All language subtitles for The.Wolf.of.Wall.Street.2013.720p.BluRay.X264-AMIABLE-HI

(ROARING)

ANNOUNCER: The world of investing

can be a jungle.

Bulls. Bears.

Danger at every turn.

That's why we at Stratton Oakmont

pride ourselves on being the best.

Trained professionals to guide you

through the financial wilderness.

Stratton Oakmont.

Stability.

Integrity.

Pride.

(ROARING)

(PEOPLE SHOUTING) One!

Two!

Three!

(ALL CHEERING)

Twenty-five grand to the first
cocksucker to nail a bull's-eye!

(ALL CHEERING)

Come on! Let's go!

ALL: One!

Two!

Three!

JORDAN: My name is Jordan Belfort.

Not him.

Me. That's right.

I'm a former member
of the middle class

raised by two accountants in a
tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens.

The year I turned 26,

as the head of my
own brokerage firm,

I made $49 million,

which really pissed me off because it
was three shy of a million a week.

(UPBEAT BLUES MUSIC)

No, no, no. My Ferrari was white,

like Don Johnson's in Miami Vice.
Not red.

See that humongous
estate down there?

That's my house.

ROBIN LEACH: (OVER TV)
For millionaires whose ships...

JORDAN: My wife, Naomi,

the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn,

a former model and
Miller Lite girl.

Yeah.

She was the one with my cock
in her mouth in the Ferrari.

So put your dick
back in your pants.

In addition to Naomi
and my two perfect kids,

I own a mansion, private jet,

six cars, three horses,

two vacation homes,

and a 170-foot yacht.

ROBIN LEACH: Anchors aweigh!

JORDAN: I also gamble
like a degenerate.

I drink like a fish.

I fuck hookers maybe five,
six times a week.

I have three different federal
agencies looking to indict me.

Oh, yeah, and I love drugs.

(FAINT CLANGING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Okay.

- One more round.
- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, you like it?
- Yeah.

Pull up. Pull up!
We're gonna crash, for Christ sake!

JORDAN: Relax!

(SLURRING) Just relax.

(GROANING)

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm all right.

Good job.

You get in there safe, all right?

Till the next time, brother.

Till next time.

Yup, on a daily basis
I consume enough drugs

to sedate Manhattan,
Long Island and Queens for a month.

Okay, Mr. Jordan.

I take Quaaludes 10 to 15 times
a day for my "back pain,"

Adderall to stay focused,

Xanax to take the edge off,
pot to mellow me out,

cocaine to wake me back up again
and morphine, well,

because it's awesome.

Good morning, Nathan.

But of all the drugs
under God's blue heaven,

there is one that is
my absolute favorite.

You see,

enough of this shit'll
make you invincible.

Able to conquer the world,

and eviscerate your enemies.

(SNORTS)

Ah!

And I'm not talking about this.

I'm talking about this.

See, money doesn't just
buy you a better life,

better food, better
cars, better pussy.

It also makes you a better person.

You can give generously
to the church

or political party of your choice.

You can save the fucking
spotted owl with money.

I always wanted to be rich.
So let me go back.

I'm 22 years old, newly married,

and already a
money-crazed little shit.

So what do I do?

I go to the one place on Earth

that befit my
high-minded ambitions.

I love you.

JERRY:
You are lower than pond scum.

You got a problem with that,

Jordan?

No. No problem at all.

Good. Because that is what you are.

Pond scum.

Your job is connector,

which means that you'll be dialing
the phone over 500 times a day

trying to connect me
with wealthy business owners.

And until you pass your Series 7,

that is all you're gonna
fucking be doing. Sit.

Sit!

Now just so you know,
last year I made over $300,000.

The other guy you'll be working
for, he made over a million.

JORDAN: A million dollars?

I could only imagine
what a douchebag that guy must be.

- Jordan Belfort.
- Yes, sir.

- Mark Hanna.
- A pleasure to meet you.

And you as well. I see you've
already met the village asshole.

Smile and dial.

And don't pick up your
fucking head until 1:00.

Hey, fuck him.

I'm the senior broker here.
He's just a worthless piker.

Why don't you blow me, Hanna?

Now did you really pitch a stock
in your job interview?

I had to do something to stand out.
Right, sir?

I fucking love that.

- Lunch. Today.
- Yeah.

We don't start dialing at 9:30

because our clients are
already answering the phone.

Three. Two. One.

Let's fuck!

(BELL RINGS)

JORDAN: You want to know
what money sounds like?

Go to a trading floor
on Wall Street.

"Fuck" this, "shit" that.

"Cunt, " "cock," "asshole. "

I couldn't believe how these
guys talked to each other.

MAN 1: Good fucking package...
MAN 2: Piece of shit!

I was hooked in seconds.

It was like mainlining adrenaline.

Yeah. Fuckface, look at where
the stock's at today, huh?

You motherfucker,
you can't get any at 44...

- Pick up the cocksucking phone!
- Sorry...

You are such a fucking
douchebag, Hanna.

We don't give two shits
about how technology works

because all we care about
is getting fucking rich.

- Solid, 2,000.
- Jordan Belfort.

Done!

Time to paint the tape. Whoo!

2,000. Microsoft.
Going in the hole!

Come on.

Live. Live. Hold on, that is hot.

In. In. Shut that motherfucker.

Shut it! Shut it! Shut it!

Sold!

(MARK HUMMING)

Yeah.

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

Tootski?

Oh, no. Thank you, though.

Mr. Hanna, what can I bring for you
on this glorious afternoon?

Well, Hector, here's the game plan.

You're gonna bring us
two Absolut martinis.

You know howl like them.
Straight up.

And then precisely seven
and one half minutes after that,

you're gonna bring us two more.

Then two more after that
every five minutes

until one of us
passes the fuck out.

(CHUCKLES)

HECTOR: Excellent strategy, sir.

I'm good with water for now.

Thank you.

It's his first day on Wall Street.
Give him time.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Mr. Hanna?

You're able to do
drugs during the day

and then still function,
still do your job?

How the fuck else would
you do this job?

Cocaine and hookers, my friend.

Right. (CHUCKLES)

Well, I got to say,
I'm incredibly excited

to be a part of your firm.
I mean...

The clients you have
are absolutely...

Fuck the clients.

Your only responsibility
is to put meat on the table.

You got a girlfriend?

I'm married. I have a wife.

Her name is Teresa. She cuts hair.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

Think about Teresa.

Name of the game.

Move the money from your client's
pocket into your pocket.

Right.

But if you make your clients money
at the same time,

it's advantageous to
everyone. Correct?

No.

Number one rule of Wall Street.

Nobody...

I don't care if you're Warren
Buffett or if you're Jimmy Buffett.

Nobody knows if a
stock is gonna go up,

down, sideways, or in fucking circles.

- Least of all stockbrokers, right?
- Mmm-hmm.

It's all a fugazi.
You know what a fugazi is?

Uh. Fugayzi. It's a fake.

Fugayzi, fugazi, it's a whazy,
it's a woozy, it's...

(WHISTLES)
Fairy dust. It doesn't exist.

It's never landed. It is no matter.

It's not on the elemental chart.

It's not fucking real.

- Right?
- Right.

- Stay with me.
- Mmm-hmm.

We don't create shit.
We don't build anything.

No.

So if you got a client
who bought stock at 8

and it now sits at 16,
he's all fucking happy.

He wants to cash in, liquidate,

take his fucking
money and run home.

- You don't let him do that.
- Okay.

- 'Cause that would make it real.
- Right.

No. What do you do?

You get another brilliant idea.

A special idea.

Another "situation." Another stock

to reinvest his
earnings and then some.

And he will, every single time.

'Cause they're fucking addicted.

And you just keep doing this,
again and again and again.

Meanwhile,
he thinks he's getting shit rich,

which he is, on paper.

But you and me, the brokers,

we're taking home cold hard cash

via commission, motherfucker.

Right.

That's incredible, sir.

I can't tell you how excited I am.

You should be.

There's two keys to success
in the broker business.

First of all...

(EXHALES)

- You gotta stay relaxed.
- Yeah.

Do you jerk off?

Do I... Do I jerk off?

Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off. Yeah.

How many times a week?

Like, um, three or four.

Three or four times, maybe five.

Gotta pump those numbers up.

Those are rookie numbers
in this racket.

I myself, I jerk off
at least twice a day.

- Wow.
- Once in the morning

right after I work out,
then once right after lunch.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

I want to. That's not why I do it.

I do it 'cause I fucking need to.

Think about it.
You're dealing with numbers.

All day long,
decimal points, high frequencies.

Bang, bang, bang.

(SQUEAKING)

Fucking digits.

All very acidic
above-the-shoulders mustard shit.

- All right?
- Mmm-hmm.

It kind of wigs some people out.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Right.

You got to feed the geese
to keep the blood flowing.

Mmm-hmm.

I keep the rhythm below the belt.

Done.

This is not a tip, this
is a prescription.

- Trust me.
- Mmm-hmm.

If you don't, you will
fall out of balance,

split your differential
and tip the fuck over.

Or worse yet,

I've seen this happen, implode.

No, I don't want to implode, sir.

No. No, you don't.

I'm in it for the
long run, you know?

- Implosions are ugly.
- Yeah.

Pop off to the bathroom,
work one out any time you can.

When you get really good at it,

you'll fucking be stroking it
and you'll be thinking about money.

Second key to success
in this racket

is this little baby right here.

It's called cocaine.

Right.

It'll keep you sharp
between the ears.

It'll also help your
fingers dial faster.

And guess what?

That's good for me.

Yes, sir.

Revolutions. You follow?

Revolutions.

Keep the clients on
the Ferris wheel.

And it goes. The park
is open 24/7, 365,

every decade, every
goddamn century.

- That's it.
- (JORDAN LAUGHING)

The name of the game.

Halkidiki?

- Hmm.
- Thank you.

(MARK HUMMING)

Come on.

(BOTH HUMMING)

We're the common denominator.

Ah.

BOTH: Ah.

Keep it up for me.

(SINGING) You've seen the echo

And the money comes in

The parade comes to town

Going down Broadway

It's a one-way street

Whichever way I go

(HUMMING CONTINUES)

JORDAN: The next six months,

I got to know the ins and outs
of Wall Street.

Earning shit money as I geared up
to take my Series 7.

Oh!

Oh, fuckers.

Oh!

Then I was a licensed
broker at last,

ready to make my fortune.

My first day as a future
Master of the Universe.

I have Exxon at 86
1/4 six months ago.

Today it is trading at 36 1/2.

Mr...

JORDAN:
They called it Black Monday.

No shit.

By 4:00 p.m., the market
had dropped 508 points.

The biggest plummet
since the crash of '29.

MARK: I know your family,
you know mine.

No, I don't know. Some fucking
country in Europe took a shit.

Let them do
what they want to fucking do.

Our market's solid.

This is not something
that you want to sell.

You know what happened?
A fucking tsunami.

I think you're making
a big mistake.

Yes, I will talk to your wife.

Trust me, do not answer the phone.

A lot of people are
gonna be calling you,

trying to get your dirty laundry.

We don't know what's going on here.

I know. I know.

(BELL RINGS)

MARK: Holy

fucking shit!

JORDAN: Unbelievable.

My first shitty day as a broker.

Within a month, L.F. Rothschild,

an institution since
1899, closed its doors.

Wall Street had swallowed me up

and shit me right back out again.

We could pawn my engagement ring
if we needed to.

- Babe...
- Because I don't mind.

If we needed to, I'm saying...

- Will you listen to me?
- Okay.

You're not pawning anything. Okay?

- Okay.
- What do I always tell you?

You're gonna be a millionaire.

That's right. Okay?
Just let me look.

We'll find something.

- How about this?
- What?

Nobody Beats the Wiz,
the electronics store.

Stock boy. What do you think?

You're not gonna
work at that place.

Yeah, but, you know,
you start off...

Jordan, you're gonna be
miserable at that place

- if you go there.
- I know.

It's sales. You work your way up,

you'll be a general manager.

- You're not gonna be a stock boy.
- Why not?

'Cause you're a stockbroker.

You understand that nobody's
hiring stockbrokers right now?

You understand that?

Okay?

(JORDAN SIGHS)

TERESA: Ah. This place is.

- What?
- What's that say?

"Stockbrokers."

(LAUGHS)

In Long Island?
Stockbrokers in Long Island?

TERESA: Yeah.

It's in Long Island. So what?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

Hey, uh, I'm looking
for Investor's Center.

What's that? You want to invest?

No. Investor's Center.

I'm looking for Investor's Center.

Yeah, yeah, that's us. Hey.
This is it. This is it.

Oh.

- I'm Dwayne. Yeah.
- You're Dwayne?

Hi, Dwayne. We spoke on the phone.

I'm Jordan Belfort.

I'm the broker from Rothschild
in New York.

Yes, yeah. Have a seat.
How are you?

We had a conversation...

We spoke on the phone
earlier, right?

- Two hours ago.
- Right.

Yeah.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

They're up and comers.
That's what that means.

It's 3 cents a share, that's $3!

You cheap fuck!

So, uh...

So where are your Quotrons here?

- Quotrons?
- Yeah. Your computers.

No, no.
We don't even need computers here.

We just trade right off
the pink sheets here.

- Pink sheets?
- Yeah, they're penny stocks.

You know, uh, companies that
can't get listed on NASDAQ,

they don't have enough capital?

Their shares trade here.

- Penny stocks?
- Yeah.

This one, uh, Aerodyne,
is a really interesting...

Or Aerotyne...

Aerotyne, yeah.

Aero... Aerotyne...

Aerotyne. Yeah.

Very hot stock right now.

Oh, yeah?

They're just a couple of brothers
that are making

radar detectors out
of their garage.

They're out in Dubuque.

Maybe it's microwaves.
I'm not sure.

But you call the
company's main line,

their mom, Dorothy, answers
and she is so sweet.

- Good company.
- I actually don't know what else to...

I don't know anything else
about them other than that.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Six cents a share?

Hey, come on. Who buys this crap?

Well, I mean...

Honestly, mostly schmucks.

Postmen, there's always postmen.

Uh, plumbers. Um...

They see our ads in
the back of, uh,

Hustler and Popular Mechanics.

Our ads actually say
they can get rich quick.

- Hustler?
- Yeah.

You know, those girlie magazines.

Yeah, yeah. Nudie mag.

- A lot.
- Yeah.

We're helping them finance houses,

we're helping them buy
their wife a diamond ring...

A boat maybe.

Is this... Is this stuff
regulated or are you guys...

What are you doing here?

Uh...

Sort of.

Sort of?

Jesus Christ,
the spread on these is huge.

Yeah. And that's
the point, that's...

What's your name again?

Mine... Jordan Belfort.

Jordan, what do you get
on that blue chip stock?

I make one percent.
Or I did make one percent.

Pink sheets, it's 50.

It's 50%?

50% commission?

- Yup.
- For what?

It's our markup for our services.

And so if I... If I...

if I sell a stock at $10,000,
my commission is 5,000 bucks?

If you sell $10,000
worth of this stock,

I will personally give you
a blowjob for free.

(LAUGHS)

And I hope it happens.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Hello, John,
how are you doing today?

You mailed in my company
a postcard a few weeks back

requesting information
on penny stocks

that had huge upside potential

with very little downside risk.

- Does that ring a bell?
- Yeah, I may have sent something.

Okay, great. The reason for
the call today, John, is,

something just came
across my desk, John.

It is perhaps the best thing

I've seen in the last six months.

If you have 60 seconds,
I'd like to share

the idea with you.
You got a minute?

Actually, I'm really very...

The name of the company,
Aerotyne International.

It is a cutting edge high-tech firm
out of the Midwest

awaiting imminent patent approval

on the next generation
of radar detectors

that have both huge military
and civilian applications now.

Right now, John,

the stock trades over-the-counter
at 10 cents a share.

And by the way, John,
our analysts indicate

it could go a heck of
a lot higher than that.

Your profit on a mere
$6,000 investment

would be upwards of $60,000!

Jesus! That's my mortgage, man.

Exactly.
You could pay off your mortgage.

This stock will pay off my house?

John, one thing I can promise you,

even in this market,

is that I never ask my clients

to judge me on my winners.

I ask them to judge me on my losers
because I have so few.

And in the case of Aerotyne,

based on every technical
factor out there, John,

we are looking at
a grand slam home run.

Okay, let's do it. I'll do 4 grand.

$4,000? That'd be
40,000 shares, John.

Let me lock in that trade right now

and get back to you
with my secretary

with an exact confirmation.
Sound good, John?

- Yeah, sounds good.
- Great.

Hey, John.

Thank you for your
vote of confidence.

And welcome to the
Investor's Center.

Yeah, thanks a lot, man.

Bye-bye.

How'd you fucking do that?

(MAN LAUGHS)

JORDAN: Just like that,
I made 2 grand.

The other guys looked at me
like I'd just discovered fire.

Great! Even better!

I was selling garbage
to garbage men

and making cash hand over fist.

The only problem you're gonna
have is that you didn't buy more.

Boom shocka locka!

So I was selling them shit.
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

But the way I looked at it, their
money was better off in my pocket.

I knew how to spend it better.

DONNIE: Excuse me.
Is that your car in the lot?

JORDAN: Yeah.

- It's a nice ride.
- Thanks, man.

Donnie Azoff.

Hey. I'm Jordan Belfort.

- Nice to meet you.
- How you doing?

You know, actually,
I see that car around.

- I see it around a lot.
- Oh, yeah, where?

I think we live in
the same building.

- No shit?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Twelfth floor?
- Yeah. What floor are you on?

Fourth floor.

- I have two little kids. Ugly wife.
- Right.

(LAUGHS)

What do you do, bro?

What do you mean, what do I do?

For work, what do you do?

I'm a stockbroker.

- Stockbroker?
- Yeah.

Children's furniture.

Oh, good for you.

It's all right.

You make a lot of money?

Yeah, I do all right for myself.

I'm trying to put it together.

You got your fucking nice car,

we live in the same
building. I just...

I'm not understanding...
How much money do you make?

I don't know. $70,000 last month.

Get the fuck...

Get the fuck out of here.

No, I'm serious.

Yeah, no, I'm serious, too.

Seriously,
how much money do you make?

I told you. $70,000.

Well, technically, $72,000.

Last month. Something like that.

You made 72 grand in one month?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

You show me a pay stub
for $72,000 on it,

I quit my job right now
and I work for you.

DONNIE: Hey, Paulie, what's up?

No, yeah, yeah.
No, everything's fine.

Hey, listen, I quit.

JORDAN: And he did quit his job.

Which I thought was a little weird.

I mean, I just met
this fucking guy.

Don't fucking tell Susan.
It's none of her business.

There were other
things about him, too.

Like his phosphorescent
white teeth.

wife! I gotta fucking
deal with your wife?

The fact that he wore horn rims
with clear lenses

just to look more WASP-y.

And then, there were these rumors.

I heard some stupid shit.
I don't know.

Fuck, I didn't even want
to bring it up. It's just...

- it's stupid.
- Shit with me?

You know, people say shit.
I don't even know.

I don't even listen
to it half the time.

What are they saying?

Shit about you and your cousin
or something like that.

I don't even listen to it.

Oh, bro, it's not like that.

It's not like that.

Like you married your cousin
or some stupid shit. No?

Yeah, my wife. Yeah.

My wife is my cousin, or whatever.

But it's not like what you think,
or whatever, you know.

Is she like a first
cousin, or is she...

Yeah, no, she's, you know...

Her... Her father

is the brother of my mom.

It's not like, what... You know.

Look, we grew up together.

And she grew up hot, you know.
She fucking grew up hot.

And all my friends were
trying to fuck her, you know.

And I'm not gonna let someone...

You know, one of these
assholes fuck my cousin,

so, you know, I used
the cousin thing

as like an in with her.

I'm not gonna let someone
else fuck my cousin.

You know,
if anyone's gonna fuck my cousin,

it's gonna be me, out of respect.
You know?

No, I get it. Yeah.

I mean, you're not afraid of
like the whole kid thing, right?

- What? Having kids with her?
- Yeah.

No. We have two kids.

And they're... I mean...

I don't want to get personal,
but they're okay?

No, they're not retarded
or anything like that.

But there's a big
chance, right, if...

Yeah, there's like a 60%, you know,

60 to 65% chance the kid's gonna
be fucking retarded or whatever.

That'd scare the shit
out of me, buddy.

Look, man, a lot of having a kid,
or whatever, takes risk,

whether you're fucking
cousins or not.

What if something
like that happened?

Basically, you know,
if the kid was retarded,

I would, you know,
drive it up to the country

and just, like, you know,
open the door and say,

"You're free now."
You know, like, "Run free."

You know?

You're completely fucking with me.

(LAUGHS)

That's horrible.
You're not gonna...

You look like you've... No.

We would take it to,
like, an institution or somewhere

that's handled to, like, you know,

raise the kid or whatever.

You know what? If you're
happy, God bless you, buddy.

No, I'm not fucking happy.

No one who's married
is fucking happy.

Well, I'm sorry to
hear that, buddy.

Listen, I'm really, you know...

I'm really appreciative
for this fucking job.

I'm really enjoying it.

I'm really happy with
what you're doing.

Actually, I got you
a little present.

- You got me a present?
- I got you something.

Oh, fuck. You're sweet.

Yeah. It's in the back though.

- What do you mean?
- You gotta go out back.

Like it's wrapped up or something?

It's wrapped up. Yeah.

- I don't get it.
- Neither do I.

Let's fucking go. Come on.

Your turn.

I'm not fucking doing this.

You're out of your fucking mind.

- Smoke this shit, bro.
- No.

No one's fucking here, bro.

Get the fuck...

Fucking smoke crack with me, bro.

I'm not fucking doing it.

Smoke crack. Smoke some
fucking crack with me, bro.

- One hit. One hit. That's it.
- Okay.

Fucking nut job.

(MOANS)

Wow!

(LAUGHING)

Wow.

Let's go run, huh?

We gotta get out of here, buddy.

We gotta get out of here.
Let's go fucking run.

Let's run like we're fucking lions
and tigers and bears!

Let's run! Let's fucking run!

Let's fucking run! Go!

Go, go, go, go!

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

MAN: You've reached
Frank's Best Auto Body.

We're closed right now.

So please leave us a message.

JORDAN:
Hello. My name is Jordan Belfort.

My partner and I are very interested
in renting out your garage.

Donnie and I were
going out on our own.

And the first thing
we needed was brokers.

Guys with sales experience.

So I recruited some
of my hometown boys.

Sea Otter, who sold meat

and weed.

Chester, who sold tires

and weed.

And Robbie, who sold anything
he could get his hands on.

Mostly weed.

Can you bring me some ketchup?
Okay?

This is Brad.

And Brad's the guy
I really wanted.

But he didn't go along with us.

He was already making so much
money selling Quaaludes,

he'd become the Quaalude king
of Bayside.

Getting any pussy
with that thing or what?

Yeah, man, of course.

Bring some of them chicks
around here sometime, huh?

Let 'em watch.

Let 'em watch. Know what I mean?

Hey, Zip! You tell your sister
I was asking about her.

Why don't you bring me a pair of her
panties next time you come through.

Yeah, man. She said she don't
want to talk to you anymore, man.

BRAD: Get the fuck out of here.

Hey, Ma, we got chicken or what?

Ma!

JORDAN: You listening?
It's easier than you think.

Every person you're
on the phone with,

they want to get rich
and they want to get rich quickly.

They all want something
for nothing.

There was this one time that I was
selling pot to this Amish dude.

You know those guys
who got like the beard

with like no mustache
or some bullshit?

Well, he says that he only
wants to make furniture.

I don't understand.

CHESTER: What's that
got to do with anything?

What the fuck are
you talking about?

I'm not putting words
in your mouth or nothing,

but you just said that
everybody wants to get rich.

Holy fuck, you did just say that.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

OTTER: Yeah, like Buddhists.

They don't give a shit about money.

They're wrapped in sheets.
They're not buying shit.

I'm not talking about
Buddhists or Amish.

I'm talking about normal people,

working-class, everyday people.

Everyone wants to
get rich. Am I crazy?

There's no such thing
as an Amish Buddhist.

- I'm pretty fucking sure.
- There could be.

Can we get some ketchup, please?

Do you guys not want to make money?

ALL: I want to make some money.

I want to make some
fucking money, okay.

I can sell anything.

Shit, I can sell ludes
to a convent full of nuns,

and get them so horny
they'd be fucking each other.

That's the attitude.
You can sell anything?

Sell me this fucking
pen right here.

You can sell anything.
Sell that. Go ahead.

Sell me the pen.

Can I finish eating first?
I haven't eaten today.

Brad, show them how
it's done. Boom.

Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.

You want me to sell
this fucking pen?

That's my boy right there.
Can fucking sell anything.

Why don't you do me a favor.

Write your name down
on that napkin for me.

I don't have a pen.

Exactly. Supply and
demand, my friend.

Holy shit.

See what I'm saying?
He's creating urgency.

Get them to want to buy the stock.

Convince them it's something
they need, you know what I mean?

And that's the thing.

All nuns are lesbians.

What the fuck are you
talking about, Otter?

OTTER: Think about it.
They can't keep a dude

so they're gonna start
fucking chicks.

Four fucking times,
Kimmie! Four times.

NICKY: He's not with us.
ROBBIE: Friggin' Rambo.

Now she runs.

JORDAN: But look. I knew these
guys weren't like Harvard MBAs.

Robbie Feinberg, the pinhead,

took five years to
finish high school.

Alden Kupferberg, the Sea Otter,

didn't even graduate.

Chester Ming, the
depraved Chinaman,

thought jujitsu was in Israel.

Smartest of the bunch
was Nicky Koskoff.

He actually went to law school.

I called him Rugrat because of
his piece of shit hairpiece.

Still, give them to me young,
hungry and stupid

and in no time,
I'll make them rich.

TERESA: Oh, my God.

Jordan, that...

You like it, baby?

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

They're not the biggest stones
in the world,

but I promise they're
really high quality.

It's beautiful.

They're so beautiful.

Oh, boy.

What?

I know that look.
What is it? Go ahead.

I don't know, it's... You know...

These stocks... These companies...

They're like crappy companies.

- Well, yeah.
- Okay.

Yeah, they're terrible.

Don't worry about it. I told you,

what I'm doing is completely legal.

Yeah, I know.

But they're not gonna make
anyone money though, right?

Well, sometimes they do,
sometimes they don't.

You know how it goes.

Wouldn't you feel better if you
sold that stuff to rich people

who can, like,
afford to lose all that money?

Of course.

But rich people don't
buy penny stocks.

They just don't.

Why not?

JORDAN: Because they're too smart,

that's why not.

I mean, what person with
a college education

would trust this
bunch of jerk-offs?

Hang up the phone.
Tell him you'll call him back.

I got 5 fucking grand
on the phone right now!

Hey!

But what if they didn't sound
like a bunch of jerk-offs?

What if I could teach them
how to sell to people with money?

Real money.

So I decided to
reinvent the company.

Gentlemen, welcome

to Stratton Oakmont.

You schnooks will now be targeting

the wealthiest 1% of Americans.

We're talking about whales here.

Moby fucking Dicks.

And with this script,
which is now your new harpoon,

I'm gonna teach
each and every one of you

to be Captain fucking Ahab.

Get it? Huh?

Captain who?

Captain Ahab. From the fucking...

The book, motherfucker.
From the book.

Turn your fucking brain on.

- Fuck you.
- Jesus fuck, Robbie.

JORDAN: Listen to me. We're a
new company with a new name.

A company that our
clients can believe in.

A company that our
clients can trust.

A firm whose roots are
so deeply embedded into Wall Street

that our very founders sailed over
on the Mayflower

and chiseled the name
Stratton Oakmont

right into Plymouth fucking Rock!

- You got it?
- (ALL CHUCKLING)

What we're gonna do is this.

First we pitch 'em
Disney, AT&T, IBM,

blue chip stocks exclusively.

Companies these people know.

Once we've suckered them in,
we unload the dog shit.

The pink sheets, the penny stocks,

where we make the money.

- 50% commission, baby.
- Ooh.

Now the key to making money
in a situation like this

is to position yourself now
before the settlement.

Because by the time you read about
it in The Wall Street Journal,

it's already too late.

Then you wait.

You wait.

And whoever speaks first loses.

CLIENT: Sorry, uh...

I appreciate the call.

I really have to give
this some thought

and talk to my wife about it.

Can I call you back?

They don't know, right?
They gotta think about it,

they gotta talk to their fucking
wives, or the fucking Tooth Fairy.

Point is, it doesn't matter
what the fuck they say.

The only real objection that they have
is that they don't trust you guys.

And why should they trust you?
I mean, look at you.

You're a bunch of fucking
sleazy salesmen, right?

(ALL LAUGHING)

So, what do you say?

You mean to tell me that if I put
you in at Union Carbide at 7

and took you out at 32...

Texas Instruments at 11
and took you out at 47...

U.S. Steel at 16,
took you out at 41...

You wouldn't be saying
to me right now, "Chester,

"pick me up a few thousand
shares of Disney

"on the spot, right now. Come on."

Honestly, Kevin? Honestly?
Seriously?

I don't know you.

You cold-called me.
You're a total stranger.

I am in complete
agreement with you.

You don't know me,
I don't know you.

Let me introduce myself to you.

My name is Alden Kupferberg.

- Robbie Feinberg.
- Chester Ming.

I'm Senior Vice President
at Stratton Oakmont...

and I plan on being one of the...

top brokers in my firm next year.

And I'm not gonna get there
by being wrong, Stanley.

I do wanna say that
you sound like a...

You sound like a
pretty sincere guy.

- (LAUGHING)
- OTTER: It's not gonna make you rich

and it's not gonna make you poor.

But what this trade
will do is serve as...

a benchmark
for future business, Kevin.

You feel comfortable
with me now, Scotty?

And then you'll know for sure

that you finally found
a broker on Wall Street

that you can trust,

and who can consistently
make you money.

Sound fair enough?

(MOUTHING)

You know what... Yeah.

I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.

What are you thinking?

Kevin.

You give me one shot here

on a blue chip stock like Kodak,

and believe me, Kevin,

the only problem you're gonna have

is that you didn't buy more.

Sound fair enough?

Shit. My...

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

My wife might divorce me, but...

Yeah, let's do it.

(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

Excellent choice, Kevin.

How much do you
want to go for this time?

Let's do 5... $5,000.

Can we try 8,000, Kevin?

All right. Let's do 10.

- Ten.
- You want to do that?

Excellent choice!

Kevin, let me lock in
that trade right now

and get back to you
in a few minutes

with an exact confirmation, Kevin.

And welcome to Stratton Oakmont.

Thanks, man. I'm gonna have a beer.

This is fun.

Take it easy, Kev.

Hey, thanks, Jordan. Thanks a...

Fuck that motherfucker!

That's what I'm talking about!

What a fucking idiot.

The one thing I know about
in this world is airlines.

And Cuchon Airlines
is the future of airlines.

Get in now or...

- I'm Nicky Koskoff...
- Chester Ming...

BOTH:
and I'm a Senior Vice President

with Stratton Oakmont.

Judy, I am so, so, so
sorry for your loss.

When did he pass?

Just say I'm wrong, right.

And the stock goes down
a couple points...

and it makes you,
in the words of my grandfather,

God rest his soul,
"A shit ton of money."

It's like getting in
on fucking sunlight

before there was fucking sunlight.
You understand?

MAN: Can we do 8,000 shares?

MAN 2: Okay, 25,000.

That's a very intelligent decision.

I'm gonna transfer you
to my sales associate.

Rhonda!

- Rhonda!
- ...put you through to Andrea.

Has anybody fucking seen Rhonda?

(BELL RINGING)

Everybody have a good week?

ALL: Yeah!

The end of the month.

$28.7 million in gross commissions,

all from pink sheet stock, boys!

And to celebrate with our
weekly act of debauchery,

I have offered our
lovely sales assistant,

Danielle Harrison, here,

$10,000 to shave her fucking head!

- (ALL CHEERING)
- Yeah!

(LAUGHING)

NICKY: Yeah, you want this?

You want this?

Let's scalp her! Scalp her!

NICKY: Let the scalping begin!

(ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)

ALL: Scalp! Scalp! Scalp!

JORDAN: FYI, boys,
Danielle has promised

to use this $10,000
for breast implants!

She's already got C cups,

but now she wants
fucking double D's!

Is this a great fucking
company or what?

Is this the greatest company
in the world?

Donnie!

Blow the roof off
this motherfucker!

(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)

- Champagne?
- Whoo!

Send in the stripees!

(ALL CHEERING)

Mine!

(YELLING)

JORDAN: Word about us
spread throughout Wall Street.

Even the places I
didn't want it to.

It wasn't long before
Forbes magazine,

the flagship of Wall Street,
called to do a profile on me.

Let me ask you, how do you see
the future for Stratton Oakmont?

One word?

(EXHALES) Diversification.

Sounds good. Thank you so much.
I have more than enough.

- I appreciate your time.
- Fantastic.

Can we get a quick picture?

(CAMERA CLICKS)

JORDAN:
A total fucking hatchet job.

This conniving little twat!
Look at this!

"The Wolf of Wall Street"
they call me. Look.

Your hair looks good.

- Well, my hair looks good.
- Yeah.

"Jordan Belfort,

"sounding like a kind
of twisted Robin Hood

"who takes from the rich
and gives to himself

"and his merry little
band of brokers."

- Read that. Read it.
- Listen.

There is no such thing as
bad publicity, sweetheart.

Read the article, babe.

Jordan, you look great!
You're in a huge magazine.

Big fucking deal I look great.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

MAN: Mr. Belfort!
Can you look at my resume, please?

Excuse me, excuse me, sir!

Calm the fuck down!

What the hell's all this?

It's the Forbes article.
They all want to work for you now.

Hey! What did I say?

I'm just trying to be nice.

Hey, you want a job,
you talk to me!

- Mr. Belfort!
- Give me one minute.

JORDAN: Forbes made me a superstar.

Every day, dozens of money-crazed
kids beat a path to my door.

If we hired 'em, they dropped
straight out of college overnight

and spent whatever
allowance they had

on a new suit from
our Stratton tailor.

Are you fucking serious right now?

I mean, we were literally putting
clothes on these kids' backs.

And here comes this jerk-off
sniffing around.

But, you know, every time
someone rises up in this world,

there's always gonna be some
asshole trying to drag him down.

Within months, we doubled in size,

moved to even bigger offices.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

It was a madhouse.

A greed-fest,

with equal parts cocaine,
testosterone, and body fluids.

(SCREAMING) Yes!

It got so bad, I had to declare
the office a fuck-free zone

between the hours of 9:00 and 7:00.

But I'm telling you,
even that didn't help.

Actually, the madness started
on our very first day,

when one of our brokers, Ben Jenner,

christened the elevator
by getting a blowjob

from a sales assistant.

Her name was Pam,
and to her credit,

she did have this
amazing technique,

with this wild twist
and jerk motion.

About a month later,

Donnie and I decided
to double-team her

on a Saturday afternoon

while our wives were out shopping
for Christmas dresses.

Eventually, Ben married her,

which was pretty amazing
considering she blew

every single guy in the office.

Then he got depressed and killed
himself three years later.

Anyway, I hired my dad, Max,
to maintain order as the Enforcer.

Stratton's very own Gestapo.

We called him Mad Max
because of his hair-trigger temper,

which could be set off by something

as innocuous as a
ringing telephone.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Who the fuck has the goddamn gall

to call this house
on a Tuesday night?

God damn it!

You're gonna miss it!

Ooh, please, tell me
something I don't know.

I wait all week for
the fucking Equalizer

and they have to fucking... Hello.

JORDAN: But as soon as
he picked up the phone...

Gene. How are you, Gene?

he'd affect this weird
British accent.

Right-o, Gene, that'd be great.

Cheerio.

It was absolutely bizarre.

The fucking halfwit!

- He'd hang up...
- You missed it!

and then he's Mad
Max all over again.

Damn it!

All right, tell me what happened.
What happened?

Well, he discovered it
was the mother's sister.

Who's he? Who? Tell me who...

The main guy.
You know who the main...

The main guy...

it was his mother's sister.
She showed up dead.

(LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Of course, Mad
Max didn't have to know

everything we were
doing at Stratton.

And then there's a
big target and we...

They get launched at the target.
They stick.

NICKY: There's a bull's-eye
and the bull's-eye's a dollar sign.

Whoever gets closer
to the dollar sign...

gets the most points.

I'm gonna throw the shit out
of this little fucking thing.

So if it gets hurt, what happens?

'Cause we're gonna
get fucking nuts.

I don't think he's gonna get hurt.
They're like...

They got like superhuman strength.

I think he's gonna be fine.

You can't look him
right in the eyes.

You can't look him in the eye?

That's a fact. I saw it on PBS.

They get confused
and their wires get crossed.

You gotta look at their chin.

Like it looks like
I'm looking at you

but I'm looking at your chin.

I feel like you're addressing me
right now, but you're not, are you?

They're like the Mona Lisa.
They find eye contact,

like, wherever you are
standing in the room.

And they lock in.

JORDAN: No, but there is a limit
to what we can do with them?

We're allowed to throw shit at 'em.

We're allowed to
throw food? Bananas.

Any food. Correct.

But, for example,
what I wouldn't do is

maybe like tell him
to pull his cock out

and like get some of the girls to,
you know,

fondle him and shit like that.

That would be...
That's unacceptable?

Let's keep that in our back pocket.

This guy is more about
throwing at the dartboard.

Correct. Yes, yes, yes.

The thing is, this
is their gift, okay.

They're built to be thrown
like a lawn dart.

They're top heavy like a lawn dart.

So they're built for accuracy.

Oh, my God. Can we
bowl with this guy?

That's his fucking brother, Rob.

His brother's the bowling ball.

The brother,
you put a skateboard on him,

you strap him to a skateboard,

you toss him down an
alley at some pins.

- No shit. That's interesting.
- Swear to fucking God.

- Can we get that guy?
- Yeah, we'll get that guy, too.

But it says here this guy
will show his cock. Yeah.

- Instead of growing up. Yeah.
- He will?

They are very ornery by the way,

so you gotta be very careful
with these little guys.

Safety first.

Safety is first, all right?

I want somebody with
a fucking tranquilizer gun

ready to knock this fucker out.

- Do we want to get like a...
- Mace. Taser guns.

A pellet gun maybe?

No, a pellet gun is gonna hurt him.

I just want him out.
Knocked out cold.

But I say we stick with
the loophole. Right? Okay?

If we don't consider him a human,

we just consider it an act,
I think we're in the clear.

Like The Flying Wallendas.

You know, a lot of those guys died
but they never sued anybody.

The important thing
you guys gotta keep in mind

is that these things gossip.

They get together and they gossip.

- That's a good point.
- And the last thing

that we need is them
getting together and saying,

"Oh, they made fun of us."

Like, it's gonna make
Stratton look bad.

That's why I love you.
You think of shit like that.

When they come in, we treat
it just like one of us. Okay?

(CHANTING) One of us.
Gooble gobble, one of us.

We accept them, one of us!

Gooble gobble, one of us.

We accept them, one of us.

Gooble gobble, one of us!

Jordan! Your dad's coming.

Something about the
American Express bill.

Can you get him out of here?

Yeah. Lick my twat.

No, I'm serious!

Fuck. Guys, act like we're working.

You got any fucking stock forms?

He's coming, he's coming.

Make some shit up.

I think if we short Pfizer...

$430,000 in one month, Jordy, huh?

Four hundred and fucking 30,000
fucking dollars in one fucking month!

Good morning.
They're business expenses. Relax.

MAX: Business expenses?
JORDAN: Yes.

- Jordy, look what you got here.
- What?

Look at this. $26,000
for one fucking dinner!

Okay. No, no.
This could be explained.

Dad, we had clients.
The Pfizer clients.

Right. The porterhouse
from Argentina.

Expensive champagne and...
We had to buy champagne.

And you ordered all
the fucking sides.

- Tell him about the sides.
- I ordered sides, so...

Sides? $26,000 worth of sides?

What are these sides?
They cure cancer?

The sides did cure cancer.
That's the problem.

That's why they were expensive.

- Shut the fuck up.
- I'm serious.

- Stop.
- And EJ Entertainment?

What the fuck is EJ Entertainment?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, that's, uh...

DONNIE: Yeah, Jordy,
what's EJ Entertainment?

How do I describe this?

Jord, what is that?

- It's a fucking prostitution ring, Jordy!
- I know.

- That's what it is!
- That is what it is.

Isn't that the perfect
description for it?

That is what it is. But none
of these were charged to me.

This is all of them.

- Oh, that was all us?
- It wasn't me though.

Fucking explain this shit to him!

These are all of your
fucking charges right here!

The IRS, they allow
for T&A. It's fine.

MAX: T&E!

T&E!

Yeah. I said T&E.

- No, no. You said T&A.
- No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

- When did I say that?
- You said T&A. It's T&E.

I know you're upset
about the dinner,

and that makes sense because we did
spend too much money. But I said T&E.

Don't tell me what you said.
I heard what you said.

- Dad. He said T&A.
- He did?

Absolutely, no question.

I'm trying to...

I'm getting this close!

- Dad, relax.
- I'm getting this close.

That's what I'm saying.
I want you to open up more, Max.

He's gonna fucking kill you.

Why do you hold it in?
Why do you...

Max, why do you hold it in?

That's it. Get the
fuck out of here!

- No, no, no!
- Asshole, get out of here.

What kind of hooker
takes credit cards?

A rich one.

JORDAN: At Stratton,
there were three kinds of hookers.

The Blue Chips, top of the line,
model material.

They cost between $300 and $500

and you had to wear a condom

unless you gave them a hefty tip,

which, of course, I always did.

Then came the NASDAQs,
who were pretty, not great.

They cost between
200 and 300 bucks.

Finally, there were the
Pink Sheets. Skanks.

They cost about 100 or less.
If you didn't wear a condom,

you'd have to get a penicillin shot

the next day
and pray your dick didn't fall off.

Not that we didn't fuck them, too.

Believe me, we did.

Ow! It's that slipped
disc thing again.

I know what it is.
You know, too much...

with EJ Entertainment.

Pops.

How are things at home?

Well, not the best.

She just doesn't...
You know what I'm saying?

It's like the smell...

There's a smell,
there's an attraction thing.

After a while it kind of fades away
a little bit.

Yeah, well. It's
supposed to fade away.

- Supposed to?
- That's marriage. You know...

Your mother and I, we've been
married a long, long time.

What do you think? We're, we're...

We're jumping into bed
every two minutes?

- It doesn't work that way.
- I love her to death.

I want to stay married, Dad, but...

It's crazy out there.

Some of these girls...
You should see them.

Oh, my God!

They're fucking...

The things they're doing now, Pops.

I mean... I mean, it's
on a whole other level.

- Really?
- And they're all shaved, too.

- Get out of here!
- All shaven.

- Are you kidding me?
- Yeah.

- Bald as a china doll.
- No bush?

- No bush.
- Oh, my God!

All of a sudden, one week, nobody
had anything down there anymore.

It's a new world.

They're bald from
the eyebrows down.

- Wow.
- Nothing. Not a stitch. It's like lasers.

Wow. A new world.

I was born too... Too early.

I've never been a fan of the bush,
to be honest.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I don't mind it.

Dad.

I don't want you stressing out
about any of this.

How can I not get stressed out?

Look at the knuckleheads
you got working for you.

I know they're knuckleheads

but I need them to want to
live like me, you get it?

To live like me.

Jordy.

One of these days, the chickens are
gonna come home to roost.

You're looking at
me like I'm crazy.

(SCOFFS) Crazy? This is obscene.

JORDAN: It was obscene.

In the normal world.

But who the fuck
wanted to live there?

JORDAN:
Go party your fucking cocks off!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

JORDAN: We are about to
become fucking legends

on Wall Street!

We got plans up here
that's gonna take this company

into the fucking stratosphere!

(ALL CHEERING)

Wolfie! Wolfie!

Fuck Merrill Lynch. Fuck them.

Why should they be taking all our
fucking money all the fucking time?

This way we become
the underwriters.

It was our next big move.

Finding companies to
take public. IPOs.

It was the only way
these Wall Street pricks

would ever stop thinking of us
as some shitkicker bucket shop.

We got Arncliffe International.

JORDAN:
See, we were a little different.

We liked to get as fucked up as
possible during our business powwows

in order to stimulate
our free-flowing ideas,

which is why we were popping
these ludes like they were M&M's.

(SLURRING) Steve Madden.

We own the fucking companies...

- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- We own the companies...

Don't know what
a lude is? I'll tell you.

Oh. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Looks like those ludes are working
their magic on Donnie right now.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC)

JORDAN: The Quaalude,

or lude, as it is
commonly referred to,

was first synthesized in 1951

by an Indian doctor,
that's dots, not feathers,

as a sedative,

and was prescribed to stressed-out
housewives with sleep disorders.

But pretty soon someone figured out

that if you resisted the urge
to sleep for just 15 minutes,

you got a pretty
kick-ass high from it.

Didn't take long for people to
start abusing ludes, of course.

And in 1982, the U-S.
government Schedule 1'd them.

Along with the rest of the world.

Which meant there was only a finite
amount of these things left.

No shit,
you can't even buy 'em anymore.

You people are all
shit out of luck.

What are you saying? What is it?

Steve Madden.

- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Steve Madden.

Steve.

Steve.

JORDAN: You remember those ads?

Those giant-headed girls
with the bug eyes

wearing those big clunky shoes?

My friend from school,
Steve Madden.

His friend from
school, Steve Madden.

Steve Madden was the name in
women's shoes at the moment.

And all of Wall Street was
begging to take his company public.

Go ahead, go ahead, what is it?

Except, guess who grew up with him?

- Women's shoes.
- Women's shoes.

My very own Vice President.

- Women's shoes!
- (ALL LAUGHING)

Diamond Donnie Azoff.

- Steve Madden.
- Steve.

Steve.

Hey, JB, JB, JB, JB.

You gotta come check
this fucking chick out.

Look at this. Look.

NICKY: I would fuck that girl
if she was my sister.

I would let that girl
give me fucking AIDS.

ROBBIE: You want to see
the Wolf handle this?

She's hot.

Cristy.

Jordan, this is my friend Naomi.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Naomi.

Naomi, nice to meet you.

You got an awesome place here.

I've don't think I've ever been
in a house this big before.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Beautiful beach out there.

Blair Hollingsworth.

Hi, Blair. Nice to meet you.

- Your name's Blair, right?
- Yeah.

You like to Jet Ski?

NAOMI: I've never done it before.

JORDAN: You've never
Jet Ski'd in your life?

NAOMI: No, I've never Jet Ski'd.

You've never been on a Jet Ski?

How many times are
you gonna ask her?

She's never been on a Jet Ski.

I don't know.
Might ask her a couple more times.

NAOMI: Okay. Sure. (GIGGLING)

Hi. I'm Hildy. Nice to meet you.

- Hi.
- Jordan, Teresa needs your help.

Yeah, I'll be out in
a couple of minutes.

Just tell her I'll be out
in a couple of minutes.

Why don't you tell your wife that?

I might do that, but I'm having

- a conversation right now.
- What am I, your secretary?

You know what,
I think we should get going.

Wait, wait. Where you guys going?

We gotta go.
We got two other parties to go to.

- We can stay for a drink.
- Yeah, stay for a drink.

No. We got two other parties
we're supposed to get to.

NAOMI:
But we can stay for a drink...

She's

perfect.

- You like champagne?
- I do.

DONNIE: She's perfect.

Donnie, what the
fuck are you doing?

You piece of...

(ALL LAUGHING)

You're gonna have to excuse my friend.
He gets...

Get the fuck out!

Jordan, you gotta fuck her, bro.
She's so hot!

Yeah, Donnie!

NICKY: Let him fucking
finish, Hildy.

That's fucking rude.

Have some fucking manners.

JORDAN: So, Bay Ridge,
that's near Staten Island, right?

Brooklyn, across the
Verrazano Bridge.

Saturday Night Fever territory.

That's right. Guinea Gulch.

We call the Verrazano Bridge
the Guinea Gangplank.

Right.

So I presume you're Italian?

On my dad's side.

I'm also Dutch, German, English.

I'm a mutt.

Yeah. You're a mutt.

Yeah, I still have family
over there though, in London.

My Aunt Emma. She's the best.

Very British, you know.
She's a classy lady.

That explains it then.

Explains what?

It explains you.
I mean, you're a duchess, right?

The Duchess of Bay Ridge.

Excuse me.

Could I get a straw, please?

Thank you.

So I was, um, a little surprised

you asked Cristy for my number.

Why is that?

Aren't you married?

Well... Yeah, but what?

Married people can't have friends?

We're gonna be friends?

Yeah. You don't want
to be my friend?

We're not gonna be friends.

NAOMI:
And at night I work on my designs.

I have an entire line of lingerie.

You know, camisoles,
bustiers, panties.

JORDAN:
She designs women's panties, too?

Oh, my God!

Come on, Jordan, think of a way
to get up to her apartment.

You wanna come up for
some tea or something?

Tea? Yeah.

- Like hot tea?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. Yeah.

Tea. Fuck, yeah,
I wanted to come up for tea.

Like Darjeeling or rose hip,
something nice like that?

NAOMI: Sure.

This is Rocky.

Oh, who's this? Say hi, Rocky.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- (BARKS)

Okay.

Why don't you light a fire or
something and I'll be right out.

- Yeah. Fire, here?
- Sure.

I like your painting here.
It's, uh...

God, help me.
How do I fuck this girl?

(CLATTERING)

NAOMI: You all right?

Yeah, yeah.
Just trying to light the fire here.

(BEEPER RINGING)

That's it. That's it,
you're leaving.

Don't get involved.
Go home to your wife.

(DOOR OPENING)

As you can probably guess,

I fucked her goddamn brains out...

JORDAN: (GRUNTING) Jesus Lord!

(NAOMI MOANING)

For 11 seconds.

(JORDAN GROANS)

NAOMI: Did you just come?

JORDAN: Oh, yeah, I just came.

Did you? Did you come?

- NAOMI: No.
- No?

Okay.

I'm still hard so
just give me a sec.

Sure.

Come on, baby, come on.

(BARKING)

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

(ROCKY BARKING)

Oh, God!

NAOMI: Fuck off, Rocky! Bad dog.

You have a biscuit
or something like that?

It's okay.

- Just keep going.
- Rocky, go play.

Go play, Rocky. Go, go, go, go.

(ROCKY BARKING)

You're crazy.

JORDAN: I couldn't get enough.

I mean, her pussy was
like heroin to me.

And it wasn't just
about the sex, either.

Naomi and I got along.
I mean, we...

We had similar interests and shit.

(NAOMI GIGGLING)

Ooh. Choo-choo train.

Yeah.

(HOOTING)

I think I can. I think I can.
I think I can. I think I can.

(SNORTING)

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, yeah.
Let's toke it all on there, huh?

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, shit!

You!

Get out of the fucking car!

- (GRUNTING)
- JORDAN: Jesus Christ.

Son of a bitch! Oh, fuck!

Relax, sweetheart. Relax.

- Son of a fucking bitch!
- Okay, okay... Geez!

Okay, babe, stop!

- Please.
- (GRUNTS) Bitch!

- What are you doing...
- That whore from the party?

(GROANS) Jesus Christ!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I thought you were at
the fucking beach!

I didn't know you were here!

That's where you've fucking been?

With that fucking
whore from the party?

I thought you were
at the beach house.

How could you do this to me?
(SOBBING)

- Sweetie, come on...
- Who the fuck are you, Jordan?

You're like a completely
different fucking person!

I made a mistake. I don't know
what to tell you, babe. I...

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- Is that who... Is that what you want?

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Do you love her?

Answer me.

(SOBBING)

JORDAN: I felt horrible.

Three days later,
I filed for a divorce

and moved Naomi into the apartment.

Say what you will,

but the Duchess did have style.

She brought in a decorator,
feng shui'd the whole place.

She even hired a gay butler.

This guy was smart,
sophisticated, professional

Really, really great.

Is that jasmine?

Yes, sir. I tried to stump you
this evening. Very good.

Very good. Great nose.

JORDAN: Except for that one time.

(DANCE MUSIC)

(GASPS)

Oh, my God!

Oh, hey.

Is it Wednesday already?

- Uh...
- MAN: Oh, don't stop.

What the fuck!

That is fucked up!

He must have thought we were still

at the Hamptons this weekend,
you know.

Where were they doing it,
sweetheart? In the bedroom?

They were everywhere. There were
two guys over there on the table.

There were more over here.

- There were four right here.
- Ugh!

Are you fucking serious?
Right there?

- Why didn't you tell me?
- Oh, baby, it gets worse.

(SNIFFLES)

After they left,
I checked the apartment.

Right. What?

What is it, babe? What?

JORDAN: Where's my money?

I don't know where your money...

Where is my fucking money?
Where is it?

I don't know where your money is,
Mr. Belfort.

- I didn't do anything.
- If you don't get...

He's lying through
his fucking teeth.

Let's start from the beginning.

Let's start from the
beginning, all right?

You invited some
friends over, right?

One thing led to another.
Things got out of hand.

We understand that, we do.
(CHUCKLES)

We do blow all the time. We're
fucking degenerates ourselves.

Look at us, right?

But money was stolen
from my apartment.

Right from my sock drawer.
All right?

Like I said,
I don't know where your money is.

Just start from the beginning.
Who came over?

It was just a normal day.

I knew you were coming home
the next day.

So everything would be fine.
It'd be cleaned up.

I got a little high at breakfast.

So I got a little happy.
I had some eggs,

I had a little bit of ice cream.

And then I said, "Who do I
know that likes ice cream?"

It's my friend, Rudy.
So I called Rudy.

- Who's Rudy?
- Yeah, who's Rudy?

- You know who Rudy is. Come on.
- Me? I don't...

- You know...
- Who the fuck is Rudy?

I don't know anyone named Rudy.

Last month. The Lollipop Club.

You know who Rudy was. Dancing...

- You know who Rudy is?
- (STAMMERING)

I don't fucking know any...

What do you mean?

So he went to The Lollipop Club?

NICHOLAS: Oh, he was
at The Lollipop Club for sure.

On the stage, grinding
with everybody.

I got fucked up. I like to dance.

I don't know.
Maybe I met him, maybe I didn't.

I meet a lot of fucking people.

- What are you saying?
- $50,000 was stolen

from my fucking sock drawer!

All my girlfriend's
jewelry is gone.

- Where the fuck is it?
- ...Rudy. What the fuck?

Did your fucking little faggot
friend Rudy take my shit?

Did he? Answer me!

Okay. Now I get it.
Now I get why I'm...

- This is a gay thing.
- JORDAN: Oh!

- See, all of you...
- (CHUCKLING)

You think this is
'cause you're a fag?

My cousin's a fucking faggot.

And I go on vacation with him
and his boyfriend. I love fags.

JORDAN: You were in charge, right?

I will not be stolen from.
You get that?

I fucking like gay people.
I don't like you.

He should've hired
a fucking Mexican

like I have in my fucking house.

(GROANING)

Shit! What the fuck...

TOBY: Talk, you fuck, talk!

CHESTER:
I'm gonna drop you, you faggot!

- TOBY: Where is it?
- (NICHOLAS SCREAMING)

JORDAN: Chester and Toby,
they went all yakuza on Nicholas.

You know, they got crazy.

I don't know!

JORDAN: I had to call the cops just to
keep them from killing the poor guy.

I gave them each 1,000 bucks

and told them what
Nicholas had done.

Then they kicked his ass.

Thanks again, Officer.

It's not like I cared about
the 50 grand anyway.

I was making that much
almost every day

through one rathole or another.

Now a rathole is a
friend, like Brad here,

who held stock in his name for me.

Who are you supposed to be, huh?
Jack Nickle-Jew?

JORDAN: I'd drive the price up
then he'd sell

and kick most of the
profits back to...

You guessed it, me.

All cash. None of
it's on the books.

A big no-no, of course,
in the eyes of the law.

Enter our new securities attorney,
Manny Riskin.

700 bucks an hour
to be the voice of doom.

Listen to me.
You piss up the SEC's leg,

you end up with your
tits in a ringer.

Do not worry about it.
I have the SEC under control.

What the fuck
are these imbeciles doing?

Hey! Hey!

- What are you doing? Hey!
- (WHOOPING)

We got the SEC in here.

JORDAN: The Securities
and Exchange Commission

sent two lawyers down
to review our files.

So I set them up in
our conference room

and I had it bugged

and the air conditioning
turned up so high

that it felt like
Antarctica in there.

Is it always this cold in here?

I don't know.

JORDAN:
Then, while they were looking

for a smoking gun in that room...

Arncliffe International is on fire.

I was gonna fire off
a bazooka in here,

offering up our latest IPO.

An IPO is an initial
public offering.

It's the first time a stock is offered
for sale to the general population.

Now, as the firm taking
the company public,

we set the initial sales price

then sold those shares
right back to our friends. The...

Look. (CHUCKLES)

I know you're not following
what I'm saying anyway, right?

That's okay. That doesn't matter.

The real question is this.

(WHISPERS) "Was all this legal?"

Absolutely fucking not.

But we were making more money
than we knew what to do with.

And what do you do
when you're making

more money than you
know what to do with?

(MELLOW MUSIC)

Oh, my God!

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God.

Is that a yes? (CHUCKLES)

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

JORDAN: I held my bachelor party
at the Mirage in Las Vegas.

The flight there alone
was a bacchanal.

One last blowout for the gods

before I settled down for good.

A hundred Strattonites,

50 hookers, plus 50 more
waiting once we landed.

Oh, and the drugs.

I mean, I tell you, our plane was
like a pharmacy with wings.

(BEEPING)

(ELECTRIC BLUES MUSIC)

All told, the weekend
cost me 2 million bucks,

including the cost of refurbishing
the entire 28th floor.

WOMAN: kiss the bride.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

JORDAN: Ah! But the wedding

was something out of a fairy tale.

With Naomi, my Duchess,

me, her handsome Duke,

and The Bahamas Ocean Club,
our castle.

(POP MUSIC)

Of course, after the bachelor
party, me, the Duke,

needed a few penicillin shots
so he could

safely consummate the marriage.

Hey! Barry Kleinman,
filming the wedding.

A few words for your son?

Jordan. Remember what I told you.

It involves your penis
and her vagina.

And you know,
you know what you can do, Jordy.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

(BLUES MUSIC)

Oh, my God!

Aunt Emma?

I can't believe you came!

Jordan! Jordan! Look who came!

It's Aunt Emma.

Aunt Emma.

- Oh, Jordan, dear, how lovely.
- Hey, how you doing?

It's a pleasure to finally meet you
in person.

Into the donuts, I see.

Oh, I... I...

Well...

I lived through the '60s, my dear.

Enjoy the day.

She surprised me.
I didn't even know.

(LAUGHING)

JORDAN: Just one more step.
Are you ready?

- NAOMI: Where are we going?
- Keep your eyes closed.

One, two, three!

What is this?

JORDAN: (CHUCKLING)
It's your wedding present.

NAOMI: What?

JORDAN: It's your wedding present,
sweetheart.

What?

- Are you serious?
- I'm serious.

A fucking yacht?

ROBIN LEACH: For millionaires
whose ships have come in,

pricey pleasure boats
are for the most fun afloat.

It's no coincidence that
its 150 feet of green hull

is the color of cash.
Anchors aweigh!

Oh, my God! Baby!

- I think you like it?
- You're crazy.

- You like it?
- Yes!

JORDAN: For three weeks, we sailed
the Naomi through the Caribbean,

eventually taking her home
to Long Island,

where we bought a house.

Seven acres on the Gold Coast
of Long Island.

The most expensive real estate
in the world.

With maids, cooks, landscapers,
you name it.

We even had two guards
who worked in shifts.

Both named Rocco.

It was heaven on earth.

NAOMI: Wake up, you piece of shit!

- Ow!
- Who's Venice?

- Huh?
"Who?

Who? Who?

"Who?" What are you, a fucking owl?

- Who is she?
- (STUTTERING)

Some little hooker you
were fucking last night?

What the fuck are
you talking about? No.

No way, baby, no!

You were calling her
name in your sleep!

Are you out of your fucking mind?
I don't...

I don't even know who Venice is.

What the fuck does that even mean?
Venice.

That's the stupidest shit
I've ever heard in my fucking life!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

JORDAN: (SLURRING) Venice...

Venice, baby, where are you?

Venice!

Venice!

Where'd you go?

(GROANING)

Oh, baby.
Oh, you're gonna play rough, huh?

- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- You like that?

(GROANING)

I like it. I like it. Ow.

Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie.

Wolfie?

Yeah, it's my safe word, baby.
It's my safe word.

I don't give a fuck
about your safe word!

- (SCREAMS) Come on!
- Shut the fuck up!

- Ahh!
- Shut up, you little bitch!

You're a fucking
dirty little birdy!

Owie!

That's right.

That's right! I forgot.

(CHUCKLING) I forgot, baby.

Donnie and I were investing

in a condominium complex in Venice.

That's why all this confusion.

Oh, you're investing in Italy?

Not Italy. California.

- Oh, California?
- Yeah.

You're a lying piece of shit!

Duchess, baby, come on.

Don't you fucking "Duchess" me.

- Don't you "Duchess" me!
- (APOLOGIZING)

Do you really think that I
don't know what you're up to?

- You're a father now, Jordan.
- Yeah.

- You're a father now.
- I know...

And you're still
acting like an infant!

(SCREAMS) God damn it!

Baby, you know,
you got real anger issues.

Who is the one who flew in here

at 3:00 in the morning
on their stupid helicopter

and woke up Skylar? That was you!

Oh, Skylar! Oh, fucking bullshit!

- (ALARMS BLARING)
- (BABY CRYING)

NAOMI: Does it even matter to you

that I just had that driving range

sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan,

- and now you fucking wrecked it!
- Oh, my God... Bermuda grass.

No, you didn't research
the whole thing

and deal with the fucking
golf course people!

Oh, my God,

you had to deal
with the golf course people, too!

What a Greek tragedy, honey!
Oh, my God!

You probably had to pay them
in cash with your hands!

What a fucking burden.

And actually do some work
besides swiping

my fucking credit
card all day, huh?

Because I can't keep track
of your professions, honey.

'Cause last month
you were a wine connoisseur.

Now you're an aspiring
landscape architect!

- Let me get that right... No!
- Fuck you!

Don't fucking dare throw that

fucking water at me.
Don't you fucking dare.

All right, honey?

Now will you just...

We could talk this out, all right?

We just use our words. You know?

Communicate.

Okay?

Come on, sweetheart.

Talk to me. Talk to me.

Stop flexing your muscles, Jordan.

You look like a fucking imbecile.

Babe, come on.

You should feel happy
you got a husband

who's in such great
shape like this, huh?

Come here.

Come on, give me a kiss.

You look so beautiful right now.

- Come on.
- Kiss you?

- You look so beautiful...
- Kiss you?

Yeah, give me one...

Fuck you!

Ah, yes, my morning ritual.

First I'd get up and
fight with Naomi

about whatever it is I did
the night before.

Next was a steam so
I could sweat out

the drugs still in my system.

Then I'd assess the damage.

Drown out my eyeballs.

Take my "back pills"
to get the day started,

then seek to make up with Naomi.

Good morning, Daddy.

Where's my kiss?

Whee!

Hey, sweetheart.

Does Daddy get a kiss
from both of his little girls, huh?

Oh, no.

No, Daddy doesn't even
get to touch Mommy

for a very, very,

very long time.

Daddy's really sorry about what
he said in the other room.

He didn't mean any of it.

Daddy shouldn't waste his time.

And from now on,

it's gonna be nothing but short,

short skirts around the house.

And you know something else, Daddy?

Mommy is just so sick and
tired of wearing panties.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

In fact,

she's decided to throw them

all away.

(SIGHING)

So take a good look, Daddy.

You're gonna be seeing an awful
lot of this around the house.

Oh, baby...

Yeah, Mommy.

- Yeah...
- But no touching.

Oh, gosh.

Ow.

What's wrong, Daddy?

Mmm, baby.

God!

(SOBBING)

Look at this shit.

Okay. Mommy likes to
play games with Daddy.

Mommy, have you ever noticed

anything odd about Mr...

Mr. Fuzzy Bear over there?

His eyes seem
to be a little bit odd, don't they?

Yeah, there's something a little
bit different about his eyes.

(GASPS) Yes!
I think it's true. Say "Hi," Mommy.

Say "Hi" to Rocco and Rocco.

- Say "Hi." Hi, fellas.
- (CHUCKLES)

See that, huh?

Of all the fucking days,

she chooses today to
give me blue balls!

I mean, today was the biggest day
in Stratton's history,

and I needed to be
thinking straight.

Hey, Jordan!

- Welcome.
- Steve here yet?

JORDAN: This was the day that we
launched the Steve Madden IPO.

DONNIE: Troops are all here,
everyone's all rallied, excited.

JORDAN:
Everything had to run tight.

It had to be perfect.

What the fuck is that kid doing?

What's he doing?

The biggest IPO in
this firm's history.

What the fuck is he doing?

JANET: Is he...
Is he wearing a bow tie?

Hi.

How're you doing?

Good.

You cleaning the fish bowl?

I just... I had a minute and...

You had a minute.

And today you needed to
clean the fish bowl? Today?

I had finished my paperwork
and I had a couple of minutes.

Okay. Nice to meet you.

On new issue day?

On cocksucking,
motherfucking new issue day?

This is what you do?

Hey, everybody, listen up!

This is what happens when you fuck
with your pets on new issue day!

(ALL GROANING)

Take your little bow tie,
get your shit,

and get the fuck out of my office!
You understand?

Get the fuck out!

(ALL JEERING)

Everybody on point!

We are here to make money.
Everybody on point.

JORDAN: A real wolf pit,
which is exactly how I liked it.

Jordan, look what I caught in
the lobby. I caught a genius.

JORDAN: Enter Steve Madden.

The great American cobbler.

Red-hot ladies footwear Impresario.

And thanks to Donnie,
we were taking his company public.

Stratton Oakmont was crawling
out of the primordial ooze.

Pond scum no more.

That's why they gotta
see your face.

You get them fired up so they push
the shit out of this stock. Okay?

And not only that,
Donnie and I secretly owned

85% of Steve Madden Shoes,

which legally speaking
was a big no-no,

but we'd get filthy fucking rich
if our troops got behind it.

Our job was to get them worked up.

- But not too worked up.
- Shh.

- Hello. If, uh...
- (WHISTLES)

For those of you who don't know me,
uh...

My name's Steve Madden.

- Yeah, we know who you are.
- (LAUGHTER)

Your name is on the box.

Get the shoes. Show them the shoes.

- Show them the shoes.
- Okay. Yeah.

Anyway, you know,
this shoe is pretty cool.

This is the Mary Lou, which is really
the shoe that put me on the map.

Without it, I wouldn't be here.

It's a fat girls' shoe!

Believe it or not...
Believe it or not though,

the Mary Lou is actually the same

as the Mary Jane, but
it's black leather.

(JEERING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Fight back! Come on!
Where you at? Where you at?

All right!

Let's give it up for Steve Madden
and his awesome Mary Lou!

Hold that up. Hold that up.
Hold that up proud!

Give him a round of applause!

You guys got that
out of your systems, huh?

You having a good
afternoon or what?

I wanna take a moment
and tell you why Steve here is so

absolutely off the fucking wall.

It's because this man

is a creative genius.

This ability, this gift

that Steve has,

it goes beyond just

spotting the hottest shoe trends.

Steve's power is that
he creates trends.

You understand?

Artists like Steve come along
once every decade.

I'm talking Giorgio Armani,
Gianni Versace, Coco Chanel,

Yves Saint Laurent.

Steve, come over here for a second.

I don't think you all realize

that Steve Madden

is the hottest person
in the women's shoe industry,

with orders going through the roof

at every department store
in North America right now.

We have him here in our office!

We should thank our fucking
lucky stars this man is here!

We should be
on our hands and knees right now,

getting ready to suck this guy off!

Like this! Okay?

(LAUGHTER)

I wanna suck you off, Steve!

Everyone's gonna suck you off!

This is our golden ticket

to the fucking chocolate factory
right here!

(CHEERING)

And I wanna meet

Willy fucking Wonka, okay?

I wanna be with the
fucking Oompa Loompas like this!

All right, get off this fucking stage!
Get out of here.

All right, I want you all
to focus for a second.

See those little black boxes?

They're called telephones.

I'm gonna let you in on a little
secret about these telephones.

They're not gonna dial themselves.
Okay?

Without you, they're just
worthless hunks of plastic.

Like a loaded M16 without a trained
Marine to pull the trigger.

And in the case of the telephone,

it's up to each and
every one of you,

my highly-trained Strattonites.

My killers!

My killers,
who will not take no for an answer!

My fucking warriors,

who will not hang up the phone

until their client either buys

or fucking dies!

(ALL CHEERING)

Let me tell you something.

There is no nobility in poverty.

I have been a rich man
and I have been a poor man.

And I choose rich
every fucking time.

(CHEERING)

Because at least as a rich man,

when I have to face my problems,

I show up in the back of a limo,

wearing a $2,000 suit

and a $40,000 gold fucking watch!

(YELLING)

Duke it out! Hit him!

Get the fuck off me!

And if anyone here
thinks I'm superficial

or materialistic,

go get a job at fucking McDonald's,

'cause that's where
you fucking belong!

But before you depart
this room full of winners,

I want you to take a good look

at the person next to you. Go on.

Because sometime in
the not-so-distant future,

you're gonna be pulling
up to a red light

in your beat-up old fucking Pinto,

and that person's gonna be
pulling up right alongside you

in their brand new Porsche

with their beautiful
wife by their side,

who's got big voluptuous tits.

(ALL LAUGH)

And who're you gonna
be sitting next to?

Some disgusting wildebeest

with three days of razor-stubble,

in a sleeveless muumuu,

crammed in next to you
in a carload full of groceries

from the fucking Price Club!

That's who you're gonna
be sitting next to!

So you listen to me
and you listen well.

Are you behind on your
credit card bills?

Good! Pick up the phone
and start dialing!

Is your landlord ready to evict you?
Good!

Pick up the phone and start dialing!

Does your girlfriend think
you're a fucking worthless loser?

Good! Pick up the
phone and start dialing!

I want you to deal
with your problems

by becoming rich!

(ALL CHEERING)

All you have to do today

is pick up that phone

and speak the words
that I have taught you.

And I will make you richer

than the most powerful CEO

in the United States
of fucking America!

- Yeah!
- (CHEERING)

Fuck, yeah!

I want you to go out there

and I want you to ram

Steve Madden stock
down your clients' throats

until they fucking choke on it!

Till they choke on it and they buy

100,000 shares! That's what I want.

Yeah! Fuck, yeah.

You be ferocious!

- You be relentless!
- ALL: Yeah!

You be telephone
fucking terrorists!

Now let's knock this motherfucker
out of the park!

(CHEERING LOUDLY)

(PEPPY some)

JORDAN: At 1:00 p.m., we opened
the stock for sale at $4.50 a share.

By 1:03, it was over $18.

Even the big Wall Street firms
were buying.

Of the two million shares
offered for sale,

a million belonged to me, held in
phony accounts by my ratholes.

Now once the price hit
the high teens...

(CHUCKLES) You know what?
Who gives a shit?

As always, the point is this.

$22 million in three fucking hours!

Can you believe this shit?

- I fucking love this, baby!
- It's amazing!

JAN ET: Jordan!

Barry Kleinman's on the phone

- from Future Video.
- Who?

I don't know.
He shot at your wedding.

He says it's urgent.

Urgent?
Who the fuck is Barry Kleinman?

Oh, my God, you wanna marry me?

You're in love with me?

Yeah. Go fuck your cousin!

Hey, Barry, what's up?

Listen, I got this subpoena.

Subpoena? What the fuck
are you talking about?

Yeah, the FBI, they want a copy

of your wedding video.

JORDAN: The fucking FBI?

- You fucking kidding me?
- BO: Listen to me.

His name is Denham.

He's an agent with
the New York office.

JORDAN: What's his problem?

BO: He's a Boy Scout. He thinks
you're fucking Gordon Gekko.

JORDAN: What does he want
with my wedding video?

It's like an invasion
of my privacy.

You know what I'm saying?
It's like...

It's intrusive, you know.

He's got pictures of your
whole inner fucking circle.

Pictures, names of the people.

You know what he's trying to do?

Exactly what he's doing.
Look at yourself.

He's trying to rattle you,

he's trying to rattle
your old lady,

so she nags you
until you become a fucking witness.

He wants me to rat on myself?

He wants me
to give information about my...

Listen. The good fucking news is,

you know I know everybody downtown,

I call up the Justice Department,
the DEA,

nobody even knows you fucking
exist, so calm down!

They don't know I exist?

- No.
- That's good.

But you...

You know who he is, right?

- Yeah.
- So, if I just wanted to get

some more information,
just find out what he knows,

you could go to his house, right?

Tap his phones a
little bit, bug him.

You could get some information...

You don't fuck with
these guys like that.

You don't fuck with them like that.

What are you, nuts or something?

This is what you fucking do.
What do I pay you for?

I have a fucking P.I. license, you know?
I make a living at this.

I'm not a cop anymore.

They'll take my fucking license
away from me, all right?

Okay.

Okay, if I can't do that,
can I just...

Can I give the guy a call?

- Why? Is that...
- Jordan. Jordan.

Do me a favor?

The only one who calls this guy
is your fucking lawyer.

I can't call him, right?

- It's against the rules?
- I told you,

whatever the fuck you say to him,

he's gonna use against you.
Don't you understand?

He's smart, you're dumb.

Fucking bullshit.

Are we fucking talking tonight,

or are you gonna get schwacked?

The last time you took
these fucking pills,

you put your head in the fucking
macaroni. I had to pick it up.

All right.

Okay, I won't call him.

Hey, fellas! Come on board.

The plank's right around there.

Welcome!

Whoo! What a nice day.

Hey.

Welcome aboard.

Jordan. Welcome aboard the Naomi.

Pleasure to meet you.

Agent Denham. This is Agent Hughes.

Hi, how are you?

Let me introduce you. This is Nicole,
Heidi. Come on. Don't be shy.

What are you guys all shy for?
Don't be scared.

These are friends of Stratton.

- It's a pleasure.
- Hello.

Um... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Your message said
that you wanted to speak privately.

Right. I do want to
speak privately.

Give us a minute, huh, ladies?

Let me know if I can
get you anything.

We'd be happy to help.

You guys hungry?

Want something to eat?

Got some pasta, shrimp, lobster.

I got whiskey.
Any kind of booze you want.

You know what?
The Bureau doesn't allow us

to drink while we're at sea.

Duh! Of course.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Ever been on one of these before?

A boat?

I learned how to
sail when I was six.

No shit. Is that right? Really?

On one like this, though?

I had the whole front extended in
order to fit the chopper up there.

See that?

Anyway, this is for you.

It's a complete list of every
person that was at my wedding.

I understand you wanted
the whole wedding video.

Figured this would help
expedite the whole process, right?

- There you go.
- Look,

my point is that

I know you're
investigating Stratton.

But for the life of me,
I can't figure out why.

I know we're a little unorthodox,
we're a little

loud in the way we do things.
But you gotta understand,

we're the new guys on the block,
you know,

we're trying to make
a name for ourselves.

But I want you to
understand, we don't

do anything illegal.

Whatsoever.

I mean, you could talk to the SEC.

They were at my office 15 times
over the last six months.

I mean, I got...
I got nothing to hide.

Well, you know the SEC is
a civil regulatory agency.

We pursue criminal activities.

Exactly! You go after
real criminals, which

makes me wonder what the hell
you're investigating me for?

- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- I mean, honestly...

What is it that you think
that we did or do? I don't get it.

Well, I...

Look, Jordan, I can't discuss
an ongoing investigation.

No, I get that. No, I understand.

With that said...

This case got dumped on my desk...

- Did it?
- You know, by a higher-up

who needs to make a show

of looking into the new company
on the block,

- with all the press and everything.
- New loud guys.

And then I end up being the schmuck

who does the looking. Exactly.

It's just, you know...
It bothers me.

We're the new guy. We're the one

that's banging on Wall Street's door.
I mean, you should...

You should see what's going
on at the bigger firms.

I mean, I know all the information.

It's true! Goldman,
Lehman Brothers, Merrill...

Collateralized debt obligations?

This Internet stock bullshit?

I mean, it's a fucking travesty.

I could take you step-by-step

through what exactly is occurring.

All you have to do is ask.

I'm available.

- That's exactly what I wanted to hear.
- Mmm-hmm.

I don't see why a
little sitdown like this

can't be profitable
for the both of us.

It should. Right?
It should profit the both of us.

- It should.
- Look.

I'm gonna give you
my personal line.

Five days a week,
you just call me, feel free.

- I'll do that.
- Great.

Are you sure you guys don't
want something to drink?

You're not hungry? Nothing?

- Nothing? No?
- Oh, no.

Let me ask you,

and if you don't wanna
get too personal,

- just tell me to shut up at any time.
- Oh.

Did you try to get
your broker's license at one time?

Did I hear that right? Were you
trying to take a stab at Wall Street?

- No? (CHUCKLES)
- Who you been talking to?

Who the fuck you been talking to?

Well, you're investigating me.

- I hear things.
- (LAUGHING)

You know what I mean?

You ever think about
what would've happened

if you would have
stayed the course?

You know what?
When I'm riding home on the subway

and my balls are fucking sweating,

I'm wearing the same suit
three days in a row...

Yeah, you bet I do.

I've thought about it before.
Who wouldn't, right?

Right, who fucking wouldn't?

What do you get...

Another personal question,
no need to answer...

No, that's all right, Jordan.

What do you pull in? 50, 60K?
Something like that?

- A year? In the ballpark?
- Oh.

Well, I...

Let's put it this way.

You get a free handgun

- when you sign up for the Bureau.
- (CHUCKLING)

No, but it fucking pisses me off.
You know what I mean?

You think about the people
that built this country,

hardworking people like you.

Firefighters, teachers, FBI agents.

End of the day, you guys get
fucking skinned alive financially.

It fucking makes me angry.

Now the one thing about Wall Street
and this market is,

for me, I feel

it's good to give back.
You know, there's...

There are situations where I can

make those situations better
for people. You know?

You know what I mean.

Opportunity

is everything.

Exactly.

Take for example,
I got this one kid, right?

Went to school for environmental
science, something like that.

He was bogged down
by student loans.

Turns out, his mother needed
triple bypass surgery.

- Jesus.
- Right. Horrible situation.

Sure.

But we got him into the market

at the right time
and chose the right stock.

We gave him the right guidance.

Boom! Overnight,
changed his entire life.

Got to put his mother into

the best hospital in New York City.

It didn't work out for her,

granted, she passed
away, unfortunately.

But we gave him that opportunity.

You know what I'm saying?

It's just about setting
up the right team,

and then overnight
your life can change.

What does... What does an intern...

What does an intern
make in a deal like that?

Well, in that situation,

in that particular trade,
and it was one trade,

north of half a million dollars.

And I'd do that for
anybody, you know,

anybody that needs
the proper guidance.

Can you say that again,

just the way you said it?

Just the same way.

Oh.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, come on!
You know what I'm talking about.

I think what Jordan
just did is he...

- If I'm not mistaken...
- No.

you just tried to
bribe a federal officer.

No, technically I
didn't bribe anybody.

No, no, that's not the conversation
I heard, Jordan.

No, no, according to
the U.S. criminal code,

there needs to be an
exact dollar figure

- for the exchange of services.
- Oh!

That would not hold
up in a court of law.

Nah, it's not howl heard it.

No, no, no, that's the truth.
But I want to tell you this.

Yeah.

The same gentleman that told me

that you tried to get
your broker's license

also told me that
you are a straight arrow.

He ran a security check on me.

Well...

Yeah, when you sail
on a boat fit for a Bond villain,

sometimes you need to
play the part. Right?

I think it's time you both
get the fuck off my boat.

- What do you say? Hmm?
- (CHUCKLING)

You know, Jordan,
I'll tell you something.

Most of the Wall Street jackasses
that I bust,

they're to the manor born.

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

Their fathers are douchebags,

just like their
fathers before them.

But you...

You, Jordan,
you got this way all on your own.

Did I?

- Good for you, little man.
- Little man?

- (LAUGHING)
- Good for you.

Me, the little man?

And let me tell you something.

Let me tell you something else.

Honestly,
I'm not bullshitting here,

this is one of the nicest boats

- that I've ever been on, I gotta tell you.
- I bet it is.

And you know
what I was just thinking, too?

The fucking hero that I'm
gonna be back at the office

when the Bureau seizes
this fucking boat.

Because, I mean,
fuckety-fuck-fuck, Jordan,

- look at this thing!
- (BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)

It's beautiful!

And you got the beautiful
girls there. It's wonderful.

All right, get the
fuck off my boat.

I'm sure we'll be seeing each other

- real soon.
- I'm sure.

Good luck on that subway ride home

to your miserable,
ugly fucking wives.

I'm gonna have Heidi lick some
caviar off my balls in the meantime.

Hey, you guys want to take some
lobsters for your ride home?

Fucking miserable pricks,
I know you can't afford them!

Fucking cheap fucks.

Fucking miserable pricks.
(WHISTLES)

Hey, fellas! Look what I
found in my pocket! Look!

A year's salary right here.

You know what I call them?
Fun coupons!

See that!

They're fun coupons!

(SIGHS)

Switzerland?
What the fuck is in Switzerland?

JORDAN: Swiss fucking banks,
that's what.

It was ass-covering time.
I had to hide my money.

Enter Rugrat.

He knew this Swiss banker
from law school.

That's for European pussy!

JORDAN: But he was in Geneva.

And there was no way
I was gonna make that flight sober.

So I knew if I took my drugs right,

I could sleep through
the entire flight.

But I had to take them just right.

At 4:00 p.m., I popped
a few more ludes,

which started kicking
in by the time

I finished my sales meeting.

My tingle phase.

By dinner, I popped a few more

on top of some cocktails
and a Valium or two.

My slur phase.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

By 8:30, I took a few more ludes

and pretty much lost
all my motor skills.

This was the drool phase.

And by 10:00, I didn't know
who or what the fuck I was.

The amnesia phase.

We boarded the plane
just before midnight.

Wow! Look at you!

- You're beautiful.
- Excuse me, sir.

His sleeping pills just kicked in.
He's all right.

May I see your
boarding passes, sir?

We have the boarding passes.

Jesus Christ, I wanna fuck her.

Hey! Fucking relax.

Oh, my God! You got your
hand on my fucking cock!

I don't. Cut it out.

He's got his hand on my dick again.

I'm just trying to buckle you up.

You got your hand on his dick?

You gotta stop doing that
in public places.

Oh, my God. Take it off!

Take it off!

I heard there's a treasure map
under here.

- Stop! I know, miss.
- Excuse me, sir.

Please sit down.

- Watch it.
- Go back to your seat, please.

- What are you upset about?
- Please go back to your seat.

I will have to call the captain.

Please, sir, please, sir. Sit down.

- Please sit down!
- NICKY: Ow!

- I'm going! Stop.
- Okay, sorry.

We apologize.
We're gonna go to sleep.

Question. I wanna
ask you a question.

Fasten your seat belt, sir.

We cannot take off
if you haven't fastened

- your seat belt.
- I'm really horny, too.

STEWARDESS: Sit down. Fasten it.

- Right. Okay, I'll sit down...
- I will do it for you.

- DONNIE: What?
- I'll do it for you.

JORDAN: You gotta speak English.

We don't understand
this language you're speaking.

I will help him with his seat belt.

- You gotta put it on right.
- Sit back. Sit back, sir.

- There you go.
- All right. I'll just lean back...

(LAUGHING)

Bitte, Hilfe!

(BOTH MIMICKING STEWARDESS)

Jesus Christ!

Fuck!

Donnie...

Donnie, this isn't funny.
You gotta untie me, buddy.

I can't untie you.

The captain tied you up.

He almost fucking tasered you.

Why?

Why?

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

He's got a fear of flying.

Ah!

DONNIE: He's very nervous
on planes, I'm sorry,

it's not you, sweetheart,
don't beat yourself up.

Easy, easy. He's fine.
He's just a nervous flyer.

You were screaming at people.

Oh, fuck off.

You were on the floor
rolling around and shit.

Oh, Jesus.

You called the captain the N-word.

I called the captain the N-word?

- Yeah, he was very upset.
- Really?

- Luckily we're in first class.
- Jesus.

Jesus Christ, I think
you have a fucking drug problem.

Where are the ludes?

Where are the ludes?

They're up my ass.
Don't worry about it.

- I got it.
- (SIGHS) Okay.

Thank God.

Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do

when we get to Switzerland, buddy?

This is bad.

Fucking things are against my
chest. I can't breathe.

Come on, do something
to calm me down. Please.

Okay, shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up.

(WHIMPERING)

Okay. Shh! Shh!

That's good.

- (SING-SONG) Go to sleep.
- Rub it harder, buddy.

You're all right.

We all love you. Shut the fuck up!

(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)

Mr. Belfort,

you're free to go.

Really?

Whoo!

- NICKY: Hey, Donnie.
- Yeah?

NICKY: When we get out there,
try not to act like yourself.

Okay? Let's make Geneva an
asshole-free Donnie zone, all right?

DONNIE: What are you
fucking coming at me for?

Hey, listen. The only reason
you're sitting in this limo

and not in a Swiss jail
is because of my friend. Okay?

Hilfe!

(ALL CHUCKLE)

NICKY: We're here. We're here.
Everyone calm down.

Jordan Belfort!

At last.

Nicholas has told me
so much about you.

Jordan, Jean Jacques Saurel.

- Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
- Nice to meet you.

- (ALL LAUGHING)
- JEAN JACQUES: It's a joke.

You'll understand
when you're in the fucking seat.

You need a bigger couch.
For guests.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I don't understand. I'm sorry.

I'm curious about
your bank secrecy laws here.

Uh... Wait. Yes.
Excusez-moi, Jordan.

Swiss custom requires
10 minutes of...

Blah, blah, blah.

- Chit chat.
- Yeah, chit chat, thank you.

before business can be discussed.

Yeah.

Of course.

Let's get down to it.
What would you like to know?

Under what circumstances
would you be obligated

to cooperate with an FBI

or a U.S. Justice Department
investigation, for example?

Ca depend.

Ca depend?

Oui.

Ca depend on what, exactly?

Whether America plans
to invade Switzerland

- in the coming months.
- (LAUGHTER)

Shall I check if tanks are
rolling down the Rue de la Croy?

- Yes. Rue de la Croix.
- Croix. Croix.

Not Croy. Not Rue de la Croy.
It's Croix.

See, this is what he used to do
back in law school. Check me.

- Champagne. Champagne.
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. French
fries, pommes frites.

- And that kind of stuff.
- That's funny.

JORDAN: What I'm asking,
you Swiss dick,

is are you going to fuck me over?

JEAN JACQUES: I understand
perfectly, you American shit.

The only way
the Banque Réal de Genéve

would cooperate
with a foreign legal body

is if the crime being pursued

is also a crime in Switzerland.

But there are very few Swiss laws
which apply to your practices.

Hmm.

From a financial standpoint,

you are now

in heaven.

See, I told you he was
fantastic, right?

If the U.S. Justice Department
sent us a subpoena, it would become

papier toilette.

We would wipe our ass with it.

(LAUGHTER)

Unless, of course, it
was an investigation

into stock fraud,

which is a crime here in
Switzerland, if I'm correct.

Then there would have to
be coopération on your part,

- if I'm not mistaken.
- Yes.

Yes, we would. Mmm-hmm.

Assuming the account is
under your name.

If it were

another name,

a friend's, camarade...

Cousin?

(AGREEING IN FRENCH)

- Relative?
- JEAN JACQUES: Yeah.

Hmm.

JORDAN:
Was that yodeling I just heard

or did you just say
what I thought you said?

JEAN JACQUES: Yes. Yes.

JORDAN: He's telling me
to use a fucking rathole.

But a U.S. rathole would never get

into Switzerland
with all that money.

What I needed was a rathole
with a European passport.

Jordan.

Hey. How's my favorite aunt, huh?

Welcome. Was the traffic terrible?

Oh, no, not at all.

Jordan, come in.

Thank God Aunt Emma didn't
need too much convincing.

Turned out the British weren't
too different from the Swiss.

Money talks and
bullshit takes the bus.

How do you say
"rathole" in British?

If you get into any
trouble whatsoever,

I'll come forth immediately.
I'll say that I duped you.

That I promise.

Risk is what keeps us young,
isn't it, darling?

Sometimes I wonder

if you let money get the
best of you, my love.

Among

other substances.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

It's that obvious, huh?

It's chilly, darling,
and you're sweating bullets.

What can I say? I'm...

I'm a drug addict.

I really am.

Cocaine, pills.

Whatever it is, I'll fucking do it.
(CHUCKLES)

Now that's the truth.

I mean...

I'm a sex addict, too.

Well, there are worse things
to be addicted to than sex.

(LAUGHS)

Jesus, why am I telling
you all this? Why am I...

I'm sorry.

Because I'm very easy to talk to.

- You are. You are easy to talk to.
- Mmm.

I suppose it's...

Just my job, you know.

All these people dependent on me.

Tens of millions of dollars
at stake, you know.

Sometimes I feel like I...

I've bitten off more
than I can chew, you know.

You're a man with large appetites.

Yeah.

Is she fucking hitting on me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I suppose I put that
on myself though, right?

My decision.

It's just hard to...

Hard to learn to control
the anxiety sometimes, you know?

You know, to...

Learn to relax and let go and...

To release the tension.

JORDAN: She is hitting on me.

Holy shit!

Yeah, to release the tension.

I suppose we, uh...

We all just need to learn, uh...

Learn to do what comes
naturally in life, you know?

EMMA: Is he fucking hitting on me?

Stability, dear.

Family.

You take care of my niece, my love.

I'll take care of
everything over here.

Deal.

JORDAN: (MOANING)
Come on! There you go.

Whoo!

We had, literally,
a fuckload of money.

Aunt Emma could never
carry all this by herself.

So I thought to myself,
who else has a European passport?

Brad, you're making this
too fucking tight!

Now Brad, as a
successful drug dealer,

spent his winters in
the south of France,

which is where he met
his wife, Chantalle,

a stripper of Slovenian origin

born, in of all places,

Switzerland.

Well, this is fucked.

Oh. No shit.

Like, this will take
her like 50 trips.

I know.

Let me ask you something?

What about her family? Right?

I mean, they all got
Swiss passports, fight

She's got parents,
she's got a brother, right?

The brother's got a wife.
That's five fucking people.

Six, seven trips, boom, right?

They're all fucking
Swiss nitwits like her.

- They'll do it.
- We could do that.

At least I have a family,
you crooked-nose fuck!

Hey, uh, don't forget
about my money.

I'm sorry, what's that?

Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
He's got some...

- He's got some money.
- My money.

I got a couple of mil
coming in like a week.

When it gets in, I'll give you
a call, you come pick it up.

You give me a call?

When it gets here, I'll give you a
call and you'll come pick it up.

Well, we don't fucking
work for you, man!

- (SHUSHING)
- DONNIE: Sweetheart,

you have my money
taped to your tits.

Okay? Technically,
you do work for me.

Hey, Jordan,
we're gonna need to talk.

If I fucking do this,
I'm telling you right now,

I ain't going to him, okay.

- I'm not a fucking shvartze.
- I got it.

I don't do fucking
pickups, all right?

- I got it.
- Well, listen to me.

We meet someplace
that I fucking say.

And you tell that
fucking piece of shit,

- he comes correct.
- I will.

He comes in all fucking loopy
and fucked up, I swear to God

I'll mash that
douchebag's teeth in.

You're gonna mash
whose fucking teeth in?

Whose fucking teeth
are you gonna mash in?

I put the money on that
fucking table! Not you!

I'm the reason
we have this whole fucking deal!

- He's got a gun, you fucking idiot!
- Fuck his gun!

I put that money in there!

You know what?
You're a fucking pill dealer.

I got five more just like you, bro.

Keep talking,
you fucking piece of shit!

You know what else?
You dress like shit!

So fuck you!

- Fucking motherfucker!
- Oh! Jesus!

How about that, faggot?
Who's a faggot?

JORDAN: You okay? Hey, pal.

The next day,
Aunt Emma flew to Geneva.

Two million in cash
in her carry-on,

which in the big picture

was a drop in the Swiss bucket.

'Cause the following month,

over the course of six round trips,

Chantalle's family and friends

smuggled in over 20 million in cash

without even a hiccup.

(LAUGHS)

- And I have some more.
- Really?

- Here.
- Oh, thank you.

And here.

JEAN JACQUES: Welcome.

CHANTALLE: Welcome. (GIGGLING)

- Yeah, like four bags of it.
- Ooh!

(LAUGHS)

Are you Swiss-Slovakian
or Swiss-Slovenian?

- Slovenian.
- Slovenian?

Who cares. You're blonde.

Oh, stop.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Shit.

Just put the fucking car in
park, you dumb fucking idiot!

I can't close this briefcase.

One fucking day.

One fucking day,
you couldn't keep it together?

I'm fucked up, Brad.

- Gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Fucked up.

- It's a joke.
- It's a joke?

- I'm sober.
- Jesus fucking Christ!

It's a fucking joke.

- Are you fucking stupid?
- I'm not stupid.

You fucking drive in here
like a fucking maniac,

you know the attention that
that fucking draws?

- I'm not stupid. I'm smart.
- Smart?

- I make million-dollar deals.
- That right?

With smart important
people, unlike you.

People who don't
sucker-punch people

when they're scared. Okay?

- I'm scared, huh?
- And by the way,

I haven't gotten an
apology yet for that.

You want an apology, okay.

I check my fucking
messages every day

- when I come home from work.
- Did you?

- My answering machine. Zero.
- Didn't get one, huh?

I got a blinking light,

because I don't have shit from you.

You know what,
you got a big fucking mouth, okay?

I got my wife checking the messages

every 45 minutes
calling the office, saying,

"Has Brad apologized yet?

"Is there an apology message
on the machine?"

I don't have jack shit.
You know what?

That's not how you treat people.

You got a big fucking
mouth, you know.

I'm gonna give you a fucking pass.
Just give me the case.

(SCOFFS) You're gonna
give me a pass?

Look, it's a figure
of fucking speech.

Oh, my gosh.
The Emperor of Fucksville

came down from Fucksville
to give me a pass!

From Fucksville, huh?

Hey, what are the citizens
of Fucksville doing today

when their Emperor's gone?

Is it mayhem?

Are people looting and raping?

What are all the little fuckheads
doing while you're here?

Go fuck yourself! Give me the bag.

You back the fuck up.

I'll cause the biggest
fucking scene

that I've ever caused in my life

if you come at me again.

- You know what?
- Just fucking keep it down.

I got...

I don't wanna be out
of line or anything,

but I think you like,
like me. Like you...

Like when you come at me...

What's the matter with you?
What the fuck is...

and you look at me.
I swear I just noticed it.

You have like a fucking, like...

Like a twinkle.
You have like a twinkle.

Are you trying to kiss me, bro?

Jesus fucking Christ.

- What's with you?
- I have a... I don't know.

- It's not a homophobic thing.
- All right...

You're just not the
one for me, pal.

You know what I mean? It's not...

- it's not about that for me, you know.
- I've heard enough.

Please, I'm begging,
give me the fucking case.

- I'm gonna give you the case.
- Give me the case.

- You gotta do me one favor.
- What's that?

You gotta take this case,

you gotta drive straight home,

need you to open up the briefcase,

and you take out
every single dollar.

Don't leave one dollar
inside the briefcase.

And once you have it all

neatly organized
outside the briefcase,

I need you to take it
and I need you to shove it right up

your wife's Latvian
cunt, you understand?

- My fucking wife!
- Chill! Chill, bro.

Fuck. You motherfucking
piece of shit!

- How about now?
- (SIREN WAILING)

DONNIE: Go, go!
BRAD: Fuck!

(ENGINE STARTING)

Motherfuck! You're fucking dead!

Stop! Don't move! Don't move!

Stop, or I will blow
you the fuck away!

Drop the case! Put
your hands in the air!

- Get down.
- (SCREAMS)

Get down on your knees!
Get down on your knees!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Jordan, do I have a
surprise for you!

What's that?

Twenty real Lemmons.

Retired pharmacist's
client of mine,

they've been in the
safe for 15 years.

Are you fucking kidding me?
Lemmons?

Ha-ha!

DONNIE: They're gonna knock us
on our fucking heads.

JORDAN: When it comes to Quaaludes,

the Lemmon 714 was the Holy Grail.

- Can you believe it?
- Oh, my God.

DONNIE:
I thought they were like a myth.

JORDAN: Three times as powerful
as anything available today.

JORDAN: Look at these babies.

Boy, Donnie really knew
how to celebrate.

He said he was saving these
for a special occasion.

Like a birthday, or
being clap free,

or our money arriving safely
in Switzerland.

(RETCHES)

So that night,

I cleared my schedule
and I rid my body

of anything that
could fuck with my high.

It was celebration time.

Okay.

Start off with one,
see how it goes?

My guy says all we'll need is one.

Here you go.

- Salud!
- Cheers.

Maybe if I pull it
again, it'll go down.

Steve! Steve!

I gotta get out of here!

Carl, I think I got it figured out.

It must be one pull for up
and two pulls for down.

Okay.

Do you feel anything?

No.

It's been 35 minutes.

Hmm.

Maybe we've built up a tolerance

after all these years, huh?

Hmm.

DONNIE: This is bullshit!

My metabolism's pumping.
I can't feel shit!

They're old.

You think they lost
their potency, huh?

Check the bottle!

January '81.

They're fucking duds.

Fuck!

Let's take, uh...

Let's take two more each.

- NAOMI: Jordan.
- Yeah, baby.

What are you two retards doing?

We're working out, honey.

Well, Bo Dietl's on the phone.

Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay

Hey, Bo, what's going on?

Jordan, listen to me clearly.

I cannot talk to you on this phone,

I have to talk to you.

Get out of here.
What's going on?

Listen to me!
Leave the fucking house, Jordan,

and then call me from a pay phone.

This is not a fucking joke, Jordan.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- Shit.
- What'd he say?

I don't know what the
fuck's going on.

- I gotta go!
- Is everything okay, Jordan?

JORDAN: The closest pay
phone I could get to

was at the Brookville Country Club.

It was a real WASP stronghold,

just a mile down the road
from my house.

Hey, Bo, what's up, it's me.
What's going on?

I'm at a pay phone.
What's going on?

Listen to me carefully.

Please. Your little
friend there, Brad,

your little buddy, he's in jail.

What the fuck's he in jail for?

- What'd he do?
- I don't know what he did.

My friends in Long Island told me

he got picked up
in some fucking shopping mall.

He got locked up by...

Wait, wait. Did you...
Did you say a shopping mall?

- Yeah.
- He was with Donnie.

He was supposed
to deliver some money,

- then that fucking fat piece of shit...
- Listen to me!

I gotta go fucking
talk to him right now!

Listen to me! Don't go!
Listen to me.

That guy Denham,
that FBI agent guy,

somebody told me he's got
your phones tapped.

Your office and your home.

Don't talk on the
motherfucking phone!

Okay. Fuck! I got it.
I got it. I got it.

Jordan.

You didn't try to bribe this
fucking FBI agent, did you?

No, I didn't try to
bribe an FBI agent.

You think I'm that fucking stupid?
No.

What the fuck did you say?
I can't understand you.

Say that again.

I said... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

What the fuck are you saying?

(PANTING)

I said...

Are you fucking high?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Jordan, are you fucking high?

Jordan, do me a favor,
stay where you are.

Don't get behind the
wheel of the car.

I'm gonna send Rocco over
to pick you up.

Jordan! Jordan!

JORDAN: After 15 years in storage,

the Lemmons had developed
a delayed fuse.

It took 90 minutes for these
little fuckers to kick in.

But once they did...

Pow!

I mean, I had skipped
the tingle phase

and went straight
to the drool phase.

BO: Tell me where you are!
Don't fucking drive...

JORDAN: These little bastards
were so strong,

I discovered a whole new phase.

The cerebral palsy phase.

Come on, stand up!

Okay, walking's out.

All right, think, think.
What else is there?

Yes! I can crawl.
I can crawl like Skylar!

(GRUNTS)

Fuck! The kid makes it
look so goddamn easy!

Think, you motherfucker, think!

Yes!

I got it! I've got it!

I can roll! I can roll!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

Ah!

(MOANING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Ah!

(JORDAN YELLING)

NAOMI: Jordan.

(JORDAN YELLS)

Jordan.

Oh, Jesus. Where are you?

(SLURRING) I'm at a country club!

What?

I'm at a country club!

I don't know what the
fuck you're saying.

Look, you need to get home.

Donnie is out of control!
He's on the other line

with some Swiss guy.
I don't know...

What?

Get him off the phone!

I can't understand you!

Get him

off

the phone!

I don't know what the fuck
you're saying, Jordan.

Can you just get home? Hurry!

(JORDAN YELLING GIBBERISH)

(SOBBING)

JORDAN: I was less
than a mile from home.

I drove as slow as I fucking could.

I'd seen Jell-O move faster.

DONNIE: (SLURRING)
I was gonna give you 2 million.

I's gonna be lates.

You ate 2 million?

Later.

JORDAN: Get off the phone.

Get off the fucking phone! Idiot!

(CAR HONKING)

MAN: Get out of the way, asshole!

(DONNIE SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

You hate 2 million?

No, you don't hate
2 million, Donnie.

JORDAN: By some miracle,
I made it home alive,

not a scratch on me or the car.

(GRUNTING)

- (DONNIE MUMBLING)
- (TV PLAYING)

- NAOMI: Jordan?
- (SCREAMS)

Jesus fucking Christ!

What did you take?

What's wrong with you?

Jor!

It's fucking good, right?

Fucked up!

(LAUGHS)

Get off the phone!

What the fuck, Jordan?

Your daughter's in the house!

I hope you know that!

Your fucking daughter's
in the house!

- (DONNIE LAUGHING)
- Yeah, it's real fucking funny, Donnie.

Get off the phone!

(LAUGHS)

NAOMI: Jesus Christ, Jordan.

The FBI!

Hey!

I'm on phone!

Get off the fucking phone!

- Come here!
- ...the phone.

NAOMI: Come on.
We're gonna go upstairs, all right.

Ow!

I'm on the phone!

On the phone!

I know what you did,

you piece of shit!

What? What?

Brad!

Huh?

Brad!

Brad!

You fucking cocksucker!

(SCREAMS)

What did you do,

you piece of shit?

Fuck you!

I wanna fucking kill you!

I wanna fucking kill you!

I got you!

(GROANS)

(MOANING)

(COUGHS)

(CHOKING)

What the fuck happened?

Oh, shit!

Jordan? Jordan, are you all right?

Donnie? Donnie?

Donnie?

Jordan, he's not breathing.

Oh, fuck, I don't know what to do.

Jordan, I don't know
what the fuck to do!

I can't help him!
Oh, my God. Jordan.

Oh, my God, I think he's choking,
Jordan. Do something.

- Oh, God.
- JORDAN: Baby, I got you!

He's not breathing, Jordan.
You gotta do something!

Shit! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

OLIVE OYL: Ah!

I got you.

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

(INHALING)

Oh!

Step aside!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Move aside, baby.

(JORDAN GRUNTING)

Come on! Come on!

Come on!

(CHOKING)

Jordan, he's not breathing.
You gotta do something.

Jordan, he's a father!
He's got fucking kids!

- Do something!
- Yeah?

(BLOWING)

(GRUNTS)

NAOMI:
Rocco, you gotta get over here.

- Come on.
- Call an ambulance!

I don't fucking know!

Just get over here! Call 911.

(GASPING)

(YELLING)

Yeah.

You all right? He's all right.

POLICE OFFICER: Mr. Belfort?

Mr. Belfort?

JORDAN: Get the fuck out of here.
Fuck. (COUGHS)

Sir, we need to ask
you some questions.

Are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck you.

POLICE OFFICER: Come on, get up.

Get the fuck out of my house.

- Let's go.
- I've been here all night.

I been sitting here all night.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

- Where you taking him?
- Where you taking me?

Where you taking him?

You ain't got no warrant.

Just come up in people's
house like that!

Did you drive your car tonight,
Mr. Belfort?

Huh?

Well?

JORDAN: Wow!

Maybe I hadn't made it home okay.

Get out of the fucking way!

Fuck!

POLICE OFFICER: Did you drive

that car tonight?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, right.

I'm a family man!

Family man. Honey!

It was a miracle I wasn't killed,

or that I didn't kill anybody else.

The cops took me in
for questioning,

but they couldn't charge me.

They had no proof
I was even behind the wheel.

Meanwhile,

Brad did three months
in jail for contempt

because he wouldn't rat Donnie out.

The result,

I was soot-free.

But I had eyes on me
like never before.

MANNY: You're a lucky man, Jordan.

You're lucky to be alive,
let alone not in jail.

You know I don't believe
in luck, right?

But it's time.

Please, let me call the SEC
and cut a deal

before your luck runs out.

NAOMI: Wave to Daddy.

Hey.

Hey, sweetie.

(CHUCKLES)

What kind of terms would you
be talking about if I...

MANNY: I don't know.

You plead guilty to a handful
of securities violations,

stock manipulation,
high-pressure sales tactics.

Ticky-tack shit like
that, you know.

You pay a couple million
dollars in fines,

in exchange, the SEC fucks
off till the end of time.

And Stratton?

What happens to Stratton?

There's no way... I mean...
You got to walk away. Right?

Let Donnie be in charge.

Right. Donnie.

Now the FBI is
another animal completely.

They'll still be pursuing you
for criminal wrongdoing.

However, with you stepping
down voluntarily,

my guess is that
your best friend Agent Denham

will be standing around
with his dick in his hand.

MAX: Jordan.

What do you have to think about?

You beat them.

You won!

God knows you never
have to work again.

MAX: What're you gonna do?
Spend the rest of your life in jail?

- Is that what you want?
- No.

- Of course not.
- Okay.

Okay! You got all the
money in the world.

You need everybody else's money?

- Of course not, Pops.
- Well?

- You know, I built it.
- I know you built it.

You built it, so now preserve it.

(ALL MURMURING)

(APPLAUDING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know,

five years ago, when I
started Stratton Oakmont

with Donnie Azoff, I knew the day

would eventually come
where I'd have to be moving on.

(SIGHS)

And it's truly with a heavy heart

that I'm here to say that...

That that day is finally here.

(ALL MURMURING)

I wanna...
I want to thank you all for your...

Your years of loyalty
and admiration.

But the point is this.

Under Donnie's leadership,

along with Nicky Koskoff
and Robbie Feinberg

moving into key management
positions, this place really

is gonna be better than ever!

That I promise you. Okay?

Give them a round of applause.
Come on.

This is Ellis Island here, people.

I don't care who you are,
where you're from,

whether your relatives came
over on the fucking Mayflower

or on an inner tube from Haiti,

this right here is the
land of opportunity.

Stratton Oakmont is America!

All of you know
Kimmie Belzer, right?

- WOMAN: Yes, we do.
- (MEN WHISTLING)

Fuck you.

- (ALL LAUGHS)
- Come on, Kimmie.

What you probably didn't know is,

Kimmie was one of
the first brokers here,

one of Stratton's original 20.

Now most of you met Kimmie,

the beautiful sophisticated woman
that she is today.

A woman that wears
$3,000 Armani suits.

(CHUCKLES)

Who drives a brand-new
Mercedes-Benz.

A woman who spends

her winters in the Bahamas

and summers in the Hamptons!

That's not the Kimmie that I met.

The Kimmie that I met didn't have
two nickels to rub together.

She was a single mom
on the balls of her ass

with an 8-year-old son.

Okay? She was
three months behind on her rent.

And when she came to me
and asked me for a job,

she asked for a $5,000 advance

just so she could pay
her son's tuition.

And what'd I do, Kimmie?

Go on, tell them.

You wrote me a check

for $25,000.

That's right.

Thank you.

And you know why that is?

It's because I believed in you.

It's because I believed
in you, Kimmie,

just like I believe in each

and every one of you here today.

- I fucking love you, Jordan!
- I fucking love you.

I fucking love you! I love you.

I fucking love you, too!
I fucking love you, too!

And I love all of you!

And I love all of you
from the bottom of my heart.

- I fucking love you, too.
- I mean that.

You are the shit.
You are the fucking shit.

It's a shame, you know.

For years, I've been
telling you guys

never to take no for
an answer, right?

You know, to keep pushing,
to never hang up the phone

until you get what you want.

Because you all deserve it.

You know, this fucking deal
that I'm about to sign

barring me from the
securities industry,

barring me from Stratton,

my home.

What the fuck is that, you know?

I'll tell you what it is. It's...

It's me taking no for an answer,
you know.

It's them...

It's them selling me,
not the other way around.

It's me being a hypocrite
is what it is.

So...

You know what?

I'm not leaving.

(ALL MURMURING)

I'm not leaving.

I'm not fucking leaving!

(ALL CHEERING)

MAN: You're not getting
a fucking promotion!

The show goes on!

This is my home!

They're gonna need
a fucking wrecking ball

to take me out of here!

They're gonna need to
send in the National Guard

or fucking SWAT team

'cause I ain't going nowhere!

Fuck them!

Fuck them!

(HUMMING)

(ALL HUMMING)

Jordy! Jordy!

Jordy! Get back here!

Hey!

Give me that.

(CAWING)

MAX: What is this?

Ramar of the Jungle,
for Christ sake?

MAN: Paddy D,
mazel tov, you Irishman.

Jordan Belfort just welched
on his deal with the SEC.

He is back in the ocean.
Happy hunting.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC)

JORDAN:
It was our time to party big.

And just as Brad
was released from jail, too.

I apologized, even
offered to pay him

for his time in the can.

But he said no, that he was out.

He didn't want any part of us.

Sad thing was,

two years later

he was dead.

Massive heart attack. Thirty-five.

Same age Mozart died.

Not that they have a hell
of a lot in common, but...

Anyway, I don't know
why that came to mind.

Within days,

subpoenas started flying.

Notices to produce documents,
depositions, you name it.

Donnie couldn't drink
water fast enough.

DONNIE: United States government
wants to give me a subpoena?

Here's what we do with
subpoenas at Stratton Oakmont!

Fuck you, USA! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

ALL: (CHANTING) Fuck you!

Oh!

Jordan Belfort.

ATTORNEY:
Alden. That's a nice name.

Thank you very much for that.

- What kind of name is that?
- That is my name.

I do not recall that.

I do not recall that. Okay?

ATTORNEY: Mr. Ming,
thank you for coming in today.

Are you gonna finish
the rest of that Danish?

- Can I have that Danish?
- No, no, go ahead.

JORDAN:
They interrogated everybody.

I got a low blood sugar,
thyroid thing.

JORDAN: It went on for months.

It was a total fucking harassment.

Tell him to proceed
with the questions.

JORDAN: But not a single
Strattonite cracked.

ATTORNEY: Gladys Carrera?

Doesn't ring a bell.

Sorry, I have no
recommendation of that.

No.

No idea.

I don't recall that transaction.
You guys have any milk?

Absolutely not.

ATTORNEY: Francis Sortigi
you called so many times

I just thought you
might remember that.

Would you remember any of those?

- I do not recall any of that.
- This Abdul...

I do not... No, I don't recall.

ATTORNEY: It was a long phone call.

I just wondered
if you have any memory of that.

Okay. You know we've
talked to several

of the employees at this firm

and nobody can recall anything

about this Steve Madden IPO.

I think it's Odd.

MANNY: Do you recall

Cartage Corporation?

Mmm.

You do recall it?

No, I don't recall that at all.

Excuse me. I have to ask.
Is that your real hair?

Are you gonna say
anything about that?

Are you gonna comment on my hair?

Is that how we're doing...
Is this personal questions?

I'm just wondering why you would
wear something like that.

Sorry. I don't recall that company.

Can I get you anything
else, gentlemen?

Yes. Sweetheart,
I have a rare condition

which requires me to
drink one of those

every 15 minutes, please.

We were specifically advised
not to leave the country.

So, we took our wives to Italy.

We figured we were safer
working from overseas

giving orders to Rugrat.

Nobody could arrest us
and nobody could prove

I was still running
Stratton from a yacht.

Hey, Rugrat.

- Oh!
- Bonjour.

You bald-headed eagle,
how you doing?

Donnie, Donnie, listen!

We have a problem, okay.

Your friend, Steve Madden,
is unloading shares.

What are you saying?
Who told you that?

- What's going on?
- He's doing it, Donnie!

He said that
Steve Madden's unloading shares.

Who told you that? It's bullshit!

Give me that goddamn phone.

What's going on?

Jordan, look.
I'm watching the screen

and huge chunks of Steve Madden
are being sold, okay.

It's not coming from us,
so it's gotta be Steve.

He's the only person
with that many shares.

It's Donnie.
Call me back, all right.

Donnie, your little friend

is trying to fuck
me, you know that.

Your little friend is trying to
fuck me right in the ass.

- Get him on the phone now!
- We don't know anything yet.

Let's not jump to conclusions.

JORDAN: Even though I owned 85%

of Steve-cocksucking-
motherfucking-Madden Shoes,

the shares were in his fucking name.

This motherfucker knew
I was in trouble with the feds

and was trying to take advantage.

Talk to me, man.
How do you wanna play this?

I want you to get all our clients
on the phone right now

and have them start
selling Steve Madden.

We're gonna drive
that fucking price down!

Do you hear me? Shut the fuck up!

This is your fucking friend
from high school.

If that little fucking prick thinks
he can fuck with me,

we'll turn his company
into a penny stock! You hear me?

- You got it?
- Yes. I got it!

DONNIE: Let's just not
jump to conclusions

before we know what's going on.

Captain Ted!

Captain Ted!

Hang up your phones!
Everybody, hey!

Turn the boat around!
We're going home!

(NAOMI SOBBING)

Baby! Baby, what happened?

I just...

Sweetheart, what's going on?

Aunt Emma...

Just wait.

I can't...

What's going on? Why you crying?

- She's dead!
- Who? Who's dead?

I just got a call
from my cousin Betty.

Yeah?

Aunt Emma is dead.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.

You're serious?

Oh, my God! Baby, that's...

Oh, fuck!

Oh, sweetheart, that's just...

Fucking heart attack!

Boom, snap, gone.

Shuffled off her mortal coil.

And $20 million stuck
in a Swiss bank account.

The last time I talked to her
she was fine!

- She's not that old.
- Oh, God! Baby, oh, God!

That's so fucking terrible!

Oh, fuck!

It is terrible.

Your aunt was such an elegant,
attractive woman.

My condolences to you
and your family.

Yes. We're absolutely devastated.

Thank you so much
for your condolences.

Now where does that leave us

in regard to her account exactly?

Does it go into probate or what?

Not to worry, Jordan. Not to worry.

Your aunt, before she died,

signed a document naming you
as her successor.

She did? (LAUGHS)

Fantastic! Well, that's good news!

Well, not as of yet.

What does that mean? Not as of yet?

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

I can't seem to hear you.

I must have bad reception.
Are you speaking English?

- Very... Now. Fast. Very fast.
- Fast?

I have to get to Switzerland now?

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Speak English!
Fucking speak English!

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey.
Hey! Quiet, okay?

Take your suit,
take your dick, okay,

- and move your ass! Please.
- Okay.

- (SPEAKING FRENCH)
- Move my ass! Yes!

I gotta say, these Swiss were
some sneaky motherfuckers.

Within minutes,
he had me set up with a forger

who could fake Aunt
Emma's signature.

You American shit!

I just had to get
there by tomorrow,

or lose $20 million.

We're going to Monaco!

- Monaco? Now?
- Yes, baby.

We're going to Monaco, so then
we can go to Switzerland, okay?

- But her aunt just died.
- I realize that.

But I have business in Switzerland.

I need to go to
Switzerland right now.

Bottom line. Sorry.

We gotta get to London.

Why? Why?

The funeral!

Yeah, but babe. Look, look...

I loved your aunt more than
anyone in the entire world.

I really did.

But she's dead now, sweetie.

She's dead
and she's not going anywhere.

She'll still be dead by the time

we get to London, okay?

Captain Ted! Captain
Ted, all right, look.

We're going to Monaco.
Monaco now, okay?

Monaco, right.

We're going to Monaco
so that we can drive to Switzerland

so they don't stamp our passports.

Take care of business here,
we'll drive back to Monaco,

take a flight over to London
to catch the funeral

and be in New York
in three fucking business days!

That's the fucking plan.

I just want you to know
that we might run into some chop.

Chop?
We can fucking handle chop, right?

I mean, it's a 170-foot yacht.

No, no, no. We're
not going anywhere

unless he says it's
safe, all right.

- Don't worry about the chop.
- It's safe.

You don't know shit about chop.

Oh, really? And you do?
You're a fucking expert on that.

I'll chop your fucking credit
card in half. How about that?

Chop is fine. Trust me.
Chop is fine.

Is chop fine, Captain Ted?

Uh...

Yeah. I mean, if we take it slow.

Yeah, we're gonna take it slow.

It's a little uncomfortable.
Tell them it's safe.

CAPTAIN TED: It's gonna be safe.

We'll batten down the hatches

and secure the deck.

And we're looking at a few...
Maybe a few broken dishes.

Few broken dishes. (LAUGHS)

What's a few broken dishes?

Does that sound fucking
awesome or what?

No. Not really.

We're gonna have a
fucking good time!

Let's go to fucking Monaco now!

Let's fucking move! Let's go!

(THUNDER CRACKING)

CAPTAIN TED: Hold On!

What the fuck is going on out here?

The Jet Skis just went overboard!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Honey, you okay?

MAN: (OVER RADIO)
Gale warning! Gale warning!

CAPTAIN TED: The waves are
20 feet high and building!

Turn around, let's go
the other fucking way.

- CAPTAIN TED: We can't!
- Go!

We'll get broad-sided.
It'll tip over!

I am a master diver. You hear that?

I'm a master diver!

No one's gonna fucking die!

I got you, baby. I got you.
Trust me, okay?

I love you.

I love you, baby.
Just hold on tight.

Okay.

Donnie!

Hold on, baby!

Donnie!

Donnie!

- What?
- Hold on, baby.

(WHISPERING) Get the fucking ludes.

I don't wanna die, Jordan!

I did a lot of bad shit.
I'm going to hell, Jordan!

(SOBBING) I fucked up!
I fucked up so bad!

Get the ludes! Downstairs!

What are you saying?

Fuck!

Get the ludes!

I can't go down there, Jordan.
It's flooded.

It's three feet of
water down there!

I will not die sober!

Get those fucking ludes!

Okay!

- Go!
- Okay

NAOMI: Where's he going?
JORDAN: Hold on, baby!

NAOMI: Donnie! Is he fucking crazy?

JORDAN:
He's just warning everybody!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Jesus Christ!

Hold on!

Get away from the window!

Rogue wave!

Mayday!

This is Captain Ted Beecham
aboard the yacht Naomi!

- We are going down!
- I got 'em!

I got 'em!

Give me one for the nerves!

We're going down!

CAPTAIN TED:
This is a fucking Mayday!

We require immediate assistance!

- (SCREAMS)
- Hold on!

Watch out!

(PEPPY SONG)

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

JORDAN: The nice thing about
getting rescued by Italians

is that they feed you,
make you drink red wine,

then you get to dance.

Did you see that?

That was the plane
I sent to come get us.

I shit you not, it exploded

when a seagull flew
into the engine.

Three people killed.

You want a sign from God?

Well, after all this,
I finally got the message.

(INFOMERCIAL MUSIC)

Do you dream of becoming
financially independent

but struggle every month
just to pay your bills?

Would you like to own
a home like this,

but can barely afford
to pay your rent?

My name is Jordan Belfort,

and there's no secret
to wealth creation.

No matter who you are,

no matter where you came from,

you too can become
financially independent

in just a matter of months.

All you need is a strategy.

When I was 24 years old,

I made a decision not just
to survive, but to thrive.

WOMAN: At first I didn't feel like
deals like these were possible.

But we have the house
and we have a $33,000 profit.

I certainly believe now.

Think about it for a second.

If you don't have the guts
to attend Jordan Belfort's

Straight Line Persuasion
System seminar,

then how do you expect
to make any money?

JORDAN: If you want to be
a millionaire someday,

have some guts. Make a decision.

Jordan Belfort's
setup worked for me

because I worked hard for it.

And if it doesn't work for you,

it's because you're lazy.

And you should get a
job at McDonald's.

JORDAN: There's nobody holding
you back from financial freedom.

And there's nobody stopping
you from making millions.

Don't just sit at home,

or the life of your dreams
will sail right past you.

I changed all these people's lives

and I can change yours, too!

So come to my seminar!

The life of your dreams is only...

Good to see you again, Jordan.

You're under arrest!

You gotta be joking!

You're kidding me.

Hey, get the fuck away from me!

Turn that camera off.

JORDAN: I'm fucking shooting a
fucking infomercial here,

you fucking cocksucker!

- Fuck you, you motherfucker!
- Shut the fucking camera off.

You don't got shit
on me, you hear me!

Go fuck yourself!

I'm making an honest living,
you fucking piece of shit!

DENHAM: Hey, Jordan,

let me give you a
little legal advice.

Shut the fuck up!

JORDAN: Oh, fuck you,
you fucking prick!

I'm making an honest living,
you motherfucker!

JORDAN: I clean up my act.

I did rehab. I'm a TV personality.

I'm sober for two years.
And this happens!

Rugrat goes and gets busted
down in Miami.

I'm Swiss, I'm not communist.

JORDAN: And guess who
the fuck with? Saurel.

- You gonna beat me?
- No, sir.

Yeah, I know your country.
You're gonna beat me.

JORDAN: I mean, what are
the fucking odds?

There had to be 10,000
Swiss bankers in Geneva,

and Rugrat gets the
one dumb enough

to get himself arrested
on U. S. soil.

I know.

(SOBBING) I'm so sorry.

JORDAN: Even more fucked

- was that he got busted
- (CAMERA CLICKING)

for shit that had
nothing to do with me.

It had nothing to
fucking do with me.

Something about
laundering drug money

through offshore boat racing
and a guy named Rocky Aoki,

you know, the founder of Benihana.

Benihana.

Beni-fucking-hana!

(YELLING) Beni-fucking-hana!

Why?

Why, why, God?

Why would you be so cruel

as to choose a chain
of fucking hibachi restaurants

to take me down?

Long story short.
Saurel rats me out.

But not before he rats out
Brad's wife, Chantalle,

who, it turns out,
he'd been fucking

every time she went to Switzerland!

- No, no, no, it's impossible.
- Oui, oui, oui.

- All right!
- Ah! (GIGGLING)

JUDGE:
One count engaging in conspiracy

to commit securities fraud.

Two counts securities fraud.

One count engaging in conspiracy
to commit money laundering.

Twenty-one counts money laundering.

One count obstruction of justice.

Bail is set at $10 million.

DONNIE: Uncle Donnie's here!

Rocky. How you doing?

Woof. I hate that fucking dog.

Yeah, he's getting
old and decrepit.

Starting to shit in
the house again.

- Me, too.
- Come here, buddy.

Ah, fuck.

- It's good to see you, pal.
- Yeah, you, too.

Good to see you.

Sit down. Oh, man.

How you doing, brother?

(SIGHING) You know.

Shitty, pal.

But I'm hanging in there.

My new piece of jewelry.
Check that out.

Can't leave the house, you know?

Starting to get cabin
fever already.

Fucking Rugrat.

That wig-wearing faggot.

I can't believe that fucking guy.
I wanna kill him.

Swear to God,
I want to choke him to death.

Irresponsible little prick.

(SCOFFS)

I'll tell you one thing.

I'm never eating at Benihana again.

I don't care whose birthday it is.

Where's Naomi? How's she doing?

That's her in the house there.

You could say hi, but she
probably won't wave back.

Naomi, sweetheart!

What's up her ass?

- Is she mad at me?
- No, you know...

We probably have to
mortgage the house

in order to make bail.

Probably end up selling the thing

in order to pay for
all the lawyers.

It's been a nightmare, buddy,
to tell you the truth.

What are you gonna do, right?

Anyway, how's Stratton?
That's more important.

How's morale?

They all pissed off 'cause they
have to make money legally now?

- Jordan.
- Hmm?

I got the founding
partners together.

I talked to them about everything.

And I got you.

What do you mean, you got me?

The house, money, don't
worry about it. I got you.

All right.

I love you, buddy.

- You know I'd do it for you, right?
- I know.

- You know that, right?
- I know.

I could fucking kiss you all over.

All right, enough, enough.

(LAUGHING)

You want a beer, pal?

What are you drinking?

I got this non-alcoholic shit.

What's that?

A non-alcoholic beer.
It's got no alcohol.

- It's a beer?
- Yeah, with no alcohol.

But if you drink enough,

if you drink a lot,
they get you fucked up?

No, there's no alcohol.
That's the fucking point.

I'm not a scientist.

I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.

I can get you a beer
if you want a fucking beer.

I know, but I don't drink.
You remember?

I don't drink anymore.

Oh, you wanna go inside

and blow some lines
of baking powder?

- Or baking soda...
- (CHUCKLING)

Can't imagine ever not
enjoying getting fucked up.

- Yeah.
- I love it.

How's being sober?

- Fucking sucks.
- Boring, right?

So boring. I wanna kill myself.

There's a term,
and we don't like to use it

unless circumstances dictate,

and I think they do
dictate in this case,

and the term is "Grenada."

Have you ever heard of Grenada?

No. No, I haven't.

Grenada's very interesting because

it is a small island nation

that was invaded by the United
States of America in 1983.

It's about 90,000 people.

And essentially, it means

this case is unloseable.

Okay?

So, you know, we can come in,

we can have our dick
hanging out of our pants.

Nobody gives a fuck.

I'm gonna win.

You, sir.

Are what's known

as a Grenada.

JORDAN: Hmm.

You're looking at real prison time.

Hmm.

Money laundering can get you
as much as 20 years.

And our case couldn't be stronger
if we caught you

shoving cash in your mattress.

JORDAN: Is that right?

DENHAM: Hey, Jordan. Jordan.

Your rotting away in jail
till your kids get out of college,

that's not our ambition here.

There's other people
involved in this, too.

We think they need to
see their day in court as well.

Why do I sense
there's an offer in the air?

Look at him. He's got a sense.
What are you, Kreskin?

Full cooperation. He provides
us with a comprehensive list

of all the co-conspirators
spanning the last seven years,

and he also agrees to wear a wire.

(CHUCKLING) Wait...

Did you just say "wear a wire"?

A wire. Mmm-hmm.

What does that mean?

You want me to rat? Is that it?

No, I want you to cooperate.

- No. You want me to rat, right?
- Yes. We want you to rat.

That's fucking exactly
what we want you to do. To rat.

JORDAN: How was Cristy's party?

NAOMI: Fine.

JORDAN: Good.

Babe, I spoke to the
lawyers again today.

I have some really,
really great news.

Mmm-hmm.

Turns out you're completely
off the hook, honey.

I know that already.

Right. Exactly.

You never did anything wrong
in the first place, right?

It turns out, all the FBI really

wants from me is to, uh,

to cooperate.

You know?

Turns out I have so
much information

about the stock market
and Wall Street,

I could save the government

years of heartache, not to mention

- countless dollars.
- Mmm-hmm.

But it gets even better, babe.

Because if I do
decide to cooperate,

I might only be
looking at four short years,

in which case, you know,

we could start fresh,
maybe sell the house.

And any fines that I'd have to pay

wouldn't be due till
after I serve my term,

so we'd still have plenty of
money left over, you know?

Mmm-hmm.

The only thing that of course
bummed me out a little bit

is this whole idea of having to

give information about my friends.

Like you said, "There's no friends
on Wall Street." Right?

Right. Right. Exactly.

There's a silver lining
to that, too, honey.

Because they said eventually...

Eventually everyone's gonna have to
give information on this case.

So, at the end of the day, it might
not even be a factor. You know?

Well, that's good news. Right?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm really happy for you.

What do you mean, happy for me,
sweetheart?

You should be happy for
the both of us. Right?

- Yeah, right.
- All right.

Come here, baby.

Give me a kiss, sweetheart.

Jordan...

Oh, come on, baby.

I haven't made love to
you in so long. Please.

- No. Jordan, stop it.
- Come on, honey, please.

No! Jordan, stop it!

I've loved you
since the moment I saw you.

(MURMURING)

I fucking hate you, Jordan.

- Get off me!
- Baby... Don't do that.

You know how much I
love you, right?

Stop that, sweetie. Please.

You wanna fuck me, Jordan?

You wanna fuck me?

Good.

Go ahead.

Go ahead and fuck me.

I want you to fuck me real hard.

I want you to fuck me
like it's the last fucking time.

- Why are you moving like that?
- Come on.

Please hold still.

'Cause I want you to
come for me, baby.

Come on, babe.

Come for me, baby.

I want you to come for me

like it's the last fucking time.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Come on, baby. Come for me.
Come for me, baby.

Come on, baby.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, baby, come.
- You want me to come for you?

Yeah.

- You want me to come for you?
- Yeah!

Huh? You want me to come for you?

Oh, God, baby. Yeah!

Oh, God. (GRUNTING) Oh, God.

Oh, God. (GASPS)

Oh, God.

Jesus.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, baby.

That was so fucking great!

Oh, God!

That was the last time.

What do you mean, baby?

I mean that was the last time
we ever have sex.

What are you talking about?

I want a divorce.

What do you mean,
you want a divorce?

What's that supposed to mean,
you want a divorce?

Get off me! I want a divorce.

You just made love to me.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don't love you anymore, Jordan!

Oh, you don't love me?

You don't love me anymore, huh?

Well, isn't that just fucking
convenient for you!

Now that I'm under
federal indictment,

with an electronic bracelet
around my ankle,

now you decide you don't
fucking love me anymore.

- Is that right?
- No, no.

What kind of person are you?
Tell me.

You married me!

What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?

Jordan, this is how it's gonna go.

I'm gonna take custody of the kids.

If you agree to the
divorce right now,

- I will allow visitation.
- (SIGHING)

- Okay? Don't try to fight it.
- Oh, my God.

It'll save us both a lot of money

and I got a feeling
you're gonna need it.

You're not taking my kids,
sweetheart. You hear me?

I've already talked to the lawyer.

He said even if you
don't get convicted,

I've got a good chance
of getting them.

I got news for you.

You're not fucking
taking my children,

you vicious fucking cunt, you!

Fuck you, you fucking bitch!

You're not fucking taking
my goddamn fucking kids!

You hear me? Fuck you!

You're not fucking
taking my fucking kids!

Fucking bitch!

(PANTING)

Fucking whore!

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Fucking bitch!
Piece of shit fucking whore!

(SNORTING)

(CHUCKLES)
Look at yourself, Jordan.

You're sick!

You're a sick man!

Fuck you! I told you,
you're not taking my fucking kids!

You think I would let
my kids near you?

Look at yourself!

You know what my lawyer said?

My lawyer said that you're going to
prison for 20 years, Jordan.

Twenty fucking years! You're
never gonna see the kids again!

You don't think I'm
not gonna see my...

No, I'm not fucking
letting you near my kids!

You don't think I'm gonna see
my fucking kids again, huh?

Don't you fucking touch them!

Don't you fucking touch me!

Sweetheart? You're coming
on a trip with Daddy, all right?

You're coming on a trip with Daddy.

NAOMI: Don't you fucking touch her,
Jordan.

I swear to God,
I will fucking kill you!

It's all right, baby.

You and Daddy are gonna go

on a little trip together, okay?

- A little trip together.
- NAOMI: Violet!

Violet!

- Get the key! Get the key!
- VIOLET: I got it!

NAOMI: Jordan,
you open this fucking door

- right now! Open the door!
- Put your seat belt on.

There you go. Get your legs in.

I'm taking her with me!

I told you I'm taking her with me,

- you fucking bitch!
- (GARAGE DOOR OPENING)

You're not gonna stop me!
You're not gonna stop me!

We're going on a
little trip, honey.

No! No!

Get the hell out of here!

VIOLET: Leave that baby alone!

Violet! Garage door! Close it!

SKYLAR: Mommy!

- Get out of here!
- Open the fucking door!

- (ENGINE STARTING)
- Mommy!

VIOLET: No!

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

Oh, Lord! Oh, my heavens...

Get the baby!

Naomi, get the baby!

- Mommy.
- Honey, it's okay.

It's gonna be okay.

VIOLET:
Oh, Mr. Jordan has lost his mind.

JORDAN: Baby...
NAOMI: It's all right, honey.

She all right?

Is she all right?

What's the matter with you?

Is she all right?

LUCAS: Paragraph 1.

The defendant shall plead guilty

to all counts of the indictment

currently pending against him

in the United States District Court

for the Eastern
District of New York.

Paragraph 2.

DENHAM: Talk normally.

LUCAS:
The defendant shall participate

in undercover activities...

DENHAM: Breathe normally.

Including wearing
a recording device,

also known as a wire...

After five minutes, you'll
forget you even have it on.

In conjunction with
the investigation...

Fucking brutal.

Quit your bitching.

Paragraph 4.
The defendant must not commit,

or attempt to commit,
any further crimes.

Please. Let me just sign
the fucking thing already.

Thank you.

Just here?

That'd be good.

Thank you.

JORDAN: It wasn't even a choice.

For the next six hours,
I came up with a list.

Friends, enemies,
business associates.

Anybody who 'd ever known me

or taken so much as a stock tip.

(ALL CHEERING)

ALL: (CHANTING)
Wolfie! Wolfie! Wolfie!

The first name on the
list was Donnie.

(HOWLING)

(DONNIE LAUGHING)

Jordan, do you know how good it is

to have you back in this office?

It's not the same when you're gone.

It's sad, you understand?
It's like...

That fucking Steve Madden, huh?

I can't...

Swear to God, I can't
even think about it.

Every time I think about him,
my blood boils.

I can't even say his name.

- I know.
- It's, like, disgusting.

I grew up with this guy
and he betrays me like that.

Ugh!

He ever get back to
you about that, um...

About that account?

You remember.

It was like 4 or 5 mil,
something like that, right?

He was supposed
to kick back 4 or 5 mil, was it?

Actually, I was...

I was fucked up, Jordan,

- so I don't really remember.
- Yeah.

Yeah, right. Stupid.

Well, if he calls you,

you make sure and contact me, okay?

- Yeah. (STAMMERING) Of course.
- Yeah.

Of course, yeah. No, of course.

You gonna eat that last piece
of yellowtail, bud?

No, it's all yours.

Can I get this?

So, what else is...

Well, how's Naomi and everything?

You know how it is.

She hates my fucking guts.

How's Hildy? Good?

She's still alive, so

my life is fucked, you know?

Yeah.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Mr. Jordan.

Mmm?

Mr. Jordan, you got a visitor.

What?

You've got a visitor.

(SIGHING DEEPLY)

I need you to get dressed.

Why? What the fuck's going on?

You're going to jail.

All right.

I'll get some clothes on.

We'll give you a hand with that.

Okay.

(DOOR BANGING OPEN)

FBI!

Everybody sit down. Put your hands

where they can be seen,
and shut up!

Don't you fucking touch me.

Get your fucking hands off me!

Don't get out of your seats!

It's fucking Chanel!

(ALL CLAMORING)

JORDAN: I gave up everyone.

And in return,

I got three years in some hellhole
in Nevada I'd never even heard of.

Like my pops, Mad Max, had said,

"The chickens had
come home to roost."

Whatever the fuck that means.

LAWYER:
I hope Your Honor would agree

that Mr. Belfort has
distinguished himself

in terms of his cooperation.

Mr. Belfort has helped the
government win convictions

of over two dozen serious offenders

and helped them
recover millions of dollars

to be made available
for restitution to their victims.

The sentence of the court shall be

36 months in federal prison.

Please remand the defendant.

LAWYER: I'm sorry.

(HANDCUFFS LOCKING)

That's okay.

JORDAN:
I'm not ashamed to admit it.

When we arrived at the prison,

I was absolutely terrified.

GUARD: Belfort, on your feet.

JORDAN: But I needn't have been.

You see, for a brief
fleeting moment,

I 'd forgotten I was rich.

And I lived in a place
where everything was for sale.

Wouldn't you like to
learn how to sell it?

MC: So listen. I've met some
bad motherfuckers in my life.

I'm talking about rock stars,

professional athletes, gangsters.

I'm telling you,
some real bad motherfuckers.

But this guy, my good friend,

Mr. Jordan Belfort, is the single

baddest motherfucker
I have ever met.

So I want you right now

to give a warm Auckland,
New Zealand welcome

for my good friend

and the world's
greatest sales trainer,

Mr. Jordan Belfort!

(APPLAUSE)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Thank you.

(SIGHING)

Sell me this pen.

It's, uh... (STAMMERING)

It's an amazing pen.

For professionals, it's a...

Sell me this pen.

Well, it's a nice pen.

You can use the pen

to write down thoughts
from your life so you can...

Sell me

this pen.

Well...

This pen works and I
personally love this pen...

(MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC)

(MARK HUMMING)