Original subtitles

Oops. A little help

Wow, your hair is really thinning

Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity

and just looks cooler

Picture someone doing something heroic

Now, was he sitting or standing?

Not counting FDR

Every second you sit there is an hour off your life

Look at all of you

I feel like you're in a suicide cult

No, no, no. You're way off on that one.

Are you really comfortable standing there?

I tried one of those, and I just couldn't find the sweet spot

Hey, guys, let's just all admit it, okay? Dwight's better than us

He had the guts to stop sitting,

and he's never, ever gonna go back on it, right?

That's right, Jim

Hey, man Hey

Taking a load off, huh?

No. Putting a load on, more like

Good luck with that

Last thing I need is luck

Thank you so much

What are you up to? Oh, look out

Just... What are you doing?

Think fast. Ha ha

Give that back Come on. Prank

That's real creative

You know what you're right It's not my best

'Cause you could easily just bend over

and pick that up right?

I could. I just don't feel like it, loser

Because you're sitting? Standing

Okay. Don't

Because you're sitting? Standing

You know I have to do this

I know

Whoa

Andrew Baines Bernard

I think you could just do Andy Bernard

Andrew Baines Bernard I love filling

these out 'cause it's like Oh, I'm taking a test

but I know the answers

In four seconds, my wife is going to be coming through that door

I told her she could work here

Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen

There you are, honey

How on earth did you miss the elevator?

What was that?

I don't know. He wasn't talking to me

But if I were you, I wouldn't hire his wife

That's why my foundation

the Dream For A Wish Foundation

is gonna put them out of business.

They're not gonna know what hit them

Everyone, I'd like to introduce my wife

Mrs. Robert California

Mrs. California this is everyone

Hello. Hi

Welcome. Call me Susan, please

Last night at dinner, Susan and I were talking

about her returning to work.

So she's here today to see if there's a good fit

Something tells me it just might work out

This is Andy Bernard, the regional manager

Hello. Nice to meet you

Hey there. It's a pleasure. Welcome

Thank you

Andy, would you be so kind

as to show Susan around the office,

introduce her to various departments

find a place where she'll shine?

I would love to, but I have to be

completely honest with you guys.

We're 100% staffed up

Andy, let's see if there's a good fit first then we'll talk

All right.

Knock, knock, knock Knock, knock, knock

You don't have to say it if you're doing it

Remember how you said

that you were looking for a place in the office

to do calisthenics and aerobics?

Ah, weightlifting, yeah

Well, today's your lucky day

I have opened in this very office building

Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles

Want to take a look? I'll take a look

Your path from obesity begins right here

I've been meaning to join a gym For my health.

I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black president.

I didn't realize how easy that would be.

So now I want to live long enough

to see a really, really gay president

or a supermodel president.

all the different kinds of presidents

Obese people in my office building are a drain on resources

Chairs wear out faster

It takes more freon to keep them cool

They flush the toilets more often

Plus, their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes

But a gym turns fat into cash.

All right, the DM Express is pulling out

All right, well it was really nice to meet you, Brian

Ah, it's actually Ryan

Oh, Ryan. Yeah

Bitch

We will start here at Erinville

Hi

Reception

Your classic one-man operation

Although, I was watching a movie

and Meryl Streep had two secretaries

I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco

Just saying

Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance

and success to our clients

Certainly worth exploring. Wouldn't you agree, Andy?

I'll explore exploring it - Good

Seems like you have this under control,

so I'll just duck out and run the company for a while.

Okay

Okay, next stop on the tour, sales

Here we go Station stop Jim Halpert.

Oh, boy, our resident truth teller Uh

All right, have at it Let her rip.

What do you hate about this place?

Well, it's sales, so you have to be able

to live in the world of rejection

Maybe you do

Hi, I'm Dwight

Sales is really not so hard, okay It's paper

We have it, and they want it so bad

they are willing to pay for it

Jim?

Well, it's not that easy

It's kind of sometimes difficult

It's the second-easiest job in the world

Being a mom I love shopping.

And sales is just the other side of that

That's true

You know, if you joined our sales department

you would be working very closely with our

department head, Mr. Dwight Schrute

That's me

Dwight, why don't you tell Susan about some of your hobbies

Oh Mmm-hmm Survival skills.

Ranking of animals

Maybe over a beer

after she's closed her first sale.

Well, make that a red wine and I'II tell you my animal rankings

How am I supposed to pull this off?

The entire office is being nicer to her than they've ever been to me.

What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis'

classic room-clearing farts right now.

Ready?

What do you think? Huh?

Umm, no

No. This is not a gym

This is like a scene out of Saw V.

You haven't even looked around yet

Look

Gravel bucket squat yoke

Right?

Hmm

Dedicated phone book ripping station

You ever cut tin before? No

Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire

Plus, I will buy the tin back from you

that you cut for two cents a yard

Now, let's go over membership

I'm gonna need the first month's

and the last month's up front for $49 a month

But every third month is $59 a month

But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month.

Obviously, you know how a gym works.

So you know I'm not gonna pay money for this

You want people to come to your gym?

Make a real gym

Darryl

Make a real gym

accounting might be a good fit

because I really clicked with Oscar

and I do have some experience with bookkeeping

But we already have a surplus of accountants as it is

customer service um, HR, even.

Those are fully staffed as well

Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office

that could use an extra pair of hands?

Yes

I am the CEO, and I am telling an employee of mine what to do.

Let me beat around the bush for a second

Our chairman of the board has some very strong feelings

Robert, it's all right. This is very uncomfortable

Obviously, there's no place for me here, so thank you for trying

Why don't we just let it go?

No. Absolutely not

Andrew, there must be something you can do.

There must be. Think

Well, there are a lot of considerations

It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one

All right Well, then, welcome aboard

So what happens next?

We get you over to HR and then get you set up with accounting.

Hang on

Hello? - Say "hello, grandma."

Hi, gam-gam

Hold one finger up to Susan. You'll just be a second.

You numbskull!

You were given a very simple task.

more clear with you.

Now say, "Are you taking your medicine?"

Are you taking your med-meds?

Why can you not say exactly what I tell you?

Undo this. Undo it.

You didn't say good-bye to your grandmother.

We promised we'd never say good-bye

Attention! I am now accepting memberships

for the Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles

First 20 members can take advantage

of our "pay what you weigh" promotion

All I need is another gym.

As if I don't have enough drama

We have a gym at home It's called the bedroom.

Who's spotting who?

"Don't use the bike in the corner,

"that's Bruce's. Jeremy says...'

Enough. Oscar, enough

Kelly? I have these sneakers

which are basically just like a gym for your feet, so...

That's okay. I know how to build a business

You gotta bet the black people to do it

to get the white people to do it.

Then you gotta get the black people to stop doing it.

One step at a time

Did you bring your passport with you?

Who walks around with their passport?

Well, I do

Always ready for adventure

Have you had any?

No

Hey, guys

So Robert doesn't want his wife working here.

So now that she is, we have to drive her away

Andy, if he didn't want her working here, then why did you hire her?

Oscar, it was a mistake

But one that can be fixed by all of us being mean to her.

How can we do that? She's simply wonderful

This is all pathetic

How mean are we talking about?

It would be great if she were gone by lunch

Erin, you're up. Find her a place to work but not too comfortable

Got it. I know exactly which stapler to give her.

Here you go

Um, do you think it would be possible

to move to that desk over there?

Because this seems a bit cramped, and I don't have a computer

Well, that's a sales desk

Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants

Just sit here and be quiet

And if you have a question just raise your hand

But I'm gonna save you some time, sweetie, and give you the answer now

No, I don't think we should be trying

to make this place seem unpleasant.

I think we should let this place

just crush her spirit by itself

what it's doing

That's Gerald

Oh, wow. So cute

Oh, that is so cute

Oh, he's so tiny Is he in a ladle?

Yeah, he's in a ladle

That's adorable How on earth did you get him in a ladle?

He did it himself

Is that ladle stainless or

Oh, stainless Williams Sonoma

Excuse me, waiter there's a dog in my soup

It's not that kind of ladle

Very cute Let me see.

Just the battery on these things

I'm sorry, I've gotta recharge this

Last time I had a job

I remember I hated the boss' wife

Of course, she was married to Robert.

Your employees don't seem to be taking to me.

Andy

Andy, could you step in here, please?

We'll fix this

What is going on?

Please

Ah, Andrew, my wife

has brought up an issue that requires your attention

So, if you'll excuse me I should step out,

get to the ATM before that homeless man sets up camp for the night

Okey-dokey, artichokey

You hate it, don't you?

Do you not want me here?

Why would you say that? It's okay.

I understand I'm not sure how I would fee

about having the boss' wife work for me either

It's not that exactly

But it is something

Let's just say that if you don't want to work here

I am totally prepared to respect that

Why would you not want me working here?

I don't know

what you're going through

My husband can be a very difficult man to read, can't he?

Yes

The dude is an enigma

So he is mixed up in this, isn't he?

Got it

What do you think you're doing?

Getting my sweat on

I build you this temple to the human body

and you're lifting what, five pounds?

I just did, like, 35 minutes on the treadmill

I was watching you. You want to know how long it really was?

No Eight minutes!

Dude, I'm gonna be here all week, right?

Five days a week. I figure I'll start slow

Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings?

I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym

I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James

It's Lejon Brames

That's what I said. Yeah

Get it right I know.

Cameras

Still here. Terrific

Andy and I had a great conversation

And I just want to let you know

that I am not going to be working here

Well, that's a shame

It just was one of those things... Is it?

Because we talked about it

and it seems like that might be what you want.

Which is fine Where did this come from?

Did Andy say that?

No, he did not

But I could tell he was struggling

to understand what was expected of him

What's the struggle? He made a great call hired a great person

You sure about that?

Absolutely. No games?

No games

Because Andy seemed to think there was some information

he was not able to share with me

Enough of this I mean, real Enough

It's gotten way out of hand Andrew, this is my wife

Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for

But it is not welcome right now

Just be honest

Andy Yes

Why do you keep looking at my husband?

Andy, just answer the question.

No games?

No games

Okay

of funny, actually.

Robert storms in and he says

"In four seconds my wife's gonna be in here

"I told her she could work here

"Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen."

You lying son of a bitch

Tell my wife you're lying

That's not true, is it?

No, it's not

I tell the truth most of the time

and I was just telling the truth about your husband

Jim knows. He was there

This is preposterous

Robert Let's get Jim in here.

Where's Jim?

He just rolled out and crawled out

Can you call security tell them to keep an eye out for him?

Time to settle this

Wait, wait, wait Hold on, hold on

Just real quick. Real quick, open... Okay

That's weird

Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere

Ow! Ow

Ow

Creed, I was never here, all right?

Okay. What about your friend?

Oh, boy

This is my gym, my rules You do exactly as I say no questions asked

Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions,

and I might not do what you say

First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl

Ready? Get down on the floor

Okay, I'm not doing that

Really?

Too embarrassing for you? Huh?

You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz?

Well, how do you think the Fonz got so cool?

He stretched his pelvic bowl

Darryl joined

Looks that way

Nice pelvic bowl. Deep

Hello, Jim

No, no. No, no, no

Don't. Damn it, Tuna

So, I think you know what we want to know

Do l? Yes

I know. I do

Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness

I'm not really sure how I can

For God's sake, did Robert tell you

that he didn't want me working here?

That's the thing

See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this Still don't.

But here's something

I feel that maybe, if we take a step back

this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse

I think we've got ourselves an answer

No That makes complete sense, right?

Thank you all for a wonderful day Perfect!

Jim Yes?

Answer the question please.

want me to tell you.

To be really honest, my wife works here

And I love it

She literally makes me work harder

She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here

And between us she's on maternity leave right now

and I would love to leave this room and see her face

but it's just what I'm thinking

All right. Thanks

Yes. All right

Uh.

Yeah

Thank you

Andy

Hey, Mrs. California

Hey. I'm sorry about the position you were put in today.

You know, honestly we all wanted you to work there

Except for him Especially me

Yes, I thought we really hit it off.

Yeah

Well, different circumstances

Yeah

Who knows? Who knows?

Maybe after all this settles down

Totally

It's a date

Hmm?

You're nothing! You're so weak

You call yourself a man? Huh?

This doesn't help me I don't respond to that kind of strategy.

Okay, fine

Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again!

Dwight, come back and spot me

All right, I'll help you

But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is

What do you want?

To push this bar up

No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now

What is your goal?

Help me

What do you want?

To look good for Val

Val Kilmer?

I don't buy it that doesn't make any sense

Wow

I figured out your goal

I am gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen