Original subtitles

Ho-ho

Look who's back reporting for duty Hey, guys

Hey Hi

Pam! Ha

Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant

Bam! Bam! Bam! Pam

Are you glad to be back?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could have used another week, or three

You still had eight weeks more than we did.

Well, it's not exactly a vacation

Hello, everyone! Remember? Little old me. Hi

What are you doing here? You just had our baby.

Our collective Dunder Mifflin family baby four days ago.

I wanted to come back to work.

Not everybody needs some long, luxurious, Parisian maternity leave

Damn, girl! Your body! What?

Angela, you look amazing

Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros

Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me, so I made some treats

I've got brownies and magic cookie bars

Mm-mm-mm

Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts.

You're allergic to walnuts right, Kevin?

Extremely, but I'm going to fight through it

It's okay, Angela. I have mommy brain, too

what that is, Pam

special for you, Kevin. Right here.

When did you find time to do all this?

Babies sleep a lot, Pam if you feed them enough

Brownie, Pam?

Thank you

Oh, my gosh It's really good

I'm watching my weight

Say, guys, you know what's an even more useful treat is cash. So

Nope. It's over. No. Okay We wanted to say thank you

Dwight, I have exciting news for you What?

going to like it

You can't tantalize me

Oh, maybe I can

I got an e-mail from corporate

that told me Okay.

...that you got a promotion

Right? I mean, that's not the kind of thing you want to read quietly at your desk

If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear

No. This is legit

You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks

to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah Yeah! Yeah!

The Schrutes have a word for when

everything in a man's life comes together perfectly

"Perfektenschlag.'

Right now, I'm in it

I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate

a competent team I am likely a father

I am so deep inside of perfektenschlag right now

And just to be clear, there is a second definition

"perfect pork anus,' which I don't mean

And here's the fax for you

And here's some facts for you

Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs?

And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes

Love to learn. Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one.

So

Yeah, look at that We're pin twins.

Pin twins

This is a gift from Jessica Kind of a gag gift, really

Real gifts come later

Yeah. That's cute

When I saw it at CVS it made me gag, too. Just

For a while there, I thought something would change, but nope.

Andy's still with Jessica

They even carpool together most days.

I don't know.

I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy,

but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica

What do we have here?

Val knit me a beanie.

But I can't tell if it's a "We're just friends" beanie

or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it popping" beanie

So I'm going to up the ante

Give her a clearly romantic gift.

And we'll get to the meaning of the beanie.

Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear

make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded

and join me for a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida

where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks.

Really? Mm-hmm

I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque

Ooh, me three

No plus ones. This is for competent workers only.

And don't worry about the cost. Sabre is footing the bill

Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about?

God, you're such a spy.

Notice anything different about me?

You're wearing the beanie. You like it?

Super comfortable Like sweatpants for my head.

It's really itchy

uh, but to be fair, my head is constantly itching

so I can't really peg it on the hat

Wow. It's like the Nation of Islam down here.

don't hate.

Who's that for?

Oh. This is a gift for my man Nate here.

What? Yeah

Darryl, you shouldn't have

Can I open it? No, no, no maybe just later

Ah, I can't wait I'm sorry. I'm too excited.

Darryl

Wow. Those are really nice

They're so elegant

Cashmere How did you know?

Just a hunch

Your gift is on the way

Can't wait

"I'm glad you're in my life Happy Valentine's Day."

Darryl, I am glad to be in your life, too

Your card is more beautiful than the gloves

My first task as special project manager Dwight Schrute,

assembling a crack team.

I need people who are loyal,

people who will help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community.

People who won't be missed.

We don't need idiots.

Good for nothings.

Meth heads.

Or...

What's your name?

Cathy Cathy.

I just got a text from Robert California that says

"Bring your clubs to Florida."

Why? Does he think you're going to Florida?

I hope not. Because I am not going.

Two question marks?

No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive

You know, it's like "Well, what?"

Just do one

You want to take Darryl Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar?

Yes

Can I interest you in someone less essential?

Like a Creed or a Meredith perhaps?

Oh, my God They're not expendable exactly

I can't think of the word I'm trying to find

Are you kidding me?

I'm supposed to get on an airplane with those nincompoops?

We'd never make it off the runway

All right, look, I got to keep this office functioning somehow

so I have put together a list

Here's your team

Darryl and Phyllis you can have

You're also taking Cathy Kelly and Kevin.

Oh, God. You have your team

Kevin? Kelly? Cathy?

Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links

Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have

And now I no longer own an Arctic Wolf

Well, let's hear it

"Robert, hey," exclamation point I like it so far

"Got your text Awesome idea

"Let's hit the links the next time you're in PA. -J.H.'

It's perfect. You emphasize the golf, completely omit the Florida

Yeah, it's a golf text

Total golf text. Send it

Done. Wait, I just feel weird I should just call him

You want to call someone that texted you? Do you want to drive them away? I mean

This is Darryl

Sorry, I asked for the main shipment number.

I just need the address for the warehouse.

my girlfriend some flowers.

Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val?

Yeah. Do you know her?

We're friends We're friends

Cool. So can I get that address or...

Yeah, yeah. Sorry I'm just looking for a pen

Why do you need a pen?

Back off I got my reasons

May I have your attention, please?

Could Cathy, Phyllis, Darryl, Kevin and Kelly

please join me in the conference room immediately?

Why? No big deal

It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three-week

all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida

Hell, yeah What?

I'm sorry, Stanley. I can't share any more details with you

You see Andy rejected you

Wait Cathy gets to go?

Why does she even still work here? Pam is back.

It just feels like a slap in the face

I can understand your pain. And your rage.

But you know what? Andy is an honorable man

Let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons.

We're not questioning his reasons. I just want to know what they are

I know. You and me both, brother.

It seemed kind of random to me

but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime.

Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation

Sometimes Batman's got to take off his cape

Good point. But we're going to be working pretty hard until 5:00 p.m

After that, it's going to be beach volleyball trips to Cape Canaveral

and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan

What were the criteria for going?

It might be innate goodness versus innate badness

But there's an easy way to find out

Oh, Andy, got a few questions for you

Moshi moshi.

Uh, the Florida picks got out,

and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked,

and maybe you could just clarify

Uh.

Well, the deliberations were confidential, so I feel like we should respect that.

Respect it? You're trying to tell me

Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson?

Hey Okay, it's obvious

that Andy picked the people that are least important to the office.

Important? Because you and your enormous monster baby

are so important to the branch?

My baby is not a monster

Hey, be proud of your enormous monster baby

an enormous monster baby

Guys! Guys! Guys

Come on, seriously, we cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys

Stop calling us "guys"

when I'm nervous, guys

Guys, guys, guys. Guys. - Stop it

Stop! Stop it! Andy

Dudes

The dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me

Okay, hey, I specifically remember

that there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered.

Uh.

If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me.

Every shirt that I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama.

I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice.

Okay. I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly

so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida,

I'm happy to hear you out. Great idea

So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours

come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida,

and Andy and I will listen to it.

No, that is a ridiculous waste of time. For you maybe

Five to six hours? Three to four hours

No, no, no, no. No. Just two to three hours

Come up with a statement over the next hour.

Thirty minutes

I'm out

Okay, read it back to me

"Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida,

"but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets.'

Good. Doesn't sound pushy You're just stating a fact

Absolutely Works for me

Okay. Sending.

Well done. And we managed to kill the entire morning

We really did

He responded, "L.O.L.'

I am already...

I already picked my team, Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby.

And that is the team that I am taking.

What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence?

Well, that's all Baltzer Glattfuelder had

and now no one eats owls for Thanksgiving

You have two young dynamic people in this office

who know trends who know youth.

That's myself and Kelly Kapoor you need one of us there

Or both? Not both. Just one. Me

Or if not me, Kelly Ideally me

Again, youth knowledge

that's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team

Or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks

Very impressive

He put a lot of work into that. Mm-hmm

PowerPoints are the peacocks of the business world

All show, no meat

Because I feel like that I am in a place with my gambling rehab

that I can finally start going to dog racing again

You know, just sitting watching, enjoying the sport

Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something

Okay. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know.

Thank you. When do we leave?

Thank you

It really has been a long, lonely winter

Wow. Seasonal affective disorder, a.k.a. SAD.

That sounds like a very real thing, Toby

It is real. Thank you for saying that

Yeah, wow, it's almost like

we're not all experiencing the same winter

Florida Stanley smiles Florida Stanley is happy to go to work

Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team

It's still... Well ...she does here

Hey, guys. Any spots left?

Erin, you want to go to Tallahassee?

I think it would be a nice way to clear my head

You know, I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head

any more than it has been already

a workplace where

the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality

Either or

But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go

Well, it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in

Really? Oh, great. Good

Now, is it too dark to say that Cece's having an operation?

I think you need to go to Florida.

It's only for three weeks

You know, with my mom and sister at the house, it'll be

A total nightmare

because I'll have all the help I need

Yeah, that's what I'm saying They're incredibly helpful.

You're lucky to have them

With them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone

Exactly

Well

No. No! Absolutely not You are not going! Over my dead body, no. Andy

Toons, I'm really sorry

You're too essential to the operation here I can't let you go.

I wouldn't say that That's a bit much

You know, Dwight if you didn't want me to go

the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation

That way, I couldn't go

Jim is essential Hold on. I just want to get it on camera.

Andy, Jim is just too

Essential

This is stupid! Cut

All right. I'm going to pack my trunks

He doesn't even want to go.

Well, I got a text from R.C.

inviting me to come down so I think that's going to make us roommates.

Oh, my God

Hey, quick question, do you shower at night? Or do you shower in the morning?

Because I want to shower when you're showering to save some water

Okay, listen up, everyone Here's who's going to Florida

Cathy What?

Stanley. No

Ryan. No

Erin.

And Jim

You got to be * kidding me. Okay

Okay

Florida group, welcome to the team

Let's go

Step it up, you runts. You infants. Let's move

Why is it so hot in here?

Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice, temperate Florida morning

Eighty-five degrees 73% humidity.

This is the exact environment that you will be facing

for the next three weeks of your life.

Welcome to Special Projects orientation.

The next three weeks of your life

are going to be the most miserable you've ever faced.

They're going to be hard They're going to be dirty

You're going to wish you were dead

But?

"But?" There's no "buts.'

That's it. You'll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed

Do you want to stay here? No. No. I want to go.

Because if any of you would prefer to stay here

all you need to do is ring this bell

Is that the buzzer from Taboo?

Shut up, maggot It is.

You don't want to go ring the be

Ring it. Ring it

How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance?

How did a mosquito get in here?

I released 300 mosquitoes into the conference room.

Just temporarily

When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes.

Yes. And then he brushes your soft supple cheeks

with his worn leathery hands and says

"I'm going to make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblat!'

Unless you ring the bell. Ring it

No. Ring the bell

You want to spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags?

Huh? Do you? Ring it What? Ah.

What was that? Mosquito

Orientation's over

Darryl, hey

Hey, what's up? You called?

Yeah, you know, I felt really terrible

that you got me these lovely gloves, and I didn't get you anything

It's cool, really

No, it's anything but cool.

Now, I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but

here goes

"This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster attack."

Yeah. They're Nate coupons or Nate-pons And they're all different

Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum

any time, any place I'll find you.

Thanks

Nice flowers

Thanks. They're from my mom.

Your mom?

Yeah

Oh

So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address.

Real deep-voiced woman

Yeah, that's her

She said her name was Brandon, I think

Your mom's name is Brandon?

Yeah, Darryl. My mom's name is Brandon

out where I stand

This is a love beanie

Okay, Florida team let's reconvene.

I'm going to Florida And I'm not coming back

So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate.

So what is this special project?

Basically, Sabre has tasked us with

helping them branch into the retail market place

They want to set up their own version of an Apple store.

That sounds awesome

It did. It did

You know what might be great?

Is if instead of a genius bar, we have a lounge area

where people can ask questions about the product

with other customers who liked it

Yeah, and they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers

before they see you, so you don't have to carry it around like a dope

Like a coat check

Oh, don't write it down unless you like it

Oh, I like it

It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party

so I think our question is how do we make this a better party?

No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that.

They need to be all business Let all the other stores look like a toy store.

Right. Think different From Apple.

Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us?

Yes

What are my expectations for the group?

I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player.

Ryan, who is capable of surprises.

Erin, an excellent follower.

And Cathy, a probably not totally useless enigma.

And, well, Jim.

Under the right manager that's not a bad team.

Perfektenschlag

I'm going to live here without you

Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair?

I just realized I'm not going to need it down there

Yes, I will take your coat.

And I will keep it with me

and I will sleep with it because it smells like you

No, no, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair

All right Bye

Bye. Call me when you land I will.

Safe travels

Goodbye for a very very long time.

Okay

It's only three weeks

All expenses paid

Yeah. Jim's going to be there.

That marriage is not good Nobody knows better than me

Definitely, we will

It's three weeks in Tallahassee. What else is there to do?