Original subtitles

Oh... Oh

What is this?

A meatball? Really?

It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience

That was usually Pam

So now that she's out, I had to find someone else

Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan

But not everything makes him laugh.

He has very specific tastes.

Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I found out what he likes.

And it's really weird

Jim, come on. So juvenile

What the

You've been meatballed

Are you ready for some meatballs?

Oh, man

This is not very clever, Jim

I know Look for your stapler

Really, Jim? Really?

Very funny

Okay, good night

What's the haul?

Thirty-two meatballs

Good day

That idiot's been feeding us for a week

We'll never have to buy meatballs again

Dunder Mifflin

Jessica, hi, how are you?

Yay, that's so great to hear

I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on.

They have their life and I have mine

I'm taking an Italian class

So far, I have learned tortellini spaghettini, linguine.

Well, it's not so much a class as a restaurant

But I do Monday Wednesday, Friday from 7:00 to 9:00

I will patch you through right now

You sound really pretty today. Okay

Jessica, I love you

That's a message from my mom

My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so

they gave me this old family ring to use on her

Pump the brakes, Bernard

Too early, I get it I just... You know

I'm just carrying it around seeing how it feels.

I haven't proposed to anyone in years

Mom took the main diamond out She thought that had more of a

"my little brother" kind of vibe to it. But

Whoa. It's pretty nice

Got a little bit of The Shining vibe, though

Who needs a house that size?

Big, stupid, pure chump bait

I'm selling the house actually.

No, there's a glare from over here

Oh, wow, that's magnificent

It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state,

and I've got the most expensive house on the market.

The 1% are suffering too, people

I bought it to be my Playboy Mansion

A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue

This was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you.

Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own

Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place.

The ultimate insult they're calling

my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room

Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?

I'm sorry. I thought you were making a joke

What could you possibly have found funny in what I said?

What was the joke you thought you heard?

I guess I thought you were approaching it

with more of a sarcasm than misery

Kind of laughing at your own pain

Sad clown thing

Oh, yes. How hilarious it is

to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of a dying circus industry

Very funny, Jim. I get it

Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the "grumpies" in here.

A beautiful monster cost me my 40s and my dream home

I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day

Well, please tell Susan we all say hi

Dude, what if since you're feeling grumpy

we all swing by tonight and check out

your indoor pool? Kevin, no

Like some sort of last hurrah?

Yeah. All of us in the pool saying hurrah.

Maybe the last one that says hurrah is "it.'

Well, I suppose someone should enjoy the place

before I hand it over to the staging experts at RE/MAX tomorrow.

Let's try this

Everyone, tonight, my house wear a swimsuit

Let's just call it a get-together

And let's say no food

Hey, Oscar, was that you who just

created a party out of thin air or was it me?

That was you, Kevin

It was me

You going tonight, kiddo? Because I can give you a lift

Oh, I don't know Meredith, it seems like

you shouldn't drive maybe ever

It's no problem. You live right near me

How do you know where I live?

Andy followed you home after the Christmas party

Why?

He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you.

Oh. Come on

Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker.

Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend,

a restraining order

It is warm

It's almost too warm

I'm feeling 82, 82.5

Oh. So close. Eighty-one

Well, we'll say it's 82 and it'll be our secret

Hey, late guy Hey

Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to

A wife and two kids at home party Oh

DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.

You're looking at the master of leaving parties early

The key is you have to make a strong impression

so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar

non sequitur that people remember

you want to note something unique, a talking point for later

I don't mean to brag but New Year's Eve, I was home by 9:00.

Robert, I just wanted to grab you for one second

This place is amazing by the way.

You should see the whole thing

That's beautiful. I'm going to e-mail that to you

I'm just about to give the tour

AII right. Well Join us

You must see what you were laughing about.

Wow

Yeah, that's some pretty serious poolage

What are you doing? Hmm?

Flicking a bug off my weiner.

Gross

I'm getting a drink Do you want anything?

No, I'm good

Funny how you can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely

Hi Hi

How is everything? How's your car?

It's great, you know, reliable, great mileage

Is that so?

How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something?

Maybe get caught in the rain

Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica

Couple of dopes on the slopes.

Oh. Like a goodbye trip

No. What?

Hey Hi

I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend.

But if he was jealous once before

then maybe I can make him jealous again

Just not with Robert

He told me he was a ridel wouldn't survive and I believe him.

Wow. You made it. Yeah. Yeah

Uh-oh. Look at this Red plastic cup, red plastic cup.

How about that?

You know, you are just as dumb at night

Mmm

There is... This would be no problem

No! Show me. All right

Dive in from here right now. Okay.

Hey, Dwight Snoot What you doing? Wait, relaxing. Scram

God

Hey, Stanley, what happened to my pants?

I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there's a person in them

Come on, don't you want to play?

Oh, really? Yeah.

You want to play you little hick?

Dwight

Awesome - Dwight!

Here we have the parlor.

would set down their coats

and symbolically their inhibitions.

This was the gateway

You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge,

but beyond it you are simply a penis a vagina, a hunger, an ache

Susan used it as a Pilates studio

Holy cow

My wine collection

How many bottles? Three hundred?

About 1 ,200.

What the hell grab a bottle.

Less inventory for the lawyers

Toby, ChÉteau Margaux, '95

You know your wine

Well. And you have a Yes, another ch√¢teau

Robert, you are too kind

Oh Too kind doesn't begin to cover it.

With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night you and me

And Gabey makes three

Robert, thank you. Thank you for this, thank you for all this

This night's been magical

Jim, come see this next room

especially would like it

Really? Why? I don't know

Maybe not. Just come

Do you regret attacking me now, hick?

Huh? Dwight. Stop it. I was flirting with you

I was trying to use you to make Andy jealous

I'm not going to help you

Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty?

Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it!

Stop. You stop

No, you stop. No, you stop

Is he looking? You can stop

Okay, you can stop No, no, no he's not looking.

You can actually stop

Whoa, you guys

I just found this insane engagement ring

Is anyone missing this?

The main stone's missing

It looks pretty great to me

I pictured myself here every night

eating a leg of mutton, the juices

dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls

Then I met the vegan

Good night. To the kitchen

To the kitchen To the kitchen

To the kitchen

Onward - Toby

what's compelling about this is the note of persimmon

Right? Note?

It's a symphony Okay.

You have to join my wine tasting club.

Toby, you are playing a dangerous game

I guess I'm through the gateway now though, right?

You know

I don't think I've ever been in this exact angle before.

I'm scared of firsts but I like it.

You guys got to try this pool.

No top scum, no Band-Aids this thing is choice.

You in?

Yeah. Sure, sure I'll be right in

I've been working out

but the problem is, I've been building muscle underneath

and that top layer hasn't burned off yet

Awkward stage

Mmm

So good. Now take a chip and crush it into my face

and rub the grease around Do it. Yeah, rub it in.

Yeah That's so good

Andy's not even looking

eating is a dead end Damn it.

What is the most romantic possible thing?

We can get some chicken fights going in the pool.

Dwight, that's just That's really perfect

Thank you. Yes Yes!

You're in my lane

Andy

Dwight and l challenge you and Jess to a chicken fight.

Winner take all

Chicken fight

No, thanks Dang it!

What the heck already

Cathy, chicken fight

Okay, yeah, who's going to be my partner? Where's Jim?

I'm right here

Come on, Cath

Yes

Whoo

Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking We work so well together

I know. I could just bang you right now

He's not looking. Hey

I had two bears sewn together to make this king size.

Total waste of two bears

To both these bears

To both these bears - Bears.

To both these bears

When I put in the screening room I bought three movies

Caligula, Last Tango in Paris and Emmanuelle 2.

Mwa

The last two movies I actually watched in here were

Marley & Me and On Golden * Pond.

I mean, it's clearly meant for watching erotic cinema

Yeah. We could watch some right now, if you want.

I've got a Korean film on my iPod.

If you want to just... If you have the cables

Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found

Yeah. Thanks, I'm really glad that I found it

I can't believe you're wearing it

Are you not superstitious at all?

Of course I'm superstitious, what are you talking about?

Ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right?

Am I just being silly?

I don't think you're being silly

Oh, God

You know what? I can just sell it

and put the money in the party fund.

Oh

Then another woman will get it, we can't allow that

We have to destroy it

Come on. Let's chicken fight those two

How was that? Okay, watch my toes

Hey, Val, want a beer?

It might taste better than that pool water you've been drinking

No, I'm good. Thank you

Cool Cool.

Does Darryl not swim?

That's racist. I don't know

but I would say by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim

That's all right That's all right! We got this

Yeah Yeah

Maybe we should take a little break Dwight, we've got this.

I promise. I will not leave your shoulders no matter what

Okay

One more? Yeah. Great

Mush! Mush! Mush

Come on Go

Here we go

Yay

Whoa Wow.

I cannot believe you're still on. I can't believe it either

I've got this!

Erin, did we win?

Sure. Sure, we did

You're lying. We didn't win

Hey, hey, hey, Dwight It's okay! Just rest. Just rest.

You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring.

Do it

We're in the pool Shove it, Angela.

Same old party same old people, am I right?

Reminds me of Phyllis' birthday

Ooh. Do not remind me of Phyllis' birthday I know.

But boy, that Erin, she sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she?

Meow!

And to think I always thought of her as a second Meredith

Respectfully, I don't want us walking into

a similar Angela kind of situation Mmm.

So I just want to make sure that you are completely

100% done with Erin

Last I checked I'm with Jessica and I like to get my mongo on

It's monogamy for my hog and me

Not what I asked We're done

Erin and I are over. Okay

So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her?

Just go nuts...

With sex

Have at it

Or take it slow, whatever you guys work out

You're an idiot

Cannonba

Let's do this

Oh

So I kind of stepped on this I think it's yours.

Yeah

Oh. Wow

How did you know it was mine?

The Bernard family seal, duh

Duh

Sorry if your special night was ruined

Oh, whoa, whoa, no it's not a special night

Oh, you weren't going to do it?

Honestly, Erin, I don't know what I'm doing

Thank you

Andy's confused

That's not what I was hoping for. But it's not so bad either

And, of course the pool.

Ultimate lubricant for any wild evening

It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness

To madness

Madness. To madness

To madness

Hey, I think you parked my car in

Is there any way you can move your van?

Hey, I'm sorry When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl

Are you serious?

Robert, I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want

And that goes double for me

I'll stay even later than you'd like

Toby, I am Bacchus god of wine.

And I am Bacchus' friend

Gentlemen, bear witness while I've been

mourning the nights that never were

one of them has been unfolding here before me

This is no get-together

This is a party

Yes

And there's my talking point

Yes, that's it. Push yourselves, boys

It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you

You two keep going

Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave

So leave