Original subtitles

Hey, Angela

you wanna see a picture of Philip

wearing those little booties you got us?

So cute

Hey, you guys wanna see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes?

He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these

Now, going out in the rain is all he wants to do

Oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby.

News flash, if you didn't carry

it around in your belly for nine months

it isn't your kid

Exactly

Unless you adopted of course.

That is where we disagree

Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet?

No. Three-month-old humans don't do that

My Philip is crawling

Angela is such a liar

It's maddening

Exactly, that's just like crate training.

All night long All night long

Well, count yourself lucky

Wait until you have two

That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide

I mean, you'll never sleep again

No one said you must have two

Like her genes are so important

The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA Thank you, no.

No, thank you

Check this out My brother just got a new sailboat

He has no idea what he just got himself into.

There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat

Am I right?

Unbelievable! Unbelievable

Unbelievable

It is the end of the day. It is the end of the week

We managed to fill 40 hours, somehow

That's not bad, is it?

That's great Pretty good.

Well, thank you this is very helpful feedback

Dwight, I am still not ready to name the V.P

That's not what I was gonna ask

Gosh, you jump to conclusions

Come on, I know. You've got so much on your plate

it's right now you're like

"Oh, what's more important Dwight's question figure out who's the V.P

"Dwight. V.P. Dwight. V.P.'

Dwight. V.P. Dwight. V.P

Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running?

Free them up to focus more completely on the menial

Like stacking and sorting, or

Catching butterflies?

That's a hobby. Unless it's for food

Theater A waste of time.

Dragging?

That's just a verb

Dragging sticks

Yes. Nice. Perfect

Dragging sticks

All right, I'm gonna eliminate three people right now.

Okay? Just. You three. No

Not good enough

English people's main use today is judging American talent.

"You're crap. You're wonderful.'

They're mean, but they're incisive

Everyone meet in the hotel bar at 7:00

I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory

So let's just call it compulsory

I'll be there at 6:00

Ugh. We're gonna have one of those crazy nights aren't we?

Maybe we'll see the real Talla-nasty

we've been hearing so much about

Talla-nasty. Very clever

Thank you. Wait, wait

You think she invented "Talla-nasty"?

No, no, no, no

Cathy? It's been great, fun, normal

gonna be hanging out with Stanley on this trip

but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon.

My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee

Would you like to get a cocktail?

Maybe go out for a little dancing? Beautiful day, no?

Okay, everybody. 5:00. Work day's over

Put your pencils down, and bring 'em back up

Because now, the late night work jam begins

Yes! The conference room is set up.

I've got pens, I've got paper I've got a whiteboard!

We are good to go

Say what?

We are good to go

Say what? Good to go!

Stop it Andy

Tonight, we're staying late to service the accounts

of the people who went on the Florida trip

Yes, of course we could have just

been doing this the whole time,

but someone dropped the ball

Ball droppings can be beautiful

For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor.

Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass

Jason Bourne has no support staff

his own government's out to get him.

Genghis Khan could take 'em both down,

'cause he's not afraid to kill children

What? It's true

He would eviscerate babies and hang them

from poles outside of the villages

Okay, drinking game The count of three, take three sips

That's a stupid game I got a great drinking game Okay?

Everyone, empty your pockets

Whoever has the most seeds is the king

whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback.

What happens if you're the hunchback?

Oh, you get kicked

How many buttons do you have?

Forty. Always

Can I see? Sure.

So I get to kick you now

No, they're not transferable just 'cause I handed them to you.

Well, that's how I played it in college

College rules

And he lost at his own lame game

Ooh! Double meaning

The game was lame and now he's lame from the kick.

Quick wit. Thank you

a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please.

And I will have a waffle With your maple-iest syrup

Sorry, no waffles

Okay, just forget it then Forget it. Forget it?

Waffle?

A hotel waffle. I know what I wanna eat

Is that crazy? No

I'm moving down here you know

Oh. No, I didn't know

I'm young and I can

And if I can't, I'm still pretty young

You come with me We're gonna get you that waffle

Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying here in Florida

if she didn't want me to make some sort of last ditch, nothing-to-lose

Kelly Ka-who run at her?

Hey Hey

Watson Carpet & Tile

One order

Order reference number 00983-126

Eight cases Bright White Inkjet

Paid

I'm dying

Processed And delivered.

Sometimes I get so bored I just wanna scream

And then sometimes I actually do scream.

what the situation calls for

Hey, I see what you're doing It's futile The V.P. position is mine.

Oh, please, you're through

She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight

The cowgirl has chosen her saddle

Well, saddles

...sometimes fall off

Especially if you don't properly cinch the girth

What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me.

If anyone's having sex with Nellie for personal gain, it's me

And I'm not joking at all

If you don't tighten your saddle you may fall off.

Who is ready for dinner?

"Oh, I bet it's pizza or tacos or something stupid."No

I went south of the border for this

and then I went south of that border

and we have ourselves a Jamaican feast, man

If I wanted Jamaican food l'd just hire

a bunch of bodyguards and go there

Additional trivia factoid this food comes to us through Val,

and our server is none other than Brandon her boyf.

Hey

How you doing, guys?

Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there

Crazy stuff

Oh, no. I'm not actually Jamaican

Terrific

What's up, man? I'm Darryl

Oh, Darryl I heard about you

You doing good? Oh, yeah

You must be doing real good since you're * my girlfriend.

Whoa

Dude, you didn't tell me you were * Val High five!

I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend

Brandon, what the he are you talking about?

Don't play dumb with me I know what's up.

Honey, I am not sleeping

Hey! Hey. Let's get back to the food

Brandon, tell us about these delicious-looking goops

Hope you all like goat

Goat

Blow in my ear. All right

Like I'm on the beach

A seagull

And a wave crashing

A wave crashing

Oh, that is lovely

All right, that's gonna do it for me tonight

Have a lovely evening

Hey, how's it going?

Good. The heating system, though, in my room is all messed up

It's like 90 degrees in there

Maintenance is working on it Can I hang out in here?

Uh... Yeah, I'm just watching basketball

Okay. Yeah. Okay

Cool

Is this March Madness? I love March Madness.

Oh, no. That's not this. Because that's in March

This is just the NBA professional.

Miami Heat, actually. So

LeBron James Yes

Nice, good word association

Impressive

Oh, please anyone can tie a knot

The real skill is in untying it

Thornwood Wholesalers

One order

I read the texts you sent to Val, man

That's messed up

Is this spicy?

No, baby girl. It would be messed up

if I didn't find anything But I did, so

I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text

it was about some paper emergency or something

At midnight?

It happens

Like, a hospital needs more napkins for surgery

You guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way.

I think we just need to be grown-ups here. Thank you

I think we're gonna need to hear those texts

Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before?

No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving.

Something interesting is happening here

For once in my life I am staying here.

Darryl, read the texts

Yep? Coming

All right Hey. My minibar is oddly out of rum.

We have plenty

Oh. Hello.

You wanna watch the game with us? We're watching a game

The Heat game It's just a game.

Got it. Good night

Careful, Jim it gets easier and easier

No. No, no. Stanley? Stanley. Stanley?

Stanley. All right. Hey

You know. Just bring back those bottles!

Huh. The lights are still on.

Yeah. They keep them on, 'cause it's

less expensive than turning them on and off

I like how guys just know stuff all the time

Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay?

And nobody knows more than you

Especially me

Hello, waffle iron

Hello! What do we have here?

Okay, so the recipe says we need

a mixing bowl, a measuring cup

Get down

It's the fuzz

Do you want us to get scolded?

Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth. Please

"I got too much ice cream you want some?"

"Getting my fry on.'

Boring

"The moon is huge tonight.'

Gosh, the moon one's damning

Yeah, sorry

That's regular text talk

You forgot one

"You're such a great friend.'

With the dots

"You're such a great friend dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.'

Five dots, Darryl? Are you kidding me?

Okay, 'cause three dots means to be continued four dots is a typo.

But five dots means "Whoa, do not

make me say what I want to say, baby

"but if I did it would blow your mind dot, dot, dot, dot, dot."

See? Yes, thank you, sister

Brandon, Darryl and me that's ridiculous

Right? Yeah

Totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it.

I'm stranded on Shutter Island over here

You look like Ed Harris

If they stretched him a little bit...

You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree?

Uh.

Excuse me

What? Not now. I'm busy

I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know

that I saw a bedbug in my room.

But never mind. Sorry to interrupt.

Wait, wait, wait, wait Bedbugs?

Oh, no

Freak, I need a favor

Well, then you have to call me by my name Gabriel Susan Lewis

I've gotta be gone for a few minutes.

You make sure that Packer does not sleep with Nellie.

What's in it for G.S.L.?

You really want Packer as your boss?

Got it

If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere

I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms.

Our biggest attraction is our 200-hundred-year-old mattresses.

Where did you see it? In the bed

Well, I haven't seen anything

We gotta find it before it eggs.

Jeez

Describe it Brown, shiny, painful bite

Could be a bat weevil

Describe its mood. Did it seem sleepy?

Stressed, but to be fair it was a tense situation

Fair enough But after it bit you did it run away fearful?

Or did it walk away smug self-assured?

So smug. Like he thought it was funny. Like this

That's a bedbug. Yeah

Everything's a joke. I know

Check your hair

God! It's so greasy You should just shave all this

Just check it

You are clean. Okay

The one thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide

I am gonna generate myself into a human trap

When I jump into the bed you are gonna

cover me with the sheet immediately

And then, we'll see who's laughing

All right

Yeah

Cover me

Is this really necessary?

He knows what he's doing

Let the bedbugs bite

God! I feel so gross I have to go take a shower

All right then I will catch you later

What do we do now?

We wait

Come to Papa

No

No, I wasn't bitten

Okay, well, maybe it's not warm enough in here

It's plenty warm

And I was farting continuously under the sheet

creating a kind of a greenhouse effect. Come on

If there were any in here, they would

have imbedded themselves in me

You know what? Maybe they just ate

No, you're good. Clean bill of health

Besides, I gotta get back downstairs

I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long.

Okay, well, they're fine, they're adults

No. That's the problem

Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the V.P. job, unless I do it first.

Is that really how you want to get this job?

Such a chorus girl

Okay, Dwight? Dwight? Dwight, Dwight, Dwight

Uh.

Is "crazy" gone?

Oh

They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore!

Aw

Pathetic, huh?

A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.

Hey

Yep, one Death by Chocolate one Bananas Foster.

Okay, cool. Thanks

Wait, this is why I exercise like a fiend

Feel. Seriously

Okay. All right

I'm really sorry. I just have to say it

I'm married

I'm very happily married

Oh, my God, what are you thinking?

Um

How little do you think of me?

I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I misread things

Okay. Let's just go back to watching

Can you without running to the other side of the room all night?

Yes. I can. Uh

All right. I'm really sorry

I think we'll just We'll just watch

You can watch, not watch whatever you wanna do.

Take another shower I don't care. Okay.

Whoo

Hey, Darryl, you okay?

She's got a boyfriend

Play it cool, man She'll come around

No, you should go for it. Mmm

I mean, nothing would've happened with me and Jim

if he didn't put himself out there

Yeah, but my friend Jim would tell you to play it cool

My husband would tell you to go for it

Hey. Hey Hey. Hey

This is fun A lot of fun.

I know. Can I give you a compliment?

I'm really impressed by how much you've grown

Since I met you it's like night and day

You should move down here with me Yeah?

We could be roommates Really?

We could get a dog we could go to R-rated movies

And who knows, I mean you're a guy, I'm a girl.

Yeah

Maybe in six months, we'll see. Six months

Okay. I'm in love with Kelly

Put your forehead near mine and see if you can read my thoughts.

Okay

Seven, one, one

Nine No, no, no not numbers. No

No, okay. Try again

Okay

I'm still getting numbers Seven, one, one...

Is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven, one, one?

Please stop. Okay?

Dwight, give me a key card to your room

Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time

Wait, the numbers

There you go I will see you in seven

Seven minutes

Nellie, wait

Let me write my room number on the card

Win at all costs. Don't respect women.

These are the tenets p was brought up with, and they have served me well.

But my ancestors never worked in corporate America.

They were farmers, and before that, hunters,

and before that, time travellers, and before that, me again.

At least that's how the legend goes.

The point is, they never had to worry about how they got ahead.

They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past

1434-967, paid

It has been processed

It has been delivered

That's it, last one

Andy, this has been an amazing night. Epic

Cool down fiesta begins right now

I got decaf coffee No way

I've got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion.

Hey

Can we just like never talk about it again?

Sure Okay, thanks.

Hey, just so you know me and you,

I don't think that's ridiculous. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot

All right. Now I think it's time for you to go

What? Jim

I thought we talked about this You're cool, right?

Cathy! Go

Where's the bug? Awesome

Stand back

Stop it! Oh, my gosh! That burns! What is that?

It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off of the maid's cart.

Oh, my God! Dwight, there

Oh, God! Stop it! Stop it

Big one! Big one

Stop it

Nice job, I think you got him.

You can't stay here this place is a biohazard

If I were you I'd just bunk with Cathy

Second best Bananas Foster I've ever had.

Yeah, what's the first best?

Dwight?

Hello? Dwight?

Is that Nellie? Don't!

Are you in there?

on under your door

Hello?

Oh, look at that

The light went off just as I said the light went on

Hello? Dwight?

Dwight?