Original subtitles

[ horns honking in distance ]

[ horns honking in distance ] - What?

This is ridiculous.

- You're kidding. - I mean, this is huge.

- Did she tell you anything? - She never said anything about

maybe not being back. - To me, that's an "F.U."

I'm sorry. It's an F.U.

♪♪♪♪♪

- [ snores ]

I don't know why we have to even acknowledge it. It's so stupid.

- Okay, why do I feel like crying a bit?

- My kinda gal!

- Hi! - Oh!

- Get up on a chair!

- [ kisses ]

- [ laughs ]

- I feel abandoned all over again.

My daughter's just going off to college,

and now I don't have Bethenny, and it's a lot.

- Well, I think we'll be better without her

because everyone will be freer in spirit.

'Cause I know a lot of times, with her,

I don't know if she's gonna come purr at me

or come scratch my eyes out. - I can't even believe this.

- Mmm.

- You are a hypocrite! You [bleep] everyone!

You are a liar! - You're a horrible person.

- You are born a liar, and you will die a liar.

You are insufferable. You're a sicko!

- It's really hard for me to say

that I'll miss her all that much.

[ scoffs ] Wow.

But as they say on Broadway, the show must go on...

without you.

♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.

♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm no one's accessory. I'm the whole lifestyle brand.

- I don't need to find love. I love myself.

- I may float like a butterfly, but I sting like a bitch.

- Life isn't a fairy tale,

but I'm hoping mine's the exception.

- Raise the curtain. Lower the lights.

I'm taking center stage in my life.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ siren wailing in distance ]

♪♪♪♪♪

- [ both laugh ]

- [ gasps ]

- I feel great right now. I mean, that was scary.

- Well, I feel pretty damn good. I gotta tell you that. I mean...

- You want something? What do you want?

- I would kiss the ground, but it's cement.

♪♪♪♪♪

Good morning. How are you? He's my coffee guy.

I see him every week.

- I'm finished today! - Yes! Today.

- Today! Today! Thank you.

It's finally over. Probation is finished.

Let's sit over here.

This whole ordeal has been going on for almost two years now.

Don't touch me. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- Don't touch me. I'm gonna kill you.

- I saw my parole officers for the first time today.

- What's she like? - I don't want mess with her.

This is a SCRAM. I have to blow three times a day.

[ exhales deeply ] - And what happens

if you don't pass it? - They come and get you.

What people don't understand is, you know,

I couldn't be fully present

because I always had this on my mind.

And all of the sudden, it's gone.

It's like somebody lifted a ton of bricks off of my head.

Things are great with the kids.

They've been so supportive the whole entire way.

And my kids are like, "Mom, who cares what people think?"

- I say that to you all the time!

- "We care about you."

- When you first got arrested, you didn't give a flying "F."

You were just like, "I don't care."

You know, "I hit the bottom, and this is great."

Now, again, you started caring.

- I hit the bottom so I could rise again.

- But you started becoming a big star in the cabaret

and all that. You weren't there for us,

spending time with us. - Well, what about me once?

- All right, we made it about you.

- I mean, think about what... you just saw what I went through.

- We were just saying to you, "Here's our feelings."

You're going M.I.A. and leaving us hanging

and treating us like sh... - I had to.

- You were treating us like fans!

- I-I wasn't treating you like sh...

- Yes. - No, I wasn't.

- I mean, how can Luann forget how she treated us?

She threw a tantrum about the fish room.

- Why don't you go [bleep] a swordfish?

Got some... ing nerve, putting me in the... ing fish room.

- Then she dumps me after the meeting, when I'm all shook up.

She doesn't come back here to hold my hand

after the trauma I went through. - Where is she?

- Well, she wanted to go see her poster.

- And then she came back without the truffle fries.

That's the real misdemeanor.

- You girls didn't understand

the pain that I was going through.

I feel like we've been through that. Now we know.

- [ sighs deeply ] - But at least stand by me

as my friend to understand what I've been through,

so that they will understand. - I'm always there for you,

but I want you to feel that I'm standing by you.

- No, I do. I do. I do. - Okay?

I've always been there for you, and you know that,

but I want you to feel it.

I can... - I want my "Soñjarita" back.

[ speaks indistinctly ]

- [ mouth full ] It was terrible.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Move your head. Move your hands.

Constant motion. You get angry if I say that?

Jab, jab. Bigger. Jab, jab.

- Look like a professional. - Hi.

- Hi! What's up? - H! How are you? Yay!

Oh, my God. I'm so excited. - So good to see you.

- Hi. What's... - How are ya?

- Tinsley, Martin. Martin, Tinsley.

- Tinsley. What's up? Hi. - What's your name?

- Tinsley. Nice to meet you. - Tinsley. I like that.

- Okay, I had... I'm already... I'm like...

- Yeah. You gotta get, like, ready for boxing.

- Okay, okay, I'm getting ready. - You know what I mean?

- I got my braids. I'm ready. - [ laughs ]

- This summer has really been about me.

I've moved on from Scott. I've been developing my lash line.

I also went to China and came back with two new little girls.

Look at your little bow! Look at your bow!

It just feels really good that I'm focusing on myself

for once, or in a really long time.

And it feels liberating. - Look at you.

You're in such great shape. - Major. No, I'm not.

- You are! Are you kidding me?

Yes! You look great! - Nah, nah. [ laughs ]

- You are! Yes! - No!

- I met Leah a couple months ago, and we clicked immediately.

Being with Leah, actually, I feel like brings out

this sort of wilder side of me a little bit.

I gotta take 'em off?

- I'm taking... Take those rings off. Yeah.

- You... you understand that my hoops are, like, a signature

for me, so you're like... I'm losing a little part of myself

right now. I'll take them off. - Okay.

And... nobody gives a [bleep].

- And I'm not taking off the lashes.

- And... nobody gives a [bleep].

- I'm gonna beat the sh... Out of you.

- What? - [ laughs ]

- Jab. Jab.

Other hand. - Nice.

- Jab. Yeah. - Yes. Yes. Yes!

♪♪♪♪♪

- Oh, my God. - Aah!

Oh, my God, I'm scared! I'm so scared!

♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, sh...! Oh, sh... Aah! I'm scared!

Oh, my God! - [ laughing ]

- No! - [ laughs ]

Don't let this outfit fool you. I got a mug shot.

- But I think it's all good. - Yeah, he's amazing.

It's exactly the kind of stuff I need because I finally feel,

like, so much better about myself right now

than I've felt in, like, three years.

- That's amazing.

- Since I, like, moved back to New York.

- Wait, tell me about Chicago. Tell me about the trip.

Tell me how your birthday was. - No... So...

Look, it's so weird to me because Chicago is, like,

this place that, you know, I only knew through Scott.

And then I started dating this guy, Bruce,

and he happens to be... - Oh, is that his name?

- Yes, his name is Bruce. - Aw.

- I actually don't love the name, to be honest.

- [ laughs ] - But I can't change his name.

I can't change it. - You gotta deal with it.

- I'm like, "Bruce..." Uh, yeah, but no, he's so sweet.

He has two ex-wives, three children, and...

I actually, like, surprised myself.

Like, I'm really good with kids.

I'm good with them. They're good with me.

- I'm sure you're great with them. Yeah.

- I mean, I think I, like, talk to them like dogs, but...

- Whatever. - It's fine.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- You'd be like, "Hey!" - Exactly.

- "Do you want a treat?" [ laughter ]

This might be, like, the best way to have children.

Now I don't have to deal with diapers.

I can, you know, be with them a little bit

and then send them back. So that's perfect for me.

I am the first person to be like, "I'm in love with him!

He's, like, the best..." - Oh, yeah. I do that, too.

- And this is the first time I'm being, like,

very guarded and very, like... - Yeah.

- I haven't made it be, like, the relationship.

- Right, which is good, because, like, you're the relationship.

Like, you and your self. Like, he's, like, after that.

You know what I mean? - Yeah. I don't know.

I'm not gonna think too far, I guess.

But it's hard, though. - I'm single, and it's great.

- You're single? - Yeah.

- Wait, 'cause the last time we chatted,

you had a boyfriend. - I know, but...

- Okay. - No. We went to France.

We had a great vacation. On the flight home, I was like,

"What's going on with your divorce"?

And he was like, "It's on hold."

And I was like, "My pussy's on hold, too."

- [ laughs ] Leah's the kind of girl

that is just going to say what she feels.

There is zero filter.

- I just, like, sat at home and, like, caught up on

so many e-mails. - Okay.

- And masturbated for the first time in, like, months.

What? - I don't think I can do that,

but that's what she does.

And you know what? I appreciate that.

- Like, I love having my own apartment

with just me and my daughter. I'm just in a place where, like,

I just find men useless right now.

- [ laughs ] [ bell dings ]

- Coming up...

- [ crying ] I want a man to hold me, to love me,

to want me, to be with me.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ birds calling ]

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi, baby. Look at you.

Mwah. - Mwah.

I'm prepping for your cooking class.

- For... With who?

- I thought that's how you wanted to learn to cook.

- Oh, with me. Yeah, you mentioned that.

I didn't know it was tonight. How was your day?

- It was good. Can you believe how great my rib is?

- Yeah, how you feeling? - Good.

When I went to my doctor's, the guy said,

"You're healing like a 20-year-old."

- I can concur with the doctor.

You're still acting like a 20-year-old.

I have no complaints.

- I was dancing away at a dinner party

with Carson Kressley, and he was teaching me

some of the "Dancing With the Stars" moves

and flung me across my terrace, and I broke my rib.

But I still managed to make lasagna for 12.

- It's been good, this whole slow down, healing process.

- Can I tell you, John?

It forced me to kind of take a good look at everything

and kind of become more dependent on you.

- Well... - And you know what? You, like...

- And I stepped up. - [ laughs ] Yeah.

The thing I realized since breaking my rib

is that it has allowed John and I to spend

some more time together, which has been very good

and sometimes a little weird,

because I'm not used to spending this much time with John.

So... familiarity does breed contempt.

- And then, if I remember, we put a little pepper on it.

- No, onion chop.

- I'm not... Am I done?

- Little cheese, parmesan cheese.

I'm not done. Whoops! - Right. [ chuckles ]

- Oops. Sorry. - John.

- I'm sorry. - Look what you did.

That's not even funny. - I got that. I got that.

- Don't be a sloppy cook. - I'm not.

- How did you shake it? - I... Don't worry. It's shaken.

- No, because you gotta do it like this.

- I did that. [ dish clatters ]

- Okay. Hello? - Oh, my God. It's hot in here.

- You think this is ready, right?

- And just move that thing.

[ pan clatters ] That's hot!

- I knew you were gonna do it, and I let it happen.

I speak one language... dog...

And he speaks another language... cat.

[ mouth full ] That's good. - That's good?

- So no matter how much I bark at him,

the cat is still gonna grab the hot lasagna plate.

So I just don't bark anymore.

So I have the party on Wednesday night.

Yeah. Oh, did you hear? Luann's off her probation.

- Really? - Can you imagine?

- It happens to a million people all over the world.

I don't know why it was such a big thing about her.

- To tell you the truth, I don't really think

she's an alcoholic. I think she just got caught.

I think Luann and I are at a good place.

We both miss our friendships with each other,

and it just went off the tracks.

[ slurring] Oh, you just don't wanna get arrested, honey.

[ glass shatters ] - [ screams ]

- You're a lady? You just broke your glass...

- Stop. Stop. - ...in front of me.

- Oh, I did get a... I didn't get a mug shot over it.

- Do you guys like my new dress? - Thank you, Jovani!

I don't wanna talk about any of these things anymore.

Could we put a period on it... - Yes.

- ...and just try to move on?

Luann has now transitioned into a better place.

I've transitioned into another place.

So I'm just not going to overthink it.

- Yeah, all of them.

- All right, so we're gonna have a lot of booze, right?

- [ chuckles ] - Jeez.

We're gonna make it fun regardless.

- That was good. I'm full. Aren't you?

- I'll do the dishes. That's my job.

You good? - Good.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Sorry I'm a little late! - Hello! Oh!

- Hey, beautiful. - And did you order me my vodka?

- No. - All right. Fine. Fine.

- What would you like? - What can I get for you?

- I would like the muddled mint, club soda,

lime on the side, straw,

club soda, ice to the top. - Okay.

- Oh, my God! Hi! - Hey!

[ kisses cheek ] - He lives...

This man lives in my building now.

- My neighbor.

Hi. Mitchell Modell. - Maria.

- Hi, I'm Missy. - Hi, Missy. How you doing?

- Yeah, you've met him. - Yes. Yes.

Are you ladies in need of a brunette?

- [ laughs ] - Oh, my God.

- How are you? Hi! Hi, baby. Mwah.

- You guys know Robin, right? - We never met her.

- I have a great relation with her. By the way,

She made me into a millionaire. - Okay.

- I love Robin. - The problem is,

I started as a billionaire. [ laughter ]

- I had a fabulous summer. I sold my condo.

And even though I moved into a new apartment

on the Upper East Side,

I've been spending most of my time in the Hamptons.

♪♪♪♪♪

And I was living the life... The Hampton life.

- So how's the apartment?

- Well, it's kinda weird. - What, being in a new space?

- I'd only been there... In two months,

for, like, only seven nights.

And I'm realizing that one of the reasons

I've been running, going, and doing as an escapism.

I'm masking something.

Because in my mind...

[ voice breaking ] I think I'm this youngster, and I'm not.

I am 60 years old. And you have to have a direction.

- A plan.

- And I feel, like, an emptiness in me.

I can't explain it. I used to always just wake up happy,

and I wake up in this apartment, I start crying.

I really feel alone.

When I wake up in the morning,

I look to the right, and there's no one near to me.

Oh, Coco's there, but Coco's not a man

and someone important in my life.

She's an important dog in my life, a little girl.

- I am sure you will meet someone,

but I am so surprised to see you feeling so empty

because there's not a man in your life.

- But I don't wanna be alone anymore.

I really wanna find someone...

[ crying ] and I'm really kinda scared that I won't find...

I really want that. [ sobs ] - I understand that.

- I won't find that. - You will find it.

Ramona... - I don't know if I will.

- You will find it. You will never be alone.

[ sobbing ] But I want a man to hold me, to love me,

to want me, to be with me. [ inhales sharply ]

and I don't know if I'll ever find it again!

- You will find it. I promise you, you will find it.

And I will remind you of when we sat here,

and you were crying over it. - [ sobs ] No.

- You have too many friends. Plus, I'm your neighbor.

You know what? You know what a good day is?

- What? - When you stand up vertical.

Horizontal's a bad day.

- Did he say horizontal's a bad day for him?

[ laughter ] What the hell?

- She... she's so horny. - Wait.

- She said that... She said...

- Horizontal's a bad day for you?

- She said... she said, "Is horizontal a bad day for him?"

- Sounds like a good day! It's a good day!

- He's talking about when you're stiff in a whole other way.

- She just wants to get... ed. - [ laughs ]

- Coming up...

- So you don't wanna be my friend. Is that what's going on?

- I wanna know who you are. I don't want you to come here...

- You know who I am! - ...and think you're gonna

ride up on me and make some big statement,

and it ain't gonna work, sister! - No, I didn't! I'm not trying...

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

- Oh, munchkin. Oh, my God, it's so hot,

and I'm, like, dying of thirst right now.

- I'm hungry. - Okay.

Let's grab a little snack.

At least there's a nice breeze going on.

- But it's not...

- Yeah, it's a little bit of a hot breeze. But, like...

- It's like a steamy, warm...

- Yes, a steamy, nasty, smelly, breeze.

New York City is the best city in the world.

Oh, my God. I'm so thirsty.

It's where I was born and raised.

It's where I became an entrepreneur.

It's where I started my clothing line, Married to the MOB.

And it's where I had my daughter.

Hi! - Hi there! How are you?

- Good. How are you? - All right.

- I'm gonna get the cauliflower one.

- Right.

- I'm also gonna get an iced coffee.

- Can I get that, the chocolate one?

- Okay. We'll get that. Thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you so much.

- They're so nice. Aren't they?

- No. Stop.

How's it taste? - It doesn't taste good to me.

- Tastes good to me.

My daughter's name is Kier, a.k.a., Kiki.

And I don't know any other mother-daughters

that have what me and her have.

You know, it's like we're best friends,

we're mother-daughter, we're soul mates,

we're life partners.

I'm not sure if that's healthy or not.

But it doesn't really matter. That's the way it is.

Are you excited for school? Or are you like...

You're not? At all?

- So I have heard that seventh grade is the worst.

- My only advice for you...

Just be yourself, try your best,

and don't let little bitches [bleep] with you.

- Stop cursing.

- [ mouth full ] Honestly, when I was in your grade,

girls were really mean.

- They're just annoying.

- No, but you're so much more mature than I was.

- You seemed like a horrible child.

Grandma would always tell me how horrible you were.

- Well, Grandma's gonna get her ass beat.

- [ laughs ]

- My family situation is not a traditional one.

Rob is my baby daddy. He was my first love,

and I really thought that we were gonna be together

till the day we died.

That's not how it worked.

Rob and I have not been together since Kier was 2 years old.

But three nights a week, we have dinner together.

We grocery shop together.

Rob is pretty much family, and we're best friends.

Do you think kids in your class are gonna start dating soon?

- Yeah. - That scares me.

- When did you date? Your first date?

I mean, I was probably, like, 13. [ chuckles ]

- What?! - All right, honestly,

My first date was this boy who went to a private school.

No, listen, I went to the all-girl private school.

He went to the all-boy private school.

- Mm. - And then we, like,

sat on a park bench in the West Village

and, like, talked. - [ chuckles ]

- And then he kissed me, and it felt like

a vacuum was attached to my mouth, and it...

- [ laughing ] - I couldn't even breathe.

And he kissed, like, my friend, like, a week later.

- That's disgusting.

- But you learn from my mistakes.

- I can't eat anymore because of the way you explained it.

- Yeah, I know. It was disgusting.

Let's do it, honey. Let's get out of here. Okay?

I love you. - I love you, too.

- [ kisses ]

♪♪♪♪♪

[ horns honking ]

- It's like a Mickey Mouse rinky-dink apartment.

Oh, my gosh!

This was supposed to go to school for her to paint on!

[ doorbell ringing ] [ Marley barking ]

[ continues barking ]

- Whatcha doing, girl? - Hi! Come on in!

[ Coco growls ] - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey. Okay. - Oh, Coco's here!

- Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. - She's still alive?

- Yeah, she's still alive. She's like me and you, bitch.

- [ laughs ] I thought she passed away.

- No, she did not.

- Everybody's dying now, you know?

- It's like he's humping her. - Yeah, I know.

Well, last time they saw each other...

- Hey, take it easy! She's a little older than you.

Don't be so frisky. - Well, my dog doesn't get out

as much as yours. I've been a recluse.

- Oh. [ Marley growls ]

- And I have gas. - Oh, Jesus.

You better not do gassy on me now.

- I'm broken right now. I fell down. I hit my head.

I had a concussion. I had on those little

platform sneakers I always wear with a wrap dress.

I was dragging stuff in a bag. So I fell down.

The hot dog man... He closed up the stand.

- All right, are you avoiding the conversation

about you took your daughter to college?

You're avoiding it. Let's talk about that.

- Yesterday was... [ sighs ]

You told me in the text, "Stay calm for your daughter."

- Right. Right. - I lost it.

This is so weird for me right now

because when my daughter was in boarding school,

she would always come home with her friends

and stay over, and we'd make up every couch into a bed.

And now she's off to college.

She keeps telling me how grown up she is,

so I can only be supportive of that.

But inside, I'm dying.

- There is light at the end of the tunnel,

'cause you'll find, now that she's away,

that she will appreciate you more bec... She will.

And you'll have a different bond with her

and it's gonna be better.

Did you make a plan to see her next? Like, did y...

- No, she said, "I won't be home for a while."

The college encourages that... - She said that to you?

- ...you don't see them right away.

You are the worst, Ramona. - This is not camp.

It's not camp. What do you mean?

- You go with her to Jingle Bell Ball

when everybody's under 20. I mean, I don't do that.

- I love Jingle Ball.

- You're supposed to give them a little space.

- I like Jingle Ball. - [ sighs ] Oh.

- I'm panicked because when I was in college,

I just flew the coop, and it was like I never looked back.

And I know my daughter, too, is gonna be very independent now,

and that's great, but it never feels good as a mom.

- All right, so I'll see you soon.

I'll see you at Dorinda's party.

So he stop... Just stop doing that!

- Why? What did he do?

- He was humping. He wants to have sex with this...

- Oh, no, he's fixed. Yeah, Marley's a boy.

- So if he's fixed, why's he humpin' her?

- I don't know. When they fix them, they take the thing out?

- I don't know what they do.

- Oh, I thought he still had the thing.

- So why is he humping her? - To stick it in.

You may in denial that your dog actually likes it.

- Oh. Just like the mommy, I guess.

- [ laughs ] You're in denial about yourself, too.

- I love you. - Bye!

- Bye, honey. - What do you think, Marley?

I think he looks pretty satisfied. [ laughs ]

I wish I felt like that.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi! - Oh, hey!

- Welcome to Magic Hour Rooftop! - How are you! Nice to see...

Oh, my God. Here are the cupcakes.

- Well, here's the outside area. - Perfect.

Let's face it. I really am the entertainer of the group,

the true entertainer of the group.

- So this is where you're gonna get ready.

- [ singsongy ] Ooh, here we are!

Not that the other girls don't throw parties.

Listen, Sonja... You never know what you're gonna get.

Luann... There's always some sort of ticket booth at the front.

Ramona always has the same 30 people

with the same face-lifts and the same dresses on.

And Tinsley... Well, Tinsley...

I mean, who would she invite? Scott?

- Is Tinsley comin'? - Yes. Here's the thing.

Tinsley's fun. Tinsley's the girl that

goes to strip clubs and dances on tables.

- Yeah. - I don't know why she's gotten

under this impression I don't like her.

There's something amiss.

You're still in the mix with Scott.

- "In the mix"? - The hotel.

- Do you still live in the hotel?

- I do still live in the hotel. - You do?

- No, she moved out in January. - No, I still... I-I...

- You moved out in January. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- I sent flowers there. You moved out.

- You started the smear campaign on me.

- What kind of arrangement do you think she has?

- I-I-I-I don't know. - What would it be?

- A damn good one. - So Tinsley gave me

a whole speech how she doesn't want me to do

these conspiracy theories anymore about her life.

- What's Tinsley doing, writing rulebooks for each person,

what they can say, what they can't?

- Yeah. No, I told her, "I tell it like I see it."

[ blow dryer whirring ]

- I like it long. - Huh?

- I'm liking it long.

I'm a little anxious about seeing

some of these girls tonight. - Yeah?

- It's all crazy. - You're gonna be okay.

- There's, like...

accusations about me and Scott. It's just bullsh...

- Hi! - Aah!

- Hi. How are you? - Are you kidding me right now?

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Crazy.

I wish I could understand

why Dorinda is so focused on me right now.

It seems like Dorinda clearly is having something going on

in her own life that it's upsetting her

and making her unhappy, and she's projecting it onto me.

- I just don't know anything about her.

I couldn't tell you what her favorite food was.

- Have you told her about this? - Well, here the thing,

The minute you try to go deep at all,

she gets very....she retracts. You know, she's like the turtle.

I don't know if Tinsley has the ability to open up

and be honest with us.

We're not cocktail party talkers. We're bad bitches.

- I'll wait around the corner if you need me.

- And I need you for my muscle. - [ laughs ] My muscle?

- Yeah, exactly.

- Coming up...

- I've been through hell the last couple of years...

Divorce, I've been arrested, so...

- I've been arrested, too. It... ing sucks.

- For what? - Like, obstruction of justice.

Like, attacking a police officer.

- Oh. God, me, too.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

- Um, so we're going to pick up Sonja right now.

- Okay. - You're gonna love Sonja.

Just say anything you just said to me

about, like, sex stuff. Yeah, she'll love to talk.

That's all she loves to talk about.

- I know. I'm wondering, are there gonna be

eligible bachelors at this party?

Or is it gonna be an odd crowd? - I don't know.

I don't know. - I know. I...

Oh, wait. Here she comes. - Oh.

- Wow! Oh, this is so cool! We're in an S.U.V.!

- Hi. Oh, yeah, Sonja. I brought a big gun for you.

- Hi! - Hi!

- Hello, baby! - How are ya?

- I'm great. - You look pretty.

- Um, this is Leah, by the way. - Hi!

- This is Sonja. - So nice to meet you.

- Is it "Lee-uh" or "Lay-uh"? - It's "Lee-uh."

- Actually, you know who will say... like, mess it up?

It'll be Luann. - Luann calls me "Sohn-ya."

- Her name is not even "Sohn-ya." It's "Sahn-ya."

- It's "Sahn-ya." Yeah. - Yeah.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ indistinct conversations ]

- Hey, baby. - Oh, look at this party!

- You look nice. How's it looking here?

- I think we're looking good.

- I am so good at parties because I take

little bits of people from all different places,

different professions, and I throw them all in the room

like a crazy soup, and I put the heat on high.

Lookit. This is man of the hour.

- How you doing? - Oh. Hi.

William. Nice to meet you. - Lovely to meet you.

- William is very good friends with our friend Ramona.

- Ah. Oh!

- Last time I had a friend like that, Hannah was born.

- Bar first?

- [ laughs ] Yeah, right to the bar, girls.

- Sure. Why not? - Hi.

- How are you? - Hi. Sorry.

Um, I would like a glass of Pinot Grigio.

- Sure. - Thank you.

- Do you guys have Red Bull? - Yeah.

- Oh. I'll have a Red Bull. Can I get it in a, um...

- I would like a spicy mocktail to start.

- Yeah, just a glass. - Well, you're... no.

I can't cheers you 'cause you don't have alcohol.

It's bad luck to. - Well, last time we were here,

we had martinis together. - What?

No, I don't believe that. - Chicken.

- I... - Come on.

- It's bad... - You're not gonna cheers me?

- Well, I will if I do, like... I have to take something

and go like this. - And what do you have to do?

- Just, like, take it out, go like that...

And like that. - [ laughing ]

- Now I'll cheers you. Yeah. Yeah.

- This is a... - [ laughs ]

- Me and alcohol have a very weird relationship.

I didn't drink for nine years,

and I started again maybe six months ago.

But I am someone who actually enjoys, like,

completely, like, "Blah!" going crazy.

Even if I'll drink, like, regular and "adults-y"

and glam fab, every 20 times,

the one time it's gonna be, like, me a hot mess,

pissing everyone off... - Right.

- ...doing some crazy sh... Who knows?

Taking some loser home that I'm like,

"Who the f... What? How'd you get here?"

- Right. - Sh... happens.

The other night, I went out and drank way too much,

lost my Chanel bag and my passport.

So I'm putting it back on pause for a little bit.

- How are your poodles?! - I had dinner before first.

Oh, my God, they are so cute.

- Oh, my God. Poodle power!

- Give me my little... [ glasses clink ]

- I always had poodles, and she has two poodles now!

- They're just the sweetest things...

- Hi! - Hey, you. Hey.

- Every day, they get more and more trusting...

- Good to see you. What's going on?

- So good to see you. Good. I'll be there soon.

- All right. - I'll talk to you then.

- ...went through such torture. - Yeah.

- And then they just every day,

and now they're, like, fluffy and have, like,

curls their hair and just, like...

- Oh, they've already metamorphosed

since you've had them. - And... Oh, my God.

- Where are my girls? There's my girl!

- Hey! Oh, my God! I love your haircut!

- [ laughs ] - Oh, my God. You look so hot.

- Really? - You look beautiful.

- You look beautiful. - You look beautiful.

- And look both beautiful. Hi, Ramona.

- What? I'm sorry. I got... I'm in all over here right now.

Seriously?

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hello!

Wow! Look at your hair!

- Don't you love it? - I love it.

Wow! - The best haircut, yes.

- Congratulations! - Thank you.

I know, right? - How have you been doing?

- I'm in shock, really. It's, like, been, you know...

- You have your life back now. - I have my life back.

I've re... Yeah. - Yay!

- I'll give you a blessing. - You can drink to that.

- Absolutely. - God bless.

- It's hard to even wrap my head around the fact that

I could've gone to jail for having a drink,

and now I can do whatever I want.

But I'd worked so hard to get to where I am,

and I don't feel like giving that up right now.

I'm Lu and improved.

- Where's Tinsley? - I don't know.

- There's Tinsley. - Hi. How are you?

Hi! How are ya? - Hi. How are you?

- [ speaks indistinctly ] Hi! How are you?

Thank you for having me. - [ mouths words ]

This is actually my friend Leah.

I brought a guest. - Hi. How are you?

- Dorinda. - Nice to meet you.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

- Hi. - Hi.

- This is my friend Leah. - I'm Leah.

- This is Luann. - What's your name?

- Leah. Nice to meet you. - Leah. Hi. Luann. How are you?

- Good, thank you. - Nice to meet you.

So how you doing, girl? I haven't seen you all summer.

- I know. When I was out in the Hamptons, I contacted you...

- I know, I invited you on the boat...

- I know. I know. I was out with my friend Gigi,

and then she was, like, busy, and we were wherever.

- Gigi... Mortimer? No. Gigi Howard. No.

- Oh. - Gigi Howard.

- There's a lot of Gigis in the Hamptons, right?

- Yeah. - Do you know any Gigis?

- No Gigis, so... - You don't know any Gigis?

- I have a Kiki. - Oh, you got a Kiki? Okay.

- Yeah. My baby Kiki. - That's right.

- Oh, you have a baby Kiki? - My daughter.

- Oh, you do? Oh, nice. How old is she?

- 12. - That's a sweet age.

- Yes. - Before the teen years.

- I know. I'm already, like...

[ glass clinking ] - Hello, hello, hello!

Welcome! Come on over!

All right, everyone.

Here we are, another summer over,

and I wanted to do an end of summer party

because we all scatter during the summer.

So I thought, "What a great way to come back."

So with that said, I have a big surprise.

Spread out! Here we go!

She's here!

[ cheering ] - Oh, my God!

[ indistinct conversations ]

- Okay, everyone!

- I have no idea. I have no idea.

- Spread out! Here we go!

She's here!

I got a special guest! - Oh, surprise? Who's here?

- Let's open up!

- ♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪ - Aah! Go, diva!

[ cheering ] - Oh, my God!

Oh, fabulous! - I wanted you.

- ♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪ - Hi!

Hi, babe! ♪ And it feels so good ♪

Love it!

♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪

[ cheering ]

♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪

- Wow. Dorinda's really gotten past this.

It's not an olive branch. It's the whole tree.

♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪

Love it!

♪ And it feels so good ♪

- I really don't know what Jovani is. What is it?

- ♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪ Whoo!

♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪

- Hold on. [ whispers ] Jovani.

- ♪ Feelin' Jovani ♪

[ gasps ] Oh. So it's a... clothing line?

♪♪♪♪♪

- [ laughs ] [ cheers and applause ]

- Oh, my God! Aah! - We planned this very long ago.

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, my God, you know me.

I love hard. I fight hard.

I forgive easily.

It all seems so ridiculous now.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Colin Cowie! - How are you?

- How'd you find your way here? - [ laughs ]

- Dorinda! We are both good friends with Colin Cowie!

- We're both good friends with a lot of friends, though.

- I had sex on his sink in St. Tropez.

Not with you. - Is that true?

- With the artist. - With my roommate. [ laughs ]

- So what's your... what's your background? Where you from?

- I'm from Chelsea. - Oh, you are?

- Yeah. - You're from where?

- Chelsea. - Chelsea.

- Oh, well, where were you born and raised?

- Chelsea. - She's from New York.

- Oh, nice. - Yeah.

- Oh, so you were born and raised in New York. Wow.

- You're a native New Yorker. - Yeah.

- And you look so normal. - Well, you'll see.

- You look like... - "American Pie" girl.

- The night is young. - [ laughs ]

- So... so you're from Chelsea. You have a daughter that's 12.

- I have a daughter that's 12. - Okay.

- I have an ex-husband who I'm best friends with.

- Are you married? Oh. - Well, we were never married.

- How many years have you not been together?

- Since she was 2. 11 years. - Wow!

- I don't really see myself being, like, tied down.

- Right. - I don't like that.

- You like being single? - Yeah.

- See, I really like a partner.

I don't need to be married again,

but I like a significant person in my life. I'm ready for that.

- Yes, because she... We're kind of old school, you know.

- Right.

- We've been married for a long time.

- Yeah, 22 years both of us. - Are you still married?

- No. - No, we're both divorced.

- No, I've been through hell the last couple of years.

You know, divorce. I've been arrested.

- Oh, that's why you were on the probation.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I've been arrested, too. It... ing sucks.

- Have you? - Yeah.

- Well, you can relate then. - Yeah, I can.

- For what? - Like, obstruction of justice.

Like, attacking a police officer.

- Oh, God, me, too. - I sued the cops, though,

because they knocked my teeth out.

- Oh! Wow. - Yeah.

- They did? Yeah. - Yeah. Fake teeth.

It was the 4th of July in 2002.

I ran into a guy that I had a big crush on.

Then we were making out on the street.

Literally, I was, like, mid-kiss. Like, ahh.

And then, I, like, looked, and there's, like,

five cops beating him up.

And knee-jerk reaction, I had a half-empty water bottle.

Threw it. It hit one of the cops in the back,

and he punched me in the face,

slammed my face into the subway grate three times,

and they locked me up.

My silver lining was I won $75,000 from the cops,

and then I started my own business with the money.

- [ laughs ] Oh, my God! Good for you!

- So that was the silver lining for me.

- That's such a great story. - It's good.

Like, I was like, "All right, Leah, you've been making

"really bad choices. Here's a little gift for you

from the universe. Be smart with it."

This money that I won, I was like,

"I need to use this for the brand."

♪♪♪♪♪

And that's exactly what I did.

- One second. - Hi, hi, hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Come over here. I wanna... - Let's go... Yeah.

I feel like I haven't... You know, I haven't seen you...

- Come in here, before I drink too much, 'cause I will.

- We'll sit here. - Clearly, this is not the place

to have a conversation... - No.

- ...because there's just too much going on.

- Yes, I think that's correct. - I would love to...

We were texting a little bit this summer.

We're all busy. Things are going on and whatever.

Here's the thing, I feel like, you know, we've been friends.

We had some issues. I would love to talk to you.

So let's go off by ourselves for lunch or drinks,

and let's just have a chat.

- And I would love that, but what I wanna say

to preface this whole year is this.

I-I know I got that text from you saying,

"your conspiracy theories" and all that.

It's not conspiracy theories, but I think it's very important,

not only for your... Our relationship,

but for the relationships as a whole,

is we can't always be guessing, bragging,

trying to pull out information, Tinsley.

- But you... but... but... - We do. We don't know what...

- What don't you know about me, Dorinda?

I've always lived there. - I saw you in January,

and a week later, you had dinner with Scott.

There's a picture of it. - Not a week later.

- The next night. - Actually, the next day.

- The next day. So this whole thing...

- So what's wrong with that?

- But then just be transparent about what it is.

- But what's wrong with that? - "I don't see him.

We don't talk." - We... we're not together.

- But just be like, "Hey." Tell that truth.

This is not about Tinsley, Scott, and the relation...

It's about transparency.

There seems to be a lot of side game going on

that we all find out about.

- Do you have an arrangement of some kind with Scott?

- Absolutely not.

- Are you with him right now? - Absolutely not.

- I think Tinsley is a riddle

that none of us are gonna keep trying to solve.

We don't know the answer. You win.

- This is Leah. - Hi.

- How you doing? William. - She's single, mingling.

- What's his name? - William. Nice to meet you.

- William? Nice to meet you. - You don't want babies, right?

- No, I'm done. - And I'm done, too.

- That's great. That's great. - Why? Do you want babies?

- No.

- I don't want any babies right now. I'm good.

- Okay, so the hot guy is an ex-lover of Ramona's.

She's always going after my guys.

Maybe I'll go after one of her guys and see how she likes it,

because I heard this guy has a pair of jeans full of magic.

Okay? [ laughs ]

Well, my daughter just went off to college.

And I'm not dating young guys anymore, and you are young.

But if you don't use it, you lose it. You know what I mean?

- I'm not sure he can handle you.

I don't think he can handle you, Sonja.

- Oh, no, he can handle me.

- You seem like the kind of guy that when you're having sex,

you're looking at the... In the mirror at yourself

during sex. - No!

Why are you talking about that? - Anyway...

- I'm just saying... - Don't get him upset!

You're making him sweat.

- William just kind of reminds me of a guy that would be, like,

trying to rub your [bleep], but his finger's, like,

totally in the wrong place,

and he's doing it too hard, and it really hurts.

That's what I think about when I look at William.

- Oh, I'm good. I'm good, - Don't pay attention to her.

- "No, William, that's... my thigh." [ chuckles ]

- I like being single. You know, no babies.

- I actually like dating men with children

because they're better people.

- He doesn't have children! - But I'm just saying...

- Would you stop?! - All right!

- She's killing the whole moment.

Oh, my goodness. I don't wanna go home empty-handed.

Somebody, somebody, somebody, wake up and smell the Sonja.

- Wow.

- I'm gonna throw her out, bring Luann in.

She wants to catch a dick. - [ laughs ]

I mean, you are really Brutus.

- I'm sorry. - This is, like, crazytown.

And I get what you're saying, but it's not just me. No one...

- No, it actually is just you.

- You keep things very... Cards very close to your chest,

and it makes people think... - Holy crap.

Here's the thing. I tell you the truth...

- ...we don't know you. - ...but you just don't wanna

listen to my version of the truth.

You're calling me a liar. What kind of friend is that?

- I didn't say that. - You're calling me a liar.

- Don't put words in my mouth.

- You're calling me a liar. - Don't think you're tricky,

'cause you ain't gonna be tricky with me.

♪♪♪♪♪

- You're calling me a liar.

- You're calling me a liar. - Don't put words in my mouth.

- You're calling me a liar. - Don't think you're tricky,

'cause you ain't gonna be tricky with me.

- You were saying that I'm a liar.

- I will win every time. I didn't say you're a liar.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're gonna win every time.

- You're so tough, girl. - When you said you're not...

I am tough. I am tough. - You know what? I know.

So am I. You know what? So am I.

- Not really.

- I don't give a sh... what you think then about that.

- Is this being your big tough person?

'Cause it's failing. - This is me, Dorinda.

So you don't wanna be my friend. Is that what's going on?

You don't. - I wanna know who you are.

I don't want you to come here... - You know who I am.

- ...and think you're gonna ride up on me

and make some big statement. - No, I didn't.

- 'Cause it ain't gonna work, sister.

- I'm not trying to make a statement.

- It ain't gonna work.

- I said to you that I'd like to have a conversation with you...

- Are we finished? - ...outside of this.

- I'm done. I'm done. - Good! Then you go.

- Thank you so much. You look beautiful.

Your lashes are great. - That's great.

Thank you, Dorinda. - Well done.

- You are a sweet woman. Nice.

- Tinsley's gonna come in hot with me.

Like, she thinks I said, "Are you really gonna do this?

You think you're all gangster?" I'm like, "Well, I am."

- [ laughs ] - Yes! You're gangsta!

- Excuse me. Nice talking to you guys.

Tinsley? - Do we know who Tinsley is?

She said everybody knows her except me.

- What happened? - I was just trying to have

a conversation to say that I would like to talk to her

eventually and have a moment where we can discuss...

- I feel like it's fake. I'm sorry.

- Oh, now it's fake?

If I'm not talking to her about something, I'm hiding something.

And if I try to pull her aside to have a private conversation,

now I'm fake.

You know, I guess I just can't win.

I'm trying to tell you the truth, and you won't listen.

- Calm... First of all, lower the... the dolly voice.

- It's loud in here! - Lower the dolly voice!

- [ makes screeching sounds ]

- It's who I am. I'm from the South. It's what I do.

- Do you wanna change places with me?

I think I'm gonna change places. - We did a very successful...

- No, with already been there. I don't even need to do this now.

- Get in the hot seat! - Okay, up.

- The point is, we wanted to talk another time,

but now apparently, she doesn't even wanna talk, so...

- I know, but I'm in between the screeching voices.

God knows there's been a lot

between Dorinda and I in the past,

and the last thing I'm gonna do

is insert myself in this dog fight.

- She's just being... I mean, she can't...

- What am I being is you don't know sh...,

so shut your mouth. - You just have to, like,

drive forth and, like, be... - Shut your mouth, Tinsley.

No one cares.

- ..."I don't care about what you're saying either."

- Kindergarten starts... You're gonna be late for the bus!

- We never said we were... - Oh, my God!

Kindergarten's starting in... - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- Why are you... why are you acting like this?

- Kindergarten's starting! - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- Why are you so... - Call Mommy.

- You're acting, like, crazy.

Dorinda looks like the snake from Beetlejuice,

except even scarier and meaner.

- You bore me. Oh!

You bore me. - Ew! Watch out, Dorinda!

Don't trip! Don't trip! - I won't.

My heel got stuck. - It looks a little big.

- My heel got stuck. Well, the difference is, honey,

I bought them.

- Yeah... [ speaks indistinctly ]

- Oh, my God! - I never laid on my back

for 'em. - You are just...

- I bought them. - Oh, my God.

- You're a jealous bitch, bitch.

- This season on...

♪♪♪♪♪

- Rah! - Aah!

- [ laughs ] - Sh...!

[ cheering ] - [ laughs ]

- Ohh!

- Are you ready?

- Aah! [ laughs ]

- I like crazy people.

- Whoa! It's like a car wash!

- Sonja... - Don't... Put your shoes...

- Whoa! Whoa! - [ laughs ]

- Dorinda...

- Let's just each have one glass of wine.

- Oh, my God! - Ramona, even...

- I would pick up myself.

- You guys are hot... ing messes.

- [ laughs ] - Ahh!

- I was never a trophy wife!

- My show is tried and true. [bleep] you!

- You're back with Scott?

- You're gonna have to get over this hump.

- Well, I'm moving to Chicago, so there's no... ing hump.

- It is a leap of faith.

- You feel like you're stuck right now?

- [ crying ] I pretended like everything was okay.

- Is this water? - No, honey, it's all vodka.

- Oh, it tastes so good!

- Dorinda, this is like heaven.

- Aah! - [ laughs ]

- We love Mexico!

- [ screaming ] - All right!

- [ screaming ]

- Oh, my God. - [ continues screaming ]

- Look who is here! - I missed you, darling.

- Something is really bothering Dorinda.

- I've sat and supported you my whole life. You're a coward.

Sit your ass down! I never said that!

- You're a sick human being. Get over it.

- Thank God ya had it.

- We wanna help you! Don't you understand?

- [ voice breaks ] There's nothing to help me about.

- You have a problem! We wanna help you.

You're not getting it! - [ laughs ]

- We have a new girlfriend who's lovely... Leah.

- Aah!

You're amazing! I love you!

- I think she's a classy girl. - I think she's quite lovely.

- Kinda rough on the edges. - Aah!

♪♪♪♪♪

- Ohh!

- I never... ed a pirate.

- Aah! - Motorboat it!

- Oh, my God! Aah! [ thud ]

- I'm excited! I'm excited!

- Oh, my God!

- The skeleton is out of the box.

- [ laughs ] Oh, boy. - Oh, he's back!

- Whoo!

- [ crying ] What wrong with us?

- I think there's a lot wrong with us. [ laughs ]

- Worst... ing party ever!

- Would anybody like a shrimp?

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org