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Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

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Mandy: DON'T MAKE ME TURN

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THIS CARTOON AROUND.

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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

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[ CRASH ]

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WELL, THIS AIN'T FANNY'S

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CAFETERIA.

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40 YEARS, I'VE BEEN HUNTING

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YOU, DRACULA.

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40 YEARS OF CHASING SHADOWS AND

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RUMORS, OF LIVING IN --

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GET THAT LIGHT OFF DRACULA

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EYES.

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BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D

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SEE ME AGAIN.

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WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?

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I AM LIONEL VAN HELSING, YOUR

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MORTAL ENEMY.

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HMM...

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NOPE. DON'T RING A BELL.

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MAYBE THIS WILL HELP -- A

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WOODEN STAKE THROUGH THE HEART!

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NO, DRACULA DON'T THINK THAT

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GONNA HELP MUCH.

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AAH!

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GET YOUR BIG BUTT OFF DRACULA!

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DIE, VAMPIRE!

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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

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Grim: NO, DON'T HURT HIM!

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WHAT'D YOU SAY?

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DON'T LISTEN TO SKELETON MAN.

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HE NOTHING BUT A BIG DUMMY.

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Grim: DRACULA, HUSH!

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I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU.

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DRACULA DON'T NEED NO SAVING.

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DRACULA CAN SAVE HIS SELF.

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[ GRUNTING, MOANING ]

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DRACULA HIP MUST'VE GONE OUT.

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JUST GIVE DRACULA A SECOND TO

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CATCH HIS BREATH.

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Grim: LOOK, CALM DOWN AND

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DROP THE WOODEN STAKE.

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DROP THE STAKE?

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DROP YOUR HEAD IS WHAT I SHOULD

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DO!

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DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS MONSTER IS?

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Grim: HE'S DRACULA, KING OF

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THE VAMPIRES...AND MY CHILDHOOD

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HERO.

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YOU ARE A SICK, LITTLE MAN.

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HERO? I DON'T SEE A HERO.

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I SEE A BLOODSUCKING DEMON.

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NO, NO, NO, THAT'S A MYTH.

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DRACULA DON'T SUCK.

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YOU GIVE ME A REASON WHY I

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SHOULDN'T END HIS REIGN OF

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TERROR RIGHT NOW!

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DRACULA THINK --

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QUIET, YOU!

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Grim: UH...UM...

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H-HE'S AN EXCELLENT DANCER?

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SHAKE HIS BOOTY.

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Grim: DRACULA HAS BEEN LIKE A

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FATHER TO ME.

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WHY, JUST THE OTHER NIGHT, WE

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WERE HANGING OUT...

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DRACULA LOVE MINIATURE GOLF.

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Grim: ONE ADULT AND ONE

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SENIOR CITIZEN, PLEASE.

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SENIOR CITIZEN?

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YOU CALLING DRACULA OLD?!

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Grim: DRACULA, COME ON.

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YOU LIVE IN A RETIREMENT HOME.

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AND, BESIDES, THE SENIOR-CITIZEN

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DISCOUNT SAVES YOU FIVE BUCKS.

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DRACULA AIN'T NO SENIOR

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CITIZEN.

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Grim: FINE!

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THEN YOU PAY FOR YOUR OWN

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TICKET.

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FINE! DRACULA WILL.

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DRACULA GONNA NEED TO BORROW

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FIVE BUCKS.

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MY EYE!

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Grim: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?

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THAT'S CALLED DRACULA PUTTING

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A FUNK IN THE GAME.

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Grim: YOU CAN'T HIT IT THAT

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HARD.

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GOLF.

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YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA HOW TO

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PLAY.

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MY BABY!

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Grim: GIVE ME THAT.

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YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY.

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OF DRACULA.

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FOR

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YOU.

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UH, GENTLEMEN, UH, I'M GONNA

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HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

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YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA WHAT

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TO DO!

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LOOK, OLD TIMER, YOU'RE

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CAUSING --

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OLD TIMER?!

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DRACULA SHOW YOU WHO'S AN OLD

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TIMER!

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GET BACK HERE!

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DRACULA GONNA BEAT YOUR BUTT!

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Grim: MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE

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MOST HELPFUL STORY.

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DRACULA TOLD YOU HE WAS A

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DUMMY.

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Grim: HEY, WEREN'T YOU TWO ON

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THE GROUND BEFORE THE FLASHBACK?

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THE CONCRETE HURT MY KNEES

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SOMETHING FIERCE.

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AND DRACULA NEEDED MORE

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LUMBAR SUPPORT.

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Grim: EH. MAKES SENSE.

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NOW, GIVE ME A SECOND.

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I'M SURE I CAN COME UP WITH A

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MUCH BETTER REASON WHY DRACULA

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SHOULD LIVE.

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SEE, ONE TIME HE...

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NO, HE CAUGHT THAT PLACE ON

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FIRE.

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OH, THERE WAS A GUY WHO...

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OH, WAIT.

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HE NEEDED STITCHES.

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AND THERAPY.

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ANYTHING?

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Grim: UM...MAYBE.

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NO, HE WAS ARRESTED THAT TIME.

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MUCH.

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Billy: PLEASE, SIR, DON'T

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HURT MR. DRACULA.

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IF YOU WOULD JUST TAKE A MOMENT

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AND LOOK AT HIM THROUGH THE

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INNOCENT EYES OF A CHILD, YOU

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WOULD SEE THAT HE'S NOT JUST A

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BIG, STINKY MONSTER.

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HE'S A BIG, STINKY MONSTER WHO

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BITES THINGS.

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ONE DAY, HE CAME TO MY SCHOOL TO

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SHARE HIS WEALTH OF LIFE

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LESSONS.

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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,

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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

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AND THAT IS HOW DRACULA DO THE

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SCRAPE-AND-LICK.

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NOW DRACULA GONNA SEPARATE YOU

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INTO TWO GROUPS -- UGLY AND

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DUMMY.

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YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY.

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YOU A DUMMY. YOU UGLY.

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YOU A DUMMY, AND YOU UGLY.

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YOU IN BOTH.

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Mandy: WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS

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SERVE?

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DRACULA DIDN'T ASK FOR NO

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LIP!

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DRACULA TRYING TO BRING YOU AN

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EDUCATION.

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NOW, DUMMIES, STAND OVER THERE

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AND FACE THAT WAY.

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AND, UGLIES, STAND OVER THERE,

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FACING THAT WAY.

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Billy: NOW WHAT?

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DRACULA DIDN'T TELL YOU TO

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LOOK OVER HERE, DUMMY!

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YOU KEEP FACING THE WALL!

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Billy: YES, SIR.

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SO, BABY, YOU WANT TO SEE

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DRACULA DANCE?

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[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

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MMM, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?

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OH, YEAH!

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DRACULA BRINGING THE HEAT NOW.

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Billy: AND HE NEVER GOT

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INVITED BACK.

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THE END.

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DRACULA WANT CALL HIS LAWYER.

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Mandy: LOOK, I'LL ADMIT

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DRACULA IS NO SAINT, BUT WHY DO

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YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH?

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HE'S HARMLESS.

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HARMLESS?!

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IS IT HARMLESS TO WRECK A MAN'S

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LIFE?

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DRACULA GONNA WRECK YOUR FACE

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WHEN HE GET OUT OF HERE.

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Grim: YOU'RE NOT HELPING.

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SEE THIS?

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Billy: A FIST?

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IT LOOKS MIGHTY!

197
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NO, IT'S A FRIENDSHIP

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BRACELET.

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Grim: OKAY, SO, YOU

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ACCESSORIZE?

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NO!

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LOOK!

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Billy: IT'S THE SAME

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BRACELET.

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Grim: THEN THAT MEANS...

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YES.

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DRACULA AND I ARE...

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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

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...BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

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Billy: BFFs?

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Grim: THEN WHY KILL HIM?

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IT WAS HOT THAT SUMMER IN

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ENDSVILLE.

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DRACULA AND I WERE TRYING TO

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COOL THINGS DOWN WITH OUR BEST

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STRUT.

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LOOKING GOOD, BABY!

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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW

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WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT THE

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SUMMER?

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SUMMER DRESSES.

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RIGHT ON!

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[ BOTH SLURPING ]

224
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HEY, DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW

225
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WHAT FLAVOR POPSICLE I LIKE

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BEST?

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FUDGE.

228
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RIGHT ON!

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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW WHICH

230
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FOOT IS MY FAVORITE?

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THE RIGHT FOOT.

232
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RIGHT ON!

233
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YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND TWO

234
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TIGHTER FRIENDS THAN US IN THE

235
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WHOLE CITY.

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WE SPENT OUR NIGHTS OUT DANCING

237
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AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA, AND

238
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WE SPENT OUR DAYS WORKING AT THE

239
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LOCAL FACTORY AS CUSTOM TEDDY

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BEAR DESIGNERS.

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WHAT YOU THINK, MAN -- LITTLE

242
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PURPLE HAT OR LITTLE ORANGE HAT?

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DRACULA DIGGING ON THE

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GROOVINESS OF PURPLE.

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WHATEVER, MAN.

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"WHATEVER, MAN"?

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SOMETHING WRONG.

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DRACULA AIN'T NEVER HEARD

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VAN HELSING NOT CARE WHAT HE PUT

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ON A TEDDY BEAR.

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DRACULA, YOU EVER THINK

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THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN

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DESIGNING TEDDY BEARS, DANCING,

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AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA?

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WHAT -- YOU MEAN, LIKE,

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SAUSAGE PIZZA?

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NEVER MIND, MAN.

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YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

259
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CANADIAN-BACON PIZZA, RIGHT?

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I GOT TO GO GET SOME AIR.

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VEGETARIAN PIZZA?

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DRACULA CAN BE DOWN WITH

263
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VEGETABLES.

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EXCEPT GARLIC.

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DRACULA DON'T TOUCH NONE OF

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THAT.

267
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,828
I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I

268
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:15,037
WAS LOOKING FOR.

269
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,455
OF COURSE, I DIDN'T KNOW A LOT

270
00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:17,962
OF THINGS BACK THEN, LIKE A

271
00:08:18,042 --> 00:08:19,172
GIRAFFE HAS ONLY SEVEN

272
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,750
VERTEBRAE.

273
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,503
THAT'S CRAZY.

274
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,083
YOU'D THINK WITH SUCH A LONG

275
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,127
NECK --

276
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,708
BACK OFF, JACK.

277
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,212
I KNOW KARATE.

278
00:08:26,042 --> 00:08:27,332
I'M SORRY.

279
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:29,747
I WASN'T PAYING ATTEN--

280
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:34,883
GIRL, I WASN'T TRYING TO HURT

281
00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:35,378
YOU.

282
00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:37,038
I'VE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE.

283
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,245
WHO WAS THIS WOMAN IN FRONT

284
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,083
OF ME?

285
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:40,995
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, AND

286
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:41,923
ANGRY.

287
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,500
AND THEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME.

288
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,963
AS I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS, A WARM

289
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:48,172
THOUGHT ROSE UP.

290
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,540
I HAD FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING

291
00:08:50,625 --> 00:08:52,125
FOR.

292
00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,958
HEY! HEY!

293
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:54,792
ARE YOU OKAY?

294
00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,125
SORRY I WHUPPED YOUR BUTT.

295
00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:57,828
YOUR FRIEND DRACULA EXPLAINED

296
00:08:57,917 --> 00:08:58,577
EVERYTHING.

297
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,127
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE OUT WHAT

298
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,918
KIND OF PIZZA YOU WANT SOMEDAY.

299
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,250
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

300
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:04,253
TANYA.

301
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,173
WELL, TANYA, PERHAPS SOMETIME

302
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:07,290
YOU'D LIKE TO --

303
00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:08,535
HEY, FOXY LADY!

304
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:13,125
WANT TO SEE DRACULA DANCE?

305
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:14,708
I KNEW IT WAS OVER FOR ME

306
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:15,502
THEN.

307
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,423
NO WOMAN COULD RESIST DRACULA'S

308
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,750
DANCE.

309
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,080
LET'S GET MARRIED!

310
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,327
OUT OF SIGHT!

311
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,582
I LISTENED TO MY BROKEN HEART

312
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:40,787
FOR A SIGN OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.

313
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,415
BUT IT WAS SILENT, LIKE A SILENT

314
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,830
FART.

315
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,577
AND AS YOU KNOW, IT'S THE SILENT

316
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,077
FARTS THAT ARE THE MOST DEADLY.

317
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,917
SO I DECIDED I WOULD USE MY PAIN

318
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,170
TO BECOME A SILENT FART OF

319
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:55,460
VENGEANCE!

320
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,082
AND I WOULD KILL DRACULA!

321
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,167
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

322
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,790
THAT DUMB STORY GONNA MAKE

323
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:01,955
DRACULA THROW UP.

324
00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,922
I PROMISED MYSELF I'D KEEP

325
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,040
WEARING THIS BRACELET UNTIL THE

326
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,625
DAY I HAD MY REVENGE.

327
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,788
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

328
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,125
GONNA TALK DRACULA TO DEATH.

329
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:12,538
THAT'S WHAT YOU GONNA DO.

330
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,035
Billy: I DIDN'T KNOW DRACULA

331
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:14,625
WAS MARRIED.

332
00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,328
Mandy: YEAH.

333
00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:17,577
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

334
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:22,415
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER

335
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,210
YOURSELF?

336
00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:25,082
Grim: IRWIN'S GRANDMAMA IS

337
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,167
DRACULA'S WIFE?!

338
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,080
HEY, BABY.

339
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,207
DON'T YOU "HEY, BABY" ME,

340
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:30,002
DRACULA.

341
00:10:30,083 --> 00:10:30,883
TANYA?

342
00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:32,378
YOU CAN'T KILL DRACULA,

343
00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:33,168
LIONEL.

344
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,670
HE'S MY BABY'S DADDY.

345
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,080
[ CAR DOOR OPENS ]

346
00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:38,537
DRACULA IS MY DAD?

347
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:39,165
DUDE!

348
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,170
Irwin: THEN THAT MEANS

349
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,130
DRACULA IS MY GRANDPAPA, YO.

350
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,078
DUDE!

351
00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:43,627
YO!

352
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:44,328
DUDE!

353
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:45,167
YO!

354
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:45,880
DUDE!

355
00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:46,878
YO!

356
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,128
Billy: DUDE, IRWIN IS HALF

357
00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,078
MUMMY, HALF VAMPIRE?

358
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,497
Mandy: IT WOULD APPEAR SO.

359
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:53,923
Irwin: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

360
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,460
DOES THAT MEAN I'M COOL ENOUGH

361
00:10:55,542 --> 00:10:57,132
TO DATE YOU NOW, MANDY?

362
00:10:57,208 --> 00:11:00,078
[ SMOOCHING ]

363
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,077
A-A-A-A-AH!

364
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,037
IT BURNS, YO!

365
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:03,875
[ SOBBING ]

366
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:05,878
Billy: WHAT WAS THAT -- MACE?

367
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,628
Mandy: NO, GARLIC BUTTER.

368
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,458
HE'S DEFINITELY PART VAMPIRE.

369
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,252
Irwin: A-A-A-A-AH!

370
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,423
Irwin: WHY, WOMAN, WHY?!

371
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,710
A-A-A-A-AH!

372
00:11:14,792 --> 00:11:16,002
BUT YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME MY DAD

373
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,293
WAS A NAVIGATOR ON A SPICE

374
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:18,165
FREIGHTER.

375
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,080
WHY'D YOU HIDDITY-HIDE THE

376
00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:19,667
TRUTH?

377
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:21,167
'CAUSE IT WOULD'VE BROKE MY

378
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,460
LITTLE BABY'S HEART IF HE KNEW

379
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,082
YOUR DADDY DISAPPEARED ON US.

380
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:25,497
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

381
00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:27,043
DON'T YOU LAY IT ON DRACULA.

382
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,165
SEE, HERE WHAT HAPPENED.

383
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,750
DRACULA WAS OUT MOWING THE LAWN.

384
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,213
HMM. DRACULA THIRSTY.

385
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:34,582
BABY, BRING DRACULA SOME

386
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:35,957
REFRESHING LEMONADE!

387
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,042
GET IT YOURSELF!

388
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,625
I'M BUSY WITH THE BABY!

389
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,168
[ SIGHS ]

390
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:44,922
BABY, WE AIN'T GOT NO --

391
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,540
[ SCREAMS ] A BAT!

392
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,785
[ MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY ]

393
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:55,455
AAH!

394
00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:56,252
[ GROANS ]

395
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:58,133
PLEASE, BABY, PLEASE CALL AN

396
00:11:58,208 --> 00:11:59,328
AMBUL-- NO, BABY, NO!

397
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,127
NOT ON DRACULA'S FACE!

398
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,168
OW!

399
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,205
CRAZY WOMAN TRY TO KILL DRACULA.

400
00:12:10,292 --> 00:12:11,542
DRACULA GONNA GET THE HECK OUT

401
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:12,285
OF HERE.

402
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:13,745
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD TURN

403
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:14,463
INTO A BAT.

404
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,002
WOMAN, EVERYBODY KNOW DRACULA

405
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:16,833
TURN INTO A BAT.

406
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:18,127
THAT'S WHAT DRACULA DO.

407
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:19,828
I'M SORRY, HONEY, BABY.

408
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,997
DRACULA SORRY, TOO.

409
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,293
SORRY YOU SO OLD AND UGLY NOW!

410
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:26,035
I GUESS WE BOTH GOT BEAT UP

411
00:12:26,125 --> 00:12:26,955
BY TANYA.

412
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:28,712
Grim: SO, YOU STILL FEEL THE

413
00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:30,292
NEED TO GET REVENGE?

414
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,285
DAD!

415
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,075
AAH!

416
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:34,497
DRACULA FAMILY A BUNCH OF NERDS!

417
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:37,213
NO, WHAT I FEEL THE NEED TO

418
00:12:37,042 --> 00:12:38,672
DO IS...

419
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,130
STRUT!

420
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,498
[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

421
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,127
NO!

422
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,828
YOU GET BACK HERE, PUT DRACULA

423
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:49,747
OUT HIS MISERY!

424
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,753
COME ON!

425
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,753
[ SOBS ]

426
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,543
LOOK -- OH, THEY SO UGLY!

427
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,035
DRACULA THINK THESE POTATOES

428
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:02,075
NEED MORE SALT.

429
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,377
NO, HONEY, THE DOCTOR SAID

430
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:04,498
YOU GOTS TO CUT BACK.

431
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,083
YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA WHAT

432
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,207
HE CAN AND CAN'T EAT!

433
00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:08,922
GRANDMAMA CAN, DRACULA!

434
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,580
GRANDMAMA CAN.

435
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,537
YES, BABY.

436
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,535
DUDE.

437
00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,207
Billy: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE

438
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,212
HAVE TO DO A REPORT ON TALL

439
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:30,712
TALES.

440
00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:31,712
Grim: HEY!

441
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,172
I WAS AROUND WHEN SOME OF THE

442
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:34,790
BIG NAMES IN TALL TALES WERE

443
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,035
STILL IN THE SCENE --

444
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:37,995
PECOS BILL, PAUL BUNYAN,

445
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,713
JOHN HENRY.

446
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:40,962
Mandy: NAME-DROPPER.

447
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,002
Grim: TALL TALES ARE

448
00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:42,713
IMPORTANT.

449
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:44,082
THEY'RE WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY

450
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:44,997
WHAT IT IS TODAY.

451
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,543
Mandy: YOU MEAN A BLOATED,

452
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,165
DIRECTIONLESS, OMNI-CORPORATION

453
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,420
FIXATED ON TAWDRY GOSSIP AND

454
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,880
REALITY TELEVISION?

455
00:13:50,958 --> 00:13:52,078
Grim: YEP.

456
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,457
Irwin: YOU SHOULD SHARE YOUR

457
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:54,172
STORIES, GRIM.

458
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,630
Grim: PECOS BILL WAS THE

459
00:13:55,708 --> 00:13:56,828
ROOTIN'EST, TOOTIN'EST,

460
00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:57,667
SIX-SHOOTIN'EST,

461
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,080
POOP-SCOOPIN'EST COWPOKE EVER TO

462
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,707
POKE A COW IN THE EYE.

463
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:01,712
Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ]

464
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:02,712
HE SAID...

465
00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:04,292
Grim: DON'T SAY IT.

466
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,165
Mandy: HE'LL EXPLODE, GRIM.

467
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,750
Irwin: IT'S NOT NATURAL TO

468
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,383
SUPPRESS BODILY FUNCTIONS, YO!

469
00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:12,578
HE'S GONNA BLOW!

470
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,667
[ FARTS, SQUEAKS ]

471
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,210
NO NEED TO THANK ME FOR SAVING

472
00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:17,962
YOUR LIFE, YO.

473
00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:19,132
Mandy: START THE STORY, GRIM,

474
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,998
BEFORE BILLY SPEAKS AGAIN.

475
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:21,793
Billy: HEY --

476
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,915
Grim: IT WAS WAY BACK WHEN

477
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,080
THE AMERICAN WEST WAS FULL OF

478
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:28,167
GOLD AND TRAILERS -- INSTEAD OF

479
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,880
JUST TRAILERS.

480
00:14:29,958 --> 00:14:31,248
I WAS DOING A LITTLE BIT OF

481
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,043
WORK, WAITING FOR THE 6:30

482
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,125
TWISTER TO COME THROUGH.

483
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,458
[ WIND HOWLING ]

484
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:43,422
[ COWS MOOING ]

485
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,420
[ BABY CRYING LOUDLY ]

486
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,130
Gladys: AH! IT'S A TWISTER!

487
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:48,128
SOMEONE SAVE US!

488
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,708
Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

489
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:52,792
SORRY, LADY, NOBODY CAN STOP A

490
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:54,205
TWISTER THAT SIZE.

491
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:55,422
YOU'RE ALL DOOMED!

492
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:59,710
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

493
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:01,832
Billy: NOT SO FAST, TWISTER.

494
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,747
DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS OF THE

495
00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:04,793
TRAILER PARK.

496
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:07,205
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY

497
00:15:07,292 --> 00:15:10,042
STEED, WIDOWMAKER, WILL TAME

498
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,745
THIS TWISTER.

499
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,583
Mandy: "PECOS BILLY"?

500
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,167
Grim: I SWEAR. IT'S TRUE.

501
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,750
HE CALLED HIMSELF PECOS BILL AND

502
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,213
PECOS BILLY BECAUSE OF THE

503
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:20,082
SOMETIMES-"Y" RULE.

504
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,747
Mandy: ALL RIGHT. WHATEVER.

505
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:22,333
MOVE ON.

506
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,707
Grim: [ CLEARS THROAT ]

507
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,422
WHERE WAS I?

508
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,130
AH, YES.

509
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,918
PECOS BILLY WAS ALL SET TO DO

510
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,040
BATTLE WITH THE TWISTER.

511
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:30,205
Billy: DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS

512
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,132
OF THE TRAILER PARK.

513
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:32,668
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY

514
00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:35,040
STEED, WIDOWMAKER, WILL TAME

515
00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:36,035
THIS TWISTER.

516
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:38,415
[ CHEERING ]

517
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,170
Grim: LIKE I WAS TELLING THAT

518
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,630
LADY, NOBODY CAN STOP A TWISTER

519
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,288
THAT SIZE.

520
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,415
HEY, BUT IT'S YOUR FUNERAL!

521
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,750
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

522
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:48,793
[ WIND HOWLING ]

523
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,540
Billy: [ GRUNTING ]

524
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,915
THAT ALL YOU GOT, YOU DIRTY

525
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,670
TWISTER?!

526
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:09,670
OW!

527
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,830
THAT ALL YOU GOT, YOU --

528
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:13,827
[ TORNADO GROWLS ]

529
00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:17,497
A-A-A-A-AH!

530
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:25,253
[ TORNADO ROARS ]

531
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:29,633
YEE-HAW!

532
00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:30,998
Grim: ALL RIGHT, KID, LET'S

533
00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:33,043
BLOW THIS THING AND GO HOME!

534
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,918
[ CHEERING ]

535
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,250
Gladys: LEFT BUTT, RED.

536
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:47,633
Grim: AND THAT'S HOW

537
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:49,078
PECOS BILLY SAVED THE ARIZONA

538
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:50,127
TRAILER PARK.

539
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,378
Mandy: THAT'S THE MOST

540
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,828
RIDICULOUS STORY I HAVE EVER

541
00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:53,577
HEARD.

542
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,037
Grim: YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING

543
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:55,575
YET.

544
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,328
IF THAT TALE WASN'T TALL ENOUGH

545
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,167
FOR YOU, LET ME TELL YOU THE

546
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,130
TALE OF THE TALLEST TALL TALE OF

547
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,128
ALL -- PAULA BUNYAN!

548
00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:05,288
Mandy: UM, "PAULA" BUNYAN?

549
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:06,955
ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE PAUL?

550
00:17:07,042 --> 00:17:08,542
A LITTLE-KNOWN

551
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,415
SOMETIMES-"A" RULE.

552
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,960
ANYWAY...

553
00:17:12,042 --> 00:17:14,712
[ OLD-TIMEY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]

554
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,542
A-A-A-A-AH!

555
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:18,125
YOU MUST PAY THE RENT!

556
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,708
BUT IF YOU SAW ME IN HALF,

557
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:22,002
HOW CAN I PAY THE RENT, LOSER?

558
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,543
GEE, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF

559
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,375
THAT.

560
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:26,288
I SUPPOSE YOU CAN PAY ME HALF AT

561
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:27,915
THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH AND

562
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,290
HALF...IN THE MIDDLE!

563
00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,785
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

564
00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:33,995
Grim: CAN YOU HURRY THIS

565
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,253
SAWMILL THING UP ALREADY?

566
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,173
I'VE GOT OTHER APPOINTMENTS.

567
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
LOOK, THIS IS MY LAND, BUDDY.

568
00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:40,883
NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO ON MY

569
00:17:40,958 --> 00:17:41,878
LAND.

570
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:46,168
[ THUMPING, RUMBLING ]

571
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,170
[ SHRIEKS ]

572
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,040
THIS IS MY LAND, YOU BIG LUMMOX!

573
00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:50,245
YOU'RE RUINING MY...

574
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:51,213
SOD.

575
00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:52,632
Mandy: IT'S GONNA BE A COLD

576
00:17:52,708 --> 00:17:53,208
WINTER.

577
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:56,332
I'LL NEED THIS WOOD.

578
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:05,252
WOOD.

579
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,330
AAH! HELP!

580
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:15,957
THIS HEAT IS GIVING ME SPLIT

581
00:18:16,042 --> 00:18:17,332
ENDS!

582
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:18,917
Grim: WELL, THIS IS JUST AS

583
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000
GOOD AS A SAW, I SUPPOSE.

584
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:23,633
YOU GIANT, MELON-HEADED, APE

585
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:24,628
CREATURE!

586
00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:26,208
YOU'VE RUINED MY LAND AND TAKEN

587
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:27,502
MY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.

588
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:29,133
YOU SET THINGS RIGHT THIS VERY

589
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,128
INSTANT, OR, SO HELP ME, I'LL

590
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:32,918
SUE YOU SO HARD, YOUR BANK

591
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,170
ACCOUNT WON'T KNOW ITS FEES FROM

592
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:36,380
ITS ASSETS!

593
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:37,378
Mandy: FINE.

594
00:18:37,458 --> 00:18:39,998
TALK TO MY LAWYER -- BABE.

595
00:18:40,083 --> 00:18:41,083
HEY, BABE?

596
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,377
[ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]

597
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,038
I'VE GOT A GUY OUT HERE WHO

598
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,455
WANTS TO SUE ME.

599
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,172
[ SHRIEKS ]

600
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,130
[ SHRIEKS ]

601
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:52,378
[ SHRIEKING ]

602
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,170
Grim: 2-FOR-1!

603
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,960
THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME.

604
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:06,752
I'M STILL ALIVE.

605
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,753
Grim: SO, MANDY, THAT'S HOW

606
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:10,133
THE GRAND CANYON WAS BORN.

607
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,538
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ANOTHER

608
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:14,285
TRUE TALL TA--

609
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,165
WELL, I SAVED THE BEST TALL TALE

610
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,880
FOR LAST.

611
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,208
I KNOW YOU CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR

612
00:19:18,292 --> 00:19:19,172
IT.

613
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,750
THIS ONE'S A DOOZY, THE BEE'S

614
00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:21,963
KNEES, I TELL YOU.

615
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:25,882
A TALE OF LOVE AND TRAGEDY.

616
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,165
THIS IS THE BEST TALL TALE OF

617
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,040
THEM ALL, SO YOU'D BETTER LISTEN

618
00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:35,075
TO IT!

619
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:35,997
Irwin: YES, SIR, YO.

620
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,133
Billy: OH, MY GOSH.

621
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,078
I PEED MYSELF.

622
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:40,207
Grim: THE TALE OF JOHN HENRY.

623
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:43,632
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.

624
00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:48,498
Billy: HEY, NONNY-NONNY!

625
00:19:48,583 --> 00:19:49,713
CHUG-A-CHUG-A, CHUG-A-CHUG-A!

626
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,292
WHO-O-O-O-O!

627
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,705
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.

628
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,462
ON THIS, THE FOURTH DAY OF JUNE

629
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:55,212
IN THE YEAR

630
00:19:55,292 --> 00:19:58,002
ONE-AUGHT-NEENER-NEENER, WE BEAR

631
00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,463
WITNESS TO ONE OF THE SINGLE

632
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:02,252
GREATEST SHOWDOWNS OF OUR AGE --

633
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:04,133
MAN VERSUS MACHINE!

634
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:05,498
WHO WILL DIG THROUGH THE

635
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,133
MOUNTAIN FASTER?

636
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,328
WH-O-O-O WILL SURVIVE?

637
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,957
Grim: I'VE GOT 10 BUCKS ON

638
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:11,962
THE MACHINE.

639
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,332
Irwin: I'LL WIN THIS CONTEST

640
00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:14,877
AND THE HAND OF MY LADY LOVE,

641
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:17,998
YO.

642
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,213
Billy: AND...

643
00:20:20,292 --> 00:20:23,582
THEY'RE OFF!

644
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,327
Sperg: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

645
00:20:25,417 --> 00:20:26,747
Irwin: I'M DOING IT ALL FOR

646
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:31,133
YOU, BABY!

647
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:33,788
A-A-A-A-AH!

648
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:34,575
Grim: DRAT!

649
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,037
HE'S KEEPING PACE.

650
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,745
I CAN'T LET THIS GUY WIN.

651
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,793
I NEED THAT 10 BUCKS FOR GAS.

652
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,075
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

653
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,127
Irwin: THIS AIN'T FAIR, YO.

654
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:59,078
THAT THING'S ON 'ROIDS!

655
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:00,997
OH, NO!

656
00:21:01,083 --> 00:21:02,713
HYAH!

657
00:21:09,042 --> 00:21:11,252
Billy: AND THE WINNER IS WHO?

658
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,543
THE MACHINE!

659
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:14,745
YOU RAPSCALLION.

660
00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,633
Mandy: SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO

661
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:17,538
WHAT'S-HIS-FACE?

662
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:18,625
Grim: JOHN HENRY?

663
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,038
OH, I SUSPECT THAT HE WAS

664
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,375
DIGGING SO FAST THAT HE BROKE

665
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,168
THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND ROCKETED

666
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,630
INTO THE EIGHTH DIMENSION.

667
00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:27,078
WE ARE SMUCKTROIDS OF THE

668
00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:28,167
EIGHTH DIMENSION.

669
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,130
YOU WILL LIVE HERE NOW AND ENJOY

670
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:31,828
OUR CULTURE AND MARRY ONE OF OUR

671
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:32,497
DAUGHTERS.

672
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,043
Irwin: MARRY AN ALIEN?

673
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,125
THAT'S EVERY BOY'S DREAM!

674
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:39,128
[ ROARS ]

675
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:40,418
[ SLURPING ]

676
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,000
Irwin: I'M GONNA GO HOME AND

677
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:43,213
WRITE MY REPORT.

678
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:44,632
Billy: OOH, I LIKE THE ONE

679
00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:45,748
ABOUT THE PLATYPUS.

680
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,133
THAT'S THE ONE I'LL WRITE ABOUT.

681
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,168
Mandy: IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T

682
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,460
FIGURED IT OUT, HE'S TRYING TO

683
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,382
GET YOU ALL F's.

684
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:53,788
Billy: I CAN GET AN "F" ALL

685
00:21:53,875 --> 00:21:56,245
BY MYSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

686
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:59,923
Irwin: MANDY, WAIT UP, GIRL!

687
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,290
Billy: SABOTAGE!

688
00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,245
Grim: HMPH!

689
00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:04,213
WAS MY PLAN THAT TRANSPARENT?

690
00:22:04,042 --> 00:22:05,882
STILL, IN EVERY TALL TALE, NO

691
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,708
MATTER HOW TALL, THERE'S ALWAYS

692
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:08,752
A BIT OF TRUTH.

693
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:09,583
[ GASPS ]

694
00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:12,037
Billy: YEE-HAW!

695
00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:14,575
Grim: [ GROANS, WHIMPERS ]