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Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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Mandy: DON'T MAKE ME TURN
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THIS CARTOON AROUND.
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
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[ CRASH ]
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WELL, THIS AIN'T FANNY'S
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CAFETERIA.
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40 YEARS, I'VE BEEN HUNTING
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YOU, DRACULA.
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40 YEARS OF CHASING SHADOWS AND
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RUMORS, OF LIVING IN --
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GET THAT LIGHT OFF DRACULA
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EYES.
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BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D
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SEE ME AGAIN.
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WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
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I AM LIONEL VAN HELSING, YOUR
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MORTAL ENEMY.
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HMM...
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NOPE. DON'T RING A BELL.
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MAYBE THIS WILL HELP -- A
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WOODEN STAKE THROUGH THE HEART!
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NO, DRACULA DON'T THINK THAT
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GONNA HELP MUCH.
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AAH!
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GET YOUR BIG BUTT OFF DRACULA!
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DIE, VAMPIRE!
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
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Grim: NO, DON'T HURT HIM!
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WHAT'D YOU SAY?
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DON'T LISTEN TO SKELETON MAN.
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HE NOTHING BUT A BIG DUMMY.
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Grim: DRACULA, HUSH!
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I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU.
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DRACULA DON'T NEED NO SAVING.
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DRACULA CAN SAVE HIS SELF.
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[ GRUNTING, MOANING ]
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DRACULA HIP MUST'VE GONE OUT.
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JUST GIVE DRACULA A SECOND TO
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CATCH HIS BREATH.
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Grim: LOOK, CALM DOWN AND
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DROP THE WOODEN STAKE.
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DROP THE STAKE?
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DROP YOUR HEAD IS WHAT I SHOULD
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DO!
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DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS MONSTER IS?
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Grim: HE'S DRACULA, KING OF
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THE VAMPIRES...AND MY CHILDHOOD
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HERO.
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YOU ARE A SICK, LITTLE MAN.
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HERO? I DON'T SEE A HERO.
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I SEE A BLOODSUCKING DEMON.
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NO, NO, NO, THAT'S A MYTH.
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DRACULA DON'T SUCK.
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YOU GIVE ME A REASON WHY I
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SHOULDN'T END HIS REIGN OF
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TERROR RIGHT NOW!
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DRACULA THINK --
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QUIET, YOU!
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Grim: UH...UM...
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H-HE'S AN EXCELLENT DANCER?
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SHAKE HIS BOOTY.
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Grim: DRACULA HAS BEEN LIKE A
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FATHER TO ME.
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WHY, JUST THE OTHER NIGHT, WE
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WERE HANGING OUT...
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DRACULA LOVE MINIATURE GOLF.
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Grim: ONE ADULT AND ONE
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SENIOR CITIZEN, PLEASE.
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SENIOR CITIZEN?
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YOU CALLING DRACULA OLD?!
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Grim: DRACULA, COME ON.
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YOU LIVE IN A RETIREMENT HOME.
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AND, BESIDES, THE SENIOR-CITIZEN
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DISCOUNT SAVES YOU FIVE BUCKS.
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DRACULA AIN'T NO SENIOR
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CITIZEN.
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Grim: FINE!
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THEN YOU PAY FOR YOUR OWN
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TICKET.
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FINE! DRACULA WILL.
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DRACULA GONNA NEED TO BORROW
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FIVE BUCKS.
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MY EYE!
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Grim: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
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THAT'S CALLED DRACULA PUTTING
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A FUNK IN THE GAME.
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Grim: YOU CAN'T HIT IT THAT
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HARD.
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GOLF.
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YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA HOW TO
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PLAY.
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MY BABY!
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Grim: GIVE ME THAT.
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YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY.
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OF DRACULA.
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FOR
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YOU.
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UH, GENTLEMEN, UH, I'M GONNA
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HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.
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YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA WHAT
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TO DO!
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LOOK, OLD TIMER, YOU'RE
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CAUSING --
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OLD TIMER?!
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DRACULA SHOW YOU WHO'S AN OLD
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TIMER!
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GET BACK HERE!
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DRACULA GONNA BEAT YOUR BUTT!
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Grim: MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE
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MOST HELPFUL STORY.
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DRACULA TOLD YOU HE WAS A
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DUMMY.
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Grim: HEY, WEREN'T YOU TWO ON
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THE GROUND BEFORE THE FLASHBACK?
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THE CONCRETE HURT MY KNEES
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SOMETHING FIERCE.
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AND DRACULA NEEDED MORE
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LUMBAR SUPPORT.
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Grim: EH. MAKES SENSE.
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NOW, GIVE ME A SECOND.
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I'M SURE I CAN COME UP WITH A
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MUCH BETTER REASON WHY DRACULA
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SHOULD LIVE.
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SEE, ONE TIME HE...
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NO, HE CAUGHT THAT PLACE ON
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FIRE.
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OH, THERE WAS A GUY WHO...
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OH, WAIT.
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HE NEEDED STITCHES.
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AND THERAPY.
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ANYTHING?
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Grim: UM...MAYBE.
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NO, HE WAS ARRESTED THAT TIME.
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MUCH.
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Billy: PLEASE, SIR, DON'T
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HURT MR. DRACULA.
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IF YOU WOULD JUST TAKE A MOMENT
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AND LOOK AT HIM THROUGH THE
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INNOCENT EYES OF A CHILD, YOU
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WOULD SEE THAT HE'S NOT JUST A
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BIG, STINKY MONSTER.
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HE'S A BIG, STINKY MONSTER WHO
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BITES THINGS.
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ONE DAY, HE CAME TO MY SCHOOL TO
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SHARE HIS WEALTH OF LIFE
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LESSONS.
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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
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AND THAT IS HOW DRACULA DO THE
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SCRAPE-AND-LICK.
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NOW DRACULA GONNA SEPARATE YOU
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INTO TWO GROUPS -- UGLY AND
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DUMMY.
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YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY.
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YOU A DUMMY. YOU UGLY.
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YOU A DUMMY, AND YOU UGLY.
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YOU IN BOTH.
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Mandy: WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS
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SERVE?
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DRACULA DIDN'T ASK FOR NO
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LIP!
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DRACULA TRYING TO BRING YOU AN
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EDUCATION.
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NOW, DUMMIES, STAND OVER THERE
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AND FACE THAT WAY.
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AND, UGLIES, STAND OVER THERE,
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FACING THAT WAY.
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Billy: NOW WHAT?
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DRACULA DIDN'T TELL YOU TO
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LOOK OVER HERE, DUMMY!
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YOU KEEP FACING THE WALL!
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Billy: YES, SIR.
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SO, BABY, YOU WANT TO SEE
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DRACULA DANCE?
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[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
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MMM, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?
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OH, YEAH!
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DRACULA BRINGING THE HEAT NOW.
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Billy: AND HE NEVER GOT
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INVITED BACK.
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THE END.
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DRACULA WANT CALL HIS LAWYER.
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Mandy: LOOK, I'LL ADMIT
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DRACULA IS NO SAINT, BUT WHY DO
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YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH?
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HE'S HARMLESS.
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HARMLESS?!
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IS IT HARMLESS TO WRECK A MAN'S
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LIFE?
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DRACULA GONNA WRECK YOUR FACE
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WHEN HE GET OUT OF HERE.
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Grim: YOU'RE NOT HELPING.
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SEE THIS?
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Billy: A FIST?
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IT LOOKS MIGHTY!
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NO, IT'S A FRIENDSHIP
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BRACELET.
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Grim: OKAY, SO, YOU
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ACCESSORIZE?
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NO!
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LOOK!
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Billy: IT'S THE SAME
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BRACELET.
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Grim: THEN THAT MEANS...
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YES.
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DRACULA AND I ARE...
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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
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...BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.
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Billy: BFFs?
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Grim: THEN WHY KILL HIM?
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IT WAS HOT THAT SUMMER IN
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ENDSVILLE.
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DRACULA AND I WERE TRYING TO
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COOL THINGS DOWN WITH OUR BEST
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STRUT.
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LOOKING GOOD, BABY!
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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW
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WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT THE
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SUMMER?
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SUMMER DRESSES.
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RIGHT ON!
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[ BOTH SLURPING ]
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HEY, DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW
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WHAT FLAVOR POPSICLE I LIKE
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BEST?
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FUDGE.
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RIGHT ON!
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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW WHICH
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FOOT IS MY FAVORITE?
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THE RIGHT FOOT.
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RIGHT ON!
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YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND TWO
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TIGHTER FRIENDS THAN US IN THE
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WHOLE CITY.
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WE SPENT OUR NIGHTS OUT DANCING
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AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA, AND
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WE SPENT OUR DAYS WORKING AT THE
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LOCAL FACTORY AS CUSTOM TEDDY
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BEAR DESIGNERS.
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WHAT YOU THINK, MAN -- LITTLE
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PURPLE HAT OR LITTLE ORANGE HAT?
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DRACULA DIGGING ON THE
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GROOVINESS OF PURPLE.
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WHATEVER, MAN.
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"WHATEVER, MAN"?
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SOMETHING WRONG.
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DRACULA AIN'T NEVER HEARD
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VAN HELSING NOT CARE WHAT HE PUT
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ON A TEDDY BEAR.
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DRACULA, YOU EVER THINK
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THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN
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DESIGNING TEDDY BEARS, DANCING,
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AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA?
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WHAT -- YOU MEAN, LIKE,
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SAUSAGE PIZZA?
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NEVER MIND, MAN.
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YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
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CANADIAN-BACON PIZZA, RIGHT?
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I GOT TO GO GET SOME AIR.
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VEGETARIAN PIZZA?
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DRACULA CAN BE DOWN WITH
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VEGETABLES.
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EXCEPT GARLIC.
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DRACULA DON'T TOUCH NONE OF
266
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:11,878
THAT.
267
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,828
I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I
268
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:15,037
WAS LOOKING FOR.
269
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,455
OF COURSE, I DIDN'T KNOW A LOT
270
00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:17,962
OF THINGS BACK THEN, LIKE A
271
00:08:18,042 --> 00:08:19,172
GIRAFFE HAS ONLY SEVEN
272
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,750
VERTEBRAE.
273
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,503
THAT'S CRAZY.
274
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,083
YOU'D THINK WITH SUCH A LONG
275
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,127
NECK --
276
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,708
BACK OFF, JACK.
277
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,212
I KNOW KARATE.
278
00:08:26,042 --> 00:08:27,332
I'M SORRY.
279
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:29,747
I WASN'T PAYING ATTEN--
280
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:34,883
GIRL, I WASN'T TRYING TO HURT
281
00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:35,378
YOU.
282
00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:37,038
I'VE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE.
283
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,245
WHO WAS THIS WOMAN IN FRONT
284
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,083
OF ME?
285
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:40,995
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, AND
286
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:41,923
ANGRY.
287
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,500
AND THEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME.
288
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,963
AS I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS, A WARM
289
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:48,172
THOUGHT ROSE UP.
290
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,540
I HAD FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING
291
00:08:50,625 --> 00:08:52,125
FOR.
292
00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,958
HEY! HEY!
293
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:54,792
ARE YOU OKAY?
294
00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,125
SORRY I WHUPPED YOUR BUTT.
295
00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:57,828
YOUR FRIEND DRACULA EXPLAINED
296
00:08:57,917 --> 00:08:58,577
EVERYTHING.
297
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,127
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE OUT WHAT
298
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,918
KIND OF PIZZA YOU WANT SOMEDAY.
299
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,250
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
300
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:04,253
TANYA.
301
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,173
WELL, TANYA, PERHAPS SOMETIME
302
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:07,290
YOU'D LIKE TO --
303
00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:08,535
HEY, FOXY LADY!
304
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:13,125
WANT TO SEE DRACULA DANCE?
305
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:14,708
I KNEW IT WAS OVER FOR ME
306
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:15,502
THEN.
307
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,423
NO WOMAN COULD RESIST DRACULA'S
308
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,750
DANCE.
309
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,080
LET'S GET MARRIED!
310
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,327
OUT OF SIGHT!
311
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,582
I LISTENED TO MY BROKEN HEART
312
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:40,787
FOR A SIGN OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.
313
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,415
BUT IT WAS SILENT, LIKE A SILENT
314
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,830
FART.
315
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,577
AND AS YOU KNOW, IT'S THE SILENT
316
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,077
FARTS THAT ARE THE MOST DEADLY.
317
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,917
SO I DECIDED I WOULD USE MY PAIN
318
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,170
TO BECOME A SILENT FART OF
319
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:55,460
VENGEANCE!
320
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,082
AND I WOULD KILL DRACULA!
321
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,167
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
322
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,790
THAT DUMB STORY GONNA MAKE
323
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:01,955
DRACULA THROW UP.
324
00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,922
I PROMISED MYSELF I'D KEEP
325
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,040
WEARING THIS BRACELET UNTIL THE
326
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,625
DAY I HAD MY REVENGE.
327
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,788
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
328
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,125
GONNA TALK DRACULA TO DEATH.
329
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:12,538
THAT'S WHAT YOU GONNA DO.
330
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,035
Billy: I DIDN'T KNOW DRACULA
331
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:14,625
WAS MARRIED.
332
00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,328
Mandy: YEAH.
333
00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:17,577
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.
334
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:22,415
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER
335
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,210
YOURSELF?
336
00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:25,082
Grim: IRWIN'S GRANDMAMA IS
337
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,167
DRACULA'S WIFE?!
338
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,080
HEY, BABY.
339
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,207
DON'T YOU "HEY, BABY" ME,
340
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:30,002
DRACULA.
341
00:10:30,083 --> 00:10:30,883
TANYA?
342
00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:32,378
YOU CAN'T KILL DRACULA,
343
00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:33,168
LIONEL.
344
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,670
HE'S MY BABY'S DADDY.
345
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,080
[ CAR DOOR OPENS ]
346
00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:38,537
DRACULA IS MY DAD?
347
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:39,165
DUDE!
348
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,170
Irwin: THEN THAT MEANS
349
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,130
DRACULA IS MY GRANDPAPA, YO.
350
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,078
DUDE!
351
00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:43,627
YO!
352
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:44,328
DUDE!
353
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:45,167
YO!
354
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:45,880
DUDE!
355
00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:46,878
YO!
356
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,128
Billy: DUDE, IRWIN IS HALF
357
00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,078
MUMMY, HALF VAMPIRE?
358
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,497
Mandy: IT WOULD APPEAR SO.
359
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:53,923
Irwin: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
360
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,460
DOES THAT MEAN I'M COOL ENOUGH
361
00:10:55,542 --> 00:10:57,132
TO DATE YOU NOW, MANDY?
362
00:10:57,208 --> 00:11:00,078
[ SMOOCHING ]
363
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,077
A-A-A-A-AH!
364
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,037
IT BURNS, YO!
365
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:03,875
[ SOBBING ]
366
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:05,878
Billy: WHAT WAS THAT -- MACE?
367
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,628
Mandy: NO, GARLIC BUTTER.
368
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,458
HE'S DEFINITELY PART VAMPIRE.
369
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,252
Irwin: A-A-A-A-AH!
370
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,423
Irwin: WHY, WOMAN, WHY?!
371
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,710
A-A-A-A-AH!
372
00:11:14,792 --> 00:11:16,002
BUT YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME MY DAD
373
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,293
WAS A NAVIGATOR ON A SPICE
374
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:18,165
FREIGHTER.
375
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,080
WHY'D YOU HIDDITY-HIDE THE
376
00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:19,667
TRUTH?
377
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:21,167
'CAUSE IT WOULD'VE BROKE MY
378
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,460
LITTLE BABY'S HEART IF HE KNEW
379
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,082
YOUR DADDY DISAPPEARED ON US.
380
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:25,497
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
381
00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:27,043
DON'T YOU LAY IT ON DRACULA.
382
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,165
SEE, HERE WHAT HAPPENED.
383
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,750
DRACULA WAS OUT MOWING THE LAWN.
384
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,213
HMM. DRACULA THIRSTY.
385
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:34,582
BABY, BRING DRACULA SOME
386
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:35,957
REFRESHING LEMONADE!
387
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,042
GET IT YOURSELF!
388
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,625
I'M BUSY WITH THE BABY!
389
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,168
[ SIGHS ]
390
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:44,922
BABY, WE AIN'T GOT NO --
391
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,540
[ SCREAMS ] A BAT!
392
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,785
[ MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY ]
393
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:55,455
AAH!
394
00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:56,252
[ GROANS ]
395
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:58,133
PLEASE, BABY, PLEASE CALL AN
396
00:11:58,208 --> 00:11:59,328
AMBUL-- NO, BABY, NO!
397
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,127
NOT ON DRACULA'S FACE!
398
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,168
OW!
399
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,205
CRAZY WOMAN TRY TO KILL DRACULA.
400
00:12:10,292 --> 00:12:11,542
DRACULA GONNA GET THE HECK OUT
401
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:12,285
OF HERE.
402
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:13,745
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD TURN
403
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:14,463
INTO A BAT.
404
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,002
WOMAN, EVERYBODY KNOW DRACULA
405
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:16,833
TURN INTO A BAT.
406
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:18,127
THAT'S WHAT DRACULA DO.
407
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:19,828
I'M SORRY, HONEY, BABY.
408
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,997
DRACULA SORRY, TOO.
409
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,293
SORRY YOU SO OLD AND UGLY NOW!
410
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:26,035
I GUESS WE BOTH GOT BEAT UP
411
00:12:26,125 --> 00:12:26,955
BY TANYA.
412
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:28,712
Grim: SO, YOU STILL FEEL THE
413
00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:30,292
NEED TO GET REVENGE?
414
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,285
DAD!
415
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,075
AAH!
416
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:34,497
DRACULA FAMILY A BUNCH OF NERDS!
417
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:37,213
NO, WHAT I FEEL THE NEED TO
418
00:12:37,042 --> 00:12:38,672
DO IS...
419
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,130
STRUT!
420
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,498
[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
421
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,127
NO!
422
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,828
YOU GET BACK HERE, PUT DRACULA
423
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:49,747
OUT HIS MISERY!
424
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,753
COME ON!
425
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,753
[ SOBS ]
426
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,543
LOOK -- OH, THEY SO UGLY!
427
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,035
DRACULA THINK THESE POTATOES
428
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:02,075
NEED MORE SALT.
429
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,377
NO, HONEY, THE DOCTOR SAID
430
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:04,498
YOU GOTS TO CUT BACK.
431
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,083
YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA WHAT
432
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,207
HE CAN AND CAN'T EAT!
433
00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:08,922
GRANDMAMA CAN, DRACULA!
434
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,580
GRANDMAMA CAN.
435
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,537
YES, BABY.
436
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,535
DUDE.
437
00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,207
Billy: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
438
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,212
HAVE TO DO A REPORT ON TALL
439
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:30,712
TALES.
440
00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:31,712
Grim: HEY!
441
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,172
I WAS AROUND WHEN SOME OF THE
442
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:34,790
BIG NAMES IN TALL TALES WERE
443
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,035
STILL IN THE SCENE --
444
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:37,995
PECOS BILL, PAUL BUNYAN,
445
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,713
JOHN HENRY.
446
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:40,962
Mandy: NAME-DROPPER.
447
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,002
Grim: TALL TALES ARE
448
00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:42,713
IMPORTANT.
449
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:44,082
THEY'RE WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY
450
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:44,997
WHAT IT IS TODAY.
451
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,543
Mandy: YOU MEAN A BLOATED,
452
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,165
DIRECTIONLESS, OMNI-CORPORATION
453
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,420
FIXATED ON TAWDRY GOSSIP AND
454
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,880
REALITY TELEVISION?
455
00:13:50,958 --> 00:13:52,078
Grim: YEP.
456
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,457
Irwin: YOU SHOULD SHARE YOUR
457
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:54,172
STORIES, GRIM.
458
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,630
Grim: PECOS BILL WAS THE
459
00:13:55,708 --> 00:13:56,828
ROOTIN'EST, TOOTIN'EST,
460
00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:57,667
SIX-SHOOTIN'EST,
461
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,080
POOP-SCOOPIN'EST COWPOKE EVER TO
462
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,707
POKE A COW IN THE EYE.
463
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:01,712
Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ]
464
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:02,712
HE SAID...
465
00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:04,292
Grim: DON'T SAY IT.
466
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,165
Mandy: HE'LL EXPLODE, GRIM.
467
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,750
Irwin: IT'S NOT NATURAL TO
468
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,383
SUPPRESS BODILY FUNCTIONS, YO!
469
00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:12,578
HE'S GONNA BLOW!
470
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,667
[ FARTS, SQUEAKS ]
471
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,210
NO NEED TO THANK ME FOR SAVING
472
00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:17,962
YOUR LIFE, YO.
473
00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:19,132
Mandy: START THE STORY, GRIM,
474
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,998
BEFORE BILLY SPEAKS AGAIN.
475
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:21,793
Billy: HEY --
476
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,915
Grim: IT WAS WAY BACK WHEN
477
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,080
THE AMERICAN WEST WAS FULL OF
478
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:28,167
GOLD AND TRAILERS -- INSTEAD OF
479
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,880
JUST TRAILERS.
480
00:14:29,958 --> 00:14:31,248
I WAS DOING A LITTLE BIT OF
481
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,043
WORK, WAITING FOR THE 6:30
482
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,125
TWISTER TO COME THROUGH.
483
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,458
[ WIND HOWLING ]
484
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:43,422
[ COWS MOOING ]
485
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,420
[ BABY CRYING LOUDLY ]
486
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,130
Gladys: AH! IT'S A TWISTER!
487
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:48,128
SOMEONE SAVE US!
488
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,708
Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
489
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:52,792
SORRY, LADY, NOBODY CAN STOP A
490
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:54,205
TWISTER THAT SIZE.
491
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:55,422
YOU'RE ALL DOOMED!
492
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:59,710
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
493
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:01,832
Billy: NOT SO FAST, TWISTER.
494
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,747
DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS OF THE
495
00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:04,793
TRAILER PARK.
496
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:07,205
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY
497
00:15:07,292 --> 00:15:10,042
STEED, WIDOWMAKER, WILL TAME
498
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,745
THIS TWISTER.
499
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,583
Mandy: "PECOS BILLY"?
500
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,167
Grim: I SWEAR. IT'S TRUE.
501
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,750
HE CALLED HIMSELF PECOS BILL AND
502
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,213
PECOS BILLY BECAUSE OF THE
503
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:20,082
SOMETIMES-"Y" RULE.
504
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,747
Mandy: ALL RIGHT. WHATEVER.
505
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:22,333
MOVE ON.
506
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,707
Grim: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
507
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,422
WHERE WAS I?
508
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,130
AH, YES.
509
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,918
PECOS BILLY WAS ALL SET TO DO
510
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,040
BATTLE WITH THE TWISTER.
511
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:30,205
Billy: DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS
512
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,132
OF THE TRAILER PARK.
513
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:32,668
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY
514
00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:35,040
STEED, WIDOWMAKER, WILL TAME
515
00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:36,035
THIS TWISTER.
516
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:38,415
[ CHEERING ]
517
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,170
Grim: LIKE I WAS TELLING THAT
518
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,630
LADY, NOBODY CAN STOP A TWISTER
519
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,288
THAT SIZE.
520
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,415
HEY, BUT IT'S YOUR FUNERAL!
521
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,750
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
522
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:48,793
[ WIND HOWLING ]
523
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,540
Billy: [ GRUNTING ]
524
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,915
THAT ALL YOU GOT, YOU DIRTY
525
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,670
TWISTER?!
526
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:09,670
OW!
527
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,830
THAT ALL YOU GOT, YOU --
528
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:13,827
[ TORNADO GROWLS ]
529
00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:17,497
A-A-A-A-AH!
530
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:25,253
[ TORNADO ROARS ]
531
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:29,633
YEE-HAW!
532
00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:30,998
Grim: ALL RIGHT, KID, LET'S
533
00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:33,043
BLOW THIS THING AND GO HOME!
534
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,918
[ CHEERING ]
535
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,250
Gladys: LEFT BUTT, RED.
536
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:47,633
Grim: AND THAT'S HOW
537
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:49,078
PECOS BILLY SAVED THE ARIZONA
538
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:50,127
TRAILER PARK.
539
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,378
Mandy: THAT'S THE MOST
540
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,828
RIDICULOUS STORY I HAVE EVER
541
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:53,577
HEARD.
542
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,037
Grim: YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING
543
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:55,575
YET.
544
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,328
IF THAT TALE WASN'T TALL ENOUGH
545
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,167
FOR YOU, LET ME TELL YOU THE
546
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,130
TALE OF THE TALLEST TALL TALE OF
547
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,128
ALL -- PAULA BUNYAN!
548
00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:05,288
Mandy: UM, "PAULA" BUNYAN?
549
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:06,955
ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE PAUL?
550
00:17:07,042 --> 00:17:08,542
A LITTLE-KNOWN
551
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,415
SOMETIMES-"A" RULE.
552
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,960
ANYWAY...
553
00:17:12,042 --> 00:17:14,712
[ OLD-TIMEY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]
554
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,542
A-A-A-A-AH!
555
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:18,125
YOU MUST PAY THE RENT!
556
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,708
BUT IF YOU SAW ME IN HALF,
557
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:22,002
HOW CAN I PAY THE RENT, LOSER?
558
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,543
GEE, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF
559
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,375
THAT.
560
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:26,288
I SUPPOSE YOU CAN PAY ME HALF AT
561
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:27,915
THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH AND
562
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,290
HALF...IN THE MIDDLE!
563
00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,785
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
564
00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:33,995
Grim: CAN YOU HURRY THIS
565
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,253
SAWMILL THING UP ALREADY?
566
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,173
I'VE GOT OTHER APPOINTMENTS.
567
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
LOOK, THIS IS MY LAND, BUDDY.
568
00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:40,883
NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO ON MY
569
00:17:40,958 --> 00:17:41,878
LAND.
570
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:46,168
[ THUMPING, RUMBLING ]
571
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,170
[ SHRIEKS ]
572
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,040
THIS IS MY LAND, YOU BIG LUMMOX!
573
00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:50,245
YOU'RE RUINING MY...
574
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:51,213
SOD.
575
00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:52,632
Mandy: IT'S GONNA BE A COLD
576
00:17:52,708 --> 00:17:53,208
WINTER.
577
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:56,332
I'LL NEED THIS WOOD.
578
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:05,252
WOOD.
579
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,330
AAH! HELP!
580
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:15,957
THIS HEAT IS GIVING ME SPLIT
581
00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:17,332
ENDS!
582
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:18,917
Grim: WELL, THIS IS JUST AS
583
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000
GOOD AS A SAW, I SUPPOSE.
584
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:23,633
YOU GIANT, MELON-HEADED, APE
585
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:24,628
CREATURE!
586
00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:26,208
YOU'VE RUINED MY LAND AND TAKEN
587
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:27,502
MY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.
588
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:29,133
YOU SET THINGS RIGHT THIS VERY
589
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,128
INSTANT, OR, SO HELP ME, I'LL
590
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:32,918
SUE YOU SO HARD, YOUR BANK
591
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,170
ACCOUNT WON'T KNOW ITS FEES FROM
592
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:36,380
ITS ASSETS!
593
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:37,378
Mandy: FINE.
594
00:18:37,458 --> 00:18:39,998
TALK TO MY LAWYER -- BABE.
595
00:18:40,083 --> 00:18:41,083
HEY, BABE?
596
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,377
[ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
597
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,038
I'VE GOT A GUY OUT HERE WHO
598
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,455
WANTS TO SUE ME.
599
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,172
[ SHRIEKS ]
600
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,130
[ SHRIEKS ]
601
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:52,378
[ SHRIEKING ]
602
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,170
Grim: 2-FOR-1!
603
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,960
THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME.
604
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:06,752
I'M STILL ALIVE.
605
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,753
Grim: SO, MANDY, THAT'S HOW
606
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:10,133
THE GRAND CANYON WAS BORN.
607
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,538
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ANOTHER
608
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:14,285
TRUE TALL TA--
609
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,165
WELL, I SAVED THE BEST TALL TALE
610
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,880
FOR LAST.
611
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,208
I KNOW YOU CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR
612
00:19:18,292 --> 00:19:19,172
IT.
613
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,750
THIS ONE'S A DOOZY, THE BEE'S
614
00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:21,963
KNEES, I TELL YOU.
615
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:25,882
A TALE OF LOVE AND TRAGEDY.
616
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,165
THIS IS THE BEST TALL TALE OF
617
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,040
THEM ALL, SO YOU'D BETTER LISTEN
618
00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:35,075
TO IT!
619
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:35,997
Irwin: YES, SIR, YO.
620
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,133
Billy: OH, MY GOSH.
621
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,078
I PEED MYSELF.
622
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:40,207
Grim: THE TALE OF JOHN HENRY.
623
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:43,632
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.
624
00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:48,498
Billy: HEY, NONNY-NONNY!
625
00:19:48,583 --> 00:19:49,713
CHUG-A-CHUG-A, CHUG-A-CHUG-A!
626
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,292
WHO-O-O-O-O!
627
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,705
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
628
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,462
ON THIS, THE FOURTH DAY OF JUNE
629
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:55,212
IN THE YEAR
630
00:19:55,292 --> 00:19:58,002
ONE-AUGHT-NEENER-NEENER, WE BEAR
631
00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,463
WITNESS TO ONE OF THE SINGLE
632
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:02,252
GREATEST SHOWDOWNS OF OUR AGE --
633
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:04,133
MAN VERSUS MACHINE!
634
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:05,498
WHO WILL DIG THROUGH THE
635
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,133
MOUNTAIN FASTER?
636
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,328
WH-O-O-O WILL SURVIVE?
637
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,957
Grim: I'VE GOT 10 BUCKS ON
638
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:11,962
THE MACHINE.
639
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,332
Irwin: I'LL WIN THIS CONTEST
640
00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:14,877
AND THE HAND OF MY LADY LOVE,
641
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:17,998
YO.
642
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,213
Billy: AND...
643
00:20:20,292 --> 00:20:23,582
THEY'RE OFF!
644
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,327
Sperg: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
645
00:20:25,417 --> 00:20:26,747
Irwin: I'M DOING IT ALL FOR
646
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:31,133
YOU, BABY!
647
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:33,788
A-A-A-A-AH!
648
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:34,575
Grim: DRAT!
649
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,037
HE'S KEEPING PACE.
650
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,745
I CAN'T LET THIS GUY WIN.
651
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,793
I NEED THAT 10 BUCKS FOR GAS.
652
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,075
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
653
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,127
Irwin: THIS AIN'T FAIR, YO.
654
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:59,078
THAT THING'S ON 'ROIDS!
655
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:00,997
OH, NO!
656
00:21:01,083 --> 00:21:02,713
HYAH!
657
00:21:09,042 --> 00:21:11,252
Billy: AND THE WINNER IS WHO?
658
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,543
THE MACHINE!
659
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:14,745
YOU RAPSCALLION.
660
00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,633
Mandy: SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO
661
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:17,538
WHAT'S-HIS-FACE?
662
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:18,625
Grim: JOHN HENRY?
663
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,038
OH, I SUSPECT THAT HE WAS
664
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,375
DIGGING SO FAST THAT HE BROKE
665
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,168
THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND ROCKETED
666
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,630
INTO THE EIGHTH DIMENSION.
667
00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:27,078
WE ARE SMUCKTROIDS OF THE
668
00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:28,167
EIGHTH DIMENSION.
669
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,130
YOU WILL LIVE HERE NOW AND ENJOY
670
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:31,828
OUR CULTURE AND MARRY ONE OF OUR
671
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:32,497
DAUGHTERS.
672
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,043
Irwin: MARRY AN ALIEN?
673
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,125
THAT'S EVERY BOY'S DREAM!
674
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:39,128
[ ROARS ]
675
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:40,418
[ SLURPING ]
676
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,000
Irwin: I'M GONNA GO HOME AND
677
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:43,213
WRITE MY REPORT.
678
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:44,632
Billy: OOH, I LIKE THE ONE
679
00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:45,748
ABOUT THE PLATYPUS.
680
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,133
THAT'S THE ONE I'LL WRITE ABOUT.
681
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,168
Mandy: IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T
682
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,460
FIGURED IT OUT, HE'S TRYING TO
683
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,382
GET YOU ALL F's.
684
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:53,788
Billy: I CAN GET AN "F" ALL
685
00:21:53,875 --> 00:21:56,245
BY MYSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
686
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:59,923
Irwin: MANDY, WAIT UP, GIRL!
687
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,290
Billy: SABOTAGE!
688
00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,245
Grim: HMPH!
689
00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:04,213
WAS MY PLAN THAT TRANSPARENT?
690
00:22:04,042 --> 00:22:05,882
STILL, IN EVERY TALL TALE, NO
691
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,708
MATTER HOW TALL, THERE'S ALWAYS
692
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:08,752
A BIT OF TRUTH.
693
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:09,583
[ GASPS ]
694
00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:12,037
Billy: YEE-HAW!
695
00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:14,575
Grim: [ GROANS, WHIMPERS ]
41813
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