Original subtitles

2013, three years after the murder

Gonna go see my aunt !

What's crazy is that we're here almost around the same time,

in two days it'll be the three-year anniversary

of the murder.

There she is.

- How you doing, baby ? - Good.

So, when I pulled into the driveway,

your mother's car was parked in the driveway.

And it concerned me a little bit

because, I thought she wasn't home, so I got out of the car.

I was with your sister Ali,

and your mother's purse was right here.

Right here, lying on the ground. And her keys were there.

And that was a statue right here at one point,

and it was tipped over.

And I see right here,

there are these cushions from her,

lawn furniture that are stacked up like blocks, building blocks.

I go, and I kneel down and I still hesitate,

and I pull one cushion off,

and I see "It's an animal !"

"Thank God, it's just an animal."

You know, like fur, and blood, it's just an animal.

And then God's like, "You're not done yet."

"You have to take all the cushions off."

So I did, and found my sister murdered here.

It's just something I'll never forget.

It was a horrible thing to see.

You know what I mean ? Horrible.

And also a week before the murder, your mom told, had a dream,

and she told me that she

had been murdered violently,

and I said, "What ? By who ? What are you talking about ?"

She wouldn't tell me. She just stopped.

I said, "Barb, please tell me who did it." And she wouldn't tell me.

So I felt like she was trying to protect someone.

Who do you think she was trying to protect ?

MURDER ON MIDDLE BEACH

Episode 3 SISTERS

2019 Mother's Day

Alright.

- What do I do ? - There you go.

Hey, mom.

We have projections of all the kids.

- I don't know. - This is pretty cool.

Yeah, this is cute. My gosh !

- Happy Mother's Day ! - Wild.

It's beautiful. It's so you, darling.

- It's just funny. - There I am.

- There is Conway. - They grow up so fast.

- That's Barbie. - Yeah, there's my mom.

Your mother was a wonderful daughter, always.

And it's hard when you have six children so close together,

because I always felt that they all suffered a little neglect.

What was my mother's relationship with her siblings ?

Who was she closest with ?

Probably Conway, and also Cathy.

The three girls were like three peas in a pod.

I remember the good times.

Our dad used to think of great ideas to keep six kids entertained.

He loved film. He did crazy things,

like, we had a basketball court, and in the wintertime,

Dad would fill it with water, and that would be our ice skating rink.

He was a lot of fun. He really was.

I don't remember my dad as an alcoholic.

But it was rough on my parents and their marriage.

So he packed his bags, and left.

But he got sober

and he's helped thousands of people with the disease of alcoholism,

and he's spoken all over the world.

Hi everybody, my name's Sandy Beach and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Sandy !

And I'm sure honored to be here

at your seventeenth Pennsylvania State Convention.

Anyway, I got sober in 1964. I had the same sponsor for 42 years.

I've been granted a vision of life that is precious.

It is getting rid of the old perception about your life

and replacing it, little by little, with the truth.

It was kind of a hectic household to grow up in, you know.

I was the youngest.

The oldest brother was seven and a half years older than me, Chris,

then Cathy, Leu, then Conway, Barb,

and then I was two years younger than Barb.

What was your relationship like with my mom, growing up ?

The best.

I felt like I was her protector.

Alright, I'm gonna throw on another roll.

Conway ?

From as far back as I can remember, she's always been

a little more high maintenance, I guess.

A little more fragile.

I kinda tell my mom that she's like a fragile bull.

I think that's the best way to put it.

- I love this room. - It's cool.

This had shag in it, it was comfy, cozy.

Anyhow it's just a great house.

Well, I'm number four out of six kids.

I'm the middle girl.

My role was to just, keep peace,

be seen not heard.

I was just different than everyone else, from the beginning, from the get-go.

The teachers would ask me, "Are you sure you're a Beach ?"

Because, Leu was a genius, Chris was getting straight A's,

Cathy was getting straight A's... I barely passed tests.

I guess I was a good person to make fun of and have jokes about.

And then Gram Platt's room.

I have pictures of us jumping on up on her bed.

I got me, Cathy, Barb.

Gram Platt moved in with us, my mother's mother,

and she was brought up very well-to-do.

I can remember, as a little girl, having to walk with high heels on,

and a dress on, be very prim and proper.

But I also used to watch her go into the pantry,

and she'd pour this white stuff in a glass, about this big,

and she'd chug that baby down,

and then chase it with water.

And she became lovey, lovey, lovey.

And I knew, when I grew up, I was going to be just like her.

But I started really drinking by the time I was 13,

and I'm a blackout drinker, so...

Hey Aunt Bobby, remember when I was giving Madison his popsicle ?

- Who's that ? - Tyler, say hi !

Hi !

I didn't have the average upbringing.

I grew up, and my mother battled alcohol and drugs

throughout my childhood.

Aunt Bobby was, as I call her,

was always there to swoop in and rescue me.

She brought me into her home

to show me that there was more to life than the life I was living.

Batter's up !

She made me feel like one of her children. She wasn't just an aunt to me,

she was another mother.

The one thing that I will never get to tell her

was how grateful I am that she came into my life.

And that,

if it wasn't for her, I don't know where I would be.

And I'll never get to tell her that.

And I'll never lead my kids down the path that my mother took me,

because it's a horrible road to travel.

- Who is Tyler ? - My son.

I became a single mom at a very young age,

and Tyler was

your mother's first baby, in her eyes.

And in 1996, I was out of control, and Barb knew it.

Yes, rings ! Yes, we want rings.

And, my whole family knew it.

So, she took me to court.

I was in full-blown alcoholism.

They came to the house, and it was in shambles,

and there was an eviction notice on the door.

And she said, "Tyler, what do you wanna take ?"

And he was a great baseball player,

and he says, "I wanna take my bat, the Ghost,"

"and I wanna take my glove, and I wanna take my mom."

And then, that whole year that we had, we finally got him.

You know, I was like his dad.

Yeah.

'Cause he had nobody else to look to. I mean...

Conway went away, she was in Florida,

and we couldn't get in touch with her, so we drove down,

and confronted her, to find out what was going on.

And she was basically hanging out with some pimp,

and she was doing drugs,

and she was going to die.

She was absolutely going to die.

So on the way back we called everybody,

called all your aunts and uncles, and your grandmother.

Every one of them, except for Chris,

said to us, in no uncertain terms,

"Let her die."

Can you, could you imagine ?

So, I'm sleeping on park benches,

and I'm figured I'd just live on the streets

or sell myself short until I died, was basically my plan.

But my ulterior plan was to get all my money out of my 401k plan,

and get revenge against my baby sister, your mother,

your father and both of you, you and Ali.

How ?

I wanted to hire a hitman.

But I was so messed up, I didn't know what to do, I was so angry.

My whole family wasn't speaking to me.

Where did you go ? How did you set it up ?

I talked to complete strangers.

I was drunk all of the time, so I really don't know who I talked to.

I remember talking to a taxicab driver,

a bartender, "How can I hire a hitman ? What do you gotta do to do that ?"

But I knew that I was supposed to meet somebody at a hotel.

And finally, I had some money, so I stayed in a hotel in Orlando.

I don't know the name of it, but it was nice.

And I remember going into the bar, waiting to meet my hitman,

and drinking, and then I blackout,

and I woke up in my room,

naked, and without a penny.

I had been rolled.

It's disturbing. I mean...

Even if she just thought about it, it's disturbing.

It makes you stop and think.

Again, I don't know the truth behind it.

It's the kind of stuff you think only happens in movies, right ?

I mean, not in real life.

Did they ever think you were a person of interest ?

Yes.

And I admitted that I had tried to hire a hitman.

- Did you ever tell my mom ? - Yes.

- Did that make her paranoid ? - No.

- How she react ? - She could totally relate.

She was an alcoholic like me.

Do you think she would've ever hired a hitman to kill you, to kill Tyler ?

I think some people can get to a point, I don't care who it is,

when they can snap, I'm not saying your mother would do that...

But I think we become mother bears no matter what.

- And you snapped ? - I snapped.

I'm not proud of that.

She's really happy you're here.

This is the first time I've felt her the most, she's been so mad at me.

Acceptance has its biggest power when you accept immediately.

On March 3rd, my youngest daughter, Barbara,

was murdered in her home in Madison.

She had taken her daughter to high school, and when she came home,

somebody was waiting, and really brutally murdered her.

And my second daughter, Conway,

discovered the body and took charge.

So when my daughter called me and said, "Are you sitting down ?"

and as she was talking,

I fully accepted that my relationship with Barbie was on a new level.

From now on, it's gonna be composed of memories and stories,

and I'll be able to talk about it until the cows come home,

and it'll still be wonderful.

We all were coming up with theories, you must understand.

What bothered me was, they couldn't determine

whether or not she was coming home, or going out.

I say she was going out.

Why would she be going out,

if she already dropped Ali off ?

She was leaving to take Ali is what I say.

- Do you understand what I'm saying ? - Got it.

I'm so sorry.

Why are you sorry ?

I'm sorry that I think your sister had something to do with it,

but I can't help it.

I think it's gonna die, it's flashing.

That means it's recording.

Why do you think it was Ali ?

I just think it was very bizarre. It looked staged.

Can you tell me, walking through the crime scene,

things that might have seemed suspicious ?

Ali and I pulled up to your home

and Ali is walking in front of me to the front door.

And she goes, "There's Mom's purse !"

"There's Mom's keys !" So I go to pick up her purse,

and she said, "Don't touch that, it's a crime scene."

I'm like, "You're out of your mind. What's wrong with you, child ?"

So I pick up the purse, I pick up the keys.

Why would you think this is a crime scene, there's not one ounce of blood,

her purse has everything in it,

there's nothing that looks like a crime scene.

I believe she already knew before she got there.

How did Ali react after the murder ?

She left the country.

She's in Argentina now, as far as I know.

I escaped my grief.

When I graduated high school, I left.

I was really unhappy when I left the United States. I was angry.

So I traveled, I backpacked.

Did Chile, Peru, Bolivia, Ecuador, Colombia, Venezuela,

and then I went down to Argentina, where I live now.

Literally, I went to the end of the world.

I wasn't ready to face everything again.

You guys set ?

Alright, Ali.

So, I just wanna know, kind of like, a little background.

Here we go. Here it is.

Ali, tell Aunt Stacey how you get into the rock garden.

- You're on, baby. - There's the carpet right there.

- That's beautiful. - I know you weren't doing anything...

What inspired you to make your rock garden, Ali ?

I can smell it.

What was the dynamic like between our parents, growing up ?

I remember them fighting a lot.

Mom would drink quite a bit.

I remember, Mom always had, like, a cup of "water,"

and one time, when I was little, I tried to drink it, and it was vodka.

I never really felt like it was very stable.

There was always a lot of change. I heard a lot of screaming.

A lotta, lotta screaming. That definitely impacts a little kid.

Like, until this day, I can't be around people who are screaming.

Makes me really uncomfortable. Mom was definitely a more lenient parent.

Mom was very loving.

I think she had a hard time keeping things in control when she was drinking.

And Dad was super controlling,

and I remember he implanted a lot of fear in us.

Literally everything could kill us. If we wanted to play in the grass,

we had to wear long pants, long socks, light clothing, because of the ticks.

Dad scared me a little bit.

When was the divorce official, or when did they tell us ?

They told us on Christmas Day.

I remember something that really stuck with me until now,

Mom was with me in my room, and she was crying, and she told me,

"Don't ever depend on a man."

And to this day I've never depended on a man.

It was pretty hard because Mom started drinking a lot more,

and Dad was also very manipulating

and would tell me a lot of things about Mom that weren't nice,

and would try and make me...

I don't know if go against her... It was confusing.

Your dad was very controlling,

to the point where I think he nearly drove your sister crazy.

She would come home from school,

and she would work on her homework for four hours.

And then he would correct it, and have her redo the homework again.

So, she would be doing homework for like six hours every day.

She had no after school life.

And I'm amazed that she put up with that, frankly, because she was 13.

But then she had a nervous breakdown, really.

So, when did you start feeling sick ?

I went to the nurse, when I was in 7th grade,

because I, like, the back of my head really hurt here, and here.

Like I was in a lot of pain. And we went to the doctor,

and it was because my thyroids were, like, bulging out of my neck.

I was super lethargic, I couldn't eat.

There was a point where I was throwing up, like I couldn't keep any food down.

I think I was in the hospital for about a month and a half,

on every type of drug you could possibly imagine.

And they couldn't find out what was wrong with me,

I couldn't walk, I relearn how to walk,

and they finally came to the conclusion

that my body had gone into shock from my thyroid,

but the rest of my problems were psychological.

She developed two things at the same time, alright ?

One was this physical disease, this Graves' Disease,

and the other was, Borderline Personality Disorder.

You switch from liking somebody, or, in this case, a parent,

and then, you hate them, you know, with all your heart,

and then you switch the other way, where she wanted

to kill her mother, at one point,

because your mother was really not nice to your sister.

She pushed her down the stairs once.

She slapped her, I mean there was a lot of things that were going on...

And she was very verbally abusive to her.

It eventually caught up with your sister.

Your mother wanted to commit her to a psychiatric institution,

and I didn't wanna do that,

and then, she came home and she moved in with me.

I did whatever I could to talk to her, get at the problems that she had,

and, you know, after many months, she started to come around.

I remember one day, I decided I didn't wanna be sick anymore.

I started swimming and running and biking,

and trying to just be a normal little girl again, and in all of that time,

Dad told me that Mom was the one that wanted

to send me to the psychological hospital.

And I was really angry about the things that Dad told me,

and I decided I didn't want to live with Mom anymore.

My sister went and lived with my dad,

and me and my mom moved into a house down here.

Your mother was insecure at that time.

And her relationship with Ali was very insecure

because Ali chose to be with your father instead of her.

And that hurt her so deeply. And she just want her back.

Things with Dad weren't good...

He would take the door off the hinges,

cause he thought I was closing him out of my life.

He was just really controlling, and I called Mom,

and I asked her to come get me, and I asked her if I could live with her

and I stopped talking to Dad.

One day, your mother came, picked her up, and just left.

But this is a part of Borderline Personality Disorders.

Usually, you hate one ,and you like the other one, and then one day you flip.

Her mental situation was not still great.

I was not okay, and I think that a lot of those diagnoses

were products of the environment I was living in,

and my way of escaping everything that was happening.

And what was our dynamic like when you came back ?

You were really angry with me for leaving.

And you outwardly told me that on various occasions,

in various fights that we had.

Do you think that she was enabling me ?

- Drug addiction... - Yes.

She was a recovering alcoholic, she was trying to be sober

and you were out of control.

Do you think she was afraid of losing you ?

I think she was afraid of me going back to Dad's, yeah.

I think she was afraid of me not talking to her again,

yeah, I think it hurt her a lot.

Your mother was so fearful of losing Ali,

that she, I think, overindulged her,

became more of a friend instead of a parent.

And I think Ali just walked all over her.

I did not like the way Ali treated your mother at all, ever. Ever.

She abused drugs and alcohol and boys all of the time.

When did you start becoming close to my mother again ?

You know, I've had a lot of health issues, breast cancer, brain surgery.

That's why I came to your mom and lived there after brain surgery.

But Ali did not want me living at the house.

Every morning I would wake up to her screaming at my sister,

and telling her to fuck off, every morning.

And I told her not to talk to my sister like that ever again.

She goes, "Fuck you, she's my mother,"

"and I'll talk to her any fucking way I want."

When your mom got home that day she goes,

"Either she goes or I go, Mom. You choose."

Everybody was afraid of Ali,

and I was afraid of Ali.

When was the last time you saw Mom ?

That day I was running late for school,

and Mom took me in her white Honda, the big SUV.

We went to Willoughby's first, which was the coffee shop,

and I got a Chai, which I loved, and she brought me to school.

She told the school I was gonna be late.

She gave me a kiss, she said she loved me and she left me at school.

Around 11 o'clock in the morning, I was in the study center,

and I started texting Mom, telling her I wanted her to come get me.

- Why did you want to go home ? - I wanted to leave school.

- Was that normal for you ? - Yeah.

At that time in my life, it was really hard for me to stay in school.

And I texted her, "Please come get me." And she didn't respond.

I called her a lot, she didn't respond, so I called Conway.

Ali said that she had to wake up your mom to take her to school

and your mom took her to school in her pajamas, apparently.

What do you think happened ?

I believe that Ali could have murdered her mother,

walked to school, which she had done many times,

started texting her mother and texting me.

I believe that's reality that occur.

I'm thinking she got so mad at her mom,

for maybe breaking up a party, that she lost it finally.

I believe anyone can snap, at any given time,

especially when you're fucked up on drugs and alcohol.

I know from my own personal experience.

- A woman is dead... - Detectives combing the yard.

I have all these thoughts, Madison, that don't stop.

It's so hard to know who to trust.

I think Conway believes what she's saying,

I don't think my sister is capable of something like this.

but if she had anything to do with this,

I don't know if I would wanna know, you know.

To me, that is way more implausible

that she would commit a fucking gruesome murder...

And then go to school ?

And be ready to get to school ? Who the fuck can do that ?

How hard would it be for your sister

to even just drag your mom's body across the yard ?

We should, like, walk through what happened with the crime scene.

Yeah. The walkthrough that you had your aunt do is very helpful.

It tells a lot.

And there was a statue right here at one point and it was tipped over.

So the dog statue is here.

There was some type of a confrontation or something

in the area in front of the door, to knock over the dog statue.

Yeah. This gets knocked over.

And then there was a coffee cup, it was on the ground.

Coffee cup lands here.

For some reason, there was a pallet right here.

When they open up the crime scene,

there was a huge pool of blood under it.

Yeah, so this is where the palette is. There is a pool of blood under it.

She was probably killed here and moved to the side of the house,

where they found her body. Out of the line of sight is a golf course.

I see right here, there are these cushions from her lawn furniture.

The cushions are possibly from the lawn furniture in the back yard,

in the garage, because it was cold that time of year.

I haven't been back here in 6 years.

- You doing okay ? - Yeah, I'm alright.

This is changed so much.

The ground has been raised.

It looks like they converted the garage into a screen porch.

So, we have these markers for where things were.

Pallet.

So it would've been leaning up against the wall, right ?

- Yeah, that is heavy ? - Yeah.

We'll grab one sandbag, I think it's that.

- And your mom's 160 pounds. - 160 pounds.

Confrontation starts, drop the phone,

going this way, drop the keys, drop the purse.

Back-pedaling or trying to get away. Land here.

Now they're looking around. Seeing the golf course.

And then dragging,

it would take a lot longer, for a 16-year-old girl.

This house has a clear line of sight.

Covering the body,

and there would be bushes to help cover her,

but they see the blood spot, the pallet.

Hide the bloodspot.

I mean, just physically, pulling 160 pounds.

- Yeah. - I don't know if my sister can do that.

I can't get over, covering the bloodspot, covering the body.

But, not covering this stuff. It's like half covered up.

I wouldn't characterize it as starting to clean up.

Their focus was on what they had done to your mother...

And it could be a moment where the person is sorry, is emotional,

wants to cover the body 'cause they don't wanna look at the person

and what they've done.

And they're not thinking rationally.

We're trying to make sense out of a senseless act.

Right here.

Numerous puncture wounds on the head, throat, back of neck.

Area of softness in the back of the head.

Defensive wounds on both hands.

Broken arm. Broken rib.

Interior torso, scrapes and abrasions.

Because of the blow to the skull,

I've been told by several different people was probably a hammer.

That many wounds in the face, neck, head area ?

That indicates the person, was in rage, very emotional.

Very angry, and that usually tells you

that there was a relationship between those two people.

Jealousy, or anger, or usually from some type of a personal relationship.

Where could the murder weapons have come from ?

I don't know.

Those are the things we have around our home normally.

Who doesn't have a hammer ?

Who doesn't have knives ?

It was like, as if, in my mind,

your sister somehow decided this would be really good.

Get all the life insurance money of your mother's.

And I know that's a terrible way to think.

But when I saw what I saw, and I know how Ali treated her...

- Did you do it ? - No.

Impossible.

- I have to ask. - I know, I don't take it personally.

I could never have done that, I loved Mom with all my heart.

If you could say something to Mom right now,

what would you say ?

That I love you, and that, I miss you.

And that I wish I could hug you.

But that I know she's okay. I do. I know she's okay,

and I know that she's up there protecting us.

Who's telling you it could be your sister, Conway ?

Yeah.

Why is she so focused on that ?

I don't know. My aunt I guess doesn't trust my sister's alibi. And...

This is coming from Conway, not your sister ?

Right.

How well do you know your Aunt Connie ?

Do you believe the story she told you ?

What was your relationship like with Conway ?

Conway is a super loving person, who is open to love anyone,

but she's very dependent on other people.

She had had breast cancer, and then had had a brain tumor,

and her husband left her, and she had had a nervous breakdown,

and she came to live with us so my mom could take care of her.

I think that at some points I thought she was taking advantage of Mom.

Your mom did not want Conway up north here.

- Really ? - No.

It's really hard when you have somebody that you've been trying to help.

Conway wasn't healthy, she was using her illnesses as an excuse not to work,

using her illnesses as an excuse not to be of service.

Then there was this rift, as you call it, with the Tables.

- With the Gifting Tables ? - Yeah.

Your mother put herself behind Conway to help Conway, with the Tables.

And Conway can be difficult.

So I mean, it was just too much, I think, for both of them.

Your mother asked Conway to leave her house.

Was she angry at my mother ?

I think when you feel as though you've been abandoned,

it's hard, really hard, especially when it was her sister.

And people, I don't think can appreciate what that means.

But when your world is ripped apart, it can do things to you.

There was an odd testimony at the trial

about receiving threats from you.

Something was wrong with that girl.

She was telling people that I was putting dead rabbits at her door.

When did she claim you were doing that ?

When she didn't get her money back right away.

From my mom ?

As you sit there, are you afraid of Conway Beach ?

Yes, sir.

She believes I murdered my sister

because I wanted my sister's life.

Do you know where Conway was that day ?

Conway had been with my mother early in the day,

they were down in my mother's basement.

My mother was always perpetually cleaning out the basement.

She may have actually been living with my mother at that point in time.

- Where were you staying ? - I was at Nat's.

- What were you doing at Nat's ? - In her basement. Cleaning up.

I had been working on it for weeks for her.

- Why were you doing that ? - She wanted it done. She's 90.

Who else saw you at Nat's ?

- How do we... What is your... - Nat.

Okay. Do you have any, like, evidence or anything like that ?

Nat was there.

She's dead now.

That was it.

What did Conway tell you about that day ?

She was at Jill's mother's house.

What did she say she was doing that day ?

Rearranging her basement.

Then she tells you that she believes your sister killed your mom ?

Yeah.

Do you feel like she's steering you ?

When did you pick Ali up from school ?

So she started nudging me at probably around 9:00...

- Did she text you or did she call you ? - Text.

- When did you pick her up ? - 10:00, 10:30 ?

Okay, you go home. What do you see ?

Your mom's car in the driveway.

Alright, this is them showing up. And they're approaching.

When you got there, what was your first sign that something was wrong ?

The broken statue. We had a statue of a dog, a stone statue of a dog

that had a basket in its mouth, that statue was always there.

And it was broken. It was knocked over and broken.

They're yelling my mom's name...

We look everywhere. We come back outside.

I went in the garage and come around the house.

And then this is where Conway sees the cushions.

She takes one cushion off, and takes another cushion off.

I'm like, throwing the fucking cushions off,

cause I'm thinking maybe there's some hope. You know what I mean ?

Like, I'm throwing them off now.

Were you afraid after ?

For years I carried a hammer, under the front seat of my car.

Why a hammer ?

Because I think that's what killed your mother.

And I think I could hit with a hammer. I don't think I could stab with a knife.

- Did you kill my mom ? - No.

I protected your mom

her whole life, as best I could.

I miss her.

All of the time.

I know you do too.

What a nightmare.

- Thank you so much. - Yeah, you're so welcome.

Must be weird to go in that house again.

- Yeah. - I'm actually a grief worker.

- Really ? - I'm a therapist.

- My god. - And I work in bereavement.

- What are the chances of that ? - I know, right ?

Yeah, I lost my mom about 15 years ago...

I'm so sorry.

It was traumatic in a different way. She actually took her life.

so there was the same thing of an unsolved sort of...

Was there any step that you took that you felt was really helpful ?

One of the things that I felt like was very healing

was we retook some of the steps that she took.

So I feel like this is the process you're in, right ?

It's a formidable journey but I feel like it's very healing.

Do you mind if I spend, like, a couple minutes in my old room ?

- No, is it this corner room ? - Yeah.

That's great, that's my son's room. That's awesome.

This was Ali's room.

Mom's bed was over here.

She had her computer right here.

It's definitely feeling more real, you know.

- Yeah. - Being here.

I can, like, see where furniture was, and...

- There's a lot of good memories here. - Yeah.

And maybe not outside the house. But, you know.

Yeah, right.

This is wild. It's like this event,

and then my life just completely changed.

There's a lot of guilt, you know, I've you know harbored, from all of this.

- Because you weren't there. - Yeah.

And I was a teenager, and making bad decisions.

I mean, I always feel like guilt and grief is just a way

of trying to get the past back, wishing things had been differently.

I remember, I was home for winter break at college,

and I'd shot like a short film from high school

and showed it to her over winter break.

But in it, the main character, like, commits suicide

and she started crying, and I was like, "Why are you crying ?"

and she's like,

"If I die,"

"would you be okay ?"

And I was like, "I'm not gonna let that happen to you."

I'm sorry.

Thank you so much.

- Are you exhausted ? - I am exhausted.

Yeah. We both are.

I think that that's a problem when our emotions are right on the edge.

Yeah.

And sometimes they come for us and sometimes I think,

I don't feel anything, you know ? I'm like numb.

Because any time you go over things, the only issue we all have

is trying to solve it.

- Yeah. - Trying to figure it out.

I don't know that finding the person who committed the murder

is what I need.

- Well, you need your mother back. - Yeah.

Nothing is gonna bring Mom back.

My daughter is gone forever, and it's just never gonna happen.

And we'll never... You just don't ever get over it, Maddie.

I don't know what it's like for you.

Grief is something that's very personal,

and don't ever let anybody tell you how to grieve.

We're all different, you know.

- How did you feel directly after ? - Horrible.

They had taken the most important person from my life.

Horrible.

How has it affected our family ? Trust and...

Hey there, Happy Thanksgiving, I love you guys.

I feel like there are a lot of people that probably don't trust me,

for their own reasons.

I do feel like there is a rift in our family, because of the murder.

I may second guess who I think it is, at this point...

But when I'm at the crime scene, with your sister,

it makes it very difficult to second guess, at the same time.

What would you want, if that were the case ?

- If it were Ali ? - Yeah.

If it were Ali, I would want justice.

- What do you think my mom would want ? - If it's Ali, nothing.

She would want me to love her and take care of her, like I did,

and to let go of my resentment, that's what your mom would want.

And it's hard, and I love her, and I can't even look at her anymore.

She looks too much like your mom, I just can't look at her.

I have to look away.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

- How's it going ? - Good, how are you ?

Welcome back to Madison.

When's the last time you were in Madison ?

When I was 18.

When I left Madison, I haven't been back since I left the States.

- Wilbys. - Wilbys is still here.

When you were living with Dad,

and I was here on Neck Road with Mom,

I'm sure that's tough for you to think about.

I just want you to know that I don't hold anything against you for all that,

because I know that you were young

and going through a lot.

It's amazing how much you have grown

after something so horrible, and being in such a tough spot.

You're beautiful, and smart, and...

I'm just proud to be your brother.

Thank you, Mad, you're gonna make me cry. I'm proud to be your sister.

I feel like when a tragedy happens you have a decision.

You can either stay in it and dwell,

or you can make something beautiful out of it.

What do you tell your friends when they ask about it ?

I'm not ashamed, it's my story.

I lost my mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad.

I don't harbor any hatred or negativity towards him,

because I've done a lot of work on myself,

and I know that that only hurts me,

so I honestly feel sorry for him.

You feel far from home ?

It's hardest for me to be away from you.

I know. It's okay.

We're together now.

One day, when this comes out,

if the person is alive who did this to Mom,

there's a good chance they'll see this documentary.

Would you wanna say anything to that person ?

I don't need to say anything to them, you know ?

I feel like they'll see the pain that they've caused.

Do you want to say anything to them ?

I'm coming for you, that's what I'd say to them.