Original subtitles

No, no, no no, no, no, no

No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.

No

Okay, fine

Ryan, is something the matter? Yeah

Smokey's dead

Smokey the Bear?

Smokey Robinson, Pam

He died like an hour ago

I guess I'm the first to know

Wow, that's terrible I really liked him.

Oh, you liked him? That's nice.

Did you like when he changed the course of American music like, two or three times?

Did you like that Tracks of My Tears

is maybe the last true love song ever written?

I'm glad you like him, Jim

devastated right now

Well, I second that emotion. Huh?

I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones?

Oh, God, Nellie. What wasn't his?

Tracks of My Tears.

Yeah

God, so many, Nellie

No, no, no

Tracks of My Tears and what else?

What are some more? What's one more?

Okay, I'm not I'm not playing this game, Pam. Not today

I don't think you love Smokey Robinson.

all of this to prove how deep you are about music

Okay, I'm sorry that I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz or the Beatles.

You don't like the Beatles?

That's not the point

Eleanor Rigby? Paperback Writer?

You always think you have time to see these legends before they go.

What was I so busy doing?

It says here the Smokey Robinson dead thing is a hoax

It's on CNN as of two minutes ago.

Okay, well That's a relief

Wow, look at that

Says he's actually playing State College

That's only three hours away

Oh, my God, Ryan that's perfect.

You have to go

Tickets are 250 bucks.

$250 is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan

Yeah

Who's opening? Paul Anka

Paul Anka?

How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that?

Okay, you could just show up late, though

How much is parking like, 30 bucks?

That's not what Smokey would have wanted

Does want

Tears of a Clown. Don't call me a clown, Pam

You're better than that

Looking good, RC

I feel like I'm being strangled

like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation sex club over on I-84.

The Red Room, say or Dominick's

Robert, the Senator was going to wear dark brown tonight.

I'm sure it'll be fine

My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters

Robert California bought two tables for everyone here

These people were lucky to get seats

because it is going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district

but there is a distinct chance that we're all about to be killed

Well, as long as you don't want to alarm people

What's going on? There's a disgruntled ex-employee

sitting in his car in the parking lot

Oh, that's Andy. He's just hanging out

That's how workplace tragedies always begin

A middle-aged white male "hanging out."

Call the cops

Dwight, I don't think he's going to hurt anybody

How do you know? I mean, why do you think he's there?

what kind of weapon he has

Could be a knife could be a gun.

Could be a series of guns, all lined up to shoot parallel

I'm going up to the roof.

I'm going to bring my gym bag just in case

Everybody told me if I moved to America I'd be murdered.

Hey Hey

Just wanted to say hi and hear you say everything's normal

Maybe videotape you saying that so that everyone upstairs can see?

We think you might kill Robert

What?

Because he fired you, which means apparently you're living in your car now.

Guys, everything is fine.

I'm just here to pick up Erin. We're going to the fundraiser

Great. That sounds good

Wait, what?

You're going to the fundraiser tonight?

That's going to be weird

Why would that be weird?

It's going to be super weird.

He just fired you last week

Andy's just coming as my date

Hey, I hear you I hope you're right

It just seems like it's going to be really, really weird

Come in.

You really redid Andy's office, huh?

Yes, cut out the clutter.

Very simple, very minimal

I need you to sign these. We got a shipment going out

How are things in the warehouse?

You could go downstairs and ask them.

The warehouse isn't downstairs

Is it?

Who knew, right?

l

Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I

go from casual work friends to actual good friends.

The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me

Robert, the Senator and I wanted to stop by.

Hello. Robert. Robert, how are you?

And say hello - Hello.

Did anyone order a blast from the past with a side order of sexy?

Hi, Andy Oh, man, this is weird

Andrew Oh

Want to shake my hand, huh?

Because I want to shake your body

Where. Where do I look?

It's been so long since I did one of these things

Okay, all right

What's the question? How am I doing? Umm

Great

So, how's the talent?

Grey suit over there is sending a signal.

Downstairs is receiving

Is that Gabe?

Ladies

How come you look so decent all of a sudden?

Yeah, normally you look so stricken

Well, I'm embarrassed

I had to give up my hair gel

because it was giving me this angry rash on my scalp

And I just gave up on this low-protein diet

that I was doing for eight years, so

Ladies seem to like it, plus I'm getting, like, half as many bladder infections

Wow Yeah.

Wow You ladies look very pretty as well

Thanks Why is it that things are

their most beautiful in the autumn of their lives?

You had to say that

Sorry. Sorry. Thanks

Yeah

Creed, I just bid $20 on six jujitsu lessons

No one's raping this guy

Well, I don't want to get raped

No, it was my idea to not be raped Oh, well.

Wait, you think that jujitsu classes cost $22?

If you're going to play guess the price

you might as well try and be halfway accurate

$180

Whoa

Dwight, I don't think you understand.

You guess the price you win the prize

Have you never been to a Quaker fair before?

God

So, Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions.

guy in the office. Huh?

Because up until now we didn't have one

What haven't I been doing?

Gosh, just today I was working on this rock opera that I'm writing

although it feels more like I'm receiving it than writing it

Wow, that's exciting

But until you firm up the idea, you might want to keep it between us

The hero lives in this dystopian future

and he flies around in a spaceship that's shaped like a treble clef.

And he has to sing his heart out to destroy all evil

Sounds like you're doing all right.

A little better than all right, actually.

Really good

Have you thought about getting into photography?

Are you kidding me? 'Cause I'm way into it

What are you taking pictures of?

Children? Yes

Homeless people? Yes

'Cause in a way they're more real

...than the rest of us! The rest of us

This guy's having a breakdown

You know, Oscar, I really had no idea that you were so passionate about animals.

My dog, Gerald is my life. Really?

Well, if you want to get involved, call me

This is my cell

I'm more likely to pick up at night, say

after 9:00

Excuse me

This confirms three things

I'm right about the Senator, I still got it and poor Angela.

got the flowers.

That piece is so predictable

Daffodils in spring I wonder what's next

mistletoe at Christmas?

Yeah

Oh! It says, "You're welcome to take this home.'

Oh

Sweetie, you don't want that Even in your house, it's a little much.

Have you ever been to our house?

Not exactly, but I know the Flats

I'm going to say what everyone is afraid to say

Phyllis is a bully

A big, beautiful bully

And she is not getting that centerpiece

Step in right away and start

Bobby, Bobbo

You're a rock opera guy, right?

You like rock operas Well

You've got to check out this thing I'm working on

It's really cool

There's this character Thomas Oregon

and he wants to destroy all the guitars in the world

because he realizes that music is the one thing he can't control

So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure

Evil

Although he's humanized at the end

because he weeps uncontrollably and pees in his pants.

And the hero who is that based on?

Me, I guess

We're flying so high we're cracking the sky

Going to fly out of this dome My girlfriend and l

Hey, jabroni, show some class

She's right, Andy You're being a jabroni

You're being a Thomas Oregon

Andrew

I think this may have been a bad idea.

Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin

to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight?

Don't need you to pay for me. I'm doing just fine, thank you.

Why don't you quit harshing our mellow?

Andy, you should leave

Now

Excuse me

I would like to purchase two seats at another table, please.

I'm sorry. The tables are sold as complete units.

Then I'll take a table

Okay

And a high five

Let's do that again

Well, I just give a dollar to every charity

That way, you get all the mail, all the calendars.

You can't believe how much you get just for a buck

It's also nice to know you're making a difference

Jim and I give to the Red Cross

Are you sure you ought to be giving?

I mean, with your financial situation

Excuse me?

You ladies are as tangy as the salad dressing over there. I love it.

Oh, yes indeed

When

Whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa

Forgot a few salads

When

I stumbled into a very dramatic situation

Here, let me move this so you can see him.

Pam

Pam. Yeah

Angela's husband just hit on me.

Oh, my God I know.

Wait, what? Come on

We were talking about animals

He gives me his cell phone number

He was just dying for me to have it.

Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy because you are

but isn't it possible that he was just schmoozing a voter?

Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me

He wanted to rock more than just my vote

Okay

What was this look?

Whoa

What happened? Did he do it? Are you

Twice. For real?

Okay, guys. Not every glance means something, all right?

Life isn't Downton Abbey.

Life is Downton Abbey.

Here's what I'm going to do

I'm going to go over there I'm going to talk to him

And I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody

How much do you guys charge for one full-year gym membership?

Thank you

It's $475

Like candy from a baby

That's the third time you've asked me about my strategy

It's called "Guess the Price,' strategy's in the name.

Simplest game since "Touch the Rock."

Three-time champion

Almost four, but I touched the wood

Hey

David Wallace? Andy Bernard?

Hey, how are you? How you doing? I'm great.

How are you doing? Are you still with Dunder Mifflin?

No, got canned last week

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

No, best thing that ever happened to me

That's the attitude to have.

You know what? When I got canned I was lost, right?

I poured myself into this ridiculous vacuum for toys called Suck It.

Yikes. Yeah, exactly, right?

Then suddenly out of nowhere

the US Military bought the patent from me for $20 million

Point is, forget those guys

Okay? Move on

Good to see you, Andy

Call me a lay man, but I wish there was some real food here

You know like hamburgers

or Oreos, or a pizza pie, or

What's another food that we like? Tacos

What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos

Tacos. Right now

some tacos.

Brilliant

If you loan me some money

Yes, I can do that

For two tacos we probably need about

what, $20? Or $25? 20

30. $30

Yes, yes

I've never eaten a taco

I'm not entirely sure what they are.

As long as they're not slimy, and please, God, don't let them have eyes

So? Boom

This is interesting

Mm-hmm What is interesting?

he gives his cell out to everybody

Or you proved that he thinks you're gay

He doesn't think Jim is gay.

A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes

A gay man wouldn't leave the store wearing those shoes

Hey, you bought me these shoes.

Wait a second where's the centerpiece?

so I threw it in the garbage.

Really, Phyllis? You didn't just put it in your car?

Nope

Which garbage? It's not there anymore.

A man emptied the garbage into a bigger garbage

and then I heard someone say they were locking the garbage

You are out of control, Phyllis

Come on, sweetie. We both knew how this was gonna end

Before we bring out our guest of honor tonight,

we are very proud to introduce a great philanthropist, and a great guy,

Robert California.

Thank you.

Why do we love dogs?

Want me to tell you why?

There is no answer.

Our love for them confounds reason.

Do you believe this guy?

The State Senator Robert Lip\ton loves dogs.

He asked me if I loved dogs.

You know what I said?

Yes.

Not a joke. That, that was not even a joke

Bella here was a therapy dog for 10 years.

When her owner passed away, she came to this organization for placement.

But people don't often adopt older dogs.

So Bella and 11 heroes like her

are being cared for by our generous volunteers

because, frankly, nobody else will.

of those dogs

Andy, that's very kind, but...

No, no, no This guy can talk and talk all he wants

but it's not that complicated.

Andy, why don't we discuss this... No, no, no. It's about

being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around

Hello, everyone. I'm Andy Bernard

and I am going to take that bitch home.

That is a female dog reference.

This bitch understands loyalty

Sassy human reference

Thank you. I will take Bella

Aw

And every single one of her friends

Oh, God

This way

Hope you all learned something Okay.

Huey's going to need his medication once every 90 minutes.

You can administer it orally, but he's going to puke it up

So other end's best

Don't split up Daisy and Mojo because Daisy will start to...

I was going to say bark but it's more of a scream

I'm so ready to love all of these animals

This one's even bonding with me already.

a therapy dog.

He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis.

Stupid dog

If you would like to talk about this some more, my door is always open

So here's my office number and my cell number.

Thank you. Okay

Well, it looks like he really did just want

to talk about the issues I'm sorry, Oscar

No, sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here.

No, I'm certainly not disappointed that Angela's husband wasn't hitting on me

I'd have to be a monster to root for that

A lonely, aging monster

Tacos were on sale

Eight for $3

Oh, great

Okay

Oh. Oh. Oh

These tacos

Mm-hmm Mmm

Uh.

Mmm

Mmm. Oh

Huh

Mmm

Well, that's hit the spot

Um

Very savory

What do you do with the crispy holder?

Here, let's try this again

Here, don't put your finger in

Yeah, just hold it like that. Hold it to the side

Right Hold it to the side

Lean it to the side. Look at me, like this

She's trying

The winner of the three-day trip to the Skytop Lodge

is Dwight Schrute!

Yes

The year-long membership to Scranton Bikram Yoga is...

Dwight Schrute!

Oh, yes

Yeah

A one hour appointment with the "Kissing Magician" goes to Dwight Schrute.

Oh, yeah

Well, I think I can save us all some time.

Dwight Schrute has won every single item here.

Thank you very much

All I had to do was look up the prices, idiots. Suck it

Well, Dwight, yes, you certainly are a record breaker.

Your donation is the largest we've ever received

at over $34,000.

Speech

Come on. Speech, speech

Thank you.

Wow, I can't tell you

what an honor it is to support this

thing.

And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever.

But I want to ask you something.

When did it become all about the money?

When did it become about the flower arrangements?

And the white wine spritzers?

Hmm?

And all the dinner rolls?

You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

How many courses did we have tonight?

Two? Three, maybe?

If you chose the pudding.

These tables tarted up like Victorian whores.

Let's remember we are all here

for the dog society.

He's what's important, whatever his name is.

Not any of this.

So that is going to be my donation to you.

Thank you and good night.

Whoa

Uh

Oscar. Nice to see you again

It was lovely It was lovely

And don't forget to call. Okay

Thanks so much for coming

Why does this always happen to me? Ahh!

I just feel so bad for Angela

Apparently, there were some silly rumors going around tonight

We are very much in love

Very much in love

So it just goes on under here like this?

That's right

Oh, God. Yeah, you never get used to that.

Hey, just wanted to check in to see how you're doing.

He's great. We're all great

Twelve dogs

This is my life now I'm a dog nurse

Look at that one, though. He's smiling

Yeah, he should be It's his first day without a muzzle

This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

Absolutely, it's Yes

Awesome. I'm sorry

Are you guys nuts?

He's not doing great

He was fired

This is terrible

This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you

Not the best

You're right

He's right. I am a mess

This whole night I've been trying to convince you guys that I'm fine.

I guess I thought that if I could convince you that I'm fine, maybe

Maybe you would think it, too.

I'm sorry, it's just, l

in a lot of human conversations, so

Okay. Well, Andy, listen it's okay if you don't feel totally settled.

This is all very fresh

Yeah, I mean, admitting that you need help is the first step.

Yes, and also focusing on the positive.

Like, I got a lot of good things going on.

Yeah, like that rock opera.

You could always do that, right?

Yeah, I do. I have that

Yeah

You're going to be all right

No. No, he's not

Yes, I am

Thank you, Kev You're welcome

Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot.

And by sometimes I mean all times.

All the times

Every of the time

So, some of us ended up adopting those elderly dogs

It's been great

Pepper's been getting me out of the house Going on runs

My dog Ruby doesn't do anything

She just lays there all day

She's so chill

What do you feed her?

Well, I put out Pro Bow Wow but she barely touches it

She's so dainty

Is she sick?

How are her poops?

Doesn't really poop

It's perfect

Nothing to pick up

She just kind of lies there all day like a good girl.

but I have to prop her eyes open so she can see it.

Does she smell?

She smells horrible

It's unbelievable

But I don't want to put her in the bath

'Cause I'm afraid that she'll drown

People seem awful interested in you, Ruby

Guess they're just jealous, right?

Yeah, that a girl

That a girl

Man, that stinks