All language subtitles for Marry.Me.S01E10_English

Babe, I'm home.
Let's watch this damn show.

I can't believe
I made it a whole week
without spoilers.

Full radio silence,
full media blackout.

I know.
Do you know how many emails
I've had to ignore?

Sorry,
Amex fraud prevention.

Did I spend six grand
at a Zara in Lisbon?

We'll get to the bottom
of that after the
season finale of...

BOTH: The Moors!

Yes!
Ha, The Moors!

Oh, man.
You were so right

about having
a show together.
Right?

I mean, it cannot be
overstated how much
a television program

about social hierarchy
and sexual atrocities

in 19th century England
has elevated our love.

I'm loving how much
you're loving this,

and you used to watch
your violent shows.

You had your romantic
goopy-gop.

But with The Moors,
we finally found a genre

that's perfect
for both of us.

Romantic violence.

The passion,
the pageantry.

Ah, the stabbing,
the nudity.
Oh, the nudity.

You know, I heard that
Entertainment Weekly's

latest review is just
a link to Banana Republic

so people can replace
the pants they crapped.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Uh-oh, looks like someone
got into our post-show

chocolate covered pretzels.

Wasn't me.

Well, it wasn't me.

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, babe.

Hey, to one hell of a season.
It sucks that
it's almost over.

And to one hell of a life
together,

because it's just getting
started.

Oh.
I love you, Annie.

I love you too.
(KISSES)

All right, The Moors.
(CHUCKLES)

BOTH: What the hell?

ANNE: Recently watched?

You watched The Moors finale
without me?

No, no, I didn't watch it.
You must've watched it.

I can't believe you watched
our show.

No, no, no, no.
And I kind of feel

like you're accusing me
because you watched it.

Okay, we're in a genuine bind
here because I'm me,

and I know that me, Annie,
Annie, I did not watch it.

Okay, "Me Annie."
Me Jake knows
what Me Jake does

at all times, and Me Jake
did not watch The Moors.

One of us is lying,
and unlike

your little chocolate pretzel
pig out...

Didn't touch 'em.
I'm not letting this one go.

Neither am I.

Million Dollar Listing?

Fine.
Fine!

MAN: (ON TV) We had to
keep looking.

So, we could find the house
that we really wanted.

MAN 2: Yeah,
but our budget is...

(WHISTLING)

* Oh, no

* Hey

* Can't hold me back

* Can't hold me back
from you *

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.

What was your favorite part
of The Moors finale?

How 'bout every damn second
of it?

Guys...
KEVIN 2: When Lord Musgrave

overheard Father Thomas
overhearing Rupert
the Second

overhearing Pippa Popplewell

talking to herself
in the fog on the bog?

Their fog budget
must be insane.

Guys, we have not
watched it.

Uh, actually,
Annie watched it,
but she won't admit it.

What?
No, Jake watched it,

but he won't admit it.

(LAUGHING)
Oh, not true!

Kids, what is happening?

When we went to watch it
last night,
the DVR said...

(WHISPERING)
Recently watched.

(GASPS)
Betrayal!

Having a show together
is a sacred contract

wherein you vow
to wait for each other.

Thank you.
Like how Lady Drood

waited her entire life

for Sir Royston Munt
to return from sea.

And when he finally did,

they made love
for three straight days.

Before she
lit him on fire.

Stop! Not listening!
Not listening. Ah!
(VOCALIZING)

Sorry, sorry.

The point is,
your father and I

have had shows
together forever

and we have never,
ever broken that bond.

Thank you.
Or, you know,

it could be one of those
relationship things

that's just better off
forgetting about,

like the time I caught Kevin
masturbating to Lincoln.

Spielberg's Lincoln?

McConaughey's Lincoln.

Lawyer?
Car commercial.

Gross, gross, gross.
But we've all been there.

All night, all night,
all night.

Wait, isn't it possible
that the watcher

was one of your friends?

They all have keys
to your place.

Yes!
Yes, totally!

There's your answer
right there.

Mystery solved.

They're always meddling
in our affairs.

That's gotta be it.
All right, end of "discush,"

"Hallelu!"
Halleluj-a-guy in ten days.

Halleluj-ual suspects.

Halle-the mirror has
two faces-uj.

Doesn't work
for every movie.

Yentl-uj?

Moors themed foggy
happy hour! $3 shots
of virgin's blood!

Ugh, I'm so glad
this season of The Moors
is finally over.

It's everywhere,
and quite frankly,
I hate it.

Disagreed.
I'm all in.

I love being part
of cultural conversations.

Wardrobe malfunctions,
hanging chads,

Gangnam Style.
I'm still into that one.
(SCOFFS)

What? Oh, no, a ticket?
Pigs!

(POLICE SIREN CHIRPS)

GIL: What the...

Freeze!

I should warn you,
I'm armed with boobs.

This girl's gonna get us
all killed.

Well, then, be prepared
to get frisked...

...with hands.

(BOTH GIGGLE)

Do you think we're all
gonna get kisses?

It's cool, guys.
This is my new steady,

Gary Thick, Chicago PD.

We were just on our way
to talk some idiot
off the ledge

at the Wrigley building,
but I couldn't resist

a classic
abuse of power bit.

The other day, he took me
to the evidence room,

told me I could pick out
anything I wanted.

So what'd you get?

Really high.
(LAUGHING) Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

Whoa.
Parking ticket?

I don't think so,
not if you're Thick's chick.

Babe, so long as we're
doing stuff below the belt,

consider yourself
above the law.
GIL: Awesome.

Gary, we should really
get to that jumper.

Hey, everybody,
this is my partner,
Detective Matata.

Please, call me
Laguna.

Sorry, your name's
Laguna Matata?

You making fun of my name,
civilian?

What?
No, no, no, no.

Hey, no worries.

(LAUGHTER)
You're funny...

In a gun-wielding
authority-figure kind of way.

Well, you're funny
in a expendable

human-shield kind of way.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

Ooh, be right back.

Yo, she is into you,
my nincompoop.

Oh, she's just being nice.

Gary, there's a...
All right,

just give me a second.

All right.

Let's go save that jumper.

He's dead.
Let's go get a hot dog.

So, good news, we are
no longer at war

over who watched
The Moors.

Oh, thank God.

When I thought Jake
watched it,

I was like,
"Do I even know this man?"

And I was like,
"Is this the monster

"that I've chosen
to fill with babies?"

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Yes!

But now that we know
it's one of you,

you know,
'eryting is irie, man.

Wait, one of us?
Wasn't me.

I watch TV like everyone else
in the world, on my phone,

in traffic, weeks after its
original air date.

And it definitely wasn't me.

The only thing I hate
more than The Moors

is More Moors,
the post Moors talk show
hosted by Jay Mohr.

Look, I use your place
for plenty of things...

Let's keep it vague.

Mid-city pooping...
BOTH: Ugh.

But watching TV is not
one of them.

And why would we
lie about it?

But if you guys
didn't watch it...

BOTH:
I knew it was you!

Guys, listen,
Gary has a polygraph machine,

and it works.
He used it on me

to find out if
I really loved his
John Krasinski tattoo.

He has a tattoo
of Mr. Emily Blunt?

On a horse.

Okay, but seriously,

are you guys really gonna go
lie detector on each other?

I've got nothing to hide.

Well, I've got "nothinger"
to hide.

Call Gary.
Let's get it on.

Yeah, give Gary a ring.

ANNIE: Yeah.
JAKE: Yeah, call him.

Gil... (WHISPERING)
I'm super busted.

What?
I'm saying
I'm super busted.

You watched the show?

You watched The Moors
without Annie?

It was an accident!
So I'm in Sports Authority,

and you know how
they're doing
their crossbow

cross promotion
with The Moors?

Well aware.
I'm saving up.

So they're showing it
on every screen, man.

I, everywhere I'm turning,
The Moors, you know?

I'm only human,
I got sucked in.

It's The Moors, baby.
What am I gonna do?

There's no way
I'm gonna pass that
lie detector test.

So tell the truth.
It's just a TV show.

No, Gil,
it's about trust.

I didn't watch it
on our TV,

which means
she definitely did.
She's lying to me.

But you are also
technically lying.

Yes, yes, yes,
of course I'm lying,

but she doesn't know
that I'm lying,

which makes her lie
even worse.

Okay, so if you're so sure
she's lying,

then all you got to do
is make her take
the lie detector first.

Of course.

She fails.
Game over.

Wait, now that I know
you've seen it,

can we take two seconds
and download about
the finale?

I mean, that horse!

(CHUCKLES)
What was that
horse thinking?

Okay, who's ready to get
their polygraph on?

Oh, you ready?
Okay, great.

Uh, liars first.
Oh, I'm sorry,
ladies first.

Oh, my gosh, honey,
after you. Let's...

Well, no, I'm a gentleman.
I'm an honest gentleman.

Oh, you can both go
at the same time.

We brought
Polly and Jonathan.

Polly is what we call
our polygraph machine.

Jonathan is what we call
our second polygraph machine.

And Gary's what we call
our sex machine.

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, two, great, all right.

Well, we can
get to the bottom
of this quicker, right?

I want to know the truth.

You can't handle the truth.
Well, I can...

Okay, let's go, bitch boy.
Okay.

Okay, well,
you guys have fun.
Bye, Gil.

I'm just going to walk myself
to my car alone.

Okay, bye.
Hey, take care.

Drive home safe.
Lot of maniacs out there.

Yo, that hot lady dick
is way into you.

That's very graphic.
Oh, come on.

Have you been on one date
since Cassie?

Go, ask her out.

Can you please
stop pressuring me?

Gil, it's time.
Trust me,

once you get some balls,
the bitches will
come running.

It's like my Grandmother
used to say,

"Once you get some balls,
the bitches will
come running."

She was a dog trainer.

Still a crazy thing to say.

Laguna?
Laguna Matata.

Look, I'm gonna
ask you something,
and you're gonna say no...

I'd love to go out with you.

None taken.
I get it.

You smell like flowers,
I smell like ranch.

Not cool ranch, either,
horse ranch.

Gil, we're going out.

Call me.
My number's 911.

(LAUGHS)
I'm a little ticklish.

All right,
you sure you want to
do this, Annie?

Because once the noise
has been brought,

it cannot be unbrought.

Oh, bring the noise,
and honestly,

bring the funk as well,
because I am looking
forward to this.

And, she is
telling the truth.

About the funk as well?

Especially about the funk.

But we should ask
a few more questions

to make sure it's calibrated,
so please state
your full names.

Annie Evita Fletcher.

Jacob Herbert Schuffman.

True.

Favorite food?
Cheese fries, duh.

Caesar salad, dressing.

True.
Very true, by the way.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Do you approve
of my dating choices?

Of course.
Thank you, girl.

And we are calibrated.
That was a lie.

DENNAH: What?
Oh...

But we do believe
you'll find love one day.

Another lie.
We're hot, people.

Tough evening for Dennah.
Okay, Annie,

as long as we're here,
am I the best lover

you've ever had?
Am I the biggest?

Have you ever cheated
in your heart?

Have you ever cheated
in your mind?

Have you ever
actually voted,
and I'm not talking about

for the color of an M&M
or American Idol.

This is really sad.

Yes, yes by an inch,
no to that cheating run,

and yes, I voted
for the black guy

in BuzzFeed's
"who's your favorite

"Happy Endings character"
poll.

Wow, all true.
She's on the level.

Okay, enough, enough,
let's get to the
main event here.

Did you watch The Moors?
Oh, that was fast.
Right out of the gate.

Okay, sure, fine.
You ready?

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

No.

And dancing needle.
He's lying like a Spaniard.

ALL: Oh!

Wait, hold on a second.
Let me be clear here, okay?

I've watched
all four seasons.

We've watched all four
seasons of it, okay,

so you need to be
a little bit more specific,
babe.

Did you watch the finale?

Yes, the first two seasons,

and the entire third season,
which many people think

is a 13-part season finale.

True.
Next?

Did you watch the
season four finale of
The Moors on our DVR?

No, Annie, I did not.

He's not lying.

What?
Wow.

He's sweating like a big lady
on a small plane,
but he's not lying.

Well, now
my hands are clean,

so before we go any further,
let me urge the liar,

whomever she may be,
to come clean

and avoid
a public humiliation.

Let's dance.

Did you, Annie,
dare to have the audacity

to watch The Moors finale,
without me,

in our very home,
under my very nose?

No.

(MACHINE WRITING)

She is telling a...

I knew it.
Truth.

BOTH: Yes!
Oh!

Whoo!
That was misleading.

You know what?
She's lying.

Come on, people can beat
this things, right, Gary?

Yeah, people can
beat these things,

people that lack empathy,

like psychopaths
or serial killers,

or Hamburglars.

Oh, my God.
Is that what
you think I am?

You think I'm just
some heartless liar?

Don't, don't answer.
Don't.

ANNIE: Answer me.
Answer her.

Don't.
Okay.

The question is,
do I think that
you're a heartless liar

like the Hamburglar?
No.

Uh, inconclusive.

You are unbelievable.

You know what, I need a...
I'm just...

GARY: Easy with the,
that's high tech gear.

This Catalina Pizza Chicken
is gross.

It's like, all bad bites.

But I am loving this
being-above-the-law-thing.

Jeez, D.
KAY: Dennah...

It's cool, above the law.
I'll bring 'em back later.

(WHISPERING)
No, I won't.

Dennah, you can't just
take those.

KAY:
What? Watch out!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

MAN: What the hell
is wrong with her?

Damn, D,
you just littered,
stole,

and jaywalked
without breaking stride.

Gil, you're gonna love
dating a cop.

Dating? We haven't even
gone out yet.

And honestly, I'm so nervous,
I may just fake my own death.

Oh, Gil, lord love you,
but you can't just go

faking your own death
through life.

Why don't we make it
a group hang?

That'll take
the pressure off.

Thanks, guys.

You know, despite
what I always say and think,

you're really good friends.
Aw.

Aw, I'd do anything
for you, buddy.

Just don't screw this up,
because I am loving
these perks.

Keep a-walking, sister.

* Coming home from work
'cause I need that jerk...

* Chicken that I got
in the fridge

* But as long as I'm here
I might as well... *

Actually, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Jakey time.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

What the hell are you...
(TV CLICKS OFF)

I mean, you're always welcome
in our home, sir.

But like,
what's up, Kev?

Um...
Wait a second.

The chocolate pretzels,
the DVR...

(GASPS)
It was you!

You were watching The Moors.
That's why, at brunch,

you were, like,
telling us all,
"Let it go, let it go."

Because it was you all along.

What?
No, Jake,

you are as delusional
as old Viceroy Grimmelsby.

Yeah, well,
that guy's syphilis
had him all out of sorts,

but the point is,
is it was you, Kevin.

(SIGHS) All right.
Come on, man,
it's The Moors!

Look, I usually watch it
on my secret iPad,

but I broke that
while stargazing.

Listen, you cannot tell
Kevin about this.

If he knew that I watched
the show without him,
it would break his heart.

After all that talk.
I can't believe you.

That is cold, brotha!

Oh, I immediately regret
both the wording I used there

and the vaguely urban accent
I put on it, so...

Wait a second.

How did you know
that Grimmelsby had
syphilis-induced psychosis?

What's that now?

That was a huge twist

in the finale that no one
could have possibly
seen coming.

Was it?

That was in,
that was in the finale.

The only time
it was ever shown
or talked about

was in the finale.

That plot point was
in the finale?

Yes.
It wasn't in the TV guides.

Well, uh...
Oh, fine!

Fine, I watched it, okay,
but not on purpose.

I tried to look away
but my eyes kept
pulling me back in!

My God, it's The Moors, baby!

It's The Moors,
you gotta understand.

Oh, my God,
I've been accusing Annie
of lying this whole time,

and she's
completely innocent.
I am the worst.

Okay everybody, please,
settle down, settle down

so we can discuss
The Moors season finale!
What?

Okay, now,
know we all watched it
here live, as we always do,

but due to the gut wrenching
twists and turns,

many of us were not
in the emotional

or even physical shape
to take part

in our usual
post Moors post-mortem.

Poor Lenny had a stroke,
so be sure to sign the card.

I don't know that he's
ever gonna read it.

So I know The Moors
is taking some heat
in the press right now

for its gratuitous use
of the "overhearing"
plot device.

Shall we start
the discussions there?

You know what, I'll start.
I loved it! I just loved it.

So you're really just
making a day of it?

Eh, might as well.
Guess what?

Annie did watch The Moors,
okay, just not at home.

That's why she passed
the lie detector test.

She's been watching it
at work, and get this...

She's been watching
all season.

Oh, man, she's good.

I'm sorry, did you say
lie detector test?

Can I borrow it?
It's for a friend.

She's the one who's always
made such a big deal

about it being our thing,
you know?

I mean, we made T-shirts,
really good cotton T-shirts,

and now,
the fabric of our lives

turns out to be
the fabric of our lies.

You understand
what I did there?

I turned "lives"
into "lies."

"Lies" and "lives."

It's pretty good, Jake.
Thank you.

Look, I've been TV-cheating
on Kevin for years.

He may know,
he may not know,

but at this point,
we're smart enough
not to ask.

But why do you do it?

Kevin loves to ask
questions while we're
watching our show,

and I love not beating him
to death with a hammer

because he interrupts
every five seconds.

Sure.
It's our thing,

even if it is
a little bit of a lie.

I don't know man,
I just don't feel right
lying to each other

before we even get married.
You know, I want our love

to be built
on truth and trust.

And I really want this win.
You know what?

Tonight,
the charade ends.

Forget it Jake.
It's The Moors.

So this punk is running
his little heart out.

He actually thinks
he's gonna make it.

I'm like,
"Not on my watch, pal."

So I gun him down
from about 100 feet away,

just as he was getting home.

Man, I love your Chicago PD
softball league stories.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

And I love how they all
purposefully sound

like stories
about police brutality.

(LAUGHTER)
Yeah!

Mmm.
Mmm.

Gary tells the best stories.

Aw, thanks, babe.

(DENNAH CLEARS THROAT)

Did y'all just kiss?

What the hell, Gary?

Look,
that was our inelegant,
and open mouthed way

of trying to tell
you guys something.

You know Laguna Matata
and I are partners, right?

Right, got that.

Well, not just on the force.
Also in life.

Gary and I are married.
What?

And we're allowed
to date other people.

We kinda like to think
of ourselves

as being above the laws
of marriage.

Gary, I thought
we were serious.

You took my mom to a play.

Susan loved Brigadoon.

This is insane.

Every couple has their stuff.

I mean, some have
secret bank accounts,

some have their own
separate hobbies,

your friends have
that show they lie about.

That's not the same.
So, what do you say?

Let's have a couple mimosas

and see where
the mid-morning takes us.

Maybe it takes us
to a Courtyard By Marriot,

and maybe we drain
the mini bar,
and then each other.

Have you seen the Courtyard
since the renovations?

Is this something
you guys do
on a regular basis?

Yeah.

Yeah, no. I am not down
with whatever this is.

Yeah, even I think
this is weird,

and I've been
to a cat Bar Mitzvah.

So what's the soup here?
What's good?

Gil, let's go.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Damn.
Damn, right?

DENNAH:
That was horrible.

What are you
so happy about?

I technically just went
on a date.

I'm back out there.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Yeah, atta boy.
I told you.

(GASPS)
What the hell?

Oh, already?

The law, her teat doth
dryeth quickly.

(LOUD THUD)

Oh.

Annie, we need to talk.

Yeah, we do.
Listen...

Jake,
I thought about it.

This is crazy.
We're fighting
over a TV show,

albeit a modern masterpiece
that makes Game of Thrones

look like
a Florida teenager's
Real World audition tape.

You're digressing.

I'm sorry that I got
so upset.

I just, I love
that you love something

that I introduced you to.

And I just...

I love watching you love it,
I guess.

What were you gonna say?

Uh, well,
I was gonna say...

It was your dad.
Yeah, he was in...

In there, and he was eating
our chocolate pretzels

and watching our Moors.

What, my dad?
I know.

Wait, which dad?
Well, I could beat
around the race bush, but...

I got it.
Right.

Oh, my God, Dad?

It's crazy how some couples
need to lie

to each other
just to make it work.

God, I'm so glad
that's not us.

Me too.

Now, what do you say,
since neither of us

have seen the season finale
of The Moors...

I haven't seen it.
I haven't seen a frame of it.

We put on our T-shirts
and we make a night of it?

I'd love to.

Ahh, finally.

Finale.

TV ANNOUNCER:
Previously, on The Moors...

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Where did she come from?

Why is she
wearing that coat?
What else was she in?

The drawing room,
it's cold out,
Hunger Games.

This show is pretty good.
Uh-huh.

Oh, you know Chris
from evidence?

Mmm-hmm.
We're going to Jamaica
for a week.

Oh, you got to check out
the cliffs at Montego Bay.

(WHISTLES) Majestic.

Just admit
you love this show.

Come on, it's great,
right?

Are you kidding me?
No.

And the celebrity cameos
totally take you out of it.

In what world is
Venus Williams

a Victorian-era executioner?

I buy it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

So glad we waited.

So worth it.

(MAN SCREAMING ON TV)
Oh!

Wow.
And he's gone.