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WIND HOWLS
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No, no, I completely understand.
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Please don't feel bad about it. You
just stay safe.
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WHISPERS:
- This is no good.
- We'll still get paid, right?
- Yeah,
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00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,760
but we don't want our first wedding
here to be a disaster.
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People will think the place is cursed.
- It is.
- Not haunted,
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I mean, like, unlucky.
- It isn't not unlucky.
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- That was Michelle. The Kingsleys
can't make it either.
- Oh.
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00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,160
Yeah, Mike and Valerie just texted to
say, "Accident on the M4,
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"traffic isn't moving"?
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00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,520
- PHONE RINGS
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00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,400
- Ooh, it's the wedding planner. Hi.
Hi, Martin.
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We've been trying to get hold of you.
- Sorry about that.
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I didn't have the Bluetooth in. Just
to give you the rundown.
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The DJ can't make it but the
equipment's all there
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if anyone wants to step in.
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The caterers are with you, I think.
- Yes. Yeah.
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- But the waiting staff are mostly
crying off,
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so it might have to be a bit more of a
buffet situation.
- OK.
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00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,640
Well, I'll let you co-ordinate that.
Where are you?
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00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,600
- Ah. That's the thing. I've had a
little bit of a dink.
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00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,680
- Sorry, sir, we need to end the call
now, please.
- I'd better go.
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00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,640
- Oh, my God.
- It's fine. I think I'm in shock!
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- Sir, it's time to hang up.
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- Right. Got to go. Good luck with it
all. Ciao, ciao, ciao.
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- Oh, oh, oh...
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- PHONE BEEPS
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- So...where is he?
- Slight problem.
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00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:43,440
- 'Tis bad tidings for the nuptials.
- No, it's romantic!
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A white wedding. A white, white
wedding!
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Oh, I do wish I could see the service.
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- Well, that's at the church, Kitty,
as it should be.
- I know.
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- If they can get there, that is.
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Beastly terrain for civilian vehicles.
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00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,920
- I remember my wedding day. It was
the best day of my life.
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00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,320
Carol in velvet, me in a handsome
brown three-piece.
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00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,800
- I cannot bear to think of the joy
that would've
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00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,160
occasioned my own wedding day. Oh!
- Don't remember much of mine.
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00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,920
I assume it was fun. Arghhhh!
40
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,960
- Mine was at Winchester Cathedral.
41
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,880
I was given away by the Marquis of
Granby and the guests included the...
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- ROBIN GRUNTS
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- Something to say, have we, Robin?
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00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,360
- Well, in my day, you do what you
want. You like someone, you do it.
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00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,600
You like someone else, you do it.
Easy.
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00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,240
No-one know who their father is but
everyone raise children together.
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Peace and love.
- I see. Bloody hippy, eh.
- Sounds awful.
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00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,000
- It's not very romantic, is it?
- You, wife cheat on you.
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And you cheat on wife.
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00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,080
And you, husband cheat on you with two
men, then kill you,
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00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:53,960
so open your eyes, people not meant to
be mon-hog...
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00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,920
..mono...
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00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,080
..mo-hog...hog...
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- Monogamous.
- That's what I said.
55
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,560
- Dad, everyone's cancelling.
- How many men have we lost?
- Not everyone.
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00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,200
Sam's at the hotel and the family.
57
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,520
- So vital personnel are all still in
the field?
58
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,680
Ah! Michael's back from the front.
What news?
59
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,720
- Marquee's fallen down.
- Oh.
- What?
60
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,920
- Part of it. Most of it.
- Oh, my God!
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00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,560
- Best to cancel the wedding, it be
cursed.
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00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,760
- No, thank you, Mary.
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00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,680
- We can do the meal in the house.
- Good idea.
- Excellent.
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00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,160
- How will everyone get to the
service? You can't drive in this.
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00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,040
- We'll hike.
- Yes, Alan. On foot. We march.
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00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,360
- That's not going to work for Auntie
Lou, is it?
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00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,680
- SHE SNORES
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00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,680
- Stretcher?
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00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,080
- Do you think we should just cancel?
- No!
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00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,600
- Well, what does Sam think?
- We agreed not to talk.
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00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,240
It's bad luck to see each other on the
wedding day.
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00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,440
- Well, in that case, wouldn't want to
make it worse.
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00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:55,040
- Dad, I know it's silly but it's the
one thing I can control.
- Sorry.
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00:03:55,040 --> 00:04:00,240
- I...I still think we can do this,
Clare, if you want to.
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00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,640
- HE SIGHS, BONES CREAK
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00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,360
- You're here and, and Sam's nearby.
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00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,680
Your dad's here and the bridesmaids
are on their way.
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00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,880
People that matter, right?
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00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,280
Good. Then we've got to do it.
80
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,800
We're licensed and I know you wanted a
church,
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00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,080
but if the mountain can't come to
Mohammed,
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00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,680
then...then we're going to bring the
vicar here
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00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,600
and I know that that's mixed metaphors
and also religions,
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but you know what I mean.
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00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,560
- Very good.
86
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,880
- Right, well, who's going to go out
in this
87
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,240
and get the vicar from the top of
the...
88
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,800
Me. It's me, innit?
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00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,000
All right. It's all part of the
service.
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00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,040
All right.
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00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,400
- 30?!
- Or at least. Lost count.
- Busy bunny, eh?
92
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,520
- This is not love you speak of! It's
but the carnality of a beast.
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00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,040
- Let me put you this,
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00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,320
if you had married Isabel and then you
meet Alison...
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00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:58,920
- They're 200 years apart, man!
- Question still stands.
- Well, I'd...
96
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,400
I'd...
- See?
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00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,240
- Right, we're commandeering the
ballroom.
- What?
- What?
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00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:10,600
- The wedding's happening here.
- Yes! Oh, yes, a thousand times, yes!
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- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
100
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,080
- That has never happened before.
101
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,360
- Right, I need to get chairs in here.
102
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,080
- What?! Alison, no, no, no, no.
103
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,720
You can't have the service in here,
this isn't a church.
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00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,560
Where's the steeple, where are the
pews, where are the people?
105
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,720
- No, it's a great idea. What can we
do?
106
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,480
- Well, n-nothing, actually, Pat, can
you, cos you're dead.
107
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,920
Thank you, though.
- Thank you, Patrick, carry on.
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- KNOCKING
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- Ooh, this looks amazing!
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00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,280
Oh, hi!
- You made it! Come in. Come in, come
in.
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00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,120
- The key, of course, is symmetry.
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Two banks of seating with a clear
avenue for the entrance
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of the bride.
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Let's line that up. Very good, carry
on.
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00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,600
- I'm just trying to set up, if anyone
wants to help.
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00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,240
- Yep, a little bit higher.
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00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,800
You want lovely, long loops, like
waves across the space,
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00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,360
don't you think, Julian?
- Mm. Are there bridesmaids?
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00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,760
- Oh, I hope you're going to behave
yourself today...
120
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,360
..because I have heard about you.
121
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,560
What do you think?
- Oh, it's wonderful, I mean, it's
like a,
122
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,360
it's like a flower grenade has gone
off.
- Oh...
- It's fabulous.
123
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,720
Now I was thinking perhaps flowers on
the end of each aisle.
124
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A floral streetlight, if you will.
- Mm.
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00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,800
Robin!
- Robin!
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- It wasn't me!
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00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,160
It was me.
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00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,800
- Everything all right, love?
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00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,800
- Yeah.
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00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,320
- Sure I can't help?
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00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,760
- Yeah.
132
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,240
- Oh.
133
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,400
- She shakes! 'Tis another sign!
134
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,680
- She's nervous!
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00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,320
Oh, I wish I could help!
136
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,560
- CHURCH BELL RINGS
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00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,320
Good morning.
- Hello.
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00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,320
- Father, I've come to take you to the
wedding.
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We're doing the service in the house.
- Oh, I see.
140
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,560
I, er, rather thought it might be
cancelled.
141
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,280
- No, it's happening, so if you want
to grab your coat, snow boots.
142
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,960
- I'm afraid I'm carrying a bit of an
injury.
143
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,240
I'm not sure I can walk down the hill.
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00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,000
- Don't worry, Father, you don't have
to walk.
145
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,400
- Oh.
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00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,880
- VICAR SCREAMS IN DELIGHT
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Look out!
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00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,560
- Ah, there we are.
- What? That's very sparkly.
149
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,680
- What has happened to ties nowadays?
150
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,400
- Oh! Ooh!
- Ah.
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00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,840
- Does nobody wear a gown to a wedding
nowadays?
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00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,320
You'd think this was a circus.
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00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,080
- Oh, no, it's chic, and it's now,
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00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,760
and if it makes HER feel fabulous,
then, er,
155
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,800
no, very good.
156
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,160
- Oh, and trousers for you as well.!
157
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,320
- Hello! Or should I say yellow?
158
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,160
Beautiful banana.
159
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,480
- Do you recognise him? Do you
recognise him?
160
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,040
- Er...
- Where do I know him from?
161
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,560
Is he off the telly?
- Ooh, yeah, yeah, could be.
162
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:17,840
- He does look familiar.
163
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,400
- Oh, my goodness, Clare, it's
beautiful!
164
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,960
- Where be your garter? The bride must
be gartered!
165
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,680
- Oh, no!
- Alison!
166
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,560
- It's not, er, Dennis Waterman, is
it?
167
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,800
- Dennis Waterman?
168
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,160
He'd be 70 by now.
169
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,800
- Oh, yeah, good point, yeah.
170
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,320
- Mick Hucknall!
171
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,080
- Don't be ridiculous, Robin!
172
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,600
Mick Hucknall has dreadlocks.
173
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,480
- Oh, Vicar, you made it!
174
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,320
Just go through here and make yourself
warm by the fire.
175
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,840
- Ah, thank you.
176
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,840
- That took a while.
- Yeah, he wanted to do the hill
twice.
177
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,600
- Alison!
178
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,120
May I have your ear, please?
179
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,240
- Ah! The vicar's arrived. Good work,
Michael.
180
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,160
CAR HORN BEEPS
181
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,160
- They're here!
182
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,080
Sorry, Mary, not right now.
- Ah, here we go.
183
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,720
- A double wedding! Oh, my goshness!
184
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,400
- No, that's the other bride.
185
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,200
- For the same groom?
186
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,360
Bigamy?!
187
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,080
- No, they're marrying each other.
188
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,640
- What on Earth?!
189
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,120
- Two brides! Wonderful!
190
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,440
- SHE GROANS
191
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,800
- Is this one gartered?
192
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,200
- Oi-oi, bridesmaids. Tick. Let the
wedding commence.
193
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,080
- Isn't that against the law?
194
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,320
- No. Times have changed.
195
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,920
- The house will be brought into
disrepute.
196
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,400
It's a scandal!
197
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,040
- Those are the bridesmaids?
- Of course.
198
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,400
- But they're wearing burgundy, just
like me.
199
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,880
- Wonderful choice.
200
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,000
A darker shade, as if to frame the
glowing white
201
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,320
of the beautiful bride, without
upstaging her.
202
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,760
- Does this mean I'm a bridesmaid?!
203
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,320
Can I be a bridesmaid?! Please,
please, please!
204
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,160
- Yes, yes, fine, yeah.
205
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,240
Hi! Come in, come in.
206
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,960
- Oh, what a journey!
- Oh, you made it!
207
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,160
OK, so we've set everything out in the
ballroom.
208
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,880
- Oh, thank you so much for doing this
for us.
209
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,360
Honestly, I don't know what we would
have done without you.
210
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,760
- No, it's our pleasure. It's all part
of the Button House...
211
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,720
- ..brand. #ButtonHouse.
212
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,360
Available for bookings. Tell your
friends. Ha-ha. Please.
213
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,720
- Oh, where is this garter, then?
- Er, come through.
214
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,240
- # Here comes the bridesmaid, she is
a bridesmaid. #
215
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,120
- Lovely place, isn't it?
- Yeah, er, yes.
216
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,840
I've been here before, actually.
- Oh?
217
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,040
- A long time ago, now.
218
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,560
- Well, what a coincidence.
- Mm.
219
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,320
- So, I don't know if you've met the
couple that own it, but it's...
- No.
220
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,920
- ..it's quite a story.
221
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,720
ECHOING:
- I've been here before, actually. A
long time ago, now.
222
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,800
- Like the beak of a goose, you see?
223
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,280
Oh, it's a lovely old tradition,
especially with the bridesmaids.
224
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,400
Pinch on the bum, no harm done.
225
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,800
- These are gentlewomen, sir! Not
Whitechapel strumpets!
226
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,840
- You're fun.
227
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,320
- It looks good.
- It's happening.
- I know, I think it's good.
228
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,680
I can't believe we're actually going
to make this happen.
229
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,560
- Er, you haven't seen Clare, have
you?
230
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,560
- Oh, she hasn't run away, has she?
231
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,360
Actually, I hope she HASN'T run away.
232
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,240
- Oh, she's probably just popped to
the loo, or...
233
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,320
- I'll go and look for her. Yeah.
- Erm...
234
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,560
- Just, just tell everyone that we're
going to start soon.
235
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,240
Erm, just keep them entertained.
236
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,760
- What shall I say?
- I don't know.
237
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,200
Whatever. I won't be long.
238
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,920
- Alison, what's happening?
- We've just lost one of the brides.
239
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,240
- What?
240
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,560
What?!
241
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,080
Right, pay attention, everyone!
242
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,760
We have a missing bride. We need to
search the house.
243
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,320
Thomas, Mary, East Wing. Robin,
Julian, West Wing.
244
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,960
Pat, you're with me. Come along!
245
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,080
Well, come on, man!
- Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first
time.
246
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,880
- Hi.
247
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,760
Er, we're going to start soon,
248
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:58,080
but I just want to say a few words to
welcome you all to Button House.
249
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,360
Er, well done for getting here, in
this weather.
250
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,640
Many didn't make it.
251
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,880
Not that they died, they just got
stuck,
252
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,080
although the wedding planner had quite
a serious...
253
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,240
Nah. Nothing.
254
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,200
Anyway, the best ones are here, right?
255
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,280
Right?
256
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,640
- Oh, here she be!
257
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,520
She sits herein.
- Alison!
258
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,160
Alison! We have eyes on the target.
259
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,280
The eagle is in the nest.
260
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,640
- What?
261
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:28,920
- She's in the toilet.
262
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,200
- Oh!
263
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,800
Clare?
264
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,040
It's Alison. Is everything OK?
265
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,120
- I'm just going to the loo, I'll be
out in a minute.
266
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,440
- She sits upon the stall but her
trousers is not down.
267
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,800
- OK.
268
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,960
- She seems lost in thought,
269
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,080
at sea, in a tumultuous storm of
emotion.
270
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,280
- Are you, are you sure you're OK?
271
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,320
- Yeah.
272
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,840
- Anything you want to talk about?
273
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,120
- I'm scared I'm making a mistake.
274
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,320
- Well, she is. Monopoly is a trap.
275
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,880
- Monogamy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
276
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,280
- So, erm...
277
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,800
Vicar?
- Mm?
- You've done hundreds of weddings.
278
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,120
You must have some stories.
279
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,000
- Oh, not really.
280
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,160
- Really? No stories?
281
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,960
- No, nothing very...
282
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,840
- Being modest. Er...
283
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,080
- WHISPERS:
- You have to help me.
- Er...
284
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,720
- Alison's gone to find Clare and I
don't know what's going on.
285
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,240
- Right. I just don't...
286
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,640
- Make something up? Hm, yeah?
287
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,760
Woo!
288
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,720
- HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
289
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,520
Erm, hello. Erm...
290
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,440
I, er, I remember one wedding.
291
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,640
Goodness me, it must be, erm, 20 years
ago, at least,
292
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,640
when, erm,
293
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,400
during the vows,
294
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,480
all of a sudden, the doors flew open,
and a dog ran in to the church.
295
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,280
Ha!
296
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,040
Barking.
297
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,920
Barking away, he was.
298
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,640
Woof, woof, woof.
299
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,840
But, er, that was just the start.
300
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,000
- Oh. Hmm...
301
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,400
- What's going on? Has the party
started already?
302
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,840
I thought I could hear voices.
- No.
303
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,280
It's the ceremony.
304
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,040
- Here?
- Mm.
- Woo!
305
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,480
Could you take me down there? I'd love
to see it.
306
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,200
- Oh, I don't think you do. It's
scandalous.
307
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,640
It's unbecoming of this fine house and
its noble history.
308
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,800
- I think I'll probably make my own
mind up,
309
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,080
if you could just take me down...
310
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,920
- I'm quite sure you'll agree with me.
311
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,240
Honestly, I don't know what the world
has come to.
312
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,200
Is there no decency any more?
313
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,400
No sense of traditional values?
314
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,720
- Oh, this is happening.
- When I was a girl...
- Yep...
315
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,560
- ..we were taught at a very young age
exactly what was expected,
316
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,040
what was proper!
317
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,680
- I'm being stupid.
- Yep.
318
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,200
- Don't say that.
- Well...
319
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,440
- It's not that I don't love her.
320
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,200
It's not that we aren't happy, it...
321
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,960
It just suddenly feels terrifying.
322
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,600
- Oh, get over it and get on with it!
323
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,880
You're lucky to be alive!
324
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,560
Honestly, people don't know they're
born.
325
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,400
- It's completely natural for you to
get cold feet today.
326
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,480
- Yeah, it's snowing.
- It's a metaphor, Robin!
327
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,440
- You're a metaphor.
328
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,000
- Don't tell anyone this, but...
329
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,000
..I had a wobble on my wedding day.
330
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,240
I kept thinking, "Is he the one?"
331
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,760
"I'm still young, do I really want to
commit for the rest of my life,
332
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:42,400
"you know? Is it naive to think that I
won't fall in love again?
333
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,600
"And all the little habits and the
things that annoy me,
334
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,720
"can I really live with them every
day?"
335
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,760
- You're absolutely right, he's wrong
for you.
- Can you...?
336
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,160
But then I tried to imagine living
without him.
337
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,960
And I couldn't.
338
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,200
Because he's the best thing that's
ever happened to me.
339
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,720
We're a team.
340
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,800
And we love each other.
341
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,720
- Nah, I preferred the first bit.
342
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,720
- ..a nut allergy, yes, because
Janet...
343
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,080
- Oh, Michael's here, girls!
344
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,080
- Mike, is everything OK? Are we
starting?
345
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,560
- Alison's just talking to Clare in
the bathroom.
- Oh!
346
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,760
What about?
- Apparently she got cold feet on our
wedding day
347
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,000
and she wasn't sure if she wanted to
marry me,
348
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,520
because of all my bad habits.
349
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,000
- Why is she talking about cold feet?
350
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,240
- What's going on?
351
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,840
So, you know, only you can make that
decision.
352
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,920
Can you imagine life without her?
353
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,200
- It's working. She's looking at
pictures of them on her telephone.
354
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,760
- Oh, holiday snaps. No, no, scroll
back.
355
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,080
- Clare? So, what do you think?
356
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,640
Do you want to do this?
357
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,520
LOCK CLICKS
358
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,400
- I do.
359
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:12,320
- It became clear that the dog was
trying to tell us something.
360
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,600
It was pointing, you know, with its,
with its paw. So we...
361
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:22,040
..all got up out of our seats and
followed the creature.
362
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,920
- I fears for the marriage, Alison.
Much is not done.
363
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,240
The bride be not gartered.
364
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,560
And where are the bachelors to carry
her to bed?
365
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,880
And someone must break cake over her
head.
366
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,160
- I'm just going to catch you. I'll
catch you up.
- Sure, OK.
367
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,400
- Yeah. What are you talking about,
Mary?
368
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,200
- The cake what's not broke upon my
head so my husband did die.
369
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:49,200
Crushed beneath his plough like a
grape beneath the foot.
370
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,000
- Oh, my God! Your husband died on
your wedding day?
371
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,520
- No, three years aft.
- Right.
372
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,560
- The couple must observe the rituals
for a blessed marriage!
- OK.
373
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,000
There's a lot to unpack here.
374
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,120
So you're saying that your husband
died in a farming accident
375
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,720
because of something that you didn't
do on your wedding day
376
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,160
three years earlier?
- Exactly!
377
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,840
- OK.
378
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:14,160
- We... We, we had gathered around the
well and...
379
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:19,280
Well, we thought we could hear a baby
crying.
380
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,200
Nobody had a ladder, so we were going
to have to use the bucket.
381
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,160
But, um... There was...
382
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,440
- INDISTINCT
383
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,120
What do you mean she's not here?
384
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,760
- She went off with her mum.
- Why?
385
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,280
- She's so upset!
386
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,160
- She found out that her bride might
be having doubts about marrying her.
387
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,800
- You told her?!
388
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,560
Oh, my God, Mike. I had it all under
control.
389
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,400
All you had to do was just keep them
waiting.
390
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,200
- Well, I'm sorry I always disappoint
you.
391
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,520
- Sorry's not good enough, is it?
392
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,480
- That's such an insensitive thing to
do.
393
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,120
- Is the wedding off?
- No!
394
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,480
- Alison, we need a plan. The guests
are getting restless.
395
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,120
- Oh, who cares about the guests. To
hell with the guests!
396
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,320
What's it got to do with us, eh?
397
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,000
We're dead, in case you hadn't
noticed. We can't do a bloody thing!
398
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,760
- HE EXHALES
399
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,440
I'm going to talk to Sam and then you
just make sure that
400
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,280
Clare's still here when we get back.
401
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,520
- IF
- we get back.
402
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,320
- All this over a silly piece of
paper.
403
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,520
- I just wanted to be a bridesmaid!
404
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,800
- You all saw that, didn't you? That
she tires of him.
405
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,120
Finally, she sees the light!
406
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,320
Yes!
407
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,080
- Where do you think you're going?
408
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:31,040
- And before you know it, there's
chaos on the streets, mass hysteria,
409
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,440
everyone doing whatever they feel like
- stealing, fighting,
410
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:40,880
anarchy, which is precisely why I
won't go near this...spectacle.
411
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,400
- You finished?
412
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,960
- Yes.
- Wow.
413
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,400
- Breathe, love.
414
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,520
- Oh! What did she say?
- Nothing.
415
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,680
Nothing, honestly, nothing.
416
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,360
She loves you and she wants to marry
you.
417
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,200
This is all a big misunderstanding.
418
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,800
- Mike heard you say to Clare that you
had cold feet on YOUR wedding day.
419
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,640
- Yes. Yes. He did.
420
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,640
But... But that's me.
421
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,800
Not Clare.
422
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,960
- But why would you talk to Clare
about it
423
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,960
unless that's how she were feeling?
424
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,600
Tell me honestly, was Clare having
doubts?
425
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,560
- Yes. But...
426
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,760
- Well, I had a flathead screwdriver,
427
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,400
but that was no good because it was,
it was a Phillips...
428
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,640
- Mike, is everything OK?
429
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,200
Mike?
430
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,560
Is everything OK?
431
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,560
- I heard Alison telling you she
wasn't sure if she wanted to
432
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,400
marry me and if she'd meet someone
better and if I was the one.
- Um...
433
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,600
..I meant, with the wedding?
434
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,880
- Yes.
435
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,800
- She had an artificial limb that had
come loose and also...
436
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,040
- You bastard!
437
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,520
- Patrick?
- Come here, you Scally!
438
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,200
You, you reprobate!
439
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,840
Those drinks were for later! Urgh!
440
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,920
- Leave it, Pat.
- Argh!
441
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,240
- Oh!
442
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,680
- Ah!
443
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:17,720
Oh!
444
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:18,880
- Ah!
445
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,160
- BOTH: Ah!
446
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,960
- Stand down, fellas. Stand down!
447
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,440
- Ow!
448
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,920
Urgh!
- Oh!
449
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,320
- GRUNTS CONTINUE HE YELLS
450
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,720
VARIOUS GRUNTS AND YELPS
451
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,600
SILENCE
452
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,520
CACOPHONY OF PAINED GRUNTS
453
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,840
I hope you bog off when it's back on.
454
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,600
- Stop!
455
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,400
It's Kieth Darren Dean.
456
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,520
- ALL:
- Oh.
457
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,880
- Who?
- Hmm?
458
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,880
Safety rule number one is no...
459
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,360
ALL:
- Oh!
460
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,200
- The arrow's gone through that, clean
through.
461
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,120
HE CHOKES
462
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,880
We might need one of you to drive.
463
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,440
Don't look at me, kids. Make a path.
464
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,320
You don't want to see this in your
dreams.
465
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,360
Oh.
466
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,000
ENGINE STARTS
467
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,520
- Tenner says he stays.
- You're on.
468
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,160
- I'll tell you about my marriage.
469
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,000
My marriage was arranged.
470
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,720
I was 14, she was 12. Noble families,
both.
471
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,960
Model couple, really, for the time.
472
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:55,760
We had a title and a big house and the
lands, riches.
473
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,720
Didn't love each other.
474
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,520
She didn't even like me.
475
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,040
Didn't laugh at my jokes.
476
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,440
Didn't really understand each other.
477
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,200
She was French, so...
478
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,800
Might have been nice if we could have
chosen who we married.
479
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,600
Mike, something's going on, isn't it?
480
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,520
- I may have told Sam you were having
a bit of a wobble.
481
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,400
I heard Alison say that stuff about me
and I was really hurt.
482
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,160
And I wasn't really thinking.
483
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,760
I'm sure Sam will come around, like
you did.
484
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,000
- And then she opened the door and she
said, "Thank you".
485
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,680
- And that's it?
- That's it.
486
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,000
She loves you.
487
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,200
She was just scared.
488
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,240
- You know, she also said she couldn't
imagine living without you.
489
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,640
- Did she?
- She said you're the best thing
that's ever happened to her.
490
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,600
- Ah.
491
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,880
- BOTH: I need to talk to her.
492
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,400
- I need to see her. And to hell with
tradition.
493
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,080
I love you.
494
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,400
Let's get married.
495
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,480
- WIND HOWLS
496
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,040
- Hello, Skip.
497
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,680
- Hello, Kieth.
498
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,760
- I just want you to know, I do think
about you.
499
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,000
- I think about you, too.
500
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,200
- About that day.
501
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,640
I'm sorry, Skip.
502
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,320
- I forgive you.
503
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,520
I should never have given an
eight-year-old a lethal weapon.
504
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,360
I suppose if there's one thing I could
say to you, Kieth,
505
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,080
it would be... Uh!
506
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,280
Of course.
507
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,960
I'm OK! Sorry.
508
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,080
DANCE MUSIC STARTS
509
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,040
MUSIC STOPS
510
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,040
- Sorry!
511
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,440
- WEDDING MARCH PLAYS
512
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,760
- Mission accomplished.
513
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,800
- Hello, thank you. That's...
514
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,600
What? Oh! All right, then.
515
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:00,920
- SHE GIGGLES
516
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,360
- Julian!
- Arr!
517
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,600
- Please be seated.
518
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,640
- You've changed your tune.
519
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:21,200
- Well, times change, don't they? We
should know.
520
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,480
After all, if George had been free to
love as he chose, well,
521
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,040
I wouldn't have been murdered.
522
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:32,320
And I could have had a husband instead
who wanted to know me.
523
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,120
And when I say know, I mean
524
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,480
he would give me a really good...
525
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,480
- ALL INTERRUPT
526
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,800
FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS
527
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,280
- Waza!
528
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,440
- Terrible story. What happened to the
baby?
- Oh! Well...
529
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,400
- ALL:
- Oooh!
- I've got it.
530
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,480
- Double half hitch.
531
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,040
Well done, Kieth.
532
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,720
Well done.
533
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,200
- Who do that?
534
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,400
- Three, two, one, go!
535
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,520
- APPLAUSE
536
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,400
- Good for you, Debbie.
537
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,960
- Now.
538
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,560
There.
- I can't just throw cake at the
bride.
539
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,600
- But, looks.
540
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,120
Now she will not die.
541
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,400
- MUSIC: My Girl by The Temptations
542
00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:02,080
# I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
543
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:09,360
# And when it's cold outside, I've
got... #
544
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:12,200
- OK, sometimes it work...
545
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,480
..mon-og-amy.
- Oh! Very good, Robin.
546
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,200
- Monogamy. Monogamy!
547
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,240
Monogamy!
548
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,800
- Yes, that's enough. Thank you,
Robin.
549
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,840
- # My girl
550
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,000
- # My girl
551
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,760
- # Talking about my girl... #
552
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,040
- I think I want another fight.
553
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,760
Can he be a club?
41676
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