I like Olga.
773
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:34,400
Do you?
774
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:36,520
Why?
775
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,400
-Hiya.
-Hi.
776
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,080
Can I get a cup of tea, please,
love?
777
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:00,800
Thank you for coming.
778
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,320
How's your neck?
779
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:08,440
Fine.
780
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,040
-How are you?
-Um...
781
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,120
God knows. I'm all over the place.
782
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,040
Are you still of the opinion...
783
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,240
that that's the truth,
what you told me?
784
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:24,040
I don't think anybody knew...
785
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,040
what I was going through with him.
786
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:31,240
And I had a little kid
to look after, as well.
787
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,080
If I hadn't...
788
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,200
done it to him,
he'd have done it to me one day.
789
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,480
One day it would've happened.
790
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:43,440
You know.
791
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,040
You know what he was like.
792
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,480
But maybe you don't know
the extent of it.
793
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,160
Maybe you can imagine
without me...
794
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:58,840
spelling it out.
795
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,160
Are you all right?
796
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,320
Sad.
797
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,600
I'm just sad.
798
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:14,720
Sad for him.
799
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,120
Sad for me.
800
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:22,160
So, what are we going to do?
801
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:27,240
Are you going to report me?
Do you want me to hand myself in?
802
00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:29,160
It wouldn't bring him back,
would it?
803
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,160
But maybe there's only me
would want him back.
804
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,320
I don't know.
805
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,160
I do know what he was like,
that side of him.
806
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:42,440
I should have married you.
807
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,640
-Years ago.
-Yeah.
808
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,520
But not him.
809
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:48,840
Yeah, but you didn't.
810
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,280
-You were obsessed with him.
-Yeah. Fucking idiot.
811
00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:55,840
I'm sorry...
812
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,520
I think you're right, though.
I don't, erm...
813
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,120
I can't stay there. Not now.
814
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,280
I think that would be, erm...
815
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,360
-Have you told anyone else?
-No. No, I...
816
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,760
My dad really didn't know. The worst
thing he knew was that I didn't...
817
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,400
call for an ambulance
as soon as I should have done.
818
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,080
And that did his head in.
819
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,760
I'm not going to do owt rash,
but I had an offer on the house.
820
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:32,440
Remember?
821
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:36,560
Months ago. A cheeky offer,
way below the asking price.
822
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,240
They said
if I changed my mind, then...
823
00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:40,720
So, if they're still offering...
824
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:43,160
I might take it.
825
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,160
Then I think I might travel.
826
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,080
I've always fancied Canada.
827
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,760
You mean, like... permanently?
828
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,200
Maybe.
829
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,200
Right.
830
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,560
So we're not going to
the police station?
831
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:06,640
No.
832
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,240
Excuse me. Thank you.
833
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,160
Hello... darling!
834
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:25,600
Are you pi...
835
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,400
Pixelated?
836
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:32,000
I may have had the odd sherbet
or two, just to...
837
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,680
-steady the old nerves.
-ALAN: It's packed!
838
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,120
Gillian isn't here, and Olga
hasn't turned up,
839
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,440
but everybody else is here
and they're all excited!
840
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:43,120
-He's pickled!
-I love you, Alan.
841
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:45,320
I knew this would happen,
or something like it.
842
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:49,520
This is, lest we forget, the fella
that capsized a 75ft narrow boat
843
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,640
and damaged
a small enclave of West Yorkshire!
844
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:57,080
-That's cheap, bringing that up.
-How much have you had?
845
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,640
Don't worry, it's method.
846
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:05,120
I've, erm, decided the good doctor
is indeed an alcoholic.
847
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,600
But he isn't!
It's not in the script!
848
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,520
You're joking!
They knocked back dry martinis
849
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,200
for breakfast, this lot!
850
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:12,520
-Haven't you read...
-(BELL RINGS)
851
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,680
Has she not read...
852
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,160
Oh, we're on!
853
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,120
-We're on, everyone!
-Get off me hat!
854
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:22,240
(HARRY MUTTERS)
855
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,120
-That's right, Edith.
-Yes, ma'am.
856
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:43,280
You'd better fetch me the ice
bucket. Is that quite clear?
857
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:44,560
Did you get me white wine?
858
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:48,000
-I wanted a white wine.
-Edith, as you're not in the Navy,
859
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,120
it is unnecessary to do
everything at the double.
860
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:52,800
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
861
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,680
-Olga?
-Yeah?
862
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,160
Gillian. I'm, erm,
a friend of Caroline.
863
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,320
-Oh.
-Her mum married my dad.
864
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,560
Ah, sweet! Are we late?
865
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:23,560
Sorry, ladies,
the curtain's just gone up.
866
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,680
I can sneak you in
if we wait for a lull.
867
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,520
-Take your time.
-Yeah, whenever.
868
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:31,040
ACTOR:With your help, my love,
I have risen above...
869
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,240
I hate am-dram.
870
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:35,480
-Me too.
-I'm only here because... You know.
871
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:37,840
Yeah. Yeah.
872
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,200
Hey, fancy a drink?
873
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,120
-Oh, come...
-Susan!
874
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:53,440
-Oh, my love!
-Oh, ignore him, Susan.
875
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:55,560
-Do your best, love.
-Just refer to the script.
876
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,600
Everybody knows you've stepped in
at the last minute.
877
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,480
-Nobody will think anything of it.
-I'm word-perfect.
878
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,760
(ALL GASP)
879
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:07,320
-Jesus!
-Oh, dear! Oh, no!
880
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,400
-Let's have a look.
-Susan's a midwife!
881
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,200
OK, Harry, listen to me.
Listen to me, love.
882
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,040
You're not going on stage.
883
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,400
Ring 999. He's broken something.
884
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,440
It's all right, you're all right.
You're going to be absolutely fine.
885
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:23,760
I just need you to stay still.
That's right, you squeeze my hand.
886
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,160
-(SHRIEKS)
-That's it.
887
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:27,760
-What is it?
-We've got a compound fracture.
888
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,440
-You'll have to go on, Alan.
-Eh? Eh?
889
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,760
-He can't!
-You'll have to talk to them.
890
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:37,120
-Look, Alan will go on, with Susan.
-Really?
891
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,560
We'll stay here with Nitwit
until the ambulance arrives.
892
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,240
-Look, I... I...
-Harry, where's your script?
893
00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:45,360
Oh, it's, erm...
Can you see it?
894
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:52,000
Alan, just read the lines. Just...
Honestly, Alan, you'll be wonderful!
895
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:56,520
(STAMMERING) You've got to stop
the show, now. Surely...
896
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,440
Are you a man or a mouse?
897
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:03,320
Go on, get up on the stage,
be the mouse that roared.
898
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:07,000
Cry havoc for England, and...
Boy George. What's that quotation?
899
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,440
Come on, Susan.
900
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:12,280
She's probably on one knee
in a pre-sprinting position,
901
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,800
waiting for Cook to open
the kitchen door.
902
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:16,520
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
903
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,760
-Steady, Edith!
-Yes, sir.
904
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,240
Dr and Mrs Bradman.
905
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:29,360
We're not late, are we?
906
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:36,160
I only got back from hospital
half an hour ago.
907
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,200
No, no, of course not!
908
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,440
Madame Arcati hasn't arrived yet.
909
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,080
That must have been her we passed
coming down the hill.
910
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,200
-I said I thought it was.
-Then she won't be long.
911
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:51,000
-I'm so glad you were able to come.
-We've been looking forward to it.
912
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,720
I'm really quite excited.
913
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,680
Oh. Um...
914
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,680
I guarantee... Violet will be good.
915
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,680
I made her promise.
916
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:10,200
There wasn't any need!
I'm absolutely thrilled!
917
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,480
I've only seen Madame Arcati
two or three times in the village.
918
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,760
I mean, I've never seen her do
anything peculiar at all,
919
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,680
if you know what I mean!
920
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,680
Dry martini?
921
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,160
-(IN POSH ACCENT) By all means!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
922
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,360
I'm all for it.
923
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,440
I mean, I assume she's very good
at what she does.
924
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:34,120
And why should the private schools
get all the superstar head teachers?
925
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:39,600
It weren't just me, you know?
I mean, it wasn't just what I said.
926
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,720
In fact, it probably wasn't me
at all. There was this lad.
927
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:46,800
-What lad?
-Wyatt.
928
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,320
A lad she visits
in the Young Offenders'.
929
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:52,040
Who?
930
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,640
He's the boy that was driving
the car when Kate got killed.
931
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,600
He wrote to her saying he was sorry
and would she visit him.
932
00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:02,560
So she did.
Has she not told you this?
933
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,560
(SIGHS) He's 16.
934
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:10,200
He was terrified of her first time,
he was shaking.
935
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,560
But he was desperate
to say sorry to her.
936
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,400
To her face. And it shook her.
937
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,440
Made her remember there are
other reasons for being in teaching,
938
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:24,480
besides helping rich kids
with sharp-elbowed parents
939
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:25,680
get into Oxbridge.
940
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,360
-I didn't know that.
-Mm.
941
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,720
You should remind her.
942
00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:34,720
About that.
943
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:40,240
She's thinking she's made
a massive mistake coming here.
944
00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:42,520
(SIREN WAILS)
945
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,520
-Oh!
-Try not to make a noise.
946
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:57,360
Who is it? This way.
947
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:07,560
Oh, Daphne, don't do that, dear.
You're hurting me!
948
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,760
Oh, Daphne, dear, please!
949
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,120
Oh! Oh!
950
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,000
Ooh! No.
951
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,680
Be good, there's a dear child.
952
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:18,760
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
953
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:24,520
You say there is someone there
who wishes to speak to someone here?
954
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:26,040
(SINGLE KNOCK)
955
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,680
Is it I?
956
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:29,520
(TWO KNOCKS)
957
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,320
Is it Dr Bradman?
958
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,320
(TWO KNOCKS)
959
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,120
Is it Mrs Condomine?
960
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:41,400
-(CONTINUOUS KNOCKING)
-Oh, stop it! Stop it! Stop!
961
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,320
She's actually quite good.
962
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:45,440
(HARRY GROANS)
963
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,560
-Oh, steady on!
-Harry?
964
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,680
-HARRY: Oh!
-GILLIAN: What happened?
965
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,560
I thought...
Shouldn't you be on stage?
966
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:55,160
Your dad's doing it. Oh, careful!
967
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,680
-Come on.
-(HARRY GROANS)
968
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,120
Oh! What are you doing?
969
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:07,840
Sorry, we have to go in now. Sorry.
970
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,080
(AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
971
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:13,120
(WHISTLING)
972
00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:26,120
-Well done!
-Yeah!
973
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:33,240
Aw! So sweet, old people! Yay!
974
00:53:33,240 --> 00:53:36,080
-(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)
-Don't!
975
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,240
OLGA: Gillian said you're worried
you're making a mistake being here,
976
00:53:39,240 --> 00:53:40,360
with the school.
977
00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:45,040
You haven't. You're going to make
a massive difference.
978
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,200
You are going to be brilliant.
979
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,200
(CHILDREN CHATTER)
980
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,800
Good morning.
981
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,080
-Morning.
-Good morning. How are you?
982
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:48,840
Morning.
983
00:54:56,240 --> 00:54:58,080
-(BELL RINGS)
-Good morning.
984
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,680
-Morning!
-Good morning!
985
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,480
Good morning!
Has everyone had a good holiday?
986
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,160
Well rested? Delighted to be back,
all raring to go?
987
00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:19,080
-Do you want a doughnut?
-Maybe later. Who's done this?
988
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:20,040
Maintenance.
989
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:22,360
Can you ask maintenance
to come back with a spirit level?
990
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:24,560
-He won't like that.
-Shall we risk it?
991
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:31,120
Who do you fancy next? King Lear?
992
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,200
-No!
-Eh, I could do Lady Bracknell.
993
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,120
Properly this time.
994
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:37,800
"A handbag"!
995
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,360
Is she in King Lear?
996
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,320
Yeah, she's one of the Ugly Sisters.
997
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,000
Oh! Very good.
998
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,400
Her and Gonorrhoea.
999
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:48,480
No wonder he didn't like them,
with names like that!
1000
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:49,640
(CHUCKLES)
1001
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:52,600
-Well, he chose them, presumably.
-Aye!
1002
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,000
Him and Mrs Lear.
1003
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,280
He'd be hard work, wouldn't he?
Miserable old sod.
1004
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:01,800
No wonder they were buggers to him.
What about a musical?
1005
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:04,120
A musical King Lear?
1006
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,600
No! That would be dozy.
1007
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,440
Come on, what's a really good play
1008
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,560
for two mature individuals
such as ourselves?
1009
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:15,320
ALAN:I don't know!
I don't know owt about drama.
1010
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:18,160
I don't know how we've gotten
ourselves into this fine mess
1011
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:19,320
in the first place.
1012
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:21,760
I think we must turn to the Bard.
1013
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:25,240
-Must we?
-Mm, whether we like it or not.
1014
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,040
Antony And Cleopatra!
1015
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:31,240
Really?
Which one are you going to play?
1016
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:34,160
"I'll spurn thine eyes
like balls before me."
1017
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:38,120
Oh! OK. Good luck with that one.
1018
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:41,160
No! Where's your joie de vivre?
1019
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:45,200
Well, I suppose you were
the Queen of Sheba when we got wed.
1020
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,440
You might as well
be Cleopatra as well.
1021
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:49,400
Yeah.
1022
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:55,280
And you're going to be my
Mark Antony, Alan Buttershaw.
1023
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,600
-You think?
-Mm, yeah.
1024
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:01,600
-Your legs can bestride the ocean.
-(LAUGHS)
1025
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:05,600
And I don't want to hear
any excuses about arthritis.
71867
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.