Original subtitles

Okay. Bye

Everyone, stop what you're doing I have terrible news

Dwight is no longer with us

What? What?

He's gone, damn it

He's been promoted to V.P. of Sabre Retail

and he's staying in Florida forever

So, he's alive?

Yeah. That was him on the phone He sounds wonderful.

Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead

How could I have been more clear?

He had a massive stroke of good fortune

and he is now in a better place.

If Dwight's not coming back does that mean we can open his treasure?

You guys we've gone over this there is no treasure

When the team left for Tallahassee

Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure

Don't touch my treasure

Okay? You understand?

Obviously he wants us to obsess about it There's nothing in there

Which is obviously what he would want us to think,

making it the perfect place to hide a treasure

Oh, God, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.

wanted us to realize

that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.

No, no, no

I am dying to know what's in there

Yeah, I know, Oscar. We all are. But nobody's going to open it

You'd have to be insane

Hi. Hello

Now carefully open the box

It's a photo of all of us

Oh, that's so sweet

A dart? Are you kidding me?

Who would put a poison dart Well, I mean, I don't know that it's poisoned

God, I'm glad he's okay though

Kind of sounds like he deserved it

opening another man's treasure and all. Wow

Well, Mister Ball it's been a pleasure Now, give my regards to he

All right! Well swung by VIPVP

I am loving the chemistry between you two

Dwight is going to be working alongside me

We are a regular Archibald and his man George

Trick! There's no such thing It's not even a real English duo

Ah

I just made you look like the Goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either

You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples

Pong

Oh, that reminds me Little something from all of us.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you, Jim That's so thoughtful.

Fore! Oh, yeah

He doesn't even care

This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight.

It's a weird feeling It's, um...

What's the word? It's not "bittersweet.'

It's "sweet." Yeah

Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada

You want the same as last year?

Would if I could and I can so I will

Put me down for one box Don't care what it is. Dealer's choice.

I'll put you down for shortbreads

Damn it

Knock, knock. Hey

It's Sasha's first year in the troop

so I'm selling cookies for her

Anyway, would you like some?

No. No What?

I've been selling here for five years This is my spot.

You can't claim territories This is the only place I interact with people

Why can't you sell it at your church or barbershop?

Or chess club?

You know what? It's your first time we'll split the office

You can have Sales the Annex, Creed and I don't know.

I'll just take Accounting

That's it? Yeah. Well, okay

Thanks, Darryl Okay, great

All I need is Kevin.

Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined.

And then some.

When I first started selling cookies, he was a relatively thin man

Not a thin man, mind you Relatively thin.

Hey, Lucy, I'm home Babaloo

Here, let me help

so busy at the store today Really good cheese nibbles

Irene hired me as her live-in helper

We met at the store launch.

I told her I was moving here and I needed a place

and it just sort of made sense.

I basically do everything for her.

I run errands, I do chores around the house.

I cook and clean.

Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me

When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer

Shallow end, deep end He does it all

Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene

I have to talk to my old boss, Andy

and tell him I'm staying in Florida

Oh! What kind of tea is this?

Oh, I boiled some Gatorade

Oh Oh!

In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right you see.

We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.

If I may

Try holding the putter you know, with your wrists here,

and your thumbs here

Oh

That's right Your little finger

Would you like to buy some cookies?

Cookies, eh?

Mmm-hmm Hmm

Oh, the spring time thinks that it's the best

And fall time thinks that it's the best

Cold time has kind of a strut

And Valentine's thinks that it's the best

But gather round, peeps I'll tell you the truth

Nothing beats the cookie season That's the truth

It's not a scratch and sniff, Kev

I know. But sometimes you still get a little something

Hey, you tricked me You just wanted Kevin

You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today

See you next year, sport

No, no, no, that's not fair What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?

I do See?

That doesn't mean anything Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?

Oh, I definitely do

Huh. Hit the road, Jack

No, you hit the road, Jack

Hey, guys, come on Don't fight over me.

Why don't we split the order? It's only fair

No, wait, no. I'm buying. I make the rules

I actually do want you to fight over me

wined and dined and sixty-nined

Ugh

Metaphorically sixty-nined Ew! Perverts

No offense, Oscar

Hop in! We have places to be! No rest for the wicked

All right so I guess this is it

Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always gotten along

And, at times, I've even hated your guts, but

Bye, bye. I win

Good-bye, Dwight

Robert! Race you to the clubhouse Gentleman's bet!

Whoo-hoo

Well, he's Florida's problem now

Oh, let Dwight have his fun.

Today will not be his day

What's that?

I'm going to tank the Sabre store

at the presentation to the board

I thought you liked the store

No, the store is lovely

You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line

Great job. Cheers

Thank you

But there's a reason we sell our products online and over the phone

Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim?

They're cheap, they're unintuitive

The Sabre store would work

if we adopted the carnival mode

of leaving town once everyone's wise to us

Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible

I couldn't just kill the project from the start Jo Bennett endorsed it.

Shame, though. I did like Dwight

Robert, I'm going to win! Ha-ha! I'm the gentleman Suck it!

Bravo, Dwight Very good!

Shame

DWIGHT The math is simple, folks

Deeper market penetration plus greater visibility will raise Sabre...

To the power of two To the power of two

How did that look?

I'm not just saying this,

that was the best thing I've ever seen

Told you

When you guys do that whole "power of two" shebang

how about I pop up also?

say "power of three.'

Actually you know what? Yeah, that actually works

You'd spin off right I'd spin off

You know what? That is a great idea

Cathy, write that down and print it out

It's going to make some really good toilet paper

All right. There he is

What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you.

Can I just talk to you for one quick second?

What? Your stylist ran out of messy spray?

Um, actually, it's for your own good I think we should...

You want to do something for my own good?

Turn around, walk out that door

Do not stop until you get to Scranton

Find my cell phone charger mail it back to me and then go to hell

Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?

Silence

I'm just trying to

I know what you're trying to do

But your face does look like the guy from Operation.

It's the same guy. That's the joke I made

Different guy You know what

I just think you should know

That you look like the world's tallest hobbit

Well, I tried. You saw it So, it's on the record.

Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy

Just open the program and type in his username

Can you just do it?

You type in your password

Erin, one, two, three

That's a terrible password

And you don't make a video chat

You video chat. All right

Hello.

That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop

Oh

Now mine's broken Hang on.

Oh, there we go

He said "l did like Dwight"? He's going to fire him.

No, no, no, I think it was more like

"I liked him, but I don't anymore

"because he did a bad job so I'm definitely going to yell at him."

Robert doesn't talk like that.

You have to stop Dwight from doing this.

He will not listen

Did you actually try your hardest?

Yes. My pretty hardest

Look, you haven't dealt with him in a while, all right?

He's like Super Dwight

It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight or something

Stanley, back me up

Don't talk to me

Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida

but he would back me up

If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him.

Just get the words out, that's all you can do.

Okay. All right

What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies?

You can't trust him to understand

the wants and needs of the thick man

Maybe Toby from two years ago.

Yeah That's true

If I have a question about my cookies at midnight

who am I going to call?

Darryl Toby's probably in bed with some model.

Thank you

I'm not going to comment on my personal life

Look, I need this. Okay, your daughter is a pretty little girl.

Let her go door to door

You think people are going to buy cookies from my chubby daughter?

Ooh

Baby, if you're watching this you're not chubby. You're beautiful.

Daddy's just got to sell some cookies

And we're also going to exercise more It's going to be fun.

Oh. You know what you have to do to decide?

You need to make them do things for you and buy you things

Or have them sing that song that the frog does in Looney Tunes.

Make them kiss each other

Make them kiss me

Ew

Yes, this is, too, tan

This right here. No

This is a tan spot.

I don't buy it. And that is a freckle. That is not a tan, okay?

I'm going to have to inspect it in person when you get back here

I want you looking totally Puertorriquena when I see you.

Well, Andy, I'm not coming back

What?

I have a job here. I work for an old lady.

Hello.

Andy?

Yeah, that's awesome That's great

Oh, baby, telephone

And tell me I'm your own

Okay, this is tough because Darryl,

you sang better and you danced better

but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star.

I think I've reached my decision

I've decided that you guys are going to keep doing things for me.

No, no, no, no It's not worth it

No

No, it's not worth it? That's too bad

Because I was feeling particularly hungry this year.

Yeah, okay, so what? You buy 40 boxes?

Hungrier

50?

Hungrier

You're not talking triple digits?

Oh, yeah I'm talking triple digits

Again

Hello, ma baby Hello, ma honey

Hello, ma ragtime gal

It's show time

Dwight

You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away you keep flying back

You're like an Amish return stick

Okay, great, listen listen to me.

No, no, no, no

Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?

Yes, you may tell me one thing Great

Wait, do you want to borrow money? Listen to me

Robert is going to veto the Sabre store

Jim, come on

Dwight, he's going to kill the store. Mmm-hmm.

And then I'm pretty sure he's going to fire you for it

Wait he's going to kill the store and he's going to fire me?

Yes

That's two things

Dwight, please Nice try, Jim.

Your pranks have never worked in the past

and they're not going to work today

Okay, first of all they've mostly worked so

You know what? You might want to get to the airport.

It's going to take you a long time to get through security

with all those beauty products Bye

Dwight, come on

Nothing is going to stop me That is the mark of a great man

Unstoppability

Dunder Mifflin, the farm Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a date with destiny

And from what I hear she's a

Help! Help

Gross, don't lick my hand God, why is there so much saliva?

All I had to do was think about pie

and my salivary glands did the rest.

Gross! What? What? What? What?

Oh, God, Jim! Oh! My appendix

I'm sorry

My wound hasn't healed yet. I'm so sorry I'm sorry.

Oh, man. I'm so sorry I forgot.

Are you all right? Are you okay?

Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him

He's not picking up

Looks like Shnoot's a no-show

Guess he wasn't vice prezzy material after all

But I am

Put me in, babe

I've got the info down backwards, forwards and doggy style.

I'm your man

Right. Let's begin then

Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce

the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mister Todd Packer

What's up?

What are you doing?

I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff

since apparently she's not coming back

and she didn't bother to tell anyone

We knew. Ryan told us

Ryan, why didn't you tell me?

Thought you checked my Tumblr

You never update it

Well, I updated it

Does anyone else think this is weird?

Like, kind of uncool, actually?

To leave us without a receptionist?

We'll find another receptionist

I mean, that's easy We'll be fine

What are you doing? I'm just trying to.

Get up. Get up

Okay. Okay

All right? I'm not going to let you by.

Then you know what? I'm going to just have to run right through you

Okay What are you doing?

Are you really revving up? You know that doesn't work

Jackie Chan

Go

Hi, this is Alex.

And this is Sam.

"Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us.'

Perfect

Now people w think I'm doing hot girls all day

They might think we're drag queens

Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that were also guys' names

Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?

Don't make me be your pony, Kevin.

Forget it, man

What do you mean? I'm out. So is Toby.

This may be wrong but there's a limit

to what I will do for my child.

Yeah. I have my dignity, too

another man's horsey

No, guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies

I'll do anything

Hello, my baby Hello, my honey

I'm even going to kiss Meredith

Mmm

That's so good

What are you doing? No, no, no, no!

This ends now This is dangerous.

Thunder slam

No

Anything else you need to talk about?

Nope. That was it

Once again, it's show time

What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea

which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on

and then, utterly botch it in execution

If I may speak to that

I have only been vice president

of this project for the last half-hour

so the man you want is Dwight Schrute.

I don't see Dwight

He clearly had the infinite wisdom

to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.

Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer

It is not his fault

Blame his upbringing His parents

The society that would mold this idiotic creature

Fire the employee, yes

But not the man

You may not cancel his soul

That was never on the table.

Are you kidding?

She's the queen of the whole frigging magilla.

And yet, Todd, it's you who's fired

Wait, I can't get fired I'm an institution.

company for 20 years

How many of you have been here that long? Huh?

Hey, hey, they're back

Hi! Oh, my gosh! Look at you guys

Dwight, what are you doing here?

I thought you were supposed to be in Florida

Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um...

Wow, you look great. Did you lose some weight?

Thank you. For someone who actually noticed this

no, I didn't lose weight but I started using my makeup

to contour my face to look skinnier.

I actually put on five pounds

Hey, good to have you back

Good to be back

Hey, stranger Hey

Oh, I missed you I missed you.

Oh

I'm going to Florida to get Erin.

Forgot to turn off my email It's crazy, right?

It's just when she said she was leaving

"You're about to close four tabs,

"are you sure you want to continue?'

Yes, I am sure

Ah! Slow computer