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1
00:00:13,593 --> 00:00:15,754
Larry David?
2
00:00:15,796 --> 00:00:18,697
Hi, Phil Dunlap,
here for the chef's position.
3
00:00:18,732 --> 00:00:20,666
- Oh.
- Hi.
4
00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:22,999
Hi.
5
00:00:23,036 --> 00:00:26,005
Thank you,
thank you very much.
6
00:00:26,039 --> 00:00:28,303
Yeah.
7
00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:32,073
Yeah. Hey,
look at you. Look at you.
8
00:00:32,112 --> 00:00:34,080
Yeah, look at you.
9
00:00:34,114 --> 00:00:36,105
Wow. When did you
start losing it?
10
00:00:36,149 --> 00:00:39,175
I started losing
when I was 15.
11
00:00:39,219 --> 00:00:41,653
15, wow, earlier
than me, yeah.
12
00:00:41,688 --> 00:00:43,713
Yeah, a little bit earlier.
I actually like it.
13
00:00:43,757 --> 00:00:45,850
Ah, yeah, me too.
14
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,792
A little sunscreen
on it and it's fine.
15
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,296
- Yeah, a lot of sunscreen, right?
- Exactly.
16
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:52,389
You can't go outside
without the sunscreen.
17
00:00:52,432 --> 00:00:54,696
No convertibles.
Oh, God, I hate that.
18
00:00:54,735 --> 00:00:57,203
Oh, absolutely.
'Cause you have to wear a hat
19
00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:59,569
if you're gonna be
in a convertible,
20
00:00:59,606 --> 00:01:01,267
and then you look
like you're trying to hide something.
21
00:01:01,308 --> 00:01:03,276
That's what they do,
these guys with the hats, don't they?
22
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:06,404
They wear it all the time,
and they'll meet a girl
23
00:01:06,446 --> 00:01:07,538
then they'll show up
on a date.
24
00:01:07,581 --> 00:01:08,843
Are they gonna take the hat off?
Wear it?
25
00:01:08,882 --> 00:01:10,509
They have a
terrible decision...
26
00:01:10,550 --> 00:01:12,848
Then the girl is gonna be, like,
"I didn't know you were bald."
27
00:01:12,886 --> 00:01:14,649
- "You misrepresented yourself."
- Exactly.
28
00:01:14,688 --> 00:01:16,451
"You're a liar."
Right, yeah.
29
00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:19,186
- Minoxidil?
- No, you?
30
00:01:19,226 --> 00:01:20,523
No.
31
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,289
Every day for the rest
of your life you have to...
32
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,889
- The drops and everything?
- Then you got to massage it in.
33
00:01:24,931 --> 00:01:27,695
There's something psychologically
going wrong...
34
00:01:27,734 --> 00:01:30,259
Psychologically wrong with them, what
about the transplant people?
35
00:01:30,303 --> 00:01:32,271
- Huh?
- I hate those people.
36
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:35,468
- Toupee? Huh?
- No.
37
00:01:35,509 --> 00:01:38,103
- Oh, no, absolutely not.
- They should kill those guys.
38
00:01:38,145 --> 00:01:39,612
Exactly.
39
00:01:39,646 --> 00:01:41,841
I'm surprised Hitler didn't
round up the toupee people.
40
00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:43,782
If I'm going to be
a sick megalomaniac,
41
00:01:43,817 --> 00:01:47,583
to round up people
who I hated, they would be on my list.
42
00:01:47,621 --> 00:01:50,852
- I would say, "Get the toupee people."
- Absolutely.
43
00:01:50,891 --> 00:01:54,190
I'd have my henchmen
going around tugging at people's hair.
44
00:01:54,227 --> 00:01:55,387
If it comes off...
45
00:01:55,429 --> 00:01:56,726
"Balden," come with me.
46
00:01:56,763 --> 00:01:58,958
Ach, "Balden."
47
00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:10,307
My fault.
It was my fault the whole time.
48
00:02:10,343 --> 00:02:12,573
No, no, no, it was my fault.
I overreacted...
49
00:02:12,612 --> 00:02:14,079
We were
all crazy.
50
00:02:14,114 --> 00:02:16,947
No, if I hadn't told Mindy Reiser
that thing...
51
00:02:16,983 --> 00:02:19,110
Forget it.
You know what?
52
00:02:19,152 --> 00:02:21,177
To new times,
good friends.
53
00:02:21,221 --> 00:02:23,815
- Back on track.
- Water under the bridge.
54
00:02:24,891 --> 00:02:28,019
Good, good.
It's good to see you guys.
55
00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:30,154
Ah-hh!
56
00:02:30,197 --> 00:02:32,631
Does that bother anybody when I make
a noise like that?
57
00:02:32,666 --> 00:02:34,998
Is anybody disturbed by that?
And why should you be?
58
00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:37,765
What is it?
So what?
59
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,602
How is everything going?
How are the kids? How's the house?
60
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,938
Jakey is
driving us nuts.
61
00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:45,672
He's always wanted
a dog, and we kept putting him off.
62
00:02:45,712 --> 00:02:47,942
He wants a dog,
and we can't put him off anymore.
63
00:02:47,981 --> 00:02:50,313
No freaking puppy,
though.
64
00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,648
I don't want the peeing,
I don't want the chewing.
65
00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:54,984
I want a good, smart,
trained dog.
66
00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:57,615
Jeff's got that
German shepherd...
67
00:02:57,657 --> 00:03:00,148
- Oh, right.
- they're looking to get rid...
68
00:03:00,193 --> 00:03:02,058
oh my God, this
would be perfect for you.
69
00:03:02,095 --> 00:03:04,325
How old is the dog?
70
00:03:04,364 --> 00:03:06,264
He's, I don't know,
maybe four.
71
00:03:06,299 --> 00:03:07,630
I had a German shepherd
when I was a little boy.
72
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,601
- Did you?
- Yeah, yeah.
73
00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:11,536
- He keeps talking about him.
- You can't believe this dog.
74
00:03:11,571 --> 00:03:14,836
It's a corpse-sniffing dog.
They got it from the fire department.
75
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:16,968
A what?
It's a corpse-sniffing...?
76
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:18,773
I'm telling you,
this is an amazing dog.
77
00:03:18,812 --> 00:03:21,110
- What's his name?
- Oscar.
78
00:03:21,147 --> 00:03:22,114
Oscar?
79
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,376
Oscar.
80
00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:26,385
What happened
was they separated...
81
00:03:26,419 --> 00:03:28,979
Jeff and his wife.
82
00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:31,286
She was left alone
in the house
83
00:03:31,324 --> 00:03:34,521
and she was worried
so she got a dog for security, and...
84
00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:37,086
- And she got a shepherd.
- Right, and now...
85
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:39,621
Now they reconciled
and he's moved back,
86
00:03:39,666 --> 00:03:41,133
but he's allergic
to the dog,
87
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:42,862
and he's sniffing
and sneezing all the time,
88
00:03:42,903 --> 00:03:48,000
And he's a wreck.
But the dog is so great.
89
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:50,407
It's like having
a person there who barks.
90
00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:52,707
- He understands everything.
- How's the dog with kids?
91
00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:54,873
Great, they have
a little girl.
92
00:03:54,915 --> 00:03:56,780
Tough customer.
93
00:03:56,816 --> 00:03:58,477
But the dog is
fabulous with her.
94
00:03:58,518 --> 00:04:00,952
Wouldn't hurt
a fly.
95
00:04:00,987 --> 00:04:02,181
Sounds perfect.
You know what?
96
00:04:02,222 --> 00:04:03,519
How do we do this,
how do we do this?
97
00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:05,388
All right,
you're interested?
98
00:04:05,425 --> 00:04:07,655
- Absolutely.
- Yes, yes, very.
99
00:04:07,694 --> 00:04:10,424
That could be
absolutely perfect.
100
00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:12,260
He's like an elephant sticking
his head in a pond.
101
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,068
Why are you
watching this?
102
00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:17,967
Ugh...
this routine.
103
00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:20,905
Stop it.
104
00:04:20,941 --> 00:04:25,002
Um-um.
No, I'm sorry, no.
105
00:04:25,045 --> 00:04:27,275
The cork is dry.
We need to send this back.
106
00:04:27,314 --> 00:04:29,441
- Don't send that back.
- Feel the cork.
107
00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:31,916
- I don't give a shit.
- You don't even have to taste it.
108
00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:35,080
Tell the manager. Have him taste it...
an actual Bordeaux glass.
109
00:04:35,121 --> 00:04:38,022
Can you please pour some for me?
You can't send this back.
110
00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:40,026
You're an expert in wine?
Go ahead, taste it.
111
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,994
Larry, come on.
112
00:04:42,028 --> 00:04:45,930
- Fine.
- It's fine, it's delicious.
113
00:04:45,966 --> 00:04:48,161
At $140 a bottle,
I don't want "fine."
114
00:04:48,201 --> 00:04:50,863
"Larry couldn't
possibly tell...
115
00:04:50,904 --> 00:04:52,769
No, Larry, Larry,
come on, you can't.
116
00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:54,603
"Larry's not
sophisticated enough to know..."
117
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:56,632
It's not a matter
of sophistication,
118
00:04:56,676 --> 00:04:58,735
- It's a delicate thing.
- You don't have to drink it.
119
00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:02,612
You don't have to drink it.
We'll order something else.
120
00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,879
- I'll get you a nice spritzer.
- A spritzer.
121
00:05:04,918 --> 00:05:06,943
- Terrific meal.
- It was great.
122
00:05:06,987 --> 00:05:08,352
Didn't I say last time
we were here
123
00:05:08,388 --> 00:05:11,482
I wasn't gonna
have dessert?
124
00:05:11,524 --> 00:05:13,287
So what's going on
with your restaurant?
125
00:05:13,326 --> 00:05:15,760
- You haven't said a word.
- Thank you for asking.
126
00:05:15,795 --> 00:05:18,593
I'm not allowed to talk about it.
She doesn't like it.
127
00:05:18,632 --> 00:05:20,600
She's bored
with restaurant talk.
128
00:05:20,634 --> 00:05:23,967
- I'm not allowed to talk about it.
- No, you tell us.
129
00:05:24,004 --> 00:05:26,632
When I was on "Seinfeld" I wasn't
allowed to talk about "Seinfeld."
130
00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:29,870
I'm not allowed
to talk about anything I'm doing.
131
00:05:29,909 --> 00:05:32,503
I bore her,
she bores so easily.
132
00:05:32,545 --> 00:05:34,513
We're opening
next week.
133
00:05:34,547 --> 00:05:37,516
This new chef we got,
he's gonna be fantastic.
134
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,313
Great.
Where did you find him?
135
00:05:39,352 --> 00:05:41,650
Okay, Larry
only likes him because he's bald.
136
00:05:41,688 --> 00:05:45,351
- That is so...
- No, that's true.
137
00:05:45,392 --> 00:05:47,326
What makes you
say that, Cheryl?
138
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,828
He told me. He goes, "I found
this guy, he's great.
139
00:05:49,863 --> 00:05:52,730
He's bald."
Does that seem logical?
140
00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:54,199
- Don't say that. That's not true.
- Is that?
141
00:05:54,234 --> 00:05:56,794
I did hire
a bald man, but...
142
00:05:56,836 --> 00:05:59,100
And only
because he's bald.
143
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,308
- No, no, no.
- No, Larry.
144
00:06:03,343 --> 00:06:05,868
No, no, no splitting.
No splitting.
145
00:06:05,912 --> 00:06:07,937
You picked up
the last one.
146
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,040
- Don't you have to go to the bathroom?
- Huh?
147
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,573
Yeah, I got to go
to the bathroom, right.
148
00:06:11,618 --> 00:06:13,745
Go to the bathroom,
go to the bathroom.
149
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:16,051
Thank you, Stu.
150
00:06:16,089 --> 00:06:18,614
Anyway, thanks Stu,
that's very nice of you.
151
00:06:18,658 --> 00:06:20,888
My pleasure.
You're welcome.
152
00:06:20,927 --> 00:06:23,418
What about me?
You gonna thank me too?
153
00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:27,194
- And thank you, Susan.
- You're welcome.
154
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:33,265
Why... why do I
have to thank you?
155
00:06:33,306 --> 00:06:38,334
For dinner that my husband
and I treated you to.
156
00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:40,369
Oh, I thought
he treated me to it.
157
00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:42,813
Stu...
158
00:06:42,849 --> 00:06:45,579
pulled out the credit card
and put it down, yes.
159
00:06:45,618 --> 00:06:48,849
Yeah.
So I thanked him.
160
00:06:48,888 --> 00:06:52,551
And he's using
our money to pay for it.
161
00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:54,822
So you could thank us,
we're taking you out to dinner.
162
00:06:54,861 --> 00:06:57,261
Well, you can
call it our money,
163
00:06:57,297 --> 00:06:58,662
but for the sake
of discussion,
164
00:06:58,698 --> 00:07:01,223
he's the one who goes to work
and earns the money.
165
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:03,599
- You don't work.
- All right, what about...
166
00:07:03,636 --> 00:07:07,128
Cheryl, you don't
work for yourself.
167
00:07:07,173 --> 00:07:09,232
Whose money is it
in your household?
168
00:07:09,275 --> 00:07:13,143
- Honey, it's our money.
- No, it's not.
169
00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:15,010
- Oh, brother.
- I've earned the money.
170
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:17,209
So what do you do,
pay her a salary?
171
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,480
- How does she buy things?
- She spends the money that I've earned.
172
00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:21,885
She didn't work,
I earned the money.
173
00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:24,981
- Loving you is my job.
- I earned the money. It's just a fact.
174
00:07:25,024 --> 00:07:28,187
Stu, is it our...
it's our money.
175
00:07:28,228 --> 00:07:31,891
- Our money.
- Right... you know, and...
176
00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:33,990
- Right?
- He works, he gets the money.
177
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:37,560
- And it's their money.
- It's not "their money," it's my money.
178
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:40,801
It's not about where it's coming from,
it's what it becomes.
179
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,808
It's completely about
where it's coming from.
180
00:07:42,842 --> 00:07:44,503
That's what it's about,
"Where does it come from?"
181
00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:46,637
Well, I must say
that I am just glad
182
00:07:46,679 --> 00:07:49,239
that in my marriage,
that's not an issue.
183
00:07:49,282 --> 00:07:51,273
That Stu considers it...
184
00:07:51,317 --> 00:07:54,878
It's not an issue
in our marriage either.
185
00:07:54,921 --> 00:07:56,752
It's just a fact
of where the money came from.
186
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:59,725
Having a great meal...
so glad to see you guys.
187
00:07:59,759 --> 00:08:02,091
I'm just so happy
to see you.
188
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,460
This is nice.
189
00:08:11,037 --> 00:08:14,268
Hey, you know me,
I don't like to complain.
190
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:15,831
Oh, yeah.
191
00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:18,673
I think you know me
well enough to know that by now.
192
00:08:18,711 --> 00:08:21,771
How come there's no partitions
in the bathroom between the urinals?
193
00:08:21,815 --> 00:08:25,114
- Here?
- Yeah.
194
00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:27,779
I don't know.
I thought we were gonna have that.
195
00:08:27,821 --> 00:08:31,086
Is it important?
It looks nice now.
196
00:08:31,124 --> 00:08:33,991
We want a little
pee privacy, do we not?
197
00:08:34,027 --> 00:08:35,358
Yeah, privacy.
I'm absolutely with you.
198
00:08:35,395 --> 00:08:37,522
You don't want someone
looking down at your thing.
199
00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:39,862
This isn't a bus station.
What do you think?
200
00:08:39,899 --> 00:08:40,923
This is not gonna be that
kind of crowd.
201
00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:42,730
This is a high-class
restaurant, Larry.
202
00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:44,361
Still people go off
to the side.
203
00:08:44,404 --> 00:08:48,636
They've got the 45�
angle things.
204
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:50,370
But is it really
important, Larry?
205
00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:52,901
Yes, Michael.
It is important, yes.
206
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:57,076
- So we'll get them.
- I stand corrected.
207
00:08:57,116 --> 00:08:59,175
- What are they called?
- Splash guards.
208
00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:01,881
We can't get it in time.
We open in three days.
209
00:09:01,921 --> 00:09:04,913
We can't have
the bathroom fixed in three days.
210
00:09:04,958 --> 00:09:07,552
So we'll pee
at home for a while before we come.
211
00:09:07,594 --> 00:09:10,563
Hey, everybody.
212
00:09:10,597 --> 00:09:13,088
- Who's this?
- It's Oscar.
213
00:09:13,132 --> 00:09:15,157
My family's dog,
not my dog.
214
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:17,533
This dog kills me,
I'm so allergic to it.
215
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:19,299
I have to hang with it today
'cause Susie's got
216
00:09:19,339 --> 00:09:22,069
some stuff to do with tiling
at the new house.
217
00:09:22,108 --> 00:09:24,042
If you're allergic,
why do you have the dog?
218
00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:26,136
My wife and I were
separated for a while.
219
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,477
While we were separated,
she got this dog.
220
00:09:28,514 --> 00:09:31,540
Now I'm back and the dog
ain't going anywhere.
221
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:33,347
I want to talk
to you about that.
222
00:09:33,386 --> 00:09:36,082
- Don't touch your eyes.
- I'm not touching anything.
223
00:09:36,122 --> 00:09:38,488
- What's the matter?
- What are you doing, Oscar?
224
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:39,491
Oscar!
225
00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:41,755
What's wrong
with it?
226
00:09:41,794 --> 00:09:44,228
- Really acting up.
- Not in the kitchen.
227
00:09:44,264 --> 00:09:46,255
What are you doing,
Oscar?
228
00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:54,230
What's he got?
229
00:09:54,274 --> 00:09:56,708
Did somebody drop
some meat or something?
230
00:09:56,743 --> 00:09:58,711
No, that floor is spotless
for the health inspection.
231
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:02,146
Looks like
he smells something.
232
00:10:02,181 --> 00:10:05,446
Isn't he
a corpse-sniffing dog?
233
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,120
Well, folks,
234
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:18,927
this rescue canine
is well-credentialed.
235
00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:21,229
I think there's
a real strong possibility
236
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,792
there's a dead body
underneath that floor.
237
00:10:26,406 --> 00:10:28,203
There will have to be
an investigation,
238
00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:30,641
and we'll have to tear up
the floor.
239
00:10:30,677 --> 00:10:32,668
Oh, come on
that's ridiculous!
240
00:10:32,712 --> 00:10:34,771
How long will that take?
241
00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:38,477
I don't know.
242
00:10:38,518 --> 00:10:40,452
Oh, this is
a nightmare.
243
00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:44,956
I'm telling you, I'm gonna take my money
out of this place.
244
00:10:44,991 --> 00:10:47,323
What if there's
a dead body under there?
245
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,260
We're fucked.
No one will ever come to the restaurant
246
00:10:49,295 --> 00:10:51,456
where they found a body.
It'll be in the papers. We're fucked.
247
00:10:51,497 --> 00:10:54,762
If there's a dead body
underneath there, we are fucked.
248
00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:57,361
I can't live with this dog,
it's making me crazy.
249
00:10:57,403 --> 00:10:59,394
- My eyes are burning.
- You look terrible.
250
00:10:59,439 --> 00:11:01,999
Right here, I have a pain
so severe,
251
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:05,704
from that freaking dog.
I am highly allergic to dogs.
252
00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:08,407
You know
the Braudys?
253
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:10,814
That guy who smashed
into Alanis Morissette?
254
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:13,614
- Oh, that idiot.
- Yeah, that guy.
255
00:11:13,653 --> 00:11:15,143
We had dinner with them
the other night.
256
00:11:15,188 --> 00:11:17,179
They're looking
for a dog for the kids.
257
00:11:17,223 --> 00:11:18,656
I mentioned Oscar.
258
00:11:18,691 --> 00:11:21,683
They would take that dog
off your hands tomorrow.
259
00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:24,458
My daughter's in love with that dog.
What do I do?
260
00:11:24,497 --> 00:11:26,658
You've got to sit down
and talk to her.
261
00:11:26,699 --> 00:11:28,633
Tell her "Daddy can't
live in this house
262
00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:30,363
because the dog
makes Daddy sick."
263
00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:32,462
She'll understand,
don't you think?
264
00:11:32,505 --> 00:11:34,405
Yeah, I think
she would.
265
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,431
Explain it to her,
what's going on.
266
00:11:36,476 --> 00:11:38,671
If she doesn't know
you've got to tell her.
267
00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:40,906
- Tell her, talk to her.
- Hold on.
268
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:45,179
Oh my God, it's Oscar!
269
00:11:45,218 --> 00:11:47,186
Look at that, he came!
I can't believe it.
270
00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:48,687
You really love Oscar.
271
00:11:48,721 --> 00:11:50,279
It's nice to be affectionate
to something German.
272
00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:52,484
You don't get the opportunity
that often, you know?
273
00:11:52,525 --> 00:11:54,516
Good boy.
274
00:11:57,797 --> 00:11:59,731
Daddy doesn't
feel good.
275
00:11:59,766 --> 00:12:02,701
Sneezing,
up all night.
276
00:12:02,735 --> 00:12:06,227
It hurts right here.
I have a horrible, horrible pain.
277
00:12:06,272 --> 00:12:10,003
My eyes are watering
and I feel horrible.
278
00:12:10,043 --> 00:12:11,943
And the reason
this is all happening
279
00:12:11,978 --> 00:12:14,276
is because of
your pal Oscar.
280
00:12:14,313 --> 00:12:16,907
All right?
So you have to decide
281
00:12:16,949 --> 00:12:20,680
whether you want
Daddy or Oscar.
282
00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:24,884
Mmm... Oscar.
283
00:12:24,924 --> 00:12:27,893
What I'm saying is,
if you say Oscar,
284
00:12:27,927 --> 00:12:31,260
- Daddy won't be here.
- I know.
285
00:12:31,297 --> 00:12:33,857
- You know?
- Mm-hmm.
286
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:36,630
But you're choosing Oscar.
I'm your dad.
287
00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:39,763
I just love
that dog.
288
00:12:40,773 --> 00:12:43,606
Mm-hmm.
289
00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:46,635
I have to go
to the bathroom.
290
00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:04,924
We open in three days.
This is ridiculous.
291
00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:06,591
We shouldn't have
called the cops.
292
00:13:06,632 --> 00:13:08,998
We shouldn't have brought the dog
here in the first place.
293
00:13:12,371 --> 00:13:15,033
What's going on?
Has he got something?
294
00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:16,598
Wait a second,
wait a second, hold on.
295
00:13:16,642 --> 00:13:19,167
I think he's found
something.
296
00:13:19,212 --> 00:13:21,908
- What do you got there?
- Holy shit.
297
00:13:25,718 --> 00:13:28,380
What does
he got there?
298
00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:35,283
A bra?
299
00:13:36,295 --> 00:13:38,263
Is that it?
Is there more?
300
00:13:38,297 --> 00:13:40,060
Is there a body
with it?
301
00:13:40,099 --> 00:13:41,327
Nothing else down here.
That's it.
302
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,733
That's it?
a bra?
303
00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:46,397
That's it folks.
There's nothing else in there.
304
00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:49,533
Oh my God.
305
00:13:49,575 --> 00:13:52,135
He's a bra-sniffing dog.
306
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:54,339
He's a good
bra-sniffing dog.
307
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,847
- Terrific.
- Great.
308
00:13:55,882 --> 00:13:59,545
- This is bullshit.
- All this for that?
309
00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:00,916
Mystery is solved.
310
00:14:00,953 --> 00:14:03,615
How long is it gonna take to get
all this back?
311
00:14:03,656 --> 00:14:06,056
With what you got
going on here, it's a mess.
312
00:14:06,092 --> 00:14:08,287
They dug up the electric, the gas,
the plumbing, it's...
313
00:14:08,327 --> 00:14:11,922
- So how long?
- Three weeks to a month, Larry.
314
00:14:11,964 --> 00:14:13,989
That's on the safe side.
Things could arise,
315
00:14:14,033 --> 00:14:16,831
you got the city
involved now... Larry, I'm sorry.
316
00:14:16,869 --> 00:14:19,565
Let me ask you this...
317
00:14:19,605 --> 00:14:22,073
can we get the splash guards
in the urinal now?
318
00:14:22,108 --> 00:14:24,542
- What do you think?
- I'll have time for that.
319
00:14:24,577 --> 00:14:26,977
- That's good, Larry.
- We'll get the splash guards.
320
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:29,607
Blessing
in disguise.
321
00:14:30,783 --> 00:14:32,774
Larry!
322
00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:34,445
A dog!
323
00:14:34,487 --> 00:14:37,422
She chose a fucking dog
over her own father.
324
00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:39,321
You sat down,
you laid it out?
325
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:41,553
I told her,
"Daddy's sick.
326
00:14:41,594 --> 00:14:43,391
He can't stay in the same house
with Oscar."
327
00:14:43,429 --> 00:14:45,329
She wants Oscar!
She wants the dog!
328
00:14:45,364 --> 00:14:48,128
- Okay, calm down.
- Where is the dog?
329
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:50,067
They took him
back to your house.
330
00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:52,798
My house?
No, no, his house.
331
00:14:52,838 --> 00:14:57,434
His house. I'm at the W. Hotel.
It's his house now.
332
00:14:57,476 --> 00:15:01,105
By the way, he turned up a bra today.
There's no corpse.
333
00:15:01,147 --> 00:15:04,776
A bra?
What the fuck's wrong with that dog?
334
00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:08,583
- He's a bra-sniffing dog.
- A bra-sniffing dog? What the fuck?
335
00:15:08,621 --> 00:15:10,316
He's closing us down
for three weeks now.
336
00:15:10,356 --> 00:15:12,586
- Because of a bra?
- Yeah, they dug up the whole place.
337
00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:16,425
- That fucking dog!
- Hey, take it easy.
338
00:15:18,664 --> 00:15:20,393
I got to call that
bald chef and tell him.
339
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:22,492
- He's gonna be disappointed.
- You know what?
340
00:15:22,535 --> 00:15:24,503
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
341
00:15:24,537 --> 00:15:27,062
- Where are you gonna be?
- W. Hotel.
342
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:29,540
You're gonna
hear from me soon.
343
00:15:29,575 --> 00:15:31,270
- You're gonna hear from me.
- Where are you going?
344
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:33,369
I got something
to take care of.
345
00:15:35,581 --> 00:15:37,572
Fuck!
346
00:15:45,024 --> 00:15:47,652
- Hi, Larry.
- Hi, Sammy.
347
00:15:47,693 --> 00:15:50,753
My mommy's next door.
She'll be home soon.
348
00:15:50,796 --> 00:15:52,525
And my daddy's
at a hotel.
349
00:15:52,565 --> 00:15:54,533
- Can I come in?
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,001
- What are you drinking?
- Grape juice. Want some?
351
00:15:57,036 --> 00:15:59,368
Oh, positively.
352
00:16:00,973 --> 00:16:03,999
Anyway,
I actually came
353
00:16:04,043 --> 00:16:06,568
to talk to you.
354
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:09,707
Oh.
355
00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:18,750
You know what?
I think I'm gonna have this instead.
356
00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:20,315
Okay.
357
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:22,953
I just want
to try this wine.
358
00:16:24,697 --> 00:16:28,258
Believe me, I know as much about
this as the next guy.
359
00:16:28,301 --> 00:16:30,565
Come on.
360
00:16:38,911 --> 00:16:42,278
No.
Too fruity.
361
00:16:42,315 --> 00:16:44,715
And a tad
on the oaky side.
362
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,945
What does
"oaky" mean?
363
00:16:46,986 --> 00:16:50,820
It tastes a little
like a tree.
364
00:16:55,294 --> 00:16:58,092
Let's talk about
your dad, okay?
365
00:16:58,130 --> 00:17:00,394
Isn't there another animal
we could interest you in?
366
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:03,266
Perhaps a little
pussycat?
367
00:17:03,302 --> 00:17:05,099
I don't
like cats.
368
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:08,004
How about
a rabbit?
369
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,803
- Um-mm.
- Pony?
370
00:17:09,842 --> 00:17:12,276
I never heard of a little girl
that didn't want a pony.
371
00:17:12,311 --> 00:17:14,506
- Turtle?
- Turtles scare me.
372
00:17:14,547 --> 00:17:16,515
Hamster?
373
00:17:16,549 --> 00:17:19,211
Put him in a cage
and you can torture him a little bit.
374
00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:21,242
- They're boring.
- But you torture them.
375
00:17:21,287 --> 00:17:22,549
It's not boring
if you torture them.
376
00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:26,149
I like Oscar
better.
377
00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:28,717
What is that,
that dog whistle?
378
00:17:28,761 --> 00:17:30,558
Is that
Oscar's whistle?
379
00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:32,257
Uh-huh.
380
00:17:32,298 --> 00:17:34,459
I wouldn't blow it,
he's asleep.
381
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,695
Oh. Look at this.
382
00:17:36,736 --> 00:17:38,033
I saw your daddy
use it the other day.
383
00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:40,470
He came running
out of the restaurant.
384
00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:44,067
I don't understand
how this thing works.
385
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,476
Where's
the whistle part?
386
00:17:50,983 --> 00:17:53,884
Anyway,
that's my spiel.
387
00:17:53,919 --> 00:17:56,854
So...
388
00:17:56,889 --> 00:17:59,983
come on, Sammy.
What do you say?
389
00:18:00,993 --> 00:18:03,860
I don't want Oscar.
390
00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:06,364
I want Daddy.
391
00:18:11,837 --> 00:18:14,806
Go home!
It's all taken care of.
392
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,276
That's right.
We had a little chat.
393
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,801
I'm taking him
to the Braudys.
394
00:18:20,846 --> 00:18:23,781
He's sitting
right next to me.
395
00:18:23,816 --> 00:18:26,250
You're more
than welcome.
396
00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:29,277
All right, my friend.
Goodbye.
397
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:33,590
Well, Oskie-boy.
Huh?
398
00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:35,594
What do you say,
Oskie-boy?
399
00:18:35,628 --> 00:18:37,926
We're going to the Braudys,
you excited?
400
00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:40,488
Are you excited about the Braudys?
Come here, give me a kiss.
401
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:43,969
Give Uncle Larry a kissy,
Oscar boy.
402
00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:45,732
Ooh.
403
00:18:46,939 --> 00:18:49,908
All right, look
at your new home.
404
00:18:51,177 --> 00:18:54,010
You're such
a good boy.
405
00:18:54,046 --> 00:18:56,514
Yeah, you're such
a good boy!
406
00:18:57,883 --> 00:18:59,783
- Hello.
- Hi.
407
00:18:59,819 --> 00:19:02,879
Well,
here's Oscar.
408
00:19:04,457 --> 00:19:07,187
This is the corpse-sniffing dog
I was telling you about.
409
00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:09,717
- Right. I remember dinner.
- Oscar.
410
00:19:09,762 --> 00:19:11,627
Yeah, all yours.
411
00:19:14,066 --> 00:19:16,261
Do you have something to say
to me, Larry?
412
00:19:16,302 --> 00:19:18,736
Yeah,
congratulations.
413
00:19:18,771 --> 00:19:22,502
No, I mean, do you have anything else
to say to me from dinner?
414
00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:26,711
I enjoyed the chicken
very much.
415
00:19:26,745 --> 00:19:28,872
I was surprised at how good it was,
actually.
416
00:19:28,914 --> 00:19:31,508
Very funny,
that's very funny.
417
00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:34,644
Look, I didn't want to make
a big deal out of it,
418
00:19:34,687 --> 00:19:36,848
but you know how I feel about
what happened at dinner.
419
00:19:36,889 --> 00:19:39,119
Larry, I'm waiting,
I'm just waiting.
420
00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:42,491
I'm still waiting.
421
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:44,496
Well...
422
00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:46,623
I guess you'll have
to continue to wait
423
00:19:46,665 --> 00:19:50,157
if it's a thank you
that you're waiting for.
424
00:19:50,202 --> 00:19:54,798
Because a thank you is just a little
more than you can handle.
425
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,206
No, it's not more
than I can handle.
426
00:19:57,243 --> 00:19:58,870
If you had paid
for the meal,
427
00:19:58,911 --> 00:20:00,936
I would've thanked you
as I told you.
428
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,471
Okay.
Extraordinary.
429
00:20:03,516 --> 00:20:05,541
It's extraordinary.
It's a shame.
430
00:20:05,584 --> 00:20:08,144
So am I to assume that you do not
want the dog?
431
00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:09,779
Is this what
you're saying to me?
432
00:20:09,822 --> 00:20:12,484
If you want to thank me
for dinner, I will look at your dog.
433
00:20:12,525 --> 00:20:15,221
I thank people when they deserve
to be thanked.
434
00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:17,627
In this particular instance, you do not
deserve to be thanked.
435
00:20:17,663 --> 00:20:19,790
Because a man and a woman
are married...
436
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:22,198
Because you haven't worked a day
since you got out of college.
437
00:20:22,234 --> 00:20:25,032
- You've never held a job...
- Hey, look it's a dog.
438
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:28,039
Doggie!
Oh, he's so cute.
439
00:20:28,073 --> 00:20:29,472
Leave the doggie alone.
He's not our dog.
440
00:20:29,508 --> 00:20:31,874
- His name's Oscar.
- That's Larry's dog.
441
00:20:31,911 --> 00:20:34,471
I wanted to give this dog
to you, but your mommy doesn't want it.
442
00:20:34,513 --> 00:20:36,071
Don't be silly, you weren't gonna
give him to me.
443
00:20:36,115 --> 00:20:39,516
- It's your dog, Larry.
- You promised!
444
00:20:39,552 --> 00:20:41,577
At some point
we're gonna get a dog.
445
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,087
Daddy and I were
talking...
446
00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:45,090
- Oh, he's such a good dog.
...but not this dog.
447
00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:47,319
We'll look for a dog
someplace else.
448
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,224
Why look for one
when there's one right here?
449
00:20:49,261 --> 00:20:52,458
Yeah.
Please...?
450
00:20:52,498 --> 00:20:54,363
- Please?
- Oscar?
451
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,493
Okay, okay,
all right.
452
00:20:56,535 --> 00:20:59,629
- Here you go, boys.
- Cool.
453
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,367
Hey, hey
what do you say?
454
00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:03,875
- Thank you!
- You're welcome.
455
00:21:04,877 --> 00:21:06,606
He sleeps on my bed.
456
00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,909
Enjoy.
457
00:21:20,192 --> 00:21:23,491
Oh, shit.
458
00:21:32,504 --> 00:21:35,496
You sick fuck,
Larry David!
459
00:21:35,541 --> 00:21:37,736
What the fuck do you
think you're doing
460
00:21:37,776 --> 00:21:39,243
getting my kid
drunk?!
461
00:21:39,278 --> 00:21:41,337
Drunk?
What are you talking about?
462
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,974
She's slurring her words,
she's bumping into things,
463
00:21:44,016 --> 00:21:46,348
she stinks like
a fuckin' wino!
464
00:21:48,487 --> 00:21:52,287
Oh, I poured some of your...
I had poured some wine.
465
00:21:52,324 --> 00:21:55,418
Oh, she must
have accidentally...
466
00:21:55,461 --> 00:21:58,294
a seven-year-old kid
drank some wine?
467
00:21:58,330 --> 00:21:59,888
It was...
the glasses got...
468
00:21:59,932 --> 00:22:02,833
Do I look like a fucking idiot,
that I'm gonna believe you?
469
00:22:02,868 --> 00:22:05,530
You got her drunk and
stole the fucking dog, all right?!
470
00:22:05,571 --> 00:22:08,165
No, she told me
I could have the dog.
471
00:22:08,207 --> 00:22:10,698
She told you you could take the dog
after you got her
472
00:22:10,743 --> 00:22:14,372
all fucked up on alcohol.
All liquored up.
473
00:22:14,413 --> 00:22:16,176
I thought she had
a speech impediment.
474
00:22:16,215 --> 00:22:18,615
You've known the kid
since she was born,
475
00:22:18,651 --> 00:22:22,417
and she suddenly develops
a speech impediment?
476
00:22:22,454 --> 00:22:24,081
That's what was
so puzzling to me.
477
00:22:24,123 --> 00:22:26,148
Oh, listen, you four-eyed fuck,
you stole the dog!
478
00:22:26,191 --> 00:22:29,957
She's at home
hysterical that her dog is gone!
479
00:22:29,995 --> 00:22:31,792
I don't know
what you did to him.
480
00:22:31,830 --> 00:22:34,355
Maybe you brought him
for some animal testing or something,
481
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,062
you sicko
fucko asshole.
482
00:22:38,904 --> 00:22:41,031
Get me the fucking dog!
483
00:22:56,021 --> 00:22:58,182
First of all...
484
00:22:58,223 --> 00:23:02,216
I just want to thank you
for dinner the other night.
485
00:23:06,165 --> 00:23:08,463
I don't know
what got into me.
486
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:11,401
I was so wrong
about that.
487
00:23:11,437 --> 00:23:14,668
You're married,
you're a couple.
488
00:23:14,707 --> 00:23:17,699
of course you get thanked.
It's a 50/50 thing.
489
00:23:17,743 --> 00:23:20,075
So what if he works
and you don't?
490
00:23:20,112 --> 00:23:22,376
That has nothing
to do with it.
491
00:23:22,414 --> 00:23:24,382
You're a housewife,
you raise the kids.
492
00:23:24,416 --> 00:23:26,907
You've got kids,
that's a full time job.
493
00:23:26,952 --> 00:23:31,514
You deserve a thank you.
And I was dead wrong.
494
00:23:31,557 --> 00:23:32,819
And I'm sorry.
495
00:23:32,858 --> 00:23:36,385
Thank you.
496
00:23:36,428 --> 00:23:39,864
I... that's great.
497
00:23:39,898 --> 00:23:42,765
That wasn't easy to do and I really
do appreciate it.
498
00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:46,737
You know what?
Once I realized the situation
499
00:23:46,772 --> 00:23:49,400
and how wrong I was,
it was easy to do.
500
00:23:49,441 --> 00:23:52,274
I'm very...
I am impressed.
501
00:23:52,311 --> 00:23:54,279
And listen...
502
00:23:54,313 --> 00:23:56,975
when you're wrong,
you're wrong, you know?
503
00:23:57,015 --> 00:23:59,813
I didn't expect it.
I just didn't, but thank you.
504
00:23:59,852 --> 00:24:01,752
Good, good.
Whew!
505
00:24:04,289 --> 00:24:05,984
How's the dog
working out?
506
00:24:06,024 --> 00:24:08,754
The dog is
actually great.
507
00:24:08,794 --> 00:24:11,228
- Really?
- Yeah, the kids are loving him.
508
00:24:11,263 --> 00:24:12,958
They're loving him,
he's sweet as can be.
509
00:24:12,998 --> 00:24:14,966
Well-trained just like you said.
He's terrific.
510
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,490
I'll tell you
why I'm asking,
511
00:24:16,535 --> 00:24:19,299
because something's
come up...
512
00:24:19,338 --> 00:24:21,465
and ahem...
513
00:24:22,975 --> 00:24:27,105
the owner of the dog actually
wants the dog back.
514
00:24:27,146 --> 00:24:30,206
I just left her,
515
00:24:30,249 --> 00:24:33,377
and her kid's pretty
broken up about it.
516
00:24:33,418 --> 00:24:36,251
What do you mean,
what do you mean?
517
00:24:36,288 --> 00:24:38,984
Well, it's
a long story,
518
00:24:39,024 --> 00:24:41,993
but when her daughter
told me I could have the dog,
519
00:24:42,027 --> 00:24:46,123
she was quite drunk at the time,
unbeknownst to me.
520
00:24:46,165 --> 00:24:49,532
- Drunk? How old is this girl?
- Seven. Anyway...
521
00:24:49,568 --> 00:24:51,798
when she said
I could have the dog
522
00:24:51,837 --> 00:24:53,532
she wasn't in her... didn't have
all of her senses.
523
00:24:53,572 --> 00:24:56,564
All right, okay, okay.
So now I understand.
524
00:24:56,608 --> 00:24:59,168
So that's
why you're here.
525
00:24:59,211 --> 00:25:04,080
- No, I came to thank you for dinner.
- Oh my God, I just knew it.
526
00:25:04,116 --> 00:25:06,516
And as long as I'm here,
I'll take the dog.
527
00:25:06,552 --> 00:25:09,043
As long as you happen to be here,
you'll take the dog back?
528
00:25:09,087 --> 00:25:12,079
- What are you, sick?
- I'm only asking.
529
00:25:12,124 --> 00:25:14,092
I really need it.
I mean, she wants the dog back.
530
00:25:14,126 --> 00:25:16,094
It's her dog,
it is her dog.
531
00:25:16,128 --> 00:25:19,120
It's not her dog anymore,
Larry, because you brought it here.
532
00:25:19,164 --> 00:25:20,791
You've had it for a half hour so you
think it's your dog?
533
00:25:20,833 --> 00:25:22,198
You know what?
It's not going to happen.
534
00:25:22,234 --> 00:25:23,963
Oskie!
535
00:25:24,002 --> 00:25:26,527
Just get... leave,
leave right now.
536
00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:29,473
- Leave or I am calling the police.
- I really need the dog.
537
00:25:29,508 --> 00:25:31,271
- I'm sorry.
- You're not giving me the dog?
538
00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:33,938
No, I am not.
I'm not giving you my dog.
539
00:25:33,979 --> 00:25:35,776
You're really
gonna disappoint a little girl.
540
00:25:35,814 --> 00:25:38,510
Well, Larry, go back
and tell her to have another drink.
541
00:25:38,550 --> 00:25:40,780
Because she's not
getting her dog back, okay?
542
00:25:40,819 --> 00:25:43,344
I take back my thank you,
by the way.
543
00:25:43,388 --> 00:25:45,015
The one that you never actually
gave me anyway.
544
00:25:45,057 --> 00:25:47,617
Okay, bye, Larry.
Bye bye, now.
545
00:25:47,659 --> 00:25:49,991
Bye bye, now!
You can leave now.
546
00:25:50,028 --> 00:25:53,122
You can do it right now
because I will be calling the police.
547
00:25:53,165 --> 00:25:57,226
Go, bye bye.
I have to go walk my dog.
548
00:25:57,269 --> 00:26:00,500
Then I'm gonna
have him do a little fetching for me.
549
00:26:00,539 --> 00:26:03,531
We might hop into the pool.
Bye, Larry.
550
00:26:03,575 --> 00:26:05,736
Bye... no,
keep going.
551
00:26:05,777 --> 00:26:08,268
Keep going, leave!
552
00:26:08,313 --> 00:26:11,111
- Oscar, Oscar!
- Good boy! Good boy!
553
00:26:11,149 --> 00:26:13,344
Oscar! You...!
Oscar!
554
00:26:13,385 --> 00:26:15,012
Oscar, you
come back right...!
555
00:26:15,053 --> 00:26:17,988
Larry, you piece
of shit!
556
00:26:18,023 --> 00:26:21,424
Thank you,
thank you very much!
557
00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:47,318
What's going on?
558
00:26:51,023 --> 00:26:53,184
Why'd you bring
the dog back?
42680
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