Original subtitles

This is Pam

Oh, my God, are you sure? Okay, okay, we'll be right there

Everybody

The balloon is falling - What?

There's this balloon that has been floating

in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever.

And

Okay, it's not it doesn't sound cool you just have to see it

Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either

But it's been up there a long time,

so it's become a pretty big deal

Wow. It's the end of an era.

You did a good job, buddy

Now it's time to come home

I remember when that balloon went up there I was still with Gil

We were so happy

When that went up there I had hair like Rapunzel.

How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin?

I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say,

"Look, a balloon.'

My Warcraft clan was still on speaking terms

My kid didn't have a face tattoo

of going back to school

And I was still just a paper salesman

This has been fun, Pam Thanks for calling us all down here.

Kill the balloon Kill the balloon!

Kill the balloon Kill the balloon

Hey

So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning

Who wants it? - Ooh! Right here

Right here! Pick me

Allow me to solve your problem then

Nellie

Mmm

Ugh! That is disgusting

Do you call that a King James breakfast pie?

What brings you to town?

Certainly not the Harry Houdini museum What a nobody

"Oh, look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack,

"let's build a shrine.'

No, I've come to work here.

What?

How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle?

She stinks of failure

The fact that she could show her face around here

is an embarrassment

an identical situation

Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome, I'm Tony

What?

Okay, I made a mistake I thought it might go unnoticed.

But, I'm Toby

You messed up saying your name?

It happens, okay?

So let's just find an empty desk for you

and I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in.

That one looks empty

No. It's Andy's office

Oh, is it?

I have one simple philosophy in business

if the seat is open the job is open.

It's how I came to briefly race a Formula One car

The three slowest laps ever recorded.

Another beautiful day in Tallahassee.

Good morning, Alonzo

Good morning, Erin

How are you? How's your family doing?

Bye

Look at this place. Five rooms and I get to clean them all

That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady

Her grandson's staying with us, too, because he ran out of money

Listen to me, bragging away

Nellie Robert

How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far?

So far, so good The water pressure in the hotel is marvelous

It is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it?

Mm-hmm

Now, let's find you something fun to do here shall we?

Oh, I've already found it

a natural next step It fits like a glove.

We have a manager

Do you really? Because it is 10:00

I've been in this chair for an hour

and no other manager has come and sat on my lap

Excuse me has anyone seen Andy this morning?

Yeah, that's weird He's usually here by now Right, guys?

Hello? Andy, it's Robert

Why aren't you at work?

Hey, Robert, I really wish I could come into work today

but I'm super sick.

Please come to work immediately

Okay, I'II try to come in, even though I'm really sick

with the Florida flu

He just hung up on me mid-sentence

I'm in Florida to get Erin

As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton,

and drove straight down until I hit the ocean.

My heart is my map

Turns out Tallahassee is about two hundred miles inland,

so I overshot a good amount

But still, not bad for a heart map, right?

Ew

Thanks a lot, BP

Not much we can do about this until he gets here.

Can't you do something about this?

Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim

Right

What is going on, and where's Andy?

And what is going on?

Erin, you got a package

ERIN I'm in the bathroom

Where's the postage? I mean there's no shipping label

Did you wash your hands?

Yes

Here I am, signed, seaped, delivered I'm yours

Andy, what are you doing here?

It's great to see you

Ah

Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton

because I love you and I want to be with you.

Where's the ring?

Hmm?

Where's the ring, Lancelot?

Would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second?

Sorry, Glenn

Um

Andy I am so happy to see you

but I'm not coming back with you

GLENN Why won't she go with him?

I don't know. Maybe it's because he's not that handsome

Hey

Don't listen

So what is going on?

That does seem to be the question doesn't it?

"Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady?'

So, who knows what's going on? Anyone?

You, yes, wait. I am very good intuiting names

Is it Chumbo?

a cross between "dumbo' and "jumbo

with a hint of "chubby.'

It's not a name

So no one can tell me what's going on?

Well, let me illuminate things for you

We are getting to know each other

"But why, my lady?'

Because I am your new manager

Robert, is Nellie our new manager?

This is an odd situation

But it's very interesting how it's playing out.

We live in this world of routines and rhythms

Kevin ate someone's lunch, Phyllis has a new necklace

Who is this woman?

I came in here simply trying to get to know you learn your names,

maybe have someone teach me the company song.

And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect

You leave me no choice

but to get to know you in a more intimate way

Hot tub party?

Performance reviews

How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us?

On first impressions, so I recommend smiling

It goes a long way with me

Erin, you really nailed the hotdogs today

Thanks. I've been reusing the hotdog water, so it gets more flavor.

It's only going to keep getting better

So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend, Jessica,

feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend?

Well, we're not really dating anymore

so basically, I mean I just have to

cross a few t's and dot a few i's you know.

So you came to get me but you still have a girlfriend.

I think you should leave young man

All right, technically yes. I am still technically dating Jessica

But when I realized that I wanted you back

and I drove down here

and I didn't want to stop until I saw you

You didn't even stop to pee? Gross!

Any luck?

No, he just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail.

Please leave a message

for Andy Bernard Include your name...

Oh, you're doing so good! Oh, my God, you're Superman over there

You should take it

It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are.

Nope, It's just work Not important

You know I can really feel this in my quads.

getting stronger

You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session

Just let it vibrate It's fine.

You could put it on silent.

I don't think it does that

Just go to preferences then click...

Proctology

Andy?

Jim?

Andy, where are you?

I'm home in bed I've been in bed all day

He's here in Tallahassee trying to turn my life upside down.

What? You're in Florida?

Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job.

What do you mean take my job?

Like, set up camp in your office

and is calling herself the manager.

Okay

Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me

but I'm not coming home without Erin

So, I'll talk to you later

Guys

We cannot do these performance reviews okay?

If we go into them you're basically

accepting Nellie as your manager

And trust me You do not want her as your manager

Trust you?

The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work?

Dwight should she be our manager?

I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm

Those who can't farm farm celery

And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever?

All right let's get going

First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet

Phyllis

Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable

being evaluated by someone I don't know

Oh

Okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are going to go

Dwight

I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect

I lost respect for you in Florida.

If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever

Dwight, I have completed your evaluation

You're getting a raise

What?

Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders.

You are our Atlas

and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?

There's no limit to what I think I deserve

Then you accept it?

Five percent, no less

Absolutely not

Seven percent

Six percent I know my worth

Raise isn't real

Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard

So, Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game,

do you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it.

Phyllis

Pam

So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you.

Really? Oh, yeah

The way you conquered your fear and came in here,

and now the way you sit there.

All very impressive

Um

Are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?

Yeah, she gave one to Dwight, Phyllis

Let me guess, you want one, too

Take the family to Disney Town

Land! World

It's not that I don't want Well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise.

That's not what I'm saying That's not... Sorry.

Jim, I told Andy to come in and yet he is still not in.

By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it

of her business experience

or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss

Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

Oh, God, nature, please

When two animals are having sex,

one of them is communicating a message to the other.

Nothing is This isn't very helpful

You're going to want to hear the sexual metaphor

Was that not the

All life is sex

And all sex is competition

Mmm-hmm

And there are no rules to that game

That wasn't so perverted now was it?

Was that it? No, that wasn't bad

My point is there is one person in charge of every office in America.

And that person is Charles Darwin

In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?

No. I would have said no

Hmm. Let's see. Review, review, review Yes, good stuff.

Here you go, have a raise

Oh, great

and take these raises, what are we saying?

That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job?

Shouldn't work like that

No, you know what? Nellie's right.

That is exactly how it should work

Darryl, this office is mine now

No. Yes

Yes. Sorry it's too late, I'm here. This is mine. Back off

Ow! Ow

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow

Well fought! I accept the outcome

Touch me and I'll sue

I've heard that's amazing when it works

Yeah. If I had my own

Andy, I care about you and I think...

Sorry. You go

No, go ahead

Well I was just going to say that

if I had my own fountain it would be two frogs

and they're spitting into each other's mouth

It's just stupid. What were you going to say?

Andy, you broke my heart

Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you

and to have to watch you date someone else?

You broke my heart, too

You broke my heart more recently and more often.

And I think at some point in my head it just sort of clicked

that we're not meant to be.

I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.

So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review

not by telling you what you lack

but rather asking you what it is you want

Really? Okay, we

Um

I like consistency in the manager's position No weird silent coups

Stuff like that I'm easy

That's not really what you want

What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two

Whoa

That's kind of condescending Would you say something like that to Jim?

Does Jim have to breastfeed?

Did Jim carry around those babies for what is it, 12 months?

Be honest Does Jim really get up in the night?

Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding

and Philip doesn't like a bottle

You must be exhausted

Fancy a nap?

No

Go on. Have a nap

Lie down right here

There's a blanket in here

Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau

No one will know

I'll wake you up

When you wake up, you will earn more money

I think you're amazing You know that, right?

Go on. Say it, "I'm amazing.'

I'm amazing

Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now

Andy is a nice boy

Really? Because you've been kind of a "B" to him all afternoon

I was protecting you because I thought he was no good

But I can tell you really like him

And he's willing to lose his job for you

In this economy, with Europe on the brink

Irene what would you do without me?

We're not your concern sweetheart

Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot

Why?

He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture.

Jim, time for your review.

No, it's not, because you don't really work here.

Why are you so staunchly defending

your friend who has abandoned you?

Wouldn't you rather come talk with me maybe, definitely get a raise?

See, that's the thing

can even give raises

Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinker Bell?

Yes I'm Tinker Bell

No

I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office

to bring a little bit of magic into your lives to give you all raises

And we are grateful

But here's the thing about Tinker Bell, Jim

everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist.

And then she dies. She dies

Now who here believes in Tinker Bell?

Let's see it. Show of hands! I do

Come on, everyone

All right, guys, stop

How?

Come on, Jim, you're killing her

We believe

We believe

Look at this wonderful recognition

of Nellie's leadership I believe!

That did not go how I wanted it to

Ugh

I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back.

Eggplant parm

It's biodegradable Animals will eat it

Andy, wait! Andy

Andy, wait! Andy, don't go

Andy, I love you! Stop

Oh. This is the wrong Prius I don't love you.

Erin I'm sorry.

Andy

Let's get out of here

Okay. Let's go

Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff.

No, I don't have any stuff.

Like your toothbrush and stuff. I don't have one

You don't have a toothbrush? No

How do you not have a toothbrush?

I just there's always one around.

You just use whichever one is sitting there?

Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush?

Of course, I own my toothbrush

I grew up poor. I had little formal education, no real skills.

I don't work especially hard

and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap.

And yet, I walked right into a job

for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited,

and somebody else already had, and I got it.

If you ask me, that's the American dream right there

Anything can happen to anyone.

It's just random