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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,082 Thorny. 2 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,758 You call this a report card? 3 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,428 What kind of marks is this? 4 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,181 How you gonna go to college? 5 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,184 I don't wanna go. I wanna work with you. 6 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,103 You wanna work with me? 7 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:48,732 Listen to me. I say this once and I say it again. 8 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,568 However rich or successful a man is, 9 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,530 if he don't got an education, he's got nothing. 10 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,574 - I tried, Pop. I can't do it. - Then try harder. 11 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,833 You can do anything in life you wanna do. 12 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:10,712 Remember. You're a Meloni. 13 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:25,347 Hi. Are you a large person? Pleasantly plump? A little on the hefty side? 14 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,766 Or, let's face it, are you fat? 15 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,895 When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? 16 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,273 At the zoo, do elephants throw you peanuts? 17 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,608 Do you look at a menu and say "OK!"? 18 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:42,114 Well, eat all you want because Melon's Tall & Fat stores have got you covered. 19 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:46,285 Fine woolen and woolen-blend suits and sport coats in all the larger sizes. 20 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:50,122 Husky, stout, extra stout. And the new Hindenburg line. 21 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,666 And for you ladies we have caftans 22 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,627 and our own exclusive A-frame in all colors and patterns. 23 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,547 We have miles and miles of fabric. 24 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,550 Take it from me, Thornton Melon, to look thin, 25 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,969 you hang out with fat people. 26 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,723 Thornton Melon's Tall & Fat. 150 locations across America. 27 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,435 - Lou, you seen the new spot? - I seen it. 28 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,479 - Do I look fat in it? - You could lose a couple of pounds. 29 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,816 I need bigger actors. 30 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,739 How are you? Ophelia, hold some of my calls. 31 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,240 Yes, sir, Mr. Melon. 32 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,247 - Morning, everyone. - Morning. 33 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:36,168 Take it easy, will you? Don't get any on the walls. 34 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,588 OK, folks, what's up? 35 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,090 Mr. Melon, we have a serious offer on your 36 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,760 commercial property in South Florida. 37 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:48,263 - We feel you should sell. - Hold it for one more year. 38 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:52,100 Take the depreciation then transfer title to the California Corporation. 39 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,519 Show it as a capital gain. We should do great. 40 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,273 What else? 41 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:03,403 The toy division has a new doll idea to go with our children's clothing. 42 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,531 We call them Melon Patch Kids. 43 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:11,536 Now the competition exploits the notion that their dolls are orphans. 44 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,664 The Melon Patch Kids are not orphans. 45 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,792 They're abandoned. 46 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,628 - We think it's a winner. - Go with it. 47 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,172 Keep the cost under five bucks. 48 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,342 We took a bath on those Chubby Tubby Tub Toys. 49 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:30,222 - Jason's on the phone. - Jason! OK, everybody, take a break. 50 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,684 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Melon, but we have a very long agenda. 51 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:37,646 - Later. My son's on the phone. - But Mr. Melon... 52 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,648 Beat it. 53 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,654 Jason, how you doing? How's the diving going? 54 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,448 It's great. We just finished our practice. 55 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:52,661 Keep it up. And the fraternity? I'll bet you're having fun. 56 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,789 What do you think? Yeah, it's great. 57 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,292 Good, that's great. Hey, you're not doing too much? 58 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,504 - You're studying? - Right now we're between semesters. 59 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,339 So classes don't start for another week. 60 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,549 No classes? 61 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,845 Then come home. Your mother and I are having a fifth anniversary party. 62 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:13,515 Whoa, Dad. She's not my mother, she's your wife. 63 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,476 And she doesn't want me around. 64 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,895 OK, let's not start that again. 65 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:23,316 - I'll come up there to see you. - No. Bad, bad idea. 66 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,403 I got this big dive meet. I gotta practice. 67 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,655 I wouldn't have time to see you. 68 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,699 OK, I understand. 69 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:35,078 Look, I promise I'll come down and visit next break I get, all right? 70 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,499 - I gotta go, OK? - OK, Jason. Take care of yourself. 71 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:43,378 - I love you. - I love you too. All right. Bye-bye. 72 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,006 Melon, I told you to clean my locker. 73 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,925 If it's too much, we'll get a new towel boy. 74 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:52,762 I'm sorry, Chas. I'll get onto it, OK? 75 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,239 Home, sweet home. 76 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,326 - I liked the old house better. - So did I. 77 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,244 I liked the old wife better too. 78 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,914 Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. 79 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:22,751 Lou, I can't believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday. 80 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,337 You know how lousy yesterday was. 81 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,178 Please don't throw your clothes on the Breuer chair. 82 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,014 How come all our furniture has names? 83 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,391 I have absolutely nothing to wear. 84 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,769 You got six closets full of nothing to wear. 85 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,482 - Are you saying I spend too much money? - You, too much money? No. 86 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,443 Lots of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed. 87 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,489 You have no taste, Thornton. 88 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,115 Right. I married you. 89 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,910 No time to argue. Our friends will be here soon. 90 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,286 Your friends. 91 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,164 They are my friends and I'd like to keep them. 92 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,124 So behave yourself. 93 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,752 If the roast beef is right, they'll be back. 94 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,802 - Jennifer, you look divine. - Thank you. 95 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:18,765 And Peter! I thought you were still in Portofino. Why haven't you called? 96 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,018 - She's a lovely girl. - Oh, yes, she is. 97 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:27,023 Ramon, you look fantastic. I thought you were still in Tijuana. 98 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:31,653 - Excuse me, señor? - Nothing, sorry. Give me a beer. 99 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:35,740 I'm sorry, señor. All we have is martinis and Champagne. 100 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,909 My own house, I can't get a beer. 101 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,371 Mrs. Melon gave strict orders. No cerveza. 102 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,999 It's all right. I'll get it myself. 103 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,590 - Ancora! - Ti voglio! 104 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,350 Hey! Adam and Evil. 105 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,646 Hey... Mr. Melon. 106 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,815 We were just 107 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,693 looking for some cocktail napkins. 108 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,653 Where, under her dress? 109 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,865 - You're impossible. - And you're easy. 110 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,204 I love Klimt. Don't you? 111 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,458 Mr. Melon! Your wife was showing us her Klimt. 112 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,252 You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody. 113 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,837 She's very proud of it. 114 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,673 I'm proud of mine but don't wave it about. 115 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:37,385 - It's an exceptional painting. - Oh, the painting. Uh, yeah. 116 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,179 Drink up. Enjoy yourselves. 117 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,645 I hate small food, you know? 118 00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,246 What's he doing? 119 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,839 Waiter, come here, will you? Put your hand there. 120 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,758 I learned this in Europe. 121 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,059 Look at that. Coming through. Hot stuff. 122 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,480 Thornton, meet Mr. And Mrs. Stuyvesant. 123 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,606 Oh, right. 124 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,942 - How do you do? - Thornton... 125 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,946 How are you doing? 126 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,159 - Hi there, sir. How are you? - Not too bad, thank you. 127 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,747 No, I got my own. It's all right. 128 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,962 Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. 129 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,048 Don't you, Thornton? It's such a lovely shade of green. 130 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,468 Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. 131 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,888 You should try my Tall & Fat stores. No offence. 132 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,477 May I speak to you privately, please? 133 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,900 Watch my sandwich, will you? 134 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,824 I can't take any more. You've insulted our friends, you've insulted... me. 135 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:27,328 - You're set on ruining this party. - Party? It's a dog show out there. 136 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:32,125 Your friends come for free booze and to suck up to you for donations. 137 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,503 You have no class, Thornton, and I'm tired of it. 138 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:39,340 - I want a divorce. - I knew we had something in common. 139 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,843 Here. Sign these. 140 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:46,306 Oh! Oh, I'm afraid it's not gonna be that easy, honey. 141 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,850 This is gonna cost you. Plenty. 142 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:53,730 Oh, yeah? Vanessa, let's talk about class. 143 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:57,859 Here's you and Giorgio in the guest room. 144 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,154 You and Giorgio in the rumpus room. Another classy one. 145 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,533 This one, I can't figure out. There's you, Giorgio, what's with the midget? 146 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,119 That one... Hey, wait! I got more. 147 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:25,553 - What happened? - What happened? I got rid of Vanessa. 148 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,764 I feel like I got paroled. 149 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:32,268 I'll tell you what bothers me. I let her come between me and Jason. 150 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:35,730 Lou, pack our bags. 151 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,821 We're going to that college, to see my son. 152 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,920 ♪ It's your life and I'm not gonna live it 153 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,923 ♪ A change is coming and it's overdue 154 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:05,093 ♪ I'm gonna take you over the limit 155 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,428 ♪ You know I'm only looking out for you 156 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:12,684 ♪ I get lucky, I get lucky 157 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:19,274 ♪ And I'll see you get lucky too... 158 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,861 Boy, will Jason be surprised! 159 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,864 There's Greek letters. That must be the house. 160 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:31,953 ♪ Hold on baby, I'm taking you back to school 161 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,456 ♪ When logic has gone, don't lose your head 162 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:38,376 ♪ You just turn to me instead 163 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:43,965 ♪ Hold on, baby, now here we go back to school 164 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,758 ♪ Here we go ♪ 165 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,429 - Is that an omega or a unicorn? - Don't you know any Greek? 166 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,141 The only Greek I know owns a coffee shop, Jimmy. 167 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,769 He had an ugly wife, four ugly kids and good coffee. 168 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,647 Wait here. I'll try this one. 169 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:13,703 Hello! Hello! 170 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,167 Anybody here? 171 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,795 Jason, where are you? 172 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,756 Hey, I need some help here! 173 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,635 Hey, buddy, I'm talking to you. 174 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,346 Take it easy, honey, I didn't see a thing. 175 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,514 You're perfect. 176 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,020 Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. It was an honest mistake. 177 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:42,273 - Let's call it a bad day. - But a great view. 178 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:46,235 You're all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids. 179 00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:50,531 - I don't have any kids. - Here, get yourself some. Take it all. 180 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:54,452 Just remember, the best thing about kids is making 'em. 181 00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,415 Even if I do manage to graduate, what then? 182 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:03,044 There's the private sector, but look how bad the job market is. 183 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,713 - There's Valerie Desmond. - See you guys. 184 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,636 Look how tight her ass is today. 185 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:16,557 Man, do you think there's any way she would ever go out with me? 186 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:19,894 - Hmmmm... No. - Oh, thanks. 187 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,230 It's this whole stupid capitalist system. 188 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,525 It's set up to reward the advantaged and the aggressive 189 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,152 and make sure two regular schmos like you and me 190 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,446 never get to date girls like Valerie. 191 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,951 I hate the whole bourgeois mentality of this school. 192 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:39,455 Do you make this bullshit up as you go or do you read it? 193 00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:43,751 No, I read this. It's Karl Marx's famous Proletarian Chicks In Bondage, 194 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,254 a Condom House book with a leather hood. 195 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,923 - With pictures? Can I borrow it? - Let's move on. 196 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:54,387 - Right up. - Yeah, well, you know... 197 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,431 Aah! 198 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,559 Dad, uh, what are you doing here? 199 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:02,061 I'm robbing your room, that's what. 200 00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:06,899 We drive 300 miles to see him, that's the greeting we get. Come here! 201 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:14,323 Hey, I'm sorry. I'm glad to see you but I wish I'd known you were coming. 202 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,453 I'll bet. The fraternity house said you weren't a member. 203 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,622 - I can explain. - And you're not on the diving team. 204 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,459 - You're the towel boy. - I can explain that. 205 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,919 - OK, explain it. - I lied. 206 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,214 Great, that explains it. You don't lie to me. 207 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,758 You lie to girls. 208 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,635 Who's this? 209 00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:37,472 Sorry, this is my roommate, Derek Lutz. 210 00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:40,433 This is the dad and this is Lou. 211 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,643 - That your real hair? - What do you think? 212 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,813 I think you're trying to get back at your parents. 213 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,982 Show me the campus. I wanna talk to you. 214 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,442 Oh, good. 215 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,951 Boy, what a great-looking place. 216 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,413 When I dreamed of going to college, this is how I pictured it. 217 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,499 When did you dream of going to college? 218 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,834 When I used to fall asleep in high school. 219 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,090 I know how much this means to you. Sorry I lied. 220 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,802 You don't have to lie. I'll love you just the same. 221 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,429 - You'll love me no matter what? - No matter what. 222 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,516 - I'm dropping out. - You're dropping out? 223 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,060 You just got here. You just started. 224 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:29,107 But I don't fit in. I got one friend, Derek. He's got no friends. 225 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,693 The girls don't like me, the fraternities don't want me, 226 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,403 the diving coach won't talk to me. 227 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:38,241 At least you're getting an education. 228 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,035 Last semester I got nothing but Cs. 229 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:44,330 A, B, C... in the top three. Nothing to worry about. 230 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,917 I think I'd be better off getting a job. 231 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,211 You never went to college. You're doing great. 232 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,005 I said it before and I'll say it again. 233 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:56,926 However rich or successful a man is, without an education, he's nothing. 234 00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:01,055 Stay in school, study harder. You can be whatever you want. 235 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,724 You wanna be a loser, be a loser. 236 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:08,896 Jason, it's up to you. You can do it. Remember, you're a Melon. 237 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:13,234 That's easy for you to say. You don't have to do it. 238 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,947 OK, I'll do it with you. 239 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:23,077 - What do you mean? - I mean just what I said. 240 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,580 I'm going to college. What do you think? 241 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,582 I think you're nuts. 242 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:31,544 Nuts? Who made the rules? I'm going to college. 243 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,467 Let me get this straight, Mr. Melon. 244 00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,929 You wish to enter this esteemed 245 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,974 Grand Lakes University of ours as a freshman? 246 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,475 That's right, Dean Martin. 247 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:51,022 - Are you comfortable? - Oh, I'm fine, yes. 248 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,149 Oh, the chair. Oh, I'm sorry. 249 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,238 This is an awkward moment for me, Mr. Melon, 250 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,449 since I realize you're a highly respected member 251 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,618 of our business community. 252 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,870 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 253 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,624 Our student body here is hand-picked by me 254 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:14,045 from the crème de la crème of students all across this great land. 255 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,256 - That's one of the things I like here. - Yes. 256 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,218 Since you have no high school diploma, 257 00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:23,638 and no transcripts of any kind, no SAT scores, 258 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:27,516 and you're 30 to 40 years older than our average freshman, 259 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:32,813 how can this university see its way clear to accept you as a student? 260 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:38,319 As Coolidge said, "The business of America is business." 261 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,156 And the business of an educational institution such as ours 262 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,492 is to create young minds that understand 263 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:49,247 that the business of America is the kind of business that it actually is. 264 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:53,417 So whatever it is that I have said here today... 265 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,880 The point is that we are here to honor 266 00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,925 our most generous benefactor, 267 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,719 and newest freshman, 268 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:08,599 the man who's made it possible for us to break ground here today, 269 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,977 Mr. Thornton Melon. 270 00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:18,818 Dean Martin, great speech. Nothing like good, clean business, huh? 271 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,112 And a little monkey business! 272 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,408 Ah, Philip! I'm so glad you could make it. 273 00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:30,746 Mr. Melon, I'd like you to meet Dr. Philip Barbay, 274 00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:35,209 I want it on record that I'm totally against this. 275 00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:39,463 I don't think that selling admission to an unqualified student 276 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,133 is very ethical or honorable. 277 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:47,930 Oh, right, Phil, but I'd just like to say in all fairness to Mr. Melon, 278 00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,224 it was a really big check. 279 00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:53,185 It's a simple matter of this man 280 00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:56,147 undermining the efforts of our legitimate students, 281 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,608 - who are here as a result of hard work. - Hard work? 282 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:03,195 Listen, Sherlock, while you were tucked away working on your ethics, 283 00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:06,240 I was busting my hump in the real world. 284 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:10,786 Guys like you got a place to teach 'cause guys like me donate buildings. 285 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,956 I wasn't speaking to you, Mr. Melon. 286 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:26,093 I don't think Dr. Barbay understands the actual amounts involved here. 287 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:30,056 Mr. Melon, will you take the ceremonial shovel? 288 00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:34,101 - Thank you. - And dig into the symbolic verge. 289 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,607 I hereby dedicate this building to... 290 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:42,777 ...myself! 291 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:57,958 Dad, it's like we talked about. Sign up for whatever interests you. 292 00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,669 We got to get in the astronomy line before it closes. 293 00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:03,672 Hi! 294 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,926 Look at this. This is worse than the track. 295 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:11,472 - Want me to move some people? - No, this is college. 296 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,558 - Let me think. - What are you gonna do? 297 00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,560 Come on, I got an idea. 298 00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:20,648 - Did you get everything? - I got the Latin, and the Sanskrit. 299 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,818 But they cancelled Ancient Greek, blew my dead languages motif. 300 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:25,486 What are you looking at? 301 00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:29,782 - Oh. - Yeah. 302 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:37,915 Oh! 303 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:41,585 You OK? 304 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,171 Yeah. 305 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:46,549 Yeah, I'm fine. 306 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:50,928 - I'm upset because they closed Botany. - Those bastards. 307 00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,055 Well, I'm not that upset. 308 00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:56,809 Well, I won't be if I get into Astronomy. 309 00:23:57,185 --> 00:24:00,646 You wanna cut in the line with us? We're waiting. 310 00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:04,567 - Yes, yes, I would. - Great. All right. 311 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,281 This is Derek. 312 00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:12,616 Hi. 313 00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:16,829 - I'm Valerie Desmond. - Yeah, I know. 314 00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:20,249 I'm Jason... Melon. 315 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,417 - Hi. - Hi. 316 00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:27,673 - Hi, Valerie. - Hi. 317 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,467 - God, you look great. - Thanks. 318 00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,553 Are you taking Astronomy too? 319 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,848 I guess. I don't want to. I'm a Business major. 320 00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:38,893 - Mm-hm. - But they want us to take a science. 321 00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,937 - Do you mind if I sneak in line? - Oh... 322 00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:47,443 Actually, these guys were nice enough to let me in, so it's up to them. 323 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:51,655 Melon, buddy. What do you say? Let me in, OK? 324 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,074 I don't think so, Osbourne! 325 00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:56,202 Melon, your friend. Straighten him out. 326 00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:59,747 Chas, there's a lot of people waiting. It wouldn't be fair. 327 00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:05,377 If you got a note from each and every one of these people 328 00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:06,879 saying it was all right, 329 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,297 then we'd reconsider. 330 00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:12,134 But until that day, take a hike, you elitist fraternity scumbag. 331 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,432 I won't forget this, Melon. 332 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,602 - I'll see you at the pool. Bye. - Bye. 333 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,646 Thank you. I'm dead. 334 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:27,399 You're not gonna believe this. Come on! I'm not kidding! 335 00:25:48,463 --> 00:25:49,755 Where is he? 336 00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,967 I don't know. I'm supposed to pick him up here. 337 00:25:53,134 --> 00:25:54,802 - When? - Now! 338 00:25:55,595 --> 00:25:57,555 Come on, let's register. 339 00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:08,983 - You guys got everything you need? - We got it. 340 00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:12,027 - Why used books? - What's wrong with used books? 341 00:26:12,195 --> 00:26:15,322 - They've been read. - Yeah, and underlined, get it? 342 00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:18,576 The last guy could have been a maniac. 343 00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:21,829 Hey, get these guys some new books. 344 00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,790 Charge me. Pick a card. 345 00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:30,129 Then I'll take a four school sweaters, a bunch of pennants, 346 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:34,008 some of those beer mugs, a few of these fuzzballs you cheer with. 347 00:26:34,175 --> 00:26:37,219 Hey, folks, it's on me! Shakespeare for everyone. 348 00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:41,849 You too, honey. I'd like to tame your shrew! 349 00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:45,769 - Who is that? - That is Mr. Thornton Melon. 350 00:26:45,937 --> 00:26:48,314 The world's oldest living freshman. 351 00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:51,525 And the walking epitome of the decline of education. 352 00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,902 The clod thinks he can buy his way out of the gutter. 353 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:57,573 - He was just having fun. - Oh, really? 354 00:26:57,741 --> 00:27:01,035 I can't wait to get him in my class. 355 00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:04,079 - We'll see how much fun he is. - Oh, Philip. 356 00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:08,792 Hey, Mr. M. You're all set. We've been working all night. 357 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,836 Thanks, Buzzy, I appreciate it. 358 00:27:11,004 --> 00:27:14,381 Add a few hundred to the bill. Throw a party. 359 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:17,551 You know what you got, Mr. Melon? You got class. 360 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:21,263 It rubbed off from you, Buzzy. Say hello to Sonia for me. 361 00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:26,727 Hey, I want to talk to you about my schedule. We'll go over it later. 362 00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:42,910 Well, boys, what do you think? 363 00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:44,078 A hot tub! 364 00:27:44,245 --> 00:27:46,246 How can you study if you're not relaxed? 365 00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:49,750 - When's our first class? - Economics tomorrow at eleven. 366 00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:53,212 I got a massage at eleven. Tell them to make it two o'clock. 367 00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:56,423 No, Dad, you don't get it. 368 00:27:56,591 --> 00:28:00,427 They're not gonna reschedule classes around your massage. 369 00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:03,013 All right. But I'm gonna talk to that Dean. 370 00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:05,307 These classes could be a real inconvenience. 371 00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:08,102 All right, settle down, people. 372 00:28:08,269 --> 00:28:11,689 We've got a lot to cover, and time is short. 373 00:28:15,985 --> 00:28:20,948 There are two kinds of people in business, the quick and the dead. 374 00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:25,119 So rather than waste your time this semester 375 00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:27,454 we're jumping in with both feet 376 00:28:27,622 --> 00:28:30,624 and create a fictional company from the ground up. 377 00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:34,128 We'll construct our physical plant, 378 00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,881 we'll set up an efficient administrative and executive structure, 379 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:41,593 then we'll manufacture our product and market it. 380 00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:44,304 I think you'll find it interesting and fun. 381 00:28:44,472 --> 00:28:49,935 So let's start by looking at construction costs of our new factory. 382 00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,396 What's the product? 383 00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:55,607 That is immaterial for the purposes of our discussion 384 00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:59,570 but if it makes you happy, let's say we're making tape recorders. 385 00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,697 Tape recorders, are you kidding? 386 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:05,117 The Japs will kill us on the labor costs. 387 00:29:05,285 --> 00:29:07,077 OK, fine. 388 00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:09,913 Then let's just say they're widgets. 389 00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:13,667 - What's a widget? - It's a fictional product. 390 00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:15,335 It doesn't matter. 391 00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:20,424 - Tell that to the bank. - Take it easy. It's the first day. 392 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:23,594 On the board, you see a cost analysis for construction 393 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,637 of a 30,000-square-foot facility 394 00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:28,348 which will encompass factory and office space 395 00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:32,644 and is serviced by all utilities, a railroad spur line 396 00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:34,438 and a four-bay shipping dock. 397 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:36,315 Hold on. Why build? 398 00:29:37,108 --> 00:29:40,444 Better to lease at a buck and a half a square foot. 399 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,863 Take a down payment and put it into CDs 400 00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:45,115 or something you can roll over. 401 00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,825 Thank you, Mr. Melon. 402 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:52,122 We'll be concentrating on finance a little later in the term. 403 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:56,794 For the time being, let's just concentrate on the construction figures. 404 00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,880 The bottom line requires the factoring in of 405 00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:02,341 not just the material and construction costs 406 00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:07,262 but also the architect's fees and the cost of land servicing. 407 00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:10,015 Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff. 408 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:13,852 Oh, really? Like what, for instance? 409 00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:17,231 First of all, you've got to grease the local politicians 410 00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:19,399 for the sudden zoning problems that always come up. 411 00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:21,777 Then there's kickbacks to the carpenters. 412 00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:26,240 If you plan on using cement, the Teamsters will want a chat, 413 00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:27,658 and that will cost you. 414 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,410 And don't forget something for the building inspectors. 415 00:30:30,578 --> 00:30:33,539 Then there's the long-term costs, such as waste disposal. 416 00:30:33,706 --> 00:30:37,709 Are you familiar with who runs that business? It's not the boy scouts. 417 00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:39,586 That's enough, Mr. Melon. 418 00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:44,675 Maybe bribes, kickbacks and mafia pay-offs are how you do business, 419 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,886 but they are not part of the legitimate business world 420 00:30:48,054 --> 00:30:50,430 and certainly are not part of anything I am teaching in this class. 421 00:30:50,598 --> 00:30:52,224 Do I make myself clear? 422 00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,768 Sorry, just trying to help. 423 00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:59,565 Now, notwithstanding Mr. Melon's input, 424 00:30:59,732 --> 00:31:04,278 the next question for us is where to build our factory. 425 00:31:04,445 --> 00:31:08,490 How about Fantasyland? 426 00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:15,497 - My first class. I did good, huh? - You'd better cool it with Dr. Barbay. 427 00:31:15,665 --> 00:31:19,293 Dr. Barbay don't know dick. He tells it like it ain't. 428 00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:21,795 You know what he can do? Flunk you. 429 00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:24,047 Flunk me? Flunk him. 430 00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:26,967 Great attitude. Do you know where your next class is? 431 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:30,012 Contemporary American History. Professor Terguson. 432 00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:32,973 - Terguson? - You know him? Is he good? 433 00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:36,101 Well, he's committed. In fact, I think he was. 434 00:31:36,269 --> 00:31:40,480 Just keep your head down and your mouth shut. 435 00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:44,151 Welcome... to Contemporary American History. 436 00:31:44,819 --> 00:31:46,236 I'm Professor Terguson. 437 00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,780 A lot of people think history is just facts, 438 00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,116 it's just information about the past. 439 00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:52,784 But not me. 440 00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:56,163 I hold history very sacred. Sacred. 441 00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,790 The way the farmer holds the earth sacred. 442 00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:02,002 The way a Christian holds the Bible sacred. 443 00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:04,838 The way people hold their marriage sacred. 444 00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,089 That's how I feel about it. 445 00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:10,135 So let's dive right in by interpreting one of the easiest events 446 00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,263 in the last 20 years of American history. 447 00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:18,018 Can someone tell me why, in 1975, 448 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,354 we pulled our troops out of Vietnam? 449 00:32:22,482 --> 00:32:24,900 The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support 450 00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:27,819 caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various American 451 00:32:27,987 --> 00:32:30,030 but illegal Saigon regimes. 452 00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:35,619 Is she right? 453 00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:40,624 That's the popular version of what went on. 454 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:44,753 A lot of people believe that. I wish I could, but I was there. 455 00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:48,382 I wasn't in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it, 456 00:32:48,549 --> 00:32:51,385 I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns, 457 00:32:51,552 --> 00:32:54,221 going up against Charlie, slugging it out with him 458 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:58,058 while pussies like you were back here partying, 459 00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:02,020 putting headbands on, doing drugs, listening to Beatle albums. 460 00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:06,817 Professor, take it easy, will you? 461 00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:11,071 These kids, they were in grade school at the time, and me... 462 00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:13,991 I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. 463 00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,038 Well, I didn't know you wanted to 464 00:33:20,206 --> 00:33:22,916 get involved with the discussion, Mr. Helper. 465 00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:27,462 Since you want to help, maybe you can help me. 466 00:33:27,630 --> 00:33:30,924 Remember that thing we had 30 years ago called the Korean Conflict? 467 00:33:31,509 --> 00:33:34,094 Yeah? Where we failed to achieve victory? 468 00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:36,430 How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel 469 00:33:36,597 --> 00:33:39,558 and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China 470 00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:44,229 and take it apart brick by brick and nuke them back into the Stone Age? 471 00:33:44,397 --> 00:33:47,899 How come? Why? Say it! Say it! 472 00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:50,110 All right. I'll say it. 473 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:53,447 'Cause Truman was too much of a wimp to let MacArthur go in there 474 00:33:53,614 --> 00:33:55,699 and blow out those commie bastards! 475 00:33:57,368 --> 00:34:01,830 Good answer. Good answer. 476 00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,790 I like the way you think. 477 00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:07,127 I'm gonna be watching you. 478 00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:13,675 He's a good teacher. He really seems to care. 479 00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:15,594 About what, I have no idea. 480 00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:18,972 He was all right. 481 00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:21,349 Buddy, be my guest. Here's a pen. 482 00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:24,936 Boys, here's some pens in case you learn how to write. 483 00:34:25,104 --> 00:34:27,355 - I know you. - Yeah? Here's a pen. 484 00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,649 You do those obnoxious commercials. 485 00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:30,984 You're Tall & Fat! 486 00:34:31,152 --> 00:34:34,196 You're short and ugly. Give me the pen back. 487 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:37,240 Honey, here's a pen. 488 00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:38,909 Boys, how are you? 489 00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:05,769 "And Gibraltar is a girl for I was a flower of the mountain 490 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:09,940 Yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used 491 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:12,400 Shall I wear red yes 492 00:35:12,568 --> 00:35:15,362 And he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought 493 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,364 Well as well him as another 494 00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:20,575 And then I ask him with my eyes to ask again yes 495 00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:24,955 And then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower 496 00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:27,541 And first I put my arms around his 497 00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:31,670 And drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfumed yes 498 00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:36,383 And his heart was going like mad and yes I said, yes I will, yes." 499 00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,135 Yes! Yes! 500 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:48,478 Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think Joyce is pretty hot too. 501 00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:52,232 Now I have your attention, I'll run down the reading list. 502 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,109 See what else turns you on. 503 00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:01,867 What a woman! 504 00:36:02,034 --> 00:36:04,703 Dad, she is the teacher. 505 00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:08,248 I like teachers. Do something wrong, they make you do it over again. 506 00:36:10,084 --> 00:36:12,377 Shouldn't you take some notes? 507 00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:14,212 Yeah, yeah. 508 00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:18,258 I gave away all my pens. 509 00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:21,261 I'm sorry, I need this back. 510 00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:23,221 Here's a calendar for you. 511 00:36:27,476 --> 00:36:29,936 - Hi. - Hello, Mr. Melon. 512 00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,272 - Are you waiting for me? - Yes. 513 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:36,693 I'm only a freshman, but why don't we have dinner tonight? 514 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,404 We can talk about Joyce. She's my favorite writer. 515 00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:44,201 You're not the usual freshman, but I can't. 516 00:36:44,368 --> 00:36:45,911 I'm sort of going with someone. 517 00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,998 - Where are you going? - That's a good question. 518 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:53,460 I'd like to join you, but I have class tonight. 519 00:36:53,961 --> 00:36:55,420 How about tomorrow? 520 00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:56,755 I have class then too. 521 00:36:57,506 --> 00:37:01,593 Why don't you call me sometime when you have no class? 522 00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:05,597 All right. Maybe I will. 523 00:37:10,811 --> 00:37:12,145 Hello, Philip. 524 00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:15,148 What did he want? 525 00:37:15,316 --> 00:37:17,484 Oh, what do all men want? 526 00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:20,487 You to dress up as Wonder Woman, 527 00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,698 tie him up and force him to tell the truth? 528 00:37:23,866 --> 00:37:26,284 No, just dinner, Philip. 529 00:37:26,452 --> 00:37:29,079 Are you jealous of Thornton Melon? 530 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,664 Certainly not. 531 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,167 I've been doing a great deal of thinking. 532 00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:37,629 I've been thinking... about us. 533 00:37:37,797 --> 00:37:40,173 - And? - And I think... 534 00:37:40,341 --> 00:37:43,635 ...we should start thinking about forming a... 535 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:45,428 ...well, a... 536 00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:48,932 - A merger? - A merger, exactly. A merger. 537 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,558 A partnership. 538 00:37:50,726 --> 00:37:54,229 Seriously, Diane. We're both educated, intelligent adults. 539 00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:55,605 We should be together. 540 00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:58,566 Incorporated, if you will. 541 00:37:58,734 --> 00:38:03,697 Look at the balance sheet. We were made for one another. 542 00:38:03,864 --> 00:38:05,448 Philip, darling. 543 00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:07,367 I don't want to be merged or incorporated. 544 00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:12,080 I want to have fun and be romanced and loved. 545 00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:17,752 So let's not rush into anything. Let's just start by having fun, OK? 546 00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:24,884 Hey, how are ya? What's happening? 547 00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:27,220 A lot of people are talking about your dad. 548 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,847 What's happening? 549 00:38:30,224 --> 00:38:32,225 Hey, boys! How are you doing? 550 00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,227 I wonder why. 551 00:38:35,438 --> 00:38:40,066 Um... they have lockers. You could have changed here. 552 00:38:40,234 --> 00:38:44,070 I don't change in front of guys. Next, you're showering with them. 553 00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:47,282 And next, you're pinned to a sophomore named Chip. 554 00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,327 - Come on, let's go. - I'll see you later. 555 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,735 That was pretty good. 556 00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:25,695 Next time, hold the pike a little longer. 557 00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,991 Wait a minute. I'll be right down. 558 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,308 Not bad. 559 00:39:56,852 --> 00:39:58,937 All right. Let's see one more. 560 00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:02,565 - Like I showed you. - All right, got it. 561 00:40:09,031 --> 00:40:11,783 What's a guy your age doing with these kids? 562 00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:15,203 I'm looking for the fountain of middle age. 563 00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:16,496 What's your story? 564 00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:21,167 I'm setting a new record for the most consecutive losses by a diving coach. 565 00:40:22,503 --> 00:40:24,337 Remember, hold that pike longer. 566 00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:27,090 - He your kid? - Yeah. 567 00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:30,468 - Who coached him in high school? - Yours truly. 568 00:40:30,636 --> 00:40:32,137 Where did you learn diving? 569 00:40:32,304 --> 00:40:35,557 Atlantic City. Steel Pier. I was in a water show. 570 00:40:35,724 --> 00:40:39,602 - I used to open for the Diving Horse. - You're kidding. I'm from Jersey. 571 00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:42,522 I spent my life on that pier growing up. 572 00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:46,776 There was a guy did the most amazing dive, called the Triple Lindy. 573 00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:49,696 Hardest dive I ever saw. Who was that? 574 00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,824 - Yours truly. - You're kidding. 575 00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:56,536 I don't joke about dives. Especially that. It almost killed me. 576 00:40:57,121 --> 00:40:59,539 Boy, you were something else. 577 00:40:59,707 --> 00:41:03,543 - Can your kid do that dive? - Nobody can. It's too dangerous. 578 00:41:05,796 --> 00:41:09,215 He tried out for the team last semester. He wasn't that good. 579 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:12,218 Not that good, huh? Watch this. 580 00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:15,054 Jason, do the two and a half. 581 00:41:28,652 --> 00:41:31,404 Not bad. 582 00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:37,076 My man Melon. Come on, there's a pep rally for the football team. 583 00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:38,870 What is this? 584 00:41:39,038 --> 00:41:41,706 Me, Standish and Redding, we're doing an anti-pep rally. 585 00:41:43,375 --> 00:41:45,752 Violent ground acquisition games such as football is, in fact, 586 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,587 a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war. 587 00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:52,592 It sounds like a lot of laughs but I'm supposed to meet my dad and study. 588 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:57,722 Well, if you change your mind, pal, you know where to find me. 589 00:41:57,890 --> 00:42:00,767 If I change my mind, I'll seek psychiatric help. 590 00:42:20,162 --> 00:42:24,040 Excuse me. What is the Oort system, and what does it tell us? 591 00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,087 Uh... What? I'm sorry. 592 00:42:29,922 --> 00:42:31,881 Astronomy, chapter two. 593 00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:34,592 Oh, Oort. Oort. 594 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,386 Oort was this scientist 595 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:40,598 and he figured out that the smeared-out density of matter 596 00:42:40,766 --> 00:42:44,769 can be no greater than the solar mass per cubic parsec... 597 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,063 You look thrilled. It's not my theory. 598 00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:51,067 Thanks. That helps a lot. 599 00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,612 Listen, I was just wondering. 600 00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:57,824 Would you do my Astronomy homework for the rest of the semester? 601 00:43:00,953 --> 00:43:02,412 There you go. 602 00:43:02,580 --> 00:43:04,163 Hi, Mr. Melon. 603 00:43:04,331 --> 00:43:06,583 Call me Thornton. 604 00:43:06,750 --> 00:43:09,586 How about joining me and my friend over there? 605 00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:11,713 Your friend looks a little strange. 606 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,840 Who, Lou? Lou's an animal. 607 00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:17,093 In his family, he's only the second generation to stand up straight. 608 00:43:19,179 --> 00:43:23,182 What lovely girls. How would you like a life of luxury and deceit? 609 00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,936 - Come on, join us in a beer, OK? - OK. 610 00:43:27,104 --> 00:43:28,521 OK. 611 00:43:37,698 --> 00:43:40,992 Girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls. 612 00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:47,665 Two! One, two! 613 00:43:50,544 --> 00:43:51,544 Wow! 614 00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:59,302 ♪ Shake it up, baby 615 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,388 - ♪ Twist and shout - ♪ Twist and shout 616 00:44:02,556 --> 00:44:06,893 - ♪ Come on, come on, come on, baby - ♪ Come on, baby 617 00:44:07,061 --> 00:44:09,312 ♪ Just come and work it on out 618 00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,356 ♪ Work it on out 619 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:14,734 - ♪ Work it on out - ♪ Work it on out... 620 00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:19,155 Honey, come here. Two more glasses for the girls. 621 00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:22,784 Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes till somebody passes out 622 00:44:22,951 --> 00:44:25,578 and then bring one every ten minutes. Right? 623 00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:31,292 You know, I thought we were just gonna go to the planetarium and look at stars. 624 00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:34,170 I had no idea this was gonna be astrophysics. 625 00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,756 It's not that hard. You'll get it. 626 00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:40,259 It's not hard for you, because you're smart. 627 00:44:40,427 --> 00:44:42,303 You're smart too. 628 00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:46,933 Yeah, but you're smart smart. Do you study at the library every night? 629 00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:49,936 No, I was meeting Dad there, but he's at the dorm. 630 00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:51,854 ♪ Aaaaah 631 00:44:52,022 --> 00:44:55,900 - ♪ Aahh - ♪ Aahhh 632 00:44:57,820 --> 00:45:02,782 ♪ Aaaaaah, shake it up, baby 633 00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,659 ♪ Shake it up, baby 634 00:45:04,827 --> 00:45:08,121 - ♪ Twist and shout - ♪ Twist and shout 635 00:45:08,288 --> 00:45:10,498 ♪ Come on, come on, come on, baby 636 00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:14,669 - ♪ Come on, baby - ♪ Come on and work it on out 637 00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:18,005 ♪ Work it on out ♪ You gotta twist it on out 638 00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:20,466 Lower, baby, lower. 639 00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:22,343 Hey, guys, let me see some ID. 640 00:45:22,511 --> 00:45:24,303 Whoo, not that low, baby! 641 00:45:24,471 --> 00:45:26,639 ♪ Come on and twist little closer... 642 00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,808 To the left, baby, to the left... 643 00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:34,564 That's the spot, baby, hold it, hold it. Oh, you are there! 644 00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:40,319 ♪ Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby 645 00:45:40,487 --> 00:45:44,157 ♪ Come on and shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby 646 00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:47,201 ♪ Shake it, baby, shake it out 647 00:45:47,369 --> 00:45:49,036 - ♪ Shake it - ♪ Aaahhhh 648 00:45:49,204 --> 00:45:51,038 - ♪ Shake it - ♪ Aaaahhhh 649 00:45:51,206 --> 00:45:53,332 - ♪ Shake! - ♪ Aaaah ♪ 650 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:00,256 OK, buddy. 651 00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:06,053 Jason, what are you doing here? 652 00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:09,474 Whoa, what am I doing? What are you doing? 653 00:46:09,641 --> 00:46:13,561 - We were supposed to study. - The library. I know. 654 00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:15,980 Hey. 655 00:46:16,148 --> 00:46:18,357 Chas, check it out. 656 00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:25,198 Hey, Clarke. Interesting little rally you guys had tonight. 657 00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:28,326 Yeah, right. They got paint on my girlfriend. 658 00:46:28,494 --> 00:46:30,953 - I'm gonna kill them pinheads. - Yeah? 659 00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:35,124 Well, you came to the right place. Guess who's here? Derek Lutz. 660 00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:41,672 Hey, Lutz! 661 00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:45,426 - You know who I am? - Um... 662 00:46:45,594 --> 00:46:49,263 Let's see. Protruding supra-orbital ridges, 663 00:46:49,431 --> 00:46:52,266 small cranium, uh, 1300cc brain... 664 00:46:52,434 --> 00:46:54,560 Hmm. Neanderthal man. 665 00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:58,898 You. Call his mother. Tell her he's never coming home. 666 00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:03,277 You sure you got the right guy? Lots of people got blue hair now. 667 00:47:03,445 --> 00:47:06,364 - Shut up, meathead. - Take it easy. 668 00:47:07,533 --> 00:47:10,034 War's over. You can get new parts for your head. 669 00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:12,870 Yeah? Wanna make something of it? 670 00:47:13,038 --> 00:47:16,499 No, I never get physical. I just get upset. 671 00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:20,169 And when I get upset, he gets physical. 672 00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,095 You got a problem? 673 00:47:30,013 --> 00:47:33,599 - No, I haven't got a problem. - Now you do. 674 00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:45,444 Kill him! 675 00:47:57,791 --> 00:48:00,376 Lou, where you been? I'm getting my ass kicked all over the place. 676 00:48:26,111 --> 00:48:29,155 - Well, you look terrible. - I'm all right. 677 00:48:29,323 --> 00:48:32,658 It's Lou I'm worried about. He may lose his trigger finger. 678 00:48:32,826 --> 00:48:36,078 Why did you take on the whole football team? 679 00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:39,832 They're not that tough. The team at my high school were tough. 680 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,336 After they sacked the quarterback, they went after his family. 681 00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:50,009 This morning, we're looking at The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. 682 00:48:50,177 --> 00:48:54,180 Mr. Melon, how would you characterize the Great Gatsby? 683 00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,849 - Who, him? - No, you. 684 00:48:57,017 --> 00:49:01,020 Me? Well, the Great Gatsby, he was uh... 685 00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,773 Great. 686 00:49:07,152 --> 00:49:09,195 See me after class, Mr. Melon. 687 00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:16,035 Please, try to understand. I don't have the background. 688 00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:18,788 My high school, to prove the law of gravity, 689 00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,748 a kid threw the teacher out the window. 690 00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:25,044 I know what I need. I need a tutor. 691 00:49:26,630 --> 00:49:30,967 Hey, what do you say? Come on, you got some spare time. 692 00:49:32,094 --> 00:49:34,845 All right, Mr. Melon, I have some spare time this evening. 693 00:49:35,013 --> 00:49:36,806 Come round about seven. 694 00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:38,599 - Great. - I'll give you my address. 695 00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:43,104 - Thanks. - Please be on time. 696 00:49:43,271 --> 00:49:44,689 I'll be on time. 697 00:49:47,859 --> 00:49:49,402 What penmanship. 698 00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:54,407 "Everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned. 699 00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:59,412 The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity." 700 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:01,080 There's a lot of other stuff here. 701 00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:04,417 Yeats goes on and on and here's the finish. 702 00:50:05,627 --> 00:50:08,587 "What rough beast, its hour come round at last 703 00:50:08,755 --> 00:50:11,424 slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?" 704 00:50:11,591 --> 00:50:16,137 - What did that make you think of? - Rough beast. My ex-wife. 705 00:50:16,304 --> 00:50:19,557 It's one interpretation. Not the right one, but a start. 706 00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:23,853 Surely a man of your age must have read some of the things on my list. 707 00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:25,021 Macbeth? 708 00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:29,567 I saw the movie. Orson Welles. Great actor. Big actor. 709 00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:31,944 He was a Tall & Fat customer. 710 00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:34,238 - Cat On A Hot Tin Roof? - I saw the movie. 711 00:50:34,406 --> 00:50:38,784 Burl lves. Great actor. Extra stout. Another customer. 712 00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:41,454 - A Streetcar Named Desire. - Great movie. Marlon Brando. 713 00:50:41,621 --> 00:50:45,124 He wasn't that big then, but he ballooned up nicely. 714 00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:48,044 I'd say pound for pound our finest American actor. 715 00:50:48,211 --> 00:50:51,464 - Don't you ever read? - Read? Who has time? 716 00:50:51,631 --> 00:50:53,799 I see the movie. In two hours. 717 00:50:53,967 --> 00:50:58,721 The reason you read these works is so you can experience them for yourself. 718 00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:01,557 So you can share the thoughts of the writer 719 00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:05,978 without the interference of your actor, director and professor's point of view. 720 00:51:06,813 --> 00:51:10,775 You truly share and understand the common feelings of all mankind. 721 00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:13,110 The feelings of being alive. 722 00:51:14,654 --> 00:51:18,657 That was beautiful. I understand what you're saying, too. 723 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:21,535 I'm glad. It makes me feel good. 724 00:51:21,703 --> 00:51:24,789 I've got an idea. Let's keep talking over dinner. 725 00:51:26,249 --> 00:51:28,292 I'm supposed to meet someone for dinner. 726 00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:33,172 I could cancel, though. We are working after all. 727 00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,049 You can't work on an empty stomach. 728 00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,010 You can't concentrate if you're hungry. 729 00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:41,722 I really shouldn't. I have so many things to do. 730 00:51:41,890 --> 00:51:45,059 I'll help you. I'll take out the garbage, do the dishes. 731 00:51:45,227 --> 00:51:48,687 I'll do your nails, your hair. You've no idea what I wanna do. 732 00:51:48,855 --> 00:51:50,856 - I'll call him. - I'll dial it. 733 00:51:51,733 --> 00:51:56,445 - Let me get the light. - I think I'm attracted to teachers. 734 00:51:56,613 --> 00:52:00,366 I took out an English teacher, but I sent her a love letter 735 00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:02,493 and she corrected it. 736 00:52:04,162 --> 00:52:06,038 Oh, great. Company. 737 00:52:10,877 --> 00:52:13,546 - Those two ought to get a room. - Really. 738 00:52:13,713 --> 00:52:15,339 Actually, I was married twice. 739 00:52:15,507 --> 00:52:18,843 My first wife, Jason's mother, I really loved. 740 00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:21,137 We had a good thing going. 741 00:52:21,304 --> 00:52:23,597 She passed away about ten years ago. 742 00:52:23,765 --> 00:52:26,058 After that, I screwed around for a few years. 743 00:52:26,226 --> 00:52:28,394 Then I went nuts. I married Vanessa. 744 00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:31,397 I was lonely, I guess. 745 00:52:31,565 --> 00:52:34,441 - Is that over? - We were doomed from the start. 746 00:52:34,609 --> 00:52:37,862 I'm an earth sign, she's a water sign. Together we made mud. 747 00:52:38,738 --> 00:52:41,240 I picked a beauty. She played around, too. 748 00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,076 When she said, "I do", I should have said, "With who?" 749 00:52:45,078 --> 00:52:48,747 - So are you giving up on women? - I can't figure women out. 750 00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:51,876 Today, they're independent, only think about themselves. 751 00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:55,337 During sex, Vanessa screamed out her own name. 752 00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:58,841 I think men are different. 753 00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:03,512 The women's movement made men want to show you how sensitive they are. 754 00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:07,600 Before, they were too macho. Now they're too soft. 755 00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:10,394 You all want us to know you can cry. 756 00:53:10,562 --> 00:53:13,105 With women, I never cry, never. 757 00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:16,108 I beg. 758 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:22,448 If we finish this bottle of wine, you won't have to beg. 759 00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:40,841 Diane! 760 00:53:41,009 --> 00:53:44,136 - Oh! Oh, Philip. - We were supposed to go to dinner. 761 00:53:44,304 --> 00:53:47,973 I just had dinner. 762 00:53:48,141 --> 00:53:49,767 I don't believe this. 763 00:53:49,935 --> 00:53:53,312 Maybe it's a dream. Good night, Philip. 764 00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:58,734 Do a good job. What do you charge for big cars? 765 00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:11,997 I had a lot of fun, Thornton. 766 00:54:13,458 --> 00:54:15,042 Me too. 767 00:54:15,210 --> 00:54:18,003 And thanks for the lesson. I learned a lot. 768 00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:19,672 You're welcome. 769 00:54:19,839 --> 00:54:20,839 I did, too. 770 00:54:22,550 --> 00:54:23,926 Well, uh... 771 00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:28,806 Well, I guess this is good night. 772 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:30,057 Yeah. 773 00:54:32,060 --> 00:54:34,019 A very good night. 774 00:54:40,819 --> 00:54:43,612 Beautiful. Oh. 775 00:54:44,447 --> 00:54:47,658 That's it, that's the spot. Just keep doing that. 776 00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:50,703 Oh, don't lose it. Oh, oh! 777 00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:56,208 Oh, Lou, you're great. The leg is better. You got the cramp out. 778 00:54:56,376 --> 00:54:58,544 You're a wreck. You got to start working out. 779 00:54:59,504 --> 00:55:03,924 And you know what else. You have got mid-terms coming up. 780 00:55:04,092 --> 00:55:06,593 You haven't studied since you got here. 781 00:55:06,761 --> 00:55:10,347 You're always so neat. You're just like your uncle Vito. 782 00:55:10,515 --> 00:55:12,599 As kids, his room was always in order, 783 00:55:12,767 --> 00:55:15,894 towels lined up, hair lotions in the right place. 784 00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:19,398 What is he today? An attendant in a men's room. 785 00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:21,900 Hey! He's my idol. 786 00:55:22,068 --> 00:55:26,322 But... I'm not going to be folding towels any more. 787 00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:30,284 'Cause I just made - ta-da! - The diving team. 788 00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,579 The di... That's great! Hey! Gee... 789 00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:35,914 I'm taking you out. We're having a party. 790 00:55:36,082 --> 00:55:38,542 No, Dad. That's really nice, but I'm in training. 791 00:55:38,710 --> 00:55:41,128 We got a meet coming up against Northern. 792 00:55:41,296 --> 00:55:43,464 We'll have a party after the meet. 793 00:55:43,631 --> 00:55:47,676 Dad, why don't you join me on a little reality break? 794 00:55:47,844 --> 00:55:52,431 Being in love with Dr. Turner does not mean you're gonna pass her course. 795 00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:56,727 You've got a major paper on Kurt Vonnegut and you haven't read the books. 796 00:55:56,895 --> 00:55:58,604 I tried. 797 00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,899 I don't understand a word of it. 798 00:56:02,817 --> 00:56:05,152 So how are you gonna write the paper then? 799 00:56:09,824 --> 00:56:13,118 Hi. I'm Kurt Vonnegut. I'm looking for Thornton Melon. 800 00:56:14,329 --> 00:56:18,040 Uh... you wanna come in? Dad? 801 00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:22,127 D-O-G. Dog. 802 00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:26,131 One more word out of you and it's back to the tree. 803 00:56:26,299 --> 00:56:28,509 Come in. 804 00:56:28,676 --> 00:56:32,971 Excuse me. Dr. Barazini? I'm Thornton Melon. 805 00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:36,600 Oh, yes. Thornton Melon. I know you. 806 00:56:36,768 --> 00:56:42,147 You delivered the paper on isomagnetic brain waves at Montreal last year. 807 00:56:42,315 --> 00:56:44,358 No. I sold you your pants. 808 00:56:44,526 --> 00:56:48,028 Of course. Good to see you. What are you doing here? 809 00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:50,447 I have to report here for my lab project. 810 00:56:50,615 --> 00:56:51,865 Oh, good. 811 00:56:52,033 --> 00:56:55,160 I'm trying to teach these apes how to read and write. 812 00:56:55,328 --> 00:56:57,996 Teach 'em to go to the bathroom first. 813 00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,791 Oh, you'll get used to that. 814 00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,502 Now, all you have to do 815 00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:07,089 is put a new tape in the tape machine every hour 816 00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:08,715 and observe the animals. 817 00:57:08,883 --> 00:57:10,884 I'll be back in a few hours to check on you. 818 00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:13,512 Fine. See you later. 819 00:57:15,598 --> 00:57:18,517 You don't need this. I'll find you an organ-grinder. 820 00:57:28,736 --> 00:57:33,365 Hi, Marge. Few things. I need you all down here as fast as you can. 821 00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:36,368 And Peterson, the accountant, I need him too. 822 00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:39,621 Oh, thanks. And Marge, I need... 823 00:57:43,501 --> 00:57:46,503 See if you can get somebody at the Rand Corporation 824 00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:48,046 to come down here for about a week. 825 00:57:51,092 --> 00:57:52,092 What? 826 00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:56,722 Russell hits him with a powerful body slap. 827 00:58:02,228 --> 00:58:05,022 No problem. They're taking a break, that's all. 828 00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:11,361 In 1971, the United States accumulated deficit 829 00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:14,406 greater than the supply of gold the country held. 830 00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:19,703 In that year, Richard Nixon took the United States off the gold standard. 831 00:58:19,871 --> 00:58:22,581 In doing so, he disrupted... 832 00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:27,669 ...the entire international monetary system. 833 00:58:27,837 --> 00:58:30,422 What is that clicking noise? 834 00:58:35,762 --> 00:58:37,763 Are you a student in this class? 835 00:58:39,098 --> 00:58:40,891 Uh, no. 836 00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:42,392 Who are you? 837 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,939 I'm Marge Sweetwater. 838 00:58:47,106 --> 00:58:49,233 Mr. Thornton Melon's private secretary. 839 00:58:56,282 --> 00:58:58,242 What are you doing here? 840 00:58:59,285 --> 00:59:02,704 Ooh. I'm taking notes for Mr. Melon. 841 00:59:06,292 --> 00:59:10,754 He told you to write down everything I said? 842 00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:13,465 Yes, he did. 843 00:59:13,633 --> 00:59:15,133 Good. 844 00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:19,096 Take this down. 845 00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:25,769 Mr. Melon, no matter what you do, 846 00:59:27,313 --> 00:59:29,982 no matter what stunts you pull, 847 00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:33,235 no matter how hard you try, 848 00:59:33,403 --> 00:59:37,781 you will never, ever pass this course. 849 00:59:40,618 --> 00:59:42,869 Make sure he gets that. 850 00:59:46,874 --> 00:59:48,166 Yes, sir. 851 00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:51,712 I'll tell you what, it's for Barbay. Make it an A. 852 00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:55,173 Where's the lab report on psychology? Oh, thank you. 853 00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,679 It's too light. It feels like a C. 854 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:03,682 Bulk it up and add a few multi-colored graphs. 855 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:06,351 - Yo, Dad. - Jason, hold it, will ya? 856 01:00:06,519 --> 01:00:09,187 Everybody, let's see As across the board. 857 01:00:09,355 --> 01:00:12,691 A ten-percent bonus for every grade over B. 858 01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:16,153 - A plus gets you a free trip to Hawaii. - Ooh! 859 01:00:16,321 --> 01:00:18,697 Off season. 860 01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,533 Dad, what's going on here? 861 01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:24,995 - I'm doing my homework. - No, they're doing your homework. 862 01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:27,956 Jason, a good executive knows how to delegate authority. 863 01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:29,916 Here, I took care of you too. 864 01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,378 - What's this? - Your Astronomy report. 865 01:00:34,547 --> 01:00:36,965 - What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with you? 866 01:00:37,133 --> 01:00:39,468 I'm gonna write that paper. 867 01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:42,220 That's why I'm taking Astronomy, to learn something. 868 01:00:42,388 --> 01:00:46,099 You'll never learn a goddamn thing if people do your work for you. 869 01:00:50,063 --> 01:00:53,398 Kids. They always do things the hard way. 870 01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:56,360 Ladies and gentlemen, 871 01:00:56,527 --> 01:01:01,114 the visiting team, Northern University Wildcats. 872 01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:07,079 And your Grand Lakes University Hooters! 873 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,122 Hey, there's your boy. 874 01:01:09,290 --> 01:01:10,749 Jason! 875 01:01:21,427 --> 01:01:24,054 Valerie, how are you doing? 876 01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:29,393 I'm glad you've come. My dad is having a little party tonight over at the dorm. 877 01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,978 It should be great. His parties usually are. 878 01:01:32,146 --> 01:01:33,814 I'd love to come. 879 01:01:34,899 --> 01:01:36,858 Except I have a date. 880 01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:42,906 Uh, well, bring him along. That's OK. You can both come by. 881 01:01:43,950 --> 01:01:46,660 - I'll try. - Good. I hope I'll see you there. 882 01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:49,955 Sounds fun. I wish my dad were like yours. 883 01:02:00,883 --> 01:02:02,050 Hey, Chas. 884 01:02:03,344 --> 01:02:06,263 - Good luck, buddy. Let's get them. - Yeah. 885 01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:10,642 Thanks, Melon. I'd wish you luck too but I guess you don't need luck. 886 01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:15,814 - What do you mean? - With your old man behind you, 887 01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:20,944 since he bought your way onto the team, he probably bought off the judges too. 888 01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:26,658 Oh, there's Thornton. 889 01:02:28,327 --> 01:02:29,703 Diane! 890 01:02:31,622 --> 01:02:35,125 I can't imagine what you can possibly see in that man. 891 01:02:35,293 --> 01:02:38,128 Philip, would you excuse me for a minute? 892 01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:44,050 Yes, yes! 893 01:02:44,218 --> 01:02:46,052 - You look great. - Thanks. 894 01:02:46,220 --> 01:02:49,848 Where've you been? I made dates with your answering machine. 895 01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:54,853 Sorry I missed you. I've been busy reading mid-term papers, grading exams. 896 01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,856 - Read mine? - No, but I look forward to it. 897 01:02:58,024 --> 01:03:01,318 I'm throwing a party tonight, and you'd better be there. 898 01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,696 Oh, I'm sorry, I've a date with Philip tonight. 899 01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:08,200 Bring him along. We may run out of ice. 900 01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:17,292 First diver for Grand Lakes University, Chas Osbourne. 901 01:03:41,442 --> 01:03:44,069 Hey, Coach. How are you? 902 01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:54,079 Next diver for Grand Lakes, Jason Delon. 903 01:03:54,247 --> 01:03:55,455 Melon. 904 01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:37,289 ♪ Everybody's crazy 905 01:04:41,669 --> 01:04:44,296 What's up? This is always the best party of the year. 906 01:04:44,463 --> 01:04:48,300 Some big event at the dorms. We're thinking of going. 907 01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:51,887 - To Melon's? Are you nuts? - Why don't we go? 908 01:04:52,054 --> 01:04:56,641 - Valerie, please, it'll be horrible. - Jason said it would be great. 909 01:04:56,809 --> 01:05:00,061 Jason's a twerp. We could have won if it weren't for him. 910 01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:04,065 - Haven't you ever messed up? - No. 911 01:05:09,906 --> 01:05:11,698 ♪ I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go 912 01:05:11,866 --> 01:05:15,327 Ooh! Hey, ooh! Hey, baby! 913 01:05:15,494 --> 01:05:18,747 ♪ Walking with a dead man over my shoulder 914 01:05:21,667 --> 01:05:24,336 ♪ All dressed up with nowhere to go 915 01:05:26,797 --> 01:05:28,965 I love three girls at once! 916 01:05:29,133 --> 01:05:32,010 I fall asleep, they have each other to talk to. 917 01:05:40,061 --> 01:05:44,397 Nice look. What are you going for, the heavily disassociated artist thing, 918 01:05:44,565 --> 01:05:46,858 or the "I'm going blind" thing? 919 01:05:47,026 --> 01:05:49,861 Huh? Oh, it's the deaf thing. 920 01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:52,572 This will cheer you up. 921 01:05:52,740 --> 01:05:54,532 Ooh, do me! 922 01:05:54,700 --> 01:05:59,829 Derek, get up. You look like the poster boy for birth control. 923 01:06:03,542 --> 01:06:05,710 Jason, it's a party. What's your story? 924 01:06:06,587 --> 01:06:07,963 What's the matter, the swim meet? 925 01:06:08,130 --> 01:06:10,048 Forget about it, it's history. 926 01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:14,052 Jason, come on. Snap into it! 927 01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:18,264 You're right. It doesn't matter, Dad. What do you say? Come on! 928 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,440 Hey, buddy! 929 01:06:28,442 --> 01:06:30,860 Everybody make some noise, have some fun! 930 01:06:37,493 --> 01:06:41,162 - What's that noise? - It's a party. Mid-terms, remember? 931 01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:43,915 They're just blowing off steam. 932 01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:45,250 You there! 933 01:06:47,044 --> 01:06:48,628 What's going on? 934 01:06:48,796 --> 01:06:52,716 The Melon man's throwing the greatest party of all time. 935 01:06:52,883 --> 01:06:54,801 The whole world is there. 936 01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:57,971 It's the best thing ever to happen to me! 937 01:06:58,139 --> 01:06:59,973 Oh, God! 938 01:07:05,062 --> 01:07:09,190 Look at that! Listen to that racket. This is disgraceful. 939 01:07:09,358 --> 01:07:11,526 - I should phone Security. - Oh, Philip. 940 01:07:17,491 --> 01:07:21,953 Good. Apparently I'm not the only one around here with a sense of decency. 941 01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:36,134 Did you see? Where are you going? 942 01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:39,429 Intellectual curiosity. It sounds fun. Come with me. 943 01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:42,474 - Oh, please! - Oh, Philip! 944 01:07:46,353 --> 01:07:48,980 ♪ It's a dead man's party 945 01:07:49,148 --> 01:07:51,066 ♪ Who could ask for more? 946 01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:57,280 ♪ Everybody's comin' Leave your body at the door 947 01:07:57,448 --> 01:08:00,825 ♪ Leave your body and soul at the door 948 01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:07,290 ♪ Don't run away, it's only me 949 01:08:14,173 --> 01:08:19,511 ♪ Don't run away, it's only me 950 01:08:19,678 --> 01:08:22,847 ♪ Don't leave that way 951 01:08:23,015 --> 01:08:27,477 ♪ You cannot see... 952 01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:31,523 - Say when! - Right after this drink. 953 01:08:32,775 --> 01:08:34,651 Hey, what's a bath without bubbles? 954 01:08:34,819 --> 01:08:36,903 Hey, Bubbles, come over here! 955 01:08:39,657 --> 01:08:41,533 Well... 956 01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:44,452 Oh, hi there. 957 01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:47,038 - What's your favorite subject? - Poetry. 958 01:08:47,206 --> 01:08:51,668 Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow. 959 01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:56,673 Excuse me, have you seen Thornton Melon? 960 01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:59,717 - Uh, I think he's in there. - Great. 961 01:09:05,391 --> 01:09:07,725 Excuse me, has anyone seen Thornton Melon? 962 01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:12,814 Now that's what I call marine biology! 963 01:09:13,607 --> 01:09:14,983 Diane. 964 01:09:16,861 --> 01:09:18,611 Say hello to my nieces. 965 01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:21,030 Wait a minute! 966 01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:26,828 Jason? 967 01:09:27,746 --> 01:09:30,039 I was looking all over for you. 968 01:09:30,207 --> 01:09:31,791 Jason, are you OK? 969 01:09:31,959 --> 01:09:34,085 I'm sorry about the swim meet. 970 01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:36,004 Shit. 971 01:09:36,172 --> 01:09:37,755 The swim meet. 972 01:09:37,923 --> 01:09:40,091 Think I care about the swim meet? 973 01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:43,386 It's just a stupid college game. It's just bullshit. 974 01:09:43,554 --> 01:09:45,889 Why are you acting like this? 975 01:09:46,056 --> 01:09:48,766 - I know you don't think like that. - You do? 976 01:09:49,935 --> 01:09:54,981 Grow up, Valerie. You think this is real? 977 01:09:55,149 --> 01:09:57,817 College is a dream world, something to pass the time 978 01:09:57,985 --> 01:10:00,486 until you can start buying people. 979 01:10:00,654 --> 01:10:02,780 Let's go for a walk and talk this out. 980 01:10:02,948 --> 01:10:04,490 There you are. 981 01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:07,452 Can we go? I'm bored. 982 01:10:07,620 --> 01:10:10,747 Christ, will you get your ass outta here? 983 01:10:10,915 --> 01:10:12,790 Oh, another shit-faced Melon. 984 01:10:12,958 --> 01:10:15,001 Shall I knock your teeth down your throat? 985 01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:18,087 Easy, Melon. Your father isn't here to back you up this time. 986 01:10:20,090 --> 01:10:21,424 Don't! 987 01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,222 Are you OK? 988 01:10:27,806 --> 01:10:29,849 Jason, I was looking for ya. 989 01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:33,895 Hey, come here! Where are you going? 990 01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,521 Where am I going? 991 01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:41,069 I'm leaving school. One of us has to go and you're having a great time. 992 01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:43,196 Why? I don't get it. 993 01:10:43,364 --> 01:10:46,491 - Because you didn't win the meet? - Not because I didn't win. 994 01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:50,995 Because Chas told me you bribed the coach to put me on the team. 995 01:10:51,163 --> 01:10:53,039 What, and you believed him? 996 01:10:53,207 --> 01:10:56,084 I've never lied to you. I didn't bribe the coach. 997 01:10:56,252 --> 01:10:58,962 You're on the team because you deserve it. 998 01:10:59,129 --> 01:11:03,466 Dad, you don't get it. Everything I have is because of you. 999 01:11:03,634 --> 01:11:06,594 Because of you, I get my Astronomy homework done by NASA. 1000 01:11:07,972 --> 01:11:11,349 I just want the best for you. That's all I ever wanted. 1001 01:11:14,019 --> 01:11:15,561 I did it all for you. 1002 01:11:16,563 --> 01:11:19,691 I know, but you don't know when to quit. 1003 01:11:19,858 --> 01:11:22,944 I know you came to help and I appreciate it. 1004 01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:25,822 It's really sweet and it's really not working. 1005 01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:29,701 - Let me do something for myself! - I just want to see you happy. 1006 01:11:29,868 --> 01:11:31,327 Well, take a good look. 1007 01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,123 'Cause I was a lot happier when I was miserable. 1008 01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:50,888 - I enjoyed reading that, Susan. - Thanks. 1009 01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:53,433 Diane, why did you fail me? 1010 01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:56,019 I didn't, Thornton, you failed me. 1011 01:11:56,186 --> 01:11:58,521 - Was it because of last night? - No. 1012 01:11:58,689 --> 01:12:01,607 I accept the fact that you're completely regressed emotionally. 1013 01:12:01,775 --> 01:12:04,485 But you won't pass my course by turning in someone else's work. 1014 01:12:05,487 --> 01:12:08,698 - You think someone else wrote this? - I know you didn't. 1015 01:12:08,866 --> 01:12:10,366 That's what disappoints me. 1016 01:12:10,534 --> 01:12:14,370 And whoever did write it has no idea about Kurt Vonnegut. 1017 01:12:14,538 --> 01:12:18,082 And another thing, Vonnegut, I'm gonna stop payment on the check. 1018 01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,793 What's that? Fuck me? 1019 01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:24,297 Hey, Kurt, do you read lips? Fuck you! 1020 01:12:24,465 --> 01:12:28,092 Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum. 1021 01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,972 Derek, have you seen Jason? 1022 01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:35,600 I think he's on a three-state killing spree. 1023 01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:39,771 Here's some more potentially bad news. Dean Martin wants you in his office. 1024 01:12:39,938 --> 01:12:43,107 Dean Martin? 1025 01:12:43,984 --> 01:12:48,279 And she said, "Let's do it, the room's already paid for!" 1026 01:12:52,785 --> 01:12:54,577 Oh, golly. 1027 01:12:54,745 --> 01:12:59,624 I'm afraid we have a potentially unpleasant situation here. 1028 01:12:59,792 --> 01:13:05,338 Phil, would you repeat to Mr. Melon the allegations that you've made to me? 1029 01:13:06,340 --> 01:13:09,592 The work you handed in is not your own. 1030 01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:12,136 I'm accusing you of academic fraud. 1031 01:13:12,304 --> 01:13:15,181 Fraud is such an ugly word. 1032 01:13:15,349 --> 01:13:19,143 Considering the financial generosity Mr. Melon has shown 1033 01:13:19,311 --> 01:13:21,062 towards our fine university. 1034 01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:23,898 I think Mr. Melon should be expelled. 1035 01:13:26,485 --> 01:13:28,653 What are you going to do about it? 1036 01:13:30,155 --> 01:13:35,660 Well... Thornton, I'm only going to ask you this one time, 1037 01:13:35,828 --> 01:13:38,579 is the work that you turned in your own? 1038 01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:44,001 I can't lie to you, Dean Martin. 1039 01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:49,006 Yes, it is. 1040 01:13:50,008 --> 01:13:51,509 I'm satisfied. 1041 01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,803 - Phil? - I'm outraged. 1042 01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:58,975 Gee whizz, Phil, I just asked Melon if the work was his and he said yes. 1043 01:13:59,143 --> 01:14:01,769 Now, what do you want me to do, torture him? 1044 01:14:04,064 --> 01:14:06,524 I suggest a comprehensive oral examination 1045 01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,277 conducted by all of Mr. Melon's professors. 1046 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:11,737 - Oral examination? - Yes. 1047 01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:14,198 If you've done the work you say you have, 1048 01:14:14,366 --> 01:14:16,993 there should be no problem. Should there? 1049 01:14:19,329 --> 01:14:20,872 Hey. 1050 01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:24,125 - Jase. - Hey, Lou, how are you doing? 1051 01:14:24,293 --> 01:14:27,044 Come here, I want to tell you something. 1052 01:14:27,212 --> 01:14:29,255 You were pretty hard on your father last night. 1053 01:14:29,423 --> 01:14:31,883 I know, but he doesn't understand. 1054 01:14:32,050 --> 01:14:34,594 I've known your pop 30 years. He understands. 1055 01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:38,931 He's a nice guy. And he's tough, like me. 1056 01:14:39,099 --> 01:14:41,184 I'm nice, and I'm tough. 1057 01:14:41,351 --> 01:14:43,686 Huh? I'll give you an idea what I mean. 1058 01:14:43,854 --> 01:14:48,357 My two boys, I put one through college and the other I put through a wall. 1059 01:14:50,110 --> 01:14:51,819 Your papa loves you, eh? 1060 01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:55,031 He's looking out for you. 1061 01:14:55,199 --> 01:14:56,824 Look out for him. 1062 01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:03,789 OK. 1063 01:15:18,597 --> 01:15:19,764 Hey. 1064 01:15:22,267 --> 01:15:23,851 What's going on? 1065 01:15:24,019 --> 01:15:28,397 I'm leaving. I'm sorry, Jason. This college thing was a big mistake. 1066 01:15:29,733 --> 01:15:32,610 - So you're gonna give up? - I can't win. 1067 01:15:32,778 --> 01:15:35,112 They want me to take orals in all subjects. 1068 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,448 If I don't, they'll kick me out. 1069 01:15:37,616 --> 01:15:40,201 And if I take them, who knows where they'll kick me? 1070 01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:47,708 Remember what you told me when I told you I wanted to quit? 1071 01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:50,836 You said a man without an education is nothing. 1072 01:15:51,004 --> 01:15:53,422 - I can't do it, Jason. - You can do anything. 1073 01:15:53,590 --> 01:15:58,803 You can do anything you want in life. Remember, you're a Melon. 1074 01:16:02,849 --> 01:16:04,600 Don't quit. I'll help you. 1075 01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:34,231 Before we begin, 1076 01:17:34,399 --> 01:17:37,902 I would like to thank each and every professor here 1077 01:17:38,070 --> 01:17:42,740 for taking time out of his/her extremely busy schedules. 1078 01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:46,077 And a special thanks of course to Mr. Thornton Melon 1079 01:17:46,244 --> 01:17:47,953 who I do not have to remind anyone 1080 01:17:48,121 --> 01:17:52,291 is the donor of our new Melon School of Business. 1081 01:18:00,592 --> 01:18:02,426 We're wasting time. 1082 01:18:02,928 --> 01:18:04,428 Sorry, Phil. 1083 01:18:06,431 --> 01:18:10,559 Mr. Melon, you'll have three hours to complete the examination. 1084 01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:15,231 If you fail any part of it, you will be expelled. 1085 01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:18,275 Mr. Melon, do you understand? 1086 01:18:19,986 --> 01:18:22,113 - The Council of Trent! - Excuse me? 1087 01:18:22,531 --> 01:18:25,449 - I missed a question. - We haven't begun yet. 1088 01:18:25,617 --> 01:18:26,784 Oh. 1089 01:18:27,744 --> 01:18:30,621 Well, Dr. Barbay, I suppose you're up first. 1090 01:18:45,303 --> 01:18:47,138 I have only one question 1091 01:18:47,305 --> 01:18:49,014 for Mr. Melon. 1092 01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:56,689 In 27 parts. 1093 01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:03,904 - I'd like to break him in 27 parts. - Excuse me? 1094 01:19:04,072 --> 01:19:05,990 Oh, nothing, nothing. 1095 01:19:08,660 --> 01:19:11,996 Discuss the foundations of modern global business systems. 1096 01:19:12,164 --> 01:19:14,832 Part one. Define and differentiate 1097 01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:19,003 the three economic philosophies of capitalism, socialism and communism 1098 01:19:19,171 --> 01:19:22,506 as pertains to a) management fundamentals, 1099 01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:24,633 b) organizing and staffing, 1100 01:19:24,801 --> 01:19:26,677 c) labor management, 1101 01:19:26,845 --> 01:19:29,555 and d) production and operations. 1102 01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,390 Part two. 1103 01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:38,022 - Are you getting all this, Mr. Melon? - Yeah, it's a piece of cake. 1104 01:19:41,109 --> 01:19:42,276 Jason? 1105 01:19:48,533 --> 01:19:50,284 Valerie. 1106 01:19:50,452 --> 01:19:55,206 I wanted to apologize for the other night 1107 01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:58,417 for my behavior, the things I said. 1108 01:19:59,669 --> 01:20:04,381 And to thank you for your behavior and the things you said. 1109 01:20:06,718 --> 01:20:08,219 Really sorry. 1110 01:20:09,554 --> 01:20:13,057 And I'm in love with you and have been for ages 1111 01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,643 and I can't believe I'm saying this. 1112 01:20:15,811 --> 01:20:19,230 And I don't wanna... embarrass you 1113 01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:22,274 or make you feel uncomfortable with me 1114 01:20:22,442 --> 01:20:25,027 but, uh... 1115 01:20:25,195 --> 01:20:30,741 I've been needing to tell you this for a very long time. 1116 01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:33,494 Um... 1117 01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:38,332 Are you aware that that's the most you've ever said to me at one time? 1118 01:20:38,500 --> 01:20:41,710 Oh, except for the time when you were ravingly drunk. 1119 01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:45,714 I love you too. 1120 01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:10,698 In response to Roman numeral 27, 1121 01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:15,786 section three, part two of subset D, 1122 01:21:15,954 --> 01:21:17,496 of the question, 1123 01:21:17,664 --> 01:21:19,456 the answer is... 1124 01:21:21,793 --> 01:21:22,793 Mr. Melon? 1125 01:21:30,468 --> 01:21:33,804 - Mr. Melon? - Hey, hey, relax. 1126 01:21:33,972 --> 01:21:36,724 This man's under a lot of pressure. Let's take it easy. 1127 01:21:37,642 --> 01:21:39,768 Say it! Say it! 1128 01:21:41,354 --> 01:21:44,231 The answer is... four. 1129 01:21:51,364 --> 01:21:52,448 Right. 1130 01:21:59,664 --> 01:22:00,998 Dr. Turner? 1131 01:22:06,546 --> 01:22:10,633 Hold it. That's it. I can't take it no more. 1132 01:22:11,217 --> 01:22:13,302 I feel like I just gave birth. 1133 01:22:13,470 --> 01:22:15,304 To an accountant. 1134 01:22:16,806 --> 01:22:18,140 Wait a minute, Thornton. 1135 01:22:30,695 --> 01:22:35,574 Thornton, do you remember when we discussed the Dylan Thomas poem, 1136 01:22:35,742 --> 01:22:38,035 Do not Go Gentle into that Good Night? 1137 01:22:38,703 --> 01:22:41,747 I don't know. No. 1138 01:22:41,915 --> 01:22:45,042 - Maybe. - Thornton, think. 1139 01:22:45,210 --> 01:22:46,377 What's going on here? 1140 01:22:47,837 --> 01:22:51,215 Philip, relax. It's my turn. 1141 01:22:55,720 --> 01:22:57,012 Do you remember it? 1142 01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:03,060 "Do not go gentle into... 1143 01:23:03,228 --> 01:23:04,895 into that good night, 1144 01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:09,608 Old age should burn and rage 1145 01:23:09,776 --> 01:23:13,404 at... at close of day; 1146 01:23:13,571 --> 01:23:16,907 Rage... rage against the dying of the light. 1147 01:23:17,951 --> 01:23:20,411 Wild men who court and sang the sun in flight, 1148 01:23:20,578 --> 01:23:25,082 And learned, too late, they grieved it on its way, 1149 01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:27,376 Do not go gentle to that good night." 1150 01:23:28,795 --> 01:23:33,799 "Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight, 1151 01:23:33,967 --> 01:23:37,261 Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 1152 01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:41,390 Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 1153 01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:43,600 And you, my father, 1154 01:23:43,768 --> 01:23:46,353 there on the sad height, 1155 01:23:46,521 --> 01:23:51,275 Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears I pray. 1156 01:23:51,443 --> 01:23:53,777 Do not go gentle into that good night 1157 01:23:53,945 --> 01:23:57,948 Rage, rage against the dying of the light." 1158 01:23:58,908 --> 01:24:00,784 Thornton, what does that poem mean to you? 1159 01:24:01,619 --> 01:24:05,289 It means... I don't take shit from no one. 1160 01:24:07,125 --> 01:24:11,920 I'm gonna pass this test. I'm staying in school. Who's next? 1161 01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:18,802 Now diving for the Atlantic Eastern Seagulls, 1162 01:24:18,970 --> 01:24:22,431 current conference champion, Doug Nelson. 1163 01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:24,725 What do you almost never see? 1164 01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,810 Somebody heckling a diver. 1165 01:24:41,326 --> 01:24:42,951 All right, kid. 1166 01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:47,998 Please refrain from making loud noises during the dives. 1167 01:24:50,502 --> 01:24:53,921 Next up for the Atlantic Eastern Seagulls 1168 01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:56,340 Bill Steincap. 1169 01:25:15,235 --> 01:25:19,196 That concludes Atlantic Eastern's ten-meter dives. 1170 01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:21,865 Next up, Grand Lakes Hooters. 1171 01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:28,747 I'd like to remind you that tickets to all Grand Lakes sporting events 1172 01:25:28,915 --> 01:25:31,875 are available from the student services office. 1173 01:25:32,043 --> 01:25:34,419 Were you interested in Valerie Desmond? 1174 01:25:34,587 --> 01:25:35,921 She's with me. 1175 01:25:37,215 --> 01:25:39,716 Coming into your own, are you, Melon? 1176 01:25:39,884 --> 01:25:43,095 I wouldn't break my arm patting myself on the back. 1177 01:25:43,263 --> 01:25:46,807 Because get this, towel boy. No matter what you think, 1178 01:25:46,975 --> 01:25:51,186 you will always be a crude, obnoxious, nouveau-riche little fleeb. 1179 01:25:51,354 --> 01:25:53,522 You'll end up like your father. 1180 01:25:54,190 --> 01:25:57,526 God, I hope so. 'Cause I love the guy. 1181 01:25:58,319 --> 01:26:00,863 First up for Grand Lakes University, 1182 01:26:01,030 --> 01:26:02,739 Chas Osbourne, 1183 01:26:02,907 --> 01:26:05,492 former national high school champion. 1184 01:26:06,703 --> 01:26:07,870 There he is. 1185 01:26:33,938 --> 01:26:34,938 Jason dive yet? 1186 01:26:35,106 --> 01:26:37,441 - No. Did you pass? - They're letting me know. 1187 01:26:37,609 --> 01:26:40,235 Now diving for Grand Lakes University, 1188 01:26:40,403 --> 01:26:42,404 Jason Melon. 1189 01:27:02,467 --> 01:27:04,468 Attaboy, Jason, you did it! 1190 01:27:15,688 --> 01:27:18,148 Can you believe it? We could win. 1191 01:27:18,983 --> 01:27:22,569 Melon's dive has put the Hooters back in this meet. 1192 01:27:22,737 --> 01:27:25,364 - Ow! - What's the matter? 1193 01:27:26,908 --> 01:27:28,533 You're up next, Chas. 1194 01:27:31,537 --> 01:27:35,874 I have got a really bad cramp. I've been having cramps all week. 1195 01:27:36,042 --> 01:27:39,294 - It's probably menstrual. - Screw you, Melon. 1196 01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:45,676 Coach Turnbull, you got another eligible diver? 1197 01:27:48,846 --> 01:27:49,846 Melon! 1198 01:27:53,184 --> 01:27:55,727 Melon, we need ya! 1199 01:27:55,895 --> 01:27:57,354 Get your suit on! 1200 01:27:57,522 --> 01:27:59,147 Go ahead. 1201 01:27:59,315 --> 01:28:02,859 The shape I'm in, you could donate my body to science fiction. 1202 01:28:03,027 --> 01:28:05,237 Get your suit on. We need ya! 1203 01:28:05,405 --> 01:28:08,699 Come on, pal. Show them what you got. 1204 01:28:08,866 --> 01:28:11,910 Melon! We need ya! 1205 01:28:16,082 --> 01:28:20,460 Now diving in substitution for Grand Lakes University, 1206 01:28:20,628 --> 01:28:22,629 Thornton Melon! 1207 01:28:25,008 --> 01:28:29,678 He... He's on my substitute roster, but I don't have it right now. 1208 01:28:29,846 --> 01:28:33,390 But what I'll do, first chance I get, 1209 01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:35,142 I'll bring it to you. 1210 01:28:53,536 --> 01:28:58,707 - What dive is he gonna do? - The Triple Lindy. 1211 01:28:58,875 --> 01:29:01,960 Melon! Melon! Melon! Melon! 1212 01:29:02,128 --> 01:29:04,421 Melon! Melon! Melon! Melon! 1213 01:29:04,589 --> 01:29:07,883 Melon! Melon! Melon! 1214 01:29:08,051 --> 01:29:10,260 There will be an additional spring board installed 1215 01:29:10,428 --> 01:29:11,928 for Melon's dive, 1216 01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:14,556 - the Triple Lindy. - Is that hard? 1217 01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:15,932 It's impossible. 1218 01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:47,065 You did it! 1219 01:30:47,233 --> 01:30:50,026 - That was great. - Told you! 1220 01:30:53,781 --> 01:30:56,950 Oh, you were great! That was incredible. 1221 01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:59,202 I guess there's nothing you can't do. 1222 01:30:59,370 --> 01:31:01,746 I've got the results of your exams. 1223 01:31:01,914 --> 01:31:04,916 - Do I wanna hear them? - You passed. All Ds. 1224 01:31:05,084 --> 01:31:06,376 And an A. 1225 01:31:06,544 --> 01:31:08,879 - Who gave me the A? - I did. 1226 01:31:09,922 --> 01:31:12,340 I would like to introduce our speaker. 1227 01:31:12,508 --> 01:31:17,471 This is the first time in the history of this fine institution 1228 01:31:17,638 --> 01:31:20,223 that a freshman has given this address. 1229 01:31:20,975 --> 01:31:25,812 Mr. Thornton Melon. 1230 01:31:35,781 --> 01:31:38,658 Thank you very much. Thank you, Dean Martin, 1231 01:31:38,826 --> 01:31:42,329 President Sinclair, and members of the graduating class. 1232 01:31:42,497 --> 01:31:45,081 I have only one thing to say to you. 1233 01:31:45,249 --> 01:31:49,252 It's a jungle out there. You gotta look out for number one. 1234 01:31:49,420 --> 01:31:51,588 But don't step in number two. 1235 01:31:53,591 --> 01:31:58,428 And so, to all you graduates, as you go out into the world, 1236 01:31:58,596 --> 01:32:00,597 my advice to you is 1237 01:32:00,765 --> 01:32:02,432 don't go! 1238 01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:05,352 It's rough out there. Move back with your parents. 1239 01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,771 Let them worry about it. 1240 01:32:22,328 --> 01:32:26,289 ♪ What you want Baby, I got it 1241 01:32:26,457 --> 01:32:28,416 - ♪ What you need - ♪ Ooh 1242 01:32:28,584 --> 01:32:30,627 - ♪ You know I got it - ♪ Ooh 1243 01:32:30,795 --> 01:32:32,754 - ♪ All I'm askin' - ♪ Ooh 1244 01:32:32,922 --> 01:32:34,881 ♪ Is for a little respect when you come home 1245 01:32:35,049 --> 01:32:36,424 - ♪ Just a little bit - ♪ Hey, baby 1246 01:32:36,592 --> 01:32:37,551 ♪ Just a little bit 1247 01:32:37,718 --> 01:32:39,761 - ♪ Come home - ♪ Just a little bit 1248 01:32:39,929 --> 01:32:42,973 - ♪ Mister - ♪ Just a little bit 1249 01:32:43,140 --> 01:32:44,975 ♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong 1250 01:32:45,142 --> 01:32:47,227 ♪ While you're gone 1251 01:32:47,395 --> 01:32:49,187 - ♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong - ♪ Ooh 1252 01:32:49,355 --> 01:32:51,439 - ♪ 'Cause I don't wanna - ♪ Ooh 1253 01:32:51,607 --> 01:32:53,483 - ♪ All I'm askin' - ♪ Ooh 1254 01:32:53,651 --> 01:32:55,652 ♪ Is for a little respect when you come home 1255 01:32:55,820 --> 01:32:57,279 - ♪ Just a little bit - ♪ Baby 1256 01:32:57,446 --> 01:32:58,405 ♪ Just a little bit 1257 01:32:58,573 --> 01:33:00,282 - ♪ When you get home - ♪ Just a little bit 1258 01:33:00,449 --> 01:33:03,451 - ♪ Yeah - ♪ Just a little bit 1259 01:33:03,619 --> 01:33:05,620 ♪ I'm about to give you 1260 01:33:05,788 --> 01:33:07,998 ♪ All of my money 1261 01:33:08,165 --> 01:33:09,833 ♪ And all I'm askin' 1262 01:33:10,001 --> 01:33:12,043 ♪ In return, honey 1263 01:33:12,211 --> 01:33:14,838 ♪ Is to give me my propers 1264 01:33:15,006 --> 01:33:17,090 - ♪ When you get home - ♪ Just a, just a, just a 1265 01:33:17,258 --> 01:33:18,675 - ♪ Yeah, baby - ♪ Just a, just a, just a 1266 01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:20,927 - ♪ When you get home - ♪ Just a little bit 1267 01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:24,014 - ♪ Yeah - ♪ Just a little bit 1268 01:33:40,031 --> 01:33:42,115 ♪ Ooh, your kisses 1269 01:33:42,283 --> 01:33:44,075 - ♪ Ooh - ♪ Sweeter than honey 1270 01:33:44,243 --> 01:33:46,244 - ♪ Ooh - ♪ And guess what? 1271 01:33:46,412 --> 01:33:49,164 - ♪ Ooh - ♪ So is my money 1272 01:33:49,332 --> 01:33:51,708 - ♪ All I want you to do for me - ♪ Ooh 1273 01:33:51,876 --> 01:33:53,543 ♪ Is give it to me when you get home 1274 01:33:53,711 --> 01:33:55,545 - ♪ Re, re, re, re - ♪ Yeah, baby 1275 01:33:55,713 --> 01:33:57,172 - ♪ Whip it to me - ♪ Respect 1276 01:33:57,340 --> 01:33:58,673 - ♪ Just a little bit - ♪ When you get home 1277 01:33:58,841 --> 01:34:00,842 - ♪ Now - ♪ Just a little bit 1278 01:34:01,010 --> 01:34:02,886 ♪ R - E - S - P - E - C - T 1279 01:34:03,054 --> 01:34:04,888 ♪ Find out what it means to me 1280 01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:07,140 ♪ R - E - S - P - E - C - T 1281 01:34:07,308 --> 01:34:08,892 ♪ Take care, TCB, oh! 1282 01:34:09,060 --> 01:34:10,477 ♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me 1283 01:34:10,645 --> 01:34:13,063 - ♪ A little respect - ♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me 1284 01:34:13,230 --> 01:34:14,564 - ♪ Whoa, babe - ♪ Just a little bit 1285 01:34:14,732 --> 01:34:16,858 - ♪ A little respect - ♪ Just a little bit 1286 01:34:17,026 --> 01:34:18,693 - ♪ I get tired - ♪ Just a little bit 1287 01:34:18,861 --> 01:34:20,779 - ♪ Keep on tryin' - ♪ Just a little bit 1288 01:34:20,946 --> 01:34:22,822 - ♪ You're runnin' out of foolin' - ♪ Just a little bit 1289 01:34:22,990 --> 01:34:25,408 - ♪ And I ain't lyin' - ♪ Just a little bit 1290 01:34:25,576 --> 01:34:26,910 - ♪ Re, re, re, re - ♪ Respect 1291 01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:28,953 - ♪ When you come home - ♪ Re, re, re, re 1292 01:34:29,121 --> 01:34:30,914 - ♪ Or you might walk in - ♪ Respect, just a little bit 1293 01:34:31,082 --> 01:34:33,500 - ♪ And find out I'm gone - ♪ Just a little bit... ♪ 1294 01:34:46,013 --> 01:34:48,890 ♪ It's your life and I'm not gonna live it 1295 01:34:49,058 --> 01:34:51,851 ♪ A change is coming and it's overdue 1296 01:34:52,019 --> 01:34:54,938 ♪ I'm gonna take you over the limit 1297 01:34:55,106 --> 01:34:57,315 ♪ You know I'm only looking out for you 1298 01:34:57,483 --> 01:35:02,612 ♪ Get lucky, I get lucky 1299 01:35:03,656 --> 01:35:08,284 ♪ And I'll see you get lucky too 1300 01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:12,956 ♪ I'll be there when you get there right 1301 01:35:13,124 --> 01:35:16,084 ♪ That's the beauty of living my life 1302 01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,798 ♪ Hold on baby, I'm taking you back to school 1303 01:35:21,966 --> 01:35:25,135 ♪ When logic has gone, don't lose your head 1304 01:35:25,302 --> 01:35:28,221 ♪ You just turn to me instead 1305 01:35:28,389 --> 01:35:33,685 ♪ Hold on, baby, now here we go back to school 1306 01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:35,103 ♪ Here we go 1307 01:35:40,818 --> 01:35:43,778 ♪ I gonna wear a big school letter 1308 01:35:43,946 --> 01:35:46,656 ♪ I'm gonna write poetry 1309 01:35:46,824 --> 01:35:49,659 ♪ Why don't you take off that big, blue sweater? 1310 01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:52,078 ♪ Come on, we'll make history 1311 01:35:52,246 --> 01:35:57,250 ♪ Get lucky, I get lucky 1312 01:35:58,836 --> 01:36:04,799 ♪ I'll see you get lucky too 1313 01:36:04,967 --> 01:36:07,802 ♪ I'll be there when you get me right 1314 01:36:07,970 --> 01:36:10,847 ♪ That's the beauty of living my life 1315 01:36:11,015 --> 01:36:16,478 ♪ Hold on, baby, I'm taking you back to school 1316 01:36:16,645 --> 01:36:20,023 ♪ When logic has gone, don't lose your head 1317 01:36:20,191 --> 01:36:22,859 ♪ You just turn to me instead 1318 01:36:23,027 --> 01:36:28,031 ♪ Hold on, baby, now here we go back to school ♪ 98919

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