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1
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(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
2
00:00:06,599 --> 00:00:08,101
TV ANNOUNCER.
And now, back to VH1's
3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,736
Salute to Singers from the'90s.
4
00:00:10,035 --> 00:00:13,847
Today's installment, "Why they all needed
to turn every vowel into the letter'A.'"
5
00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:17,911
♪ It used to bay...
6
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:20,854
♪ that you loved may... ♪
7
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:25,754
♪ But now it's nineteen- ninetay... ♪
8
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:31,430
♪ and I have to set you fray... ♪
9
00:00:31,524 --> 00:00:34,664
♪ Fray... ♪
10
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:41,273
♪ The letter A, the A,
the A, the letter A... ♪
11
00:00:41,634 --> 00:00:42,908
♪ Thank yay! ♪
12
00:00:43,969 --> 00:00:45,073
(ALL GROANING)
13
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,151
- Oh, no!
- Not again!
14
00:00:47,239 --> 00:00:48,946
We're about to do Jedi, aren't we?
15
00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,782
(SIGHS)
Let's just get through this.
16
00:01:00,586 --> 00:01:03,294
(STAR WARS THEME PLAYING)
17
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:07,036
Sync by lightAngel / Corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com
18
00:03:25,531 --> 00:03:28,011
Inform the commander
that Lord Vader's shuttle has arrived.
19
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,538
And also, we're missing a bunch
of snow shovels from the storeroom.
20
00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:32,843
Does anyone know anything about that?
21
00:03:33,138 --> 00:03:35,584
- Uh... Snow shovels? No.
- Haven't seen any. No.
22
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,210
- Haven't heard about it.
- No idea. No.
23
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,060
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
24
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,837
Oh, my God, that was absolute hell!
25
00:03:58,931 --> 00:04:01,343
I just... I don't understand why...
26
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,672
I mean, we're in a galaxy far, far away,
27
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,849
and we still have to change in Atlanta.
28
00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:09,544
Hi, Darth. You got any bags,
or did you leave Mrs. Vader at home?
29
00:04:09,908 --> 00:04:12,514
It's you?
Are we already out of our own characters?
30
00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:14,181
- What?
- How's the construction going?
31
00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:15,519
Oh, fantabulously.
32
00:04:15,614 --> 00:04:17,685
Remember how last time
they skimmed along a trench
33
00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:19,626
and then blew it up
by shooting through a hole?
34
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,356
- Yeah.
- Well, now there's no trench.
35
00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:22,864
Great. ls there a hole?
36
00:04:23,756 --> 00:04:24,791
- Yes.
- What?
37
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,995
- There is.
- Well, if I were you, I'd repair that hole
38
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:30,335
- before the Emperor arrives.
- The Emperor is coming here?
39
00:04:30,629 --> 00:04:31,630
Yeah. He loves this place.
40
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,074
I was there when he came up
with the idea for the Death Star.
41
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,980
- Hey... Hey, Darth? Darth?
- Yeah? What?
42
00:04:39,505 --> 00:04:41,382
That.
That's what.
43
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,212
What? It's a circle.
44
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:44,651
It's a good circle, I'll give you that.
45
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:47,587
- No. No, no. Space station.
- What?
46
00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:48,987
- Yep.
- (IN DISBELIEF) What?
47
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,651
- Yep, it is.
- No way!
48
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,251
It is.
It is, big time.
49
00:05:02,461 --> 00:05:03,439
(CLEVELAND BEEPING)
50
00:05:03,562 --> 00:05:05,872
CLEVELAND: You sure this is
where we'll find Captain Solo?
51
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:09,501
Yep, this is it. Corner of Tatooine Way
and Martin Luther King Boulevard.
52
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,677
- Hi, Artoo! You wanna come play?
- CLEVELAND: Sure!
53
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,944
♪ Here I am on Tatooine, ♪
54
00:05:15,174 --> 00:05:17,552
♪ jumping Double Dutch like you never seen. ♪
55
00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:19,884
♪ I know my way around a rope... ♪
56
00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:22,322
♪ LOIS: Help me, Obi-Wan.
You're my only hope. ♪
57
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,662
- CONSUELA: Yes?
- Hi, we have a message for Jabba the...
58
00:05:27,753 --> 00:05:30,097
No, Mister Jabba no home.
59
00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:31,423
Oh.
60
00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:34,800
- Can we leave it with someone, because...
- No, no.
61
00:05:36,328 --> 00:05:37,932
Hey, look!
Jabba's cat escaped!
62
00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:39,907
I sure hope he doesn't blame the help!
63
00:05:40,032 --> 00:05:43,980
(WHINING)
Kitty! Kitty! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Kitty!
64
00:05:45,604 --> 00:05:46,878
(CLANKING)
65
00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:53,553
(CHATTERING)
66
00:05:56,748 --> 00:05:57,749
Oh, my God!
67
00:05:58,117 --> 00:05:59,528
Alec Baldwin?
68
00:05:59,618 --> 00:06:01,256
(IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)
69
00:06:01,787 --> 00:06:05,462
CLEVELAND: Wow. There are all kind of
manner of crazy monsters in here.
70
00:06:05,557 --> 00:06:07,537
Yeah, and they added even more
for the special edition.
71
00:06:08,227 --> 00:06:10,229
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
(GROWLING)
72
00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:12,204
Artoo, play him the message.
73
00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:18,604
Greetings, exalted one.
It's me, Luke Skywalker.
74
00:06:18,771 --> 00:06:22,480
I seek an audience with Your Slimness
to bargain for Captain Solo's life.
75
00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:26,951
As a token of my goodwill,
I present to you a gift, these two droids.
76
00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,019
Wait a minute,
does he have the right to give us away?
77
00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:31,025
He just stole us from his dead uncle.
78
00:06:42,094 --> 00:06:43,164
(ALL LAUGHING)
79
00:06:43,262 --> 00:06:44,400
(SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE)
80
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:46,100
... triple-dog-dare.
81
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,876
(SCREAMING)
82
00:06:52,971 --> 00:06:54,450
(ALL LAUGHING)
83
00:06:57,276 --> 00:06:59,586
CLEVELAND:
Kid's tongue stuck to a ass.
84
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,023
CONSUELA:
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...
85
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,524
(BELCHES)
86
00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:10,959
(ALIEN SNORING)
87
00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:39,021
- (FARTING)
- Sorry!
88
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,389
Sorry.
Been building up for a while.
89
00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:43,491
- Sorry.
- (CONTINUES FARTING)
90
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:45,194
I'm sorry.
91
00:07:45,657 --> 00:07:47,261
I'm so sorry about this.
92
00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:49,801
Sorry.
There we are.
93
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,708
- I can't see!
- Just relax.
94
00:07:55,834 --> 00:08:00,374
You have hibernation sickness,
but your eyesight will return in time.
95
00:08:00,906 --> 00:08:03,250
- Where am I?
- Jabba's palace.
96
00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,714
Who are you?
97
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:06,983
Someone who loves you.
98
00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:09,286
Whoa! You are smothering me,
and I need my space.
99
00:08:09,715 --> 00:08:11,717
(JOE LAUGHING)
100
00:08:11,984 --> 00:08:14,521
Wait a minute, who's that?
I know that laugh.
101
00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:16,594
It's the 7Up guy!
102
00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:18,524
(ALIENS LAUGHING)
103
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:21,230
- It's not the 7Up guy.
- Yeah, it is.
104
00:08:21,393 --> 00:08:24,897
Hey, say, "Crisp and clean, no caffeine."
105
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,437
- Han? What are you doing here?
- Chewie? Is that you?
106
00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:34,415
Yeah, it's me.
I got caught eating out of Jabba's trash.
107
00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:35,576
Well, I guess the good news is
108
00:08:35,674 --> 00:08:38,211
we're not being pushed
into a giant anus in the desert.
109
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,983
- What's wrong with your eyes?
- I'm blind.
110
00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:42,957
It's part of the hibernation sickness.
That and these lesions,
111
00:08:43,048 --> 00:08:45,551
and the fatigue that I've been feeling,
and the persistent cough.
112
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,094
(COUGHING)
113
00:08:47,719 --> 00:08:50,598
You might, uh...
You might have two things.
114
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,776
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
115
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,247
How did he get in?
116
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,917
(GROWLING)
I let him in. What, was that not cool?
117
00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:11,954
Nice to see you, Jabba.
118
00:09:12,311 --> 00:09:14,552
(IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)
119
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,921
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
120
00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:19,956
Um... Leia, wow.
121
00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:23,329
- I didn't get raped. Okay?
- Okay.
122
00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:24,999
- Okay?
- Okay!
123
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:31,064
I'm here to bargain for Han Solo
and the rest of my friends.
124
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,531
What's your price?
125
00:09:32,731 --> 00:09:34,005
Master Luke, be careful!
You're standing on...
126
00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,510
Threepio, please.
Whatever you have to say
127
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,274
cannot possibly be as important
as this conversation.
128
00:09:38,437 --> 00:09:40,713
But you're standing on a trap door,
and if Jabba pushes the button...
129
00:09:40,806 --> 00:09:42,513
(ANGRILY)
Threepio, what did I just say?
130
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,086
But there's a trap door
right under your feet!
131
00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:46,452
There's a huge monster down there,
and if Jabba hits the button,
132
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:47,615
the trap door's gonna open,
133
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,283
you're gonna fall down
into the dungeon below
134
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,521
- and get eaten by the monster!
- Threepio, please! We're talking!
135
00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,462
(ROARING)
136
00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:02,597
(GASPS)
Oh, my God!
137
00:10:02,694 --> 00:10:04,264
Rush Limbaugh!
138
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,565
Limbaugh Rule Number One,
139
00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:09,339
no tax-dodging Jedis in my pit!
140
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,345
Religion is tax-exempt!
Jedi is a religion!
141
00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:14,211
(ALL CHEERING)
142
00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:37,704
CLEVELAND: Oh, Luke! Did you want me
to throw you your lightsaber?
143
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:40,034
Yeah, about ten minutes ago!
144
00:10:40,232 --> 00:10:44,180
Just so you know, the compartment
I keep your lightsaber in is my rectum.
145
00:10:52,377 --> 00:10:56,086
The mighty Jabba has decreed that
you are to be thrown into the Sarlacc pit.
146
00:10:56,515 --> 00:10:59,428
There, you will discover a new meaning
of pain and suffering
147
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:03,426
as you are slowly digested
over a thousand years.
148
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,565
No sweat.
I'm bringing a box of All-Bran.
149
00:11:05,657 --> 00:11:07,500
I'll be sprayed all over the desert
in a week.
150
00:11:07,826 --> 00:11:10,705
Right? Big lips on a stick knows
what I'm talking about.
151
00:11:11,029 --> 00:11:12,440
Ha! Fiber!
152
00:11:20,539 --> 00:11:21,711
Still alive!
153
00:11:27,846 --> 00:11:30,452
- What's going on?
- We just got to the Sarlacc pit.
154
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,493
- What's that?
- It's this disgusting, horrible creature
155
00:11:33,585 --> 00:11:36,225
that's worse than
anything you could ever imagine.
156
00:11:36,955 --> 00:11:38,332
(HISSING)
157
00:11:39,424 --> 00:11:41,700
QUAGMIRE: (ON LOUDSPEAKERS)
Victims of the almighty Sarlacc!
158
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,566
His Excellency hopes
that you will die honorably.
159
00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:47,206
But, should any of you wish
to beg for mercy,
160
00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:50,041
the great Jabba the Hutt
will now listen to your pleas.
161
00:11:50,435 --> 00:11:53,678
Please don't kill us!
We won't do it again, honest!
162
00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,548
We'll be good, mister!
We was just fooling around, is all!
163
00:11:57,709 --> 00:12:00,019
Jabba!
This is your last chance!
164
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,355
Free us or die!
165
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,059
(ALL LAUGHING)
166
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,103
(SUSPENSEFUL BRASS MUSIC PLAYING)
167
00:13:08,346 --> 00:13:09,848
(PLAYING TUBA)
168
00:13:15,654 --> 00:13:16,928
Well?
169
00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:18,900
We're waiting.
170
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:37,519
(SCREAMING)
171
00:13:40,245 --> 00:13:41,280
No!
172
00:13:52,357 --> 00:13:54,166
Han, look out!
Boba Fett is right behind you!
173
00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:56,269
All right, when I give the signal,
we get him!
174
00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,234
(SUSPENSEFUL BRASS MUSIC PLAYING)
175
00:14:15,013 --> 00:14:16,890
- (STAMMERS) What happened?
- He fell.
176
00:14:17,248 --> 00:14:19,228
- Huh?
- He fell. Fell in the pit.
177
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,764
- Oh! Good.
- Yeah.
178
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,364
(CHOKING)
179
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,288
(SCREAMS)
180
00:14:47,746 --> 00:14:50,283
Wait a minute! What are you doing?
I thought you were blind!
181
00:14:50,548 --> 00:14:51,549
I am!
182
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,651
It's okay, though.
183
00:14:52,751 --> 00:14:54,230
- (MORT GROANS)
- Just hang on!
184
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,337
(SQUEALING)
185
00:15:02,494 --> 00:15:03,495
Gotcha!
186
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,076
You want some laser hair removal,
while I'm at it?
187
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,313
- No, thanks.
- You sure?
188
00:15:10,402 --> 00:15:12,245
Come on, we gotta get out of here!
189
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:24,126
(SCREAMS)
190
00:15:53,378 --> 00:15:54,379
PETER: (ON RADIO)
Hello?
191
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,652
Okay, so I'm going
to the Dagobah system...
192
00:15:56,748 --> 00:16:00,195
- You gotta speak up.
- I'm going to the Dagobah system!
193
00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:01,525
I still can't hear you.
194
00:16:01,619 --> 00:16:05,362
- I said I'm going...
- It's a machine! I got you!
195
00:16:05,457 --> 00:16:06,663
(PETER MIMICS LASER SHOOTING)
196
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,739
You've reached Han Solo.
Please leave a message after the blorp.
197
00:16:09,828 --> 00:16:11,239
(HIGH-PITCHED BLORP)
198
00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:13,737
Hey, we got any of those Chips Ahoy! left?
199
00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:15,375
No, those are all gone.
200
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,143
(GROANS)
201
00:16:18,203 --> 00:16:19,944
(WRAPPER CRINKLING)
202
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,590
(WRAPPER CRINKLING)
203
00:16:33,751 --> 00:16:35,253
(WRAPPER CRINKLING)
204
00:16:39,157 --> 00:16:40,966
Well, now nobody gets them.
205
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,323
STORMTROOPER.
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
206
00:17:13,091 --> 00:17:15,093
Emperor! Great to see you!
207
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,473
Hey, this is Jeremy. He's from...
208
00:17:17,962 --> 00:17:20,636
You know, he's from the program,
and he wants to meet you.
209
00:17:20,732 --> 00:17:24,202
Well, hey, Jeremy!
How do you like the Death Star so far?
210
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:25,508
- Good.
- Awesome!
211
00:17:25,603 --> 00:17:27,344
You gotta come back next year,
when it's done.
212
00:17:27,705 --> 00:17:30,982
(AWKWARDLY) Oh...
Okay, we're gonna move on now.
213
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:33,317
If you ever do that to me again,
l swear to God...
214
00:17:33,411 --> 00:17:35,118
I know! I know! Nobody told me.
215
00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:38,626
They kind of just dropped him on me
at the last minute. I couldn't say no, man.
216
00:17:38,917 --> 00:17:40,191
So, I think you'll be happy.
217
00:17:40,285 --> 00:17:42,663
The Death Star's going to be completed
on schedule.
218
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,127
- Excellent.
- There is one thing, though,
219
00:17:45,223 --> 00:17:48,033
and I'm sorry about this,
but your room's not ready till 4:00.
220
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:50,838
So feel free to use our business center,
221
00:17:50,929 --> 00:17:52,237
or enjoy the pool.
222
00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:54,439
(KIDS LAUGHING)
223
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,877
Stop it.
Knock it off.
224
00:17:59,437 --> 00:18:00,677
Cut it out.
Stop it!
225
00:18:02,941 --> 00:18:04,511
I deserve to relax, too.
226
00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:16,262
Master Yoda, I've come back
to complete the training.
227
00:18:16,454 --> 00:18:18,331
Oh, you're done. There's no more training.
228
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,101
Then l am a Jedi.
229
00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:22,898
No, not yet.
First you have to confront Vader.
230
00:18:23,361 --> 00:18:26,535
Master Yoda, is Darth Vader my father?
231
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:30,207
Yeah, it's either Darth Vader
or Paul Reiser,
232
00:18:30,301 --> 00:18:32,747
but they don't want to know
which one is your real father,
233
00:18:32,837 --> 00:18:34,441
so they're gonna raise you together.
234
00:18:34,706 --> 00:18:37,448
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah, and I got some more bad news.
235
00:18:37,976 --> 00:18:40,047
I'm getting really old
and I'm not feeling so hot,
236
00:18:40,178 --> 00:18:41,919
and I think I might die soon.
237
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,119
- (WEAKLY) Luke.
- Yeah?
238
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:49,464
Do not underestimate
the powers of the Emperor.
239
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:52,161
- Luke.
- Uh-huh.
240
00:18:52,624 --> 00:18:57,232
When gone am I,
the last of the Jedi will you be.
241
00:18:58,229 --> 00:18:59,936
- Luke.
- Right here.
242
00:19:00,398 --> 00:19:03,345
The Force runs strong in your family.
243
00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:06,406
- Luke!
- Haven't gone anywhere.
244
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,149
Don't turn to the dark side.
245
00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:11,444
- Luke.
- What's up?
246
00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:14,356
You fought Vader too soon.
247
00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,215
- Luke!
- Four inches away.
248
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:21,162
There is another Skywalker.
249
00:19:22,153 --> 00:19:23,359
Okay, see you.
250
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,399
Master Yoda, no!
251
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:39,473
Hi, Hammacher Schlemmer?
I'd like the wall-size crossword puzzle.
252
00:19:40,071 --> 00:19:43,814
Why, yes, I do have a credit card.
Name is Yoda...
253
00:19:44,609 --> 00:19:45,952
Parseghian?
254
00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:54,320
I can't believe Master Yoda's dead.
255
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,690
Yoda will always be with you, Luke.
256
00:19:57,956 --> 00:20:00,994
(GASPING)
A ghost!
257
00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,671
Obi-Wan! Why didn't you tell me
Vader was my father?
258
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,376
Why didn't you tell me
you got a new hand?
259
00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,811
Let's take that thing out for a test drive.
260
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,150
But if Vader's my father,
261
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,917
does that mean
I'm vulnerable to the dark side?
262
00:20:17,108 --> 00:20:20,783
Seriously, put your hand like you're gonna
pull a carrot out of the ground.
263
00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:25,494
Obi-Wan, Yoda said
there's another Skywalker.
264
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:28,898
There is, Luke.
You have a sister.
265
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,133
A sister?
Who is it?
266
00:20:31,222 --> 00:20:32,633
Who the hell you think it is?
267
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,398
Who's the only goddamn woman
in the galaxy?
268
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,298
Leia!
269
00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:38,997
Hey, just for giggles,
270
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:43,135
you wanna poop in Yoda's tiny toilet,
pretend he took a giant poop?
271
00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:44,804
(BOTH LAUGHING)
272
00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:54,981
(LAUGHS)
Me first!
273
00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:02,591
I'd like to thank you all for meeting me
here, in the lobby of the Mondrian.
274
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:06,130
Hey, check it out, it's another chick!
The only other chick in the galaxy.
275
00:21:06,691 --> 00:21:07,795
I don't like her.
276
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:12,199
The Emperor has made a critical error,
and the time for our attack has come.
277
00:21:12,530 --> 00:21:15,807
We've learned that the new Death Star
is not yet operational.
278
00:21:16,301 --> 00:21:17,905
But, more importantly,
279
00:21:18,002 --> 00:21:21,381
that the Emperor himself
is overseeing this mission.
280
00:21:21,673 --> 00:21:24,552
Hey, you know what I find hilarious?
Bothans.
281
00:21:24,642 --> 00:21:27,418
Many Bothans died
to bring us this information.
282
00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:29,389
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Ooh!
283
00:21:29,614 --> 00:21:31,753
Admiral Ackbar, if you will?
284
00:21:32,016 --> 00:21:33,017
It's a trap!
285
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,891
(LAUGHS)
Just kidding. We'll get there later.
286
00:21:36,187 --> 00:21:39,225
So, let's pretty much
just attack like we did last time.
287
00:21:39,324 --> 00:21:41,395
Sound good?
No need to fix what ain't broke, right?
288
00:21:41,559 --> 00:21:43,561
Yeah, we did this already.
That's what's so fucked up.
289
00:21:43,861 --> 00:21:46,068
General Solo will take
a stolen Imperial shuttle
290
00:21:46,164 --> 00:21:49,008
and knock out the shield generator
on the fourth moon of Endor,
291
00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:51,135
while General Calrissian has volunteered
292
00:21:51,235 --> 00:21:53,613
to lead the squadron
to destroy the Death Star.
293
00:21:53,838 --> 00:21:56,284
- I didn't actually volunteer.
- Everybody clear?
294
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:59,217
Am I the only one
with a gold star on their uniform?
295
00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:01,981
It's just for record-keeping.
Okay! Let's go for it, people!
296
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:04,417
Hey, is there anything I can do to help?
297
00:22:04,515 --> 00:22:05,493
Luke!
298
00:22:07,018 --> 00:22:09,396
- What is it?
- Ask me again sometime.
299
00:22:09,554 --> 00:22:12,330
- What?
- (TAUNTING) I know something about you!
300
00:22:12,423 --> 00:22:13,595
- Tell me.
- No.
301
00:22:13,691 --> 00:22:15,693
- Come on, Luke! Tell me!
- Nope!
302
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,239
Well, for God's sakes,
tell me something about somebody!
303
00:22:18,329 --> 00:22:21,401
Okay. Han runs an online
employment website on the side.
304
00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:24,939
Economy got you down? Stressed out?
Worried about your future?
305
00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:26,807
Sounds like you need a Han job.
306
00:22:26,904 --> 00:22:29,350
I'm Han Solo,
and I have jobs for everyone.
307
00:22:29,674 --> 00:22:32,985
Come by and apply for your Han job,
and I'll get you off and running.
308
00:22:33,111 --> 00:22:36,092
Other websites jerk you around
and don't finish what they start.
309
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,989
But with HANJOBS.ORG,
we'll have you shooting for the stars!
310
00:22:40,618 --> 00:22:43,360
But keep it down, my neighbors
don't know what's going on in here.
311
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:53,073
All right, now remember, Lando, don't get
a single scratch on the Falcon, okay?
312
00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:56,077
Look, will you relax?
I already said I'll be careful.
313
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,637
Well, just make sure you are. That ship's
gotten me laid a bunch of times.
314
00:23:06,377 --> 00:23:10,257
Hey, hey, hey, girls!
Anyone want to make the Kessel Run?
315
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:13,295
That'd be cool,
but we only got twelve parsecs.
316
00:23:13,451 --> 00:23:16,159
(CHUCKLING)
Hop in.
317
00:23:17,455 --> 00:23:19,059
Threepio, why are you wearing
a coat and tie?
318
00:23:19,757 --> 00:23:22,169
Some people still treat flying
as an occasion.
319
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:29,178
- What's the matter?
- Oh, nothing.
320
00:23:29,467 --> 00:23:31,777
I just got a funny feeling
I'm never gonna see her again.
321
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:34,873
- Who, the Falcon?
- No, Elizabeth Hurley. I just...
322
00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:37,283
I just think she's done.
323
00:23:55,526 --> 00:23:57,403
- (FARTS)
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
324
00:23:57,495 --> 00:23:59,839
- STEWIE. Hey! It's me! Can I come in?
- Shit.
325
00:24:04,135 --> 00:24:05,671
Hey, I just wanted to let you...
(SNIFFING)
326
00:24:05,770 --> 00:24:08,376
- Oh, boy. What's that?
- I was just ironing my robe,
327
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,144
taking a look around.
What's up?
328
00:24:10,341 --> 00:24:13,515
Well I just wanted to let you know
there's a rebel fleet massing at Sullust,
329
00:24:13,611 --> 00:24:15,716
and I think
they're going to invade or something.
330
00:24:15,847 --> 00:24:17,884
You made sure there wasn't a hole
in the Death Star this time?
331
00:24:18,282 --> 00:24:19,818
Yeah, like I'm gonna do that twice!
332
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:23,323
(STAMMERING) You...
Shut up, mister! Gosh almighty!
333
00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:25,859
But, you know, it might be something
to be concerned about.
334
00:24:26,123 --> 00:24:29,366
It's of no concern!
The rebellion will soon be crushed,
335
00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:31,906
and young Skywalker will be one of us.
336
00:24:32,196 --> 00:24:34,540
We're still doing that initiation thing
we talked about, right?
337
00:24:34,699 --> 00:24:36,906
- Oh, yeah!
- Where you rub your wang on a fruit salad
338
00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:38,241
- and we watch him eat it?
- You bet!
339
00:24:38,336 --> 00:24:41,283
- You ate the whole thing, remember?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah, most of it.
340
00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:49,550
All right, this is it.
341
00:24:50,181 --> 00:24:53,560
Shuttle Tyderium requesting
deactivation of the deflector shield.
342
00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:56,454
Shuttle Tyderium, transmit
the clearance code for shield passage.
343
00:24:56,787 --> 00:24:57,959
Transmission commencing.
344
00:24:58,089 --> 00:25:00,592
Now we find out if that code
is worth the price we paid.
345
00:25:03,494 --> 00:25:04,905
Vader's on that ship.
346
00:25:05,196 --> 00:25:07,767
Don't get jittery, Luke.
There's a lot of command ships.
347
00:25:07,932 --> 00:25:09,309
Keep your distance, though, Chewie.
348
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,380
But don't look
like you're trying to keep your distance.
349
00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:14,382
- How am I supposed to do that?
- I don't know, fly casual!
350
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,051
(WHISTLING)
351
00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:23,724
Does that casual-looking shuttle
have a code clearance?
352
00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:25,426
Well, it's an older code, sir.
353
00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:29,163
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
354
00:25:29,253 --> 00:25:31,130
- But it checks out.
- Wait a minute.
355
00:25:31,255 --> 00:25:34,099
- Skywalker's on that ship.
- You can sense him?
356
00:25:34,192 --> 00:25:35,170
No, he's right there.
357
00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:38,732
They're not going for it, Chewie.
358
00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:40,900
Everybody, they're not going for it.
This is failing.
359
00:25:41,098 --> 00:25:43,237
Luke, take this gun.
You shoot me, I'll shoot you.
360
00:25:43,334 --> 00:25:45,871
CONTROLLER: (ON RADIO) Shuttle
Tyderium, the shield has been deactivated.
361
00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:47,074
You are cleared to approach.
362
00:25:47,405 --> 00:25:50,011
(CHUCKLES)
Well, there you go, gang! False alarm!
363
00:25:50,841 --> 00:25:52,479
Oh.
(STAMMERING)
364
00:25:52,576 --> 00:25:53,680
False alarm?
365
00:25:56,213 --> 00:25:57,351
PETER:
All right, somebody? Anybody?
366
00:25:57,448 --> 00:25:59,621
Do not let me leave here
without maple syrup.
367
00:26:11,996 --> 00:26:14,670
- How are we gonna get past?
- All right, there's only a few of them.
368
00:26:14,765 --> 00:26:16,870
Chewie and I'll take care of those guys,
you stay here.
369
00:26:17,301 --> 00:26:18,302
Oh! Ladybug.
370
00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:26,020
(SNAPS)
371
00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:29,357
(POPPING)
372
00:26:31,482 --> 00:26:32,460
(HORN BLOWS)
373
00:26:34,118 --> 00:26:35,222
(YELPS)
374
00:26:37,121 --> 00:26:39,965
(GET READY FOR THIS PLAYING)
375
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,502
Oh! I love this song!
376
00:26:41,592 --> 00:26:42,570
Hey!
377
00:26:47,665 --> 00:26:49,235
Over there! Two more of them!
378
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,243
I see them. Wait! Leia!
379
00:26:56,507 --> 00:26:57,815
My bike!
380
00:26:57,909 --> 00:26:59,820
Where's my bike?
381
00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:14,461
Move closer! Get alongside that one!
382
00:27:27,571 --> 00:27:30,279
Oh! Can you play the theme from E. T.,
John Williams?
383
00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:32,986
No, but I can do the theme
to Entertainment Tonight.
384
00:27:33,077 --> 00:27:35,717
(ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT THEME
PLAYING)
385
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:48,994
MARY HART:
Celebrating birthdays today,
386
00:27:49,093 --> 00:27:51,164
IG-88 turns 27,
387
00:27:51,429 --> 00:27:53,306
Lando Calrissian is 42,
388
00:27:53,397 --> 00:27:56,003
and "l Don't Like You, Either" Guy is 63.
389
00:28:01,172 --> 00:28:02,446
(STORMTROOPER SCREAMS)
390
00:28:08,379 --> 00:28:10,222
Keep on that one! I'll take these two!
391
00:28:17,788 --> 00:28:18,926
(SCREAMING)
392
00:28:26,630 --> 00:28:27,802
(SCREAMS)
393
00:28:28,499 --> 00:28:29,739
(LAUGHS VICTORIOUSLY)
394
00:28:33,871 --> 00:28:36,078
Destroy the planet Alderaan.
395
00:28:58,996 --> 00:29:00,805
You know, I think I've finally done it.
396
00:29:00,898 --> 00:29:04,141
I think I've gotten over the loss
of my home planet, Alderaan.
397
00:29:04,468 --> 00:29:06,038
I've finally moved on.
398
00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:19,255
(BOTH GRUNTING)
399
00:29:38,102 --> 00:29:39,240
Ow! Oh! My side!
400
00:29:39,503 --> 00:29:42,712
(GROANING)
401
00:29:50,047 --> 00:29:51,287
General Solo, somebody's coming!
402
00:29:55,486 --> 00:29:57,830
Luke, there you are!
Where's Leia? Have you seen her?
403
00:29:57,922 --> 00:29:58,992
She didn't come back?
404
00:29:59,223 --> 00:30:02,329
She probably decided to make
like one of these trees and leave.
405
00:30:02,459 --> 00:30:03,494
(HORN BLOWING)
406
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,074
(LAUGHING)
Where did you get that?
407
00:30:06,163 --> 00:30:08,507
I don't know. I stepped on it earlier.
It was just here in the woods.
408
00:30:08,599 --> 00:30:10,078
Been having a lot of fun with it.
409
00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:11,936
That's funny,
410
00:30:12,036 --> 00:30:15,040
because my friend lost his horn
on the forest moon of Endor last year.
411
00:30:15,172 --> 00:30:16,150
It's not his.
412
00:30:25,482 --> 00:30:27,257
- Hey, cut it out.
- Do not move!
413
00:30:27,351 --> 00:30:30,230
Or I will stab you
with my very sharp spear.
414
00:30:30,321 --> 00:30:32,494
Look, put that down.
I'm not going to hurt you.
415
00:30:32,690 --> 00:30:35,466
You are my enemy,
and I want you off my planet.
416
00:30:35,559 --> 00:30:38,506
- Want a piece of cracker?
- I will do anything you say!
417
00:30:41,232 --> 00:30:44,441
By the way, I think
you're about to start your period.
418
00:30:44,902 --> 00:30:46,677
That's how I found you.
419
00:30:57,648 --> 00:30:58,854
Hey, hi. Me again.
420
00:30:58,949 --> 00:31:01,828
Hey, good news.
The Death Star T-shirts finally arrived.
421
00:31:02,086 --> 00:31:03,064
Oh! Sweet!
422
00:31:05,055 --> 00:31:06,363
Oh, come on.
423
00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:08,192
"Death Stab"?
424
00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:09,766
Oh, for God's sake, Christie.
425
00:31:09,894 --> 00:31:11,100
Why don't you fire that girl?
426
00:31:11,328 --> 00:31:13,831
She's actually, believe it or not,
better than the last one.
427
00:31:13,964 --> 00:31:15,875
I thought I told you
to wait on the command ship.
428
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:20,048
Yes, well, the thing is, a small rebel force
has landed on the forest moon,
429
00:31:20,137 --> 00:31:21,445
and my son is with them.
430
00:31:21,539 --> 00:31:23,177
- Kurt?
- No, Luke.
431
00:31:23,273 --> 00:31:24,377
I thought Kurt was your son.
432
00:31:24,675 --> 00:31:28,316
No, no, Kurt was just a guy
I was hanging around with for a while.
433
00:31:28,445 --> 00:31:30,789
- That wasn't my son.
- What do you mean?
434
00:31:30,881 --> 00:31:33,555
(STAMMERS) I mean, he was younger,
but he wasn't that much younger.
435
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:35,823
No, what do you mean,
"hanging around with"?
436
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,763
Oh, it's not...
Just a dude, you know?
437
00:31:37,855 --> 00:31:39,960
Just some guy to, like, play ball with,
438
00:31:40,057 --> 00:31:43,664
and go to the movies,
crash into real hard in the hallway.
439
00:31:43,761 --> 00:31:46,765
You know, just guy stuff.
You know, just a bro, you know?
440
00:31:46,864 --> 00:31:50,471
Someone you can read
the Sunday paper or share an orange with.
441
00:31:50,801 --> 00:31:53,111
Honestly, Darth, I have no fucking idea
what you're talking about.
442
00:31:53,304 --> 00:31:55,545
(STAMMERING)
Well, I don't know what you want me to...
443
00:31:55,639 --> 00:31:57,915
Look, just go down to the moon
and wait for your son.
444
00:31:58,676 --> 00:32:00,747
I have foreseen
that his compassion for you
445
00:32:00,844 --> 00:32:03,051
- will be his undoing.
- Got it. On my way.
446
00:32:03,147 --> 00:32:04,649
- No more of this Kurt shit.
- Yeah.
447
00:32:07,751 --> 00:32:10,163
Leia! Leia!
448
00:32:13,590 --> 00:32:15,092
Han, come over here.
449
00:32:15,659 --> 00:32:16,637
I found this.
450
00:32:17,628 --> 00:32:18,606
I suck.
451
00:32:18,862 --> 00:32:21,900
Hey, maybe we get out of the woods
before nightfall,
452
00:32:21,999 --> 00:32:23,842
on account of the ghosts and all.
453
00:32:24,101 --> 00:32:25,273
Hey, guys, look over there!
454
00:32:25,903 --> 00:32:27,439
It's a hot girl from Florida.
455
00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:31,113
No, Chewie, don't! If you talk to her,
you have to talk to her mom!
456
00:32:31,208 --> 00:32:33,051
I see you've met my daughter.
457
00:32:33,210 --> 00:32:36,657
You know, we were just mistaken
for sisters over at the bar.
458
00:32:36,847 --> 00:32:38,793
Chewie, get away from...
(EXCLAIMS)
459
00:32:42,119 --> 00:32:43,427
How are we going to get out of here?
460
00:32:43,621 --> 00:32:45,658
Wait a second, guys. I got an idea.
461
00:32:46,023 --> 00:32:49,732
Remember that laser I used
to break Leia out of Jabba's handcuffs?
462
00:32:49,827 --> 00:32:52,364
Well, here comes a little tiny saw!
463
00:32:55,132 --> 00:32:56,338
(ALL SCREAMING)
464
00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:05,348
Whoa!
What the hell are these? Hamsters?
465
00:33:05,709 --> 00:33:07,746
Oh, my God, they're adorable!
466
00:33:07,845 --> 00:33:08,846
(GASPING)
467
00:33:08,946 --> 00:33:10,516
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
468
00:33:10,681 --> 00:33:13,787
ALL: (CHANTING)
Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy.
469
00:33:13,884 --> 00:33:16,660
Gold Guy. Gold Guy. Gold Guy.
470
00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:19,264
- What are they doing?
- I'm not sure.
471
00:33:19,690 --> 00:33:21,863
They seem to think I'm some sort of god.
472
00:33:22,159 --> 00:33:23,729
And they seem to think I'm Sum 41.
473
00:33:24,061 --> 00:33:26,667
♪ All the small things... ♪
474
00:33:26,764 --> 00:33:27,868
That's Blink-182.
475
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,608
Sum 41 is the band
that married Avril Lavigne.
476
00:33:30,834 --> 00:33:32,541
Oh... Huh!
477
00:33:33,237 --> 00:33:36,275
Seems like everybody
would turn out a loser in that situation.
478
00:33:36,373 --> 00:33:37,374
Everybody did.
479
00:33:40,010 --> 00:33:41,489
(HORN BLOWING)
480
00:33:47,084 --> 00:33:48,688
Threepio, tell them to let us go.
481
00:33:48,986 --> 00:33:50,192
What the hell am I supposed to say?
482
00:33:50,521 --> 00:33:55,163
Tell them if they don't let us go,
you'll become angry and use your magic.
483
00:33:55,559 --> 00:33:56,594
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
484
00:33:56,693 --> 00:33:59,037
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
485
00:34:01,298 --> 00:34:02,299
It's not working!
486
00:34:06,937 --> 00:34:08,143
Is this your card?
487
00:34:08,472 --> 00:34:10,474
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
488
00:34:14,478 --> 00:34:16,355
- Luke! Han!
- Leia!
489
00:34:16,980 --> 00:34:18,425
Who braided your hair?
490
00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:21,519
- Did the Ewoks braid your hair?
- Yeah.
491
00:34:21,618 --> 00:34:24,963
So, they use spears with wooden shafts
and stone-carved tips,
492
00:34:25,055 --> 00:34:28,059
yet they clearly understand
the finer points of cosmetology?
493
00:34:28,158 --> 00:34:30,468
I know, it's not as good as Empire.
494
00:34:37,201 --> 00:34:38,908
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
495
00:34:39,002 --> 00:34:39,980
...born and raised...
496
00:34:40,070 --> 00:34:41,572
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
497
00:34:41,672 --> 00:34:42,650
...most of my days...
498
00:34:43,841 --> 00:34:45,343
...'maxing, relaxing all cool...
499
00:34:46,243 --> 00:34:47,221
...b-ball...
500
00:34:50,381 --> 00:34:51,485
...no good...
501
00:34:52,182 --> 00:34:53,820
...trouble... neighborhood...
502
00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:55,529
...one little fight...
503
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:57,355
...scared...
504
00:34:58,322 --> 00:34:59,665
...auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
505
00:34:59,857 --> 00:35:01,962
(THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR
THEME PLAYING)
506
00:35:03,327 --> 00:35:05,034
...DJ Jazzy Jeff homeless.
507
00:35:08,799 --> 00:35:10,472
Luke, are you okay?
508
00:35:10,968 --> 00:35:14,245
Leia, I've got something
kind of messed up to tell you.
509
00:35:15,339 --> 00:35:16,579
You're my sister.
510
00:35:17,941 --> 00:35:19,147
I know.
511
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:21,985
- Somehow, I've always known.
- You have?
512
00:35:22,546 --> 00:35:24,651
Did you know
when you kissed me on Hoth?
513
00:35:24,748 --> 00:35:26,785
- Yeah.
- Well, that's pretty weird!
514
00:35:26,884 --> 00:35:29,922
I'm from Alderaan.
It's kind of the Mississippi of the galaxy.
515
00:35:30,254 --> 00:35:33,861
Speaking of which,
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Darth Twitty.
516
00:35:34,358 --> 00:35:36,133
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
517
00:35:36,226 --> 00:35:38,797
(THE GAMES THAT DADDIES PLAY
PLAYING)
518
00:35:43,867 --> 00:35:46,211
♪ He put his arms around her shoulder ♪
519
00:35:46,303 --> 00:35:48,647
♪ and with a voice that sounded older ♪
520
00:35:48,739 --> 00:35:52,346
♪ he said
"Mom, I got something on my mind." ♪
521
00:36:00,818 --> 00:36:02,559
PILOT:
Imperial shuttle requesting permission
522
00:36:02,653 --> 00:36:04,655
to land like a dainty butterfly.
523
00:36:04,755 --> 00:36:06,257
CONTROLLER:
Permission granted.
524
00:36:10,761 --> 00:36:12,866
Nice.
That was nice.
525
00:36:24,575 --> 00:36:28,250
- Hey, Son.
- Hey, Dad. Haven't seen you in a while.
526
00:36:28,445 --> 00:36:30,789
Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.
527
00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:33,321
But I got you a new baseball.
528
00:36:33,417 --> 00:36:35,693
Good.
Our first catch of the day.
529
00:36:35,786 --> 00:36:37,288
Hey, go wait in the AT-AT.
530
00:36:38,488 --> 00:36:41,992
Now listen, since your mom's out of town
and I have you for the weekend,
531
00:36:42,092 --> 00:36:43,571
I thought it would be fun
532
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:46,664
if the Emperor and I turned you over
to the dark side of the Force.
533
00:36:46,864 --> 00:36:49,708
Daddy, if I may,
I'd like to throw out another option.
534
00:36:50,167 --> 00:36:52,044
I sense the good in you.
535
00:36:52,135 --> 00:36:54,081
Hang out with me
on the lighter side of the Force.
536
00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,861
(LAUGHING)
537
00:37:09,953 --> 00:37:10,931
That's something.
538
00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:12,932
All right, so what do you say?
You want to go see the Emperor?
539
00:37:13,090 --> 00:37:15,263
I don't know.
Can we have tacos?
540
00:37:15,459 --> 00:37:17,700
No, Friday is taco night.
541
00:37:17,961 --> 00:37:19,599
Oh, darn.
(GASPS)
542
00:37:19,830 --> 00:37:22,037
- But today is Friday!
- Yep!
543
00:37:22,165 --> 00:37:23,405
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
544
00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:25,878
Gotcha! Oh, my God,
we're going to have so much fun.
545
00:37:44,888 --> 00:37:47,027
All right. Stand by to jump to lightspeed.
546
00:37:47,291 --> 00:37:49,498
When we arrive at Endor,
we will destroy the Death Star
547
00:37:49,626 --> 00:37:52,106
and then begin setting up
the Ewok reassignment camps.
548
00:37:52,462 --> 00:37:54,305
I hate that stupid fish man.
549
00:37:54,398 --> 00:37:58,437
I say when we're done with this, we go
over there and fry him up in a skillet.
550
00:38:11,048 --> 00:38:13,824
All right, here goes nothing.
I'm going to sneak up on that guy.
551
00:38:18,221 --> 00:38:19,598
- Hey!
- Gotcha!
552
00:38:19,890 --> 00:38:21,767
(LAUGHING)
Okay, you got me.
553
00:38:22,059 --> 00:38:23,197
Hey, wait, you got something there.
554
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,167
Oh, my God! I can't believe I fell for that.
555
00:38:26,263 --> 00:38:29,107
I know. Now, excuse me,
I have to make out with my girlfriend.
556
00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:31,702
Oh! Sorry! I'll leave you two alone.
557
00:38:31,802 --> 00:38:35,443
- Nah, it's just me by myself!
- (LAUGHING) Oh, my God! That's so cool!
558
00:38:35,806 --> 00:38:37,843
Hey, take your helmet off.
I'll do "got your nose."
559
00:38:38,208 --> 00:38:40,848
We're not supposed to take these off,
but I really want to see that.
560
00:38:42,079 --> 00:38:44,059
What the hell? Your head is so small!
561
00:38:44,214 --> 00:38:47,388
Yeah, that's why we wear these big
helmets. It's a lot more intimidating.
562
00:38:47,484 --> 00:38:49,623
I'll be honest with you.
I don't like people who are different.
563
00:39:17,381 --> 00:39:19,691
Hey, hey! Look who I brought!
564
00:39:20,350 --> 00:39:22,830
- Welcome, young Skywalker.
- Thank you.
565
00:39:22,919 --> 00:39:24,159
- Not you!
- I'm so embarrassed.
566
00:39:24,488 --> 00:39:26,729
I thought you should know,
young Skywalker,
567
00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:28,962
that your friends are walking into a trap.
568
00:39:29,359 --> 00:39:32,863
Wow. You're white?
You totally sounded black on the phone.
569
00:39:33,063 --> 00:39:36,044
Silence!
You will turn to the dark side,
570
00:39:36,133 --> 00:39:39,842
and your precious rebellion
will be destroyed.
571
00:39:40,237 --> 00:39:41,477
Oh!
572
00:39:41,571 --> 00:39:47,681
(MOCKINGLY) I'm afraid the shield
generator will be quite operational
573
00:39:47,778 --> 00:39:50,315
when your friends arrive.
574
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,956
Jeez, you don't have to be a dick about it.
575
00:39:55,652 --> 00:39:56,722
All right, everybody, hands in the air!
576
00:39:57,654 --> 00:40:00,396
All right. Now I want you to take off
your helmets, go outside
577
00:40:00,524 --> 00:40:01,798
and dig your own graves with them.
578
00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:03,504
Han, that's kind of dark.
579
00:40:03,593 --> 00:40:06,369
Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap
in this movie. l think we all need this.
580
00:40:06,496 --> 00:40:07,497
Now get outside!
581
00:40:07,831 --> 00:40:09,401
(MEN CRYING)
582
00:40:09,499 --> 00:40:11,240
- I have a family!
- Faster!
583
00:40:12,335 --> 00:40:13,746
I just do data entry!
584
00:40:14,004 --> 00:40:15,483
- All right. You, kill him.
- What?
585
00:40:15,572 --> 00:40:17,813
Kill him.
Take this knife and stab him in the mouth.
586
00:40:17,908 --> 00:40:18,886
No, please!
587
00:40:18,975 --> 00:40:21,751
Shut up! And after he's dead,
cut off his face and wear it as your face.
588
00:40:21,845 --> 00:40:23,950
- Please!
- I've had it up to here with Ewoks.
589
00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:25,754
Now, stab him and wear his face!
590
00:40:25,849 --> 00:40:28,193
And then go home to his family
still wearing his face,
591
00:40:28,285 --> 00:40:31,198
and see how long it takes them
to figure out that it's you and not him.
592
00:40:31,288 --> 00:40:32,494
Hold it right there!
593
00:40:33,123 --> 00:40:34,625
You rebel scum.
594
00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:38,138
Wow. What a voice!
Do you mind reading this for me?
595
00:40:38,829 --> 00:40:42,038
"Paging Mr. Herman,
Mr. Pee-wee Herman."
596
00:40:42,232 --> 00:40:44,712
I found my bike!
(LAUGHS)
597
00:40:58,215 --> 00:41:00,354
What do you mean,
we can't get any reading on the shield?
598
00:41:00,617 --> 00:41:02,961
Man, only thing I'm reading
is Cat in the Hat.
599
00:41:03,386 --> 00:41:05,559
Damn cat! That hat looks ridiculous!
600
00:41:09,659 --> 00:41:12,037
Admiral, we've got enemy ships
in sector 47.
601
00:41:12,295 --> 00:41:13,899
It's a trap! It's a trap!
602
00:41:14,164 --> 00:41:15,507
Also, whose cat?
603
00:41:16,032 --> 00:41:17,033
(CAT MEOWS)
604
00:41:17,133 --> 00:41:18,578
(SIGHS)
Someone get your cat.
605
00:41:24,007 --> 00:41:24,985
Fighters coming in!
606
00:41:32,783 --> 00:41:36,731
Lando to Enterprise!
Draw their fire away from the cruisers!
607
00:41:36,887 --> 00:41:39,390
We're having tea, thank you very much.
608
00:41:39,489 --> 00:41:41,025
Yes, tea.
609
00:41:55,338 --> 00:41:58,410
Listen, you guys,
this is all a crazy misunderstanding.
610
00:41:58,808 --> 00:42:00,219
(WHISTLES)
611
00:42:00,544 --> 00:42:02,080
You think this is gonna work?
612
00:42:02,179 --> 00:42:05,160
Oh, yeah. Those Ewoks had all of
five minutes to get things prepared.
613
00:42:05,248 --> 00:42:06,625
I'm sure it's all gonna work out fine.
614
00:42:06,850 --> 00:42:09,592
(HORNS BLOWING)
615
00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:19,473
(SCREAMS)
616
00:42:21,798 --> 00:42:24,005
This armor's useless!
Why do we even wear it?
617
00:42:58,835 --> 00:43:01,008
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
618
00:43:15,252 --> 00:43:17,596
Look out!
Here comes a squadron of PIE fighters!
619
00:43:41,177 --> 00:43:42,451
CARTER:
Look at that, huh?
620
00:43:42,746 --> 00:43:44,953
Look at the crappy job
your friends are doing.
621
00:43:45,248 --> 00:43:47,387
And here's something
that's gonna piss you off even more.
622
00:43:47,517 --> 00:43:48,552
Fire at will!
623
00:43:48,985 --> 00:43:52,194
Gee, Dr. Smith, this doesn't seem
like a very safe place to be.
624
00:43:53,924 --> 00:43:55,267
(CRYING)
William!
625
00:43:55,592 --> 00:43:57,833
(LAUGHS)
Okay, now fire at everybody else.
626
00:44:03,166 --> 00:44:05,772
Holy shit!
That blast came from the Death Star!
627
00:44:05,969 --> 00:44:08,279
- That thing's operational!
- What's that mean?
628
00:44:08,371 --> 00:44:11,215
- It's fully functional!
- I still don't get it. I'm five.
629
00:44:11,308 --> 00:44:12,810
Bang, bang, boom, boom!
630
00:44:12,909 --> 00:44:15,321
Bang, bang, boom, boom?
Damn, that thing's operational!
631
00:44:17,814 --> 00:44:21,227
Look at that! Blowing up rebel ships!
Bet that gets you going.
632
00:44:21,718 --> 00:44:22,719
You hate me now?
633
00:44:23,086 --> 00:44:26,226
Come on. Take that lightsaber
and try to strike me down,
634
00:44:26,323 --> 00:44:29,793
and your journey toward the dark side
will be complete.
635
00:44:29,959 --> 00:44:32,337
I've seen a lot of ships get blown up.
It's no big deal.
636
00:44:32,696 --> 00:44:35,006
Yeah, I guess that wouldn't get
under my skin, either.
637
00:44:35,365 --> 00:44:37,242
Not the way Seth Green
gets under my skin.
638
00:44:37,367 --> 00:44:38,368
Huh?
639
00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:40,573
Yeah. Boy, that guy rubs me
the wrong way.
640
00:44:40,670 --> 00:44:42,980
I mean,
has he ever made anything successful?
641
00:44:43,073 --> 00:44:46,611
Greg the Bunny, Four Kings,
and that godawful puppet show.
642
00:44:46,710 --> 00:44:48,621
It's on, like, channel 100 or something.
643
00:44:48,745 --> 00:44:52,921
Well, I think he's had some successes.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer was popular.
644
00:44:53,016 --> 00:44:56,589
It was not popular. Entertainment Weekly
said it was popular, but it wasn't.
645
00:44:56,686 --> 00:44:58,996
- Hardly anybody ever watched that show.
- Yeah, I never caught it.
646
00:44:59,089 --> 00:45:01,000
Well, he's been in some big movies.
647
00:45:01,091 --> 00:45:04,072
The Austin Powers movies grossed,
like, a billion dollars.
648
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,902
What, because of Seth Green?
Do you ever hear anyone say,
649
00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:09,603
"Hey, let's go see that new Austin Powers,
Seth Green's in it"?
650
00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,005
You're not getting to me, man.
651
00:45:11,101 --> 00:45:13,604
You're talking about an actor
who I happen to enjoy.
652
00:45:13,903 --> 00:45:15,883
Well, I certainly enjoyed him in Entourage,
653
00:45:15,972 --> 00:45:17,815
'cause in that show,
he was playing himself,
654
00:45:17,907 --> 00:45:19,045
an asshole.
655
00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:25,815
Oh! Sorry. (LAUGHS)
This is my joke lightsaber. It's cute, right?
656
00:45:25,915 --> 00:45:26,916
Okay, for real now.
657
00:45:50,807 --> 00:45:53,287
(MESS AROUND PLAYING)
658
00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:54,855
♪ Mess around. ♪
659
00:45:56,346 --> 00:45:57,882
♪ They doing the mess around. ♪
660
00:45:59,616 --> 00:46:01,254
♪ They doing the mess around. ♪
661
00:46:01,818 --> 00:46:03,764
♪ Everybody doing the mess around. ♪
662
00:46:24,908 --> 00:46:27,912
Join us, Luke.
Turn to the back side of the Force.
663
00:46:28,144 --> 00:46:30,249
- What?
- The dark side. Turn to the...
664
00:46:30,547 --> 00:46:32,322
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
To the...
665
00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:33,393
Long day.
666
00:46:33,616 --> 00:46:35,618
I will not fight you, Father.
667
00:46:35,885 --> 00:46:38,126
Then you will meet your destiny.
668
00:46:43,059 --> 00:46:44,561
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
669
00:46:44,661 --> 00:46:46,937
Oh, my God!
I meant to hit you in the shoulder,
670
00:46:47,030 --> 00:46:48,304
and that whole thing just fell!
671
00:46:48,732 --> 00:46:50,109
- Did you see that?
- What?
672
00:46:50,333 --> 00:46:52,540
- That whole thing just fell.
- How?
673
00:46:52,735 --> 00:46:55,648
I don't know. He was up there like,
"I can't do this," I threw the thing,
674
00:46:55,738 --> 00:46:58,548
and I just meant to hit him in the arm,
and then the whole thing fell.
675
00:46:58,775 --> 00:47:00,584
Well, that's good, right?
We want him hurt.
676
00:47:00,777 --> 00:47:01,881
Are you using your brain?
677
00:47:01,978 --> 00:47:04,356
We're lucky if we come out of this
without a lawsuit.
678
00:47:11,688 --> 00:47:12,826
Ow!
679
00:47:14,557 --> 00:47:15,535
STORMTROOPER:
Freeze!
680
00:47:15,658 --> 00:47:18,161
Okay, now you're in a laundromat,
and there's only one available machine,
681
00:47:18,261 --> 00:47:19,569
and you're fighting over it. Go!
682
00:47:20,096 --> 00:47:23,077
Oh, God!
It looks like all these machines are taken.
683
00:47:23,433 --> 00:47:26,505
Oh, drat!
And me with all my soiled underthings.
684
00:47:28,605 --> 00:47:31,711
If anyone asks, I shot him. Got that?
You were crying in the corner.
685
00:47:37,247 --> 00:47:38,658
Holy crap. Stay back.
686
00:47:40,350 --> 00:47:43,559
Hey, bitches!
I just killed, like, fifty stormtroopers.
687
00:47:43,853 --> 00:47:46,231
- That thing is really cool!
- Damn right it is!
688
00:47:46,322 --> 00:47:47,460
See that squirrel over there?
689
00:47:47,557 --> 00:47:49,298
Hi, little squirrel.
(MIMICS LASER FIRING)
690
00:47:50,293 --> 00:47:51,294
Ooh!
691
00:47:51,394 --> 00:47:53,271
Hey, why don't you blast open this door,
and then we can...
692
00:47:53,463 --> 00:47:56,706
Hey, a butterfly!
Look at those beautiful wings flapping.
693
00:47:56,799 --> 00:47:59,643
But uh-oh, here comes ka-slice!
694
00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:04,844
Hey, speedy little hummingbird.
You're so fast, aren't you?
695
00:48:05,008 --> 00:48:07,921
Oh, but are you as fast as this?
(EXCLAIMS)
696
00:48:09,712 --> 00:48:12,921
Whoa! What do we have here?
A fully formed beehive!
697
00:48:13,283 --> 00:48:17,026
Must have taken months to build that guy.
Well, guess what? (EXCLAIMS)
698
00:48:20,156 --> 00:48:21,464
(GROANING)
699
00:48:21,557 --> 00:48:22,535
Oh, God!
700
00:48:23,259 --> 00:48:24,829
(SCREAMING)
701
00:48:24,928 --> 00:48:25,963
Oh, my God!
702
00:48:29,732 --> 00:48:30,904
Should we help him?
703
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:31,978
Eh.
704
00:48:33,303 --> 00:48:34,407
(MUFFLED)
I think...
705
00:48:34,537 --> 00:48:35,538
I think...
706
00:48:35,638 --> 00:48:36,616
I think...
707
00:48:39,242 --> 00:48:41,586
Give yourself to the dark side, Luke.
708
00:48:41,744 --> 00:48:43,052
CHRIS:
I will not fight you.
709
00:48:43,746 --> 00:48:45,657
Well, all right. I guess that's no problem.
710
00:48:46,015 --> 00:48:48,495
I can always get Seth Green to fight me.
711
00:48:48,584 --> 00:48:50,029
He'll do anything for money.
712
00:48:50,253 --> 00:48:51,755
I mean, did you see Sex Drive?
713
00:48:51,855 --> 00:48:53,596
Oh, of course you didn't.
You're a person.
714
00:48:55,124 --> 00:48:57,331
Of course, I guess it did
respectable foreign numbers.
715
00:48:57,460 --> 00:48:58,734
Asians really liked it.
716
00:49:01,197 --> 00:49:04,644
And you gotta hand it to Seth Green.
I mean, he works hard, you know?
717
00:49:04,834 --> 00:49:08,338
I mean, the work is much harder
when you know the project is no good.
718
00:49:08,438 --> 00:49:10,714
Still, all those small paychecks
must add up.
719
00:49:11,107 --> 00:49:12,677
(GRUNTING)
720
00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:16,118
I wonder if his fan base knows
how Jewish he really is.
721
00:49:16,512 --> 00:49:17,684
(YELLING)
722
00:49:39,202 --> 00:49:40,442
(GROANS)
723
00:49:41,037 --> 00:49:43,176
Hey, you got a good hand guy, right?
724
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,477
CARTER:
Good. Good!
725
00:49:46,843 --> 00:49:49,289
Your hate has made you powerful.
726
00:49:49,545 --> 00:49:51,547
Now, fulfill your destiny
727
00:49:51,748 --> 00:49:54,957
and take your father's place at my side.
728
00:49:55,485 --> 00:49:57,431
Can we at least put together
a press release
729
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,229
that says I'm resigning of my own accord
to pursue other evil projects?
730
00:50:01,858 --> 00:50:04,134
I'll never join the dark side.
731
00:50:04,761 --> 00:50:06,502
You failed, Your Highness.
732
00:50:06,596 --> 00:50:08,906
I'm a Jedi, like my father before me.
733
00:50:09,265 --> 00:50:11,438
All right, let's everybody
just calm the fuck down.
734
00:50:12,068 --> 00:50:13,103
Move! Run!
735
00:50:22,111 --> 00:50:25,024
The shield is down. Commence attack
on the Death Star's main reactor.
736
00:50:25,248 --> 00:50:28,161
The shield may be down,
but they've gone into glitter-ball mode.
737
00:50:28,284 --> 00:50:30,992
(DISCO VERSION
OF STAR WARS THEME PLAYING)
738
00:50:34,724 --> 00:50:38,297
If you will not be turned,
you will be destroyed.
739
00:50:38,494 --> 00:50:40,997
Oh, yeah?
You and what lightning hands?
740
00:50:41,197 --> 00:50:42,175
Oh! Now you've done it.
741
00:50:43,199 --> 00:50:44,940
(SCREAMING)
742
00:50:48,704 --> 00:50:50,513
Yeah! I'm a bad guy!
743
00:50:51,074 --> 00:50:53,281
Yeah! Yeah!
How about that, huh?
744
00:50:53,443 --> 00:50:54,922
Look at that! Look what l can do!
745
00:50:55,411 --> 00:50:56,856
Yeah! Out the butt-hole!
746
00:50:57,714 --> 00:50:59,057
Father, please!
747
00:50:59,649 --> 00:51:02,653
"Please"! You know what?
You have nice manners.
748
00:51:02,785 --> 00:51:05,391
I'm so delighted that Aunt Beru
and Uncle Owen took the time
749
00:51:05,488 --> 00:51:06,933
to teach you nice manners.
750
00:51:07,290 --> 00:51:09,065
And just for that,
I'm going to help you out here.
751
00:51:14,463 --> 00:51:16,136
(CARTER SCREAMING)
752
00:51:20,937 --> 00:51:23,213
That's the power of "please," kids.
753
00:51:40,089 --> 00:51:41,193
(BOTH SCREAM)
754
00:51:47,196 --> 00:51:49,005
Luke, help me get this mask off.
755
00:51:49,365 --> 00:51:51,538
Let me look on you with my own eyes,
756
00:51:52,201 --> 00:51:53,373
father to son.
757
00:51:58,007 --> 00:51:58,985
(NECK SNAPS)
758
00:52:01,377 --> 00:52:06,554
Ahhh! Oh, no! He's dead
because of what the Emperor did
759
00:52:07,016 --> 00:52:08,495
a while ago!
760
00:52:09,652 --> 00:52:11,427
I better take his body!
761
00:52:12,055 --> 00:52:13,159
Just 'cause.
762
00:52:28,504 --> 00:52:30,780
Okay, Wedge,
take out the power station.
763
00:52:31,507 --> 00:52:35,353
♪ Some like it hot,
and some sweat when the heat is on. ♪
764
00:52:39,148 --> 00:52:41,389
♪ Some feel the heat and decide... ♪
765
00:52:43,052 --> 00:52:44,190
Thank you.
766
00:53:16,953 --> 00:53:18,728
(ALL CHEERING)
767
00:53:23,860 --> 00:53:27,603
Hey, Leia, you got a date for the We Just
Killed Thousands of People Dance tonight?
768
00:53:27,697 --> 00:53:30,576
- No.
- You do now. Pick you up at 7:00.
769
00:53:30,666 --> 00:53:32,077
And save Yub Nub for me.
770
00:53:33,202 --> 00:53:35,705
Come to think of it, you can shave
your yub nub for me, too!
771
00:53:35,805 --> 00:53:37,045
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
772
00:53:37,139 --> 00:53:38,140
I'll see you at 7:00.
773
00:53:46,382 --> 00:53:47,759
(STORMTROOPERS SCREAMING)
774
00:53:53,122 --> 00:53:54,829
(EWOKS CHATTERING)
775
00:53:55,591 --> 00:53:57,502
(YUB NUB PLAYING)
776
00:54:14,076 --> 00:54:16,056
What the hell, man?
I was gonna make it!
777
00:54:16,412 --> 00:54:18,653
Thanks for watching over me
and keeping me safe.
778
00:54:19,015 --> 00:54:20,892
Fuck you!
You murdered me, you ass.
779
00:54:29,559 --> 00:54:30,902
The end.
780
00:54:30,993 --> 00:54:34,099
And that's the final chapter
in the Star Wars saga.
781
00:54:34,196 --> 00:54:35,436
What about the prequels?
782
00:54:35,531 --> 00:54:37,101
I think The Cleveland Show
is gonna do those.
783
00:54:37,466 --> 00:54:40,538
Dad, one question.
What do you got against Seth Green?
784
00:54:40,836 --> 00:54:43,248
I just think he's a douche.
You got a problem with that?
785
00:54:43,539 --> 00:54:45,985
Well, we're all entitled to our own opinion.
786
00:54:46,075 --> 00:54:48,851
For example, me,
l think Seth MacFarlane is a douche.
787
00:54:49,145 --> 00:54:50,954
- What's that, now?
- Yeah, I don't like him, either.
788
00:54:51,113 --> 00:54:52,114
Yeah, me neither.
789
00:54:52,248 --> 00:54:54,353
Wait a second.
I hear he's a pretty nice guy.
790
00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:56,452
Yeah, good-looking guy.
Talented, young...
791
00:54:56,652 --> 00:54:58,962
Talented?
He ripped off The Simpsons.
792
00:54:59,155 --> 00:55:01,396
Yeah, he watched TV in the '80s.
We get it.
793
00:55:01,490 --> 00:55:03,663
And he only puts out, like,
ten new episodes a year.
794
00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,467
And then he splits those up
into five DVD sets.
795
00:55:06,729 --> 00:55:08,367
He doesn't make those decisions, Chris.
796
00:55:08,464 --> 00:55:10,171
Those decisions are made
at the corporate level.
797
00:55:10,466 --> 00:55:13,106
But he still takes the money every week.
How noble.
798
00:55:13,269 --> 00:55:16,443
And doesn't he have a whole staff
that writes those episodes anyway?
799
00:55:16,539 --> 00:55:19,782
Well, I wouldn't know about that,
but I think, and I hope, Chris,
800
00:55:19,875 --> 00:55:22,719
that ultimately,
people will just remember the laughter.
801
00:55:27,429 --> 00:55:32,713
Sync by lightAngel / Corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com
62486
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