All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S03E04.The.Audit.Couple

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love is life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your
mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

Hey, gopher.

Hmm?

Do you have any idea
why the captain has been

holed up in his cabin all day?

IRS.

You are what?

Internal revenue service.

The captain is being audited.

[Whistling] You mean
they're coming here?

Yeah.

Well, they realize
how difficult it

is for him to get
to their office,

so they're making
special arrangements

to come on the ship.

How is he taking it?

You seen him?

Is he here yet?

Well, how do I look?

Too flashy?

Maybe I should change
to an old uniform.

I'd say he's taking
it pretty well.

Lighten up, will you?

This ain't the worst assignment
in the world, you know.

No, but it's close.

Do you believe him?

We get a free cruise
to dig up a story

on the sexiest
lady on television,

and you like a winner
on "make me laugh."

Look, all you have to
do is snap the pictures.

I'm the guy who
has to dig up dirt.

Well, that's what the readers
of "star life" magazine want,

isn't it?

I mean, the dirtier
the dirt, the better.

Doesn't it bother you
that Jackie landers seems

to be a pretty decent person?

According to our tip,
she's traveling incognito

with a mysterious male.

Does that sound decent to you?

Well, let's get on with it.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Hello!

Is that who I think it is?

Well, hi.

I'm Adam bricker, ship's
doctor, cabin pointer-outer

and all-around nice guy.

Hello.

I'm-- i'm--

yes, you certainly
are, miss landers.

Oh, no, the name's Harris.

I'd really appreciate it.

You've got it, miss Harris.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm in promenade 110.

That's this way, isn't it?

That companionway will get
you there just as quickly

and a lot more privately.

Oh, thank you.

Welcome.

Well, you have certainly
proven yourself

to be an all-around nice guy
and a good cabin pointer-outer.

Hopefully, I won't
need a doctor.

Where's the flu season
now that I really need it?

Hey, that's her.

No one else fills my
21-inch screen that way.

Where's the mystery man?

Hey, you're the big reporter.

You find him.

As a cruise director,
I would imagine

you have a certain
amount of mingling

to do with the passengers.

Well, there's mingling
and there's mingling.

Is that a yes?

That's not even
a maybe, sorry.

You're cute.

Happy honeymoon, Mrs. Lucas.

Same to you, Mr. Lucas.

Oh, you can call me Denny.

Do you know we've been
married exactly three hours?

Oh, and they said
it wouldn't last.

Uh, Trish, let's find our cabin.

It's probably up these stairs.

No, it's not.

We're on this deck.

Oh, it's Jay.

Where?

I'm Jay kavanaugh.

Oh, Mr. Kavanaugh.

Oh, you're on the
promenade deck, cabin 227.

And don't you forget it.

Yeah, that's him, all right.

Hon, I promise he doesn't
mean anything to me anymore.

As far as i'm
concerned, he's dead.

Looks pretty healthy to me.

How come ex-boyfriends are
never dwarves or hunchbacks?

Let's go find the cabin.

It's probably up these stairs.

Good idea.

Well, how about that?

It's Trish and what's-his-name.

Friends?

Oh, one of them used to be
hopelessly in love with me.

I have a feeling it
wasn't what's-his-name.

Why are we talking
about old loves

when we could be
planning new ones?

You're right.

I'd better get started.

[Music playing]

Darling, I'm here!

[Music playing]

Oh, ma'am, here!

Wait, no, no.

Let me.

Penny.

Nickel.

Viola penny, IRS.

Oh, how do you do?

At the IRS, the
question is how do you do?

And how much do you owe us?

How much do you need?

Captain stubing, sir?

Yes?

Sir, this is viola penny.

She's the tax man.

Oh.

Well, how do you do?

Don't ask.

Let's get on with
the audit, captain.

I'd love to help
you, miss penny,

but unfortunately, we're
just about to sail.

No problem.

I have a ticket.

We'll have lots of time.

That's swell.

This is her luggage.

Thank you.

This way.

[Ship horn blaring]

[Music playing]

Oh, sir, how goes the audit?

Well, at this very moment,
that woman is in my cabin,

rummaging through every
detail of my personal life.

Oh, relax, sir.

You haven't done anything wrong.

Your books are an open
book, so to speak.

Then why do I feel so guilty?

Well, that happens
to everyone, sir.

It's like when
you're writing a check

and you don't have any ID.

Yeah, or when the sales
girl counts the dresses

you bring out of
the dressing room.

Yeah, or like when
you go through customs

with an undeclared
salami in your luggage.

A salami in your luggage?

Yeah.

You feel guilty, but
at the same time,

there's a feeling of elation.

[Inaudible]

Not to mention
the aroma of garlic.

Now, this may sound silly, but
I can't help but feel that miss

penny is out to get me.

Oh, that's not silly, captain.

That's paranoid.

Look, sir, she's
already finished.

You can put your fears to rest.

Then again, sir, you're
in a lot of trouble.

Meet me on the deck
in 15 minutes, honey.

Oh, I just spotted
two men outside.

I think they're reporters.

Damn!

They'll find out everything!

We'll have two
more of the same.

My point is, life is just
a series of challenges.

That's why my
life is exciting.

I never back down
from a challenge.

Really?

In that case, then, I challenge
you to leave me a big tip.

Hey, yeah, Wayne,
what do you want?

Another round for the
honeymooners, Isaac.

Isaac: Ah.

They're married?

Isaac: Yeah, since this morning.

Now marriage, that's
my idea of a challenge.

Mine, too.

Excuse me.

Trish, baby, long time no see.

How you doing, Lenny?

- Denny.
- Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, congratulations
on tying the knot.

Thank you.

Got yourself a great
little gal here, Lenny.

Believe me, I know.

You know, Luigi asks
about you all the time.

Who's Luigi?

It's funny.

After all this time, he
still expects us to show up

every Thursday night.

Really?

Babe, who's Luigi?

We've had some great
times, haven't we, bunny?

Bunny?

Boy, seeing you is the best.

I've missed you.

Who is Luigi?

And how come he
called you bunny?

Luigi's a waiter that we knew.

And he called me bunny because
he said I was like a rabbit.

I like carrots.

How could you talk
to a guy like that

after what he did to you?

He's not even
worth being rude to.

Besides, it was a long time ago.

Yeah.

And I was there to pick up
the pieces when he dumped you,

you remember?

I know.

You said yourself you were
just another notch on his gun.

I know.

But are you ready for his line?

Seeing you is the best.

I've missed you.

Oh!

Forgive me.

I think the coast is clear.

It's only you.

Boy, you sure know
how to hurt a guy.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that
the way it sounded.

It's just that
there's a reporter

on-board, snooping
around, trying

to dig up some gossip on me.

Something sensational.

You mean like a love affair?

Mm-hmm.

But there isn't any.

Well, I'd be happy to give
him something to write about.

Well, maybe some other time.

It's me!

Come and give me a big kiss!

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi, sweetheart.

Listen, mommy's gonna
change her clothes.

And then you and I are
going to play a game, ok?

Ok.

Ok.

See you in a minute.

Hi!

You can't keep him a
secret forever, you know.

Maybe not, Claire.

But I can keep him away from
this particular reporter

on this particular cruise.

Look, we'll just
continue to leave

the cabin separately and make
sure we're not seen together.

But this is something that--

look, Claire,
you're a therapist.

You haven't had the
kind of experiences I've

had with these cheap magazines.

It could ruin Billy's
chance for a normal life.

They can undo all the wonderful
work that you've done with just

one cover photo and
a caption reading,

"TV star's retarded son".

[Music playing]

I'd like to propose a toast.

With water?

Sure.

And then we can order wine
and do it all over again.

Sounds great.

To you and me and
a lifetime of wine.

Oh, Denny, it's
blanc De blancs!

It's my favorite!

Thank you.

Actually, the
gentleman over there

sent it with his compliments.

Who does he think he is?

He thinks he's Jay kavanaugh.

Is he wrong?

I'll check him and
get right back to you.

I'm sending this back.

Oh.

I don't have to
put up with this.

Hon, why waste a perfectly
good bottle of wine?

Let's enjoy it!

To us.

And then he said, I shouldn't
be here on the couch with you!

I once audited a
guy who made $50,000

and only paid $29 in taxes.

Hey, I would like to meet him!

Well, I don't know if
he's allowed visitors.

You'd have to check
with the warden.

We found $3,000
in his dog house.

Now he's in the big house
for unreported income.

There's a million
stories in the IRS.

How long have you
been with uncle Sam?

About 12 years.

But only the last three
with the internal revenue.

Well, where were
you before that?

The FBI.

Well, back to the books.

Aren't you going to
finish your dessert?

Gopher, I work for the
people of this great nation.

And they are not paying me to
scarf down black forest cake.

They are paying me to catch
the cheaters in the warp

and woof of our society.

Poor thing.

Don't you feel sorry for her?

What?

She must be lonely.

I can see why.

Captain, she takes her
work seriously because she

isn't having any fun.

You know what?

You can remedy that.

Me?

Yes, sir.

Well, you're more
her contemporary.

Julie's right.

A little Mexican moonlight.

Anything to take her
mind off her taxes.

That isn't what I
mean, and you know it.

Well, whatever you mean,
I am not in the mood to go

romancing lonely bureaucrats.

Excuse me.

Well, look on the
bright side, sir.

At least you'll learn how
to make license plates.

More ice cream?

No, not tonight.

You've already had all of
Claire's and half of mine.

I like ice cream.

It's-- it's-- it's delicious.

Darling, that's wonderful!

He's worked hard on that one.

Listen, young
man, Claire's going

to take you back up on deck
and show you the ocean again.

Won't that be fun?

Mommy come, too?

No, honey.

Mommy can't come.

But I'll tell you what,
meet you back here later

and tuck you in.

I wish mommy would come.

She's delicious.

Oh, honey.

[Music playing]

Ooh!

I need something tall
and cool, how about you?

I just want a soft drink.

Great, I'll meet
you back at the table.

Hi.

They're playing our song.

Let's dance.

Oh, uh, no, thanks.

I'm waiting here for Denny.

Ok, we'll wait together
on the dance floor.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Why not?

Just because.

Come on, Trish.

I want to get at least one
dance with the prettiest girl

in the room.

Jay, the answer is no.

Hey, it's only a dance.

What's the matter,
you afraid of me?

No, I'm not.

Good, then let's go.

It's good to hold
you again, bunny.

Don't call me that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You used to like the name bunny.

You used to like
a lot of things.

Jay, I'm a married woman.

So?

So I'm not interested in
anything you have to offer.

Hey, you can't fool me, bunny.

I know you.

Hello, there.

Well, hi, miss penny!

I'll be getting
back to the bridge.

Oh, have you packed
it in for the night?

No, just taking a break.

Well, see ya.

Come on.

You know you came
down here to boogie.

Who'd want to boogie with me?

Lots of people, I'm sure.

I'd better get back, too.

Oh, captain, I'm going over
your charitable deductions.

Boy, you give a lot.

Uh, miss penny, would
you care to do dance?

Why, captain, I'd love to.

Hi.

Oh, sorry.

Miss landers, my name is--

I know who you are.

Well, I'll just take
a minute of your time.

No, you won't
take any of my time.

Why can't you just
leave me alone?

Because my readers don't
want me to leave you alone.

They love every inch of you.

They want to know what
kind of toothpaste you use,

what you eat for
breakfast, and most

of all, who's there in the
morning to eat it with you.

Look, Mr.--

Scott.

Ok, Scott.

If it's my love life
you're interested in,

I give you my word.

There is nobody in it.

Honestly!

No one?

No one.

I don't believe it.

I mean-- you know what I mean.

Oh.

Look, Scott, you seem
like a pretty nice fellow.

And I know that you're
only trying to do your job,

but I really need a rest.

Sure.

So I'll make you deal.

You lay off for the
rest of this cruise,

and if ever I have a
legitimate romance,

you'll be the first
one to know about it.

Fair enough?

Fair enough.

Ok.

Oh, thank you.

I really appreciate it.

Sure.

Good night.

Good night.

Scott, my boy, you've
got a good heart.

You also have two feet on the
way to the unemployment line.

Denny, it was only a dance.

Yeah, it was one
dance too many.

Look, I'll say
it one more time.

Jay meant something to
me once and it's over.

I want to believe you.

Well, then, do.

What's wrong with me?

This is our honeymoon.

I was wondering when you
were going to remember that.

How could I be jealous
when I've got all the luck?

I mean, if Jay
wasn't such a moron,

you'd be married to
him now instead of me.

Right?

Trish?

I'm sorry.

I was just thinking.

Uh-huh.

I got a pretty good
idea about who.

Damn!

Doc: He'll be fine.

It's nothing serious.

Give him these pills in case
he has any problems sleeping.

Claire?

Is something wrong?

Billy?

There's nothing wrong,
just a little tummy ache.

Ice cream bad?

Oh, sweetheart.

Ice cream isn't bad,
it's just that Billy's

had too much of it.

After a good
night's sleep, he'll

be raring to go in the morning.

Did you hear what
Dr. Bricker said?

Let mommy tuck you in.

Ok?

There you go.

Oh, honey.

Good night.

Good night, mommy.

Hey, get some rest.

I'll be here.

Thank you.

He's a good kid.

Yes, he is.

But that isn't all
you noticed, is it?

No.

He's a little slow.

Oh, doctor, you don't
have to use euphemisms.

Billy's been
retarded since birth.

I've accepted that.

He seems to have made
some pretty good progress.

Mm-hmm, thanks to miss rice.

She's a wonderful therapist.

I think you'll have to take
some of the credit for that

yourself.

There's never been a
substitute for love and faith.

Well, now you
understand why I've

been avoiding that reporter.

I'm not ashamed of Billy,
but I don't want Billy hurt.

You're some kind
of special lady.

Now, don't worry, he's not
going to hear anything from me.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

Wait!

Thank you for everything.

Good night.

Doc: Good night.

Rest and relaxation.

What a sucker I am.

You know, you
were right, Julie.

Viola is ok, once
you get to know her.

Oh, so it's viola now, is it?

Where is she now?

Well, if gopher doesn't
have her on the dance floor,

she is probably
downing another one

of Isaac's champagne cocktails.

Oh, captain, I
think that's swell!

Miss McCoy.

Too gushy, huh?

Sorry.

Hiya, merrill.

Viola!

You came back to work after all.

No, I didn't come to work.

I came to play.

You know, I've never had a
champagne cocktail in my life

before.

They make you feel
all silly, like you're

going to do something wild.

You know, you could
take advantage of me

and there would be nothing
I could do to stop you.

Viola, I think we
better have a talk.

Now, what I'm going to say
may hurt my tax position,

but I'm a very honest man,
and I just have to say it.

Viola, you and I, the
two of us could never

have a situation involving se--

se--

[snoring]

Viola?

Viola?

Viola?

Oh!

[Music playing]

Denny!

Where have you been all night?

I had some thinking to do.

Honey, you're blowing this
thing way out of proportion.

You're the man I married.

You're the man I want.

Yeah, but nothing can
change the fact that Jay

was one step ahead of me.

He was the first.

Well, so?

I wanted better for you.

I wanted you to be the last.

I hear what you're
saying, Trish.

I just have a very
hard time feeling it.

Denny, this is supposed
to be our honeymoon.

Yeah.

Captain, you don't look like
you got much sleep last night.

Taxes bothering you?

No, my back.

I slept on doc's examining
table last night.

Well, that's one way to
get the first appointment

of the day.

What seems to be
the problem, sir.

No problem.

Miss penny was
sleeping in my bed.

Ooh!

No, believe me, there was
a very simple explanation.

I'm sure I
wouldn't get involved

with anybody in the IRS.

I hear they're tougher
on their friends.

There's absolutely nothing
between miss penny and me.

Good morning, everybody!

Good morning!

Good morning.

Well, I guess we'd better go.

No, no, no, no.

You two just stay right there.

You left early this morning.

I left last night.

Of course, merrill.

Whatever you say.

Ooh!

Don't you two have
some place to go?

Miss penny, please.

Viola, you have to believe me.

Nothing happened last night.

I think it's cute of you to be
concerned about my reputation.

I thought chivalry was dead.

Now, look, when I took
you to bed last night--

let me rephrase that.

It was obvious that you
were ready for bed, so I

just-- uh, I'm not
saying this right, am I?

Now, look, believe
me, nothing happened!

Yes, my darling.

Now, what shall we do today?

Do you want to show me your ship
and teach me about life at sea?

Or shall we just lounge
around in the tropical sun?

Now, look, don't you
think you should be

spending your time on my audit?

Oh, I can't believe
I just said that.

You're right.

We could go over your
records together.

Oh, that would be
conflict of interest.

It sure would.

Now, look, you've got my keys.

Help yourself to my records!

I have to go and make
sure that the computer

knows the way to New York--

I mean, Los Angeles.

Merrill, next cruise we
should each have our own keys.

Damn, he's cute.

Oh, it's funny.

Here it is a nice, sunny
day, yet I get a snow job.

What are you talking about?

You know what
I'm talking about,

all that baloney about
you being here for a rest.

I bought that, too.

You're disgusting.

And so is that rag you work for.

It wasn't disgusting
when your publicity people

were wining and dining my editor
to get your face on the cover.

Or can't you remember when
your show wasn't number one?

Well, does that
give you the right

to come snooping
into my private life

whenever and wherever
you feel like it?

When you accept the big
cars and the big dressing

rooms and the big bucks, you
give up your private life.

Now, come on, who is the guy?

I saw him leaving
your cabin last night.

Forget it, Jackie.

They were bound to
find out anyway.

Heck, we were lucky to
keep it a secret this long.

You're right.

If it's out, it's out.

Oh, that's more like it.

I'm gonna go scare
up my photographer.

I'll be back in
about 30 minutes.

Don't make me chase
you around the ship.

Thank you, doc.

Don't thank me.

This will do wonders
for my reputation

[music playing]

Guess who?

The shah of Iran.

What gave it away, my accent?

Oh, haven't you caused
enough trouble already?

Come on, Trish, admit it.

You married that guy
on the rebound from me.

Well, if I did, I sure
bounced in the right direction.

Unfortunately,
I'm having trouble

convincing Denny of that.

When are you going to face the
fact that the vibes between us

are still there?

[Singing] Don't
fight the feeling.

Jay!

What?

You know I mean
nothing to you.

You're only hitting
on me to make a point!

Please, you got to back off.

My whole life is at stake.

I'm about to lose my husband!

Hey, what are you doing?

Well, don't cry.

All right, all right,
I'll fix everything.

You will?

Sure.

I'll take you to
my cabin and kiss

all those little tears away.

No, Jay!
No!

Let me down!

Oh, no!

Jay!

I'm having you arrested!

Oh, you are?

Yes!

And then I'm going
to have you killed!

Here, you still ticklish?

Stop it!

You are still ticklish!

No!

Uh-oh.

Great.

That's it for me.

Well, baby, looks
like it's you and me.

That may be what
it looks like to you.

How long have you and
Dr. Bricker been together?

Oh, um, about eight months.

Isn't that right, darling?

Yes.

Is there marriage
in the future?

Uh, possibly.

But we want to make sure we're
completely compatible first.

Yes, we're doing
extensive testing.

Something wrong?

Oh, no.

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

- Honey.
- Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy?

There's our story.

Make him stop!

All right, Walt,
that's enough.

Don't you get it?

This guy is just a front!

It's the kid she's
trying to hide.

Boys, give the lady a break.

I'm sorry.

I guess our decks got crossed.

I write my name.

I write my name good.

Now you know.

I don't know what to say.

Here, honey.

There you go, baby.

Take that.

Claire, would you take
Billy back to his cabin?

Ok, now you got your scoop.

Get lost.

I had no way of knowing.

Look, just remember
one thing, ok?

I'm not the victim here.

My son is.

And if you think he can't
be hurt, you're wrong.

He has feelings just
like anybody else.

I'd be very careful
about my next move.

Merrill, if the
IRS gave gold stars,

your books would get one.

I'll drink to that.

Now all we need is some hooch.

Aha.

I've heard of cold cash,
but this is ridiculous!

[Music playing]

Hey, why don't
you join the party?

They didn't invite me.

How can I even compete with
a guy that looks like that?

Well, Denny,
it's what's inside

a person that's important.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll bet even his
gallbladder has a great tan.

Well, good luck.

You're not just
going to sit here

when you could be out there
dancing with me, are you?

That was my plan.

No miss penny tonight?

No.

She can't be far away.

Look, stick around,
will you, Adam?

Maybe if you're here, she
won't try any hanky panky.

Captain stubing,
it's one thing to toy

with a poor lonely woman's
affections simply to mask

your own avarice,
but when you cheat

the American people by not
paying your fair share, that's

unforgivable.

But I'm onto you now, buster.

And you're going to get
what's coming to you.

Well, I guess you
don't have to worry

about hanky panky anymore.

Oh, thank heavens.

Now you just have
to worry about getting

thrown in the slammer.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, have I told you
today how much I love you?

Only about 1,000 times.

Excuse me.

I have to speak to you.

Look, you already
have what you came

for, complete with pictures.

Look, miss landers, I
would not write a word that

would hurt you or your son.

I'm walking away
from this assignment.

But I do think this is a
story that should be told.

Absolutely not!

I don't mean to
"star life" magazine,

but there are responsible
magazines and newspapers.

Look, you are the idol
to millions of people.

If they find out that
Jackie landers has

a child with a problem and is
handling it the best way she

can, you can be an
inspiration to all

the others with special kids.

Scott, is this
some sort of trick?

Are you just trying to
lull me into security

until we see our pictures
plastered on the front page?

The photographer
won't say a word.

As far as the pictures go--

I'm sorry if we
ruined your vacation.

[Music playing]

Come on, Trish.

All I want to do is
put my arms around you

and hold you one more time.

Hey, it's only a dance.

Now, isn't that more like it?

Mm, do that again, Jay.

That feels so good.

That makes me tingle all over.

Well, that's why they
call me the tingler.

You're the best,
Jay, that's all.

The best looking, the best
dancer, the best lover.

Let's just say
I'm in the top two.

Why don't we go to my cabin
and I'll bring you up to date

on what you've been missing?

I want to.

You know I want
to, but I'm afraid.

Come on.

I'm crazy about you.

That's what you
said the last time,

before you dumped me for
that Norwegian snake handler.

I mean it this time.

I will never pet another python.

And that's a promise!

Do you love me?

You know I do.

How much?

How much?

As much as there is!

Enough to get up on that stage
and tell everyone in the place

how you feel about me?

You want me to tell everybody?

Everybody!

Oh, you're a nut.

Mm-mm.

Sure, why not?

What's the big deal?

Come on.

Hold it a minute, please.

Excuse me!

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I have a very important
announcement to make.

I want each and every one of you
to know that I love this woman.

And I would like
you all to know

that this man here does not know
the meaning of the word love.

He has never loved
anyone but himself.

Now, wait--

and you could
take some lessons

on how to love from that
man over there, Denny Lucas.

Well, folks, I guess you
win a few, you lose a few.

Hey, Lenny, no
hard feelings, huh?

Does this happen every night?

I don't know.

I'm usually in bed by 9:00.

[Music playing]

[Knock on door]

Come in.

You sent for me?

Yes.

I've gone over my records
with a fine tooth comb.

There is nothing wrong.

If you've called me
here to play games--

I called you here
to show me what

it is you describe as my crime!

You're impugning my honesty.

And I demand to know why!

You're going to play this out
right to the end, aren't you?

[Knock on door]

What is it?

Sir, sorry to interrupt,
but steward Fowler

is getting ready
to leave the ship.

Yes, Mr. Smith.

Excuse me, please.

Over here, gopher.

Any additional
word on his mother?

Still no change,
sir, but she's

scheduled to go into
surgery tomorrow afternoon.

Will $2,000 be enough?

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

The committee decided
$2,000 should cover it.

Well, be sure and
tell Fowler that there's

no hurry paying this back.

I mean, this is
the kind of thing

the crew emergency fund is for.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Now, where were we?

You were standing
right here being furious,

and I was standing right
here misjudging you.

Captain, I owe you an apology.

Oh, you mean
you thought that--

well, I guess that much
money in an ice bucket

would give anybody ideas.

Only someone as suspicious
and stupid as I am.

Can you ever forgive me?

It's forgotten.

Then everything is ok?

Everything is perfect.

Oh, merrill!

I take that back.

Bye!

Thanks for sailing with us.

Thank you.

Hey, you two.

Good luck.

Oh, come on.

You can't blame a guy
for trying, now, can you?

Hey, of course not.

So long, ray.

That's Jay.

Ah, bye-bye.

Bye.

Thanks very much for everything.

Thank you.

Right on.

Well, I'd like to
thank you all very much.

This has been a wonderful trip.

Why don't you thank
us all individually?

Oh!

Oh, by the way, do
you know where I can

get in touch with Scott Allen?

Yes, I know exactly.

Oh!

Claire?

Hello.

Hi.

Why don't I meet you
down at the terminal?

Ok.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

I'm really glad
I didn't miss you.

I decided to take
your suggestion.

As a matter of fact, my manager
has already called and made

arrangements for me
to tell Billy's story

to a leading news syndicate.

Oh, I'm proud of
you, miss landers.

Oh, yeah, um,
you're going to have

to start calling
me Jackie if we're

going to be working together.

Together?

Well, I couldn't
just let anyone write

an important story like this.

It needs somebody with heart.

Will you come and
say hello to my son?

Sure.

Ok.

Billy?

Billy, this is Scott.

Hi, Billy, how you doing?

Hi.

- You ready?
- Yes.

- Ok.
- Bye-bye!

Bye.

Bye, Billy!

Bye-bye, Billy.

Well, doc, you
almost made the news.

In this case, almost
was close enough.

Hey, guys, has anybody
seen the captain?

Oh, yes.

He's right over there, saying
goodbye to his lady love.

[Sighing]

I just have a feeling that i'm
being treated as a sex object!

Now, you may have misinterpreted
some of my actions.

The truth is I'm not
that kind of captain.

Merrill, I understand.

Believe me, I respect
you as a person.

Thank you.

I'm willing to wait.

[Interposing voices]

So long, bye-bye!

Well, captain, what was
the result of the audit?

I don't believe it.

I forgot to ask.

Miss penny!

No!

[Theme music]