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Welcome to Sheffield!
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The beating heart
of Britain's industrial North!
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The jewel in Yorkshire's crown
is home to over half a million people,
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00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:04,856
and thousands more
flock here daily to shop and to work.
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00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,775
All this is built on
Sheffield's primary industry,
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steel.
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The city's rolling mills, forges,
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and workshops employ some 90,000 men
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and state-of-the-art machinery
to make the world's finest steel.
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From high-tensile girders
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to the stainless cutlery
for your dining table.
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00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:29,172
But it's not all hard work
for the people of Steel City.
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They can spend the day
lounging by the pool,
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watching one of our top soccer teams,
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or browsing in the shops.
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But when the sun goes down,
the fun really starts
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in the city's numerous
nightclubs and discotheques.
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Yes, Yorkshire folk know
how to have a good time!
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00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:54,572
And it's good times
for the city's housing, too!
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Sheffield leads the way in town planning.
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Victorian slums have been cleared
to make way for the homes of the future.
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Thanks to steel,
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Sheffield really is
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a city on the move!
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00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,986
Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder?
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00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,364
- Come on.
- Dad, it's stealing!
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No, it's liberating, love. Liberating.
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Gaz, hang on.
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Ten years we worked in here. Now look.
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- What if we get caught?
- You don't get a record till you're 16.
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- Just don't tell your mum.
- Hey, listen.
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Music.
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00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:02,098
Bloody hell!
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00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,732
- What are they doing?
- lt's the works band. lt's still going.
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00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,819
About only thing round here that is.
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00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,781
'Ey up! Security guard's back.
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00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,917
"Won't take a minute," he says.
38
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,086
"Won't take a minute." Now what?
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00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,297
Shut up. l'm thinking.
40
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Can't we do normal things sometimes?
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00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,595
This is normal! lsn't it, Dave?
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00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,722
Oh, aye. Everyday stuff, this.
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00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,849
l think this bugger's sinking.
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Pick it up,
and try and slide it across other side.
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That's it.
46
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,233
Oh, fucking hell, Nathe!
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00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:59,071
They're 20 quid each, them!
That were your bloody maintenance!
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00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,240
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, nice one.
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00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,117
Nathe!
50
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,660
Nathan!
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00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,496
- Fucking hell!
- Come 'ere, come 'ere!
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00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,166
Jesus! Stay still.
53
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,335
Stay still, stay still.
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All right.
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00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,967
What's your initiative got to say
about this, then, bog eyes?
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'Ey up, there's someone coming.
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00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,351
- All right?
- Aye, not so bad.
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00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,021
"Not so bad"?
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00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,565
"Not so bad"?
That's not much of a chuffing SOS!
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00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,693
All right, don't get a benny on.
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Shit!
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Me jeans are bloody soaking!
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You should have taken your kit off.
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00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:57,004
- What's up? Are you shy?
- Don't! Shut it, all right?
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00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,089
'Ey up, Dave.
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00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,257
- All right, babe?
- Dad!
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00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,928
What do you reckon, Dave?
Eight? Maybe even a nine.
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00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,931
- You can never tell till you see their tits.
- Dad!
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00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:10,434
- What's all this?
- lt's them Chippendale efforts.
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00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,811
You what?
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00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,188
Them dancers.
Mum were going on about it.
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00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:17,733
Oh, you're joking!
She must be getting desperate.
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00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,112
- You all waiting for me, then?
- Yeah! To go home.
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00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,031
You know where to find me
when you tire of them poofs.
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00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,701
- Dad!
- Come on, Gaz, l'm freezing.
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"Women only"?
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Cheeky buggers!
lt's a bloody working-men's club!
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00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,959
l mean, look at the state of that!
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What have you got to smile about?
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00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,671
He's got no willy, for starters.
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00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:41,841
Nowt in a gym'll help you there, mate!
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00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,677
No decent woman would
be seen dead in there.
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00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,554
Jean would.
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00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:49,724
Oh, Dave, what's going on?
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00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,058
lt's her money, innit?
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00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:56,689
Fucking hell! You'll let some poof wave his
tackle at your missis? Where's your pride?
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00:05:56,773 --> 00:06:01,527
She's already got you hoovering! I saw it
and I let it go! But this? No, no, no.
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00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,655
- Get her out of there.
- lt's women only.
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00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,077
Hurry up, will you?
Me feet have gone numb.
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00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:14,331
That's gratitude for you! We're riding
into Alley of Death for you, you fat git.
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00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:17,626
lt's not my fault I can't fit through.
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00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,130
Right, then. I'll wait 'ere and keep guard.
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Find Auntie Jean and tell her
Uncle Dave wants a word outside.
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- Do I have to?
- Good kid. On you go.
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Off! Off! Off!
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00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,546
l'm not waiting in that bloody queue.
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00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,132
l always wanted a nosy
in the men's toilets.
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00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,301
Phwoar! Them bloody muscles!
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00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:10,387
lt's not their bodies, Bee.
lt's what they do with 'em.
100
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:14,517
l don't know what you're worrying about,
with you-know-who on your tail.
101
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,646
Frankie! Do you want my body?
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00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:24,360
Frank don't fancy me and I don't
fancy Frank, right? So give over!
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00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,030
Do you think he might, though?
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00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,537
No. Couldn't do that to Dave.
105
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,289
Not even if I wanted to.
106
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:40,584
But... you know, it's like he's given up.
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Work. Me. Everything.
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Ah, love.
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'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up.
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l weren't in Girl Guides for nowt!
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Gaz!
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Gaz! That were our Jean, weren't it?
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00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,878
No, no. Just a couple of old tarts.
l'm going back in for Nathe.
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00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,969
You're in big trouble.
115
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,096
What about Auntie Jean?
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Auntie Jean's busy.
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00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,695
l don't feel well.
118
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:53,490
Of course you don't! You've got a
hangover. Take a day off. Stay at home.
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00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,785
Your house is messy. And it's cold.
120
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,246
Come down job club.
That'll be a right laugh.
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00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:00,873
Mum's house is always warm.
122
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,542
l can't always
have the red carpet out for you.
123
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:08,130
Anyway, it's not your mum's house.
lt's whatshisname... Barry's.
124
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:12,051
Tell you what. Next weekend
l'll have a big tidy round. I promise!
125
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,677
Even go and see a footie game.
126
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,347
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Sunday League down the park.
127
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,390
There's some right good players.
128
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,976
United are playing Man U, aren't they?
129
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,145
You know I can't stretch to that.
130
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,523
You're always making me do
stupid stuff like last night.
131
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,692
Other dads don't do that.
132
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,445
Don't they?
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00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,656
- Aye.
- Aye.
134
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Nathe!
135
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,372
We could try and sneak into Man U.
Terry said...
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No!
137
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,417
All right! l'll... I'll get tickets! I will!
138
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,879
Ooh! Aah! Cantona!
Has to wear a girlie bra!
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We'll stuff 'em, Nathe.
140
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,055
Fuck!
141
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:07,231
l want the application letters finished
by the time I get back.
142
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,733
Any problems, l'm outside.
143
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:21,036
l tell you, when women
start pissing like us, that's it.
144
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,289
We're finished, Dave.
145
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,457
Extincto.
146
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,710
Yeah, I mean...
147
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,129
How? You know...
148
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,172
- How?
- Genetic mutations.
149
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,340
They're turning into us.
150
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:38,429
A few years and men won't exist.
Except in a zoo or summat.
151
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,806
We're not needed no more, are we?
152
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,726
Obsolete. Dinosaurs.
153
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,436
Yesterday's news.
154
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940
Like skateboards.
155
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,777
Button it!
Some of us are trying to get a job.
156
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,446
And it says no smoking in 'ere.
157
00:10:55,572 --> 00:11:00,868
Aye, and it says job club up there. When
did you last see one of them walk in?
158
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,288
You forget, Gerald,
you're not our foreman now.
159
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,206
You're just like the rest of us.
160
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,460
- Scrap.
- Shut it, right?
161
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,047
Hang on, though.
162
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:16,675
Why were all them women
int' working-men's club int' first place?
163
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,678
Now then! Cos of us. Men.
164
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,972
You call them Chippendales men?
165
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,640
Degrading, that's what it were.
166
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,477
How many lassies were there, though?
167
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,645
Thousands. Baying for blood.
168
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:32,608
Ten quid to watch some fucking poof
get his kit off! Ten quid!
169
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:37,363
Times ten quid by a thousand, right?
And you've got...
170
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,366
Yeah, well, a lot. A very lot.
171
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,036
10,000 quid.
172
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,208
- How much?
- 10,000 quid.
173
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:56,215
'Ey, now, Dave, I mean...
lt's worth a thought, though, innit?
174
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,096
Little And Large prancing round Sheffield
with their widgers out!
175
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,931
That would be worth ten quid!
176
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,392
Don't be so bloody daft.
We were just saying...
177
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:11,605
- Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope!
- I don't see why the chuff not!
178
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:16,568
Because you're fat and he's thin,
and you're both fucking ugly.
179
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,737
Bastard!
180
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,669
What's all this about sole custody?
181
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,047
You know what. lf you want
joint custody, you pay your share.
182
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,426
- 700 quid.
- l'm ont' dole, in case you hadn't noticed!
183
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:45,013
- Get a job! I'll gi' you a job!
- £2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta!
184
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,807
No, thank you.
185
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:51,687
lf you want to play your games, do that,
but Nathan's gonna have two parents now.
186
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,814
And your live-in lover's gonna do that?
187
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,567
Abracadabra, here he is! Evening, Barry.
188
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:59,236
That'll be for t'court to decide.
189
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:03,407
No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine.
He's fuck-all to do with him!
190
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:08,829
- As if you've ever given a toss.
- Face it. He don't like staying at yours.
191
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,207
Course he bloody does! Ask him!
192
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,459
Ask him!
193
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,044
Oi, Nathe! We have a laugh, don't we?
194
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,173
- Gary! Don't!
- ls he in?
195
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,008
ls he in?
196
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,551
Nathe!
197
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,181
He can't hear you through your...
triple bloody glazing.
198
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,224
He can hear all right.
199
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,644
This... This is all wrong, this is.
200
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:36,106
lt's all to fucking cock.
l'm his dad, and you...
201
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,608
You're nobody.
202
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,776
Goodnight, Gary.
203
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,333
Night, Nathe!
204
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,419
See you, kid!
205
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,513
No. Not doing it.
206
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,766
- l'm not stripping.
- They're taking him away.
207
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,227
All I need is 700 quid
and they've got nowt on me.
208
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,813
- Gaz, no.
- Dave, he's me kid!
209
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,607
l suppose there's nicking cars.
210
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,693
- No!
- Well, then?
211
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,821
Look, I'll help, all right?
l'm running, aren't l?
212
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,698
But l'm taking nowt off. Final.
213
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,867
Come on, Dave. Don't stop now.
214
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,287
- Keep up, you fat bastard!
- Gazza, you tosser!
215
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,131
Do you need a hand?
216
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,684
Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon.
217
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,479
Give it a go at that.
218
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,156
Didn't you work at Harrisons
afore it shut down?
219
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,201
Ah! I thought I clocked you!
220
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,913
l were ont' floor with Gaz.
Him up the road.
221
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,583
How's it going, then?
222
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,334
You got any work?
223
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,672
No, there's not a lot about.
224
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,884
Well, like I say,
get some new ones when you can.
225
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,345
No, no, my chuffing pleasure!
226
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,525
Dave?
227
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,955
- Are you all right, kid?
- You bastard!
228
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,254
'Ey! 'Ey!
229
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,895
You could shoot yoursen.
230
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,397
Where's he gonna find
a gun from round 'ere?
231
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,526
You wanna find yourself a big bridge.
232
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:31,948
Yeah. Like one of them bungee jumps,
only without the bungee bit.
233
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,326
l can't stand heights, me.
234
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,252
Drowning. Now there's a way to go.
235
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,298
l can't swim.
236
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:52,928
You don't have to fucking swim, you divvy.
That's the point.
237
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,430
You're not very keen, are you?
238
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,766
Sorry.
239
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,309
l know.
240
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:05,148
Stand in the middle of t'road and get
a mate to drive smack into you right fast.
241
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,528
Haven't got any mates.
242
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:14,116
We just saved your fucking life,
so don't tell us we're not your mates!
243
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,120
- Yeah?
- Yeah, me an' all.
244
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:21,123
l'd run you down soon as look at you.
245
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,542
Oh, cheers.
246
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,461
Ta.
247
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,632
Thanks a lot.
248
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,068
- What are you doing, Mum?
- Where have you been?
249
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,070
Driving.
250
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,699
- Driving where?
- Just driving.
251
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,119
l thought you'd gone.
252
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:03,415
Security guard in 'ere?
No wonder he wants to kill himself.
253
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:08,336
Well, at least one bloke got a job
out of this place being shut down.
254
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,757
What did you tell him for, anyroad?
The kid's a nutter.
255
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,259
He's a bugle player.
256
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,721
Could come in right handy.
Might need a bit of music.
257
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:21,183
He's got a car. Somewhere to practice.
258
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,729
Besides, it's good whatsitsname
for the lad... Therapy.
259
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:29,316
Oh, aye!
Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy!
260
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,235
l tell you, he won't be the only one
trying to top himself
261
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,404
if you carry on wi' this caper.
262
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,990
Dad, l'm hungry.
263
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,201
'Ey up!
264
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,876
'Ey! Lomper!
265
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,880
- Where's me rice?
- Try the cylinder head... tubby.
266
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,550
l don't like Chinese.
267
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,969
'Course you do... Don't you?
268
00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:02,724
- Let's see his records.
- What have we got, Dave?
269
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,893
"The Floral Dance."
270
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:09,231
- "Marching With Hepworth"?
- Jesus Christ!
271
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,983
Ah, Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking!
272
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,361
l believe in miracles
273
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,154
Since you came along
274
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,156
You sexy thang
275
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,659
Stick it on, Daverimo! l'm there.
276
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,758
Dad! Dad, don't.
277
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:41,221
lt's all right, Nathan.
lt's right, is this. l've seen 'em do it.
278
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,849
- Good evening, shoppers...
- Dave!
279
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,017
All right, all right.
280
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,855
"You Sexy Thing." One, two...
281
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,534
- I need an audience.
- You need a doctor.
282
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:53,251
l tell you,
there's summat up wi' that kid.
283
00:20:57,173 --> 00:21:00,091
- Did you check the whole top end?
- Yeah!
284
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,260
There's no point. He went out.
285
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,846
- You what?
- I seen him go.
286
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,058
There's the beggar.
287
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,977
Oi, Nathe!
288
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,979
Nathan!
289
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,523
Nathan.
290
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,653
Hell-fire!
291
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:23,198
- What are you doing out here, kid?
- Nowt. Walking home.
292
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,368
lt's miles home! You know that!
293
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,954
Why did you run off like that?
294
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,959
You're embarrassed, aren't you?
295
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:37,212
You think your own dad's a dickhead.
296
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:41,883
We're not doing this for a laugh,
you know.
297
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,135
l'm trying to get some brass together
298
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:48,056
so as you and me can keep
seeing each other.
299
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,351
They're trying to stop us, you see.
300
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,228
Oh, well, I may as well not bother.
301
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,397
Except l'm your dad.
302
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:01,069
lt counts for something, don't it?
303
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,075
l like you.
304
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,246
l love you, you bugger.
305
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,583
All right, kid?
306
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,759
- All right?
- Yeah.
307
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,014
You nutter.
308
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,652
- Well, you said dancing.
- lt were a great idea, kid.
309
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:45,822
Just not the right sort of dancing.
310
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,575
Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere.
311
00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,828
Oh, my God!
312
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,539
Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be
famous down job club.
313
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,374
He's not bad for a bastard, is he?
314
00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:59,335
He's dead, that's what he is.
315
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:08,178
You said you wanted a dance teacher.
316
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,055
Gerald? Go get chuffed!
317
00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:14,434
He'd tell every bugger!
We'd be laughed out of Sheffield.
318
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:16,728
'Ey up, lads. Bandits at six o'clock.
319
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,858
Ah, come in, Torvill.
320
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,902
Park your sequins over 'ere.
321
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,489
- You've had your laugh. Now piss off.
- lt's a free country.
322
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:30,909
- You were rather good. Nifty footwork.
- Gerald!
323
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,036
Oh, hello.
324
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:39,626
- Gerald, you're missing the rumba.
- Sorry, I just met some pals from... work.
325
00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:43,671
- Not thinking ofjoining our class?
- Funny you should mention it...
326
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:47,842
- I think we'd better be getting back now.
- Well, goodnight.
327
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:52,639
You get back to your rumba.
See you later, Gerald.
328
00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,100
At work.
329
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,622
He's got gnomes.
330
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,959
Aye, he bloody would have.
331
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,421
Things looking up?
332
00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:27,340
You know, love, I think they just might be.
333
00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:28,716
Good.
334
00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:30,677
You've been working too hard.
335
00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:34,764
You should let a colleague
do the lion's share for a change.
336
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:38,560
- I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald.
- Oh, well. Mustn't be late.
337
00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:41,771
- So it's all right if l...
- Oh, Linda, love...
338
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:45,400
Oh, don't be so mean!
Things are looking up. You said so.
339
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,569
You'll love skiing.
340
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,282
Linda...
341
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,912
lt don't matter. Bye.
342
00:25:03,961 --> 00:25:06,087
'Ey, Gaz.
343
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:16,014
- Off to the office, Torvill?
- Yes, I bloody am!
344
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,183
Put that back. Put it back!
345
00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:23,396
See that? lnterview.
ln the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons.
346
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,857
l could do the job standing on me head.
347
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:28,151
l won't have
to look at your ugly mugs again.
348
00:25:28,277 --> 00:25:30,862
- Come on, we just need some help.
- Sorry.
349
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:33,323
There's nothing I can do to help you.
350
00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:35,575
Just wanna know about dancing.
351
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:38,661
Dancers have coordination, skill,
352
00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:41,706
timing, fitness and grace.
353
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:44,500
Take a long hard look in the mirror.
354
00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:47,337
Now, l'm busy.
355
00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:49,839
Don't be late for job club, lads.
356
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,301
Bastard!
357
00:25:56,847 --> 00:25:59,641
Starting at £16,000,
plus the pension scheme.
358
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:04,562
lt'll be a relief to get back to work.
lt's not been an easy six months.
359
00:26:04,647 --> 00:26:07,732
l'm up to date with
the latest industry developments,
360
00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,526
and l've kept meself...
361
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:16,199
busy, you know.
362
00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:19,869
Well, all the qualifications
are there, obviously.
363
00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:23,331
And we go back further
than I care to remember.
364
00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:26,542
Sorry?
365
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:35,093
What we're asking, Gerald, is...
366
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:40,265
after such a long lay-off,
do you think you're up to the job?
367
00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:46,604
You... !
368
00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,690
- Bastard!
- Fucking hell!
369
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:54,570
'Ey, Gerry, mate...
370
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:58,783
- You didn't get it, then?
- Get out the way! Come 'ere!
371
00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,869
Bastard! That were mine, that job!
372
00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,789
You don't give a toss! You're kids!
373
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:08,668
lt's different for me! l've got
a standard of living! Responsibilities!
374
00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:11,713
l were on me way up! I am on me way up!
375
00:27:14,258 --> 00:27:17,468
lt were me first interview in months!
376
00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:21,889
l could've got me first month's in advance.
She'd never have known.
377
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,391
Now what?
378
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,060
She's still got credit cards, you know.
379
00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:32,775
She's out there now, ont' High Street,
with a fucking MasterCard, spending!
380
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:34,944
Why can't you just tell her?
381
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:39,240
How can I tell her after six months?
382
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:43,411
A woman who wants to go skiing
for us holidays!
383
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,417
Skiing, for fuck's sake!
384
00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:55,173
Why did you do it? lt was my job!
385
00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:58,843
lt had to be my... job!
386
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:42,011
Can't you just leave me alone?
387
00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,692
We stuck it with superglue.
388
00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:58,903
You can't hardly see t'join.
389
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,245
- Go on.
- Oh, yeah.
390
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:12,208
We got this int' jumble, like, to say sorry.
391
00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:16,838
Wheels go round and everything.
392
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:23,010
lt's for your gnomes, really. Not you.
393
00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:25,304
l...
394
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:28,015
l don't know...
395
00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:32,186
lt's marvelous, this.
396
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,776
We were thinking...
397
00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:41,654
you can maybe put it next to...
wishing well.
398
00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:43,865
Make a bit of a...
399
00:29:44,533 --> 00:29:47,034
- Feature.
- Yeah.
400
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:49,203
What do you reck?
401
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:55,877
Ta, lads.
402
00:29:57,463 --> 00:29:59,547
Ta very much.
403
00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:05,261
Cigarette me, for fuck's sake.
404
00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:10,516
Think any of them could dance?
405
00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:14,437
You're not still on about
this Chippendales malarkey, are you?
406
00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:17,899
A Yorkshire version.
Them buggers can, we bloody can.
407
00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:20,985
- You can't dance.
- We know, Gerald.
408
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:25,573
- Gaz, niner on its way.
- Why do you think we're trailing you?
409
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:28,618
lt's not my kind of dancing.
lt's all arse wiggling.
410
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,578
l've got a degree in arse wiggling, mate.
411
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,956
You learn us dancing,
l'll learn you the rest.
412
00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,627
Gerald, for once, l'm dead serious.
l need your help.
413
00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:41,672
What if someone spots me? What if
Linda finds out? l've got standing, me.
414
00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:43,299
You've an overdraft an' all.
415
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:43,067
l'm sorry. Sorry.
416
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,529
l thought l'd give it a go.
417
00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:49,699
l got a bit desperate. You know how it is.
418
00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:53,077
l can't even take my kit off properly, can l?
419
00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:56,247
You're all right, Reg.
There's some tea if you like.
420
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,374
No, thanks. The kids are outside.
421
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,293
Bring 'em in.
422
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:02,044
No.
423
00:32:02,713 --> 00:32:04,839
This is no place for kids.
424
00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:16,225
This is crazy.
425
00:32:18,687 --> 00:32:20,938
So,
426
00:32:21,023 --> 00:32:22,857
it's Mr. Horse.
427
00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:25,568
Horse.
428
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:26,902
Yeah, well...
429
00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:30,031
Just a minute, Mr. Horse.
My colleagues on the panel...
430
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,908
Ask him why he's called the Horse.
431
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:37,830
You bloody ask him!
lt's not cos he does the Grand National.
432
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,166
That's all very well,
but a big wanger is no use
433
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,835
if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in.
434
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,962
l mean, he must be 50 if he's a day.
435
00:32:45,047 --> 00:32:48,382
So, Horse, what can you do?
436
00:32:49,718 --> 00:32:51,844
Dunno, really.
437
00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:54,847
Let's see, there's the...
438
00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:56,474
There's the bump.
439
00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:00,061
The stomp. The bus stop.
440
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,438
Me breakdancing days are probably over.
441
00:33:02,564 --> 00:33:05,399
- But I do the funky chicken.
- Now you're talking!
442
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:08,444
- All of 'em?
- Well, yeah. I think so.
443
00:33:08,570 --> 00:33:12,156
Well, it's been a while, mind.
And l've got this dodgy hip.
444
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,866
Yeah.
445
00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:16,827
Well, stick it on, Nathe.
Do your worst, pal.
446
00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:05,042
My favorite film's "Singing lnt' Rain".
That walking-up-wall thing is ace!
447
00:34:05,127 --> 00:34:08,129
He knows me.
He plastered our bathroom a while back.
448
00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:10,089
- Get rid of him.
- You'll be fine.
449
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,591
- He'll blow my cover.
- Shut up!
450
00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:15,678
- What walking-up-wall thing?
- I'll show you.
451
00:34:15,804 --> 00:34:17,888
l'm Donald O'Connor, right?
452
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,977
That's the wall.
453
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,991
Oh, well...
454
00:34:37,242 --> 00:34:39,702
lt's better than that in the film, you know.
455
00:34:41,705 --> 00:34:44,373
So... you don't sing?
456
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,208
No.
457
00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:49,920
- You don't dance?
- No.
458
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:54,675
Hope you don't think l'm being nosy,
but... what do you do?
459
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,844
Well...
460
00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:59,013
There is... this.
461
00:35:08,857 --> 00:35:12,401
Gentlemen, the lunchbox... has landed.
462
00:35:19,034 --> 00:35:20,159
Chuffing Nora!
463
00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:22,703
All right, Gerald? I didn't see you!
464
00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:25,206
l did his bathroom.
465
00:35:27,918 --> 00:35:29,251
Hello, Guy.
466
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,086
Nathe...
467
00:35:31,213 --> 00:35:33,422
Nathan!
468
00:35:37,761 --> 00:35:40,221
- I say, Jean!
- Yeah?
469
00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:42,389
Ever been out with a black bloke?
470
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:46,143
- You know I haven't, Dave.
- But...
471
00:35:46,228 --> 00:35:48,729
lf you
were ont' lookout for a new fella, right?
472
00:35:48,814 --> 00:35:51,106
lf you were, just saying,
473
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:53,275
would you think about it?
474
00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,444
What's got into you?
475
00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:58,906
No, would you, though?
476
00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,784
l might do. Yeah.
477
00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:04,245
ls that all right?
478
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:06,789
- So it's true.
- l've bloody had enough of this.
479
00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:08,749
What's true?
480
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,335
What they say about black blokes.
481
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:13,462
They've got great bodies and that.
482
00:36:13,588 --> 00:36:15,631
Some of 'em. Yeah.
483
00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,844
And?
484
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:22,513
Nothing.
485
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:27,977
David... I don't care if they're black,
white, or bloody rainbow-colored.
486
00:36:28,103 --> 00:36:31,313
l'm married to you. Remember?
487
00:36:31,439 --> 00:36:33,482
Yeah.
488
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,280
Night.
489
00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:45,035
Why would I want anyone else?
490
00:36:45,996 --> 00:36:48,122
Big man.
491
00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:55,546
Jeanie,
492
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,715
l'm all in.
493
00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:04,346
lt's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt,
you know.
494
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,962
They're just messing, Dave.
495
00:37:37,047 --> 00:37:39,173
- Do you reckon?
- 'Course!
496
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:41,342
Just Jean, innit?
497
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,931
- Got any of them mint chocolate jobs?
- You're on a diet.
498
00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:51,268
- Don't you start an' all.
- How much you got, then?
499
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,106
22... 27 pence.
500
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:59,902
£4.99, special offer.
We're still a fucking fiver short.
501
00:38:00,028 --> 00:38:02,947
You know what this means, Dave?
502
00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:05,115
Oh, no! Come on, Gaz. Why me?
503
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,827
You've got an innocent face.
l've got serial killer written on mine.
504
00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:11,830
lf you won't dance,
you can do something useful.
505
00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:14,291
Jean'll throw an eppy!
She's only over there!
506
00:38:14,376 --> 00:38:18,545
She's miles away!
See you later. Good luck.
507
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:22,800
- Give us a pear drop, you.
- They're not paid for.
508
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,355
Hey, what's this?
509
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,859
l didn't go on the nick in Asda
for some chuffing women's DlY video.
510
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:24,445
lt's Flashdance, Dave. She's a welder.
511
00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:27,489
l hope she dances better than she welds!
512
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:30,576
- Look at that! Her mix is all to cock.
- Shut up, Dave.
513
00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:34,288
- What do you know about welding?
- More than some chuffing woman!
514
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,957
lt's like Bonfire Night.
Too much acetylene.
515
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,084
Them joints won't hold fuck all.
516
00:39:39,169 --> 00:39:42,379
For Christ's sake,
we're looking for dancing.
517
00:39:42,464 --> 00:39:44,339
He's got the hump about Asda.
518
00:39:44,466 --> 00:39:47,134
'Ey, cop a load of that.
519
00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:53,682
What did I tell you?
She's nifty on her pins.
520
00:39:57,145 --> 00:40:00,230
That, gentlemen,
is what we are looking for.
521
00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:04,485
Oh, aye. I can just see him doing
all that twizzling-about bollocks.
522
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:09,031
lt's souped-up tango, is that. Teach
any bugger in a week. Even you, mate.
523
00:40:09,157 --> 00:40:11,408
Even a fat bastard like me?
524
00:40:11,493 --> 00:40:14,328
Yeah, I know what I am,
so don't take the piss.
525
00:40:15,705 --> 00:40:18,749
All right. Two weeks.
526
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:21,668
Straight up.
527
00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:31,804
l dunno, Gaz. Jean reckons...
528
00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:34,598
l should take that security-guard job
at Asda.
529
00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:37,017
Jesus! Security?
530
00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:38,727
You're worth more than that.
531
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:40,896
She don't think so.
532
00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:44,149
l reckon summat's going on
with her and that bloke.
533
00:40:44,234 --> 00:40:45,859
The juggling bugger?
534
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:48,070
No. No way.
535
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:50,239
lt's not as if l'd blame her.
536
00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:52,407
You could show her, Dave.
537
00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:56,912
Nobody tells them Chippendales
to do security. Raking it in, they are!
538
00:40:57,038 --> 00:41:01,750
Two weeks. That's what the man said,
and he's not taking the piss.
539
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:03,710
Aye, it's a thought.
540
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,754
lt's more than a thought.
541
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,883
Think of Jean's face when
she sees you dancing like Flashdance.
542
00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:13,679
Two weeks? Just like flashy tits?
543
00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:15,889
lt's what your man said.
544
00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:20,894
'Ey... I can weld better than her an' all.
545
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:25,274
Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop!
546
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:29,153
- What?
- You stay still!
547
00:41:29,237 --> 00:41:32,239
And you... go forward, OK?
548
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:34,241
- OK.
- All right, Nathan.
549
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:43,083
No, no, no! Jesus Christ!
550
00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:47,462
All I want to do
is get you in a straight bloody line!
551
00:41:47,589 --> 00:41:49,506
What do I have to do?
552
00:41:49,591 --> 00:41:51,800
lt's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it?
553
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:55,179
- You what?
- The Arsenal offside trap.
554
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:57,389
Lomper here is Tony Adams, right?
555
00:41:57,473 --> 00:41:59,391
Any bugger looks like scoring,
556
00:41:59,475 --> 00:42:04,062
we all step forward in a line
and wave our arms around like a fairy.
557
00:42:04,147 --> 00:42:05,772
That's easy.
558
00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,358
OK!
559
00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:10,527
Nathan!
560
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:17,868
Ref!
561
00:42:18,328 --> 00:42:21,788
Perfect.
562
00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,457
Well, you should have said.
563
00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:30,631
Come on. Get in quick,
and wipe your boots.
564
00:42:33,843 --> 00:42:37,721
- Put that back. You'll break it.
- l'm just looking.
565
00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:39,681
Bit posh, innit?
566
00:42:39,807 --> 00:42:40,933
Right, then.
567
00:42:41,017 --> 00:42:44,645
- Are we right?
- Right for what?
568
00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:47,773
Taking us kit off.
569
00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:50,108
l thought you were turning me
into a fancy dancer.
570
00:42:50,193 --> 00:42:52,319
Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we?
571
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:54,488
What, here? Now? ln this house?
572
00:42:56,658 --> 00:43:00,702
- This is a good area, this is.
- Gaz... I dunno.
573
00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:02,913
lf we can't get us kit off
in front of ourselves,
574
00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,874
what chance have we got
in front of lasses?
575
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,834
Tops off.
576
00:43:12,215 --> 00:43:14,091
Come on!
577
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,680
Well, no looking.
And no laughing, you bastards.
578
00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:30,565
l used to have a proper job, me.
579
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:35,028
l ask you, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
580
00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:46,748
And the kecks.
581
00:44:04,392 --> 00:44:07,811
- Horse by name, horse by nature, eh?
- Oh, shut it, you!
582
00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:11,440
- How come you're so brown?
- No reason.
583
00:44:11,566 --> 00:44:17,154
- Someone's got a sunbed, Gerald!
- lt's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't!
584
00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:19,406
What am I gonna do about this?
585
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:21,700
lt's not too bad.
586
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,327
From the front, like.
587
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,413
Fat, David, is a feminist issue.
588
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:28,582
What's that supposed to mean?
589
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:31,585
l don't bloody know, do l? But it is.
590
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:35,172
l try dieting.
591
00:44:35,256 --> 00:44:37,632
l do try!
592
00:44:37,759 --> 00:44:41,178
lt seems l've spent
most of me fucking life on a diet!
593
00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:43,430
The less I eat, the fatter I get.
594
00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:47,517
- So stuff yourself and get thin.
- Oh, shut up, saggy tits!
595
00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:50,062
They're not.
596
00:44:50,146 --> 00:44:54,191
A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff
put on her at this health club.
597
00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:57,319
She lost stones. lt were like magic.
598
00:44:57,445 --> 00:44:59,112
Oh, what's it called?
599
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:01,698
Anyway, it's like clingfilm.
600
00:45:01,783 --> 00:45:04,409
- l've heard of that.
- Clingfilm?
601
00:45:04,494 --> 00:45:07,162
l'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald.
602
00:45:07,288 --> 00:45:11,792
- You wrap it round, reduce the fat...
- She swears by it!
603
00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:20,592
- You can't just take stuff.
- Sorry, mate.
604
00:45:20,676 --> 00:45:22,761
But I only owe him 120 quid.
605
00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:26,932
- That's all these'll fetch second-hand.
- They're not second-hand.
606
00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:29,142
They are now, mate.
607
00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:33,814
- Put down and piss off.
- Fucking hell!
608
00:45:38,486 --> 00:45:42,322
l think there's been a mistake.
We'll check with the office.
609
00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:46,535
- Cheers, lads.
- lt's not bad, this stripping lark.
610
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,715
Dave and Lomps, up the wing.
611
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:03,385
One, two, three, four.
612
00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:06,096
Left touchline, three, four.
613
00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,515
Right touchline, three, four.
614
00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,851
Offside trap. One, two,
615
00:46:10,935 --> 00:46:13,937
three, four. Now the belt,
616
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:16,148
three. Now the shoes,
617
00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:18,692
three, four. Now the socks...
618
00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:21,778
- Hang on, I can't...
- Carry on!
619
00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,118
- That were crap.
- Give us a chance!
620
00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:30,954
l bet even Madonna has difficulty
with her shoes.
621
00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,123
- You could've had me eye out!
- Sorry.
622
00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:36,418
What are you doing? They're borrowed!
623
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:38,378
We can use 'em for the show.
624
00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:40,464
lt's what them Chippendales do.
625
00:46:40,548 --> 00:46:43,300
They put Velcro down the side,
and then...
626
00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:45,427
All is revealed. I'll sew 'em back up.
627
00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:47,846
Where did you learn to be an ace sewer?
628
00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:49,473
Prison.
629
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,603
Cheers, Nathe.
630
00:46:58,483 --> 00:47:00,567
Come on, Al, it's me!
631
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:04,446
Which is precisely why
it's 100 quid up front. Half-price.
632
00:47:04,572 --> 00:47:07,240
lf I give you t'club for nowt
and you don't turn up,
633
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:10,160
l've got an empty bar on a Friday night.
634
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:14,247
'Course we'll turn up!
l haven't got 100 quid!
635
00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:18,627
lf you tell me what you're up to,
it might help.
636
00:47:19,587 --> 00:47:21,671
l can't. lt's top-secret.
637
00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:24,925
Sorry...
638
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,775
- All right, love?
- Hi, Mum.
639
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:44,110
- What do you want?
- All right, Mand?
640
00:47:44,195 --> 00:47:46,488
l'm gonna get you all your money.
641
00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:51,076
Our money. Nathan's.
You know, for definite this time.
642
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,955
- Yeah, right. That all?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
643
00:47:56,123 --> 00:48:01,002
Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have
to speculate to accumulate, in business.
644
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:05,423
- l'm not sure l'm hearing this.
- I'll get you it all. I just need a tiny bit.
645
00:48:05,508 --> 00:48:07,926
- You want some money?
- Yeah!
646
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:11,346
Right. I need someone int' packing section.
647
00:48:11,472 --> 00:48:15,225
£2.50 an hour. You can start now,
if you like. Are you coming?
648
00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:18,812
Come on, Dad.
649
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,191
Nathan.
650
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:26,027
You can't do this, kid. lt's your savings.
651
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:29,573
l can. I just need your signature.
lt says int' book.
652
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,616
l'd like to take my money out, please.
653
00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,326
Well, you bloody well can't.
654
00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:37,330
- You're all right, love. lt's sorted.
- lt's my money!
655
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:38,748
£100, please.
656
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:42,627
When you're 18,
you can walk in and get it yourself.
657
00:48:42,712 --> 00:48:45,755
- You said you'd get it back.
- I know!
658
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,133
But you don't want to listen to what I say.
659
00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:51,595
You said so. I believe you.
660
00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:54,598
You do?
661
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,682
Yeah.
662
00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:00,687
Blimey, Nathe!
663
00:49:13,451 --> 00:49:16,369
Come on, come on! One, two!
664
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:29,382
And one for luck!
665
00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:25,772
Yeah!
666
00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:41,955
lt's not straight, Lomps.
667
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,832
Give over, it's only a poster.
668
00:50:47,336 --> 00:50:49,796
Christ al-bloody-mighty!
669
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,549
All right, sweethearts?
670
00:50:54,635 --> 00:50:56,803
Gary the lad!
What are you up to, then, shifty?
671
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,806
Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other.
672
00:51:01,559 --> 00:51:04,936
- Just advertising for some mates.
- Oh, aye.
673
00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:07,397
And who's gonna come and see
your mates?
674
00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:10,191
We had the real thing up here
the other day.
675
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:12,652
Well, us mates are better.
676
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,698
- Better? How's that, then?
- Well...
677
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:20,785
This lot go all the way.
678
00:51:20,870 --> 00:51:24,414
- Don't they, lads?
- The full monty? You lot?
679
00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:29,002
Hell-fire! That would be worth a look!
680
00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:31,671
- See you there, then.
- Ta-ra.
681
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:37,135
- Keep your hair on.
- No way. No and never. ln that order, kid.
682
00:51:37,219 --> 00:51:41,222
Excuse me, no-one said anything to me
about the full monty.
683
00:51:41,348 --> 00:51:45,477
You heard 'em. We've gotta give them
more than your average ten-bob stripper.
684
00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:49,397
- Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say...
- Your willy?
685
00:51:49,523 --> 00:51:52,484
- My willy!
- A laughing stock. Totally!
686
00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:53,777
Well, they're coming!
687
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:56,488
With a pair of scissors! They know it's us.
688
00:51:56,572 --> 00:52:01,034
By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield
will know it's us whether we do it or not.
689
00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:03,953
We can forget it,
go back to fucking job club,
690
00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,664
or do it and just maybe get rich.
691
00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:08,500
And I tell you,
692
00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:12,045
folks don't laugh so loud
when you've a grand in your pocket.
693
00:52:12,713 --> 00:52:14,756
Now, are you in...
694
00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,090
or are you out?
695
00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:23,223
..all sorts of problems
for drivers on the Pennines.
696
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:27,268
So, please avoid the area if possible.
697
00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:31,231
The good news is that the outlook
for the rest of the week is much better,
698
00:52:31,315 --> 00:52:35,985
with the storms clearing
to leave the weekend warm and sunny.
699
00:52:36,070 --> 00:52:40,448
Now, back to the music.
Here's another disco classic from the '70s.
700
00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:42,325
lt's Donna Summer with...
701
00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:43,952
"Hot Stuff".
702
00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:45,346
No.
703
00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:48,141
Gerald, come on, mate. Just an hour!
704
00:53:52,021 --> 00:53:54,647
You've got some fit birds in there.
705
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:59,110
Nah. Tits are too big.
706
00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:00,320
Yeah?
707
00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:02,196
Didn't know they could be.
708
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:07,285
Anti-wrinkle cream.
709
00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,495
Can fellas use this an' all?
710
00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:11,664
Do you mind, you!
711
00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:18,212
Well, I just pray they're a bit more
understanding about us, that's all.
712
00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:20,381
You what?
713
00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:24,802
They're gonna be looking at us like that.
714
00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:29,515
What if, next Friday, 400 women say:
"He's too fat, he's too old,
715
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,518
and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."
716
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:35,772
- They wouldn't.
- Why not? He said her tits are too big.
717
00:54:35,856 --> 00:54:38,524
That's different. We're... blokes.
718
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:40,276
Yeah. And?
719
00:54:40,361 --> 00:54:42,570
l think she's got nice tits.
720
00:54:42,696 --> 00:54:46,366
l never said owt about her personality.
She's probably quite nice.
721
00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:48,952
They won't say nowt
about your personality.
722
00:54:49,036 --> 00:54:51,245
Which is good cos you're a bastard.
723
00:54:51,372 --> 00:54:55,458
Bollocks to your personality!
This is what they're looking at.
724
00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:57,377
And I tell you summat, mate.
725
00:54:57,461 --> 00:55:03,049
Anti-wrinkle cream there may be,
but anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none.
726
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:05,051
Here... lads.
727
00:55:11,392 --> 00:55:13,059
Oh, mother!
728
00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:15,103
Bloody hell!
729
00:55:15,187 --> 00:55:17,814
Gaz said he wanted
something a bit flashy.
730
00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:21,234
- lt's top of the range. Real leather.
- Yeah, but...
731
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:23,861
- You don't get much.
- What day is it?
732
00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:26,823
- Monday.
- When are we on?
733
00:55:26,907 --> 00:55:30,076
Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow.
734
00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:34,998
l think l'm gonna be sick.
735
00:55:42,256 --> 00:55:44,882
How can I read the instructions?
There wasn't any.
736
00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:48,094
No? Well, maybe there's a part missing.
737
00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:51,723
Yeah, I got that. lf that's what you call it.
738
00:55:51,807 --> 00:55:56,185
Well, if it's all there,
how come it's not working?
739
00:55:58,439 --> 00:56:00,606
What do you mean, in what sense?
740
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:04,527
lt's not working
in the sense that it's not working.
741
00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:06,279
No, I can't speak up.
742
00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:10,616
Nothing's happening, you know
what I mean? Nothing's getting bigger.
743
00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:12,952
Well, this is an emergency, is this.
744
00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:05,713
What's the matter, big man?
745
00:57:09,343 --> 00:57:11,385
l'm sorry.
746
00:57:18,727 --> 00:57:20,853
Dave...
747
00:57:24,608 --> 00:57:26,692
Dave.
748
00:57:40,124 --> 00:57:42,208
You're ahead.
749
00:57:42,584 --> 00:57:44,544
Give us a break!
750
00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:49,924
All right, kid.
751
00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:53,594
Tell us straight.
752
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:56,305
We're not making the biggest arses
of ourselves in the known universe,
753
00:57:56,390 --> 00:57:58,266
are we?
754
00:59:08,003 --> 00:59:10,087
Dave, mate.
755
00:59:10,172 --> 00:59:13,382
Can I have a word? ln private, like.
756
00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:17,261
Yeah. I suppose so.
757
00:59:17,346 --> 00:59:20,389
Dave, you won't tell anyone, will you?
758
00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:23,893
No, your... Your secret's safe with me.
759
00:59:26,313 --> 00:59:28,564
When I were about 12,
760
00:59:28,649 --> 00:59:32,985
our school took us for...
for swimming lessons.
761
00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:35,112
Mixed classes.
762
00:59:35,197 --> 00:59:37,698
You know, boys...
763
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:39,492
and...
764
00:59:40,827 --> 00:59:42,370
and girls.
765
00:59:46,166 --> 00:59:49,627
lt were terrible, Dave. I were there
766
00:59:49,711 --> 00:59:51,837
standing at t'side of t'pool in me trunks
767
00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:55,633
with all these pretty lassies
around in bikinis!
768
00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,885
And... Well, l...
769
00:59:58,011 --> 01:00:00,096
l got...
770
01:00:05,686 --> 01:00:08,020
l got a stiffy!
771
01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:11,607
- What did you do?
- I jumped into t'deep end.
772
01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:14,402
l nearly fucking drowned!
773
01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,070
What if it happens again?
774
01:00:16,196 --> 01:00:18,531
Think of that? ln front of 400 women!
775
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,950
Gerald,
776
01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:23,703
you're talking to t'wrong man.
777
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:33,129
- You said it were just your mum.
- lt's family.
778
01:00:33,213 --> 01:00:36,590
- What can you do?
- Who the hell-fire's that?
779
01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:40,761
Oh, no.
780
01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:42,555
lt's Beryl.
781
01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:45,141
Me niece!
782
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,392
Where's Dave?
783
01:00:52,232 --> 01:00:54,191
'Ere, Dave!
784
01:00:54,276 --> 01:00:56,027
Dave!
785
01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:58,112
- What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
786
01:00:58,238 --> 01:01:01,699
We're on in three days' time!
Where the fuck are you?
787
01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:04,702
l'm 'ere, working! Earning! That's where.
788
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,829
Not pissing about!
789
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,748
End of chat.
790
01:01:10,751 --> 01:01:12,293
Dave.
791
01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,004
- Come on, Dave.
- No.
792
01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:17,089
All right, then.
793
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:20,259
- Very nice.
- Gaz, please, don't.
794
01:01:20,344 --> 01:01:22,303
Come on, Mr. Security Guard. Do your job.
795
01:01:22,387 --> 01:01:23,387
Gazza!
796
01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:27,475
Horse, go out and tell 'em there's a delay.
797
01:01:27,601 --> 01:01:28,976
They won't wait forever.
798
01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:44,867
Keep up, you fat bastard!
799
01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:51,791
Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right?
800
01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:54,627
- All right?
- We need you, Dave.
801
01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,632
l can't.
802
01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:05,971
l just can't. All right?
803
01:02:07,641 --> 01:02:12,186
Listen, just think of the most boring thing
you can come up with.
804
01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:15,189
- That should keep it well in order.
- Like what?
805
01:02:15,315 --> 01:02:18,692
- Double-glazing salesmen.
- Gardening. The Queen's speech.
806
01:02:18,819 --> 01:02:20,778
A Dire Straits double album.
807
01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:24,240
- Nature programs.
- I like nature programs.
808
01:02:24,324 --> 01:02:27,868
Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on,
though, do they?
809
01:02:27,994 --> 01:02:29,620
Do they?
810
01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:33,165
- Blimey...
- Oh, shut up! lt's not funny. lt's medical.
811
01:02:39,047 --> 01:02:40,714
He's not coming.
812
01:02:42,676 --> 01:02:43,676
We can do without him.
813
01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:30,616
So your daddy dances in front of you?
814
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,369
When he's rehearsing.
815
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:41,961
We were dancing all right then, an' all.
816
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:43,963
My feet are freezing.
817
01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:46,715
Right. Name.
818
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,884
Gary Schofield.
819
01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:55,349
- Gerald Arthur Cooper.
- What?
820
01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:57,518
Gerald Arthur Cooper.
821
01:05:00,188 --> 01:05:03,148
- Barrington Mitchell.
- Barrington?
822
01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:04,650
Yeah.
823
01:05:04,734 --> 01:05:06,819
- ls that one R?
- Two.
824
01:05:29,676 --> 01:05:32,553
Told you. Robbing pipes, that's all.
825
01:05:32,637 --> 01:05:33,762
Gary, my friend,
826
01:05:33,847 --> 01:05:36,557
no bugger robs pipes in the buff.
827
01:05:36,641 --> 01:05:38,100
We do.
828
01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:40,185
Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?
829
01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:46,942
Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's
a right good laundry in Wakefield prison.
830
01:05:50,572 --> 01:05:53,157
Security-camera tapes off the front desk.
831
01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:54,575
What happened to the security guard?
832
01:06:06,421 --> 01:06:08,422
You're always ahead there.
833
01:06:08,506 --> 01:06:10,924
You're always bloody behind, more like.
834
01:06:11,009 --> 01:06:15,804
Look... Excuse me,
can I borrow this for a second?
835
01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:18,474
Look, shut up, will you? Watch.
836
01:06:22,354 --> 01:06:24,021
He's right.
837
01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:26,357
- You're ahead.
- Oh, go... bollocks!
838
01:06:49,381 --> 01:06:50,881
Be quiet! Me mum'll hear.
839
01:06:50,965 --> 01:06:53,884
l've always wanted to meet your mum.
840
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:07,481
What do you mean, I can't see him?
He's me son! I haven't been charged!
841
01:07:07,565 --> 01:07:09,650
Ask Smiler in there! No charge!
842
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:13,278
Sorry. Social Services have requested
an interview with you.
843
01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:16,031
Have to make an appointment.
844
01:07:20,328 --> 01:07:23,372
- l've come to pick up my son.
- Oh, right...
845
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:25,457
Just a minute.
846
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:27,876
He's fine. We've not been charged or owt.
847
01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:31,714
So this is your great money-making
enterprise? Pornography?
848
01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:34,091
Don't be daft! We're getting your money.
849
01:07:34,175 --> 01:07:36,510
My money? Nathan's money!
850
01:07:36,594 --> 01:07:38,679
- Here he is.
- All right, Dad?
851
01:07:38,763 --> 01:07:41,974
- All right, kid?
- Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum.
852
01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:43,517
Come on, love.
853
01:07:43,601 --> 01:07:45,269
We're going now.
854
01:07:45,353 --> 01:07:47,438
- Come on, Mand!
- Unemployed,
855
01:07:47,522 --> 01:07:52,025
maintenance arrears of £700,
and now an arrest for indecent exposure.
856
01:07:52,110 --> 01:07:54,778
- Still think you're a good father?
- He is trying.
857
01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:57,656
- See?
- A bit late for that.
858
01:07:57,741 --> 01:08:01,034
- Hang on a minute!
- Look at yourself, Gary!
859
01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:03,495
Just look at yourself.
860
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:41,533
All right, mate?
861
01:08:42,285 --> 01:08:44,620
So.
862
01:08:46,289 --> 01:08:49,291
And this has been going on how long?
863
01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:54,254
About six months.
864
01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:03,430
l can cope with losing the sunbed.
865
01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:05,599
Car. Television.
866
01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:10,270
l can even cope with the shame
of everyone watching this.
867
01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:13,774
But six months! Six bloody months!
868
01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:15,984
And you wouldn't say to me,
869
01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:19,404
to your wife.
870
01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:26,411
l thought you liked them.
871
01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,664
No, Gerald. l've never liked 'em.
872
01:09:54,065 --> 01:09:57,484
They've taken me sunbed.
They've taken bloody everything.
873
01:09:57,569 --> 01:10:00,612
- Kept hold of your chips, though.
- House repossessed.
874
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,573
Wife thrown me out.
875
01:10:02,657 --> 01:10:05,242
Guess what.
876
01:10:05,326 --> 01:10:07,703
l've just been offered that job.
877
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:09,705
Congratulations.
878
01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:19,506
- All right, kid?
- Hiya!
879
01:10:19,591 --> 01:10:22,593
- Fancy a kick-about int' park?
- Yeah.
880
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,138
Nathe.
881
01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:28,056
Hiya. All right, love?
882
01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:29,725
You shouldn't be here.
883
01:10:29,809 --> 01:10:32,811
- Says who?
- Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you?
884
01:10:34,522 --> 01:10:37,441
We're going swimming, Dad.
Do you wanna come?
885
01:10:40,278 --> 01:10:42,779
l can't, kid.
886
01:10:42,864 --> 01:10:44,990
Haven't brought me trunks, have l?
887
01:10:45,074 --> 01:10:48,577
- We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum?
- I can't, love.
888
01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:51,038
Why?
889
01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:53,206
l just...
890
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,793
l just can't. Sorry.
891
01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,631
He's not allowed, is he?
892
01:11:05,136 --> 01:11:06,637
Come on, love.
893
01:11:45,051 --> 01:11:46,343
Dave!
894
01:11:46,427 --> 01:11:48,720
Oi, you deaf twat!
895
01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:51,306
What do you want now?
l told you, l'm finished with you.
896
01:11:51,391 --> 01:11:53,475
We're all finished, Dave.
897
01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,936
l'm a bloody marked man now.
898
01:11:57,772 --> 01:12:01,066
Sorry about your Nathan.
lt's a bad one, that.
899
01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:03,235
Aye.
900
01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,654
lt's about Lomper.
901
01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:08,198
What's that pasty-faced chuffer want?
902
01:12:08,282 --> 01:12:10,367
His mum died two days ago.
903
01:12:13,454 --> 01:12:15,497
Poor lad. Sorry.
904
01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:17,499
Could you borrow us a jacket for t'funeral?
905
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:18,667
Gaz... !
906
01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:22,879
Come on, Dave!
lt's not for me, it's a funeral!
907
01:12:25,466 --> 01:12:27,134
What color?
908
01:12:29,012 --> 01:12:30,470
Orange.
909
01:12:30,555 --> 01:12:33,473
- Orange?
- Black, for fuck's sake!
910
01:12:33,558 --> 01:12:36,268
All right. Look, I'll meet you by t'doors.
911
01:12:47,321 --> 01:12:50,407
- Nice one.
- Come on, then.
912
01:12:50,491 --> 01:12:53,160
- Have you got some time off?
- Nah.
913
01:12:53,244 --> 01:12:55,495
Fucking pick'n'mix
were driving me crazy.
914
01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:57,456
Besides, it's a funeral.
915
01:12:57,540 --> 01:13:00,667
- Are you ready?
- Ready when you are.
916
01:14:11,197 --> 01:14:13,156
They bloody are, you know.
917
01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:14,866
They're holding hands.
918
01:14:14,951 --> 01:14:17,911
- They're never.
- Straight up.
919
01:14:18,871 --> 01:14:21,623
l never even hold hands
with ruddy lassies.
920
01:14:21,707 --> 01:14:23,416
Maybe I should.
921
01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:28,004
Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh?
922
01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:33,093
Ah, well. There's nowt as queer as folk.
923
01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:38,557
l said, "There's nowt as queer as folk"!
924
01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:41,476
Shut up, Dave.
lt's supposed to be a bloody funeral.
925
01:14:41,561 --> 01:14:43,728
l'm sorry.
926
01:14:53,072 --> 01:14:55,699
- Look! Who's that?
- lt's that guy!
927
01:14:55,783 --> 01:14:57,868
Show us your pecs!
928
01:15:02,039 --> 01:15:03,582
They were together in the paper.
929
01:15:08,588 --> 01:15:12,090
Have you been actively seeking work
over the last fortnight?
930
01:15:12,216 --> 01:15:13,300
Yeah.
931
01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:17,262
Have you done any work,
paid or unpaid, over the last fortnight?
932
01:15:17,346 --> 01:15:18,847
No.
933
01:15:20,892 --> 01:15:23,185
That's not what l've heard.
934
01:16:11,859 --> 01:16:13,401
Right, come on, you lot!
935
01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:19,407
"Slaidburn."
936
01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:25,622
One, two, three, four.
937
01:17:04,996 --> 01:17:07,706
- Go get shagged!
- Get your knickers off!
938
01:17:12,712 --> 01:17:15,213
Oh, fuck!
939
01:17:15,298 --> 01:17:17,882
Hey, Patricia the Stripper!
940
01:17:17,967 --> 01:17:21,052
- Bugger off.
- Where have you bloody been?
941
01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:25,640
What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels!
l've had no word from you!
942
01:17:25,725 --> 01:17:27,851
l hope they're sale or return.
943
01:17:27,935 --> 01:17:30,186
You're joking! You're bloody famous!
944
01:17:30,271 --> 01:17:32,564
Yeah, don't remind me.
945
01:17:32,648 --> 01:17:35,734
- l've sold 200-odd tickets!
- How many?
946
01:17:36,402 --> 01:17:38,611
Well done, Gerald. All the best.
947
01:17:38,696 --> 01:17:41,573
Hey! Example for you there!
948
01:17:45,411 --> 01:17:48,330
- Nice suit, Gerald!
- Yeah.
949
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,498
Well, l'd best be off.
950
01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:54,544
You never know,
there might be a job in it for you boys.
951
01:17:54,628 --> 01:17:56,421
- All right, lads?
- All right, Gaz?
952
01:17:56,505 --> 01:18:00,091
- Gareth.
- We're on.
953
01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:01,301
We're bloody on!
954
01:18:01,385 --> 01:18:05,221
- You what?
- We've sold 200 tickets. That's two grand!
955
01:18:05,306 --> 01:18:08,892
lt's a bit late for all that, Gaz.
l mean...
956
01:18:08,976 --> 01:18:11,353
l mean fresh start, you know.
957
01:18:11,437 --> 01:18:13,021
One more time, Gerald.
958
01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,900
You got the rest of your fucking life
to wear a suit!
959
01:18:16,984 --> 01:18:18,735
- Gerald...
- Aye, go on!
960
01:18:18,819 --> 01:18:20,362
Come on, Gerald.
961
01:18:24,241 --> 01:18:25,909
- Just once.
- Yes!
962
01:18:25,993 --> 01:18:28,828
That's all. Just tonight.
963
01:18:30,498 --> 01:18:33,541
How about it, Dave?
964
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:36,669
Haven't you grown out of all that yet?
965
01:18:36,754 --> 01:18:39,130
Come on, mate.
966
01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:41,800
Nah. Sorry, lads.
967
01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:52,310
Jean?
968
01:18:54,397 --> 01:18:55,939
Jean, love!
969
01:19:03,364 --> 01:19:05,448
There you are.
970
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:14,416
l should have guessed
when you started wearing totty lotion.
971
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:16,876
You never put it on for me, did you?
972
01:19:16,961 --> 01:19:19,212
- Jean?
- Or this?
973
01:19:20,798 --> 01:19:24,968
l never had you down
for this sort of caper, David.
974
01:19:25,052 --> 01:19:27,512
lt explains a few things, at least.
975
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:30,306
No, look...
l know it don't look good.
976
01:19:30,391 --> 01:19:32,976
You're bloody right it don't.
977
01:19:33,894 --> 01:19:36,646
All those nights you were late back
978
01:19:36,730 --> 01:19:40,984
and stupid cow here thought
you were out looking for a job!
979
01:19:41,068 --> 01:19:42,777
Well, no wonder.
980
01:19:42,862 --> 01:19:45,071
No bloody wonder.
981
01:19:45,156 --> 01:19:48,533
- lt's so obvious.
- No, I were with Gaz, honest.
982
01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:52,829
Oh, right!
She's one of Gaz's little tarts, is she?
983
01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:54,706
Well, that makes sense.
984
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:58,918
She'd have to be
to put up with this kind of shit!
985
01:20:00,588 --> 01:20:05,008
Just listen, will you?
lt's nowt to do with any fucking women!
986
01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:09,762
l'm...
987
01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,514
l were a stripper, right?
988
01:20:11,599 --> 01:20:13,516
Me and Gaz and...
989
01:20:13,601 --> 01:20:17,353
some fellas thought we'd make a bob
or two taking us clothes off.
990
01:20:19,690 --> 01:20:21,566
Strippers?
991
01:20:21,650 --> 01:20:24,027
All right, all right, I know.
992
01:20:24,111 --> 01:20:27,363
You... and Gaz?
993
01:20:27,448 --> 01:20:29,115
Strippers?
994
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:31,284
We weren't that bad.
995
01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,747
Only I couldn't, could l?
996
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:38,917
Why not?
997
01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,960
Well, look at me.
998
01:20:43,088 --> 01:20:45,173
So?
999
01:20:46,342 --> 01:20:50,136
Jeanie, who wants to see this dance?
1000
01:20:51,805 --> 01:20:53,890
Me, Dave.
1001
01:20:55,017 --> 01:20:57,101
l do.
1002
01:21:21,460 --> 01:21:23,044
Women only, you tosser!
1003
01:21:23,128 --> 01:21:26,714
Women only!
lt's on all t'posters, for fuck's sake.
1004
01:21:26,799 --> 01:21:29,592
No, nobody told me.
1005
01:21:29,677 --> 01:21:31,803
All the blokes from t'pub are in there.
1006
01:21:31,887 --> 01:21:36,140
- Bastards!
- You'll be all right once you're on stage.
1007
01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:37,684
Once l'm on stage?
1008
01:21:37,768 --> 01:21:43,231
l'm going nowhere near the fucking stage!
lt's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide!
1009
01:21:51,991 --> 01:21:54,784
Come on, come on! Come on, come on!
1010
01:21:54,868 --> 01:21:57,453
Come on, come on! Come on!
1011
01:21:58,289 --> 01:22:00,498
Shit! I'll give the money back.
1012
01:22:00,583 --> 01:22:02,292
Alan, announce it, please.
1013
01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:06,337
To 400 horny punters?
Ask me another one, kid!
1014
01:22:06,422 --> 01:22:07,422
By 'eck!
1015
01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:10,633
Our old dinner lady's ont' front row!
1016
01:22:10,718 --> 01:22:13,845
- We'll get torn to pieces!
- You will if you don't go on!
1017
01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:16,764
Ever seen a zebra brought down
by a pack of wolves?
1018
01:22:16,849 --> 01:22:19,934
These nature films.
Aren't they marvelous?
1019
01:22:20,019 --> 01:22:21,352
Brilliant, aren't they?
1020
01:22:21,437 --> 01:22:24,439
- They are, aren't they, Gerald?
- Oh, pack it in!
1021
01:22:24,523 --> 01:22:27,692
- Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz?
- Dave!
1022
01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,695
There were nowt on telly
so I thought l'd give it a go.
1023
01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:34,532
- I found this wandering about outside.
- They wouldn't let me in.
1024
01:22:34,617 --> 01:22:37,619
What the hell are you doing 'ere?
Your mum'll go mad!
1025
01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:40,747
- She's out front.
- ls she?
1026
01:22:40,831 --> 01:22:42,206
ls Barry with her?
1027
01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,417
She wouldn't let him come.
Said it were women only.
1028
01:22:44,501 --> 01:22:48,755
Right! I can't hold them any longer!
lt's now or never!
1029
01:22:50,841 --> 01:22:53,926
We're bloody on.
Go get your jacket on.
1030
01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:59,349
Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz?
1031
01:22:59,433 --> 01:23:00,850
Perhaps you better had.
1032
01:23:00,934 --> 01:23:03,019
No, we better hadn't.
1033
01:23:03,103 --> 01:23:06,856
Listen.
lf we're doing this, then just this once,
1034
01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:09,400
we're doing it right.
1035
01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:10,568
Now, come on.
1036
01:23:12,154 --> 01:23:14,614
Come on, put your hands together
1037
01:23:14,698 --> 01:23:16,991
and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall!
1038
01:23:26,585 --> 01:23:30,046
OK, ladies and gents...
and you buggers up the back there!
1039
01:23:31,048 --> 01:23:32,423
Get on with it!
1040
01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:34,217
We may not be young,
1041
01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:37,011
we may not be pretty,
we may not be right good,
1042
01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:39,222
but we're here.
1043
01:23:39,306 --> 01:23:41,683
We're live, and for one night only
1044
01:23:41,767 --> 01:23:44,727
we're going for the full monty!
1045
01:23:46,188 --> 01:23:48,606
You can't miss it, not after everything.
1046
01:23:49,733 --> 01:23:53,236
- Come on, Gaz! Hurry up!
- Sorry, lads.
1047
01:23:55,906 --> 01:23:57,448
Good luck, eh?
1048
01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:31,190
Listen.
l'm gonna get really annoyed with you.
1049
01:24:31,275 --> 01:24:33,609
They're cheering out there. You did that.
1050
01:24:33,694 --> 01:24:35,945
Now get out there and do your stuff.
1051
01:24:36,613 --> 01:24:38,614
God, is there anyone
l don't get bollocked by?
1052
01:24:38,699 --> 01:24:40,783
Out!
1053
01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:35,523
Off! Off! Off!
73138
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