Original subtitles

Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

NO ME GUSTA.

[ TIRES SCREECH ] Harold: [ IMITATES MACHINE

GUN ] Mandy: I THOUGHT WE WERE

GOING OUT FOR A HAMBURGER.

WE'VE BEEN IN THIS CAR FOR HOURS.

I GET CRANKY WHEN I'M HUNGRY.

Billy: I GET HUNGRY WHEN I'M CRANKY!

WE'RE LIKE TWINS!

[ BELCHES ] Harold: WELL, WE FINALLY MADE

IT TO THE FLATBURGER DRIVE-THROUGH.

HELLO!

WE'D LIKE TO ORDER THREE OF THE NUMBER 2s, TWO OF THE NUMBER 1s,

ONE 4, TWO 6s, AN 8, AND A 5-PACK OF THOSE COOKIES WITH THE

CLOWN FACES ON THEM.

[ TIRES POPPING ] HELLO?

I'D LIKE A NUMBER 2.

OOH! WITH EXTRA CORN.

[ SCREECHING ] Harold: WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY.

Mandy: I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT TENT.

Grim: BUT WE'LL DIE WITHOUT THE TENT.

Mandy: YEAH, TOUGH CALL.

Both: AAH!

Billy: AS LONG AS WE'RE DOWNWIND, WE'RE SAFE.

Harold: [ INHALES ] IT'LL BE A GOOD LIFE, HERE IN...

Mandy: MEXICO.

Harold: SURE, LITTLE GIRL.

WE CAN CALL IT MEXICO.

MEXICO.

Harold: BETTER HELP HER COPE.

SHE'S LOSING IT.

Mandy: AND I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE MY CHANCES IN THE DESERT.

Billy: MANDY, NOOO!!

Grim: HARD TO BELIEVE WE MISSED THAT.

[ ALL YELLING ] Grim: I LOVE PIÑATA LAJARA.

IT REMINDS ME OF HOME.

DIA DE LOS THE DAY OF THE DEAD.

THE LIVING WELCOME BACK THE DEAD BY THROWING A BIG PARTY.

Billy: HEY, WE LOVE THE DEAD!

Mandy: RIGHT NOW I'D LOVE SOME LUNCH.

THAT IS THE GREATEST COSTUME EVER!

Grim: IT'S NO COSTUME.

I AM THE GRIM REAPER!

All: [ LAUGH ] [ GASP ]

Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] All: [ SCREAM ]

Billy: I LOVE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT!

MR. REAPER, IT IS TRULY AN HONOR.

MY PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOU TREATING OUR SPIRITS WITH CARE.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US IN WHAT DIA DE LOS

EVER!

Mandy: WHY WOULD THIS BE THE EVER?

LONG AGO, WHEN CORONADO FIRST CAME TO THE NEW WORLD TO SET UP

HIS BLANKET FACTORY, HE STOLE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THE

PEOPLE OF MEXICO.

CORONADO TOOK THE GOLDEN SPARE NOSE OF CHIPOTLE, AND HE WORE IT

AS HIS OWN.

[ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ] THE SPIRITS OF OUR HONOR --

THEY DEMANDED THAT WE GET THE NOSE BACK.

YOU BETTER GET THAT NOSE BACK.

AAH!

ONCE WE HAD FRIGHTENED CORONADO BY DRESSING AS THE

SKELETONS, WE WERE ABLE TO HONOR OUR ANCESTORS BY RETURNING THE

GOLDEN NOSE OF CHIPOTLE TO THE PYRAMID WHERE IT BELONGED.

AND THERE IT RESTS TO THIS VERY DAY, GUARDED BY THE GHOST OF THE

VERY MAN WHO STOLE IT.

SO EVERY YEAR MY PEOPLE CELEBRATE THE RETURN OF THE

GOLDEN NOSE BY DRESSING LIKE YOU.

Grim: OH! WELL, GOSH.

Mandy: THAT STILL DOESN'T DIA

EVER.

OH, THAT'S BECAUSE OF -- [ ALL SCREAMING ]

OH, THAT'S BECAUSE OF -- [ ALL SCREAMING ]

THAT IS DEL UGLIO, THE GREATEST IN THE

HISTORY OF ALL TIME.

HE WANTS TO TAKE THE GOLDEN NOSE OF CHIPOTLE AND USE IT TO MAKE

HIMSELF LESS UGLY.

IF HE TAKES THE NOSE, THE SPIRITS OF OUR ANCESTORS WILL BE

ANGERED.

Mandy: WHY DON'T YOU STOP HIM?

BECAUSE HE'S GOT MAD WRESTLING SKILLS.

HE IS UNSTOPPABLE.

[ ROARS ] [ BARKS ]

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] Billy: COOL!

CAN YOU SIGN MY FACE AND/OR BUTT?

Mandy: WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE "DAY OF THE DEAD" FESTIVAL.

Grim: WELL, I DO!

THIS IS THE ONLY FESTIVAL I GOT, AND I AM NOT LETTING SOME

TWO-BIT, STUPID, UGLY MEXICAN WRESTLER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.

[ GROWLING ] DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING TO

ME?

Grim: [ STAMMERING ] DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING TO

ME?!

Grim: [ WHIMPERS ] WAS IT A COMPLIMENT ABOUT MY

GLISTENING PECTORAL MUSCLES?

NO, REALLY.

IT'S HARD TO HEAR THROUGH THIS MASK SOMETIMES.

Grim: UH, YEAH, IT WAS A COMPLIMENT.

SAY, WHY DO YOU WEAR THAT MASK, ANYWAY?

LUCHADORES, I AM HIDEOUSLY UGLY TO BEHOLD.

THAT IS WHY I MUST FIND THE OTHER HALF OF THE MAP THAT

LEADS TO THE GOLDEN NOSE OF CHIPOTLE.

A SOLID-GOLD NOSE WITH DIAMOND BOOGERS INSIDE WILL FINALLY MAKE

ME BEAUTIFUL.

Mandy: OKAY, I'LL BITE.

WHERE'S THE FIRST HALF OF THE MAP?

IT IS ALSO BENEATH MY MASK.

I WAS BORN WITH A MIGHTY BIRTHMARK ON THE BACK OF MY

HEAD.

Grim: HUH?!

A MAP -- A MAP THAT LEADS TO THE GOLDEN NOSE OF CHIPOTLE!

IT IS SAID THAT MY LONG-LOST TWIN BROTHER HAS THE OTHER HALF

OF THE MAP.

WHEN I FIND HIM, I WILL FIND THE PATH TO THE TREASURE OF THE

NOSE!

Billy: HEY!

THAT LOOKS LIKE MY BIRTHMARK!

Mandy: I THINK YOU STEPPED IN SOMETHING.

[ SNIFFING ] Billy: SEE?

I WAS BORN WITH A BIRTHMARK LIKE THAT, TOO.

THIS IS AWESOME!

WE'RE LONG-LOST TWIN BROTHERS!

I ALWAYS WANTED AN UGLY BROTHER.

HERMANO!

Billy: UH, NO.

BILLY!

OUCH!

HOW COULD YOU, DEL UGLIO?

WE ARE MERELY -- WITH THE NOSE, DEL UGLIO WILL

GORGIOSO.

Mandy: I THINK THAT'S OUR CUE.

Grim: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, MANDY.

THAT'S OUR CUE TO TRAVEL TO THE HAUNTED RUINS OF CHIPOTLE AND

RECOVER THE GOLDEN NOSE.

Mandy: NO, I MEANT THAT WAS OUR CUE TO GO HOME.

Grim: NOT UNTIL I'VE SAVED EL DIA DE LOS MUERTOS!

Billy: BUT HOW WILL WE FIND MY BROTHER?

HE'S GOT THE MAP.

[ GROANS ] LUCHADORE.

[ GRUNTING ] SO CLOSE.

[ LAUGHS ] IT'S ABOUT TIME.

YOU TOLD ME MY PIZZA WOULD BE HERE IN 35 MINUTES, AND IT'S

BEEN -- [ SCREAMS ]

I GOT...HELD UP.

YOU ARE SO TOTALLY NOT GETTING A TIP.

WHOA!

[ LAUGHS ] CAN'T CATCH ME!

[ YELLS ]

TO THE VICTOR GOES THE SPOILS!

Grim: NOT SO FAST.

YOU ARE GOING DOWN, DEL UGLIO.

Mandy: WERE THE OUTFITS REALLY NECESSARY?

Billy: OH, YES!

Grim: GIVE UP THE NOSE, DEL UGLIO.

IT IS MINE!

I NEED IT TO BE HANDSOME!

IT IS OURS!

WE NEED IT FOR OUR FESTIVAL.

WHY DON'T YOU BRATS KEEP YOUR NOSES OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S

NOSES' BUSINESS?

Billy: BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR HONOR, DEL UGLIO?

WHAT ABOUT THE TRADITIONS OF YOUR PEOPLES...

OUR PEOPLES?

I HAVE NO NEED FOR HONOR.

I HAVE NO NEED FOR TRADITION.

I HAVE THE NOSE!

Billy: BUT THE CHILDREN OF MEXICO NEED IT, MY BROTHER.

YOU DON'T NEED THE NOSE.

ISN'T MY LOVE ENOUGH?

ISN'T MY LOVE EVER ENOUGH?!

[ WAILING ] YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND, LITTLE

BROTHER.

I AM THE UGLIEST MAN ALIVE.

THAT IS WHY I WEAR THIS MASK.

Mandy: EWW.

NOW IT IS YOU WHO MUST UNMASK.

YOU'RE THE REAL GRIM REAPER?!

AAH!

Grim: WHO KNEW IT WOULD BE THAT EASY?

Mandy: JACKPOT.

Billy: GUILLERMO!

NOW YOU KIDS CAN HAVE THE...

AGAIN.

All: YAY!

Mandy: MENTHOL, "SHMENTHOL."

I'M GETTING A PLANE TICKET HOME.

BUT THOSE ARE DIAMONDS.

Mandy: THEN I GUESS I CAN BUY MY OWN JET.

TAKE ME THROUGH THE PARK, BITTERMAN.

EL DIA DE LOS IS RUINED.

Billy: YEAH, BUT I GOT A BROTHER!

ME TOO!

Harold: AND I FOUND THE SON THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD,

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EVEN SEEM POSSIBLE.

[ ALL SINGING IN SPANISH ] [ WIND HOWLS ]

Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ]

I'M A DIRTY BOY.

I'M A DIRTY...

I'M A DIRTY BOY!

Mandy: BILLY, YOU'VE JUST EVOLVED A NOTCH UP THE IDIOT

LADDER.

Billy: SUCH BITING COMMENTS, MANDY.

BUT NOW THEY'LL BITE YOU...

IN THE BUTT!

I CALL TO THE STAND...

MANDY'S MOM AND DAD!

Phil: IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T LOVE MANDY.

Claire: WE LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

Phil: IT'S JUST THAT WE'RE...

KIND OF SCARED OF HER.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HARDLY IN ANY OF THESE EPISODES.

Claire: I'M USUALLY TOO AFRAID TO EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT.

Phil: WHEN SHE WAS BORN, WOLVES CAME TO TRY AND RAISE HER

AS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

SOMETIMES I WONDER IF WE WERE RIGHT TO STOP THEM.

Claire: WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

[ WEEPING ] Phil: SHH-SHH-SHH!

IT'S OKAY.

Irwin: THAT'S JUST ILL, YO.

WHY IS HE TRYING TO EAT HER FACE?

OKAY, ENOUGH OF THIS.

CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

Mandy: ECK!

[ BELL RINGS ] Billy: SAY, "COLONEL MAJOR

CHEESE!" All: AAHHH!

Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ] [ CHUCKLES ]

GIVE IT TO ME!

SELL IT, BABY!

WORK IT! WORK IT!

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

MMM-MMM.

THAT'S GOLD!

YEAH! GIVE ME SOME.

YEAH!

SAY, "COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE."

Mandy: [ GROWLS ] Billy: THAT'S MY CAMERA!

Mandy: YOU GOT THIS OUT OF GRIM'S TRUNK, DIDN'T YOU?

Billy: IT SAYS BILLY!

I'M JUST NOT A GOOD SPELLER.

IT'S MINE!

BUT GEOGRAPHY IS MY LIFE.

Mandy: RIGHT NOW YOUR LIFE BELONGS TO ME.

LET'S FIND GRIM.

Grim: ♪ OH ♪ I AM THE CHICKEN,

AND THE FEATHERS WILL FLY ♪ ♪ BOK-BOK-BOK, BOK-BOK-BOK-BOK,

BOK-BOK-BOK-BOK BOK BOK BOK BOK BOK BOK BOK-BOK-BOK-BOK ♪

AAH!

Billy: SAY, "MAJOR COLONEL CHEESE!"

Grim: OH! WHAT? STOP!

I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!

THAT BETTER NOT END UP ON THE INTERNET!

Billy: IT'S MY NEW CAMERA.

Grim: WHICH LOOKS A LOT LIKE MY OLD CAMERA.

Mandy: BILLY STOLE YOUR CAMERA.

Billy: IT'S NEW TO ME.

Grim: THIS IS AN UNDERWORLD "TRUE HEART" CAMERA.

IT TAKES A PICTURE OF A PERSON'S MOST SECRET PLACE.

Billy: THE GIZZARD, HMM?

Grim: NO, YOU MENTAL MUNCHKIN, YOUR TRUE HEART.

IT REVEALS THE ESSENCE OF WHO YOU TRULY ARE.

Mandy: YEAH...TERRIFYING.

I'M GONNA TAKE SOME MORE PICTURES.

Grim: BEWARE!

THE UNDERWORLD "TRUE HEART" CAMERA WILL EXPOSE YOUR DARKEST

TRUTH!

DESTROY THE FILM.

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEIR TRUE HEART.

Billy: AND YOU SHOULD DESTROY THAT SHIRT.

NO ONE SHOULD SEE YOUR TRUE FASHION SENSE!

[ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ] Grim: OH...

Irwin: ♪ C-C-COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE MAKES ME BURP ♪

♪ COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE MAKES ME STRONG ♪

♪ BUT THE BEST THING ABOUT C-C-COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE

IS RAPPIN' THE CORN WILL MAKE YOUR CHEESE ALL, YO! ♪

[ BELCHES ] OH, YEAH!

Billy: HI, IRWIN.

Irwin: HI, BILLY.

[ GASPS ] HELLO, MY FLOWER THAT NEVER

WILTS, MY SONG THAT NEVER GETS OLD, MY -- AAH!

I'M BLIND, YO!

AAHHH!

I'LL NEVER SEE MANDY AGAIN!

BUT YOUR FACE IS STILL ETCHED ON MY EYELIDS, YO.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ]

PRETTY.

Mandy: NO SURPRISES THERE.

THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

YOUR CAMERA'S BROKEN.

Grim: NO THANKS TO YOU.

[ ROARING ] Grim: AAH!

WELL, NO SURPRISES THERE.

Mandy: LOOK AT THE NEXT ONE.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] [ ROARS ]

Mandy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Grim: WOW!

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE SEEN ONE OF THOSE.

I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART, OR WHATEVER THAT

IS THAT PUMPS YOUR BLOOD, WITH IRWIN.

Irwin: ♪ RAPPIN' ALONG WITH COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE ♪

♪ BENDIN' THE KNEE TO THE TRUE MACK DADDY ♪

[ BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY ] ♪ HE WHO MAKES THE CHEESE PUFFY,

YO, LIKE GRAVITY ♪ ♪ WHOO-HOO-HOO

Mandy: EXPLAIN THIS.

THERE'S A TOUCH OF EVIL IN YOUR HEART, A TOUCH OF COLD, BLACK

EVIL THAT EERILY, CREEPILY, DISTURBINGLY LOOKS LIKE MINE.

Irwin: LET ME EXPLAIN, MY PET.

[ GASPS ] I'M NOT THE MAN YOU SEE BEFORE

YOU, YO.

I HAVE A SECRET PAST!

TURNS OUT I WAS BORN BAD.

WHAT HAVE I -- AAH!

Irwin: I WAS BAD AT HOME.

AND I WAS BAD AWAY FROM HOME.

[ IRWIN GURGLING ] SHH!

AAH!

SEE HERE, YOU SCREAMING BABY.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE BRING BABIES ON PLANES, AND THEY CLAW

MY FACE OFF.

Irwin: I WAS BORN BAD, YO!

I'M A REBEL.

Mandy: I, UH, RESPECT YOU?

BUT IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE.

Irwin: IT'S TRIGGEDY-TRUE, YO.

BUT I'M NOT BAD ANYMORE.

MY DADDY TAUGHT ME ALL ABOUT LOVE AND RESPECT.

[ ROARS ] [ WAILS ]

Irwin: [ LAUGHS ] IRWIN, GO GIVE THAT PACIFIER

BACK TO THAT BABY!

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF HE STOLE YOUR MOUSE HEAD

COLLECTION?

Irwin: AND THROUGH THAT I WAS ABLE TO OVERCOME MY EVIL NATURE,

YO.

MY TRUE HEART GREW THREE SIZES THAT DAY.

Mandy: SOUNDS PAINFUL.

Irwin: ONCE YOUR HEART BEGINS CHANGING FROM DARKNESS AND EVIL

TO PEACE-LOVING HAPPINESS, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK, MANDY.

NO TURNING BACK, YO!

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] Mandy: IF I RESPECT IRWIN,

THEN I'M IN DANGER OF LOSING MY TRUE HEART THE WAY THAT HE DID.

[ BIRD CHIRPS ] AAAHHHH!

[ GROANING ] PINK AND FLUFFY...

Billy: IS SHE GONNA BE OKAY, GRIM?

Grim: I DON'T KNOW, BILLY.

MANDY'S TRUE HEART IS CHANGING.

SHE MIGHT BE OKAY, BUT SHE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO TURN MANDY BACK TO NORMAL.

Billy: THEN I KNOW WHAT WE MUST DO.

WE MUST GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY ON THE SEESAW.

Grim: GOOD POINT.

WHY WOULD WE WANT THE OLD MANDY BACK?

[ BOTH LAUGH ] Billy: YA-HOO!

YIPPEE!

Mandy: SUCH...GOOD...FRIENDS.

NO!

MY TRUE HEART -- I'M LOSING IT.

[ ROARS ] Irwin: ♪ COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE

MAKES ME BURP ♪ ♪ COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE,

A FINE DESSERT ♪ ♪ COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE

FOOLS LIKE ART ♪ ♪ COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE

MAKES ME FART ♪ Mandy: COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE

DON'T MAKE YOU BURP, SILLY.

Irwin: UH, MANDY?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Mandy: I SAID...

Irwin: YOU'RE BURNING UP, MY MOLTEN FLOWER.

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU, YO?

Mandy: I SAID, "COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE DON'T MAKE YOU BURP,

SILLY."

Irwin: OH, MANDY, I DO BURP.

I CAN'T CONTROL IT.

IT JUST HAPPENS.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] LIKE...LOVE.

MANDY, YOUR TRUE HEART IS CHANGING.

SOON YOU'LL BE JUST LIKE ME, YO!

Mandy: IRWIN, I...

[ BEEPING ] [ ROARS ]

Mandy: I HATE COLONEL MAJOR CHEESE.

Irwin: I KNOW.

Mandy: YOU DO?

Irwin: I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, MANDY.

Mandy: OKAY, LET'S PUT ASIDE THAT BIT OF CREEPINESS FOR THE

MOMENT.

YOU KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN YOU, YOU KNOW.

Irwin: I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, MEAN AND SURLY.

Mandy: THANK YOU.

AND THAT'S FOR KISSING ME.

Irwin: IT AIN'T EASY BEING A PLAYER, YO!

[ BELL DINGS ] [ CROWD CHEERS ]