Original subtitles

Oh, yeah

Kevin! As soon as I heard that wrapper

You really have to say, "Oh, yeah,'

every time you eat a candy bar?

I can't help it, Oscar It's just really good

Oh, yeah

My hands are tied All right, not bad at all

20 minutes, though so let's try again

Get it all out now if you have to

It was a raccoon eating a hamburger like a person.

You need to stop banging your pen on your desk,

or it's gonna drive me insane Okay, got it.

Does anyone have a first-aid kit?

Check out this song I wrote.

I'm gonna love you downstairs tonight

Listen, I say

I mean, he looked like a little Hamburglar

All right, here we go

Everybody get ready in three, two Good luck. One

Love letters. Yes, I love it

What else can be done with paper?

You can write a book about chairs

Books. Excellent, Jim

All right, Andy, please, please, just stop

You can do infinite things with paper.

Did you hear that?

Infinity. There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper

Now, who wants to buy some paper?

Yeah

Very nice Very nice sales pitch

for our clients that don't know what paper is

I'm talking about you guys

Who in this room right now wants to buy some paper?

Let's get high on our own supply

Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?

Yes

Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to 8%

by the end of the quarter That's today, and we are $830 short.

And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us,

so today we need to sell $830 of paper,

and then next quarter I need to sell

the $2,200 of paper that's in my garage.

Animals, machines, vast virtual armies.

All of these things I have successfully managed.

The only thing I haven't managed is people

I saw an ad on the Sabre website

for an open manager position in their printers division.

I spoke to Robert California about it,

and he said for me to come by and see him some time.

So like a Spanish conquistador,

I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.

Dwight Schrute for Robert California.

Oh. Hello, Mr. Schrute I'll tell him you're here Can I get you anything at all?

I'm not here to be given anything

I'm here to take what is mine

Ooh. I'm glad you're on our team Here, please have a seat.

Dwight? What are you doing here?

Gabe. You don't know?

Of course I know

Hmm. Impressive office you have here

Surrounded by shrubbery Like a squirrel's office

Corporate says to me "Gabe, we need you in Scranton."

Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down

to Florida You're needed there.'

So Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm up there.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I'm down here

I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying

Dwight. Robert

You made it Yes

Impressive initiative

I don't know what's worse the trip or the destination.

Well, let me settle in

And I'll be with you shortly

Very good

Hey, C-SPAN

So my Dad says an accountant can really help you out

if they're willing to play ball. Those were his words

Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter, okay?

Robert will understand $800 is a rounding error

So make that error Andy, no

Hey, I can make that error Oh

Well, it's just I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing,

but it's a little more complicated than that. No, I

It's just I really need a real accountant on this

What do you say?

because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia

Aw

Any other crunch time I would love

to stay and cook the books for you

so you can save face in front of your CEO

but tonight is Triviacolypse What?

It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year

There's a $1 ,000 prize

I'm committed to my friends They're committed to me

You know what? Go. Have fun

There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia

Stop right there I love it. I'm in.

It's trivia. In Philadelphia

But here's the best part The prize is $1 ,000

and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here

close the gap on our 8% profit increase.

That's a great idea. Yeah That's a great plan.

Yeah? You like it? All right All right, good stuff.

I'm so psyched you guys are into it, 'cause I thought

"This sounds really stupid.'

You just made a good idea a great idea.

There is one problem with this plan What?

We'd have to leave work like, right now to do this

You can reduce your prices by 1 0%

or we're gonna be finding a new source for our morning bagels

All right

Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here

Now I found out You're the bagel guy

Yeah, but not just bagels All unwanted problems.

Question What's the most important appliance in your house?

Meat grinder. Too slow. It's the toilet

And I am the toilet of this office

annoying problems

so others can keep their hands clean,

and just like a toilet I am essential.

You know, Gabe, you could have gone

with garbage disposal incinerator, or eraser

And instead you chose toilet

God bless you You are an American classic

Dwight, today is not my day at all, I'm afraid

I'm not going to be able to meet with you

But I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO

But I can give you this pitch in one minute

He's gonna meet with you later.

No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay?

Trust me. Meet with Bill

He's a great person to know I'll dialog with him tonight

CEO to COO What a difference a letter makes.

Still an important position Still a chief.

You're really going to like Bill

He has me toilet a lot of people for him

Hallway phone. Gabe Lewis speaking

Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this.

He needs to go put out a fire on the home front.

Just wait 20 minutes, and then I want you to listen to Dwight's p\itch.

Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.

Your wish is my command

It's a command.

What are you doing here, Andy? You left us no choice

But this should put a smile on your face

How would you like to be captain of the Dunder Mifflin team?

Although I reserve the right to overrule you What? No.

And you guys thought this was a good idea?

a fun idea.

There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt

But that's the thing about long drives

you know? You're always going

This is a gay bar Wait, what?

Everyone in here is gay?

Yes. It's a gay bar so you guys want to go home now?

No. No

No Awesome

What does this say about you that you followed me here?

That you think you're going to win

your sales quota at a gay bar's trivia night?

It says that I believe in my staff's intelligence

and that I'm willing to try anything

Not "anything.'

Good luck

All right, we need to divide up into teams

but it's winner take all so no need to divide evenly

We need an A team a backup team, and a just-have-fun team

So you guys all know yourselves

Good timers, follow me

Back-ups

Go on, kid. You know you don't belong here

A team Okay

All right, everybody, nice self awareness

Except

Okay

There's a table over here

All right, first question, everyone.

Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind.

What is its capital?

Oh, we got this

Let's reverse engineer this

You're a black singer Where do you go?

Somewhere where you're a novelty

Alaska Atlanta.

I know you think that, because that's where the Olympics were held

My cousins were actually at those Olympics

Keep talking all you want

How am I supposed to know what was on his mind?

Ooh! What do blind people think about?

Okay, dogs, canes signs, manholes, stairs piano, darkness.

Okay, time's up. Let's get the boards up.

Atlanta, Georgia is the correct answer.

What?

Hey, man. Uh

Look, unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fire

so, your appointment got

There's no fires within eight miles of here

Well, it's nine miles away

I'm going to be meeting with you on his behalf.

What? No, no. Excuse me, lady

Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant

This must be very frustrating

I can see you in the jungle now

Hey, now, you're not an All-Star of the NBA, but you did get your game on

when you won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year Award in 201 1.

Who are you?

Jim, Darryl, your time to shine

Shawn Marion. Yes. Shawn Marion

That doesn't sound right I want to say LaDamien Washington?

Wrong for so many reasons

Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor's sixth man

was Richard Burton Is that helpful?

That's it. I'm gonna go watch the boats on the river

Ron Artest, Kelly

No, it's Lamar Odom

If it had been Ron Artest it would have

come up on Dancing with the Stars

when they pan over his trophy case

when he's at home with his family

Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar.

All right, boards up. Let's see who got it.

Lamar Odom is what we were looking for.

Lamar Odom.

Oh, my God Lamar Odom

Nice. Nicely done

You're my sports guys You're ESPN. You're ESPN Classic

Ryan is MSNBC. I'm E!, TLC and Oxygen

Chill, man. This plan is airtight

So it's a very simple argument

of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales

Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me.

Bottom line, I know the product I get it.

Well, you got my vote

Oh, my God Yeah.

Most of all, I believe that character is destiny

and my character is one that...

Wait, why are you smiling?

What? What's with the smile?

You're doing great So good.

And my character is one that will never give up

until greatness is on the horizon behind us

Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand

Flush

Ow

Take me to Robert Ow. He went home.

Take me to his house It's a condo.

It's long-term business housing

You know where it is Lead me there

Ow. Stephanie, help

Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet

I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's go.

Ow

Excuse me, sir, on the Dunder Mifflin A team.

Excuse me, sir. Yeah?

I'm sure you're just checking your Grindr account.

But you can't check smartphones

during trivia. It's against the rules.

Okay, I'm turning it off

Okay, you're not turning it off.

Sir.

Okay, then we're gonna have to take it away.

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, I can't not have my phone. I'm sorry

All right, guys, after nine rounds, let's check the scores.

In first place with nine points, it's Aesop's Foibles.

The Queerenstein Bears have seven points.

Dunder Mifflin A team has four points.

All right

The D.M. Backup Team has three points.

The Einsteins have eight points.

Ladies Gaga have five points.

Yeah

So our best chance of hitting our mark

is now in the hands and brains of Kevin Meredith, Erin and Kelly

Do I like these odds?

My answer is no. Whoo!

Which one is it? I don't know! All I know is the building

Robert! Robert California

Robert Dwight

How nice of Gabe to show you where I live

Come around, 102

All right, guys, time's up.

Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk

who discovered that energy equals

mass times the speed of light squared?

Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein.

Wait, except for the Einsteins.

That's all right.

Which means the top three teams

are going to finish it off in the speed round.

So let's get everyone some bells.

In third place, we have the Einsteins.

Oh, yeah What?

Second place, we have the Queerenstein Bears.

Yeah Come on!

And first place is Aesop's Foibles.

Whoo

Yeah, but they're going to get clobbered

Ring it in when you know it. First question.

This man had a fatwa declared on him when...

Einsteins?

What? What is it?

I'm just the bell girl

Aesop's?

Salman Rushdie. Salman Rushdie is correct.

Heading out to sea, sailors.

On a square-rigged ship, the sail

set furthest forward is called what?

Princess Ding-Dong do not hit that bell...

Flying jib

Flying jib is correct for the Einsteins.

Flying jib. Flying jib

No way

Gentlemen

Give us just a minute. Stew and I are just finishing up our lesson

Trust me, one nine-minute bout

is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours.

I could go to the gym three times a week

or I can wrestle Stew once a month

Grab my leg

Yay, Robert

Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge.

According to a recent survey,

this is the most common learning disability among American adolescents.

Boom! ADHD No.

Wrong. The answer is dyslexia

That's correct for the Einsteins.

All right Whoo! Yeah

Sir, sir. Dial it back. This isn't Tail Feathers, okay?

Yeah

They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they?

No, thank you

Sit down, Dwight

Let me tell you why I should be

the next manager with a riddle.

A manager a salesman, a leader

and a warrior walk into a restaurant.

The hostess says "Table for one?"

How is this possible?

You were dining alone All those people are you

Yes. Exactly. Riddle number two Who is going...

Your drive, your ambition it would be wasted on a manager's job.

And Florida, you don't want to live here

Even I don't want to live here

It's why I'm always at my place in Scranton

Florida is America's basement

It's wet. It's filled with mold strange insects, alligators

Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right?

Eh... It's complicated

This medal was my grandfather's

He received it for acts of courage for excellence

It's a tribute one man gives another

a job, Dwight.

But why not let me give you something even better?

It's a job interview Not a flea market.

Dwight, the job is not right for you.

Now, when something comes along

that is right for you I'll try you out.

Now get the he out of my place

Yes

Final round. Last two teams squaring off.

ready to play doctor.

Our question is about health and the human body.

Oh, come on

The standard American analog scale

has a maximum capacity of what weight?

Three hundred pounds

Point for the Einsteins.

Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets.

This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner

explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray.

Yes

I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins.

Les Jolies Choses. - Are you sure?

Marion Cotillard exposes herself

a number of times in that film.

The Einsteins win it.

No Yeah

Come on

Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke,

and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia

A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea

So if you go fishing for a fluke,

chances are you just might catch one.

Oh, boy.

Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championship\s!

First prize is $2,500.

Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home

Whoo Riboflavin.

Riboflavin?

Michigan.

The President of the United States

is POTUS.

John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath