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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,205 How did you come to write The Feminine Mystique? 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,973 I thought there was something wrong with me 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,143 because I didn't have an orgasm waxing the kitchen floor. 4 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,952 Colin, can I get you a lozenge or something? 5 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,487 No, thank you. 6 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,867 Colin, Laura would like a word with you in her office. 7 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,136 Laura? 8 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,138 I think what's happened is, 9 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,406 they finally figured out that 10 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,943 I don't even know what the hell this company does. 11 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,711 Just watch, 12 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,447 I'm gonna be as cool as a cucumber. 13 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,882 Hello, Laura. 14 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,718 I have been assessing your work... 15 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:29,423 No. No. 16 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,259 You cannot do that. 17 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,895 It turned out to be the exact opposite 18 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,130 of what I was thinking. 19 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,932 They actually decided to give me a damn promotion. 20 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,401 This is not good. 21 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,236 It's mainly about my friends, 22 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,905 uh, Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja. 23 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,176 I don't want to do anything that takes away from my roomie time. 24 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,010 It's like the old adage, you know? 25 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,612 Coworkers die. 26 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,447 Vampire roommates, 27 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,949 they're forever. 28 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,085 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 29 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,588 Don't sing if you want to live long 30 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,090 They have no use for your song 31 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,793 You're dead, you're dead, you're dead 32 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,696 You're dead and out of this world 33 00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:13,267 Now your hope and compassion is gone 34 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,036 You sold out your dream to the world 35 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,372 Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead 36 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:21,041 You're dead and out of this world. 37 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,221 So, we have decided to rotate our artworks. 38 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,156 This was part of a bigger thing called the Guernica. 39 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,859 I just cut off the bit that has got me in it. 40 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:39,993 But even the ones I did like, 41 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,162 I've been looking at them for 200 years, 42 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,697 so I hate them now. 43 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,734 Pablo Picasso. More like Pablo Pic-asshole. 44 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,169 Ah! That's my first ship. 45 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,372 It was a piece of shit. 46 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,806 Recognize this? 47 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,141 It's my vulva. 48 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,843 It certainly is. 49 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,911 Nandor! Who said you could look? 50 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,180 Well, stop pointing it at me, then. 51 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,483 Laszlo, remember this one? 52 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,151 It's the portrait in which you claimed 53 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,053 to have invented the portrait bomb. 54 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,588 I did invent the portrait bomb. 55 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,590 Here I am, behind the dead chap, 56 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,091 two fingers in the air, 57 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,260 doing the rabbit. 58 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,362 I had to sit there for about seven hours. 59 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,164 And they still do it now. Why? Because it's hilarious. 60 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,733 - No, I hate it... - My roomies. 61 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,068 I like it. 62 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,570 We're not putting the goat up! 63 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,072 - I hate it! - Hey, hey. What's up? 64 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,274 - Dilly dilly. - Oh. 65 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,041 Colin Robinson, this does not concern you. 66 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,210 So please retreat to your underground bedroom. 67 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:33,381 - Thank you. - Oh, you guys are rearranging the paintings, huh? 68 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:36,584 Well, I'm pretty good with squares 69 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,886 and finding the ideal spots on walls, 70 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,788 so if you need my help... 71 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,724 No, we don't need your help, Colin Robinson. 72 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,726 Mm, okay. 73 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,728 Uh, speaking of news, 74 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,963 I got a big promotion today at work. 75 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,933 But, uh, I'm not sure if I'm gonna take it. 76 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:56,236 It would definitely cut into our roomie time... 77 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,238 Colin Robinson, however you are trying to drain us, 78 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,273 just stop it! 79 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,241 Yes, Colin, please leave us to our sorting. 80 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:04,278 And you can take your self-portrait with you. 81 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,781 But... it's of all of us. 82 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:11,084 I made it on the Texas Instrument Paint Pro. 83 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,157 One of the hard things 84 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,260 about being an energy vampire is that, 85 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,430 even when you're being sincere 86 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,933 and maybe looking for some reassurance 87 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,601 or-or support, 88 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,938 people think you're trying to drain their life force. 89 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:35,443 I wish people would understand that I don't live to drain. 90 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,378 I-I drain to live. 91 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,216 It is draining for them, though. 92 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,687 Well, I'm the boss. 93 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,856 I have an assistant. 94 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,290 Joanna. 95 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,692 Hello, Joanna. 96 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,093 Hi, Mr. Robinson. 97 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,328 Colin Robinson. 98 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,296 Can you make me a copy, please? 99 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,866 Sure. Um, of what, sir? 100 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,133 Um... 101 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,004 Uh, that. 102 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,474 I'm watching you. 103 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,477 Do more work. 104 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,311 I have to admit, I'm quite nervous 105 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,713 about being the boss. 106 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:16,484 That said, I finally figured out what the company does. 107 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,319 It's playground design and marketing. 108 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,889 Or land mine design and manufacturing. 109 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,057 It's... one of those. 110 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,727 I have to give my first presentation. 111 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,696 Human. Human, human. 112 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,197 Hello! 113 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:33,166 Even though there's been a slight uptick, 114 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,002 we have maintained 115 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,670 a plat... 116 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,506 Okay. Well, uh, 117 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:42,242 I guess the projector decided to take a bit of a coffee break. 118 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,918 Ah! Ah! We're back! 119 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,354 I'm ready for my close-up. 120 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,558 All right! 121 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,059 Did you see that? 122 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,328 They were listening to me, because I'm the boss. 123 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,530 They had to listen. 124 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,531 This whole boss thing 125 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,399 might work out. 126 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:09,670 But the main thing is that we all give 100%, 127 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,740 except when it comes to donating blood. 128 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,907 It's entirely possible 129 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,909 that what rappers are saying is true. 130 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:19,112 I mean, being boss is dope. 131 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,582 So, this is all just kind of a precursor 132 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:26,754 to the larger slideshow that I'm about to start. 133 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,256 I feel like I have the power of a thousand cowboys 134 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,525 running through my veins right now. 135 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,596 Hey, Eric, uh... 136 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,867 Don't sit on that. 137 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:44,071 Dominic and Dan were sitting on it already and broke it. 138 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,979 I was worried being the boss would take me away 139 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,115 from my roomies too much, but they treat me as an inferior. 140 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,452 At work, I'm a superior. 141 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:01,254 Hi, Dan. Turn to your left. 142 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,794 Drain on demand. 143 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,096 Dan, I've called you in for an impromptu 144 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,764 - performance review. - Wh-Why? 145 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,066 If you were a tree, what type of tree would you be? 146 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,401 Uh, I don't know. A maple. 147 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,336 Okay, that's interesting. 148 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,740 I want you to go back to your cubicle and type up 149 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,376 a 2,000-word essay on why you chose to become a maple. 150 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,146 Arnie, stop talking to Joanna. 151 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,815 She's my assistant. 152 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,817 Tyler, hey. Colin Robinson, your boss. 153 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,685 Get in here. 154 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,691 That's right, Guillermo. Careful with my nudie. 155 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,292 - Whoa! - What are you doing with your hand? 156 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,661 - How dare you?! - Whoa. 157 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:44,031 Get your hand off my wife's ample but firm backside. 158 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,432 Thank you, darling. 159 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,535 Right, but are you at the office, or...? 160 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,438 How far away from the office are you? 161 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,873 - I know you're not at the office. - Hello, Colin Robinson. 162 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,142 How was your first day being the big boss? 163 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,544 Like you give a shit. 164 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,713 How far from the office are you? 165 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,348 What is going on with Colin Robinson? 166 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,517 He has never missed an opportunity 167 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,152 to tell us how boring his day was. 168 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,521 He's a wild card, that one. 169 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:08,989 What are you talking about? He's not a wild card. 170 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,791 He's the card you get on the top of the deck 171 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,026 that has the instructions on it, so you throw it away. 172 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,896 - Uh, can you get to the office? - Colin Robinson, 173 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,365 would you like to help pick a painting to put up? 174 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,967 There's still a bit of space. 175 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,235 Hold. Uh, no. 176 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,971 I have calls to roll? 177 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,975 But I've always been partial to this one. 178 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,543 - What? - Whoa. 179 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,813 - How's he doing that? - Can you get to the office? 180 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,815 What a beautiful landscape. 181 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,884 Why have I never seen this painting before? 182 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,152 Who knows? It doesn't go with this room, anyway. 183 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,688 We should get rid of it. 184 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,556 Donate it to an orphanage or something, Guillermo. 185 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:46,326 It looks just like the village I grew up in, and it's on fire. 186 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,862 - It... - Let me have a closer look. 187 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,164 I've heard of this invasion in stories. 188 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,766 Centuries before I was born, 189 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,935 it is said that my village 190 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,837 was a very special place. 191 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,840 They say that the water was like honey. 192 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,009 Even the urine... it was like rose water 193 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,211 that you could drink, and when you'd drink it, 194 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,579 it'd make you want to dance. 195 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:08,081 Very special place. And then it was 196 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,118 destroyed by a terrible army. 197 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,622 They spared only the softest brains 198 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,758 and the stupidest bodies in the village, and their offspring 199 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,926 were all wrong. 200 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,394 We will never forget that battle. 201 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,798 It was very windy that day, and the leader of the army... 202 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,634 he was on a high cliff face, 203 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,536 and he went, "You will never forget my name. 204 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,205 It is..." 205 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,074 We didn't get the name, 206 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,743 but I know now. 207 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:39,813 It is Nandor the Relentless, my pig shit housemate! 208 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,149 All this time, and you never said anything. 209 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,384 Lives were ruined! All the men in my village 210 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,820 are three-foot-two because of the malnourishment! 211 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,957 When he goes there, he's a bloody giant! So much 212 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,159 destruction and misery at my own vampire housemate's hands! 213 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,727 You coward! 214 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,729 We don't know that that is your exact village. 215 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,932 That is my village flag on fire in the painting! 216 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,835 Well... 217 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,671 the pillaging could've been done by anyone. 218 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,473 We cannot go jumping to conclusions that I am to blame. 219 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,575 He is right, my darling. We've got no evidence that it was him. 220 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,745 Then what the fuck is Persian Frank Zappa doing on a horse?! 221 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,749 Yeah, that's him. 222 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,284 There were so many villages. 223 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,486 So many pillages. I didn't... 224 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,488 What's that? Guillermo, stop her! 225 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,025 It begins. 226 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,660 Nandor, I will kill you! 227 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,261 I will absolutely kill you! 228 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,297 I will rip out every hair of your body! 229 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,500 I swear I am going to rip that man into shreds 230 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:34,768 and make a dress out of it. 231 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,503 - Laszlo, let me go! - No, my darling. 232 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:39,606 You need to calm down. You're feeling murderous. 233 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,341 And go to his family's house and say, "Do you like this? 234 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,844 This is your son, and I'm wearing him as a dress!" 235 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,112 - Laszlo, let me go! - Guillermo, human shield. 236 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,380 - You must calm down. - Thought we talked about this. 237 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,850 You are supposed to support me when I want to kill someone! 238 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,152 - Not in this instance, my darling. - Yeah, thank you. 239 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,553 Let go, Laszlo! 240 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,830 - Hello? Is anybody there? - Hi, yeah. It-It's Beth. 241 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,297 - And Sarah. - We're calling from the... 242 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,133 Colin Robinson here, Staten Island branch. 243 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,035 - Hello? - Did someone just join? 244 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,170 I-I heard a beep. Did we all hear the beep? 245 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,205 Yeah, this is Phil and Paul at the Hoboken branch. We're... 246 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,074 We all heard the beep on our end if anyone's there. 247 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,575 - Yeah, we're here, Colin. - Yup, we're here. 248 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,544 Oh, great, you guys, you're on. Okay. 249 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,146 Okay, let me just dive right in. For the... 250 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,381 Staten Island branch. Can you hear me? 251 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,150 - We're here, Colin. - Okay, great. Go ahead. 252 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,684 Uh, yeah, for the 253 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,353 Sigourney/Otis project, we got... 254 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,255 How was everyone's weekends? 255 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,157 It's like the more I feed, the more I need. 256 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,660 I've never felt so alive in my life. 257 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,829 I'm changing. 258 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:40,000 I'm becoming something new, something stronger. 259 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,601 I don't even need to talk someone's ear off anymore 260 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,203 to drain them. 261 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,172 I can drain them with a single phrase. 262 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,240 TGIF. 263 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,576 It's 5:00 somewhere. 264 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,879 Dan... 265 00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,648 Working hard or hardly working? 266 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,920 What's up...?! 267 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:08,862 And I grow more powerful by the second. 268 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,976 So, what I'm hearing Nandor say is that he's sorry. 269 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,077 Right, Master? 270 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,279 Well... mm. 271 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,448 How can you not apologize? 272 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,084 The tears of my childhood 273 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,621 watered the garden of your own pompous, selfish legend... 274 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,556 Nadja's very angry at me for destroying her village. 275 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,825 But it's, like, 276 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,127 calm down, Nadja. 277 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,996 We did those things 200 years before you were born. 278 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:46,233 I barely remember what happened, it was so long ago. 279 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,568 Also, I was very drunk. 280 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,471 It was just 200 guys having some fun. 281 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,907 Okay. You're right. 282 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:56,910 - I'm sorry for doing my job. - Oh, coward! 283 00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:00,447 The issue here is that I'm an invader, and I was invading. 284 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,748 Say something to him! 285 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,417 It's-it's him. It's Colin Robinson. 286 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,819 He's making you turn on each other, 287 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,354 and he's feeding off of it. 288 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,122 I think Gizmo might be onto something. 289 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,424 His hair's grown, and he's draining us. 290 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:15,262 He's not only draining us. This is a mega-drain. 291 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,763 Although I still have the best hair in the world. 292 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,998 How can you say you have the best hair? 293 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,432 Look at my hair. 294 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,868 I forgot something in my room. 295 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,702 Your hair looks like a dog. 296 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,605 - You have no layers... - Oh, and, yeah, I can fly now. 297 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,207 I don't see any layers. 298 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,708 It's all layered, you prick. 299 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,312 Colin Robinson 300 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,281 has grown too powerful. 301 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,050 We no longer have enough energy to feed. 302 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,451 Where's Laszlo? 303 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,353 Laszlo's behind you. 304 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,322 He's in death mode so as to preserve energy. 305 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,891 Oh. 306 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,960 I hate to say this, but it's an emergency, 307 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,863 so I'm going to say it. Let's eat Guillermo. 308 00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,564 Nadja is right. 309 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,401 It's the only way. Guillermo? 310 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,871 Guillermo, come over here and put your neck in my mouth. 311 00:13:57,905 --> 00:14:02,042 No, you have to get up and do it, 'cause I can't get up. 312 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,044 Nadja, this is all your fault. 313 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,979 You were the one that invited Colin Robinson 314 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,514 to come and live with us. 315 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,817 This is not my fault. Laszlo invited him. 316 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,719 Not true. He came with the house. 317 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,028 Look at us. We are pathetic. 318 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,163 Stop filming us like this! 319 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:27,901 C-Camera Two, come over here and put your neck in my mouth. 320 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,538 Colin Robinson has recently 321 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,108 gained a huge, horrifying amount of power. 322 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:39,879 He just has to walk into the house, and we have no hope. 323 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,282 But we have a plan: distract Colin Robinson 324 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,717 and destroy his office overlords 325 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,054 who granted him this power. 326 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,888 I need to get him making some lists, 327 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,290 and then we can escape. 328 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,092 He loves lists. 329 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,794 Hello, Colin Robinson. 330 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,529 - Ugh. - What do you want? I'm busy. 331 00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:00,067 Um, where have you been? We've missed you around the house. 332 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,901 Yeah, right. Like you care. 333 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,938 The only people that care are my real friends, my work friends. 334 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,873 And they listen because they have to. 335 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,442 Well, I would love to know about your work friends. 336 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,278 What are all their names? 337 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,880 Well, there's Dan and then Arnie. 338 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,149 And then there's Jamie, who doesn't 339 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:19,086 actually work at the office. Come back. I'm not done. 340 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,622 And then we have Diabetic Dave. 341 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,791 Ellie, who I call Phoebe because it annoys her. 342 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:27,894 And then, of course, you have Ben. 343 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,631 Another Ben, and I call him Balsamic Ben, 344 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,301 because he's a fan of Martin Balsam, the actor, 345 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:37,270 not because he likes balsamic vinegar. 346 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,506 And... that bring us, then, 347 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,908 to HR... 348 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,343 What is the plan again? 349 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,577 Run away. 350 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,479 Why don't we... walk away? 351 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,249 I listened to him for as long as I could, 352 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,917 but his power is stronger than... 353 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,453 - What? What is it? - Ew. 354 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,355 Nothing, my sweet darling. 355 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,923 - Your faces. - Why don't you come 356 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,791 and sit next to me, 357 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,994 and we can expire together. 358 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,163 Come and join me here. That's better. 359 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,864 Fuck it. 360 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,333 Well, since we're about to die, 361 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,335 I guess I should confess something. 362 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,937 - Remember when all those vampires were being mur... - Guillermo, 363 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,140 please save your confession till once I am dead. 364 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,207 Yes, Master. 365 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,344 Hey, gang. 366 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:20,380 He can drink with just his mind? 367 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,718 Colin Robinson, why are you doing this to us? 368 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,654 We are your only friends in the world. 369 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,157 Why subject us to this hell? 370 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,159 Friends? Do friends ignore their friends 371 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,294 when their friend tells them about a big promotion that 372 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,230 they got at work, which they were considering turning down 373 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:40,033 just so they could hang out more with their friends? 374 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,968 Do friends accuse their friend of draining them 375 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,303 when all their friend wanted to do was hang out... 376 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,339 Guillermo, walk away. Save yourself. 377 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:49,209 - Hey, hey, Guillermo. - No. 378 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,344 - What's up, Guillermo? - No. 379 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,514 - * Hello... - * Hello... 380 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,515 Hello... 381 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,016 - What's this shit? - Oh, no. 382 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,885 They're multipl... 383 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,587 Clearly, 384 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,822 I no longer need friends like you anymore. 385 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,391 All I need is myself. 386 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,326 I'm my own best friend now. 387 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,027 The Colinator. 388 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,329 The C-Man. 389 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,265 Have mercy on us, Colin Robinsons. 390 00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:13,733 Mercy? That's rich. 391 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,535 Did you show me... H-Hold on. 392 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,004 Actually, when you say "C-Man," 393 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,572 it sounds kind of like "semen." 394 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,874 - It's short for Colin. - I'll handle this. 395 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,276 Does it even matter? 396 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,677 I mean, it's cool. 397 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,714 - C-Man. - Yeah, it matters, and, no, 398 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,850 - it's not cool. - Okay, but why does it matter? 399 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,719 Maybe we need 400 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,021 to have a sidebar meeting? 401 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,756 I-I'll check my schedule, but... 402 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:40,059 - C-Man's schedule is wide open. - Don't say "C-Man." 403 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,894 Uh, what would even be on the agenda? 404 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,062 - Our names. - But actually 405 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,265 I think the term you're looking for 406 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:48,235 - is "nicknames." - The Colins seem to be draining each other's energy. 407 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,138 - No, "moniker." - Actually, I prefer "handle." 408 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,106 - "Sobriquet"? - A-As in the French? 409 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,374 Meaning... 410 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,575 "Nicknames." 411 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,111 Oh, no. 412 00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,980 They bored themselves to death. 413 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,483 - Mm, how sad. - So be it. 414 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,160 Colin Robinson multiplied himself by three 415 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,094 and then bored himself to death. 416 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,463 It's very sad. 417 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,831 We have a number of Colins we have to bury 418 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,032 into the ground now. 419 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,670 It's okay, I've got your hand. 420 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,438 It's nice down there. 421 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,474 Very respectfully, Guillermo. 422 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,109 We have traveled here tonight from our house 423 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:34,481 to our garden to lay to rest Colin Robinson, 424 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,916 Colin Robinson, and... C-Man 425 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:41,288 next to this, his favorite bit of the fence. 426 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,489 Loved this fence. 427 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,791 We saw him here a couple of times. 428 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,961 Colin Robinson, when you talked to me 429 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:52,665 about 19th century naval battles, 430 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,367 I was genuinely interested. 431 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,469 I didn't let you know that, 432 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,104 'cause then you'd have stopped. 433 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,940 Maybe I didn't want you to stop. 434 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,511 Colin Robinson died attempting to achieve power 435 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,547 and total domination of his place of work. 436 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,383 Thank you, Nandor, that is beautiful. 437 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:14,821 Sometimes after me and Laszlo would have a lovers' quarrel, 438 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,789 Colin would stand hovering at the door, 439 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,558 and I would say, "Shut up," 440 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:23,363 and then he would actually often be a very good mute listener. 441 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,566 We wanted to bury this with you, Colin Robinson, 442 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,502 'cause you loved it and we hated it. 443 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,970 Bury him with something he liked 444 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,039 and get rid of something we don't. 445 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:36,876 Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea... 446 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,144 - Nicely done. - Ha! 447 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,147 Fucking guy! 448 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,649 I tricked you. I'm alive. 449 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,151 I just wanted to hear my eulogy. 450 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,587 I knew you guys actually liked me. 451 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,690 I admit it's a bit of a long way to go, but it worked, 452 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,592 - so I'll take it. - What about... 453 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,160 the other two? 454 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,229 Come on, guys. 455 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,664 Come on. 456 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,532 Oh, I guess they're... they're dead. 457 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,934 - Very good. - I think it's time we celebrate. 458 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,770 - Guillermo. - These are the enjoyable moments. 459 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,204 Get digging. 460 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,873 I'm making sure they're dead. 461 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,544 Hello. 462 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,880 Hi. Colin Robinson. 463 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:14,881 New guy. 464 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,249 The last place 465 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,585 I worked at is now in financial ruin. 466 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:22,188 People were so drained that nothing was getting done. 467 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:27,026 Which is why I'm here, to find a new place to work. 468 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,295 New guy alert. New guy alert. 469 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,598 Quite the drip going on over here. 470 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,300 The "swamp people," I'll call you. 471 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,367 I haven't 472 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,068 officially been hired. 473 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,970 Just trying to locate my cubicle. 474 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,972 I can't find it anywhere. 475 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,641 Guess we're gonna be cellmates. 476 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,644 Hopefully it won't be too much like prison. 477 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:49,215 Hey, are you a fan of conservative AM radio? 478 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,384 I'll find a cubicle that's empty 479 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,920 and imbed myself 480 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,722 for the next couple years. 481 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:59,091 Like a parasitic wasp amongst all 482 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,160 the congenital moron worker bees. 483 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,437 Over... 484 00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:16,909 Portugal and Spain 485 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:21,414 But in my heart it's you, dear... 486 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,919 My husband Laszlo has dedicated his artistic skills 487 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,622 to touch up the painting and make it in a way 488 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,624 that will make us both happy. 489 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,626 - You fixed the clock tower! - Yes. 490 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,762 And there you are, my darling, on a hay bale. 491 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,030 - With my boobs out. - Mm-hmm. 492 00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:39,999 - What have you done here? - I painted you out, 493 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,300 put me in. 494 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:43,102 And there I am, galloping towards my wife, 495 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,871 who I will make love to. 496 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:46,172 And where am I? 497 00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:48,708 You're in there. Bad luck, old chap. 498 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,610 - Pretty rude. - Well, it was pretty rude of you 499 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,144 to burn down my family's village. 500 00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:53,680 Remain 501 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:56,716 My, my angel 502 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:59,986 Now and every day 503 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,688 It's you alone 504 00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:06,125 I'll adore 505 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,127 Now I'm home 506 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,297 No more will I roam 507 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,033 Oh, yes 508 00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:18,738 I'm here to stay. 509 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,018 The journey was perilous, 510 00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:35,722 but Nandor the Relentless stood tall and proud. 511 00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:40,226 Thus, the noble vampire set sail to conquer the new world 512 00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:42,562 for the greater glory of the undead. 513 00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:45,932 Does my hair really look that billowy? 514 00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,567 Looks fantastic. 515 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,036 I'd never wear anything like that. 516 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,516 I had no idea what I would find 517 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,351 when I went searching for my father. 518 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,120 They flashed the Zodiac Killer, and my heart stopped. 519 00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:10,890 He believes he is the son of the Zodiac. 520 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:17,930 What is Devs? 521 00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,266 What is Devs? 522 00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,634 What is Devs? 523 00:23:33,279 --> 00:23:35,414 I was pregnant, and I was scared. 524 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:43,189 This is my deathbed confession. 38187

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