subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Useless.Humans.2020.1080p.WEBRip.x264

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal) Download

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,764 - Doris likes mine just the way it is. 2 00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:43,112 - I told you to stop talkin' to me 'bout that. 3 00:00:43,146 --> 00:00:44,113 - Why the hell you do 4 00:00:44,147 --> 00:00:45,769 somethin' like that to your kid? 5 00:00:45,804 --> 00:00:48,082 - I was that way, my daddy's that way. 6 00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:50,084 My daddy's daddy's that way. 7 00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:52,638 And it's sanitary. 8 00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:55,779 - It's a goddamn myth. 9 00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:57,091 - It looks good too. 10 00:00:57,126 --> 00:00:58,817 Just ask Charlene. 11 00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,819 - Charlene don't know shit. 12 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,993 Circumcision cuts off 1,000 nerve endings 13 00:01:03,028 --> 00:01:04,478 and some kinda natural lubricant. 14 00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:07,136 Now that'll make fuckin' Charlene actually tolerable. 15 00:01:08,482 --> 00:01:10,000 - Why does everybody do it then? 16 00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:13,280 - Well some guy who invented Corn flakes. 17 00:01:13,314 --> 00:01:14,798 Probably to keep kids from masturbatin'. 18 00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:19,803 C'mon. 19 00:01:22,151 --> 00:01:23,635 - That him? 20 00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:27,673 - Yeah, the blood trail leads that way, let's go. 21 00:01:44,345 --> 00:01:45,691 Whoa, what the? 22 00:01:46,865 --> 00:01:49,695 - You think a deer did this? 23 00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:53,147 - Deer? 24 00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:54,355 What the hell? 25 00:01:55,529 --> 00:01:56,875 - I do not know. 26 00:02:02,881 --> 00:02:05,021 Whoa. 27 00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:06,091 What is that? 28 00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:10,854 Did you hear that? - What? 29 00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:12,201 - By the trees. - Nope. 30 00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:19,380 - Oh jeez, there's more than one. 31 00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,071 So we grab that thing and split. 32 00:02:22,728 --> 00:02:23,867 Could be worth money. 33 00:02:30,564 --> 00:02:31,254 - Oh shit. 34 00:02:37,743 --> 00:02:40,367 This isn't how the gypsy said I'd go. 35 00:04:27,888 --> 00:04:29,648 - The universe is endless. 36 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:33,342 Cold and impartial. 37 00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:38,519 We exist because we fought to be here. 38 00:04:41,039 --> 00:04:42,696 The universe gave us a chance. 39 00:04:43,869 --> 00:04:48,874 We grabbed hold, planted our flag in the ground 40 00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:50,255 and said, "We belong." 41 00:04:52,222 --> 00:04:54,880 Survival is fought for. 42 00:04:57,918 --> 00:05:00,058 Right now ladies and gentlemen, 43 00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:05,097 we are on a decaying planet of our own doing. 44 00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:07,721 Well one day, Earth 45 00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:10,896 will die 46 00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:17,075 and we as a species will need to find 47 00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:18,594 a new home. 48 00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:24,047 Now greedy corporations and their puppets in Congress 49 00:05:24,082 --> 00:05:25,877 are only speeding things up, 50 00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:28,258 so that's why we must act now! 51 00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:32,884 Invest in a Stars with Skaggs project 52 00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:35,058 for intergalactic travel. 53 00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:38,234 Together, we can discover unknown pockets of the universe 54 00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:42,721 and need mankind to a new pine-fresh home. 55 00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:46,311 Your money will make for a better universe! 56 00:05:50,764 --> 00:05:51,592 Hi, Kenneth. 57 00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:53,767 - Hi. 58 00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:55,389 What the hell are you doing? 59 00:05:55,424 --> 00:05:59,393 - I was just rehearsing for a future presentation 60 00:05:59,428 --> 00:06:02,638 for my space travel company Stars with Skaggs. 61 00:06:03,811 --> 00:06:05,951 - That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 62 00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:09,576 Have you tested the equipment? 63 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:11,578 - I started to. 64 00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:13,580 - I have a lecture in 30 minutes 65 00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:17,480 and the sound must be an echo to the senses. 66 00:06:19,309 --> 00:06:20,138 - Right. 67 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,796 - And have you replaced the bulbs? 68 00:06:24,314 --> 00:06:26,282 - You didn't say anything about replacing the bulbs. 69 00:06:26,316 --> 00:06:28,111 - I sent you an email last night 70 00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:29,596 and I know you were on your computer 71 00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:31,356 because of your masturbation problem. 72 00:06:32,633 --> 00:06:34,152 - I wouldn't call it problem. 73 00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,326 - Then where are my bulbs? 74 00:06:37,466 --> 00:06:39,813 - Yeah okay, I'll get right on it. 75 00:06:41,815 --> 00:06:44,473 - And the log report: stay late and finish it, okay? 76 00:06:46,164 --> 00:06:48,304 - Actually Kenneth, I can't. 77 00:06:48,338 --> 00:06:49,443 It's my birthday today 78 00:06:49,478 --> 00:06:51,618 and my friends and I are goin' on-- 79 00:06:51,652 --> 00:06:54,828 - I don't care about your birthday, okay?! 80 00:06:54,862 --> 00:06:57,451 You're my assistant and you're supposed to assist me. 81 00:06:57,486 --> 00:06:58,970 So do you wanna keep your job 82 00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:02,007 or do you wanna drink Mai Tais with your friends? 83 00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,358 - Mai Tais. - Huh? 84 00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:12,880 - Oh I'm sorry, was that not an echo to the senses? 85 00:07:14,882 --> 00:07:15,849 Mai Tais. 86 00:07:18,196 --> 00:07:19,680 Have a good lecture, Kenneth. 87 00:07:22,372 --> 00:07:23,373 - Hey, wait! 88 00:07:23,408 --> 00:07:25,168 Come here. - Whoa, ow. 89 00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,998 God, unhand me. 90 00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:28,378 - Give that to me, you. 91 00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:33,038 You will never work in a planetarium again! 92 00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,494 - Jesus, interesting. - Hey, hey. 93 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:41,391 The coat. 94 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,050 - Coat? 95 00:07:45,085 --> 00:07:47,018 Here's your coat. 96 00:07:47,052 --> 00:07:47,881 Huh, huh? 97 00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:50,400 - Hey, pick it up. 98 00:07:53,403 --> 00:07:54,543 C'mon. - Yeah, okay. 99 00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:57,718 But I'm leavin' it there. 100 00:07:57,753 --> 00:07:58,857 - Thank you! 101 00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:03,862 - Oh shit. 102 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:05,933 Hi. Oh oh, I'm sorry. - Oh jeez. 103 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,212 Pardon me. Sorry, Tracy. - Watch it, man. 104 00:08:09,247 --> 00:08:10,213 - Got a lotta momentum. 105 00:08:10,248 --> 00:08:11,042 I'll see ya. - Bye, Brian. 106 00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,699 - Never. 107 00:08:12,733 --> 00:08:13,734 Oh my god. 108 00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:20,292 What the? 109 00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:22,916 You gotta be fuckin'. 110 00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:24,538 Fuck my life. 111 00:08:24,573 --> 00:08:26,298 You fucking fuckface. 112 00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:30,613 Not you. 113 00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:08,582 - I don't need to stand anymore, right? 114 00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:10,584 - Cheese. - No, you're good. 115 00:09:10,619 --> 00:09:12,759 We were not in-sync on that one. 116 00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:15,934 - No. - No. 117 00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:18,488 - Ooh, but it's adorable. - Ooh. 118 00:09:21,319 --> 00:09:23,493 - Hey, all right. 119 00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:25,599 - Thanks. 120 00:09:25,634 --> 00:09:27,118 - Alex. - Stop! 121 00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,947 - Thank you. - Just a little. 122 00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:33,296 - To Brian's birthday! - Here, here. 123 00:09:33,331 --> 00:09:36,610 - And to the last Leonid meteor shower together. 124 00:09:36,645 --> 00:09:37,784 - What, the last? 125 00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:39,820 - Yeah, the last year of college. 126 00:09:39,855 --> 00:09:41,788 We might not have time to make a yearly trip 127 00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:43,513 once our careers take off. 128 00:09:44,653 --> 00:09:46,137 - We could always find time. 129 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:47,794 - I don't know, man. 130 00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:50,486 You'll be busy blowin' shit up at NASA. 131 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,799 I'll be savin' lives in the OR. 132 00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:56,526 Jess fighting deforestation in Guatemala. 133 00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:57,527 Alex? 134 00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:00,151 Well Alex might be free. - Yeah. 135 00:10:01,704 --> 00:10:02,981 - Hey, Louis. 136 00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:05,156 You know, I'm really disappointed in you. 137 00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,158 This is our thing, man. 138 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:10,195 This has been our thing since we were in elementary school. 139 00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:13,992 The real world can't take that away. 140 00:10:14,027 --> 00:10:17,168 - My dad says the real world 141 00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:19,826 is an unforgiving thief of happiness. 142 00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:22,863 And knowing my dad, I believe it. 143 00:10:22,898 --> 00:10:26,004 - Well, I hereby declare this not be 144 00:10:26,039 --> 00:10:28,006 the last Leonid meteor shower, 145 00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:30,043 but a yearly continuation until the day we die. 146 00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,700 - And I concur. 147 00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:33,356 - Yay. 148 00:10:33,391 --> 00:10:34,185 - Duke it. 149 00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:35,358 Yup, yup. 150 00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:36,877 What, what yeah! - Oh. 151 00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:42,055 - Lest we forget. - To our yearly meteor break! 152 00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:43,366 I would live to come, you guys. 153 00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,541 Oh Frederick, how are you darling? 154 00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:48,026 But if I don't take care of my plants, who's going to? 155 00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:49,027 This year is bad. 156 00:10:49,062 --> 00:10:50,857 We can't have little Olaf 157 00:10:50,891 --> 00:10:52,721 freezing his little butt off, can we? 158 00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:56,034 - Hey man, yeah. 159 00:10:56,069 --> 00:11:00,901 Things have been a little, you know. 160 00:11:01,591 --> 00:11:03,593 Yes! 161 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:09,910 Yeah, this year is bad. 162 00:11:09,945 --> 00:11:12,085 - Yo Brian, d'you see this shit? 163 00:11:12,119 --> 00:11:14,570 20, motherfucker. 164 00:11:14,604 --> 00:11:15,882 - 21. - No no no no. 165 00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:17,228 Fuck, man. 166 00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:18,401 You fuckin'. No no, you ain't takin' that shit. 167 00:11:18,436 --> 00:11:19,230 Dude, this year's bad. 168 00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:20,403 No, no. 169 00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:21,439 No! 170 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:22,440 - Faster, people. 171 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,717 We're on a deadline. 172 00:11:23,752 --> 00:11:24,718 Can you bring that tree over here? 173 00:11:24,753 --> 00:11:26,237 What are you doing? 174 00:11:26,271 --> 00:11:28,101 I told you 15 minutes ago, that's not how you do that. 175 00:11:28,135 --> 00:11:29,240 You guys, we're opening the garden. 176 00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:30,448 This year is bad. 177 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,243 C'mon, bring the plant. 178 00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:33,589 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 179 00:11:33,623 --> 00:11:34,728 Ow. 180 00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:36,247 All right, 181 00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:37,248 so we're just gonna have to make a small incision. 182 00:11:37,282 --> 00:11:38,421 It's gonna be about two inches. 183 00:11:38,456 --> 00:11:39,733 - Incision? - Shh shh shh. 184 00:11:39,768 --> 00:11:41,597 It's better if you don't speak, 'kay? 185 00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:42,460 This year's bad. 186 00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:47,258 - Oh shit. 187 00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:50,606 How's my ass look from back there, guys? 188 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,434 This year's bad, man. 189 00:11:51,469 --> 00:11:52,263 This year's bad. 190 00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:53,609 Oh, fuck! 191 00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:55,438 - Oh, do you feel cool with your chainsaws? 192 00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:56,646 I wish I could be there, 193 00:11:56,681 --> 00:11:57,786 but I'm in the middle of saving the forest. 194 00:11:57,820 --> 00:11:59,166 This year's bad. 195 00:12:02,652 --> 00:12:04,758 - My mother was right about you! 196 00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:08,313 - This year's bad. 197 00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:12,835 - Dude, last night was fuckin' epic. 198 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:15,493 This year's bad . 199 00:12:22,811 --> 00:12:24,329 - This year's good. 200 00:13:16,726 --> 00:13:18,038 "Happy birthday, son. 201 00:13:18,073 --> 00:13:20,040 "Your mother and I could not be more proud. 202 00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:22,836 "30 years old with your eyes still on the prize. 203 00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,355 "Don't let it bother you that Elon Musk 204 00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:28,773 "sold his first company for $300 million at the age of 26. 205 00:13:30,223 --> 00:13:31,362 "Your mother just informed me 206 00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:32,846 "that I shouldn't have written that last part, 207 00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:36,712 "but I'm using pen and don't have time to buy another card. 208 00:13:36,746 --> 00:13:38,024 "Just know that we love you 209 00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,715 "and enjoy this gift with your friends. 210 00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:40,543 "I did a little research. 211 00:13:40,578 --> 00:13:42,407 "It's Elon's favorite." 212 00:13:43,408 --> 00:13:44,858 Aww, dad. 213 00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:49,898 Gonna get-- 214 00:13:50,415 --> 00:13:51,209 Hello? 215 00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:10,746 - You didn't say shit to me, all right? 216 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:12,575 I mean it's not like you. 217 00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:15,061 - I thought you knew. 218 00:14:15,095 --> 00:14:16,890 No baby, I swear. 219 00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:18,478 I swear we had this conversation. 220 00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:22,068 'Cause all of you didn't. 221 00:14:22,931 --> 00:14:24,760 Oh surprise, man. 222 00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:26,279 I was gonna surprise you. 223 00:14:26,313 --> 00:14:27,280 I thought you knew. 224 00:14:28,971 --> 00:14:30,904 - Surprise me? - No, that's-- 225 00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:32,078 - Are you kidding me? 226 00:14:32,112 --> 00:14:33,424 What kinda fucking surprise is that? 227 00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:34,770 You leave me alone for those little monsters? 228 00:14:34,804 --> 00:14:36,427 - I told you last month. - No, you didn't. 229 00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:37,773 - I did. 230 00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:39,085 - You never help me anyway 231 00:14:39,119 --> 00:14:41,259 and now you suddenly disappear and you leave me alone 232 00:14:41,294 --> 00:14:42,916 to go drink with your high school buddies. 233 00:14:42,951 --> 00:14:44,262 I am alone in this. 234 00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:47,610 - Well, I'm here. 235 00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:48,784 Hello? 236 00:14:48,818 --> 00:14:49,647 Hello? 237 00:14:52,995 --> 00:14:55,101 Brian Skaggs! 238 00:14:55,135 --> 00:14:58,621 Has it seriously been since my magical wedding day? 239 00:14:58,656 --> 00:15:00,278 - Hug me. - Yay! 240 00:15:02,971 --> 00:15:04,110 How's LA, man? 241 00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:04,938 Buildin' rockets yet? 242 00:15:04,973 --> 00:15:07,113 - Yeah, I mean almost. 243 00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,873 I'm goin' through the right steps. 244 00:15:09,839 --> 00:15:11,980 How's Maggie and the twins? 245 00:15:12,014 --> 00:15:14,327 - That was her on the phone. - Yeah? 246 00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:15,293 - Claims that I didn't tell her 247 00:15:15,328 --> 00:15:16,812 I was leaving for the weekend. 248 00:15:16,846 --> 00:15:17,640 I told her. 249 00:15:17,675 --> 00:15:20,954 I totally told her. 250 00:15:20,989 --> 00:15:23,163 She's still recovering from the episiotomy, 251 00:15:23,198 --> 00:15:24,682 so she's a little . 252 00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:29,135 The doctors made a slit in her perineum, 253 00:15:29,169 --> 00:15:30,964 the space between the vagina and anus, 254 00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:33,656 so post partum sex is . 255 00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:35,313 - Yeah. 256 00:15:35,348 --> 00:15:37,143 - And the twins, I love them. 257 00:15:37,177 --> 00:15:39,973 - Yeah? - But then I think, do I 258 00:15:40,008 --> 00:15:42,320 or am I just saying that because it's expected of me? 259 00:15:42,355 --> 00:15:44,667 It's just you know, I need structure 260 00:15:44,702 --> 00:15:46,842 and babies give fuck all about structure. 261 00:15:46,876 --> 00:15:48,154 They're anti-structure. 262 00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,880 Chaos in diapers, but I love them. 263 00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:53,849 Everyone says I should. 264 00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:55,540 They just make me a little . 265 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:02,202 - Jesus. - Oh yeah. 266 00:16:02,237 --> 00:16:04,170 - Not what you see on the Christmas cards. 267 00:16:08,726 --> 00:16:10,176 Old wiring. 268 00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:12,212 - Speakin' of old wiring, how's your love life? 269 00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:13,386 - Was that a dick joke? 270 00:16:17,079 --> 00:16:19,357 - Holy shit, Maggie never lets me touch this stuff. 271 00:16:19,392 --> 00:16:20,220 This stuff is good. 272 00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:23,016 - Well, my dick. 273 00:16:23,051 --> 00:16:25,363 Thank you for asking, by the way, 274 00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:29,195 continues to be dry and lonely. 275 00:16:29,229 --> 00:16:33,751 My game is of the non-LeBron variety. 276 00:16:35,063 --> 00:16:36,719 - Well, maybe this time you can finish 277 00:16:36,754 --> 00:16:38,894 what you tried to start with Jess eight years ago. 278 00:16:38,928 --> 00:16:40,930 - Jess, what? 279 00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:42,725 No, get outta town. 280 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:43,899 Jess? 281 00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:44,900 Please. 282 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,557 We're just friends, dawg. 283 00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:47,454 Naw, naw. 284 00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:51,907 - Are you having a stroke? 285 00:16:54,772 --> 00:16:55,773 Speak of the devil. 286 00:16:59,777 --> 00:17:01,261 Screw you, Maggie. 287 00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:10,960 - Happy escape from the womb day, old man. 288 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,282 - Hi, Jess. - Hey. 289 00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:23,835 - Jess, look at you bringin' me 290 00:17:26,286 --> 00:17:29,082 a handsome hipster in a Tesla. 291 00:17:29,117 --> 00:17:32,085 - Now, this is a farm! 292 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:35,468 A little red barn, a ducky pond, 293 00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,263 a cabin. 294 00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:39,472 I love it here. 295 00:17:43,131 --> 00:17:46,789 Brian, my soulmate's mate. 296 00:17:46,824 --> 00:17:50,310 Brian, Jess has told me so much. 297 00:17:50,345 --> 00:17:53,969 Brian: brilliant engineer, 298 00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:56,316 best of friend. 299 00:17:56,351 --> 00:17:58,629 - This is my boyfriend, Zachary. 300 00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:00,976 - Your boyfriend? - Louis. 301 00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:04,807 Louis, Jess has told me so much. 302 00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:09,812 Louis: brilliant surgeon, best of friend. 303 00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:10,986 - He's a people person. 304 00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:13,161 - This place is bahupada. 305 00:18:15,024 --> 00:18:16,025 - Is that Hindi? 306 00:18:17,026 --> 00:18:19,512 - Did I just speak Hindi? 307 00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:21,479 Sorry. 308 00:18:21,514 --> 00:18:23,136 Lived in West Bengal for two years 309 00:18:23,171 --> 00:18:26,001 bringing irrigation technology to the dry lands. 310 00:18:26,035 --> 00:18:28,521 Sometimes I just slip right back into it. 311 00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:30,523 - Right. 312 00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:33,319 Lemme show you where you're gonna put your bag. 313 00:18:33,353 --> 00:18:34,389 - Namaste, Louis. 314 00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:37,323 Love you. 315 00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:38,324 - Love you. 316 00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:39,877 - Brian. 317 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:43,881 - Hey. - Hey. 318 00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:49,024 Missed you. 319 00:18:49,058 --> 00:18:51,026 - Yeah, it's crazy that we're back here. 320 00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,338 - Yeah, finally. 321 00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:53,684 I guess y'all just couldn't pass up 322 00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:55,686 the opportunity to watch me wither and die. 323 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,344 - 'Cause you're 30. - 'Cause I'm 30. 324 00:19:03,556 --> 00:19:04,695 Zachary is-- 325 00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:06,697 - Oh yeah, he couldn't wait to meet you 326 00:19:06,731 --> 00:19:09,044 'cause I've just been goin' on and on about you. 327 00:19:09,078 --> 00:19:10,873 - Oh, on and on. 328 00:19:10,908 --> 00:19:13,048 - He's the head of our non-profit. 329 00:19:13,082 --> 00:19:15,706 - He's your boss? - He's my boss. 330 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,742 - A Tiki bar?! 331 00:19:17,777 --> 00:19:20,711 I love Polynesian culture! 332 00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:22,368 - He's excitable. 333 00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:24,059 So tell me about you. 334 00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:26,199 Last I heard, you were working at a planetarium. 335 00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:28,719 - Yes, I was doing that. 336 00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:29,789 But I outgrew that. 337 00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:33,068 - Did you quit? - No. 338 00:19:33,102 --> 00:19:34,725 No no no no no. - Jesus, Brian. 339 00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:36,071 - Yeah, I did. 340 00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:37,245 But look. 341 00:19:37,279 --> 00:19:39,212 - D'you ever finish anything you start? 342 00:19:39,247 --> 00:19:41,249 - What've I never finished? 343 00:19:46,771 --> 00:19:47,255 Hey. 344 00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:51,949 Take your time. 345 00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:58,921 Uh oh, hide the women and children. 346 00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:00,958 That enough beer? 347 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:01,821 - No. 348 00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,445 - Like we never left. 349 00:20:15,283 --> 00:20:16,422 - Cool if I VenMo You? 350 00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:17,285 - For what? 351 00:20:18,631 --> 00:20:20,184 - These tickets to a shit show. 352 00:20:37,477 --> 00:20:39,272 - Alice, come look at this. 353 00:20:39,307 --> 00:20:40,963 - Chum. 354 00:20:40,998 --> 00:20:43,449 - You're really gonna make me call you that? 355 00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:46,279 - If you wanna catch a shark, you gotta chum the waters. 356 00:20:46,314 --> 00:20:48,143 - Oh, we're not after a shark 357 00:20:48,177 --> 00:20:50,283 and we're in the middle of the country. 358 00:20:50,318 --> 00:20:51,974 - Same logic applies. 359 00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:53,459 - Fine, Chum. 360 00:20:53,493 --> 00:20:54,322 Look at this. 361 00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:04,504 - It's blood. 362 00:21:05,712 --> 00:21:08,646 - It's like staring into the cosmos. 363 00:21:08,681 --> 00:21:10,510 Blood cells were stars. 364 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:14,169 - It's kinda pretty 365 00:21:14,203 --> 00:21:16,689 the way you put that all sciency and poetic. 366 00:21:18,863 --> 00:21:20,313 Usually I trek alone. 367 00:21:20,348 --> 00:21:22,315 Apparently I need a smartypants 368 00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:23,834 do to their non-human nature of the job. 369 00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:25,836 - What's worth all this debt? 370 00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:27,527 - Don't matter what it is. 371 00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:29,702 What matters is our employer wants it back. 372 00:21:29,736 --> 00:21:31,013 So you're here to make sense of things 373 00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:32,843 so that I can eliminate things. 374 00:21:45,234 --> 00:21:46,235 - It's so beautiful. 375 00:21:47,271 --> 00:21:49,687 So goddamn beautiful. 376 00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,862 ♪ I'm I'm I'm so high 377 00:21:51,896 --> 00:21:53,035 ♪ So high 378 00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:55,383 - To Brian, a brilliant gentleman. 379 00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:57,212 - And relentless panty-dropper. 380 00:21:57,246 --> 00:21:59,041 - Adjective and a noun. 381 00:21:59,076 --> 00:22:00,353 ♪ On a whole 'nother planet 382 00:22:00,388 --> 00:22:01,527 - Brian. - To Brian. 383 00:22:02,562 --> 00:22:05,254 ♪ Milky Way past the stars 384 00:22:05,289 --> 00:22:07,878 - Let's get drunk! 385 00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:13,228 - Getting old sucks. 386 00:22:13,262 --> 00:22:16,265 Suddenly hydration has become very important. 387 00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:20,718 ♪ Whoa not me 388 00:22:20,753 --> 00:22:23,721 ♪ You dance with the monsters when ♪ 389 00:22:23,756 --> 00:22:27,622 - People call me a sir now. 390 00:22:29,589 --> 00:22:30,625 Do I look like a sir? 391 00:22:31,764 --> 00:22:32,765 - Know what I hate? 392 00:22:34,422 --> 00:22:36,078 Nose hairs. 393 00:22:36,113 --> 00:22:37,597 - I'll tell 'em, 394 00:22:37,632 --> 00:22:39,427 "I'm a sir in the sheets 395 00:22:40,289 --> 00:22:43,569 "and a mister on the streets." 396 00:22:43,603 --> 00:22:48,090 - And hemorrhoids, those also suck. 397 00:22:48,125 --> 00:22:52,094 - I say shit like, "The kids," and "You call that music? 398 00:22:52,129 --> 00:22:53,613 "I call that noise." 399 00:22:53,648 --> 00:22:57,445 - I watched Fox News once and I liked it. 400 00:22:58,791 --> 00:23:00,413 - Like I know they supposed to droop, 401 00:23:00,448 --> 00:23:03,589 but it's like my balls drop twice. 402 00:23:03,623 --> 00:23:05,832 - I feel wasted. 403 00:23:10,354 --> 00:23:14,151 - You had like one beer. 404 00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,773 - He doesn't really drink that much 405 00:23:15,808 --> 00:23:17,292 and I told him when we get together, 406 00:23:17,326 --> 00:23:19,846 we're total lushes and he didn't wanna be left out. 407 00:23:21,986 --> 00:23:24,299 - I feel like I can see my face 408 00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:26,819 wavin' to me from another state. 409 00:23:27,992 --> 00:23:28,821 Like a 410 00:23:30,995 --> 00:23:32,445 state of Wyoming. 411 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,137 Hello, face from Wyoming. 412 00:23:35,172 --> 00:23:38,451 - I usually shit on guys like ZDogg over here, 413 00:23:38,486 --> 00:23:41,316 but somehow this motherfucker makes it work. 414 00:23:41,350 --> 00:23:42,973 - Pound it. 415 00:23:43,007 --> 00:23:44,146 - Beer pound! 416 00:23:44,181 --> 00:23:46,183 Beer pound. - Beer pound. 417 00:23:49,531 --> 00:23:50,636 - Oh, oh. 418 00:23:50,670 --> 00:23:51,982 - Brian. - Fuck, I'm sorry. 419 00:23:52,016 --> 00:23:53,155 - Brian Brian Brian Brian. 420 00:23:53,190 --> 00:23:54,329 Here, here, come here. 421 00:23:54,363 --> 00:23:55,813 - Oh no, please don't touch me, man. 422 00:23:55,848 --> 00:23:56,987 No no no no. 423 00:23:57,021 --> 00:23:58,471 - Just help me pick the best one. 424 00:23:58,506 --> 00:23:59,990 - Yeah, I really don't think I'm qualified for that. 425 00:24:00,024 --> 00:24:00,991 - Okay, see look. 426 00:24:01,025 --> 00:24:02,820 In this one, I'm not fully erect, 427 00:24:02,855 --> 00:24:04,201 but I like my facial expression. 428 00:24:04,235 --> 00:24:07,169 However, in this one I'm rock solid, 429 00:24:07,204 --> 00:24:08,999 but what am I doin' with my lips? 430 00:24:09,033 --> 00:24:12,174 - Oh yeah, no you got a landing strip there. 431 00:24:12,209 --> 00:24:13,831 Yeah, man. 432 00:24:13,866 --> 00:24:15,350 That's tough. 433 00:24:15,384 --> 00:24:18,042 I think probably the second one with the lips. 434 00:24:18,077 --> 00:24:18,871 Improve it. 435 00:24:18,905 --> 00:24:19,699 You could do that. 436 00:24:19,734 --> 00:24:20,528 - You're right. 437 00:24:20,562 --> 00:24:21,839 - Stellar cock. 438 00:24:21,874 --> 00:24:23,392 - I know, right? 439 00:24:23,427 --> 00:24:24,704 All right, number two. 440 00:24:25,878 --> 00:24:28,708 - So Jess likes that type of thing, huh? 441 00:24:28,743 --> 00:24:29,537 - No. 442 00:24:29,571 --> 00:24:30,538 No, god not Jess. 443 00:24:32,712 --> 00:24:35,508 Ooh we're cool, right? 444 00:24:35,543 --> 00:24:39,719 I mean, dicks are just dicks and pics are just pics. 445 00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:43,551 - Yeah whatever, man. 446 00:24:45,242 --> 00:24:46,554 - It's all yours, Bri-town. 447 00:24:48,417 --> 00:24:50,074 Oh shit, my dick was out. 448 00:24:55,424 --> 00:24:56,943 Putting her down for that one. 449 00:24:59,083 --> 00:25:02,224 - Never have I ever gotten a B in school. 450 00:25:02,259 --> 00:25:03,743 - Nope. 451 00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,713 - What, never got a B in school? 452 00:25:07,747 --> 00:25:10,267 Never got an A either. 453 00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:12,234 Really haven't got with it. 454 00:25:12,269 --> 00:25:13,546 - In my school, we just did for participation. 455 00:25:13,581 --> 00:25:14,409 We had no grades. 456 00:25:14,443 --> 00:25:16,066 - Okay okay okay. 457 00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:20,311 Never have I ever used grape jelly as a lubricant. 458 00:25:22,486 --> 00:25:24,281 - And it worked "grape" 459 00:25:25,938 --> 00:25:28,250 - You know that's a recipe for UTI, right? 460 00:25:28,285 --> 00:25:29,735 - Okay Bri, Bri. - To the kidneys and the liver 461 00:25:29,769 --> 00:25:31,081 and it can cause some serious damage. 462 00:25:31,115 --> 00:25:32,254 - Your turn. 463 00:25:32,289 --> 00:25:33,083 - Oh, Brian's turn. - Brian's turn. 464 00:25:33,117 --> 00:25:34,084 ♪ Birthday Bri time 465 00:25:34,118 --> 00:25:34,947 ♪ Birthday Brian 466 00:25:34,981 --> 00:25:35,913 ♪ It's Brian's birthday 467 00:25:35,948 --> 00:25:38,260 ♪ Get on the Brian train 468 00:25:38,295 --> 00:25:39,434 - Choo choo! 469 00:25:39,468 --> 00:25:40,918 - You go go go go, say something. 470 00:25:40,953 --> 00:25:42,126 Say something. 471 00:25:43,818 --> 00:25:46,268 - Never have I ever sent a dick pic to someone 472 00:25:46,303 --> 00:25:48,270 while my girlfriend was in the next room. 473 00:25:48,305 --> 00:25:50,825 - Finger comin' down, drinkin'. 474 00:25:55,174 --> 00:25:56,762 No, I'm not drinkin'. 475 00:25:56,796 --> 00:25:57,935 - Well this went downhill fast. 476 00:25:57,970 --> 00:25:59,109 - What? 477 00:25:59,143 --> 00:26:00,938 Oh whoa. - What is that? 478 00:26:00,973 --> 00:26:04,942 - What the hell just happened? - Oh, did I blackout already? 479 00:26:04,977 --> 00:26:06,116 - It's just a power outage. 480 00:26:06,150 --> 00:26:07,945 - From what? 481 00:26:07,980 --> 00:26:09,602 - Guys, there's something wrong with my phone. 482 00:26:09,637 --> 00:26:11,500 - I mean what could do that? 483 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:13,641 Take out our phones. 484 00:26:14,987 --> 00:26:15,815 - Here. 485 00:26:16,644 --> 00:26:18,300 I don't know. 486 00:26:18,335 --> 00:26:20,613 It could be an energy not confined to a local force, 487 00:26:20,648 --> 00:26:22,995 so it's something non-linear 488 00:26:23,029 --> 00:26:26,481 that would allow aperiodic behaviors. 489 00:26:26,515 --> 00:26:28,966 - That sorta behavior is no longer acceptable 490 00:26:29,001 --> 00:26:30,174 In a dating world. 491 00:26:31,210 --> 00:26:33,143 - I'm talkin' about multiple stable states; 492 00:26:33,177 --> 00:26:34,178 symmetry-breaking 493 00:26:36,525 --> 00:26:37,388 chaos. 494 00:26:38,527 --> 00:26:40,806 - Well, I imagine all scientific theories 495 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,671 are better expanded upon with the lights back on. 496 00:26:43,705 --> 00:26:45,673 - Yeah, the fuse box is in the garage. 497 00:26:48,365 --> 00:26:50,332 All right, who wants to go with me? 498 00:26:50,367 --> 00:26:52,369 - I'll go with you, bro. 499 00:26:53,542 --> 00:26:56,511 - Fantastic. - Fantastic, 500 00:26:56,545 --> 00:26:57,546 indeed. 501 00:26:58,858 --> 00:27:00,032 What the fuck, Bri? 502 00:27:00,066 --> 00:27:01,343 You totally threw me under the bus. 503 00:27:01,378 --> 00:27:02,517 - Yeah? 504 00:27:02,551 --> 00:27:04,001 Well, that's how we do things in Bri-Town. 505 00:27:04,036 --> 00:27:05,175 What? 506 00:27:05,209 --> 00:27:06,521 - Fuck. 507 00:27:06,555 --> 00:27:10,007 Your parents voted for Bush? 508 00:27:10,042 --> 00:27:13,010 - Hey, look you're cheating on my best friend. 509 00:27:13,045 --> 00:27:15,012 So don't try to take the moral high-ground now. 510 00:27:15,047 --> 00:27:17,187 - Sending dick pics isn't cheating. 511 00:27:17,221 --> 00:27:18,844 It's like sending out your resume 512 00:27:18,878 --> 00:27:20,569 while you still have a job. 513 00:27:20,604 --> 00:27:23,572 I'm not actively working for another company. 514 00:27:23,607 --> 00:27:26,852 - That's actively looking for another job. 515 00:27:26,886 --> 00:27:30,062 That's pre-cheating. - Pre meaning before. 516 00:27:30,096 --> 00:27:31,546 Before cheating. 517 00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:32,858 Before. 518 00:27:32,892 --> 00:27:34,860 - Well you better get outta my way 519 00:27:34,894 --> 00:27:38,691 before I make a fist and pre-punch you. 520 00:27:38,726 --> 00:27:42,591 - Hey if Jess leaves me because of this, 521 00:27:42,626 --> 00:27:44,732 I will pre-find out where you live 522 00:27:44,766 --> 00:27:47,596 and I will pre-ruin your life. 523 00:27:48,736 --> 00:27:49,909 - Yeah? 524 00:27:49,944 --> 00:27:52,084 Well I'll have pre-set booby traps waiting. 525 00:27:52,118 --> 00:27:53,741 - And I'll have predicted that. 526 00:27:53,775 --> 00:27:55,743 - Pre-fuck you. - Pre-fuck you, man. 527 00:27:55,777 --> 00:27:57,089 - Pre-fuck you. - I'll pre-fuck you. 528 00:27:57,123 --> 00:27:58,746 - No. - Pre-fuck you. 529 00:28:02,922 --> 00:28:04,268 To be continued. 530 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,724 - Hey, you all right? 531 00:28:11,759 --> 00:28:14,106 - I don't know why I'm surprised. 532 00:28:14,140 --> 00:28:16,902 I chose Zach for the same reason I chose every guy. 533 00:28:16,936 --> 00:28:18,110 Knew it wouldn't last. 534 00:28:19,456 --> 00:28:21,941 - Yeah 'cause you've always been in love with Brian. 535 00:28:23,632 --> 00:28:25,462 - Brian, what? 536 00:28:25,496 --> 00:28:26,601 Get outta town. 537 00:28:26,635 --> 00:28:28,154 We're just friends, dawg. 538 00:28:29,121 --> 00:28:30,605 Nah. 539 00:28:30,639 --> 00:28:31,917 - Okay. 540 00:28:39,476 --> 00:28:40,960 Stuff really that bad for you? 541 00:28:42,651 --> 00:28:43,618 - I don't know. 542 00:28:45,654 --> 00:28:48,312 I think I just got caught up in what was expected of me. 543 00:28:49,348 --> 00:28:50,659 - Never had that problem. 544 00:28:55,354 --> 00:28:56,182 - Chaos. 545 00:28:57,011 --> 00:28:59,151 - Strange burn pattern. 546 00:29:01,532 --> 00:29:04,156 It was a ghost of Bush/Cheney. 547 00:29:06,503 --> 00:29:07,297 What was that? 548 00:29:07,331 --> 00:29:08,125 Did you hear that? 549 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,644 - Yeah. 550 00:29:09,678 --> 00:29:12,129 All right, maybe we should get the fuck. 551 00:29:21,173 --> 00:29:22,691 - You were saying? 552 00:29:29,388 --> 00:29:30,182 Jess, Jess. 553 00:29:30,216 --> 00:29:31,183 Come on, right now. 554 00:29:31,217 --> 00:29:32,011 Life or death, let's go. - What? 555 00:29:32,046 --> 00:29:32,840 - We're leaving. 556 00:29:32,874 --> 00:29:34,151 Come on, let's go. 557 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:37,154 Ow. 558 00:29:38,707 --> 00:29:39,501 Fuck you. 559 00:29:39,536 --> 00:29:40,364 Fuck all of you. 560 00:29:44,023 --> 00:29:45,542 - What the hell was that? 561 00:29:46,854 --> 00:29:48,200 - We mighta seen a monster. 562 00:29:49,718 --> 00:29:51,997 - Pretty damn sure that I'm not the bad guy around here. 563 00:29:54,551 --> 00:29:57,002 I mean I bring food to starving people around the world. 564 00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:03,008 Not cool. 565 00:30:03,042 --> 00:30:03,871 Leave my shit. 566 00:30:07,875 --> 00:30:08,910 C'mon, c'mon. 567 00:30:20,404 --> 00:30:21,233 - Zach! 568 00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:31,726 - Fuck! - Jesus, he's cut. 569 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,417 - What the? - Don't fall asleep, okay? 570 00:30:33,452 --> 00:30:37,249 Stay with me, Bri. - Oh wow, disgusting. 571 00:30:37,283 --> 00:30:39,044 Landline! 572 00:30:39,078 --> 00:30:40,079 - Stay with me, don't fall asleep. 573 00:30:40,114 --> 00:30:41,391 - Portable. 574 00:30:41,425 --> 00:30:42,599 - Don't fall asleep on me, okay? 575 00:30:42,633 --> 00:30:43,393 - Why does it have to be the portable? 576 00:30:43,427 --> 00:30:44,877 - Stay with me. 577 00:30:44,912 --> 00:30:46,051 There's blood everywhere. 578 00:30:46,085 --> 00:30:47,224 We need to get him to the hospital. 579 00:30:47,259 --> 00:30:48,743 - Jess, we don't even know what's. - Now! 580 00:30:48,777 --> 00:30:49,571 Now, help me. 581 00:30:49,606 --> 00:30:50,400 Help me. 582 00:30:52,091 --> 00:30:53,748 - Watch it you're already hurting. 583 00:30:53,782 --> 00:30:55,439 - Louis, c'mon. - Whoa. 584 00:30:55,474 --> 00:30:56,613 I ain't goin' out there. 585 00:30:56,647 --> 00:30:57,441 Look at him. 586 00:30:57,476 --> 00:30:58,753 Look at those marks. 587 00:30:58,787 --> 00:31:00,065 - Please don't be that preachy coward character 588 00:31:00,099 --> 00:31:01,583 that annoys everyone. 589 00:31:01,618 --> 00:31:05,449 They always die first and I don't want you to die, buddy. 590 00:31:05,484 --> 00:31:06,278 Okay? 591 00:31:07,451 --> 00:31:09,626 - Okay. 592 00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:13,078 - I wanna go in the car. - All right, c'mon. 593 00:31:13,112 --> 00:31:14,769 It's okay, you're gonna be okay. 594 00:31:15,943 --> 00:31:17,634 - You're gonna make it. - Okay. 595 00:31:17,668 --> 00:31:18,600 - Now get in the back. 596 00:31:18,635 --> 00:31:20,257 - Shit. - What? 597 00:31:20,292 --> 00:31:22,432 - Should we grab some roadies? 598 00:31:22,466 --> 00:31:24,089 - Dude, he is dying. 599 00:31:24,123 --> 00:31:25,780 Get in the back seat. 600 00:31:25,814 --> 00:31:27,299 You first. - Oh, no no no. 601 00:31:29,957 --> 00:31:31,820 - All right, all right. 602 00:31:33,132 --> 00:31:34,927 Watch your foot. 603 00:31:36,964 --> 00:31:38,931 - It's just the brake. 604 00:31:38,966 --> 00:31:40,622 What? 605 00:31:40,657 --> 00:31:43,280 - Shit. - What the fuck was that? 606 00:31:43,315 --> 00:31:44,833 - My god. - What, why? 607 00:31:46,870 --> 00:31:48,113 - I have to poop. 608 00:31:48,147 --> 00:31:49,459 I have to poop when I get nervous. 609 00:31:49,493 --> 00:31:51,323 - Battery's fried. 610 00:31:51,357 --> 00:31:53,118 - What's wrong with your car, man? 611 00:31:53,152 --> 00:31:54,671 - Well shit. - Alex? 612 00:31:56,673 --> 00:31:57,467 - You stay there. 613 00:31:57,501 --> 00:31:58,295 Stay there, okay? 614 00:31:58,330 --> 00:32:00,504 - We'll be right back. 615 00:32:03,542 --> 00:32:05,682 - My hog seems to have met the same fate. 616 00:32:06,994 --> 00:32:09,479 - That's exactly what the fusebox looked like. 617 00:32:09,513 --> 00:32:13,483 - I always imagine me and her goin' out at the same time. 618 00:32:13,517 --> 00:32:16,969 Wind in my hair, butt-naked as I drive off the edge of a-. 619 00:32:17,901 --> 00:32:20,317 - Did you hear that? 620 00:32:20,352 --> 00:32:22,009 Back inside. - Back inside. 621 00:32:23,010 --> 00:32:25,667 - C'mon, let's go. 622 00:32:25,702 --> 00:32:27,152 - He's okay, he's okay. 623 00:32:27,186 --> 00:32:28,670 Just put him on the coffee table. 624 00:32:30,534 --> 00:32:32,709 Okay, get the . 625 00:32:32,743 --> 00:32:33,882 - Louis, help! 626 00:32:35,919 --> 00:32:37,507 - Oh my god, anytime! 627 00:32:40,199 --> 00:32:42,719 - Oh god. - You're gonna be okay. 628 00:32:42,753 --> 00:32:44,514 - Why's he touching me? 629 00:32:44,548 --> 00:32:45,860 No, don't touch me. 630 00:32:45,894 --> 00:32:47,517 Okay, we need to get the power back on 631 00:32:47,551 --> 00:32:49,519 so we can charge the phone and call for help. 632 00:32:49,553 --> 00:32:51,003 - Okay, is there a generator? 633 00:32:51,038 --> 00:32:52,177 - In the shed. 634 00:32:52,211 --> 00:32:54,041 - Okay, let's go. - Wait, I mean. 635 00:32:55,559 --> 00:32:56,871 The shed, it's outside. 636 00:32:56,905 --> 00:32:58,700 It's in the dark. - Yeah, take your flashlight. 637 00:32:58,735 --> 00:32:59,874 - Right, yeah. 638 00:32:59,908 --> 00:33:01,738 No, that's exactly what I was thinking. 639 00:33:01,772 --> 00:33:05,017 Louis while we're doin' that outside in the dark, 640 00:33:05,052 --> 00:33:08,365 you stop the bleeding. - No no no, I'm not sure. 641 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,057 - What? - I'm not sure. 642 00:33:13,439 --> 00:33:14,716 - Dude, what the fuck? 643 00:33:14,751 --> 00:33:15,890 - Just gimme a minute. 644 00:33:15,924 --> 00:33:17,581 - We don't have a minute, Louis. 645 00:33:18,927 --> 00:33:20,032 - Come on, dude. 646 00:33:20,067 --> 00:33:21,551 You're amazing. - Okay okay okay. 647 00:33:21,585 --> 00:33:23,553 - It's okay. 648 00:33:29,283 --> 00:33:30,767 - I see. 649 00:33:30,801 --> 00:33:33,080 Yeah, the problem appears to be these three cuts. 650 00:33:33,942 --> 00:33:34,909 - No shit. 651 00:33:34,943 --> 00:33:36,048 Can you stop the bleeding? 652 00:33:36,083 --> 00:33:39,224 - Who, me? - You, yeah. 653 00:33:39,258 --> 00:33:40,087 - Yeah. 654 00:33:43,780 --> 00:33:44,919 I'm not a surgeon. - You're not a surgeon. 655 00:33:44,953 --> 00:33:46,265 - I'm not a surgeon. - You're not a surgeon? 656 00:33:46,300 --> 00:33:47,749 - I found out in medical school 657 00:33:47,784 --> 00:33:49,234 I didn't have the stomach for it. 658 00:33:49,268 --> 00:33:51,753 Blood makes me queasy as fuck. 659 00:33:51,788 --> 00:33:53,583 - You're not a surgeon? 660 00:33:53,617 --> 00:33:54,791 - I'm an optometrist. 661 00:33:54,825 --> 00:33:55,757 - Christ, Louis. 662 00:33:55,792 --> 00:33:57,069 He doesn't need an eye exam. 663 00:33:57,104 --> 00:33:57,966 - I've got this. 664 00:33:59,451 --> 00:34:00,590 - What? 665 00:34:00,624 --> 00:34:02,247 What's he doing? - Be gentle. 666 00:34:10,462 --> 00:34:13,603 - Okay. 667 00:34:13,637 --> 00:34:15,984 Brian. 668 00:34:16,019 --> 00:34:17,434 You don't gotta look. 669 00:34:17,469 --> 00:34:18,780 But you gotta hold these wounds together 670 00:34:18,815 --> 00:34:19,988 while I glue them, okay? 671 00:34:20,817 --> 00:34:21,645 Now, bro! 672 00:34:22,508 --> 00:34:23,820 - Okay okay okay. 673 00:34:28,859 --> 00:34:29,653 - Yeah, that's good. 674 00:34:29,688 --> 00:34:31,103 That's good. 675 00:34:31,138 --> 00:34:31,966 No, I'm not ready. - No, I don't wanna look. 676 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:32,794 I don't wanna look. 677 00:34:32,829 --> 00:34:34,969 I don't wanna look. 678 00:34:35,003 --> 00:34:37,834 - Alex, where did you learn to do this? 679 00:34:39,042 --> 00:34:39,870 - Coachella. 680 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,495 - Okay, good job. - We're gonna go. 681 00:34:43,529 --> 00:34:44,323 Bye. 682 00:34:44,358 --> 00:34:45,635 - Really. 683 00:34:45,669 --> 00:34:46,981 Pullin' it together literally. 684 00:34:48,189 --> 00:34:49,639 ♪ You turn your head yeah 685 00:34:49,673 --> 00:34:51,813 ♪ You turn it to me and 686 00:34:51,848 --> 00:34:52,987 ♪ I wanna believe 687 00:34:53,021 --> 00:34:55,472 ♪ Yeah I wanna believe 688 00:34:55,507 --> 00:34:58,165 ♪ I see your hands ♪ They're in the air 689 00:35:00,374 --> 00:35:02,824 - Am I keeping it steady enough for you? 690 00:35:02,859 --> 00:35:04,343 - Yes, thank you. 691 00:35:04,378 --> 00:35:06,863 - Well, you been staring into that microscope 692 00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:08,313 for a while instead of engaging 693 00:35:08,347 --> 00:35:10,487 in time-passing conversation. 694 00:35:10,522 --> 00:35:11,833 At least throw me a bone. 695 00:35:11,868 --> 00:35:14,491 ♪ Yeah I wanna believe 696 00:35:14,526 --> 00:35:15,320 - The blood. 697 00:35:15,354 --> 00:35:16,493 It's the cells. 698 00:35:16,528 --> 00:35:18,495 They're giving off an electrical charge. 699 00:35:18,530 --> 00:35:20,704 - You say that like you admire the creature. 700 00:35:22,050 --> 00:35:24,846 - I just like the opportunity to understand it better. 701 00:35:24,881 --> 00:35:27,021 - The deeper you try to understand something, 702 00:35:27,055 --> 00:35:28,712 the more gray area you're gonna unlock. 703 00:35:28,747 --> 00:35:30,680 Gray area equals hesitation. 704 00:35:30,714 --> 00:35:33,717 Hesitation gets us all fucked. 705 00:35:33,752 --> 00:35:35,547 - Sounds like my last relationship. 706 00:35:37,721 --> 00:35:39,067 - Damn Wendy, you're funny 707 00:35:40,207 --> 00:35:41,415 but you're also naive. 708 00:35:42,899 --> 00:35:45,384 That device in the wrong hands does neither of us a service. 709 00:35:46,385 --> 00:35:47,766 Mama wants to get paid too. 710 00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:52,357 - Well I could better understand what we're tracking 711 00:35:52,391 --> 00:35:53,875 if I knew more about the device. 712 00:35:53,910 --> 00:35:55,739 - That's above both our pay grades, 713 00:35:56,568 --> 00:35:58,708 but you saw the corpses. 714 00:35:58,742 --> 00:36:00,434 Whatever it is, we need to stop it. 715 00:36:02,919 --> 00:36:04,541 Just tell me about that monster. 716 00:36:04,576 --> 00:36:05,715 - Honey, let's stop for a second. 717 00:36:05,749 --> 00:36:07,717 - Why's that? - Because it glowed. 718 00:36:07,751 --> 00:36:09,546 - Oh, of course it did. 719 00:36:09,581 --> 00:36:10,720 - The cuts on Zachary's chest. 720 00:36:10,754 --> 00:36:12,066 - Well, I believe you saw something. 721 00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:14,102 I'm just not ready to go full-monster yet. 722 00:36:19,591 --> 00:36:20,764 - Okay, we're good. 723 00:36:20,799 --> 00:36:22,559 - Just try not to pass out on me 724 00:36:22,594 --> 00:36:24,423 before we get the power back on. 725 00:36:26,253 --> 00:36:28,082 - Jess, that was eight years ago 726 00:36:28,116 --> 00:36:30,567 and look I was nervous because I have. 727 00:36:30,602 --> 00:36:33,087 Yeah and that led to gin shots. 728 00:36:33,121 --> 00:36:35,123 Gin is a vile nemesis. 729 00:36:36,953 --> 00:36:38,230 - D'you ever wonder what would've happened 730 00:36:38,265 --> 00:36:40,612 if you hadn't passed out that night? 731 00:36:42,648 --> 00:36:44,754 - Ah, all right. 732 00:36:44,788 --> 00:36:48,930 Voila. - Jesus. 733 00:36:48,965 --> 00:36:51,278 Does it still work? - I don't see why not. 734 00:36:54,004 --> 00:36:55,799 - Pull it like someone in their 20s. 735 00:36:59,803 --> 00:37:01,426 - All right, here we go. 736 00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:02,599 All right, here we go. 737 00:37:02,634 --> 00:37:03,773 - Oh god. - Shit. 738 00:37:03,807 --> 00:37:05,464 I think it's outta gas. 739 00:37:07,328 --> 00:37:09,606 - Maybe we can siphon some fuel. 740 00:37:09,641 --> 00:37:10,642 - Zachary's car! 741 00:37:10,676 --> 00:37:12,299 - Electric. - Ah, shit. 742 00:37:12,333 --> 00:37:13,161 Right. 743 00:37:13,196 --> 00:37:14,024 Damn you, Elon. 744 00:37:15,474 --> 00:37:17,787 - Oh, Alex has a gas-guzzling hog. 745 00:37:17,821 --> 00:37:21,135 - Okay, what do we do? - Grab that. 746 00:37:21,169 --> 00:37:22,619 - Okay. 747 00:37:22,654 --> 00:37:24,138 - You know, I should've stayed in Miami. 748 00:37:24,172 --> 00:37:25,312 Maggie and the kids. 749 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,694 My sweet, sweet, sweet wife and kids. 750 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,041 - Success. 751 00:37:33,009 --> 00:37:34,804 - Is he going to live? 752 00:37:34,838 --> 00:37:36,495 - I'm not a doctor. 753 00:37:37,496 --> 00:37:38,325 - What are you? 754 00:37:39,533 --> 00:37:40,327 - Thirsty. 755 00:37:42,846 --> 00:37:43,675 Right there. 756 00:37:54,030 --> 00:37:55,203 Why'd you lie? 757 00:37:58,862 --> 00:38:00,485 - I didn't mean to. 758 00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:03,488 Just lied once to buy some time, 759 00:38:03,522 --> 00:38:04,696 then again to buy a little more 760 00:38:04,730 --> 00:38:06,007 and before you know it, I was-- 761 00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:08,872 - You got a Technicolor Dreamcoat made of lies 762 00:38:08,907 --> 00:38:12,842 and everyone's all, "Damn, that's a fuckin' nice coat." 763 00:38:12,876 --> 00:38:15,569 And you're like, "Damn right, this shit's snakeskin." 764 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,711 But you know it's salamander. 765 00:38:24,371 --> 00:38:26,752 Optometry is a noble profession. 766 00:38:28,271 --> 00:38:32,033 You know they say the eyes are the window to the soul, 767 00:38:32,068 --> 00:38:35,899 so that makes you a soul doctor. 768 00:38:37,384 --> 00:38:39,731 - What the fuck does that even mean? 769 00:38:41,284 --> 00:38:43,044 - I think you're a little more qualified for this one. 770 00:38:43,079 --> 00:38:44,045 - I'm not. 771 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,081 What's that supposed to mean? 772 00:38:45,115 --> 00:38:46,082 - Well, you know. 773 00:38:51,777 --> 00:38:53,365 - Siphoning gas has a lot more in common 774 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,919 with drinking a milkshake than sucking dick, dick. 775 00:38:57,265 --> 00:38:58,922 - Hey, I didn't know that. 776 00:39:00,579 --> 00:39:02,409 Look, listen. 777 00:39:02,443 --> 00:39:04,065 I'm sorry about. 778 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:06,309 It wasn't my place to call out your boyfriend. 779 00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:08,553 - My boyfriend who's gonna die 780 00:39:08,587 --> 00:39:10,589 if we don't get gas in that generator. 781 00:39:11,625 --> 00:39:12,453 - Okay. 782 00:39:15,939 --> 00:39:17,907 - I shouldn't have brought him. 783 00:39:17,941 --> 00:39:19,391 I didn't want to, 784 00:39:19,426 --> 00:39:21,945 but he has this way of inserting himself and everything. 785 00:39:23,775 --> 00:39:25,397 Suck, motherfucker. 786 00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:28,952 - Okay. 787 00:39:28,987 --> 00:39:29,919 - Are you okay? 788 00:39:29,953 --> 00:39:31,576 - God, it tastes like a YMCA. 789 00:39:31,610 --> 00:39:33,923 All right, it's comin' out. 790 00:39:35,787 --> 00:39:38,099 - All right, we're back. 791 00:39:38,134 --> 00:39:41,413 Let's head back in the house. 792 00:39:41,448 --> 00:39:42,587 - What, what? 793 00:39:42,621 --> 00:39:43,588 What's goin' on? 794 00:39:43,622 --> 00:39:45,417 - Something just ran past me. 795 00:39:45,452 --> 00:39:46,314 - The monster? 796 00:39:46,349 --> 00:39:47,592 - Stop sayin' that. 797 00:39:47,626 --> 00:39:49,110 - What? 798 00:39:49,145 --> 00:39:50,146 - Giant squirrel. 799 00:39:51,803 --> 00:39:53,149 - And I can't say monster? 800 00:39:56,186 --> 00:39:57,153 - He was over that way. 801 00:39:57,187 --> 00:39:58,672 - Okay, all right. 802 00:40:00,190 --> 00:40:02,020 - Right there. - Where? 803 00:40:03,331 --> 00:40:04,781 Look, there! 804 00:40:04,816 --> 00:40:08,302 - How many of those fuckers are there? 805 00:40:14,688 --> 00:40:16,172 Holy shit, it was glowing. 806 00:40:17,345 --> 00:40:19,624 - And she never doubted him again. 807 00:40:26,838 --> 00:40:28,322 - It's charging. 808 00:40:28,356 --> 00:40:31,014 - Give it a minute of juice and then call 911 809 00:40:33,189 --> 00:40:35,640 and see if you can find a place that delivers beer 810 00:40:35,674 --> 00:40:37,676 or the ambulance can make a stop. 811 00:40:42,681 --> 00:40:45,166 Actually just do it the first way. 812 00:40:45,201 --> 00:40:49,032 ♪ It's all happenin' now 813 00:40:49,067 --> 00:40:50,482 - C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon. 814 00:40:50,517 --> 00:40:51,379 Let's go. 815 00:40:55,383 --> 00:40:56,384 - Oh my god. 816 00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:14,023 What is that thing? 817 00:41:44,260 --> 00:41:45,744 - Run? - Yeah. 818 00:41:47,919 --> 00:41:48,747 - Oh shit. 819 00:41:50,438 --> 00:41:52,717 Goddamn it, Mariah Carey. 820 00:41:52,751 --> 00:41:53,925 It's not working. 821 00:41:57,100 --> 00:41:59,413 Hey, what happened? - Monsters. 822 00:41:59,447 --> 00:42:00,241 - Not you too. 823 00:42:00,276 --> 00:42:01,726 - How's Zachary? 824 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,245 - Not long for this world if we don't get help. 825 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,764 We're almost outta beer. 826 00:42:05,799 --> 00:42:07,559 - Alex, there's like two more cases. 827 00:42:07,594 --> 00:42:09,906 - Yeah, but one of those is light beer. 828 00:42:09,941 --> 00:42:11,252 Light beer! 829 00:42:11,287 --> 00:42:12,737 - Seriously, what happened? 830 00:42:12,771 --> 00:42:15,740 - Seriously, we got attacked by electricity-eating monsters. 831 00:42:15,774 --> 00:42:18,087 - Fine, what'd it look like? 832 00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:19,433 - It's hard to describe. 833 00:42:19,467 --> 00:42:21,435 We only saw it clearly from the back. 834 00:42:21,469 --> 00:42:23,437 - Did it look like the Babadook? 835 00:42:23,471 --> 00:42:25,094 - Why would it look like the Babadook? 836 00:42:25,128 --> 00:42:27,924 - Why wouldn't it look like the Babadook? 837 00:42:27,959 --> 00:42:29,581 - What the hell's a Babadook? 838 00:42:29,616 --> 00:42:30,962 - Fuck it, I'm doin' shrooms. 839 00:42:34,310 --> 00:42:36,623 - You know I think we should keep our heads on straight. 840 00:42:36,657 --> 00:42:38,763 Louis! - What? 841 00:42:38,797 --> 00:42:40,281 I have glaucoma. 842 00:42:40,316 --> 00:42:41,662 - Fuck it, gimme that. 843 00:42:48,151 --> 00:42:50,291 - All right, Jess. 844 00:42:50,326 --> 00:42:51,120 - Fuck it, also. 845 00:42:51,154 --> 00:42:52,293 Pour me a shot. 846 00:42:52,328 --> 00:42:56,332 - Hell yeah, party's back. 847 00:42:58,817 --> 00:43:00,508 - They're already poured. - Mm-hmm. 848 00:43:02,338 --> 00:43:05,479 To the mysteries of the world and survivin' them. 849 00:43:09,517 --> 00:43:11,658 - What the fuck was that? 850 00:43:12,831 --> 00:43:14,177 Oh fuck. - Oh god. 851 00:43:16,835 --> 00:43:19,320 - Hold hold, we got a hit. 852 00:43:19,355 --> 00:43:21,978 - That's enough energy to power a small village. 853 00:43:22,013 --> 00:43:23,497 - Coming from 30 miles away. 854 00:43:23,531 --> 00:43:25,016 Hold onto your beakers, Wendy. 855 00:43:26,017 --> 00:43:27,846 - I didn't bring any beakers. 856 00:43:29,365 --> 00:43:31,988 - I say we should stay here and wait it out. 857 00:43:32,023 --> 00:43:33,852 - But there's a problem with Zachary. 858 00:43:33,887 --> 00:43:35,336 - Zachary Zachary Zachary. 859 00:43:35,371 --> 00:43:36,510 Since when do you care about him? 860 00:43:36,544 --> 00:43:38,546 Now you have a shot with Jess. 861 00:43:38,581 --> 00:43:39,375 - What? 862 00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:40,997 Dawg. 863 00:43:41,032 --> 00:43:43,034 - That is so fucked up, Louis. 864 00:43:43,068 --> 00:43:46,658 - Yeah. - Definitely not cool. 865 00:43:46,693 --> 00:43:47,866 - Zach, are you okay? 866 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,180 - Yeah, no. - Sorry. 867 00:43:51,214 --> 00:43:53,216 - No but I'm standing. 868 00:43:54,701 --> 00:43:56,012 - We're gonna get to the hospital, okay? 869 00:43:56,047 --> 00:43:57,669 So stay alive. 870 00:43:57,704 --> 00:43:58,843 - Okay. 871 00:43:58,877 --> 00:43:59,706 Jess, 872 00:44:01,569 --> 00:44:02,674 I'm sorry. 873 00:44:02,709 --> 00:44:03,848 - I'll tell you what a jackass you are 874 00:44:03,882 --> 00:44:06,022 when you're on the mend, okay? 875 00:44:06,057 --> 00:44:06,885 - The Schwinns! 876 00:44:09,577 --> 00:44:11,027 - Our old bikes? 877 00:44:11,062 --> 00:44:12,235 - Yeah, they should still be somewhere in the barn. 878 00:44:12,270 --> 00:44:13,374 - Thought you said there were monsters out there. 879 00:44:13,409 --> 00:44:15,238 - There's a monster in here. 880 00:44:25,939 --> 00:44:27,699 This is madness. 881 00:44:27,734 --> 00:44:30,702 - Don't worry, I think I left a six-pack in here somewhere. 882 00:44:30,737 --> 00:44:32,739 - Okay, there you guys go. 883 00:44:32,773 --> 00:44:33,878 The bikes. 884 00:44:33,912 --> 00:44:36,052 I think if we split up. - Found 'em! 885 00:44:36,087 --> 00:44:36,915 - Yeah, okay. 886 00:44:41,264 --> 00:44:44,405 - Wow, these bikes do not look healthy. 887 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:45,717 - Jess is right. 888 00:44:45,752 --> 00:44:47,063 These things could fall apart on us. 889 00:44:47,098 --> 00:44:49,410 - Hey guys, can you come here and tell me 890 00:44:49,445 --> 00:44:51,412 if I'm actually seein' a thing 891 00:44:51,447 --> 00:44:54,622 or if this thing's a manifestation of the shrooms? 892 00:44:57,660 --> 00:44:59,317 - Whoa, what is that? 893 00:45:01,112 --> 00:45:03,286 - It looks otherworldly. 894 00:45:04,460 --> 00:45:06,496 - Well careful, it might be dangerous. 895 00:45:10,949 --> 00:45:13,434 - Bri, when did your dad get into welding? 896 00:45:13,469 --> 00:45:16,265 - You're the Bill Nye of the group. 897 00:45:16,299 --> 00:45:17,128 What is it? 898 00:45:19,682 --> 00:45:20,510 - I don't know. 899 00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,272 I've seen enough movies to say 900 00:45:23,306 --> 00:45:24,825 with grave certainty it's nothin' good. 901 00:45:27,172 --> 00:45:28,622 - Looks like a giant football. 902 00:45:28,656 --> 00:45:30,797 - What happens when this thing's all lit up? 903 00:45:32,315 --> 00:45:34,490 - Jesus Christ, don't touch it! 904 00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,630 - What is this? 905 00:45:36,664 --> 00:45:38,114 A bomb? 906 00:45:40,185 --> 00:45:41,152 - Zach, no! 907 00:45:45,363 --> 00:45:46,778 - It ain't no Babadook. 908 00:45:46,813 --> 00:45:48,815 - Oh my god, it's an alien. 909 00:45:53,543 --> 00:45:56,305 Oh my god, it's a real alien! 910 00:46:06,833 --> 00:46:09,007 - What are you doing? Hurry up! 911 00:46:09,042 --> 00:46:12,148 - It's lightin' up! 912 00:46:21,537 --> 00:46:23,539 - Holy, I wanna get an alien! 913 00:46:23,573 --> 00:46:26,162 - I can't believe we just saw an alien. 914 00:46:26,197 --> 00:46:28,337 - I'm glad you're excited, Bri. 915 00:46:28,371 --> 00:46:30,511 I'm so fucking happy you have enough material 916 00:46:30,546 --> 00:46:33,549 for your next science project, but my boyfriend is dead. 917 00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:35,862 And he may not have been the best boyfriend, 918 00:46:35,896 --> 00:46:38,381 but he was a human being who I care about. 919 00:46:39,382 --> 00:46:40,211 - Sorry, Jess. 920 00:46:41,384 --> 00:46:42,351 I get carried away. 921 00:46:42,385 --> 00:46:43,835 - You always get carried away. 922 00:46:43,870 --> 00:46:46,596 Whether it's your fantasies about building rockets 923 00:46:47,563 --> 00:46:49,013 or taking too many gin shots. 924 00:46:51,739 --> 00:46:52,844 Why don't you apply some of that energy 925 00:46:52,879 --> 00:46:55,226 to something with an actual end result? 926 00:46:55,260 --> 00:46:58,850 - Jess honestly, my condolences and all. 927 00:46:58,885 --> 00:47:00,541 But can we please save the personal grievance 928 00:47:00,576 --> 00:47:02,716 for after we escape the alien? 929 00:47:02,750 --> 00:47:04,269 Come on guys, let's pedal. 930 00:47:06,409 --> 00:47:07,238 - Wait! 931 00:47:08,273 --> 00:47:09,550 What if Zach was right? 932 00:47:09,585 --> 00:47:11,725 What if that is a bomb back there? 933 00:47:11,759 --> 00:47:14,417 - So, about that pedaling. 934 00:47:14,452 --> 00:47:15,280 Yeah. 935 00:47:22,909 --> 00:47:24,082 Oh, fuck me sideways. 936 00:47:24,117 --> 00:47:25,221 Brian! 937 00:47:25,256 --> 00:47:27,603 Dude, a bomb! 938 00:47:33,609 --> 00:47:35,128 - According to Stephen Hawking: 939 00:47:36,612 --> 00:47:39,926 If intelligent alien life exists which apparently it does, 940 00:47:42,929 --> 00:47:46,242 they'll most likely conquer earth to exploit our resources. 941 00:47:46,277 --> 00:47:47,450 - That sounds terrifying. 942 00:47:47,485 --> 00:47:48,900 So why are we stopped?! 943 00:47:48,935 --> 00:47:53,077 - That device had a light meter on it 944 00:47:53,111 --> 00:47:54,423 that was nearly powered up. 945 00:47:54,457 --> 00:47:56,908 - But what happens when all the lights are lit? 946 00:47:56,943 --> 00:47:58,772 - It does whatever it was designed to do, 947 00:47:58,806 --> 00:48:03,811 whether that be a bomb or some kinda matter decimator. 948 00:48:05,123 --> 00:48:07,263 - Isn't the latter just a fancier way of sayin' bomb? 949 00:48:07,298 --> 00:48:11,474 - The point is: Earth is in trouble. 950 00:48:12,959 --> 00:48:14,788 - You want us to go back? 951 00:48:14,822 --> 00:48:16,307 Are you insane? 952 00:48:16,341 --> 00:48:19,448 I don't know about you, but I don't wanna die tonight. 953 00:48:19,482 --> 00:48:21,450 Again, my condolences. 954 00:48:21,484 --> 00:48:23,107 - Someone has to stop it. 955 00:48:23,141 --> 00:48:25,143 - That's what the police are for, man. 956 00:48:25,178 --> 00:48:26,627 - We're 20 miles from town. 957 00:48:26,662 --> 00:48:30,321 With these bikes, there's not gonna be time. 958 00:48:31,149 --> 00:48:33,980 - Come on. 959 00:48:37,500 --> 00:48:38,329 - Hey. 960 00:48:40,676 --> 00:48:42,678 The universe is endless, 961 00:48:45,853 --> 00:48:48,511 cold and impartial. 962 00:48:51,169 --> 00:48:55,484 We exist because we fought 963 00:48:55,518 --> 00:48:56,347 to be here. 964 00:48:59,522 --> 00:49:02,215 The universe gave us a chance 965 00:49:04,010 --> 00:49:05,011 and we grabbed hold. 966 00:49:06,529 --> 00:49:09,222 We planted our flag in the ground and said, "We belong." 967 00:49:11,534 --> 00:49:13,191 We choose to belong to this 968 00:49:15,228 --> 00:49:16,919 beautiful mess of chaos. 969 00:49:19,025 --> 00:49:21,717 Survival isn't handed to anyone or anything. 970 00:49:23,029 --> 00:49:23,891 Survival 971 00:49:25,721 --> 00:49:26,549 is fought for. 972 00:49:29,587 --> 00:49:32,245 - Did you just have that speech in your back pocket? 973 00:49:33,384 --> 00:49:34,385 - Yeah, I did. 974 00:49:36,076 --> 00:49:37,698 - 'Kay. 975 00:49:37,733 --> 00:49:40,563 - Help me apply my energy to somethin' with an end result. 976 00:49:44,222 --> 00:49:45,223 - You're all insane. 977 00:49:46,742 --> 00:49:49,400 Three eulogies, that's what I'm gonna be writing soon. 978 00:49:51,574 --> 00:49:53,542 I'm out, see ya. 979 00:49:53,576 --> 00:49:55,406 - Aw c'mon, Louis! - No, man. 980 00:49:57,063 --> 00:49:59,203 - Look maybe he's right, Bri. 981 00:49:59,237 --> 00:50:00,583 Maybe we are insane. 982 00:50:02,240 --> 00:50:04,277 What have we ever been together but drunk? 983 00:50:06,072 --> 00:50:06,934 - Friends. 984 00:50:16,599 --> 00:50:17,980 - You can count on my steel. 985 00:50:19,602 --> 00:50:20,569 - I'm in, too. 986 00:50:20,603 --> 00:50:21,397 - Yeah, Alex. 987 00:50:21,432 --> 00:50:22,398 I figured as much. 988 00:50:22,433 --> 00:50:23,779 The booze is still back there. 989 00:50:23,813 --> 00:50:25,229 - Ooh. 990 00:50:25,263 --> 00:50:29,405 - You know me so well. 991 00:50:30,820 --> 00:50:32,581 - Welcome to the armory. 992 00:50:32,615 --> 00:50:33,616 - This is a tool shed. 993 00:50:34,790 --> 00:50:36,619 - I know, just grab a weapon. 994 00:50:36,654 --> 00:50:37,482 - Okay. 995 00:50:38,621 --> 00:50:41,935 - , okay. 996 00:50:41,969 --> 00:50:45,076 ♪ Yeah, fire 997 00:50:45,111 --> 00:50:46,767 ♪ Yeah 998 00:50:46,802 --> 00:50:51,427 ♪ Superstar, superstar 999 00:50:51,462 --> 00:50:54,948 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1000 00:50:54,982 --> 00:50:57,778 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1001 00:50:57,813 --> 00:50:59,642 ♪ Yeah 1002 00:50:59,677 --> 00:51:02,438 ♪ Said I'm superstar 1003 00:51:02,473 --> 00:51:04,785 ♪ Superstar 1004 00:51:04,820 --> 00:51:06,787 - Ooh, can I get the saws? 1005 00:51:06,822 --> 00:51:09,100 ♪ Superstar 1006 00:51:09,135 --> 00:51:11,275 ♪ Superstar 1007 00:51:11,309 --> 00:51:14,657 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1008 00:51:14,692 --> 00:51:17,798 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1009 00:51:17,833 --> 00:51:19,455 ♪ Yeah 1010 00:51:19,490 --> 00:51:22,631 ♪ Said I'm superstar 1011 00:51:22,665 --> 00:51:23,977 - I feel like somebody should say 1012 00:51:24,011 --> 00:51:25,806 something witty and battle-ready here. 1013 00:51:25,841 --> 00:51:28,326 - Maybe we just defy that cliche and save the world. 1014 00:51:28,361 --> 00:51:30,328 - Let's poke some holes in their plan. 1015 00:51:30,363 --> 00:51:31,502 - There it is. - Yeah. 1016 00:51:32,675 --> 00:51:34,125 - Let's say we kill all these things. 1017 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,644 How do we defuse the device? 1018 00:51:35,678 --> 00:51:37,991 - Well Brian's a mechanical engineer. 1019 00:51:38,025 --> 00:51:39,510 - Yeah, I am that. 1020 00:51:40,545 --> 00:51:41,374 Guys? 1021 00:51:47,173 --> 00:51:49,313 - Approach slowly or charge quickly? 1022 00:52:01,187 --> 00:52:02,153 - Did that thing just disappear? 1023 00:52:02,188 --> 00:52:03,706 - Are you okay? 1024 00:52:03,741 --> 00:52:05,674 - That tree is all bark and no bite. 1025 00:52:05,708 --> 00:52:06,847 - Oh, bad puns. 1026 00:52:06,882 --> 00:52:08,332 He's okay. 1027 00:52:08,366 --> 00:52:10,679 - That's a bad bump; I'll live. 1028 00:52:10,713 --> 00:52:12,853 I'd hate for little Cammy, Ryu, Guile, Blanka, 1029 00:52:12,888 --> 00:52:15,235 Bison and Chun-Li to grow up without a father. 1030 00:52:16,547 --> 00:52:19,032 - You have kids? - You have six kids? 1031 00:52:19,066 --> 00:52:20,516 - Are those Street Fighter characters? 1032 00:52:20,551 --> 00:52:23,174 - Seriously Alex, who are you these days? 1033 00:52:23,209 --> 00:52:25,901 - Some guy doin' what he has to in this crazy world. 1034 00:52:28,075 --> 00:52:29,594 There's another one. 1035 00:52:31,562 --> 00:52:32,701 - Oh shit. 1036 00:52:32,735 --> 00:52:33,909 - What? 1037 00:52:35,082 --> 00:52:36,705 - There's only one. 1038 00:52:36,739 --> 00:52:38,707 - What do you mean? They're all over the damn place. 1039 00:52:38,741 --> 00:52:39,570 - No. 1040 00:52:40,433 --> 00:52:41,917 It's all over the damn place. 1041 00:52:43,953 --> 00:52:44,782 It can teleport. 1042 00:52:46,404 --> 00:52:48,199 - Not so bad. 1043 00:52:48,234 --> 00:52:49,200 Just one alien. 1044 00:52:49,235 --> 00:52:50,408 - They can teleport. 1045 00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:55,206 - Maybe we need to rethink this. 1046 00:53:01,592 --> 00:53:02,731 - Don't touch my friend, 1047 00:53:02,765 --> 00:53:04,422 you ET wannabe bitch! 1048 00:53:13,983 --> 00:53:15,295 - Where'd he go? 1049 00:53:16,434 --> 00:53:19,092 - Shit, I just know that thing's 1050 00:53:19,126 --> 00:53:20,921 gonna pop up at any-- 1051 00:53:21,957 --> 00:53:22,923 Jump scare. 1052 00:53:35,798 --> 00:53:40,803 - Where's Jess? 1053 00:53:41,287 --> 00:53:42,288 - Jess! 1054 00:54:15,321 --> 00:54:16,183 What? 1055 00:54:20,326 --> 00:54:21,188 - Who are they? 1056 00:54:22,673 --> 00:54:23,639 - Bad asses. 1057 00:54:23,674 --> 00:54:25,296 - Are you guys all right? 1058 00:54:25,331 --> 00:54:28,161 - More importantly, have you seen a metallic device 1059 00:54:28,195 --> 00:54:29,680 with blinking lights? 1060 00:54:29,714 --> 00:54:31,026 - Who are you? 1061 00:54:31,060 --> 00:54:32,303 - This is Dr. Wendy Barnes and I'm Chum. 1062 00:54:32,338 --> 00:54:35,168 We were hired to track and kill that thing. 1063 00:54:35,202 --> 00:54:36,307 - Hired by who? 1064 00:54:36,342 --> 00:54:38,033 - I'm gonna let you guess my next sentence. 1065 00:54:38,067 --> 00:54:40,000 - Is it top secret? 1066 00:54:40,035 --> 00:54:42,175 - It's top secret. - Yeah. 1067 00:54:42,209 --> 00:54:43,487 - Put that thing down. 1068 00:54:43,521 --> 00:54:45,005 I didn't just shoot a game-winning three pointer. 1069 00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:48,215 One last time, have you seen a strange-looking device? 1070 00:54:49,216 --> 00:54:50,045 - It's in the barn. 1071 00:54:50,079 --> 00:54:51,046 - We should get them inside. 1072 00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:52,530 I'd like to interrogate them. 1073 00:54:53,876 --> 00:54:54,705 - Fine. 1074 00:54:55,878 --> 00:54:57,708 You got anything to drink? - Uh-huh. 1075 00:55:03,369 --> 00:55:07,062 - Teleportation: That explains why its blood cells 1076 00:55:07,096 --> 00:55:08,857 are actively electrical. 1077 00:55:08,891 --> 00:55:10,030 Thank you. 1078 00:55:10,065 --> 00:55:12,032 - This thing literally feeds off electricity. 1079 00:55:12,067 --> 00:55:14,345 - Hence our romantic setup. 1080 00:55:14,380 --> 00:55:17,072 - Of course it'll need to keep its body charged. 1081 00:55:18,591 --> 00:55:20,696 - So the government knows about this thing, huh? 1082 00:55:20,731 --> 00:55:22,042 - Never said anything about the government. 1083 00:55:22,077 --> 00:55:23,872 - Ah, sure because you can't. 1084 00:55:23,906 --> 00:55:26,046 But I mean, it's obviously the government. 1085 00:55:26,081 --> 00:55:27,358 - There's other groups out there 1086 00:55:27,393 --> 00:55:29,878 we've invested interest in our planet's future. 1087 00:55:29,912 --> 00:55:31,914 - Look, you don't have to say it's the government. 1088 00:55:31,949 --> 00:55:33,226 We'll just all silently know. 1089 00:55:33,260 --> 00:55:36,056 - And you were in the fifth dimension with it? 1090 00:55:36,091 --> 00:55:36,919 - Mm-hmm. 1091 00:55:39,301 --> 00:55:41,372 - Can I put this in your rectum? I'd like to get a reading. 1092 00:55:41,407 --> 00:55:42,373 - No. 1093 00:55:42,408 --> 00:55:43,892 - Fine then. 1094 00:55:43,926 --> 00:55:47,240 We got a teleporting alien that can be injured, 1095 00:55:47,274 --> 00:55:48,724 therefore can be killed. 1096 00:55:48,759 --> 00:55:51,555 - Yeah, but first you gotta get it to stand still. 1097 00:55:51,589 --> 00:55:54,730 - Man if I was sober, that wouldn't even be necessary. 1098 00:55:54,765 --> 00:55:58,251 My reflexes are that of a cobra. 1099 00:55:58,285 --> 00:56:00,391 I will decapitate that mecha mean motherfucker 1100 00:56:00,426 --> 00:56:05,431 before it could teleport into whatever dimension. 1101 00:56:06,604 --> 00:56:07,743 - Too bad you're never sober, Alex. 1102 00:56:07,778 --> 00:56:09,745 'Cause your reflexes are for shit. 1103 00:56:09,780 --> 00:56:11,402 - Alcohol. 1104 00:56:11,437 --> 00:56:13,128 - What? - Alcohol. 1105 00:56:14,301 --> 00:56:15,441 - Yup, damn right. 1106 00:56:15,475 --> 00:56:18,444 - No, alcohol slows down your reaction time. 1107 00:56:18,478 --> 00:56:20,307 - He's right, that's science. 1108 00:56:20,342 --> 00:56:21,447 - Thank you. 1109 00:56:21,481 --> 00:56:22,758 But right now we can't kill that thing 1110 00:56:22,793 --> 00:56:24,760 because we can't get a clear shot at it, but-- 1111 00:56:24,795 --> 00:56:26,797 If we get even more fucked up. 1112 00:56:26,831 --> 00:56:27,798 - No, listen. 1113 00:56:30,801 --> 00:56:32,458 I know how we take down this alien. 1114 00:56:34,149 --> 00:56:35,012 We get it drunk. 1115 00:56:36,462 --> 00:56:38,118 - Hey, I'm totally not gettin' the plan. 1116 00:56:38,153 --> 00:56:39,948 - We get the alien drunk. 1117 00:56:39,982 --> 00:56:41,777 - Like in party with it? 1118 00:56:41,812 --> 00:56:43,779 - To slow down its reaction time. 1119 00:56:43,814 --> 00:56:44,642 - Exactly. 1120 00:56:44,677 --> 00:56:46,126 Each time the alien teleports, 1121 00:56:46,161 --> 00:56:47,611 its body feeds it electricity. 1122 00:56:47,645 --> 00:56:48,991 - And if we slow down that reaction. 1123 00:56:49,026 --> 00:56:51,131 - We can put a bullet in its brain. 1124 00:56:51,166 --> 00:56:53,479 - This is all great, but we have one major problem here. 1125 00:56:53,513 --> 00:56:55,135 - How do we get it drunk? 1126 00:56:55,170 --> 00:56:56,482 I know, I know. 1127 00:56:56,516 --> 00:56:57,448 I know! 1128 00:56:59,001 --> 00:56:59,968 - That been happening a lot? 1129 00:57:00,002 --> 00:57:01,797 - Yeah, it's the device. 1130 00:57:01,832 --> 00:57:04,662 One more and that thing's fully-charged. 1131 00:57:06,181 --> 00:57:09,978 - Well we can't just march out there and offer him a beer. 1132 00:57:10,012 --> 00:57:11,013 - We won't have to. 1133 00:57:12,498 --> 00:57:13,809 - I know that smile. 1134 00:57:13,844 --> 00:57:15,984 That's the Brian's got a plan smile. 1135 00:57:16,018 --> 00:57:17,192 - Brian's got a plan. 1136 00:58:03,756 --> 00:58:05,378 - Thanks, mom and dad. 1137 00:58:08,554 --> 00:58:10,245 Ladies, gentleman. 1138 00:58:10,279 --> 00:58:13,386 I give you the Skaggs hydroelectric beer bong. 1139 00:58:13,420 --> 00:58:15,526 Our alien will come for the electricity, 1140 00:58:15,561 --> 00:58:17,424 but also get a belly full of tub hooch. 1141 00:58:22,084 --> 00:58:24,570 - All right people, let's move. 1142 00:58:29,298 --> 00:58:30,127 Don't linger. 1143 00:58:31,093 --> 00:58:33,061 - You just make sure you hit it. 1144 00:58:33,095 --> 00:58:34,131 - Oh, I'm gonna hit it 1145 00:58:38,100 --> 00:58:39,308 and then I'm gonna hit it. 1146 00:58:41,103 --> 00:58:42,795 - Okay. - Cool. 1147 00:58:46,108 --> 00:58:47,903 You were right to say that to me earlier 1148 00:58:47,938 --> 00:58:49,595 'bout not finishing what I start. 1149 00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,254 Not sure why I always get in my own way, 1150 00:58:54,289 --> 00:58:56,429 just my nature as a fuck up. 1151 00:58:56,463 --> 00:58:59,950 - Bri, fuck ups are the people that don't even try. 1152 00:59:01,123 --> 00:59:04,299 - So if this bong fails and we all die, 1153 00:59:05,472 --> 00:59:07,958 the lesson here is at least I've tried? 1154 00:59:07,992 --> 00:59:10,616 - Correct. 1155 00:59:11,789 --> 00:59:13,619 Now, let's party. 1156 00:59:14,792 --> 00:59:15,621 - Let's boogie. 1157 00:59:30,843 --> 00:59:32,154 Please do the honors, me lady. 1158 00:59:45,823 --> 00:59:47,342 - Fuckin' shit. 1159 00:59:47,376 --> 00:59:48,205 - Look. 1160 00:59:49,516 --> 00:59:50,345 - Wow. 1161 00:59:51,657 --> 00:59:53,003 Fuck me twice on a Tuesday. 1162 00:59:54,349 --> 00:59:55,177 Positions. 1163 00:59:56,662 --> 00:59:57,663 - Stay safe, Chum. 1164 01:00:15,232 --> 01:00:16,336 - I can't believe it actually worked. 1165 01:00:19,201 --> 01:00:20,513 - Shit. 1166 01:00:26,553 --> 01:00:28,383 - He's taking the bait. 1167 01:00:35,390 --> 01:00:36,184 - Ready? 1168 01:00:36,218 --> 01:00:37,703 - I was born to be bait. 1169 01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,016 Hey, Wendy! 1170 01:00:41,051 --> 01:00:42,397 - Yes? 1171 01:00:42,431 --> 01:00:44,054 I forgot your name. - Alex. 1172 01:00:45,227 --> 01:00:46,401 - Yes, Alex?! 1173 01:00:47,747 --> 01:00:51,406 - Let's explore this barn and all the contents within! 1174 01:00:52,614 --> 01:00:53,719 - Great idea! 1175 01:01:10,736 --> 01:01:15,568 - I'll just pull this handle and the door should open 1176 01:01:15,602 --> 01:01:19,779 and we'll be inside peeing on anythin' we want! 1177 01:01:32,758 --> 01:01:36,762 - Gross. - Eww, gross! 1178 01:01:39,937 --> 01:01:41,421 - Chum, now! 1179 01:01:41,456 --> 01:01:43,630 - Here's to paying my rent for another six months. 1180 01:01:45,943 --> 01:01:48,290 ♪ Superstar 1181 01:01:48,325 --> 01:01:50,603 ♪ Superstar 1182 01:01:50,637 --> 01:01:53,088 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1183 01:01:53,123 --> 01:01:55,297 - We claim you, alien fuck. 1184 01:01:59,785 --> 01:02:00,751 - He came back. 1185 01:02:00,786 --> 01:02:03,616 - Yeah and fucked everything up. 1186 01:02:03,650 --> 01:02:06,274 - True, but friendship first. 1187 01:02:06,308 --> 01:02:08,276 - Yeah, I guess. 1188 01:02:09,795 --> 01:02:11,797 - Let's go. - Yeah, yeah! 1189 01:02:12,970 --> 01:02:13,937 - What the hell? 1190 01:02:13,971 --> 01:02:15,455 That was so dope. 1191 01:02:15,490 --> 01:02:16,318 Oh my god. 1192 01:02:21,013 --> 01:02:23,947 - Look, I'm putting the gun down. 1193 01:02:23,981 --> 01:02:25,465 'Kay? 1194 01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:29,297 Now you let Dr. Barnes go and we'll leave, how's that? 1195 01:02:30,816 --> 01:02:33,025 Finish your business here and we turn a blind eye. 1196 01:02:36,994 --> 01:02:38,168 - Don't worry about me. 1197 01:02:39,031 --> 01:02:40,135 One for many. 1198 01:02:40,170 --> 01:02:40,998 - Right. 1199 01:02:42,828 --> 01:02:43,690 No more weapons. 1200 01:02:45,002 --> 01:02:46,797 Totally weapon-free. 1201 01:02:46,832 --> 01:02:48,523 Just two empty hands with peace. 1202 01:02:51,353 --> 01:02:52,803 No! 1203 01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:56,013 - Shit. 1204 01:03:07,369 --> 01:03:08,543 I'm so sorry. 1205 01:03:12,029 --> 01:03:13,548 - It's beautiful. 1206 01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:29,875 - I said I usually work alone. 1207 01:03:31,566 --> 01:03:32,739 I didn't say I liked it. 1208 01:03:38,228 --> 01:03:39,712 Any more douchebags gonna pop out 1209 01:03:39,746 --> 01:03:41,748 and get someone else killed? 1210 01:03:41,783 --> 01:03:44,027 - Why do I feel like that was directed towards me? 1211 01:03:44,061 --> 01:03:46,719 Who is this Tomb Raider-looking woman? 1212 01:03:46,753 --> 01:03:48,894 - What do we do now? - Improvise. 1213 01:03:51,793 --> 01:03:53,070 You seem the least drunk. 1214 01:03:53,105 --> 01:03:54,865 - You must be blind. 1215 01:03:54,900 --> 01:03:56,073 My pitchfork will do. 1216 01:03:57,247 --> 01:03:58,731 - Looks like we're ready to go. 1217 01:04:00,906 --> 01:04:03,425 - Hey, it means a lot that you came back 1218 01:04:04,599 --> 01:04:06,049 even if you did get Wendy killed. 1219 01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:08,568 - First of all, why does everybody keep saying that? 1220 01:04:08,603 --> 01:04:09,742 - Because it's true. 1221 01:04:09,776 --> 01:04:11,054 - No, it's not. 1222 01:04:11,088 --> 01:04:12,227 - Yes, her blood is on your hands. 1223 01:04:12,262 --> 01:04:14,057 - I wasn't the one that threw the knife. 1224 01:04:14,091 --> 01:04:15,265 - It's not your fault, but it is. 1225 01:04:15,299 --> 01:04:16,576 Anyway, what were you gonna say? 1226 01:04:16,611 --> 01:04:18,061 - I just couldn't stop thinking 1227 01:04:18,095 --> 01:04:20,063 what the fuck was I pedaling toward, 1228 01:04:20,097 --> 01:04:22,582 my optometry practice where all the assistants hate me? 1229 01:04:22,617 --> 01:04:24,412 My wife who also hates me. 1230 01:04:24,446 --> 01:04:26,897 My kids who should be way too young to hate me, 1231 01:04:26,932 --> 01:04:31,419 but I see it in their little antichrist eyes, the fuckers. 1232 01:04:31,453 --> 01:04:33,766 Then I thought about what I was pedaling away from, 1233 01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,079 the people who've always been there for me. 1234 01:04:36,113 --> 01:04:38,909 No matter how much of a pain in the ass I was, 1235 01:04:38,944 --> 01:04:40,497 I love you guys. 1236 01:04:44,811 --> 01:04:48,815 I don't know what's happening, but I feel really weird. 1237 01:04:50,300 --> 01:04:51,784 - It took Louis. 1238 01:04:51,818 --> 01:04:53,475 Wait, Louis. - Holy shit, 1239 01:04:53,510 --> 01:04:54,960 that was also really weird. 1240 01:04:54,994 --> 01:04:55,926 - He's in the barn. 1241 01:04:55,961 --> 01:04:56,927 Call dibs. - Okay. 1242 01:05:03,485 --> 01:05:04,624 - Please stop. 1243 01:05:04,659 --> 01:05:06,281 - Louis, are you okay? 1244 01:05:06,316 --> 01:05:08,111 - I'll just let the visual speak for itself. 1245 01:05:15,325 --> 01:05:18,466 - If I can't shoot him around you, I'll shoot through you. 1246 01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:19,467 - Stop! 1247 01:05:19,501 --> 01:05:20,986 What are you fuckin' doing? 1248 01:05:21,020 --> 01:05:21,987 You're not killin' my friend. 1249 01:05:22,021 --> 01:05:23,816 - Aw thanks, Bri. 1250 01:05:23,850 --> 01:05:25,714 - You got it, buddy. - Fuck all y'all! 1251 01:05:33,343 --> 01:05:36,346 This is why I say I usually work alone. 1252 01:05:38,348 --> 01:05:42,007 The fucker's behind me, ain't it? 1253 01:05:54,709 --> 01:05:55,537 - No! 1254 01:06:16,731 --> 01:06:18,043 It's incredible. 1255 01:06:23,393 --> 01:06:24,394 - It's gonna activate. 1256 01:06:24,428 --> 01:06:26,189 It's gonna activate! 1257 01:06:29,951 --> 01:06:30,745 - Oh shit. 1258 01:06:35,577 --> 01:06:38,408 Fork me. 1259 01:06:38,442 --> 01:06:42,757 - Alex! 1260 01:06:42,791 --> 01:06:44,897 Jess, shoot him! 1261 01:06:48,418 --> 01:06:49,591 - Eat my ass. 1262 01:06:57,254 --> 01:06:58,290 - Eat my ass. 1263 01:07:28,113 --> 01:07:29,631 - Finish him! 1264 01:07:29,666 --> 01:07:33,428 - God! 1265 01:07:41,471 --> 01:07:42,472 - We did it. 1266 01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:45,095 - We did it? 1267 01:07:45,130 --> 01:07:46,821 - What, I don't get credit for this? 1268 01:07:48,305 --> 01:07:50,135 Oh, that's messed up. 1269 01:07:51,515 --> 01:07:53,103 - I sabotage everything good in my life 1270 01:07:53,138 --> 01:07:54,794 'cause I'm terrified of failure. 1271 01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:56,796 I've been doin' it for years in my career, 1272 01:07:56,831 --> 01:07:57,832 even longer with you. 1273 01:07:59,005 --> 01:08:00,110 - I purposely date guys I know won't last 1274 01:08:00,145 --> 01:08:02,457 so I don't have to be vulnerable with anyone. 1275 01:08:02,492 --> 01:08:04,977 - Guess we're a perfect pair of fuck ups. 1276 01:08:05,011 --> 01:08:06,496 - Do two wrongs make a right? 1277 01:08:07,497 --> 01:08:09,292 - Well only one way to find out. 1278 01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,853 - Some damn fine work, kids. 1279 01:08:24,065 --> 01:08:29,070 Looks like I won't be around to collect my payment, but 1280 01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:33,868 tell him you're with me. 1281 01:08:33,902 --> 01:08:34,731 He'll set you up. 1282 01:08:36,526 --> 01:08:38,493 - You work for Big Oil? 1283 01:08:38,528 --> 01:08:40,875 - Told you I wasn't government, you dumb ass. 1284 01:08:40,909 --> 01:08:43,878 - Why would an oil company hire you to hunt down an alien? 1285 01:08:44,913 --> 01:08:46,881 - That alien machine you just shut down. 1286 01:08:49,884 --> 01:08:50,747 It wasn't a bomb. 1287 01:08:51,886 --> 01:08:54,854 - So what, could it open up a black hole, 1288 01:08:54,889 --> 01:08:56,580 expand matter, poison the air? 1289 01:08:58,893 --> 01:09:01,067 - It's a carbon dioxide extractor. 1290 01:09:02,241 --> 01:09:04,243 Sucks CO2 outta the atmosphere. 1291 01:09:07,246 --> 01:09:09,248 That little alien device 1292 01:09:10,387 --> 01:09:12,389 is meant to turn the tide on climate change. 1293 01:09:13,908 --> 01:09:15,358 - No, that doesn't make any sense. 1294 01:09:15,392 --> 01:09:17,049 Big Oil would want this thing activated 1295 01:09:17,083 --> 01:09:19,396 so they could keep goin' business as usual. 1296 01:09:19,431 --> 01:09:21,398 - Of course. 1297 01:09:24,090 --> 01:09:26,921 Think about how much money can be made 1298 01:09:28,233 --> 01:09:30,235 if you hold the world hostage. 1299 01:09:31,581 --> 01:09:33,410 Once they dissect that thing, 1300 01:09:34,929 --> 01:09:39,761 they can create their own and profit like motherfuckers. 1301 01:09:42,592 --> 01:09:43,420 - You used us 1302 01:09:44,421 --> 01:09:47,597 like pawns in a corporate game. 1303 01:09:49,254 --> 01:09:50,427 - Don't be so dramatic. 1304 01:09:52,981 --> 01:09:54,604 Corporations are people too. 1305 01:09:56,122 --> 01:09:56,951 Big Oil 1306 01:09:59,125 --> 01:09:59,954 ain't so bad. 1307 01:10:09,619 --> 01:10:10,965 - Maybe she was right. 1308 01:10:12,794 --> 01:10:14,451 - We've killed a great humanitarian. 1309 01:10:15,970 --> 01:10:17,972 - Well at least we still have some beers. 1310 01:10:20,146 --> 01:10:23,288 Well happy birthday, man. 1311 01:10:28,638 --> 01:10:32,158 - Light fuckin' beer. 1312 01:10:33,470 --> 01:10:34,299 Of course. 1313 01:10:38,993 --> 01:10:39,821 Fuck. 1314 01:11:34,531 --> 01:11:36,844 ♪ Superstar 1315 01:11:36,878 --> 01:11:39,191 ♪ Superstar 1316 01:11:39,225 --> 01:11:42,332 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1317 01:11:42,367 --> 01:11:45,335 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1318 01:11:45,370 --> 01:11:47,337 ♪ Yeah 1319 01:11:47,372 --> 01:11:50,202 ♪ Said I'm superstar 1320 01:11:50,236 --> 01:11:52,238 ♪ Superstar 1321 01:11:52,273 --> 01:11:53,861 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' 1322 01:11:53,895 --> 01:11:56,035 ♪ Fuckin' superstar 1323 01:11:56,070 --> 01:11:59,556 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1324 01:11:59,591 --> 01:12:00,523 ♪ Yeah 1325 01:12:00,557 --> 01:12:02,352 ♪ I'm a superstar, always been 1326 01:12:02,387 --> 01:12:04,216 ♪ I've gotta chillin' with my guys ♪ 1327 01:12:04,250 --> 01:12:05,044 ♪ Livin' clean 1328 01:12:05,079 --> 01:12:06,252 ♪ Grippin' to the beat 1329 01:12:06,287 --> 01:12:07,530 ♪ Never leave the scene 1330 01:12:07,564 --> 01:12:08,358 ♪ Icy hot 1331 01:12:08,393 --> 01:12:09,532 ♪ Gucci icy hot 1332 01:12:09,566 --> 01:12:11,534 ♪ Got that icy stuff on my junk ♪ 1333 01:12:11,568 --> 01:12:12,742 ♪ Always on my junk 1334 01:12:12,776 --> 01:12:14,053 ♪ Is she really hot 1335 01:12:14,088 --> 01:12:15,227 ♪ Swish move bang 1336 01:12:15,261 --> 01:12:16,884 ♪ Let the chopper rang 1337 01:12:16,918 --> 01:12:18,230 ♪ I gotta push start 1338 01:12:18,264 --> 01:12:20,370 ♪ I'm speedin' to the other lane ♪ 1339 01:12:20,405 --> 01:12:23,546 ♪ I been a star killin' like a super fan ♪ 1340 01:12:23,580 --> 01:12:25,064 ♪ Were ya not to say my nigga 1341 01:12:25,099 --> 01:12:27,239 ♪ You are super lame 1342 01:12:27,273 --> 01:12:29,552 ♪ Superstar 1343 01:12:29,586 --> 01:12:31,588 ♪ Superstar 1344 01:12:31,623 --> 01:12:34,902 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1345 01:12:34,936 --> 01:12:38,112 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1346 01:12:38,146 --> 01:12:39,734 ♪ Yeah 1347 01:12:39,769 --> 01:12:42,427 ♪ Said I'm superstar 1348 01:12:42,461 --> 01:12:44,739 ♪ Superstar 1349 01:12:44,774 --> 01:12:46,396 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' 1350 01:12:46,431 --> 01:12:48,743 ♪ Fuckin' superstar 1351 01:12:48,778 --> 01:12:52,091 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1352 01:12:52,126 --> 01:12:53,403 ♪ Yeah 1353 01:12:53,438 --> 01:12:56,268 ♪ I'm a superstar with a super car ♪ 1354 01:12:56,302 --> 01:12:59,582 ♪ Yeah it's push start with a super front ♪ 1355 01:12:59,616 --> 01:13:01,273 ♪ Gotta super run 1356 01:13:01,307 --> 01:13:02,757 ♪ Hit the super spot 1357 01:13:02,792 --> 01:13:04,414 ♪ 'Cause she's super hot 1358 01:13:04,449 --> 01:13:06,278 ♪ Now watch this super drop 1359 01:13:06,312 --> 01:13:08,763 ♪ Get my super goons we so super hard ♪ 1360 01:13:08,798 --> 01:13:09,937 ♪ Super super hard 1361 01:13:09,971 --> 01:13:11,939 ♪ Super clean in that limousine ♪ 1362 01:13:11,973 --> 01:13:13,285 ♪ Check that super car 1363 01:13:13,319 --> 01:13:15,287 ♪ Super do with my super crew 1364 01:13:15,321 --> 01:13:16,288 ♪ Tight like superglue 1365 01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:17,289 ♪ Super Doug 1366 01:13:17,323 --> 01:13:19,636 ♪ I'm a superstar 1367 01:13:19,671 --> 01:13:21,949 ♪ Superstar 1368 01:13:21,983 --> 01:13:24,296 ♪ Superstar 1369 01:13:24,330 --> 01:13:27,782 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1370 01:13:27,817 --> 01:13:30,785 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1371 01:13:30,820 --> 01:13:32,304 ♪ Yeah 1372 01:13:32,338 --> 01:13:35,169 ♪ Said I'm superstar 1373 01:13:35,203 --> 01:13:37,136 ♪ Superstar 1374 01:13:37,171 --> 01:13:38,793 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' 1375 01:13:38,828 --> 01:13:41,451 ♪ Fuckin' superstar 1376 01:13:41,486 --> 01:13:44,799 ♪ I'm a motherfuckin' superstar ♪ 1377 01:13:44,834 --> 01:13:46,663 ♪ Yeah 1378 01:13:50,874 --> 01:13:52,462 - 47 Baker, take three. 1379 01:13:52,497 --> 01:13:54,464 - So we're already landed, right? 1380 01:13:54,499 --> 01:13:55,638 - Yeah. 1381 01:13:55,672 --> 01:13:57,467 - My nay-nays feel weird. 1382 01:14:00,056 --> 01:14:01,195 - I mean I don't drink. 1383 01:14:01,229 --> 01:14:02,990 But when I drink, I drink. 1384 01:14:03,024 --> 01:14:04,647 No, we're high up. 1385 01:14:04,681 --> 01:14:05,475 We're pretty high. 1386 01:14:05,510 --> 01:14:06,649 I can tell. 1387 01:14:06,683 --> 01:14:08,858 Less oxygen. 1388 01:14:08,892 --> 01:14:11,516 Whoa. 1389 01:14:14,380 --> 01:14:16,348 I voted for Trump. 1390 01:14:16,382 --> 01:14:20,041 - I like to masturbate with my lab coat on. 1391 01:14:21,733 --> 01:14:26,703 Maggie hates postpartum sex, but I like it. 1392 01:14:28,049 --> 01:14:29,879 Sorry. - Speakin' of farts, 1393 01:14:29,913 --> 01:14:31,536 I pood my pants like . 1394 01:14:34,884 --> 01:14:38,508 I had a pain in my balls and I thought it was ball cancer. 1395 01:14:38,543 --> 01:14:40,234 It was just pain 1396 01:14:42,408 --> 01:14:44,928 in my balls. 1397 01:14:46,240 --> 01:14:49,036 - You can see like the burn marks and stuff. 1398 01:14:49,070 --> 01:14:50,209 Burn marks. 1399 01:14:50,244 --> 01:14:51,038 - Yeah. 1400 01:14:51,072 --> 01:14:52,211 I don't know, man. 1401 01:14:52,246 --> 01:14:54,420 I think it's like splittin' hairs. 1402 01:14:54,455 --> 01:14:55,905 - Which one? - Both equal. 1403 01:14:55,939 --> 01:14:57,216 I don't-- 1404 01:14:57,251 --> 01:14:58,079 - No, one's better than the other. 1405 01:14:58,114 --> 01:14:59,391 - Don't show them to me again. 1406 01:14:59,425 --> 01:15:01,048 - You want me to take a pic of your dick? 1407 01:15:01,082 --> 01:15:02,705 The selfies are kinda tough. 1408 01:15:02,739 --> 01:15:03,533 - Nah, it's okay. 1409 01:15:03,568 --> 01:15:04,534 I think I can manage. 1410 01:15:04,569 --> 01:15:05,708 - Okay. - Yeah. 1411 01:15:05,742 --> 01:15:06,881 - Life or death, we're leaving right now. 1412 01:15:06,916 --> 01:15:10,229 C'mon! 1413 01:15:10,264 --> 01:15:11,265 Ow. 1414 01:15:20,101 --> 01:15:20,895 - I farted. 1415 01:15:24,450 --> 01:15:25,279 - Dingleberry! 1416 01:15:27,281 --> 01:15:28,454 Fuckin' dicks! 1417 01:15:31,112 --> 01:15:33,425 - Babadook? 1418 01:15:33,459 --> 01:15:34,288 Fully erect. 1419 01:15:38,292 --> 01:15:39,120 - The Schwinns! 1420 01:15:40,812 --> 01:15:42,261 - Our old bikes? - Yeah. 1421 01:15:42,296 --> 01:15:44,263 They should still be in the barn. 1422 01:15:47,473 --> 01:15:49,303 - Teleport! 1423 01:15:55,620 --> 01:15:58,484 - She's in the barn? - Who is that? 1424 01:15:59,485 --> 01:16:01,142 - She's in the barn. 1425 01:16:02,627 --> 01:16:03,938 Can you swim? 1426 01:16:03,973 --> 01:16:07,286 - No, I'm black. 1427 01:16:10,496 --> 01:16:11,290 - I'm fallin' off. 1428 01:16:11,325 --> 01:16:13,465 Ooh! 1429 01:16:13,499 --> 01:16:15,778 Yes? 1430 01:16:15,812 --> 01:16:16,951 - Like push your tongue. 1431 01:16:16,986 --> 01:16:18,781 It'll help you to just push you tongue. 1432 01:16:29,999 --> 01:16:30,827 - One for the alien. 1433 01:16:31,656 --> 01:16:32,829 Happy birthday, man. 1434 01:16:38,179 --> 01:16:39,180 Oh, fuck! 1435 01:16:39,215 --> 01:16:40,975 - Welcome to my place. 1436 01:16:41,010 --> 01:16:43,806 Got my entourage, got my lights goin'. 1437 01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:45,497 You see my egg in the back. 1438 01:16:45,531 --> 01:16:46,878 You know I'm lit. 1439 01:16:48,017 --> 01:16:49,812 Don't mind the blood, that's somethin'. 1440 01:16:49,846 --> 01:16:51,503 We're not gonna talk about that. 1441 01:16:51,537 --> 01:16:53,816 There's my sound guy. 1442 01:16:53,850 --> 01:16:57,371 You know I'm dope if I got my own sound guy, right? 91537