Original subtitles

- AH HA HA HA HA HA!

- TRUTH IS ALWAYS STRANGE. STRANGER THAN FICTION.

- THE FOLLOWING EPISODE IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

- HERE COMES BILLY!

5 SECONDS LEFT.

[CRASH]

SCOOOOOOORES!

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HEY, GRIM, GO DEEP!

- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NEVER TO BOUNCE THAT--

[GASP]

MY ROBE!

I CAN'T HAVE COFFEE STAINS ON MY ROBE.

I'LL LOOK SHABBY.

- GRIM, WHY DON'T YOU QUIT WHINING

AND PUT IT UNDER SOME RUNNING WATER BEFORE IT SETS?

- AH, GOOD IDEA.

[GRUNTING]

WELL, IT SEEMS TO BE STUCK.

NO MATTER.

I'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PESKY ZIPPER LATER.

OH, I CAN FEEL THAT STAIN SETTIN' IN.

- I HAVE THE DISTINCT FEELING

SOMETHING WEIRD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

- [BABBLING]

WHAT'S THIS?

- PULL IT AND FIND OUT.

- [GRUNTING, BABBLING]

COME ON!

HUH? THIS THING IS FUN.

- A MAN-APE LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T BE PLAYING WITH THAT.

HAND IT OVER.

- HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HO HO HO HO HO!

YEAH!

BEHOLD MY DADMOMDY.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

[CAT SCREECHING]

- I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS THING'S GONNA BE TROUBLE.

- HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HEY, MANDY, CAN WE KEEP IT?

- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD GIVE THIS BACK TO GRIM.

AFTER I TAKE IT OUT FOR A SPIN.

- HEY, MANDY, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT ZIPPER?

FROM SPERG'S PANTS?

[ALL LAUGHING]

- ZIP IT, MINDY.

- HA HA HA HA HA HA!

OH!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

- HMM, THE ZIPPER CAN USE ITS POWERS FOR GOOD.

- UH, MANDY, YOU LOOK THIRSTY. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE O.J.?

[GRUNTING]

AAAAAHHHHHH!

- HEY, YOU GONNA EAT THAT?

- THAT DEPENDS.

- MINE!

AAAHHHHHH!

WHOAH!

- WHOAAH!

- HAVE SOME JUICE.

- HEY, IT SMELLS FUNNY IN HERE.

- GET USED TO IT.

THAT SHOULD KEEP YOU TWO BUFFOONS BUSY FOR A WHILE.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

- HEY, MANDY, WANT A BITE?

- WHY ARE YOU EATING THAT?

- I'VE HAD THE STRANGEST CRAVING FOR ROTTEN FISH LATELY.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

- BILLY, THROW THAT AWAY.

IT'S ATTRACTING ALL OF THESE BITING HORSE FLIES.

- NEGATIVO, MANDY.

IT'S JUST TOO DELICIOUS.

RIGHT, MILKSHAKES?

- OK, MY HAND HAS BEEN FORCED.

BOO.

- AAAAAHHHHH!

- I LOVE THIS ZIPPER.

[BUZZING]

- AAAAAAHHHH! - AAAAAAHHHH!

- AAAHHHHHH!

- UH-OH.

[KIDS SCREAMING]

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS I GOTTA FIND GRIM.

[PANTING]

AUGH, HEY, WHERE'S THAT ZIPPER PIECE?

I'LL HAVE TO COME BACK FOR IT.

I GOTTA FIND GRIM.

- OH, MANDY!

WHERE ARE YOU?

[GASPING]

GOSH, MANDY, YOU LOOK HUNGRY.

YOU CAN HAVE THIS HALF-EATEN CANDY BAR

I'VE BEEN SAVING.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

- I'LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF FLIES AGAIN.

GRIM, GRIM, HEY, GRIM, GRIM.

URGH!

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

- HEY, CAUGHT ONE!

NOW, THAT'S SOME SNAZZY FLYPAPER.

- I'M NOT A FLY, BILLY'S DAD.

IT'S ME, MANDY.

I NEED YOU TO GET GRIM.

- I GET IT.

YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE TALKING FLIES

THAT TRY TO LOOK LIKE PEOPLE.

- I GUESS WE KNOW

WHICH SIDE OF THE FAMILY

BILLY GOT HIS BRAINS FROM.

- ALL RIGHT, CLASS,

I REALLY HOPE YOU STUDIED FOR OUR TEST TODAY.

I EXPECT AN "A" FROM YOU, MANDY.

- [BUZZ]

- UH, MANDY, ABOUT THIS SPITTING THING.

AWESOME!

ACH-PHTOO!

I'M WITH YOU.

I AIN'T TAKIN' NO STINKIN' TEST!

[SLURP]

- NO TEST, NO TEST, NO TEST!

- NO TEST, NO TEST.

- NO TEST.

- CLASS. ORDER, ORDER.

- ACH-PHTOO!

- NO TEST.

- CHILDREN!! BACK TO YOUR SEATS.

AAAHHH!

[SCREAMING, CRASHING]

- MEOWW.

- THAT'S RIGHT, MILKSHAKES.

ANARCHY!!!

[SPLASH]

- UH, GRIM. HELP.

- FILTHY BUGS. THEY THINK THEY OWN THE PLACE!

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I SEEM TO HAVE ZIPPED MY HEAD ONTO A FLY.

- HMMM, YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE FLUSHED, MANDY.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

AH, HAROLD, I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

- THANKS, GRIM, OLD BUDDY, I OWE YOU ONE.

- CAN I GET A COURTESY FLUSH HERE?

THE ZIPPER BROKE, AND I LOST THE HANDLE IN A DUMPSTER AT SCHOOL.

- THIS IS ALL JUST A COMMON WARDROBE MALFUNCTION,

MANDY.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET THE PIECES OF THE ZIPPER BACK

AND FIND YOUR BODY.

THOUGH, I MUST SAY, THIS IS A GOOD LOOK FOR YOU.

- WOW, MANDY, I KNEW YOU WERE DIFFERENT,

BUT NOW YOU'RE HARD CORE.

AAAHHH!

- HEY, SPERG, WHAT'S GOING ON?

- SHUT UP, NERD.

I THINK SHE JUST NAMED ME SECOND IN COMMAND.

[KIDS CHATTERING AT ONCE]

- [BUZZ]

- I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER.

- I'LL BE HER OFFICIAL INTERPRETATOR.

- [BUZZ]

- AHEM, SHE'S TRYING TO TELL US TO GET BACK TO NATURE,

TO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET ALL DIRTY AND GROSS,

TO GET BACK TO OUR ROOTS

AS GRUBBY, FILTHY LITTLE CHILDRENS.

- [BUZZ]

- AND CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FOR ALL!

LET'S GO!

[SCREAMING]

- HEY, BRING ME BACK A CHOCOLATE VANILLA SWIRL.

- GREAT, THE ZIPPER HANDLE WAS IN THAT DUMPSTER.

WELL, GRIM, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

GET IN HERE AND DIG.

- NO WAY.

I SAID I'D HELP, NOT WALLOW IN FILTH.

- GRIMMMM!

- ALL RIGHT.

- GRIM, USE YOUR SCYTHE TO CLEAN SOME OF THIS TRASH AWAY.

- I'M THE GRIM REAPER, NOT A JANITOR.

I'M AFRAID WE'LL NEVER FIND THAT PIECE OF ZIPPER NOW.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

- YOU SHOULD TRY THE BANANA PEELS

SOAKED IN COFFEE GROUNDS AND WEEK-OLD HAMBURGER, GRIM.

IT'S REALLY NOT HALF BAD.

- OHH!

- [BURP]

- QUICK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE I THROW UP FROM HAVING TO WATCH YOU

EAT MORE TRASH.

[BANGING]

- AS YOU ALL KNOW, MINDY IS OUR CLASS PRESIDENT.

- YEAH, BUT SINCE SHE DOESN'T TALK MUCH ANYMORE,

WE DON'T NEED HER.

[CRASH]

- SEE YA, MINDY.

- THIS SCHOOL IS UNDER NEW LEADERSHIP.

BEHOLD OUR NEW CLASS PRESIDENT!

MANDY!!

[CHEERING]

IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS REGIME CHANGE,

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD THY TONGUE!

- UH, MANDY LOOKS KIND OF FUNNY.

ESPECIALLY--AACH!

I LOVE MANDY!

- WE WILL NOW ACCEPT OFFERINGS OF MONEY AND/OR CANDY!

- NOT SO FAST. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- PERFECT.

- I'M GONE FOR A SPLIT SECOND,

AND YOU TURN INTO A BUNCH OF DEGENERATE SAVAGES.

YOU, STRAIGHTEN YOUR UNIFORM.

DROP AND GIVE ME 20.

BILLY, SPIT SHINE MY SHOES.

- YOU BETCHA, MANDY! PHTOO!

- AS FOR YOU, MINDY.

I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

- [MUFFLED SCREAMS]

- HERE, BONEHEAD, 20 BUCKS.

THAT'S FOR KEEPING QUIET

ABOUT ME EATING 15 METRIC TONS OF GARBAGE.

- HEE HEE HEE HEE! EXCELLENT.

I GET 20 BIG ONES, AND EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL.

- [YAPPING]

- TAKE THAT, BLACK BART.

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

- [YELPING]

- BLACK BART?

- AAAHH!

WATER UP MY NOSE! WATER UP MY NOSE!

- HA HA, WHAT A DWEEB.

- TA DAAAA!

- HEY, THAT'S MY MASK.

- HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

AND NOW, WATCH ME DIVE INTO THIS ITTY BITTY POOL

FROM ATOP THE BIG OLD TREE.

- YOU BETTER NOT, BILLY. YOU MIGHT BREAK YOUR NECK.

- GO FOR IT, BILLY.

- I WILL NOW PERFORM A PERFECT SWAN DIVEY.

- GO AHEAD, YOU LITTLE TWERP.

MAKE MY DAY!

AH HA HA HA HA HA...

HUH?

EH, HEH HEH, PROBABLY NOTHING.

- CANNONBALL!!

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

SO, HOW DID I LOOK?

HEY, THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL POOL.

IT'S ALL SWAMPY AND CREEPY,

AND SOME WEIRDO'S PLAYING A BANJO.

[PLAYING CHORDS]

I THINK I'LL JUST GO BACK THE WAY I CAME.

TA DA! I'M BACK!

HEY, MANDY, HEY, GRIM, NICE DIVE, HUH?

- RIBBIT.

[SNIFFING]

- I SMELL PIE.

- AIN'T HAD NARY A NIBBLE THE WHOLE DANG DAY.

IT COULD BE I'M USING INFERIOR BAIT.

- AAAHHHH!

- PIE!!

- GRRRRRR.

- WHAT'S OUT THERE, TIN CAN?

PHTOOEY.

I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, VARMINT, AND I'M GONNA GET YA!

- I'M NOT A VARMINT! I MEAN, RIBBIT, RIBBIT.

- HEAR THAT TIN CAN? FLUSH HIM OUT, BOY.

[DOG HOWLING]

- EEE, I'M OUT OF HERE.

THERE'S JUST GOTTA BE AN OPENING HERE SOMEWHERE.

PIE!

[REEL WHIRRING]

- GOTCHA! HA HA HA HA HA!

WELL, DOG MY CATS. WHAT KIND OF A CRITTER IS THIS?

- EEGH, I'M BILLY. DO YOU HAVE PIE?

- I'M GRANNY APPLECHEEKS.

I MAKE THE BEST DANG PIE IN 5 COUNTIES.

MAN, I'VE PUT EVERYTHING INTO A PIE AT ONE TIME

OR ANOTHER.

FRUITS, BERRIES, BIRDS, FISH, CRITTERS.

BUT I AIN'T NEVER MADE NO BILLY PIE AFORE.

HA HA!

- AAAHHH!

HEY, DON'T WE NEED TO FATTEN ME UP, FIRST?

- WHY, SURE. THAT'S PLUMB GOOD THINKING.

HOW 'BOUT WE START WITH A NICE PIECE OF RHUBARB PIE A LA MODE?

OR MAYBE YOU'D PREFER COCONUT CREAM.

- WITH PICKLES?

- SURE. WHAT THE HECK?

- SUH-WEEET!

- THAT'S ONLY 10 INCHES OF WATER.

- HE DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE COME UP BY NOW.

- YOU THINK?

- I DON'T SEE HIM.

UH-OH.

NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY.

A COSMIC SINKHOLE THAT CAN SUCK YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT

ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.

OR ANY OTHER WORLD, FOR THAT MATTER.

IT MUST HAVE OPENED UP

WHEN THAT SUNBEAM REFLECTED OFF ME SCYTHE.

BAD LUCK FOR BILLY.

- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- I MEAN, BILLY COULD BE LOST FOR A LONG TIME,

HOPPING FROM PUDDLE TO PUDDLE,

TRYING TO FIND HIS WAY BACK HOME.

AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE IT'S GONNA TAKE YOU, NEITHER.

HE COULD BE RIGHT NEXT DOOR IN THE NEIGHBOR'S TOILET.

OR A KOI POND IN KYOTO.

HE'S A GONE GOPHER, AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.

- HE CAN'T BE A GONE GOPHER.

HE'S MY SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GO AFTER HIM.

- MAYBE YOU'RE NOT DIGGIN' THE STRONG VIBE I'VE BEEN PUTTIN' OUT THERE.

- JUST JUMP IN THE POOL.

- I'M TELLIN' YOU, MANDY,

WHEREVER IT GOES, IT CAN'T BE GOOD.

HEEEE-YAAAHAA!

- AND DON'T PUNCTURE THE POOL ON YOUR WAY IN.

- RIGHT.

- HOLY CRUD, THIS POOL MUST BE MAGIC.

AH HA! HEY!

[BANJO PLAYING]

- [BURP]

- WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED. BILLY PIE.

NOTHIN' TO IT. AND I GOT ALL THE FIXINGS.

- I LIKE PIE. HEE HEE HEE HEE!

- [SNIFFING]

I SMELL SOMETHING COOKIN'.

- SMELLS LIKE PIE.

- YUM.

- YOU SIT RIGHT THERE WHILE I CHECK ON THEM PIES.

- I LIKE PIE.

PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE!

[GASPING]

- BILLY, ARE YOU IN THERE?

- PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE!

I LIKE PIE, I LIKE PIE, I LIKE PIE, I LIKE PIE,

P-P-P-P-P-PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE! PIE!

- THAT'S BILLY, ALL RIGHT.

HE'S ABOUT TO BE BAKED IN A PIE BY AN EVIL OLD WITCH.

WHY DON'T WE COME BACK IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF?

OWW!

- NOW, LET'S GET BILLY OUT OF THERE.

- GRRRRRR.

- WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES?

HEY!

- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE FAST.

- I LIKE PIE!

- OK, JOIN HANDS AND JUMP IN.

I SAID JOIN HANDS.

- I'LL GET YOU, YOU VARMINTS!

YOU CAN'T GO NOW!

WHAT IN SAM HILL? I CAUGHT HIS DRAWERS.

- MANDY!!!

OHHHH, WISHES DO COME TRUE.

- GRIMMMM!

- DOES THIS MEAN YOU WON'T SCRUB MY BACK?

MANDY?

- GET READY, FREDDY, I THINK I SEE SOMETHING.

HERE IT COMES. HERE IT COMES.

- HEE HEE HEE HEE!

- FREDDY, LOOK!

- TA DAAAA!

- WE GOT A LIVE ONE!

GET YOUR NET READY, FREDDY. DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY.

- WHAT?

- I SAID DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY.

- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

- DON'T MESS THIS UP, YOU NINCOMPOOP.

- HOW COULD YOU POOP AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

- I DIDN'T SAY POOP!

NOW YOU'VE GONE AND MADE ME FORGET WHAT I WAS SAYING.

- LIGHTEN UP, LOUIE, WE GOT HIM.

- WHAT IS IT?

- [SQUEAK]

- IT'S A WEINER DOG.

- SCORE! - SCORE!

- WE'LL MAKE MILLIONS.

- I LIKE PIE.

- OH, MAGIC POOL, TAKE ME AWAY TO A LAND WHERE COOLNESS REINS.

STUPID MAGIC POOL.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR COSMIC SINKHOLE.

[FARTING]

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HEY, THAT'S NOT ME.

AH! SOMETHING'S COMING UP.

- GRIMMMM!

- WHOO-HOO! WE MADE IT!

IT GOT A LITTLE DICEY THERE, I DON'T MIND SAYING, BUT--

- WHERE THE HECK IS BILLY?

- WELL, NOW, I TOLD YOU TO HOLD HANDS BEFORE YOU JUMP,

BUT WOULD YOU LISTEN?

- IT'S A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE.

IT'S BILLY. HE'S RUNNING WITH WIENERS.

- YOU MEAN IRWIN AND PUD'N?

- I MEAN WEINER DOGS. LET'S GO TO THE RACES.

FOLLOW THAT BOTTLE.

[CLANG]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I THINK WE'RE GOING TO NEED A PLAN.

- ONE MILLION SMACKEROOS FOR THE WINNER OF THIS RACE.

BUT WHAT WEINER WILL WASSLE AWAY THE TITLE

FROM THAT DASHING DACHSHUND?

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF IT, DAN?

- HA HA HA HA! YOU SAID WASSLE.

- DID NOT.

- DID SO--GOOD GOSH!

YOUR NOSE! OHHHH! I'M GONNA PUKE!

- WELL, I GUESS YOU NEVER KNOW

TILL THEY CROSS THE FINISH LINE, FOLKS.

- I LOVE A GOOD RACE.

- WE'RE LOOKING FOR BILLY.

- HEY, MANDY. HI, GRIM.

- BILLY?

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BELL RINGING]

- AND THEY'RE OFF!

ROOSTER TAKES THE EARLY LEAD

WITH MAMA'S LITTLE MAN ON HIS SHOULDER.

AND HERE COMES BILLY THE WONDER WIENER

MAKING HIS MOVE AROUND THE OUTSIDE.

- RUN, YOU LITTLE WIENER!

MAKE US RICH!

- GO, BILLY, GO!

- [SNIFFING]

PIE!

- WELL DONE, MANDY.

YOUR PLAN IS WORKING LIKE A CHARM.

- WHAT PLAN? WE NEVER MADE A PLAN.

- AND THE FLYING PIE HAS TAKEN THE LEAD.

HERE COMES LIGHTNING.

LIGHTNING TAKES THE PIE.

BILLY IS A LENGTH BEHIND THE HALF-LINK.

AND THE PACK OF WIENERS ARE RIGHT BEHIND.

- IS THAT THE RIGHT CRATER?

- THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME.

- GOTCHA, YOU VARMINTS.

NOW I CAN MAKE THAT BILLY PIE I'VE BEEN HANKERING FOR.

AND--

- [ROAR]

- THERE'S MY TRUNKS.

HEY, GRIM, I BROUGHT PIE.

- I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.

GOSH.

AAAAAHHHH!

WIENERS.

- AAAAAHHH!

- ARF ARF ARF!

- I'LL GET YOU, YOU VARMINTS!

- I JUST DON'T GET

AMERICAN CARTOONS.

THEY ARE SO WEIRD.

- DID YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?

- HA HA HA. HEY, GUYS.

UH, HA HA, NICE HOT TUB.

SO, HOW'S LIFE BEEN TREATING YOU, MAN?

WHOOPS. HA HA.

DON'T WORRY, MAN, HE'LL BE FINE.

HE'S GOOD FOR ANOTHER 6 WEEKS.

I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW.

SAYONARA.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--