Original subtitles

The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles

key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients

Oh, my God, kill me

Hey. All right, obviously we all want to die,

but we have to get through this, so Gabe, go ahead. It's okay

Oh, is it... Is it okay with you?

Because if it's not you work for me, so

Comply with all applicable laws

regulations policies and contracts

governing our business

Be honest, fair... I'm going to do it

...trustworthy in a your business activities and relationships

Treat one another... Oh! I'm going into labor

Okay. She's going into labor! Oh, my goodness

Make way, everybody

I know it's wrong to fake going into labor

just to get out of things but sometimes,

it's necessary.

I'm going into labor

But should I have corn dogs or

I'm going into labor

Okay three reasons you are wrong about True Blood.

Number one I'm going into labor

Here we go

Hey, guys, you can't keep saying you're going into labor

Everyone knows you're full of it.

Yeah - It's not fair, you guys.

Pitiful. - So stupid

Never cry wolf

Okay Okay.

Oh. Oh! Oh, my gosh

Oh, my God, Pam

I'm really in labor This is happening

Okay, guys Okay.

Here we go. We'll see you

How do you feel?

Drive carefully! Good luck

Bye! - Good luck

False alarm

What? They took another client from us?

Okay, bye

Man, business is war

Customers, clients, it's like a war out there

l am a leader

but you can only inspire people so much in a place like this.

So today, I'm turning the inspire factor up to 1 0

With a little help from my friend, America's bloodiest battle

Why even read business books? We should be studying war.

Going to places like Gettysburg Where is that?

It's right here in PA

Ah

Well, we should take a field trip there I mean, that would be so cool

I wonder if that bus downstairs is

Okay, Andy. We get it It's a trip to Gettysburg

That sounds super inspiring I'm in!

Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting

Second most northern battle in the Civil War

Actually, it is the northernmost

Ha

The Civil War history industry

has conveniently forgotten about the Battle of Schrute Farms

Whatever I'm over it. It's just grossly irresponsible.

Charge

Well, this could be fun

Yeah, well, the bus has free Wi-Fi

and I made special low sugar lunches for everyone

And is anyone kosher or halal?

What's the halal option?

Dates, tabouleh and bagel with cream cheese

Out

You know, it's the same as the kosher option There's a lesson in there.

I mean, I can't force you to go, you're not my slaves

Thanks to Gettysburg

But who's coming with me?

I'm in I'm in, too.

I guess I'm a sucker for historical fiction

Anyone who's not going you're dead to me.

You're uninvited I don't want you to come

But FYI, there will be leftover

turkey and pesto sammies in the fridge

Yes

One for you Cool, thanks

And one for you

Cool, thanks

Oh! You missed your head There you go.

Phyllis, think fast

All right, guys, a little foreplay before we do it

Fans of Ken Burns' Jazz will most certainly enjoy The Civil War.

You know, I just got Limitless on my iPad

l bet I could get it on the TV

Oh, isn't that the one where the guy becomes limitless?

It's just not appropriate If we were going to visit Bradley Cooper's birthplace

I'd be the first one suggesting that I'd be rooting for it...

Limitless, Limitless, Limitless, Limitless, Limitless!

All right all right, all right

Here

Like it? - Oh by the picnic table?

Then you've got to get the fire pit.

l can't get a fire pit l have two babies.

But the fire pit is a no brainer. Oh, hi there.

Hi, Robert. Hey. Um, how are you doing? Good to see you again.

Where is everyone? Where is Andy?

Andy took some of the other people

on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg

Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy

But what we have here is perhaps better

By not going on the trip you've shown

you're the free thinkers of the office

Robert, you've got your sheep and you got your black sheep

And I'm not even a sheep I am on the freaking moon

So, here's what we can do

Game changers

Changes to the game such that the game

can never be played the same way again

Everyone, brainstorm some innovations

Don't be afraid to get weird with it.

Meredith

Excited

Okay

You guys, get excited

Movie's almost over

All right, we're here Limitless can wait.

Fun fact. In France they call Limitless

"The Man with Many Capabilities.'

Whoo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen the 1 800s await you

We can watch Limitless on the way back

I got Source Code on the way back.

Whoo

Where are you going?

Visitors' Center. Going to grab a map for the memorials, right?

We're not going to the Visitors' Center We're not tourists.

No, of course we're not tourists

We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour

Yeah, the sign says "Begin tour here.'

Unless you're going on the very specially created

and meticulously researched Andy Bernard Tour.

After Chancellorsville

Lee brought his army up the Shenandoah Valley right through here

They stopped in this field for a picnic which they called "lunch.'

Yeah but I'm confused

Total deaths belongs to Gettysburg

But when you're talking about DPA, that's deaths per acre

Uh-huh. ...nothing beats the Battle of Schrute Farms

Oh, DPA sounds way more important... Oh, it is

And you should read some of these letters that the soldiers wrote home

I mean, it makes the Battle of Gettysburg

sound like a bunch of schoolgirls wrestling over a hairbrush

I'm telling you they're heartbreaking, too So beautifully written.

Dwight, what are you telling this girl?

The truth

Stop filling her head with nonsense, okay? She doesn't know any better

Oscar, I'm so glad you just got here.

I would have believed everything he said

No, no, no. You're filling her head with nonsense

You and the history books I'm telling the truth!

Interesting

Yes, thank you

All of history has been whitewashed

Really? Why don't you tell us the real history, Gore Vidal?

Okay, I will. I don't know who that is

but I'm going to tell you this

He's a historian

Gettysburg was very important Credit where credit is due, okay?

Big mad props to Gettysburg

Was it, however, the most northern battle of the Civil War?

Yes, yes Not by a long shot!

Yes No

No, it was not No, it was not

Was it the second most northern?

What?

Sure! I would cede it was the second most northern battle

Erin

Was it the northernmost? No! Get out of here, Oscar

Get out of here

I am so eager to hear your game changers Let's dig in, shall we?

May l go first? Absolutely

Raw fish. The disgusting food from Japan

that Americans would never want to eat

Now, we can't get enough of it

From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what's for dinner

Let me throw another idea at you Origami. What?

The crazy art of paper folding from that's right, Japan.

Don't you wish you could go back to 1980

and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan?

We can do that with

origami, it's the sushi of paper

This idea hasn't gripped me

What else did you come up with?

I had to memorize the presentation, Robert

and it took a long time to build the swan, so.

That was bad

If your woman is like mine

I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time.

"This paper is so hard It scratches.

"Why can't there be a paper just for me?'

Well, now there is

It's pink scented and silky soft

Now, you can watch the game and she can write a letter to her sister.

The situation you described returning home to a wife complaining about

her paper being too masculine is not one that I'm familiar with

In the African American community No.

Thought it was worth a try

That's fascinating

Tell me what's the significance of the peach orchard, though?

Well, that's a great question Actually, some of the most

Excuse me, I've got a question for you

Can you tell us about the Battle of Schrute Farms?

Oh, I haven't heard of that one

Really? Okay, follow-up question

how much are they paying you to keep your mouth shut?

I apologize for my friend. And for the Republicans who are cutting your funding

We don't need to bother this poor gentleman

l know exactly where we're going. Giddy-up

Tallyho

Are you Lincoln?

No, no, I'm

Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln

It makes it kind of hard for me to go to places

like museums, historical monuments

elementary schools l don't see it.

Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture

Okay, quick

Hey, Lincoln's starting

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm actually with a tour group myself, so

Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln

Some people call me the "Great Emancipator,'

but you might know me from the penny.

Okay, you know the test booklets

that they give out in all the schools?

l was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back

that people would mail in to us

And as, you know as l tell it, I don't like it

Unless, of course you are responding to it l am not.

Um, excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom

At this point when you're this pregnant

it's kind of like senior spring

The other day, I spit my gum out on the carpet

Kevin. You've been quiet

I'm curious to know what your game changer is

You know how in the vending machine

they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot?

They do that because they think

A-1 is the best spot for the best cookie

But the real best spot is D-4

Right? That's where the eyes go.

So

Cookies. Cookie placement

Yeah. But not just the cookies, though

That was just a for instance

Who else agrees with Kevin

that we're wasting facilities, manpower on our underselling products

when we should be pushing our top performers?

There you get consensus

Okay, we are now on a planet where

Kevin is the most creative person around

and I am just some good looking guy.

l just don't understand

It's 1865, victory is ours

I have saved the very soul of our nation and yet, happiness eludes me

Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits.

No

So, another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them?

I mean, I've seen Toby eat one like once

but other than that forget it.

Interesting

So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie?

What is the product that no one wants?

How about that two-hole punch letter?

Only the lawyers want that punch at the top, and they use legal

That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin, fantastic

Thank you

By the way did we leave all the food on the bus?

Let's talk about food for a second Food for thought.

Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast,

and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry

Hunger. Hunger for victory Hunger for honor, hunger for pride

Hunger for hamburgers

Hunger for chicken chimichangas

Right, Darryl? That's good

Exactly. Now, do you know what the Civil War soldiers were hungry for?

Pride. Now, each battalion had its own flag

and they guarded these flags with their lives.

Colonel Harrison Jeffords of the 4th Michigan Infantry

saw his flag being carried away

chased it down with nothing but a sword

fought tooth and nail at the foot of that flag until he died.

He wasn't about to let them have that flag

Pride. Right, guys?

I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin It cost me $200.

Only $200?

We are a branches on this tree. And from the tree comes paper

We're all part of a business but business is war

What's that I hear?

Oh! A rebel paper company is coming to take our flag.

What's going on here? Whee-hoo!

Come and get it! Who's going to get the flag? Who's getting it? Whoa, hey

Don't look where I am look where I'm going. Jerk right, jerk left, jerk

Andy, this is inappropriate People died here, man

Get the flag, get the flag Come on, Big Tuna.

What are you going to do about it? We've got a flag right here

Whee-hoo

Spangler's Spring is a mile this way.

Oh, wow. So, that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back

It's... I mean, come on

Oh, I don't think I should walk anymore

All I had for breakfast was oatmeal

yogurt, coffee, orange juice and toast

Two poached eggs and then that half a sandwich on the bus

l can't

All right, fine You know what?

I guess this place just hasn't rubbed off

on you the way that l hoped it would

I'm still going, and I'm not going to ask anymore

I'm not even going to look back

I'm just going to assume that you're with me

You said you weren't going to look back.

And why is BlackRock

suddenly the paragon by which all hedge funds must now be compared?

Yeah, l don't know

Right? I mean, you're an accountant

those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane

Yes, I am an accountant

Dwight, this is one of the archivists here

l thought maybe we can consult him

Really? Yeah.

Well, anyone employed by the Gettysburg industrial complex

is certainly going to want to keep quiet

about the Battle of Schrute Farms

Schrute Farms, did you say?

That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil War.

You've heard about it?

Yes! Ha Prepare to be refuted Go on, come on

There you go

Families and sweethearts back home

waited desperately for letters from the front.

"Dearest Mother, I'm sorry it has been so long since my last letter.

"It is three months since l arrived at Schrute Farms,

"and I fear I may never leave this place alive. Melvyn Fifer Garris."

Hallowed ground

But the battle at Schrute Farms was no battle at all.

It was a code used by pacifists from both Norte and Soute,

who'd turned the Pennsylvania farmhouse

into an artistic community and a refuge from the war.

You have to understand, poets, artists, dancers,

these kinds of men preferred peace to war.

These delicate, lovely men found a place of refuge

among the Schrutes of Schrute Farm.

Amidst the macho brutality of war,

this was a place where dandies and dreamers could put on plays,

sing tender ballads and dance in the moonlight.

l like to think of Schrute Farm as the Underground Railroad

for the sensitive and, well, fabulous.

Wow, this is so much better than the story you made up.

I've seen enough

You're right, there should be a monument to this

Never trust a cookie with a woman's name

Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeleine

Oh

They'll just break your heart

Kevin, you are

Robert, I hate to interrupt but I would love to pitch you one last idea

l call it the Big Mac idea

What? No

Big Mac idea. Sounds encouraging

It's really, really good, Robert Let me explain

No, this is not fair This is my idea.

He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me

Well, what is the idea?

Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside

Then, at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac.

And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands

You know what? Now I remember That was your idea

That is 1 00% your idea

Oh, my

It was just actually cookies the whole time

Damn it Hey

You guys came Where's everyone else?

Back at the bus We were locked out

Phyllis is sitting on the ground eating a dirty sandwich

Yeah, I asked the bus driver to lock it

because our stuff was in there. I guess he follows orders

Yeah, sorry everybody else didn't come I think they're just tired.

With holes in their shoes and their dysentery

Even without an audience you're still at it.

What are you talking about?

Our office has a disease, and it goes by many names

Sarcasm, snark, "wisecracks.'

You take things that people care about

and you make them feel lame about it with your jokes.

That's what you did with this trip

Andy, this whole idea of our situation

being just like war it's just not true

We just work at a paper company

and you're our regional manager

And guess what, man? You don't have to prove anything

We like you as regional manager

Andy, if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head.

I'm wearing a very pink hat

I've been getting weird looks all day, because I'm pretty sure

"DM does GB means something kind of sexual

But guess who's wearing them? All of us.

Just for you, man That's huge

You don't like the hats?

They're terrible

l hate myself

They just didn't turn out how I wanted In my head, they were cooler

But they do look weird

The world will little note

nor long remember the fight that

Jim and I had here at Gettysburg.

And that's good, because l was basically wrong.

I wanted my team to be like this army and I was their general

but l guess it's really just more like

they're people who work in an office and I'm their manager

Yeah, that's really probably a better analogy Now that I think about it.

Abe and Mary are seated watching the show

Oh, Mary, this is wonderful

Okay, Mary, stop your scolding. I'll be quiet.

l need her like l need a hole in the head

Mmm. Oh

Bang!