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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,495 --> 00:00:04,099 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 2 00:00:06,599 --> 00:00:08,101 TV ANNOUNCER. And now, back to VH1's 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,736 Salute to Singers from the'90s. 4 00:00:10,035 --> 00:00:13,847 Today's installment, "Why they all needed to turn every vowel into the letter'A.'" 5 00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:17,911 ♪ It used to bay... 6 00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:20,854 ♪ that you loved may... ♪ 7 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:25,754 ♪ But now it's nineteen- ninetay... ♪ 8 00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:31,430 ♪ and I have to set you fray... ♪ 9 00:00:31,524 --> 00:00:34,664 ♪ Fray... ♪ 10 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:41,273 ♪ The letter A, the A, the A, the letter A... ♪ 11 00:00:41,634 --> 00:00:42,908 ♪ Thank yay! ♪ 12 00:00:43,969 --> 00:00:45,073 (ALL GROANING) 13 00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,151 - Oh, no! - Not again! 14 00:00:47,239 --> 00:00:48,946 We're about to do Jedi, aren't we? 15 00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,782 (SIGHS) Let's just get through this. 16 00:01:00,586 --> 00:01:03,294 (STAR WARS THEME PLAYING) 17 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:07,036 Sync by lightAngel / Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 18 00:03:25,531 --> 00:03:28,011 Inform the commander that Lord Vader's shuttle has arrived. 19 00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,538 And also, we're missing a bunch of snow shovels from the storeroom. 20 00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:32,843 Does anyone know anything about that? 21 00:03:33,138 --> 00:03:35,584 - Uh... Snow shovels? No. - Haven't seen any. No. 22 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,210 - Haven't heard about it. - No idea. No. 23 00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,060 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 24 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,837 Oh, my God, that was absolute hell! 25 00:03:58,931 --> 00:04:01,343 I just... I don't understand why... 26 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,672 I mean, we're in a galaxy far, far away, 27 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,849 and we still have to change in Atlanta. 28 00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:09,544 Hi, Darth. You got any bags, or did you leave Mrs. Vader at home? 29 00:04:09,908 --> 00:04:12,514 It's you? Are we already out of our own characters? 30 00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:14,181 - What? - How's the construction going? 31 00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:15,519 Oh, fantabulously. 32 00:04:15,614 --> 00:04:17,685 Remember how last time they skimmed along a trench 33 00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:19,626 and then blew it up by shooting through a hole? 34 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,356 - Yeah. - Well, now there's no trench. 35 00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:22,864 Great. ls there a hole? 36 00:04:23,756 --> 00:04:24,791 - Yes. - What? 37 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,995 - There is. - Well, if I were you, I'd repair that hole 38 00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:30,335 - before the Emperor arrives. - The Emperor is coming here? 39 00:04:30,629 --> 00:04:31,630 Yeah. He loves this place. 40 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,074 I was there when he came up with the idea for the Death Star. 41 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,980 - Hey... Hey, Darth? Darth? - Yeah? What? 42 00:04:39,505 --> 00:04:41,382 That. That's what. 43 00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,212 What? It's a circle. 44 00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:44,651 It's a good circle, I'll give you that. 45 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,587 - No. No, no. Space station. - What? 46 00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:48,987 - Yep. - (IN DISBELIEF) What? 47 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,651 - Yep, it is. - No way! 48 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,251 It is. It is, big time. 49 00:05:02,461 --> 00:05:03,439 (CLEVELAND BEEPING) 50 00:05:03,562 --> 00:05:05,872 CLEVELAND: You sure this is where we'll find Captain Solo? 51 00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:09,501 Yep, this is it. Corner of Tatooine Way and Martin Luther King Boulevard. 52 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,677 - Hi, Artoo! You wanna come play? - CLEVELAND: Sure! 53 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,944 ♪ Here I am on Tatooine, ♪ 54 00:05:15,174 --> 00:05:17,552 ♪ jumping Double Dutch like you never seen. ♪ 55 00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:19,884 ♪ I know my way around a rope... ♪ 56 00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:22,322 ♪ LOIS: Help me, Obi-Wan. You're my only hope. ♪ 57 00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,662 - CONSUELA: Yes? - Hi, we have a message for Jabba the... 58 00:05:27,753 --> 00:05:30,097 No, Mister Jabba no home. 59 00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:31,423 Oh. 60 00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:34,800 - Can we leave it with someone, because... - No, no. 61 00:05:36,328 --> 00:05:37,932 Hey, look! Jabba's cat escaped! 62 00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:39,907 I sure hope he doesn't blame the help! 63 00:05:40,032 --> 00:05:43,980 (WHINING) Kitty! Kitty! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Kitty! 64 00:05:45,604 --> 00:05:46,878 (CLANKING) 65 00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:53,553 (CHATTERING) 66 00:05:56,748 --> 00:05:57,749 Oh, my God! 67 00:05:58,117 --> 00:05:59,528 Alec Baldwin? 68 00:05:59,618 --> 00:06:01,256 (IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 69 00:06:01,787 --> 00:06:05,462 CLEVELAND: Wow. There are all kind of manner of crazy monsters in here. 70 00:06:05,557 --> 00:06:07,537 Yeah, and they added even more for the special edition. 71 00:06:08,227 --> 00:06:10,229 Hey, what are you guys doing here? (GROWLING) 72 00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:12,204 Artoo, play him the message. 73 00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:18,604 Greetings, exalted one. It's me, Luke Skywalker. 74 00:06:18,771 --> 00:06:22,480 I seek an audience with Your Slimness to bargain for Captain Solo's life. 75 00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:26,951 As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift, these two droids. 76 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,019 Wait a minute, does he have the right to give us away? 77 00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:31,025 He just stole us from his dead uncle. 78 00:06:42,094 --> 00:06:43,164 (ALL LAUGHING) 79 00:06:43,262 --> 00:06:44,400 (SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE) 80 00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:46,100 ... triple-dog-dare. 81 00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,876 (SCREAMING) 82 00:06:52,971 --> 00:06:54,450 (ALL LAUGHING) 83 00:06:57,276 --> 00:06:59,586 CLEVELAND: Kid's tongue stuck to a ass. 84 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,023 CONSUELA: Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty... 85 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,524 (BELCHES) 86 00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:10,959 (ALIEN SNORING) 87 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:39,021 - (FARTING) - Sorry! 88 00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,389 Sorry. Been building up for a while. 89 00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:43,491 - Sorry. - (CONTINUES FARTING) 90 00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:45,194 I'm sorry. 91 00:07:45,657 --> 00:07:47,261 I'm so sorry about this. 92 00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:49,801 Sorry. There we are. 93 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,708 - I can't see! - Just relax. 94 00:07:55,834 --> 00:08:00,374 You have hibernation sickness, but your eyesight will return in time. 95 00:08:00,906 --> 00:08:03,250 - Where am I? - Jabba's palace. 96 00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,714 Who are you? 97 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:06,983 Someone who loves you. 98 00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:09,286 Whoa! You are smothering me, and I need my space. 99 00:08:09,715 --> 00:08:11,717 (JOE LAUGHING) 100 00:08:11,984 --> 00:08:14,521 Wait a minute, who's that? I know that laugh. 101 00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:16,594 It's the 7Up guy! 102 00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:18,524 (ALIENS LAUGHING) 103 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:21,230 - It's not the 7Up guy. - Yeah, it is. 104 00:08:21,393 --> 00:08:24,897 Hey, say, "Crisp and clean, no caffeine." 105 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,437 - Han? What are you doing here? - Chewie? Is that you? 106 00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:34,415 Yeah, it's me. I got caught eating out of Jabba's trash. 107 00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:35,576 Well, I guess the good news is 108 00:08:35,674 --> 00:08:38,211 we're not being pushed into a giant anus in the desert. 109 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,983 - What's wrong with your eyes? - I'm blind. 110 00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:42,957 It's part of the hibernation sickness. That and these lesions, 111 00:08:43,048 --> 00:08:45,551 and the fatigue that I've been feeling, and the persistent cough. 112 00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,094 (COUGHING) 113 00:08:47,719 --> 00:08:50,598 You might, uh... You might have two things. 114 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,776 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 115 00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,247 How did he get in? 116 00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,917 (GROWLING) I let him in. What, was that not cool? 117 00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:11,954 Nice to see you, Jabba. 118 00:09:12,311 --> 00:09:14,552 (IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 119 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,921 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 120 00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:19,956 Um... Leia, wow. 121 00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:23,329 - I didn't get raped. Okay? - Okay. 122 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:24,999 - Okay? - Okay! 123 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:31,064 I'm here to bargain for Han Solo and the rest of my friends. 124 00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,531 What's your price? 125 00:09:32,731 --> 00:09:34,005 Master Luke, be careful! You're standing on... 126 00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,510 Threepio, please. Whatever you have to say 127 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,274 cannot possibly be as important as this conversation. 128 00:09:38,437 --> 00:09:40,713 But you're standing on a trap door, and if Jabba pushes the button... 129 00:09:40,806 --> 00:09:42,513 (ANGRILY) Threepio, what did I just say? 130 00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,086 But there's a trap door right under your feet! 131 00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:46,452 There's a huge monster down there, and if Jabba hits the button, 132 00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:47,615 the trap door's gonna open, 133 00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,283 you're gonna fall down into the dungeon below 134 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,521 - and get eaten by the monster! - Threepio, please! We're talking! 135 00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,462 (ROARING) 136 00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:02,597 (GASPS) Oh, my God! 137 00:10:02,694 --> 00:10:04,264 Rush Limbaugh! 138 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,565 Limbaugh Rule Number One, 139 00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:09,339 no tax-dodging Jedis in my pit! 140 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,345 Religion is tax-exempt! Jedi is a religion! 141 00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:14,211 (ALL CHEERING) 142 00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:37,704 CLEVELAND: Oh, Luke! Did you want me to throw you your lightsaber? 143 00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:40,034 Yeah, about ten minutes ago! 144 00:10:40,232 --> 00:10:44,180 Just so you know, the compartment I keep your lightsaber in is my rectum. 145 00:10:52,377 --> 00:10:56,086 The mighty Jabba has decreed that you are to be thrown into the Sarlacc pit. 146 00:10:56,515 --> 00:10:59,428 There, you will discover a new meaning of pain and suffering 147 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:03,426 as you are slowly digested over a thousand years. 148 00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,565 No sweat. I'm bringing a box of All-Bran. 149 00:11:05,657 --> 00:11:07,500 I'll be sprayed all over the desert in a week. 150 00:11:07,826 --> 00:11:10,705 Right? Big lips on a stick knows what I'm talking about. 151 00:11:11,029 --> 00:11:12,440 Ha! Fiber! 152 00:11:20,539 --> 00:11:21,711 Still alive! 153 00:11:27,846 --> 00:11:30,452 - What's going on? - We just got to the Sarlacc pit. 154 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,493 - What's that? - It's this disgusting, horrible creature 155 00:11:33,585 --> 00:11:36,225 that's worse than anything you could ever imagine. 156 00:11:36,955 --> 00:11:38,332 (HISSING) 157 00:11:39,424 --> 00:11:41,700 QUAGMIRE: (ON LOUDSPEAKERS) Victims of the almighty Sarlacc! 158 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,566 His Excellency hopes that you will die honorably. 159 00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:47,206 But, should any of you wish to beg for mercy, 160 00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:50,041 the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas. 161 00:11:50,435 --> 00:11:53,678 Please don't kill us! We won't do it again, honest! 162 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,548 We'll be good, mister! We was just fooling around, is all! 163 00:11:57,709 --> 00:12:00,019 Jabba! This is your last chance! 164 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,355 Free us or die! 165 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,059 (ALL LAUGHING) 166 00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,103 (SUSPENSEFUL BRASS MUSIC PLAYING) 167 00:13:08,346 --> 00:13:09,848 (PLAYING TUBA) 168 00:13:15,654 --> 00:13:16,928 Well? 169 00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:18,900 We're waiting. 170 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:37,519 (SCREAMING) 171 00:13:40,245 --> 00:13:41,280 No! 172 00:13:52,357 --> 00:13:54,166 Han, look out! Boba Fett is right behind you! 173 00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:56,269 All right, when I give the signal, we get him! 174 00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,234 (SUSPENSEFUL BRASS MUSIC PLAYING) 175 00:14:15,013 --> 00:14:16,890 - (STAMMERS) What happened? - He fell. 176 00:14:17,248 --> 00:14:19,228 - Huh? - He fell. Fell in the pit. 177 00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,764 - Oh! Good. - Yeah. 178 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,364 (CHOKING) 179 00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,288 (SCREAMS) 180 00:14:47,746 --> 00:14:50,283 Wait a minute! What are you doing? I thought you were blind! 181 00:14:50,548 --> 00:14:51,549 I am! 182 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,651 It's okay, though. 183 00:14:52,751 --> 00:14:54,230 - (MORT GROANS) - Just hang on! 184 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,337 (SQUEALING) 185 00:15:02,494 --> 00:15:03,495 Gotcha! 186 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,076 You want some laser hair removal, while I'm at it? 187 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,313 - No, thanks. - You sure? 188 00:15:10,402 --> 00:15:12,245 Come on, we gotta get out of here! 189 00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:24,126 (SCREAMS) 190 00:15:53,378 --> 00:15:54,379 PETER: (ON RADIO) Hello? 191 00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,652 Okay, so I'm going to the Dagobah system... 192 00:15:56,748 --> 00:16:00,195 - You gotta speak up. - I'm going to the Dagobah system! 193 00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:01,525 I still can't hear you. 194 00:16:01,619 --> 00:16:05,362 - I said I'm going... - It's a machine! I got you! 195 00:16:05,457 --> 00:16:06,663 (PETER MIMICS LASER SHOOTING) 196 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,739 You've reached Han Solo. Please leave a message after the blorp. 197 00:16:09,828 --> 00:16:11,239 (HIGH-PITCHED BLORP) 198 00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:13,737 Hey, we got any of those Chips Ahoy! left? 199 00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:15,375 No, those are all gone. 200 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,143 (GROANS) 201 00:16:18,203 --> 00:16:19,944 (WRAPPER CRINKLING) 202 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,590 (WRAPPER CRINKLING) 203 00:16:33,751 --> 00:16:35,253 (WRAPPER CRINKLING) 204 00:16:39,157 --> 00:16:40,966 Well, now nobody gets them. 205 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,323 STORMTROOPER. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! 206 00:17:13,091 --> 00:17:15,093 Emperor! Great to see you! 207 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,473 Hey, this is Jeremy. He's from... 208 00:17:17,962 --> 00:17:20,636 You know, he's from the program, and he wants to meet you. 209 00:17:20,732 --> 00:17:24,202 Well, hey, Jeremy! How do you like the Death Star so far? 210 00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:25,508 - Good. - Awesome! 211 00:17:25,603 --> 00:17:27,344 You gotta come back next year, when it's done. 212 00:17:27,705 --> 00:17:30,982 (AWKWARDLY) Oh... Okay, we're gonna move on now. 213 00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:33,317 If you ever do that to me again, l swear to God... 214 00:17:33,411 --> 00:17:35,118 I know! I know! Nobody told me. 215 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:38,626 They kind of just dropped him on me at the last minute. I couldn't say no, man. 216 00:17:38,917 --> 00:17:40,191 So, I think you'll be happy. 217 00:17:40,285 --> 00:17:42,663 The Death Star's going to be completed on schedule. 218 00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,127 - Excellent. - There is one thing, though, 219 00:17:45,223 --> 00:17:48,033 and I'm sorry about this, but your room's not ready till 4:00. 220 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:50,838 So feel free to use our business center, 221 00:17:50,929 --> 00:17:52,237 or enjoy the pool. 222 00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:54,439 (KIDS LAUGHING) 223 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,877 Stop it. Knock it off. 224 00:17:59,437 --> 00:18:00,677 Cut it out. Stop it! 225 00:18:02,941 --> 00:18:04,511 I deserve to relax, too. 226 00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:16,262 Master Yoda, I've come back to complete the training. 227 00:18:16,454 --> 00:18:18,331 Oh, you're done. There's no more training. 228 00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,101 Then l am a Jedi. 229 00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:22,898 No, not yet. First you have to confront Vader. 230 00:18:23,361 --> 00:18:26,535 Master Yoda, is Darth Vader my father? 231 00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:30,207 Yeah, it's either Darth Vader or Paul Reiser, 232 00:18:30,301 --> 00:18:32,747 but they don't want to know which one is your real father, 233 00:18:32,837 --> 00:18:34,441 so they're gonna raise you together. 234 00:18:34,706 --> 00:18:37,448 - Oh, my God! - Yeah, and I got some more bad news. 235 00:18:37,976 --> 00:18:40,047 I'm getting really old and I'm not feeling so hot, 236 00:18:40,178 --> 00:18:41,919 and I think I might die soon. 237 00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,119 - (WEAKLY) Luke. - Yeah? 238 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:49,464 Do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor. 239 00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:52,161 - Luke. - Uh-huh. 240 00:18:52,624 --> 00:18:57,232 When gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be. 241 00:18:58,229 --> 00:18:59,936 - Luke. - Right here. 242 00:19:00,398 --> 00:19:03,345 The Force runs strong in your family. 243 00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:06,406 - Luke! - Haven't gone anywhere. 244 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,149 Don't turn to the dark side. 245 00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:11,444 - Luke. - What's up? 246 00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:14,356 You fought Vader too soon. 247 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,215 - Luke! - Four inches away. 248 00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:21,162 There is another Skywalker. 249 00:19:22,153 --> 00:19:23,359 Okay, see you. 250 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,399 Master Yoda, no! 251 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:39,473 Hi, Hammacher Schlemmer? I'd like the wall-size crossword puzzle. 252 00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:43,814 Why, yes, I do have a credit card. Name is Yoda... 253 00:19:44,609 --> 00:19:45,952 Parseghian? 254 00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:54,320 I can't believe Master Yoda's dead. 255 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,690 Yoda will always be with you, Luke. 256 00:19:57,956 --> 00:20:00,994 (GASPING) A ghost! 257 00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,671 Obi-Wan! Why didn't you tell me Vader was my father? 258 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,376 Why didn't you tell me you got a new hand? 259 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,811 Let's take that thing out for a test drive. 260 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,150 But if Vader's my father, 261 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,917 does that mean I'm vulnerable to the dark side? 262 00:20:17,108 --> 00:20:20,783 Seriously, put your hand like you're gonna pull a carrot out of the ground. 263 00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:25,494 Obi-Wan, Yoda said there's another Skywalker. 264 00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:28,898 There is, Luke. You have a sister. 265 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,133 A sister? Who is it? 266 00:20:31,222 --> 00:20:32,633 Who the hell you think it is? 267 00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,398 Who's the only goddamn woman in the galaxy? 268 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,298 Leia! 269 00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:38,997 Hey, just for giggles, 270 00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:43,135 you wanna poop in Yoda's tiny toilet, pretend he took a giant poop? 271 00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:44,804 (BOTH LAUGHING) 272 00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:54,981 (LAUGHS) Me first! 273 00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:02,591 I'd like to thank you all for meeting me here, in the lobby of the Mondrian. 274 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:06,130 Hey, check it out, it's another chick! The only other chick in the galaxy. 275 00:21:06,691 --> 00:21:07,795 I don't like her. 276 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:12,199 The Emperor has made a critical error, and the time for our attack has come. 277 00:21:12,530 --> 00:21:15,807 We've learned that the new Death Star is not yet operational. 278 00:21:16,301 --> 00:21:17,905 But, more importantly, 279 00:21:18,002 --> 00:21:21,381 that the Emperor himself is overseeing this mission. 280 00:21:21,673 --> 00:21:24,552 Hey, you know what I find hilarious? Bothans. 281 00:21:24,642 --> 00:21:27,418 Many Bothans died to bring us this information. 282 00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:29,389 (INHALES SHARPLY) Ooh! 283 00:21:29,614 --> 00:21:31,753 Admiral Ackbar, if you will? 284 00:21:32,016 --> 00:21:33,017 It's a trap! 285 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,891 (LAUGHS) Just kidding. We'll get there later. 286 00:21:36,187 --> 00:21:39,225 So, let's pretty much just attack like we did last time. 287 00:21:39,324 --> 00:21:41,395 Sound good? No need to fix what ain't broke, right? 288 00:21:41,559 --> 00:21:43,561 Yeah, we did this already. That's what's so fucked up. 289 00:21:43,861 --> 00:21:46,068 General Solo will take a stolen Imperial shuttle 290 00:21:46,164 --> 00:21:49,008 and knock out the shield generator on the fourth moon of Endor, 291 00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:51,135 while General Calrissian has volunteered 292 00:21:51,235 --> 00:21:53,613 to lead the squadron to destroy the Death Star. 293 00:21:53,838 --> 00:21:56,284 - I didn't actually volunteer. - Everybody clear? 294 00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:59,217 Am I the only one with a gold star on their uniform? 295 00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:01,981 It's just for record-keeping. Okay! Let's go for it, people! 296 00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:04,417 Hey, is there anything I can do to help? 297 00:22:04,515 --> 00:22:05,493 Luke! 298 00:22:07,018 --> 00:22:09,396 - What is it? - Ask me again sometime. 299 00:22:09,554 --> 00:22:12,330 - What? - (TAUNTING) I know something about you! 300 00:22:12,423 --> 00:22:13,595 - Tell me. - No. 301 00:22:13,691 --> 00:22:15,693 - Come on, Luke! Tell me! - Nope! 302 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,239 Well, for God's sakes, tell me something about somebody! 303 00:22:18,329 --> 00:22:21,401 Okay. Han runs an online employment website on the side. 304 00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:24,939 Economy got you down? Stressed out? Worried about your future? 305 00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:26,807 Sounds like you need a Han job. 306 00:22:26,904 --> 00:22:29,350 I'm Han Solo, and I have jobs for everyone. 307 00:22:29,674 --> 00:22:32,985 Come by and apply for your Han job, and I'll get you off and running. 308 00:22:33,111 --> 00:22:36,092 Other websites jerk you around and don't finish what they start. 309 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,989 But with HANJOBS.ORG, we'll have you shooting for the stars! 310 00:22:40,618 --> 00:22:43,360 But keep it down, my neighbors don't know what's going on in here. 311 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:53,073 All right, now remember, Lando, don't get a single scratch on the Falcon, okay? 312 00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:56,077 Look, will you relax? I already said I'll be careful. 313 00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,637 Well, just make sure you are. That ship's gotten me laid a bunch of times. 314 00:23:06,377 --> 00:23:10,257 Hey, hey, hey, girls! Anyone want to make the Kessel Run? 315 00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:13,295 That'd be cool, but we only got twelve parsecs. 316 00:23:13,451 --> 00:23:16,159 (CHUCKLING) Hop in. 317 00:23:17,455 --> 00:23:19,059 Threepio, why are you wearing a coat and tie? 318 00:23:19,757 --> 00:23:22,169 Some people still treat flying as an occasion. 319 00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:29,178 - What's the matter? - Oh, nothing. 320 00:23:29,467 --> 00:23:31,777 I just got a funny feeling I'm never gonna see her again. 321 00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:34,873 - Who, the Falcon? - No, Elizabeth Hurley. I just... 322 00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:37,283 I just think she's done. 323 00:23:55,526 --> 00:23:57,403 - (FARTS) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 324 00:23:57,495 --> 00:23:59,839 - STEWIE. Hey! It's me! Can I come in? - Shit. 325 00:24:04,135 --> 00:24:05,671 Hey, I just wanted to let you... (SNIFFING) 326 00:24:05,770 --> 00:24:08,376 - Oh, boy. What's that? - I was just ironing my robe, 327 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,144 taking a look around. What's up? 328 00:24:10,341 --> 00:24:13,515 Well I just wanted to let you know there's a rebel fleet massing at Sullust, 329 00:24:13,611 --> 00:24:15,716 and I think they're going to invade or something. 330 00:24:15,847 --> 00:24:17,884 You made sure there wasn't a hole in the Death Star this time? 331 00:24:18,282 --> 00:24:19,818 Yeah, like I'm gonna do that twice! 332 00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:23,323 (STAMMERING) You... Shut up, mister! Gosh almighty! 333 00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:25,859 But, you know, it might be something to be concerned about. 334 00:24:26,123 --> 00:24:29,366 It's of no concern! The rebellion will soon be crushed, 335 00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:31,906 and young Skywalker will be one of us. 336 00:24:32,196 --> 00:24:34,540 We're still doing that initiation thing we talked about, right? 337 00:24:34,699 --> 00:24:36,906 - Oh, yeah! - Where you rub your wang on a fruit salad 338 00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:38,241 - and we watch him eat it? - You bet! 339 00:24:38,336 --> 00:24:41,283 - You ate the whole thing, remember? - (LAUGHS) Yeah, most of it. 340 00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:49,550 All right, this is it. 341 00:24:50,181 --> 00:24:53,560 Shuttle Tyderium requesting deactivation of the deflector shield. 342 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:56,454 Shuttle Tyderium, transmit the clearance code for shield passage. 343 00:24:56,787 --> 00:24:57,959 Transmission commencing. 344 00:24:58,089 --> 00:25:00,592 Now we find out if that code is worth the price we paid. 345 00:25:03,494 --> 00:25:04,905 Vader's on that ship. 346 00:25:05,196 --> 00:25:07,767 Don't get jittery, Luke. There's a lot of command ships. 347 00:25:07,932 --> 00:25:09,309 Keep your distance, though, Chewie. 348 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,380 But don't look like you're trying to keep your distance. 349 00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:14,382 - How am I supposed to do that? - I don't know, fly casual! 350 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,051 (WHISTLING) 351 00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:23,724 Does that casual-looking shuttle have a code clearance? 352 00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:25,426 Well, it's an older code, sir. 353 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:29,163 (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 354 00:25:29,253 --> 00:25:31,130 - But it checks out. - Wait a minute. 355 00:25:31,255 --> 00:25:34,099 - Skywalker's on that ship. - You can sense him? 356 00:25:34,192 --> 00:25:35,170 No, he's right there. 357 00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:38,732 They're not going for it, Chewie. 358 00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:40,900 Everybody, they're not going for it. This is failing. 359 00:25:41,098 --> 00:25:43,237 Luke, take this gun. You shoot me, I'll shoot you. 360 00:25:43,334 --> 00:25:45,871 CONTROLLER: (ON RADIO) Shuttle Tyderium, the shield has been deactivated. 361 00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:47,074 You are cleared to approach. 362 00:25:47,405 --> 00:25:50,011 (CHUCKLES) Well, there you go, gang! False alarm! 363 00:25:50,841 --> 00:25:52,479 Oh. (STAMMERING) 364 00:25:52,576 --> 00:25:53,680 False alarm? 365 00:25:56,213 --> 00:25:57,351 PETER: All right, somebody? Anybody? 366 00:25:57,448 --> 00:25:59,621 Do not let me leave here without maple syrup. 367 00:26:11,996 --> 00:26:14,670 - How are we gonna get past? - All right, there's only a few of them. 368 00:26:14,765 --> 00:26:16,870 Chewie and I'll take care of those guys, you stay here. 369 00:26:17,301 --> 00:26:18,302 Oh! Ladybug. 370 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:26,020 (SNAPS) 371 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:29,357 (POPPING) 372 00:26:31,482 --> 00:26:32,460 (HORN BLOWS) 373 00:26:34,118 --> 00:26:35,222 (YELPS) 374 00:26:37,121 --> 00:26:39,965 (GET READY FOR THIS PLAYING) 375 00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,502 Oh! I love this song! 376 00:26:41,592 --> 00:26:42,570 Hey! 377 00:26:47,665 --> 00:26:49,235 Over there! Two more of them! 378 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,243 I see them. Wait! Leia! 379 00:26:56,507 --> 00:26:57,815 My bike! 380 00:26:57,909 --> 00:26:59,820 Where's my bike? 381 00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:14,461 Move closer! Get alongside that one! 382 00:27:27,571 --> 00:27:30,279 Oh! Can you play the theme from E. T., John Williams? 383 00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:32,986 No, but I can do the theme to Entertainment Tonight. 384 00:27:33,077 --> 00:27:35,717 (ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT THEME PLAYING) 385 00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:48,994 MARY HART: Celebrating birthdays today, 386 00:27:49,093 --> 00:27:51,164 IG-88 turns 27, 387 00:27:51,429 --> 00:27:53,306 Lando Calrissian is 42, 388 00:27:53,397 --> 00:27:56,003 and "l Don't Like You, Either" Guy is 63. 389 00:28:01,172 --> 00:28:02,446 (STORMTROOPER SCREAMS) 390 00:28:08,379 --> 00:28:10,222 Keep on that one! I'll take these two! 391 00:28:17,788 --> 00:28:18,926 (SCREAMING) 392 00:28:26,630 --> 00:28:27,802 (SCREAMS) 393 00:28:28,499 --> 00:28:29,739 (LAUGHS VICTORIOUSLY) 394 00:28:33,871 --> 00:28:36,078 Destroy the planet Alderaan. 395 00:28:58,996 --> 00:29:00,805 You know, I think I've finally done it. 396 00:29:00,898 --> 00:29:04,141 I think I've gotten over the loss of my home planet, Alderaan. 397 00:29:04,468 --> 00:29:06,038 I've finally moved on. 398 00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:19,255 (BOTH GRUNTING) 399 00:29:38,102 --> 00:29:39,240 Ow! Oh! My side! 400 00:29:39,503 --> 00:29:42,712 (GROANING) 401 00:29:50,047 --> 00:29:51,287 General Solo, somebody's coming! 402 00:29:55,486 --> 00:29:57,830 Luke, there you are! Where's Leia? Have you seen her? 403 00:29:57,922 --> 00:29:58,992 She didn't come back? 404 00:29:59,223 --> 00:30:02,329 She probably decided to make like one of these trees and leave. 405 00:30:02,459 --> 00:30:03,494 (HORN BLOWING) 406 00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,074 (LAUGHING) Where did you get that? 407 00:30:06,163 --> 00:30:08,507 I don't know. I stepped on it earlier. It was just here in the woods. 408 00:30:08,599 --> 00:30:10,078 Been having a lot of fun with it. 409 00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:11,936 That's funny, 410 00:30:12,036 --> 00:30:15,040 because my friend lost his horn on the forest moon of Endor last year. 411 00:30:15,172 --> 00:30:16,150 It's not his. 412 00:30:25,482 --> 00:30:27,257 - Hey, cut it out. - Do not move! 413 00:30:27,351 --> 00:30:30,230 Or I will stab you with my very sharp spear. 414 00:30:30,321 --> 00:30:32,494 Look, put that down. I'm not going to hurt you. 415 00:30:32,690 --> 00:30:35,466 You are my enemy, and I want you off my planet. 416 00:30:35,559 --> 00:30:38,506 - Want a piece of cracker? - I will do anything you say! 417 00:30:41,232 --> 00:30:44,441 By the way, I think you're about to start your period. 418 00:30:44,902 --> 00:30:46,677 That's how I found you. 419 00:30:57,648 --> 00:30:58,854 Hey, hi. Me again. 420 00:30:58,949 --> 00:31:01,828 Hey, good news. The Death Star T-shirts finally arrived. 421 00:31:02,086 --> 00:31:03,064 Oh! Sweet! 422 00:31:05,055 --> 00:31:06,363 Oh, come on. 423 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:08,192 "Death Stab"? 424 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:09,766 Oh, for God's sake, Christie. 425 00:31:09,894 --> 00:31:11,100 Why don't you fire that girl? 426 00:31:11,328 --> 00:31:13,831 She's actually, believe it or not, better than the last one. 427 00:31:13,964 --> 00:31:15,875 I thought I told you to wait on the command ship. 428 00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:20,048 Yes, well, the thing is, a small rebel force has landed on the forest moon, 429 00:31:20,137 --> 00:31:21,445 and my son is with them. 430 00:31:21,539 --> 00:31:23,177 - Kurt? - No, Luke. 431 00:31:23,273 --> 00:31:24,377 I thought Kurt was your son. 432 00:31:24,675 --> 00:31:28,316 No, no, Kurt was just a guy I was hanging around with for a while. 433 00:31:28,445 --> 00:31:30,789 - That wasn't my son. - What do you mean? 434 00:31:30,881 --> 00:31:33,555 (STAMMERS) I mean, he was younger, but he wasn't that much younger. 435 00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:35,823 No, what do you mean, "hanging around with"? 436 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,763 Oh, it's not... Just a dude, you know? 437 00:31:37,855 --> 00:31:39,960 Just some guy to, like, play ball with, 438 00:31:40,057 --> 00:31:43,664 and go to the movies, crash into real hard in the hallway. 439 00:31:43,761 --> 00:31:46,765 You know, just guy stuff. You know, just a bro, you know? 440 00:31:46,864 --> 00:31:50,471 Someone you can read the Sunday paper or share an orange with. 441 00:31:50,801 --> 00:31:53,111 Honestly, Darth, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. 442 00:31:53,304 --> 00:31:55,545 (STAMMERING) Well, I don't know what you want me to... 443 00:31:55,639 --> 00:31:57,915 Look, just go down to the moon and wait for your son. 444 00:31:58,676 --> 00:32:00,747 I have foreseen that his compassion for you 445 00:32:00,844 --> 00:32:03,051 - will be his undoing. - Got it. On my way. 446 00:32:03,147 --> 00:32:04,649 - No more of this Kurt shit. - Yeah. 447 00:32:07,751 --> 00:32:10,163 Leia! Leia! 448 00:32:13,590 --> 00:32:15,092 Han, come over here. 449 00:32:15,659 --> 00:32:16,637 I found this. 450 00:32:17,628 --> 00:32:18,606 I suck. 451 00:32:18,862 --> 00:32:21,900 Hey, maybe we get out of the woods before nightfall, 452 00:32:21,999 --> 00:32:23,842 on account of the ghosts and all. 453 00:32:24,101 --> 00:32:25,273 Hey, guys, look over there! 454 00:32:25,903 --> 00:32:27,439 It's a hot girl from Florida. 455 00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:31,113 No, Chewie, don't! If you talk to her, you have to talk to her mom! 456 00:32:31,208 --> 00:32:33,051 I see you've met my daughter. 457 00:32:33,210 --> 00:32:36,657 You know, we were just mistaken for sisters over at the bar. 458 00:32:36,847 --> 00:32:38,793 Chewie, get away from... (EXCLAIMS) 459 00:32:42,119 --> 00:32:43,427 How are we going to get out of here? 460 00:32:43,621 --> 00:32:45,658 Wait a second, guys. I got an idea. 461 00:32:46,023 --> 00:32:49,732 Remember that laser I used to break Leia out of Jabba's handcuffs? 462 00:32:49,827 --> 00:32:52,364 Well, here comes a little tiny saw! 463 00:32:55,132 --> 00:32:56,338 (ALL SCREAMING) 464 00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:05,348 Whoa! What the hell are these? Hamsters? 465 00:33:05,709 --> 00:33:07,746 Oh, my God, they're adorable! 466 00:33:07,845 --> 00:33:08,846 (GASPING) 467 00:33:08,946 --> 00:33:10,516 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 468 00:33:10,681 --> 00:33:13,787 ALL: (CHANTING) Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy. 469 00:33:13,884 --> 00:33:16,660 Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy. 470 00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:19,264 - What are they doing? - I'm not sure. 471 00:33:19,690 --> 00:33:21,863 They seem to think I'm some sort of god. 472 00:33:22,159 --> 00:33:23,729 And they seem to think I'm Sum 41. 473 00:33:24,061 --> 00:33:26,667 ♪ All the small things... ♪ 474 00:33:26,764 --> 00:33:27,868 That's Blink-182. 475 00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,608 Sum 41 is the band that married Avril Lavigne. 476 00:33:30,834 --> 00:33:32,541 Oh... Huh! 477 00:33:33,237 --> 00:33:36,275 Seems like everybody would turn out a loser in that situation. 478 00:33:36,373 --> 00:33:37,374 Everybody did. 479 00:33:40,010 --> 00:33:41,489 (HORN BLOWING) 480 00:33:47,084 --> 00:33:48,688 Threepio, tell them to let us go. 481 00:33:48,986 --> 00:33:50,192 What the hell am I supposed to say? 482 00:33:50,521 --> 00:33:55,163 Tell them if they don't let us go, you'll become angry and use your magic. 483 00:33:55,559 --> 00:33:56,594 Yeah, I'll get right on that. 484 00:33:56,693 --> 00:33:59,037 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 485 00:34:01,298 --> 00:34:02,299 It's not working! 486 00:34:06,937 --> 00:34:08,143 Is this your card? 487 00:34:08,472 --> 00:34:10,474 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 488 00:34:14,478 --> 00:34:16,355 - Luke! Han! - Leia! 489 00:34:16,980 --> 00:34:18,425 Who braided your hair? 490 00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:21,519 - Did the Ewoks braid your hair? - Yeah. 491 00:34:21,618 --> 00:34:24,963 So, they use spears with wooden shafts and stone-carved tips, 492 00:34:25,055 --> 00:34:28,059 yet they clearly understand the finer points of cosmetology? 493 00:34:28,158 --> 00:34:30,468 I know, it's not as good as Empire. 494 00:34:37,201 --> 00:34:38,908 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 495 00:34:39,002 --> 00:34:39,980 ...born and raised... 496 00:34:40,070 --> 00:34:41,572 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 497 00:34:41,672 --> 00:34:42,650 ...most of my days... 498 00:34:43,841 --> 00:34:45,343 ...'maxing, relaxing all cool... 499 00:34:46,243 --> 00:34:47,221 ...b-ball... 500 00:34:50,381 --> 00:34:51,485 ...no good... 501 00:34:52,182 --> 00:34:53,820 ...trouble... neighborhood... 502 00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:55,529 ...one little fight... 503 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:57,355 ...scared... 504 00:34:58,322 --> 00:34:59,665 ...auntie and uncle in Bel Air. 505 00:34:59,857 --> 00:35:01,962 (THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR THEME PLAYING) 506 00:35:03,327 --> 00:35:05,034 ...DJ Jazzy Jeff homeless. 507 00:35:08,799 --> 00:35:10,472 Luke, are you okay? 508 00:35:10,968 --> 00:35:14,245 Leia, I've got something kind of messed up to tell you. 509 00:35:15,339 --> 00:35:16,579 You're my sister. 510 00:35:17,941 --> 00:35:19,147 I know. 511 00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:21,985 - Somehow, I've always known. - You have? 512 00:35:22,546 --> 00:35:24,651 Did you know when you kissed me on Hoth? 513 00:35:24,748 --> 00:35:26,785 - Yeah. - Well, that's pretty weird! 514 00:35:26,884 --> 00:35:29,922 I'm from Alderaan. It's kind of the Mississippi of the galaxy. 515 00:35:30,254 --> 00:35:33,861 Speaking of which, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Darth Twitty. 516 00:35:34,358 --> 00:35:36,133 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 517 00:35:36,226 --> 00:35:38,797 (THE GAMES THAT DADDIES PLAY PLAYING) 518 00:35:43,867 --> 00:35:46,211 ♪ He put his arms around her shoulder ♪ 519 00:35:46,303 --> 00:35:48,647 ♪ and with a voice that sounded older ♪ 520 00:35:48,739 --> 00:35:52,346 ♪ he said "Mom, I got something on my mind." ♪ 521 00:36:00,818 --> 00:36:02,559 PILOT: Imperial shuttle requesting permission 522 00:36:02,653 --> 00:36:04,655 to land like a dainty butterfly. 523 00:36:04,755 --> 00:36:06,257 CONTROLLER: Permission granted. 524 00:36:10,761 --> 00:36:12,866 Nice. That was nice. 525 00:36:24,575 --> 00:36:28,250 - Hey, Son. - Hey, Dad. Haven't seen you in a while. 526 00:36:28,445 --> 00:36:30,789 Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. 527 00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:33,321 But I got you a new baseball. 528 00:36:33,417 --> 00:36:35,693 Good. Our first catch of the day. 529 00:36:35,786 --> 00:36:37,288 Hey, go wait in the AT-AT. 530 00:36:38,488 --> 00:36:41,992 Now listen, since your mom's out of town and I have you for the weekend, 531 00:36:42,092 --> 00:36:43,571 I thought it would be fun 532 00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:46,664 if the Emperor and I turned you over to the dark side of the Force. 533 00:36:46,864 --> 00:36:49,708 Daddy, if I may, I'd like to throw out another option. 534 00:36:50,167 --> 00:36:52,044 I sense the good in you. 535 00:36:52,135 --> 00:36:54,081 Hang out with me on the lighter side of the Force. 536 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,861 (LAUGHING) 537 00:37:09,953 --> 00:37:10,931 That's something. 538 00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:12,932 All right, so what do you say? You want to go see the Emperor? 539 00:37:13,090 --> 00:37:15,263 I don't know. Can we have tacos? 540 00:37:15,459 --> 00:37:17,700 No, Friday is taco night. 541 00:37:17,961 --> 00:37:19,599 Oh, darn. (GASPS) 542 00:37:19,830 --> 00:37:22,037 - But today is Friday! - Yep! 543 00:37:22,165 --> 00:37:23,405 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 544 00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:25,878 Gotcha! Oh, my God, we're going to have so much fun. 545 00:37:44,888 --> 00:37:47,027 All right. Stand by to jump to lightspeed. 546 00:37:47,291 --> 00:37:49,498 When we arrive at Endor, we will destroy the Death Star 547 00:37:49,626 --> 00:37:52,106 and then begin setting up the Ewok reassignment camps. 548 00:37:52,462 --> 00:37:54,305 I hate that stupid fish man. 549 00:37:54,398 --> 00:37:58,437 I say when we're done with this, we go over there and fry him up in a skillet. 550 00:38:11,048 --> 00:38:13,824 All right, here goes nothing. I'm going to sneak up on that guy. 551 00:38:18,221 --> 00:38:19,598 - Hey! - Gotcha! 552 00:38:19,890 --> 00:38:21,767 (LAUGHING) Okay, you got me. 553 00:38:22,059 --> 00:38:23,197 Hey, wait, you got something there. 554 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,167 Oh, my God! I can't believe I fell for that. 555 00:38:26,263 --> 00:38:29,107 I know. Now, excuse me, I have to make out with my girlfriend. 556 00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:31,702 Oh! Sorry! I'll leave you two alone. 557 00:38:31,802 --> 00:38:35,443 - Nah, it's just me by myself! - (LAUGHING) Oh, my God! That's so cool! 558 00:38:35,806 --> 00:38:37,843 Hey, take your helmet off. I'll do "got your nose." 559 00:38:38,208 --> 00:38:40,848 We're not supposed to take these off, but I really want to see that. 560 00:38:42,079 --> 00:38:44,059 What the hell? Your head is so small! 561 00:38:44,214 --> 00:38:47,388 Yeah, that's why we wear these big helmets. It's a lot more intimidating. 562 00:38:47,484 --> 00:38:49,623 I'll be honest with you. I don't like people who are different. 563 00:39:17,381 --> 00:39:19,691 Hey, hey! Look who I brought! 564 00:39:20,350 --> 00:39:22,830 - Welcome, young Skywalker. - Thank you. 565 00:39:22,919 --> 00:39:24,159 - Not you! - I'm so embarrassed. 566 00:39:24,488 --> 00:39:26,729 I thought you should know, young Skywalker, 567 00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:28,962 that your friends are walking into a trap. 568 00:39:29,359 --> 00:39:32,863 Wow. You're white? You totally sounded black on the phone. 569 00:39:33,063 --> 00:39:36,044 Silence! You will turn to the dark side, 570 00:39:36,133 --> 00:39:39,842 and your precious rebellion will be destroyed. 571 00:39:40,237 --> 00:39:41,477 Oh! 572 00:39:41,571 --> 00:39:47,681 (MOCKINGLY) I'm afraid the shield generator will be quite operational 573 00:39:47,778 --> 00:39:50,315 when your friends arrive. 574 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,956 Jeez, you don't have to be a dick about it. 575 00:39:55,652 --> 00:39:56,722 All right, everybody, hands in the air! 576 00:39:57,654 --> 00:40:00,396 All right. Now I want you to take off your helmets, go outside 577 00:40:00,524 --> 00:40:01,798 and dig your own graves with them. 578 00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:03,504 Han, that's kind of dark. 579 00:40:03,593 --> 00:40:06,369 Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap in this movie. l think we all need this. 580 00:40:06,496 --> 00:40:07,497 Now get outside! 581 00:40:07,831 --> 00:40:09,401 (MEN CRYING) 582 00:40:09,499 --> 00:40:11,240 - I have a family! - Faster! 583 00:40:12,335 --> 00:40:13,746 I just do data entry! 584 00:40:14,004 --> 00:40:15,483 - All right. You, kill him. - What? 585 00:40:15,572 --> 00:40:17,813 Kill him. Take this knife and stab him in the mouth. 586 00:40:17,908 --> 00:40:18,886 No, please! 587 00:40:18,975 --> 00:40:21,751 Shut up! And after he's dead, cut off his face and wear it as your face. 588 00:40:21,845 --> 00:40:23,950 - Please! - I've had it up to here with Ewoks. 589 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:25,754 Now, stab him and wear his face! 590 00:40:25,849 --> 00:40:28,193 And then go home to his family still wearing his face, 591 00:40:28,285 --> 00:40:31,198 and see how long it takes them to figure out that it's you and not him. 592 00:40:31,288 --> 00:40:32,494 Hold it right there! 593 00:40:33,123 --> 00:40:34,625 You rebel scum. 594 00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:38,138 Wow. What a voice! Do you mind reading this for me? 595 00:40:38,829 --> 00:40:42,038 "Paging Mr. Herman, Mr. Pee-wee Herman." 596 00:40:42,232 --> 00:40:44,712 I found my bike! (LAUGHS) 597 00:40:58,215 --> 00:41:00,354 What do you mean, we can't get any reading on the shield? 598 00:41:00,617 --> 00:41:02,961 Man, only thing I'm reading is Cat in the Hat. 599 00:41:03,386 --> 00:41:05,559 Damn cat! That hat looks ridiculous! 600 00:41:09,659 --> 00:41:12,037 Admiral, we've got enemy ships in sector 47. 601 00:41:12,295 --> 00:41:13,899 It's a trap! It's a trap! 602 00:41:14,164 --> 00:41:15,507 Also, whose cat? 603 00:41:16,032 --> 00:41:17,033 (CAT MEOWS) 604 00:41:17,133 --> 00:41:18,578 (SIGHS) Someone get your cat. 605 00:41:24,007 --> 00:41:24,985 Fighters coming in! 606 00:41:32,783 --> 00:41:36,731 Lando to Enterprise! Draw their fire away from the cruisers! 607 00:41:36,887 --> 00:41:39,390 We're having tea, thank you very much. 608 00:41:39,489 --> 00:41:41,025 Yes, tea. 609 00:41:55,338 --> 00:41:58,410 Listen, you guys, this is all a crazy misunderstanding. 610 00:41:58,808 --> 00:42:00,219 (WHISTLES) 611 00:42:00,544 --> 00:42:02,080 You think this is gonna work? 612 00:42:02,179 --> 00:42:05,160 Oh, yeah. Those Ewoks had all of five minutes to get things prepared. 613 00:42:05,248 --> 00:42:06,625 I'm sure it's all gonna work out fine. 614 00:42:06,850 --> 00:42:09,592 (HORNS BLOWING) 615 00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:19,473 (SCREAMS) 616 00:42:21,798 --> 00:42:24,005 This armor's useless! Why do we even wear it? 617 00:42:58,835 --> 00:43:01,008 (GIRLS GIGGLING) 618 00:43:15,252 --> 00:43:17,596 Look out! Here comes a squadron of PIE fighters! 619 00:43:41,177 --> 00:43:42,451 CARTER: Look at that, huh? 620 00:43:42,746 --> 00:43:44,953 Look at the crappy job your friends are doing. 621 00:43:45,248 --> 00:43:47,387 And here's something that's gonna piss you off even more. 622 00:43:47,517 --> 00:43:48,552 Fire at will! 623 00:43:48,985 --> 00:43:52,194 Gee, Dr. Smith, this doesn't seem like a very safe place to be. 624 00:43:53,924 --> 00:43:55,267 (CRYING) William! 625 00:43:55,592 --> 00:43:57,833 (LAUGHS) Okay, now fire at everybody else. 626 00:44:03,166 --> 00:44:05,772 Holy shit! That blast came from the Death Star! 627 00:44:05,969 --> 00:44:08,279 - That thing's operational! - What's that mean? 628 00:44:08,371 --> 00:44:11,215 - It's fully functional! - I still don't get it. I'm five. 629 00:44:11,308 --> 00:44:12,810 Bang, bang, boom, boom! 630 00:44:12,909 --> 00:44:15,321 Bang, bang, boom, boom? Damn, that thing's operational! 631 00:44:17,814 --> 00:44:21,227 Look at that! Blowing up rebel ships! Bet that gets you going. 632 00:44:21,718 --> 00:44:22,719 You hate me now? 633 00:44:23,086 --> 00:44:26,226 Come on. Take that lightsaber and try to strike me down, 634 00:44:26,323 --> 00:44:29,793 and your journey toward the dark side will be complete. 635 00:44:29,959 --> 00:44:32,337 I've seen a lot of ships get blown up. It's no big deal. 636 00:44:32,696 --> 00:44:35,006 Yeah, I guess that wouldn't get under my skin, either. 637 00:44:35,365 --> 00:44:37,242 Not the way Seth Green gets under my skin. 638 00:44:37,367 --> 00:44:38,368 Huh? 639 00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:40,573 Yeah. Boy, that guy rubs me the wrong way. 640 00:44:40,670 --> 00:44:42,980 I mean, has he ever made anything successful? 641 00:44:43,073 --> 00:44:46,611 Greg the Bunny, Four Kings, and that godawful puppet show. 642 00:44:46,710 --> 00:44:48,621 It's on, like, channel 100 or something. 643 00:44:48,745 --> 00:44:52,921 Well, I think he's had some successes. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was popular. 644 00:44:53,016 --> 00:44:56,589 It was not popular. Entertainment Weekly said it was popular, but it wasn't. 645 00:44:56,686 --> 00:44:58,996 - Hardly anybody ever watched that show. - Yeah, I never caught it. 646 00:44:59,089 --> 00:45:01,000 Well, he's been in some big movies. 647 00:45:01,091 --> 00:45:04,072 The Austin Powers movies grossed, like, a billion dollars. 648 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,902 What, because of Seth Green? Do you ever hear anyone say, 649 00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:09,603 "Hey, let's go see that new Austin Powers, Seth Green's in it"? 650 00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,005 You're not getting to me, man. 651 00:45:11,101 --> 00:45:13,604 You're talking about an actor who I happen to enjoy. 652 00:45:13,903 --> 00:45:15,883 Well, I certainly enjoyed him in Entourage, 653 00:45:15,972 --> 00:45:17,815 'cause in that show, he was playing himself, 654 00:45:17,907 --> 00:45:19,045 an asshole. 655 00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:25,815 Oh! Sorry. (LAUGHS) This is my joke lightsaber. It's cute, right? 656 00:45:25,915 --> 00:45:26,916 Okay, for real now. 657 00:45:50,807 --> 00:45:53,287 (MESS AROUND PLAYING) 658 00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:54,855 ♪ Mess around. ♪ 659 00:45:56,346 --> 00:45:57,882 ♪ They doing the mess around. ♪ 660 00:45:59,616 --> 00:46:01,254 ♪ They doing the mess around. ♪ 661 00:46:01,818 --> 00:46:03,764 ♪ Everybody doing the mess around. ♪ 662 00:46:24,908 --> 00:46:27,912 Join us, Luke. Turn to the back side of the Force. 663 00:46:28,144 --> 00:46:30,249 - What? - The dark side. Turn to the... 664 00:46:30,547 --> 00:46:32,322 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) To the... 665 00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:33,393 Long day. 666 00:46:33,616 --> 00:46:35,618 I will not fight you, Father. 667 00:46:35,885 --> 00:46:38,126 Then you will meet your destiny. 668 00:46:43,059 --> 00:46:44,561 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 669 00:46:44,661 --> 00:46:46,937 Oh, my God! I meant to hit you in the shoulder, 670 00:46:47,030 --> 00:46:48,304 and that whole thing just fell! 671 00:46:48,732 --> 00:46:50,109 - Did you see that? - What? 672 00:46:50,333 --> 00:46:52,540 - That whole thing just fell. - How? 673 00:46:52,735 --> 00:46:55,648 I don't know. He was up there like, "I can't do this," I threw the thing, 674 00:46:55,738 --> 00:46:58,548 and I just meant to hit him in the arm, and then the whole thing fell. 675 00:46:58,775 --> 00:47:00,584 Well, that's good, right? We want him hurt. 676 00:47:00,777 --> 00:47:01,881 Are you using your brain? 677 00:47:01,978 --> 00:47:04,356 We're lucky if we come out of this without a lawsuit. 678 00:47:11,688 --> 00:47:12,826 Ow! 679 00:47:14,557 --> 00:47:15,535 STORMTROOPER: Freeze! 680 00:47:15,658 --> 00:47:18,161 Okay, now you're in a laundromat, and there's only one available machine, 681 00:47:18,261 --> 00:47:19,569 and you're fighting over it. Go! 682 00:47:20,096 --> 00:47:23,077 Oh, God! It looks like all these machines are taken. 683 00:47:23,433 --> 00:47:26,505 Oh, drat! And me with all my soiled underthings. 684 00:47:28,605 --> 00:47:31,711 If anyone asks, I shot him. Got that? You were crying in the corner. 685 00:47:37,247 --> 00:47:38,658 Holy crap. Stay back. 686 00:47:40,350 --> 00:47:43,559 Hey, bitches! I just killed, like, fifty stormtroopers. 687 00:47:43,853 --> 00:47:46,231 - That thing is really cool! - Damn right it is! 688 00:47:46,322 --> 00:47:47,460 See that squirrel over there? 689 00:47:47,557 --> 00:47:49,298 Hi, little squirrel. (MIMICS LASER FIRING) 690 00:47:50,293 --> 00:47:51,294 Ooh! 691 00:47:51,394 --> 00:47:53,271 Hey, why don't you blast open this door, and then we can... 692 00:47:53,463 --> 00:47:56,706 Hey, a butterfly! Look at those beautiful wings flapping. 693 00:47:56,799 --> 00:47:59,643 But uh-oh, here comes ka-slice! 694 00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:04,844 Hey, speedy little hummingbird. You're so fast, aren't you? 695 00:48:05,008 --> 00:48:07,921 Oh, but are you as fast as this? (EXCLAIMS) 696 00:48:09,712 --> 00:48:12,921 Whoa! What do we have here? A fully formed beehive! 697 00:48:13,283 --> 00:48:17,026 Must have taken months to build that guy. Well, guess what? (EXCLAIMS) 698 00:48:20,156 --> 00:48:21,464 (GROANING) 699 00:48:21,557 --> 00:48:22,535 Oh, God! 700 00:48:23,259 --> 00:48:24,829 (SCREAMING) 701 00:48:24,928 --> 00:48:25,963 Oh, my God! 702 00:48:29,732 --> 00:48:30,904 Should we help him? 703 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:31,978 Eh. 704 00:48:33,303 --> 00:48:34,407 (MUFFLED) I think... 705 00:48:34,537 --> 00:48:35,538 I think... 706 00:48:35,638 --> 00:48:36,616 I think... 707 00:48:39,242 --> 00:48:41,586 Give yourself to the dark side, Luke. 708 00:48:41,744 --> 00:48:43,052 CHRIS: I will not fight you. 709 00:48:43,746 --> 00:48:45,657 Well, all right. I guess that's no problem. 710 00:48:46,015 --> 00:48:48,495 I can always get Seth Green to fight me. 711 00:48:48,584 --> 00:48:50,029 He'll do anything for money. 712 00:48:50,253 --> 00:48:51,755 I mean, did you see Sex Drive? 713 00:48:51,855 --> 00:48:53,596 Oh, of course you didn't. You're a person. 714 00:48:55,124 --> 00:48:57,331 Of course, I guess it did respectable foreign numbers. 715 00:48:57,460 --> 00:48:58,734 Asians really liked it. 716 00:49:01,197 --> 00:49:04,644 And you gotta hand it to Seth Green. I mean, he works hard, you know? 717 00:49:04,834 --> 00:49:08,338 I mean, the work is much harder when you know the project is no good. 718 00:49:08,438 --> 00:49:10,714 Still, all those small paychecks must add up. 719 00:49:11,107 --> 00:49:12,677 (GRUNTING) 720 00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:16,118 I wonder if his fan base knows how Jewish he really is. 721 00:49:16,512 --> 00:49:17,684 (YELLING) 722 00:49:39,202 --> 00:49:40,442 (GROANS) 723 00:49:41,037 --> 00:49:43,176 Hey, you got a good hand guy, right? 724 00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,477 CARTER: Good. Good! 725 00:49:46,843 --> 00:49:49,289 Your hate has made you powerful. 726 00:49:49,545 --> 00:49:51,547 Now, fulfill your destiny 727 00:49:51,748 --> 00:49:54,957 and take your father's place at my side. 728 00:49:55,485 --> 00:49:57,431 Can we at least put together a press release 729 00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,229 that says I'm resigning of my own accord to pursue other evil projects? 730 00:50:01,858 --> 00:50:04,134 I'll never join the dark side. 731 00:50:04,761 --> 00:50:06,502 You failed, Your Highness. 732 00:50:06,596 --> 00:50:08,906 I'm a Jedi, like my father before me. 733 00:50:09,265 --> 00:50:11,438 All right, let's everybody just calm the fuck down. 734 00:50:12,068 --> 00:50:13,103 Move! Run! 735 00:50:22,111 --> 00:50:25,024 The shield is down. Commence attack on the Death Star's main reactor. 736 00:50:25,248 --> 00:50:28,161 The shield may be down, but they've gone into glitter-ball mode. 737 00:50:28,284 --> 00:50:30,992 (DISCO VERSION OF STAR WARS THEME PLAYING) 738 00:50:34,724 --> 00:50:38,297 If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed. 739 00:50:38,494 --> 00:50:40,997 Oh, yeah? You and what lightning hands? 740 00:50:41,197 --> 00:50:42,175 Oh! Now you've done it. 741 00:50:43,199 --> 00:50:44,940 (SCREAMING) 742 00:50:48,704 --> 00:50:50,513 Yeah! I'm a bad guy! 743 00:50:51,074 --> 00:50:53,281 Yeah! Yeah! How about that, huh? 744 00:50:53,443 --> 00:50:54,922 Look at that! Look what l can do! 745 00:50:55,411 --> 00:50:56,856 Yeah! Out the butt-hole! 746 00:50:57,714 --> 00:50:59,057 Father, please! 747 00:50:59,649 --> 00:51:02,653 "Please"! You know what? You have nice manners. 748 00:51:02,785 --> 00:51:05,391 I'm so delighted that Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen took the time 749 00:51:05,488 --> 00:51:06,933 to teach you nice manners. 750 00:51:07,290 --> 00:51:09,065 And just for that, I'm going to help you out here. 751 00:51:14,463 --> 00:51:16,136 (CARTER SCREAMING) 752 00:51:20,937 --> 00:51:23,213 That's the power of "please," kids. 753 00:51:40,089 --> 00:51:41,193 (BOTH SCREAM) 754 00:51:47,196 --> 00:51:49,005 Luke, help me get this mask off. 755 00:51:49,365 --> 00:51:51,538 Let me look on you with my own eyes, 756 00:51:52,201 --> 00:51:53,373 father to son. 757 00:51:58,007 --> 00:51:58,985 (NECK SNAPS) 758 00:52:01,377 --> 00:52:06,554 Ahhh! Oh, no! He's dead because of what the Emperor did 759 00:52:07,016 --> 00:52:08,495 a while ago! 760 00:52:09,652 --> 00:52:11,427 I better take his body! 761 00:52:12,055 --> 00:52:13,159 Just 'cause. 762 00:52:28,504 --> 00:52:30,780 Okay, Wedge, take out the power station. 763 00:52:31,507 --> 00:52:35,353 ♪ Some like it hot, and some sweat when the heat is on. ♪ 764 00:52:39,148 --> 00:52:41,389 ♪ Some feel the heat and decide... ♪ 765 00:52:43,052 --> 00:52:44,190 Thank you. 766 00:53:16,953 --> 00:53:18,728 (ALL CHEERING) 767 00:53:23,860 --> 00:53:27,603 Hey, Leia, you got a date for the We Just Killed Thousands of People Dance tonight? 768 00:53:27,697 --> 00:53:30,576 - No. - You do now. Pick you up at 7:00. 769 00:53:30,666 --> 00:53:32,077 And save Yub Nub for me. 770 00:53:33,202 --> 00:53:35,705 Come to think of it, you can shave your yub nub for me, too! 771 00:53:35,805 --> 00:53:37,045 (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) 772 00:53:37,139 --> 00:53:38,140 I'll see you at 7:00. 773 00:53:46,382 --> 00:53:47,759 (STORMTROOPERS SCREAMING) 774 00:53:53,122 --> 00:53:54,829 (EWOKS CHATTERING) 775 00:53:55,591 --> 00:53:57,502 (YUB NUB PLAYING) 776 00:54:14,076 --> 00:54:16,056 What the hell, man? I was gonna make it! 777 00:54:16,412 --> 00:54:18,653 Thanks for watching over me and keeping me safe. 778 00:54:19,015 --> 00:54:20,892 Fuck you! You murdered me, you ass. 779 00:54:29,559 --> 00:54:30,902 The end. 780 00:54:30,993 --> 00:54:34,099 And that's the final chapter in the Star Wars saga. 781 00:54:34,196 --> 00:54:35,436 What about the prequels? 782 00:54:35,531 --> 00:54:37,101 I think The Cleveland Show is gonna do those. 783 00:54:37,466 --> 00:54:40,538 Dad, one question. What do you got against Seth Green? 784 00:54:40,836 --> 00:54:43,248 I just think he's a douche. You got a problem with that? 785 00:54:43,539 --> 00:54:45,985 Well, we're all entitled to our own opinion. 786 00:54:46,075 --> 00:54:48,851 For example, me, l think Seth MacFarlane is a douche. 787 00:54:49,145 --> 00:54:50,954 - What's that, now? - Yeah, I don't like him, either. 788 00:54:51,113 --> 00:54:52,114 Yeah, me neither. 789 00:54:52,248 --> 00:54:54,353 Wait a second. I hear he's a pretty nice guy. 790 00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:56,452 Yeah, good-looking guy. Talented, young... 791 00:54:56,652 --> 00:54:58,962 Talented? He ripped off The Simpsons. 792 00:54:59,155 --> 00:55:01,396 Yeah, he watched TV in the '80s. We get it. 793 00:55:01,490 --> 00:55:03,663 And he only puts out, like, ten new episodes a year. 794 00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,467 And then he splits those up into five DVD sets. 795 00:55:06,729 --> 00:55:08,367 He doesn't make those decisions, Chris. 796 00:55:08,464 --> 00:55:10,171 Those decisions are made at the corporate level. 797 00:55:10,466 --> 00:55:13,106 But he still takes the money every week. How noble. 798 00:55:13,269 --> 00:55:16,443 And doesn't he have a whole staff that writes those episodes anyway? 799 00:55:16,539 --> 00:55:19,782 Well, I wouldn't know about that, but I think, and I hope, Chris, 800 00:55:19,875 --> 00:55:22,719 that ultimately, people will just remember the laughter. 801 00:55:27,429 --> 00:55:32,713 Sync by lightAngel / Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 62486

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