Original subtitles

Oh, man, my delts are blasted.

a chart for how much protein powder to scoop

for a 1 80-pound man with no fat

Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water?

Why don't you just take estrogen?

Here

There you go, boys See how Papa takes care of you

people thought biceps were all that.

They'd flex them all night at the discotheque

all about core, huh?

Yeah

Core's critical

There are four tenets of Pilates that I live my life by.

One, lengthen

Two, elongate

Listen, guys. I think we all want to know the same thing, right?

Who's the strongest?

There's only one way to solve that

Thigh curl contest

All right, here we go, everybody

May the manliest man win

Go

Feast on this, Lewis

I love the burn The burn is where I live

Come on, Gabe. You can't handle his hamstrings.

You're getting hypno-thized

Speed set. One

One, two

Here, this is for your elbows For your elbows

Thank you You're welcome.

Five, six... - Seven

Quick phone call for you guys Keep going. Eight.

Nine

Hello? - Ten.

We got it?

Very funny, Jim

Yeah, Jim

Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies

Everyone, conference room Now.

All right Easy there, Grandpa

Okay, you don't need my help?

Here, here, just

Morning Hey

Somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot

these Oh

You know, the only thing more delicious than your feet

is the feast that I am going to prepare for everyone.

Andy if you're going to hang out for a while

Uh.

What's this?

This dumb new rule Robert made

He just wants visitors to sign in

Is this Robert's attempt to embarrass me?

No, of course not

It's just... I think it's like if we make an exception for you

then we have to make an exception for the water guy

and then it's like, "Where does it end?' So, just...

Why is it when other people spend all their time at tee office,

they're rewarded for it and when I do it,

"It's a little much"?

Is it because I'm not an employee anymore?

Because that's what it feels like

All right enjoy the Illinois game

Good, we have a deal?

Thanks, Janet Thanks so much, Earl.

Wow. A simultaneous sale

And they said it couldn't be done. Boom. Screw them

A lot going on, guys What's happening?

The Binghamton branch closed last night

and all their clients are up for grabs

That was a fine branch

Things are really bad under Robert California I guess

It's like a festival of poo

Hey, come on, language

Yeah, and we're not interested in your sour grapes, okay?

Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes.

In the fridge

No, Jim. The butt, in his butt

Sorry, man, I can't focus on zingers

There's too many potential clients.

You two better watch yourselves

Yeah, the Syracuse branch can't be happy

you're taking New York clients

Robert, why did Binghamton close?

Can everyone just Please

saturnalia last night

in celebration of the finalization of my divorce

of Australian reds

and, how should I say this Colombian whites.

Wait, what is this about Binghamton?

The branch closed, forever

Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today.

Or, I guess, last night

But, in vino veritas, as they say

I'm not going to start doubting my drunken self now

I got your voice mail from last night

Wonderful

And the answer is yes yes, yes, yes,

and never

Pam, when's the last time you lived so intensely

that your brain, literally, couldn't hold the memories in?

It was the summer

Apparently, I left a phone message

for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said

Um, I am a little busy

Yes

Of course

Why don't you list the things that would keep you from helping me?

Yeah. I can make you a list

Let's do it now

What's number one?

Why don't I help you now? Okay There we go

Who the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute?

Jim, Dwight, what are your last names?

And you are?

Harry Jannerone, Dunder Mifflin Syracuse

What the hell's all this?

Cherries jubilee over home-made gelato

You live well down here in PA I want to talk to you guys right now

And Lloyd Gross, too

Which one's that guy?

The salesmen have a commission cap,

but we figured out a way around it

Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to

How do I put this? Steal from the company, embezzle, to commit fraud

Okay, it sounds sketchy but it helps us get more money.

Yes

Pam made a drawing of Lloyd.

He is a blend of all the salesmen

There he is

That's Lloyd. Me?

Yeah, you

Where do you get off crossing state lines?

Now, we're actually closer to Binghamton than you are

kemo sabe

I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy

who doesn't back down from anybody

and he calls people "kemo sabe.'

They're New York we're New York.

State line is the dividing line

That's the way it's always been

There's actually not a rule that says that. It's true

It's true. There's no rule. You can check the employee handbook

Can I check the employee handbook, Lloyd?

Does it say anything about me choking a man with my bare hands?

No

Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule.

so many people by now

Stay out of my state It's in your best interest to stay out of my state

I've seen guys like you, big guys

who like to push the little guys around

Lloyd Gross eats bullies like you for breakfast

Stay out of New York, Lloyd

Text from the old wife I'm going to take that.

How about this, why don't we just ask Robert?

Can we all agree that maybe the CEO should decide this?

Robert's here?

Look at us, bickering like school girls

looking around the room for things to hit each other with

were doing that

Chair, lamp, plant, table leg Jim's leg

Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've hit my limit on the Tylenol...

Sorry, not Jim

Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you?

Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida?

Message received loud and clear

Just have to get the caramelized sugar

off the pan before it dries

Oh, for God's sake

Robert California what a surprise you're here in Scranton

Harry

So, why would you close Binghamton down

without a transition plan in place?

How do you mean?

No, no, no, kid, stay there Do your dishes. Go ahead

Harry, there is a time for every decision

predetermined many years ago

There's no benefit in questioning why

this particular decision seems

so poorly timed

Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say.

Listen Robert, I don't have time. There's a big client in play

Prestige Direct Mail Solutions

used to be Binghamton's Don't listen to him.

Nope I want it. It's mine

Prestige is ours

Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk ma

on the eastern seaboard We get them.

We already put a call in to them, Robert

We need you to make a decision

Make a decision. I have decided

Neither of you are to have any contact

with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client

until I've figured out how to divide things up

As Solomon once said

There's some bizarre energy in this place today.

Robert going off the rails, making some funky decisions

Like why is nobody going to call on Prestige?

That is a huge client

They could give their business to

the first person to walk in the door.

Could be any idiot.

Any idiot at all.

Shaping a company is in a sense, similar to training a geisha.

You have to mold not merely the physical form

but also the character The two must harmonize

Are they still there?

They want a decision who gets the big client

They can wait

I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime

You know, I trained as one

Is it just me or is our boss a freaking weirdo?

I'm going to get some air

Jim, you know what would be really dastardly?

If we snuck out of here and got to the client first

He's running

Damn it

What... What is this supposed to be?

It's a monkey

Jim, get real. This is not a monkey

It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose.

Hold on. Hold on Is this him?

What? Is that him?

It's him! Do something Get out! Go!

What? What am I going to do? I don't

Go slash his tires Go dent his hood!

That's it?

That's great. That's like a 5-second delay

Dwight

Go

Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the NOS

NOS? You mean like in Fast & Furious?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I definitely have NOS

Hit the NOS. Are you sure?

Yes. We got it! Go! Brace yourself. Three, two, one

Here we go

Hello Andy Bernard to see the CEO

Oh. Do you have an appointment?

No, I do not

Okay. I think I can squeeze you in

Seriously?

Because I could just be anyone. I thought

I was going to have to convince you

He's really not that busy

Is there someone here to see me?

Yes. This man

Come on in

So, what do you make of this Robert California guy?

What does a guy like that do on an average weeknight

I'll tell you what he does

Hello. Hello, my clucking hens

Got room for another in the roost?

Huh? Don't worry I won't lay an egg

Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails

If?

crunching numbers all day

Math is for boys

Did someone say "girl talk?'

Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum

because I am great at girl talk

Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas?

I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jung Cinderella Girl.

Although, I definitely fast-forward through the Yung Tae storylines

Do you think I'd like that? Or is it important to have an Asian fetish?

I think you're going to need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah

It'll be upsetting if you don't

I'm a former paper executive I know the product. I know the margins

25% on your costs

Why haven't I heard of you? You got any references?

No. I'm a rogue

Uh-huh. Which is the best part

That means you will be my first customer

and your business will get 1 00% of my attention.

Now, I have written down my personal phone number

You call this any time

Every salesman I've ever met has given me his personal phone number

Of course they have, which is why I'm giving you

a key to my house

Whatever you need, any time night or day, you just stop on by.

You want me to drive to your house if I need paper?

Maybe you just want someone to talk to,

maybe you need a place to crash for a couple of days

My wireless password is "eat, pray, love.'

Easy to remember

Ready? Go, go, go

You all right? Yeah.

Dwight, what are you doing?

Shh

Go! Go! Take the stairs, now What are you talking about?

Just run! Take the stairs! I don't even know where the stairs are

I'll stall him. Go

What are you doing?

I'm going to activate the seismic fail-safe

We'll be stuck between floors for hours

Oh

My pants fell down What?

My pants fell down I don't have a belt!

Hello, sir, good day. Dwight K. Schrute Dunder Mifflin Scranton

Forgive my pants they fell down.

An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please Right now is fine.

No, no, no. I was here first Dwight K. Schrute Dunder Mifflin Scranton.

Hi, guys. What's going on?

Mr. Ramish, Harry Jannerone Dunder Mifflin Syracuse.

I was here first. Sorry about this mix-up Okay.

I already made an appointment with your secretary

Let me stop you all right here

I've already picked a new paper supplier

Wait, it's not DM Utica, is it?

No, no, it's not Dunder Mifflin at all, actually. It's Big Red Paper Company

Big Red Paper Company?

Mmm-hmm

Yes, yes, yes

Get me a cup of coffee

Me too

Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst?

All right, guys, it didn't work out for any of us,

so we're still on the same team

Let me get these No

Let him get his own He's got Syracuse money

You know your partner's got a lot of attitude, but I like that.

How long you guys been dating?

Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years.

But you're saying there's a chance.

Shut up

Hey

Excellent. Excellent

Though troubling that your first instinct is thievery.

What do you want from me?

Now we get to the bottom of Nellie's, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, never.'

Hello, Nell, it's Mum.

Do keep your chin up. It can't possibly be as bad as you describe.

Oh, yes, it can

This is MasterCard. You are over the limit.

Send the minimum payment of $448 by Monday,

or we will be forced to send it to collections.

Shopaholic

Sounds like it. Yeah

Hi, sis. Is your boss still hitting on you?

This is Annie from Second Nests.

I'm sorry, but the Romanian orphanage felt more comfortable

with a two-person nuclear family than a single mother,

so we're going to hold out for that. Okay, that's enough

No, no, no Pam, we need to get to the bottom of this

No. No. Come on. Come on

Robert, okay... So, I deleted them all They're all deleted.

Pam, you've completely bungled this

Ah

Hey

Can I do it, Pam? Can I pull off a gold Arabian sandal?

Um

Yes. Definitely. With your hair, certainly

You dropped your cell phone

Oh, gosh. Yep

Thank you. I'm so stupid

No. My goodness you just

You have a lot going on with Robert and everything

Oh, God, Pam, don't get me started

No, I will not

You've just got me started

Robert is a filthy beast

Don't you get the feeling every time he looks at you,

he's just thinking of 15 different ways to do you?

Well

The man talks of nothing but sex.

Sometimes he talks about flesh and bacchanals.

Oh, yeah

what he left on my phone last night

No. Don't. Just put it out of your mind

Pam, what is your address?

I'm going to send you a pair of these gold harem shoes

Oh. No, you don't Yes

Come on, a little gold Arabian slipper

Things are looking up

I have MasterCard right where I want them

and I have a new friend

A friend

At work

Erin

There's a call for you on line 1

Who is it?

He says, "Salvation.' No last name.

Yeah, hello

You once put me on a list of the losers in the office

This loser just got your biggest client

to give him all their business

So, hire me back, that business is yours.

Don't, and I will find another buyer

You're blackmailing me

It's just business

some ineffectual, privileged

effete, soft-penised debutant

You want to start a street fight with me, bring it on,

but you're going to be surprised by how ugly it gets

You don't even know my real name I'm the * Lizard King

Whoa

Well, I gave him a chance

Andy Bernard?

You got a minute?

I'm in the middle of a piano lesson

I wanted to see if could interest you in an investment

Dunder Mifflin

Dunder Mifflin Now, why would I want that?

It's worth half what it was three years ago

Exactly

And you know better than anyone that with the right management

it could be worth twice what you would pay for it today

Why don't you come in?

So, what would you do if you weren't selling paper?

Oh, man, I'd have to sell beets

probably submit them for competition

What?

Yeah, I know it sounds stupid,

but nationals has always kind of been a dream of mine.

How have we never talked about this before?

Wait, you don't even care about nationals

Nothing?

I've always wanted to own a bike shop, but

What about you?

I'd like to sell one big thing, you know?

Like a plane

One sale. I'm out

That sounds lovely

Anyway, Robert's going to run this company into the ground

so we won't be doing this in six months.